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druddigoon · 4 years

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so i’m supposed to be working on scholarship applications but instead of writing 500 words on why i should receive money (bc i’m poor) i typed out 1.4k words of bederia smh

anyways cheeky au where bede feels feelings

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> Nervousness, worry; something heavy building up in the heart, weighed down like a lagging tail; the bearer of bad news. Guilt.

Bede lifts his arm up the second Gloria makes a move to get up from the couch.

“Leaving?” he says.

“Yeah.” It’s little more than an act nowadays, less for his benefit than Gloria’s. “It’s going to take at least a week to travel to and back from the dynamax sightings they want me to investigate, and I’d rather arrive back in time to catch the tail end of that fair you’re helping set up.”

She’s wading her way around the coffee table when he grabs her hand.

> Guilt, stronger now. Concern, rolling off in waves; can’t take deep breaths when the water line’s over your head. Resolve, don’t look back. No fear.

No fear? Fear and concern usually go hand in hand. If she’s worried about running into a dangerous situation, why isn’t she scared about it?

It takes him a while to realize she’s worried over him.

“I’m not mad at you,” he blurts out, “This is your job, you’re the only one qualified enough to handle dens over five stars, and you’re doing it so Galar can be safe. I’d be an idiot to get mad at that.”

“I know, I just wish it doesn’t have to be--” Gloria cuts herself off in the middle of her sentence.

Doesn’t have to be like this. There were a lot of things that didn't have to be: Bede’s disqualification, the Eternatus incident, Gloria’s stepping down a year into her championship. Wistful ideations did not rewrite the stars. Both knew it very well.

> Melancholy. Guilt loses its edge, dips down into resignation.

She’s staring at the cluster of mushrooms starting to grow from the ceiling, glowing gentle hues of pink, blue, and green. For the umpteenth time, Bede wishes he could read thoughts instead of emotions. Doesn’t have to be like this.

He sighs, lets go of her hand. “Come on. I’ll come to see you off at Hammerlocke.”

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Rule Number One: Never talk about your ability.

Rule Number Two: Avoid touching anyone unless absolutely necessary.

Those were the two fundamental laws Bede set for himself during his time in the orphanage. Stories too grotesque to be put into words, stark terror and raw emotion. They blurred together to the point where he stopped caring--stopped reaching out, beat or intimidated anyone who tried to him. He withdrew.

Compassion fatigue, he’d heard the social workers discuss, after his main caretaker quit. Emotional exhaustion leading to a decreased ability to feel empathy for others. The cost of care. He often wondered if he had that too, how others’ emotions were often so strong it had washed away his own, the dull ringing in his ears after he lost contact. Or maybe he’d always been like this.

The first rule was broken when he accused his foster father of cheating, when he gave him a slap on the back after coming home from “work”. A day later he was picked up by Oleana, and told he’d shake hands with Macro Cosmos’s pawns during meetings.

The second rule spiralled downwards when he accidentally bumped into a challenger, back in Galar Mine No 1.

It’s such a hassle. So much easier to hate someone when he doesn’t know them. Rose is a man brimming with hope for the future, too bright to hold in a handshake for long. Oleana, once her obsessiveness and exhaustion and contempt for Bede has been whittled away from the manicured fingernails digging into his shoulder, is a woman who adores her saviour ever since the day he took her off the streets. He remembers the pity officers doled against his skin when they had to restrain him to be brought back to the orphanage, the desperation of a slipping boy when Hop’s knuckles bit into his lip.

So much easier to hate when they weren’t all so human.

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In Ballonlea, where the sun fails to filter through the thick canopy of trees, time loses its grip. There is no such thing as a day and night cycle when all light comes from bioluminescent mushrooms, shining here before you were born and after you leave.

Hammerlocke, in contrast, seems to be bathed in the light of the sun. Dying rays outline castle walls against a wash of red and gold, and shadows stretch over corners, gothic. The air is warm; he’d read somewhere that the obsidian masonry was designed to absorb heat during the day and release it at night, which saves them from temperature fluctuations as a mainland city near the wild area. Save for a few stragglers, the streets are empty.

Bede is the first to arrive at the pokemon centre, teleported by his hatterene.

Gloria wouldn’t arrive in a few minutes--she always liked taking the corvitaxi, watching the region pass by beneath her. Bede would accompany her if he didn’t have motion sickness. The last time they rode together had been...messy.

He’s flipping through a curry catalogue in the lobby when she bursts in, windblown hair and old leather bag and all.

“Sorry, I had to take a detour to get my stuff. Completely forgot about that, or I’d have brought them to your house.” Golisopod lumbers in after, bags comically hanging on its upturned scutes. “Hope you didn’t wait long?”

Bede checks his rotom-phone. Half an hour, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Yes, a whole fucking two minutes. I thought you were fine spending a month in the woods wearing the same clothes, eating berries and roots like a neanderthal.”

“Oh, I hope Sylveon pukes on your pillow tonight.” The jab didn’t have much force to it, and he doesn’t need to touch her to see her stress; they’ve been around each other long enough for him to notice the incessant tic of her right foot, how she keeps running one hand over another as a soothing gesture, in the absence of his.

(It’s endearing. He usually looks down at people who fail to disguise their fears, sees them as weak of will, but this is Gloria. She’s the girl who’d faced and captured gods, the girl known to take on the most unstable regions of the wild area and come out alive; she’s also the girl who released them after making sure they wouldn’t cause harm, the girl fretting not because she might be risking her life, but because Bede will miss her. It’s cute.)

He sees her off at the Hammerlocke gates. Gloria has her back to him, checking maps, while her golisopod is already making its way down the stairs. The gap between them seems to be growing wider, and he wants nothing more than to reach for her shoulder.

That would be crossing a boundary. They’d talked extensively about his ability, and she’d said yes, it’s okay to touch her, she had nothing to hide from him. But just because he has her consent doesn’t mean he’s privy to her feelings at the moment.

Gloria closes her map, taking one step down the stairs.

Another step. Stops.

She looks back.

Whatever she sees on Bede’s face makes her turn around and run towards him. He doesn’t get a single word in before she throws her arms around him, almost barreling him over.

> Courage, the strength to keep walking even though each step is a battle; confidence, the rain that washes away all doubt; hope, the fiercest of them all, a steady mantra of We’ll be okay.

He grips her tight, wishes for once he could speak his emotions like she’s speaking hers. Settles for balling all his conviction into a whisper. “You’re going to do phenomenal, you’re going to pummel whatever that dynamax pokemon is without breaking a sweat, and I’ll wake up a week from now with a million messages of how you kicked their ass. Don’t worry about me.”

He can feel her smile from the shift of her cheek. “And I’m going to come back to Ballonlea’s first town fair sensationalised on the headlines of every media site, and finally get to ride on a ferris wheel that isn’t always ‘out of order’ like Wyndon’s is, because you did a great job bossing people and pokemon around. Don’t worry about me.”

They let go.

Gloria heads down the stairs to her golisopod. His skin burns warm as he watches them meet up, as they round the corner, until they are gone.

#drudwrites #bederia #bede #gloria #fuck tumblr formatting

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icharchivist · 3 years

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🐉 Check-in tag 🐉

Tagged by: @alteriius <3 hi!

1. Why did you choose your url?

Icha has been my nickname online for a really long time and i try to keep it in my urls at least as “brand recognization” i guess?? as for “archivist”, it was to have an url that was more fandom neutral than my previous ones. It is in reference to the bookman clan from dgm, who are archivists, since i always think fondly about dgm (and i did decide on the url when i was having long, long conversations about various Bookmen centric theories on my blog), but it serves double as it’s pretty generic and can just be my records there.

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

have an inactive one for otome games that i used years ago but haven’t touched since and i don’t feel like linking it ahah. Otherwise i have “sideblogs” that saves my past URLs (that i can use to save specific posts on in drafts).

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I joined in huh. Late 2011 i think?? all i remember is that i have been here a few months before the first Mi//shapocalypse broke in April 2012. Tumblr veteran.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Used to but not anymore.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

oh man don’t judge me i was 16 and it was 2011, but i used to follow h//arry p//otter fanpage on facebook and noticed they all came from here so eventually i decided to join it “to the source” and well :/ here i am. Nowadays i can’t even bear looking at h//p contents but here i am still smh.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

(btw your icon is amazing @alteriius <3) Aerith <3 because i’m having a ff7 rush again and i think Aerith is pretty neat. I love her a lot and i feel like the remake made her even more bubbling with life thanks to the HD stuff and i fell in love over and over again with her seeing her in the remake. And i mean, she’s goal. This specific screenshot is just v pretty. Lately i’ve been mostly using Hisoka from a3 as an icon though and i may return to it sooner than later, because i care him v much as well and identify with him a bit.

7. Why did you choose your header?

I just changed my header from the Spring chapter illustration from a3 which was them all napping together, that i had for the longest time bc i find it soft, to now just the troupe leaders in cat onesies, because i found this artwork yesterday and i love catboys. A3 charas are all precious to me i’m just happy to show them off yaknow?

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

*closes eyes and takes a deep breath* this post about FMA and the way each homunculus having an ironic death. it has over 25k notes now and it still gets notes regularly. If i had known it would have been this popular i would have toned down the cringey excitement i was showing because the reveal blew my mind - and would also have been more careful about some translation mistakes. but alas.

Else i have mostly shitposts being popular here and there or some liveblog posts that got too popular for no reason (that one post of my h//x//h liveblog that keeps coming back in my notes, my detested </3)

9. How many mutuals do you have?

No clue omg??? I am not checking the list. Probably a hundred though??? plus it’s hard to picture considering a lot of them are inactive.

10. How many followers do you have?

2,933. Most of them are inactive though, p sure i reached this number near huh 2018?? and it’s been stagnant ever since, from the followers loss and the influx of new followers (which is not really many but enough to balance out)

11. How many people do you follow?

614 blogs but yeah similar too many inactive bc i never cleaned it in the ten years i’ve been here.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Oh, plenty. The most i have done must have been in the dgm fandom and maybe ff7??

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

These days my dash is pretty dead, so i mostly check it the morning and the evening to catch up on the day and check it out from time to time during the day.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

erg. Not really? nothing that i can think of, or at least not in public. Like, i had arguments with people i had met on tumblr but generally it was over discord. And idk if we can call any of those arguments winning... It’s a question of disagreement or annoyance over how people treat each other and it’s been either things that broke friendships or that water under bridge could fix. Nothing conclusive and i’d hate to frame arguments as a win-or-lose situation.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

hate them so much oh my god. They feel guilttripy and insulting a lot. And if not for me i would loath to put some guilt trip over people that follow me. People are willing to listen without having to make them feel bad about it. if i think the post has info that are very important i will still reblog it but i really loathe the idea of having to guilttrip to make a point come through.

16. Do you like tag games?

They’re fun! i just really forget to do them and i just don’t like chain ones, those that are like, in reblogs? new posts or ask posts are fine but reblog chains of multiple tag games are generally stuff i avoid to not post a veeery long post on people’s dash

17. Do you like ask games?

oh yeah love them!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I can think of a few but i’m too lazy to @ them DJFDLKFJDL and most of them aren’t people i talk to regularly enough to feel like i can cross that line of just @-ing them out of nowhere

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nah i’m good aha

20. Tags?

what if i don’t want to tag anyone though ddlfjd anyone who wants to do it can act like i tagged them it’s fine.

here we go o7

Thank you for the tag Allen <3

#tagged #ichatalks #about me #alteriius #ichareply #tadaaa

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