#by various adults in my life

[sweetasteriaa]

MOYERS: If God is dead, everything is permitted. That’s what scares them.

ASIMOV: Well, on the contrary. They assume that human beings have no feeling about what is right and wrong. Is the only reason you are virtuous because that’s your ticket to heaven? Is the only reason you don’t beat your children to death, because you don’t want to go to hell? It seems to me that it’s insulting to human beings to imply that only a system of rewards and punishments can keep you a decent human being. Isn’t it conceivable a person wants to be a decent human being because that way he feels better? Because that way the world is better?

I would like to think — I don’t believe that I’m ever going to heaven or hell. I think that when I die there will be nothingness. That’s what I firmly believe. That does not mean that I have the impulse to go out and rob and steal and rape and everything else, because I don’t fear punishment. For one thing, I fear worldly punishment. And for a second thing, I fear the punishment of my own conscience. I have a conscience. It doesn’t depend on religion. And I think it’s so with other people, too.

Besides, even in societies in which religion is very powerful, there’s no shortage of crime and sin and misery and terrible things happening, despite heaven and hell.

#this is put so beautifully #ive been doing a lot of reassessment lately #of long held beliefs and morals and what have you #after spouting off some awful knee jerk response that was hammered into my head as a child #by various adults in my life #and i was so disgusted with myself #this has been going on for years now #and religion has been a bigger part of it than i thought it would be #my family was not overly religious #but my friends were #and somwtimes theyre more influential than family #and this concept of only beihg good for a reward has really rubbed me the wrong way #and i could never really articulate it this well #so thanks there #isaac asimov

[raiiny-bay]

there is something so fun about just putting my boys in Situations

#basically i started what i’m calling an AUofAUs (unofficial title) #in which i write the boys meeting in various life stages/situations/circumstances/etc. #& it has been very fun #it’s also like. a nice no-pressure form of writing. bc when i’m writing for the actual story #there’s this self-imposed expectation that it has to be good which makes me not want to write #but these lil one offs can be as shitty as i want #i also really enjoy writing them as adults/meeting as adults bc we get to skip the teenage drama of it all #after like. a decade of writing them as teenagers it does get a bit tiring #but that is my fault for never finishing the story & constantly changing the plot lol #at this rate i will never catch up to their actual ages. forever stuck in 2012. #n e way. that’s all. #rainyrambles

[whumpfish]

God I'm fixing to be 40. In 18 days. I... have a lot of emotions about this rn.

So, prompt: How do your OCs feel about aging? Are they really conscious of it, or is it personally or culturally insignificant? Are birthdays celebrated in their world/culture?

#i think the reason i have a creeping sense of dread #is that im a 90s kid #and for my entire childhood i watched various adults subjected to 40th birthdays #with black balloons #and actual fuckin gravestone balloons #that said over the hill #and it was this whole thing of #haha you're basically dead #we're so funny #your life as you know it is over now #haha we're hilarious #you're gonna die #haha #and i always found it mortifying #and that's where my head goes #apparently people don't do that to other people anymore?? #this was just something inflicted on my generation and my parents'??

[herequeerexitentialfear]

goodnight<3 meeting up with friends tomorrow and i know for once i dont need to set an alarm because my phone bouncing around the room from all the messages calling me old will be plenty to make my awake. oh and birthday texts from family i guess

#my close friends are all my age because it turns out knowing people from age 4 at the start of school can lead to besties for life #you do gotta annoy tf out of each other for like 6-10 years first tho #anyway its me and two guys i have photos of when they were four and we picked other people at our various schools along the way #and im the oldest so i get called old every birthday! #sometimes in big red letters inside a card #i am not old i am baby #but it kinda just stuck even after the existential crisis that we are not mature adults we are children. youths. babys. #im also the shortest :/ life hates me #i keep making friends with tall ppl

[mae-says-hey]

can't wait to make my entire personality starfield for the next two months.

#starfield #do i know deep down it'll be a buggy mess #yeah sure but it's space !!!!! SPACE !!!!! #also more importantly for the first time in my adult life i might be able to snag a not too garbage url related to a fandom im in #only took 11 years of various dead accounts

[thedevotionaltour]

thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words. #i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason. #it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad) #(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult. #they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time. #bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now? #why at this moment and no other time? #but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him. #more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.' #it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me. #i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

[emperor-princess]

My new meds are giving me weight gain and libido increase lets fucking gooooo

#genuinely really happy about both of these btw #i say #my thigh gap is gone!! GONE!!!! Thats HUGE!!! #anyway hi ive spent my whole adult life with practically no sex drive and various bouts of manlutrition. these side effects for me are HUGE

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

[alarming health stuff, internalized ableism cw]

no, moogle, it is not in fact fishing for sympathy or making excuses for dropping the ball on things or whatever to talk about it when your health issues continue to get worse. you are not scaring people for attention when you post on your personal blog about the fact that you aren't sure yet whether your current condition might be 'dangerous but recoverable' or 'irreversible, incurable, and usually fatal.' stop that.

#moogletalks #negative cw #depressing shit cw #medical issues cw #it does not help that people close to me have been deeply careless and cruel before about treating me as an afterthought #when at serious risk and using me as their primary support #the feelings of the person at risk largely take precedence #but sometimes people use that as a blank check to inflict maximum unnecessary trauma on other people because I'm the One Suffering #see: adult who is suffering immensely and genuinely and is at the end of their rope and needs an outlet #and decides the nearest child to hand is acceptable; and proceeds to dump all their problems on them and traumatize them for life #among a huge range of other examples #and it's frustrating bc it's a hard balance to strike between 'centering myself in your suffering when you're the one going through it' #and 'hey please remember that i am also a person capable of suffering and trauma; and that that matters' #anyway yeah i've had people do this to me in various ways before and i hate the idea of doing it to other people #and that makes navigating internalized ableism re: my mental and physical health issues really hard #few things will internalize shit as deeply as 'someone harmed me in ways adjacent to what i'm dealing with now' #'and i don't want to do to other people what they did to me'

[hua-fei-hua]

when i was a kid i really resented the fact that my mom kept forcing us to check out nonfiction books alongside our fantasy novels in order to "broaden our minds" and basically ensure we were learning Real Factsies(tm), but now that i'm older, if i don't go off and learn some Real Factsies(tm) every so often, then i'll end up finding my fictions dull and uninspired

#i guess i just also hated how kids' nonfiction tended to present itself. unless they were like those slim encyclopedias #with all the sleek pictures n glossy pages of diagrams n shit #bc i remember reading a nonfiction book abt seahorses for adults called 'poseidon's steed' in like fifth grade and loving it #adult nonfiction books (in my limited experience) tends to read more like storytelling except everything is real and has citations #also now that i'm an Adult(tm) with More Life Experience(tm)(tm) (this is a cue for my older mutuals to laugh at my precociousness or w/e) #i find it easier to connect to the text-- in this case a book abt a guy called paul otlet n his contributions to information science #which is a thing i am Very Much interested in bc the internet has spoiled me with its indexing and yet i love analog information #also it was right next to two volumes from the 60s detailing various historical book burnings #and indeed the intro talked abt how this man's life's work was handily destroyed by the nazis who thought he was cataloguing garbage #learning abt all the lil guys in the 20th century who fuckin loved organizing information n bitched abt there being information overload #they are So Real they would have looked at the modern internet n gone 'this is too much make wikipedia the main page' #花話 #anyway i doubt i'd have appreciated reading so much had i not read fiction so avidly growing up #and i rebuke the idea that the fantasy novels taught me nothing at all bc stories teach us abt being people #and demonstrate experience better than a more academic n factual analysis/write-up or w/e #yes i do love to learn abt philosophy in its like. rigorous academic state or form or w/e. #but that's diff from seeing it in practice in the real world or in people's stories n how it Affects Things

[urbanfiltered]

exhibiting never before seen signs of self actualization/mental illness

#dancing around the apartment with the same emo ass screamy song on repeat for the 20th time and randomly #cutting various t-shirts into crop tops as i see fit #it IS 4 am and i am swinging my hair around like it is midday which is so dangeous for my sleep schedule but #in my defense an evening coffee happened #anyways why did i wait this long to move out lol i love it here #also i think an interesting thing has happened to my brain and i am finally O.K with not having plans on a friday night #comforted by the fact that i have an extremely busy saturday night so i am just allowed to like #chill with myself tonight #and after the week i have had BY GOD do i deserve it #and i dont feel 'lame' and i'm not constantly checking in on other people to see what they are doing like #im genuinely just vibing #extremely new feeling for the girl who always has to be Somewhere #i think i no longer feel like i am making up for lost time #tbh trutfhully i am in my ''disaster undergrad'' era at 25 but with like. #money. #in an unfurnished apartment sleeping on the floor with the rattiest and shaggiest haircut i have ever sported in my life and #eating my breakfast cereal out of a mug with a plastic spoon bc i dont own much dishware #and going to bed at 4 am when i have work at 8 am and somenow manageing to get it all done #cooking my own meals messily and making mistakes #except i can afford to make the mistakes and i can make the adult purchases and plan vacations and trips and buy clothes etc so it is like #the best of both worlds in a way #i feel like i worked really hard to be in the exact space that i am in now and i know a lot of it was sheer luck #of being in the right place at the right time to know the right people to get jobs and stuff #and a SHIT ton of prayer and reflection and introspection and indecision #but things are looking the way i want them to now!!! #veeeeery slowly #anyways on an unrelated note does someone want to help me pick a bedframe <3

[gideonisms]

After a year of dead silence in which no one I know irl knows where I am or what I am doing I so badly want to make the fb post that is like. Wow undergrad fucking sucked! and 0% of that was because of the classes. On that note I am going to keep studying. Forever

#i don't think i will get accepted anywhere. but if i do! the satisfaction of struggling along in silence most of my adult life only to #show up years later doing exactly what i want to be doing #it would just bring me joy deep in my soul #oh y'all are getting married? i am getting to write papers that go on as long as i want. hahahaha page max? no! page minimum!!!! #i know it sounds strange but the part of life that was reading other people's writing & talking about it. that is the part that didn't suck #the part where we were discussing various texts was the part i didn't hate. and the rest of it was the terrible bit #plan b is i find a job that takes as little mental energy as possible and work on my projects when i am not there #i can't keep being unnaturally pleasant in loud cold crowded rooms. i just can't #presentations are fine it's only me talking but i can't continue faking small talk for a living i cannot do it #if i think about going back to a job like my old one i feel sick to my stomach

[custer-mp3]

anyway it’s really funny that my entire childhood my mother was desperate to connect with me about Aesthetic Matters Of The Flesh™ while also being bound & determined to keep me from Doing Anything Goth, which of course is the ONLY form of Aesthetic Matters Of The Flesh™ i was interested in, and had she y’know. just been supportive of that. we could’ve had that ~intergenerational Flesh Decor bonding experience~ she was so desperate about

#like wow gee whiz it's as if you give your kid the option of Not Being Themself or simply refusing to engage with the concept entirely THEY #RE GONNA REFUSE TO ENGAGE WITH THE CONCEPT ENTIRELY!!!!!!!!! #you can't force your kids to be something they're not y'know #anyway as an adult dressing like a freak is my primary hobby & where the bulk of my discretionary income goes tbh #like i eat food. i drink coffee. i read (free stuff) and write (free) and hang out online (free) and use all the money i'm saving by not hav #ing a more exciting social life to dress like an ABSOLUTE FUCKING FRUITCAKE while i do those things #LIKE DAMN MOM WE COULDA BONDED BUT YOU HAD TO BE A BITCH ABOUT IT LMFAOOOOOOO #anyway. bodyartforms order says hi #i got better-sized 12g rings for my septum cuz whatever cheap cbr from work i had in was IRRITATING IT it was getting jostled too much cuz i #t was TOO BIG #and a bunch of miscellaneous ends to match various setups & i'm p stoked abt it #i am passionate about looking cool but it's a set of standards that only exists in my own head & ig that's where i fucked up with my mom lol

[anotherpapercut]

It’s literally amazing that you almost never practice what you preach. Like I only know of you through people but you’re just..a complete hypocrite lmao.

so I turned off anon fucking foreeever ago when I was getting rape threats and now when people want to send me anonymous messages they have to go through the trouble of making a whole ass new blog or, if they've already been blocked, a whole ass account. when it's that, which I think it often is based on the similarity of the messages, I always wonder, did these people use a 2nd email that they have for such occasions? or did they have to make a new email as well? because akdnksnejdb that would be like extra pathetic

either way it's just literally impossible to be bothered by anything y'all say when you're like so obsessed with me (or just the idea of me as a person for you to blame whatever you want on) that you took the time out of your one and only life on earth to do this instead of idk spending time with someone you love? just cause..... idk you're clearly scared of something lol. it's just so funny but also sad? uhhhhh please get help lmfao

#also i love this message because calling someone a hypocrite is like calling them pretentious #everyone is a hypocrite like pretty often and everyone is pretenious sometimes lol #and I'm literally 23 and autistic and still very much learning the right way to interact with people so like.... yeah lol im a hypocrite? #you got me‚ i display common flaws the most people display at various points in their lifetime‚ especially when theyre young and learning! #im so hurt! #my absolute fav part of this message tho 'i only know of you from people' LMFAOOOOOOO #imagine making a new blog to send a hate message on TUMBLR to someone youve only HEARD OF through people JSHDHDBSJSJRJSBBSJDH #and the use of the word know here is interesting because like do you mean you have friends who find my blog annoying #and think i suck and theyve told you about it #because thats not knowing me at all in anyway thats not even knowing of me lmao thats hearing about a version of me second hand lmfao #or do you know people who know me irl who dont like me because they also likely dont actually know me as a person #bc they cant get past my various real flaws (which is cool! maybe i cant get past theirs either lol. sometimes you just dont like people) #so i also dont care about their opinion or yours lol #im fully aware of the mistakes i make #its called being a young adult and trying to work on becoming a generally kinder and better person :/ #and actually it goes past young adulthood :/ #im guessing youre like 14 so im gonna let you know now that you grow up for your entire life until you die #you dont stop growing up at 18 #well you can lmao but thats how Ben Shapiro and Joe Rogan happened lmfaoooo #so uhhh for the worlds sake and ur own please dont stop lol #anyway orion out ✌️

[parkinglothater]

ive been feeling some typa way abt my mother since moving out

#i think i jst like always pretended like their neglect wasnt as bad as it was #but today i came to some real conclusions in the shower #i think my parents biggest flaw is tht theyve locked themselves away from having any emotions #and in doing so comepltely deprived me of any emotional or moral support tht i needed to grow upwith any sense of stability #and most of the adults or peers tht i did trust and lean on for emotional support we're removed from my life in various ways oftentimes #ig i just kinda realized tht even tho ik she cares for me #ive never truly felt loved by my mother #as ive aged shes done a lot of growing uo herself #and has learned to take care of so many things in ways i cld comprehend #but shes never learned how to love me #and since i was a teenager she hasnt known me eniugh to know how to love me #and continues to make no effort to learn #“stfu renee” #“renee rambles in the tags”

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Y'know, there's this gripe I've had for years that really frustrates me, and it has to do with Love, Simon and people joking about it and calling it too-pg and designed-for-straight-people and all the like. (A similar thing has happened to Heartstopper, but that's another conversation.)

I saw Love, Simon in theaters when it came out my senior year in high school. I saw it three times, once with my friends/parents on opening night, once with my brother over spring break, and once with my grandparents.

On opening night, the air in the room was electric. It was palpable. Half the heads in there were dyed various colors. Queer kids were holding hands. We were all crying and laughing and cheering as a group. My friends grabbed my hands at the part where Simon was outed and didn't let go until his parents were saying that they accepted him. My friend came out to me as non-binary. Another person in our group admitted that she had feelings for girls. It was incredible. I left shaking. This was the first mainstream queer romance movie that had ever been produced by one of the main five studios, and I know that sounds like another "first queer character from Disney" bit but you have to understand that even in 2018 this was groundbreaking. Getting to have a sweet queer rom-com where the main character was told that he got "to breathe now" after coming out meant so much to me and my friends.

But also, from a designed-for-straight-people POV (which, to be frank, it was written by a bisexual author and directed by a gay man, this was not designed for straight audiences), why is it a bad thing that it appealed to the widest possible audience? That it could make my parents and grandparents see things in a new light? My stepdad wasn't at all interested in rom-coms but he saw it with me because it was something I cared about and he hugged me when we came out of the theater. My very Catholic grandparents watched it with me and though my grandpa said he still didn't quite understand the whole 'gay thing,' all he wanted was for me to be happy and to have a happy ending like Simon did. My Nana actually cried when Simon came out and squeeze my hand when his mother told him he could breathe.

And when Martin blackmailed Simon, my mom, badass ally that she is, literally hissed "Dropkick him. Dropkick him in the balls" leading to multiple queer kids in the audience to laugh or smile. Having my parents there- the only parents, by the way, out of my group of queer and questioning friends- made multiple people realize that supportive adults were out there. That parents like those in Love, Simon do exist in real life.

When people complain about Heartstopper not being realistic or Love, Simon being too cutesy, I remember seeing Love, Simon on opening night. I remember my friend coming out and my stepdad hugging me and my mom defending us through this character. I remember the cheers that went through the audience when Bram and Simon kissed and the chatter in the foyer after the movie was over and the way that this movie made me understand that happy endings do exist.

Queer kids need happy endings. Straight people need entry points to becoming allies. Both of these things can come together in beautiful ways. They can find out about more queer culture later, but for now, let them have this. Let them all have a glimpse at a better, happier world. Let them have queer joy.

#love simon #simon vs thsa #simon spier #spierfeld #bram greenfeld #my experiences #meta #the importance of queer joy #heartstopper #becky albertalli #my mom also watched rwrb with me last year when it premiered #and let me tell you that was interesting sitting in the room with her for an r-rated romance movie like that

[ew-selfish-art]

DpxDc AU: Tim as a child was never given a lot of information regarding the scribbling messy handwriting that appeared over night all over his arms- naturally he came to his own conclusions.

Tim Drake was home entirely alone at 9 years old and was about to go out for the night to test his brand new long exposure camera lens when he sees the writing on his arm. It’s not English, like he assumed it was at first, but it was using the alphabet to represent… Tim isn’t bad at math but this formula is complex for his little genius brain.

Looking at his camera, he decides he can spare a moment to look it up, solve it, and get back out into old town Gotham in time for Batman and Robin’s final patrol lap. He does just that, finding the problem to relate to some aerospace engineering and then quickly deduces what laws and theorems need to be applied. He finds a pen, writes down his findings in much neater handwriting onto his arm, and goes out. It’s barely a remarkable night at all. He gets a much more memorable photo of Robin roundhouse kicking a hench person.

Things just continued on that way. Tim would find some complex math, physics or chemistry prompt on his arm (surrounded by various question marks or notes or sad faces)- he’d answer it as best he could and move on with his life. Perhaps his parents were manifesting these pop quizzes? Perhaps his subconscious felt guilty about abandoning his studies for more Bat related pursuits? Tim really didn’t care to think much about it once he became Robin- there was too much on his plate and too many peoples problems for him to fix.

Notably, however, after the attack at the Tower, the pop quiz appeared and Tim wrote back that he wouldn’t be able to find an answer to this one. It was the only time Tim questioned the markings appearance and it was because the next thing that appeared was “Hope you feel better soon.”

… his parents wouldn’t include that on a pop quiz. Cursed then. Tim decided it must be a curse, whatever, he’d deal with the implications later in life.

Tim then has the worst year of his life, hes 15, no longer Robin and the questions from his curse are getting less math oriented and more… philosophical. A lot of mentions of death that, in hindsight helped him actually grieve, and a lot of theories about dark matter and souls. Tim answers back as best he can but he’s drained and his answers aren’t very good in his opinion. He gets minimal feedback.

It all comes to a point that he’s at a family dinner, Bruce is at the head of the table, Jason has promised just to stay for dessert, Damian hasn’t thrown a single insult his way and Steph was laughing at him- when a new theoretical model appears on his arm.

“You’re just as bad as Bruce, Timberly. Hiding a soulmate from all of us, how fucking typical.” Jason points out, while watching Tim scribble back some math with a question mark onto his arm.

“A what? No, this is just a curse. I get pop quizzes every now and then.” Tim bats away Steph who rapidly approaches and began to analyze his arm (the rest of the family isn’t far behind).

“Drake. Explain how you came to this conclusion.” Damian seems more curious than anything, if his lack of insults was anything to go off of.

“Since I was young I’ve had at least weekly math check ins, I never had a parent or anyone else around so I assumed my parents had me cursed to ensure I stayed on top of my studies. Sometimes it’s physics or chemistry, for a while there it was a ton of philosophy and behavioral psychology.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“Master Tim, I believe the lack of adults in your life has led you towards a false conclusion. That is most certainly a soulmate mark. The individual to whom you are responding is undoubtedly your other half.” Alfred attempts to calm the room before explaining to Tim. Tim isnt sure if he believes the butler, though Alfred only very rarely lied, so he grabs the pen once more. He writes his first question back: “Who am I to you?”

The room waits in anticipation and within moments a brand new line appears on Tim’s arm and he is vindicated: “We do math together???”

——

The reason Danny is failing English is because his built in homework helper sucks ass at metaphors and has apparently never read any classic literature. The tutor on his arm is great at puzzles and math tho.

Danny gets a reply back one night that he wasn’t expecting (Who am I to you?) and he mentions it to Jazz. Who goes insane that Danny didn’t even question it and just went with “meh, probably haunted” as his explanation for the phenomenon for all these years.

Apparently, if Jazz was right, he had a soulmate who was uh, super fucking smart. That was an overwhelming thought.

The next day Danny is in crisis mode and writes back “Wait, WHAT AM I TO YOU??? Can I help on your homework??”

Danny gets vindicated when the writing on his arm presents a shit ton of dates and information for an unsolved Gotham cold case. See, Haunted.

———

Eventually between Danny becoming the top candidate for astrophysics at Wayne Enterprises and Tim Drake being outed as having contributed tips to the GCPD that solved cold cases- they meet and realize just how dumb they’ve been.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc crossover #dp crossover #long post #braindead ship #brain dead #deadtired ship #tim x danny #soulmate au #soulmate marks #I feel like I really cooked something here #two super smart total dumbasses #in my head then then fall in love and try to pretend that they’ve known this whole time lmao #Tim looks at college level physics questions on his arms as a kid and is like ‘must be a pop quiz’ and then solves them #danny just thinks it looks neat at first but then his haunted arm replies back with actual answers and explanations??? #your honor these two meet in person realize that they are literally soulmates admit no fault and carry on like they’ve always been in love #tim is naturally paranoid and Danny is naturally curious so tim always answers and Danny always asks