#either way ill be ruined

[sexysilverstrider]

goooood the op really makes me wanna read chainsaw man but. am i emotionally ready

#either ill be ruined like hw i read noragami #or how i read owasera. which is worst #either way ill be ruined #fafar yaps

[loverboybrightsideghost]

yeah upon more thought. a little worried abt the wicked movie.

#mixed feelings on ariana grande. #i'm not blocking the movie's existence out of my mind anymore at least and im excited that it may have potential to be cool #if they don't fuck it up and the recent movie musicals are not reassuring me that it won't get fucked up #but partially i am hoping that bc its WICKED one of THE musicals of all time that they won't ruin it that much #but either way the movie does LOOK good visually i think #i'm hoping it's just that the teaser was short but glinda's character in particular is really worrying me #specifically as she's played by ariana grande. it looks a bit like she's Conventionally Attractive Sophisticated Woman (by 2024 standards) #rather than the bubbly obnoxious sociable and honestly immature (at least in the beginning) character she is in the musical #maybe i'm just worrying too much bc the trailer IS short and honestly seems to just show hype for #the Big Dramatic scenes mostly #eh. it's a commercial. of course they're gonna show the hype stuff. #just deeply deeply hoping they don't fuck this up bc i love wicked with my entire being and i would hate for it to be a shitty movie #bluebird.txt #also if they cut march of the witch hunters i will riot #actually ill riot if they cut any single song #you're making this musical into a two part movie. You Can Afford To Put Every Song In There. #don't be cowards please let this movie actually be good 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 #wicked

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!! #or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head? #This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch. #No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings. #bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!! #and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck. #Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he? #was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board. #Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself?? #'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person?? #Are you just living in some other reality??? #callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

[skyllion-uwu]

Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM! #everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

[the-busy-ghost]

Heard a Full-Grown Adult who was sitting behind me on the train tonight genuinely say “I don’t know why people are worrying about the cost of living” and honestly even if he was joking, I’m amazed his girlfriend didn’t dump him on the spot

#Poor lassie tried to explain why it's not a good thing; personally I was tempted to chuck him off the train #And I say this by the way as someone who is *not* worrying about it personally as I know I'm ok for money #but I am worrying for everyone else I know and within thirty seconds I could come up with dozens of scenarios #where the cost of living crisis would destroy even a relatively well-off family's life #Like ok say my mum had got ill when I was two instead of when I was 25 #Even aside from the fact that you know the family was already ruined by the fact that she was dying #There would have been no savings to fall back on and my dad couldn't have supplemented his income #because he would have been taking care of a toddler and being a full-time carer to my mum and two dogs #And he wouldn't have had adult children to help and maybe the company would have given full pay for a while #but either way eventually my mum would have been on statutory sick pay with energy bills doubled #a mortgage repayment schedule which has become even more expensive as it was renegotiated during Liz Truss' mismanagement #Petrol bills through the roof and no option to take public transport because unreliable and rail strikes #I think he'd be well past worried at that point if not actually destitute #And my mum was a chartered accountant #Imagine the cost if she had been on minimum wage or if she had been in a very valuable but low-paid profession like nursing #And you don't even need illness to crop up for most lower-income professions anyway because everything is beyond your means #Or how about the fact that old age pensions are below living wage #I hate to use a personal example but honestly did this guy just not have any life experience whatsoever #had he never met someone who made all the right decisions but fate screwed them or were just scraping by #Was he just saying that to get a rise out of his girlfriend (I doubt this as he was then very dismissive about single mothers) #Or was he just the most callous person in existence #Calmly and unapologetically existing on a train in Scotland #Move over Scrooge; take a seat Maggie Thatcher; there's a new kid in town #I would like to scream

[bl00dw1tch]

nothing quite like fixating on some technological bullshit to the point of Tears in the middle of the night to. Ruin your night!!!!!

#horse.txt #there was no fucking point to it either #i just got stuck on the idea of getting something done a certain way and. couldnt fucking drop it #its just not fucking possible anymore without being a fucking Tech Wiz apparently #i hate the advancement of the internet so fucking much i hate copyright law i hate it all i want to burn it all to the fucking ground #remember when actually Downloading pirated movies wasnt fucking Impossible #oh God werent those the days #jesus fucking christ #and i had been in such a good fucking mood too id been so motivated and inspired id had such a great fucking day #then i had to go fucking ruin it for myself #i should just sleep it off but if i triy to shut everything down ill just be laying there stewing in how mad i am #i dont even know what to fucking do #god i really shouldn't be smoking i need to be going sober so i can pass drug tests and get an actual fucking job #but i hate being this fucking explosive over the dumbest shit #i never fucking freak out like this when im high man #vent // #sigh. whatever man 😎🤙

[jacks-manidiary]

I& wanna meet more canonmates so badly except for I& really don't because um. The Darkness consumes me&

#jack's rambles #and it's embarrassing how little I& remember from L'manberg or even Snowchester #and well. almost everyone I& knew well either hates me& or hurt me& in some way that I& have very complicated feelings about #there are a lot of Tommies. few of them would want to apologize. much fewer would want to read depressive posts about ruining my& life #but I& do miss Tommy. so badly. he was my& brother despite it all #sometimes it's literal sometimes it's not I&'m not yet sure #and. as bad of an influence as Wilbur was to me&. we got along well #he was more understanding of my& depression/whatever mental illness I& had #to Niki I& can only apologize. I& miss you dearly Niki and wish I& remembered more of you #and Tubbo. you were kind. it hurt more to disappoint you than anything you've ever done to me& #man. man I& miss all these people. miss the old days. #they sucked. those days were awful. why do I& miss and remember only the worst of it all #dsmp kin

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust #people I’ve interacted with for years already #and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I #actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation) #I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and #no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh #I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that #I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous #how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral #and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years #to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives #feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer #it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again #it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and #everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if #it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else #is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all #and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal #I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself #who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person #designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle #spirals cycles etc etc etc #ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later

[oatbugs]

the reflection of the sun on the windows of the train is casting light in rivers + woods + streams + fields . anyway photons are made of angels .

#the sun glitter from the rim of my glasses and lipgloss and the gold snowflake necklace my mother gave me reflected in the window mixed #with the glints of sun on water . sunwine . everything turns into angels and wine (which is also love which is also blood) again . #the boy with the long hair had his head in a mess that time. took a drag of a cigarette offered by a lovely addict . J with tears in his #voice and too much to drink . i looked him in the lungs with my broken heart and i asked why are you doing this and he took a drag and #took another step . ice cold eye to vodka-blessed eye . sighed the smoke out in my face and smiled . #later it was 3 AM and it was us in a park lying on the floor and talking about everything and nothing and i was studying the writing on his #shirt and the way he blinked more when he laughed . i dragged him away by the elbow (pain inhibited by alcohol but either way his black #belt could stop me and my lousy one year of cranes and bloody knuckles) and i asked him i love you and what the fuck was that and you said #you wouldnt you said you wouldnt . and by the end of that conversation i loved him more than i did before and his hair was tidier and #twice as long . today i gave him a ticket and hugged him goodbye tight enough to almost break his neck. #you and her are the only two i showed my canines to. (i cannot evenly remember the steps are full of glass) ill miss you forever. #even if i see you again. especially if i will see you again. her hand on my back when i dont stand straight the life you have is the life i #lost to messy politics. saturn jupiter confer breaking of the wall in the morning . server of heavens silent wanderers break oh holy light #each time someone ruins our collective lungs ichor i miss the ichor inside malboro gold . pinprick tears when my mother #told me to wait until morning . wait until morning and we can figure this out. otherwise i am on the verge of cold blooded murder. #either i am a horrible person or almost 20 ( both equally sound explanations ) #mei with an e ، meaning wine. hate the wine but love the poetry and the angels and what hating the wine means at all.

[snekdood]

the sooner ppl recognize “persecution delusions” aren’t just some “narcissist” thing and are also a schizophrenic thing, the better off we’ll all be

#infact theres a couple delusions that schizophrenic ppl have that 'narcissists' have but the reasons and they way they go about it is #usually different. its not that i think im special and im the only person i focus on and bc im so special ppl want to attack me or whatever #im literally just terrified every day someones going to hurt me (probably bc of trauma and other factors growing up) #theres ppl in my past who totally were the types to stalk ppl on social media and try to ruin their rep #idk if they're still doing it or found a new target or what but sometimes yeah i might over assume about what those ppl are up to #because im tired and theyre abusive and it stresses me out to feel like im constantly being watched #and since i have paranoia and schizophrenic tendencies my minds constantly going 'well what if they're still watching you? what if they're #still trying to fuck with you?' #im not doing this bc i think im special im doing this bc im scared of my abuser and have had abusive stalker ppl before in my past #so much of my delusions about being stalked and watched growing up has come from a specific individual threatening to do that w my family #and not even threaten he has actually done it before and we got a restraining order #but after that he would still continue to threaten doing that #so tyhat trauma mixed w paranoia and schizphrenic tendencies was uh... not a great mix to say the least #thats literally the only reason im constantly combative on here. bc i feel like im still being watched. #and like. ill never know when they stop watching me either #which isnt great bc i cant just be like 'finally i can relax and not feel like theres someone inspecting my asshole every 5 seconds' #which to be fair is 100% intentional on their end. they know what theyre doing to me. theyve convinced ppl its moral somehow #ig constantly trying to trigger me enough to go offline is The Move but yall still dont even wanna consider for second if they're lying #hell. you probably come up with excuses for why any of their bad behavior is good actually and anything i do thats good is bad or whatever #theyre 100% pure and good witrh good intentions no nuance no grey areas and im 100% horrible and bad with bad intentions always and also #'my vibes ar eoff' so thats how you know im prolly the abuser here

[wildshapedruid]

just got back from weeding for 3 hours. the longer I work on his late grandmother's house the more I wanna try to convince his family to let us rent to own it because I'm getting so painfully attached to it.

#if we could survive taking out a $250k loan thatd be cool but i think that would ruin us #or was it 150 #who cares its more than ill have in my lifetime either way

[i-deserve-to-bite]

#i dont understand the point of anything right now #i like the textures my head hurts and i dont know how i feel #i think im bitter angry guilty and shameful #i think i just need something to devote to then ill feel better but lately its been very #ouchie #ive been awfully emotional #and very attentionsseeking i think? #i dont know. i judt know its awful #i wish i could dissapear from here but that leads to bad stuff and i really dont want them to take me #shudder awful awful #i wish i could remember #it's weird seeing old stuff we wrote #i wish i was dead because then i wouldn't be scared and i would be gone and safe i wouldn't need to feel all of this awful stuff #if i tried i might ruin everything and agh #i don't actually want to die as much as I've been thinking about it #I'm just not content with what's going on #either way i have to live #gah. I'm so tired of it all though. #my birthday is soon and I'm scared and i want this school year to be over already #i will never thrive in this school no matter how much effort i put in i have tried so hard but #I'm just so tired #i plan on taking the GED when possible #i don't think I'll win with anything and i feel i should give up #i am trying to drown out emotions with random things but i genuinely don't know how that's working and also #i want to scream #i don't know or understand anything

[feylived]

i think … once i finish cc3 and ( likely ) reread tog fully to finally read koa … im finally done with s.jm’s work. its so not worth continuing these series when i find so little enjoyment in them 🥹

#holding out hope for cc3 to be good but man im tired of the acotar world #kinda ruined cc for me as soon as it crossed over but we’ll see! either way what a relief to make this decision lmao #AFTER THESE ILL BE FREEEEEEEE #shelley reads. #ooc.

[dyketennant]

i've been in a state of "if one more minor thing happens i'm going to fucking snap" for about five to six months now and i just haven't been able to. like logistically i should be burnt out, transmogrified into a beast, and/or dead, but none of that is an option for me. you know?

#personal #vent #i thought shit with my stepmom was actually getting better bc i'll finally be gone soon but nope #she's still either scrutinizing my every move and decision #or telling me what to do with my health and my body and telling me to go to a doctor when she never talks to me #and she ignores my suffering and scrutinizes me for the symptoms of illness she's telling me to seek help for #when doctors have done absolutely nothing to help me up until this point #but most of her time is spent questioning my every move #how many hours i work. why i dont work more hours and make more money and why i stopped working two jobs #why did i purchase new bedding for my place? why did i purchase pots for my place? why aren't i moved into my new place yet? #i didn't clean my french press the way she wanted me to. i set my drink on the counter for ten minutes and to her the world is on fire #because im ruining her vision of a perfect and tidy household when OUR FUCKING COUNTERS ARENT ATTACHED #AND OUR WALLS ARENT PAINTED #AND OUR FLOORBOARDS ARE COMING UP #AND I HAVE NO FIRE ALARM AND NO VENT AND NO CLOSET DOOR AND NO OUTLET COVERS IN MY ROOM #BECAUSE OF THE CHOICES YOU HAVE MADE THAT HAVE RUINED ALL OF OUR LIVES ESPECIALLY MY DADS #WHO BY THE WAY YOU ARE INCREDIBLY CRUEL TO FOR THE MAN YOU HAVE BEEN ENGAGED TO FOR OVER A DECADE #she only wants to spend time with her fucking girlfriend which is fine. whatever. but my dad isn't your fucking indentured servant #who is supposed to construct everything in the house and clean everything and do your bidding all the fucking time #why are you so fucking mean to us #i know you hate me but if you hate him why are you still here #the only reason im not at the bottle of the sibling food chain is because my brother managed to be slightly more of a disappointment #but im still pretty fucking low on the list of how much my family cares about me #im done im so fuvcking done im literally out of here in like two days but it wont be over #because ill still be coming over for dinner and i have no idea if she's going to treat my dad any better once im gone #and the past year has been fucking killing him and im being made to feel that that is my fault #jesus christ. #and i cannot express any rage or frustration to them because nothing fucking works they DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND OR CARE ABOUT ANYTHING #because i didnt graduate early and i didnt move out at 18 #im going to have a fucking aneurysm i cant do this

[sprinklethetangerine]

I have a talent, it's called walking like I don't exist.

#i only noticed it when people started mentioning how terrifying it was when theyd turn around and see id suddenly spawned next to them #cause like i know i walked into the room #but they didnt hear me and they were looking the other way so they didnt see me either #so to them i just have the ability to teleport or something #i feel like theres probably a reason im like this #but id rather not think about it so i dont ruin my super cool demon powers #you say mental illness i say im a superhero bitch

[tony-andonuts]

The more orchestrals/instrumentals I listen to, the more I wish I wasn't bullied by my classmates and teachers to the point of failing/skipping my classes in HS

#if i had good grades i was gonna go to college to become a music major #I COULD BE ON MY WAY TO EITHER TEACHING MUSIC OR BEING IN AN ORCHESTRA #but it seems like my ass will forever be stuck in healthcare #which is okay #i also have a passion for making life easier for disabled people so im not ruining my life #but oh my fucking god i could be a professional tuba player #and since im not in college or anything nor have a car i dont really have a reason to pull out my tuba #okay negative hindsight over #once i get a good microphone and a computer ill be pulling out my instruments more #tony speaks #i hope Finland doesnt treat its immigrants like the US does. if i could switch careers to being a professional tuba player #man ill settle for bc baritone idgaf i just need to be in orchestras #i'd be so fucjing happy #man ill become a part time RN if it means i could be a tubaist