#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''

[sherlock-is-ace]

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#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[autisticlee]

I somehow ended up on hEDS youtube and this video makes me go HMMMM. for a few years now i've had people ask me if I have hEDS or say they really think I do and should get reevaluated by a different doctor. I always have to say I don't have it because I failed the evaluation from the orthopedic specialist I saw for joint issues and chronic pain. she did the beighton test and gave me a 4/9 but you need at least 5.

after watching this, i've concluded she didn't even test me correctly? they say if you get a 4 but answer yes to things like could you put hands on the floor as a kid then it counts as a point. my hamstrings and back are so stiff and painful to bend forward, but I could do it as a kid. another is if you contorted yourself in weird ways to amuse your friends. I would always put both my legs behind my head at the same time to freak people out lmao. but according to my doctor, doing it as a kid doesn't count....and she didn't really evaluate anything else. she asked if I have the heart problems all the people in this video don't have, and if I had dislocations that specifically required professional medical attention....my parents forced my dislocated bits back into place as a kid. they refused to take me anywhere that cost them money lmao unless it was serious. like I wasn't allowed to go to the doctors when sick until I had bronchitis/pneumonia and could barely breathe. now I just get subluxation mostly which my doctor said I seem to get a lot of very often. that was it.

she didn't test for sketchy skin which I definitely have or those weird heel bumps I always thought were super gross and didn't even know had anything to do with this until now, or anything else from this video. also when she tested my knees, she grabbed one leg by the ankle while I was sitting and said my knee doesn't bend back, but they're all doing it while standing. i think my one knee at least looks like some of theirs from what I can tell, while standing?? but it doesn't do it while sitting because tight ass hamstrings. (don't remember if it's this video or a different one but having unstable hips and/or knees can cause extremely tight hamstrings and muscles apparently due to overcompensating for the instability which makes sense. my hips are so bad and knees pretty unstable too)

anyway. i had a lot of these things they covered on this diagnostic thing that my doctor did not go over and just told me I have "general hypermobility" and said it's not an issue and that my pain and and unstable joints are ~because I need to exercise more and exercising will cure it~ is what she basically said. not even concerned about the fact that I was there mainly because exercising fucked up my shoulder really badly and I told her how I fucked up my knee so bad once and couldn't even walk on it normally for months. also hips and wrists and etc. also my job is physical labor so.... exercise?? so instead of giving me things to help with my joints she just sent me to physical therapy to do shoulder workouts for one shoulder that I could only seem to do while the physical therapist was watching me and correcting me. once I did it at home, I hurt myself very quickly and could never finish the daily workouts 😅

I feel like there's a way better chance i'd have a higher score if it was done properly or I was evaluated with everything in this video, and not just denied right after scoring a 4 on the beighton test. but also impostor syndrome like what if i'm wrong....from what i've seen online in my googling, you have to have a 5+ in order to be allowed to say you have hEDS and self diagnosis isn't as accepted as it is for other things (like autism for example) because it's more specific and a "serious condition" so not sure if I can just say I have it despite it being very relatable. until I can figure out doctor stuff one day and see if I can pass a proper exam, I have to just keep saying I have "hypermobility issues with joint and muscle pain and other stuff and dont know why it's happening" whenever I talk about these problems....which is a mouthful (fingerful? if i'm typing it?)

unfortunately, I have no clue how to get a different doctor?? or if there's even anymore in my hospitals network, especially ones that know more about hEDS? I currently am not even sure what's going on with my primary. I was told he was moving offices and cutting down on how many patients he sees but would have his staff schedule me when he gets to the new place....that was over 2 years ago and im still waiting. I used to do checkups twice a year. idk what to do about it. I can't do phone calls. writing emails and stuff makes me anxious. when I contact them through the mychart app like refilling prescriptions, it comes up as a different doctor now. so not sure what's going on at all and don't know how to or feel comfortable asking???? trying to figure out medical stuff and communicate with medical staff is so overwhelming for me I rather lie down and cry instead of dealing with it lmao i need an adult! like a real one!!

if anyone wants to share info, related experiences, talk about your hEDS or hypermobility symptoms and problems, or anything else like that, feel free to share with a reblog or reply or go to my ask box!

#lee rambles #heds #hypermobile eds #hypermobility #hypermobile ehlers danlos #hypermobile joints #hypermobile spectrum disorder #big question is did the doctor suck at her job or am i just a little hypermobile and lazy and dont exercise enough and need to ignore pain🧐 #know and am too overwhelmed to do anything about it. need support system that can help me and take me to doctors and advocate for me😭 #but sadly dont have that D: #Youtube

[shrimpmandan]

Hey regular reminder I'm pro-self dx. Being anti-self dx is ableist and often also intersects with other -isms die to the fact that doctors (particularly in the West) love to not take the issues of minorities seriously and/or reflect biases based on gender.

You wanna make an argument about how "oh, but psychologists have studied this all their lives"? Sure. If they studied specific BRANCHES of psychology. A lot of psychologists honestly are only equipped for depression, anxiety, and life environment issues. Finding specialists takes fucking ages and more often than not is stupidly expensive. Do you wanna know how many trans specialists there are in my area that take my insurance, and are also knowledgeable in autism? Fucking none! So I'm self-diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I have been for the past 3 years.

My mom-- my 40 year old mom who has a BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY-- is self-diagnosed with DID. She was abused extensively by therapists for having a personality disorder, on top of deadass 10 other mental illnesses she was actually diagnosed with. You aren't mocking internet TikTok kids when you're mocking the self diagnosed. You're mocking those who were abused by the system, repeatedly silenced, railroaded onto medication they didn't need, and who found answers and solace when doing HOURS, and I mean HOURS of research into what they suspected to have on their own.

I'm not "self-suspecting" on if I have ADHD or PTSD. I have fucking literally experienced panic attacks, flashbacks, and fight or flight responses on a consistent basis. I've struggled with executive dysfunction and inattentiveness to the point I was misdiagnosed with depression. Shove that "oh you're just ~self-suspecting~" shit straight up your ass and have some damn empathy for those who are mocked by doctors for saying they think they're neurodivergent. Placed on actual placebo stimulants because they think people claiming to have ADHD are meth junkies. People who are told their symptoms are "just depression" and then are driven to suicide by SSRIs.

I'm not anti-psych by a wide, wide margin. But I cannot fucking stand the ignorance and arrogance of people who themselves don't know anything about psychology, who then try to bully and silence those who have fucking scoured every book and resource they can find just trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with them so they can move on with their lives-- whether this means self-acceptance, finding community, researching coping mechanisms, or for some but far from all, actually pursuing a professional diagnosis. Psychology is my special interest. I think I know more about it than the guy insisting that psychologists know everything about every disorder like it ISN'T a unique type of hell to find therapists who are at least knowledgeable of your entire psychological profile.

#personal #okay to reblog #pro self dx #pro self diagnosis #ableism