#but a routine might help

[hopefullyababe]

as another person with adhd and depression: finding a routine and giving purpose to every day is key to not letting the depression take over… it can be hard as hell but like even something as simple as making a daily routine of cooking a lunch helps

that helps. thank you anon.

#daphne gets asks #anon #ill keep this in mind. #ive been trying to find the joy in living where i can and remembering the world is bigger than me and my house and my room #but a routine might help #i dont want to tho #but i can tell thats the mental illness not wanting to be helped

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable #and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men #and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes! #but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions #and that's also something interesting to think about #speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive #and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them #but for me it comes from childhood psychosis and i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support #you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it #or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways #also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable #anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue #but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with #ringo starr #rambles

[silenthillbunni]

🐇💭

#i've decided that after i've recovered from surgery i want a glow up!!! #i want to make an effort to try to feel better nd not be so miserable all the time. it's so draining nd soul sucking :< #nd some things i wanna do is start better habits such as journaling nd reading a chapter every morning #meditate/do mindfulness every evening. do a full body stretch routine once a day. go to the gym 3-5 times a week. #ofc daily walks in nature (i've missed that sm). spending time w my cat nd dog. getting better at studying a little bit every day #i might even bleach my hair nd dye it... i just wanna dye it one last time then im done T-T #smth im unsure of is my diet. i have no idea what i can eat nd atm im so hungry but im scared of eating. so i'll have to figure that out #nd then try to meet up w my old high school friend every now nd again #try to keep asking for help from the personality disorder psychiatric clinic... or try to get online therapy maybe??? #i just wanna feel better nd *do* smth so these r some of the thinngs i wanna try to do to feel better :3 #hopefully i'll feel better soon nd recover as swiftly as possible so i can start wanting to do these things #oh and also!! wanna try to revive my interests. such as writing more nd taking photos nd such

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Ok gang!!!

It's been a while, and I think it's time to come clear about a plan I used to have, and how I am very unsure about whether or not it's worth doing.

I technically have the first chapter of The Empire of Preys ready to go. I have basically only that. I did plan to release it on the birthday of Halfway Home's last released chapter, but the truth is: it's happening smack in the middle of an incredibly busy time for me, so I have basically nothing ready as far as promotional material goes.

Also, and it was my plan for a little while, I don't think I can sustain the one chapter per week release schedule I once had with Halfway Home --and I had to come to terms with the fact that I do not have it in me to polish that story nearly as much as I did Halfway Home. I still love it, I still want it out... but I think I'll take it much slower and at a more regular "fanfic" pace for me than what I did with HH. The story of TEoP is not completed yet. I am not completely sure on how to go about certain PoV characters. But, I feel like I can't wait for a "perfect" version like I did with HH, or I will never release this story.

So, while I'm not sure whether or not I'll actually post the first chapter on the 20th of April, I will try to begin posting it relatively soon, and make no promises on when the next one will come out.

I have, however, character portraits in the work! It's coming!! At some point!! Maybe this week if I can finish my work by then!!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing fine, and stuff is doing good, and all of the things. <3

#mass effect #halfway home #the empire of preys #once my HUGE pile of work is somewhat behind me #I plan to return to the routine of going to work in cafés to try and power through the edits + what's left #because it isn't that much tbh! #but yeah it's complicated because it's a project that is very much... not at the forefront of my mind anymore #and interest for it has dwindled overall #and there's also this thing with HH and TEoP is that I feel that because I take so much time working on it #it kind of misses the moment where it would echo the best #I think TEoP was a story for 2017-2018 it would have been *perfect* then in the sociopolitical osmosis #in 2024 it feels redundant and obvious in many ways #2024 would be a year for override #but we're not there yet #so yeah it's a weird set of project and a weird trilogy #I still deeply love the characters and settings but it's just *so much* so I need to find ways to keep myself motivated #maybe if I have time I'll replay the trilogy at some point #might help

[pocketclowns]

realized i don’t really ramble to you guys like i used to so quick life update in the tags before i go to bed in the tags bc idk how to cut a post on mobile :)

#i’m actually doing really good lately #like probably the best i’ve been in years tbh #but i’m rly excited about the skincare routine i’ve started #it’s only been a few weeks but so far my skin is already showing a lot of improvement! #i also picked up a couple books the other day!! #i can’t remember the last time i read a book until recently tbh #i’m almost half way through the first one i got so i might go pick out another once i start the next one! #and on monday i’m getting a crown fitted for a tooth that’s been broken for 7 years #let me say that again SEVEN YEARS #like i’m so thankful i found a dentist that actually wants to help me #instead of tell me i’m being dramatic when i say it’s causing me pain :) #i love never being listened to lmao #but yeah i’ve been doing a lot to take care of myself and it’s been rly good!

[spacedace]

Almost 65k words written for NaNo and I still don't have anything I'm ready to post on any of my fics.

If anyone wants some random snippets of the stuff I wrote (with the understanding that said snippets may be stuff for much later in my fics than currently posted chapters and will likely lack context of what's going on/snippets of fics that I'm not ready to post yet) let me know and I'll post some stuff

#good news I really hammered in making writing every day part of my routine #bad news I now average 2k a day #you might be thinking that doesn't sound like bad news #but I assure you as someone who routinely gets waaaayyyy too long winded in my writing this is a terrible omen of things to come #do you know how long its gonna take me to make edits & tweaks when every chapter is coming in at like 10k??? #send help #fic stuff

[spearxwind]

i genuinely need to go back to the gym so bad dude fr

#its so fucking expensive though........... but like. man. i need help with a routine to actually get me back into it #the place thats close to me is genuinely so expensive though...... #feeling bad about it fellas #might actually do like a commission every month just to afford it. but it feels like so much #and im looking for a job too so idk how long i can keep it up but man i wanna do something yknow? #thunderclap

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

something i'm starting to have suspicions about and that i wish i had ever seen discussion of in disordered-multiplicity spaces: the idea that executive dysfunction, combined with the way certain neurotypes respond to it and the unique kinds of sustained, repeated trauma associated with that process, can result in DID (or its variations/cousins).

for a long time i thought it was just a matter of my having shitty memory in general, and i don't doubt that's contributed, but like. 'this is Too Fucking Much. for the sake of self-preservation it is going in the memory hole/happened in a Different Plane of Reality/happened to Someone Else. there are a lot of the latter, and being able to go 'hey who's in charge of this bit/who was around when it happened and was relevant' makes me function much better when i do,' among many other things, sound...... familiar lmao. and i'm starting to feel like the shitty memory is a contributor to that because the part of my brain that's Inclined to Do This has a quick and convenient way to dump this stuff somewhere and hide it from me.

i really, really wish there were more discussion of this kind of thing out there. and i wish it were easier to find resources and tools for working through the disordered part which come from sources i trust (more) not to be ableist, overly pathologizing, and wildly uneducated about this shit in the way that only psychiatric institutions can be. augh.

#moogletalks #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #this isn't even getting into how; as mentioned; it's not just identity/personality stuff my brain does this with #it also does it with Places and Reality #and basic everyday concepts and tools and routines i use to function #i really desperately need help with this and there just plain is nothing i can find beyond 'you might have this' #if anyone who has experience working through this stuff; and can maybe point me to some resources; has input i will be incredibly grateful #ableism cw

[musical-chick-13]

*sigh* I think. I think I'm gonna have to find somewhere to Talk About It.

#not HERE obviously God no #but like. somewhere. #because this particular issue is. for real ruining my ability to do anything. #I would like to not routinely cry over it at 3 am and I would like to not avoid doing so many things that are important to me because of it #and I'm making it a part of therapy but sometimes you just...need to talk to a peer and not a medical professional #my therapist is wonderful but they aren't a substitute for an equal relationship and same-page full human connection #the problem lies in the fact that anyone who might be able to help peer-wise I absolutely don't fucking trust lmao #I feel like there isn't a single person who would hear me out without either abandoning me or permanently backing off on our friendship #and maybe that's not fair but I feel like I don't have the luxury of fairness anymore

[running-in-the-dark]

and it just occurred to me that when we move, I might try to find a new therapist. there might be one/a few right in the town we're moving to (I haven't checked), but we'll be really close to a city then. so I could get there regularly (maybe. it's very scary but maybe I can manage it). so. I should probably do that? maybe find someone who'll like.... do more than just accept that I've got social anxiety (because that's what I said when I first saw my previous therapist) and help me figure out the real problem.

#like I mean I. probably have autism or adhd yeah sure. like that's just. I'm just assuming that for now. #but. the thing that really affects me more than anything at this point #is the stupid fucking rules I have to follow because my brain makes them up and I don't have a choice #and the. well everything else that's probably all related to that. #but i don't wanna go there and be like hi I think i might have ocd #because I've been so ashamed of all of this stuff for 20+ years that the thought of talking about it with a person I have to look at and wh #will ask questions about it and then possibly say nope your brain's just really fucked up. #that thought is. so horrifying idk I don't think I could do that #but I struggle with it so much every day that. idk maybe I need to do it anyway? I didn't think I could talk about the social anxiety stuff #either and I did that for years in the end. and it helped a bit. #but idk maybe it's just. pointless? I don't know how to be any other way. I've never not lived like this? I don't remember ever not having #to follow these rules and feeling like I'm disgusting for having bad thoughts and having stupid routines that I have to follow because if I #don't a Bad Thing will happen. but that part got better so maybe it's not that serious anyway and I've just been imagining all of it #because my brain is bad and all of that. #maybe it's fine that I can't touch dirty things and that if I don't tell my husband to drive safe I have to think about him crashing the ca #and it being my fault all day and almost breaking several door handles because I have to check three times if the door is really locked and #it's never enough so it's usually 3x3 times or more. and just. #just. everything I like has to be good and pure and perfect and if it's not and I can't stop myself from liking it anyway I feel disgusting #and guilty and like I'm personally responsible for every bad thing in the world because I just can't be right. #and if I could the bad things would stop #I don't think. that's how people are supposed to think? right? I feel like if everyone spent most of their time thinking about this and #doing everything to make sure they follow these rules then. idk nothing would ever get done? it's just so hard? #but no it's probably just that I'm so bad at handling it and everything is always hard for everyone and no one complains because they're #better at being human. #idk man all I know is this is fucking exhausting and I can't do this for. however many years I'll be alive for. it's been long enough #I'm tired of it #and maybe I shouldn't be on here. maybe it's time to step away again for a while. so much of this messes with my head. I can't handle the #guilt I feel from every stupid post that I saw. oh that's something people argue about? great that's been added to the list of things that #have to feel bad about now. #doesn't matter how much I disagree on a rational level. I don't get to decide. if I know it exists it will bother me. and I can't do it

[canisonicscrewyou]

hm. maybe I’ll put on a fun little outfit today.

#fun little outfit fun makeup and trot to work for my least favorite shift of the week <3 #(short shift close)(my closing routine is thrown off)(nobody starts to close for me) #(also inventory so even more stuff to do that hasn’t been started) #today I also have to help my barista prep a Fun Drink for a competition which is fun !! #but another extra thing. hhh #so might as well have fun with it

[lupismaris]

I know that the number of mutuals who are invested in my OCs is small but please know that I am working with one of the Montgomery cousins again (Rory the cowboy shifter) and the long n'short of it is I think I have the hots for my oc help

#rory stepped up for reworking and to sort out what their story/thematic outline is actually gonna be #and it went from a shapeless routine sort of fish out of water romance #to a she/they butch cowboy falls in love with a widower single trans man father werewolf whos interim alpha of a pack on the run #and finds themself becoming mother/father to the pack and coming into their own as a person and leader #helping them face their past and expected birthright etc since they need to find a place for the pack to live #im really excited about this Finn and Rory might now be my two favorite protags

[desperatepleasures]

ha okay my legs/butt so sore from doing Actual Exercise at PT that they kept almost buckling when I was doing dishes LMAO. just gonna do some Seated Tasks for now until my ikea furniture arrives

#i thought my ankles would be hurting bc they were burning during the exercises #and they do feel tender but my glutes are like 'EXCUSE ME you have not used us in a long time and we are FUMING' #actually the exercise was similar to a yoga pose i used to do. just more reps and focusing on different areas #it's kinda funny how I've spent years going ohhh i should get back into yoga and now I'm being sorta slid back into it LOL #anyhow it's been nice doing child pose every day. i might try to add in cat/cow too bc we did that last week at my appt and it felt great #...and little by little my old yoga routine is being brought back lmao #with modifications tho #i think im gonna try and do more yin yoga soon too bc that was really helpful for cooldown stretching

[theoldaeroplane]

"the divine undefined"

preliminary drawing for a bigger piece that may or may not happen

#i got four hours of sleep #the intensive care routine for recovery today has been sitting in my favorite cafe drawing horsies on paper #i also am getting some fancy earplugs from a friend next week that might help me a little bit at work #theoretically next week i should hear if i made it to the next stage of interviews #theoretically i will also get paid next week #i dont think ive been this broke in fifteen years #anyway: ill be fine. things are just hard right now. spring always comes. #corgidraws!

[viiridiangreen]

also i turned 26 today and it was mostly just like. A Thursday. Got to work from home tho if i had to come into the office on my birthday i would've.............. prolly not done anything drastic but i wouldn't have liked that at all lol

pros: we ordered some Special Cookies (if u haven't tried alfajores u r Missing Out), hung out w partner, & their family sent nice messages. finally dipped my toes into franchise mode in planet zoo (so not following a set Theme but starting my own park from scratch with a Likely Overambitious habitat for Spectacled Caimans with an underwater viewing gallery. it's gonna be rad if i can avoid running out of money hhhh. i'll post pics when i've added foliage / rockwork / the actual critters lol) & we're about to do this week's destiny story update thing rn.

cons: my family was A Bit Weird abt it esp my aunt on my mom's side like she typed a whole thing in whatsapp which started with "I think about you almost every day" and then she deleted it when i didn't look at it within a few hours haha.

#viitalks #oh i also got some messages from Facebook Simps bc i forgot to turn off birthday notifs on my anon streamer acct lol #i felt very tbh creature abt it like not terribly high highs or low lows but it was good overall i think? #i think it's the same thing abt our Living Quarters (dark damp literally uncleanable) and my Undxed Whatever dulling things down but #if things continue to take their present course we might get Significant Help in the living situation department #as in. an apartment #bc the only way ppl in my generation get a place 2 live is if they're connected to older ppl with privilege or luck or both. and my partner #is. via their dad. so............. #yeagh #ig things seem like they'll turn out alr in the long run for us. barring like. the total collapse of society or the city running out of- #water. etc. lol #but uhhhhh Short Term im still v surprised at how bad i am @ coping with everyday routine shit #& by that i mean my complete absence of a routine #self dxed possibly fake adhd and autism which might just be laziness & social ineptitude instead FIGHT #coughs