#but like i also have a full time job and not a lot of personal downtime so well see

[brightlypainted]

I went completely bananas and wrote a full analysis of Joker Out and JO fandom stuff and situation... idk

Hi baby boos!

I’ve seen some confusion regarding JO’s latest announcements and social media activity (or lack thereof) so I've tried to analyze the current situation with a critical eye 🤓

I don't use Tumblr much so you're probably more familiar with my Twitter but I got suggested to post this here for easier reading (and... better audience in general 👀)

Long rant under the cut:

Before I begin I must point out that these are my opinions and theories. I have no idea how JO’s communication and management is being organized right now, I’m just making assumptions based on my perception as a fan 🤷‍♀️

(also I’m a communication graduate but my studies and current job cover this sector only tangentially so I may not know how some/most of this works…)

Let’s start with comparing last year’s situation to the current one: one year ago the boys were riding high on the wave of enthusiasm, having had a successful ESC (despite the ending placement) and having gained a lot of attention as fan favorite competitors ✨

A very high % of the growing fanbase, esp the international one, was coming directly or tangentially through ESC and how do you maintain that attention once the contest is over? you increase your social media presence and you start planning international concerts. which they did!

This constant exposure to content made the fandom flourish: we were all witnessing how easily people from everywhere could join and already feel at the very center of attention, both because JO’s communication was being very active and successful and also thanks to fanmade organizations like JokerOutSubs, group chats, old time Slovenian fans sharing juicy pre-ESC content, etc. I'll be grateful forever

We had a past year that could be divided into 2 halves in terms of communication: it all went extremely well until more or less the end of 2023 (last tour dates in Spain) and then started gradually becoming very odd and chaotic all through 2024 until last month’s complete draught

We know that they mostly tend to manage their online presence on their own, so ofc during breaks and during very busy times is harder for them to find good content to share. They had also been very clear about needing time off their phones all through the London era and the album recording in Hamburg, so that didn’t come as a surprise for fans 🤷‍♀️

But having very sensible, personal reasons to quit/decrease social media presence has unfortunately no meaning in communication, where the laws are very simple: once you stop sharing, you stop existing

I don’t want to criticize their choices, because they are entitled to their privacy and offline time. I’m just pointing out that this very long, hiccup-y period probably could have been avoided with better management and with the presence of a smm/pre-planned sm communication 🙃

It also unfortunately happened concurrently to the new ESC season, which was bound to “organically” erode part of the fandom anyway, and to an EU tour that, although successful, has still highlighted a lazy/bad management and yet again a communication that made little to no sense at times (es. the whole campaign that subtly asked people to go to more than one concert, which clearly made fans with less financial and logistical possibilities feel ‘lacking’ and ‘inferior’) 🙄

In their defense, the tour was to establish a fanbase more than gaining more fans and exposure, so pushing for getting more of a loyal than an occasional fanbase wasn’t completely wrong an idea… it just backfired

And it did because the greatest part of their international fanbase is made of very young people who aren’t financially independent and whose interests are bound to be fleeting and shifting ESPECIALLY when they aren’t constantly met with content production/consumption

Let’s also not forget that having completely shifted their attention to international waters at the expense of the Slovenian/regional fanbase has been very risky. We still can’t tell if the gamble was successful or not

It’s never a good idea to ignore/neglect your hardcore supporters, the very people that helped you raise to your current standards. it’s true they are the most loyal, but they are also very easily the ones that could feel more betrayed

I also think it’s very risky trying to shift the fans’ content consumption out of social media and into a (controlled, easier to manage, ofc) site like Openstage for two main reasons: as said before, complete disappearance from socials means communicational suicide and until now, the “dedicated content” directed toward fans on the site has been… too bland and generic (sorry)(they can learn how to improve that)

Openstage has other very interesting uses tho, firstly the early access to ticket sales and secondly the tracking of international fan presence, which was pretty clearly the main goal and reason why they opened the site in the first place... so it’s not ex ante a bad communication choice, just (until now) one that has yet to show its potential and usefulness

So what now? I think it’s time they make a few considerations and sensible choices to maintain what’s currently the status quo and in order to tackle festival season in the best way

They need to keep their international presence by opening their fanbase to a new kind of fans: festivals bring exposure to bands from a very specific type of fanbase, more interested in music than in contents. If they manage to capture the interest of Sziget people, for example, they could gather a new type of international fanbase less interested in the “social media” content consumption and more in the “I wanna see these guys play again, somewhere else, maybe a show of their own” way

(which, to be completely fair, could be the best choice to cure their current crazy/shifting/confusing fanbase state, giving them more peace of mind, more privacy and a more “normal” rock band experience than the one they had in the past year… that we can all agree has been pretty bad at times)

I personally think this summer season must go in the quantity direction (gaining more new fans) and at the same time in the quality direction (less shows, bigger stages) and this is why some of you are disappointed in seeing so little shows compared to last year or to the SYS tour... I get it

Many of us, me included, won’t be seeing JO live for the whole summer season, and I’m aware that is disappointing, but I hope this analysis has helped you put things into perspective and consider maybe one of the possible reasons why this next phase for Joker Out is being organized this way

I’m still hoping they’ll find a good compromise with their social media communication, because right now I really feel that being the main issue with the gradual but constant drop in traction (please boys hire a smm. i adore jan’s sad edits and the unhinged video and stories like the next person but serious work has to be done too)

Ending the rant on a note of hope: I wish to see you all enjoy the summer and the content to come and I hope for the boys to have a successful, fun season full of new experiences, new music, new people, fresh ideas for the future. I’m honestly very excited for what’s to come! 🌻

#joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #jan peteh #jure maček #nace jordan #long post #analysis

[shoezuki]

Ok thinkin of that sampard superhero au i kinda mentioned way before so heres random words bout it cuz its in my head.

Gepard:

Gepard has a lot of prosthetics: his entire right arm and leg, his left foot, either his entire left arm or part of his arm im not sure.

He also has many metallic implants and synthetic organs: his right lung and part of his left, some of his ribs are metal on his right side. His right eye is a cybernetic implant, but looks like a 'normal' glass eye when inactive. His skull is reinforced with steal. Most of it is unknown to everyone but him/serval and lynx

(Likely due to a major incedent when younger: not entirely sure on it yet, but my thoughts is that due to his father's proclivity as a former police chief or current crooked attorney or something, a bomb was planted at their home. Lynx was young and approached it, gepard took the brunt of it to protect her when shoving her out of the way.)

His high tech cybernetics are extremely strong, all but his right arm are mistaken as real limbs (unless you get up close and personal and. Yknow. Tear into his cybernetics) his right arm generates ice and so it is much more visibly a cybernetic

His cybernetics are Extremely draining his body. They charge when he removes them at home, but they also draw power from his still existing/biological nervous system in order to properly send inputs through his nerves and be controlled by him properly. They are FUCKING HEAVY and he becomes exhausted if he wears them too long

Gepard, of course, constantly wears his cybernetics too long and sometimes collapses and falls unconcious under the weight of it

Much of his internal implants and cybernetics were funded by his father. Initially his father was desperate to save his 'only son' but once the full extent of his injuries became more clear, the father dismissed Gepard as a lost cause.

He still used gepard as a way to bolster his public image for a long time though.

Serval developed and created all of his advanced cybernetic attachments, including his eye

His eye operates as an analytical tool, allowing him to record visuals, enhance images, etcetc. As well as it sends live feed to a computer system lynx often operates. She usually communicates with him and assesses the state of his cybernetics while he's doing vigilante work.

Lynx has some burn scars as well

Gepard has no life outside of being a hero. He only really stops and puts on his everyday prosthetics when he pushes himself too far and serval forces him to rest. He lives in the apartment with serval above her workshop

Eventually gepard becomes very, very aware of how much serval is struggling. He tears up his cybernetics constantly and serval is draining her savings to get questionably legal supplies and materials to fix them. Not to mention he feels horrible for 'imposing' and living with her constantly since hes basically been sleeping on her couch for years

Serval argues against it but gepard eventually moves out and gets a night job at a gas station/convenience store. He doesnt stop or slow down with vigilantism though.

Gepards powers are largely super strength and enhanced reflexes. He manifests ice to create shields, barriers, and apprehend people. Serval modified his ice to also create a sort of frost shield around himself and others via touch. (Was an attempt to get gepard to protect himself more. He uses it for others but not himself though)

Hero name? Something like 'The Shield' or 'The Captain' and is given to him by journalists/fans. He doesnt pay attention to how hes seen by the public though

Gepard's 'costume' is extremely simple

Black leather with blue accents, his metallic arm, and a full coverage helment spmewhat like a motorcycle helmet. Its not flashy but people obsess over how 'mysterious' he is

Sampo:

Gepard's 'arch enemy'. One of a number of villains in Belobog that have powers and is absolutely the most elusive one

Is known as 'The Fool'. At one point newspapers kept calling him 'The Tall, Dark, Handsome Blue Magician' for a good couple weeks. No one knows how this kept slippin in right after editing and proofreading. Hes sometimes called 'The Magician' now though

Hes extremely flashy, dressed up like an over the top magician in purples and blues and golds, a checkered domino mask that makes his eyes white and a fucking top hat with feathers on it. the feathers change every time hes seen.

Hes the only current major villain in the city that has never been fully apprehended at any point. He lets himself get handcuffed sometimes or even led into police cars but he always vanishes at some point. Lets gepard get closer than anyone else

His powers are (assumed) to be teleportation, enhanced speed and reflexes, creating illusions, clairvoyance, conjuring objects, persuasion, etc. A lot is speculated due to his illusions

The reality of his powers is. Kinda fucked up. Hes extraordinarily powerful and capable of altering peoples minds and perceptions. He could to an extent make peopel do what he wants and feel certain ways, make them see things, only when he is present/can see the person. He rarely alters peoples minds or makes them do things though because thatd be too easy and really boring.

Some people are inherently more difficult to manipulate/influence to do things, though. Likely to do with mental fortitude and self confidence and how assured people are with themselves.

Sampo is completely incapable of making gepard do or feel things. He doesnt know why and is extremely intrigued by it. (Its the cybernetics.)

Sampos motives for anything he does are... unknown. Sometimes he interferes with other supervillains' exploits, sometimes he trashes cop cars and fills them with paper cranes, sometimes he steals from banks without ever being seen, other times he creates entire complex and showy museum heists without stealing a thing.

(A lot of what he steals actually ends up at nat's clinic, anonymously donated to orphanages or hospitals in the rough parts of Belobog. He volunteers in costume at a few senior homes sometimes and its become so normal no one there blinks an eye anymore or questions when hes bloody)

He has, absolutely, killed before. He has his own moral system, but its not obvious to general people. He never kills or hurts people if he isnt attacked first, but he isnt afraid to kill those he sees as corrupt or immoral, whether cops or other criminals.

Its assumed he heals quicker too, but its not true: he goes to Natasha

Natasha runs a clinic as well as Wildfire, which sampo is a very valuable informant to. Wildfire is an underground organization that essentially acts as the authorities in the Underground of belobog in place of cops.

Natasha doesnt exactly have the ability to heal. Rather, she can accelerate the condition of someones wounds: if she tends to someone first, her power will often heal them. Otherwise she can accelerate infections and cause death. If shes not careful she can make people bleed out in seconds.

Sampo is a conman still outside of being a villain. He carries out scams, forgery, etcetc. He leaves the more flashy and daring things to when hes under a mask

Most of it is that he is just... seeking out some thrills. But he also helps Nat and the people of the underworld, isnt afraid to target people and corporations ruthlessly. A lot of it is selfish, though. Hes quick to put on the mask and track down people whove wronged him

#superhero au #sampard #honkai star rail #in the bones #do i tag anything??? idk #i like the idea of sampo being extremely fucking powerful but not actin on his powers #cuz itd be too easy n thats boring. sure he could make most people jus do what he wants but whats the fun in that

[sagesparrow394]

I have too many aus already but my brain’s thinking

AU where Quesadilla Island is instead a small town that’s known for being a hub for the supernatural

The Federation is a group brought into the town that is made up of, essentially, monster hunters who aim to ‘protect’ the regular human townsfolk. Feelings among the townsfolk about the Federation are mixed. Some support their mission, others are more dubious but still kind to the Federation workers, and others believe they’re making the town more unsafe

Unknown to the Federation, there are a few supernatural beings living right under their noses, pretending to be ordinary people

Charlie Slimecicle is a werewolf

He refers to his wolf form as Slarf. Slarf is a black wolf, with piercing red eyes

He works out and eats a ridiculous amount of protein partially so he can brush off his supernatural strength as a product of his routine

No one knows he’s a werewolf, not even his partner Mariana or best friend and roommate Baghera, and he desperately wants to keep it that way

At some point, he out of nowhere ‘adopts’ a daughter called JuanaFlippa. She’s actually a young orphaned werewolf who got very attached Slarf on a full moon night and now refuses to leave Charlie’s side

Cellbit is a vampire

Not born one, but bitten. He has a sister who is human

His son Richarlyson and his boyfriend Roier are the only ones who know what he is

He gets a job at the Federation to gain information, and with the hopes it’ll reduce any suspicion placed on him - but it potentially does the opposite, now regularly having their eyes on him

When he needs to feed, he tends to target Federation workers to kill two birds with one stone

BadBoyHalo and Tina are demons

They are on earth for different reasons, and they both know about each other

Bad is there to mentor a young demon, Dapper, and teach him about humans

Tina is far more secretive about why she’s living on earth. She’s close friends with Mouse, the only person aside from Bad who knows what she is

Both are close friends (or frenemies in Bad’s case) with Foolish - which becomes potentially dangerous when he gets hired to work for the Federation

Speaking of Foolish, he’s actually merfolk

A shark merman to be specific. He’s also King of the Merfolk, aka KOM. His status grants him immortality and the ability to change his form to have legs. With his long lifespan, the decades he spends in the town are just like a brief vacation to him

Already knows Bad isn’t human - he remembers seeing Bad hanging around on earth a few times over the past hundreds of years. He doesn’t know about Tina

He has a child, his little princess Leo, who likes to hang out with him on land. His husband, Vegetta, tends to spend a lot of time busy in their underwater kingdom

His human roommate, Jaiden, knows about him - they tell each other everything

Joined the Federation both for fun, and like Cellbit to get info and get suspicion off of himself

Philza is an angel

Angel of Death specifically

Feels rather safe despite being a supernatural being due to not being as ‘dangerous’ as others, meaning he likely isn’t a number one target of the Federation. He’s not demonic, legend doesn’t say he lures people to drown in oceans, he doesn’t lose control and attack people, he doesn’t need to go on killing sprees to survive

Not to mention his connection to gods and deities gives him safety and places of refuge

The biggest issue he has is hiding his wings. Aside from that, he’s pretty comfortable living with his human partner and children

Absolutely knows Something Is Up with the other five but doesn’t know for sure what. He’s not a narc, so he doesn’t ask

#qsmp #qsmp au #q!slimecicle #q!cellbit #q!badboyhalo #q!tina #q!philza #q!foolish #q!roier #q!ironmouse #q!mariana #q!baghera #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp dapper #no idea if I’ll ever write this #I did consider having more inhuman characters #but I don’t want too many #I made this partially because I got thinking about Charlie’s wolf quest streams #and could not get the idea of slarf werewolf out of my head #q!jaiden #q!vegetta #qsmp leonarda

[vogelmeister]

been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

#i love them but im gonna explain #i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did #but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes #i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now #in healthcare no less #but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad #im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts #like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no #and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face #even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said: #i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too #bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall #bc i feel we don’t do this any more #i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go #i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her #bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort #my other situation is my childhood best friend #i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me. #it comes from a place of knowing me for so long #and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins #but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis #even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins #bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st #like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup #even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back #bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me #and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it #but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back #i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag #idk its a lot. thank u for listening

[siriuslynephilim]

tag limit hit ho gayi yaar

#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi. #haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭 #cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs #she was like i can't be here for your birthday na #bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭 #and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single #mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood) #i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones #and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha #but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai #and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh #(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭 #but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried #and just you being there was enough in that moment #like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her #all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does #and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the #veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now #it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them #but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like #i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone #like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned #like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her #bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house #like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being #the masi and #I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭 #i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein #oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭 #like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭

[arthur-r]

falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….

#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before #although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email #wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago #gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty #but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep #or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse #but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why #i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well #there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird #translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person #anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here???? #i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier #which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being #i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!! #and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time #so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better #idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up #(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok) #idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias #that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher #so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday #plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf #(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??) #i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school #my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not #like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!! #idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their #true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test #idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay #vent cw

[bixiaoshi]

i have a feeling that one of my... friends? doesn't like me anymore and it fucking sucks

#idk if i can even call her friend anymore lol #but idk i've felt like our relationshio hasn't been the same for a long time now n i know i should ask but the answer terrifies me lmao #but also. if i she did consider me her friend and i did smth to bother her unknowingly then it's her job to tell me. not me to find out #i've noticed that lots of my relationships is full of ppl who simply don't tell me stuff. don't tell me when i fuck up and it sucks!!!! #bcs sure sometimes i realize i did smth but most of the time i don't so then i'm left wondering if i'm overthinking it or if this person #stopped considering me their friend long ago!!!!!!!! #idk man i'm tired of always feeling a shift in my relationships and wondering if i did smth wrong and what it was. bcs i start to overthink #every single thing. and it also sucks bcs i feel like smth changed in out relationship but it's either true or i'm doubting my relationship #with the person bcs i'm never 100% sure abt how ppl feel abt me and it sucks!!!!!!! is it real or is my head just making things up #but im always terrified to ask so im just gonna torture myself until it is undeniable that out relationship cannot be saved and i couldn't #do anything bcs i was never told a single thing #it sucks that lots of my friendships have ended with me wondering if smth happened to it and the answer always being yes #idk im just tired of that. it gets so tiring to having to guess if i did smth or not. of guessing what position i have in their lives #anyways peace and love rtc etc #jo.txt

[pepprs]

hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

#purrs #delete later #not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really #comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel #where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it #all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly #and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking #getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest #colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w #we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight #we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the #participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a #and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of #them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we #did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i #have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also #HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a #failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as #emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i #failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year #and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs #like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE #PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and #we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting #everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid #bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i #get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i #am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done. #ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that #just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol

[battle-of-alberta]

i am staring at the ask box and starting to think about how to tackle it again, there’s still a backlog of about 25-30 that ideally i would like to get through before the end of the year.

i have this anxiety sometimes that i spend lots of effort on some and little on others, either because of a lack of time or patience or a shift in my art style or whatever reason, but I should just lean into whatever i’m feeling and not worry too much about doing something very polished. the blog is, as always, a work in progress that i’m doing for free out of my own energy and i need to be okay with contradictions and inconsistencies, including in the quality and effort put into my responses. 

I can always revisit ones I’m not satisfied with later, and I hope no one will take it personally if I don’t answer their particular ask as a multi panel full colour comic with an added bibliography if I can’t for whatever reason. likewise- current event asks are fine and dandy but they will range wildly from “sat on them for a year and forgot” to “answered in 5 minutes in ballpoint pen” and I just gotta be okay with that.

since i have basically lost my previous job that i was lucky enough to be able to draw during, sitting at my desk all day at my current job now actually requires my full attention / a lot of mental effort, and it means the first thing i do when i’m done work is go for a walk or do chores, so my ability to put effort and focus into my art is changing and I just need to roll with the punches at this point.

thanks for your patience with me, and please fill out the survey in the pinned post if you haven’t yet! :3 it will help me lots!

#currently feeling guilt over my silly doodles in pen and highlighter haha #but i just dont have the ability to sit and do a full page in pencil crayon anymore like i used to #i realized this week i am going through a bit of a grieving period re: previous job and i need to accept that things have changed #the good news is im doing a lot of relevant research in my current job even if only accidentally #anyway thank you for all of your comments your asks your encouragements your creations every bit helps!! #personal hapo #boab update #boab announcement #hapo rambles #i also realized i was drinking tea at 9pm so uh #that kicked off the up all night mental crises time haha

[azol-otl]

I will never accept Gotham to be as big as it pretends to be (12 million? Really???).

Firstly, that’s already larger than the actual population of New Jersey and do you really want me to imagine a Jersey with over 20 million people?

Secondly, New York is already competition and unlike Gotham it isn’t cursed. The other biggest cities in the U.S. don’t have another city near their size within a 100 mile radius (besides Philly, which would mean that Gotham has two major competitors. Wait and Metropolis so that’s three). It is literally farther to go from LA to San Diego or Houston to San Antonio than it is to go from Jersey to New York. If we were a different country that didn’t believe in building outwards then I would buy it. But we aren’t.

Thirdly, unless that rent is cheap as shit or the exploitation of immigrants is even worse in the dc universe Gotham should be one of the last places people move to compared to areas like the entire Southwest or, once again, New York. Also, imagine the cost of living in Gotham with the rogues and America’s horrible horrible healthcare system. 

But I’m willing to compromise and say that Gotham has a 2 million pop, making it the fifth largest city and in an eternal battle against Metropolis for the spot.

#I'm not tagging this because these are just thoughts #American cities aren't as big as we like to portray but there is a lot of land we love to waste #another weird canon fact I can never vibe with is Dick's degree #He has like 3 full time jobs he doesn't have time to get a degree we've been following him ever since he was 10 #also because he could have been such a good example of why degrees aren't necessary to be an accomplished person #he didn't vibe with uni and that's okay!

[guinevereslancelot]

lazy girlies help me out: what is the easiest job you've ever had that one could get with an associate's or less

#all the jobs are like sales associate /plant waterer i dont even need a relevant degree for that #and i want a job thats not physically demanding if possible bc my side job is farming which is hard lol #im accepting tho that i need to look beyond horticulture for a job bc the one i wanted never got back to me and idk what else to do #im looking at receptionist jobs bc a lot of them just want a high school education but idk #i can mask well enough to seem like a people person but idk abt the organization and multitasking stuff #anyway suggestions welcome what is the easiest job #it doesn't need to pay a lot i just need some kind of income that wont drain my life force if possible #i found an assistant pre-school teacher position i could def do if i renew my cpr license #but im not sure i have the energy to work with kids full time #context if it helps: i am autistic and have chronic pain also i really am just lazy and dumb #so i need an easy job idc if it's boring as long as i dont need to be good at math #indeed is recommending me nuclear sub technician jobs i need real suggestions #i have experience with kids and gardening but both of those are physically demanding so i would love to not do that #my computer skills are nonexistent compared to other young people but old people think im good at it #i hate math tho

[aeide-thea]

anyway totally apropos of nothing i'm just thinking abt like. i really hate DNIs that are—i mean, i could've stopped there, i really hate DNIs period, i think they're performative and useless and naive, but. i really hate DNIs that use identity as a shorthand for the (mis)behavior the poster expects from people of that identity

like there's a Respected Butch Blogger on here who years ago posted something about a man at a bus stop, idk, attempting to strike up a conversation/hit on her*, something in that line, and made some comment to the effect of like, look at me, i'm obviously a butch dyke, he should've known i wasn't available to him! and i thought at the time, and still think now—the problem here was the creepiness/entitlement of this man's behavior! nobody should be chatting anyone up at a bus stop or grocery store (real example from a past stage of my own life 😞) or other practical public venue where like‚ they're just trying to do their thing and get home! but framing the problem as instead being about, essentially, an IRL failure to respect an implicit DNI, as though someone who presented differently would've been fair game for predatory treatment—i hated that then and i hate it now

[ultimately of course it's like. people sometimes frame things in shitty ways on their perblogs when they're upset and it's good to cut them a little slack abt that... but also like. in venting veritas]

and i just like. this is a disconnected patchy sort of post but you just see people going up these ladders that are like 'i assume Men are looking at me and having Gross Disrespectful Fantasies abt me in their heads and so i don't even want them clicking a silent heart on my posts'

and ultimately everyone's entitled to set whatever boundaries they like! but it just feels to me like. tbh you're spooling out a whole Gross Fantasy of yr own abt Men when like. instead you could just set a boundary about what kinds of comments are welcome. and even from whom! but like. why are we collapsing Man into Person Who's Inevitably Gonna Behave Invasively and Disrespectfully. like when the traditional model of masculinity also says that but with an accompanying smirky thumbs-up, and then you're saying that with a thumbs-down... idk. just like. where's the vision of a better world. bc like. i thought that was actually what we were trying to open the door for, personally!

ultimately i guess it's just like, our approaches are not compatible and i shd be grateful 2 their DNIs for making that clear to me, but. i really don't see how the master's tools (framing identity as shorthand for/inevitable predictor of undesirable behavior) ever dismantle the master's house (kyriarchy)

#* i may or may not be getting this person's pronouns right‚ this whole thing is very lost in the mists of time #----- #like yeah lots of men irl DO behave shittily! but frankly the beauty of online is that you can slam the block hammer and be done #so you don't actually have to set a boundary way farther out than is necessary as a precautionary defensive measure #idk i just like. it's one thing to center certain people in yr life and decenter others #and it's another imo to go full-on barbed-wire separatist #idk just like. a whole lot bound up in this abt thoughtcrimes too. like. actually if someone privately fantasizes abt you #and you have no idea whatsoever #they're doing a good job and they should keep it up! that's called politeness and respect! #but literally some anon on OTNF the other day‚ like‚ laid out a whole thing where they were imagining other ppl fantasizing abt them #and feeling deeply uncomfortable with that #and it was like. i get it but also—what if YOU didn't spool out extensive fantasies abt these imaginary fantasizers #it's like. you're running a whole non-con exhibitionism fantasy factory and you don't even enjoy it! what if you stopped! #anyway idk. this feels like a dangerous sort of post 2 make tbh #but i just don't think separatism is actually better when it comes from the trauma of disempowerment #than when it comes from being taught to disempower and depersonalize others #both angles on it are like. you're viewing people with reductive hatred actually #idk. this could be pithier and better but. i'm tired lol #does this count as a #long post #?

[chqnified]

The feeling of: yeah! I might be getting a proper job, one of those fancy 'life long' careers people talk about!!!

And also the feeling of: but. What do you mean.

#the realisation is hitting. and too fast #I'm going to start FINALLY learning to drive. I'm doing stuff by myself. applying for a job by myself. a fancy full time job at that. #i think realisation hit because i had to go get a bloodtest done by myself. mum was at work and so couldn't hold my hand. #dad was unwilling to go in with me #you know. i surprised myself. i managed to not only converse with the nurse!!! but also not fight her when i saw the needle!!! #and I didn't cry or scream #you may be laughing. but last time. around 5 months ago. i did almost cry and nearly passed out #big steps. #but again. it dawned on me as i was with friends doing regular adult shit. those boring things. or random things that scream middle age #shopping for bedding and having breakfast at the harvester screams mid life crisis. i should not be going through this at my age. alas. #and we drove there whilst listening to Britney spears. again mid life crisis hello??? #it has been an accumulation of things where I've realised. holy shit. i was not doing this or thinking about this go back 6 months. #now look at me. #it feels weird moving on. there are so many things i feel like I've been forced to leave behind. a lost childhood perhaps. #i wish I'd had the opportunity to be less scared and anxious as a child. #i think that's a major part of the reason why I'm struggling to move on or let go of some things. #I don't feel like the same person. probably lot's of reasons for that. but somehow that is what makes it worse #thoughts ig #on a worrying note. y'all better watch out for when i get a car. nobody will be safe.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

.

#my whole job is so weird sometimes #and i just need to vent about it for a second? or not this isn't really venting but it's such a funny situation to me #right now everyone's all in a panic because my contract is up mid-august #which means a 6 month break or working off-network for 6 months #and my boss is like 'we HAVE to do the latter i CAN'T lose you for holiday' #also she knows she can't lose me because she wouldn't let anyone manage these categories before i came back for my second stint with them #and she knows she'll get stuck managing a lot of it if i'm not here #and i'm a good cog and i like making money so of course i'm like 'please i like this job and i don't want to leave it' #while my partner is like 'actually that's leverage and they should hire you on full time' #BUT the thing is i don't WANT to be a full time employee because the flexibility i have as a consultant is unreal #but it means that i was just in a call with one of my fave coworkers who is currently off-network #and we're like laying out a plan for the 3 weeks that we'll both be on network again at the same time #we're like 'the last week of july and first two weeks of august we can get ALL this stuff done between the two of us' #and it's such a weird and unefficient way to plan out work but that's what i've signed up for i guess #personal

[imeminemp3]

i still can't believe this winter i had a cold then a couple weeks later i had the flu and then following that i had mild tonsilitis like... the past 2 years in lockdown i obviously didn't get sick and then i was just hit with all of those all at once

#pre covid i would get a sort of cold every time the weather shifted which hasn't happened as much lately either #but like. i had a relatively bad cold like bad enough i had to leave work early #then i missed 2 days of work (i was reallybreally sick for 4 days but 2 of those days were on the weekend) because i had the fucking flu nd #i was feverish etc #it was soooo fucked up and then right after the flu i got tonsilitis whcj was super annoying #i never had the flu taht i can remember. i apparently have had a fever as a kid but that's not so surprising #but it was also shit cause i was alone i had no one to take care of me i wanted soooo badly to go to my mums cause not ever having had the #flu and then suddenly having to take care of myself thru it sucked so bad #i felt absolutely lost #anyway it was really annoying and i think that much sickness so close took a lot out of me #idk i felt like venting over it for some reason #maybe so next time im like 'oh i wish i was sick so i could be laid up in. bed all day' id be like wait no that was terrible #also btw the flu is COMPLETELY on me. i know this makes me a bad person but i forgot to get my flu vax this year. #don't hate me for that i am so busy and overwhelmed at work (i realised I've never had a full time job like this before too) that i kept #forgetting to book. and they were free this year too. #diary

[bi-demon-ium]

do you ever have a super elaborate project you want to execute so badly but you just don’t have the energy but you have All The Ideas and you wanna do it but you know it’ll take forever but like You Wanna Do It but like also it’ll be so tiring but also It’s So Good

#i have this like. set of gifsets i want to make. #with like. mbs characters and tarot meanings #if youve seen my instagram (and i think ive posted some here?) you'll see i did some drawings with it #but like. im not super good at art #so like instead i have these ideas for tarot cards but its like gifs #edits elaborate edits #and i can't include the minor arcana because then it would just straight up be a full time job and the meanings start like. oh man #it'd be hard #so im limiting myself to major arcana #but like oh my god some of them fit so fucking perfectly im going to cry #oohhhhhh i wanna do it so bad but i KNOW it'll take like. all of my energy. but oh i wanna do it so bad #gertspeak #ive had a huge spreadsheet for like months #of different meanings #colors i might use #what scenes i might use for what character #etc #ohhhhh i think i might do it #but then i was also thinking about this other thing thast's less a personal project but would take up a lot of my time #mmmgmgmgmgnnghh why is life hard #why are spoons finite