#and never know where or how I’d start

[kicktwine]

the problem is I’m such a staunch believer in the slow buildup, the earnest enjoyment of meandering through terrible story decisions and weird nothing subplots to build up into a conclusion that explodes out from all that as fantastic storytelling and intrigue based on all that buildup, such that it makes it necessary to get through all that or you’re missing something essential, that I’m also a terrible person to talk to about what makes a story good. I can tell you plenty of what actually makes something tight and well-written and all that technical speak but how could anyone take my advice when I so so so love excruciatingly long unnecessarily complex fumbling and weird nonsense that spirals into, inexplicably, weird nonsense that makes you cry your lungs sore

#kipspeak #my point being everyone is too mean about post arr. sure f’lhammin did not have to be our problem but everything after that was like #meandering. Thinking. building. unnerving. they were cooking and i RESPECT their dubious food #i love homestuck and long audio dramas and dnd podcasts and indecipherable fancomics and lego ninjas and khux and im starting to love ffxiv #all incredibly long and made with passion and kinda weird and hard to get into #said with THE MOST affection in my heart #I could structure a kids show and I know how to write for tv but in my heart of hearts #I just want to write an impossibly long absurdity epic that is weird and a little bad and also makes you feel shrimp emotions #ALSO I feel 0% bad for not respecting ur theory or opinion if you haven’t played khux/dr/recoded I don’t feel bad about it at all I’m right #understand what’s going on in them and I’ll respect your theories. it’s like comics enjoyers but less chaotic #don’t let me get into comics. superheroes never really catch my interest but if you let me get into comics I’d explode #‘it gets really good’ is a genuine way to interest me #also don’t let me get into anime that do this. I already watched a thousand episodes of detective Conan— #maybe it’s a careful balance of weird and Good Storytelling Seeds. it has to have internal logic for one; and it has to have a structure #It has to be leading somewhere. and I want to see where it leads #we are GOING through the disney worlds. all of them. they are COOKING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[why-the-heck-not]

what the fuck, I miss math courses?? why??? they’re always a misery, why do I crave misery ???

#lowkey thinking about taking one just for the fuck of it #but the only thing the math courses have done is make my gpa worse #(i for some reason took a whole lot more math courses than I needed to bc I couldn’t imagine being in school and not having a math course #going on so I just automatically took one for every period ?? i still don’t know why like I could’ve spent that time on the coding courses #and not math that I’ll never use anywhere) #so I shouldn’t bc the gpa already isn’t the best and also got enough programming courses I gotta focus on #but the math that’s in coding is mostly probability and that’s the worst kind of math #my fave is mathematical logic and there’s a intro 2 on it starting soon (did the intro 1 already) and I rly want to but damn like no #did not think I’d ever be in a place where I’d have to actively convince myself to not take a math course oh how the turn tables #october 2023 #2023

[rosicheeks]

10, 27, 50🥰

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nah. Like you said there’s infatuation at first sight.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yes 😭 I’ve had a few poems sent to me on here either through anon, DMs or posting one and saying I’m the inspiration behind it.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

That’s pretty complicated lol

#*maybe* if I let my hopeless romantic self take over I think (hope) there could be a spark at first sight? #where you see someone and you feel drawn to them and you have this weird feeling they’re supposed to be in your life?? #who knows maybe it’s just in the fairytales but damn I want a fairytale love one day #but I definitely don’t think there’s a thing like love at first sight #love is much more than just seeing someone… I just feel like that’s a shallow way of looking at it? and I don’t mean to disrespect anyone- #who does believe in love at first sight #I just feel like it takes time to fully love someone #I feel like to love someone means to truly know the person - to take the time to learn them as a person and to learn the good and the bad #and to fall in love with the whole person #I truly still can not believe people have taken the time to write me a poem #I genuinely get a little teary eyed whenever I think about it #I have a notebook (I lost it during the move but I’m sure it’s in one of the boxes) that I keep and write down any poem or sweet message #that I receive and then when I have a bad day I can look back at them #if I don’t find it soon I’m gonna start a new one cause I miss having that pick me up #LOL #that last question #I truly truly don’t even know how to answer that #short and simple answer sure I’d accept the apology but we wouldn’t get back together #a little side note I have a tiny feeling that it wasn’t true love but who knows #anywayyyyyyy thank you so much for the questions! #ngl I fell asleep shortly after I reblogged this and then the rest of the day I forgot about it 🤦🏽‍♀️ #but better late than never right? 😂 #ask

[rosesradio]

.

#i’m kind of really heartbroken right now #so i had tickets to the hot freaks concert and went tonight—which i don’t mind posting on here because i live several hours away #so basically i drove to the venue for several hours and stopped like once for food #it was my understanding that windsor was opening and then the hot freaks and then the happy fits i guess but i didn’t know the exact times #we were running a bit late bc of the road trip and walked in at 7:25 (the show started at 7) and i got to see the tail end of ‘boyfriend’ #& i was like ‘oh okay i just missed their first song’ but then they walked off stage and my heart dropped. i missed everything #and yeah it’s on me because i must have had a misunderstanding about how the show worked #i’d never even heard of a show where an act performs for 20-25 minutes unless it’s like a variety show or something #i did cry about it already and just tried to have a good rest of the night since we’d already driven for hours #i got to meet the band at the merch table which was really cool and they gave me a free signed CD & sticker & friendship bracelet because— #they felt bad for me. which was very sweet (i also bought a shirt) #i know i should be grateful i was even able to go to the concert. and i still had fun but part of me will always be heartbroken #because financially/geographically it’s not smart to go to another show even further away just to see a 25 minute set when i’ve already got #the merch & all. plus i can listen to them on Spotify #i can only hope they come to a location closer to where i live #but there’s no guarantee because they’re so underground. they only resurfaced because of stupid tiktok & they’re only popular enough to be— #half of an opening act. so they could potentially never go on tour again #if i had more of a platform i would boost their music more but i don’t #i know it’ll be okay. it’s just a lot of things have been going shitty lately and i thought this would make me feel better and it just— #went to shit #tw vent #rose.txt

[peapod20001]

I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3

#random post #I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things #there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words #and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe #pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me #from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment #it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it #belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or #overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable #writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well #which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than #letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know #that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way #a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow? #and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with #people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel #comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and #world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with #my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they #like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of #the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students #who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I #come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their #level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m #not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t #mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me #I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that #I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have #a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the #faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making

[orchideius]

genuinely, when will it end??? I am so tired of being here and I am not sure how much longer I can push myself to keep going. i’m exhausted.

#it’s 4am and I am feeling the Deep Darkies #I literally passed out at 9pm from mental exhaustion & also bc I wanted to start to get up early to start a morning routine #so I actually got a ton of sleep but the second I woke up I felt like I wanted to cry and now I feel so depressed out of no where #like girl WHYYYY #genuinely I am so debilitatingly depressed I have suicidal thoughts every single day #and I feel like ive tried everything to help myself like ive been to therapy ive been on and off meds for over a decade at this point #im starting to eat better and sleep more #like what the duck else do I do? #I genuinely feel like my brain is broken #I just want to cry and lay in bed every single day #like I cannot articulate the profound sadness into words but it’s. so bad #and it takes literally all my brain power to do one assignment a day for class like none of this is sustainable #and I just feel so much shame over it bc whenever I tell my mom she gets mad like it effects her or something and the few times ive made th #mistake of trying to confide in my dad he gave me the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps talk so never again lol #my entire family has made me feel so much shame over it and none of my friends here even bother to ask how I feel and don’t make me feel #comfortable enough to talk to bc i’m always the fucking therapist friend helping everyone else #hence why I always vent on here lol I have no one to talk to #I just really don’t know what to do at this point like I feel like I need inpatient therapy at this point but that’s expensive and I don’t #want to tell my job why i’d need extended time off bc that would be so embarrassing and plus now i’m in school #so like what do I do #im tired of feeling like this I know this isn’t how life is supposed to be but it’s also all ive ever known #and what’s the point of living if i’m going to feel like this everyday? I don’t know how much longer I can take it #personal

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time) #especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years???? #i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too…. #and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden???? #i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot) #anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college.. #now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave…. #i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags…. #i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night

[goldensunset]

my roommate is a ya fiction only kinda person and i would judge her for it except i like never read at all so she wins here

#it’s all those kinds of edgy fantasy royalty romance probably-smut stuff that’s named stuff like ‘wretched crown of shadow and bone’ or w/e #y’know the type #those kinds of titles #her desk is absolutely COVERED in books and she has a whole separate wheely cart full of even more #i’m like dang are these rereads or are they all new books. how many books do you think you need with you for a single semester #clearly it’s not enough bc she’s shopping on amazon for even more as we speak #but again #i think reading potentially-cheap fiction en masse is better than browsing this hellsite all day #i need to read more but i don’t even know what kinds of books i like and spending money on the unknown is scary … #it’s just such a huge world that i find hard to get into in this modern era #peach rambles #if i find a good book i’ll never put it down it’s not like i have an attention span problem where i’d rather pick up my phone #i love reading once i start #it’s the finding a good book part that stops me

[seilon]

I have 15 years of piano experience, several years experience playing keyboard in an ensemble / comping, vocal training/experience, and have picked up guitar recently (about 5 months ago ish). i have the credentials now how the fuck do i join a band

#kibumblabs #i imagine you need friends and that’s probably my issue #i just have. no friends #I’m still beating myself up a bit for ghosting a friend of mine who admittedly I couldn’t do much with right now anyway cause I live 400 #miles away– but partly because he would have been my best possible shot at starting a band as he’s a very experienced and talented guitarist #and bassist and so on (the kinda guy who knows some amount of like every instrument) to the point where we’d talk about music theory #sometimes just. because. and I know is taste is good too #and I can not believe I never had the balls to be like hey. like. you wanna play together at some point #god I am mentally banging my head against a wall #anyway so now I’m here and I have no friends and no connections and my school doesn’t even have music classes/clubs/etc at all #so. fuck me dude #sigh #maybe I should focus on retraining my voice first anyway cause it’s been thoroughly fucked up by testosterone and I’ve been set back. a lot. #i really need to work on that either with a teacher or with online resources or something cause it’s been eating me alive lately it bothers #me so much. and when I see myself playing with a band i really wanted to be a singer specifically despite my piano experience (tho I know of #course I can do both) and now I definitely don’t feel confident enough in my voice to be a lead so. I’d have to. work on that a lot first #hehdhsgshhddhdhdj torture #one thing that gives me some hope is that I am in probably the best location to find Something music-wise. i mean I’m right next to #fucking LA so I mean. yeah. had an Uber driver the other day talk about how he moved all the way from Poland to SoCal to try and find work #doing music cause it was his passion and all that and at some point he asked me if I did anything live and of course I said no (I’d already #mentioned the instruments I play and whatnot) and when I said it was cause I didn’t know anyone he was like aahhh that’s no excuse! you can #find something! you live in Orange County! you just gotta keep looking and go to more places people like that get together #and I haven’t stopped thinking about that #thank you polish red hot chili peppers enthusiast u are an inspiration

[pussy-ache]

kinda wondering if i exaggerate the issue in my own mind

#then again. i cried cuz he told me his boyfriend bought him antacid #it was just such a sweet tiny intimate thing that i immediately started crying even though it’s so fucking stupid i could scream #i will literally never be able to meet his boyfriend literally ever. or anyone he ends up with. for the rest of his life. #i’ll never be able to look any of them in the eye as i lie through my teeth #sometimes i cry just thinking about that and how sad that is #how he deserves better than that #i cried for days after each art exhibit #i cried AT the exhibits. i walked away from him and cried #including the one when we were teenagers #i stand next to him and my body feels like it’s splitting apart at the seams from the effort of biting my tongue #i have gotten better cuz i used to cry significantly more when we were younger #i’d cry pretty much every time i was near him #which i guess still happens but i see him less so it’s not as common as it was #i can’t say i’m making it harder on myself on purpose. it is what it is. it’s always been this way #i always knew it would only get harder when we got older but still #it’s crazy because it’s so easy. like breathing. and i think that’s where the conflict arises #to fight against it is necessary but it’s not easy. it never has been tbh. #it’s like i’m holding my breath and pushing it as far down as i can when i should be naturally breathing. i keep choking on it. #it just always feel so inappropriate because i can’t control it i never know what to do or where to turn #it just makes me feel like a really bad friend

[funfactory-moved]

currently giving myself from last year who was frantically refreshing her email every day and night just waiting to see if there’s an acceptance letter a massive hug. i don’t think she has any idea that a year later she’ll be back where she started

#bella.txt #wild how when i got my email last year in early june it felt like everything clicked into place and like everything was going to be alright #and like i had a sensible direction i was going in #and now i’ve gone and thrown that all in the garbage lmao #i don’t regret it. i think i would’ve been much worse off if i’d forced my way through the semester #it’s just weird because like.. that grad school acceptance last year was smth i thought i had wanted for so long #like when i was 13 this program was my dream undergrad program and then when i didn’t make that i realized i could have a second chance #and then i tried for grad school and actually got in after thinking it was hopeless #and now where am i?? back to square one?? maybe even further back than that???? #ive wanted to go down this path in life for so long that now that i’ve realized i DONT want it i feel like i don’t know who i am #i’m realizing i probably stuck with it this long bc i thought i owed it to my younger self #i mean like. even in undergrad when i started doing assignments/classes more related to game design #i felt anxiety and dread instead of excitement at all of it so like #i have no idea omgggjfgd i’ve never been so lost in my life #like i kinda know what i want to do but i’m fucking terrified of it #i’m tired 😔

[inkoutsidethelines]

Thinking about how I would write an adult Scooby-Doo series, because I think it can be done.

The first thing I’d do is make the characters actually be adults.  Still young, but adults, in the mid to late 20s range.  Mystery Inc. is a private detective type business that they run together.  In this universe, the supernatural/ghosts/etc are real, but not necessarily common, so when they take on a case, the culprit might be a person disguised as a monster, or it might actually be a real ghost.  The stakes can be higher; sometimes a bad guy is legitimately trying to kill them.  Sometimes the mystery they’re trying to solve is a murder.  Sometimes they actually get hurt on their cases.

Fred: the core of Fred’s character should be that he’s incredibly kind.  Like, give a stranger the shirt off his back kind.  The “Fred can’t talk to potential clients because he might take a case for free and we need to eat” kind.  He’s an honest and good person and sometimes gets himself into trouble because he assumes other people are too.  While he’s not very good at reading people or noticing ulterior motives, he’s brilliant when it comes to mechanical or engineering type stuff, so he’s the one who keeps the mystery machine running, builds their gadgets, and of course, designs the traps.

Daphne: she comes from old money, and her parents absolutely despise her life choices, to the point where they haven’t officially disowned her, but they have basically cut her off, so she doesn’t actually have access to any family money.  Growing up wealthy has granted her a variety of skills, including speaking multiple languages, horseback riding, and fencing.  She’s very into fashion and jewelry (even if she can’t afford it anymore) and has extensive knowledge of both that can occasionally provide a vital clue in a case. And even though her parents have cut her off, Daphne still has a wide network of contacts she can ask for favors sometimes, because she’s personable, and people tend to like her.  Daphne is also very emotionally intelligent, and is usually the one who can spot when someone is lying to them.

Side note - I ship Fred and Daphne, so I think I would start them off as an established couple for this universe.  Dating, engaged, married, I don’t care.  They are stupidly in love, ride or die for each other.  There’s no will they, won’t they, no worries about cheating.  They are in a healthy, happy, loving relationship, and no one (not even Daphne’s disapproving parents) are going to mess that up for them.

Velma: she is the forensics nerd who sometimes gets super excited about the wrong thing at the wrong time (”He was mummified in seconds? That’s so cool!” “Velma!  His wife is standing right there!” “Oh.  Sorry.”).  She’s not purposely insensitive, she just gets laser focused on her work and forgets to filter herself sometimes.  She’s also the one who can get so fixated on solving whatever mystery they’re working on, she’s willing to bend or maybe break laws.  Is breaking and entering really so bad?  Not if it gets them answers.

Shaggy: he is still the comic relief, but he’s the comic relief by being the only person in the group that actually has common sense.  He manages the business’s finances, he’s the only one who knows how to cook, and the others tease him for being a coward sometimes, but Shaggy maintains that if a ghost with an axe is coming for you, running is the only sensible option.  He should also have a range of random knowledge that sounds useless, but sometimes saves the day (ex ventriloquism, origami, the history of spoons, etc).

Scooby: as this is a universe where supernatural creatures exist, Scooby is an ancient eldritch type being that took a shine to Shaggy when he was a kid, and took the form of a talking dog to befriend and hang out with him.  Aside from the talking dog bit and not aging, he never uses his powers in a way that anyone notices.  The audience is not told upfront that Scooby is an ancient eldritch being; it should slowly be hinted at throughout the series so the audience put it together, but the characters never realize it.  Scooby genuinely considers Shaggy to be his best friend, and cares about the rest of the gang too.

#ink speaks #scooby doo #i like the vibes of a grown up scooby doo #where they're part of a mystery solving business #it needs to be a monster of the week type deal #so that it can play around with the character dynamics #because i think that's fun #long post