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a-milky-strawberry · 5 years

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Suga x Reader - Cold (2) (Angst/Slight Fluff)

It’s been years since you were discharged from the hospital. The doctor had put you in a therapy program. You were required to meet with a man 3 times a week to discuss your “condition”.Due to the fact you didn’t go to half of them, you now had to have the sessions in your own personal home. Whoopee! At the time your parents were so anxious and frustrated over you that you felt you couldn’t even take a shit without them trying to break down the bathroom door. The last straw was when they told you (not asked you, told you) that they were going to take the hinges off of every door in the house, not including the front or back door. Yep, that meant the bathroom, your room, their room, closets, etc.. You moved out 2 days later. You had found a nice, small apartment that was cheap to the point of being suspicious. There was no kitchen, 1 bathroom, and your living area and bedroom were connected. The only thing you had remotely close to a kitchen was a mini fridge and a hot plate. It was kinda like a studio only smaller.

You weren’t going to do anything stupid with moving out and plus you hadn’t done much of anything since you got discharged. In fact, you had taken temporary leave from school and they understood once word got around about your accident. However, the pity in their eyes made you wanna vomit. You didn’t need their pity, their “how are you feeling today”’s, or the burdensome help. You just wanted to be left the hell alone. Was that really too much to ask? With the money you were saving for grad school you instead used it to get said tiny studio in Jeonju. The tenants were primarily old people but they were nice and it was always quiet. Sometimes you’d joke to yourself if you accidentally rented in a retirement home.

Today the weather was nice and sunny but due to your blackout curtains you could hardly tell. If it weren’t for the small gaps on the side shining a bit of natural light you’d think you lived in eternal darkness. Besides, the T.V. provided enough light for you as you laid on the cool wood floor. You weren’t watching anything in particular, just surfing the channels for anything interesting. A familiar song bombarded your ears and you tune into the screen.

BTS.

If you could’ve rolled your eyes any harder they’d get stuck staring at your brain.

It wasn’t that you despised them now. In fact, you were still on good terms with them. Well, except for that piece of shit moron Suga. You clicked your tongue as that name entered your head as his face shown on your screen. You spit on the name Min Yoongi. Being that you had an extreme allergic reaction to him caused you to miss out on some good songs and concerts. Though you didn;t really care because--

*K-Chlick*

You groaned thinking you had jinxed yourself as your heard your front door being unlocked by a certain spare key.

“HEY!! WAKEY-WAKEY BEST FRIEND!!”

Oh no. Please no.

“WOW! IT’S SUPER DARK IN HERE!”

Your curtains flew upon letting in the blinding rays of death. You curled up in a ball and let of a harsh hiss as you were temporarily blinded.

“THERE! NOW IT’S ALMOST AS BRIGHT AS ME!!”

Sigh. You jinxed it.

J-Hope. Jung Hoseok. Sunshine. Your Hope, Hobi.

Now, you hadn’t given him a spare key specifically. You had given it to Jungkook, your still best friend. He gives it to one of the members in rotation when he doesn’t have enough time to check on you. But now, you have almost every member busting through your day everyday even without warning. However, none of the guys are as loud as J-Hope, but what did you expect?

You felt as if someone was staring at you and it had gotten way too quiet. You peeked open your eyes and saw a smiling Hobi with the sun rays in the background like he was some goddamn angel.

“Hey best friend! Didya miss me? Huh? Huh?! Didya?!”

“As much as I hate to admit it, your presence is very… overpowering.” You sighed.

He dramatically gasped and clutched his heart. “Did I just hear a compliment that wasn’t bitter or sarcastic? Am I dreaming?!”

You groaned at his theatrics. “Don’t push it.”

You then felt some strong back pats and rubs. “Okay, okay. Anyway, I brought you lunch.”

You uncurled and sat up to see a large fast food bag and the smell of salty fries and processed cheese with sweaty meat.

“Lemme guess… McDonald’s? Cheeseburger, medium fries, and a Sprite.”

This man had the nerve to look shocked at your obvious guess. “H-How’d you know?”

“You bring me the same thing every time you come over, Hoseok. At least be original and bring me like a Fillet Fish or something.”

Hoseok chuckled embarrassed and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

You turned your attention back to your T.V. and changed the channel to a random sitcom that played. “You can have it. I’m not hungry.”

Hoseok frowned. “Are you not eating again?”

You rolled your eyes. “First off, just because I was lazy not to walk alllll the way to the kitchen at my parent’s house doesn’t mean I was unintentionally not eating. Second off, no dummy, I just went out last night and picked up some street food. I had some leftover this morning too, so I’m not all that hungry.”

You side-eyed the greasy food on the floor. “Plus, if I eat another McDonald’s cheeseburger again I’m gonna be sick.”

Hoseok laughed. “Fair enough.” He gathered the fast food bag and put it in your fridge for “that special midnight craving”.

As he was heading towards the door, he stopped and looked back.

“Hey, ummm… (Y/N)?”

“Uh-huh?” I answered still watching the sitcom.

“There’s gonna be a concert tomorrow night. And I was wondering… if you wanted to come this time.”

Here we go again. Anytime the guys would visit they would try to convince you to get out of the house to go to either their concerts, after parties, movie nights, and it didn’t matter where you were, on the toilet, in the shower, night outs, lunch, dinner, brunch, you name it. A tiny part of you wants to go, like it’s still clings to who you once were. But, the rest of you doesn’t want to exist socially and you feel like if you see Suga nothing’s gonna stop your fists from colliding on his cheek.

“Probably not--”

“Please (Y/N). I’m begging you.” He was now fully turned towards you and on his knees. “We haven’t been able to be all together or see you as much since you moved out from your parents and we miss you.”

You stayed silent.

“Everyone is so worried about you. Even Bang PD-nim. Everyone misses you and they want to see how you’re doing. Please (Y/N).”

You felt this weird pain in your chest. Almost like your heart was clenching tight at his plea. Why did you feel pain over this?

“I didn’t ask for ANYONE to be worried about me. I’m FINE!” you snapped. You didn’t mean to snap at him or was it that you didn’t mean to be defensive? Why were you getting so in a knot over this? Just tell him no like you have multiple times. Or was this feeling because you wanted to go? It’s now making your head hurt over how stupidly convoluted your overthinking was.

Hoseok sighed. “If you won’t come for us, then please visit Yeontan.”

Yeontan? V’s puppy?

“I know you saw on Twitter that he got a puppy. Don’t you want Yeontan to meet his auntie?”

Well,... you had been wanting to meet that fluff ball too and the pictures you saw on Twitter made you have a case of FOMO big time. He was the only one that made a small smile appear on your lips and a twinge of happiness in your heart.

You sighed. “Maybe.” you mumbled as you closed your blackout curtains back.

Hoseok was silent for a while before heavy stomps made their way towards you and you were lifted off the ground. “FOR REAL?! OH THANK YOU (Y/N)!!” he screamed as he lunged forward and picked you up in celebration. “YOU WON’T REGRET THIS IS SWEAR!”

“Put. Me. Down. You. ANIMAL!” you yelped. “I’m getting nauseous!”

Hoseok put you down and ran towards the door. “Just wait until I tell the guys about this! They’re gonna be sooo psyched!”

“Dumbass! I said--” the door slammed closed with Hoseok already gone “maybe…”

You clicked your tongue at his brashness. You never fully agreed to go. He was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Besides, how’d he even think you were going to get it? The concert is tomorrow night. If there is a ticket out there it probably costs an arm and a leg to get it. And that’s not counting if it’s also fake. You groaned in frustration and fell to the floor already tired of the day’s events. You felt your eyelids grow heavy and decided on a cat nap. You crawled over to your mattress and pushed it closer to the T.V. You laid on top and wrapped yourself in a warm weighted blanket and snuggled into your pillow. Before you knew it, you were fast asleep.

---

It was the night of the concert and you were staring at the ceiling in the dark. Why was yesterday’s talk with Hoseok bothering you so much? You hadn’t stopped thinking about it since he left and it was honestly giving you a headache.

*Grooowl*

Your stomach cut through the silence. You lazily crawled over to the fridge and winced at the bright light and shivered from the cool air. There wasn’t much, except the greasy bag of McDonald’s Hoseok had given you yesterday. Sighing, and praying that you don’t get an upset stomach, you took the bag and opened it.

You pulled out some fries and them being illuminated by the fridge light was a ticket and a backstage pass sticking out of it. You automatically groaned and took them both out. What also caught your eye was on the fries bag was written: ‘PLEASE!’ You pulled out the chicken nuggets: ‘PLEASE!’ The cheeseburger: ‘PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!’

Your eye twitched in annoyance. He really was trying here. You looked back at the ticket and then at your phone.

“The concert’s already started… Is there any point in going anymore? Plus, I didn’t even promise that I would even go…”

You looked back at the pleading food and remembered Hoseok’s face when he collapsed on his hands and knees. And even when you told him ‘maybe’ he looked so happy. He would want me to go for even a little while, right? You sighed, got up on your feet, and walked over to your closet.

“Where’d I put that hoodie?”

---

You were now standing outside the stadium already regretting your choices of being outside. You had drove nearly 3 hours from home to this concert and you were already having second thoughts. You suddenly had a stomach-churning flashback as you remembered what they’re concerts are like. It’s hot and loud and sweaty and full of screams; both fanboys and fangirls. You shivered and shrugged it off. You were more than late to the concert. You already knew how this would plan out. They’d tell you it was too late, you’d text Hoseok saying you were late and couldn’t get it, and that you would be the end of it. You’d go back to your bed where things were nice and quiet. At least, that’s what you thought…

“Oh, Miss (Y/N)! You finally arrived! I thought you were having second thoughts!”

A perky woman in the ticket booth greeted you happily and took your ticket. How did she--

“How do you know my name?”

“Oh! From BTS, of course. They told me you’d be arriving and gave me a picture as reference. Though, I must admit you do look a little different. But anyways, they told me to let you in no matter what!”

You internally screamed. Of course. That loud mouth J-Hope must’ve gone and run his mouth to every and anyone. Idiot. What if I hadn’t shown up or threw out that McDonald’s? Wait… does that mean he knows I’m--

“Here you are! Enjoy the show!” the woman said giving me back the ticket stub.

I muttered a thanks and went in. You were more towards the front and that meant you’d be pushed and shoved by the mosh of fangirls. Before opening the concert door, you took a deep breath. You could already hear the soft roar of the fans. Maybe they’ll be singing Heartbeat and it’ll be calm when you walk in.

You opened the door and your ears were immediately assaulted with the unholiest of screeches. They weren’t singing Heartbeat. You slammed closed the door and tried to steady your already hyperventilating breathing. God! Were these concerts always this loud?! How were you not deaf?! Okay, okay, okay… this won’t be that bad. Just go in, stay for about 30 minutes, take a picture, send it to the guys, and get the hell out of here. You breathed in once more ready for the game plan and opened the door once more.

You walked down the stairs and found your row. Being meek and polite, you made your way through the horde and found your spot. You looked up at the bright lights that displayed the dancing group. They were singing Dionysus and of course they were giving it 110% almost matching the same volume as the fans. ‘This song… ah… from the new album…’ You tried your best to endure the loud volume and you bobbed your head to the lyrics. Even if your worst enemy was up there, you should at least enjoy the music. The next song to play was HOME which was your favorite because it was nice and slow. The vocals on Jimin, V, and Namjoon were so beautifully woven that you couldn’t help but sway. You looked at Jimin as he sang. ‘Ah… how cute… oh! I should take a picture…’ You took out your phone and as soon as you were going to press the button someone slammed you from behind causing you to drop it. ‘Shit!’ Not worrying about who pushed you, you bent down and started looking. You were getting glares and whispered comments about your situation during such an emotional and beautiful song. You ignored them and kept looking. It was too dark and you could barely see anything apart from the soft glow of the Army Bombs and shoes.

“Excuse me?” said a male voice.

You looked up to see a nice looking boy holding something. “Are you looking for this?” It was your phone! You quickly stood up and nodded. As he handed you the phone he gave you a wink and a chuckle. “I drop my phone sometimes at so many concerts I’d hate for it to happen to someone else. Hold it tight, kay cutie?”

You felt your face go red and I bowed a quick thanks as you went back to your spot. No way… Did that guy just make you… blush?! You shook your head and went back to the task at hand, taking the picture. As you raised your phone up, you saw that Jimin was making a passionate face. Smirking, you took a pic. ‘I bet if I post this…. That’ll be hilarious!’

As the concert came to an end you had a feeling of slight sadness. You had enjoyed the new songs and the silly antics they did. You also saw how dedicated they had become and how grown and strong they looked. Maybe Jungkook was right. It wouldn’t hurt to pop in every now and again. The stadium was clearing out and you sighed and looked at your backstage pass. Then, you had a question that should’ve been asked before coming: Since when did BTS start doing backstage passes? Where would you even go? As you walked up to the silver gate that protected the security and BTS, a security guard walked up to you.

“Miss (Y/N)?” he asked.

Of course it had something to do with J-Hope. “Let me guess. BTS told you about me?”

He nodded and held out his hand. You gave him the pass and he nodded again. “Please follow me.” You took his hand and he helped you over the gate. Some leftover fans stared in disbelief at the fact you were personally being escorted backstage. Walking back there gave you a since nostalgia. Meeting the guys after the concert, congratulating them, going out to eat as celebration and relaxation. Your heart twinged at the memories, but you tried to shrug it off. You were going to see them after a long time. This is a happy thing, right? Happiness…

“We’re here.” spoke the security guard as he opened the door to the green room. The guys weren’t there yet. “You can wait here.”

I said a polite thank you and walked around the room. It was so much bigger. Your boys were getting so popular… Well, they deserved it. As you looked around the room, a cage caught your eye. Curious, you bent down and looked inside. “Yeontan?” The dog seemed to recognize its name and lifted its head. You opened the cage and Yeontan walked up to you, sniffing. You picked up the tiny fluff ball in awe and held it close to your face. “Aww!” you screamed. “Aren’t you just about the cutest thing ever! Who's a good boy?!”

Your words got Yeontan hyped up and he started licking your face. You smiled brightly at the cutie. This was so much better than looking at his pictures on Twitter. “You’re a good boy! Yes, you are! You look like a tiny chocolate chip cookie! I could just eat you up but I wouldn’t because you’d be too sweet!”

“(Y/N)?” called a voice. You looked towards the door and saw all the members staring. All of them. You felt nervous and your stomach started churning again. It’s been years since you’d seen them all together. You normally saw them one at a time, but that didn’t mean you saw them everyday. You had seen one member every few months if you were lucky. They looked tired and Jungkook looked more like an adult. Those pictures on Twitter don’t do him justice. What would you even say to them? What do you say in a situation like this?

“Didja miss me?” Smooth (Y/N), real smooth.

Suddenly, all at once, the members group hugged you and started talking over each other.

“See I told you she’d come--”

“Of course we missed you idiot--”

“You’ve missed so much--”

“We’ve miss you so much--”

“Have you been eating?”

“You look sooo skinny--”

“You playing with Yeontan was sooooo cuuuuuttteeeee--”

You pushed back from the group hug and grinned. “Yeah, yeah… I missed you guys too. You look so mature now.”

“How was the concert?! Didja like it?! Didja love it?! Oh who am I kidding? Of course, you loved it! You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t love it! Didja like our songs?!” Jungkook rattled off a hundred words a minute.

“Jungkook, calm down. You’re going too fast for her to answer.” said Namjoon. “Did you enjoy the concert (Y/N)? We wanted you to be comfortable but thought putting you in VIP would make you irritated.”

“Well, I only caught the middle of Mikrokosmos and to be honest,” you said as they got nervous, “HOME is now officially my new favorite song.”

“Really? You liked it?”Namjoon asked. You nodded. “My favorite vocals were Jimin, V, and you, Namjoon.”

As the guys talked amongst themselves, you glanced a saw a lone figure standing far from the group. Your grin turned sour as you two made eye contact. “H-Hey (Y/N).” The group turned to see your reaction. You turned your attention back to Yeontan still in your arms and looked at V.

“V, where’d you find this cutie? He’s so adorable!”

Deciding not to make the situation awkward, he answered. “Oh, I got him back in 2017. He is adorable huh?”

“Um… (Y/N)-”

“Where do you find time to take care of him? Ooh! Does he tour with you guys? Like a secret member or something?”

“(Y/N)-”

“Hehe, unfortunately no. He lives with my parents for now because of my busy schedule.”

“Ah, I see. I did see that on Twitter. He lived with you guys at first right?”

V nodded. “Yeah, but when J-Hope told us you’d come to the concert I thought you might want to meet him.”

You smiled and snuggled into Yeontan’s fur. “Well, I’m glad I came. And if you ever need a babysitter for this cutie--”

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not! From now on, he’s family. Plus, it might liven up my room to have a cute puppy in there before getting one of my own.”

“You’re thinking of getting a puppy?” asked Jimin.

You smiled. “Maybe.”

“You know,” spoke Namjoon, “it’s been forever since I’ve seen that smile.”

You felt your face. You were smiling. Why now? You looked down at Yeontan.

“My dog is magic!!” V shouted, hugging you.

You brushed him off and grinned. “Yeah, maybe he is…”

---

You stayed for a few minutes and talked and played with Yeontan all while avoiding a certain someone. You put Yeontan down and stood up.

“Well, I better get going. It’s pretty late…”

Jungkook shot up. “So soon?”

You nodded. “I’ve done a lot today and I forgot how much a concert takes out of me. I forgot how loud and rowdy they were. I’m exhausted.”

You yawned as you were saying goodbye Jimin caught your hand. “You’ll visit, right? I mean, will you be coming back anymore?”

Then Jungkook grabbed your other hand. “J-Hope hyung told us that maybe you’d open back up and hang out with us and eat dinner with us like you used to? Are you going back to avoiding us? Avoiding me?”

You felt a break in your heart. All those times they invited you out over the years you saw as a burden and troublesome for the awkward tension between you and Min Yoongi. When it fact, you had hurt them. You had moved 2 hours away from them. They wanted you and you were too selfish to even consider that you should just ignore the hatred in your heart for Min Yoongi.

“Well,” you said softly, “being here brought back a lot of memories. Some good, some bad. Listening to your music again, seeing your passionate faces, watching you guys have fun were one of the many enjoyments I had at your concerts. So…”

You let out a sigh and squeezed Jimin and Jungkook’s hand. “I can’t promise I’ll begin saying yes to outings. My anxiety has gotten really bad over the years and like I said, being here brought some bad memories. I also live far away. But… I would like to be here for you guys again…!”

The members consumed you in a group hug and you left saying goodbye to all but one.

---

As you walked down the street, away from the concert you felt a little happy. ‘Maybe the reason I didn’t want to go out was because of my anxiety. Maybe should’ve stayed with that therapist. I think I still have their number somewhere. Maybe I should give them a call for more meetings. No. I will call them. First thing in the morning.’

As you were having these thoughts, you had the feeling you were being watched. You glanced back and didn’t see anyone. ‘I really should head home. There are always creeps at this time of night.’ As you sped up the sound of shoes speeding up caught your attention. ‘It’s just your imagination. Just the dark playing tricks. There’s no one there.’ You glanced back but this time you saw a shadowy figure following right behind. Following your instincts, you immediately booked it. The person had the same idea and ran after you. Breathing heavy and the sound of harsh footsteps sent fear through you. Why?! Why was this person following you?! No-- chasing you?! A sasaeng fan?! The thought sent you running faster. As you made it towards a more populated area with cars, you glanced back. All of of sudden honking. A car’s headlights. You froze.

Suddenly, you pulled back onto the sidewalk as the car zoomed by. You whipped your head back to see Min Yoongi, panting and sweating.

“IDIOT! WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE?! DID YOU WANT TO GET HIT AGAIN?!” he shouted.

“IDIOT?! ME?! I WAS RUNNING TO GET AWAY AND I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO--”

Wait. Panting. Sweating. Stage clothes still on. Hat and face mask sloppily thrown on.

“WHERE YOU FOLLOWING ME?! WHERE YOU THE ONE CHASING ME?!”

He went silent.

“Oh my god! You fucking stalker!”

“I’m not a stalker!”

“Oh really?! Let’s assess the situation. It’s nighttime and extremely dark. The only source of light from the stadium to the this main street is a bunch of street lights. Oh! And when I started running, the first thing out of your mouth wasn’t, “Hey (Y/N)!”. It was to run after me like some deranged psycho! Did I also mention IT’S NIGHTTIME! I bunch of fucking weirdos walk around and you expect me to know it was you!”

Your rant made Min Yoongi’s eyes widen and a few onlookers were staring as they passed by. “I-I didn’t think about that…”

You scoffed. “Oh, just like how you weren’t thinking when you told me to disappear and I got hit by that fucking truck? Or when you had the gall to show to the hospital and proclaim your love for me after all you said to my face?!”

He winced. “I said I was sorry--”

“Sorry doesn’t mean shit when your family thinks you should be on some kind of list and your best friends think that for the past 2 years they were the problem and that I was avoiding them! Don’t you realize what you’ve done?!”

You couldn’t stop them from coming. You had tried avoiding this and still the tears you swore to never show had reared its ugly head.

“D-Don’t you realize what your coldness has done to me…?” you hiccuped and sniffled. “I rarely go outside because I was afraid-- I am afraid that someone is going to hurt me and look down on me the same way you did! And then you have the nerve to save me this time, how dare you! How DARE YOU, MIN YOONGI! WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST TIME!!”

The street grew quiet. Onlookers were now fully staring and little crowd had gathered. Whispering, pointing, gasping.

“You know… for the first time in years since my accident, I actually had fun today. I heard beautiful music, I got to see my closest friends, and I even smiled.”

You looked him in the eye. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve smiled?”

He didn’t answer.

“A really, really, really, really, long time.”

“(Y/N), I--”

“Save it, okay. I’ve spent way too long hating myself and hating everything because of you. Because of your coldness. I thought that if I behaved as cold as you, nothing would get too close to my heart and I wouldn’t be hurt anymore.”

“(Y/N), please--”

“But after seeing the pain of my friends faces, I’m done being cold. I’m done obsessing over my hatred over you. You’ve eaten up so much of my life before and even after my incident that I need to move on. I guess I never truly moved on, even after all that’s happened. I need to get my life back on track. I need to mend some fences that my coldness have frozen.”

You sighed and wiped your tears. “I’m done with you. Goodbye.”

You walked past the small crowd and made way home. You felt lighter. Better. All those emotions that you shoved and locked deep down came out and you couldn’t help but feel better. You’ve felt so many emotions today. Maybe you can feel something. Maybe it just took one emotion to overpower the others. Hatred. Sadness. Heartbroken. You remember the day of the incident. You felt such sadness and hatred that you didn’t want your tears to flow. Well, now they did. Maybe this is a good thing.

No-- this is a good thing.

- - -

holy shit. has it really been 2 years since the first one. okay! so! I know promised you guys like months ago that this shit would be out by the weekend but college has been absolutely kicking my ass. like holy shit. tbh i didn’t even think you guys liked the first one. but after seeing that people wanted a sequel here you go! i’m sorry that it’s so goddamn long. it’s been a while since i had to write about something else that wasn’t an essay. anyways, here you guys are! i think i might turn this scenario into a multi-part series, who knows. i will try to upload more consistent and give you guys more kpop scenarios and i might start doing reactions too. my ask box is open if you guys have any suggestions. later noonas and oppas. peace out!

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