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yourmidnightlover · 3 years

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all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

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when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

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#tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw abortion #tw abortion mention #tw depressive thoughts #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid angst #spencer reid comfort

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kewltie · 4 years

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omfgggg pregnant!deku. imagine where no. 1 hero is not only an omega but is pregnant and it's still early in his first trimester so he's running around kicking ass but IT'S DEKU so ppl frets and worry over his safety that even villains r like uh i dont wanna mess w/ that. deku is like ridiculously popular & well like even among criminal bc he believes in 2nd chances & rehab of the criminals/villains & fight for disenfranchised youths who fell on the wrong side of the track. so yea, they fight against him but they're also kinda soft for him!!!

so when they found out their fav hero is pregnant & still patrolling there's like some super-secret nonverbal agree among them that they won't stop doing what they are doing but like,,,, nobody fucking touch deku ok or you'll deader than dead. which is ALL KIND OF HILARIOUS bc deku coming to a bank robbery & the criminals doesnt stop their crime but when they fight him, they're like super careful w/ him making sure he doesn't get knock back, fall, or hurt himself too much.

when deku finally captured them and as they're about to taken away, they happily congratulated him on his pregnancy & ask if he'd thought of names yet & one of them is like, "oh, when my husband was pregnant eating X & Y really help with the nausea." and izuku is like,,, thanks???

there's like so many ppl invested in deku's pregnancy that it bizarre bc he's not the first or the last omega to ever be pregnant but he's deku, prohero, no.1 rank, and symbol of hope. all that means is there's a hyper fixation on everything about him esp now that he's pregnant. talk shows, news channel, & celeb gossip show are all talking about it one way or another. whether he's should take an early leave of work or not bc of the danger of his job, the baby's sex, his pregnancy craving, bump watch (I KNOW), & even a countdown to his due date.

the entire country is in a baby fever just bc of deku. everybody talk obsessively about it & even if you find that one person who does not care they def know someone who does. all this happen while deku just go about his day like all of Japan isnt watching his every move lol. the strangest thing about deku's pregnancy is that there's no sign of the other parent?? deku isnt even dating anyone. he never mention any alpha AT ALL, only declaring that he plans to raise his baby all by himself as a single parent which blew their fucking mind bc wtfffff.

look, deku is the most famous omega around, sitting high atop of the world as the no. 1 hero & is adore by the mass--he's greatest omega of his generation some would say so yea there's lot of expectation & hope place on him but deku is deku & he does what he wants. ppl speculate that maybe he's pregnant bc he had a one night stand and this was accident, maybe he has been in a secret relationship all this time, maybe this baby was from a spurned lover or WORST yet a produce of rape... LIKE there's so many rumor swirling around but the answer is actually v v v simple. deku has always wanted a child and since he's nearing 30 right now, he thought it's hightime he has one and the other father? JUST A DONOR. it's nothing serious or complicated as ppl imagine to be.

deku wants a kid and now he has one!! but ppl just can't comprehend how it could be that simple when the most notoble omega in all of japan decide he wants a kid W/O having a mate and he's going to raise this baby all by himself and nope he's not even going to quit his job at ALL to have a family. deku is just--blowing their mind lol

the world doesn't so much get over it as they just kinda get dragged along bc deku does not give a single fuck wut other think and proceed to be immersed in his pregnancy and try to survive the next 6 months while everyone waited on bated breath to see what deku does next. the only thing that stick is the constant rumor mill of who is the donor of deku's baby. they assume that deku wouldn't just pick a stranger bc he's sentimental like that so speculations run amok about every alpha that is closely associate with deku.

there are public polls, betting rings w/ billions on the line, televised debates, internet flame wars, and ACTUAL ARGUMENTS B/T FAMILY/FRIENDS/COWORKERS on who the fuck is deku's donor! even more than deku's baby, they're fucking obsessed on finding out who is the actual donor. the thing is it's not THAT big of a secret. all of class A are in the loop, his mom know (ofc), and even his agency but they all managed to keep it a secret bc deku's privacy is the utmost important & beside the other father would literally MURDER them if it ever get expose.

this is how it went: bullied by his pr team, deku went on a variety show where they have to babysit kids & put through various childbearing challenge while cameras record them for entertainment purpose. It's there when deku realized "ah, I WANT THIS. I WANT THIS V BADLY." deku is climbing close to his 30 now, he's well established presence in the hero world, and his life is pretty stable so it's high time he have his own little family but the thing is babies are two ppl business. they don't just come from thin air so deku did the next best thing.

katsuki would like to say he didn't see this coming the same way you would not expect to be attack by a shark on land, but in this case deku is that fucking shark & katsuki is the idiot that get completley blindsided by him when deku cornered him one day and asked for his sperm.

ok, bakudeku aint dating. they have deep & complicated history that is not only confusing o everybody else but also confusing to them. 'friend' would be to light of a word but anything else is left undefined bc how do you explain more than 2 decades of w/e they are to each other. katsuki doesn't want to talk about the amount of time he'd used image of deku to get off while in rut just so he can survive through it, while the next few days trying to resist punching deku in the face bc he act like a sacrificial idiot who got a cross he wants to bear.

it's not 100% healthy his therapist unhelpfully pointed out but the core of all his volatile feelings have always been named deku & katsuki doesn't know how to compartmentalize it properly bc katsuki may have squashed to something small & insignificant but it's heavy & permanent. so when deku laid his fucked up request at katsuki's feet, he broke the table they were using and nearly walked out if deku didn't catch him by the arm in time.

"kacchan, pls here me out first," deku begged of him, his sweet permeating the air; he's NOT PLAYING FAIR AT ALL. whoever said alphas are the dominate sex in the world have never met an omega, a determine goal focus omega with babies on the brain like deku.

"kacchan, recently i realized that im only getting older so i want a child when i still can," deku explained. "so won't you help me? i know settling down right now is the farthest thing from your mind, but im not asking you anything like that," he continued as katsuki quietly fumed in the background. "i just want your help in making this selfish wish of mine come true. you're among my top choices, kacchan."

Katsuki jerked up. "wait, you mean to say there's a fucking list of alphas you plan to extort their sperm from?" he seethed, feeling like deku had took a goddamn knife to his pride and butcher it completely. "how many other ppl have you asked before you even came to me?!"

"im not extorting anything from anyone." Deku frowned. "and, well, you always lectured me about diving head first w/o any backup plans," he pointed out, "so i made sure to leave several options open just in case the first one fell through. see? i did thought this one thru."

katsuki nearly broke another piece of furniture at the thought of deku asking someone else to father his child as though he was just another face in a long list of ppl deku could use. "What did every alpha on ur shitty list rejected u already so now have to come to me for help?"

deku, who was no.1 for a reason, narrowed his eyes and the air crackled around them. "kacchan, this is extremely important to me so i wouldnt just chose anyone. i only know a handful of alphas i can trust and someone im happy to share the other half of my child with. you're the 1st person that came to my mind when i thought about a child growing inside of me," he said, wrapping his arm around his flat tummy. "despite our many differences you're the one i admire the most. your strength & ambition, grounded by your strong drive & work ethics. the fact that you got where you are w/ your own hands & wits to guide you, i think you're just amazing. so how could i not want those kind of qualities for my own child," deku explained. "im sure a child born from half of your genes you will shine just brightly as you do."

katsuki felt so taken back that found his tongue heavy and words were escaping him. on one hand he felt a rush of pride and a strange sensation of happiness that deku had specifically chosen him out of his potential candidates bc of the greatness he had seem in katsuki but he'd also narrowed katsuki out not bc of some sentimental bullshit or lingering feelings but he thought of providing his future child with the best gene pool as possible so his child can flourish. it's a damn ego busting for katsuki but deku was clearly a man on a mission.

katsuki hesitated and thought what it would mean to have a child out there who carry a lil part of him in them; it's unnerving and humbling at the same time. he never thought of it himself but deku had dream of this, wanted this so badly enough to beg katsuki for help.

"alright," he said finally, not knowing exactly what compelled him to agree, but the look of utter happiness spreading across deku's face as he can barely contain his joy. a single word from him had caused deku's word to shift and rearranged itself to make room for another life.

and that's how katsuki got con into helping izuku make a baby lol. but, really katsuki was the one who agreed to it out of his own will bc he's an idiot & also terribly whipped; omegas are the ones ppl should be frighten of bc once they make up their mind it's hard to move them. they're an unstoppable force, something to be reckon w/ esp when that omega is the no.1 hero who fought his way to the top of the rankings and maintain that status quo for many years despite how many times katsuki tried to topple him from that perch LOL.

katsuki already lost the war before he'd even put a foot down on battlefront the moment deku'd opened his mouth & demanded his sperm AND HE KNEW IT TOO. so that was how katsuki found himself preparing to empty his balls in front of a two-way mirror in a mating clinic bc of deku. omegas, esp males, are the most fertile when they're in heat & when an alpha go in a rut, but the both of them have this arrangment that's more of a duty than any feelings involve bc they cant risk getting mix up in the hormones. this is for deku & his future child!!! so the clinic had prepared a large room w/ two way dividing mirrors& open air vents circulating b/t the two rooms so they can breathe in each other scene where deku can have his heat on one side and katsuki can watch BUT NOT TOUCH and get his rut on so he can produce sperm.

it's uh, not supposed to be v sexy since it's all clinical & shit but bakudeku being bakudeku they nearly tear the room apart to get to each other in heat/rut madnes. deku had blushed earlier as he asked to be bind with quirk restrictions cuff just in case he go crazy which HE DID. at first the nurses there was more worry about katsuki going crazy and out of control bc he has been known to fall pretty high on the alpha aggression and they fear it would be katsuki who would be dangerous; BUT NOPE it's deku all all along who almost broke the REINFORCED MIRROR just so he can get to katsuki!!!! DEKU WHO PPL SOMETIMES FORGET IS LIKE THE NO. 1 HERO FOR A REASON. soft and sweet deku who single handedly can fuck you up with just his fingers if he want to. he's an omega on a mission and he wants that knot up his ass AND HE WANTS IT NOW.

the nurses & docs have to use everything in their toolkit to pull bakudeku apart. when it's all said and done, katsuki embarrassingly produce buckets of cum enough to last deku a looooooong long time if the first one didn't take lol while deku couldn't look at katsuki in the eyes. they are both horridly embarrass about their 'not mating' and their action toward each other there even though they never actually touch each other through out the whole heat/rut procedure. despite the fact that they DIDN'T HAVE ANY SEX, it was still the hottest exp for both.

katsuki never seen more more feral and fierce omega who nearly broke the entire room just to get to him, in that moment if katsuki wasn't in love already he would have been half way there and izuku didn't expect KATSUKI AT ALL. the way he had handle izuku was completely diff. in izuku's heat fever, katsuki was the lone anchor who'd provided him grounding. he tried to calm deku down from his ramp up hormones even though he was as clearly affected as deku. forceful but not unforgiving, commanding not unyielding, firm but gentle.

it was electric.

it was as though izuku was a wild animal unleashed and katsuki managed to tamed him and he never had even had to raise a single finger to do it. it was all in his words that cut through izuku's hazy feverish wants and desires. the kind of alpha that made deku's knees weak.

after that, they have wordless mutual agreement to never talk about it. deku got the sperms he wanted and katsuki had finally fullfiedd his obligation and isn't responsible for deku or his future child. HE'S DONE. they dont have anything to do w/ each other anymore. RIGHT??? ha.

it's funny bc izuku had his hope on a child but didn't think it would take so soon! he'd thought he would fail a few times first before he get really lucky w/ conception bc of his age now that he's older, this 'psuedo mating' can't replace real mating, & biology is fucking weird. even the fertility doc couldn't promise this procedure to insert bkg's sperm in him when he's still got in a heat fever will work 100% and if they fail, they have to wait for another HEAT to come before it could work. which mean months of waiting in b/t so izuku is desperate. BUT it took one try. THAT'S ALL IT TOOK as izuku anxiously waited for the news in next couple of weeks. he took at home pregnacy tests and when hall 3 results were positive he'd cried and called his mom but even then he didn't tell anyone bc he was so scare it just was a fluke.

he'd kept this secret until he finally got the visit to his doc and could get the firm confirmation he needed! when the doc revealed that he was indeed pregnant, izuku fell to his knees in relief bc finally, FINALLY, his dream of having a baby had came true. he's a father now!!

the doc had warned that the first trimester would be rough on him bc of his age and miscarriage is more likely for him than most male omega. maybe he should consider taking an early pregnacy leave bc of the danger his job poses to him & the unborn baby. deku had agonized over it. ultimately, he decided to continue w/ his hero work but won't take on as much stuff as before. he plans to be more careful & attentive to his safety, and defer his more dangerous work to his colleagues instead. all his friends and coworkers go out of their way to help him w/ this

izuku got an entire community of heroes WHO DO THEIR BEST TO ENSURE HIS PREGNACY GO SMOOTHLY bc look izuku may be doing this alone but HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ALONE bc he got his friends, colleagues, and mom to support him through this bc they know how much this means to him!!

katsuki was one of the last to find out but only bc deku plan to see him in person to tell him bc katsuki HAD GIVEN HIM ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS (beside OFA) and he wanted to thank katsuki in person but class A are a bunch of gossip mongers so he found out through their groupchat. it started as a joke about katsuki & his super seed bc what a fucking stud bakugou katsuki to have ONE TRY and is able to knocked izuku up so quickly lmao. w/e the fuck katsuki is doing or eating, apparently it works wonder for him bc one of his sperm luck out & hit jackpot. his so called friends cant stop ribbing into him for knocking up deku so quickly bc they know from deku's worry that it wasn't going to be an easy conception but IT'S BAKUGOU KATSKUKI, outdoing himself once more bc he never does anything by half, not even his own sperm lol.

izuku met up with katsuki right outside his agency bc he knew wassup and how to corner katsuki effectively by trapping him when he just high off his patrol when he least expect an ambush esp when he was too busy avoiding izuku's attempts to reach him bc of COMPLICATED FEELS.

it's not cowardice that kept katsuki away, but izuku was the source of all his confusing feelings already & now w/ the news that he's carrying katsuki's child now it'd gotten worst. izuku, though, was nothing if not persistent. he zeroed in katsuki right away w/ purposeful steps.

"kacchan, i'm so glad to meet you here," izuku says as though he hadn't coordinate this w/ katsuki's coworkers, who are all SOFT for izuku anyway lmao, to get katsuki alone JUST LIKE THIS. katsuki knew he was caught bc every one his friends & colleagues are FUCKING TRAITORS.

"what," he snapped, clenching the hands at his side as he tried to keep his gaze from izuku's still very flat tummy. it's weird to think a life was quickly taking shape there when it's not like izuku looked any diff but he smiling more brightly & warmth coming from his person. was this what they call the pregnancy glow? bc deku was fucking blinding that katsuki wanted to shove his hand to deku's face to block it out.

"what you want," he demanded again even tho they both know why deku was here.

unperturbed, deku smiled. "im pregnant now so thank you. you'd helped fulfilled one of my biggest dreams & im ever so grateful for it!" he continued, rocking happily back & forth on his heels but the words barely registered katsuki kept staring at the way deku's body swing out & he opened his mouth before he could think better of it.

"should you be even moving liek that ?" he asked BC SINCE FINDING OUT IZUKU IS PREGNANT HE LOST HIS MIND. as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he was a dead man walking.

izuku leveled him a glare so fierce that he actually took a step back w/ chills running up his back. "kacchan i may be pregnant but im not an invalid," izuku said with the sharp edge of a smile and thinly veiled steel in his voice. the scariest part was that he hadn't drop a single smile but the ominous threas was there. "do you want me to show you how much of not invalid i am?"

katsuki scowled, face pinching at the thought whether this was just the usual deku's bs or this was deku's bs + the pregnancy hormones that get him so rile up. either way, katsuki no matter how much of an ass he was, he wasn't going to punch a pregnant omega to prove a point.

"fine, that was dumb sorry," he said, scratching the back of his ear in annoyance. "so was that all you wanted to say?"

deku's eyes crinkle in amusement as katsuki's scowl deepens. "yea, i just wanted you to hear the news from me personally and expressed my thanks."

"i'll take good care of them," he said softly, a stray hand caressing his stomach carefully. "I promise i'll be good to them so you dont have to worry."

katsuki paused and then, "I know," he said bc he does. deku was going to be a good parent w/o a doubt. That is a truth.

deku's eyes light up at katsuki's words and there was a hint of wetness in them that katsuki had the unnerving fear that he was going to cry right here and katsuki's entire agency going to charge out & murder him for making a pregnant omega, THE PREGNANT OMEGA DEKU cry in public.

"t-thank you," he sniffs, but THANKFULLY NO ACTUAL CRYING INVOLE, "it makes me so happy to hear that you in believe me. i won't fail you, i swear!" he said it like he was making a vow for world peace or some shit bc of how serious it had sounded but this was important to him.

"yea, okay," katsuki said, looking away bc got this entire conversation was agonizing bc here he was talking to the person, but not JUST ANY RANDOM PERSON, who is carrying a baby w/ half of katsuki's dna & they're not fucking each other. like,,, that's fucking weird okay.

"that's all i wanted to say," deku told him, fully aware how uncomfortable this talk was making him, "so I won't bother you anymore." he gave one last smile and turned to go but KATSUKI WHO SHOULD HAVE LET IT END THERE found himself opening his mouth and grabbing deku by the arm.

it was careful, a firm but gentle hand placed his forearm like deku was glass that stopped him for a moment. "if--if," katsuki said, swallowing around a stone in his throat, "you find yourself needing anything, call me ok? ANYTHING i dont care just call me and i'll be there."

a slow but the brightest fucking smile he had ever seen bloom on deku's flushed face. "ok, i'll let you know," he replied, bc this was KATSUKI PUTING HIMSELF OUT THERE AND WANTING TO GET INVOLVE IN IZUKU'S PREGNACY even tho deku had given him a clean break from it. HE CHOSE THIS.

katsuki doesn't know what he was thinking then but the words slipped passed his guard before he can stop it & now he fucking doomed himself, doom himself to 3am late night calls of deku crying in hysteric at his home bc he ran out of some rare hard to find fruit bc CRAVINGS. so now katsuki had to dragged himself all the way across town to hunt for this shit. the morning news of that day was hero ground zero harrassing shopkeeper in the FUCKING ASS'S OCLOCK FOR SOME FRUIT AND DEMANDING IT NOW FOR W/E REASON, WHILE LOOKING SO FURIOUS & UNHINGED.

look, it's not like deku doesn't have an entire network of ppl to reach out to if he ever needed anything bc they would even laid down their life for him but even when he's cursing a storm trying to get deku's his midnight craving, he's so relief it's him that deku called first. besides, he firmly knew wut he had signed up for the moment he had opened his mouth. offering is help in the pregnancy process was him choosing to get involve and commit to deku & his (god fucking damn shit, he can't think of it as *theirs* bc that's too dangerous) baby. and bc this is bakugou katsuki and he never does any by halves so even though he may have been reluctant at first but now that he's firmly on board he's going in full throttle w/ no break in sight. katsuki dumps all his $$ on pregnacy & prenatal care books.

he read papers, argued on pregnancy forum, & even harassed his parents on it just so he can come at this like a fucking boss bc while he has full faith in deku to put the safety of the fetus first but also HE DOESN'T FUCKING TRUST DEKU TO PUT HIMSELF FIRST which is just as import. deku has the self-preservation of a damn child & he can't expect a *child* to take care of himself so KATSUKI OBVIOUSLY GOT TO DO IT FOR HIM. so he make diet plans, prepare prep meals for deku ahead of them, annoyed deku's coworkers to watch out for him lest he does something stupid. he make it his firm mission that this pregnancy will go smoothly as possible so even when he's running errands for deku, getting his weird ass food craving, and taking deku to visit his ob-gyn, sitting in the waiting room anxiously for any news in case SOMETHING GO WRONG.

He even drives himself crazy learning about the things a pregnant person can't do/is at risk of doing & he doesn't know how anyone can fucking take this for 10 months bc it's like walking on a precarious tight rope. it's scary & humbling and he just want deku & the baby to be ok.

there are still crimes and villains to wrangle, and the world keeps on spinning; nothing really change all that much now that deku's pregnant but katsuki finds himself personally accolating his precious time and energy toward deku & the baby. he became one of those *PEOPLE*, ugh. he never got it even when his friends had popped out spawns of their own. he wasn't going to get dragged down by biology & all that general bullshit about settling down. he's at the top of his game & prize to take over deku's position as no.1. he got no time for playing family.

yet here he is standing in the middle of a fucking baby store, staring down a damn baby crib and having a melt down. who the fuck knew that baby cribs come in so many fucking versions and THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OF THEM. he thought he had come prepare but no this was toughs shit. he only saw this store in passing while on a patrol & thought he should drop by but the next thing he knew he got trapped here for three fucking hours just looking at baby cribs. he already got several people walking passed him, eyeing him weirdly as he internally freak out.

there are ridiculous amount of info floating on the internet about crib buying guide like the bars could only be certain inches apart, non-toxic paints, diff kind of mattress, safe headboards, etc etc. all of that to ensure the baby doesn't fucking DIE bc babies are like FRAGILE.

he calls deku & as soon as he picks up, the first thing katsuki says is, "last year, there were 1,842 babies death due to sudden infant death syndrome."

a long pointed pause, and then, "oh geez," deku answers, "where are you? I'll be right there, okay? don't go anywhere!"

#bakudeku #not!fic #sperm donor au

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lavendertwilight89 · 4 years

Note

“Bite me” 🤣

only like... a billion years later...

Also posted on AO3 in Asks and Answers

Oh annnnnnnnd THERE IS SMOOTSSSSSSSS

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There was an infinite number of reasons Inuyasha hated Kagome going back home. Firstly, it shouldn’t be her home. She was home when she was in their era--or rather his era… either way, the future shouldn’t be where she called home. Her home was with him--or by him. Whatever.

Secondly, he wasn’t allowed to just go anywhere he pleased--specifically, to follow her around while she was at school or with her friends in town. What if she got into trouble and he wasn’t around to save her? She was always tripping or finding a way to get kidnapped or hurt--she was a walking accident!

Thirdly, it fucking smelled terrible. The pollution and other modern smells overpowered his fucking senses. He often left with a migraine. Stupid future shit. No wonder demons weren’t around--they wouldn’t fucking survive.

Fourthly, he… well… he just missed her. When she wasn’t around. Near. God, she was turning him into the biggest wuss on the planet.

They’d been traveling together for just over a year now; their friends and they had been to almost every corner of Japan. Naraku was still at large, but he had been quiet for quite some time. Probably just as frustrated as they were with the lack of jewel shards to be found.

Shockingly, Inuyasha and Kagome had gotten into another fight. Not like the fights they used to have--noooo those had simmered down since their first year of travel. These were just based on… differences of opinions. Such as she, wanting to go home because she had a test and him, saying tests were pointless and she didn’t need to go.

Unfortunately… she won. Per usual. Only because she could fucking sit him and call it a day. So, he reluctantly followed her because--it wasn’t like he had anything better to do than watch the slayer and monk ogle each other or watch the slayer beat the tar outta him when he made to flirt with another woman.

Pass. Hard pass.

Even though he wasn’t supposed to, he trailed after her when she went to school. She was in something called ‘high school’ now and had to change uniforms. He didn’t really like the blue uniform. It reminded him she was getting older. Things were changing…

In good and bad ways. Good ways were, she was becoming a fucking woman. Her scent was beyond intoxicating each passing month. Yea, she had her cycle when she was fifteen but… now his demon sensed the maturity of her body taking form more and more. It took everything and more not to pour out his undying love for the woman and rut her in the middle of a fucking forest. Like an animal. But who was he kidding? She didn’t like him like that… Yea, they cared for each other. Yea they had kissed… but she was just--trying to save him. Yea, they’d hugged but she hugged Sango and Shippo… at rare times Miroku. He may be engaged but he wasn’t married yet.

Another good change was they didn’t fight as much. Or as hard.

Bad ways… she was growing up. She wasn’t going to want to travel around forever. According to her, she wasn’t marrying age yet in this time, even though in his, she was ripe for the taking. But he knew she had suitors. Plural. All that could offer her way more than he could. He had what? An asshat brother who wished he was dead? A dark half-demon that hunted him and his kinda ex-fiance person? An ex who was dead, haunting the lands until her revenge was exacted? Possibly longer? The clothes on his back and sword at his hip...Yep. He had the whole package.

Meanwhile, Koga had a full wolf tribe, ruled the mountains… And… what was the fuckin’ kid's name? Hobo? Hoko? Hojo--that was it. Both the Hojo idiots from both times. They had perfect happy little lives. No drama. No demons. They could offer her anything and everything.

Gods… he was doomed. He loved her so much. Kikyo? Pft. Yea, he cared about Kikyo--like a friend you owed because you accidentally kinda-got-them-killed-kind-of thing. Guilt--that’s what Kagome called it. He felt guilty and felt he needed to make it alright.

Anyway, with the lack of action, she wanted to come back to her time, catch up, and shit. Blah blah blah… He knew she could sense him. Her powers had increased, another good change. But she didn’t sit him or come out and yell at him. In fact, she actually did manage to come up for lunch.

“Hey, I figured you’d be hungry,” she happily greeted him.

“You’re...not angry?”

“You’re staying out of sight, why would I be mad?”

“Are you embarrassed of me?”

“Of course not! Why would you ask that??” She asked as she sat down opening her lunch. She took a rice ball and placed her container between them.

“Well it’s not like you let anybody see me or anything,” he glared at the food. He actually wasn’t even mad at her or the food. In all honesty, he was angered by his heritage. He was surprised when he felt her cool hand reach up and grab his face to look into her beautiful caramel eyes.

“I don’t want anyone to take you from me… You know there aren’t demons in this time. I don't want to put you in danger because they would want you. They would capture you and... What would I do without you?”

His heart pounded so hard he wondered if she could hear it with her human ears. Her eyes darkened and her lips parted from that soft smile. Her breath hitched and she bit down on her silken lip and all he could think about was devouring it.

Then he heard the door open and he pulled away from her, throwing his hat back on. She blushed madly and turned to see her friends coming out onto the roof with their lunches. Fucking perfect.

“Oh, h-hey guys,” she stuttered.

“Heyyyyy, are we interrupting anything?” The one named Eri smirked.

“NO!” He yelled, likely way too loudly and fast. But she seemed so flustered by what almost happened and he didn’t want them to think she was the idiot who got carried away.

“H-how are you guys,?” She asked with her fake smile. Damn. He hurt her. Again. She got caught up in the moment, and he took advantage of it.

“Hojo’s coming up,” Yuka said with a gleam in her eye.

“Uhhhh…” Kagome started.

“I can go,” Inuyasha muttered.

“No!” She looked at him like a deer in headlights and gripped his hand. “I-I mean--nooooo, don’t go! I thought we were going to share my lunch?”

He was blushing and staring at their joined hands when the Hobo came out. The boy stalled for a moment drawing Inuyasha’s attention and when their eyes met, he could tell Hoho was sizing him up. Out of habit to protect Kagome from other’s opinions, he tried to draw his hand away from her, but her grip tightened. What was she doing?

“Hey Hojo,” she greeted.

“Hey Kagome, how are you today?”

“Great! Inuyasha was in the area and decided to join us for lunch.” Was she lying?? Why?? Why wouldn’t she just tell them he followed her? This boy couldn't hurt him.

“Inuyasha? Oh--you’re the guy from the festival last year,” Hojo said as he sat down on the other side of her.

“Yea, one and the same,” he confirmed gruffly. Staring at the boy in front of him, he was surprised when Kagome held out a riceball for him. He took it from her with the hand she wasn’t holding and muttered his thanks.

“Oh, are you sharing your lunch?” Ayumi cooed.

“Kagome, you probably need more nourishment than that--here, why don’t we share--”

“That’s okay Hojo. I appreciate the thought, but I’m honestly not that hungry. He’s doing me a favor helping me out,” she laughed fakely.

Did no one else see the mask Kagome put on aside from him? He knew that she loved Sango, that she confided in her about everything. Did these girls know anything about his Kagome?

The rest of the time it was just idle chit chat. Nothing for him to really follow as it was mainly about classes they were taking. He noticed Kagome’s hand didn’t leave his though even when she would reach and take food out of her little box, her grip never lessened. To be honest, he loved the feeling of his hand in hers. Even more so because she was doing it in front of her friends.

When lunchtime ended, her friends got up and led the way to the door. She lingered behind them and told them she’d catch up shortly. Hojo sent her a passing glance, obviously hesitant about leaving her alone with him, but complied when she bid him a good afternoon.

“I uhm… I’ll see you when school's out, okay?” Why was she acting all shy now? She was the only one who gripped his hand in hers.

“Uh...sure. That’s fine. I’ll just wait here then?”

“Mhm,” she smiled softly and with a final bite of her lip, she turned and went back inside.

The school literally couldn’t end soon enough. He needed to know what the fuck was actually going on with her.

The hours seemed like they took forever--of course, that’s how it always was when she wasn’t right by his side. Again, the biggest pussy on the planet when it came to her.

Maybe he accidentally dozed off from boredom. Watching the clouds wasn’t the same without the bossy spirited girl who actually appreciated the little things while he laid on his back beside her, merely just enjoying her presence, but he didn’t realize she was outside until he heard the dumbass Hobo call out her name. He rolled onto his side to peer off the roof to see what was going on.

She looked startled and began to look around--likely lookin’ for him. She’d be fuckin’ pissed if he just leaped down from there then. After all, she did just admit it wasn’t about embarrassment, it was about the danger of him being taken from her. Humans were odd creatures--always lookin’ to learn more and more about something. He knew what she said was true.

But that only meant that even if he were to follow her back to this time to be with her, if she really wanted to be with her family, they’d have no future here either. Not like she’d likely want a future with him. He needed to--he needed to keep his head on straight. Why let his hopes get raised for nothing?

“Kagome! How about I walk you home! You’re probably famished and could collapse from that vertigo your grandfather called about last week.”

“Hahahaha...of course he did,” she smiled while he smelled her annoyance and anger. Kagome had mentioned her grandpa making up some rather colorful excuses to get to miss school since she was always with him. While he told her she didn’t have to go, she pointed out that she did. At least for her family’s honor. That was the only reason he let her still travel back and forth… well actually it was the only reason she actually wanted to.

He noticed she looked around again and finally saw him on the roof and frowned slightly. Biting her lip and then turning to look back at Hojo she said loudly enough to where he heard her mention, “Inuyasha said he was going to meet me at the corner but you can join us.”

“Oh...I see. Kagome, can I ask you something?” They started to walk away and while he had demonic hearing, with all the other chatter and distance they were putting between them was making it difficult what the man-child was asking of his--no--not his--Kagome. Just--Kagome.

“Sure, what’s up Hojo?”

Inuyasha sneakily leaped onto the track of the school and then up and over the fence onto the house across from them. He proceeded to jump down so he wouldn’t be seen but could listen in on their conversation.

“What is up with that friend of yours? I would have figured with your health problems he would have encouraged you to eat--not the other way around.” Inuyasha wanted to growl at the thought that he would ever put his own health before hers.

“Oh, honestly I wasn’t that hungry. We often share lunches. I’m obviously not starving.”

“Does he--he visits you when you’re in the hospital? At the shrine when you’re not well??”

“Oh--uh--yeah! See? He’s very concerned.”

“Does he not have a job? Did he drop out of school?”

“No, no, nothing like that. He’s actually very intelligent. He does uh… exterminations?” He overheard her nervous laugh. That was the truth technically. Demons were what summoned them from village to village in hopes they would come across a jewel shard. But the money was shared. They were a pack. It wasn’t his alone--even if it was, no one would feed, clothe, or house a half-demon.

“Oh he must be very fortunate then… do you think the chemicals are the source of what are making you ill though?”

“Of course not! Being with Inuyasha is--” He heard her cut off and at that point, he was standing at the fork in the road when she had mentioned he would meet them. “It’s uh…”

“Do you really like him, Kagome?”

“Yes… I just--I don’t know if he feels the same,” he heard her whisper, likely hoping he wouldn’t hear. But he did. And his head was spinning. She ‘liked’ him? Well duh, they’d been traveling together for over a year together. He hoped she would at least kinda enjoy his company. But did she mean--is that why--

“Oh! Inuyasha!”

Fuck he was made! He brought his head up and saw them walking towards him.

“Hey,” he replied back gruffly. It wasn’t his intention for it to have been so mean… but he was officially frustrated and confused.

“Everything ok?” Kagome asked sweetly as she blushed while she stood before him. Damnit.

“Yea. Fine. Let’s go,” he replied as he turned away. She groaned slightly--the one she used when she got bad news. He turned back to look at her and she looked highly disappointed… She acted like she didn’t want him to hear her little confession. Obviously she was embarrassed by liking him so why should she be upset if he acted like he didn’t hear her?

“Say, Kagome. What are you doing this Saturday?”

Would she be pissed off if he broke this kid's nose? Didn’t he just hear she liked him??

“Uhm…” She started. Oh, fuck no.

“She’s gonna be with me, twerp,” he stated firmly as he swung around and wrapped his arm around Kagome’s shoulders. She seemed to tense under the initial contact but then relaxed. Her breathing was a little erratic like she was nervous but excited… What a weirdo.

“Oh I see, did you decide this for her?” Hojo questioned.

“Pretty sure it’s a mutual agreement at this point, kid.”

“Kagome?”

“Yes, I’m sorry Hojo. Inuyasha and I have plans.”

“Kagome--why--”

“Why what?” Inuyasha snapped.

“Why be with someone who doesn’t tell you how they feel? Make you feel appreciated? Kagome--I’m in love with you. Please--let me prove that to you. Let me show you how a man should treat a lady.”

It took all he had to not punch the little dick in the throat. How dare he say those things to Kagome!

“Look here you little--”

“Hojo--I like spending time with Inuyasha,” Kagome countered.

“But Kagome--”

“Just because Inuyasha doesn’t like me in the same way doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, Hojo. If I want to stay with him then it’s really not--”

“You actually like me?” Inuyasha finally asked.

Kagome turned and looked at him from under his arm. She looked confused and she stepped out to be in front of him. She looked embarrassed and uncomfortable but she never hesitated in her response, “Inuyasha--of course I like you. I love you. I thought… it was obvious.”

“Kagome, I--” He realized they still had an audience and glared with a growl in the little fuck’s direction. “Do you mind?!”

“Kagome?”

DID THE FUCKING BRAT NOT HAVE GODDAMN EARS?!?!

“It’s okay Hojo. We need to talk. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Okay. Take care, Kagome,” he waved as he headed off in the other direction.

Now they were standing there. In the middle of the road. Irony.

“Kagome I--”

“It’s really alright if you don’t feel the same. I just want to be by your side. As--as long as you’ll have me.”

“Why though?”

“Why--why what?”

“Why do you like me? I’m kind of an asshole. I always say the wrong thing, I always hurt you… I can’t offer you anything.”

Her soft cool hand on his cheek made him look her in the eyes. He could forever get lost in the chestnut eyes. Honestly, he almost did; he didn’t even notice she had started speaking.

“It’s not about what you have to offer me. Things--possessions-- they aren’t important to me. You are. Yeah, you’re rough around the edges but you only do that to protect yourself. I don’t try to take what you say personally, I know you don’t mean it. I just--I want you to know you don’t have to be afraid of me hurting you; I’d never harm you. I love you for who you are. My gruff half-demon protector.”

“Kagome…words--aren’t really my thing. But you kinda knew that, so--” He cut himself off and pulled her close to press his mouth against hers, praying to any fuckin’ God she didn’t sit him for acting without thinking. Though to be honest, he’d be lying if he said he had never thought about it. In fact, sometimes that was all he thought about. Along with some heated moaning and intimate places linked… Oh shit, his dick was already getting excited at the thought.

Her hum of approval and fingers lacing through his hair, softly shifting his ball cap off his head brought him from his imagination.

“Not here,” he barely grunted before scooping her up into his arms bridal style, leaping from the road to the roof of house after house until they arrived at her shrine. She urged him to take her up to her window where she crawled through before he entered after.

Once his feet were on the ground, he found himself engulfed in her embrace and her lips frantically moving against his. She flipped his hat off and whoaaaa--her hands were untying his haori. He stilled them and she whined but they needed to talk about this. Not just rush into whatever--well--that was wrong. He knew Kagome would never play with his heart. She had just declared she’d never hurt him; that her love wasn’t based on what he had or could give, it was based on who they were. But that was exactly why they needed to talk.

“Hey--we don’t need to rush this--”

“Inuyasha I don’t want to wait until you’ve changed your mind about everything--” She proceeded to keep kissing him, his mind becoming this weird useless blob because damn if she didn’t taste fantastic. All his fantasies were coming true in just the movement of her lips.

“Fuck--Kagome--”

She hummed her approval over his vulgar words; weird as she usually was the one always conveying ‘manners’ but obviously she liked that she could make him helpless.

“Damn, you shoulda confessed your feelings earlier, wench,” he smirked when he pulled away to trail kisses and drew teasing circles of his tongue against her throat. Her moan lit his cock on fire. Shit.

“Bite me, dog boy,” her husky voice sounded as he hovered over her shoulder. Pause. Did she just tell him to mark her? What did she know about demons and mating?? Or was she just teasing. This whole situation had gotten away from him. He began to pull back and her breath hitched. She was panicking.

“I’m not gonna go changin’ my mind but this is kinda--you don’t just--shit--sit down,” he ordered as he pulled her down to sit on the edge with him. Wrapping his arms around her to reassure her of his unvoiced feelings, he felt her snuggle into his hold. “Kagome… what you said kinda made me realize we--well--we need to try and talk.”

“What do you mean?” She seemed confused by his words. It dawned on him she had no idea she had asked him to mate with her. Not that he could blame her--demons didn’t just go around boasting… Scratch that. Normal demons that aren’t fleabags don’t blurt out mating rituals.

“What do you know of mating with demons?”

“Uh--I--” She turned as red as his haori and buried her face into said top and muttered her response, making his ears twitch to try and catch the muffled words she spoke. Oh, so she had just said ‘bite me’ as a retort… and totally missed the full meaning.

“Did the wolf-shit tell you all that? Because I may have to go skin him--”

“No! No! Sango had uh… mentioned it,” she admitted, biting her lip.

“Keh, ‘course that busybody did.”

“D-don’t be mad! I had asked her in all honesty…”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” The look she gave him made him realize exactly why not. Disbelief. He was a callous asshole. Probably would have taken the wrong way… Whoops. “Nevermind. I got it. Are you sure this is something you truly want? What happens if once we complete the jewel the well closes? What if the old woman can’t get the village to accept us and we end up living in the forest? What if--”

“We can’t play a what-if game forever Inuyasha. We won’t know until we cross that bridge, but I told you the truth when I said none of that stuff matters… I don't belong here. This is just where I come to keep my family’s honor. My home is with you,” she said as she stroked her hands through his silky silver tresses. “Besides, I bet even if the village turned us away, Miroku and Sango would find a place for us to settle down--maybe her old slayer village.”

“Oh fuck, we’re stuck with them, aren’t we?”

“Inuyasha,” she warned him. He smirked down at her showing he was only teasing. They were friends. His family. Something he never thought he would ever have.

“We can wait to complete the mating ritual--it doesn’t have to be right now,” he said idly as he traced where he would mark her on her shoulder over her blazer.

“Are--Are you the one who is unsure?” She asked hesitantly as she shuddered from the light graze of his claws.

“No. This is the only thing I have ever been completely sure about my entire life.”

“But what about--I mean--”

“You can say her name.”

She averted her eyes and he pulled her chin back so she had to look him in the eyes. “I was going to become human for her. Mating is a thing for demons. Humans wither and die while demons live for centuries. I wanted someone to accept me--even if that meant I had to change. You’ve never asked that of me--fuck, you’ve begged me to stay the way I am. Kagome… I-- damnit, why is this so fucking hard!”

“You’re doing okay,” she whispered as her hands slid from his chest to his cheeks. “I love you, Inuyasha. I would be honored to be your mate.”

“I love you, Kagome,” he finally said as he slammed his hungry lips down onto hers. Her hands stayed on his cheeks as he moved from her chin to her hips to bring her closer even though she was perched on top of his lap.

She surprised him when she turned herself around to straddle his legs and pushed his chest down making him fall backward. How a tiny girl like her could ever startle him enough to knock him over was beyond comprehension. Her hands started to undo his haori and he made to undo the buttons on her blazer. It was sloppy, them removing each other’s clothing between their heated kisses, trembling excited fingers, and the awkward but hot as fuck grinding of their sex.

Her core was so fucking wet; he honestly couldn’t wait to taste her. He wondered if she tasted just as he imagined. Her fucking mouth tasted like cherries and honey--his fucking cock felt like it was going to fall off; he was so aroused. Between the bucking of her hips, the wetness of her panties, and the simple but teasing sweeps of her hand as she explored his body, he wasn’t going to last long.

Losing his patience, he sliced through her bra and underwear and flipped her over so that her legs draped off the bed as he towered over her. Smirking down at her, he took control again as he began to devour her. All of her. Her lips, her neck, her clavicle, her breasts--he lingered there the longest, making sure the perky mounds were red, bruised, and thoroughly marked as his as he proceeded to lave and caress her toned stomach just before he found himself kneeling on the floor between her perfect shapely muscular thighs.

He didn’t even hesitate as he went straight to the weeping opening that was begging for his hardened length. It was a siren calling out to ship and he had to steer straight ahead and plunge into the abyss. And plunge he did--with tongue. A loud cry of his name was his answer in return. He brought one hand down to steady her hips as he continued to memorize her scent, her taste, and the sounds he could make her produce with abandon.

Noticing there was a significant nub that she seemed to like to have teased the most, he moved his thumb to press and circle it as he used his tongue to continue to drink up her juices. It was clear with all her shaking and quivering that she was close to her orgasm. Her hands were frantically pressing his head into her folds, and her voice was fucking wrecked. She sounded like she had just run five kilometers nonstop and she was begging for water. And he ultimately would be the one to help her out with her thirst. With one last flick of his tongue, he switched his hand with his mouth and inserted one, then two, then three fingers slowly stretching her as he pumped in and out of her. His mouth found purchase on her nub and he sucked hard as his other hand softly stroked his own dick as he was fairly positive if he didn’t, it would burn off in the flames of arousal this woman was feeding him.

Thankfully her walls began to vibrate as she came undone around him and cried out his name in ecstasy. When she stopped twitching, he finally slunk back up her body and smirked down at the completely dazed look on her face. He couldn’t help but feel his confidence growing that if he could at least take care of her like that, happily sated every night, a home with Sango and Miroku, then he could give her the life she deserved. Not fully, but one she seemed to want.

Her hands reaching for his cock brought him from his wandering musings and damn--he’d never be able to go back to his own hand. Why was she so good at that?!? Fuck, shit, damnit, fuckkkk-- he grabbed her hand to still her motions and she gasped.

“Is--am I not--”

“N-nah, y-you are. Fuck, I almost just came all over you.”

“What if… I’d like that?”

His eyes widened and his ears perked up. What did she say? Anything he had to say went out the window when she shoved him against her headboard and engulfed his hardened length with her hot wet mouth. Some weird strangled sound came out his mouth as his hands went to her head without thinking. Fuck. Shit. He loosened his grip once he had some semblance of control and mainly kept his hands there to keep hair out of her way. Her tongue was swirling around him and he felt her spit literally drip down to where her hand was stroking him where her mouth couldn’t reach more than making up for the lapse of coverage. The other sneaky hand was fondling his sac and he literally swore right then it wouldn’t be the jewel, nor Naraku, Koga, his brother, or even Kikyo who would kill him--it was going to be Kagome. Because holy fuck he was about to fucking die. The ache in his stomach from not being touched was far gone and replaced with a burning passion; the tightening coil had grown taunt and he could barely tap her to gain her attention before it sprang loose.

Panting, breathless, and grunting he managed a ‘“Comin’’, or some word like that. Either way, she hummed and that was what threw him off the edge. He could hardly not grab her head to keep her there, but he hadn’t needed to; she drank him up like he was producing actual milk and not seed for pups.

She pulled away from him and licked her lips, whether it was meant to be seductive or innocent didn’t really phase him as he grabbed her head and pulled her into a hard bruising kiss. Not only was he tasting her in his mouth from when he had given her pleasure but now he was tasting himself on her cherry red lips. Goddamn. He was the luckiest hanyou ever born. And he was already aggravatingly hard again.

“Mmmmm, Inuyasha,” she begged.

“What Kagome?”

“Bite me,” she pleaded. He lifted her to straddle him once more as he knelt on her bed and brought her face to meet his. Gazing deeply into her brown sparkling earthy eyes for any form of doubt, he exhaled and groaned as he lowered her onto his cock. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her breath hitched uneasily. Fuck. She was tight. Hot. Wet. He wasn’t even completely sheathed by her wet hot core and he felt her walls already stirring back to life as she moaned in his ears.

Once she was finally held on his lap by her hips, he was completely engulfed by her, it was an odd sense of fulfillment. Like everything in his life had led to that exact moment. Everything just suddenly fell into place. Every horrible unspeakable attack on his life, every mistake he ever made, any step he took, it all led to her--his Kagome.

“You okay?” He managed to grind out around his gritted teeth. He was barely holding on for dear life; all he wanted to do was pound into her, but she deserved more--she deserved better.

“Perfect,” she sighed, groaning as she twisted her hips and good fucking Gods--she was fucking perfect.

She started to rise up on her calves to pull away from him and then slammed herself back down on him making them both whimper, groan, moan, growl as the fucking pure bliss of pleasure as she continued her actions with his help. He could never use his hand again. Ever. She had effectively ruined that for him. He would no longer be able to fantasize about her--it would always have to be her. Riding his cock. Like the fucking expert she was proving herself to be.

“Inu--Ya--Shaaaaaa,” she cried out as she tried to still her movement as she released all over his deeply embedded cock. Holy shit. If her coming apart in his arms was not the most erotic sight he had ever seen. It was the way her head was thrown back; her eyes were squeezed shut;her hair, damp from her sweat-glistened body, swaying behind her; her tight grip on his shoulder; her chest heaving, making her breasts bounce, and how her pussy effectively hid his dick.

“Ka--Kagome--” he stuttered, leaning his head down to her shoulder, pulling her back to him so their bodies were as close as possible as he continued thrusting into her. His tongue acted of its own accord as it brushed her shoulder all the way to the back of her ear as he huskily groaned making her return her own whimper. Her hands snuck their way from his shoulders to his ears--and if it didn’t feel fucking amazing. He moved his mouth back over her shoulder and kissed it lovingly before nuzzling it. “Ready?”

“Yes,” she cried.

His release snuck up on him from the beautiful sound of her pleasured filled voice. As he came, emptying himself into her womb, he bit down into her shoulder, marking her as his, filling her with his youki. He felt her reiki flow around him in return, caressing him, sheltering him with her love. And damn, if he didn’t feel like he was home.

The rest of the evening, they spent kissing and exchanging loving touches. Talking about their future, talking about their dreams. Inuyasha could swear he had never felt so relieved and happy in his entire miserable life. But then again, he didn’t have Kagome until the year before. He had never known what love and happiness ever was before her. And his life would never be miserable again, not with this amazing woman by his side.

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ladyshilya · 4 years

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Legends of Tomorrow: Slay Anything

Let’s see what is going with this prom serial killer.

This is the first time they have ever showed us an Encore coming back. They are dead for a bit then come back to life. I thought it was more immediate and less vampire like.

Ava is way too excited about this like really way too excited. Also I didn’t know that she had a pod cast has that ever been mentioned before? What school has a 15 year reunion I thought they were only done on the 10’s. My high school is horrible about doing reunions. It’s convenient for the plot.

It’s the high school that Mick went too, I thought he was in juvie. I guess he went there before he went to juvie. Look the survivor is now dead. Great Freddy has telekinetic powers so he is basically Carrie. This is not going to go well at all. I guess the reform the bad guy idea might work.

It’s great to see Nora, yea I am sure all kids wish for a pony. I know I would have. It looks like Nora is now Freddie’s fairy godmother. This could go really bad or she might be able to stop him from turning into a crazy killer. Also something about this feels off because he is not giving me killer vibes. Whatever they are planning hasn’t happened yet because there is no way the popular girl doesn’t have a date. Right now I am having a Carrie or Never Been Kissed vision.

Looks like they were going with a trash version of Carrie which had come out by then so no originality. Good thing Tiffany doesn’t want to go through with the plan but of course the guys still want to be pricks. There is no better way to be cool then to break out some dance moves and start a dance party. I would want to know that Freddy and hang out with him. I like DJ Nora making sure everything goes great for him. I think this is the first time a kid has ever really appreciated what she has done. Then again he is barely a kid since I think he is a high school senior.

While all of that is going on Sara, Ava and Mick have been dealing with Encore Freddy who is killing people including the girl that Mick blew off for Prom. Wait the Encore killed Mick, ok this needs to be fixed because I am not here for dead Mick Rory.

Wait a minute if the Freddy is the killer then why is the killer outside of the limo. Oh, looks like mom is the killer. I knew something about him being the killer just didn’t seem right. Mom is crazy attached to her son. Some serious codependency issues right there. As we learned from Encore mom it seems she died at the same time as her son and came back. Also makes way more sense because I thought they cam right back to life no dead period like a vampire. Well Behrad comes to save the day stopping the mom from killing anymore people. This in turns stops the mom the future and saves Ava and Sara from being killed.

Ava is way too excited about being the final girl. Really, that is not something on my bucket list all. It’s something I would much rather avoid ever happening. It’s good to see everything back alive. It looks like Freddy did manage to survive and marry Tiffany. Now if he didn’t have such early balding. Of course the team had to play in the photo booth. I don’t blame them. Naturally Mick is missing but for a good reason he is getting it on with Allie.

While all of this is going on Zari is trapped on the Waverider. She gets flashes from the old timeline where she was this cool hacker. Granted she is still impressive now having built a huge empire and being a millionaire. She is more annoying cool where before she was just cool. These flashes help her get out of the Waverider. After being healed by Giddon it seems that Zari would like to stay on the ship a bit longer. Looks like we have more time with Zari ahead maybe she will get all the memories from the past timeline back?

Also while all of this is going on Constantine is visiting his old home where Charlie has been camping out. I kinda forgot about her a bit. I am happy to see Gary is Constantine’s apprentice. The fact that Gary can’t do spells right. The reason Constantine is visiting his home is became Astra’s mom is trapped behind a door in there. She is really mad at him, yea I don’t blame her I would be pissed if I was sealed away too. Charlie convinces Constantine that he needs to talk with Astra’s mom if it’s going to help fix things.

This episode was dark and funny at the same time. It was weird not having an actual historical figure for the Encore but it was hilarious seeing Ava fangirl. This was the first time we have actually seen Nora happy with her new job. We got to see her give advice and help someone based on her own experiences. We all know that Nora has had some serious character growth but it nice to see it in action. To see who Nora has become because of everything that happened to her.

Looks like we will be back to actual historical figures next episode with Marie Antoinette. Which is something I am excited for since she is one of the historical figures I find to be fascinating. We should also find out what happens with Constantine and Astra’s mom.

#legends of tomorrow #legends of tomorrow spoilers #cw legends of tomorrow #lot spoilers #dc legends of tomorrow

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muthaz-rapapa · 5 years

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A Break Down of All Star Memories: The Good & The Bad

This is ridiculously long so I put everything under the cut.

And I split it into the good and the bad but the good actually outweigh the bad by a lot so no wonder this was the best All Stars movie we’ve had in...wow, 7 years.

On top of that, it really did feel like an anniversary movie and I’m so glad they made that part really count.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Good Points

Story

Y’know, as much as I loved the DX movies, I admit that their storylines weren’t all that great which is why I suspect Toei tried to change that with New Stage and every other All Stars after. Except when you put new, exclusive characters in the spotlight, you kinda also take (too much) focus away from the Cures, the main reason why I want to watch the crossovers in the first place.

And I can tell they tried to find some equilibrium to that. One where they can develop a conflict and a resolution for said new character while giving the newbie Cures their time to shine. It’s difficult because there are just so many of them that you have to feature, oi. @_@;;;

Not to mention, needing to incorporate those fight scenes and climactic endings...and stupidly nerfing the established Cures to keep them on standby/out of the way until they’re needed for a dramatic entrance later. It’s been pretty formulaic one movie right after the other so by “Minna de Utau”, nothing was interesting anymore.

Then Dream Stars and Super Stars came along with a “smaller” cast but those were also so-so at best because again, it’s hard to break revamp habits and get a coherent flow of events without compromising some things along.

Now we have All Stars Memories and it’s...different.

It’s like any All Stars, the same in many aspects but still...different.

In the good way.

We have a very compelling antagonist this time and the writers did a great job of keeping the mystery about him till the reveal during the latter half of the movie.

Then there’s Hana/Yell who was absolutely amazing as the central protagonist of this story which I’ll get to in a bit.

Finally, letting Black and White actually share that spotlight with the Hugtto girls. Not as secondary or supporting but, for a while, they were the main characters again. I haven’t even watched their seasons yet but man, did it feel awesome to see them show off their wisdom, experience and badassery as the most senior of all Precure. <3

As for the rest of them, yea, they were nerfed again but it actually makes sense this time because they’ve been turned into babies, for cryin’ out loud, and their Precure memories were taken away.

Naturally, without those memories, they can’t do their Precure stunts.

Very good, Toei. You’re finally learning from your mistakes. *thumbs up*

Anyways, despite them being powerless for most of the movie, we still made the best of their cuteness so all’s good.

Last but not least, the conclusion. For 10 years, 10 years, all the All Stars movies boiled down to almost every Cure transforming to their respective super forms and/or then holding hands together in a circle or something similar to that effect before shooting one gargantuan rainbow-attack at the Big Bad while screaming in unison, “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!”.

That didn’t happen for Memories and let me say THANK GOD.

If anything, I felt that gently releasing Miden from his suffering was infinitely more impactful than the combined effect of every All Stars group attack in existence.

It was quiet but it moved the heart. And damn it, if it didn’t made you cry as well! No one was immune to tears as they recalled the times they spent with each other. And not one among them wanted to hurt Miden anymore than how hurt he was already. They all sincerely wished, as they made their way up to the top to meet Yell, to set him free.

Which brings me back to what I said in my earlier post, about what this movie is trying to remind us about Precure: you don’t save people by fighting them, you save them with love.

Compassion, not retaliation.

Wow.

Animation

You can immediately tell that Toei spared no expense in making this movie look as fabulous as possible. Whether it’s a fight scene or a light-hearted moment, everything is not only shiny, colorful and bright. It’s polished to the extent that if there was a mistake somewhere, it’s hardly noticeable to even be existent. At least I didn’t notice any flaws while I was watching it.

Moreover, that 3D.

Actually, this should come as no surprise to those who’s seen all the EDs up to this point. They’ve been steadily making improvements in this area for the past few years and there were even times during the movie that I couldn’t tell whether I was still watching 3D or if it switched back to 2D.

They move back and forth between the two formats so smoothly that you literally have to stop paying attention to the story to notice when they make the shift.

It’s so seamless that it left me speechless, to be honest.

Sympathetic, well-written antagonist

Like I said earlier, Miden is a very interesting adversary in the fact that he’s just as much the victim as he is the “villain”.

Unlike past All Stars villains, he was not motivated by evil or greed. He wasn’t a manifestation of another person’s negative feelings nor was he manipulated or brainwashed into doing bad deeds.

Miden was just an extremely lonely soul who had no way of communicating to people just how much he was suffering because his true form is that of a discarded camera.

And when you learn of his backstory, how the film in the camera was removed because those memories weren’t his to keep. How he spent what felt like ages in the dark being tortured inside out by that hollowness. How eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and turned into a monster in order to find a way flee from that pain. Don’t you feel sorry for him?

I did. I felt so bad for Miden because most people, in their entire lifetime, are lucky enough to never have to experience this sort of thing. Even if your unpleasant memories outnumbered your good ones, at least you have them and can go on to make good ones.

Miden had nothing but a faint recollection that he used to carry someone else’s memories and for years, he could do nothing to change it.

So it’s understandable he’d been driven insane by that.

Also, the fact that his spirit form resembles a teru teru bozu and the significance of the never-ending rain we see when Yell reaches the core of his heart.

Teru teru bozu are believed to have powers to bring good weather (aka make the clouds and rain go away).

But no matter how hard Miden tried to bring the sun back, by stealing other people’s memories and surrounding himself with their brilliance, it still rained non-stop. The darkness still lingered inside him. He may have the light of those memories but the feelings that come with them are not his. They still belong to the owner of those memories. That’s why he’d never be able to fill the void inside him.

It’s not enough to just have. He had to understand what it means to have them as well.

Truly, the portrayal of his character that encompassed all those troubled feelings of his is one of the things that makes this movie so memorable.

The frantic way he moves about, how his eyes creepily open and close like a camera lens and how he even sounds like a deprived ghost starving for something to make him whole again. How you eventually realize he’s more severely unstable (jumping frequently between moods from childishly gleeful to violently angry) than he is outright malicious...

And just how tired and sad he is when we finally learn the full truth about him.

Miden is pretty much a child himself. A very lost child who really needed a hug from someone and for them to tell him it’s alright now and that he no longer has to hurt.

Miden is not human and he may be fictional... but he certainly felt real (bonus for casting Mamoru Miyano to voice him) and in some moments, maybe even realer than an actual person.

Which is why I was so genuinely happy for him when he got his happy ending. I never felt that deeply or related to that deeply about a movie-exclusive character before so I’m glad Miden has the honor of being the first.

Cure Yell/Hana

I’ll admit it, I don’t think I ever officially warmed up to Hana. I’m always wary these days on whether I can accept the genki girl archetype into my good graces and when Hugtto began, Hana was just a little too cartoonish that she threw me a distance away further.

However, throughout this season, I can see the progress she’s made. I saw her grow from simply being optimistic with little to no basis for her confidence (in fact, I believe most of her early cheeriness was just a lot of bravado) into a person who understands that you won’t get what you want right away just by charging into it. In fact, it takes several tries, several trips and falls, maybe even a failure or two before you really find your footing again to press on.

I mean, she’s still the same Hana from the beginning in many respects. Brimming with energy, loud, silly, and prone to exaggerating.

But her development shows how she’s really matured. Before, her reaction to everything always seemed to be “cheer till your throat gets sore!”.

Nowadays, she takes time to pause and think before leaping (well, in some cases). She’s learned to accept hardship, no matter how hard it is to swallow, while still retaining a strong belief in the future.

And the movie kinda revisits all that development from the show.

Like the part when her entire team gets turned into babies, Hana broke down from all the stress that came with trying to take care of them.

When Precure are fighting, they actually don’t need to think much. They only have to focus on defeating the enemy in front of them.

But this dilemma was new for Hana and much more complicated than beating any enemy. Not even babysitting Hugtan was enough to help prepare her for getting four (ok, three) very fussy toddlers to just stay in one spot.

On top of that, her dearest friends forgot who she was as well and were constantly trying to run away from her because without their memories, Hana was essentially a stranger to them.

It was all too much for Hana to handle and she cracked because she didn’t know what to do. How to change them back, how to get them to remember her, how to stop them from crying. Hana was extremely overwhelmed.

And this scene and the voice acting felt so raw because of how Hana’s hopelessness was portrayed. Even full-fledged adults would tell you how hard this hits home cuz hey, sometimes even they don’t know what to do when the problem get the better of them.

Moreover, like Nagisa said, Hana is still a middle school girl. Despite having magical abilities that enable her to save the day, she’s still a child. You can’t ask the impossible of her. She can’t be a strong heroine every waking moment. She needs a break to deal with her frustration just like anybody else does.

But once she does give herself a moment to cry it out and witnesses the strength of Nagisa and Honoka’s bond, she realizes that just because the current situation is bad doesn’t mean she’s lost anything. She still has her memories of her friends and she still has powers to protect them. And protect them she will cuz that is what Nono Hana would do. The Nono Hana she wants to be.

As long as she still has a future she wants to reach, there’s no hurdle she can’t overcome. There is no reason why she should ever give up.

This is one of the most incredible things about Hana, really. It’s what drew the Hugtto girls to her in the first place and is essentially what won them their memories back and returned them back to her side.

Then there’s the final confrontation with Miden.

Notice how Hana was the the first among the only available Precure at the time to question Miden’s motives for stealing other people’s memories.

Even when Miden mercilessly launched another attack at them after they discovered his true identity, Hana did not lift a finger against him. And when he swallowed everyone whole, she was still trying to figure out what it meant, how painful it was, to have no memories to call your own.

She clung to him, refused to leave his mind even when every other Cure went back to normal and withstood all his resistance to reach the depths of his heart.

In the end, Hana could never understand that emptiness Miden felt because she always had her memories. She never lost them like Miden did.

But if there’s one thing she does know, one thing she can relate to, it’s this: Miden wasn’t satisfied with who he was so he tried his best to become what he wanted to be.

Once she knew that, there was no more reason to fight him. What she needed to do was save him. And that wasn’t by using magic.

It was by easing Miden’s anguish. Hugging him, talking gently with him, sharing with him the warmth he lacked and which she had plenty to give, and letting him know that he can get a second chance. That he can be the Miden wants to be.

Miden can do anything. Miden can be anything.

And she’ll be with him every step of the way.

By now, everybody should understand the reason why Cure Yell was designed like a cheerleader.

It’s not only because Hana shows enthusiastic, outwardly support for the person she’s rooting for but also because when they can’t be at their best, she’ll still be there for them. If you need to cry, she’ll be there to hold you. If you’re in doubt, she’ll try to think of a way out with you. Even if she can’t give you exactly what you’re looking for, she’ll always, always be there for you.

And she’s done a fantastic job at being the heroine she was meant to be.

Good job, Hana. All of us cannot be more proud of how far you’ve come.

Emotional scenes

It’s pointless to describe these moments in words as you really need to watch them to get that resonance echoing throughout your chest and the waterworks flowing.

But this probably being the best All Stars in history (I’m really getting to that point where I can firmly say it is), I think I’m required to list a few. Namely...

Nagisa standing up against Miden, saying all the reasons why he is NOT Yukishiro Honoka and how only Honoka, her Honoka, can be Yukishiro Honoka, and demanding that Miden return the one she loves most in the world.

FutariWa fans, are y’all still alive? 8D

Then of course, Hana saving Miden from his despair.

And the tear-inducing finale.

Again, it’s quiet but profoundly beautiful in a way Precure hasn’t been before.

And you have no soul if you didn’t feel even the least like crying during this part. *sniff*

Insert Song “Rewind Memory”

This song is beyond awesome and every bit of it pretty much screams “PRECURE!” all the way across the globe.

I mean, lyrics-wise it’s just like a lot of the Precure insert songs before it. Idealistically and generically beautiful with it words. And frankly, when it plays in the movie, you kinda almost don’t hear it with all the action going on.

But the melody and instrumentals? Andand those vocals by the first and most recent Precure OP singers?! The emotions it evokes when you do listen to it by itself?

It’s okay, I’ll cry with you. *hands you a tissue* (;w;)

Baby Precure

Need I say more? I didn’t think so.

Humor

Well, this one’s a given because you can’t make an All Stars entirely dark and sad.

However, I found I was more receptive to the funny bits this time around. Maybe because I really needed a good laugh after all those serious moments? Maybe because it was combined with the cuteness of the babies?

I dunno but I really enjoyed it, nonetheless. (^ ∀ ^)

Everybody got speaking lines

YEA-HUH.

Everybody.

I mean, not everyone got a full sentence. A lot of them were limited to only one line or even one word and most of it was either yelling out their attacks, their catchphrase (mostly the Pink Cures), their group call, some other Cure’s name, or just a kiai shout.

But yea, EVERY Cure present, for the first time since DX3, spoke at least once in this movie!

Woohoo~! ✽-(ˆ▽ˆ)/✽ ✽\(ˆ▽ˆ)-✽

Interaction among Cures in their civilian forms

Ok, so the last part didn’t have any of them talking with each other but we do see them mingling outside their usual groups and that’s all I can ever ask for.

*sighs happily* I need to go over this again when I do that funny/cute/awesome moments compilation which will also be ridiculously long but hey, can you blame me? This movie is just that good.

ED dance

Dancing and singing in the ending credits are such a staple of the Precure franchise (as much as the fighting elements is, I must add) that any season or movie without them feels wrong somehow.

Perhaps that’s why I didn’t really like Dream Stars or Super Stars outside of the few things I did like in them. Because even if the rest of it is sub-par or even downright awful like Haru no Carnival or Minna de Utau, I can always count on the CGI dancing and singing to be the saving grace for the movie.

Yea, it’s narmy and the songs are cheesy and corny and will give you diabetes and all that stuff but that’s what makes Precure utterly charming.

Without that, it’s just something I want to skip to see if there are any post-credits scene.

These are the points I have unsure feelings about. They’re neither good nor bad. They’re just stuck in the middle and I just wanted to get them out for the sake of it.

Panty shots - Granted, I think every Cure is wearing either bloomers or shorts under their skirts anyway but it was so awkward to see it from this angle multiple times during the movie that the silly child inside me was compelled to go “Mommy, look! I can see her undies!”

(;; ^ ▽ ^)

Fourth-wall breaking/Deus Ex Machina (aka Miracle Lights) - Arguably the weakest aspect of every Precure movie in general but since these are primarily aimed at children and the fact that they positively love these gimmicks, I’m not in a position to say anymore than that.

*zips my trap shut* :x

Bad Points

These are just based what I felt were bad. No need to get personal or offended as that was not my intention. These ARE NOT facts, they’re just my opinions.

That one line from Harry - The one where he told Hana to pull herself together when she broke down crying and Nagisa chewed him out for it.

Yea, ok, canon!Harry would NOT say such an insensitive thing like that to any of the girls when they’re down. Harry is NOT that type of guy.

Especially not after he’s been with them for so long so this OOC-ness was quite a shock for me.

I don’t know why the writers seem to hate him but Harry’s always been on the end of somebody’s criticism for the dumbest things. Except this time, it’s not dumb, it’s just plain stupid mis-characterization.

The fact that Nagisa immediately scolds him right after he says that makes me believe they were just itching to give Nagisa something to say during this situation.

But did you really have to use Harry as a verbal punching bag? Couldn’t you have done it a little more nicely?

Harry’s role was already reduced to being stuck as the talking mascot for 99% of the movie so why you have to write him in a way that would get him bad rep?

Stupid Toei.

Violence against defenseless girls/shock factor - When Miden attacked an untransformed Hana and Nagisa, I really could not believe what I saw with my own two eyes.

I mean, it’s not unbelievable. It’s just that attacking the Cures in their civilian forms rarely ever happens. In fact, I can’t recall a time it ever happened???

So when it happened, I was like “WTF?!!!?!”

ARGH, I’m talking in circles.

But seeing the girls get physically hurt in a way where magic cannot protect or heal them from serious damage afterwards reminded me of when I watched Pocahontas for the first time in theaters.

That moment when Kocoum got shot? Scared the shit outta me that I couldn’t go anywhere by myself for months. That was the first time I ever saw someone die on screen and it left a scar I could never forget.

So I don’t have to imagine how scary and upsetting it was for the babies when they saw their temporary guardians get blown off their feet right in front of them.

Yea, sure, nobody died here and it triggered Honoka getting her memories back but I’ll always be asking “Did they really have to take it that far?”

...good god, I don’t even want to think how many little kids cried in the theater when they saw this. I hope none of them did. I hope they’re all okay.

...I may be overreacting but I still hope they’re okay.

It’s finished. I’m done. Please don’t let me do this again.

*falls over dead* ◎☆（♯××）┘

#this post stole all my life force #felt like i poured all my soul into it and now i've got nothing left #what a useless talent i have :P #precure all stars #precure all stars memories #miden (precure all stars memories)#cure yell #nono hana #hugtto precure #cure black #misumi nagisa #cure white #yukishiro honoka #futari wa precure

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yodawgiherd · 6 years

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Uncertainty

Sorry for being AWOL, but I’m kinda on a dry streak right now, hope it will get better.

For those who are still bearing with me: Enjoy!

Rating: T

>>>Read on AO3<<<

“Fuck.“

Levi stared at the phone in his hand, eyebrows furrowed, holding it as far away from his face as possible, as if the machine could bite him. His finger hovered above the call button, itching closer and closer until he gave up. Again.

“Shit.”

With a flick of his wrist, he threw it away, and the phone landed on the bed, lying innocently afterwards. Frustrated, Levi ran his hands through his hair, his thoughts racing. Well, racing might not be the best word for it, since all they did was going in the same circle, over and over again. The number, which he was so afraid to call, belonged to no one else but his old friend and recently his photographer, Petra. Getting it was easy, all he had to do was give Yelena a call and ask for it, saying that he wants to go over some details with her. Although the assistant gave it to him readily, Levi had the feeling that there was a mocking tone in her voice, which indicated that she knew very well why he wanted it. Well screw her, she can think what she wants to, he didn’t give a fuck. But now, after acquiring said number, all he could do was dial it and then watch his finger go for, but never reach, the call button.

It’s not like he was afraid of anything, but… Damn it, why did she act the way she did back at the photoshoot? Did she really forget about him? Or maybe she just simply didn’t want to see him again. And if that was the case, should he really try and force himself into her life? What gave him the right to do so? With another of his frustrated groans, he paced around the room. He couldn’t do this. Could he? Slowly, carefully, he picked up the phone again, staring at the screen, as his thumb crept forwards, almost reaching, until… It rang on its own, almost making Levi jump out of his skin. Heart beating, he saw that it was Hange calling, and it with a defeated sigh, picked up.

“Levi! How are you doing?”

“I’m fucking swell. What do you need?”

He really didn’t feel like making smalltalk right now.

“Oh damn, someone is even grumpier than usual this morning.”, she laughed at her own joke, not really caring that he didn’t find it funny. “We need a big strong man to help us down at the bar, can you come? And don’t worry about the big part, I brought a ladder.”

Fuck it, fuck it all. It’s not like he could ever bring himself to call Petra anyway.

“I’m on my way.”

Mikasa punched, dodged, danced a few steps back, breathing calm and measured. With another precise hit, she forced her imaginary opponent to take a wild swing, one she could duck under and…. A shot of pain appeared in her ribs and spread into her body, and she winced, pressing a hand against the aching area. It was just a week since her epic battle against the forces of evil, namely Annie, and her body was still not in the top shape she wished it would be in. Normal movements and day-to-day life were okay, but when she strained herself, like by training for example, it tended to protest. Mikasa could imagine Eren’s smug grin if he would see her like this. Not happy that she hurt, of course not, but he did like being right. Ignoring his warnings that she should take it easy was not the smartest decision in her life. The pain subsiding, she straightened, breathing slowly to get her ribs back into her control. Eyes aimlessly wandering around the gym, she watched the other people there, until her gaze ran over a person that was not supposed to be there. Like, not at all. Annie seemed to notice her at the same time, and she came closer, neutral expression on her face. She was still beaten, although the swelling around her eye was gone, turning into a black eye, making her able to see clearly, but her hand was still broken, obviously, so there was the white cast around the limb.

“Hey.”, was all she said, watching Mikasa, most likely waiting for a reaction.

“Annie. What are you doing here?”, she did her best to keep the tone of her voice under control, but the emotions she felt were still going strong, even after the time that passed. Sure, she knew that not everything was Annie’s fault, as she was strongly manipulated by her father, but that didn’t do much to stop the dislike for the girl. Trying to keep her mind from venturing too far into that territory, she gestured to her hand. “You can’t train yet.”

The blonde shook her head, cradling the limb. “I know that. I didn’t come here to train. I came to talk to you.”

Maybe it would be courteous to ask her if she wants to sit or something, maybe go somewhere else to talk than the gym, but Mikasa wasn’t feeling like a very pleasant host, especially not to Annie.

“Talk then.”

If Annie didn’t expect such bluntness, she didn’t show it, dragging her fingers over the cast as she struggled to meet Mikasa’s eyes.

“I just… I wanted to ask… Ehm, how is he?”

It was rather obvious who the “He” in question is.

“Armin is fine.”, well, he wasn’t completely fine, but there was no need for her to know that. “He’s picking himself up from the ground where you knocked him. Again.” Maybe the words carried a little bit more venom than necessary, but Mikasa wasn’t about to dwell on that.

Annie winced a bit as if the words physically hurt her but didn’t back down. “That’s good, great. I just want to tell you that I’ve talked to my dad, and… We made some changes, for the better really, so I should thank you for making me see.”

Honestly speaking, Mikasa didn’t care much for the changes in Annie’s life. Maybe later, when the memory of Armin walking down the roof will be less fresh in her mind, she will be able to empathize, but not now. All she did was nod, hoping that Annie might take her leave then, but she was wrong.

“So… Do you think it’s a good idea if I go talk to him?”

“Talk to him? You? No, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

There was some defiance appearing in Annie’s eyes upon hearing those words, as she most likely thought that Mikasa is only doing her best to separate her from Armin out of spite. Well, if she wants to push it, she deserves to know the whole truth. Moving over the ropes, Mikasa jumped down from the ring, standing face to face with her blonde rival.

“Listen. I think it’s about time you know what really happened that night. I didn’t come to beat you up just because you broke up with him, that would hardly be the appropriate reaction. But the thing is…”, Annie really had no idea what she was talking about, her blue eyes wide as she watched her. Mikasa took a deep breath. “He tried to kill himself, Annie. Actually no, scratch that, he did kill himself, jumped from the damn roof where you left him. Only thing that stopped him from dying was me catching him. Now you see why I don’t think that going to talk to him after just a week is a good idea?”

“What…what are you saying?”

“He’s in therapy because of you, Annie, because of what you did to him. So please, stop.”

The blonde covered her open mouth with her hand, staring at Mikasa in disbelief.

“I… had no idea, I didn’t know, I…”

She ran out of words to say. In silence, the two women just watched each other, with one being in shock while the other offered no reprieve.

“Just give him time and stay away. It’s for the best.”

Annie nodded, slowly, broken. She turned away, walking to the exit, until she thought of something and stopped.

“Can you tell him… Tell him…” Mikasa waited for the message, but in the end got nothing, Annie only shook her head in defeat. “Never mind, there is nothing to say anymore.”

And with that, she left.

Once again finding himself on the couch, Armin watched the painting hanging on the wall, deciding that he likes it more and more by the second.

“Hello Armin, how are you doing?”, asked Hitch from her usual seat, wearing the same friendly smile she had last time.

“I’m doing great, I think. Things are getting better.”

“That’s amazing to hear. Now did you bring that little homework I gave you the last time?”

“Oh yea.”, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the paper, unfolding it and frowning at the words written inside. “I’m not sure how I did.”

“This was hardly a test of any sorts, it’s just a little side something to help you.”, she gestured to the paper, “Can I see it or would you rather just talk about the things you wrote down.”

With a shrug, Armin handed her the list, and she murmured a quick thanks before going through it, lips twitching upwards over some of the points he made.

“See,”, she said after finishing her reading, “just a week ago you couldn’t think of anything, but now you picked up quite a few, didn’t you?”

“I’m not sure that the stuff I wrote can be considered as a bad thing. It’s not like they are evil or anything.”

“It’s not hard to assume that your friends are hardly evil, Armin. This list,”, she held it up “is nothing degrading or demeaning, we didn’t come here to make fun of them. It’s just human to have some traits that could be considered as not exactly ideal.” Seeing him nod, she continued. “I would like to hear your comments on some of the things you wrote down. Would that be okay?”

“Sure, I should be able to back up my own points, shouldn’t I?”

Hitch’s eyes slowly moved from her patient back to the paper, as she started preparing her questions in her head. If she plays this right, this could be both helpful and fun at the same time. Laughter is a great therapy after all.

There was shout from the main room, followed by a clutter of tools. Connie started to laugh while Levi was loudly making his point, all that noise accompanied by Hange’s own words that somehow weaved through it all. Sasha ignored them. Sitting snugly in her wheelchair, she continued her work on the laptop, hammering out the last details of the deals with their future suppliers. Carla was supposed to come in soon, and she would put her workforce back in order. When Sasha’s phone rang, she didn’t even bother looking at the display before picking up.

“Sasha here, you got any errands for me to run?”

But instead of Carla’s playful response there was only a silence on the other end of the line. Frowning, she finally did look at the phone to see that the number of the caller was one she didn’t know.

“Uhm, hello? Sasha Blouse on the line.”, she tried again.

She could hear breathing, but no one said a word.

“Listen, if this is a prank call, I have to warn you that I have a friend who is more than capable of beating you up so badly that you won’t know what year it is.”, maybe she was a little bit harsh, but hey, prank calls were only funny when she did them, not the other way around. There was no response from the caller, and her patience was wearing thin. Just as she was about to just hang up, someone finally did speak up.

“Uhm, miss Blouse, I…”, it was a young girl speaking, judging from the voice, and it was laced with fear. What was she afraid of? But before Sasha could ask, she continued.

“My name is Gabi, and I… Ehm...”

Something about hearing her so stressed about something just triggered Sasha’s protective instincts.

“It’s okay Gabi, you can talk to me. I’m really friendly in person, sorry about the threats, I didn’t mean them.”

She could hear that the other girl took a deep breath.

“I’m the one that shot you.”

#snk #fanfic #eremika

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inkerii · 6 years

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So I actually liked vld season 7

Some of it anyway. I still have some beef with it. Normally I don’t really post my thoughts but I wanna get it out of my chest c: gonna stick just to the Good Things on this post since it got out of hand!

Warning: LONG POST and since I’m on mobile idk how to put it under a read more!

*** [Good Things]

So many good things honestly.

• FIRST OF ALL: THE MUSIC! THE ANIMATION! THE BACKGROUNDS! THE CHOREOGRAPHY!! More than any plot these workers deserve so much credit <333

• Everything about episode 1. From learning of the beginning of Keith’s and Shiro’s friendship to the shenanigans with the yelmore. As a med student though, I wish they would explain a bit more about this mysterious disease he had and why is it apparently “gone” now.

• Cosmo. Everything about this space pupper. I love that he’s being included far more than the other pets because it was always pretty clear to me he’s very protective of keith and doesn’t appear to like leaving his owner’s side. ALSO I LOVE HOW BIG HE IS. HE’S BIGGER THAN PIDGE IN SOME SHOTS.

• I’m digging the Generals’ new outfits. Noice.

• LANCE DEFENDING PIDGE. Yes yes yes. I love how much he cares for her. I really wish she had become his love interest instead of Allura. Still! They had quite a few sweet moments c:

• Space mice are back to helping the team too heck yes

• “The Feud” is both kinda endearing but also my least favorite episode of the series. Since this part is about the good things: Everything about Lotor. Zarkon calling Lotor names. It was so DOTU I loved it so much

• THE DRUID IS BACK!! I loved that the druid was back. I really really wish they had expanded on WHY the druids are like that and HOW do they get their powers. They appear Galra. Are they a breed Haggar experimented on? They seem to almost idolize her. Gimme more info on the quiznaking Druids season 8 plEASE

• KEITHS WEIRD QUINTESSENCE POWERS VOLTRON PLEASE -PLEASE- EXPLAIN - as a side note I 110% believe the purple quintessence coming from Keith’s hands in when he unlocks Black’s wings in season 6 is that very power of his, not Shiro’s spirit or whatever

• Keith’s and Krolia’s goodbye. It was so emotional. I love that Keith has the maturity to understand that she has to leave- not because of a “mission” but because so many Blades she was shown to CARE FOR were gone. For all the “greater good” the Blades were about, they did seem to care. I love how gentle Krolia was with Kolivan too. I wonder if Kolivan is the Shiro to Krolia’s Keith.

• I originally had mixed feelings about the Floating In Space episode because both Keith and Allura felt OOC at first. But y'know what? I’ve come to like it. Keith had been acting like the Perfect Leader™ since he came back, as if his issues had all faded away when he and Black really became a team. But truth is, they weren’t. Keith was responsible for his team now, and they were floating in space, nearly dying, and the paladins were talking about QUITTING. Keith didn’t do his job well enough. Keith failed, failed them and FAILED as a leader, or so he felt: he let them down JUST LIKE IN SEASON 4 and now they’d all die. He was tired and not thinking properly so OF COURSE his basic instinct flared up: “leave them so they wont kick me out first”. As someone who likes the idea of keith and allura together, I really didn’t get Keith’s sudden outburst against Alfor, but… He might have done it to push Allura’s buttons. He KNOWS her, he KNOWS she’s the one who would argue the most (like in s4), so he instinctively tries to get her off him already- and because he knows her so well he goes for something that he knows is a low blow. Thing is, that made Allura’s own hurt feelings flare up (and the rest of the team’s). Allura might have understood where he was coming from in s4, but she was clearly sad that he still chose the Marmora over them. Even if she GETS it, it still HURTS. The whole team HURT. And now Keith was trying to push them away AGAIN. They were PISSED. They had trusted him 100% even though he abandoned them and now he was leaving again?!

BUT THEN!! DEVELOPMENT!! This time team Voltron WILL NOT let Keith go. Will NOT kick him out no matter how hard Keith tries to make them do it (thanks Hunk!!). And that helps Keith to FINALLY admit how much he cares and allows him to put them right up there with Shiro and Krolia when it comes to people HE wont give up on, people he now KNOWS wont give up on him. He may have called them “friends” but.. Keith isn’t that good with expressing how much he cares. He’s always a little hesitant when it comes to sharing his feelings (you’re LIKE a brother to me vs you’re MY BROTHER). He does mean family. He’s just being Keith :)

• I actually genuinely liked the Earth two-parter. I never thought Sam could carry an episode like that but damn. U go babe. I loved Colleen too. AND VERONICA YEA GIRL

• Kincaid and Griffin OWN MY HEART I SWEAR-

• Bless non-evil-Galra-Prince AJ LoCascio. Even though I got whiplash in some scenes like “wait he sounds like Lotor wtq” most of the times I didn’t even notice. So glad they decided to keep him around! He has a superb voice.

• Katie reuniting with her family!! LANCE reuniting with his family!! “uncle lance” yes pls ;w;

• Hunk’s flashbacks ;-; I feel so bad for the baby I’m so glad his family is safe now. I loved seeing how cooking isn’t really just for food when it comes to Hunk, I love that his mom and aunt (i’m assuming??) actually let us viewers understand that every time hunk cooks he’s more interested in sharing company and spending time together. Just. Yes <3

• Iverson apologizing to Keith + petting Cosmo heck yea. Griffin and Keith ignoring their differences, nice.

• KEITH COMFORTING HUNK. He might not be as comfortable saying emotional words like “love” or “family” to the team as he is around Shiro and Krolia (understandably), but you can see he cares just as much. Also YES let him be hugged more. He clearly loves it.

• All those conformations of paladins!! Keith/Pidge/Allura -> Pidge and Keith. Yes!! Keith and Hunk! Lance and Hunk!! A+ hell yea

• All the shoutouts to previous seasons!! The reflective shields from S6ep1. Keith understanding sign language this time!! Pidge distracting the guards by being silly (but in a very Pidge way) while Keith goes around like in season 1!!!

• Really nice touch of having Allura give up the crystal in her tiara to save Shiro. Their friendship is so precious <3 Also bonus points since this was likely what allowed Shiro to sense Atlas’ quintessence- the new arm still DOES have a connection to his brain so, like, so does the crystal :’D

• Speaking of Atlas, I’m neutral on it? So long as it doesn’t keep showing up as a robot I’m good. I just don’t get why it gets defense upgrade when it turns into a robot? Regardless though, it seems wayyy too big and clumsy. So hopefully it’ll remain just a ship in most eps.

• I did love the smaller earth fighters tho! Blonde + Freckles Whose Name I Can’t Spell Sorry grew on me. Also, ships’ designs are awesome. Honestly so long as Earth Team doesn’t end up in the LIONS I’d be happy. I feel like they might though. Oh well.

• LANCE. JUST HOW MUCH LANCE MATURED. THIS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT THIS SEASON. He barely joked around this time!! He really showed how he supports the team. I LOVE to see Keith depending on and trusting Lance to be his second in command. THAT’S what I always wanted for the two of them. - Bonus: I loved how Keith fell back for a second on his old habits by going all “don’t miss the shot” or whatever cause really that’s exactly what their rivalry was about. Early Series Lance would get back at him without batting an eye. But he remained focused and alert! Lance’s development is more subtle but this is EXACTLY the same point Keith was when Kuron started calling him worthless. Keith had GROWN, and those things didn’t bother him anymore. Likewise, Lance has GROWN. He’s an adult who takes things seriously now and doesn’t waste time with silly bickering. Just. Yes. While lowkey, this is just as satisfying to me because unlike Keith we actually SAW all the stages of Lance’s growth. (We didn’t see all the conversations Keith and Krolia had on the space whale). Just. Lance. Bless him.

• I still prefer Sendak’s season 1 design. That said, he was a marvelous villain- more than any other he really represented all that was evil in the Galra Empire so I enjoyed him. Zarkon was into the lions for personal reasons, Haggar is more about the Altean thing, Lotor didn’t really care for Voltron since he built Sincline. So yea. I didn’t expect him to be the main villain but I don’t mind.

• Speaking of which, loved the Sendak/Shiro fight! It really felt like all that encompassed the Paladins vs all that encompassed the Galra. And even though I actually didn’t like that Keith was the one to deal the final blow, Keith IS a mix of Galra/Paladin who has good intentions. So… like Lance said early in the season. He’s the future.

• not so sure what to think of the final EP and that weird robot but eh. Assuming it’s from Honerva, I DID like how it showed that Honerva IS different than Haggar… And more dangerous. This was literally a Haggar Robeast but upgraded, because YEA Honerva is much better than her quintessence-cursed counterpart.

• THE FAMILIES!! Shay!! Y'know I’m not usually a multishipper - actually I’ve never done it before - but I love both hunay and hunelle. I’m totally ok with hunelle in an AU and hunay in voltron canon (Hunk clearly cares for her so much that even though I prefer Romelle I can’t go against that precious bean teary smile when Shay showed up.). Besides!! Platonic hunelle is really precious too. ALSO ALSO KOLIVAN AND KROLIA and Krolia is wearing a Leader's version of the BoM suit?? NICE

• Matt is back and looks more handsome than ever! I love the ponytail. I love his design. And his colors. And his new girlfriend?? If I remember correctly from the Naxzela episode the helmeted alien sounded like a girl. ALSO ARE THOSE PUPS BESIDES OLIA HER KIDS?? PRECIOUS PUPPERS

• ROMELLE. we need more of her gdi-

• IS THE ALTEAN MERLA OH GOD LET IT BE MERLA I’M BEGGING YOU-

• Lastly, another of my favorite bits: Piloting the Lions through their bond. It just goes so well with my headcanon that the quintessence of the pilot actually MERGES with the quintessence of the pilot, so much that when they’re connected like that even if the body dies the mind still goes on. The difference for me between this season and what Shiro went through is that the paladins still have their bodies to ground them and help them keep control, while Shiro was just… Lost in the astral plane, barely able to separate his consciousness from the Lion’s (so much that this only happened twice when the paladins were purposely trying to connect with his quintessence/spirit in the astral plane). It’s not as “romantic” as the whole ‘black SAVED SHIRO’ but I really think his time in the Black Lion was really unsettling: not being Shiro and not being Black, but some weird mix of the two (his sarcastic confusion towards lance early in the season also supports this: he wasn’t HIMSELF anymore. Thinking like a normal person and not like a robot is WEIRD for him). It’s a headcanon though but it’s mine and I will fight you on this (actually no pls don’t fight me).

*** Overall!! While not my favorite season (that’s 2 and 6), season 7 wasn’t BAD. Maybe I just had lower expectations since I spoiled myself out of anxiety. It wont be like s2 and s6 where I’ll binge watch the eps over and over again, but it’s pretty comfortable with s1 and s3 in “eh it was fine, ok, I like it”.

[That said, there WERE quite a few things that pissed me off about this season, but everyone is so negative rn and quite a few people already covered part of those reasons, so I wanted to post about good things!! I’ll probably do another post on the Bad Things of this season.]

#vld #vld spoilers #vld s7 #voltron spoilers #voltron s7 spoilers #inke speaks

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kitty-ala-femme · 7 years

Text

Domestic Life With the Otherworldly:Moving On

I pulled up to the apartment complex, I could barely fit in the car with everything else that was in here. Not like I had a choice, I can’t go back, not now. I pulled into a parking space, there wasn’t any cars anywhere close by, it was just me and the sun. God it was hot today, of course it was, fate always seems to be against me. Turning off the car I stepped towards the building that seemed to be a central office, at least that’s what the sign said. I brushed my long hair out of my face, I wanted to make a good first impression, having more than half my face covered probably would work against me there. The door opened with a jingle, “Welcome to Mystic Apartments, where those from all lives are welcome” a man with blond hair that was probably longer than I am tall. “How may I help you?”

“I-I am here to see about the vacancy” I said softly, brushing hair out of my face. “I was told by a Mrs. Belladonna about a vacancy. I was told she’d be here today” shortly my hair found its way intertwined by my fingers.

“You must be Ms. Azure!” he said seemingly excited “I’ve been told to expect you, if you’ll pardon me for just a moment” the man picked up the phone and dialed a short number, probably an extension for Mrs. Belladonna or whoever I am supposed to be meeting. “Mrs. Belladonna? Ms. Azure is here…yes?…she’s quite like you described, I’ll send her in.” the man hung up the phone. “If you can go through that door there” he said pointing to an office door. “Mrs. Belladonna will be right with you”

“Th-thank you Mr….” I started looking for a name tag or a plaque, but there was none to be found.

“Just Lakshin is fine”

“O-Oh…in that case, thank you Lakshin” I said walking toward the door he indicated. As I opened the door my hand was caught in a vise grip like handshake.

“You must be mistress Azure!” a boisterous voice boomed from the woman in front of me. “You are here about the vacancy correct?” this Mrs. Belladonna startled me, I at a loss for words couldn’t do much more than nod. “Fantastic, I pray hope that Ms. Lilith doesn’t drive you off too”

“Wh-who is Ms. Lilith?” I asked, a thousand fears racing to mind, what kind of person was I getting involved with.

“Ah she is to be your dwelling mate, if that isn’t a problem of course. On your application you stated that you’d be willing to be matched with another individual, as to lessen the financial burden, Ms. Lilith can manage well enough on her own but she’s expressed an interest in having a roommate, but without any of her own she mentioned to me that desire. She’s had issue with finding a suitable roommate, would she be a problem for others I’d have little issue sending her on her way, but its scarcely her fault, not to reveal what is not mine to divulge, the poor girl is judged for how she simply is, not any action of her own”

“I see, I know how that feels..” I divulged.

“Fantastic” Mrs. Belladonna bellowed “fate would bring two kindred spirits to find solace in one another. Though I wish I could introduce you to one another, I have matters to attend to, I’ll call to let Ms. Lilith know to expect our arrival” she said, a comforting smile upon her face “here are the keys to your future, unit 13A” with a delicate movement she put the keys in my hands. Carefully I put it on my key ring, my car keys should be much less lonely now.

“Thank you” I said leaving the office. I waves to Lakshin on my way out of the building. The blistering heat once again upon me. I quickly went about finding my new home. It didn’t take long to find my new place, at least the door labeled as such. I couldn’t start off as rude, I should knock at least. “H-Hi Ms. Lilith? "My name is Azure, I’m to be your new roo-” the door opened before I could finish clumsily introducing myself. In the dimly lit room I could make out the shape of who I presumed to be Lilith.

“Come in” a rough voice said, probably Lilith’s “hope you don’t mind the dark…” she said as I walked fully in, the door shutting suddenly behind me. “I’m still kinda waking up” this late? I checked my phone and it read 2:12 PM but who am I to judge when I’ve slept in just as much before when I could. “I don’t mind ” I said extending my hand for introductions.

“My name is Azure, it’s a pleasure to meet you ms. Lilith”

“Cut out that formal crap, we’re gonna be roommates not business partners, just Lilith is fine” the voice said confirming the identity “come sit with me….actually you probably have some stuff to move don’t you?”

“Y-yea…just one load, probably should get that done first…I wouldn’t mind relaxing with you after though”

“In that case lights might be a good idea” she said “stumbling through the dark with potential valuables would seem like a bad idea” by the front entrance, I heard the flick of a switch as light filled the once dark room i looked to see my roommate only to meet an empty wall. “Over here” the rough voice of Lilith sounded almost right behind me. I turned around and at my eye level was a scale covered torso. Lilith towered above me, as I looked down I saw a snake like body twist throughout the room.

“Y-You’re a lamia?” I said trying to hide any shock in my voice, I don’t think I was scared, more so just shocked at the revelation. She stood tall with a strong frame, she was lithe, but muscular. Her light skin contrasted the dark scales that dotted her body before it formed into her lower half. She looked down on me with eyes that burned red, her hair was dark pink, shorter on one side than the other.

“Yes yes, now please feel free to scream in terror to never return” she said, as if she’d seen it before. She looked down probably expecting to see a face of terror “Hold up…you aren’t scared?” She asked confused

“No…just surprised” I said trying to keep my voice steady

“You’re a weird girl, you know?”

“Weird?” I was genuinely confused, why am I weird now?

“Never mind that, if you wanna bring stuff to the door I’ll carry it to your room, I don’t really feel like going out.

It took a while but between the two of us my car was once again free from boxes. It was getting dark out as I carried the last box to the door "that should be it then” I announced tired as I’ve been for some time.

“Good to hear” Lilith said, she must’ve seen me fall into the couch as I heard her say something I couldn’t make out as she approached the couch “Did you say something” I asked sitting up to make room for her, she easily dwarfed me in size, even her torso was a good deal larger than me.

“O-oh I was just asking if you were okay. you kinda fell hard…maybe you should take a nap or something” she started back up “I didn’t see you bring in your bed…if you needed help you could’ve asked…I’m not that against outside”

“N-no not that…I just don’t have one”

“Wait…you’re meaning all you have is what is there, some clothes, a few electronics and collectible things?” Lilith asked, getting almost angry.

“Yeah…its all I could fit in my car…didn’t have much time” I said curling up tightly, trying not to think about that day.

“Is something wrong? Did something bad happen?” Lilith asked reaching out to me, I flinched.

“No…just…I was kicked out…actually me running away would be a more accurate description” I said standing up “I brought a sleeping bag so that will be fine” I got up dragging myself to the room. Outside my room I could hear Lilith mutter something but I couldn’t make it out clearly. I pulled the sleeping bag out and unrolled it. Crawling in I head a knock at the door “Y-Yes?”

“It’s Lilith, may I come in”

“Sure” I said, gently the door opened, Lilith slithered in and stood over me.

“Get up”

“What? Why” I ask sitting up “I’ve barely even had a chance to sleep”

“You’re not sleeping there” Lilith said sharply

“Where else do you plan on me sleeping? The only bed here presumably is yours” I looked up and the glint in her smile told all. In a swift movement I was up much higher than I would be if I just stood up. “I can walk you know” I said pointedly

“Yes but….” Lilith started to trail off. She opened the door to her room, there was a massive bed, on which Lilith practically tossed me. “Sorry” she said sharply “I’ll be on the couch if you need me”

“But-” i was cut off before I could object. It would have made more sense to have me sleep on the couch. I got up to trade places but soon the bed’s warmth seemed to ensnare me. I didn’t have any strength to fight it off. Resigning to my fate I fell asleep.

Early the next morning I woke up, still unable to move. I didn’t feel tired, so I wonder what was wrong. I looked over to see the face of my roommate in the bed next to me, her body coiled around me gently enough that I wasn’t in pain at all, but still holding me in place. Enough time passed that the sun began to flood in the windows as the day came to. Slowly Lilith’s eyes fluttered open. “Mornin” I said sheepishly.

#domestic life with the otherworldly #dlwto #original story #fantasy #slice of life #episodic story

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

Tired of these yet? A Christmas journey in March with 4.09

I’ve actually been productive today *claps* I’m the worst™ and a procrastinator to the core, so it was about damn time I got shit done. Plus+ I ran out of clean jeans so that was some motivation to do laundry & once I started moving I just kept going haha. But today I watched the Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher’s memorial & omg it was so emotional ugh. Now that I’m so sad I guess I’m going to watch Call the Midwife. Care to join me?

I closed my eyes and pointed to the episode list, looks like we’re watching 4.09 aka the 2015 Christmas special

I don’t have to pretend very hard that it’s Christmas because it was like 17 degrees f the other day lol

Am I the only one who hums along in their head to the theme song? ok nvm

Aw a baby

Tom is actually in church lol, we rarely see him there

Sister MJ lol, what is she looking for?!

Sister Winifred actually cooks/bakes pretty often

SISTER EVANGELINA 😭💔 I still miss her

Sister Winifred aka queen of cringey facial expressions, I love it

Ah no! the death joke is no longer funny sister E 😭😭 rip💔

My bby Trixie on the scene😍

What is quality street? I looked it up before but forgot. Candy right?

whoops is my American showing

I hope Sister MC comes back soon☹️

“Behold, I have located the Brandy” three cheers for alcohol 🍻 I wouldn’t choose brandy though what am I a rich old business man at a country club?

Lol Sister MJ & Sister W giggling so pure !

“You give us enough gip when you’re stone cold sober“😂 same

Gremlin kids in the front haha

Oh no😂 Babs gave them all candy and now has to make them spit it out😂

Aw I love Christmas

But looking at this snow is triggering even if it’s fake😭😂

WE’VE HAD SO MUCH THIS MONTH HERE & IT’S MARCH❄️

yikes these kids are awful, who let them up there! 😭😂

SHELAGH’S FACE 😂 SHE IS DISGUSTED OMG HAHAA

Patrick laughing so hard like same 😭😂

Welp he’s lucky, Saved by the bell thanks to Trixie

Doesn’t Sister MJ explode whatever’s in the pot?

Ahh Shelagh looks so good™!😍 I love when they dress her up!

In other news, Laura tweeted me, which means she knows I exists. What a time to be alive™😭✨👏🏼you know I was shook

Angela so precious aww, I hope my future baby is that pretty

Now I just think of The Crown when I see Mrs Willens *she’s in it if you haven’t watched*

Oh no Sister MJ!!! 😭😭 why are they always giving her illnesses! Dejala sola!

She was legit ill in the first Christmas special 😭

Love Trixie’s ponytail, why Patsy’s hair a mess tho? LOL I SHOULDN’T BE TALKING

I’m a walking ball of frizz. And when I don’t wash my hair for a few days it actually dread locks 😂 gotta love curls

Aw Delia’s not here- I forgot she cracked her head open and went back to Wales

Protect Sister MJ at every cost

Violet literally sewing Fred’s ass into the Santa pants 😂😂😂 fun fact they did that to Olivia Newton John in Grease

not sure if I knew that because I have a junk brain of useless information or because I’m trash that reads buzzfeed

Violet’s been wearing blue eyeshadow for 3 series

“I’m not biting this, it’s too close to your backside” lol okay vi give it time. You’ll be cringeyly very handsy with each other in a bit anyway 😂

She’d do it now with no hesitation I bet

I’m here for their relationship tho😂

SISTER MJ HAD PNEUMONIA IN SERIES 1 DID SHE NOT?

Ugh distaval, fuck that. Just wait and see what chaos it brings

Aw Pats looking at the photo of Delia💔 oo wait that was a parallel then in the Cuban missile Crisis episode this series

PHYLLIS !! I missed her presence lol

Tom’s opening letter from bbc it’s lit

also: he looks good™

Poor Sister MJ! What are they feeding you, liver ew

Ah I forgot, this is when they get the tv😭

Poor Babs can’t go home for Christmas

You’ll have the nonnatus fam❤️❤️

“All should head home” *breaks out into song* THERE’S NOOO PLACE LIKE HOMEEE, FOR THE HOLIDAYSSS

Which is true because NYC is pretty beautiful at Christmas time, I can’t deny that

But also is when 100000x more people are visiting 🙃and stop in front of you when you’re walking to take pictures 🙃 *clenches fists* moving on..

Lol Tom you need to be more clear on this, they’re not getting it

Sister J shut him down 😂

“Mrs Mop” lmfao this BBC guy is a jerk😂

Laura’s another queen of facial expressions

“Aesthetics are vital” I feel

Aw Shelagh so cute being defensive of the kids of poplar

Lets be real though Shelagh’s always adorable bc Laura is an actual angel

pink wafers aye

i still have been craving them lol, there’s no bodega’s around my university though☹️

Angela is giggling, was this the last time we heard her make a noise lol

Wait this is when Sister MJ runs away

yikes measles

when did the vaccine become a thing then? that mmr shot ugh

Glad I got it because there’s supposedly someone with mumps on my campus like wtf

Why was Sister E so harsh yelling at Sister Mj!? That was unnecessary !!

LET 👏🏼SISTER 👏🏼MJ 👏🏼DECORATE👏🏼FOR👏🏼CHRISTMAS 👏🏼AND👏🏼WATCH 👏🏼TELEVISON !!

I’m so protective of her, stop😢😢

She doesn’t deserve that 💔

Sometimes I forget Patsy’s name is Patience

Fred’s Santa beard is gross ew😂😂

yikes an enema

I’d rather die

Oh no, there she goes *sings* there she goessss todayyy

Yes Babs lollipops are fascinating

She just slipped that baby out

I want to go to London at Christmas time

I love lights ✨✨

Delia! What up Bitch where you been!

BUT WAIT I HAVE A COAT THAT LOOKS REALLY SIMILAR TO MRS BUBSY’S LOL

It’s vintage too, i love it, makes me feel fabulous af

until I remember it’s probably a dead woman’s coat

WATCHING THEM LET THE BABY JUST HANG MAKES ME SO ANXIOUS OMG

“You clever girl!”

Aw poor iris 😭💔

Violet is actually so sweet & we don’t see much of her w/o Fred like why

Everyone on this show is so sweet and pure !!! I just love it too much!

remember when I was normal and didn’t care so much about television? Yea me neither 😅

Sister MJ is gone

ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO PUT UP THE TREE!!

that necklace and sapphire ring were so pretty though 😭 wish my mom had a sapphire ring for me to inherit

Shelagh is too pretty for this grey suit, where’s the navy one?!

I will never be comfortable with cookies being called biscuits tbh

“No dogs!” “If it can’t sing silent night I’m not interested” SHELAGH IS GOLDEN

SHE HAS SOME GREAT LINES BUT GIVE HER MORE !!

Oh Hay Peter

if you think about it Miranda Hart put this poor guy out of a job. Like he used to have more screen time lol but he can’t be around much with out her

“Very like a family in fact” 😭 I love when they call themselves family cause they are !!

Wait rehearsing before school? Ugh that must have been so early 😂

I couldn’t have been in that choir. In high school I woke up at 6:45am everyday & started at 8:05am & only lived 2 blocks away but I still got there at 9:15am 🙃

plus I’m an awful singer 😂

“She probably thought her habit would keep her safe”

Sister Mary Cynthia says that about her self the next series when she’s attacked 😢

Babs was right though! She was just excited bendito 😭😭

How much is a bob?? £??

I barely can keep up with how many $ is a £ tbh

Lolol had to check when I donated to Laura’s fundraising 😂😂

Delia has been with this big ass bun for 3 series as well

The cafe they’re in is aesthetically pleasing

so Delia’s mom is hella protective but didn’t notice she left to another town lol??

well I guess they’re even now since patsy left & then lost contact for a bit

LET ME TELL YOU, THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED THIS EPISODE I WAS SCREAMINGGG

I THOUGHT THEY HAD KILLED SISTER MJ AND WAS FREAKING TF OUT ™

I’m trying to think of what Phyllis’s hat reminds me of

I wanna say Mary Poppins

IT’S NOT SISTER MJ👏🏼

I knew it wasn’t but still!!!

Is Shelagh wearing lipstick? i’m here for it!

but I don’t like her dress

@ wardrobe/costume ppl be nicer to my bby pls

“Well, there’s just a word that no-one likes singing. It’s in that line and it begins with a "b”’ 😂 lmaooo c'mon Tim 😂😂

He was talking about breast feeding like how many episodes ago why is he embarrassed now? 😂

Patrick laughing 😭 me as a parent tbh

Poor sickly Sister MJ 💔

My bbys Trixie and Shelagh are ¡interacting!! 💕😍

How do I get my hair to look like Trixie’s/Helen’s

SORRY CANCELED

Lol jk all will be well bby

SISTER MJ REALLY OUT HERE IN THE WOODS, LIKE HOW ??

Ah Shelagh’s dressed up again! Love it 😍 and she’s wearing earrings & matching pearls!! so pretty!! 💕💕

this has been an episode of gushing over Laura sorry not sorry

Look at her hat, she can wear anything

LMAO HE WASN’T EVEN PETER PAN GET OUT OF HERE MAN

You have to be impressed that this 80 yr old woman with dementia found her childhood home

for real though I want Shelagh’s coat

mrs willens + shelagh was kinda a friendship & was cute

“Well I stopped holding out against that happiness, didn’t I?"💔💖

people on this show are always holding hands platonically & romantically like how sweet and pure !?

"Almost all the world was before your time child … you are concerned to see it last a little longer”

Hell yea lets get it, round up the nuns and nurses lets SING !!

“But it sometimes seems to me the older I get, the more I have to learn” 😭

“We get so much out of love, we find strength in it and courage. Love is our foundation and our fuel”

DAMN IT WHY IS THE WRITING SO GREAT??!

HEIDI CAN WRITE MY EUOLGY SINCE SHE’LL BE THE CAUSE OF MY ACTUAL DEATH WHEN THIS SHOW IS OVER ONE DAY *WHICH IS HOPEFULLY NEVER, ..I MEAN DAYS OF OUR LIVES IS ON SEASON 50 SO IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE🙃🙃*

shelagh and sister j❤️❤️ so pure. I love their relationship + moments together

BUT I STILL *NEED* TRIXIE & SHELAGH TO HAVE A REAL FRIENDSHIP + ACTUAL SCENES TOGETHER

no sister, it’s not your fault that she ran away😢

broadcast about to be lit

Why did we never see Trixie giving Barbara a makeup lesson😭😂

Trixie getting excited about putting makeup on Babs like same 😂I like helping people with makeup *even though I’m not even that good haha*

“Oh some lipstick might be nice, with a touch of gay geranium you’d look quite like Jean Simmons” SISTER W SNEAKS OUT TO THE MOVIE THEATRE ON HER DAYS OFF AND NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE OK

PHYLLIS GARGLING OMG

WHY IS IT SO FUNNY 😂

yea sister E I’m sorry you were kinda bitchy

I’m sorry to call a fictitious nun a bitch oops lol

SHE’S GOING TO REDEEM HERSELF AND FIND SISTER MJ THOUGH SO IT’S OKAY!! 😭👏🏼👏🏼

Tom is so handsome! i think the collar distracts you from noticing though haha

What does wet behind the ears mean and why does it sound cringey?

on the next episode of I didn’t know I was pregnant: Christmas miracles in Poplar

No but for real it seriously was a show on TLC😂 I had a phase where I watched like every show on that channel

“Antonia! Nanny found a bible in your room again” so?? like you wish she would’ve found drugs or something?

Ugh I don’t think Sister MJ will live 3 more series & I WILL BE A WRECK™ WHEN SHE DIES

Surprise! you’re pregnant & will give birth in the next 12 mins before this show ends

imagine omg never mind not feeling safe Iris I’d be freaking tf out

I told you sister Julienne just shows up and speaks and you just feel calm

“Love is not going to be halved, but doubled” I swear someone says this again in another episode but I can’t remember

maybe I’m lying idk

The Fred + Sister E dynamic was golden

what is Sister Evangelina holding?

it looks like a bong tbh

Sister MJ saying pawning her mother’s jewels was an “interesting experience"😂 dios te bengida, she needs to always be protected

aw pats & deels reunited *and it feeelsss so gooddd*

Fred saying rigging this raffle is immoral like HE WASNT THE BIGGEST SCAMMER IN POPLAR

I was here for it though lol😂

Phyllis gargling 😂😂

Wait omg she has earrings on how precious!

I always notice when girls/women don’t have their ears pierced because I didn’t realize for the longest time that it’s mainly just hispanics that get their ears pierced when they’re babies😂 I’ve had mine since I was six weeks old👶🏼

"Beatrix Franklin, midwife of mystery” aka my bby and ray of sunshine✨😭

it’s all good though, Trixie has Christopher, Tom has Babs, now where’s my handsome Englishman??

cue Vanessa Redgrave

“Sometimes the route to joy is indirect, our journey home not quite as we expected. There is no magic star to guide our steps, no ancient prophecies to predict our way. The greatest gift is to know that we travel not alone, but in the company of others. That there are hands as can reach for and hearts to keep us warm..”

Laura’s angelic voice blessing™ me on this Saturday night

I need it after being degenerate every other day of the week

*sings loudly* CHRISTTTTTTTT THEEEE SAVIORRRR IS BORNNNNNN

AHH I WANT CHRISTMAS NOW ! + THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

patsy lowkey snuggled up on Phyllis I love it

Trixie is serving looks in the corner 😍!

I still want those hoop earrings she has!

And they finally got a tv😭👏🏼

“And the family gathered round, watching their faces flicker black and white. Their very presence in the room an act of love, a welcome home”

*BANGS FISTS ON AN IMAGINARY TABLE* THIS SHOW IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND PURE AND IF YOU DISAGREE WE CAN FIGHT

I love it

Now I must go. until next time..

#who lets me do these lol #I dont stop #call the midwife #my commentaries™#i have too much time on my hands #but not really #i am certified trash for this show

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ulrichtech-blog · 7 years

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A Jim Beam Kinda Night | Kaleb&August

Tagging → @augustharlow Mentions of → Video games, food, alcohol abuse Time Frame → A week before Kaleb goes to Florida Location → Kaleb’s apartment Notes → August comes over with food for Kaleb, as they soon go into video games and eventually Kaleb falling asleep on August.

Hours later, Kaleb had gone to the liquor store picked up a bottle or two and made his way back to his place. August didn't want to bring the booze but Kaleb was going to go get it himself and have himself a very good time. He started playing his music and just having a one man party. Dancing, carrying on like no other. He was at the state of happy go lucky. The fun party drunk since he knew food was going to come his way. Rocket was also having a good time as him and his dog were just having the time of their lives. The minutes turned to hours and he had soon finished one bottle of whiskey and on to the next. That's when he heard a knock at the door and soon his stumbling self moved to grab it. Opening it up he saw it was August with the food and a wide smile showed on his features. "Yes food! Thank you so much. Come- come eat with me."

August actually left few hours early from work -- which caused some of his coworkers look at him in an extremely weird way because August never left early, or when other people normally did -- and he had went home to make the food because he didn't want to make the food at work this time. Besides, if he would have started to cook something completely different all of a sudden it would have caused questions so it was better to do that at home. It was almost ten when August finally was behind Kaleb's door. About an hour later than he had said he would and August felt bad for it, but well, at least he was there now. August knocked on the door and just because the loud music was booming through the door August already knew what would await him once the door opens. And there he was -- drunken Kaleb. August's gaze dropped on the food and he was offering it towards Kaleb when he was invited to eat as well. "Alright", he said stepping in. He scratched Rocket's head when the dog came to say hello, August left his shoes by the coat rack and offered the packages of food to Kaleb again.

Surely enough, Kaleb was in a good mood. Which was rare with how he was acting lately and how he didn't want any company. He was tired of so many people seeing if he was alright, asking how he was doing, and more so asking for Kaleb to talk to them. To tell them what was bothering him truly and that wasn't the case. He was one to keep himself isolated and not tell them what was going on. That's just how Kaleb was and sure it offended people and made him look like a bad guy, but no one was able to force anything on Kaleb and if they tried he would shut them out. Luckily enough August was just giving him food. Dancing over to his music he turned it down a little and stepped over to the food that was given to him. That goofy, drunk smile showing to the other. "So.. what'd you make?"

August knew when someone needed space and no matter how much he wanted to know what was wrong and could he help with anything, he knew he should not push it. So he tried his best not to question any of it and just be there if he would be needed. Kaleb would contact him when he'd want him around. Just like now -- Kaleb had wanted food and therefore August had left early from work to make that happen. "It's sun dried tomato chicken florentine pasta." And it actually was made for six people so there really would be enough food for few days, because like that August could be sure Kaleb would be eating and not only drinking. "Do you want to eat right away?"

Looking at the boxes and soon opening them up, Kaleb's eyes were glued to it. Only to turn his head to August with delight. "This looks freaking amazing but first.. dance with me!" He spoke up, heading over to August and taking his hand in the other's. Doing a little jive motion and swaying his hips in the motion. Kaleb was getting in the groove of the beat and he wanted August to as well. "We'll eat in a little bit." He smiled back to his friend like nothing was wrong. Just a man who was happy, drunk, and hanging out with his best friend.

August smiled a bit wider when Kaleb complimented the food -- of course August knew Kaleb would say that, but still, hearing it made him feel happy -- but the smile turned into an expression of surprise when he was demanded to dance. August glanced down to their hands and as he looked back to Kaleb's face and on that moment August knew for sure there was no other choice than dance. So he chuckled softly and joined the dance but in a lot calmer than Kaleb.

No matter what, August's food was great. There was no doubt about it that August can make amazing food. However Kaleb was wanting to dance a little more and with his friend here it helped. He felt a little comfortable and really in his skin for that matter. No worries just drinking and having a good time. Hearing the chuckle from his friend made him smile as he saw that August was having a good time. Well at least that's what Kaleb thought. He kept on dancing and even got closer. Bodily close as Kaleb's hand moved up August's arm. They were friends yes, they had amazing chemistry and yet knowing where August stood, Kaleb forgot in this moment. Their views were different but drunk Kaleb was all about fun and little boundaries.

The dancing turned into a lot more intimate than August had thought it would, but truthfully he didn't mind it at all. He probably should, but he didn't. So he just kept on dancing with Kaleb letting the other be as close as he wanted.

Kaleb's hands were doing the talking at this point as he shifted them down, feeling August's arm and soon resting on his hips. The level of comfort and mostly how drunk he was gave Kaleb a free range at the moment. His body close with August as he felt himself get excited in more than one way. That boundary was breaking as Kaleb continued. Soon he back up. "I'm sorry.."

Maybe dancing like that was wrong in so many ways, especially since August didn't really stop himself from doing stuff as well, because when Kaleb moved his hands on August's hips August let his own hands move onto Kaleb's hips as well. But then clearly the situation was getting a bit too far and August's face turned red and he quickly avoided Kaleb's gaze. It was obvious what was happening and well, August had gotten slightly aroused by the situation as well but Kaleb clearly was more aroused by the situation. "It's okay", August muttered and glanced towards the table, "Should we eat now..?" Especially since August just wanted to kiss Kaleb but he knew he really shouldn't do that, especially while Kaleb was drunk. He just shouldn't.

The sense of awkwardness between had made Kaleb shift. The state of his uncomfortable situation for how his body reacted shouldn't. Although it could, Kaleb respected August's wishes and knew how the man was in times like these. So now he was slightly aroused and he could tell by the red on August's face that he felt something too and it had to stop. "Yea-yea we should eat." Kaleb stuttered out as he brushed his hand against the back of his head. Playing with the hairs on his neck. Moving over to the kitchen, Kaleb got a couple of plates and some silverware. The bottle he was working on still on the counter as he went to take a sip of it.

How much August wished he could just hop into the bed with Kaleb, but he knew he really shouldn’t let it happen. Their friendship was too important to risk it with lust. August really didn’t want to lose Kaleb's friendship, especially because of such reason. August walked to the kitchen and sat down putting his hands on the table so he would have something to stare at. He was quiet for a moment until he finally spoke again. "We can dance more later, if you want.."

Kaleb didn't think it would ruin them. Whenever they did have these conversations about sex and attraction it always seemed to live them at a stand still. One wanted more than just sex while the other was just feeling the connection. Not wanting to commit but just go with the flow of it all. Kaleb didn't want to ruin August's prospective on it. And if they were to have sex, things would be different. Not entirely but he knew the levels of emotion would cross over. Getting some of the food on his plate and sitting down, he sighed deeply, relaxing himself. "Yea" he nodded. "Uh.. so how is work?"

Maybe they should talk again about this whole deal of sex eventually. When Kaleb wouldn't be drunk and when he would feel better in general. But they always seemed to circle the topic so maybe they really should talk about it again. August waited Kaleb to take food first and then took a bit himself. "Busy... I've been there a lot lately, but that doesn’t surprice anyone.." August almost asked about Kaleb's work, but then remembered Kaleb had said he had skipped so August decided not to talk about it. Maybe something else then..? "Have you used the telescope a lot yet?"

It wasn't like Kaleb just wanted sex from August. Kaleb had sex with those he felt a level of comfort with. He had physical and emotional connections with most of his friends. With August it was definitely an emotional one and they seemed to always dance around the physical aspect to it. Of course Kaleb wouldn't pressure the man. He got it, for the most part. August was older. He was wise and more so wanted something grounded, a relationship and possible future with someone while Kaleb was too scared any future. Anytime he would think of looking forwards something was bond to happen to make him regret it. Eating quietly as he listened, Kaleb soon nodded. "Yea, I bet they were surprised you left early tonight?" he asked. "Um.. no I haven't. Just haven't felt like using it"

Funny how August didn't want to pressure Kaleb with anything and Kaleb felt the same, but then again, they really were so similar in many ways. August's attention was mostly on the food, although he wasn't really eating it, he was just moving it around the plate. "I'm rather sure they thought there was a family emergency going on or something since I never leave when others do." August looked up from his plate when he heard Kaleb's answer and August had to reach out to his hand. He took Kaleb's hand into his, squeezed it softly and gave him a gentle smile, trying to tell him it was okay. That things would get better again and that he would be there whenever Kaleb needed him.

Kaleb poked his fork through the pasta and chicken. Taking small bites and chewing thoughtfully. He really enjoyed the food and maybe it was because he didn't eat much and that he was drunk, but he really did look forward anytime August could make him food. It was always his favorite. Laughing softly thought as the man explained that his co workers might have thought it was an emergency, Kaleb added. "Yea, a food emergency" He joked lightly as Kaleb wanted to brush off the last part, he wasn't like himself. Stress and guilt was powering over him and this was just his way of dealing with it. It was hard for people to grasp and it was hard for himself to accept what was happening only to get to that breaking point. Which was very soon. Feeling August's hand on his, he looked up and in the silence of the moment he smile softly back to him.

Usually August never felt awkward when he was spending time with Kaleb, but somehow right now the silence was doing something odd and August started to feel like he should talk about something or do something because the silence felt so heavy. He just had no idea what to talk about because all questions he had were about how was Kaleb doing and was he going to go and see Jessica and when would he go and so on. He looked at their hands, smiling softly at the feeling of having Kaleb's hand in his. He needed to come up with something to talk about and the only neutral thing that came into his mind was food. "Is there some specific food you'd like me to make for you?"

Kaleb had been a bit of a hermit with everyone lately. He doesn't want people to feel sympathy for him, he didn't want the pity and worry. The amount of emotions he felt for others made him shut himself out. On top of that, feeling the amount of guilt he had for himself from his past was just stressing him the fuck out. Luckily this was a calm evening. Hearing the question though, Kaleb bit his bottom lip. "Um.. I don't know. I'm pretty easy, chicken, pasta. This is great."

It was only natural that August was worried about Kaleb. August saw him as his best friend, they hadn't known for that long really, but they just had clicked and became close really quickly. At least August saw it like that. Plus he always worried about others, even those he didn't even know, so you could just imagine how worried he could get when it was about someone he really cared about. "Just let me know if there's something and I'll make it", he replied knowing better than well that he really would make whatever Kaleb wanted him to cook if Kaleb would just ask. "Even if it'd be in the middle of the night. And if you ever need me, I'll come over." No lie in there either. No matter what time it would be August would come to Kaleb if he'd be asked to come. Even if Kaleb wouldn't be dealing with something hard right now August would still be there for him for everything.

Their friendship was strong and they had only had it for a few months now. They were still learning more and more about each other and yet it seemed like they had been best friends for years now. It was strange but he liked this friendship, he wouldn't want to ruin it in anyway and he wouldn't want to take advantage of August's kind heart. He knew he worried just as much as Kaleb did and knowing that made it harder for him. "I will let you know but I wouldn't ask for a meal in the middle of the night. I may stay up to play video games sometimes but I wouldn't do that to you"

A soft chuckle left from August's lips at Kaleb's words. "I know. But you are still free to do so." Others did it as well so Kaleb had the right to do so too. Plus probably if it'd be Kaleb asking for the food August would agree to it a lot easier than if it would be someone else asking. "But eat now, then we can do something else, like dance or whatever you feel like doing. I could try one of those games of yours as well." August hoped changing the topic in general would make Kaleb feel better and that sad expression from his face would disappear. August's heart was still heavy, nothing would change that, but he wanted to see the happy Kaleb even that it was the drunken Kaleb who was being happy. At least there would be a smile on his lips because of that.

There was a soft smile to his features as August still offered Kaleb the thought of food anytime he wanted. It was sweet of him and no matter what, he would think of August when it came to when he needed food. But he didn't want to use his friend to that advantage either. His boyish smile came about when he mentioned dancing or playing a video game. "Yea we can play a game after this" He spoke as he took another few bites of the pasta. Humming happily from the taste of it

August smile grew a bit bigger when Kaleb seemed happier again. That was good. Really good. Finally August started to eat his food as well instead of just moving it around the plate. Once he had finished eating and Kaleb seemed to be done as well August got up, took his plate and Kaleb's and went to the kitchen to wash them so Kaleb would have clean plates on the next day.

The rest of dinner was ate with smiles on their faces and it felt nice. Normal even as they got to eat and hang out like this. Of course, Kaleb was drunk as well. He had been drinking for the last two hours and dancing so of course Kaleb was happy but he was even more happy that he was hanging with August. Getting up and grabbing his bottle, Kaleb took another long drink from it as he then moved to his living area. Setting up the xbox to play some arcade type game. Something simple yet fun that they could play. "I'll try and teach you right, or maybe just let you win the first game" Kaleb teased

August was sort of happy for being there and all, but of course his worry was still there because of Kaleb's drinking and lack of speaking what was wrong. But August knew better not to speak about it so he just tried to be happy from the fact Kaleb was smiling. He washed the dishes and then walked to the living room sitting next to Kaleb on the couch. "You probably will win no matter how well you'd teach me", he commented with a chuckle as he picked up the controller. "But at least I'm not as bad with these as I used to be."

"Yea at least you aren't that bad from the first time. I crushed you" Kaleb commented back with a small chuckle as he started up the Mortal Kombat game. "Please tell me you remember hearing about this game at least?" He spoke as the game was loading up. Kaleb took another swig of the whiskey before setting it down on the coffee table. He knew he could talk to August about it but he didn't want to at all, he just wanted to do something to take his mind off of everything

August chuckled softly and nodded at the memory. He really had been terrible on the first time and he was terrible even now, but at least a bit less terrible than before. But did August know the game they were about to play? August wanted to say yes but he knew that would be a lie. "No, I don't think I have", he said as a soft blush came on his cheeks. Since this game was something August hadn't played he knew he would lose -- again. But well, maybe the game would keep August distracted from the fact Kaleb would be drinking whiskey the whole time they'd be playing.

With a high pitch squeal he looked over to August in shock. "What?! It's an iconic game Auggie." He spoke to his friend, only to see the man blush and seemingly feel off. "It's fine though, this is basically a fighting game player verses player. We will have fun. You pick a character and mash buttons"

"I know, I know, I just always had my nose in the books I didn't have time to play games", August said as his blush only got deeper. He felt bad for not knowing a thing about games, luckily he at least knew what Mario and Tetris were, but other than that he really knew nothing. August listened the explanation and eventually nodded. "Okay, mash buttons."

It really showed how different they were growing up, what they were raised with and what made them the people they were today. As he set the game up, it soon gave them the character selection as Kaleb picked his and looked over to August. "Yep just mash some buttons but first pick your character and hit A"

They were different in so many ways, but at the same time they were so similar in many other things. And in a way August felt like their differences were the thing that worked like glue in their friendship. Their differences balanced it all. August glanced down to the controller to double check was the A button still in the same place as it was last time. Then he looked at the characters and since he didn't understand anything of their skills or how good they were he just went with a character he picked up completely randomly.

Their friendship was a good one, one that people would envy due to how close they were. How their personalities were similar and yet they had different traits, different interests and hobbies. However it worked for them. It made them very compatible for each other in ways that they could help each other or break each other down. They started playing once they selected their characters and the rounds went on and on. Most of them were one by Kaleb but at some point, Kaleb tried hard to lose and even then won. It soon got boring for them and they turned on a movie instead. Kaleb had finished the bottle and was relaxing with August on the couch, his head soon leaning over to the man's shoulder as his eyes felt heavy. Sleep taking over his drunken state of mind

The game really made no sense to August, but he did notice you could make combos that made the character do some kind of super move that was a lot more powerful than normal kick or hit, but most likely Kaleb knew all those by heart so August had no chance to win with his random accidental combos. But in the end August didn't really mind he kept on losing all the time since Kaleb seemed to be having fun and that was what mattered. But watching a movie felt like a lot better idea after the game full of failure. On some level Kaleb falling asleep was expected and when August noticed Kaleb was sleeping a tiny smile came on his lips. He brushed Kaleb's cheek softly and turned his attention back towards the tv. When the movie came to an end August carefully got up from the couch, turned the tv off, and looked at Kaleb again. He could let him sleep on the couch, but August knew way too well how sleeping on the bed would be so much better idea than sleeping on the couch, he just knew he couldn't leave his friend there. So being extremely careful August picked Kaleb into his lap -- and was slightly surprising how light Kaleb actually was, which pretty much only made him worry more because it could mean Kaleb had lost some weight lately -- and carried the man into the bedroom. August took Kaleb's pants off to make the sleeping a bit nicer, he was thinking of taking off the shirt as well, but that might need a bit too much work right now so he decided to leave it on. Then he tucked Kaleb into his bed making sure he would stay warm and all. August watched at sleeping Kaleb with a faint smile on his lips, leaned closer kissing his forehead softly. August straightened his back again and happened to look around in the room. Kaleb clearly hadn't been cleaning that much lately and since August had time and whatnot he decided to help Kaleb around a bit. He picked up the dirty laundry from the floor, closed the bedroom door behind him and started to clean the rest of the apartment as well. He wiped the shelves from dust, washed the dirty dishes, organised the magazine piles and just tidied the place from here and there so it'd look nicer again.

The amount of alcohol was about the only thing that got Kaleb to sleep during the night. Due to his current status it was hard to get any sleep. He couldn't focus on work and his life in his apartment reflected how he was dealing with everything. Disorganized and a mess in all. Most nights while sleeping he would have dreams of Jessica. Old memories of the nights in Florida. The fights him and Jessica had but tonight was different. Kaleb wasn't dreaming at all. He was in a simple state of tiresome. The events tonight with August around had kept Kaleb at bay with his thoughts luckily. He felt some motion of movement as he was picked up from August only to grown softly but still stay asleep. All he did was drink and eat junk food and that unhealthy pattern was making him weak, he lost some weight from not keeping up with his normal patterns and in reality it was surprising that he didn't get alcohol poisoning yet. It was sweet that August had taken Kaleb into his room and made sure he was comfortable and even more caring that the man had cleaned up after Kaleb. Even though Kaleb didn't ask for it, to have August there for him for anything like this meant a lot.

August cleaned the apartment as well as he could without making much noise and once he was pleased by the result he double checked everything, went to check on Kaleb and decided to put a bucket, a small towel and a glass of water by his bed, just in case he would feel sick when he wakes up. Then he just walked around the apartment turning off the lights and making sure everything would be alright. August gave one last glance towards Kaleb's bedroom, smiled softly and stepped out of the apartment closing the front door behind him. Hopefully the next day would be better for Kaleb.

#para #augustharlow #tw: alcohol abuse

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abortionclinica-blog · 5 years

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Why Did You Choose Abortion

I know it was the right decision Im 26 now and I had an abortion a few months ago when I was 25. The father was mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. It took about 2 hours to get to the clinic, and the whole ride up the he tortured me. Threatened to put me on the side of the road, and alse told me he was going to spit on me. Which he actually did a few weeks after i got the abortion. We were riding in the car going somewhere, and he got offended at something I said. Then he literally spit in my face twice while he was driving my car. That whole situation was a nightmare. Of course I was depressed about my decision. But the father was a habitual felon, which means he’ll never have a decent career. Which also means he could never fully provide for me and my child. Which was even more reason why I got it done. I came from a pretty stable background. My parents have been married for 31 years, and are still married. And this is what I wanted for my child. My worst nightmare has always been becoming a single mom… —fourapples single parent I choose abortion became I don’t want to be single, I want to be married before I have another one. I’m having problems with the man who I’m pregnant with now so I know what its gonna be like if I have this baby. —Guest Renee Sad I was 13 an pregnant. My family would not talk to me. I did it, but I wish I dis not. I saw the baby dead. Me sad, I had now no dischion because the baby was already dead. God bless that baby and make the deivil hount me! I am agents that method of death! I wish that was never invented or not ligail! —Guest Kerrie Ann Heath Choice I am a very lucky 27year old woman. I work for a wonderful, inspiring non profit and live a life filled with the love and support of great friends and a brilliant, kind fiance. Even with these circumstances, I was not ready financially or emotionally for motherhood. I am grateful I live in a place that allows me to make this type of choice. —Guest Linda it’s hard to explain… but i’ll try me and my bf have been together 7 months i found out i was pregnant and didn’t want to tell any famiy until i was sure of what i was gonna do, i’m in foster care just graduated hs my bf has no job and lives in another state, i love him with all my heart but felt like he was presuring me to have a baby as a way to sort of keep me, i wanted it somedays others i couldn’t dream of my kid having a life like i have… horrible! so when i went to the doctors i took the pills and so my bf wouldn’t kill me i madeit look like a miscarriage, i feel awful for that. but i see it’s not the right time i want a baby still just wait a year or two, i knew itwould be a hard pregnancy because i was already having sicknessand complications early on… i just can’t help but wonder… what if??? but i’m kinda glad i was given another chance to just live… find myself… i’m a baby, i can’t have a baby —Guest rayray I know it was for the best Well I had my abortion today at 6 wks. I have 3 kids a 7 yr old, 3 yr old, and 1 yr old!!! I’m happily married but pretty much living check to check. This was the hardest choice of my life but this how I chose it: I want the best for my kids…I want to be financially, emotionally, mentally stable home for my kids, which Im struggling to but I am for my babies now, but bringing another one I honestly believe I could provide all that but not in a happy home because me and hubby would be more stressed. More stressed working not seeing kids much due to hubby would have to work 2 jobs, stretching our attentions and individual quality time kids do need and sometimes I slack on due to be so tired from work then straight to kids. Basically I just want to get on the right track before bringing another in, I don’t want to be half ass parents to my kids, it wouldnt be fair to them including the one I gave back to god to save for me a little later. It’s SO hard always will be but for the best —Guest JaaZZEe It works if you work it. This is for all of you who are on the fence about abortion. I was 18, and living with my boyfriend. I fell pregnant when I was a senior in highschool. We were so in love. He worked a low paying job, and I was attending school full time. I remember thinking, “Are we really ready for a child?” Of course, like all couples who are in a involved relationship, we had discussed the possibility of children. He wanted to wait, and me being an idealist, decided that I wanted a baby. And I’d received what I’d asked for. Although, I briefly toyed with the idea of abortion, considering our age, income, not to mention our precarious living situation! I quickly decided that abortion was not the answer for me. My husband joined the army to support us, and can now say that we have over $3000 in savings. My son is 2, and I’m actually attending my first year of college! It can be done ladies. Believe me, I’m doing it. I began with nothing, and here I sit, smiling at the greatest joy in my life, my baby. —ReedJess 24 YEARS OLD WELL I JUST HAD MY ABORTION IM 24 AND AN ESCORT AND I HAD MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS AND DIDNT HAVE A CLUE OF WHO THE FATHER COULD BE SO I FELT ABORTION WAS THE ONLY OPTION .. BUT I REGRET IT KNOW I WISH I WOULD HAVE KEPT IT .. I ALWAYS USED PROTECTION WITH ALL OF MY CLIENTS I DONT KNOW HOW THIS HAPPEN I DONT RECALL A CONDOM EVER BREAKING…RIP TO MY UNBORN CHILD —Guest MICHELLE MOORE Everyday Struggle I just had a abortion 3 weeks ago and it was the worst thing I have ever did in my life. I found out early that I was pregnant and from the jump my boyfriend wanted a abortion. Reading and watching videos had me terrified and deep down I didn’t want to do it. I was ready to deal with my angry parents instead of getting the abortion. The day of my procedure I cried the entire time of the process though it was only 5mmins and I was drugged. I can still remember every detail. I stopped my bleeding and my body is doing better but emotionally I’m torn. My boyfriend waited until after it was over to say he wish we could of kept it. Now I’m going through depression because I only got the abortion because of him and my parents. I still have my ultra picture I even got it as my screensaver on my phone.I’m only 20 yrs old but I know me and my boyfriend would of been great parents. I just need to learn how to deal with the fact that my baby is gone —Guest Guest Teary Eyed Mom hlhs. I kept my son… but there was a bit of debating of whether we would or not. My boyfriend and I were 18 and we found out about Thomas heart condition …… I want to just say I read one readers response aaout her baby having a heart problem and I don’t think you should regret it. Yea, I cry thinking about how close I came to not having my son… but he suffered his first few months of life. He’s had two open heart surgeries and one more on the way and I’m 20 years old trying tp be as mature as I can be and deal with the stress. You made the decision so your child would feelno pain. And they aren’t. Do not ever regret that. —Guest heart problems… me and my bf i was pregant for 1months so my bf told me to abortion the baby —Guest it was my bf faults why I chose abortion I was only 22 years old and the father of my unborn child was 27 years older than me I make an ok living but I am still in college. I was not only scared for my future but scared for my chld and the longevity of a relationship with the father —Guest julycw The most important choice 3 years ago I became pregnant when a condom broke and the morning after pill didn’t work. It was a difficult choice to make, and one that I think about everyday. Even though I think about my decision everyday, I feel that it is so important as women that we stand up for this option to remain our choice. Remember that if you make this decision, it is yours and yours alone, don’t let anybody make you feel less of a human for making it. You will become part of a secret sisterhood because society puts you there, but don’t let that be a negative. It is your body, your choice, and everyday that goes by becomes a little easier. Don’t punish yourself, being a parent is a huge responsibility, and carrying a child to term and giving it up for adoption is just as hard as abortion. Don’t let someone bully you into this decision either, sit down alone and think about what’s best for you, and what you really want. Then make your decision. Good Luck and remember you will be ok in the end. —Guest guest1234 Not the best decision I chose abortion because I was trying to please some else and I thought it would be the easier way out…I also chose it because I let my parents fill my head up with the negative things and how my life would change drastically if I had the baby. I also had people tell me how i would regret having the abortion done but i didn’t listen. I could do it all over again I have chosen to have the baby instead of getting rid of it. My advice to any women would be that getting the abortion is not the answer you should thing positive. There isnt anything negative about having your baby in your life and loving them unconditionally. —Guest Chloe I had to do it I had an abortion 10 years ago. After finding out I was pregnant, I knew straight away what I had to do. I was in a violent and sexually abusive relationship and was very trapped and I certainly didn’t want to bring a child into that sort of life. I felt like I was offered no support at all and was left in a waiting list until over 4 months, which obviously meant that I could not just take a tablet. I am happy to say that I am now out of that relationship and since moved on, but 9 years later, I still feel sad sometimes and often think what if, especially as I still have no children of my own yet. I strongly recommend that people seriously consider what they are doing when they make this decision, I certainly did not think it would effect me like it has. —Guest Sadtimes Too Young To Be Pregnant!!!!!! Now 17. I hate that i got an abortion because I couldn’t take care of my baby. It was hard. I know I was only 16 and I shouldn’t been having sex. I couldn’t take care of it. I’m Only in the 10th grade. I got the abortion and afterwards I started feeling bad. My boyfriend and I decided to tell our parents what we had done. They told us they were going to be there for us. And all that time we thought they were going to be mad about. They were really mad when they found out what we did. They told us we shouldn’t have done that. Now we are trying to move on. Hopefully in the future we wont make that mistake again. —Guest Shay I took MY decision I was with my new boyfriend for about 8 months when I learned I was pregnant . Already a mother of 3 kids from my first marriage, I did not want my boyfriend to feel he had to stay with me . It was too early in our relationship. We decided not to keep the baby . I had a medical abortion and never regretted it . We moved a few months later and started living together . We are now maried and we have two boys aged 10 and 7. I know he stayed with me and my children because he loved me not because I was the mother of his child . I’ve never regretted my decision and I even told my daughter when she was 14 about my abortion so that she never feels guilty if she has to make this choice . It is our live before being the baby’s life. —Guest frenchie The reason why I’m 18 and I graduate in May. I just found out that I’m 5 weeks pregnant. This has been a very scary moment. I planned on going to college in the fall, but now I don’t know what to do. The baby’s father is 26. He has a good job but also has two other kids. I live with my aunt and her and my whole family hates him. But I care for him, he says that he would help take care of the baby but he isn’t ready for us to move in together and be in a relationship. I feel like he is using me. My aunt and him want me to get an abortion, and I do too a little, but it’s not morally right and god will never forgive me. But my whole family will be disappointed if I tell them I’m pregnant. I kinda want to keep it. So I got an abortion. —Guest Kerry I’ve done it both ways…. I had a child in 2008 when I was at the end of my sophomore year of college. When I’d found out I was pregnant with him eight months prior, I never even considered an abortion. 2 1/2 years later, I became pregnant again. I had been using the pill, although not quite religiously. The guy didn’t want the child; abortion was his choice. I, however, wavered on it. On the one hand, I wanted the child. On the other, I was about to graduate and having a baby would keep me from getting a job and supporting my son. So, even though my friends told me to keep the baby, I was scared into an abortion. Raising two children was scary. I wasn’t sure I was capable of handling it. So, at 12.3 weeks, I got it done. At the time, I still didn’t want to do it but I was scared. The ultrasound picture haunts me. I feel like I’m in hell on earth. I wish I had kept the baby. I cry every day and night thinking about what I did to that baby. Keep the baby! Consider adoption over abortion. You will be much happier —Guest Neveragain88 A tough decision I had an abortion when I was 17 in Oct. 2006. It was really hard for me but I knew right when I found out I was pregnant that it was what I wanted to do. I wasn’t in the place in my life that I wanted to be in, and I was having such a hard time with my boyfriend at the time. He liked my sister, was emotionally abusive, I really couldn’t see myself with him forever, I couldn’t see myself going through this and being happy, and I didn’t want to be stuck with an a** forever so I called for the appointment. Two years later right before we broke up my ex told everyone we knew that I did it (no one but my family and him knew). It really is a very hard decision to make for any woman. I still feel sad about it every now and then especially now that I just recently had a baby (almost on the anniversary date of the abortion). But I don’t regret that I did it. I was right about most of the reasons why I didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy. Hope this helps someone out there —krs23 My reasons I was 18 when I had an abortion. Fresh out of high school, father was still married but separated. Being young and dumb, I was gullible in thinking his separation from his wife meant that I was something special (ha). I still lived at home, was making little over minimum wage (1981, pennies on the dollar), could no way afford a baby, and biggest reason of all….would have lost support and respect of my family. To have the baby would have defied all practical logic and it made sense to me. All I could see was dismal future, unhappiness, and a child with a father who was pissed off that the baby was born. I believe babies need to come into the world with both parents loving, open arms. Life is hard enough. People under duress are not in right frame of mind to make life-altering moral and ethical decisions; which is usually frame of mind when a women finds herself with an unplanned, unexpected pregnancy. I could just see myself on welfare. No way. —soosoo13579 Silent No More I had an abortion at 16. I was not encouraged by anyone to choose life , only death. Doctors on what was called a therapeutic abortion committee at the time told my parents that an abortion would be the best solution. They said it was a simple procedure and reassured my parents that I would return to school the next day unaffected. It was a lie! There was physical , emotional , psychological and spiritual pain that followed for many years. It’s been 31 yrs and I can honestly say,the abortion did not solve any problems for me. Instead , it created more problems such as drinking , drugging and promiscuity. I’ve had 5 miscarriages during my marriage and I believe they were a result of scar tissue from having a surgical abortion. I’ve also been treated for depression for many years. I’ve become involved with a campaign called “Silent No More” where I’ve found much support from others who have experienced abortion as well. I realized that I did not have to suffer alone and there is hope! —Guest Dale Not sure I just found out I was pregnant the other day. I immediately went to the doctor and confirmed everything. I’m 26 years old. I have always been very careful (birth control and smart decisions). We had a lapse in the birth control and in the 3 weeks without, even being “careful” didn’t stop this. I know my boyfriend (who I was ready to end things with) doesn’t want a child and has made that very clear. We didn’t have the best relationship while we were together. I guess I’m really a little unsure. I always thought I would have an abortion if this happened before I was married and stable but I never thought I would be 26 facing this. My body has already started changing (I’m only about 3/4 weeks) and to know there is a little person inside of me that God gave me makes this the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. —Guest Guest234 not sure what to do I’m about 9 weeks pregnant and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m in my first year at college and the father wants nothing to do with me or the baby (it was a one night stand). I have told my family, however I am not coping and I keep thinking how I have ruined my life. However, I don’t think I could go through with an abortion. Adoption is also not an option. I don’t know what to do. —Guest guilty Right Reason but still hard I had an abortion last week. I was 16 weeks and 2 days along. I had to have the abortion as my baby had a horrible illness that would have given him a short and sad life. My husband and I know that it was the right thing to do but it is still so hard to deal with. We are young but we know that we would have been really good parents. I find that I am getting really angry at people with trivial problems and parents who treat their children badly. It is not something I ever want to do again and I never wanted to have to do it in the first place. —Guest Sarah Debating my 3rd abortion I had my first abortion when I was 21. My boyfriend at the time was having another baby with someone else who was further along. I decided that I didn’t want my baby to have to deal with questions of why he/she had a sibling the same age that wasn’t my child. I should have left but decided to stay with him. I got pregnant six months later. I miscarried around the time the other woman delivered. We found out the other baby wasn’t even his. We tried to make the relationship work after all the drama, I got pregnant again when I was 23. The pain of the drama/abortions before was intense and my morning sickness was so bad, I had a surgical abortion. We decided to try to make it work and moved to another city and now I am 10 weeks. I feel the need to have another abortion and just move away to another city. This time my friends and family know. I thought it would be different because I didn’t tell them before but I wish I would have just gotten a medical abortion when I found out. —Guest Andrea Best thing I ever did… ..well, I’m not trying to imply that minor surgery was fun, or anything. But it was a lot more fun than having an unwanted child would have been. I’ve never wanted children; there was an odd birth control failure (surprised my doctor). Fortunately there was a safe, easy plan B. And there you go…I HATE it when people kiss up to the right and say that abortion is always a “difficult”, “sad” choice. For many of us, who either don’t want children or realize the time isn’t right,and who don’t confuse zygotes with actual children, it’s the only choice, the responsible, caring one, and one for which we’re very grateful. Obviously I’ll never regret it. —Guest gina The worse thing I’ve ever done I am 26 years old and just recently got an abortion 3 days ago …. I am separated from my husband and we have two beautiful children …. I was not financially stable in any means to raise another baby as a single mom . My soon to be ex husband hardly has anything to do with our children as it is … It was a quick decision I made one weekend with my best friend …. I was 10 weeks pregnant and had the dnc procedure . It was the worse pain I have ever went through in my entire life !!! Afterwards I feel like a murderer like I was supposed to take care of my baby and love it but I let some stranger dismember it and suck it out until it was no longer living …. Please for the love of god if your thinking of doing this DON’T !!! I made the worst mistake of my life and wish so much I could take it back bit it’s too late !! This will haunt me for the rest of my life !! —Guest Mary may I will always regret it I had my abortion when I was 42. There was alot of pressure from my family and my husband to terminate the pregnancy. I am still saddened at the thought of what I did. Still angry at my husband and most times I don’t want him to touch me. The abortion was 3 years ago. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I don’t respect my husband for coercing me into aborting. What type of man does that to the women he loves? I see him as a coward now. —Guest JC Facing the hardest decision I am 28 and having an abortion tomorrow. This was a really hard decision for me. I’m 15 weeks and I can feel my little baby move… I even have pictures of him from the ultrasound. During my ultrasound the doctor discovered that my baby is at an increased risk for heart complications, but there is no way to know for sure until the baby is 22 weeks and by then it would be too late to terminate. My baby also has an increased risk for down syndrome. I believe it would be unfair to the baby and my four year old little girl to have a baby with serious ailments such as these. I wanted another baby so bad and there’s no way of knowing 100% if the baby actually has a serious problem. I’m so scared! I have no idea what to do! —Guest Shy The Worst Feeling In The World I fell pregnant at 19 years old. I was in no way ready. I had been kicked out of home with no money and only the clothes on my back. I stayed with my boyfriend’s cousin who did not support us because we didn’t pay to stay. My boyfriend is abusive. He has a severe anger problem and has done things that make me cry just thinking of it. I had the abortion in May 2009. I couldn’t handle the emotional pain and guilt. But I feared for myself and the baby because I had no home, and if I went back to my family my dad would have killed me. I can never live it down and I think of it all the time. I fell pregnant again just a few months later. I knew I did not want to go through it again. So I kept it and gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. I cannot be happier. I’m pregnant again. It’s only been a few months. I live with my parents and they strictly told me no more. I don’t know what to do I feel guilty as ever. I read pro-life comments & feel like a murderer. I don’t want to be. :’( —Guest Guest20 Regret it every day of my life I regret it every day of my life. I did it because I was a coward and was scared how others including my own family would perceive me. I never had a loving relationship with my mother. I wish I could convince other girls never to do this. A child is a blessing. It will forever haunt me and make me feel sadness even though I have other children. It took away my peace and happiness. I still laugh and smile but it has been many years and I think of it nearly every day. I feel the safest place for your baby should be your womb…where they are warm and protected. To think I let some doctor rip my baby out with a cold sterile instrument makes me feel such sadness. I pray to God that he will forgive me and I pray one day I will be able to see my babies face and finally find peace. If my daughter is ever faced with this I will love and support her and would never want her to consider abortion as an option. It does not solve anything–this world is just so messed up that we think it is ok. —Guest Amanda never trust sweet talk from a guy well my boyfriend and i were having a serious conversation about sexual relasonships and having a baby while i was only 15. He started doing some sweet talk that got to me, i feel for it.He said that no matter what happened between us our baby will always be taken care of and will recive the best from us.He would never let me down or leave me alone with the baby we will have.He would man up and take responciblity like he should do.So now i have fallen for all of that and got peragnant.2 weeks later i tell him about or futher baby and he goes nuts on me and he douthed about him being the father.He starts talking alot of crap that i dident expect.he and mention ABORTION i told him if he was crazy.I would never kill my baby he respnded ur the crazy one for planning to have a baby on your own with out a father and no job or no one to depend on or ask for help cause i wont be here to raise that baby thats not even mine.i started thinking and i relized an]bortion was all i could choose. —Guest samantha I am confused I have had a rough life. I was 1 of 5 children growing up. My mom was an addict. At an early age I started looking for love in all the wrong places. I ended up pregnant by age 12 when my mom forced me to have an abortion. At that age I hated her but now that I look back it was the best decision for me at that time. At the age of 16 I got pregnant and had a son. 6 months after I had my son, at the age of 17 I got pregnant again on the pill and I made the decision to get an abortion. At the age of 18 I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. 3 months later I was pregnant again and had a baby girl at the age of 19. I was married by the age of 20. My husband went to prison and I ended up becoming addicted to pain pills. I was pregnant 3 times over a 2 year period and got an abortion each time. I wasn’t on birth control at that point. I don’t know what the hell I was doing. I got clean & once my husband came home I got pregnant immediately and had a 2nd miscarriage. Got pregnant again and had a girl July 1st 2010 and I’m pregnant again while on the pill. I am lost. —Guest DMCS Lives with you I have had two abortions. It has taken me a long time to move forward in my life from it. I was suicidal for months after, depressed, and didn’t want to leave my apt. after my second abortion. The first one was very hard and I told myself I would never allow this to happen again. I was semi-involved with a guy friend who swore up and down that he was not able to get a woman pregnant because a doctor told him he would probably not have children, after an injury to the area. We ended up having sex and within a month found out on Fathers day that I was pregnant. I wanted to die because I had got into the same situation, I recently moved to my new apt., and could not afford another child because I have a 4 year old. I had a bad experince being left while pregnant with my lst child, and never wanted to be in the same situation again.I didn’t trust my guy friend to be a parent equally,and he was not right in his life at the time. I chose it and I regret it. —Guest Kate I had the abortion I had already published a piece of the story. At 8 weeks pregnant I found out my husband was talking to this girl. I confronted him about it and he took off. Never came back, never cared. That same week I got fired from my job. It all seemed just too much. I was crying all the time. I even asked my husband to try to work things out but he refused. He said I should spend my pregnancy in my home country (what nerve) and come deliver here is the USA. He said he’d help me financially and would be involve in the baby’s life… All while declaring he was never going to stop smoking pot or go to school to get a career. How can he support two adults, a baby and his habit on a server’s salary? It was not the right environment for a baby and I simply couldn’t do it on my own with no friends or family and a newborn. I had the abortion 5 days ago. I felt at piece with my decision. Well now I just feel empty and angry towards my husband. —Guest Scare and lonely Lost… I had an abortion in October 2009 and went through a lot of emotional turmoil. It totally messes you up. If your relationship with your boyfriend is dicey, it further messes you up. I was also on Accutane which causes fatal problems to the fetus so I had no choice but to abort. However, my boyfriend became an emotional wreck. He started becoming more distant. We lost both sexual and emotional intimacy. A year later, last month, Oct 2010, I had another abortion. This time, I really wanted to keep the baby. It was with the same guy, but we had too many arguments and he didn’t let me keep the baby. He is never there for me. In fact, he is on a trip (business and pleasure) and he hardly talks to me on the phone. My life is a mess. I don’t deem myself “right” for anyone. I have lost self confidence, self worth and I feel helpless. I was totally pro life and these 2 decisions which I couldn’t control one because of the medication and other because of the man, have left me devastated. —Guest Shway forgiveness I’m a Christian Minister and I want to say that God totally understands what we go through. I’d urge the women who still feel awful regret so many years on to find some help – maybe counselling or a good understanding church minister, and find ways to heal. If you feel you did wrong, ask God to forgive you. If you know you didn’t really have a choice at the time, ask God to help you forgive yourself. All any of us can do is make the best decision we can at the time, with the resources and understanding we have at the time. God understands that. and God understands how so often women get left to make such difficult decisions. If you are reading and haven’t decided whether to have an abortion or not yet, do follow the advice of women on here and get some proper sensible advice of all the options available to you. You’ll be confused and in a panic right now, and we all need some help working out what to do when we’re stuck. Hoping you’ll find peace. —Guest ray It was the best choice My husband and I are both in our 30s, finished with college and in professional careers. I have a 9-yr old child from a prior relationship, and I have a good relationship with his dad. My husband is physically and verbally abusive, and he has been for nearly a year. We separated in early August (2.5 months ago) after I told him he needed to leave or I would have him arrested (he was hurting me again.) He has done this many times, even in front of my child and in front of neighbors, yet somehow he finds a way to blame me for his anger. He has been coming over to spend time with me and my son a few times a week, often staying the night. He was talking about reconciliation, lots of couples counseling, even started taking meds. Then I found out I was pregnant, and that day he told me to have an abortion and he signed a lease elsewhere. He told me if I didn’t have one, he would make my life hell (he’s a lawyer, and I’m on his health insurance, and he makes most our income.) I chose an abortion. —Guest Kerry Terrible decision to have to make I was in school when I realized I was pregnant. I was engaged (now married) and being a mother is something I had wanted my whole life but at the time the thought of having to tell friends and family and the worry about not finishing school was overwhelming. Having said that, the decision to get the abortion was the worst decision I ever made. Years later, my life feels like its not what it should be. For me personally, the abortion has been traumatic and has left me terrified of intimacy but at the same time, overly desperate to be pregnant again. Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice and no matter how old you are or what your situation is, I really urge anyone thinking about having an abortion to really think about it. It’s amazing how a decision that seems logical can turn out to be so haunting. I hope and pray that anyone looking here for advice will benefit from the stories of those who have been through it. —linstelino The hardest decision I had my second abortion 4 days ago and I’m doing ok. My first abortion was 3 years ago and letting go of that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was filled with guilt, regret and lots of “what ifs,” but counseling helped a great deal as did forgiving myself. I had the first and second abortion for numerous reasons from money to career and lots of other factors. While I know my partner and I could have raised 2 well adjusted kids we just were not in the position to do it. The hardest thing for me was not to worry about what other people thought about me and abortion but to accept I made the best decision for me and my future. This second abortion I have not felt bad at all. While my partner and I agreed on the decision it was ultimately my choice and I know it’s going to be ok. When we choose to have kids, I want to be excited and happy and look at the ultrasound pictures and know that this is what I want. Please don’t live in regret and guilt, it’s the worst thing. —Guest Guest M I don’t know what to do I’ll be 29 in a week, and my appointment to get an abortion is 3 days after. I am pregnant out of a complete lack of responsibility of my husband and I. He’s younger than me though, so I guess I’ll take the bigger blame. This would be my third abortion and I feel devastated even thinking about it. Both physically and emotionally, abortions are a really hard thing to deal with. I just don’t feel at all ready for a baby. I am working (well hardly as I’m sleepy and nauseous for most of the time I’m awake) my husband is unemployed and looking for a job. Besides the morality of it all, I don’t think we are in the condition of making a baby happy… and new life deserves happy parents that want to provide with a great environment for them, not like I don’t want to…just don’t know how. I feel so alone and sad. —Guest scared and lonely Alone in college facing the decision I was 17 when I chose abortion. I was 8 weeks and 6 days along. I had been pro-life my entire life being raised by a pro life mother. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to keep it. My boyfriend, who is still the love of my life made it a point that we were young with bright futures ahead of us. We weren’t ready. I went against everything I believed in because I loved him so much. After the abortion, I had this haunting fear or “what if he died, I would have nothing.” Despite my fears, I am completely healed from the abortion now even though my motherly instinct wants a baby more than anything. Now I am 18, and found out that my birth control has failed me. I am 12 weeks along. I haven’t told my boyfriend yet. I’m in college now all alone. I have no close friends or family where I am. I feel like abortion is my only option yet again. I am too far along to even have an abortion without a ride home. I don’t know where to begin. —Guest Brianna didn’t know my stance I don’t want to count the months it has been. I get emotional reading stories of regret, whereas before, I wouldn’t have had a connection. It is something you have to go through to relate to. I didn’t want to have an abortion. I knew I was pregnant but my partner refused to believe me because he thought (and still thinks) he is a genius at the rhythm/pull-out method. Before we got together, I said I would get an abortion if we got pregnant, but once I knew I was…it wasn’t far from our wedding date. This made me feel that it was okay since we were getting married. I started talking to the embryo, telling it ‘daddy’ will be home soon’, but since daddy was so ignorant, he wouldn’t believe I was pregnant and let me go on that way happily for the 7 weeks. I really don’t believe I will ever be as close to him as I was before HIS decision to terminate. I had thought of moving to Europe and giving it up for adoption, but I’m no feminist, so I let him manipulate me. —Guest manipulated Didn’t want to leave my 6 year old son I chose abortion so that I wouldn’t have to leave my soon-to-be ex husband’s house and I could stay with my 6 year old son. My “ex” told me that if I kept my baby (I was pregnant by my boyfriend) I would have to get the F out of the house. And I want to be with my son, and I know I wouldn’t have won custody in the divorce because when I left him I didn’t take my son with me because I was living in my jeep. Now I just want a baby and move out. I realize I was pressured into it. I had the abortion and my ex still tells me to get out of the house anyway. It was a big mistake. —bonolarryedge Why I had an abortion I went through with a surgical termination for a few reasons, I was too far gone for the medical and I was fully asleep for this option. Having the actual abortion took about 4-5 weeks to decide, as maternal as I am it was just not the right time for myself or my boyfriend. I think the hardest thing is mentally fighting against nature during the whole thing. I have had problems since health wise and so you need to be sure it is for you. I would be happy to answer questions from others and know your story. —Guest Clover My abortion is my only regret. I couldn’t even type my guest name without tearing up. I hate the fact that I am a mom, I know I am, but no one else does. I hate seeing pregnant women further along in their pregnancies than I was. I hate seeing young mothers with their babies. And the worse is seeing young couples with their babies. My baby’s father threatened to leave if I kept our baby. Now we are married, and I regret my decision more than ever. Because he probably would have stayed no matter what. He was probably just scared too. It was the worst experience of my life. And I will NEVER make that mistake again. I don’t know when I will ever have the opportunity to have children again, as my husband doesn’t want a baby. Even if we do, I do not think that I will ever feel complete. I never got to meet my baby….never got to hold my baby. And I am the only person to blame. —Guest Guest mommy of an angel No regrets…it was for the best… I was 20 and dealing with a mentally abusive, drug and alcohol addicted husband and raising a 1 year old with no money and no real place of residency. In my mind it was bad enough raising one child in that environment. Why do that to another? Thinking over the decision it wasn’t that hard. I know I could have adopted out the child to a family in need but I couldn’t do that either. To me that was harder — knowing about a child somewhere out there — rather than terminating the pregnancy. In the end it turned out to be the best thing for me. It got me out of a horrible scary marriage and back on track with giving my child and myself a life. —Guest Jessica I am glad to be able to make my choices I am a mother of 2 kids and in a happy marriage. This pregnancy is an accident and we never wanted more than 2 kids. I feel if I have the 3rd one at this stage, I will compromise on the upbringing of my other 2 that have been brought into this world with best intentions. I will hate to see that happen and at the same time do not want to compromise my future for the sake of something that we never wanted. I know I am making the right decision for the long term happiness of my family. Sorry, if my decision hurts anyone’s faith, but I being the pregnant lady has the right to do so! —Guest Almost 35 The freedom of choice I was going to have an abortion in 1996, I was 15 and afraid. I waited too long and couldn’t get one. Adoption was out of the question, I kept him. He is now 13 years old. I didn’t get a GED untill I was 21 and now at 29 I am going back to college. I have 2 children on 13 the other 10. I love them very much, but it was very hard getting here (to a stable point in my life). We have been on welfare, homeless and I have done things that I will regret for the rest of my life. My children deserved so much better than what we had. God sent me a man to help me get an education and to get out of the roach-infested drug area we were living in. I would still be working a dead end job and my children would still be neglected since I couldnt afford child care. I would tell girls that were in my situation to really weigh their options. I am thankful that the option was and is legal. —Guest Tanaya Pregnant, but do not want it… I realized over the past couple of years that I do not want children. I even thought I probably couldn’t have them. I was careless, though, and now my boyfriend and I agree we should terminate. It’s been difficult, because I know it has a little heartbeat, but I do NOT want children. I may change my mind in a year or two, and hopefully will be able to have them then, and afford them (I’ve been out of work for almost a year now and he doesn’t make much), but I am not in a place to deal with an infant right now. I never thought I’d be here, and I don’t wish these conflicted feelings on anyone, but I am SOOO glad we have options! My support people have said that whatever decision I make is the right one. I’m trusting them. —Guest Syriana Best Decision for My Family My husband of six years and I separated after I finished my first year of law school. After fighting it out many months with a counselor, we agreed to share custody of our two children aged 2 and 5. He moved thirty-five miles away to pastor a church in D.C. while I continued to live, work and attend graduate school in Baltimore. It was a very traumatic time for the children who did not understand what was happening to the family. I found the younger child sleepwalking at times when “visiting” me. The older child, previously very precocious, had a few episodes of soiling her underwear. This obviously was a frightening, unstable time for our small ones–as separation/divorce tends to be for children of all ages. One weekend, my husband & I attended a wedding of friends and were intimate with each other afterward. Loneliness, I guess. The condom broke, and a few weeks later that I learned that I was pregnant. Wanting to spare our children further trauma, I aborted the pregnancy. —Guest writer2 16 & pregnant I was 16 when I got pregnant by this boy I was in love with, and he was my first love. On Thanksgiving Day we decided to finally use a condom and it broke. We didn’t think anything of it because nothing had happened to us before, so we finished. One month later I didn’t get my period so I told him At first he tried to deny it, but he couldn’t. He knew it was his. Out of the 3 months I was pregnant I saw him 5 times. He didn’t call me. Instead, he he would text. We would argue because I wanted the baby and he didn’t. But I guess he really didn’t understand and his aunt was pressuring him too. The day of my abortion he went with me. I was nervous. They said they were giving me an ultrasound, so I went to get the ultrasound. I remember laying on the table with a bright light in my face, and my legs in the air. I got a shot called “twilight” it was to make you sleep, but I only felt drunk. I was in so much pain physically, mentally and emotionally. —angie1992 Why I did it I was 18. Father was my married boss who had no intention of leaving his wife and said he didn’t want 3 kids (he had two already). I was working at fast food minimum wage job, still living with parents, in college…..and terrified of my mother finding out, family response, anger from family at having baby when I could not support it and anger at who father was. At time, never considered anything but abortion as quickly as I could (6 weeks). I was terrified. Sure life went on as planned afterward, but what would my life be like now had I had the baby? My parents never would have rejected me/baby, father would have had to face his wife with the truth, the baby would have been an amazing person (just like my son), since father was smart and good looking. I threw away a perfect human being to avoid facing reality and so I could go on having fun with my friends without responsibility. That’s really the truth, deep down. —Guest Soo No regrets I went through a very bad time a few years back. My ex boyfriend got me into drugs, and I became dependent on heroin. I started stripping to buy what I needed to survive everyday. I was on the pill at first, but I couldn’t get to the clinic all the time to refill my prescription since I didn’t have a car. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. It was about three months after stopping the pills. I hadn’t had my period for months because I didn’t take the placebos at the end of the month, I just went straight to the next pack. I thought the pills were still affecting my reproductive ability, so it was safe to have sex. I was wrong. I could not have a baby like this. In this situation. No way. I knew I was pregnant at about three and a half weeks. I took ru-486 at four weeks. I knew I was pregnant because I listened to my body. I knew I couldn’t bring a child into the world because I listened to my heart and my brain. I am better now. I have a wonderful life. I am happy. I stand by my choice. —Guest A Healed Soul I didn’t effect me… Until now (cont.) Well, we went through with the abortion at 12 weeks, and of course there was emotional turmoil from both of us for a bit, but we both felt like we had made the best decision. It’s been nearly five years, without me giving it much thought. My husband and I recently had our first son. I love him so much, and as stressed as I am, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, now, all I can feel is guilt. 12 weeks. They can move. They are developing facial features. I look at my son, and it haunts me to think that he’s missing a sibling. I feel like it’s completely my fault. I can easily say that I do have regrets about the abortion. But, at the same time, I feel like my husband and I would be much worse off if I hadn’t had the abortion. I know for a fact that if I had continued the pregnancy that neither he, nor I would have been able to give up the child. Not to mention that my husband would be in jail at this time due to the pregnancy. Research. Weigh your options. Remember, it’s YOUR choice. —Guest Rika I didn’t effect me… Until now I was 15 when I had my abortion. I was a freshman in high school and had been dating my 17 year old boyfriend (now husband) for over a year. We had been practicing safe sex, but a slip up led to the pregnancy. Neither of us wanted to have the abortion, but being raised in a Mormon family, I knew that he and I would be subject to judgment and ridicule behind closed doors. Even so, what ultimately drew us to our decision was the looming fact that if my grandfather had found out, he would have reported my boyfriend for statutory rape, and he would have been registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life. We also knew that neither of us were ready to care for the child. We both grew up in poor situations involving poverty and drug usage from our parents and we did not want that environment for our child. My mother passed when I was 11 and my siblings and I were being raised by my grandmother. She had enough stress. (I’m going to continue in another post.) —Guest Rika i made the right decision i had an abortion when i was 18. i used to be completely against abortions untill i got pregnant. all these people that say abortion is wrong and put down women who have had an abortion dont know what it feels like. when you experience the situation personally its alot more understanding. i hate when people go on and on about how wrong it is.. they dont know how it feels to be a struggeling pregnant teenager obviously!! i think about my abortion every single day and i sometimes even wonder what if.. but in my heart i know that it was the right decision. —Guest caitlyn Confused Well im 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I am married. own house and car but my husband is the only one working. My last pregnancy I was sick for the full 9 months. Wasnt sure if me or my daughter was going to make it. Now here I am today. Its been 4 days and ive eaten nothing. Ive thrown up over 15 times. Ive passed out. Heart trouble….just too much stress. And I dont think I am ready to go thru this again. I feel like im nearly at death sometimes. —Guest JJ A choice I am a mother of one very needy 3 year old child, every minute of everyday I spend w/ him, I think back to my pregnancy and the first 2 years of his life. I am married to a wonderful man, with anxiety. And me I am fresh out of a pregnancy/ post partum depression. I am much better now, I’m 85 percent sure I’m having an abortion, when my son was a 0mos-24 mos. my husband worked 12-14 hours a day, away from my family or his, I had no help, there were times I wanted to hurt my child, I never did, but there were times I felt very close, and if you are any kind of honest mom in that situation you understand my feelings. I felt like a bad mom for my feelings, anger, resentment, frustration. I gained 85 lbs with my first pregnancy, and 3 years later I’ve only lost 35lbs of what I gained, it has put a strain on me mentally, and physically, I had a surgery 8wks ago. I’m having an abortion b/c I don’t feel I or my hub. Can handle another child physically or mentally. —Guest Dawna Angels Above. I’ve had 2 abortions and I’m 21 years old. The first I was 14 and had been raped. I couldn’t support myself let alone raise a child and didnt want to be reminded of my rapist every time I looked at my child. 2nd I was 18 and not living in a safe environment. Alot of violence and drug dealings going on around me. I knew it was the best decision for those circumstances at those times in my life but it still scars me to this day. I look at a child and get emotional. I am now 7 weeks pregnant and leaving the father as he mentally and emotionally abuses me. I would rather be a single mum than abort again. It just hurts to much. Think carefully before deciding to abort ladies. —Guest Mandz25 what to do? I was 21 and I had already had one with my sons father, Wowzers here comes another, but I was scared to have two kids and not be able to raise them properly because babies arent cheap. Plus my bd has other kids so we both said it was best we aint wont our baby to have to want for anything. So we decided to do it. I think of the lil angel a lot though. —Guest Ms.Leta why i choose it cus i have a babe and my bf ws not working although he wanted the babe so bad bt i couldnt deal with the fact that i have to suport the babe alone, its been two months now and he got work and my relatioship with him is real not going, has dumped me several times and is cheating with another, when i ask him he says he wants a babe and wil do anything to get it with sumone who is willing… so i wul say it was not the best decision i made.. —Guest beeve I wish my situation was better I was 27, separated from my ex-husband who had fathered 3 kids with his mistress during our 5 year marriage. When he sent me divorce papers out of the blue (that’s when I found out about the kids) we separated… I moved into my car and he moved in with her. He was happy. I wasn’t. So I went out and wanted to numb the pain of loneliness and depression and I slept with my closest guy friend. (Background – I have pcos and endometerosis and rarely have periods) so I thought everything was ok. It wasn’t. I went in for a routine check up on my cysts and found out I was pregnant. My ex found out and he and his insane family began to threaten me. When I told my only friend, he was there for me, and thrilled that I was carrying his child. I was shocked. But everyone in his family demanded that I abort or else. And since I had no job, no money, living out of my car with my only support being my friend whose family always hated me… I did what everyone wanted. It still hurts to this day. —Guest none kayleighr 2011 i had one yesterday at 12 weeks and ive never felt more relieved, i know its not nice but i want to bring a kid up when i have my own house and have worked and give it a good life instead of bringing a child up on benifits and income support i dont want to be relying on the goverment as they treat u like s..t and stop ur money when they feel like it then u end up living in a hostel struggling for food and cloths no thanks i made the right decision i know that now even though i was scared right up to the day. i hope to have a baby one day when im ready and give it a great life. —Guest kayleigh 2011 How about because I didn’t want a kid? And it was an excellent decision. The thought of having a 7 yr old today is enough to make me jump for joy that I wasn’t a religious nut who felt guilt-tripped into having a child. It is depressing that women still feel like they have to come up with a sentimental excuse to have an abortion. I had an abortion because I have a brain. I was 17. I am an intelligent person who wanted to go to college and work (which I did.) My life is significantly better due to my decision to have an abortion. Furthermore, all scientific evidence supports that fetuses in the 1st trimester cannot feel pain and are not self-aware. Actually, these anti-choicers should have more of a problem eating meat than aborting an early fetus. There is no good reason to feel bad about having an abortion unless you were forced to have one. The world would be a much better place (less poverty, starvation, etc) if more women chose this option. Just because you have a uterus, it doesn’t mean you need to fill it with a kid! —Guest Ashley Confused I have just found out that i am pregnant, feelin very intense, scared and dont no how to tell anyone, confused whether to keep it or not! : ( as i have never been in a relationship with the father, it was all a bit of fun, he already has a child with his previuos partner and doesnt want anymore.. I darent tell him as i think too much of him, but i think about this unborn baby it cripples me, i dont no what to do —Guest Jackii hard times i had a abortion almost 12 years ago and i still reget it so much i was on my early 20′s with 3 boys i had a very hard life but after i had the abortion i never had kids again i regret it so much i been living with this n i feel so bad i can’t forgive myself —Guest regret what i did Tomorrow… My date for a medical abortion is tomorrow – 10 Dec 2011, I told my 4 year long boyfriend that I am pregnant last night (I am 35 and he 50) he immediately told me to have an abortion, that the night we conceived we were both drunk and that our relationship is not based on love but lust. He also asked me to sign a letter stating that I do not have any financial or other claims against him and waive my rights if i decide to go ahead and have the child, which I did this morning. I am having this abortion because i dont want a child to live in these types of circumstances -I am NOT going to explain to him/her one day that they arent wanted and I made that choice by choosing to be with such a pr*ck in the first place. EVERY CHILD has a right to a REAL life, NOT HALF a chance. I am giving myself a second chance in life, I choose to learn from my mistakes and not to destroy my heart in the process. My heart goes out to all of you, and all the best for a REAL future. —Guest Guest Mich Thank you I have never had to consider abortion, and was never pressured to have one. I have been conflicted about the legality of abortion for many years, and staggered by the millions of lives that have been lost since it became legal. I am Roman Catholic, and I do believe that abortion is a sin, since taking a life should never come without spiritual consequences. However we have a loving God, who forgives us our truly awful choices, if we truly repent. With your stories, I have decided that abortion should be legal until such time as our country so loves its children that they and their mothers are assured of care and of protection from the beginning of pregnancy and for as long as required. When there are no longer tens of thousands of children in foster care because they have all been adopted, then the country can make abortion illegal. Until then, there isn’t enough love in it for all, and women should have the right to abort in a safe and legal way, if they feel they have to. —trentriverwoman Really confused Im 17 nd my bf just turned 22, im 7 weeks and i have no idea what to do, my dad once told me if I ever get pregnet ,thall he would kick me out, and I would have to live with my bf, my bf lives with his mom and can barley afford himself, on top of that I feel like hes pressuring me to abort, deep down inside I dont, my mom and his mom say no, my bf tells me yes and im scared wat my dad will do.. —Guest Just pray Theres more ways out I was 14 when I had a abortion I wanted tht bby more than anything I was forced to have a abortion by my.mom.now I regret it.more than anything I have to go true life knowing I killed a poor bby. It.doesnt matter if u have the money or not theres is plenty of.more ways.out. Its only been a year and i still feel sad and depresed but theres noo turning now . I just wish this thing was ilegal or something. —Guest Not a good choice An Unresolved Issue I primarily did it out of shame, but it left me carrying guilt and shame the rest of my life. I was 20 and not married. I couldn’t bear having my very large, strict, Roman Catholic family learn that I was pregnant or that I would have a child out of wedlock. The irony is that the strict pro-life religion under which I was raised is what sent me running to the abortion clinic. I still feel haunted over the fact that I took this life. Adoption didn’t seem like a viable option, because the pregnancy would have been public and I would still have to bear the shame and stigma brought on by my family, my faith, and society. However, I could never escape my own judgement of myself. There will always be abortions until society becomes more forgiving and accepting of mistakes. I still think abortion is taking a life, but I see it as a form of self defense on the woman’s part. It is sad that an innocent child is caught in the middle. —Guest Haunted Dark Time I grew up in an abusive household. My mom was helpless and timid; always crying. My dad terrorized us. I swore that I would never get around someone similar. Unfortunately, my first serious boyfriend was much like my father and through fear and intimidation (and because it was what I was used to), I fell right back into a pattern of doing what I was told. He didn’t abuse me physically, but he was very obsessive/possessive and I was afraid of him. I was still very afraid of having to show my body to anyone, so I didn’t seek birth control from a clinic. Instead I used drugstore methods, though he would often force himself on me . He and I fought and my family fought with me because they didn’t like him. It became worse when he started drinking. I went to a clinic alone and was attacked by protesters. I never felt so alone, scared and sad in my life. I wish someone would have helped me. I wish I had the courage to say what was going on. I was 20 at the time, 28 now. It will always hurt. —yoruame You do you. you wanna have a baby? have a baby! if you don’t then theres adoption or abortion. It is YOUR choice ladies. not anyone else’s to decide for you. I personally had an abortion for lots of reasons. i don’t regret it. some do. it all depends on you! There are mean nasty ass people out there who will degrade and belittle you n will say nasty things. f*** ‘em. Only YOU know whats best for you the baby n the father, if he didn’t help get you pregnant then lose his balls n run once you found out. If anyone don’t agree with abortion… Then i suggest they don’t have one then, huh?!? —loretta.k Jesus Saves! I was sinning and very young. I knew if I had a baby out of wedlock I would shame my family and no man would ever make his wife. I feel confident about my decision to have an abortion because it was the decision that most benefited ME. Now I have a loving husband (who never has to find out) a Huge bank account, a beautiful house we had built brand new, three 2011 cars and 3 healthy (non bastard) children and a family that loves me. Praise the lord, Jesus has forgiven me, I am free of my sins. No matter what we do in this life, it’s between us and GOD! He gave me this body to do with what I CHOOSE! It’s NO ONE’S Business if we have had an abortion. You don’t have to tell anyone, I didn’t. God Bless —Guest Mellissa Harmon Worst decision of my life I had it about 2 months ago i am a 20 year old college student who had alot going on. Internship, had about a semester on my bachelors. Had just opened a small store with my friend. Things were really moving, and me and my boyfriend who had a very good job had just met actually it was about a month into our relationship i found out. I felt like i didnt really know him enough to have to deal with this person for 18 more years i also felt that i had done alot since i was 16 and being the best that i could be at everything i tried. Then i went and got pregnant and i just saw every bad possibility coming from this situation. College going up in flames, internship denying me another year. Just my life being over. Then my parents were forcing us to get married. He was older than me 31 to be exact, and i just wasnt ready. So i did it, july 14th i got rid of it. Right before i went in a nun urged me not to. I should of listened cause now everyday i feel empty. Empty as a glass. —Guest Sucks i regret myself yesterday only i did abortion(28th sept 2011) and today i am in total emotional turmoil, i am regretting and blaming my husband as well. he did not support me to have this baby so i had to abort my child and i also would like to request all the women never do such kind of mistake in your. this is indeed a murder in my view. children are the gift of god, they have the right to live. —Guest niru mishra No regrets I was in a relationship where I was controlled to the point where my ex didn’t want me to take birth control. I fought with him saying that I didn’t want a child at this time. So I tried to sneak birth control , and he abused me when he found out. He controlled and manipulated me so much that I wasn’t allowed to wear low cut shirts, skirts, make up, bathing suits, have any guy friends etc. So it came to the day that I was pregnant. I didn’t want to have a child, I wanted to wait till I was financially settled and educated enough to properly care for a child. I am not mentally ill, a horrible person and selfish, I was someone that was young and in a bad situation. So I chose to abort. To this day, I am fortunate that abortion is available, because I don’t know what I would be doing right now with a child, its hard enough to get by. His family were alcoholics and had a lot of problems, I didn’t want a child brought up in that life. I didn’t want a child at that time, period. —Guest Anonymous to be responsible Having an abortion when I was much younger was the responsible thing to do. My bf and I would have had to marry. I was very immature and emotionally unstable and my bf eventually came to understand that he was gay. I wanted to have a traditional family, and because I was easily able to procure an abortion (safe and nearly painless), I was allowed to grow up and have the family I wanted. Although society generally is more understanding now of single mothers, some families and cultural communities are still incredibly backwards. We should not make these women suffer because we do not walk in their shoes. —faneta few regrets I know I wouldn’t have the family and children I have now if I had not had an abortion 30 yrs ago. My main emotion afterwards was relief. My bf did not want the child or to marry. So although I wish I hadn’t gotten pregnant that first time, my 2 children would not exist. I’m so sick of these pro-lifers who don’t give a thought to the suffering of women and girls in truly desperate situations. The quality of life of an autonomous human being is more important that the life of a potential autonomous human being. Although they don’t mean to be, prolifers are really pro-suffering (esp. as it relates to sexual sin). The only authentic prolifers are those who are also 100% antiwar, like the Quakers. The rest are just unwitting sheep joining the religious patriarchy to keep women under control. You are not murderers! Stand up for your right to determine the course of your life, and respect other women’s. Ignore those who want to you to suffer emotionally just so they can feel superior. —faneta no support I had a abortion a week ago it hurts so bad.The reason I did it I had no type of support from my mother or the guy I was with. I cry almost everyday but I decided to heal myself by lighting a candle and praying for gods forgiveness and asking my baby for forgiveness.I know in my heart I will never get another abortion. —Guest Dj Why I chose abortion. I’ve had two abortion when I was 20 and 22. I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t have a job, depressed and has bipolar mother. I couldn’t see myself being with him and raising his children, I was panicking what I should do. After the first one I said never again to abortion. I was pregnant with 2nd child, I decided to tell my parents to keep the baby. I brought my ex, his mother, and our parents together to talk about what to do. My ex was all about talk, never went through and promised his words. So I said, I can’t do it. I cried so much but I knew I had to do it. I am pregnant again right now and decided to have one once again. I am now 26years old. I am trying to further my career and my current boyfriend still has to finish school. He doesn’t believe in abortion but he says he understands my point of view. I want to marry him someday and a child when we really want one. I feel terrible, ignorant, and selfish but I decided to do this for us. —Guest Lori More than money The cost of an abortion is much more than money. As some one who made that uneducated choice, I have had to live regret. I look at my children today and know that they are missing 2 siblings. My hope is that if you are reading this and feel that abortion is the only answer for you – you will open your heart to the child in your womb and know that you have been given this opportunity to choose life and love this child. There is always a way – when you look for it. —Wonderfullymade812 no regrets newfound love for being young I found out i was pregnant at16 it was the beginning of my junior year my bf wanted me to have it but it just wasnt realistic im a teenager my worries are school and work as they should be not supporting and raising a child my mom noticed i was pregnant before i did bc of the morning sickness im so lucky my mom was super supportive of my decision to get an abortion after having the procedure i was in a euphoria of relief and motivation to get the most out of life i come from a middle class family good grades there was no way i was going to end up broke single and un educated not to mention the burden i would place on my parents they have already raised children people who have kids when there still kids end up having mid life crisises feeling like theyv missed out on life they never really grow up life has so much to offer getting an abortion was the best decision of my life it gave me the option to have a life i appreciate being young so much more now and that i am truly greatful for —marge0000 Thought I couldnt get pregnant I’m 37, wz seeing 31 he has no kids. We met Jan. He said he wanted a baby with me in May. I read on the Internet it wz harder for women over 35. 25%-50%, weed smokers have slow sperm swimmers he’s 1, getting off the pill takes 1 yr. On 7/23 I conceived with 1 try only that month! On 8/6 I brk it off. On 8/12 I find out I’m pregnant. He said it’s ok but he’s someone. Rearing a child fatherless is not an option for me. He feels I trapped him. He’s 31, no kids, no car, lives with mom. I have 2 kids and a professional job. His anger & inability to father has made my choice. I’ve cried ALOT. I repent my own stupidity. I stopped pill, after he said he wanted baby in may. After an inconsistent cycle I said to himi stopped the pill. It went over his head. He thinks I trapped him. I have 2 kids and professional Job. He does not want to b dad. I dont want a fatherless child —Guest 37 After 2 and a half years i am healed I was 20 years of age at that time and i was so afraid. I really felt like keeping the baby but my boyfriend said no and i never ever really healed after that until i met my current Boyfriend. He is the greatest thing in my life, he helped me understand and get myself to forgive myself and as i stumbled upon this sight it truly made me realize how healed i am! And the best thing of all is that God forgave me, i truly feel that in my heart and i am so happy all the time! God gave me a gift in a form i would never ever have guessed would be possible. my advice would be to let God give you something to help you forgive yourself and be open towards God and have faith! it sometimes takes long but in the end it helped me through things i never would have before! —Guest Doreena Consider This I dont mean to be inappropriate by posting about the other side of the fence, I really dont. After reading many of these posts, I feel if I can advise one pregnant woman about what the other side of the fence is like, perhaps it could forever change her life forever. I considered abortion, I considered it long and hard. I even had the keys in hand, ready to head to a clinic a few times. They never made it to the cars ignition though. Abortion processes are not pretty, and I couldnt rip the child out chunk by chunk, I wasnt going to have a practicioner do if for me. I really wondered what it would have been like to have a long career. I am 21, my boyfriend is 23, our daughter is a month old. Loving her has been a process, notsomething that came easy when I was pregnant. But I am NOT broken on the inside, as it sounds many women are that have the procedure. I couldnt do it because my future is not more important than my daughter’s no matter what. When theres a will theres a way. —Guest Sarah Abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Medical abortion pills https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/medical-abortion-pills.html Surgical abortion https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/surgical-abortion.html Womb cleaning https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/womb-cleaning.html Abortion Counselling https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-counseling.html Pregnancy termination https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/pregnancy-termination.html Why abortion should be legal https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/why-abortion-should-be-legal.html Abortion law https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-law.html Abortion statistics https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/abortion-statistics.html Womens clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Safe abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za Legal abortion clinic https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za History of abortions https://www.abortionsclinic.co.za/history-of-abortion.html

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