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aonehattown · 4 months

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LARPing as a Baddie

A nonlarp friend asked me last weekend why I LARP as a villainous character and what it is that I get out of it in real life. The obvious answer as someone who came to LARP from doing theater is that it's fun to play the villain some times. Good LARPs have safety tools to make sure everyone is having fun and to make sure hurt feelings that characters are going through aren't becoming hurt feelings for the players. And I work super hard to make sure my character's shenanigans are fun for the players around me even if it's driving their characters crazy. That being said if it takes a lot of work why bother playing a jackass? Well, in a lot of ways I consider myself Cade's defense attorney. So I am always tempted to say that Cade isn't a villain (even though they probably are). I will do my best to resist the urge to turn this into an argument about how they're not actually *that bad* and talk about why I play them. A key theme in Cade's story is that they are doomed by the narrative. Cade's moniker is The Albatross and that's not an accident. I will never ever let Cade succeed too much. They are fucking cursed. They will have victories but they will be short lived or will come with a heavy cost. Because of this Cade compromises a lot. They constantly betray their better intentions to get mud on their hands to pull out a win. Or they make contingencies on contingencies to try to achieve a win while protecting their allies. If they start befriending "heroes" and getting too close they'll self sabotage to keep anyone who might be a good influence at arms length. They are destined to want to be better but to never actually be able to achieve that sort of growth. Like Atlas pushing a boulder up a hill right when Cade is about to achieve some sort of personal satisfaction they trip. Another big piece of Cade's issues are they view everything as transactional. They frequently making deals with sea witches, dark shadow spiritual beings, and maybe worst of all the fucking nobility. Cade trades in favors and is constantly juggling much more powerful forces then themselves in order to try and gain an edge. But they also view their mundane relationships this way. When Cade does something heroic odds are they're working an angle. When they do something heinous they justify it as the necessary price for whatever it is they are trying to achieve. And Cade can justify a whole damn lot. Cade knows that they're not a good person but they want to be. But because of the above they do good deeds for the wrong reason and they do terrible things for all of the right reasons. It makes them a divisive character at game. Some folks love them and some hate them. And neither group is necessarily wrong. So why did these themes resonate for me back when I started playing this character? Well, as someone who's family life and professional life as a seminary student hinged on not being found out as queer a character who felt "doomed" by a narrative allowed me to work through a lot. A character with unhealthy ideas of transactional relationships and trust issues was really a mirror. It was pretty easy to get into the head of a character who feels they have to keep running to stay a step ahead of otherworldly powerful beings who want to use them as a puppet or earthly authority figures who judge them.

Like Cade I felt like I was constantly betraying my best intentions. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be “good” enough for my church, for my family, or for the god I believed in. So getting to play a character in a fantasy world who was a lot like me but could act out about these sort of heavy emotions was not only fun but also a real exercise in me verbalizing the complicated feelings I had. I don’t think I did this intentionally but looking back now I can see it. But that was 10 years ago. I'm in such a different place now. And while I have been working hard to evolve Cade in a way that feels narratively truthful they still have a lot of those scars. I've done a lot of work in therapy to heal and grow. To some degree I've worked on Cade to make sure they didn't feel static. That being said they're still not "good." Petty crime might not catch their attention anymore. Their ambitions have grown a lot. Like I said they want to be "good" and might end up there someday down the road as they continue to grow and change. But they still make deals, they still work angles, and they still have trust issues. LARP is fun. I love my character Cade. I have a blast playing my morally fucked up little gay mess. And I am super excited about where they’re going.

#not a gay coded villain but a villain coded gay #larp character #larp oc #larp #live action role play #fantasy larp

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boxofbadaddiction · 4 years

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Sure to Spark Rumours

Harry Potter x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 4 & 5

"Hi I'm [y/n or Character], I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable."

"I wish I could but I don't want to."

Warnings: a single curse word.

-my first time ever writing for Harry-

Umbridge had it out for Harry. No matter what he did his sheer existence just seemed to land him in strife. She were determined, it appeared, to punish him over even the smallest of incidents. At this point he'd simply come to expect them.

So, as the various groups of students gathered within the Castle Courtyard watched her Tiny, Gargoyle-like figure barrell across the way towards the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry prepared himself for the worst. Although, he had to admit this weren't a particularly "small" incident this time.

Crabbe and Goyle had been tormenting a Hufflepuff second year as Harry noticed passing by on his way to meet Ron and Hermione. He had warned the two if they didn't stop they'd soon regret it. Naturally, they didn't listen. Rather making matters decidedly worse for themselves by shoving the tiny student down against the stone floor. As a result Crabbe currently found himself sprouting Bat wings across his face, while Goyle fished himself from the slime of the Courtyard fountain. Rushing his dimwitted best friend to the infirmary with a lame threat thrown over his shoulder.

An action which of course caught the attention of the Hogwarts High Inquisitor immediately.

"My, my, my. Mr Potter. Care to explain yourself?" She smiled sweetly up at the boy. Harry glared back at the woman before him with an utterly unimpressed expression. "Please, enlighten me, on what possible grounds could one justify such a heinous attack on a fellow pupil?" Silence. Harry didn't trust the words rolling on the tip of his tongue not to make matters infinitely worse than they already were. "Given the circumstances and your rather...unpleasant, track record there really is no alternative. Yes, I'm afraid suspension is the only -"

"It wasn't Harry!" a voice called. Eyes all turned to its source where a girl was striding proudly towards the pair.

"I beg your pardon?" "It was me. I did it, Harry had nothing to do with it." Harrys eyes went wide, mouth falling open slightly at the girls words. "Is that so?" Umbridge spoke in an unconvinced tone. "Yes. They were bullying some second year and I wouldn't stand for it. I hexed Crabbe then stunned Goyle." The girl stood so confidently before them Harry wondered if she weren't crazy. She had to be to confess to such a thing. He didn't even know her name, yes they were in the same year - he'd seen her in a few of his classes but no more than that. Why would she cover for him?

His eyes traced her body, stopping on the tie which hung from her neck. Green. Why on Earth...

"I must say I find your declaration rather unlikely, Miss?"

"[Y/L/N]."

"Miss [Y/L/N]. Seeing as Harry is the one with his wand drawn, standing in the middle of the courtyard and you were not."

"Didn't fancy sticking around after the fact." She stated bluntly. "Check my wand if you dont believe me. See the last spell I cast." The Slytherin pulled her wand from the pocket of her robes, holding it out expectantly for the Teacher to take. "I hardly find that necessary. Potter is clearly the guilty culprit."

"Then why would I confess?"

"To cover for your friend, of course."

"Friend? I'm friend no of Gryffindor."

"Perhaps I'll simply ask the two unfortunate victims of this assault. That ought to clear this matter up."

"They'll never admit to being bested by a Witch. They'll happily feed into your lie that this was Harrys doing. Much to your satisfaction I'm sure."

"My dear girl, why would that ever bring me any satisfaction?"

"Because he's your favourite toy." The girl shot fiercely. "We all know it." Umbridge began grinding her teeth in frustration before her sickly sweet, fake, smile was forced back upon her face. "That's quiet enough." "Is it?"

A crowd had gathered by now, all captivated by the scene before them. By the amount of attitude being spat in their Teachers face.

"Very well, Miss [Y/L/N] if you would accompany me to my office where we can discuss your actions in private."

"Mmm, I wish I could but I don't want to." She smiled. "The walk just isn't worth the punishment you won't give me. Seeing as how I'm Slytherin so, really, why bother with the added leg work."

"This is not a matter of want. It is obligation. It is a direct order a-"

"And I have refused."

"My office, Miss [Y/L/N] now. I won't ask agai-"

"No."

"DETENTION! Miss [Y/L/N]. 6pm. Tomorrow night, my office." The girl grinned before her angry professor "It's a date." "Be late and the repercussions will be...severe." "I wouldn't miss it for the world." She winked, deliberately antagonising her now.

Umbridge turned sharply on her heel, eyeing the gathered crowd with her head held high before strutting away.

Stunned and excited voices began to swirl amongst the onlookers as to what they just witnessed. A Slytherin just stood up for Harry Potter? This was a scandal! It would be interesting to hear the rumours which this sparked through the school by dinner tonight.

"You shouldn't have done that" Harry spoke, finally having found his voice. "You're welcome." "You have no idea what she's like. What she's capable of. What she's-" "You've faced Voldemort head on, don't tell me you're scared of a Strawberry Shitcake in there." She guestured with her head in the direction Umbridge had walked away. Harrys brows furrowed at her comment. He wasn't sure what took him most by surprise; the fact she wasn't afraid to say the true name of You-Know-Who, the amusing nickname for Umbridge or the fact she was making a joke at a time like this. As silence overtook them while he contemplated what had just unfolded the atmosphere quickly became awkward. The pressure of countless eyes bearing down on the pair certainly didn't help.

"Hi, I'm [Y/N] I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable." [Y/N] reached her hand out to Harry in greeting to break the silence between them.

Stunned but rather amused a slight chuckle rolled from the back of Harrys throat while he reached, shaking the outstretched hand.

"Why did you-"

"Save your ass?"

"Yeah."

"Can't let you hold all the attention now can we?' [Y/N] smiled as she placed her hands in her pockets before her smile faded completely. With a quick glance around the square to ensure they were far enough from being within ear shot of anyone over hearing their conversation she continued in a whisper, "Look, I'm a friend of...someone's...who's in your little 'club'. I know what you're doing and I fully support it. So when I heard her talking about your suspension I-I couldn't let that happen."

Harry, yet again, was at a loss as her words clouded his brain. She knew? Who told her? A Slytherin supported him? The swirling of questions made him dizzy and soon found himself feeling very uncomfortable in this situation.

She was so different from any other Slytherin he'd met, she seemed kind and there was something relaxing about being in her presence. Something familiar in the warmth of her smile. The effect she had on him was odd to say the least as he were unable to form a single coherent sentence, left but a stuttering awkward mess.

"You a-you may very well be the first Slytherin to ever get a detention from her." [Y/N] laughed at his comment. Thankful for his ability to restore the light-hearted atmosphere. The two stood staring gleefully between one another for a moment. Perhaps a moment too long...

Harry cleared his throat, running a hand through the soft curls of his untamed hair. "Well I'd-a better get-get going. Ron and Hermione are waiting for me. It's where I was heading before I-I mean you attacked Malfoys cronies." He smiled.

"Yeah, no, of course. I'm sorry to hold you." She spoke sincerely. "Thanks again, if you ever need anything I really owe you." He began walking backwards from her. She nodded in reply before turning to walk back to her friend group when...

"[Y/N]!" Harry was sprinting back towards her. "About that friend of yours, next time they-they're ya know. Tag along. Won't you?" His vivid green eyes flickered frantically between her [E/C] ones. A bright smile spread across her features, "yeah? Okay, absolutely!" "Great! I'll see you there then" Harry had been a bit taken back as she accepted but shock quickly subsidised for something else entirely. Excitement? His heart was fluttering in anticipation as he ran off, a giddy smile on his lips.

Just wait until Ron and Hermione hear about this...

#harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter fanfic #harry potter #hp #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #hp imagine #order of the phoenix #fred and george weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #Hermione and ron #ron weasley #Hermione granger

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mbmspeaks · 2 years

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Hello 2022!

It's 2022! It actually felt good to write down the date in my journal yesterday. Maybe it was all those even numbers? Maybe it's hope for the year to come. Normally I do not make new year's resolutions but this year feels so right for it so I'm going to embrace it. The overall theme is to reset the narrative of my life. I'm not writing a whole new story - just working everyday to be who I want to be to bring positivity to my family, my friends and my community. So for today, I'm going to go back to the words of an ambitious seventeen year old I know well but hadn't re-read them until recently. I told a friend about my college essay asked if I had a copy. My dad came through as usual with a digital copy. So I leave you with these words today:

Jamil Ellis -- Personal Essay - Columbia - 10/31/1994

"Jamil, you're the whitest kid in the school."

Anger ... confusion ... discouragement ... pain .... indifference. The swirl of emotions was dizzying. How could he say that? What did he mean? I look at his dark face and stare into his deep brown eyes, searching for the meaning. But there is none. All I see is ignorance and it makes me sick. I'm sick because I know what he means and that he's not the only one who thinks these thoughts. I have been branded "white." I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being white. It's just that I'm black and I have no desire to change. Why did this young black man feel it was necessary to call me·11white"? What makes me "white11? Well, I've done some research and have discovered that to be black I would have to follow the four commandments:

I."Thou shall only speak Slang."

"White" means speaking proper Eng 1 i sh. "Yo G if you don' t be speakin' da lingo you ain't down." If you receive a good education and learn good grammar, you're a sellout for using this knowledge.

II."Thou shall not excel in academics."

"White" means doing well in school. "Look at Jamil studyin and getting A's. He's always trying to act white." If you are black, you are supposed to be inherently inferior in academics. If you try to exceed this natural intellectual level, you're acting white.

III."Thou shall listen only to music by black artists."

"White" means listening to classical music and Broadway show tunes. I love Shai, Jodeci, Janet Jackson, Luther Vandross, and Motown classics but I also love the Soundtracks to Les Miserables, The Sound of Music, and West Side Story. I guess I'm "white."

IV."Thou shall not talk to or befriend whites."

A kid who followed all these rules once told me, "Don't trust white people, they'll stab you in the back." Since my three best friends are white, I guess I'm destined to get stabbed in the back.

I 've broken every one of these commandments throughout my life.. My articulate English has helped me win forensics tournaments. My search for knowledge and academic excellence has put me near the top of my class. My love for music of all kinds has gotten me through times when I felt lonely and depressed. I have the best friends, black or white, anyone could ask for.

They're always there for me. My friendliness, my willingness to make friends with anyone, has allowed me to meet hundreds of people in my school. I was able to gain their trust so that they chose me to lead them as Student Union President.

Since I don't live by stereotypes of what I should be, what makes me tick? I think my drive to succeed has played a pivotal role in my experiences. When I was in sixth grade, I tried out for the basketball team. People thought I was silly to try out for the team. I was the smallest and skinniest boy in the grade. How was I going to play basketball, the sport of giants? Well, I believed in myself and worked hard. The coach saw my effort and put me on the team. That first season I was a bench warmer. I went to all the practices and games but played very little. I never got discouraged and in three years worked my way up to third-string point guard. I wasn't a starter, but I was a contributing member of the team. At the end of the third season, I received the Lion Award. The award is given to a player who has shown tremendous improvement during the course of the season and who puts forth effort. I have always believed that effort is the key to success.

Last year, I ran for president of my school's student union. People said I couldn't win in a school which is 52% Asian. They said I couldn't win because some kid was more popular than I was. I didn't let this talk discourage me. I was confident that I could win. Some people mistake my belief in myself for arrogance, but it isn't.. I believe you have to have a certain level of confidence to accomplish things.

I am confident that Columbia is the right school for me. I am interested in Engineering, but also have strong interests in liberal arts. The core curriculum at Columbia offers the balance I want and the Academic excellence that I've always strived for. I believe that I have much to offer Columbia. I think that Columbia can help me build on my accomplishments and make me a more complete person. Besides, I love New York.

I've accomplished so much by not conforming. I know who I am. I am a young black man in America. If being who I am is "white" to some people, it doesn't matter. I'm not limited by any preconceived notions of what I should be. I define myself.

#new year #new narrative #roar lion roar #college essay flashback

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