#but idk man ive told friends i had a crush on them

[fefairys]

inspired by the poll asking if you would tell your best friend if you were in love with them

#cuz a lot of ppl on that poll were like #'no way id be afraid of ruining the friendship' #but idk man ive told friends i had a crush on them #and got rejected and like #we just. continued being friends like normal. nothing changed #except they would sometimes tease me about my crush haha #but it wasnt a big deal and didnt effect our friendship #and also getting rejected helps me get over an unrequited crush #so it eventually faded after being told theyre not interested #and we were just best friends still #nbd! #poll

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

girl help I'm thinking. about that guy again.

#i wore my fob necklace today and it reminded about that time in science class that the kid across from me asked what it meant #and the guy i had (have) a crush on told him because he was sat next to me #and how that same kid went to a fob show with the guy i liked (they were friends ig idk) and i was so jealous #and when he was talking about it i just exploded basically #i mean i would have been jealous of anyone in my class seeing them in concert but the fact that it was him #i thought about how much fun that would have been #and ofc being like 13 and a fanfic reader yaknow #you can imagine what i daydreamed about #also apparently hes like mean now or so ive heard from my neighbor which was awful to hear #i dont think hes mean because he said hi to me that one time last year or whatever #also the friend i heard that from doesnt know i had a crush on him #i haven't told her #i dont really want to tbh #i did tell her about when i saw him tho i just didn't say who it was #just that i had a crush on him and was confused as to how he recognized me #basically what i posted here when it happened #man talking about this is so like exhilarating #i feel like mabel gravity falls rn #everytime i think about my real crushes it is like wow fictional crushes do not compare for me #at least not anymore #maybe i need a new real crush idk #winona has something to say #crush talk

[raisinushigher]

hi im just gonna put my thoughts on every clone high ship i can think of here

jfgogh - i think its cute. i can definitely see jfk like uplifting gogh and him falling in love over like the most basic display of kindness and jfk just being like “haha woah there guy i didnt mean it like that” but then he realises he Does

gogh x gandhi - LOTS of mixed feelings on this one but it is pretty interesting truth be told. like, the way gogh didnt just sit back and take what gandhi did to him and instead retaliated, i like that, i like the thought of two tiny guys having the most unnecessarily intense rivalry ever, but i know that isn’t really the way the ship is portrayed often rather than wholesome stuff . you interpret ships however you want though

gfk i think is the name for it - im so sorry as a gandhabe connoisseur i know how annoying it is when people say this about a ship that absolutely entraps you but i think jfk and gandhi are more accurate together as just silly friends who see eachother like once a month. jfk casually brings up a girl hes dating (or rather just having sex with frequently) and gandhi is like wait what happened to the other one? like hes very out of the loop but he listens and they both hype eachother up a lot

ceasgogh, gogh x christo, ceaser x christo, whether it’s any of those seperately or polyamory - i love this one so very much for literally no reason. maybe its like a nostalgia thing cuz i remember people talking about them sometimes in 2020 and being like Aw that’s cute but idk something about them feels so like. objectively correct. like yep that’s the little background trio standing together in an episode as they should be

abefk i think - i like it!! even though it’s barely known apart from jokingly i really like the classic 2000s rivalry between a nice boy and an asshole jock thing that was going on between them before ponce’s death, i admit i miss their interactions. i miss how theyd refer to eachother with their last names. also the part in season 2 episode 6 where they both were recalling memories of the grassy knoll and abe went “i used to get food thrown at me” and jfk continued “i used to be the one throwing that food”. i like them

joanabe - i know this one is like barely a ship but i still need to talk about them badly. their friendship is so important to me. the way its always been them whether it’s joan crushing on abe or the other way around, they’re just so special to eachother in any and every way, and both struggle with the choice of helping the other or doing things that hurt the other but ultimately raise their chances of getting together. tbh im so interested in whats gonna happen with them in the finale, and in the next seasons bc i doubt their back and forth crush thing is gonna last the ENTIRE show like itll be getting a new sort of premise or main character focus which im excited for

joanfk - some of the fanart is absolutely adorable COUGH COUGH ORT SMORT COUG but its just not for me man. biggest two factors as to why i dislike it being how it overtook the fandom, and how to me they just never had any substance. they have a fun dynamic and the season 1 finale was sweet but idk it just never affected me that much. also bc i always knew it was gonna crash and burn. like that is not a stable couple as cute as it is sometimes. like at all. and im happy episode 7 finally addressed it

abe x cleo - again, not really a fondly talked about ship, but they are pretty dear to me. it’s the way cleo was clearly playing with abe at the start but actually saw the charm in him and was actually upset when he finally digested his feelings for joan… i really hope they’re gonna be good friends in the future bc episode 7 seemed to be sort of a start for that friendship and them learning to be ok around eachother after the finale…

joan x cleo - ive always been scared to talk about this one bc some people see them as sisters, which i Really dont. they never acted in a sisterly way at all, and the living together thing lasted for like what. one episode. so i doubt it had any affect on how they view their relationship. but again absolutely fair if it makes you uncomfortable for this reason! but yeah i do like them. very very good trope and there can be some really cute stuff done with them dynamic wise

gandhabe my heart and soul my romeo and juliet my sun and moon my red and blue - AUGHGGGGG MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE. EVER. IN THE WHOLE SHOW FOR EVER they just have such sweet interactions and everything they do they do with the other in mind and i want them to have an emotional reunion in the season 3 finale sO SHRGFRHRVRRRRR RR RBR R R R. RR R. sorry this is mostly incoherent screaming rather than actual words I just DUCIGJGN LVOE GANDHABEEEEE EEYEHEEE THEYRE END GAME!! THEY ARE END GAME WHETHER ITS AS FRIENDS OR ROMANTICALLY RHEY ARE THE ONES

ok now onto the ones involving the new gen clones

harriucius - i like them its the second het ship in the show ive ever actually liked!! they just both go so well in so many ways, they both have almost the exact same struggles and cope in similar ways, but harriet has more of a hands on attitude with her problems, while confucius tends to avoid things. im VERY interested in how their relationship will go and i dont really think anything’s gonna happen to them bc i cant picture the show pairing either of them up with anyone else (mostly confucius tbh 😭)

joanharriet - i WISH this one was more acknowledged by the fandom like i think its the least popular one at least involving the newbies.. can you tell im a sucker for ships that are literally just two close friends who love eachother more than anything. lol. when i think of them i think of episode 5 which makes me extremely happy. like look me in the eyes and tell me that was not an absolutely beautiful wonderfully wrapped episode

johnfucius - gonna be honest i dont like this one. i know this is a really rich thing to say while talking about clone high season 2 but it just felt rushed, and especially with how they barely did anything after sleepover. like they were literally crying both of them being like OMG I FINALLY HAVE A FRIEND!! and then they proceed to have the most stale interactions with the most notable one being in the next episode and it’s literally just confucius encouraging jfk to avoid his problems like he does. not really good. but again if you enjoy them all the power to you, im happy you found something you like that hasn’t been ruined and seems pretty docile and chill compared to all the other ones :o) it’s very much a mostly fandom based ship

kahlopatra - BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NO WORDS JUST BEAUTIFUL. there definitely was a lack of suspense like based off the intro and the slight buildup throughout the series BUT that literally doesn’t matter. out of every canon couple they are the absolute cutest im obsessed with the effect they have on eachother. especially on cleos side of things like ahhh!!!! she found someone she actually connects to genuinely!!!! i am so happy for her!!!!!!

tophucius - not much about this one its just pretty fun and silly . i feel bad for the people who thought something big was gonna be going on w them but the small details peppered in about them in sleepover were nice. i always liked how when confucius saw that topher typed your instead of you’re, he went “i thought so” like to me that confirms they do this all the time and they know it’s them. also really funny to imagine them being sworn enemies online but when they actually see eachother in school theyre Like oh shit hey man what’s up! hope youre well! like not even through gritted teeth or anything they’re just so chill irl for no reason

abetoph - Sigh i sure did save this one for last. while im a lot less comfortable with it now i still love thinking of them pre episode 8 and i do think their relationship is just ever so slightly more interesting now with the added double crossing n shit added to it. but im also sad they’ll never be the way they were may 24th to june 14th again . that specific time period of them is so comforting to me for no reason, all the memes and running jokes in the fandom involving them, all the wholesome fan work of them sleeping in tophers bed, watching stuff on tophers computer together, abe being tophers voice of the reason and the one person he actually likes, it’s just so … man. We Could Have Had It All. i love them for ever.

thank you so much for listening

#i also want to write an essay on why abe is autistic #clone high #clone high van gogh #clone high jfk #clone high gandhi #clone high julius caesar #clone high christo #abe lincoln #clone high joan #clone high cleo #clone high harriet #clone high confucius #clone high frida #topher bus #gandhabe #abetoph #clone high spoilers #mine

[broodsys]

ive been thinking about this a lot lately and kinda just wanna say it somewhere.

that said, feel free to just scroll on by bc this is heavy. also super long? i just- needed to get it off my chest, kinda.

cw: sexual assault, alcohol and drug use

so, in highschool there were these two guys who were in my friend group but i wasn't rly friends with, we'll just say L and N. L had an obvious crush on me and kept trying to get me to date him even tho i had a boyfriend and he knew my boyfriend - once i ended up going on a date with him bc my autistic ass thought he was just trying to hang out, lmao. anyway, it was awkward, esp once my friends told me uhhh no that was a date? u just described a date.

N was a lot more chill but also kinda... he was nice and all, genuinely nice, but he was also one of those no no i'm not sexist i'm an equal-opportunity hater haha! guys. so i wasn't rly close with either of them

but when i went to college they were the only two ppl i already knew and i was rly overwhelmed about being all alone on campus at first, so i ended up spending quite a bit more time with both of them, in and out of school. and it was fun when it was the three of us! they were amusingly raunchy and we talked a lot about related subjects and went on walks together and idk, it was nice. this was before i realized i was trans but i think it fulfilled a Just One Of The Guys need i had at that time

got p close with both of them, esp L. ended up at his house by myself quite frequently. and, well, we drank - this being before i realized i had a unrelated liver disease. and by this point i was out as trans and my family was AWFUL about using the right pronouns and i had no in-person connections who used the right pronouns and i was... p desperate for validation. while also using both alcohol and weed quite heavily to cope

so, yknow... hang out with someone who calls me 'he', talk about gender shit, sigh and go along with the eight million dumb YT videos he wanted to show me, but whatever, i got free liquor and it was smth to do, right? i was even able to lean into being a system around him! that was super validating.

so, surprise surprise, we ended up becoming kinda fuckbuddies. and i was okay with that - p open that i wasn't interested in a relationship but like, sure, we can fuck around. so we did. usually drunk. usually quite drunk. but that was okay because there was still consent going on

but i had one very clear, very explicit boundary. and once he started to cross it - i called him out on it and he pushed back and i had to tell him to stop several times. it wasn't like... aggressive? just very, very coercive. took me a long time to accept that it was still a form of rape. hell, i still struggle to type that out, i want to add caveats to it. but it just was. and that was the big change for me, when i realized he wasn't actually going to respect my boundaries. still hung out with him for a while after that and we had sex a few more times while i was processing my feelings about everything and trying to accept that he was in the wrong and i had a right to be upset

but after that, i just started feeling rly shitty on the walk home whenever i left him. there were subspace/subdrop issues at play, too, which was another brand-new discovery for me, and no aftercare ever, but it was... yeah. it was bad.

still, took me a while to break off the relationship. i was actually at a conference for a school thing when i did it, because being around ppl who saw me as a man, who respected me, who treated me kindly... it totally changed how i saw interpersonal dynamics. like, that whole experience was a MASSIVE wake-up call for me. so that was when i cut him out of my life

now, oddly, this story isn't about L. it's about N.

afaik, N had no idea about any of this. but a while ago, idk probably over a year now, he sent me a nice text mentioning that he didn't know why we'd fallen out of touch. and i usually delete texts after a while but i still have that one. sometimes i want to reply - not telling him the details, just like 'yeah so me and L had smth weird and i didn't want to put u in a position where u had to choose' but also just- memories, yknow? i associate them together very strongly bc the three of us spent sm time together

but i still feel kinda bad. kinda miss N. i saw him become a better person while i saw L kinda become a worse person. i just feel... idk. torn? ultimately i gotta take care of me because no one else can, but i think about him quite often, and about that text i've never replied to. and i also spent time with N alone, and it was just chill. he never tried to fuck me. when i slept over he let me have his bed and made sure there were fresh sheets and everything. he watched me play videogames at his house and let me spend forever on character customization and made sure i had vegetarian food to eat. he was nice, without any strings attached. and we talked about, shit, everything. once we walked for hours and hours - p much the entire night - just talking. he rly opened up to me a lot, and i opened up to him - not about everything and not about anything with L, but about a lot of other stuff. it was an important friendship.

and i just... i regret losing that a lot. i've been thinking about both of them a lot recently. part of it is just coming head to head with things i was using weed to repress now that i've been sober for a while, granted. bc i've been thinking about a lot of things in my past recently.

relationships are messy. but i regret that a good friendship got stained by a bad one.

[webslingingslasher]

girl theres so many things happening in my life rn.. rmr my old crush that i ghosted and said sorry to, then told me we're all good and now we're still friends?

guess what, i saw him today!! i had an event coverage and i saw him there, we just exchanged hellos bc i was busy taking photos and he was with someone (who later on i found out was a professor and not a friend lmfao he looked like a student😭)

but yea after the event, he msged me and then we caught up with each other!! we talked for so long lolol but man.. he said me misses me 😭😭 he told me that after the time we spent back then, he didnt rly have anyone to talk to bc i was rly his only friend that time.. and then i ghosted him?? I FEEL SO BADDD i never knew he felt that way 😭 and i never knew that i was his only friend that time, i mean he does have friends yes but his closest ones are in diff campuses so :︎’( but yeah like.. wow.. 💔

it couldve been us against the world fr esp when i broke up with my ex bffs (which i also told him abt today bc he met them before).. 😞

i always knew this but it just sinked in to me that im always the person who leaves.. ive always had my reasons and i can still justify them except for when it comes to him bc that was just rly bad :( and then the thing w my ex bffs (for very valid reasons).. i'm just hoping that'll be the last time i leave someone behind..

ahaha it'd be ironic if the next thing to happen to me is someone leaving me instead lol.. im not trying to manifest it but i think it's bound to happen at one point lol thats life i guess

also.. lowkey i had a feeling he'd be there at the event LMAO we didnt even talk weeks prior but i guess i was right 🤷‍♀️ kinda crazy tho like.. whats this reconnection for @ universe haha i didnt do anything..

also also.. rmr my friend had a crush on him too? and i was very sure he liked her back haha. well im not sure, idk what happened w them but she stopped posting abt him. i think they're just friends now bc my friend's mom told her not to do anything w the guys asking her out 🙁 ig it's bc it's been 4 months since her breakup w her bf of 3 years.. she seems happy tho hahaha

and then this happened.. idk life's so crazy rn what is this lmao this all happened in a Week..

-🧚🏼‍♀️

yay!!!! the way this has come full circle and you’ve grown so much!!! i’m glad he has a friend again and so do you!

#🧚‍♀️ anon

[drdemonprince]

hey i know what im about to ask for advice for isnt ur experience but i thought its possible someone else in ur audience has had a similar one its just starting to get unbearable. im in my early 20s and an autistic lesbian. im almost done with college, have had good friends here, have had good friends online as well, but to my knowledge no one throughout my entire life has had even a crush on me. ive never kissed anyone, no one’s asked me out, even as a kid at recess or whatever. like sometimes i even wish a boy had paid attention to me in that way because maybe then it prove theres not something wrong with me. its just so isolating because literally everyone else in my life has at least been kissed or had a crush situation by the time they were my age. ive tried to talk on dating apps but i just have zero confidence about it because no one who has actually seen me or talked to me for more than a couple times has expressed interest. maybe im oblivious to it being autistic but like i would know if someone said something explicit you know? i feel like it wont ever happen. idk. i think it would help to know if people thought the same things about themselves and then something did happen for them. because it just feels like im the only person alive with this experience who actually wants these things to happen (like i know ace/aro people are out there, its just not me)

Thank you for your question. I'll share some of my thoughts, with the huge caveats that I have not lived this experience, and hopefully readers with more relevant perspectives could also weigh in.

I notice here that you describe yourself and your relationship to attraction in terms of things happening to you, or you receiving certain kinds of attention. You frame yourself throughout this as the possible passive recipient of attraction. But what about what you want? How often have you expressed desire to somebody? How frequently and in what ways have you initiated contact, told someone you were interested in them, or invited someone on a date?

You mention using dating sites and talking with people, but those conversations never turning into anything more. That seems to be a very common problem in the lesbian dating world. I think a lot of women do not feel confident and comfortable in expressing their desires outright and it seems to lead to a lot of grinding of gears and people assuming that nobody is interested in them when really all parties involved feel too shy and disempowered to use their words and directly ask for a date.

I understand that to be a very common thing for queer women, though admittedly it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around as someone who was telling people on OK Cupid that i wanted to meet up and fuck them that evening back when I was like 21 years old, and who moves through the realms of steamworks and grindr and the cell block bar dancefloor now. I've had many interpersonal problems but telling somebody directly that I wanted to bang or even to hang out has not historically been one of them, and I really wish I could just lend some of that hutzpah over to my lensbian siblings because I hear people grousing about how dry apps like Lex are all the time.

It seems pretty glib and unhelpful for me to say "just act more like a bluntly direct gay autistic man" and to say that would be to ignore that a lack of confidence and queer women skewing a bit passive are probably not the only factors you're dealing with. There might be biases working against you like fatphobia, racism, or ableism that incline fewer people to openly express desire for you, and that's a real problem that operates outside of you and that no amount of self love can eradicate, and I think it's validating and important to just acknowledge when the deck is stacked against people.

But there are lots of people out there who will want to date and fuck you, for sure, even if you are dealing with any of those injustices, and additionally, I doubt from your message that you're doing anything particularly weird or off putting in your messages with people on dating apps that's like driving anybody away. You mention that you have a lot of good friends and that things are otherwise going pretty decently for you in life, so it really doesn't seem to me like anything you are doing or bringing to the table is "wrong". And over the years I have known a great many lesbians and wlw who were very social, outgoing, fun to be around, cute, and a total romantic prize who just did not fuck or date until their late 20s or 30s or beyond, because of some of the social forces I already described (and again I encourage my lesbian followers to contribute to the conversation because I know it's not my lane and I might not be explaining the phenomenon correctly).

If you haven't, I would suggest showing your dating app profile and messages to some trusted friends (maybe some gay men as well as other queer women?) to get a variety of perspectives and some reassurance.

But I think, based on the admittedly limited information that I have here, that you just need to approach people more and more directly, and that slowly through that you will become more comfortable with initiation and rejection, as well as with seeing yourself as a sexual being with agency, rather than a passive receiver of others' interest.

Try telling people directly that they are cute, that you like them, that you want to be around them, that you'd like to kiss them, that you'd love to go see a movie with them or tie them up or finger blast them or that being near them makes you happy or horny or etc as the situation warrants. If you havent already that is!

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

#ambrosia #lore #livechatter

[istherewifiinhell]

reading process: chapter 196 (damn)

reading highlights: now with new and improved features

178 Yjh hesitating to fast ball special this weird little dude: pls dont die. kdj: look at me. bitch

179 Gah. can an author make a story so big even their monster cant eat it

180 I knew the 4th wall was gonna eat but i forgot IT HAS TEETH

shaking the no no can at 4th wall

gah okay yeah jesus lee sookyung [song accompaniment love run by the amazing devil]

the narrative will make you apart of it (threat)

181 '4th wall also isolated me from myself' DING DING DING

overall evaluation ⬛⬛... -> mood

gonna twach the sentient dangerous trauma response some... morals? interpersonal skills?

↳cant handle direct interaction, eats and sleeps. yea

↳im gonna take a nap right here

LJH: arent you and kdj.... yjh grimacing as being ask about his love life by his teenage ward

kdj funeral -> song accompaniment welly boots by the amazing devil (just because I left doesnt mean I'm not still there)

YJH sponsor -> praying for his fate eh?

182 [sponsors lhs 100 head pats]

SYS is literally your daughter 🥺. kdj dad who hates dads moment

183 lhs wants to be on kdj team :((((

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE LHS IN THE DRESS

(did hades make it??)

184 feeling differently after talking to 4th wall yeah pretty sure you had a break thru about dissociating there

yjh: looking with eyes not seen in TWOS -> kdj facial expression blindness trutherism

185 YJH: cause you know me sooo well kdj: starting to think i dont know this you that well

yjh thoughts: there have never been so many ppl who made it to here

"continue to live kim dokja now you have to save this world"

kdj u cant take your own medicine (yjh scheming)

LSK contemplating abt what shit is up with her son

Something lives IN THE WALL

186 other people feel pain with no wall. YES!

"I told him there is no such development [yjh death] in the ending i want"

'yjh desperate face' thats crushing to even read

187 hsy type cast as murder friend sorry bestie

god some classic kdj asshole moments -> guilting lhs and everything

"see the sight of a bearish man weeping" i would like to

jhw T.T oh my murder woman

188 making sys and lgy do this. your KIDS! -> generational Something or other

kdj to yjh: you cant change whats already happened -> this may be an unauthorized use of radical acceptance

your stigma is Literally self sacrifice based... DUDE

get killed by the narrative. your loved ones but also the story... for the story. AH

yjh im so sorry... this is devasting

Uriel... lol shes sweet ig

Demon king of salvation. so juicy (unionize hell lol)

189 LHS LGY YJH boy grief party

yjh widower era

min jiwon and han donghoon! yay

yoohan bonding?

190 Bihyung aw!

[I will pull all of you down from that fucking heaven]

191 a soul can't belong to anyone!

"I will destroy the world of the fucking dokkaebis"

192 ur still a jerk kdj. drama kid

193 yeah fuck the state jhw

do they all share a house 🥺

LHS is back with the army... okay putting a pin in that

yjh stayed in his room like a broken person... bruh

jhw was a bartender? did i know that? it makes so much sense tho

kdj ur story is told bc they love you!!

194 idk i was the only person reading this 1000 chapter work and when i left a comment some stuff changed

syswitz industrial complex... run that by me one more time

damn human life is just like hell, ive been saying this

195 demon trains? i know all about those

complete ur scheme. say somthing cool. pass out. kdj ur self parody at this point

rotation: recency bias is a hell of a thing. i want to partially tie up the parenting stuff with noting how often the constellation incarnation relationship was considered parental, how kdj views them (and indeed how weve seen quite a few be) really cruel, or exploitative, and well thats fitting for him to see that as parental isnt it. but then also. he has kids in his own care, and one is literally his incarnation. frankly im interested in both how attacking and dethroning gods is gonna impact his own godhood deal, his own parenting, and his view of his mothers job of parenting him

im not sure if i have any particular takes here but let it be know kdj is a bastard and a scoundrel and i shall not miss him. not from this distance. no but god that was a classic really jerk move level manipulation. need to re-calibrate the dials. whats worse is at this point i think he can fully understand how much emotional damage hes putting his loved ones through.

Also did you know we live in a society. this one is pretty nascent so far but the breaking of the Seoul dome is reminding us of normal human society, and its flaws, and with the demonic realm, blatantly stated, we live in hell on earth.

#some shit #orv blogging #this works better when i do the last bit first ahaha #god its long tho sorry it made more sense when i was doing on fri and sat both but #also used mentol joint creme and my wrist and elbow were just static while doing this lol #i have one last thought thats drifting jussst out of reach #smth. oh idk emotional paid moments. almost cry at work moments #*pain

[moongoddessmox]

ok, Man Candy M update for yall. long long long

last Wednesday I was sitting in my car on break, he came out and was screaming and yelling to his mom (who also works there) about some $400+ charge that came out of his account and he doesn't know what it is, ( I think his wife did it or something idk for sure)

like hes literally about to break down crying yall, I mean, it was fucking gut-wrenching hearing him lose control and be so fucking broken over it. he was so frustrated and upset and hopeless, and he then started to let everything flow and was talking about how he can never do anything for himself, that he cant even get a haircut because his wife wanted to get one, or that he cant even buy himself new clothes. and how his son stole the last of his cigarettes and weed and his wife took the sons side, and he said "no ones on my side" and that his daughter's birthday was the next day and now he cant even get her a present. he was just so fucking broken over it. dude i was about to cry in my car hearing his voice shake like that.

i understand the feeling, i know that frustration, i grew up in it, ive lived it. so. naturally, i wanted to help. because regardless of this little crush, i really do hold him to a high regard, like, hes been nothing but kind to me and i genuinely love working with him and i appreciate what he does because every little thing doesn't go unnoticed.

so i tell Dr. A, who was working the same area as us that night, that i'm going to disappear for a few minutes as soon as my paycheck clears and i need him to cover for me. i don't tell him what im doing, because i want to remain as anonymous as i can so no one is mad or embarrassed by what im gonna do.

paycheck hits, i rush off and get supplies, and take out some money and leave it on his windshield, its only 20 minutes before lunch so im praying that it stays there.

lunch time, we go outside, i wait to see his reaction and HOMIE DOESNT FUCKING SEE THE WHITE ASS ENVELOPE ON HIS CAR.......YALL HE FUCKING DROVE OFF...........im about to shit myself, im on the brink of a fucking heart attack thinking this shit really about to fly off and be GONE

so i have to break anonymity and tell his mother that i put something on his car and he NEEDS to check before its gone.

30 minutes later, he comes back, hes not acting like he just received a large sum of money. im freaking out even more. he doesnt say anything to me. i tell Dr. A, he says something to MCM and he says "no i didnt see anything, my mom told me but i didnt notice anything" but he didnt check so im like "oh my god, brb" and run to check his car. ITS NOT THERE. i come back inside, my heart has a few beats left before its gonna give the fuck out.

Dr. A tells me he told MCM that he NEEDS to find it otherwise he will be extremely upset. so MCM walks the path he took to leave, comes back it and IS HOLDING UP THE ENVELOPE THANK THE FUCKING LORD. it was still in the parking lot praise jesus.

yall, i made this man cry. he couldn't fucking believe it, he was like "you put this on my car? are you serious?" and he started to tear up, he told me he doesn't know ANYONE friends or family that would ever do anything like that at all. and he was crying, his face was all red, and he went on and on ALL NIGHT about how shocking it was and how grateful he is, and how he "didn't know people like that existed"

and im telling him all the reasons why i did it, how great hes been and how kind and how much i appreciate him and what he does (super platonically guys, i s2g i really dont give any reason for them to think i have a crush on him, im not actually a homewrecker) and its like the first time hes ever heard this kind of thing

and Dr. A was telling me he's proud of me and that its good that i told him WHY i did it so he can hear that. and im so glad he had that reaction because i was scared of overstepping but his voice yall, it was heartbreaking hearing him out there, i only wish i could've done double the amount but not on short notice like that.

so now we're all like best friends lmao and Dr. A told me that MCM's mom and wife both cried too, and MCM showed up with a haircut on Sunday as well so im glad he got to use some on himself!

and now we're planning to have a BBQ and get to actually hang out outside of work, and i exchanged numbers with Dr. A and tonight i'm gonna get MCM's number too because we want to have a group chat with the three of us lmao (to talk but also for emergencies because my battery has died twice and MCM jumped it for me and said he'll do it any time so)

so

today, we weren't in the same area but we took our breaks at the same time and talked outside and shit, and hes so awkward lmao hes like, ya know when youre on the phone and walk around aimlessly, thats how he acts when we talk, its like bashful but hes intently listening.

and when we walked back in together, no one was talking but he turned around and smiled at me, like for whAT HOMIE YOU CANT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT I'LL PASS OUT.

oh and the other day i saw his bicep, his sleeve was rolled up a little and i saw his full arm and it was flexed bc he was carrying shit and yall, fuck me uppppppppppp, arms, hands, bellies, im gonna fucking scream

oh also he was helping me with cardboard and our arms touched, ughhhhhhh sdhfslkjfhsldhl

so yeah, im like, best friends with him now basically lmfao

#rant #mox at work #man candy m #motorcycle m #dr. a

[anakinskywalkerog]

omgieeees ive been waiting and checking tumblr at literally regular intervals waiting to hear back from you <3

i feel like youre starting to get a bit sick of him... 😂 if the definition of crush is wanting to kiss sumun, i wouldnt say i was crushing on him, i just kind of liked him? it was really weird, this whole thing made no sense from the start, sis.

NO i disagree, it would be super weird to date sumun who looks like you, that feels like something straight out of narcissism. i could never, but im also indian and ive never liked any indian guys (i dont live in india to be fair tho) although maybe there's something slightly resembling me in the guys ive liked if we look too hard? idk. idts tho.

she has pretty eyes! she has his eyes, but they're different somehow. more detailed? LMAO i just really love eyes in general; i could recognize all of my friends from their eyes rather than their face 💀

yeahhh i dont like him anymore, its something weird between friends and not. distance would be great, and im getting that in a way because were off school for half term, although i have his snao and we do streaks so im technically seeing him every day.

any thoughts on the buzz cut tho? (in general)

high time for a new crush indeed 🙌 im looking but no one else has caught my eye :/ any ideas how???

sorry sorry for the rant omg 😭 somehow i enjoy telling this story because of how complex it is but i like telling it to you as well ❤ idk something about you makes me wana tell you the whole tea lol.

i get what you mean, i think its great that they have good communication and all because all healthy relationships are built on that, but idk we're teenagers so the thought of telling my bf "hey by the way this guy ive been having that weird spat with told me he didnt like me today, what about you?" is just... off. the fact she evens knows i exist because of that (or if he told her even before which is sus because he did the doing before innit) seems... awkward. it just feels really cringey, man. most things, not all things tho.

maybe tell someone but not ur gf, that feels disrespectful to both of us in some weird way.

damn right. he actually had a bit of a stutter around me when we first met! its gone now, but weve also spent a while around each other. hmm, i get that; obviously there's definitely a lot of people he would find attractive at our school (we have some genuine REALLY pretty gils here, like, super hot) (as you can tell, i am bi ❤) but hes not staring at all of THEM in a sus way. like, this was a whole thing. hes not gt a thign with all of them.

yeah, well, i dont want to DATE him if that makes any sense so its good he doesnt, but like, idk man. i hope he wants to stay with her because if they break up because of me its not going to end well in a lot of ways because im sure that me and C.S.M.B wouldnt last, even if we did date, his gf would hate me forever and rightfully so, and her bestie, my bitchy friend, would not mind her own fucking bsuiness and ruin things in the friendship group for me so lets hope whatever it is no beef goes down 🙏 also i dont like him because i know him better this year, so it would be a whole problem so its good the way it is 👍

all i need him to do is start talking to me regularly and then we can be friends and i can focus on my future crush 👌

its deffo fun and I NEED TO GET A NEW CRUSH BUT IDK HOW MAN ANYONE CAN YOU HELP ME OUT easier said than done ofcccccc

yayyy i really hope you like that playlist, i live breathe eat those songs, so lets give C.S.M.B a round of applause for helping me come up with it 👏

hmm, maybe. its a bad law :/

oh, hes definitely scared of me. he listens to me when im talking to other people and im a BEAST in class (and outside) so hes rightfully scared of me 👍 its absolutely hilarious but i think he was more confused

well, we were on the bus, and i said "guys we should come up with a nickname so other people dotn know who we mean" and my friend was like... "...what about toothpaste?" i think she saw an ad for toothpaste somehwere lmaooo any other explanation would be... ...questionable.

i would love for that too. shes probs hot so i wouldnt say no to that 🤣🥴😏😈

i wonder what your followers think about this series lol, The Very Deep and Complicated Love Life of Sythe ? someone give this sitcom a name 💀 i hope they're not too sick of it lmaoo i know this has nothing to do with him :/

but thank you so much for listening to me ranting about C.S.M.B, i appreciate it so much!!! <3

here is an anakin for you:

this is my favourite anakin ever, hayden looks very hawt and sexc in this <3

i alos possess a rare coloured edition of this photo 😈

anywaysss bye oli love u!

i also really like eyes 🤭 and i get it, i just think you should fixate on someone else bc there are plenty of cuties and this one seems like a dead end. take the trash out 😂🗑 i have no idea how to find a new crush…maybe start trying to intentionally pay attention to other people in your school/your life? see if anyone seems interesting or cute hehe

it’s funny cause when i was in high school i was listened to T Swift You Belong With Me and hyper focusing on small interactions with my crush and i haven’t been in high school for years but ppl are still doing that same exact thing 😂 i guess high school never changes. now that i have an *adult brain* though, i can tell you that you should be focusing on people who are nice to you and if he can be a good friend great, but if not, boy bye

thank you for my Anakin. this concludes this episode of the sad beautiful tragic love life of sythe 😂

#answered asks

[menalez]

hi. you dont have to reply to this ask if you dont want to or if you do you can make it public Idm. also I dont mean to trauma dump so pls just delete this because tbh its too much. tl;dr at start Im starting to doubt my sexuality despite being in late 20s. also, tw sex, rape, csa, cocsa, etc. so, I've always known I kinda like girls and that Im more likely bi than straight. I was in love with one during highschool and I felt intense sexual attraction towards a close friend in uni. I was p far left back then so I thought this must be that demisexual thing where you only feel attraction once you get to know people LMAO. then I had some crushes on guys here and there, was virgin till 24 and then slept around way too much with guys. never had experience with a woman. now Im in proper relationship with a really nice guy. recently I started watching a show and identifies way too much with a lesbian character. like from how she acts to what she says regarding women she feels attracted to. I havent been able to sleep for past two nights and Im starting to wonder if I even feel attracted to him.

until we recently moved in together we had sex. a lot. but I had a meltdown because of past sexual trauma, all the sleeping around because of other reasons than wanting to have sex, (loneliness, low self esteem) csa and cocsa at hands of female relatives, so that also confuses me. we havent had regular sex, maybe once in a month. and last time I was hoping it to end soon and just waited it out. I dont blame my bf, hes never done anything wrong, and I was the one who told him to keep going. ofc I had told him Im bi but now Im so unsure if about what even attraction means. I honestly never felt that intense attraction towards a guy, ever. Ive felt that with several women, like random passerbyers and such. some women I couldnt take eyes off of and had to just move along because I felt like a creep (which also factors in me not wanting to look at women In That Way because thats how men look at women and its just hella confusing as a fellow woman who doesnt want to objectified by men either) Idk how much Im convincing myself I love men and society has brainwashed me. Idk what Im wishing to get out of this, Im just stressed I dont love my bf in That Way and this is just platonic love, that Ive convinced myself into doing even stuff like kissing and hugging because Thats What Im Supposed To Do.

anyway, thank you if you read it so far, thank you for your time. I would really like some advice if you have any but you also dont have to if you dont want to. btw I love your blog and if you cant tell I follow you on here. keep up the good work. <3 I hope you have a nice day!

aww that really sounds stressful and like a difficult situation anon :( honestly i think many lesbian & bi women go through some moments of doubt and confusion at least at one point in our lives so you’re not alone there. tbh i would encourage talking your feelings out with someone who knows you well and someone you trust, they can help give you perspective. sometimes we identify with something a lot that it can confuse us in many ways. and if possible, maybe experiment with women? it’s kinda hard to understand your attraction when it’s kinda just .. abstract?

to me it sounds like you may indeed be bi & maybe cycling (bi cycle) or perhaps you have a strong preference and are just realising it. however, i can’t determine your sexuality for u as i do not know you. this is why id recommend experimenting but of course you should be transparent with everyone involved (your boyfriend- idk whether you’d ask him if it’s possible to be open or something else, and whichever woman you experiment with). i overthink and doubt myself a lot and actually being with a woman definitely helped me. pushing myself to be with men to “test” whether im into them was personally highly traumatic for me so if someone thinks they’re a lesbian but has never been with a man & isn’t sure if they’re into it… id highly recommend NOT trying. getting clarity faster will never be better than not pushing your own boundaries and risking traumatising yourself. to me it sounds like you really need to be single right now and just explore yourself and try being with a woman and see how you feel from there. there’s also no shame in being unsure and not labelling your sexuality either.

also facing previous trauma like CSA especially can really make it hard to understand your sexuality, from my experience most bi & lesbian women who go through such intense confusion and identity disturbances like what u described have faced CSA too.. so you really aren’t alone there ❤️❤️ i wish you luck anon. you’ll figure it out you just need to give urself space and time

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

For two years ive been saying i was bisexual but im constantly questioning if im actually bi or just idk appriciate womens beauty. Ive always been more attracted to men but there has been some women too. Ive been told that my problem is probably being raised in a homophobiac family and so Im probably just struggling with accepting myself but idk. I just feel like i haven t been attracted to enough women to be consideded bisexual. I had like an internalized arguement with myself the other night cause i started worrying what if im not bi and i was like straight girls dont do that (my name). So then Im like what if I am not bi and just overly sexualize women but not actually attracted. I have had two relationships one was with a boy and the first time we dated it lasted for a week and then we tried again and it lasted six months. The second one was with a girl that legit only lasted two days cause I chickened out with all the what if im not bisexual and just leading her own and omg I Don t wanna end up hurting her cause it turns out im not bi. And now i think I might have a crush on my best friend (shes the same girl i tried to date for two days) but when ever I start liking imagining us together i panick and distract myself by daydreaming over my current favorite man or woman celebrity. My mom has changed and now she jokes and says me and my best friend would be cute together and my step dad always jokes about how shes the one for me and i blush ( I haven t told either about my possible crush). I dont wanna even attempt talking to her about it cause one: I doubt she still likes me. Two: what if she does so we try again just for me to panick and end it again or we try again and I turn out to be straight and hurt her. To make matters worse we have been talking about moving in together. I just want to figure out who I am before attempting anything cause i dont want to hurt her. It feels weird saying i might like her and it scares me. Im sorry if this got confusing im just tired of questioning if i really am. Im also scared that maybe I just "like women" cause men like it. Like what if I do it without realizing thats the actual reason? I tried talking to my step dad and he didnt hear my concerns he just said your probably actaully straight and then when onto ask if i ever kissed a girl and i was like no ive never kissed anyone so he said well you gotta actually experience the stuff to know (idk if thats true but i heard you didnt have to have any experience at all) with both men and women I can imagine myself with them as long as i dont actually know them personally otherwise I panick and deny the crush as hard as possible low key have a fear of relationships cause almost everyone on my moms side was always in a toxic relationship (idk if it works like that but it kinda rubbed off on me that it would happen to me) I currently have this favorite woman celebrity who i make up little scenarios in my head for and it works but if I pause the story for just a second all this negative thoughts come in. Ive tried imagining dating my best friend who I might have a crush on but I cant it feels weird and wrong cause we have known each other for so long and at one point she was more like a younger sister even though shes only a few months younger and it just feels iffy. Ig I also tend to like women who are more cold and like badass and most the time older than me (with men they tend to be around my age or slightly older and with women they tend to be late 20s or older). I also feel like maybe I just like the aesthetic of a cute soft girl with a goth girl or other wlw aesthetics (mostly soft and goth girl idk I just really want that). Like what if i dont like women i just like wlw aesthetics

This message is a little all over the place so excuse me if I am misunderstanding somethings or didn't take everything in completely. What I gather is that you are young (teenager?) and riddled with self-doubt about your sexuality, which isn't helped by the fact that the people you try to confide in, like your step dad, are responding with biphobic stereotypes and misconceptions. I'm just going to try to sort through some of the themes that you touched on and give a brief opinion on it. At the end of the day only you can decide which label suits you and you can make of my input what you will.

Internalised biphobia: a lot of what you are saying just screams internalised biphobia to me. the fact you even mention a homophobic family could certainly be one reason for this but also society in general tends to be biphobic as well and we just pick up on that without even realising and then when we start to realise that we are bisexuals we get tormented by all of these intrusive negative thoughts about bisexuality. you are not alone with this - many bisexuals have to go through that unfortunately. but there's ways to unlearn your biphobia, some advice on that I have collected here, maybe it helps you. one aspect of internalised biphobia can be believing in misconceptions and stereotypes. for example the idea that "women are just pretending to be bisexual because men like it" is a classic biphobic myth. if anything this is for many women the only way to explore their bisexuality in a "socially acceptable" way. the stereotype of the "college girl who makes out with other girls on parties when drunk" might have a grain of truth to it but not because those girls are faking it but rather because this is the only scenario in which a heteronormative society gives them permission to experiment. another aspect of internalised biphobia is not believing in your own experiences and attractions. you have stated multiple times in your message that you are attracted to women. you've said it with different words but you say you have a crush on a girl, you have female celebrity crushes, you even noticed that you have kind of a type when it comes to women.... now imagine you'd have said all those things about men - would you then doubt that you're attracted to men? Probably not. But about women you have some double standard because of the internalised biphobia. Instead of seeing alll these expressions of attraction to women and taking it as a clear hint that you are bisexual, you think you are doing something wrong or "not queer enough".

attraction is a good thing: so many queer people, especially queer women are afraid of "oversexualising" women and being "predatory". but that's again just internalised queerphobia mixed with sexual shame. you are allowed to be attracted to women. you are even allowed to have sexual thoughts about women, to fantasise, to dream... and yes, you are also allowed to desire actually having sex with women and if you find one who wants to do it with you then you are allowed to do it. that's not "oversexualising" in any negative sense of the word. But yes, it means you are seeing women as sexual beings and that's okay because guess what? Most women are sexual beings. It is okay to "sexualise" someone - when it's only a fantasy then it is always okay because fantasies do not harm anyone! and when it's actually happening then it's okay when it's consensual. When you are physically intimate with someone, of course you sexualise them. If they consented to is then that's probably exactly what they want in that moment. It's okay. It's good and healthy.

you are still young, take a breath! I would like to remind you that you are still young and for most young people who are starting to explore their sexuality this is a confusing time because you are literally only just starting to learn what sexual or romantic attraction feels like and what types of people, what genders, what personalities, what aesthetics and body types you are drawn to. and btw: your step dad is wrong. you do not need to have experiences with all genders, or with anyone even, to know whom you are attracted to. I've never kissed James Spader and yet I know that I want. so why would you have to have kissed a women already in order to know that you want to?

"what if im not bisexual and just leading her own and omg I Don t wanna end up hurting her cause it turns out im not bi" listen... anytime someone enters a relationship they accept the risk that they might get their heart broken. ideally when a relationship ends it's on good terms and everyone involved mutually agrees that splitting up is for the better. but of course sometimes relationships end ugly. you can never guarantee someone that it will last forever. you can never guarantee that you will always love them or always be attracted to them. and likewise, they cannot guarantee this to you. it's an unrealistic (and I'd say also unhealthy) expectation to put on a partner. sometimes people fall out of love for many different reasons. maybe your personalities don't match, maybe you want different things in life... or, yeah, maybe you realise that your sexuality and their gender doesn't align. so what? your partner might get hurt if you have to break up for some reason but that is the risk that they took when they decided to enter a relationship. taking risks and making oneself vulnerable is part of life. I'm not saying that it won't hurt if/when that happens but I'm saying that I promise you (and your potential partner) that you'll get over it. I'm gonna say it again: you are still young. you are making your first experiences in the world of romance and sexuality. it's normal to be overwhelmed and to not know exactly what you like or want. you are just learning these things. but you say you want to "know who you are first" before dating a girl and tbh I think that's not really gonna work. how to have a relationship is something that you don't just know. you learn it over time... and you will make mistakes and you can either fix them or next time you get the chance try not to make the same mistake again. but you cannot learn these things all on your own. you need to engage with others and make those mistakes together, you know? which brings me to my last point...

communication: you seem to really like this girl and all that's keeping you away from dating her is your fear of doing something wrong or "using her". have you told her any of that? have you experessed your fears and explained why you "chicked out" last time? having an open conversation about this might dissolve some of that worry. maybe she has similar fears, maybe she doesn't think it's a big deal and wouldn't mind to be "an experiment". if you go into this openly saying "I am insecure about my sexuality, I am not sure if I am really bisexual but I do really like you and I would like to try this dating thing. I hope it's okay for you that I am not sure where this is headed yet." and then she can decide what to make of that and decide for herself if she wants to date you under those circumstances. I know it's not that easy to have these conversations but this is also something that you need to learn if you want to have fulfilling and healthy relationships with people. You said yourself that your family has a history of toxic relationships. I'm gonna take a wild guess that open and honest communcation is something they struggle with so as a general relationship and life advice: learn to talk about your fears and emotions. it will get you much further (and happier) than trying to handle it all on your own and never telling anyone what your concerns are.

Maddie

[ellabsprincess]

okay very very short story but lets say the girl i was into is A and the person they have a crush on is B, and B’s bf is C 😭 basically with no detail C texted me letting me know that B has been cheating on them with A and A has basically been rubbing it in their face, trying to convince B to cheat more and talkibg to C’s friends to tell them that they should break uo with B ?? 😭 this couldnt get any worse, right? (even without the full details) WRONG! so they texted me all this yesterday and ive been talking to C comforting him cause i felt bad for him then we were just talking friendly but kept saying i was rlly pretty but i just tried to ignore it. it got to the point where he said i rlly like you AND MH AUTISTIC ASS WENT thats nice! i like you! your nice! and he was like. no. like. thats not what i meant. so i was like oh. great. well nothing can happen cause they are w my friend (B) (idk why theyre still together😭) anyway i had to go and IM NOT EVEN JOKING HE SAID “sorry” “i love you” I HAVE NEVER MET THIS MAN IRL BTW AND WE HAVE ONLY STARTED PROPERLY TALKING TODAY AND YESTERDAY i came back and he SAID I MISS YOU basically i said i dont like you like that and just as a friend and i was like im sorry do you hate me AND HE SAID NO I LOVE YOU

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HOW DO I GET MYSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS!! AND NO ONE HAS TOLD ME THEY LIKED ME B4 AND THIS HAPPENS??? WHAT IS GOING ONNNNNN

-autistic loser anon

IM SO SORRY I FELL OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH FOR A BIT BUT IM BACK NOW AND EXCUSE ME??? OMG THATS ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE LIKE LITERALLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GROUP PEOPLE THAT IS CRAZYYYY I CANT EVEN

IM SO INVESTED IN THIS NOW THIS IS LIKE MY NEW FAV SHOW ISTG

#my lovelies °•. ✿ .•° #autistic loser anon

[kingsephir]

So the other week I went to the American base nearby for the weekend. Great weekend, stayed with a new friend on base, felt like home etc. Anyways, there is a kebab stand and carpet shop right outside the base and also a Turkish restaurant around the corner. Anyways we walked past and I yelled out to them (in turkish) “ARE YOU TURKSIH?” they reply (in turkish) “YES?” “YOU SPEAK TURKISH?” “YES” “I SPEAK TURKISH” “COME!” And so I went over and chatted with them and omg they were amazing.

Anyways I met this one guy in his 40s on my way back that night, we’ll call him Cem. And omg. I have not had this kind of chemistry with someone in a long time. Immediately we were locked in. I told him about my husband how hes half turkish etc. This man. Cem. Is so, I just. I. I JUST. Have such a HUGE crush on him.

Like at first, it was just like he’s hot, charming and flirty. I like. But he kept messaging me and I was like omg leave me alone. (Kinda) but still nice. Bc like I don’t want to lead him on or anything. But he texted me and then called me and then texed me again like, “why dont you answer your phone?” And I was like 🙄 old people. But then I answered the phone. And his delightful voice came though, laughing. We talk a bit and then he tries to get me to come to the city and im like nooooooo. And he says okay. But then he says (the kicker) “Next time I call you answer okay? I call, you answer.” And idk I’m probably just super horney and dying for any form of physical touch- even just a friend. (Not probably-actually) but that just got me. It got me. I said “okay okay bye.” And hung up. Then it sat there. You know his smooth voice, his accent (turkish accents are my number two fav accent) and though it was mostly because of his slightly imperfect English that he said it that way, like a command. But oh my god. My nerves were on FIRE.

So I texted him, “what are you doing for dinner?” And he calls me again (lmao) and I answer. And he says come, we have other people over for dinner, come to the city. Take the train and I’ll drive you back. And you know what I said? “Okay” and I went.

He picks me up, we hug (omg so nice-first hug ive had in months). He drives me from the station to the restorant they own. And we have dinner with him, his friend and his friend’s son (works at the shop) and a Danish guy and another Turkish guy who works with the Danish guy. And omg they were all a delight. But I’m not here to talk about them (even tho they’re great) I’m here to talk about Cem in weird obsessive detail like I usually do.

Cem is about 5’8” mostly black but greying hair. Olive skin, salt and pepper well kept short beard. The kind of sly grin they put on the hot foreign guys in movies. He smells like parliament cigarettes and cologne. His English is warm and his r’s are that slight Turkish roll. More like smoothed with a slight hiss. His hands are soft and he does not stop from tapping on my shoulder or lingering on my hand when he hands me things. He stands and sits close. Not too close but enough to feel the warmth. His turkish is slurred and deep. His Japanese like he’s in the yakuza or something. He sings old turkish songs to me as he drives me home. My skin prickled as every nerve ending in mu body is literally dying for affection and especially from that man RIGHT THEN but I content in just looking at him and keeping my hands to myself. The way he looks at me, like he feels the same, but content in keeping his hands to himself too. The sexual tention is literally palpable. We talk about love, being foreign, dating japanese people, islam, alcohol, turkish food, turkish music, love hotels, the economy, spanish, ghosts, aliens among many other things. He takes me home without incident. He tells me to stay safe, if I need help or just want to go to the city, call him he will help me. He’s the kind of man that helps me to re remember God. Enough beauty, enough charm, enough love that even in the moment I take a moment to be thankful. I am here, healthy, enjoying this beautiful person, so much to be thankful for, so much to know I am loved and safe.

The lot of them were all delightful. They talked to Jamey on facetime. Had a good conversation. It made me very happy. This guy i’m really into. Like I said, I have not felt sexual tension like that in years. (My husband just goes from 0-100/ pretty much my only main complaing about him. There’s very little sexual tension and tbh I eat that shit up.) I’m in an open relationship but with how close I want to be with them all, I don’t want to fuck Cem. Even though I want him so bad. I want him around for a long time. Amazing and delightful man, with just enough of an edge. “I call, you answer.” What can I say? He got me 😩

#praytell #34Cem #im crazed enough to give him a tag

[caruliaa]

okay so basically i made an among us sona (inspired by@clawthornecoven ) using this picrew and i really like how they turned out!! shes such a cutie and honestly i kinda wanna make her an oc bc i have an idea for them and the lil mini crewmate

#flappy rambles #okay so basically the idea i that she was friends w and had a crush on or gfs w her cyan crewmate #and cyan had a lil bb (the one in the picrew) #and basically they promised cyan that if anything ever happened to her theyd protect her baby #and then she was killed (in mysterious circumstances) #so pink (im calling them pink for now) takes care of tiny cyan #BUT THEN it turns out tiny cyan and therefore cyan (unless maybe theyre part imposter part crewmate bc ive seen that idea before)it turns o #and then pink doesnt know what tp do bc she cant just kill or report them theyre a literal child #and she *told* cyan shes take care of them #and they'd do anything to keep their promise #i swear to fuck if it decides to fuck w the order of these very specific tags #edit: yea it messed w one of the tags #basically tiny cyan was an imposter #honestly idk if wanna include the whole tiny cyan being an imposter thing but i do think its a neat idea #but like i might just have them be a little baby crewmate that pinks sworn to protect #UGH but also the ✨drama✨ #idk man #okay yea theyre an imposter

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

fucking secret crush on you man, fucking secret crush on you, these kids keep reminding me how much truth hey put into every one of his words, i love how the series adores their lack of emotional restraint, i love how reactive and unhinged they are i really do but it comes from the fact that they could never want anything else but to be true to themselves but it still has made for really fucked up things to become part of the way they see themselves, they're such a contrast to the popular kids who love double entendre, that do one thing but mean another, they enjoy that game cause in the end they're also looking to be true to themselves but my kind rejected kids, they're so aware of the fact that all they get to do to exist is play a role

they do not believe in anything else for themselves and when romantic love came to dispel them of those notions they still can't let go of all the things they convinced themselves

so ofc som and jao and toh notice daisy changing in an unnatural way and so they're conflicted but understand where he might be coming from, after all, every single one of them knows the cost of being themselves and no one else, they know that it has meant being left out of so much because even when they don't care about others perceptions that is never enough to allow them to just exist with others

and well... this is something ive come to realise that i love about thai bls, and i believe it's not unique but probably more pronounced probably because of the way these series aim to insert themselves proper in the public sphere, but theres always such an emphasis in the community of a person (whether it's family, friends, teachers, classmates, coworkers and bosses, and priests and monks) reaffirming the love of the couples, love between two people cannot thrive properly without that attention, and it's not just the romantic love, it's nuea's parents telling toh to trust himself to be good enough and even when he does in the future, he needed to hear that from nuea's dad, and daisy had been shown to be proud of herself but she still needed to be reminded that her worth is not tied to people that aren't the people that truly know her and so she doesn't need to play a role, she just needs to be herself, because these four friends have put so much heart into their group friend they also tell her that whoever she decides to be they will be there but that it has to be true to herself, and it mirrors toh! toh who quickly forgot all of nuea's love and so he felt that if others said he would be worthless specially against nuea's family grandeur it had to be true but even in that setting and nuea's dad knowing it all too well he still told toh to know that he by himself is good and he was so gentle about it, and so was som who kept pushing for the truth as nuea's parents did so they could let toh be true to himself in front of them, and the clothes showing how much these kids play role so acutely self conscious

idk thai bl series, and today with special adoration to its characters and their echoes irl they, find ways to tell you to know you're worthy of all by virtue of being you and at the same time that if you forget it, you don't have to worry, not for a second for there are other people who will remind you that you are, and will always be, worthy of all by virtue of being you and no one else

"we're with you. doesn't matter which versions of you that you choose to be"

#secret crush on you #lakorn posts