#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

#purrs #i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life #situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to #drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a #stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well. #i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i #am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone #and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good. #delete later #that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd #this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be #neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority #and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol. #24 year old dependent moment <3 #well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will #never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰 #side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester #starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like #this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it #would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or #anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol #well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3

[irl-futaba-sakura]

i just need to vent a little, i’ll prolly delete this in like 20 min cuz thats just how i am, a regret machine lmao :U

i’m at the point where i feel like i need to run away and become a new person, leaving everything behind, or i’ll just end up a dead body somewhere where nobody can find me

first thing is first, i’m venting here because i need the aspect of people potentially seeing, but i dont really want anyone to talk to me because i 100% will just shut down if that happens. if you wanna show support or whatever, a link on this post is enough, honestly. it shows me someone did read it, but i dont expect anything more, if even that at all. just wanted to clear that up. “positive talk” shit just makes me feel worse too so please dont send me anything thanks.

i dont mean that to be alarming tbh, its just that i felt that the last year was great for recovering and trying to be a normal ass human being, but i was only recovering from one thing (dumbass delusions and hallucinations that kept me from functioning like a normal person, often too much for me to even want to move from one spot in my room, etc but its for the most part passed save a few “leftovers” i guess i’ll call them, yeah i know im crazy fuck off) and not the many other things i needed to learn how to do to be a functional and useful adult in society

for fucks sake im 25 and i havnt had a stable job in years, and the only real job ive had was literally asking me to be faster than i could humanly go, spending breaks crying in the bathroom so i didnt break down in front of all the residents at the old folks home. doing art is... cool and all but its not stable and thats all my fault. 

im afraid that no matter if i get hired anywhere ill just loose the job in a year or less. if not for the fact that im the most useless thing then it will be my health issues that my previous job (the fuckign NURSES EVEN) treated like normal pain even though i lay in bed or the bathroom floor crying and throwing up pain killers. i havnt been able to see a professional for a diagnosis or even a fuckign checkup since before i was in high school. 

for the first time in a while iv ebeen wanting some way to punish myself for all the things i¿’ve done, or not done, or whatever. i havnt done anything yet anyway, though i have had time to consider some things that are pretty overall harmless but at least effective. i dunno. 

because i feel like everything is my fault.

this life i was given, somehow its my fault. punishment for not finishing school and being a useless body barely considered for any kind of job. punishment for not being able to please the people i care the most about. punishment for trying to figure my shit out on my own. punishment for this and that and the other thing.

im living a burden’s life

at this exact moment i want nothing more than to just casually disappear and jujst suddenly be someone else, if anyone at all. let me start over in anohter ountry, another body, adnother sret of problems that are hopefully not a hinderance to me getting a job and being a decent and useful body in whatever society i end up in. i guess the body part is unrealistick outside of the slight possibility of reincarnation after death, but that assumes i would reincarnate into something sentient enough to have these problems to begin with. after all im not sure i deserve another human life after this one.

but i dont really want to give up the like three people i talk to, the like four maybe five hobbies or things that interest me, the general place i live in... its not half bad here, other than being cold as fuck. theres clean water, the worst natural problem is floods, snow or tornadoes, all which are more managable than not. hell theres even gonna be a round1 opening here soon.

im afraid of the ghosts in the house now

ghosts cant really hurt you right, but the thought of seeing one, encountering one, im too scared to do things like go to the basement and do my laundry, walk around the house when im home alone. at most i may go to the kitchen to make food, i would be safer in my bed or at my desk so i will stay there.

if i see one of their faces i wont stop thinking about it, i wont wanna even be left alone, so i cant go places i need sometimes. i dont know...

im afraid of living away from the people i have gotten used to seeing every day. i have not enough merits on my own to keep myself afloat, not till i can finish school and even then i lost my high schookl records and e¿wehnerbrt i have money to potentially go to school again i only have so much and little time here ant there and i will need more for the bus, i cant do this as easily i widh i col. its stupid i hate it i hate myself for being so fucking fifficult and i wish i wan literally anyone else who didnt have to have fucked up so badly in their past that im undesirable in jobs. i dont have antyhign worth giving.

i look like shit now, i was beign a bit okay but now stress made me ugly again. i dont want to bee seen outside or by anyone at all ever. can i live my whole life behind a screen? i wish. my dental issues are worse and worse and i cant fuckign afford it and it makesd me looks like a mess and nasty even tho i cake taker of mytselff i tri i really do i wish i oculd be beetttr, i dont talk to anyone bcu im too sacred of thesm now and i lost sll my fredins but i dnt want them back at all becasude im too scared to sau hey i meedds up im sorryu im not cry typing i cnat get mu brasin to process it too fast im sorru hten barely reassable sorry

i guess if dgonna be hard to reas im sonna stor then bye

[dahniwitchoflight]

So there isn't a relation between a Knight's Aspect and something missing (like a big fault) in the session? Can you actually prove that point? Sorry if I sound rude

yes, I’ve hashed this out so many times before, you can probably find the full posts under my Knight Class tag

but the tl:dr version is those who say this merely need to look at canon again. Dave (Time) had no time sure, but it was artificially sped up by an entity that wasnt supposed to be doing things like that, Bec Noir, a known glitch, so it wasnt inherent to the session itself. You can’t say this happened because Dave existed. that’s not how this works. It happened because Bec Noir existed, which happened because of Jade and Vriska more than anything else. 

Karkat (Blood) had ALL KINDS of pacts and unity going on, red team versus blue team?? this one is a fifty fifty because on one hand parts of their session stayed too close and never ventured out/became indepedant (too much blood) like Nepeta/Equius, the whole colored team thing, and on the other hand some people never got the whole teamwork thing, Sollux and Eridan being the biggest examples. But you cant say clearly that the session lacked Blood. It had Blood all over it, just in varying amounts and the Blood that was there wasn’t always great Blood. and they did eventually unify their red and blue teams into a coherent whole. again, you can’t say it was all bad or all good or simply wasn’t there. There isnt a pattern here.

thirdly Latula breaks this whole thing down. Their session’s whole point and problem was a Lack of Heart in the players. Nobody cared, nobody took it seriously, nobody wanted to genuinely try and play the game. Just apathy all around. That what why their session failed. Everyone had plenty of healthy Mind, willingness to solve things logically, talking it out, nothing out of the ordinary there etc. but where they failed was in Heart.

No single Knight interacts with their Aspect in session the same way, there literally isn’t a pattern to grab onto one way or another

and this is WITHOUT going into the whole fact that its a broken unbalanced fanon that favors the Knights being special snowflakes because Dave and Karkat are the favorite characters of so many people. Like for real, all of this fanon stuff is so heavily weighed into the Knights being this fulcrum of session wide effects that must happen when there really is ZERO to say the Knights should be singled out in this way, nor would it make sense from any point of view to specifically program a game’s success to hinge on a single class which may or may not show up in your sessions. 

 like cmon whats next? Knights have to be the one to grab the doohickey on the SBURB door or else you automatically lose? Knights have to deal the killing blow to the Black King or he wont go down?? just, theres not somehow more inherently important to a session than any other class, whether you win or lose has absolutely nothing to do what what kind of knights you may or may not have 

if other classes, especially the Knights opposite, the Rogue, had anything, ANYTHING at all, to suggest that they had a special role in session’s somehow, then you might have a case, but I would STILL argue against it being a negative session wide effect because that goes against SBURBS’s entire reasons for existence

you play the game because SBURB is trying to tell you you are needed and good in this world, that what you are and what you can do has value

Knights causing an unavoidable, session wide negative affect where their aspect just completely fucks everything up, is the same thing as the universe/SBURB telling you outright “yeah not you though, you suck and are worthless, look how much damage you caused this is all your fault because you had the gall to simply exist here. I mean you might as well not even play, don’t even bother doing your planet or quest either our just gonna make things worse”

like I cant imagine  agame being programmed to tell people “hey don’t play this game” for any reason. That’s just the epitome of backwards design, that wouldn’t even happen accidentally yknow?

so yeah I am very against this idea lol

no one really seems to question the implications, or heck if it even actually exists in canon in the first place, i feel like they just share it around because its popular and they trusted the person who first told them it was true and because it makes Karkat and Dave extra angsty

*edit* theres also that the burden of proof for something existing is on the guys claiming it exists, I have never seen anyone actually even try to prove that these events are directly tied to the Knight’s existence somehow, the only thing they can give me is coincedence for frog breeding for 2/3 and nothing for the negative session effect. and they always ignore Latula, every time.

#Knight Class

[shopggdb-blog]

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[realtalk-tj]

i got a c and a d last year and my counselor and teachers have been kind of mean to me and the situation at home isnt any better i feel like a failure and today i was considering suicide i dont really have anyone to talk to about this so im asking you guys im sorry for botehring you guys but honestly theres no point anymore and i just cant do it anymore i want to end it all but im scared that i might end up disabled and that it wont work i just want to free my parents from the burden that i am

Notice: This is something to seek help from a mental health professional from, we are not professionals, just students who care.

Response from Aurora:

First of all, you are not bothering us, and we are glad you are asking for help. You wanna know something? I’ve been in your position before. I couldn’t do well in school no matter how much I tried, my counselor and teachers didn’t seem to care, I had a bunch of family stuff… I KNOW how you feel and you are definitely not alone. Believe it or not, but things really did get better for me. And I promise you, they WILL get better for you too. Your grades won’t matter one day. You WILL have better people in your life that go out of their way to support you, and you also have us :). There’s never not a point, because every time things get bad, they will get better again. You have so many people who care about you. PLEASE talk to us. You can always make a private tumblr and message us privately, or email us at [email protected]. I know you think you’re a burden, but we care about you so much and want nothing but for you to be alright. Please know that your life WILL get better, and that we really truly are here for you and want you to talk to someone. You deserve to be happy, and life shouldn’t be this hard. You deserve to have people be there for you, you deserve to talk to someone, and you always have us to talk to. And remember that it’s totally okay to get bad grades. You’re not the only one, and a bad grade doesn’t make you bad, and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure. You’re allowed to have rough patches, you’re allowed to struggle, you’re allowed to not be perfect, and you’re allowed to do whatever you need to make yourself happy. Please remember that you deserve to live, and that your life WILL get better, and again, please message someone (it can totally be us and we are very much here for you).

Response From Fleur:

Dear young person feeling lost,

You are not a burden, or an inconvenience, you are a person.

If your parents been telling you that you’re a burden or giving you that impression, it’s a lie. You’re a person with potential, worth, hopes, dreams, compassion for other people…etc. The cruel, thoughtless, and coldhearted opinions of the people who consider you or treat you like a burden don’t matter anywhere near as much as your health and well-being does. You matter.

When you choose to have children, you’re supposed to love on them and support them and cherish them and provide for them and respect them…etc. If that’s not happening for you, then I feel for you because you don’t deserve to be disrespected, insulted, bullied, put down, let down…etc. by the people who gave birth to you or by any other adult or child or being. You deserve respect and support and you don’t need to feel sorry for demanding that.

Your post here resonated with all of us that contribute to answering questions on realtalkTJ because mental health struggles and thoughts of suicide are common enough that we’ve all had experiences—either ourselves or watching a loved one or friend struggle with their mental health. We don’t want you to have to suffer in silence, because that’s a heck of a lot for one person to deal with alone.

I’m really glad that you wrote to us or “bothered us” as you put it because I know it can take a lot of bravery to reach out to someone and share stuff like this.

So we’ve decided that if you’re willing to let us support you, we’ll do the following:

-Talk to you through the private messaging function on tumblr

-Giv you some of our phone numbers so that you can text/call us if you’re comfortable with that because the messaging function on tumblr is frankly, pretty awful

-Arrange for one of us to go with you to counseling services at TJ

I want you to know that there is a crap load of support out there for you. You do not and will not feel this way forever. Psychological states of mind don’t last for the rest of your life. what you’re up against is something you can get past. You can be free from your parents, your teachers can be talked to about being kinder to you or you being moved to a different class can occur, you can find mental health support so that you don’t feel like there’s no escape from your struggles.

If you’re feeling sucidal, you can also do the following if your parents are reluctant to get you support for your mental wellbeing (which can and will get better, I’ve seen people overcome feeling suicidal and get to a place where they can enjoy life again hundreds of times):

-Go talk to Ms. Armstrong, or Mr. Burke. The other people I’d list who I think would help you are: Mr. Scholla, and Ms. Muir. They’re good trusted adults that have been supportive of students before. Really, if you were to go up to any teacher at TJ and tell them your situation, they’d probably help connect you with supportive adults in student services.

-You can always go to the ER and go up to the front desk and tell them that you’re suicidal (they’ll hold you for a couple of days, have you see a psychiatrist, talk to you about what’s going on, help you find resources to check up on you, and maybe send you to a local mental health facility for a week or two where you can get connected to mental health resources)

-If you can’t get to the ER, you can always call 911 and say that you’re suicidal and ask for EMS to come help you

If your parents are willing to help you with your mental health, these are the resources I’d recommend:

-Go talk to Ms. Armstrong or any of the other adults mentioned at TJ tomorrow or next week or whenever you get a chance to.

-Schedule an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist for further down the road.

-Call Children’s Regional Crisis Response Team (available 24/7 for ages 17 and under. You can call to start the program any time and they’re amazing, they’ll come to your house over a 45 day period for FREE and talk to you daily and give you therapy and if you want to see a psychiatrist they’ll find one too).

-Go to the Merrifield Center to be evaluated for emergency mental health help (located in Fairfax Virginia, they will talk to you alone without parents present at some point so that you don’t feel pressure to have to lie in front of your parents).

-INOVA keller center partial hospitalization program is really good

-Johns Hopkins child and adolescent psychiatric unit is pretty good

-There’s also north springs behavioral health center and dominion hospital locally.

You can always anonymously call the national suicide prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. they’re understanding and nice people and you can talk to them about anything really and tell them about what’s been overwhelming you and making you feel so down. They can talk to you about what you can do to deal with the situations you’re dealing with, or you can just vent to them.

I know it might seem extreme to some people to seek medical help for suicidal thoughts, but I want you to know it’s a serious thing deserving prompt medical care and it’s considered a type of mental health emergency.

You deserve help and support. You’re worthy of it. Just as much as any one of your friends and favorite people are.

Don’t give up on yourself, and if you let us, we’ll find people who won’t give up on you and will keep hoping for you when you find it hard to have hope for yourself. Please reach out and keep reaching out, don’t stop no matter what, even when you come across people that aren’t the kindest, keep reaching out, don’t give up on things getting better because that resilience to keep putting one foot in front of the other is what will help improve your life and mental health and wellbeing.

Take good care of yourself

#personal life

[furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog]

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I just got an 2002 acura rsx type s (clean tittle) or I have a chance to trade for Honda s2000 (salvage tittle) I am 16 fixing to be 17 and of course the car is gonna be under my dads name but i just wanna know how much its goona be since im part of the insurance

Health insurance....?

I am not available for health insurance at my job because i am only part time. everytime i apply for health insurance online, i get turned down because of my credit or my health. i don't think it's right. i need some kind of insurance because i have to go to the doctor. what should i do?""

Car insurance?

if you have a bright color car like red car.. do you pay more insurance?

""What is the average price of Nissan Micra and Tiida (including tax,insurance,etc...) in India?""

What is the average price of Nissan Micra and Tiida (including tax,insurance,etc...) in India?""

Good health insurance?

Looking for good affordable health insurance.

How much is insurance in a car for a 17 year old?

I get my provisional this week and I'm just wondering how much it is? I'm from Ireland by the way.

How much would the insurance be on a VW Beetle?

I am 17 and intrested in getting my first car a Classic VW Beelte, does any one know the price range for the insurance on one? Many thanks""

How can I be seen by a doctor in Colorado with no insurance while only working part time?

I really need to be seen by a doctor I need meds bad! I have UTI and It wont go away.... How do I see a doctor with no insurance while only working part time... I Live in colorado is there anything?

Why are insurance quotes on comparison sites so high?

I'm almost 17 and I'm hoping to learn to drive and get a car. I was looking online to see what the insurance might be on some possible cars (ford KA, fiat sciento, nothing too fancy) but the insurance quotes were ridiculously high. The cheapest was around 6000 for third party which is really high because so many of my friends have cars and their insurance ranges from 1800-3000. Why is it so high and will it actually be this amount when I come to buy the insurance?""

Is it harder for a child who is disabled to get insurance?

Is it harder for a child who is disabled to get insurance?

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

""I am turning 16 years, and i really want to drive a moped, how much will my annual insurance cost?""

I am turning 16 years, and i really want to drive a moped, how much will my annual insurance cost?""

Start my own insurance company?

Hi, I am new in insurance business, I was wondering if anyone can answer my question. I am currently taking classes to get my life and health insurance, once i pass the state test do i have to work for broker? or can i start my own agency? do I need to sign a contract with insurance companies in order to give quote to my future clients? Thank you in advance for your answers""

How much would state farm car insurance charge for a 17 year old under my own name in connecticut?

i have a acura 3.0 cl... 2 door... and i was just wondering does anybody know how much i would be paying.. in anyway (monthly, yearly... but monthly is better)... so if you could help thanks... and dont tell me to look it up... im just asking.... and this kid has it under his own name... but i dont see him anymore so i cant ask him....""

Car insurance for a 17 year old?

First of all i need a new car and now i have a 2004 honda civic and i got prefered to a 2011 camaro from a friend who really needs to sell it because they are having a baby and they offered me 2,500$ to 3,000$ ofcourse id take it but my mom said if the insurance is really high i cant get it? How high would the insirance be its a two door 2011 camaro""

Car insurance/traffic ticket question?

I got a ticket for speeding (67 in a 50) a little over 8 months ago. I took it to court because it was a first offense and got the points down from 2 to 1. I never got anything from my insurance company, so I thought I got lucky and my rates would stay the same. About three weeks ago, we had a bad wind storm in Maryland and a tree limb fell on my jeep. I reported it the same day and the insurance is fixing. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from my insurance saying my rates were going up from the ticket in March. Do you think that my report of the tree limb triggered them to look at my driving record and raise the rate or is it just a coincidence that this happened at the same time?""

Will my insurance go up if I file a claim but then not need it?

A guy ran into me. All he did was pull off a side mirror. I can't get his insurance to replace it directly. They said he has to file the claim. He has yet to do so and the contact number I have for him is bad. So I was told if I go through my insurance they can file the claim to his insurance for me to get it paid. But if somehow they can't file it through his insurance ill just pay out of pocket and have my husband do the work so it's cheap. But if I do that will my insurance still go up? The accidentwas entirely his fault.

Do I need gap insurance?

I have an 05 nissan 350z with 30000 miles on it. kept in very good condition. KBB quotes my vehicle trade in value at $18,337. I paid $19,???. I put $5,000 down. so now i have to pay with interest $18,???. I have full coverage insurance, but no gap insurance. If i totaled my car would I be screwed?""

Will Rental Car Accident increase insurance rates?

Hi, I rented enterprise car but unfortunately bumped into a tree.I had full insurance coverage on the vehicle. So I would like to know if that accident will effect my insurance which I have on my personal car?""

Cheapest car insurers for 17 year olds?

Which websites offer cheap/reasonable insurance offers for new drivers? Im 17 so I wanna find the best deal!

Is it true that you don't have to have car insurance in wisconsin?

so, it`s not illegal if you don't have any kind of car insurance?""

Car insurance when buying a new car ?

Hello,i have seen a used certified car online and very much interested in haggling with the car dealer to buy the car,but my problem is,i have heard you need insurance coverage on the car before the dealer will let you drive off the lot with the car.So my question is how do i go about this when i havent yet selected or bargained for the price of the car before purchasing.I am driving 2 hours to-and-fro to get this car and cant afford to go home without the car the day i go to the dealership.How do people go to car dealerships,haggle on any car they love in the showroom and drive home the same day? I cant buy insurance that i may not need( example buying insurance on a 2009 car,but later get a good deal on a 2010) Any help on how to get the car insurance issue straightened out before i go haggling for cars?""

How do I find the best car insurance rates?

How do I find the best car insurance rates?

Cheapest Volkswagen Golf to insure first time driver 17?

mainly looking at diesel looked into the tdi gt and tdi 1.9 any other suggestions i am 17 i have 1 year ncb on a motorbike , garage , etc etc what car would be the cheapest to insure out of the models""

Car insurance question?

I have a 2000 Landrover, and right now I'm on my moms insurance policy and the car is in her name. I think its stupid that I have to pay insurance when the car isnt even in my name, but everytime I ask her to put it in my name she gives me some bull about it being like $200 to transfer titles and that it if its in my name ill have to get off her insurance. Is any of that true? And if so, how much does it cost to get your own policy? My insurance is 160 right now if that makes any difference. It's kinda high because I had a wreck about a year ago.""

Insurance Costs on a 3000GT SL?

I'm 18 and am getting my own car for college. I've been driving my dad's VW Jetta III without a license (he drives with me) for about two years now, as he is a frequent commuter and my high school is close to his work. We never bothered to get a license because we'd have to insure me (and I was going to drive with him anyway as a 'learner'). My eye is on my neighbor's 1994 3000GT SL. It's a non-turbo, and in good mechanical condition. But since I technically just started driving with a license (even though I've commuted for two years now), I'm afraid I might get charged by the insurance company like a 16 year old. It's because of this I didn't get the twin-turbo VR-4, as I heard insurance costs more than the car after a couple years. How much can an 18 year old college going kid like me expect to pay with the SL model?""

What is car insurance?

Just car insurance definition not more other else. It's for my own mind calculation.

When will insurance total a car?

At what point will my insurance company total a car? My husband was in a car accident and the whole front end of the car is damaged - the estimate is $7800 to fix and the car is valued at $9100. The body shop has been waiting a 2 days, so far, for the insurance to decide what to do. I am hoping it can be fixed but I also need to know if I need to start car shopping.""

Insurance on a Pontiac Trans Am?

Hello. I was just wondering what would the insurance cost you on a 1998-2002 Ws6 Pontiac Trans Am For a 17 Year old living in Orlando, Florida???? Thank You.""

I want to buy a peugeot 106 1.1 zest. How much would the insurance cost? All serious answers are welcomed.?

I am 21 nearly 22 with no claims, points or convictions""

To get maturnity insurance or not?

I am currently 29 years old and just recently married. I have come to a decision I have to make on my health insurance. I am not planning on getting pregnant for at least the next 2 years. So do I or do I not take the maturnity insurance. It would be a differance of 140.00 a month! Crazy since I am on the pill trying not to get pregnant. But it is still possible to get pregnant on the pill, but highly unlikely. So my question is do I take it to be on the safe side or waive it until it gets closer to that time. Money is tight and I hate to sink money into something I will hopefully not need. Any views on the situation would be much appreciated. Thnx.""

Rental Car - minimum liability insurance in California?

Does a car rental company in California have to provide minimum liability insurance required by state law without extra costs?

How much will my car insurance be as a new driver?

I'm learning to drive as a necessity for a new job, but I am struggling to get a reliable estimate of the insurance premium I should expect once I have a car. I know that nobody will be able to give me a precise figure as it depends on so many variables, but I wondered if anyone would know what to put into a quote generator to get something accurate? I'm female, in the UK, 27 years old and will need a cheap and cheerful 5 door hatchback. Unfortunately I don't know enough about engine sizes and that sort of thing to know if I'm answering the questions on the form realistically. I tried compare the market and got a cheapest quote of 3,700 per annum - does this sound right? I know it will be expensive but even so that seems very high for a 1999 Vauxhall Corsa! (the car I used to get the quote). I do realise this is a very subjective question but any advice is greatly appreciated - at the moment it is looking like I won't be able to take up a dream job offer as all I will be doing is working to pay for a car that I oly got in order to take the job :(""

How much money do auto insurance brokers make?

How do they get paid? and how much?

Where can i find a good healthcare plan for myself and my kids? more inside?

39 weeks prego with number 2. and neither have insurance except the smallest will have ga medicade when he is born.i am looking for insurance to cover them mostly. and everything i see has at least a $1000 deductible. what is a good way to do this? i am 21 and don't know any thing about insurance. help please :-) i

Cheapest auto insurance?

Cheapest auto insurance?

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

How far will my car insurance go up?

i hit my friends car at school today, there's just alittle dent and some red paint from my car on his car. im 16, and i have a red mustang convertible..im just wondering how much my insurance will go up?""

What car insurance company is best for an 18 year old?

I am 18 years old and am going to attend college in late september. I have practiced driving and am working on my license to live on campus. I know car insurance is expensive but I just want to know which would be the best coverage if I get into a collision and would be the cheapest. My mom said it would cost about $300 but that sounds crazy :/. I know Im a new driver but why would it be that expensive? It sounds hard to narrow down considering all the possibilities but Im new to this whole world of cars and insurance. My parents wont help me out at all. In fact, Ive been saving up for when this moment would come. I saved up $606. Plus, Im going to apply for a part time job at my college that will pay $10 an hour. I should be making about $120 a week which would be like $480 if I dont spend my money on stupid stuff which I wont. So basically, $480 is my budget. Well it might be a bit less. I have to eat too so I guess I could live off of 80 dollars of food. So that would be leave me with 400. As you can see, im really struggling to try and work out a plan. If you could give me some opinions that would be great. Thanks for reading what I have to say :) -Nick""

Quote for insurance>seats?

when getting a qcar insruance quote when its askes how many seats for a 3 door car would that be 4 seats? ta x

Car Insurance?

I'm a first time driver over 25, used car 2001 ford focus, central fl. how much should the insurance cost?""

""New York car insurance, LoJack discount for Allstate?""

Hi all, I currently have Allstate car insurance and I bought a new car with a LoJack installed. When I tried to get the discount, they only took off $7 per month on my policy.. Looking online, I discovered that New York state mandates that car insurance companies must give a discount for LoJack, but I'm not sure how much. The LoJack website isn't very clear on the subject, saying 25% for NY but I'm not sure if that means up to 25% or a mandated 25%... Anyone happen to know? I'm having trouble finding any concrete information. Here's the info from LoJack I found: http://www.lojack.com/car-insurance-discount.html Thanks!""

What home insurance company insures homes with knob and tube wiring?

I am looking to purchase homeowners insurance on my home. It has knob and tube wiring and a circuit breaker. I was told that the knob and tube is a more recent version or wiring and not as bad as the older kind. I am having difficulty finding an insurance company with reasonable rates, under $600.00.The home is valued at $90,000.""

Affordable Insurance?

My boyfriend is looking for some affordable insurance for himself. We live in Indiana, I already have insurance and our daughter is covered as well. I am finishing up college so I still qualify to use my father's insurance. What are some options for my boyfriend. (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't qualify for low income health insurance).""

What do police do if you are stopped for no mot or tax but have insurance?

Iv found some info out about someonejust was wondering what would happen??

Car insurance cost for a Infiniti g35 coupe?

I'm 18 and think of getting one, anyone know how much it might be? Oh and btw I live in Hawaii.""

Is Insurance rates on red cars more expensive?

Is Insurance rates on red cars more expensive?

CA Borders books pregnancy insurance?

I'm working at a Borders in CA and i'm part time. I'm trying to figure out what's the best way to go about getting insurance. My training manager said to look online for borders insurance but I'm not finding it. Is the part time insurance worth it for pregnancy costs? I'm having a midwife and want to figure out how to get that covered.

Does anyone know how much insurance would be for a 18 year old male and the car is a 1985 volvo?

1985 volvo 240 dl auto 4cyl. gray exterior and dark blue interior, 4dr""

What supplemental insurance company is the best.?

Looking for supplemental insurance, but I want to go with a good one. I am a 27 year old female. No pre-existing conditions.... any suggestions?""

Is getting a motorcycle in college a smart idea?

Im going to be attending UCI in the fall and right now I have a 2000 eclipse. I was looking at parking permits online and I noticed that car permits are 3x more expensive than motorcycle permits. Car permits $98-motorcycle $35. I was planning on getting either a 250 or 300cc bike to get used to them and waste less gas. The only thing is that i barely got my license 4 months ago so i know that i will pay alot for insurance but will it be more than my eclipse? (since I have the GT version i already pay allot). Im not sure if i will be able to find a job right away so i dont want to pay around 1k on car parking permits and get sunk in debt even more. But I also don't know if buying a motorcycle be a good idea. I have been riding quads for 9 years now and i know how to change gears and stuff but i have only driven a 2 wheel dirbike a handful of times. Son is getting a motorcycle a good idea or should I sell my car and have no transportation on campus or keep my car in the dorms?

""HOW MUCH THE INSURANCE ILL BE FOR 2013, 15.000$CAR?IN CALIFORNIA?""

IM TALKING ABOUT DODGE DART 2013 ,HOW MUCH THE INSURANCE ILL BE FOR 2013, 15.000$CAR?IN CALIFORNIA.""

Is the 2008 Mazda Rx-8 worth buying?

I got a deal for 19,000 dollars with 11,000 miles on it. I can afford it but im wondering if it is a reliable and good car for 5-6 years. How does it do in the winter? I live in VA. Gas? Reliable? Insurance? Used 2008 honda accord coupes are so expensive and camrys are expensive too.""

Is insurance cheaper with driving school or learning at home?

i want to learn at home.

Where can I find professional liability policies for a surgeon?

This is for a finance project. If I need to pay fro professional liability insurance, on what website can I find this insurance. Will I have to pay for it by myself, or does the hospital/company I work for pay the insurance for me.""

Uninsured driver with no license driving car with insurance hit my car.?

A teenager hit my car. He had no insurance, no license, but he was driving a relative's car that did have insurance. There is no question he is liable, everything seem to be going well. But now there insurance company is telling me they are disputing wheather or not the kid had permission to drive the car. What are the chances I'm gonna get screwed here? And what should I do?""

Alliance United Insurance?

So I just want to know all of their current plans and prices? For 2 adults and 1 minor for auto insurance.. I live in California.. Thanks!

Car insurance?

Your Open QuestionShow me another  Car insurance? I have comp ins from kwik-fit ,my car was reduced to cinders at the w/end and they have told me i dont get a replacement car [apparently because it is criminal and malicious damage],does anyone know the ins/outs of this, its the first ins claim in 20 years""

Cheap Car Insurance Help.?

I am an 18 year old boy and have recently passed my driving test, i am looking around for cars but the insurance is a joke, the cheapest i have had is 5000. Anyone know what cars are cheap to insure and what insurance companies are cheap for young new drivers?""

How much would insurance be for someone like me?

i have a job that pays 1300 a month, im 23 years old, no previous record. no credit. basically it would be my first insurance for a car. i live in minnesota saint paul, how much would it be? my sis says it might be like 300 dollars or something? if u need other info ill tell it thanks guys""

How much would car insurance cost me?

IM 17, have a 3.67 gpa, the car will be a 98 van, and w/ that driver education training thing how much would it be.""

Is there a way to get cheaper car insurance in the uk?

im 17 and male im making good progress with driving lessons and have passed the theory i have always been interested in cars and then i decided to have a look at them to buy and insure. so i checked the insurance for a 1.0 polo...3400 any 17 year old will NEVER be able to pay this. ive tried 3rd party ive tried doing it through my parents ive tried getting insurance quote for my parents car 1.6 astra. so is there any companys that will do anything to help young people out? like special deals etc also is insurance this bad in usa for younger people?

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

How much (on average) is car insurance for a 16 year old?

I turned 16 a little while ago and my dad says he's gonna get me a car of my own! a nissan xterra!! (i LOVE them!) BUT... he said i have to pay all insurance and gas money... I was wondering how much, on average, that will cost? I have about 25% off because of the driver's ed i took and also another 10% or 15% off for good grades If anyone has an idea, I would greatly appreciate it!""

I am trying to get health insurance however I do not have a home base with my job?

I contantly move from one place to another after only a month or a few. Does anyone know if there is any company that can cover someone like me who moves from state to state? The company I have spoke to said they only cover someone in one state and when you leave the state you only would get covered for emergency situations.

Auto insurance on lease vs purchase ?

is there usually a big difference on auto insurance when financing a new car vs leasing one? thanks guys :)

How much does insurance for a motorcycle cost?

I currently don't own a motorcycle but am curious the cost of insuring it. I live in Vermont so I would only be riding it from June to September. I would probably be riding a 2002 Yamaha YZF R6.

Car insurance for young men please advise.?

Hey I'm 20 nearly 21 been driving nearly 3 years with no accidents etc . No speeding no nothing , I want a faster car ( fiesta st) 150bhp car . I can afford the car with ease , will my insurence be un affordable ? I can't pay more than 2000 on insurance. Might I add I'm from the uk i""

How much is car insurance for a jeep wrangler?

i am 18 and have a clean driving record

Why is my car insurance so high?

I'm paying about $1,800 every sixth months, and now it's increasing. I had my driver's licence since sixteen, I'm twenty-four now. And I've been clean my entire life, except a few years ago when I received a speeding ticket. Then I took its courses to deduct points, and everything's cleaned out. But why is my insurance still high?""

Why is my car insurance so expensive? Can someone who knows the facts please explain?

I am 19 I drive an old 1997 Nissan I've only been in one wreck but that was over 3 years ago. I've been driving since I was 16. My mom is now making me pay my own insurance, and she said it would be around $600. This is insane to me. I don't understand why insurance is so expensive especially if you have been a safe driver for years. I feel like you are just throwing away money for nothing. Could someone explain why car insurance is so expensive and why do you think mine is so high?""

Insurance Rate difference Between hatchback And Sedan?

hello everyone, im interested in some information regarding insurance quotes. Im in the market for a 02+ Gti, or a 02+ jetta. The gti is 2 door hatchback and jetta is a 4 door sedan. Im 16 years old but im concerned now how much higher will insurance quotes be between the 2 when i start driving. Theyre both going to be manual. If someone has any idea please let me know.""

""I am international student , i need to apply health insurance(Texas)?""

where should i go?(houston, Texas) what stuff should i prepare or anything i should biring""

How much would car insurance be for a 2002 Jaguar X-Type compared to one for a 2002 Lexus ES300?

I know the Jaguar would be more expensive but by how much?

How old dose a car/vehicle need to be for lower insurance?

I am 17 and i have been saving money for a brand new car and i started looking for one and i found the one i want and so i decided to get a quote on the insurance for it and the quote as around 350 and the car payment quote was 200 i thought that this is a little ridicules myself and i cant afford insurance that high... So i was just wondering how old a vehicle needs to be before the insurance is way lower than what it would be if it was brand new!

""Is it true that the older the car, the lower the insurance cost?""

My dad has a car that is 4 years old, it is a subaru outback, with 200,000+miles on it (not a typo, he drives it all over the eastern coast). Now would the subarus insurance cost(total) be lower than if i bought my own used car?""

What happens to money at the end of life insurance term?

As a young child and teen, I remember my mom saying on a few occasions that she bought term life insurance when I was a baby. It was a 30 year plan for 100,000. She said that the term would end when I turn 30 years old and if she doesn't die by the time it ends....then SHE would be able to collect on the plan (getting the 100k) Now, I am 30 years old..and want to by term life insurance so my child will be taken care of incase I die. I'm thinking off getting a 20 year term. MY QUESTION - is it so that in 20 years...if I don't die, then I will be able to collect all that money? I'm doing research on it and finding that with regular term life insurance, you don't get any money at the end of the term.....but I remember my mom saying different. What do you know about it? (it isn't possible to ask my mom about it)""

Where could I get some cheap but good health insurance?

We need health insurance really bad but everything seems way too expensive and when I google it a hundred different sites come up and its hard to decide which one is for real and which one is going to be a lisas of crap. my husband doesn't make but about 400 dollars a week and I am currently unemployed and In college. Help me!!!

How does the whole process of buying a car work for a teenager?

Okay i am 15 years old and i am trying to figure out now.. What i need to do to be ready to buy my own car in the next few years or when i turn 18. I have many questions.. Because i want my parents to help as little as possible because i will be leaving the house once i am 18 and going to a college that they do not want. So i need to know.. What car? How does the insurance work? How much are payments a month? how do you think i could afford them? Should i start saving now? Should i wait til i move back to california til i buy the car or should i buy it in New York and drive back to California? HELP! PLEASE! or email me and we can talk more about it.

Looking for affordable health insurance?

My employer does not offer health insurance. Does anyone know of a private health insurance company? I was with Blue-Cross Blue Shield and they kept raising the rates. I don't qualify for any assistance due to low income. Also some coverage for dental.

Did you see the left/right coalition letter against the health insurance mandate?

March 19, 2010 Dear Member of Congress: On behalf of our organizations and the millions of people we represent, we strongly encourage you to oppose the individual mandate in the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act of 2009. Our groups and members may disagree on what are the best solutions to our health care problems, but this unprecedented coalition of organizations from across the political spectrum agrees that forcing individuals to buy insurance from private companies under the threat of fines or jail is not the reform we need. The individual mandate is a section of the bill that requires every single American to buy health insurance-whether or not they want it or feel they can afford it-or break the law and face penalties and fines. Consequently, the bill does not actually cover 30 million more Americans-instead it makes them criminals if they do not buy insurance from private companies. We hope you agree that it is unconscionable to force people to buy a product from a private insurer. This would effectively be a tax-and a huge one-paid directly to a private industry. Enacting this mandate would be a major victory for the insurance companies at the expense of the American people. It should be no surprise they support the government forcing everyone to buy their product. Imagine how the hamburger industry would respond if the government forced everyone to have hamburgers for lunch or pay fines? According to the President's Council of Economic Advisers, the average annual premium for single coverage is $4,321. If the 46 million uninsured are forced to purchase private health insurance at that price, then the insurance industry stands to bring in up to $200 billion in new insurance premiums per year. The Senate bill also includes an estimated $630 billion in corporate welfare for private insurance companies in the form of subsidies over the next 10 years, creating even less incentive than currently exists for private insurance premiums to be lowered. To make matters worse, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services estimates that 19 million Americans would not buy insurance and as a result would be forced to pay $29 billion in taxes/fines. The Joint Committee on Taxation has made it clear that failure to pay these fines could result in jail time. Thirty-six states have passed or are considering measures that would allow their residents to opt out, including Virginia, Utah, Pennsylvania, Florida, Minnesota, Michigan, Georgia and Ohio. Given these fact, it is not surprising that a recent NBC News poll finds 57 percent of Americans do not want the government to create a law that requires everyone to have health insurance coverage and that only 38% of Americans favor the mandate, making it the least popular part of the bill. The American people stand in firm opposition to the individual mandate. We stand with them. We hope you will, too. Sincerely, Americans for Tax Reform, Grover Norquist, President Democrats.com, Bob Fertik, President Healthcare-NOW!, Katie Robbins, National Organizer FreedomWorks, Matt Kibbe, President and CEO Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Tim Carpenter, Director Campaign for Liberty, John Tate, President 60 Plus Association, Jim Martin, President Liberty Tree Foundation, Ben Manski, Executive Director Hector Barreto, Chairman, The Latino Coalition National Taxpayers Union, Duane Parde, President National Coalition of Organized Women, Consuela Sylvester, Ohio Director Citizens for Health, Jim Turner, Chairman Competitive Enterprise Institute, Gregory Conko, Senior Fellow American Association of Small Property Owners, F. Patricia Callahan, President U.S. Bill of Rights Foundation, Dane vonBreichenruchardt, President Institute for Liberty, Andrew Langer, President Santa Monicans for Safe Drinking Water Coalition, Gene Burke, Founder, Director Alliance for Natural Health USA, Gretchen DuBeau, Executive Director Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, Dr. Jane Orient, Executive Director Fairfax County Privacy Council, Mike Stollenwerk, Chairman The Rutherford Institute, John W. Whitehead, President Pain Relief Network, Siobhan Reynolds, Executive Director American Policy Center, Tom DeWeese, President Justice Through Music, Brett Kimberlin, Director Velvet Revolution, Brad Friedman, Co-Founder After Downing Street, David Swanson, Co-Founder Project Vote Smart, Mark A. Adams, Founder Democracy in Action (DIA), Dorothy Reilly, Organizer Squadron13.com, Gordon Sturrock, Founder Democracy for America - Tucson Chapter, Richard Kaiser, Co-chair DownWithTyranny.com, Howie Klein, Publisher Center for Financial Privacy and Human Rights, J. Bradley Jansen, Director DownsizeDC.org, Inc., Jim Babka, President Cyber Privacy Project, Richard Sobel, Director Citizens For Legitimate Government, Lori R. Price, Managing Editor Republican National Hispanic Assembly, Minnesota Chapter, Rick Agui""

Best medical insurance for gastric bypass?

I have struggled with being overweight my whole life and I have decided I want gastric bypass. I currently do not have insurance and I want to buy insurance to cover the surgery. I'm not really sure how to go about purchasing insurance and which ones deny weight loss surgeries. I am 22 and in perfect other then being overweight, so I figure getting health insurance shouldn't be too hard to get approved for. Like I said just wondering which insurance is best for the surgery and any suggestions you have for purchasing health insurance would be great. Thanks!""

When will a 1989 Mustang GT Convertible become a classic?

The car is in good shape, runs great, new top and no dents. Should I sell it or keep it?""

Is this why women have better car insurance rates then men?

http://video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=4533761&l=3774753

Cheapest car insurance for a young driver?

im 20..i own a car. no tickets and no accidents i have had my license for a yr and half where can i find the cheapest car insurance?

What is some really good but not exspensive auto insurance?

my daddy is with progressive and its really high on him and he is looking for a better and less exspensive auto insurance any suggestions.

Re saga insurance?

has anybody had a bad experience with saga insurance [over 50s only]

""As a 16 year old male, how much will I pay for auto insurance?""

I am a 16 year old male (and I already know what statistics show, unfortunately), soon to be 17 years old in October. I will be paying auto insurance pretty soon and I am trying to get an estimate of how much I will be paying monthly/yearly. I obtain a 3.5 GPA and reside in Dayton, Ohio. My mother will be adding me to her insurance plan and I drive a 1999 Chevy Camaro (this is the car that will be insured, and thankfully it does not have a Z28 engine). I'm not sure whether or not the insurance agency will consider this a sports car either, so I'm pretty nervous! Please help me! Thank you!""

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

Zephyr Cove Nevada Cheap car insurance quotes zip 89448

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-would-insurance-mustang-gt-18-year-old-driver-isaiah-lyons/"

[mytearsarestars]

My Best Friend ☼

In this blog I refer to my best friend as “Sun”, Which is an interesting term and seems like an extreme amount of endearment for this person. Well. There is. 

After being hurt so badly, and finding myself unable to commit to a friendship. Even struggling with friends I’ve had before you got hurt. Isolating myself, and then by this off chance I find this amazing person who starts to build trust and is supporting me with this love and care that I haven’t felt from anyone in years...It becomes hard.

It becomes hard not to be dependent. I wanted her to share her happiness and to make me happy, its easy. Its hard not to think of her as the light in my life for what she has brought to me, and what she has shown me. Even with myself, I want to improve because I’ve witnessed how hard shes worked and how far she’s come. I want to do this so that I can really truly be her friend. Without the messed up head.

Now you’re thinking “Well if theres nothing wrong between you two, why didn’t you just stay friends during all of this?” The answer is long and complicated.. 

I had just gotten out of my abusive relationship. Like JUST. It had been maybe two months. She was awesome. She still is. An incredibly interesting person, and incredibly nice person! All around easy to talk to, genuine and interested in anything you have to say.

Her niceness became her pain. She was trapped in an abusive friendship, and had another toxic one tagging along. I won’t delve deep into it. She was in pain, and I forced her out of it. It hurt both of us deeply. We both fought about it. It hurt so bad seeing her go through it all, and it still does hurt when she brings up those recent pains.

For me, Forcing anyone or being firm or feeling controlling of people in any way is an extremely painful feeling. When I dealt with my ex this is how I felt all the time. It was so toxic. It was the only way I could get her to help herself. 

When situations arise with people being abused theres a flip that switches in me that has to FORCE them away. Because that is the only way I know how to help them. My Ex wouldn't leave when I was being nice. 

Sun also wouldn’t leave or listen when I was being nice. There is something that abuse does to people that ties them so closely you have to sever it with a knife. Unfortunately that knife has no handles, and if you’re going to wield it you’ll be in pain too.

It hurts. It hurt me. It hurt her. It hurt us.

I got her away from him. I thought.

I never thought she’d lie to me.

When I found out she was still interacting with her abuser it hurt bad. The big problem was that it wasn’t her just keeping it a secret, she kept it a secret through repetitive lies. Over and over about doing something with a friend. I thought it was weird she suddenly started doing that, but she was getting over her whole situation so I didn’t mention it for drama’s sake. When it turned out to be him.. I was so defeated. Those lies broke my trust into splinters. Rebuilding that... Seemed almost impossible. I feel like it would have been different had she just been silent about it. The excuses and constancy of the lying during that time made it hard to trust her now. It hurts. It hurts so much. I want to trust her but part of me is still scared. “It Hurt so bad, Why would you give her your trust again!?” I think a source of my pain is that I was never completely comfortable with talking to her about how the whole situation hurt me. Nor was she completely comfortable talking about the situation either or answering things I might have been curious about. I know she said she knew him for 6 months, but I also recall her saying she knew him for years. I don’t know which is which, but both are too long and one is far too long and painful. I can’t even tell her how much I hate that she continues to say she will never forget him. Fuck him. He is worth spiting and forgetting!

Continuing...

She’s still recovering. Sun has a very stressful life, and a history of abuse. So after we got through everything with cutting out the abuser and cutting off a toxic person.. I felt numb. I was exhausted. Spent. I wasn’t sure how to continue the friendship. It took a bit of time for me to allow myself back in. 

When I was able to return, I realized I was being overwhelming. Maybe a part of me thought that if I shared with her enough happiness I could bring her back to being happy again, maybe I could learn to trust her again once I saw her happy and sharing brightly. This sharing I did was something I started before all the drama. Sure sharing with someone you don’t get to talk to often and leaving them a lot of stuff to look at could be similar to a penpal..but it was one way. It felt off. Especially after everything that happened. I did it more than I did before afterwards, and I realized I was completely and utterly overwhelming her. It wasn’t a healthy way of sharing. Its something I will work on in the  future, with friends and future relationships.

In a sense I was unintentionally “Lovebombing” her.

It wasn’t intentional, so maybe it wasn’t love bombing, but I feel like we may struggle to return to our friendship because of this. I don’t know if she will entirely believe I plan to stick around when I return… I would spam her with so many things to do I dont think she ever got the chance to completely enjoy one before I pushed her to the next.

Continuing on from that. I had stopped trusting her. Almost completely. I was so suspicious of anything she was doing. I couldn’t believe myself. Theres a mention of her sharing something I thought was just for the two of us in another post. That happened more than once, and it was followed by intense jealousy and annoyance. That. is. bad. 

Other times she was being weird about hanging out, and I understand shes shy etc, but my brain was just like “ooooh boi shes up to something!”

I didn’t pressure. I tried to just leave it. Sometimes my anxiety got the best of me. I started realizing I was no longer healthy for her.

 We had a lot of deep conversations about all of this, and what had happened. I can only hope she has been taking good care of herself. 

I think that with the abusers we’ve both encountered I have been hurt deeply. Its not that I don’t trust her, its just that the scar of when she lied to me cut me deeply. I had seen her so brightly, she had been so amazing compared to the person I most recently shared with (My ex). She engaged me. It was an incredible feeling, but.. She lied. She hurt me. She was no better than my ex to me at that moment. That connection hurts. I know she isn’t like that, she was just trying to make everyone happy, but she hurt herself and she hurt me in doing so. Its scary to consider.

She’s promised never to lie again, and what made me really know that I needed a break was when she was explaining herself to me when I didn’t ask her to. She knew I wasn’t trusting her. It hurt again.

I knew I needed this break. I will work on myself. I know the solution to my jealously, too.  Confidence. I will work on my confidence in my best friend, and in myself. I will know that we are true to each other, and that is what it is ! If things happen and I get hurt again, I will be okay. Because I am confident in myself and in my friend. If she does something that hurts me, Its not because she intends it to be that way.

During our friendship there has been a lot of confiding in each other, and I have taken a lot of it to heart. I had become too protective, she needs room to grow. I can’t burden people anymore. No one is my past. No one needs to be micromanaged. I can be there for advice, but I sincerely need to back off about treating everything so seriously. I am just worried about her. I do not want her to get hurt anymore. 

I am confident in my sun to keep shining.

In the end, I realized I was taking care of her problems more than I was focusing on my own. I became obsessed about being there for her when she needed me, and I didn’t even realize. I would anxiously have skype up all day just in case she needed me. This break is to force me to finally confront my problems that I never faced after getting out of my relations with my ex. Having skype closed has done magic for my anxiety, even though I am still so worried about my sun regardless. 

This whole post is a mess, But this is for me.  I am confident. I will get through this.

#emotional release #my sun #struggles #venting

[fumi-gogo]

.. out of my fucking mind again

26 Nov 17 I wrote this like a suicide note but I’m not going to kill myself, just trying to really get everything out of my system I know this is incredibly selfish of me, but I probably deserve to do one thing for myself. I hope after this, you will be able to live a little comfortably and have the types of holidays you’ve always wanted Joyce. I know Ive never been one to celebrate anything so I’m sorry Ive wasted your time for the past 4 years. I was really happy with you and I thought we would grow old together, Im sorry I didn’t see how much I was pushing you away and making you despise me. I was so hurt when you came home from tech school, when I was crying and I would look in your eye, they were so empty and I just saw frustration and disgust for me. Im sorry I have to inconvenience everyone again one more time but hopefully this will be the last time unless I fuck this up like everything else in my life. I hate the way I see myself in the mirror, Im so gross and I hate the way people talk to me as If I am a man. Its gross and I hate when people are seeking some weird validation from me about their masculine tendencies or habits. Being transgender has already destroyed my relationship with the person I’ve loved for a long time and I don’t know if I could survive it tearing another person I love away from me. Ive tried to be ok with the direction our relationship has gone but it hurts. It might have been so much easier to just keep everything to myself and just be happy with what life gave me. It hurts every day and theres nothing I can do to fix that and it sucks and I hate myself for the way I feel. Her laugh was always my favorite, ,the last time I remember making her laugh and happy was when I teased her about how she recited her phone number over the phone. That was the laugh I would think about when I would cry myself to sleep missing her. We never really had anything in common though, I don’t know why I was so in love. The way things ended made me realize what it felt like to really not be cared about, despite everything I was struggling with and trying to fix about myself. I started talking to Debs because she talked about a lot of things I had interests in and wanted to talk about that I’ve never been able to talk about before. She always had the best recommendations for books and movies and I enjoyed everything she ever recommended. We are both very broken people but I wish I could have been there for her more, she deserves better than she has to deal with now. I hope she is truly happy someday. If you can Joyce, please try to give some of my sgli to her, I want to be able to do something more for her. I wanted to be creative and I wanted to be an artist, I never put in the work or time I needed to though I just failed and I had to drop out of school to join the Air Force. It was exciting at the beginning, but then I hated myself more and more and I was always tired and I hated waking up to put on the same uniform every day. Then somehow we got this clown on a president who doesn’t really give two shits about anyone other than himself and I really just lost all motivation, what is the point of anything when someone who will run the country into the ground somehow gets voted into office. I feel like I’m a smart person and that I understand people and I get along with them very well. People gossip to me all the time and tell me things for reasons I don’t know, maybe somehow they know I won’t tell anyone else, maybe I just give off that friendly of a vibe. I get it though, I empathize with people very strongly, when I hear other people criticize something, I get confused how they can’t see it from another point of view. Im just rambling, Im afraid I will miss saying something important while I have the chance. Im going to miss a lot of people but I’ve had people enter and leave all my life and I don’t really have any long time friends anyways so whatever I guess. Im sorry that I pushed myself back into your life again debs just to leave so suddenly like this, I should have just kept to myself. I was forced to go to church almost all of my life but I can never really remember have any interest in it at all, but won’t it be interesting to see what the other side is actually like I don’t really see a future for me here, anywhere. I’ve always been bad with money, I’m impulsive with it, I just buy what I want and Joyce had gotten any about it with me but I besides the initial guilt I don’t really feel anything. If I stop now while I’m not in too big of a hole, I won’t be a burden to anyone else for much longer and I can still do some good for the people I love. I won’t be any use to anyone in the future when I’m completely dysfunctional. I wish I could have traveled, seen places outside of the US. Japan, Korea, London, Brazil, etc… 7 billion plus people in the world and I never got to see a fraction of it To my family also, I love you all, I really do. Im sorry I didnt talk to you more, I was always scared of what I might say and how you might respond, I have always hidden most of who I am and kept secrets just to fit in and to get the things that I thought would make me happy. Gender sucks and I don’t know anything about funerals but please at least they to keep It gender neutral and don’t invite too many people, I never talked to anyone so it feels like most people who would even show up would just feel in-genuine. Being referred to as a guy has made me feel uncomfortable for a long time so I always hoped no-one noticed when I said they/their whenever I was talking about myself in the third person. Referred to as a she would be nice too but whatever. Please take care of yourself Joyce and please just find happiness with someone who could provide you with what I couldn’t, you deserve the absolute best. Im really sorry Debs, I made you uncomfortable by getting too attached to you too fast, at first I was probably just trying to fill a void in my heart but after a few weeks, i would go through the day looking forward to talking to you about your ideas and your passions, I loved how you were chasing dreams and I wanted to be there for you to cheer you on. I know you deal with a lot of your own problems but it was more important to me to help you through those that dump all my bs onto you. I wish I could have done more for you, I hope you live a long and happy life and you get to fulfill your dreams and your goals. Your voice messages always made my heart race, your voice was so cool and attractive and your selfies in your button ups made you look so badass, you are amazing. Also, no-one looks better and more awesome in a leather jacket than you ------ Im not going to kill myself Im not that selfish. It is a very curious thing though. I wondered how writing a suicide note would make me feel and I feel ok I guess. Its not ok for me to be this selfish, I have always been selfish, doing things for myself and to get things for myself. Theres things I still forgot to write though. I never knew what it was like to be angry until I felt like I knew what it was like to be cheating on. If I try to think about everything from an outside perspective, I wasn’t the only one being selfish. I don’t think I deserve to be treated the way I was, We were married and we were partners, we owe each other more than a stupid text message to end our marriage. And to hide things like going on dates behind my back while I’m in this kind of depressive and anxious state. What the fuck. But it did make it clear to me how you felt and it made it easy to accept that you don’t give a good god damn about me despite what you try to tell me. Seeing the kind of guy you're with now made it clear what type of guy was your type, and it was very clear that me as a guy was not your type, what the fuck were we even doing together Suicide is a very scary thing and for some reason you’re not allowed to admit you’ve had thoughts about it or else you get locked up and whatever, all I did was cut myself before and I was in a mental ward for 3 days. I drank and take a ton of ambient to sleep the day away, I always feel better after venting and sleeping. 

  I guess this is how I start year 26… Im going to be the person I was always supposed to be and I am going to be happy someday, and hopefully I’ll be able to share my life with someone who will actually love me

#text #im not actually going to fucking kill myself im just tired #so so tired #suicide #tw