#and think i suck and theyve told you about it

[anotherpapercut]

It’s literally amazing that you almost never practice what you preach. Like I only know of you through people but you’re just..a complete hypocrite lmao.

so I turned off anon fucking foreeever ago when I was getting rape threats and now when people want to send me anonymous messages they have to go through the trouble of making a whole ass new blog or, if they've already been blocked, a whole ass account. when it's that, which I think it often is based on the similarity of the messages, I always wonder, did these people use a 2nd email that they have for such occasions? or did they have to make a new email as well? because akdnksnejdb that would be like extra pathetic

either way it's just literally impossible to be bothered by anything y'all say when you're like so obsessed with me (or just the idea of me as a person for you to blame whatever you want on) that you took the time out of your one and only life on earth to do this instead of idk spending time with someone you love? just cause..... idk you're clearly scared of something lol. it's just so funny but also sad? uhhhhh please get help lmfao

#also i love this message because calling someone a hypocrite is like calling them pretentious #everyone is a hypocrite like pretty often and everyone is pretenious sometimes lol #and I'm literally 23 and autistic and still very much learning the right way to interact with people so like.... yeah lol im a hypocrite? #you got me‚ i display common flaws the most people display at various points in their lifetime‚ especially when theyre young and learning! #im so hurt! #my absolute fav part of this message tho 'i only know of you from people' LMFAOOOOOOO #imagine making a new blog to send a hate message on TUMBLR to someone youve only HEARD OF through people JSHDHDBSJSJRJSBBSJDH #and the use of the word know here is interesting because like do you mean you have friends who find my blog annoying #and think i suck and theyve told you about it #because thats not knowing me at all in anyway thats not even knowing of me lmao thats hearing about a version of me second hand lmfao #or do you know people who know me irl who dont like me because they also likely dont actually know me as a person #bc they cant get past my various real flaws (which is cool! maybe i cant get past theirs either lol. sometimes you just dont like people) #so i also dont care about their opinion or yours lol #im fully aware of the mistakes i make #its called being a young adult and trying to work on becoming a generally kinder and better person :/ #and actually it goes past young adulthood :/ #im guessing youre like 14 so im gonna let you know now that you grow up for your entire life until you die #you dont stop growing up at 18 #well you can lmao but thats how Ben Shapiro and Joe Rogan happened lmfaoooo #so uhhh for the worlds sake and ur own please dont stop lol #anyway orion out ✌️

[theygender]

I'm doing it. I'm gonna get a fucking hysterectomy

#its something ive talked about half jokingly for years bc the idea of ever being pregnant or giving birth makes me INCREDIBLY dysphoric #so it seems completely fucking pointless to have to go through so much pain and sickness every month for absolutely no reason #this past month where i couldnt get my medication already had me seriously thinking about it tho #bc even if im managing my endometriosis okay with BC i dont want to have to worry about going through hell if i cant fill my prescription #i was looking into the side effects and etc bc i was thinking about asking my doctor about it next time i went in #and the only thing that had me concerned was that a full hysterectomy or oophorectomy sends you into menopause which seems like itd suck #(but smaller surgeries like tube ligations dont actually stop you from having periods) #BUT i was complaining about this at work and one of my coworkers told me she had a hysterectomy for endometriosis #and her doctor gave her a partial hysterectomy so it stops periods and prevents pregnancy but doesnt send you into menopause #and that sounds fucking GREAT honestly so i wanted to ask my doctor about it even more #but now that roe v wade has been overturned? the deal is sealed im getting this hell machine out of me one way or another #im hoping that my doctor will be understanding as a woman herself but if not my coworker said she'll give me her doctors info #and if THAT doesnt work. i just checked out r/childfree and theyve got a list of doctors in my area who are willing to help #i dont want to keep suffering through chronic illness symptoms every month for absolutely no reason #i dont want to run the risk of getting pregnant and having to live through my worst nightmare as someone with dysphoria #AND like my gf just pointed out to me. ive got other health issues that im trying to get sorted out #im chronically underweight and i either have pots or some kind of hypertension. plus a low immune system and etc etc etc #being forced to carry a pregnancy could fucking kill me for all i know. AND i would have to go off of a lot of my meds?? #all this thing does is cause me chronic pain and put my already precarious physical and mental health at risk #im GETTING it fucking taken out #rambling #ive got an appointment with my therapist on tuesday and i think im gonna ask about getting an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria #and im already in the process of getting tested for pots with my primary care doctor #so hopefully those diagnoses combined with my endometriosis will help speed it along... 🙏

[caruliaa]

hmm girlies we may have acted a bit irrationally earlier this week. lol

#likee. she wasnt even making fun of it that much it was j one post critiquing her song writing like. idk #well. i cant take it back now lol so #idk it just kinda sucks bc like. it feel like so much that everyone around me is just making fun of this interest i have #to the point were i feel weary even about people id otherwise consider friends (although not close ones) mocking my interest and its fans #(and by extension me because i am a fan and its something im passionate about) openly without like. caring about #how feeling mocked by my peers would affect me #becuase it fucking sucks !! it really does its an awful feeling having something you love be treated as embarrassing to enojy #and i have experienced that feeling before including by ppl close to me and i think that still affects me a lot subconsciously #even if theyve since apologized and i dont hold it against them i still feel mentally impacted esp w past expeince of my interests being #mocked. i just like. its really realy easy for me to be on the offense and like. i have been trying to combat those feeling and not get #upset over minor things but idk sometimes its really hard and its easy sometimes to get overly worked up over small things that really #arent me and my interest actually jsut being made fun of but a differnece opinion on them which is fine for someone to have #but idk its jsut easy to feel made fun of when you are constantly surronded by ppl even via just following and shit who ARE #making fun of you idk. ik im not acting rationally but u guys wldnt if u had an interest that it feels like every one around u thinks is #'cringe' and uve seen ppl be told to kill themselves over having. an idk its jsut rly confliciting and im trying to not be irrational but #i feel like im being pushed into being the kind of intense fan who cant handle any critique of smth even when i dont want to be #bc it feels like the other option is to constantly have that interest mocked cosntalty and j put up with it which wears you down sm #and im trying to find a third option but it doesnt feel like thats just up to me like ofc theres some effort i need to and trying to put in #but its also up to the people around me and bc theres no foolproof 'will this person mack my interest' test i can do on everyone i become #mutuals w its kinda like. idk ig if your a mutual and ur reading this pls do be like. idk mindful of the fact that im a part of this online #community that youre in and if mocking smth i enjoy (im. talking abt tswift here if it isnt obvious) is smth you really cant go w out #then genuinly fair enough but please make dont continue to have me as a peer and if you do want to keep me as a part of your online #community jsut be like. mindful w me and everyone if youre mocking smth someone you wnat to have in your community cares abt #esp if its already widely mocked on here yk. idk just try to be kind and considerate of the ppl around u and like. ofc u cant keep track of #everyone ur gonna mess up and thats understandable but like. idk i dont wanna seem to self centered staying this but i remember #a while ago i made a post like pointing out a ship as an example of ships that were really popular despite there not being anything to them #(imo) but i still didnt mock the ship at all and b considerate of ppl that ship it bc ik i have mutuals who rly love tht ship and i didnt #want to make them feel bad bc theyre ppl i care abt even if we arent close and i. kinda wish i cld b offered the same grace idk #idk. also its 5am im going to go to sleep now. gn luce if ur reading this ilu<3 #flappy rambles

[warderfromtheborder]

Having a big frustration with the game director doin his response-to-the-reaction on a tweet because I had to dig through a bunch of sweatbaby reacts before finding the video itself on youtube. That sucks! Would have been great if like the tweet got linked on the youtube page or he posted the video on the youtube account.

For the most part, what he said was stuff I didn't need to have explained because Ive been paying attention to the high-level and drawing-back-the-curtain communications theyve done in the past. All that stuff about armor, I groked that on my own when I sat down and looked at all the armor sets in a 4 season year of destiny. The stuff about pvp modes made perfect sense to me, you got something new for skilled players and something to entice players who are scared of the crucible because of the skilled players. The stuff about how the showcase was filmed a while ago and the team is very busy working, that was some "daycare worker being patient with child because they knocked over their own juice" meme level explanation.

I am so ashamed and sad for my game's community that the literally destiny presidenty has to get on twitter to explain to grown ass men that the game is being worked on, and they aren't just sitting around waiting for us to complain about stuff and then tell us what theyre gonna do about it, like this is some fucking restaurant and joe is the maitre'd who's gonna go back in the kitchen and say 'Hey chef chris proctor stop making that delicious exotic weapon potroast and put some more maps in the goddam spaghettios I got a table full of screaming 11 6th graders out here' If he thinks this is the best way to handle the way the sweatbabys are behaving, that is the most sad and tragic commentary on this game's communuty.

I don't like that after years of consistent messaging about not overpromising on delivery, he straight up promised a map-pack that, based on what they've told us in the past, is gonna require a huge shift in resources. That's very worrying! I thought this kind of stuff was over! Great job aztecross et all! You got dad to turn the van around! Now who knows what's gonna get knocked off pipeline as a result. The later FS dungeon? A reprised destination? Maybe the next reprised raid?

If a destiny CM happens to see this, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. You deserve better. Destiny deserves better. The Crucible deserves better. None of these pvp tryhards make Shaxx or Saint proud. They're just loud. I'm sorry y'all have to do so much to keep them from being deafening.

#destiny 2 #destiny community taking a big fat L today for needing to be talked to like actual kindergartners by the boss of the game #I already barely had the resolve to go in and finish my season pass this week #and Im so tilted that I wouldn't if not for the beautiful jellyfish armor #So THANK YOU ARMOR TEAM for keeping me invested with beautiful art even when the community is getting me down

[taikanyohou]

no bc i sometimes still .... cant get over just how vegaspete's first time came about. vegas' hedgehog died. vegas left the key RIGHT THERE for pete. told him NOBODY was around. he left a SHIRT, RIGHT THERE for pete. and pete frees himself off the chains, yet still cant free himself off vegas. chance after chance was present there as they both sat in the garden underneath the night sky to bury the hedgehog, and yet pete STILL never took it. in a trance, he just follows vegas right back into the bedroom, sees vegas cry then slap himself then start punching himself and he tries to stop him and none of this is making any sense and pete STILL WON'T LEAVE.

and vegas gets it. he thinks pete likes seeing him suffer, enjoys seeing him cry, be humiliated in front of him, get all wound up and angry and be all weak and pathetic, to either laugh at him or try and be vegas' saviour/guardian angel, and vegas thinks pete enjoys that. and then vegas tells him he already knows that he himself likes it when pete shows a little fight, bites back at him, gives him something to work with, that that's the pete he wants. and his HEDGEHOG HAS JUST DIED and he was in BITS just 2 seconds ago and now he's asking pete how he likes it and pete's trying to keep up with all of this as rationally as he can, WHICH HE CAN'T, bc he is getting SUCKED INTO the magnetism of it all, of vegas and this LUSTFUL DESIRE, and vegas' touch is EVERYWHERE all over pete at this point: face neck waist shoulders chest.

so he calls him a pyscho whilst staring at his lips and vegas fucking SMILES at that. and he's seeing exactly what kinda reaction pete is having to all of his touching and this close proximity and vegas KNOWS pete wants it, wants himmmmm. so he fucking TEASES HIM even more and then PULLS AWAY.

and oh god pete's FACE when vegas pulls away? that utter confusion and bewilderment and "why? why did you pull away?" and the emptiness and reality snapping back and his trance breaking? is so DELICIOUS bc THATS the moment he realises he NEEDS more. and vegas wont give it to him until HE says it, expresses it, does something about it, give in and EVEN NOW vegas is STILL letting pete have that once last chance to leave .....

and he doesnt.

he spins vegas around and KISSES HIM. fuck the rights and wrongs and morals and rules and loyalties and duties. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT PETE WANTS. and he WANTS vegas. and they both SMILE bc theyve got each other RIGHT WHERE THEY WANT EACH OTHER.

and its rough and then its tender and then its quick and desperate and then its slow and delibarate. and pete KEEPS on reacting and vegas just KEEPS on giving to him. i dont think vegas has ever fucked anyone that's as reactive to him as pete, and is so uncensored about it. pete licks himself, spins the chains around his own hands and grips onto them as vegas licks his nape and eats him out and oh my god. the way it all just ESCALATES???

pete OFFERS him the ropes, and vegas SMIRKS BACK DOWN AT PETE, bc finally, finally, he's managed to unleash this side of pete. finally, someone who is just as matched up in intensity and heat and want and into wanting to explore and enjoy sex as he is!!!!!! and so he KISSES his hands .... yall. vegas WORSHIPS pete.

and pete, our Certified Pillow Princess, just rests back on his tied hands and WATCHES VEGAS prepare himself, his eyes ROAM over vegas' body, follow his hands, and he's just lying there, sideways on the bed, the empty hedgehog cage next to them, but EVERYTHING be damned and forgotten, and he's fully enjoying every second of this.

and then vegas fucks him but there's these FLASHES where it doesnt even look like that. it looks like pure love making. the way they're looking into each other eyes?? the KISSING???? how absolutely BLISSED OUT they look?? and then pete's not just smiling at vegas when vegas rests his head on pete's arm, no thats not just an ordinary smile of his. that was one of pete's most truest, ~darkest~ smiles, how fully he succumed to vegas and how much fucking PLEASURE AND BLISS AND SATISFACTION AND FREEDOM TO JUST ... BE PETE .... he found in it.

and how he WANTS MORE. oh godddd he WANTS MORE. he's HUNGRY. INSATIABLE. and vegas' smile DROPS and all he does is just look at pete who's looking at him and smiling at him like that and

that's it, isn't it? oh god, pete, 'at first i thought i was a freak, until now.' and oh god, pete, 'do you know how sexy you are?'.

#WILD. JUST. WILD HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN. #faiza talks #vegaspete

[spoolofthreat]

The idea of dopamine antagonistic medications being used for treatment of schizophrenia is scary and crazy to me. All it does is help lessen positive symptoms. You know what else it does? Makes the negative symptoms worse.

Below for informative rant i suppose ^_^

To be diagnosed specifically with schizophrenia you need to have at least some positive and negative symptoms. (Ik the dsmV is shit suck hole... but this part still stands because medications FOLLOW diagnoses from the dsmV) If you have/had only positive, you just have a psychotic disorder. If you only have/had negative you probably have something else.

You cannot have one without the other at least in a period at the same instances. You can definately have residual schizophrenia, which i think is what "stage" i am going through, but there needs to be a presence of both in your life.

And what i dont understand is this blatant ignorance of the negative symptoms when it comes to treatment. Oooh ooga booga schizos are soooo scary.. if someone sees or hears something you dont they might kill you or do an evil laugh!!!! We better sedate them with drugs before this situation gets out of hand. <- this is how i feel like theyve been treating this entire situation. Most of this shit isnt even true, and i know you know that. You have dehumanized us so much that our own struggling with the illness doesnt even matter, its just about making you feel safer and about us being able to contibute to society. You KNOW schizophrenics experience negative symptoms, and yet you make drugs specifically to block chemical activity that can worsen negative symptoms. And thats because it doesnt affect you, as long as they arent struggling with hallucinations or delusions i think they will be okay :*)

Idiots. Every time i complain about how antipsychotics/ssris/dopamine antogonists make me feel like some husk of a person i used to be and struggle with having to keep on living this way they just tell me they cant really do anything about it. I ask them to take me off of it, they say that it would be unsafe for me AND FOR OTHERS if they allowed me to do so. And these people known me forever, at least my therapist. He fearmongers me to stay on it and openly had told me he favors my longevity over my happiness.

I have been off of antipsychotics for 9 months now. i have been doing so much better than i had been, but that doesnt take away that i still experience negative symptoms. It is draining for me, i dont want be like this, there needs to be serious change within psychology and fhen in turn with the psychochemists or whatever their title is. This is so unbelieveably sfupid how they got this far and thought that this was the best treatment since it was officially dubbed it's own name.

#hnt6687

[brett-is-afraid]

And I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Rating: Explicit

Ship: Sam/Colby

Request: they’ve been away from each other for a week or two (maybe celebrating holidays with their families or something) and so when they are together again it’s literally the clingiest sex theyve ever had. theyre all over each other as soon as they can be. add whatever else you’d like

Summary: Sam and Colby had always viewed themselves as a package deal, two people who couldn't be separated. The holidays proved them wrong about that and once they were finally back together, they were determined to make up for lost time.

Warnings: Porn with feelings, porn without plot, codependency, top Sam, bottom Colby, anal, gentle sex, barebacking

Chapter: 1/2

Tears were burning in Sam’s eyes as he laid on his bed. The room around him was slightly cold and dark, the sun having set and the lights all being turned out. All the light provided was from the moon and distant street lamps that allowed beams of light to filter in. It didn’t matter, though. All he could focus on was Colby halfway down the bed, pressing kisses down his stomach.

“I’ve missed this so much. I’ve missed us,” Colby murmured out against Sam’s skin, enjoying being back together finally. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d spent so much time apart and he didn’t want to do it again. Sam nodded, curling his fingers into Colby’s dark hair, twirling soft locks between his fingers. He’d missed Colby so much over the past two weeks while they visited their families for the holidays. They had tried to work a way out to be back together sooner, but they hadn’t managed to think of something before they had to go back home.

“I missed you too. I always miss you,” Sam whispered truthfully. He always missed Colby. Maybe they were codependent, but it didn’t matter, they didn’t usually have to be apart. Looking down, he found Colby looking up at him. Pale streaks of moonlight hit Colby’s face, illuminating his features softly. The look on Colby’s face was intoxicating, looking at Sam as though he was the only thing in the world.

Sam’s fingers reached out to cup Colby’s cheek, just holding him for a minute. It felt painful to be away from him, even if it just meant not touching each other. A sense of comfort always washed over him when he had his hands on Colby. Colby leaned into Sam’s touch, closing his eyes for just a moment. They could’ve stayed like that forever, just being close to one another.

The contact was only broken slightly when Colby pressed another kiss to Sam’s stomach, feeling the brush of soft hair against his skin. He smiled at the feeling and a moment later, Sam’s fingers tangled back into their original position in Colby’s hair. Sam gasped when he felt teeth sink into his stomach followed by Colby sucking softly at the area. Hickeys, his mind supplied easily. Colby had always loved leaving marks all over him, especially when they’d been apart.

Colby dipped lower, pressing kisses along every inch of skin he could reach. He left a few more marks as he went along, mostly being gentle with Sam. Sam loved it either way, whether Colby was being all soft with him or if he was getting rougher with him. It seemed to be a sweet night and Sam couldn’t say he was surprised. Every time he was upset or hurt about something, Colby tended to get softer and needed to be taken care of more than he usually allowed himself to be.

“Not tonight,” Sam mumbled when he felt Colby beginning to drift lower. He knew where it was going if he let the older man continue on. As much as he liked having him go down on him, he didn’t want that tonight. It didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Part of him knew he would get too close to the edge with Colby sucking him off and he wanted to last as long as he could once he was inside of him. “Switch places with me, baby. I wanna take care of you,” He told him with a small smile.

Colby seemed reluctant, but he nodded anyway and pulled himself away. He ducked down to kiss Sam before he was willing to lay down, smiling against him. They both took their time, kissing slowly and simply going with the motions of everything. There was no sense of urgency between them. It wasn’t the typical desperate night where they just wanted to get off. Though, like those nights, they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off of each other for very long.

They couldn’t help themselves. For as long as they could remember now, they had always been a package deal. Sam was gone, Colby was gone. All that rested in their places was Sam and Colby. Never seen apart, true soulmates, each other’s guides. And neither of them could bring themselves to be upset about how interconnected they’d quickly become.

“Don’t ever leave me for that long again,” Colby murmured once he pulled away from their kiss, looking down at the other. His words were a bit sad and they made Sam’s chest tighten painfully with how much they hurt him. He hated knowing Colby had felt lonely, knowing how the other could get sometimes. His feelings often overwhelmed him, not being able to handle feeling alone, even if he tried to act as though things didn’t affect him as much as they did.

“Never again,” Sam promised. He was glad Colby trusted him enough to let down his guard and to let Sam see this side of him. Sam loved having this just to himself. “Not allowed to leave me either” He grinned, pressing another quick kiss to his lips. Colby seemed content with this and moved to rest on the bed next to Sam before the blonde haired man got up.

Colby shifted over to take the place where Sam had been laying, shivering at how warm the spot was. Sam had always been like a furnace; if he was a heater, Colby was a moth. Drawn to his warmth, willing to burn himself alive just to be close to him. Leaning over, Sam pulled up the bedside drawer and rummaged through it to find what he was looking for. He pulled the lube out first, tossing it onto the bed next to Colby because they would for sure be needing it for what he had planned.

When he reached the condom, he held it up in a silent question and Colby shook his head no. As soon as he did, Sam tossed it back into the drawer haphazardly. He didn’t need more convincing to not use one. Both of them were clean, never sleeping with anyone besides each other. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love how it felt without one.

“I’ll make you feel so good,” Sam said as he settled in between Colby’s thighs, pushing them apart as much as he needed. Colby nodded with a bright smile and Sam found himself falling deeper in love, something he didn’t even think was possible. Sam uncapped the lube with a soft click and leaned to press a quick kiss to the top of Colby’s thigh before he got to work. “It’s been too long since we’ve had time alone,” He murmured thoughtfully. Even before going home for the holidays, it had been a couple days since they had gotten to slip into bed together.

“You always make me feel good,” Colby replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. And to him, it absolutely was. If the roles were reversed, Sam would feel the same way about it. They always took care of one another. At this point, they knew each other and what they liked as well as they knew themselves. “We won’t have to go that long again,” The words were a promise that both of them knew they’d go to the ends of the earth to fulfill.

#solby #sam x colby #colby x sam #smut #nsft #my writing #rpf #pro rpf #sam #colby #requests #brett speaks

[rz-053]

having a friend who reminds me of a less obsessive, intense davey, from the beginner's guide, is weird. its weird and its stressful and its something else i cant identify

i genuinely love this person. theyre my friend, i care about them, i value their friendship and i love hearing what they have to say and i enjoy talking to them.

but it always seems like that isn't the case for them. they talk to me when they want to share what theyve done, to be told they've done something good and interesting. they come to me with an attitude that feels like an entitlement to the work of other artists and an expectation that i inherently share this as well. they come to me and ask me how i'd take someone else's work and steal it and file off the serial numbers and change it to have my own version of something i was never entitled to having, because that's something THEY'D do, because they seem to bear this entitlement to the worlds and works of other artists.

and it sucks. i love this friend. but they dont seem to care all that much about me but some mirror or interactive springboard to project their values onto. they didn't ever respond to me when i told them i probably wouldnt copy and tweak someone else's world because i didn't see the need to. even after i tried to strike up a conversation about something else, a casual friendly conversation, shooting the shit. just never responded. and im not entitled to a conversation, i understand that inherently. but it just feels callous. it feels like if im not doing the dance theyve tried to get me to learn, their dance, they wont pick up their feet.

and you know. i didnt expect to cry writing this. i didnt. i thought getting this all out would make me see the light and stop loving this friend but i still do, more than ever. i just hope he can have the same come to jesus moment the fictionalized davey did, even if their conduct is really nowhere near as bad, i think. i think. i think. i think.

#negative #probably? idk #i fear theyll see this and get upset at me despite me doing everything i can #to not upset them because i care about them

[s3cr3tjuic3]

long post ahead!! this is purely copy and paste so sorry for any spelling errors

after they get brought back, regressors roxas and xion and caregiver axel bc theyve all been through so much

roxas and xion regressing bc, i mean, they never had a childhood and axel just easily takes up the mantle of caregiving bc i he loves them so much and they deserve to have a healthy coping mechanism and dangit they are just so cute!

the two started regressing involuntarily and neither could put a name to it, they both would just find axel and tell him something was wrong and cry and all axel could do was craddle the two and tell them it would be alright

it wasnt until riku visited one day and the two "had another episode" and riku saw and pointed out that they were regressing

axel didnt catch on as fast but the two littles did and they were devastated

riku easily stepped up and calmed the little down. after a little explaining to axel what age regression was, axel didnt even think before he started taking care of them.

riku decided that it was nap time to he "coherced" the two littles to lay down and watch a movie while he "got them a surprise"

riku taught axel how to make the kids angel milk and even wrote it down. the two presented the sippys and while xion was eager to taste whatever sugary surprise riku made, roxas w as shy abt the idea of drinking from a sippy cup but ge eventually gave in and the two littles passed out before even finishing the cups

axel asked riku how he knew so much about age regression and riku was silent for a moment.

-"riku you dont have to tell me"

-"no, its not that, its just... sora was a little and i used to be his caregiver... i just miss him is all"

that couldn't be said without a little tears, everyone missed sora and no one was any step closer to finding him

the two regressors had a talk with axel and riku the next time they were big, riku explained an answer to every question they asked, very knowledgeable in experience. the two had a hard time accepting the coping mechanism their brain choose for them but [riku: "its a totally healthy and normal coping mechanism and response. i know nobody says it but you were put through a lot and deserve to be able to experience the childhood you never had"] it was just a little bit easier after that

riku was a frequent babysitter and the two littles even started calling him "bubba"

before sora disappeared, when riku was new to caregiving, he worriedly searched everywhere for an appropriately sized paci for sora and ended up in traverse town before sid. riku tried to be as inconspicuous as possible around sid but sid had been around long enough to gather that something was going on and confronted riku abt it. riku caved and told him about sora coming to him regressed one nice and how he had sucked on his thumbs for so long that he had a blister and riku really needed a replacement. pitbull sid, been there, done that actually had a hidden supply of adult pacis. he knew a few people who were littles and, hey, he does run a shop, so he supplied some just in case he ran into someone who needed it. riku almost cried tears of joy when sid presented him with a plain red a paci and riku was off back to the tower to give sora his new present. the little boy was beyond happy and spent the rest of the day curled up to riku's side with his new paci

#age regression #sfw agere #agere #sfw age regression #fandom agere #salli screeches #kingdom hearts #kh #kh agere #kh age regression #kingdoms hearts agere #kingdom hearts age regression #xion #xion kh #xion kingdom hearts #roxas #roxas kh #roxas kingdom hearts #axel #axel kh #axel kingdom hearts #🫐 #salli's scribbles

[wulvert]

HACK WHEEZE GOOFNMOR NING. IT IS NOT MORNING FOR ME ACTUALLY I HAV MISSED IT BY A LONGSHOT. ANYWAYS HAPPY BELATED PAPERTEETH DAY YOU WON THROUGH THE ILLNESS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

tw for: discussion of suicide (about avery) nd questions about avery's mental state i guess? if ur uncomfortable with answering the questions here for any reason pls for the love of god do NOT answer. or delete the ask nd i can resend it without this part. theres a marker for when i stop talking about it!

i am. so deeply concerned about avery's mental state. the repeated showcases of such severe self hatred to the point of suicidal ideation is so so worrying i want her 2 be happy. i like exploring nd expanding on it when i write her though!!! complex characters my beloved. was avery. always in this mental state before being turned? or was it. becoming a vampire that triggered it. or did becoming a vampire just like. make what she already had worse? i am. very worried for her

(discussion of suicidal topic end)

um. heres a lighter question: WHY DID SCARLET REACT LIKE THAT WHEN AVERY FIRST CALLED HER,,,WHO DID SHE THINK WAS CALLING,,,IS THIS JUST HOW SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. IS IT RELATED 2 SCARLETS "FEELS ALONE TO THE POINT OF ABNORMALITY" THING ND SHE WAS JUST RLY EXCITED 2 HAVE SOMEONE CALL? IS IT JUST A FOR FUN DETAIL IM OVERTHINKING. I HAVE 2 KNOW,,,

also. how did scarlet know where avery lives. did she like. ask trisha nd trisha asked her dad/rummaged through his files? asked kelly?

GOODMORNING ITS 5PM! I did it,,,

ok yeah tw: implied suicidal ideation pretty much what lesbian_1sm said:

right so she's def never been this low b4- but she's definitely overall throughout her life been pretty empty, she's never had any control of her own life, its all been what her parents want for her & her brothers- becoming a vampire's the worst possible scenario for her, she under 0 circumstances can fulfill her parents wants in any way whatsoever. so that sucks, cuz she's dedicated every waking moment of her life to that. she's raised to think vampires existing is morally wrong- so she feels guilty for not being dead but she also, honestly doesn't want to die, she's never rly got to live 4 herself but it seems like the only thing ethical thing she can do. so she hates herself a lot, but she also hates herself for not hating herself more. rip. she is gonna latch onto any "excuse" for her to not turn herself in, she just needs some outside thing to justify it to herself with. she genuinely thinks kelly would just kill her no questions asked if she told him even though theyve been friends for like. a gazillion years.

she'll be okay though i think becoming a vampires necessary for her to get better in the long run otherwise she'd stick to that murder grindset for the rest of time

ITSA OVER WE CAN TALK ABT SCARLET AND HER LESS OVERT DESPAIR NOW WAHOO

I THINK SHE'S JUST LIKE THAT NOW. shes not used to people anymore. a spam call is a huge event for her- she has to make them stay to talk for a minute.

she probably asked around, i think vampire hunters like to impose so a few people probably know where she lives- & scarlet probably just said she wanted to check up on her after hearing about the disruption - her desperate intensity probably made ppl think they were close friends (not out of character for avery not to let her friends know where she lives, so whatever) so they unquestioningly gave it to her.

#asks

[despite-everything]

im

just going to write this out because i need to get it out somewhere and dont know where my little audio recorder is. i know its hard to live with parents for a lot of people, and i knew it'd be hard for me but thats really hitting right now.

today wasnt the worst, but it also kinda sucked. some geriatric asshole stopped his working vehicle in the middle of the street for no reason, and nearly got me t-boned because of it, then i got an energy bill for a place i dont live despite cancelling the policy in july, then i got a message from my insurance agent saying my policy would be cancelled if i didnt pay (but nothing was due?) and then when i tried to call i learned that this house often doesnt have cell signal in the afternoon. i eventually managed to talk to the insurance people and got that sorted, but i couldnt get through to the energy people, so that's still unresolved. im still rattled from the car thing - i was almost killed in a car last year, so im very sensitive around crashes and near-crashes (no flashbacks today, though, so thats better than the last near-incident i dealt with). tomorrow my dad and i fly out to visit his aging parents - his dad is basically wasting away and his mom is losing her mind, so its a bit of a lets-visit-one-last-time thing. i havent seen them since 2018 and rarely talk to them, but i know theyve fallen down this horrible fox-news-christian-conservative hole lately, and before that they werent great, so i have a horrible feeling this trip is just going to be painful and sad. i know that best-case-scenario, we talk about nothing meaningful at all, and they dont comment on my appearance. but they're going to hate it. and if they actually knew me, they'd hate me, too. and i feel bad leaving my cat behind to live in the basement for 3 days - my stepmom will look after her, but she's going to be very lonely. so there's that, too.

but honestly i needed to write this out because my dad and i were driving our dog to the park to let her run around and we were listening to the radio. he asked me why i dont always use my radio voice, and i told him its because it takes extra effort to stay low and smooth for the persona and the microphones, and that after a few hours its tiring. he said he knew that, but then basically asked again - i tried to get him to clarify, but he didnt have the vocabulary to explain it, so he tried to mimic my voice (i guess?) and it was fucking mean. like i felt my heart drop and almost teared up immediately. i said something like "haha i don't sound like that" and he doubled down and said i did. and the thing is like... i know my natural voice is a bit nasal. im from texas and was raised with a mother and an aunt with nasally, high-pitched southern accents, and i inherited some of that. i HATE my natural voice. for years, any video taken where i spoke at all, i hated rewatching it. i thought i sounded annoying and could barely fathom people wanting to be around me. i hear any recording of my self earlier than 2021 and i want to turn it off and erase it completely. i don't think i'll ever get over that hatred. but as i've gotten older, my voice has dropped a bit. and i make a conscious effort to have much less of a texan accent (some words still trip me up - aisle, line, fire, wild... "i" is hard to not sound texan on), and i try to sound "smoother" and more pleasant. but i know i don't always succeed, especially if im excited. and the thing is, my excitement is always too much for my family. it's annoying and immature and overwhelming, apparently. so my entire life i've tried to tone myself down, but sometimes i fail, and sometimes i'm so wound up and anxious i fail then, too. and i know it's annoying, but jesus christ that imitation hurt.

when i tried to express that, my dad got pissed and was like "thats just what you sound like" and i said something along the lines of "you don't have to mean about it" and he got more upset and was like "im not being mean you just sound like that. but fine. i just wont bring it up ever again" and im sitting in the passenger seat thinking... what am i supposed to do? what am i supposed to say? if i cry, he'll get even more upset and think im overreacting and being immature, but todays already been hard (to self-regulate earlier, i bit my arm so hard i accidentally drew blood, and screamed so loud in my car my hearing was temporarily dampened, but while that helped, it didn't fix anything), and i could cry any moment. and my mind just loops back to the impression of me, which was startlingly similar to his "whiny voice" he uses to mock assholes. it just felt fucking awful and yet i felt kinda crazy because he keeps saying he didnt mean it in a bad way, and he isnt the type to play mind games but my mother did that sort of thing all the time, and i was tired and upset and wanted to go back home. after the park, i tried to continue the conversation, but never really understood what part of my voice or cadence he was referring to,but i think i smoothed things over enough. but it just sucks so much.

im living with him and my stepmom right now as i look for a job, and im more than an hour away from any of my friends. while i could drive to see them, it doesnt make sense to waste that gas when im unemployed and heading for the airport in the morning tomorrow. and i dont really call my friends. i could, but its not a thing we do, and i honestly would just want to say what this post said and then move on. i just wish i had company. but im outside trying not to be eaten alive by mosquitoes but theyre getting me through me jeans, so i just have to suck it up and go inside to wash the dishes.

#sorry i just needed to vent #today sucked #i just wasn't expecting my dad to be mean like that #if i were living with my mother and she did that it wouldnt hurt because id expect it from her #this just totally blindsided me #tree talks

[fefairys]

53 54 55 56 57 59 60 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 . lol i just want u to do all of them

ur crazy i love u so much <3 under the cut again

53. Alpha kids or Beta kids? grrrrr I LIKE THEM ALL!!!!! im gonna say alpha kids cuz theyre underrated and im an alpha kid lover, but i really love them all :/

54. Alpha trolls or Beta trolls? beta trolls.

55. Beforus or Alternia? beforus is really interesting to look at because its so nuanced, i think. alternia is fun too because violence and killing and murder and all the trauma that comes with that, but there's also the insidiousness of beforus being seen as a "utopia" but it actually sucks really bad also, just in more subtle ways. beforus, final answer.

56. Derse or Prospit? DERSE GANG BABEY!!!! I LIKE. PURBLE!!!!

57. The Felt or The Midnight Crew? oh man i really like all the funnie time powers of the felt. gonna go with them even tho i love the midnight crew dearly as well.

59. Red team or blue team? i think red team would be more fun to be on because of the drama of it all

60. Meat or candy? oouugugughhhhhh..... both. neither. certain aspects of each. throw it all in the garbage. reread it 10 times. AAAHHHH

68. already answered

70. Do you like your God Tier outfit? (maid of heart) yeah i think its alright. looks comfy 👍 a fun dress might be nice tho...

71. Ship headcanons? this is too vague im going to eat you.

72. Character headcanons? eating you again this is EVEN MORE VAGUE

73. Meteor trip headcanons? man i dunno. rose and vriska stumbling upon each other alone at one point and its really awkward at first because theyve never really talked and rose probably dislikes vriska from the things kanaya has said about her, but she is very intriguing isn't she? they get to talking, as light players do, and vriska thinks rose is super cool, maybe she even says "You know what, Lalonde? You're actually pretty alright." and rose... hmm... rose wants to keep her distance, karkat and kanaya have both told her so many accounts of vriska being just straight up fucking evil. rose would probably suspicious of her trying to befriend her. i don't know that's all i've got idk what happens next.

74. Earth C headcanons? big polycule.

75. already answered

76. Do you like kidswaps? Do you have a favorite? kidswaps i have found more intriguing than bloodswaps for some reason.. i really like dave lalonde and rose strider i think that is rife for some super interesting shit going on. but idk i dont really think about AUs like this very much!

77. Do you like speciesswaps? Do you have a favorite? again havent really thought about it. designing the kids as trolls is really fun, but haven't thought about the implications or anything!

78. Do you use quadrants IRL? yup. you know this, juice, my kismoirailsis lol... fun fact for anyone else reading this, me and juice started as kismesises, which tends to surprise people who know us irl because we seem like we're sooo in love (which we are) but yeah we are still kismesises under that :) real!

79. Do you like celebrating 4/13? hell fucking yeah brother its a high holy day for me

91. Favorite hemocaste? aw man idk. probably gold. cool powers and usually nerds, whats not to love!

92. Favorite typing quirk? typing quirks are so fun i like all of em!!! T3R3Z1'S 1S D3F1N1T3LY 4 F4VOR1T3 THOUGH!!!

93. Favorite MSPFA? i have never read one all the way through </3 vast error is pretty cool but i am NOT caught up on it at all. thats the only one i've gotten super far in :/ sowwy

94. What would your strife specibus be? hmmmm.... i've always liked the idea of umbrellakind theres so much u can do with that, that's why i gave it to my first fantroll ever! so yeah i'll go with that. umbrella.

95. already answered

96. What would your lusus be? i want it to be a kitty... idk tho my trollsona's lusus is dead i havent really thought about it!

97. What caste do you feel you’d belong to, regardless of your zodiac? definitely a low one, still. idk rust feels right!

98. What characters do you relate most to? well.

99. already answered

100. One popular HS opinion you agree with? uh idk davekat and rosemary good 👍 :)

#answer meme #homestuck #asks #Anonymous

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Hey Em, Im not sure how to deal with something? I broke things off with a longtime friend recently.. Gist of it being that they were very bad at communicating most anything which eventually resulted in them creating a rift that grew for a long time, until it hurt too much so I proposed we split off indefinitely if not forever. While I think this was the healthiest decision, it still feels really bad? I feel healthier mentally, but the grief for the friendship is only getting worse. They said some shitty things that I hate them for, but on the other hand I miss them and wish it could have gone differently. I almost wish I could just hate them completely, but I dont.. I guess what I'm asking is, do you have any advice for dealing with something like this?

hmm. anon i love you but im not sure im the best person to ask about this. ive been told i dont deal with my emotions in a very human way. furthermore i dont tend to form meaningful emotional connections with people who are just friends, so when they drift out of my life i just. am not really bothered by it, usually. but i will offer you what i can: overcomplicating a very simple issue in an attempt to simplify a very complicated emotion.

so like, i dont do active splits with friends. if someone starts annoying me and i dont want them in my life anymore, i just stop talking to them. and usually at this point theyve also stopped talking to me, so it isnt like im just ignoring them outright. and it also doesnt hurt me. but i do have experiences like what youre talking about, specifically with romantic relationships ive had to break off for one reason or another. and both your case and mine are similar forms of grief.

i think its important to understand what grief really is. and im sure everyone will have different definitions, but i think the core of it is trying to hold onto something you cant have anymore. there's a pain inherent to losing someone, but people tend to torture themselves by wishing for things they have to give up. you wish things couldve been different. you wish you couldve maintained your friendship and your friend couldve been healthier for you. i dont know what that possibility looks like for you, but i know youre imagining it and hurting because it cant be real. for me, when i broke up with someone i knew i couldnt stay in a relationship with, i spent a while doing the same thing, holding onto all the cute domestic fantasies id been imagining the last year, thinking maybe i should just suck it up and let myself be happy in a situation where i knew i couldnt, wishing i could just. fix everything and be okay.

and like. thats not a BAD thing. thats normal. its healthy to let yourself grieve when youve been hurt, even if you know its for your own good. but at a certain point, you have to decide to let go. you have to make the conscious choice to move on and leave your fantasies behind. and like, it sucks! it hurts! and i wont discount that! you can take your time to ease into it, and you can wait until you think youre ready before you start. but one day youve gotta do it.

of course, this may very well just be a case where my brain's fuckin broke as all hell and it doesnt apply to normal people. if you think im stark raving mad, i encourage you to ask someone more well-adjusted than me. this is just the only advice i can offer you. love you anon. im sorry things didnt work out. i hope you feel better <3

[literaphobe]

Hi this in regards to the asks about the teaching Tina thing with ant, etc I'm a lil behind but I wanted to add -wasn't the stream where Sam taught dream about rsr LITERALLY ON TINAS STREAM?! she was there they both reviewed so much with her. Also like shouldn't ant know too that just because it wasn't streamed doesn't mean it didn't happen? Like idk maybe Tina would do better with punz or ant buuuut I think they both should know by now that's its not an education thing, it's Tina having a mental block in competitions and directions.

I love Tina and I've been following/subbed her for way over a year now and have seen her have similar performances in other games including the infamous league and among us lol

Tina is absolutely a great gamer like all you need to is watch her in speedrunners and tetris- she has great reaction time but her strongsuits seem to be more solo games. I think Tina's reaction times are just better when she's on her own? She def suffers from tunnel vision like so many others, dream (SG lol) and sylvee to name a couple haha for recency bias in one of the league games from last week someone was asking her to do something multiple times- it was said clearly in a calm nice manner over and over and she just straight up didn't here it, she was just so focused on her task, it was funny! She has also said that she has a hard time hearing/focusing on multiple stuff at once.

I think maybe just her learning to be confident and yoloing it would help? She did so good in this mcc and it sucks to see her be so down on herself. which again as we all agree is why the teams she has gotten have been so frustrating, theyve done morning to help her build confidence in her skills and lose focus.

She should prob work more on finding ways to minimize distractions and work on her settings too like what dream said in Tina's stream last night (I just watched the clipped part someone uploaded to YouTube lol it was so cute they're the sweetest) Tina just needs time and experience, dream has had a bunch of mccs to figure what overwhelms him the most and how to deal with it (muting or finding tricks to avoid other players) and it still gets to him. And of course years of practicing for speedruns and manhunts.

Tina and dream speedrun manhunt stream when?!

yeah exactly i’ve known tina for a long time too and she just isn’t very experienced in most games but she’s so good at speedrunners and tetris!!! like. again look i don’t wanna be the one to say it but over a lot of stories tina’s told on stream over the years i wouldn’t be surprised if she has adhd. and like… neurodivergent people tend to feel drawn towards other neurodivergent people so like it wouldn’t be a HUGE shock. anyway yeah. tina needs time. and she also needs stronger teammates so her stats aren’t so deflated. every time else is just a matter of time, additional vod reviews, and practice. honestly even if tina and dream don’t team next event he’d still help her practice if she asked. because that’s the kind of friend dream is. and the proof is in the pudding of dream helping tina train and practice even before they were teamed in mcc23

#ask

[mbat]

yknow what, man? i will laugh at fascists. keyword at. because aside from obviously being pissed off at them and wanting nothing more than to strange them with my bare hands, what else am i supposed to do?

everything i am is everything fascists hate. im literally jewish and trans and bisexual. i want everyone to have safety and homes and food and education unconditionally, i dont believe bodies are binary, i believe medicine and healthcare should be a right, not a luxury. i believe in a lot of things that are so opposite of fascists and if they knew i existed theyd hate me like they hate everyone else.

there is no world in which id agree with them even if my life depended on it. especially if my life depended on it.

and also, lets just be real here, they are ridiculous. the way they act is manipulative, but fucking ridiclous. i had people accusing me a few days back of being awful because i said that calling art 'degenerate' is funny. yknow why i said that? because thats just fucking stupid to me! its art dude! its not gonna do anything to you! maybe it can suck or depict shitty things, but its just a drawing/sculpture/what have you bro!

like, i know why fascists attack art. art is often the ultimate expression of the self, or love, or joy, or simply humanity. expression attacks oppression. to get rid of art would help them, so of course they would attack it like an enemy. but like... bro, come on. its still just art, man. degenerate.... you sound so ridiculous 💀

and like. ive been drawing for over 10 years now, whether it shows or not, so like, i get it if people find it not sounding the best that my first reaction is to laugh at the face of someone trying to attack something so personal and such, but also thats exactly why i do. these dickwads thrive on reaction, they want you to get upset, or insecure, or whatever. i draw because it brings me joy, if my art is somehow devoid of morals or whatever they even mean by "degenerate"... oh well? i dont usually show my art to others anyway, and even if i do its still just an image, and usually pretty tame ones at that. i hurt no one with my art lmao.

id rather just laugh in their face. what are they going to do about it?

i am stronger, any of us are stronger, than every single one of them. all of us who allow ourselves to be free, who dare to think outside of what weve been told, have more of a backbone than theyve ever had in their whole lives. they want to uphold systems that do nothing but hurt everyone, even the top, because it is inherently poisonous to the human brain. systems that want anything except for humanity from the human experience.

i laugh because i know that aside from the way they hurt others, they are just shells of a human being, and that is so hilariously sad.

#i still stand by everything i said on that one post #but seriously fuck everyone else on that post who was either devoid of reading comprehension or just wanted to make a random person sound #sound bad because it made you feel better about yourself... #literally people on that post were congratulating one person who misinterpreted EVERYTHING i said and it was like. #fuck all of you for real dude. #being teamed up on sucks but especially when im not even in the wrong #like if im wrong ill admit it dude but i was not wrong #like i admit my wording can come off confusing as hell but i dont think it came off bad enough to make it sound like i agreed with fascists #just. smfh. assholes fr. i blocked all of them cause i dont need that shit in my life. if some stranger wanna think bad of me #and talk shit on me just to make themselves feel better. go ahead i guess. hope it helps you sleep at night :// #with that out of the way. idek dude #my post #anti fascism #ALSO THEY WERE TRYING TO SPIN MY WORDS TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IM ANTISEMITIC? BRO? #they thought i was talking about a specific person (i was not?) who happened to be jewish.... dude what.... #nothing i had said indicated that i was talking about a specific person.

[dyketubbo]

tl;dr of that last post though - reblogs > likes is about the creator not the consumer. if an artist is telling you that they value reblogs more than they do likes then the kind thing to do is to listen to them and to value supporting artists in the way that they ask to be supported. obviously its a little demeaning to use this example but its the best i could think of: when a child does something, and theyre clearly proud of what theyve done, you dont just.. nod and move on, yknow? especially if they put a lot of work into it, or if its something they care a lot about. sure, maybe the kid will appreciate some form of acknowledgement, but a lot of kids will often give up if thats all they get. or they stop sharing their achievements, because.. in the end, a lot of the time doing something just for yourself when you expected it to be something you could share with others and be connected to others through is Lonely. and it can suck.

and growing up doesnt decrease that feeling, especially if you start facing more and more problems with what youre doing. in the end it just boils down to the fact that sure, for some, a nod of acknowledgement or a thumbs up is all they need to know that what they did was liked, and theyre fine to keep going. for some, no feedback is needed at all because they truly are just doing it for themselves and no one else. maybe some dont mind a lack of feedback because the creation itself simply isnt that important to them, or at least not compared to other creations of theirs. but for many, creation is something to be shared, something they want positive feedback on, or a certain form of support over.

maybe positive feedback is what they need to get out of a rut. maybe all they wanted was to know that yeah, people would engage with them if they kept going. maybe they put a lot of work into it or put a lot of details they didnt think people would notice or care about and their day is made when people do care, do point it out and show them that what they put into it was worth it. maybe they just want attention, and wanting attention shouldnt be seen as a bad thing.

putting work and care into something you wanted people to care about too and getting very little response sucks. getting very little of a response that would actually show you people care sucks even more. in the end thats all there really is to it. everyone has their own ways they want to be supported, and to be pushed aside and told to just deal with it because people didnt mean to not listen to what was asked of them. its like having someone ask for a gift on their birthday or something and you just give them a hug and tell them thats a gift so it should be enough. sure, a hug is nice, and if they like hugs they probably appreciated it on some level. but that isnt what they asked, and its going to come off like you dont really care what they want, especially if theyve made it clear in the past and even in their initial request of you what they meant by gift. yknow?

#tl;dr - goes on to make a pretty long post still #whoops sorry this is a pretty nuanced thing #uh. extra tl;dr - listen to artists and support people in the way they ask to be supported #and dont just try to assauge yours and others guilt when those people get frustrated that no ones showing them proper support #i dont like using the word love much for average situations but #something something love languages sure if you understand how someone else shows their support that may feel a little better #but if youre someone who likes reassurance its still going to sting if someone puts the fact that they care more abt quality time #over the fact that reassurance is how you want to be communicated to that they care about you #ykwim? i should stop using filler words actually. whoops #mask mews