#bitchesa | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

benefits1986 · 4 months

Text

ER BTS x Bisperas Xmas 2023

"Ang mga bagay ng pinaghihirapan, hindi mo madaling mabibitawan."

The reason why I took a leave starting 21st December is because a good friend from grad school reached out to me for her wedding invite. Actually, I was supposed to go to ina's house and down work there. LOL. E may nag-DM slide. It's E asking me where I'd be on the 23rd. I was about to share the ekis Iloilo - Danj - Punta Bulata - Guimaras trip, but decided to tell her that I'd most likely be in Manila to run errands for my ina's "house warming" instead.

Since she and her fiance R are law students who are up the neck with adulting, wedding planning and LS deadlines, she sheepishly shared that even her invites came super late. E told me if I can make it to their Lipa wedding. LOL. E and I rarely meet but when we do, super updates translate to 7 hours of daldalan, lakad onti, kain, daldalan, inom, late night and early morning pasok ulit sa work kinda thing.

Actually, I was stunned to get an invite from her. As an introvert, I said yes with reservations. LOL. Then she told me that Ea and Fa confirmed their invite, too. HAHAHA. You see, the last time E and I talked was back in UP Town Center ages ago. Those times, she told me that she's no longer gonna give love a chance after being a consistent alpha female fighter of love na.

E has a very strong personality but tends to love like an accla and is proud to do so. Hahahahaha. I told her that it's okay to choose herself and that her "move back" to Laguna is something that may seem counter-intuitive but may be her going back to the basics. She shared that her condo is her home but there's something weird and wonderful in her first home somewhere in one of the sleepy, plantita paradise towns of Laguna. Tawang-tawa ako kasi that time, I'm rediscovering dad's hometown, too.

Iba, bii. This is what E shared when I asked her that I'd want to understand her "move back" move better. Sana, bii nagbahay at lupa na lang ako. I told E that having a condo near her office when she does not have a Manila house is super duper logical, rather than emotional. She chuckled because she knew I abhor condo living. 'Yung mukha niyang unfiltered ang facial expressions, 'di ko makakalimutan. HAHAHAHA. Sabi ko, bii, let me explain. Ako, as a South of Manila Girl, gusto ko maging probinsiyana. Ikaw naman, since tubong Laguna ka, natural naman na mag-crave ka ng city life, pero sure ako na babalik ka rin sa tinubuan mo kasi rooted ka doon. Bay, Laguna is not a bad spot. Sleepy town lang and sabi mo nga, iba e. Periodtzzz. 'Yung condo mo, puwede mo namang pa-rent out or maging halfway house mo since 'di ka naman din magaling sa Math. LOL.

We talked about her journey and goal to be a mom. Sabi ko, bii, mapagod ka pero 'wag kang mag-tap out. Goal mo 'yan e. Non-negotiable mo 'yan, so push mo. Support kita diyan kahit I don't like kids. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Syempre, asar look si E sa akin.

E and I became close out of really, really asar-bitchesa bonding that involves too loud LOL IRL. Also, kami 'yung magka-partners in crime nung muntik na talaga kaming sumuko sa isang class sa Diliman. Naging coping mechanism namin 'yung pag-compare with delulu ng mga bagsak naming quizzes na naging pasang-awa. Tapos matic partner kami kasi alam naming 'yung kapasidad ng utak at pake namin para walang kahihiyan sa ibang A-list and top-tier ng class. Sobrang naging cheerleader with wicked and dark humor namin each other and eventually, we managed to get a meager 1.75 in that friggin' class. I remember as she walked down the aisle 'yung mga kabobohan namin pati na rin mga milestones namin kahit munti at unti-unti.

From mga updates like: Bii, natapos mo na ba? Bii, drop na tayo. Tatalino ng mga blockmates natin. Bii, 'di ko pa rin tapos. Dami work. Bii, suko na ako. Bii, nasa Laguna ako now. Pasok pa akong QC bukas. Bii, ilan pa allowable absence natin? Bii, ayoko na. Bii, eto na naman prof natin. Bii, paano na? Magliligwak na ba tayo sa nyetang grad school dream turned reality na masakit na 'to? Bii, si Atom, hindi na naman pumasok. Hinahanap ko siya ngayon. Baka andyan sa puso mo? CHOZ. Crush ko kasi si Atom Araullo since birth. CHAR. Kaya lambing niya 'yan sa akin na papakita niya mga ganaps ni Atom. Ayoko na lang though mag-talk kasi... 'wag na. Let's not go there. Bii is actually from her last name. Hahaha. Saka mga accla nga kami noh. LOL.

Seeing her glowing and loudly proud with her curly hair made me smile na hanggang mata abot hanggang hypothalamus. E used to hare her super lovely curls. Lagi ko siya sinasabihan na hair goals ko siya. Pero syempre, babalikan ako ni Bii ng gusto naman niya super straight hair na walang halong kemikal like mine. Maraming beses din kaming nag-stroke ng hair ng isa't isa na walang malisya. Mga 100% of the time, to be honest. Hahahahahaha.

So ayun na nga, 35th birthday ni E today, so her wedding with R yesterday is like a super GG as in God's gift. LOL. Hahahahaha. Seeing her believe in love again after so much disbelief is both nakakatawa at nakakatuwa. Honestly, nung shared niya ayaw na raw niya sa love, aba, I'm like, huy. Tigil mo 'yan. Tacca. Since may bahay, career and core values siya, sabi ko, asawa at anak na lang kulang sa kanya. HAHAHAHAHA. Sabi ko, since gusto rin niya pumunta sa Europa to landi ulit, sabay na lang kami. Ayun, may nahanap na true love kinauwian niya. HAHAHAHAHHA. Lekat.

I have yet to daldal si R because the past 3 years were spent by E in Batangas na. Syempre, I don't drive na sooooo, wala. Plus, schedule-wise, grabe 'yung impact ng pandemic until now. Parang naghahabol parati kahit alam mong may "enough" time naman. Deep dive ko ito next time.

Hindi rin kami 'yung tipong thriving in online kamustahan kasi nga baka ma-SS kami ng malala. Hahahaha. But, I see and feel that R is E's matcha made in heaven to slay the hell in this lifetime and the next. R is super calm and may fun vibe. Tawang-tawa ako sa prenup vid nila where E is actually letting her kalog self go with the flow. Hindi ko kinaya, as in. Si E kasi, batang prod and dev comm ang slant, nag-LS pa kaya mhie, sungit levels neto, 1000000 may irap at simangot plus sulimpat pa ng mata. HAHAHAHAHA. May pagsasalita pa 'yan in a certain way na akala mo galit lagi. Kaya, Bii E and me = super duper mega vibin' always.

Syempre, E introduced me, Fai, Ea and Ja to R. With hug pa syempre, wedding e. Super fun times kasi may PLUS ONE officially na naman sa daldal-introvert-food-inom group namin na hindi mahilig mag-post online and hindi rin mahilig magkita IRL.

Why do I silently love this bunch? HUY. NAIIYAK NA NAMAN RN. Ang aga-aga. When mom died, matic pasok agad akong grad school pati work. HAHAHAHHAHA. As in, walang filed bereavement leave. Walang buwelo. Metal talaga ako e. Walang halong kemikal. Baliw levels 100000 lang. When my blockmates saw me, tumigil silang magdaldalan back in Plaridel Hall. Syempre, I took it as an attack. LOLOLLOLL. LUH. They asked me how I was and bakit daw pumasok ako agad. They "hugged" me without hugging me kasi sabi ko, even a tiny space invasion will make me spiral. HAHAHAHAHA.

Ang lala at kahihiyan levels nito is all coming back to me now. They tried their best to wing me even when I barely pass papers na hindi ko alam paano ko natatawid from South to Diliman on commute then pasok pa ako ng malala ring wantusawa shifts. HAHAHAHHAA. Sila 'yung isa kong super support group na sana mas ni-embrace ko noon, pero here I am making bawi. Sabi nga, better late than never, right? 'Yung goal ko noon is to show up as much as I can kahit sobrang sabog na sabog na insides ko. And of course, basta at least 1.75 grade ko dahil 2 is a mortal sin and ligwak ka na 'pag may dalawa kang 2 plus posted pa name mo sa bulletin board. Lekat.

Looking back, Plaridel blockmates were my lifelines even when I purposefully CTRL + ALT + DEL my feelings kuno. Whenever I see my grades, hindi grades nakikita ko. Vital signs ko na even when I'm messed up and super hindi ko talaga gusto ang mga naganap noon lalo the fuckkkkk na I got my grad school dream at the expense of losing mother dragon, sobrang life-changing niya for me. Ilang beses akong umiiyak with tiny tears sa Diliman sulok-sulok kasi gusto kong ipamukha sa mom ko IRL, in full color that I have finally arrived and I wanna make her proud pero all I get are white or yellow butterflies at certain times in the campus. 'Yung first one is in Via Mare outside the window, may pangasar na papansing yellow butterfly during my first gruesome commute to UPDi. I ate puto bumbong and bibingka kasi fave ng nanay ko 'yun. Also, yellow pala fave niya apart from red. I felt like it's mom who welcomed me to Diliman noon. LUH.

Fa and Ea are the top tier in all classes, kahit electives pa. HAHAHAHAHA. As a shy silent fan girl, iwas akong makipag-group sa kanila talaga. Hahahahaha. Pero, the past years lalo kahapon, I am finding them plus Ja in a different and glowing light. We shared about our current status, and syempre, NGO silang tunay kaya 'di ako magco-compare and no TMI because... 'wag na lang talaga. NGO is much like corp or at times, worse and better at the same time. Dati, ayokong mag-share ng work stuff kasi feeling ko, ambabaw ng marketing lalo ng digital marketing. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Kahapon, iba. As in. Iba rin. Iba na siguro talaga takada ko. Syempre, utusan pa rin ako sa work and sila rin pala pero pay grade levels nila is HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA USD, baby, pero it never bothered me naman kasi gusto ko natuto kesa nauuto. LOL. Hahahahaha. Speaking of utusan, lumabasa lang ako to vape and pee, then sa CR may nanghingi ng tulong. Akala ko naman kung ano. Ninang pala nina ER na nasira gown. I don't know how to sulsi at all but, I tried my best to help. Nung 'di talaga kaya ng kapurit kong kaalaman, buti na lang, sabi sa parish office, lapit daw ako sa coord. Siguro, bias lang talaga ako sa South suppliers since galing akong wedding industry hahahaha. Super bait nung coord. As in. Namiss ko man kiss nina ER, at least, nakahabol 'yung ninang with dress SOS sa official photos and videos with the bride and groom sa altar. Hahahaha.

Really happy to see Fa in her new chapter as a single straight XY. Hahahaha. Sabi ko, since BGC lang naman pala siya naka-base for now, e alam na ang mga paganaps para maka-get back to the ballgame na siya. Hahahahaha. Syempre Ea and Ja naman , super lovely couple who are in a serious relationship involving mortgage and city versus isla life na. Hahahaha. Happy ako kasi they invested in the South, babyyyy. E mga legit Katips people 'tong mga 'to. Gulat nga din ako kasi parang out of character ang South move nila na 'di madaling itawid, tbh. Pero, happy daw sila sa South kasi chill and andaming puwedeng gawin. Hindi lang about mortgage ang usapan; but also, how we go there as in iyak, luha, uhog, ihi, tae and lahat na. I love how we don't compare to be inggit. Kasi ayoko talaga ng inggitero at inggitera. Core value ko 'yan: Be genuinely happy for the wins of your people. Live vicariously through them kasi naniniwala ako na dreams are made of people who come together and celebrate their wins and share lessons about their losses.

What's even better is that ang mga introverts noon, maka-share ng shit nila wagas na ngayon. 'Yung BTS kasi ng mga stories namin and I guess, the rest of the world

Eto 'yung kind of connection that I am looking for. Sedated pero makadaldal wagas. Hindi judging pero people watching level 100000 'pag walang maggawa or bored. May kagat, may angas pero grounded. Super unfiltered and safe space. Plus, siguro, ngayon ko lang 'to narealize from our 2012 era... 'yung hindi ako bibitawan kahit mahirapan sila, as a baliw persona non-grata vibe talaga ako ih.

Sabi nga nung priest na nag-officiate sa ER nuptial: "Ang mga bagay ng pinaghihirapan, hindi mo madaling mabibitawan."

Bisperas na ng 2023 Pasko. Pasiklaban na ba ng feelings ito? LUH. Ready na ba tayo for mature roles, for realzzz through it all? Abangan. LUHHHH. PS: Seeing Sen. Risa kahapon deserved a selfie. LOL. Gusto ko nga sabihin na: Puwede po sample nung mala-Broadway n'yong singing voice pero sa susunod na. It can wait. LOL. Hahahahaha. Ang graceful niya and super kita how her Leon Guinto training molded her. Sana all. Hahahahaha. ;)

0 notes

carmscarms · 8 months

Text

August 27, 2023, Sunday

Dear Diary,

Nakaka-cringe yung mga previous entries ko rito! Hahaha Sobrang shallow. Sobrang pathetic. Sobrang nakakainis.

May bago na 'kong work. Admin staff sa QCU. Almost 3 months na ko sa Admin Services pero hindi pa rin ako fully nakaka-adjust. Hinahanap-hanap ng sistema ko yung teaching. Kinakain ko yung sinabi ko dati na ayaw ko na magturo. Kaya masasabi kong sobrang pathetic ko talaga sa mga previous posts ko rito.

Pangalawa, nagsend na 'ko ng application for grad school. I'll start from zero. Ayoko na ituloy yung sa MMC na full of regrets and nightmares. Sabihan man ako ng iba ng baliw at malakas ang saltik, I don't care! Nag-aksaya lang daw ako ng pera at panahon. Pero mas mababaliw yata ako kapag bumalik ako doon. I've burned bridges na. 'Di na ko babalik. Sobrang dami kong masamang memories nung pandemic. Ibabalik lang ng MMC yung mga memories at frustrations ko na matagal kong pinilit kalimutan.

Pangatlo, I've been traveling a lot lately. Maraming tumututol at hindi pabor kasi nag aaksaya lang daw ako ng pera at wala akong savings. Pero wala talaga akong pakialam. Call me tanga, gaga, or bitchesa, or whatever, wala talaga akong paki. Hanggang ngayon, hinahanap ko pa rin yung peace of mind at nakakaramdam ako ng temporary peace kapag gumagala ako. Ipagkakait ko pa ba sa sarili ko 'yon?

I'm losing friends in the process. Losing contact means getting out of touch. Pero du'n mo talaga makikita at makikilala kung sino yung mga hindi nakakalimot.

Gusto ko lang naman sumaya. 'Yan talaga yung bottomline nito. Sana naman 'wag nang ipagkait sa akin. Alam ko wala akong kwenta. Wala naman akong silbi if truth be told. Pero wala naman akong tinatapakang tao. Bakit parang mailap yung sanity sa akin?

Carms

P.S.: Masaya ako I have found travel buddies - Jef at Jes. Si Jes, naiintindihan niya yung mga sentiments ko. Tanging nakapagbigay ng simpatya kahit alam kong wala naman talaga siyang pakialam in the first place. Nakikinig lang siya sa mga rants ko. Kung totoo siya sa'kin, grateful ako doon. Kung hindi naman, okay lang din. At least he spared his time para makinig. Si Jef naman, siya yung nag-introduce ng maraming ideas sa akin. From traveling to words of wisdom na life changing. Nakulayan yung wish kong mag-Baguio dahil sa kaniya. The time na nagresign ako, siya — sila ni Jes yung nagsave sa'kin from near depression. Alam kong marami siyang friends na hindi namin makaka-level ni Jes pero yung nag-i-spend siya ng time niya sa'min, oks na 'ko dun. Maldita lang sila talaga pero they're my heroes.

0 notes

dancefloor-bombshell · 1 year

Photo

CATCHING UP WITH MY BITCHESA NA FRIEND 😁 (at Fika Café) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClaclVhJSz9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes

thelonglosttraveller · 2 years

Text

Daily Shzts in Life

06/17 Di nako natutuwa sa biglang pagmamanhid ng buong katawan ko ngayon tangina, ibang iba.

06/18 Nasusuka aq gague.

06/19 Alako maramdaman uli, fucked up na acads ko dahil ala ako gana sa lahat HAHAHAHA fuck life.

06/20 Meh.

06/21 Oks lods.

06/22 Gago exams ngayon tas di ako makagalaw. Kung walking distance lang hospital ako na magdadala sa sarili q amp.

06/23 Keri lang, tamang bawas lang ng gawain dahil galang gala na.

06/24 Ongoing pa gago. Oks.

06/25 Chill lang. Naghahabol tasks para bakasyon na talaga.

06/26 Usto ko bigla ng yakap shuta HAHAHA.

06/27 Saktan ang sariling damdamin XD

06/28 Busy mode shuta AHAHSHA

06/29 BUSY MODE ULI ANAK NG. Ganto pala adulthing feels tangina kakapagod sobra HAHAHAHA ayoko na tumanda

06/30 Dana humiga lang ako buong araw.

07/01 Tangina adulting shztz uli dami inaasikaso kakapagod.

07/02 Dana medyo tinamaan ako tas minulto ako gang kauwi. Solid yung amoy ng bulaklak tangina mangiyak ngiyak nako habang naliligo, pano super bagsik sa ilong HAHAHAHA.

07/03 Di na yata ako makakainom uli sa fiesta neto, napagalitan ako dahil sa mga ganap kagabi HAHAHAHAHA.

07/04 Kyuti q kahit super busy 😚

07/05 Hoi takaw ko mukbang all day.

07/06 Oh yeah, cool.

07/07 -really appreciate real frenz kahit dinaig ko pa si casper :>

07/08 Dana special event para sa kapatid ko yung araw na'to tas di ako pinalagpas ng mga alaga kong pimpols gague T.T - update: gagi oks naman! happy tummy tas busog din sa mga tingin nak ng- HAHAHAHA deds aq kauwi.

07/09 Medyo productive araw ko waw

07/10 Maulan pero gora parin. Adulting shzt nga naman. Anyways, kapal ng mukha mo. FU.

07/11 Pagod pero masaya. Nag-billiards kami super nice AHAHAHAHA.

07/12 Excited kahit pagod.

07/13 Kulang isang araw.

07/14 Pagod dahil sa nakaraang grand gala.

07/15 Nakita ko si soy sa pageant. Vip ako bhie. Tas umuwi ako mga 12:30 am

07/16 Fiesta kaya mukbang lang ft bitchesa look dahil nandun tatay kong magaling. Nagperya ako tas dami ko nauwing foods. Saya mhie.

07/17 2nd and 3rd attempt ko sa pagimpression reject la.

07/18 kinulayan ko blue hair ko, kaso nanlaban brown dye kaya naging black. Tas 4th attempt ko medyo successful pero basa plaster na nagamit ko.

07/19 Busy kame ni ate. Gabi na nakauwi.

07/20

07/21

07/22

07/23

HI THERE! I'M BACK AFTER HOW MANY MONTHS. DAHIL DOWN AKO, NAPAGISIPAN KONA NAMAN MAGTAMBAY SA TUMBLR. THIS PLATFORM BECAME MY SAFE SPACE MAGMULA NUNG NADISCOVER KO SIYA.

Kaya heto, nagre re-read ng past posts na diko na maalala yung iba.

04/16 - Still the old me, okay naman lahat sa acads kaso biglang dumating mercury retrograde kaya feeling ko isa to sa factor bat bigla akong nawalan ng gana sa lahat. Tho, it's in the mind, tinatry ko parin namang maghabol ng laboratory tasks kahit super hirap. I know matatapos din ang phase na to tamang tiis nalang sguro muna. Nakakatamad na nakakapanic ang lagi kong nararamdaman atm, feeling ko lagi akong nagkukulangan ng oras para tapusin acads. But I also know that I deserve some rest kahit paaano. Heto sitting pretty, mamaya cram uli sa prostho 🥹 Yun lang sa ngayon.

0 notes