#but for you....... i will do my research and get back to u | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simonzmama · 1 day

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mama your girl got her periods and i was wondering about what will simon do once his girl gets her periods PLS INDULGE ME MAMA

helllooo my angel!! hopefully this ain’t been sitting for too long for some reason i don’t get my lil inbox notifications 😒 tumblr… count your days.

alsooo cuzzz wtfff!! why’re we like synced rnn?? 🤞🤞 im also on period rnn n was gunna write a lil blurb thingy for it GIRL WHO ARE YOU. are you the person living under my bed rn or whaaaa??

anyways. cuz personally. simon would be a mf star. a real man when it comes down to your period.

feelin’ like you’d be so embarrassed to tell him, although his suspicions were already up when you weren’t gettin’ outta bed alongside him. n so when your pretty voice calls out his name, he’s so quick to make his way to you, he like deadass just magically appears at your side.

he could see your clear nervousness, with the way you dug your nails into your skin, picked at your fingernails all the tedious antics were uppppp!!

so when you pop the question of simon i need tampons… (or whatever you prettiez may use ofc!!) he’s rushing to the store. immediately.

n quite frankly he was not embarrassed one bit, he was more worried about you. he bought you a bunch of randooo snacks he knows you luvvv luvvv!! n he’s rushing home straight back to you!!!

“is there anything i can do to help, baby?” he looks at you all pretty n sweet, soo patient!! head cocking to the side n eyes big n wide so desperate to just make you feel better.

“just stay with me, don’t leave,” you murmur against the thick skin pumped with muscle at his shoulder, lips laying a soft kiss against it.

nnn when your cramps get ultra mega electric shock typaaa level, he’s suggesting you hop up onto his lap. whaaaa?? he did some research n a lil quick orgasm might help you out?? just take a quick ride, clothes n all or nahhh.

anyways nothin too special 😔 although simon would be the best best bessssttt!! n u were so thankful for it!!!

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nonbinarygamzee · 10 months

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hii i want some meenah (and or kankri) analysis >:3 love the way you explain things

HEARTTTTTTT thank you mio <3333 you will have to forgive me because the beforus trolls really really are not my wheelhouse outside of, like, talking about the ways that they represent (generally) interpretations of the beta trolls that hussie found shitty and obviously the whole obsession he had with owning the teenage SJWs for being messy about their critique of him as if he did not create the confines and energy of that space in the first place.

that said meenah is one of my favies of the bunch and i think i already have said a little bit to you about why i find her compelling on twitter before but UHMMM cracks knuckles

okay so i am a big fan of the characters whos isolation plays into the ways that make them harder for the rest of the cast to sympathize with. isolation is obviously an element of homestuck that is generally relevent to every characters story but for some of them that makes the friendgroups they have cultivated a source of empowerment and for some of them it functions to magnify why they hold whatever particular place in the narrative they do. why the narrative, as something alive and malicious to the characters living within it, grants some of them agency and denies others. and in some ways meenah gets agency, i mean she is the catalyst for every major decision that ensures the outcomes of her session! she has massive influence and control of her own future and is very strongheaded in her refusal to give that up, i love it for her.

that said she also is another victim of fitting into a character slot influenced by hussies biases. i think it is a little bit too simplistic when people try to paint the hemospectrum as just racism flipped on its head (plus that doesnt really account for the lowbloods who are written to be brown), but the makaras and the peixes get the worst of the messiness that IS there, where both on individual levels their characterizations end up saying some extremely fucked up things and revealing a lot about what hussie thinks black culture, like, is. and in a more general sense they invoke the uncomfortable undercurrent of antiblackness and anxiety surrounding black culture becoming a dominating cultural force that troll society is built upon. ive seen this spoken about better, and by actually black fans, so i wont try to hard to restate it all, but the ways that alternia (and beforus by extension) invoke black culture especially in the trolls we are meant to understand as holding societal privilege is like, so so so fucking weird!, and the choice to insert meenah the way that he did, long after discussions about this had started to really permeate the sphere of critique to me cant really feel like anything but a conscious decision, and retroactively erased any chance at him claiming ignorance with what he was doing with gamzee. the decision to double down on the concept that any of these behaviors are instinctual is also the bane of my existence. all of these characters who are loaded with blatant racism and then forced into roles of antagonizers are the ones i feel the most need to align myself with forever no questions asked.

to roll back around to meenah's isolation though, i think a lot of people kind of forget that for as much as she idolizes her post-scratch self, she felt so trapped by the prospect of ruling on beforus that she literally chose to run away and go into hiding and live! all by herself! this is so sad to me and especially drawing back on that metanarrative string of being a marginalized girl we are supposed to read as privileges (eugh!), i think it speaks so blatantly to her want for a nice life where she can be with her friends, even if i think her own conditioning makes her not entirely aware of that because shes spent her entire life being told she is meant to want power and her attitude of embracing that in the least-beforan way possible is so clearly the escapist fantasy of a teenager whos been told all her life how to be who hasnt quite unlearned the idea that power and riches and status are what makes you important.

even despite our entire view of her through her active role in the story being basically hussie telling us over and over and over again what a violent and selfish person she is, everything we hear about her actions in their session point more to meenah just being an abrasive girl who doesnt really know how to express her feelings, especially the ones that make her feel vulnerable or forced onto equal footing with people when shes always been told that isnt what shes meant to do. she bakes them a cakeeee for their anniversaryyyy come onnnn :o(((( i love her. even the stuff she does to damara is all only ever done with the intent of making sure her team can survive the game she has brought them all into (their dynamic is my favorite part about the beforus trolls one day i will speak on it). and ofc her entire plan to kill all of them to make sure they dont all end up wiped from existence!

ok um i am admittedly losing steam with my thoughts here so i will end this there but tldr she is everything to me

#also admittedly i dont think about kankri much outside of like how i wish he couldve been utilized and how much i hate most of what we got #but for you....... i will do my research and get back to u #also i love what u do with their dynamic big fan of vantas wifeguy trutherisms #meenah #ask #meta #<- feels a bit sillay to tag as usual idk if im actually saying anything not surface lvl here lol

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puppyeared · 4 months

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Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u

#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they #worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic #with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers #I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldn’t do anything but follow health advisories #and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that #but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here #u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others #don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice?#nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldn’t we just. do it????#im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop #could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that #while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures #yapping #vent

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oatbugs · 1 month

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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quaranmine · 3 months

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Missing 411 guy?

David Paulides, the guy who is the creator of "Missing 411" which is basically a conspiracy about suspicious clusters of people going missing in National Parks in the United States. He is also the bane of my existence for the past year as someone who is researching a story about someone who goes missing in a National Forest.

To start with, if you've ever been even on the fringes of "irl spooky stuff" videos on YouTube, you might have encountered this. There are a lot of youtubers and podcasters who cover this guy's content without understanding What and Who they are giving platform to. Sometimes, people don't even mention him but will relate the cases that he covers in his books or use the same conspiracy points as him. I would not be suprised if you watched a Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher video (which are fine btw) and then got recommended something related to Missing 411 in the sidebar since it's a similar genre. It's super popular to the point where its outgrown its creator. I can't stress enough that many of you have probably encountered this content, at least in passing, without knowing what it was.

So to recap, Missing 411 documents cases of real-life people who have disappeared or been found dead in national parks, national forests, etc and claims that these cases are unusual and mysterious. It frequently talks about missing person "clusters" and things like that. There is often an overt, if not outrightly stated, implication that something supernatural, crpytid, or UFO/alien related was involved. For starters, David Paulides has written a ton of books trying to prove the existence of bigfoot. Now, I have no issues with people believing in bigfoot, or cryptids, or aliens, but I do have an issue with people co-opting real life tragedies and twisting information to push this as conspiracy. I simply do not think it is helpful or respectful to talk about missing and dead people (and children!) like this. Also, with the high prices of his books ($100-200) he just reeks of grifter to me.

To me, Missing 411 "criteria" is a stretch at best. You will see cases "mysteriously" connected because both of these people wore red when they went missing. Both these people's bodies were found near water (as if many National Park do not have water features.) Both these people's bodies were found near granite rocks (like, the most common rock type in mountains lol.) All these cases involve the weather turning bad! (um, yeah, that's a big reason why people get in trouble?) He frequently claims that bodies being undressed is highly unusual, without ever acknowledging paradoxical undressing. Or he claims laughably weak connections between people like "these two women who went missing in different years are connected because they both had three letter names that started with A." I haven't personally listened to this talk but there is a data scientist mentioned in his Wikipedia page who examined the case data and found nothing out of the ordinary in them. If you don't want to watch a video (I don't either right now) then he also wrote this article. From a different person, this article from a podcast is also good.

David Paulides does not present Missing 411 cases with accuracy. He has been known to cherry-pick data and purposefully omit data to make them seem more unusual. Many cases he covers are either already solved, or have extensive information available. He does not retract information or admit when he is wrong. Even if he does present a particular case accurately, he has such a bad track record with reliable research that he cannot be trusted as a source. There used to be someone on reddit who would deconstruct cases he covered. In this post they found several instances of cases of Paulides missing sources and coming to incorrect conclusions.

Note there's a few differences in the sources I just linked. The data scientist and podcast skeptic both said they found the data to be accurate, while the redditors have found evidence to the contrary. The data scientist also says he found Paulides' presentation of information respectful, but I personally find all of this highly disrespectful. But despite these differences I think we can all agree....the claims of Missing 411 are pretty ridiculous.

Also, let's talk about David Paulides himself. Before becoming a writer, he was a cop in California. He was a cop who was fired for corruption (well that's hard to do), because he was caught soliciting donations for a fake charity he set up. That's straight from his Wikipedia page. He continues to use his past as a "dectective" to attempt to make his claims sound more reliable. There was also a redditor who pulled up some other career highlights from when he was a cop in the 80s, by looking at court transcripts and news articles. His job used to be entrap gay men by pretending to be gay, getting them to invite him home with them, and then arresting then. He and his unit were also accused of police brutality many times in the 80s, with Paulides testifying in defense of his unit. And he has not changed btw, he's a Qanon stolen election covid denier type of nut right now on his YouTube channel (according to reddit. I am not watching this man's videos.) So yeah, I think his character speaks for itself.

Anyway, I'm tired of hearing about this guy and seeing 411 related content pop up around YouTube, Reddit, Tiktok, etc. Pay attention if you watch things related to "creepy and unexplained real life disappearnaces." I do not think he is a good person, I do not think he can be trusted, and I do not think that his work actually benefits the families of the missing persons in question. These are real people. He turns them into spectacles to push ~unusual~ circumstances and paranormal activity.

#helppp can u tell i hate this dude #i have formed a deep abiding dislike of him after being subjected to his content #near constantly while working on my au #DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO RESEARCH MISSING PERSONS CASES IN NATIONAL FORESTS???#AND GETTING LEGIT RESULTS THAT DON'T MENTION MISSING 411??? I SEE HIM LIKE EVERY GOOGLE SEARCH #i have literally had to scrap information from sources because i consider mentioning missing 411 and david paulides #as an instant negative on a site's credibility for research #i started doing research on certain parts of my fic by writing -missing 411 in the search bar to exclude results mentioning it #quara asks #also i recognize that using reddit posts and podcast episodes to 'debunk' things this guy says is not necessarily a reliable source either #but it's not like something relatively niche like this is going to get some Big Official Takedown.#it's gonna be the redditors that dig into it #anyway you can tell that even in his official subreddit people are starting to hate him #whereas i first encountered missing 411 back in 2019 and people were into it hook line and sinker #but now even among his fans there's much more distrust

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lesbeid0u · 24 days

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#Methinks I may be cupioromantic #I was talking to my friend after we got back from aniboston and somehow the topic of conversation changed to our orientations #And I was explaing to them how I don't think I've ever actually like. Loved someone romantically/been capable of loving someone romanticall #But I still wanna be in a relationship and they were like #'King I think u may be on the ace spectrum'#And then I fell victim to the 4am Thoughts and started doing some reflecting/research and damn #Wouldn't You Fucking Know It #Hoenstly tho it feels so fucking freeing knowing that there's a name for how I feel #Bc I thought I was like. Broken or some shit for the longest time bc no matter how much I tried #I could never manage to force myself into having feelings for someone irl #And idk maybe I'm not actually ace/on the ace spectrum and I'm just falling victim to the 'you haven't found the right person' mentality #But like I genuinely do not/could not see myself falling in love with someone yet I do still want to feel loved romantically #Anyway #These are 4am thoughts at 5pm so I'm not gonna dwell on them too much #If you've made it this far in the tags and have any words of advice about this shit lmk #Thanks for reading. And now it's time for the breaking news #My mom has beef with one of the stray cats in out backyard bc she thinks he's a bad influence on his children #Also one of his kids looks Just Like Grim Twistedwonderland and I'm getting making that his Halloween costume this year hehe

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thepavementsings · 8 months

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Honestly I think the #1 thing about moving into the professional space that I wish I learned about sooner was the importance of finding a true mentor in your field. There's so much talk about network network network but having a few people with knowledge and experience truly ride for you beats the thousands of linkedin connections ten times out of ten.

#i wish i was told at 18/19 about really leaning into people you admire/who believe in you instead of burning yourself out for tons of ppl!#ive been really lucky to have amazing people in my corner throughout my university years in my jobs who have really looked out for me!!#my research supervisor is the one who gave me the job i start friday (!!)#bc i talked to him about my short career history and fears of this tight job market and uncertainties etc etc #and he gave me this opportunity saying 'i know this isnt what you want long term and i will support u searching for what that is but for no #- i think you should push yourself to try something different!#and my old mentor who was my absolute ride or die just messaged me about coming back to my old job in a closed off industry rn #basically sat with me for an hour the other week just catching up hearing my plans talking about what i want for my career #hoping to line me back up with my old team to hopefully break the market and then help me move around once im in #to get to where i'm really passionate about #i know im soso lucky to have people like that in my corner and a lot of that just came from happenstance that personalities seem to click #but its such a weird falsity we push about #'grow your network full of these strangers at conferences! but never dare admit youre only doing that for a job opportunity!'

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ofbreathandflame · 10 months

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#i GET IT #you guys diagree with me #but its been like THREE DAYS NOW.#i am tired #like do you want me to delete the post #??#i swear to god ill do it if it gets u guts to lay off #i am deeply tired and a bit exhausted from it all please #i am not begruding your love for the character i simply have my perspective on his character #thats all #its MY perspective #based on my experiences and my own research and expertise #if u have another opinion of fantasy racism then its your opinion #if u think it aligns then fuck let it align #just maybe do it not in my inbox and not with insults #look I’m just going to keep blocking and deleting #I don’t even have the energy to do the tit for tat back and forth anons #okay? okay

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dwn012 · 1 year

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laptop threw a fit so im on mobile and my rp acct hi confession time for a third time. recently ive been super stressed abt writing Quick bc i feel i can never quite achieve that ideal version of my interpretation of him? i have to like literally confine myself to write him bc im super talkative and emotional and its just so hard in practice augh o|< fr i played myself when i decided to pick up Ariga Quick as a muse

i feel i can never quite achieve that ideal version of my interpretation of him?

I know confession time isn't exactly for advice but at least hear me out: You might be putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. From one creative to another I know what that feels like- it's a sisyphusian problem of working up, up, up towards that ideal version of our vision only to look back and see we never left the starting line.

The thing is, that trying to create that ideal version of our creative idea just... It's not going to happen. It was like that with Heat's headcanon piece, sure it was perfect when I decided to publish it but you end up looking back with new experience and new knowledge that changes your creative thinking and suddenly it's not so perfect anymore. The thing about your Quick (and I don't want to try and exactly characterize him here, you know him better than I do) is that, to me hes an enigma, hes something completely disconnected from you or I and I think that's where the issues start to arise.

i have to like literally confine myself to write him bc im super talkative and emotional and its just so hard in practice

You said it here, that your portrayal is completely different from you making it so hard in practice to get that accurate interpretation. I think you should really reassess what you want out of having Quick as a muse- Do you want to have fun? Do you want to be strong? Why are you writing him in the first place?

The thing I've learned recently, with my more recent writing is that I'm not writing to be accurate to anything (you really can't, not with mega man oh NO) and as much as I try to educate myself on current and known science regarding the robotics field (I still need to finish that article)-

Sometimes something is just. Cool. It's badass, it hits that certain spot that makes you sit up in your chair or shift because the energy you just got thinking about that idea was too much to handle.

You were the one who told me that rp is all about fun, it's a game! It's art. I wanna return the favor and say maybe what you're trying to do is not make Quick accurate, but fun. Maybe then you'll find your ideal portrayal.

#I HOPE.#THIS MAKES SENSE I ACTUALLY HAD TO REWRITE ALL OF THIS #I also hope im not stepping out of line ;o; do say something if im misunderstanding the problem #but i remember while researching being stressed out trying to get the perfect idea of the robot masters- how they work #how modern technology would apply to them #I wanted it to be accurate to the technical level #that was (And admittedly still is) my ideal portrayal of all the rms i look into #but ive realized sometimes thats just not fun. sometimes the rule of cool is king #I hope Quick reaches that pinnacle for you #of what you want out of him #<3<3<3 #i dont have emojis i hope if anything this made you feel better Willow ;u;#I cant wait to see what you do with him when you get back in your groove!!

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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Hi, do you have any general tips for getting into grad school lol?

I'm trying to get into a clinical psych phD program which I know is very different from what you're doing but hey, I'll take any advice youd like to share ! Also love your art :-)!

I'll just explain how i got to this point and hope theres something worth taking from that.

For me, I did my Masters 1st bc I hadn't done in the lab work until my last year of undergrad and I wasn't sure how I would handle working on a big project and I had a general idea of what I wanted to study but it was still kinda blurry. So, I thought ok 2 years on a project that seems ok, then 4+ on something I really wanna do based on what i learned from my masters. I found my Masters advisor through a string of talking to different people about my interests, reading her papers, and asking if she happened to be looking for students. I sort of stumbled into a good situation on a bit of luck

For my PhD I had a very narrow focus for what I was looking for in terms of research, so there were only like 5 ppl doing exactly what I wanted in english speaking countries. I found them all through reading a bunch of papers, stalking their lab websites and then emailing them like: Hey! I found u through reading X paper, ur research is so cool! Here is how it fits with my interests and here is what I've done that qualifies me to work with you (in as few words as I could manage). Are you accepting students into your lab? And then if they reply that they are: would u be willing to talk with me?

During meetings the questions I always ask (aside from questions abt their research) are: what's your lab space like? How hands on are you as an adviser? What do you like about what you do/what compelled you to take on X research? And then it's also good to ask about their other students (what research they're doing and if you could email them to ask if they like this adviser as a boss/whats it like at the school).

Honestly, I feel like the best advice I could give is treat an interview like it goes both ways. You don't want a boss that sucks so grill them a bit to try to figure out what they're like as a person. And it helps to let a little passion shine thru ✨️

Hope that helps? And good luck!!!

#its a lot easier to get in once you have your masters too bc it demonstrates u can handle grad school #like id get emails back like: oh ur work fits well with my research! and im like: uh yea thats y i emailed u???#but my interests r extremely niche and a bit odd so i guess i kinda come blazing thru like a rogue planet #idk im maybe a bit weird but ive got a lotta passion for what i wanna do when im not drowning #and hopefully that comes thru in interviews even when im rambling around my answers #aha now im procrastinating prepping for those interviews 😅#anyway hope this helps a bit!#mostly for me its finding ppl with the background thst will enable me to do what i want and then trying to fugure out what kind of person #they r and if that fits with how i work #unrelated #lmao literally 2 ppl i got on calls with were like algae??? most ppl try to hide their interest in algae #and im like great its been 2min and uve already called me a freak lmao

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puppyeared · 3 months

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adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

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weirdlizard26 · 1 year

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well now i just made myself sad :( what if nobody love me and i love nobody. what then.

#wl26 #i think i have an illness <3 #never calling myself depressed on tumblr dot com ever again since getting that anon telling me im not depressed. years ago #i mean they were probably right gdkfjgd but its probably not very normal for ONE anon message to effect me so deeply #wl negative #CORRECTION: I WENT BACK AND FOUND THE POST OH MY GOD THATS NOT WHAT THEY TOLD ME AT ALL!!!!!!!#MY DUMBASS MEMORY MADE IT ALL ABOUT ME. FUCK!!!#the anon was saying they appreciate undiagnosed ppl not calling themselves depressed #which now that i think about it. i absolutely see where theyre coming from but i feel like #this sort of thinking could be damaging to ppl who just dont have the means to get a diagnosis #LIKE. yeah dont call yourself depressed when youre just sad. but like if you see the signs and research the symptoms and take the quizzes #idk i mean again i totally get it. it hurts to see your real struggle being trivialized. but self dx is a Thing that you can do.#just be responsible with it u know #sorry for rambling i did go back to check out the self check quizzes they recommended and scored super high just now BGDKJNFGD #uh oh!

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kuiinncedes · 2 years

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me going from being bored in my house all day to bored in my apartment by myself all day wow 😍

#i have no idea where my roommate is also i still like dont know ... how to live w a roommate i guess lol like #i would like to know if ur not gonna be here at night ...... esp when it's just us two in the apartment rn but anyway #i texted her last night when i was going to sleep and i was like hey dw about turning on the light and stuff if u get back when i'm asleep #lol and then she didn't come back and she hasn't responded :P ik she's been helpign friends move in and stuff #bruh i helped my brother move in yesterday and i was kinda like so jealous that he has his group of friends here #whereas i moved in and i didn't know anyone in my building and i hadn't rly talked to the ppl from my high school in a yr #and i like kinda panicked abt being alone a little bit but he has all his friends and i'm happy for him but bitch when can that be me #but also like he and his friends are all in the same residence hall and i was thinking like i can already tellllll y'all are gonna be the #guys being loud talking in the hallways at night lmfao #anwyay #i'm gonna try to do some research work since i don't have plans until the evening lmao thank god i have shit to do tomorrow XD #i don't mind being alone at all i do kinda like it but the fact that ig i could much more easily be out doing stuff w friends or something #more easily than at home anyway idk why do i keep doing posts like this lmao #jeanne talks #ALSO I GOT A COUPLE OF THOSE RLY NICE ASKS SAYING LIKE LIST 5 THINGS YOU LOVE OR WHATEVER I WILL ANSWER THEM AT SOME POINT I PROMISE #idk things i love apparently lmfao #IN CASE I FORGET AND DON'T ANSWER THEM SOON THO ILY THANK U <3

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thedeadthree · 2 years

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Ayrenn + basics and Verlaine + personality 💓

ALYSSA DEARIEE TY TY SO MUCH FOR THE ASK ABOUT MY BELOVED PHOENIX and! my lovely verlaine! ever since I made them and began reading the exile + golden rose.... they’ve been on the brain living there rent free with luxury room service aakjnsd so! ty again bb!

oc questions

1. what’s their full name?

ayrenn marcelette emelina urthemiel of plaithus!

2. what does their name mean? why were they named that?

ayrenn actually shares her name and surname with two characters from elder scrolls and dragon age! ayrenn means mountain of strength (oo she’ll need it if shes gonna survive dealing with her mom and former bestie sjnxak) I couldn’t find a meaning behind her surname but! urthemiel was the archdemon of beauty! her middle names are based on variations of the names of her moms! marcelette being a diminutive of marcelle and is derived from the name of the roman god mars! it’s fitting as she was the commander of that plaithian military and the symbolism of being a phoenix and “fires of war” hehe. and emelina is a diminutive of emmeline meaning “work!” dragon age and elder scrolls are two of my favorite fantasy worlds every (along with the witcher!) and when i was thinking of names for her they ayrenn and urthemiel popped into my head! epiphany! stars aligned etc! I knew they were perfect for her and to pay homage to the worlds I adore so much!

3. do they have any nicknames?

she doesn’t have any nicknames unfortunately but she does have a few aliases! the one she tends to use the most is either lilith or before her exile she just went by her title!

4. how old are they?

she is 24!

5. when’s their birthday?

she was born on the 19th of february!

6. what’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? do they believe that holds any significance?

her zodiac is a pisces with a cusp in aquarius leaning into pisces! ironically enough with her being the painted phoenix her element matches her zodiac in that her’s would be water!

(oo the internal conflict sjdans SORRY AYRENN DEAR) as those bearing the element of water tend to take everything to heart (especially things done to them.... FITTING), have a strong intuition and pick up on the emotions of other easily which is GREAT when she had a politics specialty and being the commander it was useful to read the emotions of her opponents and knew their movements before they acted on them, and..... not the most willing to open up about themselves and remain rather mysterious! and finally that her own desire for security leaves her to resort to risk taking behaviors at any cost to feel whole again! that’s her! her

and her birthstone would be the amethyst as she was born in february! and if she believe that they hold significance, I think if the circumstances of her childhood were different, if she was allowed to have a life of her own that wasn’t tethered by any red strings of fate or destinies, etc that I think there is a high chance she would have! but alas the tides of time proved that if she had hopes of such things, they’re long gone now. so she really doesn’t? what good would it do when shes been told her whole life what her fate is? what use is destiny when she has no choice on how she fulfills it?

7. what’s their species/subspecies? do they have any special/magical abilities?

she’s a mythosi with her blood infused from the procedure with that of a phoenix! and you can BET she does! not necessarily a magical ability per say, but she does have immortality (don’t remind her that saber doesn’t BAD idea), she had wings (also refrain from reminding her of THAT sajndka), resistance to flame and the ability to manipulate and release flames from her hands/body, when transformed her heart and bones would begin to glow, eyes would turn from their red into lava resembling orbs, and! her hair would become flame!

8. what “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? if none, what weapon do they favor?

she doesn’t have a “set” class per say but the closest i would put her down having a class with is a sort of blood hunter/paladin hybrid? or the way solaire was in terms of class in dark souls? WAIT okay the prisoner class in elden ring is definitely a closer fit! the prisoner and ayrenn would be besties for sure kjwednw

the weapon that she prefers is a scythe! (or halberd!) ayrenn on a battlefield with a flame covered scythe.. we love to see it!

1. what’s their alignment?

shes a chaotic good! a good person with good intentions but of course her methods are unconventional (alessa and hadrian would best describe her as a hot mess with good intentions hehe)

2. which one of the 16 personality types do they fit into?

her’s would be the isfp-a “the adventurer!” it’s so interesting to me with that as I played the if and got to know her more as a character throughout reading golden rose I realized how much more fitting she is as an introvert than an extrovert! and the adventurer is a perfect bridge between those two! being charismatic and reserved all the while its so fitting!

3. what are their hobbies and interests? do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)?

she loves to collect ornate and ceremonial daggers! and a beloved hobby of hers is to collect, usually roses or peonies, and press them into books! when she has down time picking flowers from local markets or fields she’ll make perfumes with them! best of all verlaine LOVES to give raf a hard time as much as he enjoys to give her a hard time asjnsda she is an avid collector of relics of her patron goddess aphrodite from before things went awry and the gods ceased to be worshipped! yes shes aware that’s heretical what about it? jsanja. ANYWAYS, she does! rosewater lemonade and a sweet bread with lemon icing is a true beloved of hers! romantic compilations of love notes or poetry is a dear peace of literature (GET TO WRITING RAF), and old leather bound books, pressed flowers, perfumes, relics of aphrodite and ornate daggers are her favs!

4. what are they bad at?

will she ever admit to these? that’s silly! what she isnt so great at is why she’s so grateful that hadrian is in her life, as she isn’t the most proficient in melee and swords (save for the rapier shes proficient with those!). she much prefers her daggers! (also not being the queen of pity parties at any small inconvenience is perhaps what some would say is what she isnt great at as well but she couldn’t find a reason why.. must be jealousy!)

5. what kind of things do they dislike/hate?

her ego being bruised is something she LOATHES (leo things sajnsak), that sort of hot weather that ruins a carefully prepared look with the humidity or temperature, THAT A CERTAIN BELOVED OF HERS KEEPS BEING A STEP AHEAD AND TAKES HER THINGS.. take her out for dinner not take her maps babes!

6. do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses?

not any that I can think of currently! but maybe vices could be her less than frugalness with money when it comes to markets? she was told to hand over her money to hadrian for the VERY REASON that as there is a market it is known by the group she will spend... all of it sjkna.

7. what are their goals and motivations?

i think what would be verlaines main aspirations would be of course to uncover the identity of this nero sort, to learn all she can about her patron goddess aphrodite and the other forgotten gods..... and to wed raf kasnks.

8. what are their manners like? Any habits?

she came from an noble-ish upper class background! her family fell out of favor with the other families back in syracusae and whatever wasn’t auctioned off was more than likely gambled off in an effort to stay relevant.. so that is why she is traveling with the white company! and because of said background she remains to have the same sort of countenance as she did back then! it makes her a DEAR to the wealthy people they meet (and she cons money from hehe).

9. what are they most afraid of?

that her own desires and ambitions, her hubris, being the downfall of those she cares about is something I would say is a fear that haunts her nightmares! sure, she wants to know all there is, and to uncover the identity of this nero and the forgotten gods is a dream of hers. but that it could come at the cost of people she holds dear is something that haunts her at times.

#🌞: alyssa #risingsh0t #and i apologize for the delay on this! DARN COMPUTER :’) but no seriously u sweetheart you! ty so much for the ask! <3 #these also take me EONS to do as..... i get VERY into the research and having everything reflect the character asjnaxj #her birthday year is wrong on her edit it SHOULD be ’98 it’s what I get for doing that edit at 3 am ajsnaj the math was all wrong :’)#I STINK AT MATH LISTENNN kasjnak #oc: verlaine vicente #leg.asks #leg.ocs #leg.txt #my golly this got LONG akjnsk but I had so much fun writing these! and a perfect opportunity to build their characters! ty dearie!#I STILL NEED TO FINISH THE GOLDEN ROSE BUT ahhh verlaine deariee! pink loving rosewater and lemon adoring lady!#that’s rafs beloved right there hehe! <3 #EVERYONE THANK SABIR FOR EXISTING TY #being the chaotic hellion to my ocs as I am sorta manifesting ayrenn gets her wings/immortality back #as that convo? between her and sabir? her fear being outliving him and VERY less than thrilled knowing that... the angst my beloved 🥴#I definitely want to rb another one of these once I catch up a bit with more of my asks! these are so fun to do!#and with the new ocs and ocs ive revivied *cough* faye + emery.... and the elder scrolls dears! I need to develop them u know?

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