#doesn't mean it's Bad Privacy Violating Stuff

[acerikus]

The way tumblr users hiss and yell wherever they see the word 'tracking' reminds me of when avast tries to scare me into buying premium by giving me popups being like 'WE FOUND A TRACKING COOKIE SOMEONE IS TRACKING YOU' about the cookie that's like. in charge of setting the language on a website I'm using lol

#like. are there shitty usages of cookies and query strings? yeah #most of the time connected to displaying ads and stuff #but just bc you see a query string (usually described on here as 'anything after the question mark' despite starting w the question mark) #doesn't mean it's Bad Privacy Violating Stuff #as a dev it gets on my nerves when i see ppl fearmonger about that lol #sometimes it's stuff that literally allows a website to function #sometimes it's just general stuff w no personally identifying info that just lets the devs know how often a feature is used on a website #those figures are often needed to know if improving or fixing a feature is priority #big deadline on a release but you've found a bug? maybe they'll hold off if hardly anyone is using it #(or if ppl are so adamant on Getting Rid Of Scary Text that they don't have the info) #ad based tracking though? yeah fuck that. #y'all aren't getting my personal demographics or whatever so you can advertise shitty fad pills or w/e

[gamora-borealis]

long rambling essay under the read more about twt phannie discourse / discourse surrounding how people talk about dnp's relationship because I have thoughts I want to get off my chest:

ohh I am so glad I am using twitter less the twt phannies are having discourse again about if you are allowed to think dan and phil act cute together (which yeah most people assume it's in a coupley way but if on the off chance they're actually not a couple then they are still cute and gay besties??? literally doesn't change much???) or that it's bad to wonder if they are soft launching their relationship because of stuff they have said that implies it? like obviously don't tag them in stuff and I get being nervous that they will get recommended stuff on twitter but like, if you keep it to tumblr or discord or your small or private twitter then whatever I don't think it's that big of a deal. they didn't like the speculation when they were in the closet because it became such a huge focus that people were messaging them about it, violating their privacy, other YouTubers were making fun of them or trying to expose them, it was putting a lot of pressure on them to come out, etc (which I think that is what Dan was addressing in BIG and people misunderstand that part because what he said was a little bit clunky in terms of how he organized it because it was hard to talk about!) but I don't think they care if people in fan spaces have opinions on what their relationship is a long as we respect their right to talk about that kind of stuff on their own terms. like the way I view it is like if you had some friends that you thought were maybe dating or flirting and then were like "aw yeah they're cute" or "hmm I wonder if they're..." to your other friends. like I don't think it's cool to say it to the people in question's faces if they haven't openly talked about it yet but I don't think it's bad to wonder based on things you have observed??? idk personally I'm always noticing details and analyzing things because my personality is just like that and sometimes I like to talk about it, not in a spreading gossip way but like an, "in confidence" kind of way to get a second opinion out of curiosity. and like ultimately your want should be for people to be happy and they are the only ones who can decide what kind of relationship/s make them happy and you can respect that while wondering or having an opinion that you don't announce to them (and like, dnp tend to understand that indirects / tumblr / etc are meant for other fans and not them and that if they go looking through tags and stuff that they are going to potentially see these opinions or observations).

also like, I think they really don't care as much now that they are out because the pressure / fear has gone away and now they make jokes about it and call themselves phan and make fun of phannies lol. I think part of the reason that so many people are drawn to their relationship in the first place too is because they are these funny relatable (neurodivergent?) queer parasocial figures in what appears to be a strong / supportive relationship, whether they are together or are queer exes who are still besties and/or queerplatonic and roommates. like we love to see them being themselves / being queer together, whatever that means for them!!! because they've even acknowledged that before they were out they were still queer representation in the sense that a lot of times they subverted society's expectations of masculine friendships in their videos just by being themselves.

also dnp have been very loud about certain things lately I don't think it's weird to be like... are they going to finally reveal something because their behavior lately has been kinda wild! (although maybe they won't because they don't want the general public / locals / news attention about it that might actually be more annoying than the standard/familiar attention from a lot of their fandom and like that's completely fine too).

Idk there is just this weird virtue signaling on twitter that is very annoying to me. like personally I am like yeah a lot of stuff points to them being in a romantic relationship but I could be wrong and either way I really love them and the relationship that they do have and show us on camera. but one doesn't have to qualify with that every time when saying "aw they are cute!" or making an observation about something on your own blog or small account...

honestly if what comes off as virtue signaling to me is actually coming from a place of care, I do respect that... I just also think that some people go out of their way to police or denounce behavior because they are afraid of being identified with people who were actually harmful to dnp when I don't think the behavior they are being mad at in this instance is actually harmful and more so just a natural side effect of being parasocially invested in these two queer guys who have spent most of fourteen years together and have confirmed that their relationship has been "more than just romantic."

#dan and phil #dnp #phan #<- for the fandometrics <3

[thestobingirlie]

On the camera scene, so many hardcore Nancy stans who are anti Steve act like Nancy was the only victim of Jon's inappropriate photo session. Like, Steve says it himself, he thinks Jonathan was being stalker. He wasn't confronted for just being a perv and taking one inappropriate photo. He was confronted for all of the creepy pictures. Carol, Tommy and Steve all had a right to confront Jonathan and, honestly, just because the most violating picture was of Nancy doesn't mean they can't be upset too. 3 out of 4 of the living people who were in those photos wanted those photos destroyed and seemed okay with breaking the camera. Maybe they should have invited Nancy to the confrontation but they did not need to have her in charge of how to respond. Steve later regretted it, but he was responding a blatant violation of his privacy. I get in the modern age a lot of people film strangers for clout but I find that creepy too. People hate the paparazzi for a reason. (Low-key kind of a trend where Nancy stans act like she is the only one experiencing trauma or being a victim.)

I sent an ask about how the photos were also violating for Tommy, Carol and Steve. And, I was rewatching the scene where Steve breaks the camera and paused on their faces right before Jonathan says 'I was looking for my brother' and right before Nancy gets there. They look upset. Genuinely, out of the three of them Steve looks the most angry (followed by Nicole who did nothing wrong btw) which makes sense with his later 'protector' reputation but Tommy and Carol look genuinely disturbed by the pictures. I might be bad at reading facial expressions but that's how it looked to me. It also implies that they had just found out about the pictures when Jonathan showed up and Nicole is Carol's friend so obviously she would tell Carol first not Nancy.

(Also with how quickly Carol and Tommy switch from disturbed to bitchy (bitchy - sees pictures - disturbed - Nancy shows up - bitchy) I wonder if them being involved in the upside down stuff would have just made them lash out more at the people who they see as against them - to regain power over their situation - you know, like close ranks and stuff. I also wonder if they hate showing weakness since they seemed to switch to bitchy mode when Nancy showed up)

yes!!! yes, thank you. that is what i always say. nancy isn’t the only victim of jonathan’s photography, but everyone at the party was violated.

was smashing the camera the way i would go? no, i’d call the police. but i don’t think steve, carol and tommy were wholly in the wrong. like you said, i think they honestly all felt violated and grossed out, and i think anyone would. (and yeah, the tiktok culture where people just film strangers is fucking weird and uncomfortable) and just because nancy decided she was fine with the perv shot, doesn’t mean everyone had to be.

(i love thinking about tommy and carol getting involved in upside down, and i do think it’d be really interesting characterisation wise. i definitely think they’d kind of close ranks and start lashing out at people more.)

#steve harrington #tommy hagan #carol perkins #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things #asks #anon

[snow-and-saltea]

i know that in media you're constrained with things like budget, time slots and stuff, but sometimes i'm just like. my god. the insane shortcuts people take to write "smart / intelligent" characters, especially in plot-heavy stories, always pisses me off. they write them like they're sherlock holmes (bbc version, derogatory) but they fail to realise that even sherlock holmes (arthur conan doyle) was written with a lot of thought, suffered his own subconscious prejudices and had to learn from mistakes.

i guess what i'm trying to get at is—"smart" people don't magically get good at things overnight, the only difference between them and others is how much they're willing to go through to hone their mental acuity. which means when they try something new, they're going to make obvious mistakes, not understand how things work beyond the surface level, and make mistakes in judgements (like when you don't understand something well enough, your analogies and metaphors aren't 100% accurate or concise).

but it feels like there's a assumption hanging over our heads that, as readers, we don't WANT to see the smart one go through the entire nitty gritty of the learning process. we just want to see them do cool things, piece the puzzle together with a flourish, and clap our hands at the end. and in some parts, yes! that is what i want to see! but i am also interested in how they pieced it together. the joy of mysteries is, to me, that everyone is exposed to the same pieces of information, and we're given the chance to try to piece it ourselves. but then the smart character comes along and interprets those pieces of information in a not-obvious way to us, and it's cool!! years of living with a mind that is primed to turn things over in their head, to make sense of things, reveals to us how differently we experience the same reality, and it's wonderful. i'm able to learn from someone who sees life differently than me, and interpret information differently than me!

but right now i'm often left out feeling flat and confused in the mystery-type plots i've seen. the smart person will have been exposed to information we didn't even get the chance to see and interpret, and then they piece things together and everyone in the story claps their hands at the artificial pedestal that's been propped up under that character's feet. explanations of in-setting magic that can be retconned in and out at any point in time, so there's no logical consistency for us to nitpick or understand, so there's no basis to stand on that the story should be taken seriously. plot twists that make no sense as a gotcha. so many things!!

like. this particular example just my beef with g*nshin, so ignore it if you don't agree or smth. but the use of red herrings in the stories piss me off. the red herrings are either too obvious or nonexistent. they always use some random guy acting suspiciously and have the other characters react to it, as if we can't understand it on our own? but like. these red herrings, in the real world, aren't even red herrings. sometimes people just "act suspiciously" just by virtue of being human, not because they're complicit in some bigger overarching plot. sometimes people just stutter because of their anxious disposition, not to hide a guilty conscience. sometimes people are just defensive and irritable because they're a defensive and irritable person, it doesn't mean they're the ""bad guy"" who you need to crack down on and interrogate even further, especially if there's literally nothing that indicates this character is guilty other than their outward appearances.

but like. the smart characters/protagonist almost never get proven wrong. the stutterer was guilty all along and they're just a bad liar. the defensive guy is selfish and obnoxious, they're defensive because they're hiding something, not because it's a natural reaction on having one's sense of privacy and personal space violated.

the game sure loves trying to do nuance with "not everyone is 100% good or bad, we're all Flawed" but they can't put their money where their mouth is. everyone who is not guilty acts in completely transparent and "good" ways. everyone who is guilty acts in completely opaque and "suspicious" / "bad" ways. end of story. how the hell am i supposed to think anyone in this game is smart when they don't even have to use their brain to sift through, critique, weigh and interpret information? what use is there to do so? just use your eyes and ears. the stutterer is nervous for hiding a secret. the anxious is guilty. the angry is scornful.

there's also another rant here about how g*nshin fucking sucks at writing unique and flawed characters, because they like to make everyone the Specialest Guy In The World, but that's for another day.

#yuu rambles #☠️☠️☠️☠️ #they got better at writing plots with f*ntaine i have to admit. but im going to expect better from the company that makes millions #every month from character banners. if you're going to be a gacha game that exploits people who are prone to addictive habits #you better have a good fkn story to back up for being a blight on society's moral problems. we have enough of those already #also when i mean they got better with f*ntaine i literally meant i was impressed by the bare minimum #as in they finally followed coherent story beats and had decent pacing #ive also had enough of the bullshit magic explanations using ley lines and shit. its so stupid that they even make their in game characters #explain how ''no one really understand how it works but it doesnt matter here's what happened as a result'' #what a waste of talent and money paying the VAs for that kinda bullshit infodump #ok i think thats enough tags for the algorithm to hide my #genshin impact #tag bc i dont want this to show up randomly to ppl who are just vibing and enjoying the game #im critical for my own reasons but i dont want to be a party pooper. you know what i mean? #anyways yeah see ya #also censored a lotta stuff so it doesnt show up in the post tags LMAO

[sob-sister]

To the anon saying they feel like they have to walk on eggshells talking about Jack's dating life

I just wanna say the only reason we don't discuss it is because of his dedication to his privacy. I get it, he's famous and "it comes with the territory" or whatever, but he's still a person regardless of his career. The other reason is because it's all hearsay and nothing is confirmed, so we can't sit here and make up a dating life about Jack that hasn't been confirmed or even directly given to us from those involved with him. Its always some "I'm from Louisville" or "I know some of his inner circle" person who has some "inside scoop" of his dating life. Again, it's all hearsay, and unless Jack posts it or someone he's involved with directly comes out to say something, it's all just guesses and hearsay which can be very damaging. We don't know what his "roster" looks like except from people who know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone's cousin's sister's ex best friend from highschool, that briefly met someone who knows Jack. The reason we don't discuss is because we don't have any real information on the matter, so there's no reason to create a narrative based on loose facts and most likely lies. There's nothing to talk about when it comes to Jack's love life. Even whatever info his flings do give, any and every sane person has to know that it's been inflated way beyond the reality of what happened because it's the human experience to want to exaggerate on the internet.

My point:

Don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells regarding his dating life, just be cautions about the rumors you spread and the "facts" that you choose to believe are true about him without any solid base.

a long on, huh! just a heads up, i will be using the word you to address this post, but i mean you in a general sense (you people), because i know that there's quite a few who feel similarly, so this isn't directed at you.

while i understand that jack is a private person, he "lost" his privacy when those around him violated said "privacy" and started posting stuff on the gram … friends, relationships, even random people sticking phones in his face. is it right? no, but we can't act like jack is a powerless little boy who can't say no. if he has issues establishing boundaries, that's a him problem and if those around around him violate and disregard his boundaries then that's still, in part, his problem. yes it's messed up that they are doing so, but also why would you continue to surround yourself with individuals who are constantly betraying you in such way??? questions, questions, questions.

onto your point of hearsay, whilst that is true at times, we also can't act like everything is a lie. while yes, there are some bored individuals who will start stuff for the sake of starting stuff, i feel like if your first instinct when someone mentions something is to deny it then that says a lot about your prerogative and sounds like the denial i was mentioning in my other posts on this topic.

after that it sounds like you're addressing that one site and we can talk about that too. i feel like the "issue" is several things: ** that one incident involving writers and their work (which was not justified) and as a result of that everything coming from there is automatically seen as bad. ** hearsay, whilst there are some people who read straight from the source, there is a lot of "i heard that they said so and so on that site" and then it turns into chinese whispers and the info that ends up on here isn't exactly correct. ** denial due to a parasocial relationship with jack.

while you may like to think that there is no proof of his "relationship" or whatever you want to call it, there is and it's been documented. she's been at his concerts, she's been around his friends, she's been at his crib, she's gotten gifts, his friends follow her, etc. jack doesn't really have to say much, when she's doing it for him.

if you don't want to believe it, fine, but this has been going on for literally several years now, so i think dating would be a pretty safe word to use. and if that doesn't sit well, then at least you can consider them involved rather than denying that this doesn't exist. i know they say ignorance is bliss, but there's no bliss here.

and you're right, people don't have to feel like they’re walking on eggshells regarding his dating / life, because i am here to discuss it all. 😂

thank you for stopping by.

#jack harlow

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e11 there's no place like home (w. robbie thompson)

shaky over the shoulder pov cam thing in the opening giving me evil dead/army of darkness vibes. campy

SAM You made egg-white omelettes? DEAN Yeah. Breakfast of Champions -- you know, if you're a dork like you.

i got nothing against egg white omelets but gotta admit they are so anemic looking that i prefer egg beaters if i'm goin that route, gimme some yellow colored egg whites :p

SAM And you slept past 7:00. DEAN Yeah, well, until we get answers on this Mark of Cain, I am on a 12-step program not to backslide. SAM 12 steps? DEAN Yeah. Hey, if Cain found a way to live with it after going dark side, then I just got to find a way to keep it in check, so haven't had a drink in a week, eight hours of rack time every night, and . . . now this masterpiece.

taking notes so he has a healthy relationship with alcohol, went cold turkey for a week and he's fine!

DEAN It's crap. Ugh. God. Soon as we get rid of this demonic tramp stamp, I am back on the booze, burgers, and . . . more booze. Tell me you got something.

totally fine!

DEAN What are you saying, Charlie tortured someone? SAM Uh . . . DEAN Our Charlie? Yea high, wouldn't hurt a Hobbit, practically sparkles?

she's just taking on the adopted family business of torturing 🤪

the score here also had this kind of thing in the previous episode, this percussion that slowly accelerates like a heart beat and it's kind of stressful. but when i was a kid, there was something in a show or movie or hell an ad, i don't know, that had this heart beat sound that freaked me the fuck out and i associated hearing a thumpy heart beat with getting increasingly anxious. lol. but, this is a single thump, not an actual heartbeat thump, so that's good at least :P

very pretty shot. ps, tell sam you're struggling with the stabby feelings

SAM (reading from the Charlie’s file) "Anti-authority disorder, clinical depression, violent outbursts." Charlie was, uh . . . DEAN Dude. If a shrink interviewed us at that age, you think the report would be all kittens and rainbows? Come on. She's a good kid. There's got to be an explanation for this, man. There's just got to be.

dean making the excellent points. also kinda violating her privacy but needs must, right? -_-

possessed/soulless/evil twin? i'm reading my summary of s9e4 and like, i barely remember any of oz-related stuff (i didnt write much about it either so that's probably why)

CHARLIE Oh, Sam, you're adorable. You're not gonna hurt me. In fact, that's your problem -- all good-guy code, no bite. What a waste. And you . . . (turning to Dean) Always letting this albatross hold you back. DEAN Okay, all right, you know what? I don't know what's going on here, okay? But this -- this is not you.

--

GOOD CHARLIE She's trying to win me back. Dark Charlie won the war single-handedly. But... She did some truly awful things. But I told her I didn't want any part of her near me again, ever. Going after the person who mur-- mur-- uh...Who took my parents away is her messed-up way of showing me how close we are, or -- or could be. I keep calling her "she," but she's me. I'm the one doing this. DEAN Charlie, that -- that's not who you are, okay? It's -- it's a twisted version of -- GOOD CHARLIE Me.

gee, sounds so familiar! support group for being soulless/darkside embodied/mark of cain

this whole oz/dorothy/charlie plot wasn't good the first time around and really did not need revisiting 😔

this dude again! did a hiky for him in the episode he was in back in s2 (probably my least favorite episode, tall tales)

riverdale - barclay hope as clifford blossom / the killing - barclay hope as michael ames / spn s2e15

brief sidebar about how dumb it is that food is assigned a moral value. he's trying to be extra Good which means eating a bunch of stuff he doesn't like. he can go back to being Bad and eating tasty food later. fatphobia never takes a day off

this sterile "swanky" waiting room with the terrible muzak is giving me hives

a) the last thing dean needs is dark charlie encouraging him to be dark b) he got tricked by dark charlie twice in a row and she stole his car? sheesh, man. off your game

great, now dean gets to feel guilty about beating the shit out of charlie

CHARLIE Yeah, well, there's one thing that you have that he didn't. You're a Winchester. I forgive you, Dean. DEAN Yeah, well, I don't. CHARLIE I know. Kind of your move. How's that working out for you, huh?

tell him, charlie

<3

SAM She's right, Dean. You can do this. We can do this. DEAN Then let's get to work.

yes we can

i'm glad they keep bringing back charlie, i've really come to love her and the dynamic she has with them. but i wish they'd given her less nonsense plotlines

the amount of redhead recurring characters past couple seasons is pretty funny. it's like riverdale, overrun

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 10x11 #charlie bradbury #barclay hope #spnhiky #hiky #riverdale #the killing

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

No one' POV

6 days before the wedding

(Y/N) moved back in the survey corps headquarter but, this time she started using the room attached to her office. It wasn't as big as Levi's room as she was of a lower rank, but, it was big enough for her to stay in for a week. Her belongings were brought in the room with the help of her squad members from Levi's room. (Y/N) was worried about how things would go with the landlord of the house she thought of renting, given that she wouldn't need it anymore, but it went quiet well as the landlord was a very understanding person. It all happened the day after Levi came to talk to (Y/N).

"(Y/N)! WAKE UP!" (Y/N) woke up to the shouts of Hanji. "Being commander didn't change her a bit... I'll have to lock my door from tomorrow" (Y/N) thought spitefully as she sat on the bed and glared at Hanji. Starting from talking to that landlord to cleaning this entire room and making it liveable, (Y/N) did all that yesterday and wanted nothing more than some extra hours of sleep, but, of course, Hanji has no regard for privacy.

"Did someone die?" (Y/N) asked Hanji, hoping that she would have a valid explanation for waking her up. "Not yet but I'm pretty sure I would if you don't come with me now?" Hanji replied. "Why?" (Y/N) asked her, irritation never leaving her face. "Well, if I can recall properly, I was given the responsibility to get you a wedding dress. I don't have any idea how long it takes to make those but I'm pretty sure it would take about a week. So, we need to go now." Hanji explained. "Hanji, I'm not planning to have a big wedding anymore. I will talk to Levi about it today. I don't think I'll need a wedding dress as we will just get it done on papers in the Trost court house. After all that tragedy, I don't think I am ready for a big wedding." (Y/N) explained, appreciating the thoughtfulness of Hanji but annoyed that she was woken nonetheless.

"(Y/N), it's your big day. Trust me, you won't regret buying a dress. If you deny it right now, as your commander, I order you to get your ass up and go with me." Hanji told (Y/N), looking serious suddenly. "Okay? Well, I know this shop. The shopkeeper, an old lady, helped me out in a tight spot once. I want to buy the dress from there." (Y/N) demanded, recalling the time when she was chased by the military police. "Yeah sure. No problem. Get dressed now!" Hanji told (Y/N) with a smile, not moving from her spot. "Well, I'm surprised that you didn't try to convince me to have a big wedding..." (Y/N) told Hanji as she got her skirt and shirt out.

"Well, that's true but it doesn't mean you would necessarily have a simple court wedding..." Hanji muttered, her mind in the clouds. (Y/N) looked straight at Hanji with suspicion and asked, "Hanji, what exactly do you mean by that?". "Oh! What? Well, life is tricky right?! You never know what could happen in the future. Never mind what I'm saying, okay?" Hanji babbled with a nervous laugh, thus increasing (Y/N)'s suspicion.

"Okay... " (Y/N) answered, clearly not accepting Hanji's attempt to hide whatever intentions she had. Hanji still didn't move from her place. "Uh, Hanji, could you get out of my room? I need to change clothes." (Y/N) told her. "Oh sure, I'll be in the stable. Be there in 15 minutes." Hanji told before running off. (Y/N) quickly dressed up, ran to the breakfast hall and grabbed a steamed potato and ran off to the stables while eating it, barely making it in 15 minutes.

"There you are! Let's go to that shop you were talking about. I had Diana saddle the horse." Hanji said excitedly. Diana stood there, holding the horses. (Y/N) thanked her and got on the horse. Hanji did the same and she followed her to that old lady's store. The old lady immediately recognised (Y/N) when she entered the store. "Hello Ms (L/N)! I'm so glad you were okay after that day! What brings you here?" the old lady asked (Y/N). "Good to see you ma'am. Without your help I wouldn't be alive to see this day. I am heavily indebted to you for that. You see, I am about to get married soon and I was planning to buy the wedding dress from here." (Y/N) explained with a smile.

"Oh, yes dear, I did hear about the wedding. Congratulations! I've heard that Captain Levi never showed any intention of settling down. Poor man probably lost so many comrades that it must've been hard to fall in love. I'm glad that he is finding solace in life. I am really happy for the two of you. However, I'm afraid that I could not give you much options to choose from in case of wedding dresses. It takes about a month to make a custom made wedding dress and as much as I've heard, your wedding is in a week right? I'm afraid that you have to choose from one of my pre-made wedding dresses. I can certainly alter those for you in a week." the old lady explained.

"Oh, that's not a problem. I'm not having a big wedding. It's just going to be a courthouse wedding. After all the tragedies from the operation to retake wall Maria, it seems unfitting to have a big wedding." (Y/N) sighed. "Very well, take a look at the collection then. Please follow me." the old lady said with a smile.

"Uh... Hanji, isn't it a bit...revealing?" (Y/N) muttered with a blush as she tried on a white wedding dress with a warm pink border on the hands and the hem of the dress. Over the breast, there was a baby pink thin border. The whole back was open in this strapless dress. The simplicity of the dress showed (Y/N)'s beauty perfectly, though the marks on her back had to be removed with makeup, which Hanji knew she could convince Historia to do for (Y/N). (Y/N) however, was concerned about how revealing the dress was because...she was (Y/N). She had never been much keen on fashion. "(Y/N), you only will get married once. This dress suits you better than all the other ones." Hanji tried to convince (Y/N).

After about 30 minutes of Hanji's attempts to convince (Y/N), which later ended with an "I'm your commander (Y/N), you'll buy this dress", Hanji successfully got (Y/N) to order the dress. The old lady promised to alter it to (Y/N)'s size in a week after taking her measurements. "Well, I'll have to let Levi know about my plan for the courthouse wedding.. I guess I'll have to go to his office after going to the survey corps headquarter." (Y/N) thought as she got on her horse.

Meanwhile,

Levi was sitting at his office, getting paperwork done. He didn't talk to (Y/N) since that day but no matter how much she missed her, he knew that she needed some space and he respected that. Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. "State your name and business" Levi said, loud enough for the person outside the door to hear. "Great. The last thing I wanted to deal with was people. As if all these paperwork aren't bad enough." Levi thought to himself, making an irritated expression.

"It's cadet Schwarz. I needed to talk to you, heichou.". "Come in" Levi replied as Marie from (Y/N)'s squad got in the room. Levi didn't approve of the fact that (Y/N) allowed this girl on her squad because she almost got (Y/N)'s whole squad killed on expeditions. At the end, (Y/N) had to save all of them even though she felt sick when she used 3DMG. The amount of titans were less during the night time expeditions, but, there were always those special titans that could move using the moon light. "What is it?" Levi asked her, not looking up from the paperwork.

"Well, heichou, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. I honestly never thought squad leader (Y/N) would ever do something like this. But yes, I never liked her much anyway. Honestly, when I heard that the special operations squad is taking members, I thought it was your squad. I had no interest in joining some junior's squad. However, if now that I am more experienced, could I join your squad? After all, squad leader (Y/N) doesn't seem to go to any expedition at all nowadays..." she tried to continue but Levi stopped her.

"Hold on, what are you talking about? You really thought that you could say all those shit about (Y/N) and get to join my squad? Even if you had a minimum amount of decency, you aren't qualified enough to join my squad. I saw how you were on expeditions. You nearly got your whole squad killed more than once. If (Y/N) wasn't there, you all would be nothing more than titan shit. Weren't you complaining about not going to expeditions recently? Tell me, cadet, how many people came back from the last expedition? Have you ever seen as less as 9 people coming back from an expedition before? I didn't think so. If you are so eager to be titan fodder, I can get someone to take you and throw you off the wall. By the way, what loss are you talking about?" Levi told her with a stoic expression, still not looking up from the paperwork.

Marie on the other hand was on the verge of crying. "Well, I heard that the wedding is cancelled? That squad leader (Y/N) left you?" Marie choked out. "Levi, I needed to talk to you about the wedding." (Y/N) entered Levi's office just as Marie finished. Levi looked up from the paperwork at (Y/N) and said, "Where did you run off to during breakfast? Oh, and there seems to be a rumour about our wedding getting cancelled. Cadet Schwarz just informed me about it.". " I see. Well, the wedding is happening. Infact, I went to the market with Hanji to order a wedding dress today. That's why I had to leave during breakfast. Oh and Levi, I was wondering if we can get a courthouse wedding. I don't think a big wedding would be fitting after such a big tragedy..." (Y/N) sighed.

"That's fine with me." Levi simply answered. "Marie, tell whoever that started the rumour that the wedding will take place. By the way, Marie, you are violating the dress code. Your shirt has three buttons opened. I'm supposed to report things like that to Hanji but I suppose I will give you a chance. I don't want to see such indiscipline again. Aren't you slacking off from cleaning duties right now? Go get your work done now." (Y/N) ordered Marie firmly. "Hai!" Marie muttered before getting out of Levi's office. "I left you alone for a week and people already are flirting with you." (Y/N) sighed as she sat on a chair in front of Levi.

"If that was flirting, she was doing a horrible job at it." Levi muttered as he looked back at the paperwork. "Why do you insist on keeping her in your squad? She almost killed your squad more than once because she was trying to save her own skin. She just talked bullshit about you moments back. That type of soldier isn't fit for an elite squad." Levi muttered. "She has potential. However, I'm second guessing my decisions now given that she is after you." (Y/N) sighed. "We really are getting married..." (Y/N) muttered with a small smile. "Hmm. We are." Levi muttered, looking up from the paperwork towards (Y/N). "Do you think we will have a happy life?" (Y/N) asked him. "I don't know about that. A happy life in this world sounds unlikely, but, I know that I won't regret a single thing about this decision." Levi answered. "I won't regret anything either" (Y/N) told Levi with a smile.

4 days before the wedding

(Y/N) was at the courthouse. She sat with Hanji, Jean and Historia at the waiting room. Historia was reading a letter that Ymir sent her through Reiner. Hanji arrived there not long ago. Levi was going to bring Eren, Mikasa and Armin. (Y/N) didn't face Armin till and didn't know how she would either. However, she had to do it sooner or later. "Is that all there was?" Historia asked when she was done reading. (Y/N) was distracted by her nervousness when Jean was asking Historia if there was any code. Armin would be here soon. (Y/N) didn't know how to react when she would see him. After all, he was chosen to live over Erwin... Just then, Levi, along with Eren, Mikasa and Armin entered. (Y/N) looked at Armin for a moment before looking away. She wasn't ready to face him yet. Armin got the message and didn't talk to (Y/N) either.

The court made the decision to let everyone inside the walls know about the new threat. That the new enemy was the world. It was time for a little break and after the break, the plans of making Wall Maria safe would be discussed and a decision would be taken. (Y/N) sat with Levi and Hanji, the only higher up members left in the survey corps.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we should start the operation to make Wall Maria safe as soon as possible when the new recruits come in. Maybe train them for a while too. It would take about four months to get all the titans killed given that the executioner from hell would still be working. It would all be done by winter in that case. The death toll will be high though.." Hanji sighed as she sipped her cup of tea. They were all sitting in the waiting room, having tea and discussing the plans. "Hanji, I have an idea. It's more of a gamble but it might work really well." (Y/N) told Hanji as she sipped her tea.

"Huh? I thought you didn't like gambling." Hanji muttered, quiet surprised. "I usually don't but see it as a tribute to uncle Erwin." (Y/N) replied. "What's the plan?" Levi asked (Y/N). "Well, what if we wait till winter? I will have my delivery by then and can participate in the mission. The executioner from hell could be working before snowfall starts. If the new recruits are given longer training, they will be more efficient as we won't be avoiding titans anymore and instead will be charging towards them. If long term training is given, and I'm in the front line, the four months could be reduced to a month and there would be fewer deaths." (Y/N) explained.

"But.. We never went on expeditions during winter... Snow storms could completely ruin everything..." Hanji muttered. "Yes. There's always that risk but snow storms usually occur during December. The weather is more or less peaceful on Januarys even though that's the coldest month. We will need more insulated uniforms however." (Y/N) explained. "That does make sense... But you're supposed to be on rest for 2 months after childbirth." Hanji stated. "I'll be fine by a month. Trust me." (Y/N) answered to that. "(Y/N), I won't let an injured soldier on the battlefield." Levi stated, glaring at (Y/N). "Levi, I can attend training for a week before the expedition. If I'm performing good enough, I'll go. In both ways, number of deaths will be reduced. If I don't go, it might take a bit more time but that's all about it." (Y/N) answered. "Very well, I'll propose this plan to the supreme Commander." Hanji stated.

2 days before the wedding

(Y/N)'s plan was accepted by the Supreme commander. Hanji was in charge of implementing it as she was the new commander. It was printed in newspapers about the truth behind titans. Today, the nine survivors from the operation to retake wall Maria would be honoured. (Y/N) along with her squad was present there, to see the others get awarded. There, before the awarding ceremony started, she came face to face with Armin. Floch was telling him that he didn't deserve to live and Erwin did. That made (Y/N) remember exactly what her mother told her a few months back. Floch was wrong. Armin deserves to live. They both did.

"Floch" (Y/N) called out as she approached the group. "Don't ever say that someone didn't deserve to live. Both of them deserved to live. Armin just was the lucky one. That's all there is to it." she told him. "Sorry, squad leader (Y/N) but it's just what I think." Floch replied. "Floch is right. If there is anyone who can get us out of this situation.. It's not me." Armin stated with a grim expression. "What makes you say that? Didn't you just hear what (Y/N) said?... " Eren said as he continued about everything outside the wall, about freedom, about how no one knows the outcome. He did learn a lot from Levi. (Y/N) knew that Levi would be proud of him.

"Armin, I wish uncle Erwin was alive and standing here too. However, that doesn't mean I wish you were dead. You got the chance to live, so make it worth uncle Erwin's life. You need to make us all proud now." (Y/N) told Armin. "Hey, you brats. It's time. Line up." Levi told the others as he arrived. He made an eye contact with (Y/N), letting her know that he appreciated what she just did right now. After all, all that was left to do for now was to make things right. At least before the real war breaks.

The wedding day

(Y/N) woke up earlier than usual. No, she just didn't sleep all night. This was it after all. She would get married sooner than ever. Hanji made it clear that (Y/N) wasn't allowed to meet Levi before the wedding. She seemed very keen about maintaining the traditional ways which didn't make any sense to (Y/N) as she will be going to the courthouse with Levi. (Y/N) sat on the bed looking at the wedding dress that was hanging on a hook on the door. It was too revealing. All her scars will be visible...

The sun was just rising when she woke up. Hanji was keen on having a bachelorette party but (Y/N) dismissed the matter completely. She wasn't into social gatherings and she didn't have much friends to begin with. The only people she could've invited were Mikasa, Hanji and probably Sasha. Historia was out of the question as she was the queen. Besides, Levi didn't have any friends either. He probably wouldn't count his squad since they are half his age. Hanji was the type of person who wouldn't bring age between friendship as she was childish by nature. (Y/N) felt nervous, excited, and felt butterflies in her stomach.

"Why the hell am I feeling like a teenager?" (Y/N) thought irritably. She got out of bed, wore her a skirt and shirt and went to the breakfast hall. She knew that Hanji would probably be upset if she met Levi during lunch. After all, Hanji had been getting (Y/N) her food in her room by her new squad members for the last two days. She even made sure to warn (Y/N) not to go to certain places like the courtyard because apparently Levi will be training recruits in the courtyard. (Y/N) picked up a bread and some mashed potatoes and took them back in her room. Just after she was done eating, Hanji entered her room with... Historia? "(Y/N), I have some surprises for you!" Hanji exclaimed.

"Historia? Didn't you leave Trost?" (Y/N) asked surprised. "Ah about that, she didn't leave Trost. I lied to you. She stayed back for your wedding." Hanji explained. "But I'm not having a big wedding... It's just going to be Levi and me... Wait... What the hell did you do Hanji?!" (Y/N) glared at Hanji. "Well, I might have planned a wedding for you. In the headquarter courtyard." Hanji stated with glee. "Hanji, I told you that I don't want a big wedding. Why wouldn't you listen to me?" (Y/N) asked, absolutely frustrated with Hanji.

"(Y/N), what do you think Erwin would've wanted? Would he be happy with the fact that you are giving away this once in a lifetime experience because he passed away? I understand that you needed time to grieve and that's why I decided not to burden you with things like planning a wedding. But (Y/N), trust me, you won't regret having a big wedding. We couldn't delay it because of the social issues as you are pregnant. Please try to understand why I did it." Hanji explained. (Y/N) sighed at it. Hanji was right. Right now, she may not be feeling like having a big wedding but later, she probably would want this to be memorable.

"Does Levi know?" (Y/N) asked Hanji. "Hehehe, I knew you'd come around! Well, I sent Mikasa to tell Levi about it." Hanji said excitedly. "I see..." (Y/N) knew that wouldn't go too well as Levi didn't particularly like Mikasa as she was always going against him when it came to Eren, not to mention that she almost killed him. "Hanji, you're my maid of honour then." (Y/N) blandly stated. She wasn't much into grand gestures anyway. "Yes I know." Hanji said with a smile.

Meanwhile, Levi woke up not too long ago, had breakfast, and was in his room, choosing a coat and shirt for the wedding. He didn't bother to go and buy anything new because he had more than enough formal attire. Levi, surprisingly, didn't feel as calm as he usually feels about stressful situations. Infact, his insomnia was worse than ever last night. He himself was surprised by the amount of nervousness he was suffering from and was feeling irritable ever since he got up from the negligible amount of nap that he took while sitting at his desk. A knock at his office door distracted him from the work at hand.

Not pleased with the distraction, Levi walked into the office and said loud enough for the person on the other side to hear, "State name and business." "It's cadet Ackerman. The commander sent me." said the monotone voice from the other side of the door. "What does shitty glasses want now... If she gets me more paperwork, I'll break her hands. I've been doing her fucking work for the last two days because of her shitty excuse of training recruits." Levi thought irritably before saying, "come in". Mikasa got in the room and without any further explanation, she merely said, "Commander Hanji planned your wedding. She said it's gonna happen in a courthouse over her dead body. I was supposed to inform that to you."

"Wait, what?" Levi asked, completely confused. Mikasa didn't answer to that. "Get shitty glasses here right now. I need some explanation." Levi commanded Mikasa. "Sorry, I can't do that. She is convincing (Y/N) that this was a good idea now." Mikasa answered. "Fine. You're dismissed." Levi told Mikasa before getting out of his office and going straight for (Y/N)'s office.

"Well, it's 6am now. The wedding is at 9am. I've invited all of the survey corps members and their families, the lady from the shop who made the dress, some people from the Garrison and the military police, who had good ties with Erwin. They all will be here by 9. Lunch will take place at 12pm. After that, we can all rest for a while before the party during evening, where dinner will be served. Some people from the press will be here too as Levi is practically a celebrity and you're on your way to the same path too. So, you need to get started on your makeup now. Historia got some really good ones to get rid of those marks on your back." Hanji explained, sounding excited.

"I see. Well, when were you planning to let me know of all these?" Hanji turned to see Levi standing at the door with arms crossed. "Oh, um... Well, it was a surprise. Didn't Mikasa tell you about everything?" Hanji chuckled nervously as Levi continued to glare at her. "Well, Mikasa was informative enough to let me know that you said that a courthouse wedding will take place on your dead body. Infact, that's the only thing she told me except just saying that I'm not having a courthouse wedding." Levi told in a monotone tone before looking at (Y/N) and asking, "Should I make that a dead body?" as he pointed at Hanji.

"It's fine. She can live. She managed to convince me that this is a good idea." (Y/N) sighed before looking at Hanji and asking, "Why aren't you trying to hide me from Levi? Isn't the so called 'tradition' being broken now?". "Oh, you really thought I care about stuff like that? I was trying to keep the two of you away so that you won't find out that I was bluffing about Levi training recruits." Hanji explained to (Y/N) with a smile. "Wait, so, weren't you training the recruits?" Levi asked Hanji. "What? Of course I wasn't. I was busy planning the wedding and I didn't have time for paperwork and I needed you out of the courtyard too, so I made you finish all my paperwork. Oh, by the way, I took the cost of decorations off your salary." Hanji told Levi with a smile.

"I'll kill you someday shitty glasses." Levi stated monotonously. "Relax, I paid for the decorations by myself. Consider that as a wedding gift. I got all the food for free though. The Reeves company supplied all the ingredients for free as a token of appreciation as we took back wall Maria. Jean and Sasha are cooking. Apparantly they both are good at it? I heard from your squad that they had a cooking competition back in their trainee corps days. Oh, and I paid that priest that you booked for your wedding to come here and get you two married." Hanji explained to Levi. "Well, thank you. I need to choose a coat now. " Levi told Hanji before going back to his office. "Well then, Historia, do your best to get (Y/N) ready. I'll go see if all the arrangements are going well." Hanji told Historia before getting out of the room.

Three hours later,

"Yes, its all done." Historia told (Y/N) happily, admiring her own handiwork. Not one scar on her back was visible anymore and (Y/N), as she got in front of the mirror, saw exactly how beautiful she looked. Historia tied her hair in a beautiful bun, gave her a really natural looking makeup and the dress showed off her petite figure perfectly. "Well, you'll be walking the aisle in about 30 minutes. I'll send someone to call the commander. She is supposed to bring the flowers." Historia told (Y/N) before she got out of the room. (Y/N) sat alone and something crossed her mind. Who will walk down the aisle with her? It was supposed to be Erwin but now... "Woahhh! (Y/N)! You look amazing!" Hanji exclaimed as she entered the room. She was wearing a green dress but her hair was as greasy as ever. (Y/N) muttered a "thank you" as Hanji handed her a bouquet of white lilies. "Well, it's time. Let's go." Hanji told (Y/N) as she took her to the door to the courtyard.

Meanwhile, it took Levi an hour to choose his clothes. Everything just had to be perfect. He chose a navy blue coat, pants and tie with a grey shirt. He debated for a while about whether he should close the top button of the shirt but decided to leave it open as that made him look better. He took a shower, brushed his hair perfectly so that not one strand will be out of place, ironed the shirt, coat and pants and wore everything, all in 3 hours. Levi sat down by his desk, feeling fidgety as he never imagined he would be facing something like this before. Just then, he heard a knock. "State your name and business" Levi said as usual. "It's Eren. Hanji-san sent me." The voice outside the door said. "Come in." Levi answered.

"Hanji-san said that the wedding will start soon... Heichou, you look...uh...nervous?" Eren said, his face slightly contorted. "Do I look like shit? You can say it on my face." Levi told him directly. "Uh... Not exactly like shit but you look like... You would call it constipated, sir." Eren said, giving up all his confidence into making the sentence. "I see." Levi sighed. "Heichou, it's not my place to say it but I don't think (Y/N) would want you to be nervous. I mean, you're only getting married to her. She probably would want you to feel at comfort because it's her." Eren chimed in.

"Yes. You're right." Levi stated in his usual monotone voice after giving an intense stare at Eren, which obviously creeped Eren out. Eren was right, he should be comfortable because it's (Y/N) that he's getting married to. He had never been as comfortable to anyone as he had been with (Y/N). "Hanji-san asked me to tell you that you are being called at the aisle. The wedding is about to start." Eren informed, still creeped out. "Very well. Let's go then." Levi told, back into his confident monotone voice as he followed Eren.

(Y/N) stood in front of the door to the aisle. Alone. She never missed Erwin as much as she did now. "The last thing he left me with was a broken promise." (Y/N) thought. "Hello, (Y/N). Congratulations on your wedding." a familiar voice called out from behind her. "Hello, commander Pixis." (Y/N) answered sourly. "I'm sorry for your loss. Erwin spoke of you quiet often. He cared about you a lot." Pixis told (Y/N) as he stood beside her. "Yes. I know. However, it seems like everyone who cares about me is never there when I need them." (Y/N) answered in a stoic voice.

"Hah. A sharp mouth. Just like the mother. I'm glad you're a better person though." Pixis laughed. "I don't remember Gloria (L/N) having a sharp mouth. Thanks for your compliment nonetheless." (Y/N) answered. "Well, let's just get to the reason I'm here. It seems like you don't have anyone to walk down the aisle with you. My second in Command happens to know that you're my daughter and she decided to confiscate my alcohol if I don't act as a responsible father. I was hoping if I could walk down the aisle with you." Pixis stated.

"Well, if I were to be a good daughter, I wouldn't let you walk the aisle with me because drinking that much is bad for your health. If I were to be as bad a daughter as you were a father, I would still not walk the aisle with you as everyone in the military knows how addicted you are to alcohol. This would make a good revenge for abandoning me. However, since I'm neither a good daughter nor a bad, I can say that you are bluffing about the whole thing because if your second in command forced you to come here, she would be around to see if you are trying to convince me to walk the aisle and I don't see any person anywhere in this corridor." (Y/N) answered.

Pixis let out a small laugh at this and said, "You keep proving to me that you really are my daughter. Anyway, I would tell you the truth then. Back when your mother told me about you, I wasn't ready for a child, so, we came to a deal that I would pay her and she would give you a better life. A part of the deal was that when you are grown enough, she would send you up here and I would get you into the military, giving you a good position in the Garrison and taking your responsibility. However, it seemed like your mother couldn't control her greed and sold you off, enjoying all the money I sent her by herself. When the survey corps found you, I decided that I was not good enough to be a father. After all, I never looked after you, I never saw what condition you were being kept into. I decided that you would have a better life with a normal family instead.

When that incident with Jacob happened, if I stepped up as your father, the court would have to deal with further complications as you were getting special treatment ever since you came up aboveground. I had no intention of letting you go to the juvenile detention and thus I talked to my political connections and got Erwin involved. I told him the whole thing and asked him to look after you. Then the tragedy of Wall Maria happened. The (L/N) couple died and I could've told you that I was your real father but I figured that you would hate me for not telling you before and making you suffer so much. That's when I decided that it's best if you never know. That was until you found out. I pretended to be the irresponsible father who wanted nothing to do with you because you were happy enough with this life.

We all know that in the military, there's no guarantee of how life could end up to be. I had my own fears about what the survey corps would find in Jaegar's basement. Fears that came to be true. I, however, expected Erwin to be back alive and you to have a good life. I never expected him to kick the bucket so soon. Nevertheless, I can't pretend to be a good father in any way, but, I had my reasons of doing what I did. Right now, I want to make amends for it, so, let me walk the aisle with you. Please.".

"So you're here for the title of being my father and to play family out of nowhere." (Y/N) answered. "If you put it that way, then yes. That's exactly why I'm here." Pixis said, his voice sounding serious. "I can't ever see you as my father. My father was Thomas (L/N). However, I would give you this chance as it will help us both, you with your redemption and me for not walking down the aisle alone missing uncle Erwin even more." (Y/N) answered in a serious tone before holding Pixis's arm. "Oi (Y/N), it's time. Uh... Why are you here, commander Pixis?" Hanji asked both of them as she came to notify (Y/N) to get out of the door. "He will be walking me down the aisle." (Y/N) simply answered. "Ohhh... Okay?" Hanji muttered, confused with the whole deal and thinking how this possibly happened. "Let's get on with it then." (Y/N) told Hanji, a small smile forming on her face.

[The music from attack on titan's first closing theme begins]

A small (H/C) haired girl was running towards the only opening of the underground city where sunlight comes from the upper cities and it is not guarded by soldiers. (The hole where Isabel left her bird to escape in No Regrets). She hid behind a rock however because a boy, a teenage boy with black hair was sitting on a rock nearby, watching the sunlight enter the place.

Sono yume wa kokoro no ibasho

Your dream is where your heart is

Only both the children didn't know that their dream was the same. To get out of this hell. To find freedom.

Inochi yori kowareyasuki mono

It's something more fragile than life itself

The boy noticed the girl walking away. He looked up at the sunlight, dreaming of the day he will get out of here.

Nando de mo sutete wa mitsuke

Constantly abandoned and constantly found

The small girl was sitting on the floor, hugging her thin bony legs, her face white with fear. The green cloaked men beat up all the bad people just moments ago. She saw a tall blonde man approach her.

Yasukara ni saa nemure

So rest in peace now

She looked at the blond man in green cloak as he held his hand out to her. She was scared but she took his hand. Everything would be alright now, right?

Myakuutsu shoudou ni

My pulsing urges

The small frail girl sat in front of a huge bloodied corpse, a bloodied knife in her hand. She accepted the fact that dreaming was for the foolish. Dreams never came true.

Negai wa okasare

Tramples upon my wishes

The black haired boy, stood in the rain and mud looking at the severed head and bitten off torso of his only friends. He accepted the fact that dreaming was for the weak. That he would never dream again.

Wasurete shimau hodo

As often as I sadly forget

The black haired boy, now the strongest soldier of humanity, walked towards the stable to tend his horse. When he reached, he saw a (H/C) haired girl

Mata omoidasu yo

I remember once again

She looked like the exact reflection of himself, a person weathered by the weight of circumstances. He was surprised to see those dead eyes, that unsmiling face. Who is she?

Kono utsukushiki zankoku na sekai de wa

In this beautiful yet cruel world

The same black haired boy, now a grown man, suddenly, felt a jolt of lightening surge through him as he stood at the end of the aisle. This happened to him a few times before. Everything felt connected.

Mada ikiteiru no koto naze to tou bakari de

I endlessly question the reason of my survival

The small frail girl, now a grown strong woman, approached him from the others end of the aisle with a slight smile on her face. He couldn't explain with words, how beautiful she looked to him. He knew that he had to protect her as long as he lived.

Ah, boku-tachi wa kono tsuyosa yowasa de

Ah, with this strength and weakness

She walked towards the man with slow steps, she noticed his mouth slightly open, eyes widened. She didn't understand why.

Nani wo mamoru no darou

I wonder what it is we'll protect

She lost so much in life that it was natural that she felt living wasn't worth the pain. That was not the case, however. He gave her the strength to go on. So did their child.

Mou risei nado nai naraba

When a reason ceases to exist

The vows were made and the bride and groom kissed. Even when there was little reason to go on, this life with each other meant everything to them. After all, this small world of theirs once again, witnessed an Ackerman’s awakening.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi x reader #levi aot #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman

[asking-jude]

I snooped through my boyfriend's phone even though I knew it was wrong & I probably wouldn't like what I found & I was right. I saw that when we first started dating a year ago he told one of his friends he sent another friend a pic of us & she said "ehhh". I'm assuming she's referring to my looks. Instead of saying anything negative about it, he put "LOL" after it. That was only our 2nd date & it's unrealistic for me to think he'd defend me when we barely knew each other, but this caused--

(ask continued) ...me to be insecure & I'm starting to compare myself to his exes physically. It caught me off guard bc I met this girl months later & we were both nice & he later told me she really liked me. But after finding out her initial reaction to me I'm afraid I'll treat her differently if we see each other again. I also know she doesn't have a filter; she said "eww" to our guinea pigs & my bf thought it was rude.

 I know I shouldn't care what she thought/thinks about me, but I just wonder if she said that, what has his other friends said about me? I also noticed he shared stuff about our sex life when we first did it & I feel kind of violated, if that makes sense. It's normal to talk to friends about issues, but it seemed like he was just bragging with the detail he went into. I'm trying to move on bc this all happened over a year ago, but I can't help but wonder how his friends view me now after meeting me. I learned my lesson & am never snooping again.

Hi love, 

Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. Snooping through your boyfriend’s phone was a massive invasion of his privacy. I understand that you were probably curious about some things, but it would have been better if you just asked him what you wanted to know. I am glad that you learned your lesson, even if it did cause some distress for you. 

I think that you are overthinking the situation that happened with your boyfriend and his friend. Humans use body language and facial cues to understand how another person is feeling or to gauge situations. Texting doesn’t allow those types of signals, so it’s easy to misunderstand the meaning behind texts without emojis. I don’t think that she was referring to your looks. It could be that she was uncomfortable talking about you when she barely knew who you are. A lot of times, people say “LOL” when things are awkward. 

When you met her, she liked you, and she still has to like you. You mentioned that she doesn’t have a filter and commented about your guinea pigs, but I don’t think those are comparable situations. Maybe she doesn’t like animals in the rodent family, so that’s why she said ew. Has she talked about other people’s appearances before? If not, I don’t think you have to worry about her talking behind your back about your looks. 

I know that you don’t want to care about what she thinks about you, but we want to be liked by people. It’s part of our psyche. If we believe we are disliked or talked about negatively, it causes great distress because we don’t want to feel like outcasts. Do you think you would treat her differently because you’re angry with her for something that happened before you two even met? People’s opinions change all the time. She knows you now, and I don’t think that warrants you giving her the cold shoulder. I believe it is important that you let it go. It’s not healthy to ruminate on the past, especially when you don’t know what she truly meant.

Part of the reason you are ruminating on the past is that you have fallen into negative thinking. You’re trying to “mind-read,” aka a thinking trap where you think you know what other people are thinking about you when you really don’t. We don’t know what people are thinking, but we can tell how they feel about us by how they treat us. Do your boyfriend’s friends treat you with respect? Do they treat you like their friend? Did you see any instances of them talking bad about you? If not, then you have to challenge these negative thoughts, because it’ll only harm your self-esteem and mental health further. 

Here are some guides on negative thinking that you should try out: 

https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/ThinkingTraps.pdf. 

https://www.mcgill.ca/counselling/files/counselling/20_questions_to_challenge_negative_thoughts_0.pdf. 

https://www.winona.edu/resilience/Media/Self-Talk-Worksheet.pdf. 

https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/wellness-module/wellness-module-8-healthy-thinking. 

It’s okay that you feel insecure, but you don’t have to be. You are beautiful and attractive, especially to your boyfriend. I know that it’s easy to look at your boyfriend’s exes and compare your features to theirs, but that’s not a measure of beauty, because everyone is beautiful. It’s so unhealthy to compare yourself to others. We’re not meant to look perfect like a doll. Out little quirks and flaws make us who we are. Please stop looking at their photos. Mute or block them on any social media site until you can stop looking at them. Your insecurity is tied to negative thinking, so make sure that you use the guides above to challenge those thoughts. Moreover, you can utilize the following guides on self-esteem for further help: 

https://scmainweb.s3.us-west-1.amazonaws.com/files/resources/building-self-esteem-booklet.pdf. 

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem. 

https://www.thethoughtjournal.com/2018/03/5-reasons-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-his-ex.html. 

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/learned-stop-comparing. 

https://www.self-esteem-school.com/increasing-self-esteem.html. 

Understandably, you felt violated after learning that your boyfriend talked into detail about your first time with him to his friends. I wouldn’t want my significant other to do that. However, I think that it’s okay and normal to talk about your sex life with close friends to a certain extent and with consent from your partner. Your boyfriend should not have overshared like that. He didn’t have a right to do that since he didn’t get your permission. I can see why you would feel that his friends would think differently of you, but I doubt that they remember that conversation. 

I advise you to speak to your boyfriend about boundaries when it comes to what you can and can’t share with others about your relationship. If you’re not comfortable with him talking about your sex life, then you need to tell him. You may not want to mention that you snooped through his phone, but you should let him know how you feel on the topic. For example, you could say something like “Hey, I was wondering have you ever talked about our sex life with your friends before?” and if he says yes, you can reply with “Oh, it’s okay that you talk about it, but can you make sure not to go into detail?” I hope that helps. I found these guides on setting boundaries that you should take a look at for further help: 

https://www.uky.edu/hr/sites/www.uky.edu.hr/files/wellness/images/Conf14_Boundaries.pdf.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries-how-to-set-boundaries-in-yours/. 

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout.pdf. 

http://www.recoveryeducationnetwork.org/uploads/9/6/6/3/96633012/boundary_setting_tips__1_.pdf. 

In addition to the resources above, I recommend that you utilize helplines for support. Hotlines are excellent resources because they are free, confidential, and available 24/7. Here are my suggestions: 

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor. 

7 Cups of Tea: Visit www.7cups.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play) to create an account. Once you have, you can start chatting with a trained volunteer or attend group sessions on several topics. 

CONTACT Helpline offers emotional support listening-Call 800-932-4616 to talk with a counselor. 

I hope that I was able to help you. Please do not ruminate on the past. It’s not good for you. Instead, look at the present and look at what you know, not what you believe. You will get through this and rebuild your self-esteem. If you need any more help, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude. 

P.S check out Asking Jude’s YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude for helpful videos. 

Love, 

Meggan

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