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survivor-themyscira-blog · 6 years

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Okay well, that challenge was a fucking bust. LMAO. I should’ve numbered everything

I’m shook to have made it through the vote tonight. Like after being told the other day that Nicholas was going to go home, only to be blindsided and have fucking Rhone die, it was a shock that everyone stuck to their word for once. I’m starting to feel a little more awake in the game, too. Thankfully, I’ve got my hands typing away feverishly to everyone on the tribe as often as I can handle. I think that there are other people doing the same thing, but who knows for certain! I hear a lot that I’m the “only person who talks a lot of game with me”, so that’s an improvement from before already.

I’ve got to keep downplaying that I’m a big threat going forward. Nicholas left and said that he was gonna vote for me to win if I made it to the end, which I highly doubt is the case. I tried my hardest to attempt to clear the air with him and get him to at least consider other options on this tribe other than voting for me to go home. In that conversation, I tried to just make peace with him as a person but I dunno. I think that Nicholas doesn’t like me very much and according to everybody else, he had nothing but criticisms to say about me. He was my biggest adversary when I won my way back and I knew from the get-go he’d do whatever he could to fuck my life up. Now he’s gone and probably shit-talking me to Rhone so there’s another jury vote I’ve lost this far LMAO.

There’s no chance that I’ll win today’s immunity, unless of course everybody else fucks it up majorly. If I don’t win, I’d prefer Jack to win because I want to start to paint him as a bigger physical threat than myself so everyone can target him before me. As I said in my host chat, he and I have a final two agreement right now but the only way I can get there is if he’s dragging me along.

The plan for now is to just take out all the goats. So rip Lily, Toph (to an extent), Logan, and Madeline. I don’t want Ian, Kai, Jack, and Emily to think that they’re more important to take to the end than me because I’m trying to sell to everyone that I’m the perfect little goat to take to the end and beat because I’m an ugly returner with no fucking friends on the jury. I think that the jury is going to either hate or at least partially respect the game I played – so far, I’ve been really chaotic but I’ve calmed down a lot since the merge. Even though I played that idol on Ian, some people think it was a one-time use thing and others think it was a regular idol. I don’t need Jack on the jury finding out that it was a regular idol because he’ll NEVER respect the move I made with it and he was already super fucking critical of me for it to begin with.

Toph is so fucking messy, man. He voted for me after trying to get me to vote a certain way all afternoon. I understand why he likely did it, because he didn’t want to vote out Nicholas and Lily would be pissed if he wrote her name down. I think Lily needs to know that Toph was being really messy so she thinks about turning on him sooner than later. Honestly, if I can get all the other weaklings to turn on one another, that’d be perfect so I can ride it smoothly with the larger threats.

The way I see it, Emily and Kai are the two biggest threats in this game. Kai seems to be the one controlling everything, while Emily is the one who KNOWS everything; she’s voted correctly the entire game by my knowledge. She took out Rhone, turned on Nicholas, and yet nobody bats an eye at her. She hardly acknowledges me unless I acknowledge her first and everybody RAVES about how much they love her. Although my strategy of keeping the threats around is more realistic for my chances at just getting to the end, I know that I need to make some serious moves to still have the opportunity to win. If I can somehow take out and replace both Kai and Emily with myself, while coasting under the radar, I could potentially win. I dunno. I need to be smart and not emotional from this point on…

Relying on fact over emotion is really difficult for me. I am a really opinionated person and I often make plays based off of those opinions I form or hear from others. This is super dangerous to do because there is a risk that people don’t share your opinions. Objectively speaking, I can’t determine who the biggest threat to win is because we’re only at the final nine… but I can’t figure out who that biggest threat is without listening to the opinions of others! The whole setup of Survivor revolves around a big opinion everyone shares on who deserves to win. And there isn’t a whole lot you can do to change crazy people’s minds… we’re all crazy because we’re playing this game SOOOOO….. fuck!

I feel like none of my confessionals make any sense. I just want y’all to know that I need to get rid of Emily probably soonish because she’s a huge danger to me. I should be more selfish than I already am (if that’s even possible) and push that agenda onto everyone, but idk if everybody will take too kindly to me being a huge bitch to them about it.

JACK IS A SMALL LITTLE BEAN BUT SO HELP ME GOD IF THAT BOY INTENDED TO GIVE ME A DISADVANTAGE THAT BOY IS OUT OF HERE.

If I go home on this next vote expect fireworks on my last words in the game. Kai was the one that gave me the idol to use, Emily is the leak, Toph is just a pawn, Lily who even are you in this game? Jaiden good effing game, Madeline is irrelevant and Jack thinks he can control her, Logan says he has an idol, Jack says he has a super idol. Have fun yall.

i’ve been #flopping st confessionals recently (well i don’t actually know but anyway) so here’s a tea filled confession

i think i have figured out what was in the hippothias bedroom: a legacy advantage. all i know is that the room was empty when kai got to it, but using that knowledge, i just have to figure out who got whatever was in there. and i think it was jordan. jordan and i talked a lot about how to get into that room pre-merge and i’m thinking he got there first. when i asked what was in the room, he told me it was empty and that someone got there first, but he didn’t send a quote. i didn’t push him on it because i didn’t feel it necessary or smart at the time. kai sent me a quote, though. and something was gone. so! using my brain, i’ve decided jordan got whatever was in there. and i think the only thing he’d not tell me about being there (because we were very close before merge hit) is a legacy advantage, just in case he didn’t want to will it to me. and i don’t think he did. i think he willed it to jack. (just remember this is all me thinking hypothetically and could all be COMPLETELY wrong, but it is also me trying to justify voting out jack.) since madeline and jack are close now, i think there’s a good chance that jack would will the legacy advantage to madeline. and i would MUCH rather have madeline have the advantage than logan or lily or toph or jaiden. i just need madeline to fight hard for jack to stay this round to the right people (toph) and then one of the dudes and dames can throw their vote to lily. make it look like a fight was put up to keep jack in, but in reality there wasn’t. if madeline fights to keep jack then he’ll likely will the advantage to her rather than the people who voted him out. the votes will ideally fall like this:

5 jack: ian, kai, jaiden, logan, lily

3 lily: jack, me, toph

1 madeline: madeline (bc she got a self vote while searching the island lmao)

again, this legacy advantage may be nonexistent but STILL! if it is real, i truly did that. i came up with this all on my own and shit!!! look at me making moves and being cracked as fucc!

APARENTLY JACK IS SOREADING MY NAME AROUND AND ITS FUCKING CLOSE SKSNSJSNWJ THIS IS A MAJOR MESS A BITCH THOUGHT SHE WAS IN CONTROL HELLA TONIGHT AND JOW IT MIGHT T I E

GUESS WHO WAS SO RIGHT ABOUT HATING JACK BC THE BITCH IS SPOUTING MY NAME EVERYWHERE SJSJSJSJSWJWJ IM GOING TO CLOCK THIS FUCK

Everyone is lying to my fucking face and i am REALLY working hard to not be OTT right now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emily u r not an OTT you are a CP stay calm BUT I CANT DUCKING STAY CALM

i feel very sad. kai was like my best friend in this game and seeing him go was the last thing i wanted. i would’ve gone to rocks for him. and then joseph had to play that fucking idol. and he didn’t even understand that my voting confession was a vine reference “keep my name out of your mouth or i’ll fucking rip your face off BITCH” like i’m so funny. anyways this is one of the saddest tribals yet. i miss kai and i’m going to miss going on call and making fun of his accent and making fun of weird british words. just making fun of kai in general. i’m just so upset kai was fucking robbed i didn’t even know he was getting votes! i thought it was going to be me. and i’m still here. but kai is gone. i’m fighting so hard for this immunity. i’m avenging kai. this is absolute bullshit.

I’m still convinced Jack has the legacy advantage even though I have no evidence to back that up

We had to lose a soldier, but we will win this war. Kai is being avenged. They have awoken the tiger. I’m mad. Logan, Lily, and Jack will get voted out if I have ANYTHING to say about it.

listen i know i have confessed like eight times already in the past hour but i am so upset. kai was fucking ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck the gay agenda.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes #otherwise known as the round where emily earned her OTT edit

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diomedrian · 7 years

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I think one of the saddest things in life is to realize that you weren’t the one who was Wrong. They were. of, course you weren’t always right and maybe you were wrong more times then you’d like to admit. but they were the ones who were rly rly Wrong.

Six years of believing and repeating the same phrase to myself that i am a bad kid. it’s rly just finally settling in that i wasn’t, not rly. i may have been wrong in texting too much or using the internet too much. Excessively. tbh.

but that was it. that doesn’t give them the permission to hold me down, hold me back, hold it against me every time i try something.

its so sad because when you realize this, there is relief. because you know, you finally know that you weren’t as bad. that clapping doesn’t happen unless its both the hands. that if you were wrong they were Wrong too. it’s sad because after the relief, its yknow the final heartbreaking realization: it will not get better. never. it will never be better. never even okay. because you did change. didn’t you?

(i know i did. i was so patient. so happy. didn’t cry at any of the bad things. always looked forward to the good ones. accepted that if i was holding on to the good ones, bad ones were rly inevitable. that its okay because it only makes me human. but all that, all that amounts to nothing. i was so positive, my optimism was getting on people’s nerve.)

it will never be okay because its them. they don’t change. they don’t. they keep saying they care, they love, they are your parents, but no. i am sorry. no. they don’t get to insult you like that. to hit you like that. to do anything to you that is not kind. they are not kind. its just something they have grown into ever since your younger self made a few mistakes and their stubborn selves decided to hold on to those and make new ones and never give you a chance.

it will never be okay because they are the ones holding you back, and i mean this literally and honestly, and wanting you to achieve everything they want you to. i am sorry if they never get that.

i am more sorry that they are are so so disgusting and you have to be bear with them. i am more sorry that you were born to wrong set of parents and were led on to believe that you are the wrong one.

because you know why? i just gave my presentation and it sucked bc i have anxiety and stage fear. but all my friends told me they liked it and i was so brave. and when i did my first slam poetry and didn’t win, my friends were still in awe of me while my father told my mom “if she loves writing so much why is she still failing in it” and my mom looked at me like she is so tired of me disappointing them all the time.

because its finally settling in that i could rly have the courage to go up on the stage and speak only if my parents were up for it. because i have been always called the expensive child. that i hate them (but honestly with the things they have done? i tried to like them, to make things better and it just doesn’t work) that i have been crying the whole day because i want to watch Logan (been screaming about this for five months no) and my mom called me a prostitute because i told her a few of my guy friends might as well accompany me and my girl friends and when i tried arguing about it she threatened to kick me out of the house.

its finally setting in that i chose lying because i was afraid. i was afraid she will never give me the chance. that she will deny without even considering it. and its not my fault. its just the way they are.

and maybe right now, is sort of a punishment for all the lies i ever told, but i dont remember hiding anything from them in the past year. a person change in a year, a month, a day.

its been six years and they haven’t and i have. and they are rly now pushing me back into what took me five years to come out of. and they don’t see whats wrong. they have never seen whats wrong.

it bothers me. everyone can see that. everyone can see how i am breaking. its so obvious. i hate how they still don’t see it.

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