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aph-america · 1 year

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A Second Chance

[ My gift exchange for @badappleyatsu ! You asked for angst and I hope I brought it ]

“So, have you been seeing someone?”

Ivan blinked when asked the question. While not unexpected, he didn’t know how to respond. Having his ex-husband in front of him after a few years had him frazzled. Even him sitting on a sofa, across from Alfred in his’s own house added extra anxiety. When invited over, he’s unaware of what it entailed. A couple nights ago, the pair had run into each other at the same bar they had met. An urge to talk to Ivan overtook Alfred, and he went for it. To his own surprise, Ivan reacted in a friendly manner. And they exchanged numbers at the end. They’ve talked casually for the last few days, and Alfred decided to bite the bullet and have Ivan over for a real conversation.

“... You mean, in a serious manner? No. Why, have you?” Ivan responded, having a clear voice. He glanced at the photo near him, one with Alfred and a small girl. “I did not want to ask, but something tells me you are not with the mother of your child anymore…” There’s a hint of disapproval in his tone. Three months after their divorce, Alfred had gotten a woman pregnant. Ivan found this through a mutual friend, and had a couple crying sessions over it. While understanding that he didn’t have the right to be upset, it stung that his ex had a child so quick. ‘He must of really thought I was unfit to be a parent…’ Ivan would commonly think.

Alfred’s face changed from the question. His eyes looked down as he had a pained expression on his face. He began to rub his neck, knowing he’d have to admit the truth. “Eh, we were never really… Together… More so she got pregnant by accident and we decided to keep her. We tried to date, but it really did not work out and we’ve been co-parenting since she’s been born…” Alfred explained. The mother of his child had been a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.

Ivan raised a brow, annoyed by the background. “Interesting… You really could not wait to have unprotected sex with someone after me, yes?” His reply was snarky and his tone irritated. Alfred sighed and isn’t a fan of his attitude. His own expression changed to frustration. Ivan began to feel guilty for the unnecessary remark and decided to apologize. “Sorry…” His eyes looked down to his lap, where he held a soft blanket across it. Old Ivan wouldn’t have dared to say sorry for sassy comments. But this Ivan had matured through the years.

“That was rude of me. Anyway, she is adorable. And I like the name Bella. It suits her.” Ivan’s lips turned to a tiny grin, attempting to make up for the hostility. Alfred blinked, not expecting an apology, followed by a compliment. Grateful, he continued down the path of questioning he originally brought Ivan here for. “Thanks. She really is the cutest… Ah, could you see yourself dating someone with kids?” He asked, his inquiry having a tone of fear under it. A hint that he feared a certain answer.

“Yes. Does not bother me… Why?” Ivan tilted his head, wondering if Alfred would get to the point. Did his ex invite him over to simply ‘talk’, or did he have other intentions?

Alfred could tell by Ivan’s tone, and knew he should fess up and be blunt on his motives. “Well.. I guess… I…” Speechless at first, it took him a pause to get it together. “Listening- even before we met again, I’ve been thinking about you. A lot, actually. I felt like it’s fate that we ran into each other… I mean, I’m a different person from when we were married. I assume you are too. It’s been, what, five years? Anyway, I… I was hoping that we could reconnect…” His words were quieter towards the end. It’s challenging to pour his feelings out, but there’s no way to avoid it.

“I really did love you, a lot. And it never really went away? I’m sorry if I sound stupid… I just…” Alfred closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I, I can’t stop thinking about us. And I’ll never forgive myself if I didn’t try to fix things with you…” He reopened his eyes, his expression worried for Ivan’s reply. His ex blinked, an unsure look on his face. Alfred couldn’t read what he’s thinking and it bothered him.

Ivan’s half surprised, half isn't by Alfred’s confession. They met again, started talking, and once invited over, he knew something was up. But another part of himself couldn’t, or didn’t, want to believe the man who divorced him wanted him. After five years of marriage, it pained Ivan when Alfred gave up on their relationship. They were both young when they married, with Alfred twenty and Ivan twenty-three himself. Funny enough, they were separated for as long as their marriage.

Ivan had greatly worked on himself in those five years after the divorce. He went to therapy every week, and started to take his anti-depressants. A major source of issues in their marriage was Ivan’s poor mental health, and their relationship became toxic. Alfred had his own bad behaviors, due to being controlling and vindictive back. Alfred's too immature to handle a person as complicated as Ivan. At the time at least, years of growth could have changed that.

Ivan’s heart raced, and he tried to aid it by taking a deep breath. Body tense, he scrambled to find a response for Alfred. “I…” He began to mutter. He closed his eyes, following by reopening them. Instead of looking at his lap, he gave Alfred eye contact. “I would be lying if I said you did not come across my mind. You do. And I would sometimes wonder if it was the right person, wrong time… We both were so young…” He confessed, his fingers pulling at the blanket due to anxiety. Nausea built up in his stomach, as he had to verbalize his emotions. “I… I like the idea of reconnecting. See if it is truly meant to be…” He ended it in a whisper, breaking eye contact. He couldn’t look at Alfred’s baby blues anymore; it brought back emotions he’d push down the past few years. All the night were he missed his ex, and wanted nothing but to jump into his arms. His own body fought the urge to go over and throw himself at Alfred.

But he couldn’t; he had to act like he isn’t desperate.

Alfred leg fidgeted while he listened to Ivan. His chest felt close to exploding, and he struggled to keep his breathing normal. He didn’t know how’d he handle if Ivan rejected him. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and he isn’t aware if he’d regret it.

Nevertheless, the words ‘I like the idea of reconnecting.’ hit his ears, every tense, anxious part of his body relaxed. Calmness washed over him, and his lips turned to a smile. He stared at Ivan, and took in his beautiful features. His soft skin, that appeared flawless. Hooded eyes that were a shade unseen on anyone else. A large nose that fit his face, and full light pink lips. He’d do anything to crush his lips against his again. To taste his mouth, and grab him everywhere. His soft hips, large and thick thighs and ass. Feel Ivan under him, he’d yearn for it since they divorced.

“... Are you going to say something, or must you simply stare at me?”

Ivan speaking took him from his daydream. He sat up straight, and saw Ivan smiling at him. Chuckling, he felt guilty of imagining his ex in such ways so soon. “Sorry, heh, I just…” Unable to come up with an excuse, he ignored his zoning out. “Anyway, I’m glad you feel the same way. I’m… I’m sorry for everything, I really am…” That apology is one he held in for the past five years. The divorce had been rocky, at first it was quite nasty. It wasn’t until towards the end they began to act civil and go their separate ways.

Ivan sighed, shaking his head. “Do not feel bad. I should be sorry too. I was no angel to deal with. I know that… And… I am willing to start on a fresh slate. As long as you are as well…” He looked down again, fighting tears. He didn’t want to cry; he couldn’t cry. He couldn’t off the bat show how much he missed Alfred. Being emotional and weak again isn't something he wanted.

But Alfred saw through it.

“Hey… Don’t cry… You’ll make me cry…” Alfred laughed, but there’s a crack in his voice towards the end. He got up from his chair and sat next to Ivan. He took Ivan’s chin into his hand, raising it so they could be eye-to-eye. Tears pooled at the bottom of Ivan’s eyes. Alfred wiped them and fought back his own. Ivan sat still, his mind racing. A moment he’d secretly wanted for the last five years happened. It felt unreal.

Alfred pulled back slightly, taking his hands from Ivan’s cheeks. ‘I hope I didn’t cross a line touching him so soon…’ Alfred thought. “Sorry if I’m being too touchy…”

But he didn’t know how badly Ivan desired those touches. Every cell in Ivan’s body urged him to kiss him. Be in his arms again, feel his hands grip his waist and his lips on his neck. Ivan longed for him for years. This past year he'd finally gotten over him. He started to think about him less, and imagined himself building a life with someone else. But seeing Alfred in the flesh changed everything. Not only did the man confess rekindling their relationship, but received touching in such an intimate and soft way. Alfred’s touches were one of the reasons he fell in love. He could caress him in a gentle way no one else could.

Now, after moving on, every single emotion Ivan had pushed down came to surface. And he realized that perhaps, he wasn’t as moved on as so thought. More tears streamed down his pale cheeks, as his lips trembled into a smile.

“I love the way you touch me… Do not be sorry…”

#rusame #amerus #rusame exchange #aph russia #aph america #hws america #hws russia #i hope you like it #lol #aph fanfiction

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lilacpins · 6 years

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badappleyatsu replied to your post: food fantasy modern university au forgetful...

wonton slavic squats throughout the whole club meeting

this au is now complete thank u

#badappleyatsu

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vyragosa · 6 years

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IVE BEEN LISTENING TO IT ALL DAY YESTERDAY FFSDHFSDFHSD AND THE MV IS ABOUT GIRLS IN LOVE AT THAT SO I HAD TO GIVE IT A CHANCE

#badappleyatsu

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ma-worm · 4 years

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Food Fantasy Charity Collab Hello everyone! In honor of spreading good energy into the new year this group of artists have decided to open up commisions for charities of their choice! Here are their respective sheets in the order listed below, please check out their pages for more information and consider making a donation, everything helps! The collab will end march 9th, happy lunar new year everyone!

https://ko-fi.com/dodonoooo - @dodonoooo - Multiple https://ko-fi.com/A708MFA - @raynef-art - The Survivor Mitzvah Project https://ko-fi.com/Ringoveon - @ringoveon-draws - The US holocaust museum https://ko-fi.com/karolnotcarol# - @cakerollkarol - Unite Against Facism https://ko-fi.com/bappieyatsu - @badappleyatsu - The US holocaust museum https://ko-fi.com/editsfromaworm - @ma-worm - The Survivor Mitzvah Project @fuckyeahfoodfantasy - The Survivor Mitzvah Project (see blog for details)

#food fantasy #foodfantasy #ff commissions #ff New Years charity collaboration

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trilies · 5 years

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EEEEEY guess who got some cool shit from @badappleyatsu !! who actually remembered me, somehow, apparently, including my request for my favorite daddy as a picture

and since I took pictures of my recent acquisitions, I included where I put mocha (fittingly attached to pansexual pancakes) and fancy dinner (accompanied by friends now).

I need more room to put keychains tbh

#james shenanigans #food fantasy #ff peking duck #ff steak #ff sweet and sour fish #ff cloud tea #ff red wine #ff b52 #ff brownie #ff milk #ff black tea #ff milt #ff caviar #ff wonton #ff tortoise jely #ff chocolate #ff coffee

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ghoulgeists · 5 years

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Raffle Winners!

Been a busy few days so I couldn’t get a post out on time, but I’ve managed to grab the winners! Sorry for the wait to all those anticipating quq

FIRST PRIZE @bothriolepis

SECOND PRIZE @badappleyatsu

THIRD PRIZE @s1n-am0n

Congratulations you three!! And thank you for entering my raffle! I’ll be contacting you all individually to talk about your prizes.

#raffle winners

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yellow-wine · 6 years

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Ben Meme

So over on the steakwine server our good pal Ben, said this:

and thus, a whole new world was discovered.

Bemes are a thing now.

join the server please

@badappleyatsu

#elf talks shit #steakwine discord #ben is a genius

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senjekai · 6 years

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Tagged by @zemyanarozi !!

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 10 people

# following:

Just about 300 !

# of followers:

Just under 200 !

average hours of sleep:

4 to 5 if I’m kind to myself.

lucky number:

12 !

instruments:

I sing, does that count?

what are you wearing:

A black denim jacket with a mauve(?) Sweater shirt :0 I also have hiking pants and my lucky sandals

dream job:

A language instructor in Germany for Turkish Immigrants or a Anthropologist in the Central Asian Steppes ! I can’t chose !

dream trip:

I would love to visit the Aegean Sea and tour Turkey ❤️

birthday:

July 2nd !

height:

5′5 !

gender/pronouns:

Female she/her

other blogs:

@ask-the-eternal-state !

nicknames:

Sen or Gabi !

star sign:

Cancer

time:

10 am :0 time for class

favourite bands:

Imagine Dragons, Nirvana, The Killers, Vampire Weekend ! ( But i also listen to many individual artists )

favourite artist:

Vincent Van Gogh And (I know this isn’t an artist but) I love Baroque artwork

favourite tumblr artist:

I’m a huge fan of my good friends artwork @carbon-peach !!!!

song stuck in your head:

Halleluja by The Haunted Windchimes

last movie you watched:

:‘0 I don’t remember, I haven’t had the time

last show you watched:

Dragon Ball Super!!!!!

why did you make your blog:

Well I made this blog to just have a place to put my artwork! I made my Turkey Ask Blog originally to be an RP blog but I got so many asks that I turned it into an Ask Blog !

what do you post

I post ugli bois and history

last thing you googled:

TvT car and health insurance information

Ao3:

👀 a secret

do you ever get asks:

Not really but I’m okay with that so I can put more time in energy into the asks that I do get !

how did you get the idea for your url:

I love strawberries…plus StrawberryJelly was taken… [ Also: The Eternal State was a popular nickname given to The Ottoman Empire for having lasted so long ! ]

favorite food:

fried tofu with feta cheese, salad, and this vinaigrette dressing that I get from a Bavarian Sausage shop

last book you read:

The Reader ! It’s a book I have to read for class lmao

top 3 fictional universes:

Vampire aus…. Star Trek aus… And d&d aus !!

Tagging: @everestsoul @ottomanliest @aph–lietuva @hardfangirl @stirringwinds @badappleyatsu @budaespest @sinunamor @carbon-peach @ask-risorgimento-italy !!! Only if you guys want ! Also for anyone else who would like to :’>

#blablabla

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bappieyatsu · 6 years

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Twitter

https://twitter.com/badappleyatsu

I had one 2 years ago but i decided to start using it now lmao

#apple speaks #personal

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jackie-kawaii · 3 years

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Commission for @badappleyatsu for 7M’s birthday!~~ 🎉🎉

#commissions #others ocs #badappleyatsu #💜💜

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linktoo · 7 years

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Drew Guang Hong Ji for @badappleyatsu⎝ ('◁') ⎠‏

#yeah boi #Guang Hong Ji #Yuri!!! on Ice #my art #Linktoo art

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vodkanburgers · 7 years

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Rules: answer these 85 statements and tag people

Tagged by: @subject-to-feels

I tag @katsudon-and-klance @causeimamerican @kakiichoco @starkbucksss @badappleyatsu @snartalacarte but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want. I know it’s long lol. And I’m missing a lot of people, I know. I’m just tagging whoever is on my chat bubble list lmao

1. drink: favorite drink or most recent??? I’m addicted to Dunkin iced coffee, cream and liquid sugar, french vanilla swirl

2. phone call: #1 Loser, aka my sister

3. text message: @aph-dei

4. song you listened to: Hate by 4Minute

5. time you cried: Lmao, yesterday. For no reason at all. I was just really tired and my mom kept telling me to do this and that

6. dated someone: single since birth

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve haven't kissed anyone since I was like 4

8. been cheated on: You can’t be cheated on if you never date (y’all know the meme)

9. lost someone special: my grandpa a long time ago

10. been depressed: lmao, “been”

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t like the taste of alcohol so I don’t drink it

3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. Purple

13. Black

14. Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: yes!

16. fallen out of love: -LOUD SIGH-

17. laughed until you cried: A few weeks ago, my sister and I were moving a king sized mattress from the floor to the bed and I laughed so hard I cried and peed myself a little. The mattress was memory foam and it just kept bending like a limp noodle and for some reason, I just died laughing.

18. found out someone was talking about you: You can’t find out people are talking about you if you self isolate yourself (insert previous meme)

19. met someone who changed you: I’m very easily influenced. Everyone I see or interact with influences me.

20. found out who your friends are: What does this mean? Yes??

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: My dad is on my facebook list and I kissed him when I was 3 lmaoooo

GENERAL

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: probably 70% but only because I forget who people are if they don’t talk to me for a while lmao

23. do you have any pets: I used to have 2 turtles but then I moved and had to give them to my aunt. They were red-earred sliders of course. One is the size of my fist and one is the length of a shoe

24. do you want to change your name: I like my name tbh

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I spent it with family like always and had pikachu on my cake. Got like $500 in birthday money tho

26. what time did you wake up: 2 fucking pm

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a documentary on Sharks. Did you know rays are classified as sharks???

28. name something you can’t wait for: the sweet release of death

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 4 hours ago when she threw a pillow at me and told me to go to bed

31. what are you listening to right now: Satisfied by Sia (feat. Miguel & Queen Latifah)

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: like 5 people, only for school

33. something that is getting on your nerves: m y s e l f!!!! Fill out that job application you stupid b i t chhh

34. most visited website: tumblr

35. hair color: Black

36. long or short hair: long. Like really long. “Mermaid hair” as people call it. When it covers your boobs? Yeh.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Honestly, I don’t even know. Like I’ve never actually LIKED someone in my life. I just wanna bone them and cuddle after lmaoo

38. what do you like about yourself: I’m really good at putting things together. Whether they be ideas or like actually building things. So I’m really good at creating stories from ideas, making up believable lies, and building.

39. piercings: just my ears

40. blood type: I have no idea

41. nickname: Bitch, Chris (when my sister is too lazy to say my full name), mom, crypoopoo

42. relationship status: single and really craving affection

43. zodiac: Sagittarius

44. pronouns: her/she

45. favourite tv show: New Girl, BoJack Horseman, I like a lot of anime so I’m not gonna list them all lmao, Dexter, most DC animated series

46. tattoos: I w i s h. Bu t my parents won’t let me and also I’m a weak bitch

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: nope

50. sport: I play volleyball and badminton with my sister for fun?

51. vacation: Where did I go or where would I like to go??? I’ve been to Wisconsin Dells. This year, I didn’t go anywhere. I’d really love to go somewhere with a lot of nature. Maybe a hike. Just somewhere I can breathe in deep, close my eyes, and listen to the sounds of nature.

52. pair of trainers: What are trainers…???

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: I’m hungry but it’s 3am. I’m just chewing on my teabag string

54. drinking: Jasmine tea

55. I’m about to: brush my teeth

56. waiting for: a burglar to come to my house and kill me

57. want: to die

58. get married: wouldn’t that be the dream…

59. career: to be a sound editor

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: hugs

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: taller

63. older or younger: doesn’t matter

64. nice arms or nice stomach: doesn’t matter wither lol

65. hook up or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: like somewhere in between?

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: no

68. drank hard liquor: no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t have them

70. turned someone down: like 5

71. sex on the first date: n o

72. broken someone’s heart: mmmm yeah….

73. had your heart broken: I’ve never liked anyone to get my heart broken sooooo no

74. been arrested: no. Sometimes I’m scared to even jaywalk

75. cried when someone died: yeah

76. fallen for a friend: -widens eyes and looks to the ground-

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: I can’t find the post where the person says “That who should I trust” “Yourself” “-scuffs- nO”

78. miracles: lmao, no

79. love at first sight: no

80. santa claus: if only

81. kiss on the first date: no

82. angels: not religiously but aliens with wings? yes

OTHER:

84. eye color: dark brown

85. favorite movie: I can’t pick favorites in anything most of the time but uh… I really love Moana

#tagged #about me #long post #sorry this took so long!!!

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