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tomatograter · 3 years

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If he has internalized homophobia then why he has no problem telling Dave he used to date a guy? Like, as you said, he cares about his reputation, and we know he really wanted Dave to like him, so that prolly means he was quite careful with what he could or couldn't say in front of him, specifically after he discovered that Bro abused him. So what I'm trying to say, if he cared about being gay, I think he would have avoided telling him he dated Jake? Or at least give it a second thought? I don't see what's the problem with Dirk being against labels, he seems that type of person, he prolly thinks that makes him more intellectual or some stupid thing like that

Hmmm thats not exactly what I said. I don't think Dirk has internalized homophobia so much as <he's afraid of the outside reception to the fact that he's gay, and how people will perceive him based on it>. Dirk knows that he's gay. We know Dirk is aware of that since he was at least 13, because he's already throwing undeniably romantic advances at Jake by then to test the waters. Dirk isn't in cutesy denial about anything here, he doesn't have the time or luxury for that. His problem is more that once you state 'Yes I Am Gay' as a definition of your character, that comes with a Lot of historical baggage and expectations- and from dirk's perspective, both the expectations and historical baggage are something so incredibly divorced from his reality in a future where no human society exists that he's waaaayyyyyy too careful of making that association. It could potentially bust the image he's trying to project.

Again, Dirk's thing is performance. Esp the performance of masculinity. He is the one homestuck character that truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly cares about putting up an image of what it means To Be Masc. He does this because he likes it. He's not forced to do it, he's not under societal pressure to do it, he's not whinning about how much he hates it, he's not doing it at gunpoint; this is a set of parameters he came up with for himself, even in complete isolation. They are a statement and holy boypledge he's making.

He thinks it is Very Cool, and he would like it if you thought it was Very Cool Too (especially if that transmits an image of how strong and reliable he "totally" is). And, again, when you think about our early 2000-10's context of GAYNESS, because homestuck is an extremely time-bound comic, the image "being gay" summons is... really not the one I described above. We're talking about gay men being stereotyped as catty & cowardly & effeminate, about the constant punchlines around 'useless fairies' (a term that was used to refer specifically *to* feminine, submissive, oft gender-transgressive gays ) not incidentally, Dirk's godtier is revealed to him in-comic through a drawing that depicts him as a fairy. He's immediately put off by it. Dirk and Jake's godtiers were called Fagtiers by more than a portion of the fandom. Relics of this are still high up on google images if you search for pictures of their godtiers, lol. Essentially, to admit to his gayness openly and broadly in that timeframe is to be stereotyped as something he doesn't entirely identify as, in an environment that is far from welcoming.

I am pretty open about reading Dirk as a trans man, and what I think is happening here is that together with Roxy's constant insinuations that Dirk Should Have Her Babies, Dirk is ultimately afraid that his claim to being a homosexual paints him as innately womanly. He either gets to be a man or he gets to love men. There's no middleground, or else these social features will cancel eachother out like pemdas. What we see in Homestuck is his haphazard attempt to keep both things intact. His courtship of Jake is only allowed if it is strictly masculine, if it seems like he has a semblance of control, if it looks like they are both just Dudes being Bros throwing it down like Fellow Action Men. This is harmful for Dirk and gives him extreme emotional constipation; not to speak of how tiring it is for Jake to try to keep up with this months-long improv game of Xtreme Axe Bodyspray Marathon when they could just... date. Jake really wouldn't mind if they decided to paint each other's nails or have stereotypical sleepovers or just chill out and have fun like Jane and Roxy are obviously doing. Jake would be fine with being soft so long as he's not being made fun of. But Dirk struggles with letting any sign of dangerous sensitivity show under the assumption that it will be read as a weakness, an inadmissible vulnerability in his set of armor.

Which becomes all the more relevant once you note that when Dirk's trying to convince Dave that he's not a threat and certainly not a monster, one of the first things he admits to is "I like men."

#homestuck #meta #dirk strider #jake english #roxy lalonde #dave strider #f slur #i have a few backlog asks about dirks transness i intend to get to eventually #writeups just take more time thanks to all the footnotes and links #dirkjake #adjacent at least

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oncexinxmyxdreams · 4 years

Text

First Impressions

“Didn’t your mom teach you not to play with your food?” Peter wryly commented.

“Examining fungi is not playing with food,” Egon stated as he picked another mushroom from the noodles. He put it into a small jar.

Peter rolled his eyes and took another sip from the glass bottle. The earthy vanilla flavor of root beer was a sweet change from the liquor he usually sneaked around in his pocket. With how slow Egon was taking with finishing his lunch, Peter knew they wouldn’t be leaving soon. He slumped back into the booth and eyed his surroundings. It was more interesting than watching Egon perform surgery over his pasta. (No doubt, he’d ordered it because it had mushrooms in the sauce.)

The small restaurant had the familiar red walls, dark green upholstery and stained carpeted floors. Waitresses were bustling around with their trays stacked with water and breadsticks. It was warm inside with the savory scent of different Italian food which was comforting for Peter. It reminded him of his mother when she made different pastas for Saturday dinners; usually for the two of them.

“What did you get for Ray?” asked Egon. Now he was eating. Ray kept missing his usual eating out with his two close friends for over a week. He’d spent his spare time searching for a particular book in different libraries around New York City.

“His fourth favorite dish from here,” Peter said as he pushed his plate aside.

“Chicken marsala,” Egon said half to himself. The take out box was near his side of the table and he opened it with interest.

“Don’t think about it,” said Peter. He reached over and snapped the lid closed. “You’ve collected enough fungus for today.” He scooted the box closer to his side.

“I wasn’t going to take any,” protested Egon though his tone hardly changed. “Curiosity is just another-Peter? Peter!” He noticed his friend suddenly wasn’t listening to him. No surprise, a woman had just passed them.

“Wow,” Peter murmured to himself with a dazed, love sick expression.

The lady that passed them wore a cyan blue dress with an A-line skirt and a black belt which emphasized her hourglass figure. Her strawberry blonde hair was pulled into a low bun with simple hoop earrings. Even though Peter only got a glimpse of her face, he noticed her profile; like the classic beauty an old Hollywood starlet.

The lady made her way to an empty table and sat down, her back facing them. Just when Peter had started to rise up and make his way over to her, a man came up and sat with her. He had a navy blue suit and plastered blonde hair. Peter sank back. Of course she’d already have a boyfriend. Well, it certainly wouldn’t take too long to notice another lovely woman…or so he thought.

It was almost frustrating throughout the afternoon that he couldn’t stop thinking of her. It’d only been twice when after seeing an interesting lady that he couldn’t shake the image out of his mind. It looked like she’d be the third. Give it until tomorrow and things would be back to normal again.

Things calmed down into the early evening. Since Egon had already graduated with two PhDs in Applied Physics and Parapsychology he was working for Columbia in paranormal experiences. Though he had an incredibly high IQ and graduated quicker than an average student would, some professors found his work questionable. (He and Peter had to meet with one of the departments earlier that day because they had inquiries for his projects.) He worked in the Paranormal Studies Laboratory in Weaver Hall with his name printed on the glass door. It appeared more as a basement than an official lab with the sparse lighting and stale scent. Since Ray and Peter were attending Columbia, even though it was currently June, they made themselves at home. Anyone who knew Egon would be aware that he didn’t read Captain Steel comic books or have a full body poster of Marilyn Monroe. Besides, there was promise that if all went well they could work along with Egon after getting their doctorates in Parapsychology.

Egon and Ray were spending their evening looking over notes for some prototype they wanted to build. Peter ignored their technical talk and with feet propped on his desk, read the newspaper. He skipped the boring columns of economics and went straight to the sports section. He took off his tie and tossed it to the desk where he left his blazer. He was vaguely aware of the soft knock on the office door and Ray’s quick footsteps to answer.

“Oh hi Claire,” said Ray being his usual friendly self. “Come on in.”

“I found the book,” said a voice with some triumph. “I was having lunch with one of my co-workers and he said he just returned this to the library. I thought I’d check it out for you.”

“Gee thanks,” Ray said taking the thickly bound book. “I was worried I’d be waiting two weeks and-Oh! Sorry! Where are my manners? Hey guys. This is Claire Teague. She’s the one I met at the library. Claire, these are my good friends. That’s Egon and Peter’s hiding behind the newspaper.”

Right on cue, Peter’s eyes lazily looked over his newspaper and his heart skipped several beats! Be it fate, luck or even a miracle, there she was! No mistaking it, the same lady from the restaurant was there in Weaver Hall. Having heard that she was with a co-worker and not a boyfriend made Peter all the more pleased. Egon took little notice, but Peter scrambled from his chair, newspaper tumbling to the floor and turned on his charm.

“Well hello,” Peter said smoothly. He leaned against the bookshelf, chin resting on his palm and eyes gazing into hers. “I’m Peter Venkman-uh, soon to be Dr. Peter Venkman.”

“Hi,” Claire said politely. She turned back to Ray and stepped closer to him. “So are you finally going to tell me why you were looking for this book?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain,” continued Ray as he flipped to the first page with interest.

“Tell me” said Claire with a smile. “You said you’re earning a doctorate in...you said, Parapsychology?”

Peter tuned out Ray’s explanation as he leaned back against the bookshelf and took in Claire’s beauty. She was a perfect combination of actresses he liked: The smile of Michelle Pfeiffer: the soft round face Jessica Lange: the blue eyes and defined bow shaped lips of Grace Kelly: the classic hourglass figure of Marilyn Monroe. He could say perhaps even tad more voluptuous since she wasn’t as thin as a rail. When Claire sat in one of the metal chairs next to Ray, she crossed her shapely legs.

“Gorgeous,” Peter thought. He really hoped she was single. No chance Ray was dating her since he had just been asked out by another classmate. He’d been so wrapped into his thoughts that he didn’t hear Ray’s conversation end. It hadn’t been long, probably two minute. Claire looked at Peter and then back to his desk.

“What about you?” Claire said to him. “You’ve got some type of box on your desk.”

“You don’t want to know,” Egon said with some disdain.

“Have you ever heard of the ESP test?” Peter said giving his friendly tone.

“No,” Claire simply said with a head shake.

“It stands for extra sensory perception,” Peter continued. “Guess you could say it’s to figure out if you have a sixth sense and the test is based off of the psychologist Karl Zener.”

“What exactly are you testing?” Claire actually seemed curious.

“I’m examining the negative reinforcement of the ESP test with electrodes,” Peter simply answered.

“Not even scientific,” Egon muttered.

“How does that work?” Claire asked.

“Easy,” Peter explained since he thought he was gaining her attention. For full effect, he leaned over his desk and started shuffling some of the Zener cards. “Every card has a symbol on the back and-”

“There’s nothing scientific about it,” interjected Egon. He didn’t turn his back around from his project. “It’s chance! Each card has a plus sign, star, square, circle or wavy lines. You just keep randomly guessing to see if you get one right. It’s been discredited for clairvoyance!”

“Isn’t he cute?” Peter smirked. “Doesn’t have a doctorate in Psychology and he thinks he knows everything.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” said Ray who was trying to keep the peace. “Maybe if Karl Zener had just done more experiments it could’ve been credible.”

“I suppose that’s what Mr. Venkman is trying prove,” said Claire. “It just needs more testing and it could be a success that even this Zener couldn’t achieve.” She stepped a little closer to Peter. “Maybe you just need the right people to test it.”

“Funny you should say,” Peter said stepping closer to her. “I had one ditch a session tomorrow.”

“She freaked out when you told her about being hooked up for electric shocks,” protested Ray.

“She had another engagement Ray,” corrected Peter almost through his teeth. He wasn’t keen on Ray ruining his moment. He gazed back into Claire’s eyes, getting lost in the shades of blue. “If you’re interested in how the Zener test works, how about you be a test subject? I bet you’re one of the smartest ladies around; you could guess those cards so easily that you wouldn’t even get the tiniest shock.”

“I have a high threshold for pain,” Claire said after a pause. “I could be a test subject if it’s after my work. I get off at five-thirty.”

“It’d be a pleasure Miss Teague,” Peter responded. “An absolute pleasure. Six-ish work for you?”

“That’d be nice.” Claire walked around him for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me know when you’re ready to check the book back in Ray. Goodbye.”

Right after she left, Egon muttered something and scribbled another formula for the prototype. Peter playfully slapped Ray on the shoulder.

“What?” asked Ray innocently.

“When you said you met some girl at the library you didn’t say she was a bombshell,” teased Peter.

“I told you her name,” said Ray. “We were just in the history section and I accidentally bumped into her.”

“She doesn’t seem to have the same interest as you,” Egon said who couldn’t help overhearing a little.

“Well no,” admitted Ray with a shrug. “She loves history and I was looking for that book about ghost sightings during America’s earliest years. So she said she’d keep an eye for it and I told where I’m at if she finds it. Nothing to it. It’s not like I was going to date her.”

“Did she mention being single?” Peter asked eagerly.

“I think she is.” Ray scratched his head in thought. He noticed the gleam in Peter’s eyes. “Oh come on Peter! Don’t tell me you’re going to ask her out after the ESP test.”

“Very good Ray,” joked Peter. “You catch on fast. You should’ve seen the look in her eyes when she said she’d volunteer. That’s the look of a woman who’s fallen under the Venkman charm.”

It would work out perfectly. Claire would get all the right cards; she’d be smitten by Peter’s “encouragement” to guess correctly and then a date. Who knew, maybe something extra later in the night? She seemed self-confident to have hinted being a volunteer. Peter already liked that. She didn’t give off too much personality other than the first things he usually noticed in a lady; that being pretty and nice. Either way, the usual plan was already up and running.

(Author’s Note: Finally! First ficlet up! BTW, you better be hearing Lorenzo Music’s voice when reading Peter’s lines here. 😉 Props to Spengs0 for suggesting Paire as a shipping name.

#the real ghostbusters #fanfic #fanfiction #peter venkman #ray stantz #egon spengler #claire teague #OC #RGB: First Impressions #rgb fic

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vancilocs · 5 years

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31-47 for ninida, lazlo(was it lazlo, call me out of i wrote it wrong) aand max?

add an s and make it laszlo and you’re golden! (it’s actually laszlowaria but ain’t nobody got time for that)

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Ninida drinks somewhat, not much, rarely to the point of being hammered but tipsy maybe once a week or so. He’s a lot more jovial and affectionate when drunk, likes hugs, will pet your hair if you have it, laughs and is just a general good sport. Complete opposite when hungover, just leave him into his blanket burrito to recover. Will growl if someone comes too close. Kinda exasperated if people are drunk or hungover around him, complains about it, but if it’s a friend he’ll help in whatever way needed.

Laszlo can drink you under the table, he’s a regular in a local bar when not on duty and has a pocket flask for when he is. Never hammered during working hours but a little tipsy maybe, only blackout drunk if knows he has no duties. Even more out of it when drunk, somehow falls off the floor. His stories have no end, rambles in circles until he passes out, stories may or may not be true at all. Quietly looks after drunk and hungover people by making sure they aren’t in immediate danger, otherwise stays out of it.

Max can drink more than you’d think, she’s short but also has a pretty good resistance… might have drank a tad too much at parties when she was younger. Very rarely gets drunk anymore. Louder and more emotional in every way when drunk, laughs one second, cries the next, gets angry immediately. A mother hen when others get drunk, as a bartender she’s pretty good at spotting when people have had too much.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Ninida doesn’t care about makeup or fashion, just skincare sometimes and the functionality of the clothes (as long as he can show his arms). Lots of pockets, a bulletproof vest under the hoodie. Gloves are cosmetic. Sleeps with sweatpants or underwear on.

Laszlo is colourblind and mostly wears black, puts comfort and functionality over looks, but with a thotty twist. His hair he keeps just long enough to tie up, otherwise his nose and medusa piercings are the most he’s done for his looks. He mainly wears the catsuit given by his boss, otherwise it’s capri pants and t-shirts that don’t get stuck on his shin and forearm spikes. Sleeps with a t-shirt and underwear.

Max takes clothing very seriously, orders mainly online from specific goth brands that carry her size, has outfits planned. Makeup is a second job to her and barely ever steps out the house without it, also makes sure her hair is in ship-shape. Very looks-oriented.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Just… boxers, comfy

Boxers mainly, sometimes backwards, sometimes he forgets

Comfy panties, cute to give confidence but nothing that chafes, she’s on her feet a lot as bartender. Has a bunch of lacy ones for sure.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

He’s typical for a nedian, some 172 cm maybe, slim, a bit less muscular than many others but not too bad of a twink. He’s okay with how he looks, women are the more beefy ones anyways

Around 180 cm, a little over maybe, thicc as a tree trunk. Typical strong arms and thighs for climbing but also some belly fat and love handles to spare. Just an absolute unit and he’s pleased with that

Max is short, some 155 cm and fat. She’s lost a little weight with a diet change to homecooked scheduled meals, but she’s still fat, and she’s completely fine with this and looks bomb as hell

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

He doesn’t really feel guilty about the things he does for fun, doesn’t feel the need to. Though in the end cheating on his wife dipped from “guilty pleasure” to “complete douchebaggery”

He doesn’t have enough braincells to feel guilty, dude was a police officer corrupt as they can be once upon a time. Maybe drinking on the job is a bit of a guilty pleasure but hey, he’s got good tolerance and not enough booze in his flask to get him too messed up.

Buying new makeup and clothes can be a bit of a guilty pleasure, but she neeeeds them. Using them and making herself look glam is something she feels no guilt about though, yes she might look a lil over the top but so what? It’s her style and she likes it

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Can design and build guns like the best of ‘em, it’s a hobby and a job, as well as testing the guns out at a firing range. Can’t sing at goddamn all

An excellent marksman and slick as hell, can talk himself out of pretty much any problem. Knows where to find a connection and how to utilize it to end up on top. On his free time he likes to play cards, hang out in a bar, snoop around casually, maybe find someone to share his bed for the night, who knows. Not a singer.

She’s got great style and impeccable makeup skills, somewhat artistic too but those are just some flower doodles. Enjoys making videos and makeup tutorials, cooking, hanging out with friends. Can hold a tune but mainly just hums.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

He can pour over technical manuals, likes comics, longer novels get boring. A pretty fast reader though, has no interest in poetry.

A bit of a slow reader and prefers bigger text for his eyesight, has a hard time concentrating on longer text so he doesn’t really read books. Alternatively he does enjoy poetry and comics since there’s less to read.

Enjoys reading, usually fiction, crime novels and horror, sometimes romance. Enjoys poetry a lot, especially of the gothic kind.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Admires tenacity and skill, never giving up despite struggles is inspiring. Wishes he could demand respect and earn it in a way people like Mhairi do, he feels like a bit of a little fish still (esp. compared to dad)

He can respect honesty, positivity and tenacity, even if it’s someone trying to catch him. Also appreciates patience because he knows he can be a bit of a mess. Being able to focus better would be nice.

Max appreciates honesty and open-mindedness, you can be blunt with your honesty, just don’t be mean, and be open to other views and facts than your own. She’s always looking to improve, if anything specific then just not being so hot-headed herself

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Texts and emails are so much easier.

He won’t remember what he wrote on a letter so messages and emails work best

Loves an old-fashioned wax-sealed love letter as much as any dramatic hoe but obviously texts and emails work the best

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Too much soda and energy drinks, a caffeine fiend. Could probably stay up without if the weather is warm but still drinks his Red Bull

Mostly drinks alcohol or just water, he stays up long whiles with no help.

Likes her coffee, but mainly just a cup in the morning and an extravagant Starbucks drink during the day, maybe one in the evening. Might have something sweet during shifts at the bar, just for a little kick.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Hetero/demisexual, primarily an ass man, but a tight bod in general is a sight to see. Hair is nice to touch. Mentally likes tough women who know what they want and know to demand it, likes brains as much as butts. Needs affection and love and dedication, he’s serious about this shit

Bisexual, doesn’t really have a preference, maybe leans more towards thicc guys and gals, prefers a chubby belly over washboard abs. Mentally just be interesting, keep his attention, share views, not super into uptight nerdy scholar types. Needs attention, love and for the other one to take initiative for him to show love back, for now kinda casual about relationships because he tends to go too serious too quick and end up hurt

Bisexual, likes tough girls and cute boys, chubby people, stronk and soft, sparkly like she is, similar views and attitudes, not interested in super shy and quiet people who don’t like going out or don’t hype her up.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

His main goal is to blow up beat Vim in the market, his feelings are hurt and feels like his old man’s time has passed, no familial feelings anymore after the stunt Vim pulled, now it’s just rivalry. Kinda sacrificed a relationship to have the family he wanted, too.

Right now he’s just seeing if this sticks, so far he’s enjoyed captaining the Vandal and maybe even dipping his toesies back into corrupting law enforcement… this time being the one corrupting, not the one corrupted

Her ambitions are to make the makeup channel a full-time job and quit bartending, can eventually do that and make bank from being an influencer while also being a mom.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Not religious really, just tiny remnants of the kind of voodoo-type religion most common in where he’s from. Biggest thing religion-wise are the beads he got from his mom he keeps in his pocket, it’s more sentimental than that he actually believes in higher powers. Has no opinion about believers or non-believers unless they try to tell him how to think in which case he gets pissed

His people are generally atheistic, not religious at all himself, kinda finds it odd. But it’s none of his business, just keep it to yourself thank you. Will listen to stories though.

Not particularly religious, wears some religious stuff as part of her style but doesn’t really follow anything herself. Keep it to yourself.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Summer, he thrives in warm and humid. Active and happy during warm months. Hates the cold, gets drowsy, outside gets janky and eventually freezes entirely. Whines about cold.

Used to mild, medium weather, very dry, was baffled about rain and clouds. Appreciates the lack of dust outside his homeland. Summer tends to get hot, winter is too cold, not a fan of snow, likes rain. Likes fall.

Loves the fall, pumpkin spice, Halloween, spooky times. Manages heat well, hates sleet and snow but has good jackets to stay warm. Now if just her boots wouldn’t get so dirty.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Depends greatly, he might be a whiny brat to some, a genius to some. He has been knocked down enough pegs to make him a bit humbler than he’d be otherwise, but he’s still an eager little man trying to become something great at any cost

He’s very much not welcome in his homeland, kind of an outsider everywhere else, his people aren’t so often seen. He’s just chilling and he has his talents, he’s a bit of an enigma to others, a horrible criminal to some and a disaster to his crew

Some may think she’s just a fat bitch, those are people she hasn’t allowed to bully her, others think she’s a role model. She’s a great friend and a mom, too.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

He’s a bit awkward but he’s that in general, got more gun skills than people skills, which is pretty noticeable. He’ll shake your hand and say his name and what ship he’s from.

There’s something off, the handshake is firm but he might just forget to actually say his name or what ship he captains/who he works for, in general he seems… capable? If a bit scatterbrained.

Shakes your hand, smiles, introduces herself, she immediately feels like a pleasant person.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Doesn’t feel at all home in fancier events, doesn’t like dressing up formally, even if nedians don’t do black ties. Avoids fancy chitchat and events and maybe just raids the snack bar and bails.

Pretty at home actually, doesn’t particularly like formal wear but he’s used to wearing it, slips out from one conversation and into another without internalizing any of it or adding anything of substance. Gets tipsy and eats a bunch, just wanders around, gets stuck staring at a curtain for half an hour,

Likes dressing up but prefers a bit more casual parties, like dinners, not as formal. Loves to talk and have a drink and compliment ladies on their clothes.

#so that took the entire trip huh i'm in turku rn lmao #long oc thing

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agameforgoodchristians · 6 years

Text

A rainbow promising that God can genocide you through other means (Genesis 9:13)

"God gave Noah the rainbow sign, No more water, the fire next time!"

- The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin

In another Card Talk about Noah’s story, we ask the questions What do we do with a silent God who kills His creation? and What do we do when a supposedly righteous man remains silent?

We also discuss the Documentary Hypothesis, and how Genesis 6-9 is a narrative composed/redacted from a least two distinct sources. However, whether we separate the narrative into its source material, or read it as one (sort of) unified whole, there is one fact that should remain salient:

This story is not about Noah or humanity. It is a story about God.

God is the main actor. Noah, his wife and kids, the marching Ark animals, and all the bloated, floating bodies that do not make it on the Ark, are all crappy extras struggling for a little more screen time. And oxygen.

To see this clearly we need to delete our fond (or not so fond) Sunday School memories, Bible videos, picture books, flannel graph, Grandparent-versions of the story. When we do, we see that Noah is not the hero of the story. He’s certainly not the protagonist: the character whose actions and struggle we are concerned with. When we read the text, when we simply count the verbs associated with Noah, we see he doesn’t do much.

A List of what Noah Does in the Story

Before the flood

Noah had sex at least three times, since he has three sons (6:10).

Noah blindly, mindlessly, did exactly what God told him to do (6:22; 7:5-9, 13-16). Think that’s harsh? Read it. There is no initiative on Noah’s part. The text explicitly holds that God said something and Noah did that exact thing. It shows Noah's faithfulness, but it does not an interesting narrative make.

During the flood

Noah opened a window on the Ark and performed the famous bird tests (8:6-14).

Noah exits the Ark after God tells him to (8:18-19).

After the flood

Noah makes an altar for sacrifices (8:20).

Noah plants a vineyard, makes wine, gets drunk, passes out, is (most likely) sexually assaulted by his son, and curses his descendants when he wakes up (9:18-27).

Notice: The text contains no narrative details about building the Ark; No explanation to his sons about their mission; No arguments with his wife about what this all means for their lives; No scenes about the growing, harvesting, or purchasing food for the journey; No moments of mockery from his neighbors; No preaching to them about the impending doom; No comical gathering of the animals; No record of his inner turmoil, doubt, prayer, strength, or even stalwart faith. None of the things included in Sunday School, sermons, and movies. Noah is an empty suit, a caricature of faith. We get more pathos from Abraham before he sacrifices his son (but just barely).

Noah is not the hero of this story.

He is not the protagonist.

God is.

God as Protagonist: A List of what God Does in the Story

God is the primary actor whose struggle is the focus of this drama. The most obvious example of this: God is the only one with any lines: God's the only one who speaks in the narrative. (Never noticed that, did you?) Beyond this, compare God’s verbs (actions) in the story to Noah's:

God looks at the world, says He is sick of our shit, and determines that in 120 years, He will hit reset with the Flood (6:1-13) [See the "Excurus on Methuselah" at the end].

God considers Noah as worthy of saving (6:8-9).

God commands the building of the ark and makes covenant with Noah (6:12-21).

God sends the animals and gets Noah's family on the Ark (7:1-9).

God sends the Flood waters (6:13, 17; 7:4-12,17-20, 23).

God shuts the door of the Ark (7:16) (Yeah, Noah can't even be trusted to handle that).

God commits genocide (7:21-23) (Think that's harsh? Read the language of the verse).

God remembers Noah and animals on the Ark (8:1a) [Bible nerd note: This whole story is a chiasm, and verse 8 is the X. There are numerous ways this narrative can be chiastically rendered, but they all meet at this verse).

God's holy spirit/breath (ruah) blows across the water, causing it to recede (8:1b).

God tells everyone to get off the Ark (8:15-17).

God uses two completely different symbols to promise that the flood won’t happen again (because there are two different sources braided together).

In 8:21-22 (J-Source), God presents the consistency of the seasons as the promise-sign

In 9:1-17 (P-source), God presents the famous rainbow as the promise-sign. God has hung up His bow (as in 'bow and arrow'), and will not again pierce the ra'quia, the boundary established in Genesis 1:6-7 to keep out the primordial waters of chaos (Again, see the "Excursus on Methuselah" at the end for more on the rainbow).

God did All of this.

God is the main actor in the story. It is God's inner life we are asked to examine, not Noah's.

What’s more, the story ends with a not too subtle threat in the form of a promise. Baldwin understood this. So did the writer of Second Peter

This is now, beloved, the second letter I am writing to you; in them I am trying to arouse your sincere intention by reminding you that you should remember the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets, and the commandment of the Lord and Savior spoken through your apostles. First of all you must understand this, that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and indulging their own lusts and saying, “Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since our ancestors died, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation!” They deliberately ignore this fact, that by the word of God heavens existed long ago and an earth was formed out of water and by means of water, through which the world of that time was deluged with water and perished. But by the same word the present heavens and earth have been reserved for fire, being kept until the Day of Judgment and destruction of the godless. ~ 2 Peter 3:1-7

God’s promise is not that He won’t DESTROY the world again, only that it won’t be with water.

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice.

- Robert Frost

Why the Flood: Returning to The Beginning

Many scholars have noted that the flood narrative is an inverted version of the creation narrative of Genesis chapter 1, another story where God is the protagonist. We will leave it to others to belabor the numerous ways the flood narrative is a negation of the creation narrative (beyond the obvious God made everything / God destroys everything) and focus on the why of it all.

Once creation was completed, "God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day" (Genesis 1:31). Previous to this, "the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters...And then God said, Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters...And then God said, Let the waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear. And it was so" (Gen 1:1-2; 6; 9).

This bracketing of the primordial waters of chaos is exactly what God was referring to when He begins to rip Job a new one:

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.

...who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb?— when I made the clouds its garment, and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed bounds for it, and set bars and doors, and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stopped’?" (Job 38:4; 8-11)

In the flood narrative, the world returns to a vast, formless, lifeless void: the dome above and below were pierced, and the waters of deep were allowed to return. And all that remained was the Spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters and the floating menagerie of creatures He deemed worthy to save.

But why? As we Bible nerding-out with the Hebrew, we discovered that the progression of the verbs of destruction are informative: the words God uses for why the Flood waters are coming.

[For normal people]

Genesis 6:11-13

Now the earth was fucking itself over in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And God saw that the earth was fucked; for all flesh was consistently fucking itself over upon the earth. And God said to Noah, “I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence and they are causing me to fuck up their shit along with the earth.

Genesis 6:17

For my part, I am going to bring a flood of waters on the earth, to completely and utterly fuck up their shit from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die.

[For those who can parse Hebrew verbs]

Genesis 6:11-13

Now the earth was “going-to-ruin” [Niphal imperfect] in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And God saw that the earth “had-gone-to-ruin” [Niphal perfect]; for all flesh was “actively-going-to-ruin” [Hiphil perfect] upon the earth. And God said to Noah, “I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence and “they-are-causing-me-to-ruin” them [Hiphil participle] along with the earth.

Genesis 6:17

For my part, I am going to bring a flood of waters on the earth, to “actively-ABSOLUTELY-ruin” [Piel imperative,] from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die.

(Note: Why the "bad language"? See our theology of swearing.)

While the flood narrative is a radical destabilization of the world, the text says that we deserved it. This is one example of a biblical principle some (esp. climate science deniers) forget: human actions can bring about chaos, can erode God’s order. Our actions have consequences, for us and our environments.

From Genesis on, the Bible shows God saying, “oh, you know best? You want something other than the ordered world I've given you? Fine. Then you also get to deal with the rampant chaos that is writhing and waiting underneath: the things that go bump in the deep, that I Am keeping at bay. Enjoy!”

Perhaps this is something we should remember. What we do matters.

Perhaps we should also remember that Noah survives the flood, but drowns in alcohol and the improper affection of his kids.

Perhaps grace has limits.

Perhaps God will spare us the first time, but the next time...

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we're going to Hell.

And you're just happy that we got a rainbow out of all this (so keep reading)

Excursus on Methuselah

Genesis 5:5-28a states:

When Methuselah had lived one hundred eighty-seven years, he became the father of Lamech. Methuselah lived after the birth of Lamech seven hundred eighty-two years, and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty-nine years; and he died. When Lamech had lived one hundred eighty-two years, he became the father of a son; he named him Noah…

Genesis 7:6 reads:

Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters came on the earth

So what?

It's Biblical math fun time!

The Flood began when Noah was 600 years old.

Methuselah dies at the age of 969.

969 - 600 = 369 (Methuselah’s age when Noah was born)

369 - 182 = 187 (Methuselah’s age when Lamech was born)

So all the Biblical math adds up.

Again, so what?

Methuselah died when the flood began. A detail not missed by Darren Aronofsky when filming Noah.

[Remember how/when Sir Anthony Hopkins died in the movie? No? Go (re)watch it.]

Adding to the Biblical cohesion is the meaning of the name “Methuselah.” While there is scholarly debate (isn't there always?) about an exact translation, each permutation is deeply, thematically connected to Noah's narrative:

"The man of the infernal river" - Do we really have to explain this one?

"His death shall bring judgment" - Again, you've got this one.

"When he dies it shall be sent" - We won't insult your intelligence.

"The man of the weapon (dart/javelin/spear/arrow)" - A man who lived long enough to see "the weapon," the instrument used by YHWH to pierce the dome surrounding the Earth, and let flow the primordial waters.

The first three are obvious, but the last warrants a reminder of the promise of the rainbow. Or more accurately, it should remind us of what the rainbow actually is: a bow. As in bow and arrow/spear/javelin/dart.

The promise is predicated on God saying He is hanging His BOW in the sky.

We just blew your mind. You're welcome.

#Noah #Rainbows #Ark #Flood #d #God is in control #Chaos #Divine regret #Genocide #Genesis 9:13 #Punishment

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