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anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years

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CR NEWS Bill

Maybe if I just ignore them, they’ll go away. After five minutes, I decide this probably isn’t the best plan. Especially since they can literally see me through the window.

“MOTHERFUCKERS!” I yell as I swing open the door and my PR team hustles inside, nearly knocking my drink out of my hand.

“Are you really drunk at 10am on a Tuesday?” Melissa the lead PR tyrant asks me.

“Two guesses, first one doesn’t count. And for your information .... yes.” I giggle. I keep a steady buzz on the daily.

“What happens today?” A short red head I haven’t seen before demands.

“Who the fuck are you?” I snap.

She blushes and lowers her eyes. Good.

“Be nice! This is Mandy. She’s new, and I’m sure you remember Tristain, Melissa says gesturing towards her slim British assistant.

“So why are you here? As great as it is to catch up, I was trying to be a degenerate and you’re fucking it all up with the judging.” I say as I light a cigarette and head out to the backyard.

It’s a nice day so I think I’ll swim.

“You have that interview in three hours with CR News. The guy interviewing you is really hot too.”

I strip nude and hear Mandy gasp. I turn around and wink at her before diving in the pool. When I come back up Melissa and Mandy are whisper arguing while tristain picks at his nails.

“Has she never seen a naked woman before? I’m told I’m one of the best, so you’re welcome Mandy.”

“Girl you are out of control.” Tristain chuckles.

Mandy storms outside as Melissa turns to me, hands on hips “what did I say about nudity.”

“We are not in public.”

“Let’s add on that you can’t get nude in front of anyone you just met.”

“There goes my sex life.”

“You’re impossible! We are here to make sure you’re ready, on time and sober. That last little stunt you pulled can’t happen again.”

Of course she’s referring to the award show i went to last week in a see through dress. Considering I’m a Victoria’s Secret model, I thought showing everyone my underwear was ideal, but some of the other companies I model for weren’t as enthusiastic.

“Do you seriously think I’d go on a news program in something see through?”

She raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. “We brought you some beautiful outfits to choose from and Tristain is ready to do your hair and make-up. You just need to relax and —“

“Be you’re good little Barbie.” I roll my eyes but allow them to lead me in my house and get me all ready.

CR news is supposedly a new up and coming show. It’s mainly focused on men I think but I’m not positive. I’ve honestly never watched it. I’ve heard that the interviewer is pretty unpredictable and gorgeous which is intriguing.

We are all loaded in the limo, on our way to the studio when I realize Tristain is a liar...

“Where’s the booze? You said there was hella liquor in here, is there like a trick door or..”

“Baby girl, you’re gonna be sober for this interview. Well. Soberish.”

“I thought you were my boy blue? What happened to us? When did it fall apart?” I tease. I’m not really mad, I get it, but dammit, I really don’t have anything to take the edge off?

We pull up to the studio and my stomach is in knots. I drink for my social anxiety. Although I am supposedly one of the most beautiful women in the world, and I parade around nude like it’s nothing, it’s all overcompensating for being afraid of meeting new people. I know it’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t change how nervous I feel.

I get out and follow everyone inside, where I’m taken to a dressing room. Hair and make up people are in there waiting, but I’m already all ready so they just do a once over and tell me I have an hour till everything starts.

“This is why I’m never on time, let alone early.” I bemoan my predicament.

A cute little girl is there looking at me like I’m Jesus, so I say hi and she begins to tear up.

“Oh my god sweetie! Why are you crying?” I say as I make my way over to her and open my arms for a hug. I hate seeing people cry. “Was someone mean to you?”

“No, I just can’t believe it’s you! I am your biggest fan. I think you’re so beautiful, but all the charity work you do is so important and the media tries to make you out like this hot mess but you just don’t care what anyone thinks of you and that’s so inspiring for so many girls out there!” She says as she falls into my arms, clinging to me like a magnet.

See shit like this is why I need a drink. I can never let my fans down complaining about anxiety. When I first got in the business, one of the party girls took me under her wing and we went out, and I was so nervous I got drunk. Of course it was all captured by the paparazzi and I was forever dubbed a wild child. But somehow I am an inspiration and an expert at giving no fucks, which I do standby. so I just maintain that image, eventhough most of the time I’m terrified. Therefore I’ve been drunk pretty steady since last March. Well not drunk, buzzed. I try not to get drunk cuz then I do the dumbest shit, and a lot of it involves nudity.

“You are the cutest sweetest thing! Thank you! That seriously means a lot! Do you want some pictures or autographs?”

“Oh my gosh! Please?”

“Turn on your Instagram and we will make a story.” I mean I have an hour, might as well. The poor girl looks like she’s gonna faint. “You know what? Hair and make up, you’re here. Do her, so she looks her best and then we’ll make a cute video!”

Hair and make up shrug their shoulders and sit the girl down and get to work.

“I need a drink!” I moan.

“Water, coffee, tea, juice-“ one of the assistants starts rattling off.

“I’ll take juice if you’ve got some vodka.” I tell her, and can literally see her judging me. Yuck!

“I’m sorry but we are a smoke free, alcohol free, drug free facility. We judge sinful vices very harshly here.” She states snarkyly.

I turn around and fix my coldest glare on her, and it doesn’t take her more than a few seconds to excuse herself. Probably gonna go tell on me to my babysitters.

“My big brother probably has some.” The fangirl suggests. “He’s just two doors down on the right.”

“Ooh. Think he’ll take pity on me? What’s his name?”

She looks at me like I’m kidding, but it’s pretty clear by my clueless face, I’m serious.

“He’s Bill Skarsgard. He’s interviewing you. I’ll text him.”

She pulls her phone out and texts him, and almost immediately replies. “He says come to his room real quick.”

“Oh my God! I’m your biggest fan now.” I smile at her and quickly make my way to his door and knock. I didn’t want to be seen going in the room with him, so I wasn’t really thinking about meeting him as much as getting out of the hall. When the door opened, I rushed through and closed it, when I am sll of a sudden all too aware of the best looking motherfucker I have ever seen in my life. I’m at least six foot in these heels and he’s still a considerable amount taller than me. He smells really nice but his god damn face is almost upsetting. He’s got the greenest eyes and sharp angles from the best bone structure like he’s the damn model. His angular features are contrasted by some of the softest looking puffy lips and the cutest nose I’ve ever seen.

Before I realize what I’m doing, I reach up and boop him on the nose “boop.” OH. MY. GOD. What have I done?

He blushes and smiles and oh my fuck he’s got dimples. We just stand there smiling and staring at each other like complete assholes but my mind has been overloaded with all his fucking hotness, so I got nothing.

His phone beeps and snaps us out of our awkward staring contest. “Thank you for being so nice to Valerie. You have no clue how excited she was to meet you.”

I still got nothing. I’m looking at his hands and then back up to his face. He was big pretty hands and I wish I was in them.

“Is belvedere ok?” He asks me holding up a brand new big bottle of vodka.

I nod and watch him walk over to a little bar area and make two drinks with his beautiful big hands. They wrap around the bottle and it almost looks as though it’s not the large size bottle but it is. He puts ice in the glass and fills it half way. He walks confidently over to me, and I feel like my legs are going to give out, but I don’t show it. I’m an expert at faking self assuredness. He hands me the drink and holds it up. “Let’s make a toast to new funny beginnings. Cheers!”

I clink my glass to his and then down all the vodka in one shot. He raises his eyebrows and chuckles, taking my glass and refilling it. He hands it back to me expectantly and I take a polite sip. “Just had to take the edge off.”

“She speaks! I was getting nervous you didn’t know how to be anything but adorable.”

“That’s my job. Your job requires talking.” I want to slap myself. I sound so rude and dumb but he seems to be amused with my reply.

“Valid point. I must say though, I’m surprised. From how the media makes you out to be, I was expecting a hurricane.”

“I guess that makes you a shitty weather man then.” God damn you liquid courage, and bless you. He’s actually blushing.

“I knew it was going to be a hot one.”

“Did you now?”

“Mmhmm.” He says as he lowers his face and looks through lidded eyes at me.

Then he bites his lip and slowly releases the damn thing and for the first time in my life, I think I wanna suck a dick. Don’t get me wrong, ive done that plenty of times, but to be nice. Never have I ever thought “I wanna choke on this guys cock’ until today. I feel my face heating up as he closes the distance between us and puts his hand on my cheek locking his eyes with mine.

A little voice in the back of my head warns me that being this attracted to someone is not great but I ignore it. Fuck it.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” He breathes seductively. He sets down his drink and pulls me close, pressing his body against me. “Now we cant mess up how perfect you look or hair and make up will kill me, but when we are done with that interview, we are coming back in here and it’s gonna be really really wet.”

Gif : @billksarsgard

#bill skarsgard #billy skarsgard #bill skarsgård #anchorman bill #bill drabble #my writing

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gaydemiboy · 5 years

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I can't sleep and I just found the need to rant

Alrighty so, I'm pretty sure I suffer from anxiety for a very long time. I mean, years. Have I tried to tell my parents? Oh yeah, multiple times. My dad's always like "Back in my day we didn't have depression and anxiety" or "It's like the school system is telling you to be depressed". Honestly, he isn't too wrong about the latter, but sometimes depression starts at home. I even told him that and he gave me this look, like, "Are you tryna blame me?" And honestly, I kinda can. I mean, whenever I told my dad and mom back in sixth grade that I had attempted suicide over 5 times in multiple ways, they shrugged it off and were like "It's a phase". Literally, I wanted to kill myself and came closer because I wanted to get a point across. Then I got my prescription for glasses, and hoooo boy, that was one hell of a ride. Now, I knew that I needed glasses for a very VERY long time. Like, my school would send letters asking my parents to let me see an optometrist of some sort. But I finally got my prescription for glasses and. My. Parents. Flipped.

Literally lost all their shit, like. They say that if I wear glasses I "don't look normal" and that "my kids are gonna have to wear glasses and they're gonna hate me for tbe rest of my life". And honestly? That fucking broke me into a million pieces, because basically my parents were calling me a freak for something I didn't have control over.

Then I try to come out to my mom ad bisexual (I used to be bi) and she was like "Oh you're just confused" and "It's a phase, it'll pass" So yeah, I just love getting my feelings rejected by my own mother. Woop woop.

Seventh grade, I got sexually harrassed by a childhood friend. When I told my mom, she was like "oh im sorry" And hugged me and was kinda awkward about it. So then she told me dad and older brother and they told me to tell the principal. I just, i just needed someone to hug me and tell me everything was gonna be okay. I needed someone else to do the talking because i didnt feel brave enough to tell me principal. So, they send me to school like any normal day as if nothing happened. Externally i looked dead and numb, while internally i was screaming in pain, betrayal, and just. Many more more bad emotions. I told my vice principal (who was my gym teacher) and she promised to help me. And she did, the boy got in school suspension. I remember the day i told her, i didnt cry. But my voice was dead and my eyes were lifeless. Mostly because i hadnt gotten a wink of sleep that night. My family moved on as if nothing happened meanwhile i was left to deal with all that emotional shit by myself because i didnt know anyone who had been through someone like that. And my parents didnt know what to do either so they were like "eh she can deal with it herself".

Then enter eighth grade. I finally told my ELA teacher (whom I love very much and I am forever thankful to) that i was suffering through depression. I had started cutting in eighth grade, i used scissors. I basically told her everything that happened up above and some other stuff. My hands started shaking and i started crying because i never realized how much that had really hurt me until i said it out loud. I will never forget the look on her face. She looked really sad and shocked. You see, im a pretty decent student. I keep my grades up, am a good athlete, im pretty smart, and i stay outta trouble. And im also known as a quiet kid since i dont speak much except to my friends. So i kinds guess thats why she was shocked. After i finished, she hugged me really tight and said, "Sh, everything's gonna be alright. I'm so glad you told me this" And i cannot express how that made me feel. It made me feel heard, it made me feel loved. And i hugged back and kept crying. She then took me to the counslers and was there with me and helped me talk to her. I haf basketball so we walked down to the girls locker room and she hugged me one last time, "im so glad you told me this Jenny" And i hugged back them went to change. It was empty with other girl's stuff because practice had began like 30 minutes ago. I remember i started crying, but not because i was sad, i was happy. I was, extremely happy. I finally told someone and they listened and they are helping me. I quickly wiped away my tears and got changed and sprinted to the gym for practice.

Time skip, i see a therapist and my parents are finally understanding a bit better. But they mostly still think it's all in my head. My dad had the audacity of telling me, "Hey the therapist isnt cheap so like. Could you try to have less anxiety?" And honestly? That felt like a slap to the face. In my head i was like "bitch what. Did i hear right??? DID HE JUST ASK ME TO HAVE LESS ANXIETY????" and externally i was like, "um, its pretty hard to have less anxiety when ive bern dealing with it for years" And he kinda gave me this glare and turned away. I felt hurt (yet again) and so i didnt say anything else. My teacher was the only one who truly understood me. Somedays, i would skip classes to go to the counslers office because i wasnt emotionally or mentally good. ELA was my last core class of the day, so one day i go back to class. That day i had skipped my first, second, and fourth period (i had gym my third period). Then when i entered class her face seemed to light up. She was walking around, tslking about the lesson of the day. She was writing something down, then when she passed my desk she left a sticky note. I discretely grabbed it and when i looked at what it said i felt like crying. She wrote on it, "I'm so glad you're here today! ❤" And drew a heart.

This gets better.

Okay, so its the end of the year and i finally had figured out i was genderfluid. I really really really wanted to tell my ELA teacher because she is basically the only adult i trust enough. So, we went to the library one day to return our books. I was known as a bookworm and i came to the library often during the week so the librarian knew me well enough. My teacher was at the desk typing some stuff in, then i came up to her with my school agenda and pencil in hand. I told her i needed to talk to her. Then i wrote down, "I'm pansexual, demisexual, and genderfluid" She read it and gave me the biggest smile, "that's amazing to hear! You're part of such a great and beautiful community." My teacher has a part time job in the weekend as photographer. She told me she was a photographer for a gay wedding (one of the groom's later came out as trans) and i felt so happy and proud. I couldnt erase my smile off my face and like, ahhhhhhhhhh.

So, moral of this rant, please dont commit suicide. Dont think that life doesnt get better, because it does. I went from suicidal everyday to being constantly and truly happy. I am forever thankful to my teacher, Mrs. Davenport, for showing me that i dont have to go through everything alone and that someone cares. I love you, Mrs. Davenport ❤

Anywho, if anyone ever needs to talk about something, im always here and ready to listen

I hope you sll have a great day/night/afternoon

Signing off,

Jack

#you will be found #depression #depression survivor #anxiety #family #love #lgbt #love yourself #i am strong #i am loved #i am not alone #you are not alone #you are loved #you are strong

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