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lunaekalenda · 3 years

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𝖓𝖚𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖎𝖛𝖊

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eren x fem!reader

suggestive conversations, teacher x student mention, smoking, alcohol, mention of love triangle, reiner doesn't have an easy life, characters are aged up and they correspond to the last season, modern au, eren being a tease, nsfw once they get to the party, dirty talking, reader may have a degradation kink, slapping, finger-sucking cause that's my sign, neck grabbing, rough composure, really long fic and really long warnings, size kink, wall sex, consensual relation, reader is tiny next to eren, kneejob (does that exist?), use of words like fucktoy, doll, slut; dom!eren x sub!reader, goddess i’m getting scared bc of the quantity of warnings, unprotected sex (don’t be like eren), oral (m receiving), consensual filming,, author is horny half of the drabble, please correct me in any errors! sex scenes are really bad written sorry

a/n: yeah... i don't know what i'm doing someone pls tell me to stop. as always, very welcome criticism and minors please do not interact!!

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"Jaeger, Eren." The teacher says his name and he gets up, loose clothes and his lazy bun on the back of his head giving him that attractive visual he has. Girls look at him with interest and boys with envy. After all, they all want to be like him, date him, be his friends. Be near him is something to be grateful for half the university students. What a bunch of idiots.

His tall body reaches the professor table, were he leans on, receiving the paper that acredites his graduation. A smirk on his face, directed to your young teacher, makes your friend Pieck sigh on the chair next to you. "He has for sure fucked her." she says. You look to the teacher expression, a smile just for him while he raises just the corners of his lips to her. You look to the paper on your hands. It's your last day. You're finally graduating. University is just another closed door for you. The last people take their diplomas quickly, the teachers giving their typical emotional discourses before releasing you to the campus yard. Reiner gets closer to your group, his arm around your shoulders as he smile for all of you.

"Today. Tonight." he corrects himself. "There's a party and, as the captain of the Waterpolo team, I'm the host." he says, a smile on his lips reaching his kind eyes. "You're all invited, of course. VIP invitations" Winking to all of you and gaining a giggle from Pieck, Reiner moves his head to a whistle. Bertholdt calls him from the door of the swimming pool, and Reiner leaves, smiling at you.

"I'll see you there?" he asks, a huge smile on his face. You can't help but smile back at him while you nod. Reiner leaves running the yard and Porco smiles at you, a joke about to escape his lips. You two have been friends time enough to know every single expression of the other.

"He does like you." he says, instead. Something serious for the first time in your friendship. Someone hits him with a paper when he was about to add something.

"You're finally out." Porco's big brother, Marcel Galliard, who works as the waterpolo trainer, takes his brother by the arm. "And out of the pics if you stay here, come on." He takes Porco with him, both of them leaving in Reiner's direction. Pieck smiles at you, about to comment something about Reiner, and you search your phone. It isn't there. Fuck.

"Pieck, I've lost my phone." you say, her face changing to a concerned expression. You touch every pocket and every place you've could have put it, without gain. Even she searches on the little handbag she's carrying. You remembered to take a pic with Pieck on the terrace and had to fix your shoes. You probably forgot it there. "Shit. Is the Uni still open, right?" Pieck nods quietly. Annie turns around to look at you. "Coming back real quick, wait for me here, please."

You make your way upstairs to the latest floor of the Univeristy, a terrace where teachers liked to go and smoke or drink their coffees between classes. "How can I forget my phone there? Am I dumb?" you think for yourself. There are just a few stairs left. You find Armin on your way. His short blond hair and his big blue eyes are recognizable everywhere.

"Congratulations." he says, that gentle smile on his face. "We finally graduated." You smile at him back, nodding.

"We did, Min." you say. Armin was in the same class as you, and he's really nice to you. Being paired in a couple works has made your friendship grow little by little, and you can consider him a friend now. It's ironical how he's Eren's best friend, even when the two of them have been seen parted for a while. He looks at you, his eyes following your way. "You go to the terrace?" he asks. You nod. He hums and looks upstairs, as if he was making sure something.

"Forgot something there, but it will take a minute." Armin nods and you keep going. Opening the big door, that is casually still open, the wind shakes your hair and your dress. You see your phone on the chair you sat earlier, while taking the pic, and you're fast to take it. Fortunately, it does have battery and it seems as nobody has touched it. You turn around, ready to go down to meet your friends, when you listen femenine giggles and sound of wet kisses. Gross. Is somebody using the rooftop to fuck? In the university? You shake your head. But your legs don't move. Your head searches unconsciously the place where the voices are coming from. You want to know who they are. Another giggle. Another kiss. A quiet sigh, the sound of fabrics. "Come on, move, move." You say to yourself. The woman speaks. "Now that you graduated..." Isn't that your teachers voice? With a student? You remain silent, trying to hear him. You hear a sigh. A manly and long sigh.

"Now that I graduated I have no reason to come here." You know that voice. That deep, raspy tone and that way of talking. Your brain searches quickly who does that voice belong to.

"Come on, Eren." even when you where about to figure who was the mysterious boy, she says his name. You move your hand to cover your mouth, your phone ringing in that moment. Pieck's ID showing on the screen. "Fuck, fuck." you try to silence it in vain. They heard you. Eren sighs, a long sigh that is followed by high heels steps. She's searching you. You're there, on the middle of the rooftop, and she's going around, near the door, no way to escape for you. You search quickly a place to hide. Then, he talks again. "They probably left, hm?" he says. His tone is way deeper now. "But we should as well. Search another student next year. I won't come back here for you." he says. With angry steps, she leaves. You can see her shadow from behind the little maintenance shed. You hear then calm steps, a lighter and the combustion of a cigarette. Eren palms the shed metallic roof, scaring you.

"Having fun spying the others?" he says. The smoke comes out of his mouth when he kneels next to you. "I can bet you're wet with just hearing us making out." you look at him in his green eyes, without avoiding his gaze. He raises a brow, putting the cigarette again between his lips.

"This is a public space. It isn't for you to bring every single girl you want." you say. Eren lets out a little laugh.

"I had the teacher's permission." he says, jokingly. "Who do you think you are to question her permissions?" his lips part, letting the smoke escape quietly. He gets up, his tall body resting against the structure. He's attractive, and he knows it for sure. But, the moment he opens that damn mouth of his... He loses all his attractiveness and charm. You take your phone, ready to go down with your friends.

"I hope you have a good future, Eren Jaeger. See you."

"Later, baby. On Reiner's party." he says, a little smile on his lips. "I guess he had invited the girl he likes." you didn’t like that joking tone.

"And why the hell would he invite you?" you ask. Eren slides his eyes down your body when you get up, your light dress moving with the wind, your hair getting messy and your challenging eyes looking directly at his. He entertains himself on your legs, how they looked smooth and good under the dress. And, surprisingly, he finds himself thinking of the sweet thing upper, covered by the dress and your underwear.

"Because I'm on his waterpolo team." he says, his green irises going back to yours. Damn, true. He’s the point of the team. The offensive. The strongest one between them.

"Then I hope we don't see each other." you say. Eren gets closer to you, smoke leaving his lips while he smiles jokingly at you again. You can smell the tobacco from your position, but you don’t want to move. You want to show him you can also keep his gaze. That you’re not intimidated by him.

"I'll be searching for you." he whispers. "After all, you stayed up here to see who I was making out with. Maybe you're jealous. But don't worry, i'll gladly show you what I did to her" You raise a brow this time, giving a couple steps back to put distance. You cross your arms on your chest. Eren smiles, taking the cigarette away from his lips.

"Search another girl. I'm sure a lot of them want your attention." you say. That makes Eren smirk. He walks a couple steps back, his back resting against the shed again. He throws the cigarette and steps on it.

"You have a strong personality, not like all the others. I like it." his eyes are on yours, and you're not afraid to keep the visual contact with him. "You're different." he says. You take a couple steps near him, heading to the door. Palming his shoulder, you smile.

"Good job reading all that cliche books where you took that phrase. Now, I have to go." his hand grips your wrist. With a shake, you get free and, false smiling at him, you leave. Your heart is racing while you go downstairs, Eren is still on the terrace, giggling for himself. He found such an interesting one. You keep going downstairs until you reach the yard, Pieck's black hair and Annie's bun can be seen. You walk towards them, your phone ringing on your hand. It's Pieck again. She sees you a hangs up, walking towards you.

"You took forever, y/n" she says, showing you her phone. "I calles you a hundred times. What were you doing?" she asks. You don't want to discover the teacher and Eren and less on the campus. "I'll tell you later." you say. Pieck told you to have dinner and get ready for the party at her home, so the two of you start to walk, waving your hands at Annie, who was waiting for Armin. Eren comes out of the university as well. His gaze finds yours and he smiles at you, but it isn't a sweet smile. It’s a teasing one. You turn around and follow Pieck.

"Eren? I told you those two had something!" she says. You're tying your shoes while she applies rimmel on her lashes. She looks beautiful, with that golden tight dress that shines when she moves. You wanted to go with your graduation dress, but she quickly corrected you. "No, no, that dress is too beautiful for this type of party. You have to show what you have." she said. She lended you a red dress that fits you. It is beautiful, and you look good on it. She turns around. "Were they in the middle of it? What happened!" she asks. You blush.

"They were just kissing, i think. They kinda broke up." you say. Pieck nods quietly and looks again to the mirror, taking blush to her cheeks. You explain her that Eren talked to you after that.

"Oh, so he's going to the party?" she asks. You nod. "Porco told me he wasn't that interested, so he'll probably pass." You really hope Porco is right while you two walk to Reiner's house, a big duplex near the campus. You can hear music and people talking from the corner of the street. Reiner opens the door for you.

"Y/N!" he says, quickly hugging you. Pieck waves her hand at him. "Come on, girls, enter." he lets you in. There isn't a huge amount of people. Jean and Connie from the Waterpolo club are playing beer pong and Bertholdt is serving some drinks. You look around, but you don't know if you want to find him or make sure he isn't there.

It seems like Eren isn't there, for your luck. Bert gives you the drink you asked for and you thank him. There's a couple people talking near a speaker, another ones are playing on Reiner's TV and another ones are dancing. Reiner smiles.

"If you need anything, the rooms and the living room are up. There's a bathroom in that door and another one upstairs." he says. You smile at him. "I'll be around here if you need me." he says. You nod and he disappears, giving your arm a soft squeeze. Pieck tells you that she's going outside and you decide to stay inside. The juice with a little bit of vodka is kinda strong, but it tastes sweet. You hear a hum near you.

"What are you drinking?" you roll your eyes, turning around. Eren's tall body is there, smiling at you. He looks into your cup. "Juice?" he asks. You raise a brow.

"Do you care?" he lets out a melodious laugh. "Don't you have friends?" you can almost feel all the gazes in you. Envy gazes, surprise gazes. You know they're commenting. "How did she get his attention?" "Sure he's playing with some bad toys" You look at Eren.

"I do. But my interest tonight is in you." he tells. "After all, you deserve private representations of what we were doing, since you were that curious."

"Get lost, please." you ask him. He smirks. Taking your cup, he smells it. He gives it back to you.

"Don't drink that much." he says. You look at him. Is he now giving you orders? Taking the cup to your lips, you drink under his gaze. He raises a brow when you take the cup away from your mouth. You weren’t going to get orders and less form a dork like him. Surprisingly, his thumb takes a drop that slides from your lips. He licks it.

"Tastes sweet." it's all he says, before disappearing. Did he just licked it? You put the cup on a near table and follow him outside. He's lighting a cigarette. He smiles at you when you arrive.

"What was that. What you did inside." you ask. He laughs.

"We can't waste alcohol, can we?" he says. He walks closer to you. His bun is still low and loose, and he's wearing his waterpolo team t-shirt with ripped black jeans. A big 5 in his t-shirt. The number he uses on the water. "Do you smoke?" he asks, offering you the cigarette. You shake your head. He raises a brow. "Wanna try?" he asks. You're not into that type of things but, maybe, the way his green eyes challenged you makes you nod. You want to show him you're capable. He gives you the cigarette. "Want me to teach you?" When he ended the phrase, you're coughing. He laughs. "Such an impatient girl, hm?"

He takes the cigarette again, taking a puff, his lips right on the spot you stained with gloss. He gets closer. "Let me show you." his lips touch yours quietly and you feel the smoke flowing between your mouths, entering yours. You’re unable to move, even when he’s kissing you. It feels nice, feels warm and soft against your mouth, the smoke entering right from his parted lips. You want more. More of him. He parts. "Breath out quietly." Why are you following his orders now? You do it softly, his gaze on your lips while you do it. "Good girl."

That was hot. You can't deny it. The way he passed the smoke to you, how he looked at you. Oh, goddess. He smiles, stepping on the cigarette. Your legs feel like jelly and your heart races when he gets closer.

"You liked it?" he asks, a sweet purr on your ear. You nod. You did. Now you get why everyone is always around Eren. He's naturally magnetic, attractive. He’s the type of person that bewitches, that makes you follow his orders even when you don’t want you. He can make you weak for you from just a single peck. "I know more tricks with my mouth than passing smoke" he says. That makes you cringe a little, get down of your bubble.

"You're so dirty minded." You say. Maybe he was starting to attract you, to make you fall for him. You won't. You need to go out. Far from him. Far before you fall.

"I was starting to have fun." he whispers. You start to walk, heading to Reiner's house again. Eren follows you quietly. You've seen enough romantic films to know every single way he has to take you to his bed. You sigh. Inside, a lot of people is dancing. You also want to. Eren follows you quietly while you enter the improvised dance floor, a empty space between two sofas, moving to the song. It's hot inside Reiner's house, a stupid amount of people dancing together, bodies close and teasing movements. Maybe Eren tries to seduce you outside, but it is your time to make him beg for you. Moving your head and your body, you see him from th corner of your eye. He's there, behind you, his hands tingling. He wants to touch your body, that tiny red dress and that velvety skin. He wants to mark that exposed neck with his bites, tangle that hair with his fingers, feel you against him. You take one of his hands, putting it on your hips. He swallows.

"You're not that brave now." you whisper, without letting him hear you. His other hand finds your belly, going up to the low cut of Pieck's dress. His hand touches your skin, making you gasp. He gets close. "You won." he whispers on your ear, his hands sneaking, touching every showing skin he finds. You smirk, turning around. You're not aware of Reiner's sad gaze. "I won?" you ask. He smiles, his face getting closer, as if he wanted to kiss you. "Hmh." he hums. You smile at him, letting your body meet his really close, making you feel every part of Eren’s body. You raise a brow. "There's evidence of my win." you joke, Eren's lips curving on a teasing smile.

"You should take responsibility of your trophy." he feels your hands on his arms, making him sigh. He takes your hand and guides you upstairs. "Wait, Eren, wait!" you ask him. People look at you, going head to the second floor, your hand jailed on his. Almost everybody knows now what you two are going to do. "Eren, everybody will..."

"Let them talk. We can have a good time while they spend their last braincells making rumors." he says. He's kinda right. You shouldn't care of what people say or what people think. "But it is Reiner's house." you tell him. He smiles.

"He lets me use the guest room to sleep. It's almost my room. My brother doesn't really like my company, I guess." he says. You feel bad for Reiner. He's such a sweetheart with you, and everybody thinks he likes you. And there are you, about to make out with Eren on his house. But you're drunk of him, of his smell and his skin, his deep voice and his green eyes. You can't help. You need him. He opens the room and lets you in. You don't have even time to see the room, feeling his lips on yours as soon as he closes the door, his hand sneaking behind your back to lock it. One of his arms rest above your head, against the wood, and the other pulls you closer to his body from your low back. His hand grabs your ass roughly, making you jump a little. He giggles against your mouth. His lips taste like tobacco and mint bubblegum. He parts.

"Are you drunk?" he asks. You shake your head. You take his hair on your hand, trying to make him cover your mouth again with his. He gives you a peck. "You want this?" he asks. Your hands search his chest, defined muscles under the team t-shirt.

"I want you, Eren." you don't even know who you are. He has you crazy, begging for him and his kisses, feeling his hotness in your body. You want it. You want him. "Please.". His superiority smirk covers your lips again, your body arching to feel his closer, the grip on you harder, his other hand still on the door. He parts your lips quietly, the softer action of all he has done until now. You feel his tongue caressing yours quietly. It feels nice. His hand takes the border of your red dress, lifting it, asking for your consent. You nod at him, his hand moving it to your waist. He parts to look down, your underwear on his vision camp. He passes his tongue on his lips while his eyes scan that cute black panty you’re wearing. He likes it. Simple, something a cute innocent girl like you would wear. The thought arouses him. He’s going to ruin you, the sweet little girl that seems too tiny for him.

“What a precious panty, doll.” he hums, his knee going up until it meets the black fabric. Then, with a smirk, he makes pressure up, your body feeling his knee hot and hard against your wetness. You gasp and he smiles. “Such a desperate fucktoy.” he whispers, his lips near your open ones, your sighs every time he moves his knee against you. He likes that expression on your face. The way your cute lips are open in silent pleasure signs. He would love to watch them open around another thing, but he takes his free hand to your mouth, his long thumb caressing your lips before entering your mouth, pressing your tongue while you keep making that expression that has become his favorite. “Suck.” he asks. You obey, your mouth gently sucking his thumb, your tongue playing circles around it. He keeps that game on your cunt, making you lose your concentration on sucking his finger. He puts his knee down, you feel the emptiness between your legs. He takes his phone, tobacco pack and a lighter from his pocket, putting them on the near bed. Then, he takes your hands, guiding them to the fabric of his jeans. You understand what he wants and take the button off, then, unzipping his pants. They fall around his ankles, his muscled legs and his underwear is revealed. He sighs when your hand finds the bulge. You look at him again, spreading kisses on his jaw. His hand covers yours while you try to sneak it in his underwear. He sighs when he feels your cold hand against him, fine and elegant fingers taking his shaft softly. His head rests against the arm on the wall, your kisses going down his body. When you were about to kneel, he takes you up again.

“I’ll let you take a taste of it later.” he sighs again, your hand squeezing harder, making him gasp. His hand closes around your neck, not hard enough to choke you, just a grab. A way to make you know who’s in charge. He kisses you. “Now.” he says, out of breath. His fingers take your panty, sliding it down your legs. He looks at your half- naked body, the dress covering just your thorax. “I want to fuck you right”. He takes your body, pinning you against the wall, your legs around his waist and your hands gripped to his t-shirt. He takes his hand down, the other one holding you in place. His hand strokes his shaft a couple times, also making sure you’re ready enough to take him, before starting to put it in. He feels excited. How your body seems so little between his and the wall. How you’ll struggle to take all of him in. His cock twitch in anticipation. He can’t wait to be deep in you, to know how much of him can you take, but he wants to make it right. Make this something you’ll beg for. Make him feel superior. He pushes slowly, feeling every squeeze and every movement your walls make against him. You moan and he lets out the deepest groan. He doesn’t wait that much to move against you, even when he’s not fully inside, your lips parting to the sensation of him caressing your insides. He puts you against the wall, making the hold easier for him. He thrusts into you with such a power and strength that you feel your head dizzy. He keeps moving, lewd sounds and mixed heavy breaths leaving your mouths. He feels how he’s going deeper and deeper. He smirks.

“That’s it. You’re taking it so good, like the cockslut you are. You struggled to take all of me in that little cunt, all stuffed by me. Such a doll, hm?” he says, out of breath. You nod while he keeps moving against you, you hand taking his hair as his mouth bites your neck. “You were a brat this morning, a fucking tease, but now you’re behaving like a good girl.” he whispers, before bitting you again. One of his hands sneak to the part you two are connected, and he caresses you gently, his fingers knowing perfectly were to touch. You gasp. “You like it, don’t you?”. Your back starts to hurt a little, the wood door is too hard to be resting against. Eren doesn’t mind, his muscles flexed while he keeps moving you up and down his length. “You’re about to, hm?” he asks. “You’re squeezing me. Hard.” He groans. It's true, you're feeling it as well, the knot on your belly that announces your end, pleasure maximized by Eren’s fingers. His lips cover yours, a strand of spit connecting your mouth when he parts, your mind unable to make a coherent sentence. You take your hands to his back, helping him with your movements, reaching your end faster. He isn’t going to edge you. He feels merciful today. He’ll let you cum after all you did for him, after how good you’re squeezing him, after the pretty expressions you made. You fall on his arms with a long sigh, juices dripping down the two of you as you keep shaking on his arms. He smirks. "Oi, you came really hard." He puts you down on the floor again, quietly sliding out of you. He's still as hard as he was. "I'm that good at it?" he asks. Then, he grabs your jaw, making you look at him. "Or maybe you're just a slut for me?"

You blush. You did. He knew where to bite, where to touch and where to thrust. You couldn't help, he’s good at this. He pats your head softly. "Now, in reward, since you didn't wait for me, you could use that pretty little mouth you used to tease me this morning in something more interesting, hm?" he asks. You know what he's asking for. Before you kneel, he sits on the bed, tying his hair again while a cigarette hangs from his lips. Then, he pushes softly by your shoulders. You hear him inhaling the smoke. Taking his phone, he makes you look at him, pulling your jaw quietly. “Do you mind if i film you?” You shake your head. Filming is quite interesting, and hot, definitely hot. “Promise me that those videos will never leave your phone”. He smiles, a soft and genuine smile, offering you his hand. You shake it.

“Promise.”

The image is quite hot, your face resting in his tight and your hands caressing him, while his parted lips let go moans mixed with smoke. He takes two fingers to your mouth, the other hand taking the phone. He films your hands, your expression, his words.

"You look pretty with your mouth full of my fingers, but I prefer another thing, doll." he says, quietly pushing your head, making an intrusion in your mouth. He sighs. "Fuck. Show the camera, pretty." You try to wipe the tears away and he caresses your jaw, making you look to the phone filming you. “Show it how you suck me.” You think about him, watching this video in the loneliness of his dormitory, no light, his hand sneaking into his pants. "Do it alright and we'll be done in a second." he says, taking a puff again. He smokes too much for your preference. His fingers, still full of your saliva, impact against your ass. "Faster, doll." he asks. Slap again. Again. You feel your skin tingling under his slaps, hot and red. "I would also like to ruin that pretty ass you have." He grabs it this time, the camera pointing at his big hand squeezing your buttock. You keep sucking under his sighs and gasps, helping yourself with your hand. He smiles. "That's it, I'm already." he moves his hips against you, strong enough to make you feel it. Tears come again to the corners of your eyes as he keeps moving, stronger, the camera pointing everywhere while he loses himself. "You want it? Should I let you have it on your mouth? Or maybe on your pretty face?" he gasps at the thought of your face full of his seed, and maybe that's what makes him pull it out and paint you. With a final sigh, Eren pauses the video, putting out the cigarette against an ashtray. You rest again near his legs as he looks at you. His hands grab your neck again, making you sit on his lap. “You should clean that mess. Don’t want everybody to know how much of a slut you are for me.” he says, his fingers outlining your lips. “And I’ll keep this.” he says, taking the panties he throw away earlier. “You know where to find me if you wanna get them back. Or maybe give me new ones.”

#aot smut #aot x reader #snk smut #snk x reader #eren smut #eren yeager smut #eren jaeger smut #eren x fem!reader #eren x reader #eren x y/n #eren x you #eren jaeger x reader

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sadtrash-masculine · 4 years

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Signs in my childhood that should've told me I wasn't cis

Keep in mind that I experienced childhood trauma and can't remember big chunks of my life

I always liked to have short hair and even donated over 30 cm twice

I definitely didn't like long hair to the point that tiny me couldn't bother taking care of it, bc I just really didn't like it and didn't want to spend time on it because I thought long hair was dumb

I always played with stereotypical boy toys and never really touched any more stereotypical girl toys

Barbies were my enemies, I couldn't understand why anyone would like barbies, I don't remember much about barbies, but I do remember that I didn't want to grow up and look like the barbies even though I "was a girl"

I never, ever used my now deadname anywhere. I always chose a name that didn't indicate that I was a girl on featured typical girl names

I wasn't that uncomfortable with my name, bc it was after all the name people had been calling me my entire life, but it scared me to think that everyone, even online, people would know me by that name

I remember the times people thought I was a boy, it happened 2 times in my memory, but these memories are still so incredibly vivid that I remember my age roughly and where I was and why people thought I was a boy

1 moment was at the swimming pool when I still did waterpolo, I had my hair stuffed up in a swimming cap or whatever they are called in English and 2 kids asked me whether I was a boy or a girl

The other moment was at a supermarkt and these kids didn't walk up to me, but I did hear them talking behind my back

I freaked the fuck out when my titties started growing. There were 2 bumps one day and I was freaked out of my mind in a pretty extreme way, literally thought I was dying. My mom told me these were my boobs growing lol.

Makeup wasn't really ANYTHING I understood? Like I know that not all girls wear make up but when I was younger I thought I had to bc I was a girl and idk that just kinda seemed scary and dumb

Dresses. Ew, wretched things, still think that, but my childhood me was very much more extreme in his hatred for dresses

The color pink, yeah my childhood self was not okay with this. I pretty much immediately decided to like purple when I could decide my favorite color myself and it kept getting more to blue and now it's stuck on green, like a forest, for the past 5 years

Generally I had an overall icky feeling about anything that was usually considered to be stereotypically girly

The first time I had control over what I could wear was at a bday party of mine and I went as a pirate, a pirate of teddybeardland nonetheless, while all my friends were princesses, it was pretty cool

Wore the pirate costume a lot, apparently we "lost" it, but I never know now

I think that's pretty much everything I can think of in the moment, cause memory loss, but a few memories might still pop up so I'll guess I'll add to this if that happens

#Trans #Transgender #Ftm #Female to male #Ftm trans #Trans ftm #Trans boy #trans guy

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wrunic · 5 years

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How to Write an Accurate Lifeguard AU

So! It’s summer, which means everyone is writing lifeguarding AUs, and I, a lifeguard, am subjected to the same common mistakes being written over and over, so I’ve taken it upon myself to inform the public as best I can, because information is the best gift you can give anyone, especially a writer.

Before we begin, a PSA: I’m Canadian, so my information is valid primarily in Canada, and might be slightly different in other countries. I also guard at an outdoor summer pool, so my experience (and my advice) will be focused on how to write that experience, though I will talk a bit about guarding lakes and beaches. Cool? Cool! Let’s go!

Least to Most Dangerous Places to Guard:

Outdoor Pools: Low incident levels. Good visibility in the water, lots of people on shift at once, limited area for people to swim. Especially if you work at a private pool, like me, where people have to pay a membership fee, and are generally strong/experienced swimmers unlikely to experience a drowning incident.

Lakes (at a dock): Higher incident levels, and lower visibility in the water. With the added presence of things like rocks and branches in the water, injuries to feet are common. Drowning incidents are more common because it’s more difficult to tell where the bottom is, and you’ll probably be getting less experienced swimmers. Docks have a tendency to be very slippery, so you’ll probably get a few people hurting themselves there too. (Fun fact, if a lifeguard tells you not to run, it’s because they don’t want you to slip! We’re not just doing it to be annoying, spinal injuries and concussions are no fun for anyone.) Even if the area people are allowed to swim in is limited, people are liable to ignore it, which poses an added danger.

Beaches (with waves): Highest incident levels. The ocean is not to be fucked with. Visibility is low, and currents and tides are liable to drag even strong swimmers out. It’s actually not as uncommon as you’d hope for lifeguards trying to help a drowning victim to end up needing to be saved themselves. Beaches also attract a lot of people, which means there are a lot of people to keep track of, many of whom might not be strong swimmers, or might even be complete non-swimmers. Again, even if the area is limited, people might ignore it. A lifeguard working at a beach will be very good at their job.

And that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of things that aren’t outdoor pools. Everything from here on out will apply to those specifically.

The Basics:

1. If someone is on chair, they aren’t going to be talking to anyone

When you’re on chair, you’re watching the pool. You have to be paying attention, because you’re the one who’s supposed to notice an incident if it happens. Unless you want to show a lifeguard being terrible at their job, they won’t be chatting while watching the pool. Shifts on chair usually last fifteen minutes at one chair, fifteen minutes at the next, with two people guarding simultaneously, though this varies depending on the pool.

2. Lifeguards are not doctors, but they aren’t useless either

Lifeguards are trained in first aid, which means we know how to treat basic injuries, perform CPR, and use a spinal board. More often than not, if there’s a major incident, we’re calling 911. However, we do have to training. Where I live, the required qualifications are a Bronze Medallion Certification, a Bronze Cross Certification, a First Aid Certification, and a National Lifeguard Certification. It took me three years to be fully qualified. The qualifications in the U.S aren’t as strenuous, but I’m not an expert, so if you have a specific area you want to look into, I suggest doing it.

3. If your character is bad with kids, they’ll be a bad lifeguard

They don’t have to be amazing, but they should be able to treat a child with at least basic courtesy. You have to spend a lot of time with kids, usually injured ones, and if you’re not good at dealing with them, you’re screwed. More often than not, lifeguards are also swim instructors and coaches, (I teach swimming lessons and the U8 synchronized swimming team) so that’s even more kids. If you just want a very simple “they only watch the pool” lifeguard, that’s also a thing, and you’ll be able to ignore later sections of this post. Nevertheless, your lifeguard should still be at least okay with kids.

4. No swearing on shift

Like I mentioned, we work with kids. That also means we have to deal with crazy parents (more on that later) and they don’t like when people swear around their kids. So, no swearing at the pool! It’s a small detail, but it does a lot for realism.

5. Crazy parents

Pool parents are all the worst parts of entitled people yelling at retail workers, overprotective helicopter parents, and ridiculously competitive parents trying to relive their glory days through their children. They can also be really cool, but showing your character having to navigate dealing with an angry parent is, again, good realism, and a fun character and relationship building tool! Lifeguards talk trash about crazy parents all the time, so if you’re writing a group, it’s a great way to show them bonding. They won’t do it on shift though (same deal as the swearing, you’ll get in trouble)

6. Not all lifeguards are equal

There is a hierarchy within the pool staff. The more years you work at a pool, the more you get payed, the better your shifts are, and the more say you get in the way the pool is run. You’ll never be fully in charge (the pool is usually managed by a committee of parents and owned by the city) but you get more responsibilities. We have supervisors we send troublesome members to, and newbies who get the worst shifts.

7. It’s not all sitting on a chair watching the pool

Lifeguards aren’t just lifeguards. They’re also custodians, teachers, and coaches. We clean the bathrooms and garbages, we sweep the deck, we vacuum the bottom of the pool, we skim the bugs off the surface, we put all the chairs and floaties away at the end of the day. That’s pretty universal, but beyond that is where things start getting more specialized, because I live in an area where most families basically live at their summer pools. I’m not sure if it’s even like this in other parts of Canada. However, if you want to add some excitement (and cute kids) to your story or AU, this is the way to do it.

I mentioned earlier that I teach swimming lessons. Everyone who wants to work as a lifeguard in my area has to take an additional course where they learn to teach the various levels of swimming lessons. If you want to get even more elaborate, pools also usually have swim teams, diving teams, synchro teams and waterpolo teams, along with things like aquafit and free swim. Adding any of those into your mix could be a fun twist on relationships, since there’s joking rivalry between a lot of the sports (especially synchro and waterpolo). Additional interaction with kids, parents, and young teenagers will be required if you plan on throwing any of these in.

8. The swimsuits are the uniform

This isn’t a huge thing, but it’s important. You have to potentially save a life in that suit. It’s going to be practical. For girls, if you’re teaching, it’s a one piece, but if you’re on chair it’s usually a bikini, which generally looks like some very full coverage underwear and a practical sports bra. Guys have swim trunks. You also aren’t allowed to wear shoes on shift, (other than flip-flops) because swimming in shoes is nigh on impossible.

9. The staff is super close

There’s drama sometimes, sure, but you have to spend your entire summer with these people. You see them every day, whether you’re working or going out together. You have bonding days, you see each other in swimsuits more often than clothes, you deal with the same annoying parents and maintenance problems. You’ve probably seen everyone drunk or at least dealing with other staff members being drunk. You go out regularly, (lifeguard parties are real, and most mornings at least half our staff is hungover) you exchange secrets and embarrassing stories during slow shifts. These are your best friends from June to September. They’re your family.

10. To be a lifeguard, you have to REALLY want it

I’ve talked about all the courses, the crazy parents, and the sheer amount of things you have to do, so this should be pretty clear. But in case you needed to be convinced further, my manager said at one of our staff meetings that they’re “trying to make sure no one’s working more than fifty hours a week”. We work all the time, in the blazing summer heat, doing a job that ranges from boring to wonderful to absolutely terrifying. If you aren’t guarding you’re teaching, if you aren’t teaching you’re coaching, if you aren’t coaching you’re actually still coaching except it’s at a different pool for a competition. It’s a lot, but if you love it, you really love it.

And Finally, a Breakdown of Why I Hate the “Fake Drowning to Get CPR” Trope

Putting aside the consent issues, it’s also stupid, and here’s why:

CPR is only performed on unconscious, non-breathing victims. That means you’d have to fake being unconscious, and hold your breath through the entire process, which is impossible. Believe me, playing victim in training is hard. Not to mention, you can’t stop your own heart, and we monitor heart rate.

Lets say you were able to fake it. It’s at this point that this bad boy come into play:

This is a pocket mask. You put it over a victim’s mouth to avoid direct mouth to mouth contact, because, you know, ew.

Now, pretend there was no pocket mask and you really think getting air violently blown into your mouth before having your ribs broken by someone desperately trying to restart your heart is a good way to get a “kiss” from the hot lifeguard. Bad news: it might not be them doing breaths.

Removing an unconscious person from the pool is hard, and is usually a two person job. So even if the object of your affections is the one getting you out of the water, they might be the one doing compressions, while the person who helped with the removal does breaths.

They’ll also be wearing gloves the whole time, because CPR can sometimes make people vomit, and they might have to scoop the vomit out of your mouth.

Romantic, right?

But wait, it gets worse, because there’s no way you’d get that far. You’d get caught as soon as they checked your breathing, your heart rate, or your consciousness level. Depending on at what point they caught you, EMS might already have been contacted, at which point you’d have several lifeguards and a whole crew of paramedics absolutely furious at you, and probably a ban from the pool.

Moral of the story, don’t do it.

Hope this was helpful to someone!

#lifeguard au #lifeguarding #writing tips #writeblr #long post #/vomit mention #writing with rune

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eniwyrrehc · 5 years

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SKAM Italia - 3x01 (Eglish translation) CLIP 02

- Ele: “Hey Filo, I tried to call you before. I wanted to ask you if maybe you could clean the kitchen a bit, since you left a mess. Okay? See you, bye bye” Eva: “You know, maybe Gio is coming too” Ele: “Gio?” Eva: “Gio. C’mon, don’t look at me that way! Look at this hot guy” Ele: “Cool” Eva: “He plays waterpolo and that’s 1000 points” Ele: “And.. where did you meet him?” Eva: “It’s not that I know him, he followed me on instagram, he liked some of my photos and now we’re in touch” Ele: “And..?” Eva: “Nothing, I’m waiting for him to ask me out on a date” Ele: “You don’t have to wait for him, you can ask him if you like him” Gio: “It doesn’t work like that, if someone calls you you can tell him “I’m coming on monday”” Marti: “It worked with Luchino. We’ll see. Hi girls” Girls: “Hi” Marti: “What’s up?” Eva: “Everything’s fine, you?” Boys: “All good” Gio: “Did Luchino answer you, by the way?” Nico: “Yes, everything’s set. By the way bitches (BELLE FREGNE È INTRADUCIBILE, SCUSA ITALIA), what are you doing tomorrow night?” Eva: “We’re attending Natan Foggia’s party, are you coming with us?” Marti: “No” Gio: “No, for goodness’ sake. We’re going at the college party, it’s full of pussy. I’m just saying… anyway, it’s a cool party.” Nico: “Are you coming with us?” Ele: “I’m in” Eva: “Me too, but Silvia is the problem. She’ll never agree to come” Marti: “Why?” Eva: “Edoardo.” Marti: “Oh my God, Edoardo” Gio: “I’m done with this” Nico: “It’s been ages” Eva: “He invited her at the party” Nico: “Guys, let’s find her someone” Marti: “Who do you wanna hurt so bad?” Gio: “Who would took her?” Nico: “Oh.. let’s match her up with Elia” Gio: “Genius” Marti: “What the fuck are you saying?” Gio: “You took him, give him joints, get him drunk until he doesn’t understand shit and you brain washing him… you girls can take care of Silvia, right?” Ele: “We can try, can’t we?” Marti: “You have to wear him out.” Gio: “Yes, you have to destroy him. We’ll work on that, it’s all set. We can do it” Eva: “We can do it” Gio: “Of course we can, foosball game?” Nico: “I play defence” Marti: “We need a forth player… Eva?”

#skam #skam italia #skamitalia #skamit #edoardo x eleonora #incantava #skam italia season 3 #eleonora sava #eleonora #edoardo #edoardo incanti #skam remake

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alt-er-skamit · 5 years

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SKAM ITALIA 3x01 clip 2

Ele: “Filo, I tried calling you. I wanted to ask you, if when you get home you could tidy the kitchen, since you left a mess. Okay, later. Bye, bye”

Eva: “You know, Gio could pass by”

Ele: “Gio?”

Eva: “Gio. Come on don’t look at me like that. Look at this guy, how hot he is”

Ele: “Cool”

Eva: “Besides he plays waterpolo, so that’s already a thousand points”

Ele: “Where did you meet him?”

Eva: “It’s not like I really know him. He followed me on instagram, he liked my pictures and then we chatted”

Ele: “And…”

Eva: “And nothing, I’m waiting for him to ask me out”

Ele: “Its not like you only have to wait for him to ask you out, you could do that if you really like him”

Gio: “it doesn’t work like that, if (he/she) calls you, you can’t tell (him/her)… I’m coming on Monday”

Marti: “It worked with Luchino. We’ll see. Hi girls.”

Everybody: “Hi”

Marti: “What’s up?”

Eva: “Everything fine you?”

All the boys: “Everything’s fine”

Gio “Did Luchino answer you then?”

Nico: “Yes, everything sorted. Oh yeah, by the way, hot girls what are you doing tomorrow night?”

Eva: “We’re going to Nathan Foggia’s party. Are you coming?”

Gio: “Luckily no. we have the Uni party found by Nico, law, literature and Philosophy (majors), it will be full of hot girls. I was just saying. Great party anyways”

Nico: “Are you coming?”

Ele: “For me it’s a yes.”

Eva: “Even for me it’s okay. The problem is Silvia, she will never accept guys.”

Marti: “Why?”

Eva: “Edoardo”

Marti: “Oh my.. Edoardo what?”

Gio: “Oh damn”

Nico: “It’s secular”

Eva: “He invited her to the party”

Nico: “Guys let’s find her someone.”

Marti: “Sorry, who do we hate so much?”

Gio: “No the problem is who will stay with her”

Nico: “Oh, let’s match her up with Elia”

Gio: “Genius!”

Marti: “Guys, guys. What are you talking about?”

N and G: “It will work”

Gio: “You take Elia, you give him smoke(weed), wine, he doesn’t understand a thing. Brain washing. You think about Silvia”

Ele: “We could try”

Gio: “It will work”

Marti: “You have to kill him” (used in impersonal form)

Gio: “You have to kill him”

Marti: “But really kill him”

Gio: “Okay we’ll work with him. It’s set. We can do it.”

Eva: “We can do it”

Gio: “Obviously we can do it! Game at foosball?”

#skam italia #skamit #skam it #skamit s3 #skam italia s3 #eleonora sava #eva brighi #giovanni garau #martino rametta #niccolò fares #skamit translated

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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Seasons (Camren one-shot)

trigger warning for mental and physical abuse.

the poem is not mine, i simply found it online and wrote a fic based on it.

in autumn i found a boy who asked me to cut my hair and said i love you only after sex and six shots i sipped tea and told my friends about him they said if you’re happy and knew i was not.

(Part I: Akio)

Lauren never really liked autumn. She didn’t like the fact that summer vacation is over and she has to go back to school and deal with annoying kids, teachers and homework. She didn’t like autumn because the weather was being a little bitch and the days were getting shorter and shorter. It’s all about Halloween and pumpkins, and it was a flue season.

Lauren hated autumn. She hated it up until the first day of her junior year when Miss Peterson called her into her office and asked her to give a tour to the new boy in school, Akio.

She didn’t expect the day to go any different than all the other days she had inside of that building.

However, as soon as she stepped into the building she was called into Miss Peterson’s office, leaving her no time to greet her friends.

“Lauren, it’s so lovely to see you.” Miss Peterson said with a tired smile on her face

“Yeah, uh, you too.” Lauren stumbled upon her words

Truth be told, she wasn’t sure why she’s even here.

“I was wondering,” Miss Peterson started “if you’d be so kind and show Akio around the school. He’s new in here, just moved from Memphis.”

Just then, the green eyed girl noticed a very attractive Asian boy sitting on the couch in the corner of the room.

“Of course Miss.” She nodded

Now, Lauren Jauregui, probably the student with the best grades in the whole school, didn’t really feel like being a tour guide to a new kid on the block. However, when the new kid looks like a freaking model, Lauren Jauregui can not say no to the offer.

As Lauren is showing him around she finds out that Akio is a senior and moved to Miami just last week. His mother had died from cancer when he was only five, leaving his father with three kids, two of them being just a year and a half old.

She doesn’t talk much, mostly explains where his classes will be and gives him tips on the teachers, who’s good and who’s bad, who you can joke around with and who doesn’t know what a joke is.

“So, that would be it. I’ve showed you the classrooms, told you about the teachers, showed you your locker. Oh, one more thing. Lunch. On Tueday we have pizza and it’s actually really good, and on Thursday rice with sea food, any other day you better bring your food. Considering you’re a senior, you’re allowed to leave the school area during lunch break, but if you don’t come back, they call your parents.

"What about sports?” Akio questions

“For boys there’s basketball, baseball and football. However, I heard this year they will add waterpolo.”

“What about soccer?”

“Soccer?”

“You know what a soccer is, right?"

"Of course I do.” Lauren laughs “No, we don’t have it. There’s a local soccer team around, I’m not sure where. Why don’t you put your number in my phone and I’ll text you later during the day when I find out.”

“Sounds great.” He flashes her his best smile as he takes the phone from Lauren’s hand

As the day go Lauren finds herself texting Akio a lot more for them to be just acquaintances. Most of her time she spends showing Akio around the city, showing him all the good places she’d never probably even think about going in, if it wasn’t for her. As promised, she tells him about the soccer team and comes to his try-out and then to most of his practices.

But it’s not like the friendship is one-sided because every Monday and Wednesday she finds him on the bleachers cheering up for her during her softball practices.

Eventually, Akio becomes a bit more popular than she expected him to be and Lauren gets insecure about their friendship being over now that he’s a part of the popular crowd.

He makes sure to show her there’s no need to be insecure and still spends ever Monday evening at her place as they watch movies with her siblings and friends. Something that’s been going on since her freshman year.

Somewhere between staying up until two in the morning to text Akio and smiling at his stupid jokes, Lauren falls herself falling for him.

She’s not surprised when one Wednesday after her practice she finds him leaning on the fence, but she is surprised when she sees him holding a bouquet of flowers.

“What’s this? Going on a date?” She tries to joke

“Depends, will you join me?”

For a moment or two, Lauren’s sure she’s dreaming, she even pinches herself, causing Akio to let out a softly laugh.

“Wait, what?”

“Will you go out on a date with me? I really like you Lauren and if I’m not wrong I think you like me too.”

“You’re not wrong.” Lauren mumbles, her cheeks blushing.

“So, it’s a date?” Akio asks hopefully

“It’s a date.”

And a date it was. That weekend, he took her out to her favorite hole in the wall, paid for their meal and for all rounds of pool and air hockey they played. And by doing that, earned himself a good night kiss.

Naturally, their friendship transformed from a very good friendship to a relationship. The one that left Lauren a blushing mess whenever she spoke about it. Akio was a catch, everyone knew that.

But then Friday nights started to become parties after a game and Akio would either drink to celebrate the win or drink because they lost the game. At first Lauren didn’t mind. There’s nothing new about teenagers drinking on weekends, she even did it herself on a few occasions.

The first time she heard him saying those three words was exactly on one of those parties, right after they finished yet another round of taking Vodka shots, or perhaps it was Tequila, Lauren wasn’t sure, she didn’t try it.

Her heart skipped a beat as the words left his mouth.

She wanted to tell him she loves him too but his breath smelled like alcohol and his eyes were red.

“You’re drunk Akio.” She said

“Perhaps, but I do love you.”

The second time he said it was right after their first time together. It happened spontaneously while they were babysitting his siblings one night. The kids went to sleep and Akio and Lauren decided to watch a movie and cuddle in his room.

Cuddling turned into kissing, kissing turned into heated make-out session which turned into sex.

He was gentle, and caring and the three words slipped his mouth as he watched Lauren going down on him.

And that’s mostly how it went, he’d never really say it when he was sober of alcohol or adrenaline.

“You’d look hot with a short hair.” He said one day as they sat on the beach

“You think so?”

He hummed in confirm and pulled out his phone. Lauren saw him liking another girl’s instagram post and told herself it’s nothing.

It wasn’t nothing though, she caught him liking more and more pictures of other girls, looking at them as they passed by, checking them out, even smiling and waving at them.

So, she cut her hair.

“Fuck, you’re so hot.” He said as she stepped into his room

He was half naked and sweaty from his work-out and when he invited Lauren to join him for a shower, she didn’t say no. Although, she just took a shower before coming to his place.

The three words echoed through his tiny bathroom as he pumped into Lauren, slowly at firs tbut then harder and faster.

Ally was the first one to notice the change in Lauren, to notice the darkness in her usually bright green eyes.

Although the two girls barely saw each other, considering Ally left for college, they still managed to stay close. Lauren told her a lot about Akio.

“As long as you’re happy.” Ally sad with a sad smile on her face one Saturday afternoon as she took a sip of her chamomile tea

Lauren added some sugar into her cup and mixed her strawberry-vanilla tea with a tea spoon before speaking.

“I am.”

And they both knew that she’s lying.

in winter i kissed a girl who tasted like cigarettes and said “i love you” all the time but hurt herself whenever i made mistakes she threatened to kill herself if i ever left my friends watched my wash my hands and did not tell me to test that

(Part II: Naomi)

Somewhere between November and December Lauren’s relationship status changed from in a relationship to single. Not the one on her Facebook profile, that one will probably be single even when Lauren is happily married with the third kid on the way, she wasn’t even sure if she still knows the password.

Akio was a stranger to her by now, quite literally. The sweet boy she met at the first day of school year and the boy who by now ruled the high school was not the same person. Sure, he looked the same and had the same name but everything else about him was different. The way his smile never quite reached his eyes anymore, or how his sweet innocent laugh turned into the evil one, even the tone of his voice was sharper and deeper, cruel even.

At the end of December, when Akio was almost forgotten, Lauren got invited to Lucy’s New Year’s Eve party.

To be invited to Lucy Vives’ party you have to leave a an impression on her. Lauren did that in her fifth grade when she spilled her dirty water all over Lucy’s canvas and apologized so many times with so many candies that on the fifth day after it happened Lucy told her for the last time it’s not a big deal(although it kind of was) and that if she says she’s sorry one more time, they’re not friends.

So, Lauren didn’t apologize for it again, and they became friends. Best friends, Lauren would dare to say.

Now, Lauren and Alexa were standing in front of Vives household and patiently waited for someone to open the door for them.

When the door finally opened, Lauren gasped. In front of her, in a long black dress was dark skinned version of Greek goddess Aphrodite herself.

“Hello,” she flashed them a smile, her eyes lingering on Lauren a bit more “I’m Naomi.”

“Alexa, and Lauren.” Alexa introduced herself and Lauren and walked into the house

“Where’s Luce?”

“In the kitchen, preparing drinks. Some cocktails I think. How do you know her?”

“We shared an art class in fifth grade. What about you?”

Naomi lets out a chuckle. “Kinda the same. We take art classes together.”

“Oh the ones she takes every Thursday?”

“Mhm. So, do you like art?”

“I drew half the pictures that are hanging on Lucy’s walls.” Lauren shrugs

“So, you’re the famous LMJ. Perhaps you should join our art class.”

“I don’t know. I’m not that good. Like, Lucy’s work–”

“Just because Lucy’s work is good, doesn’t mean yours isn’t. What are you doing ever Thursday afternoon?”

Lauren thought for a second about her question. Ever since her break-up with Akio, Lauren spent her Thursdays doing everything and nothing, unlike when she was in a relationship and spent her Thursdays afternoons watching her now ex-boyfriend playing soccer.

“Nothing.” She replied eventually.

“Perfect, I’ll tell Lucy to pick you up before class.”

And with that, Naomi turned around and disappeared into the crowded room.

The next time Lauren caught a glimpse of her was when she was just in the middle of her rant about weed being a good thing.

“I agree.” A voice behind her said and sent shivers all over her body

“You’re a stoner.” One of the girls next to Lauren laughed

“I barely smoke weed.” Naomi defended herself “But it is healthy, if you don’t abuse the taking.”

“Thanks for backing me up.” Lauren offered a smile “I owe you one.”

“I’ll be sure to think of something I want then.” The dark skinned girl smirked

“I’ll be waiting.” Lauren winked

Lauren’s playing with fire. She knew that to Noami it could be just a game, and perhaps it should be just a game to her too. However, when midnight came and she felt Naomi’s lips on her own and Naomi’s arms wrapped around her neck, she knew that this is the game she wants to play.

Naomi tasted like cigarettes which wasn’t a surprise because the whole night she had been lighting up one after another, her pack of Camel cigarettes gone in less than three hours.

But Lauren liked the way she kissed her, and decided that tasting a bit of cigarettes is worth it if it means getting a kiss from Naomi.

Lauren becomes regular visitor in Lucy’s art class, and she finds herself making out with Naomi on more occasions. Like, whenever they had some free time.

Naomi’s an artist, Lauren knew that. What she didn’t know is that when there’s no canvas and brushes around, Naomi turns her body into canvas and the razors she keeps under her mattress into brushes.

The first time Lauren sees it, they’re in Naomi’s room and she’s wearing only shorts and a crop top.

She’s sitting on top of Lauren, straddling her, as her lips attack Lauren’s neck hungrily.

Lauren’s hands are roaming all over her body and when she grabs her by her hips, Naomi lets out a whine. Lauren knows when she’s whining in pleasure and this isn’t one of those times.

“What’s wrong?"

"Nothing.” Naomi pulls away

“Did I hurt you?”

“No–”

“Did you hurt yourself?”

And when Naomi doesn’t reply, Lauren takes it as a yes. She has read about it online, someone people do it on their wrist and some hide it all over their body.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I just wanna make out for now.”

And Lauren can’t do much but kiss her again.

They don’t talk much about it, Lauren tries to but Naomi shuts her down almost always.

Unlike Akio who would only told her he loves her after sex and six shots, Naomi makes sure to tell her almost every day. Technically, they’ve been together for almost two months and perhaps this game isn’t what Lauren though it’s gonna be.

Naomi cares, perhaps too much. She cares to the point where if Lauren does something slightly out of line, she blames herself. And when she blames herself, she decides to punish herself.

Lauren realizes it became too serious at one point and decides to talk to her about it. She’s not sure what to say, but she needs to say something.

She takes a deep breath as she walks into Naomi’s room.

It’s like Naomi knows because as soon Lauren opens her mouth and not a word comes out, Naomi is a crying mess.

She’s screaming and crying and Lauren is pretty sure that the dark skinned girl is shaking.

“You can’t leave me!”

“I’m not leaving you, I just–”

“If you leave me, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. If I don’t have you, my life isn’t worth living. I’m gonna kill myself if I lose you Lauren.”

“You won’t.” Is the only thing Lauren can say before hugging her tightly

It takes minutes until Noami somewhat calms down and Lauren offers to go to the kitchen and get her some water.

When she comes back, there’s a blood stained towel on the floor next to Noami’s bed and the black skinned girl is already asleep.

Lauren’s not sure what to do, so she texts Lucy to come over.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t test it.” Lucy says as she watched Lauren washing off the now dried blood from her hands

“You’re right.”

“But also, find a way to make it less toxic.”

in spring i spent some time with a boy who told me it was his way or no way and when i challenged that, he told me “i love you and that’s why i’m doing this” my friends saw my bruises and gripped my wrists while i said“i deserve him’"

(Part III: Rick)

The last time Lauren heard from Naomi was when the girl called her after two weeks of no-one knowing anything about her. Her parents moved to Orlando and she moved to a mental hospital.

A part of Lauren couldn’t help but blame herself, although she knew that’s not true.It wasn’t her fault.

"You need to loosen up a bit, Lo.” Normani told her as the two of them sat in Normani’s room, doing homework

“I’m fine Mani.”

“No, you’re not. We’re going out tonight. I’m texting the girls.”

“I don’t want to.” Lauren whined

“Well, fucking deal it it. It’s April already and I’m not gonna sit here and watch you blaming yourself for someone else’s breakdown."

Lauren only nodded, perhaps Normani was right.

Three hours later Lauren is gripping Normani’s hand as they walked into Diamonds.

"Will you relax before you break my hand?”

“We’re underage Mani.”

“Are you really telling me you don’t have fake I.D.?”

“I bought it so I can vote.”

“And I bought mine so I can buy alcohol, and you’ll do the same with yours sister.”

“Mani.” Lauren whines

“I’ll buy you a first drink and then it’s all on you.”

“If you don’t mind,” a deep voice from behind them says “I’d like to be the one who buys her a first drink tonight.”

Lauren and Normani turn around to see a tall red-haired boy smiling at them.

“And who are you?” Normani questioned

“Rick, nice to meet you ladies.”

“I’m Normani, and the girl you’re buying a drink is Lauren.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.”

“If you’re gonna be that lame–”

“It was a joke.” Rick interrupts Normani’s rant and looks at Lauren “Not all of it. You really are beautiful.”

Throughout the whole night Rick stays around with Lauren and her friends and whenever he’s not looking, Normani and Dinah are smirking at them.

As the night is coming to an end, his hand find its place on Lauren’s bare legs and she feels her skin getting on fire.

Now, she’s not a one-night girl, usually. However, something about Rick makes her think unholy thoughts.

She drags him to do the dancing floor and starts sexually dancing for him, making sure he gets as turned on as she is, which is a lot by now.

And he does, his hands are gripping Lauren’s hips and pulling her closer and the smirk on his face doesn’t move away until Lauren’s lips replace it instead.

Lauren finds herself intoxicated as she kisses him. They both taste like Whiskey-Cola, Lauren’s drink of the night.

“It’s hot in here.” Lauren whispers into his ear

“It is.” He nods but pulls Lauren closer anyway

“Perhaps we should go somewhere else.” Lauren suggests

That’s all he need to hear before dragging her back to their table so they can grab their stuff.

“Be careful, I’ll see you tomorrow, text me.” Normani mumbles into Lauren’s neck as she hugs her goodbye

“See you mama.” Lauren replies before walking away

One night stand, that’s what Lauren told herself as she watched Rick driving to his place. Nothing more.

But fuck, how can it be nothing more when Lauren is letting out screams and moans of pleasure as he flicks his tongue through her wet folds, when he thrusts into Lauren so hard, when he fucks her so good that it only leaves her wanting more?

One night stand turns into countless fucking sessions, and Rick turns from a stranger to a fuck buddy, for the lack of words.

There’s nothing else going on, there’s no feelings and Lauren’s not even sure if they’d be friends if it wasn’t for the fact that he knows how to please her.

They probably wouldn’t.

She’s not quite sure why she gets so distressed when she walks into his apartment one evening and finds him fucking a blonde girl on the table, the same table she was bent across just two days ago.

She just stands there as she watches the blonde reaching her climax. Not quite sure what to say or do.

It kind of bothers her, the fact that he said she’s not allowed to be with anyone else(not that she wanted to, anyway) but here he is, fucking another girl.

And then he sees her and flashes her a smile. He fucking smiles at her and she kind of feels sick.

He tells her to go to his room and for some reason, she does as told. She waits for a few minutes and tries to listen to his conversation with Barbie. She hears the door closing and his footsteps coming closer.

There’s still a smile on his face as he opens the bedroom door and it makes Lauren snap.

She snaps at him, starts yelling at him, screaming, punching him.

He only grabs her wrists tightly, to the point when she finally lets go, there’s blue prints as a reminder.

“What’s gotten into you?"

"You are fucking around!”

“I can fuck who I want to Lauren!”

“Then do as you wish."

She makes her way towards the door but he once again grabs her wrist and pulls her back. A moment later he’s angrily kissing her and she moans into the kiss.

He pins her against the wall and as he rip her clothes off and his mouth leave open mouth kisses all over her body, she forgets about him fucking that Barbie.

It continues like that, him fucking around and Lauren not being able to do anything, because they aren’t actually together.

He tells her he’ll pick her up on Friday after school and Lauren takes the opportunity to make him as jealous as she is sometimes.

She’d never admit it to anyone, but she’s sure that somewhere between multiple orgasms she had, she started to feel something for him.

She can see his car pulling up as she shamelessly flirts with a boy from her Spanish class.

She can feel his eyes glued to her back but she doesn’t dare to turn around, she doesn’t want to turn around. Not yet.

Her phone buzzed and she pulls it out of her back pocket.

get in the car. now!!

She lets out a chuckle and says goodbye to Dante, making sure that Rick hears about Dante being at her place tomorrow. Of course, it’s nothing else but a school project, but Rick doesn’t have to know that.

Rick doesn’t say a word as he grips the steering wheel tightly. But as soon as they take a step into his apartment, Lauren’s being pushed against the door and his hand is in her hair, yanking it harshly.

He mumbles something about Lauren being only his to touch and how that little repulsive, repellent, obnoxious, nasty little scumbag is forbidden to ever even think of touching his Lauren.

And Lauren forgets about the pain he’s causing her because he just told her he belongs to him, and in a twisted way, her heart feels happy to heart that.

The next day Rick walks into her house just in time to see Dante leaning over the table and reaching for Lauren’s hand.

"Perhaps you should leave.” His announces himself

“Who the fuck are you?”

Rick raises his eyebrows and looks at Lauren.

“It’s okay Dante, you should leave, I’ll finish this and e-mail you your part.”

Dante huffs loudly but doesn’t say a word to Rick as he pack his stuff and walks over to the door.

“Be sure to e-mail it to me before five, so I can study.”

And before Lauren could reply, Rick slams the door.

“That was so fucking rude!” Lauren yells at him

“He was touching you Lauren.” Rick growls

“He was not touching me!”

Rick’s eyes widen at Lauren’s outburst. Did she really raise her voice at him?

And then his palm collided with Lauren’s cheek and a tear strolled down her face.

She stood there in shock.

“I’m trying to protect you because I love you. I’m doing this because I love you.”

Those three words again. Three words that left Lauren speechless.

After realizing he won’t get an answer, he grabbed her bridal style and took her to her room.

Lauren felt as if she’s a prisoner in this whole thing they had going on. What even they had going on? She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t a relationship, but it wasn’t just fuck buddies either, not anymore.

Rick was nice for most of the time, except when Lauren would fuck up and deserved to be punished.

“What’s that?” Normani asked as she looked at Lauren’s wrist

Lauren’s eyes widened and she rolled down the sleeves of her plaid button-up shirt.

“Nothing.”

“Lauren–”

“I deserved it Mani, let it go.” Lauren cut her off before she could say a thing

in summer i wanted no one at all and when she walked into my life i didn’t expect to fall but she kisses like the devil while keeping all my demons away my friends held my gaze and told me keep her. stay.

(Part IV: Camila)

Normani didn’t let it go. Of course she didn’t fucking let it go. She waited for another week and a half-maybe two to see what’s really going on.

And then she realized that Lauren’s too deep into this to swim out by herself and she, as her best friend, had to do something about it.

“Hey, where’s lil Lo? Haven’t seen her around since I came few days ago.”

“Yeah,” Normani turned around to face her adopted older brother “neither have I.”

“Are you two fighting?”

“No, she has– there’s this guy we met–”

“Oh, boy drama.” Roshon smirked

“No, it’s– I think Lauren’s in an abusive relationship.”

“She’s what?” Roshon raised his voice

“Rosh.”

“No, Normani. Are you sure?”

“She didn’t tell me but there’s bruises all over her body and I know she’s into wild sex but this is different.”

Normani watched as her brother gripped the chair tightly and how his light brown eyes turned into a much darker shade.

“Do you know where he lives?”

“No.”

“I only know his name and how he looks.”

“Find him on Facebook.”

Normani nodded without hesitation.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Nicely ask him to back off.” Roshon shrugged

“By nicely–”

“Politely, classy. Words only.”

Normani nodded. But truth be told, Roshon didn’t need to use anything else but his words when it came to scaring people. He was a tall guy, full of muscles, and as if that wasn’t enough, of fucking course he knew how to win a match. After all, he did grew up on the street until he turned sixteen, and sometimes, that’s more than enough.

To anyone else, he was intimidating, but to Normani, he was a giant teddy bear. He was the one she’d cuddle up to when there was a storm outside, the one who would take her to the park, the one who played along as she threw tea parties for her toys, the one who wore a pink tutu because Normani looked at him with puppy eyes.

He was very thankful Normani’s parents found him on time and since the day his eyes met Normani’s, he promised to herself and to her that he will always protect her, even if it meant risking his own life.

A few phone calls and half an hour later, Roshon found himself in front of the fairly new building and rang the first bell he saw.

“Postman.” He said

He rolled his eyes as the woman let him in. He counted the numbers of apartments until he reached the third apartment on the left side of the fourth floor.

He knocked the door and waited for it to open.

Roshon lets out a scoff as he sees the boy in front of him.

“And you are?” Rick asked, arrogance evident in his voice

“Prince charming. Where’s Lauren?” Roshon asked as he walked past Rick, into the apartment “Nice play.”

“The fuck you want?”

“Where’s Lauren?” Roshon repeated his question

For a split second Rick’s eyes were focused on one of the doors and Roshon took that as a sign before going there himself.

He almost let out a gasp as he saw Lauren, half-naked sitting on the bathroom floor with a bruised lip.

Lauren was surprised to see him, of course she was, but most of all, she was ashamed.

“Take your stuff and meet me in the car.” He said calmly to the green eyed girl

“She’s not going anywhere!” Rick yelled

“Excuse me?”

“She’s staying here with me.”

Roshon didn’t pay much attention to Rick’s words, he was focused on making sure Lauren’s okay to stand on her own feet by herself and when he made sure she was, he turned around to face the red haired boy.

“Zack, is it?”

“Rick.”

“Right, same shit anyway. Listen here buddy. Lauren here is a very important person in my life. Very important. I promised my sister I’d protect her from everything and along the way, I promised myself that lil Lo will always have an older brother if she needs one. She looks like she needs one–”

“You don’t know shit!” Rick spat into his face

“Listen white boy, I’m not gonna fight you, I don’t fight weaker than me. However, if I ever see you anywhere near Lauren, if I even hear that you asked about her or tried to get in a contact with her, you’ll regret ever being alive. Is that clear?”

When Rick didn’t say anything, Roshon repeated his question.

“Is. That. Clear?!”

“Fuck you! And fuck her! Get out of my place!”

Roshon raised his eyebrow and pushed him to the floor, gently but strong enough that he actually falls.

“Mark my words white boy.” He said before walking out of the apartment

Lauren was thankful for a lot of things, but that night, as she cuddled herself closer to Normani’s warm body, she was thankful for her best friend.

It took her nearly three weeks until she could finally fall asleep without waking up in tears because she saw Rick in her dreams.

It was no secret he left a number on her. She became numb.

“Here mija, take this across the street to the new family and invite them over for the dinner.”

“What new family?” Lauren questioned as she looked at the basked her mother had prepared

“The one that just moved in. Honey, we’ve been talking about this for a few days now, where’s your mind been?”

Now that she thinks about it, she does remember something about it. Not all of it thought.

“All over the place.” Lauren mumbles dryly

“Get your shit together love. Can you take this over or should I ask Chris?”

“I’ll do it.” Lauren nods and gets up

She looks herself in the mirror to make sure she looks somewhat decent.

She scoffs as she thinks how just less than a year ago she looked so different than she does now.

Her long hair was now much shorter, there wasn’t even a tiny bit of it that was brown, now it was all black. She lost some weight and she kind of blames it on sleepless night she spent crying and all the days she spent not eating because just the thought of food made her sick to her stomach. Her pale skin was slowly but surely going back to being bronze, thanks to the fact she’s spending more time out on the sun with her friends than being someone’s punching bag in a dark room.

Everything about her was different.

“You still look like a piece of crap.”

She flipped her brother off before grabbing the welcome to the neighborhood basket and walking out of the house.

She watched as the family of four carried their stuff inside the house and cleared her throat when she came near enough.

“Hello, um, I’m Lauren, Jauregui. Just across the street,” she pointed to her house “my mom sent me to give you this and wanted to know if you’d like to join us for dinner.”

“Oh honey, we don’t want to intrude.” The woman replied

“No, I insist.” Lauren smiled weakly

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Tell your mother we’ll be there then. It was nice meeting you Lauren, I’m Sinu by the way.”

Lauren nodded. “I’ll leave you to uhm unpack. See you tonight Mrs Sinu.”

Just as fast as she walked over to their house, she walked back to her house, if not even faster.

She ignored her brother’s question about the new girl.

“Is she hot? She looks so fucking hot from here.”

It kind of made her feel sick and she decided that she will take a short nap before they come.

Her sister was the one to wake her up. Asking if she can help her with choosing what dress to wear.

Instead of yelling at her sister, like she would in the past, she actually thanked her for waking her up, considering she herself had to get ready too.

Half an hour. That’s how long it took her to take a shower and get dressed into her favorite dress. She even made an effort to brush her hair.

Dress to impress.

Chris was kind of right, they did have a hot daughter. Kind of. At first Lauren though she’s hot but as the night went on, she realized the younger Latina was such a dork and a nerd. SHe found it endearing.

“Say Camila, would you rather have a private movie theater in your house or your very own library?” Lauren questioned the younger girl once they were alone in her room

“Library.” Camila replied without a hesitation “I’m a book worm.”

“So am I.” Lauren smiled fondly

For the firs time in weeks, she actually smiled. Real smile, not the fake one everyone else would get.

They talked and talked and talked until it was Camila’s time to go home.

The younger girl stood up as she heard her father calling her from the downstairs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Camila asked hopefully

“For sure.” Lauren nodded

And then, Camila pulled her into a hug. Lauren flinched.

“Not a hugger?” Camila instantly pulled away “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay.” Lauren shrugged it off

Camila nodded once. “Good night Lauren.”

“Good night Camila.”

As the days of summer came and passed, Lauren felt herself being more and more drawn to the certain brunette. However, she knew better than to jump into this. For all she knew, Camila could turn out to be worse than anyone else she had dated in the past.

But she wasn’t. She made sure Lauren knows she’s loved and that someone cares about her.

It was during one stormy night that Lauren decided to open up to Camila.

They were pretty close by then, there was this special bond between them, and everyone could see it.

It was the night Lauren ended up using Camila as her shoulder to cry on. She cried over Akio and how he was the first one make her question her worthy; she cried over Naomi and how she still blames herself for Naomi’s break-down; she cried over Rick and how she can’t look herself in the mirror without imagining the bruises where they once were.

All the time, Camila held her tightly, gently played with her hair and softly rubbed calming circles on Lauren’s back.

“You like her.” Dinah commented one day as their group of friends all left to joke around in the water

“What?” Lauren looked away from Camila, her eyes now focusing on Dinah

“Camila. You like her.”

“I don’t."

"You do. It’s okay. I like her, for you. She’s good for you. She makes you happy.”

“I don’t like her.” Lauren repeated

“Whatever floats your boat chica. But in case you were wondering, I think she likes you too.”

However, that night when Lauren was left all alone with her thoughts, for the first time she admitted to herself that Dinah is right. Not that she’d ever admit it to the taller her. There was no need to boost her ego, it was big enough as it is.

She looks across the street and sees that Camila’s light is still on, although it’s already two in the morning.

She sends her a quick text saying she herself cannot sleep and that she’s coming over if Camila’s okay with it.

As soon as she gets a positive answer from Camila, she slips into her shoes and grabs her keys before walking out of the house.

“Hey,” Camila is already standing at the door, waiting for her “you okay?”

“I am now.”

And the smile on Camila’s face becomes bigger.

She leads Lauren upstairs to her room.

“Sorry about the mess, I was writing.” Camila makes a show of gesturing to the guitar on the floor and a notebook with a pen attached to it

“About?”

“Feelings.” Camila mumbles

“Oh, wanna talk about feelings?”

“Not really, no. Why? Do you?”

“Maybe.” Lauren shrugs and takes a seat on Camila’s bed

“If you do, I’m a great listener.”

“I know, it’s one of the things I like about you.”

The room is so quiet and the only thing that can be hear is the rapid beating of their hearts.

“Camz?”

Camila lifts her head up to look at Lauren. She almost lets out a gasp as she sees Lauren’s bright green eyes staring into her chocolate brown ones, they flicker to her lips for a second before focusing back at her eyes.

“I’m not crazy, am I?” Lauren questions

She decides to leave out the part where she says that she spent the ast three hours thinking about Camila and over-analyzing Camila’s actions towards her.

“About?” Camila whispers

“Us.”

Us.

The younger Latina smiles at the word.

“No, you’re not.”

“So, you– I’m not seeing things that aren’t real–”

“My feelings are very real Lauren.” Camila’s voice is so quiet that Lauren almost doesn’t hear it

“Okay, good. I mean– that’s nice. Because, I– uh–”

And then Camila’s soft lips are on her own and for the first time in her life, it feels right.

“Thank you for shutting me up.” Lauren says once Camila finally pulls away

Camila rolls her eyes and lets out a chuckle.

“Any time.”

“What about now?"

Another chuckle leaves Camila’s mouth but she nods her head before leaning over and kissing Lauren’s lips once again.

When Camila pulls away again, they don’t say a word. They stare at the stars on Camila’s ceiling as they hold each other’s hands.

"I don’t wanna rush into this.” Lauren says after what feels like forever

“Then we won’t. I’ve got the time, I’ll wait.”

Indeed, Camila gives Lauren all the time she needs. She’s there for her when she needs her and gives her space when she knows Lauren is suffocating. She understands.

And when Lauren finally gets her shit together, she asks her on a date. It turns into the second one, the third one, fourth one, and on the fifth, she asks her to be her girlfriend.

“Like, officially?”

“Like, officially.” Lauren laughs at the younger girl

They take it as slow as Lauren needs but even Lauren knows that sometimes she has to speed up things, even if that’s not what she wants. She’s scared of unknown, but it’s Camila. And Camila keeps her demons away. That’s all that matters.

She finds herself having a heavy make-out sessions with her girlfriend on more than one occasion. And she can’t stop herself from doing so, because Camila looks like an angel but kisses like the devil. And she’s in love with it.

“I told you.” Dinah smirks as she walks over to Lauren and Camila

“Told her what?” Normani questions

“She knows.”

“I know.” Lauren nods

“What did you tell her?” Normani asks Dinah

“What did she tell you?” Camila questions Lauren

Lauren shakes her head and smiles at Dinah.

Both Camila and Normani decide to drop the subject, realizing there’s no point in trying to get the answers from them.

The bell rings and Normani and Camila walked over to the direction of their lockers, meanwhile Dinah follows Lauren over to hers.

“Keep her Lo. Stay.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Lauren smiles at her friend

check me out on wattpad if you please https://www.wattpad.com/user/FakingCamren

#UPDATE #one shot #straight #AU #slash #trigger warning #camren #angst drama #submission #Seasons

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