#and they got out qualified by them

[kingofanemptyworld]

Rin, identity issues, and the complications of being an isolated, alienated teenager

It feels sort of weird to say but I generally don’t head canon characters as having particular sexualities. Whatever people go for in fics is usually fine with me - gay, lesbian, bi, pan, something more general like queer. As long as it makes sense for the story they’ve built and the character they’ve shaped to fit it, I’m good. Unless you’re ignoring a canon LGBTQ+ sexuality, in which case, yeah, I’ll take issue with that.

But anyway. Rin.

I’ve got my personal ship for him (BonRin my beloved), but regardless of the pairing I see him as bisexual. He’s so open with his infatuation with Shiemi, and okay, sure, fandom likes to ignore the love interest in shounen for the most part because we’ve got gay ships to peddle. But I don’t see the point in that unless it really reads like it’s a front, or a result of a character suppressing themselves for one reason or another. And with Rin, I think it’s pretty clear his affection for Shiemi is sincere. You technically have the in-universe evidence of the demon that brought out his true desires to back that up, but even without it, Rin likes her. It’s complicated because of Yukio and Shiemi’s own inexperience with romance, and yet I never once doubt he really likes her.

That being said… he’s very appreciative of the guys in his life, too. (Peddling my gay ship here) Bon in particular, considering he’s often admiring how cool he thinks Bon is, that his haircut suits him whether it’s the blonde rooster look or the undercut. If you don’t want to see it as romantic interest, that’s your prerogative, but to me Rin comes across as seeing cool and cute as different traits he finds attractive (in Bon and Shiemi respectively).

I also think his bisexuality would fit neatly into his narrative struggles to “pass” throughout the early parts of the series. Rin has grown up as the neighborhood problem child, ostracized for being violent, and eventually he decides he’s fine with just his brother and his father — and the rest of the monastery, presumably — for company. (Except that’s absolutely not true and clearly he’s starved for friendship and support.) People looked at him and saw a monster, even before his demonic heritage made an appearance; why would he bother giving them even more ammunition when it comes to reasons to hate him? So no matter when he figured out his attraction to guys, he’s not going to lean into it, because he also likes girls, right? (Ignoring for a moment that bisexuality is a lot more nuanced than that.)

Rin likes girls, Rin is human — that’s what’s going to get people to like him, or at the very least tolerate him. That he likes guys, that he’s half demon, he can shove that shit down and pretend it doesn’t exist. Lock up any stray thoughts and keep the sword sheathed around anyone who doesn’t already know.

(Excuse me for being amused by Rin wielding his humanity and supposed heterosexuality as a sword and shield.)

The problem, of course, is that he can’t keep up the facade forever. The narrative won’t let him. Rin has to embrace his demonic side, because it’s the only way to move forward and to continue to help his loved ones. And once he’s moved past the issue of his friends being upset over the deception, when they understand he’s still Rin despite what he’d hidden from them, Rin is finally allowed to be himself. He uses his flames, he lets his tail move freely in the open around the Cram School kids. Rin still doesn’t like this side of himself — it’s inextricably tied to every moment of pain and isolation he’s dealt with his entire life, including the death of Father Fujimoto (and, y’know, his mom). But he is moving forward, he’s trying to adapt.

And isn’t that some great fucking subtext for his bisexuality, too?

#king’s court #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #okumura rin #rin okumura #bonrin #because I love them #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk #I probably made more sense in my head than I did writing everything out #but oh well #there’s a similar conversation to be had about yukio and his suppression/obsession that develops #but I am not qualified for that one #also I promised myself when I made this blog that I’d try to be engaged with the fandoms I got into #because the one I’d sunk a lot of time and effort into on my main no long brings me much joy and I miss interacting with people #so. uh. here I am I guess #god this is probably less compelling than my season 2 analysis of bnha seven years after it aired

[flareguncalamity]

Lt. Commander Killian: So what was your name again?

Nevularxi: I have not already told you. I’m afraid my name may not translate into your language.

Lt. Commander Killian: Oh yeah?

Nevularxi: I am named for a period of time on my home planet that surrounds the immediate aftermath of the second yearly equinox of our planet’s solar star. It’s the period following our fertile rainy season, and marked the beginning of the harvest in years of antiquity, as well as the coming of the colder, darker season which our species typically spends in isolation or hibernation. The period is considered to be a time of great liminality and spiritual importance in our ancient religions, although since the dawn of the modern technological age it has lost some of its transient meaning.

Lt. Commander Killian: …Okay, but i meant more like. how do I say your name.

Nevularxi: Oh, it’s nev-you-LARK-zee.

Lt. Commander Killian: Gotcha. by the way, your name in english is October.

#oc #humans are space orcs #these are original characters of mine btw #Killian Weir is a human scientist whose dad got them a high ranking official job through nepotism #and they’re very out of their depth since all of their credentials are academic and not in leadership #so they’re overqualified for the scientific and technological aspect of their job. and vastly under qualified for every other part of it #Nev is an alien who had to fight tooth and nail to claw her way up through the ranks. so she resents Killian a bit #but later in their story arc they fall in love and go against the hypercapitalist intergalactic regime together #so it’s ok #i don’t have a design for Nev quite yet #i know i want her to be blues and purples mostly #but i want there to be a little bit of a speculative biology aspect to her design #so i have to do some worldbuilding first before i settle on anything #i just know that i want her to be bipedal but with 4 arms #and i’m also imagining her with a bob haircut. whether it’s gonna be hair or feathers or something else remains to be seen #Killian is like. 6’3 ish red haired irish american. built like a jock sort of but unfortunately lacking the swag to be sexy #They’re a xenogeologist btw. <3 i love geology

[piosplayhouse]

Not going to get involved in the ao3 politics shit but I just want to say after reading some of the top posts on this site I can tell most of the people talking about this subject very clearly did not experience Sexytimes With Wangxian

#honestly though despite how you feel about rhe big topics i havent seen much discussion about how The Candidate just... doesnt seem #experienced to be working that position at all? just objectively reading her interview she says she has NO experience working online #even communicating with slack or such; self proclaimed fandom newbie etc #like I can't tell you what to think about the big issues but like if you wanted to hire someone to work at your local dog shelter #and you interviewed them and they said they only really just started interacting w dogs and they had never had any experience #with dealing with caring for animals at all or the adoption process.. would you hire them lol #anyway just my 2 bits #ao3 #ao3 discourse #also hiding this at the very bottom of the tags bc i dont want to catch heat but i actually dont think people are aware so just to qualify #the rpf rhat got ao3 banned in china was not about a real life minor . i see a lot of people talking about minor rpf and i think its weird #as shit too personally but just to get facts right the rpf that allegedly sparked the ban was about a 30yr old adult man #idk if that changes anything but just putting that out there #oh ok also im getting intel that the reason the fic was mass reported and ao3 wS subsequently banned was because the fic #featured one of the actors as trans. so thats a frightening addition if true

[starbuck]

second night of Murder Mystery DONE all went well i am FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

#already made a HUGE to-do list for April i am SO fucking relieved #it’s just so much shit i’ve been TRYING to get done but haven’t been able to do bc everything’s been so overwhelming #but now it’s DONE #and i literally don’t know when the next time is that something is MY responsibility #except for bird walks which don’t count because i’m so comfortable with them that they don’t stress me out lol #like just. i can RELAX and HEAL #late February to mid-March almost broke me. i really almost broke down completely #but i DIDN’T!!!!!! #i kept it TOGETHER and now i’m HERE!!!!!!!!!! #surrounded by love and success #and i got my final reference for my fall birding job application today!!!!!! #i am SO excited - you have no idea #my reference list is a goddamn POWERHOUSE #like. Not to act entitled but i am EXTREMELY qualified and VERY hopeful!!!! #OH and i’m visiting my grandparents at the end of the month and hopefully calling my cousins soon #life is GOOD y’all!!!!! SO good!!!!!!!!!!! #love you all!!! Goodnight!!!!!!!

[jordan-the-pious]

Jordan, I'm struggling. I know I need to buy food but every time I go to spend money I feel sick and I'm so exhausted trying to work all the time and I just wanna exist somewhere without feeling guilty... How do you deal with stuff like this? I could use a hug too if you're willing to give one..

Of course you can have a hug my child. You can have as many hugs as you need.

Living life today in the world around us is difficult, extremely so. Sometimes it can feel like no one is on our side, that no one believes in us, and that no one sees how hard we are working. And that is a miserable feeling, to work hard for no recognition. But know child, I see you. I see everything you do, every hard decision you make, every bit of hard work you put into staying alive, and I am so very proud of you. What you do every day takes a large effort, and it is very commendable that you do it.

In terms of food, perhaps you should look into more affordable options. We operate a soup kitchen every evening, going someplace like that to get a warm meal seems like it would do you good. Food is expensive, and spending money can be hard when you do not have much, but there are ways to get the food you need for a little cheaper. I recommend that you try looking into resources around you. Everyone must eat to stay alive, that is not a small fact. And you my dear deserve to stay alive.

I know you are tired. I know you are weary. But look back and see how far you have come. You have done so much, survived so many things, it would be an afront to your younger self who worked so hard to survive to give up now. I believe in you, and I am always here for you dear.

#asks #:OOC: #:sorry if this one got a little out there: #:i just couldnt shake the feeling while reading this ask that this was a real person asking for real help: #:so uh yeah: #:i hope your situation gets better soon my dude: #:look into food banks or soup kitchens in your area: #:try looking at government websites to see if there's any funding or benefits you might qualify for and apply for them: #:try looking into local support and advocate groups:

[chiropteracupola]

Spring's a girl from the streets at night...

#em draws stuff #the wolf and the watchman #anna stina knapp #johanna ulv #autodesk texture essentials pencil pal... the best textured brush in the world... #various statements to make about this drawing while we are here. #one. perfectly aware that johanna actually spins on a wheel but Consider that a drop spindle is easier and more pleasant to draw #and also I Can Actually Spin on a drop spindle and thus am Thinking Of Spinning so much of the time these days #two. since the playlist got more attention than I anticipated I probably should say a bit more about this book #if you must read it then I do advise to go with caution. and to read some reviews by more qualified people than me beforehand. #that's that on That for now. altho' perhaps I may elaborate depending on which other characters I draw in the future. #three. augh out of all the guys here and all the terrible things that happen to them I think I am the Most sad about anna stina and johanna #I am Choosing To Believe in their being just fine and together even though that is not really the case at all at all. #and four. caption lyrics are from the pogues' 'dirty old town' since it seemed too apt not to do so.

[vocaloid-song-showdown]

the poll for how to arrange the brackets just finished with proceeding as originally planned winning!

so, without further ado, here are the lineups ^^

note :: songs with a * next to them may require a content warning. i'll provide specific warnings as soon as i have the time, but as of now please proceed with caution

main matchup bracket ::

alice of human sacrifice* by yugami p / fear garden* by chaa

magnet by minato p / romeo and cinderella by doriko

world is mine by ryo / world's end dancehall by wowaka

triple baka by lamaze p / the disappearance of hatsune miku by cosmo p

meltdown by iroha(sasaki) / luka luka★night fever by samfree

fire◎flower by halyosy / trick and treat by oster project

daughter of evil by mothy / dancing★samurai by kanimiso p

rolling girl by wowaka / matryoshka by hachi

madness of duke venomania* by mothy / alluring secret ~black vow~ by hitoshizuku x yama

senbonzakura by kurousa / outer science by jin

doubleganger by kulfiq / mikusabbath by utsu p

jinsei reset button by kemu / common world domination by pinnochio p

the fox's wedding* by masa works design / tokio funka by takamatt

heat haze days by jin / patchwork staccato by toa

six trillion years and an overnight story by kemu / lost one's weeping by neru

aishite aishite aishite by kikuo / echo by crusher p

setsuna drive by taki yoshimitsu / yoake to hotatu by n buna

a fake fake psychotropic by kairiki bear / therefore you and me by tadanoco

my r* by kurage p / i'm glad youre evil too by pinnochio p

chururira chururira dadada by kurage p / mkdr by deco*27

blessed messiah and the tower of ai by hitoshizuku x yama / 86 by dasu

law evading rock by neru / nakakapagpabagabag by dasu

sand planet by hachi / ghost rule by deco*27

monster by kira / hated by life itself by iori kanzaki

cause i'm a liar by mcki robyns p / honey i'm home by ghost

hole dwelling by kikuo / bring it on by giga

meteor by divela / seraphim on the ring by mitchie m

the court jester by thquib / casino by azari

king by kanaria / villain by teniwoha

lower by lanndo / phony by tsumiki

higanbana milk tea by vane / scapegoat by ghost

queen by kanaria / bug by kairiki bear

honorable mention bracket ::

electric angel by yasuo p (original), giga (giga arrange) / freely tomorrow by mitchie m

po pi po by lamaze p / go google it by wintermint p

black★rock shooter by ryo / bacterial contamination by kanimiso p

i like you, i love you by gevanni p / first love academy • school of true love by nem

(also a quick general note ! i don't have everything ready for a formal polished reveal at the time of posting this. i plan on updating this post with links to the songs and also a visual bracket when i have the time. they'll definitely be up soon, so make sure to check back in a bit for them ^^

i'll also make sure that reblogs are turned on for the final version!)

#vocaloid song showdown #sorry it's just a list for now i promise i'll update it and make it look nicer as soon as i get the chance :'D #i'll also add the playlists to the final post so those will finally be out soon too ! #but for now it's just a quick little post to get the matchups out sooner rather than later since this is already kinda behind schedule :') #anyway it's still kinda bonkers to me that only one person nominated po pi po and electric angel #those songs used to be Everywhere it felt like #and unless i continually missed it no one sent in llevan polka :( #(to be fair itnisn't originally a vocaloid song. idk if i could fully qualify it bc of that but still shocked that it got no nominations) #oh also ! until i have the image finalized if anyone thinks any matchups should be tweaked at all feel free to lmk ! #i was mostly judging popularity based on nominations and view count (reprints included) but it was hard to tell for some ??? #like i remember a whole bunch of reprint channels getting deleted or privating all their videos and i'm sure that impacted some view counts #and rolling girl in particular has a lot less views than i thought it would ??? #it's not a small amount by any means but it also seems to be on the higher side of the average for the final bracket songs #it was also unsurprisingly the most nominated song #so some of the matchups were a bit weird and wonky to put together fhdkfh #(especially echo actually too ? it got 2 nominations and barely made it but has the highest view count out of all the songs last i checked) #anyway all that to say if anyone wants to give feedback on the bracket pairings i'm open to it until i get the formal version up ( ^^)b #additionally if i missed any songs that should have some sort of warning please let me know fhdkdh #i added them only off the top of my head so i might've missed one #(the final version of this will have more specific warnings too. potential flash warnings as well) #EDIT :: changed up within 24 hours to up soon #i wish i could've had everything together within 24 hours but things came up and i need just a little more time :( #but i wanna get started on voting monday (february 27) for real this time ! no more putting it off :'D

[fandom-trash-goblin]

its funny my rank is in 51 thousands in 12-13 lakh which usually sounds impressive but I have to take engg that I don't want and get married forcefully sare jahan se acha

... hindustan hamara. cut off went at 93 and honestly feeling really fucking bad. was like 3 percentile away. anyways advanced out of options, back to other exams.

#not qualified to commenting on the rest of it sorry. lot of us are gonna be dealing with a lot of shit #nta can burn the fuck down and I won't give a shit. so can iits #i hope the placement crisis in iits just gets worse and worse and worse and worse. bring them down from their holier than thou #i love being a certified hater #one of my classmates got 99 and when I say blocked them I mean it. I am out of this shit #over and out #anon asks #asks

[sysig]

Hm ok what's your favorite or a really cool worlbuilding thing you've done? For any fandom or original or even an unimplemented idea

Hmm well at least in the past decade, my big worldbuilding projects have mostly come down to three-ish stories: Other Side of the Gun, Adventures of Gæilo and Ethon, and Just Desserts

OSG was an Invader ZiM fancomic concept I started around 2013 to justify every single Irken headcanon I ever came up with lol - I never finished it, or even really started it, but I put a lot of time and energy into its roughs back in the day :)

^A stick figure recap of Ch. 1, inspired by - what else - the Vargas stick figure recaps lol

One that you can see over here is all the work I did for my DnD campaign, AGE! (Though its sideblog hasn't been updated in a while haha - the AGE tag over here works just as well) I basically homebrewed a pantheon and had an absolute blast designing all the gods and their forms before they became gods and even things like architectural differences in their churches and the BBEG and his motivations and just ah <3 Such a fun project :D

It also laid the groundwork for things like Pokemon Homestyle, specifically all my papercrafts! You can really see how I leveled up haha

And my latest has been Just Desserts! Even with less time under its belt, it's still pretty expansive, as evidenced by my icon and theme and the backlog lol, and it's the one I have the most AUs of! (Though OSG does come close actually haha) There are still some thorny details I'm trying to iron out, especially to do with the magic system, but all the characters and creatures and the fact that I made my own fighting minigame, ah, pleased! I've never been so happy with a sona before Charm! ♥ From the very beginning it's been so fun to work on and I still want to improve!

#Long post #There have been others of course - things like BunBonBop and TMatM and quite a handful of original species lol #I was also involved in an IZRP that got very in depth which is where Bar comes from actually! #As well as my brief stint into being a TGWDLM askblog lol soz to everyone over there ouq #And little stories like Karera no Kotogara and Yanderapy but those mostly set in cartoon-reality y'know? #No magic or sci fi there haha #Man looking back through the OSG stuff kinda makes me wanna unstore Ch. 0 - I've grown a lot since then! #To the point where it almost doesn't feel ''mine'' anymore haha - it has been almost ten years! Maybe to celebrate its anniversary :) #Also yeah if you look hard enough I've been in love with and inspired by Vargas for as long as I've known about it haha #AGE was so much fun <3 I would like to get back to it someday but picking back up after so long is hard! #I still hold all of them fondly of course ♥ Mar especially since they were the tipping point for me loving spiders :D #It's hard to believe Just Desserts is already four years deep! It still feels so new to me haha #I know I big up Charm and her design a lot lol but for me it really is exactly what I want <3 It's my perfect :) #I still really want to get into 3D modeling to make her as I originally envisioned her! #If I had the funds I'd absolutely commission someone but tbh I don't know many names on that side of art haha #I've also heard about people who give advice/brainstorming sessions for magic systems and I've been intrigued ever since :0 #I'd love to sit down with someone and hash out Exactly how their magic works! It feels like it just needs a few more pushes! #Then again that's what I said about the TVAU outfits too haha ♪ Maybe it would all fall into place! #To the base question tho: I never know how to qualify ''implemented'' - does just putting it out there as a concept count? #Writing a story? Making a comic? A series? Polished? Completed?? Where's the line haha #I'm always so full of ideas but focusing on anything long enough to make it ''pretty'' is so hard for me still #I just keep creating never stopping haha

[silbeni]

Brewing an alt timeline w Ryoma in the Rohan live action

#idek if duwang gang exists in that universe even so #its a lot more ryohan focused #in da lore Ryohan gets art block and starts to live in squalor #izumi visits him and shes like damn you live like this and either she sends a house keepers or he does #he gets a list of candidates and Ryoma is in that list #shes notably less qualified than anyone else and she got there by recommendation #blah blah blah Rohan starts interviewing the potential housekeepers and he doesnt like any of them until ryoma #Rohan tries to read Ryoma but it activates gadzooks and starts making him into tape instead #eventually Ryo gets gadzooks to stop and theyre super apologetic #but Rohans like. THIS IS THE ONE (thinking he can get inspiration from them) #i believe thus spoke rohan kishibe rohan (live action) doesn't knows about other stand users #so this would be exciting for him. ryoma would be so confused to be accepted but thankful bc they really needed that job #their relationship starts out distant and professional but morphs into something more casual as time goes on #to the point ryoma is essentially just being paid to be his friend skabs they still try to do work but he doesn't require that of them #ryoma feels bad not working.. like shes just being a leech #around this time ryoma gets upgraded to working 24/7 there so they basically live together #rahh im just thinking of cute stuff now <3 Rohan gets sick and hes a huge drama queen about it. ryoma doesn't mind pampering him though #but of course there are also evils. thinking of an episode plot where a creature attached like. a time bomb to Ryoma. paranormal stuff #saw trap ish? blow yourself up or i explode all of morioh type thing. (or wherever the heck they live) #not sure if rohan lives in morioh in that universe yeah #Anyway gn

[multifairyus]

I just be yappin fr

So I used to regularly comment fuckin dissertations on one of my favorite “between installation what if” fics right? but then I missed like two chapters and the ADHD inertia came to a screeching halt. Just disappeared into the void.

I’ve been reading updates since I stopped but felt too shy to comment cuz I’ve potions to mix and spells to inscribe so I can finally end my apprenticeship and become a wizard. And like. the adderall makes me function JUST well enough that I can’t be nearly as thorough in my comments before.

But today I finally commented again. Haven’t heard (or expect) a response back but it’s nice. I missed this.

Last year I was such an active fan community member on different apps and platforms and I can’t wait till I can return with full gusto again…but a gust here and there is probably good for me too.

#beware: rambling tags #multifairyus #fandom culture #I can think of a handful people who would actually read this #In which case #🥺🫱🏾💗 #u have my heart #I hope February has treated you well but if not #that March has great things in store for you #for me it’s passing my Qualifying Exam #and then IMMEDIATELY doubling down on every interest of mine ever #I’m talking homebrewing a campaign #I’m talking actually learning to sew for a cosplay #fanwork challenges and events?? #books??? I’ve been paying for an everand subscription exclusively off Legendborn and I’m just NOW pursuing the shelves OMG SO MANY BOOKS #fuck man adulting is so hard and yeah I am getting the whole gratification from hard work but I really do #I got emotional regulation skills the tangent of my career trajectory and also microdosing m€th I’m unstoppable #fr tho as far as chemical structure goes? #the only difference is primary vs secondary amine #switch out one of them hydrogens for a methyl groups and I am in PRISON #yeah so anyway I love my hobbies and am learning how to engage in moderation/meaningfully

[the-chattering-tower]

Deeply disappointed in staff's recent bouts of unprofessionalism

Like. they were never known for professionalism when interacting with their users to begin with, usually falling between "alright" and "bro what the fuck were you thinking"

But are they (or at the very least the community manager i guess) really so fuckin bored now that they've started picking fights off-site/stalking ppl off-site to take action against them on-site?? As far as I'm concerned, if someone says something about your site not on your site, it's none of your fuckin business, or at the very least not something you can take action against them for on your site. In an ideal world the answer would be to take it up with the moderators of the site the issue is taking place on, which yeah sure this is tumblr so that won't happen, but their response of "you said something mean about us on your social media, stop that :(" is still childish at best

#not qualified to speak at length on this matter but strongly side eyeing also #that when ppl called out one of the staff members being a fuckin cop #we got a nicely worded public announcement about it #but when ppl call them out for parroting a common zionist talking point they just sulk #chatter tag #oh i should just block their official tumblr as well #the user run announcement blog does a way better job than them anyway #even if it didnt. i dont wanna deal with them bullying me out of the tag

[hella1975]

the 'i totally wrecked my walls' saga gets funnier bc ive spent the past few days trying to figure out how tf to get out of the inevitable fine and one thing i joked about was that i have a lot of hard hitters on my side if shit really does get nasty. like my flatmate's mum is an actual soliciter, my dad is a finance guy who can write an email so scathing you'll cry, my local friend's family owns half the property in the city and knows all the tricks of the trade when it comes to housing, and then there's just my mum who was like 'oh yeah i regularly used to dodge rent in my twenties. you'll be fine' and somehow she's the one im finding the most reassuring rn

#my mum looking at these insanely qualified people knowing she can one up them with the sheer experience gained from being poor #and she's right too. that's the fuck of it all #like she was trying to reassure me bc i nervously said to her 'im gonna be honest im NOT paying that fine if it comes to it' #bc im not! i dont deserve to! this tenancy has been a shithouse start to finish they have NO RIGHT to fine me over a dirty wall #like it does NOT cost that much to just go over it with some paint and it's not like i have a deposit for them to withhold from me #and i said to my mum thinking she'd be a responsible parent about it and be like 'no legally you HAVE to or they'll take it to court' #but she was so fucking unbothered she was like 'yeah when i was your age i literally couldn't afford to lose my deposit #so to ensure i still got it at the end of the year id just pretend my rent was late for however many weeks the deposit covered #and then id just leave. like id just leave without saying anything' #and that was that 😭 girl ffs. like her advice was really just 'call their bluff bc 9 times out of 10 they wont take you to court' #LEAST of all over an £80 fine for a bit of dirt on a wall. like lets be real here. i'll threaten to leave a review of all the shit #we've put up with during this tenancy and that'll be that i KNOW they'll roll over bc they've done it before we literally got rent back #for the first week at the start of the year bc people complained. im standing my ground #so even if the worst case scenario comes about that i cant salvage the walls and i do get fined #i now have full parental consent to just fucking dodge it LMFAOOOO #hella goes to uni

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#okay so i work at a summer camp #and i applied to be an area director #i did my interview and everything. and i think i did well #like im really proud of that interview #and i had the same position last year that im applying for this year #today im going to find out if i got that position #today. probably while im at work. im gonna get a call. and ill learn what position i got #this is the first year im actually worried im not gonna get this position #in the past. not to brag. but ive been the obvious/only choice for the job #(the 'only' choice because i was the only one to apply sometimes) #but this year there's solid competition. the other person that applied for this job is so qualified. probs more qualified than me #and would do such a good job. if it were up to me i would hire them instead of me tbh #but its my last year at camp and i really want to finish it out in this position #so im worried. but i wouldnt be sad if the other person got the job. they deserve it #i just want a good job for my last year and i really want this job #but i sincerely have no idea if ill get it which is a weird feeling #i hsve no clue what ill get which is anxiety-inducing #oh and the competition for the job is a close friend of mine. i asked them to let me know when they hear back today about the job #im tired and scared and want to go to bed but instead i have to go to work

[nomaishuttle]

now heres the thing is my rule is i have to live on my own for a year before im allowed to get a pet but also consider what if i had a little friend .

#in my heart i want a wawa so badly it hurts but alsoooo i worry quite a bit bc like. i work full time... so el wawa would be at home alone a #lot and one thing about the beautiful adorable majestic chihuahua is they have to pee every 3-4 hours. so i would have to have some way to #let them out OR keep them outside while im at work but another thing is 1. apartments dont generally have backyards #2. chihuahuas get cold very easily .... i could do some ssort of doggy daycare but i fear that would be expensive .... and i hate pee pads #and would prefer not 2 use them so i dont rly have much optionn 😭 but i want a chihuahua so badly. #but ALSO. a kitty cat.... i love cats i think theyre really quite sweetsies and also i think they could handle living in an apartment bette #esp since famously cats use the bathroom indoors. u may know. #so... i could potentially get a kitty..... but also i dont want to get one until im absolutely positive i could take good care of it and i #feel like i could esp now that ive got a system that works so well 4 motivating me to do my daily tasks yk. and also i think if i had my ow #apartment id feel a lot safer just like. being up and around the apartment so thatd be good... but also pets r expensive. but also the apt #i just applied to is rly quite cheap (like 1050 a month) its income restricted but i qualify by like a lot LMAO... n this would be perfect #bc 1050 is likee. not even a full paycheck i could pay rent with 1 paycheck and still have like 150 left over and then my other paycheck fo #the month is fully mine... so i could save up lots #+ wsg is included in the rent whichhh is insane. adn the apartment is cute and Trust . alarm bells were going off a bit bc i was like maybe #this is too good to be true we all remember the 800$ scam incident. but its a verified listing and i checked the propertymanagers and theyr #legit... its even got a washer and dryer IN UNIT and also a fitness center which is good bc i wanna try n start doing more cardio... #IT EVEN HAS A FIREPLACE i dont particularly need a fireplace but its cool 2 have one i could make smores right in my very own living room #AND ITS NOT A STUDIO its a 1 br... #grahhh i rly rly rly want ittt ik i prolly wont get it but :[

[ihaventsleptinweekz]

Sometimes I think I'm a normal person then the 11 pm thought kicks in and suddenly I'm insane

#Going to mildly and vaugly vent in the tags to buckle up ^_^ #Will not clarify on any of this because it's more fun not to. Hope that helps #Anyway I'm kind of just. Weirded out by myself rn. Like I'm fine but I'm side-eyeing myself a little bit #And recently I've been believing thay I think really I was more immature a year ago #and while I do think back at her (year ago me) and kinda laugh at her for being overdramatic I feel kinda bad about it because yknow I was #But then I got kind of weirdly slowed down? In my being less freaked out process #Mostly because of Hellenite everyone say thank you hellenite (sarcastic love those fics so much) #But reading the fic kind of reminded me of the emotions that were going on at that time #And while I don't really miss or regret what happened too much anymore I think the general emotions of it started popping up again #Like idk how to say this but I'm over IT as a whole- but the emotions are still kinda left over? #Man really do NOT know how to put this #Cause it's kinda old news and frankly I am wildly happy with where I am right now #And I'm kind of thankful?? But also just a little :I about the whole thing. Which is making me inwardly side-eyeish #And I do think that I probably wouldn't change much if I could- and honestly I'm a little more embarrassed than anything else #Sorry for the weird long rambling tags just didn't want to call either of the like- maybe 3 friends I'd consider bringing this up with #I probably should check in with them though #Ough and I have work to do tmrw #Ew ew ew ew #Feel like this week has gone too damn fast and also not fast enough lmao #I'm also kinda nervous because I might have to take the ASL placement test soon to see if I qualify for skipping a couple ASL classes #Which would be nice cause I would LOVE to graduate quicker #And with all the AP classes I took in high-school it'd be nice to knock a bit of time off my college thing #Although admittedly I DID get that scholarship so it couldn't hurt??? #It might actually give me more time to get EIPA certified and check out some internships?? #Which would make getting jobs out of college WAY easier #Although maybe it'd be easier to get NIC certified if I retook a couple classes instead of trying to skip them??? God maybe I'd be behind #Ofc that wouldn't be a thing until after college #I'll probably have to save up money soon to start thinking about taking the test since it's so damn hard and so damn expensive #At least from what other interpreters have told me #Which is good!!! The it being hard thing anyways. Makes sure Deaf people get GOOD interpreters thst they deserve!!