#couldn't include every development ever bc who has the time

[trollex-is-gay]

Buncha' info about my trolls au bc I wanna infodump abt it

Under the cut bc it got a bit long whoopsie-

Branch and Poppy are not a romantic couple in this. Major apologies to the Broppy fans, but I never felt them. And because I'm making my own au that's supposed to cater to me, I just couldn't force myself to include a ship I didn't enjoy writing about. Instead of being a romantic pair, they instead develop a sibling dynamic post-first movie and they openly consider themselves brother and sister by the time that World Tour happens. Branch has no remaining family and Poppy has always wanted a sibling, so it worked out well for them because they felt closer than friends but didn't feel romantic. Remember that this is not canon, this is my own thing and I'm not trying to attack the ship or the people who ship it, they're simply not romantic in MY au.

The duo do end up with romantic partners though! Some time after Trollstopia was created, Branch hit it off with Synth and found out he actually kind wanted to try dating him, and so far (as of after Band Together happens) they're going pretty steady and show no signs of breaking up. Poppy and Barb were an unexpected couple but are VERY attached to each other now. They've got a few issues to work out but they're getting better at communicating with each other and making their personalities work, so they're doing okay.

If you were to cast a normal average human into this world, they'd be immediately outmatched in height by essentially every troll except the classicals. Your average pop troll would be maybe around 6'1 (with exceptions like Smidge) and they can only get bigger from there. Techno trolls are the species with the ability to grow the largest due to living in a massive ocean with very few restrictions on their size. And yes, this does mean that compared to a human, someone like Bridget or Velvet and Veneer are absolute giants.

Now for some more Band Together related stuff for my au:

Synth and Barb didn't join their partners for the wedding because Barb kinda has a kingdom to run and Synth was one of the trolls left in charge of managing things while Poppy and her father were away, but also partially because they don't really know Bridget and Gristle and didn't think there'd be much point in going.

Branch was VERY affected by his brothers abandoning him, he held a pretty tough grudge against everyone except Floyd. His other brothers all just left without saying goodbye to him or acknowledging him, but Floyd took the time to let him know he cared and that he was only leaving because he couldn't handle everything going on. He was the only one to actually show he still cared before he left. Branch has a lot of trouble reconnecting with all of his brothers except for Floyd, they're on better terms. He IS connecting with all of them, and he still has a bit of frustration with Floyd, but he's just more comfortable with him because he's the only one who actually took him seriously when they were reunited and back before they'd split up. I'm not saying he hates his brothers ofc! But there's still a lot of baggage they all need to work through together. And his brothers also deserve to have a second to mourn their grandmother.

All of the returning trolls are a bit...startled by how the village has changed. Viva ended up growing up away from the pop village and lead her own, so she didn't know much about their history at all, and Branch's brothers have been in various places far away from the village, so safe to say none of them ever learned that there were other kinds of trolls out there. Poppy wants to write a letter to Barb and have her come back as soon as possible so that she can introduce her long lost sister to her new girlfriend. Synth is VERY surprised to hear that Branch has brothers, and excitedly rambles off about how he ALSO has a bunch of siblings to the returning trolls. He clicks especially well with Floyd and Bruce. Branch's brothers are a bit surprised to find out that he has a boyfriend, especially one that's a prince, but they're very happy for him and do their best to make a good impression.

It takes a bit of time for them all to adjust. Viva bunks with Poppy for the time being, and while Branch's brothers did come back to visit, Bruce is the only one who's decided not to stay in the village. He does kind of have a wife and kids after all! But he promises to visit them as often as he can. Send letters and such. The rest of the group are staying with Branch for now, but aren't sure if they want to live in the same house forever.

Viva is given a few days to adjust before they make any big announcements about her. After all, she's still processing a lot. The village is very happy to hear about the fact she's returned, and the trolls that lived with her also came to live in the village. No reason they shouldn't all stick together after all. Before Bruce leaves they have a family dinner together, if Poppy and Branch are brother and sister now, no reason for Branch's brothers and Poppy's sister can't be siblings either. Poppy is very very happy to have such a big family now.

I want to do something with Velvet and Veneer. I know they did some terrible shit and all that but considering how the trolls made peace with the Bergens even though they'd spent the last however long eating and basically torturing the trolls, and Barb kinda tried to convert all other tribes to one genre and caused some mass destruction...idk I feel like the siblings should get another shot under close surveillance or something (code for I love them and I want them in my au but not in a jail cell you feel me?).

#trolls #trollstopia #trolls world tour #trolls band together #trolls au #my au #Wolf's Trolls AU #parb #brynth #I AM VERY NORMAL. #ALSO HI HI IM ALIVE AGAIn. YOU WILL BE SEEING MORE OF ME.

[twsted-idiot]

1, 4, 8, AND 13 GAAAAH!!! for any of your ocs <33

twirls my hair they're all horrible people (I love them) ermm violence, drugs, alcohol, sa, cannibalism, yk the drill.

Including Lucille and Micah in some of them for once <33 (not all of them though)

Excluding murder, what is the worst thing your OC has ever done?

(gonna just list a bunch of the crimes they've committed)

Mia: literally every crime ever (/j) theft, blackmailing, GTA (like stealing cars n shirt which goes w theft but yk), torture (technically goes along w murder but), underage drinking, assault, identity fraud (fake id??), Breaking and entering, destruction of property/vandalism, doing drugs 😍, arson

Riley: Stalking, blackmailing, kidnapping, assault, being ginger, underage drinking (forced. Mostly.), torture, ARSON SO MUCH FUCKING ARSON BANANAJSR

Kai: cannibalism. Which yeah, typically results in murder. But. Like. He will eat someone alive. Torture, and destruction of property. He's really not that bad considering the other two.

Violet: drugging, torture, kidnapping and assault. She's also, not that bad considering Mia and Riley 💀

Lucille: stalking, kidnapping, torture, assault, underage drinking, destruction of property, vandalism.

4. What appears in your OC's darkest nightmares?

Riley: her mother and Jordan abusing her again, s/o leaving her (they ain't going nowhere but she's paranoid.), And Jack and her dad dying.

Mia: being sa'd again, by anyone, but especially her s/o. It's not a lack of trust, she's also extremely paranoid and she acts so aggressive n shit BECAUSE she's scared.

Kai: being abandoned/treated like an animal again (mostly being muzzled)

Violet: somehow making Evelyn worse rather than better. And also. Feeling pain. It's a foreign thing to her (disorder that makes her numb 2 pain or whatrver.)

Micah: Zack dying, he DOES NOT have anyone else.

8. Would your OC consider themself evil?

Making this short n sweet. Yes. All of them do, but they don't care, some of them don't know any better, and the others jusr don't give a shit.

13. Who does your OC hate the most?

Mia: Her family, all of them. Yes, they're all dead, but she still hates them. They're the cause of all her problems lmao. And Lindsey <3 fuck her

Riley: Her mother and Jordan (+the bitches he cheated w) they're also, both dead, but she HATES them. Moreso her mother bc with her she couldn't get away.

Kai: most of his family (younger siblings excluded) they treated him like an animal. It literally started out as then thinking he ("she" at the time. Transgender!!) Was a freak bc of his teeth, which. Not his fault. He developed a biting problem (FEED THAT BOY AND IT WOULDNT HAPPEN)

Violet: MEN /J uhmm. Her father, he abused her, she couldn't feel it, and he exploited that. She didn't physically feel it but there was still a mental toll on her.

Lucille: her "friends", they pulled "pranks" (like. Pretending they were being kidnapped n shit like that) on her and literally drove her to stab herself in the eye with a pen.

Micah: would say his family but he doesn't remember them, so, the people that kidnapped him as a child.

#Yuri <3 #Oc: Mia Jacobs #Oc: Riley Morgan #Oc: Kai Miller #Oc: Violet Jones #Oc: Lucille Hawthorne #Oc: Micah

[cosmicjellies]

no one cares but here is another long and disorganised dark shadows update from my serializd:

finished the werewolf + quentin's ghost storylines! what a nice round number to finish on for now.

keep being tricked into watching more- i remember when i first started this show it was primarily for Vampire Research so i wasn't sure i'd watch beyond that, then i continued with adam, then i thought "oh ill keep going until 700 maybe ill finally know who quentin is". except it turns out i do not actually know who quentin is and have not even heard him speak yet. so i HAVE to continue ig. was looking thru the storylines again thinking ok i think ill slowly keep going until i finish the leviathans, i'm not that interested in the parallel universes. but who knows maybe by the time i get there i'll be compelled to continue.

anyway back to these storylines: it took me forever to realise they were doing "the turn of the screw" with david and amy so i might be stupid. i love that book and i love the idea of it here too, but was not that into the execution. for one there was just too much going on at the same time so i couldn't concentrate, and it didn't spend enough time on it to patiently develop it like i think it needed to. also, so much of the story so obviously reflects child (sexual) abuse and they were obviously not actually interested in exploring that, so i found that kind of jarring. i liked when david tried to kill roger, pretty iconic.

werewolf story also did not always work for me, mostly bc i don't really care about chris. introducing new characters has worked well for them in the past, it obviously worked extremely well with barnabas, but there comes a point where i wish they would stop bringing in new people and focus on the ones we already have. after carolyn was attacked/scratched i did think for a second she would be a werewolf (too unfeminine for the 60s?), and i did wish she or someone else in the family was- i already care about them! i don't care about chris! (i also remember she was a werewolf in the bad tim burton movie but we won't speak about that). suddenly including that chris and sabrina flashback in one of the most recent episodes was very weird to me- have we ever had a flashback like that before? have we ever left collinsport? it feels like they are breaking their own rules and in a bad way.

for both stories i do not understand how we are kind of done with them. i get that barnabas is searching the past for answers connected to both stories but i still feel like we are very abruptly switching gears, when both of those stories needed more time to develop. how are we going to spend 200 episodes in the past, then come back and deal with the leviathans, and somehow resolve those things along the way?? i am guessing we will not.

miscellaneous thoughts not really connected to any of this:

-found it kind of hilarious how elizabeth KEPT "dying"- it happened like three times. she also had explained exactly how it was going to happen and yet each time everyone was surprised. this storyline was not always comedic to me- at times i emphasised with her- but like come on. and this is not new but julia is such a terrible doctor; she examines elizabeth after she has been buried for a few weeks and is like no she is definitely dead case closed- no mention of the fact she has not decayed at all in all that time? love this about her tho i think it is cool that women can be terrible doctors too <3.

-at one point there was a scene in which barnabas and maggie were very casually interacting and i suddenly remembered all of the kidnapping and torture- god!! maggie!! barnabas did all of that to her and remembers all of it and just carries on with his life!! and she does not remember any of it!! going insane.

-i only just realised tony peterson's last ever episode was 578 and i will never see him again :(( hot communist lawyer accusing the collinses (correctly) of all being incestuous i miss you.

-every time it is revealed they own yet another piece of property or have yet another wing of the house they don't use i scream how big is it how many houses do they own!! they all deserve to be this haunted.

anyway i am EITHER watching episodes 1-209 next or watching the 90s remake, i will do both before 700+ but i haven't decided the order. thoughts?

#dark shadows

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 3/2024

spot.//yt

Limp Bizkit - Pollution: got this played on my local radio station bc i got connections

DC Talk - Jesus Freak: i have become OBSESSED with this christian rap rock (kind of) band. couldn't explain it very well myself but i think they're really fun and super silly. i've been listening to this particular song for quite some time now but it's only recently that my full obsession has developed and i've been getting other people roped into it too..... i'm just spreading the good word 😁

Whitechapel - The Saw Is the Law: had this one stuck in my head something FIERCE these past few weeks. just that crusher chorus line is so fucking good, I never was a huge whitechapel fan but they go hard when the mood is right. played it at work and everything

The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again: cumming all over myself i love the riff and the melodies and there are some real good lines despite very few lyrics overall... admittedly that squeaky chipmunk harmony is pretty goofy but when the rest of it is so good who even care.

Faith No More - Midlife Crisis: i like this one more and more every time i hear it. a friend of mine introduced me to this and it's been stuck in my head relentlessly ever since. also definitely goofy as fuck but i love the kinda hardcore-type vocals mike patton throws into the verses, especially in the live version and the big swelling bridge. a song like this makes me get why people talk about faith no more as "proto-nu metal" or whatever..... fred durst would do some shit like this <3 also got this played on the radio station

Butthole Surfers - Cough Syrup: i don't like this band as much as i wish i did, though i've certainly got plenty more listening to do. def some stupid lyrics here bc it's the butthole surfers but i actually really really like "i can't talk so i guess i got nothing to say." something about that one

Third Eye Blind - Jumper: it's back! i think i've expended all the words i have about this already but man what a good little pop song

Breaking Benjamin - Skin: great example of how enjoying breaking benjamin is more about hearing the loud guitars and the unique syllabic experience of ben's weird as hell enunciation than it is about anything original or lyrical. what the hell is this song about i don't know. but it bangeth mightily. this also stands to represent that i and mine have been listening to a fuckton of bb lately

Elliott Smith - Cupids Trick: a dear friend of mine has put me on that elliott smith shit fairly recently and i think this is my fav from either/or... the riff so good and it's catchy and has a really dark punchy sound compared to the rest of the record (which is also real good! but just different)

Gorillaz - Cracker Island: heard this on the radio a ways back and instantly came all over myself and said "omg who is this is this the new sound of the summer????" and then looked it up and saw that it was a band i already know that's been around for decades ^_^ but it's just a banger and they found one good hook and punched it up to 11!!

Kittie - Eyes Wide Open: KITTIE BACK???? and with a rager O_O <me when my eyes are wide open. lol. not much further commentary here i'm just excited for the new record and i hope it's good and not bad

Enon - Window Display: my experience continues of getting into this band at the pace of a tortoise or perhaps a snail. p sure this is like the biggest song from them and. it good! they just have a tastey sound and i like the vocalist's delivery

Lamb Of God - Redneck: been on some metalcore shit too and like groove metal and shit and it hardly gets better than lamb of god. i feel like i haven't often properly appreciated them but what a consistently banger band. and this one just has some cool catchy parts that have been in my head since like high school. JUST! ONE! TIME!!!!!

Insane Clown Posse - Halls Of Illusions: my friends and i have been indulging in what we're calling "fucked up friday" which sometimes includes icp as a soundtrack. still want to listen to the full album with people at some point. but anyway i never took too too much notice of this track until a friend put it on and i realized how good it is. and frankly kind of saw-coded w it

Drowning Pool - Tear Away: kind of not great but the chorus glued itself to me. sort of the death toll of nu metal giving in to the way of the post-grunge ballad but man this vocalist was damn solid!

Victoria Monét - On My Mama: proof that i haven't completely exited the pop listening sphere. i still got todd. go watch the top ten of 2023 for a review

Rai Panesar - I Don't Give a Shet (IDGAS): okay this is a stupid joke song. i think. but i like to imagine it's sincere. like i like to imagine the dude that made this thought it was actually pretty cool and had fun making it. i'm scared to find anything else out about him bc it might ruin this hope that i have

Theory of a Deadman - Rx (Medicate): SUCKS. but kind of fascinating. how the fuck did theory have a hit in like 2017 or whenever this came out. by making a hip hop country rock song about doing drugs. oh okay

The Revivalists - Wish I Knew You: adding this alongside cigarette daydream in the canon of "indie band has relentlessly catchy pop hit that i listen to a bunch and attach memories to but actually think kind of sucks ass." i heard this in a restaurant a while back and went omg it's crazy by gnarls barkley i love crazy by gnarls barkley despite not really having very strong feelings about crazy by gnarls barkley but well these are the things we think to ourselves. so i kept waiting for the part where he goes does that make me craaaaazayyyyyy.... but it never came!!!! every chorus would just end on nothing and then move on to the next verse. i got edged by this song until almost the very end where i finally figured out what song it actually was and then got that stuck in my head but i'm still bitter! motherfucker! and also i don't like their band name. what exactly are you reviving 🤨

#*char noises* #talking pop #finally got this damn thing out

[chevvy-yates]

Really hope I’m not overwhelming you.. but I’m extremely curious about this.. so here’s some questions for each one of your blorbos..

🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like? - Thyjs

🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded? - Ryder

🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? - Vijay

👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent? - Hizumi

💋 : Is your OC a good kisser? How do they do it? - Jaysen

itzsassha sadly deactivated their account a while ago but I'm going to answer this nontheless.

🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like? - Thyjs

Thyjs has a fair amount of experience, but sex wasn't much of importance for him for a long time. He was never in a relationship before meeting Ryder. It has more to do with that he didn't want to bind himself to someone because he served the army — devoted his life to his country. Everyday could mean to get on a new mission, a dangerous one and he didn't want to be in love with someone knowing every day could be his last leaving a grieving partner behind. So, Thyjs never spent much thoughts on love and intimacy in general and saw having sex as some way of side interest instead. When he felt like he needed it, he either jerked off or he went looking for a fling in a bar or visited De Wallen district in Amsterdam to find a Joy Toy. In general he's gentle with his partners until told otherwise, if in a good mood he will be a bit more playful as well. If he is allowed to be more rough, he does that, too. He likes communication and is attentive. With Ryder however he will need to be guided at first because he had no experience with a man before.

🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded? - Ryder

Ryder is a bit difficult. On one hand he liked playing in the field for a certain while, once he was free to do what he wanted. All opportunities were open for him so he looked into everything possible. He enjoys sex a lot and is passionate about it. One of the first things he tried out was dark rooms instead of going to the favored Joy Toys. It helped him to be more comfortable with his shyness to talk to someone because he couldn't actually really see his potential partner. The more fond he got of his new opportunities the more he tried out which also included hot BD-sessions — he even particpated in the one and other back then (if you happen to have a copy, save it, bc it is super rare). So, yeah Ryder played a lot around in the field, as long as he developed no feelings for his partners he got intimate with, it was great exploration time for him, helping to discover himself on his journey who he really is. On the other hand, he has definitely found out he may be more monogamy-minded than he thought to be at first. Once he starts a relationship is is probably the most loyal person you can have at your side. He won't do threesomes, neither group sex because he wants his partner only for himself. Ryder has only been in two relationships before Thjys. First was Tommy back in Germany. If Tommy didn't die, Ry and him would probably still be together. Tommy was Ry's first love and Ryder never stopped loving him. So this might have been the beginning of him being more monogamy minded but this only prevailed after Ryder was in a relationship with Vijay. When he and V broke up, Ryder tried to go back to playing in the field but it's never been the same because Ryder clearly knew that all he wanted was someone who loved him, so he longed to find true love one day, too — until Thyjs showed up making this dream come true.

🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? - Vijay

It's not easy to get Vijay flustered. He's usually the one who flusters his partner. He can be bold and may even try to reverse the other ones try to fluster them instead. If you want to fluster him you really really need to do the most romantic shit ever he never might expect; like pick him up and carry him. Vijay is a tall man, he never expects to be the one who gets picked up. Kiss his hand like the people did to their kings/gods. Surprise him with a very Ne-Kitsch-like bubble bath full of roses and candles neatly arranged arround it.

👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent? - Hizumi

Hizumi mostly smells a lot after incense sticks because they visit and spend time at Japanese shinto shirnes and/or buddhist temples a whole lot. So you'll likely smell that scent on them. They also use a fragrance when they have to dress a bit more formal or just meet up with their chooms while not dressed in merc gear. It smells like Japanese rain forests mixed with lotus flowers and some citrus notes. But there's always a scent of incense sticking to them. If Hizumi's spent a few days in the forest of the hidden vilalge in Kamakura they might also carry a mystic smell of forest on them depending on the seasons — e.g. Summer ist a bit sweaty and comes with a scent of dense humid rain drenched moss. Autumn brings a slight scent of sweet momiji sweets while Spring will have a taste of sakura on them. Winter usually adds nothing to it if the days are really cold.

💋 : Is your OC a good kisser? How do they do it? - Jaysen

Jay is a good kisser — not as good as his little brother Vijay though, who's failry more gentle when he wants to. Jaysen can get very passionate and depending on his horniness a little more or less stormy. So his partner cannot expect him to just do small busses. He likes the French kind, exploring his partner realm, tongue entangled, fighting for predominance. He enjoys when his partner is not giving all in in the first place. He wants a challenge. But even Jy got moments when his kisses will turn super soft and short, mostly when he's sleepy, then you can expect rather lazy kisses — it may happen he falls asleep as well.

#oc asks #about: thyjs de wit #about: ryder von scharfenberg #about: vijay steyr #about: hizumi chigasaki #about: jaysen steyr #thank you @itzsassha <3

[jerek]

alright. bonus lore time. i literally never thought anyone was cringe if i ever had a problem w u it was ALWAYS about wrathion.

since fall 2021 ive developed a new talent which is my cortisol randomly spiking and making my stomach too acidic which can and has made me vomit 10 times in a day and put me in ER-level pain and i think it has something to do with the lil polycule of rpers i was with back then.

roster was, iirc (at the time)

26 y/o male / nb

38 y/o female

mid 20s male

mid 20s nb

early 20s female

19 y/o me

18 year old nb

26 year old was the one who made the discord, roleplayed anduin, the rest of us were literally self shippers with ocs. (except me i played sylvanas)

was a SHIT ton of wranduin in there!!! i'm not evil though so i put up with it. i asked once can they please stop putting wrathion porn in there, they were like "thats cool bro i respect your triggers" and put it in a different channel still accessible for the girlies who love to trigger themselves.

so like. heres where the mysterious food poisoning came in. when i say 'dissociative' i may not mean DID as diagnosed by a trained professional after 15-20 tests but like. i couldnt even express to a therapist how shit i felt bc i was not consistently the same type of person between appointments. if you make me come in every week, next week i will not remember why i felt the way i felt last week. i'll vaguely remember what i said, but she's not me anymore lol.

and sometimes it's THAT, the true saint norman experience, sometimes it's possession (thinking other people's thoughts) and sometimes it's dreaming but girl SOMETIMES it manifests as like.

Imagine going up to norman bates and telling him he cares too much about his sick, declining, codependent mom.

Me but when you smack Wrathion I feel it. He's a metaphor for me. I think in his voice. I damn near pray to him ig, being a mormon I can tell you he is the only reason ive ever felt 'the spirit.'

Cringe? Yes!!!!! Out of my control? Yeah 😭

There is no center to my being. i dont identify as anything. i'm not the name my parents gave me, but i am the characters i use to puppet out whatever emotions. Internet sexting for so long has eaten away at my boundaries so much there is no longer any reason for her (who i was born as) to exist or for me to relate to her.

Rping in that group gave me so much dopamine I couldn't sleep, consistently had the feeling that my stomach muscles were splitting down the center, migraines. Literal food poisoning symptoms. It was really fun still!!!!!

And then when the wrathion shit happened like. Whispers of nzoth in the back of my brain started tickling my self defense instincts for no reason. No reason bc I had put up with literally everything including the wrathion shit, the only difference was I personally didn't enjoy wrathion porn.

I knew I was irrational. Not liking a certain type of porn is one thing, I was fighting off the old gods trying not to start some shit.

Prob shoulda communicated! Communicating last time gave me a trigger myself button though. Literally the [triggered] meme.

Eventually you get the feeling that shit is going down the drain whether you like it or not. The rp's stopped, everyone's switched to FF and your laptop can't run it. It's all just kinks, someone posting once or twice a day with "imagine li-li stormstout [redacted]" getting reacted with 😏 emojis.

So I posted screenshots bc I knew the other half of the world, the one with everyone else in it, would feel as alienated as I did. I'm back in 2015 as a 13 y/o dominatrix prude and I want the feeling of 'we know what's wrong' I got from the ER. Literally went to sleep 5 minutes later because I knew I'd be guillotined.

I wake up and I have no idea why I did that. It's been years since I tore off the chunk of me that will do literally anything to be included, those two halves don't communicate anymore.

But shit's fucked now!!

It was always about wrathion. Literally always about my shitass fixation on blizzard's favorite 7 year old to unbutton the shirt on. Girl why

#wrathion

[zukoshotleafjuice]

The funniest thing about june teasing katara and zuko about being a couple is that she just sees a pretty girl and an attractive guy, both looking almost the same age which immediately makes her go "you two must be a couple" and it just reminds me of zvtara shippers, you know what i mean? I'm convinced one of the reasons a lot of ppl ship them is bc of their looks. katara being the female protagonist and also a pretty, smart and powerful girl & zuko, despite not being the male protagonist, being the most attractive guy in the gaang. Boom, a "bomb ass ship". It is worth to recall that "people ship zutara bc they projected onto katara and had a crush on zuko". And if they say they don't ship them for that reason, then it's bc they read too much between the lines in every interaction they have. So, back to june, she didn't even care if they had chemistry or if they were friends or anything, she just straight up teased them about being a couple lmao. Because in all honesty zvtara can be an appealing ship in anyone's eyes but THAT'S IT, it doesn't go further than that. I can be testimony of that😅Before even watching the show i was like june, one day i saw a zk fanart and was like "wow aren't those zuko and katara from atla? They look so good, she's gorgeous and he's hot" i already knew kataang was endgame and that mai was zuko's love interest but seeing zuko and katara together was pleasing to my eyes. However once i watched the show for the first time (2 months ago i think) i realized there was really no romantic chemistry between them, nothing, literally nothing, i mean, i wasn't even waiting for the zvtara content in the show that made ppl ship them so much, i was actually very neutral about ships, i couldn't care less about them, but i still realized nothing was happenig between them and that it was obvious since book 1 ep 1 that kataang was endgame. Zuko and katara were two teenagers from opposite sides of a war that tried to kill each other multiple times and when zuko changed sides they developed a completely platonic relationship. As i said, people either ship them because it's an appealing and aesthetically pleasing ship (water/fire, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, the common red & blue ship) or they just love reading too much between the lines, OR BOTH, because they were so thirsty about it they ended up convincing themselves there was romantic tension between them, that they liked each other and that zvtara was scrapped when it was never planned in the first place. Not to mention the reasons why they claim zvtara should've been endgame are based only on symbolism and things they have in common that are just so ??? Random. e.g. (i saw these on a post on facebook and the comment section was hilarious, it was full of ppl being sarcastic about it & making fun of it) saying they should've been canon bc:

1. "They both lost their mothers at a young age" (?)

2. "katara was good but had rage in her heart and zuko was bad but had good in his heart so it was like yin and yang, and that was the main purpose/topic of the show" (?)

3. "they both had alter egos (painted lady and blue spirit)" (???) this one sounds like saying maiko was canon bc zuko worked in a tea shop and mai worked in a flower shop😂

4. "Zuko was the only one who supported katara in taking revenge on her mom's assassin" (?) if you ask me, that just proves zuko is not right for katara, he led her to do something she was gonna regret later (not trying to hate on zuko, i love him, and since i love him i acknowledge his flaws. I understand why he thought it was the best thing to do, he's an impulsive and resentful boy (he would've done the same if it was his mom) and he noticed how thirsty katara was for revenge, ofc he wanted to help her + he wanted her to accept him and thought it was the right thing to do in order to gain her trust, but it wasn't) unlike zuko, aang tried to make katara come to her senses and do the thing that was best for her: forgive and let go, and it was basically what she did at the end. She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.

5. and the most ridiculous one, "they both saved each other's lives in the final agni kai"(???????) and the funniest part is that it was followed by "WHAT MORE PROOFS DO YOU WANT???". Honestly wtf did ppl expect? Did they expect zuko to stand there and watch katara die? Did they expect katara to just stand there and watch zuko lay on the floor & die? And this has been said a million times and i am going to join and say it once again: zuko would've done that for ANYONE from the gaang, he would've done the same for toph, sokka, suki and aang. Because he learned to care about them. As for katara, she would've done that for anyone too wtf she healed aang once too and even brought him back to life. (I wouldn't be surprised if zk shippers used that as a parallel for romantic zvtara proof bc they're just like that💀)

There were more "reasons" but they're just so stupid and taken out of context like "they care for each other" & "katara was the one who encouraged him to talk to his uncle" like yeah that's what friends do. Basically all zvtara shippers do is REACH.

Also, i just can't see it happening. I like the enemies to lovers trope, maybe if the writers really intended to make it canon, i would have been down for the ship, it would've been interesting to see how it developed, but,, they didn't, and later i came to the realization that if it would've really happened, it would've been so... weird. Time to bring up the "colonized and colonizer ship" and how some ppl feel uncomfortable about it. Besides the fact that a relationship between zuko and katara wouldn't have worked (they're incompatible af, katara is a girl with a strong character and zuko is a guy with anger issues that takes everything personal, they'd be at each other's throats 99% of the time) it's just weird to think that katara would choose to marry a man from the fire nation, the nation that caused a big war that traumatized her, the nation that took her mother away from her. Imagine katara ruling along with zuko a nation she despised for years. Fire lady katara doesn't sit right with me, and i'm sure it doesn't sit right with a lot of ppl as well. I don't see katara doing that, and yes, i know she forgave zuko, but still, she would've never done that 🤦🏽‍♀️ i think it would've been so OOC tbh.

Another thing i laugh my ass off at is when they say "zuko should've chosen katara instead of mai" as if they were ever in a relationship for zuko to say "ok imma choose katara i wanna be with her". As if katara was EVER an option for him. They never showed interest in each other, what's not clicking?????? And zuko only had eyes for mai, not to mention that despite zuko and mai had a rough relationship, no girl would've dealed with zuko's bs better than mai. Can you imagine katara dealing with zuko blowing up over everything? Because i can't. Also people saying things like "zuko deserves someone who is always there for him and listens to him" (and ofc they're talking about katara) like, ok, you hate that katara is aang's "therapist" but you want her to be zuko's therapist. Logic? Where? And I do remember mai being a supportive gf and trying to cheer him up multiple times. Did they watch the same show as me?

Zvtarians try to play the victims about how they were "robbed" bc some voice actors shipped them and from what i've read people who worked for the show suggested to go for zk, but that's stupid, it doesn't count as "they planned it but scrapped it, we were robbed". The only word that counts are the creators' voice and they have stated they were always rooting for kataang, so no, you were not robbed.

People are just so in love with the idea of zuko and katara together they really convinced themselves it was likely to happen. Honestly zvtara it's a fine ship as fanon but ppl ruined it for me and what i hate the most is when they ship it and hate on aang and mai at the same time and make them look SO bad to invalidate kataang and maiko. Saying aang is abusive and mai is toxic is complete ✨bullshit✨ and lastly, it's ridiculous when they say the creators were cowards for not making it canon. They're cowards for not fulfilling your greatest childhood wish? Something they never planned? It is THEIR show. If you hate sm how things turned out then quit atla once and for all and go find another show that you know is gonna give you what you expect,,, it's tiring that they've been crying about it for 15 yrs , like, i joined the fandom recently but i can imagine how tired old atla fans must be of this.

OK so I have a lot of thoughts about this and firstly,,,anon I appreciate the dedication that it took for you to write  this, and I agree with many of your points. However, the attitude I have on this blog towards Avatar ships is far more neutral than what you’re saying.

Ultimately, romance is not and never was the focus of Avatar. Romantic development was always secondary or tertiary plot, and the entire show was far more focused on platonic relationship development. My attitude towards shippers on here - including Zutara shippers - is that people can ship what they want, as long as they’re respectful of each other and of the other characters that “interfere” with their ship. End of the day, shipping is irrelevant to the core of the show. 

People shipping something because they find it aesthetically appealing is honestly,,,fine. Personally, I think it’s reductionist, but I don’t care if you do because everyone has the right to enjoy media however they want to. 

That being said, we absolutely should call out racist or problematic tropes that we see, including ‘fire lady katara”. I also agree that it’s upsetting when people bash other characters in order to further their ship, as much of the bashing is also pretty racist and/or misogynistic. Calling that out, however, is separate from calling out every single person who happens to enjoy certain ships. 

“She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.”

I understand where you’re coming from, but I honestly disagree with this take. Both Aang and Zuko were approaching the situations from their own life experiences, but Katara didn’t do what either of the boys wanted. She chose her own path, by both sparing Yon Rha’s life but also refusing to forgive him. The episode is about Katara and her personal trauma and its focus should not be on her relationships with either Zuko or Aang. 

When I make posts such as this, it’s less about hating Z*tara and more about how this fandom focuses all its attention on romance and shipping, to the point where if you acknowledge a relationship’s importance it’s assumed you pair the two romantically. I don’t read Zuko and Katara’s relationship as romantic (for reasons that it would take too long to explain here), but their relationship development is extremely important, the two of them share tons of parallels and the final Agni Kai marks the culmination of both of their character arcs. Yes, Zuko would have taken the lightning for any of the characters, but it’s thematically important that it was Katara. None of this inherently means it’s romantic, but refusing to acknowledge the significance of the relationship between them is equally reductionist. 

This isn’t an attack on you, anon, and you’re 100% allowed to have negative feelings about a ship. But at the end of the day, it’s not worth getting this worked up over. If I were you I’d focus more on creating/consuming content for a ship you like than bashing ships you don’t!

#kind of nervous about posting this but oh well #atla #avatar the last airbender #shipping #zuko #katara #aang #asks

[bipolarboii]

To the woman I love. . .

I only took the time to do this bc I care about you.

You SHOULD care when I share things with you. I haven’t been able to sleep much since things got somewhat heated between us (not that I get much sleep to begin with worrying about you😭). Anyway, I couldn't help but have the following thoughts about what happened & I hope you understand how I feel after.

I'm worried you don't understand what it actually takes to make me feel loved or validated so I may need to slow things down a bit before getting any closer to you than I clearly already am. You're aware of my short term goal/dream (and I love the fact you support me so much with that🥰) but I don't think you understand my ultimate goal/purpose in life. Generally speaking, there's at least 3 things I'm passionate about but every single one of those is supported by one core motivation I hope I don’t have to explain (but I will if you like💜).

All I've ever asked of any partner I choose is to simply encourage that drive/motivation to leave the world a better place than when I arrived by listening to the ways I feel I can achieve that best & evoke positive change. This means it would be nice if you took an interest in some things I choose to enjoy or entertain me as I hope to do the same for you. You don't have to pretend to like it but please still be respectful. We can share more than just the things we already have in common and I think that makes a relationship more exciting.

One thing I love that I thought was clear & brings me joy is comedy, especially when it provides constructive social commentary & a way to cope from my personal traumas similar to many others in the black community who often feel neglected/forgotten. I think comedy provides a great safe environment for more serious/tense conversations that otherwise would not have been had (the invisible black experience). But personally, I love comedy bc it gives me emotional security to know that I'm not alone in the bullshit I've had to deal with as a black man in America & suddenly it's not so bad. It gives me a reason to smile despite all the times I spent alone, crying, cutting myself & wishing I'd die bc I had no hope for the future. It gave me comfort when nobody wanted me around. I wasn't the kid that went to prom. That year, I went to the hospital after trying to overdose at the age of 16, which was also the first time police put my black ass in handcuffs (but it wouldn't be the last).

Nevertheless, comedy gave me the ability to entertain myself bc I've been forced to be alone during what should have been peak moments of socialization for a child to teen. I'm not everyone's friend. I'm a loner that most people either didn't see or purposely excluded from things bc I was different & I felt misunderstood. I didn't have a normal adolescence & for the longest time I didn't know how to talk to people bc of it (I feel like I've came a long way from that). Nobody taught me this & I'm sure no one taught Jonathan either for different but still valid reasons.

I felt neglected everywhere I went bc I've always been the minority & prejudged. I've been fighting by myself emotionally since I was 10 years old due to neglect & blind eyes of my peers. All I ever had consistently in NC was my parents & brother who didn't even really notice my pain themselves until after I tried to overdose. I've been saying the same things & crying out for help for well over 10 years. Now that I have "bipolar" symptoms developing/manifesting due to how I responded to all the traumatic shit I went through alone, I'm the problem? I'm the aggressive & crazy one after all America has taken from me as a black man. I'm the criminal? I don't even know my ancestral identity or family history(something you can empathize with) bc it was stolen from me.

I saw all this coming when I was 16 which was partially why I wanted to end it all then. What am I fighting for if I'm fighting alone? That's why I wanted to include YOU in my jouney but you don't seem to care like I thought you did.

I view love with you as another chance at life & an opportunity to redeem myself for past wrongs but also heal from past generational trauma placed onto me. Please don't make me fight alone bc I don't want to go back to darkness. Be my light Journee and give me the benefit of the doubt as the man you've chosen to love. I don't want to feel judged when I speak to you. I just want more of the respect, love & kindness you've shown me in past that sparked me wanting to be better in the first place!💜

Back to this though. After what I did at 16, I've been constantly under a microscope with every decision I make judged intensely & I hate it. Its why I want to escape so bad. Outside those who basically had me on suicide watch, I was largely invisible to the world I had to navigate bc black lives don't matter. That's all I felt in adolescence here and even as a child in los angeles. My black life didn't seem to matter to my white "friends" or black "friends” growing up. I was just an outcast & loner everywhere I went & people made bs assumptions about me that others just ran with. Some just give up & embrace the self-fulfilling prochecy & I can't say I entirely blame them.

Personally, I hate my past pains but I recognize how I can use that to evoke positive change for future generations. A lot of black men alive now had to raise themselves growing up bc they either didn't have a father in their life (often broken up by the penal system as a result of major events such as the war of drugs), were raised by a single mother (both my parents) or perhaps their father was solely a provider & did not have time to be emotionally present in their lives more which is still a from of neglect the child has to deal with. Idk where people expect a community of poor people from essentially segregated school systems in some cases to learn about empathy when they aren't even taught their own history. And who is anyone else to judge their ability to give empathy when they have not recieved any themselves?

I was lonely growing up but I feel like I can inspire people through what I can do in art, music & writing. These are the gifts I have to give to the world & laughter is one of the few things that gets me through the pain to create. If I couldn't laugh at my own pain, I'd be dead. So please love. I have so much love for you that I pray you 1) forgive me for leaving you lonely after 2019 and 2) give me the benefit of the doubt when I talk about serious/controversial matters bc I certainly will for you. As it currently stands, I trust you & I still love you. I'm willing to accept you, despite whatever differences we have, & still choose to love & accept you the way you are.

I hope to be someone who supports & enables you to be who you want to be and that's the best way I feel I can love you. I'll never try to change you or force you see things the way I see them but my hope is that naturally as I share parts of myself with you (interests, passions, fears, traumas, stupid opinions 😂, happy moments, etc.) you'll begin to naturally understand the things I care about & why. Then maybe you would care even if only slightly 🥰

I know I'm not perfect so I really wish you'd stop calling me angel😓 But I do aim to be a better man if you help & allow me to do so! I have a lot of healing I need to do before I feel I can be the right man for you. But that's the level of intimacy I crave!

All I aim to do when I speak is to provide information so that the best decision/response can always be made but that process is not always quick. Art has taught me patience & I think communication takes patience too. I ask that you have patience with me as my brain has been running on fumes for what feels like years at this point. Plus you know I'm in a hypomanic phase as you read this & can't sleep to save my life while my mind goes 100mph. I'm beyond burnt out but I need to get my mind right/focused again if I ever hope to get my thesis finished to graduate. Our dream together can't start if I'm stuck in school so this is my #1 priority in addition to this new job I just got over a week ago.

I'm somewhat scared (not completely bc I know God is with me) that I'm going to fail bc I don't have complete control over my emotions. I never want to fight alone again or go back to that dark place but that's what I feel coming when the world doesn't seem to care about black suffering. I've been through so much shit in my short life already that I've already forgotten whole chunks of my life & I'm only 26. I've dissociated a large portion of my youth away. Stolen my own youth just to escape the realities of being black.

The topic of what we argued about wasn't the issue at all. I usually don't even take sides in most matters anyway bc things are rarely that simple. I just ask that you respect me enough to not invalidate my opinions or what I choose to talk about & say it doesn't matter. That really triggered me to some things an ex said in the past treating my experience/trauma like an illusion. It matters, even if it doesn't matter to you. If you do truly want me to feel loved, validate me. Also I want to clarify that validation does NOT mean agreeing with me! I'm not asking you to agree with me. I just want you to understand my position & not judge me as "ick" for some behavior I ADMITTED was wrong & am NOT defending. Idk why you made that assumption.

But I have far too many goals & too much that needs to be done to let myself feel invalidated, belittled or disrespected in how I feel or choose to experience life (especially by someone I wish to be my partner someday). When I share things with you emotionally or through my interests, I'm investing my heart into you. The money that I give you I view as an investment for OUR future. You don't owe me anything except the love you promised to give me but I didn't feel it during that conversation even if it wasn't serious to you. I'm dedicated to loving you as you are but are you willing to do the same? Sometimes I fear you may love the idea of me you have in your head & not the real me I'm trying to explain/show you.

So I guess I wrote all this to say, the way you were speaking to me that night really hurt me. Communication is more than just your intentions. Just bc you didn't intend for something to sound disrespectful doesn't mean it wasn't percieved that way & it's unfair to tell someone how they should feel about something said or done to them.

It seemed to me like you didn't really value nor want my opinion. I'm somewhat confident you still didn't even look at my responses (bc you were so quick to judge/respond). I think you just wanted to share your stance & not hear mine or wait for a specific answer that you didn't get.

Domestic abuse, the plight of a black man & how a black man chooses to respond to his environment is something that can't be answered in a few short basic sentences. If that's what you were expecting, it's unfair. Those issues are complex topics that we usually don't know the full details of, especially for domestic violence. But I've been on a college campus for at least 5 years. You don't think I understand assault is wrong? You don't think I've seen abusive relationship after abusive relationship? I can assure you I have seen abusive relationships damn near 1st hand & it's never simple. But I digress.

I just feel your some of your responses to me that night were a bit reductive, red herrings, passive aggressive or just simply inaccurate a couple times. Jonathan did kick Dani out but not not his child. That's a false claim you ran with. But I'm telling you like this, if a women ever puts her hands on me, has already assaulted me in the past & even had charges pressed on her, I'm recording her too! Baby mama or not! I have to protect myself as a black man bc the legal system won't. I asked a question awhile back asking someone to explain to me how recording someone is a threat and no one gave me an answer. Also Dani has her own money. She says she had no where to go but I don't believe that. Hotels are still open at night & if it's my home, I don't have to tolerate disrespect or being assaulted. I get their in a relationship but he earned that money himself (w/o her). He's not obligated to give anything but some partners feel entitled to everything their partner owns like they aren’t financially independent themelves She doesn't need Jonathan.

Nobody cares that he was assaulted by Dani. Nobody cares he was sexually assaulted by a grown woman as a child. You see a "bad" person but I see a human being w/ past pain & traumas who had his innocence taken from him early on due to the fucked up cycle of poverty & generational trauma America never wants to address. I'm not justifying his behavior. There's no such thing as good or bad people, people just do good or bad things. The goal should be to encourage good behavior but how can you expect that from a community without listening to their voices repeatly telling you how history has affected us. What he had to do to survive is none of my business if I never went through it myself & I refuse to just run with any headline without looking into details.

As a black man, you have to defend yourself with the assumption nobody else will bc they will do everything to throw your name in the mud regardless if it's true or not. All you need is one mistake & you lose the benefit of the doubt forever.

So yeah, it hurt me bc now I worry someday you may forget who I am, listen to what someone else says about me instead of who I've proven myself to be to you, turn on me & attack me again for something you misunderstood.

I was NOT defending Dababy's behavior & if you listened carefully to Dave, he wasn't defending his behavior either, I just used it as an example of my point. It irks me that you misunderstood me in this regard. Patience & context are fundamental to understanding complex issues but you were quicker to judge, tell me why you think I'm wrong rather than to listen to what I was trying to say & spoke aggresively to me.

We're on the same side but I didn't get the chance to explain that between your harsh outbursts bc the answer is again, not short & sweet. It's far too complex to fit in a tweet. The cure to oppression & changing human behavior in society for the better starts with empathy, which cancel culture doesn't not promote the way it claims to.

Clearly some of Jonathan's behavior is wrong but there's definitely underlying factors that facilitated or at the very least laid the foundation enabling his behavior. It's written all throughout black history. Centuries & centuries of black degradation brought us to this point & why people like Dababy exist. I made a basic ass quote not to long ago that said, "Niggas wouldn't exist if black people were treated right" . It’s cheesy I know but it's true! And that's honestly how I feel about most tragedies involving black people. If not Jonathan, I'd be someone else bc that's what America did to black men overtime. If you understand that, I don't see how you can be so quick to judge. My suspicion is that it's personal & as someone that's been abused themselves & a victim of domestic disbutes, I understand.

But I also understand this:

As a black man that spent only 5 years in Charlotte, I can only imagine some of the shit he's had to go through but hasn't spoken about. Probably numb to a lot of shit after what he's been through, similar to me. It's hard to care about a world that doesn't seem to care about you or your people. Dude clearly has some PTSD trauma as many black people do (Not to mention the fact he lost his own brother to suicide in 2020). That's why my fight is for black mental health and changing the stigma behind it bc people like Kanye & probably Jonathan echo a major issue in the black community.

In the black community, therapy is seen as something only crazy or weak people do so black people don't seek out help when they need it & suffer bc of it. With all the shit black people deal with, you don't think there's trauma & abuse that goes on in our communities that gets swept under the rug silently? I was sexually abused. Dababy was sexually abused. Also as someone diagnosed bipolar, been through psychiatric hospitals and dealt with suicidal ideations since I was a preteen, I feel I have something valuable to give to my community (it's the least I can do now as a current suburban black).

This is how I look at the situation, even if I don't agree with his decisions or everything he says, I don't see value in silencing him when in some cases he chooses to say more that gets overlooked. Plus he has a right to live just like everyone else. It's hypocritical to think otherwise & one of the many reasons I hate being misunderstood so much. And even when someone is wrong, it doesn't make sense to want them to suffer or lose everything bc of it. I think that's the problem with self-righteous individuals fighting to cancel people rather than advocate for real social justice/change. Just put a band aid on shit & tell the niggers to behave.

Cancel culture is just going to create more problems down the line. Black people have been saying what's going to happen for a longgggg time now if we remain subjected to these same bs conditions. But blacks have to be the model minority & complacent with all the mistreatment and neglected we've endured since taken as involuntary immigrants.

The LGBTQ community has amazing passion but see their plight as separate from the plight of black people & only really support when it's convient for them (or AFTER the black person already dies). The movement aren't separate. There's intersectionality between the groups as it is all a HUMAN experience. Black people hear the LGBTQ community; it's just hard for us to care as much when it doesn't feel reciprocated. Remember a black man fought to give the LGBTQ community the right to marry among many other legal protections but America STILL has not even apologized to black people for slavery & all the subsequent damage it's done to the black community (i.e. police butality). On top of that, they want to erase our history & experiences -- ignore us the same way you ignored me or they ignored Jonathan's cry for help. You want me to listen to the plight of the LGBTQ community but why should I when black people have not been heard for centuries? I still consider myself an ally regardless bc I understand the world is bigger than me & my experienes. So who else's better to explain to another black man why homophobia & HIV/Aids ignorance is a problem than another aware black man? Cancel culture won't achieve the desired effect of changed behavior.

But back to the point: nobody wants to help the black man stay alive but wants to judge the black man for not having a bleeding heart for every other issue in the world. That's not fair & the biggest slap in the face to a race of people who can't even get a formal apology from their country for slavery. Japanese citizens even got an apology for the internment camps before us & we were at WAR with them. Black men are aware of how society feels about them but I can't expect you to have that same rage when there's certain things you don't know or will never experience. Black man raped to "buck breaking" practices by white masters. Black man hunted for running away. Black man jailed for vagrancy. Black man killed & no one cares. Black man commits suicide & no one cares. Everything you see today is a product of history whether you want to acknowledge it or not (not a justification, just reality.) But at what point does a black man fight back for himself & say his life does matter? At what point does a black man say, fuck whatever you thought about me, labels or the situation you put me in, imma still make it & be great regardless bc when I didn't have shit, you wouldn't have cared if I hung myself. America got what they wanted out of my people & now they don't want me here. That's what this is all about & why you SHOULD care.

But here's also why you should care bc it involves the man you claim to love. It's not about Dababy.

1. When I told an ex partner about my DWI charge w/o explaining the way they harassed me, she immediately started judging me, looked at me like a criminal & said I shouldn't have been doing what I was doing. In reality, I was just taking my medication as prescribed to actually try & treat my mental health.

2. My father has told me repeatedly growing up that if I ever went to jail, don't call him. So when I did get arrested on that bs charge in 2019, what do you think I did? Do you have any idea how much that hurts to know I can't rely on my own black father to protect/have my back in the South where I could get pulled & it not even be my fault? Or worse, shot or arrested for essentially nothing.

3. Sometime last year, an officer gave ME a drinking citation instead of the white girl I was with that actually shotgunned a beer on the beach. It was so bad other people on the beach came over to tell me how fucked up it was what they just saw. Later that same day, her and I got detained by more officers bc she started speeding & the car smelled like weed. When I told the officers the 1st time I was in cuffs was after I tried to kill myself at 16, the girl I was with said how much that hurt her to hear bc her younger sister did the same thing but they didn't put the little white girl in cuffs

Now, I can go on & on about many experiences in my life where people slandered or mischaracterized me bc of my race & what harm that's done to me but if you haven't lived it for yourself, how could you possibly understand why someone reacts the way they do? It sucks knowing nobody actually cares about you as a black child but you still wouldn't get it even if I talked about every barrier I faced due to something I could not control. Now imagine a black man. They reallyyy don't give af if we die so why should I take any chances? I'm gonna defend myself regardless of what people think of me. When you feel like you're fighting the world on your own, as many black men do, it's about survival, period.

I used to carry a knife with me up my sleeve in high school. I used to cut & hurt myself bc I felt invisible & alone. I just wanted to feel something that would distract my emotional pain. I really wanted to hurt the people that made me feel like shit but instead I turned that inward. I didn't want to be seen as a violent stereotype even to those who deserved it. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction. But no one cared I was crying. In fact I was laughed at on many occasions. No one cared blood was dripping from the black boy’s wrists. Not my white "friends", not my black "friends", not even my gay "friends". But you know what I was to them? A nigger who was acting white.  No one cared, period.

Now why should a black man care about anyone else after the way he's been and is continually treated in America? I am an ally but you have to admit it's unfair black people have to deal with the same poor circumstances that breed the ignorant behavior you hate in Dababy. I agree no one should be judged or treated differently based on their sexuality but can we pleaseeeee finally address the race issue in America since thats been the backbone of our country since birth, especially bc it affects the LGBTQ community as well.

I think it's hypocritical of those in society to judge black people's response to blatent neglect & abuse, especially considering LGBTQ people rarely even treated POC in their own community with the same respect as their white members historically speaking.

I just want LGBTQ people to care about black issues & trauma the same way they want us to care about their plight. My LGBTQ friends understand this & I love them. And they love me even when they don't understand what it means to be black or why we feel the way we do.

But from you:

It did not feel like love or empathy when I spoke with you & honestly makes me more guarded about sharing myself with you. I was hurt & I hope you understand why I felt this way. I still can envision a future with you & will fight to make it happen if you're willing to do the same. I just hope you can respect, accept & love me while I make OUR dreams come true.

I love you Journee and I hope you continue to love me as well💜🥰

Everything I've said up until this point is relevant to what I'm doing in my life and you'd know what my plans are if you just asked me instead of expressing how much you don't care about what I'm saying or why it doesn't matter. The more you don't care about me or the things I care about, the more I'd just rather be alone & work towards my goals myself.

I will close myself off to you the more this happens but like I said, my goal is to make BOTH our dreams come true bc that's what love is to me.

I know “Our Journee” is going to be legendary and I can't wait to share more of my life with you as you aid me in healing & growing.

#Transparency