#for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

#yesterday was kind of the wake up call #for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or #not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways #and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the #most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books #95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different #anyway i digress #my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her #i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to #keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally #like i was SOBBING #and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever #and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain #and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant #and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up #and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind #and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going #to the dentist….ok #and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening #like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply #and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so #and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this! #and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in #when u do have time because clearly u can send texts… #anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!

[harmonictechnicality]

Eddie develops a strange habit after sex. It’s not exactly cute or romantic or nice. Nothing bad either. It’s just… well, Steve isn’t too sure what it is. But every time, it’s the same damn thing.

He collapses onto Steve’s chest and says:

“My boyfriend is a cyborg.”

Usually, Steve is still recovering from the fucking downpour of post-orgasm endorphins. So he doesn’t question it. Hell, he stopped challenging Eddie’s tolerance to geek out months ago. Dude holds fantasy knowledge in his brain better than he holds his liquor.

Which is saying a lot.

Anyways, Steve never has the mental capacity to react or respond. Instead, he runs his fingers through Eddie’s sweat-soaked hair for awhile. Scratches out little patterns on his scalp because it always makes Eddie go limp. Quiet.

Quiet is a rarity for him. And while Steve is totally weak for Eddie’s chattiness, the quiet can be nice too.

The only reason Steve finally decides to ask about it is because Eddie slips up. Says it before they have sex.

Steve is against the bedroom door, his nails dragging down Eddie’s back. God, he loves this kind of kissing. The lung draining kind. The type that’s sort of filthy from all the heat and grinding. 

Eddie hasn’t marked him up this bad since that time someone at work noticed his neck. Asked if Steve was having an allergic reaction during an office-wide meeting.

And this is going to be even worse. Steve can tell by the sounds and the soft pricks of Eddie’s teeth. He can tell by how long Eddie spends over each spot, like the bruising skin needs more attention than the rest of him. Like licking them over will make the colors last longer.

The damage has been done. Really no point in stopping him when it feels so fucking good. Steve forgets to worry about  how mauled he’s gonna look tomorrow because his head is swimming with Eddie’s lips on his neck. His collarbone. His chest.

That’s when it happens. That’s when Eddie’s strange habit makes an early appearance. 

He kisses over the blistery mess he made, practically growls the words out this time: 

“My boyfriend is a cyborg.”

“Okay, time out.” Steve says. Heaves some air back into his lungs. Pulls Eddie’s face up before he can continue making Steve look like goddamn target practice. 

Eddie blinks a few times. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Gonna have to wear fucking high-collared shirts all week, but whatever.

He’ll bring that up some other time. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Saying what?”

“That… thing.” Steve barely can spit it out.  It’s like his throat is physically rejecting the nerdy shit he’s about to say. “You keep calling me… a cyborg or something.” 

“Oh that.” Eddie sighs. Casually shrugs to one side. “It’s your fault actually.”

“How is it my fault? I don’t even know what fucking language you’re speaking.”

Eddie walks over to the bed, chanting Steve’s name over and over. Definitely not in the way Steve prefers him to chant his name. Very un-sexy chanting.

“Remember that day you asked me to grab your car keys?” He asks, patting the bed for Steve to join him. 

No. “Kinda?”

Steve hesitates before walking over. He didn’t necessarily wanna stop their primal makeout session. But it was bound to lead to the bed at some point, so…

Just not like this. Not talking while fully clothed. Blech.

He sits next to Eddie. Hands awkwardly fidgeting in his lap.

“Well, I couldn’t find them.” Eddie admits. “So I ended up going through your desk drawers.”

Of course he did. Perpetual snooper.

“Ended up finding a binder full of medical records.”

Well shit.

Steve’s throat tightens. Swells around the sudden guilt he feels for keeping this from Eddie. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a metal plate in your head?”

“Dunno. Hardly even remember it.” That’s only partly true. Steve doesn’t remember the surgery or much of the recovery process. He was only a kid when it happened.

But he does remember the hospital smells. He remembers the sounds of his IV bag dripping throughout the night. All the sensory indicators are still fresh in his mind.

“Well, that’s why. You're part-machine.” Eddie points to Steve’s head, expression softening. “And every time we fuck around, I think about your bionic skull. And how glad I am that it keeps your brain from leaking out when I bend you over the way you like it best.”

Steve laughs. The jokes help lighten the mood. Not enough to replace it entirely, but enough for it to be easy to swallow again. 

They’re both quiet as they get ready for bed, folding the covers down. And yeah, sometimes quiet can be nice. Just maybe not right now.

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

Steve stares hard at the pillows. “Are cyborgs like… cool?”

Eddie pauses for a moment, then hops onto the bed. Starts crawling over to Steve with a smug grin. He lifts up to meet Steve’s lips. Kisses him sweeter than normal. Lighter. Starts nodding his head mid-kiss, keeps nodding as he breaks away.

“Yeah, babe. Cyborgs are so fucking cool.”

#steddie #steddie fic #hi it's very late and this is very short #but I had to get it out before sleeps so here you go #so apologies if it's riddled with mistakes #I just missed writing lovebites #and this is the hc that keeps me sane knowing how many concussions Steve has had #like this is how he keeps recovering so quickly from all of them idkidk #okay please enjoy and have nice day xx

[rotdistressxox]

Headcanons: How the Papas treat you during your time of the month ♡

!nsfw undertones, afab body parts mentioned (obv)

Primo / Papa Emeritus I

• Knows when it starts and when it ends, he keeps a very close eye on those types of things. He even reminds you when it's coming up

• Has the most experience with this type or situation from the rest of his brothers because of his age.

• VERY Understanding

• Always there when you need to cry. Will try his best not to get on your bad side or tease you that often

• Constantly reassures you about your emotions.

• "My love, it's okay to be upset about (insert sort of dumb reason to be upset)"

• Washes your clothes when you accidentally get blood on them, you are NOT doing any physical labor on his watch.

• Will run you a nice bath with rose petals picked from the ministry garden.

• Will also read you your favorite book while you're in said bath.

• Gentle touches on your arms as he looks you in the eye to distract you from cramps.

• Spoils you rotten with kisses and whatever else you desire~

• Offers to give you other means of relieving pains. Wink wink

Secondo / Papa Emeritus II

• Is also very experienced with this

• Wanna talk about spoiled rotten? THIS MAN WILL GET YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT ON THE SPOT

• Use his body as a heating pad, especially his hands.

• The master at giving lower body massages to help soothe your pain.

• Kisses kisses kisses. He plants them everywhere when he senses that you need him.

• Will drop everything he's doing just to be with you for the day if you request.

• As the biggest and physically strongest papa, he will not hesitate to carry you anywhere if it gets that bad.

• Whispers romantic poetry in your ear while you take recovery naps.

• Also doesn't want you doing too much work, he'll send a Ghoul to watch after you whilst you do your daily tasks when he's busy.

Terzo / Papa Emeritus III

• Prepares your bed. Propped up and fluffed pillows, your favorite texture of blankets folded right there for you. Unless, you'd like to spend the night with him ;)

• The least experienced out of all the Papas. His experience with lovers have been great in quantity but low in quality as they're all usually 1 night stands or short flings. Until...he met you.

• Of course he knows what a period is, but he struggles at first with not knowing what to do for you.

• Gets the hang of it very quickly tho

• Flowers and more flowers. Surprises you with a new bouquet everyday of the cycle.

• Wants to make you laugh and smile as much as possible, so expect a bunch of corny jokes.

• Is that a frown he sees?

• "What's the difference between a glass of wine and an erection" "I dunno?" "You're not giving me a glass of wine right now" "PAPA-"

• Is gentle as possible with you, doesn't want to overdo the affection. Because let's be honest, on a normal day he'd be sneaking you passionate kisses every few minutes

• Expect your favorite dinner every night for the next few days, he's pretty good at cooking.

Copia / Papa Emeritus IV

• Even if you feel gross and ugly, you are still currently the sexiest thing ever to him. And he will definitely remind you of that.

• Does research on what to do, makes special plans for the both of you.

• Please, he also needs reassurance that you're okay. Otherwise he's going to be sweating his paint off worrying about you.

• Also a corny joke teller, they're more like dad jokes though.

• Gets food delivered for you. Unlike his brothers, he's a threat to the kitchen and not allowed anywhere near it.

• "Um...aha.... what size" gulp "what size- pu..ssy, do you wear?"

• Honestly he wants to know about what it's like experiencing it. So he always asks questions and is willing to learn more.

• Accidentally calls you his little ketchup packet, it made you laugh so hard that he thought you stopped breathing.

• Kisses and snuggles into your lower abdomen, he reallyyyy likes it when you're a little bloated because it provides extra cushion

• Literally melts when he sees you in your pajamas, cuddled up to a heating pad, and eating whatever.

Psst heyyy, thanks for reading my first post <3 ❤️

#the band ghost #secondo x reader #secondo emeritus #papa emeritus #papa emeritus iii #papa primo #papa emeritus ii #terzo #cardinal copia #copia #papa emeritus iv #copia x reader #terzo x reader #primo x reader

[builtbybrokenbells]

Gold Dust Woman | iv

Driven to the brink of insanity, y/n turns to her best friend for advice in her time of need. A Sunday brunch paired with day drinking leads to a world of new information she hopes will help her to better understand the new world she is caught up in.

Read part three here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: sexting, sort of phone sex I guess, dirty talk, name calling (ish?), pet names, touch of praise, teasing, drinking, swearing, gossip (is that a warning? idk anymore guys), mentions of cheating, but nothing super heavy for this chapter! sorry if i miss any!

in my hungover state I present you with this! I’ve been waiting to write this chapter literally since I’ve started this. it’s super important to the plot and I think clears up a lot of stuff!! plus it’s a good little summary of everything leading up to this chapter. also id just like to say a super sincere thank you for the love i have received on this series. it was a big step out of my comfort zone and i was really worried that it wouldn’t be enjoyed, but you guys are so kind and supportive. i <3 you all. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

The tiny diner was overcrowded for its size, but still as welcoming as ever. Cheer and comfortability radiated through the air from the minute you stepped inside, never failing to brighten spirits. The small booth in the very back corner was routinely reserved for you and Danny on your Sunday outings. Brunch, always, but it was normally followed by some sort of wholesome activity to fill the afternoon. Then again, it didn’t matter what you were doing; time spent with Danny was always wholesome, and quite fulfilling. His friendship was one of your most prized possessions, mostly because you never really experienced anything like it before him. The conversation was never dull, radiating a type of safety that made you feel like you could tell him anything. Jokes were always well timed, advice was free-flowing, and a gesture of comfort was routinely available if needed.

Sundays were your favourite day, because you got the opportunity to spend time with him. Sometimes, the other boys would join, but that was rare. Even if they opted not to, you were fine with that, because you knew that the booth in the very back would always be reserved for two. That day was no different; you picked Danny up from his apartment at the usual time, and you both showed each other new music discoveries from the prior week. After the high stress of the weekend, you were happy to return to some type of normalcy, even if your regret for your careless decisions were constantly looming over you. When you arrived at the diner, the familiarity of the scene wrapped you up in a warm hug.

When you settled in to the seat, you placed your purse beside you and your phone face down on the table. The morning had started in a strange way, still leaving you frazzled hours later. After yesterdays activities, you had woken up tangled in the bed sheets and wrapped around Jake Kiszka. You never thought you would find yourself in such a state, but the reality of it was all too overwhelming to ignore. Although it wasn’t a bad start to the day, you were still aching with residual stress from the entirety of the situation. When he woke, too, the feeling seemed to wash away. There was a few hours where things seemed perfectly right, instead of troublesome; laughing and kissing your way through the earliest hours of your day, cooking breakfast and sharing cups of coffee along with stolen glances and smiles. It was beautiful in its own twisted way, making you genuinely believe you could spend the rest of your life doing just that. Once he’d left you on your lonesome, the guilt creeped back in like a disease, eating away at every part of you and taking you for its own. It had yet to satiate, even with Danny in front of you and a promise of a good day.

“You look terrible.” He stated, taking a sip out of the coffee mug the waitress had quickly delivered. Your eyes snapped up to him, shocked at the blunt statement.

“Thanks?” You furrowed your eyebrows, a small laugh stuck in your throat.

“No, not like that.” He corrected, placing his menu on the table. There was no need for it; you both had tried the entirety of the menu the restaurant offered, settling on your favourites long ago. “You always look pretty. I mean, you look like you just saw a ghost.” He was right, you couldn’t deny it. The bags under your eyes were darker than ever, skin pale and eyes distant. You were a mess, definitely looking like yourself but a mostly just a shell of it. It didn’t take a detective to figure that out.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, unsure of how to respond to his statement. “Guess I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He shot back, his gaze unwavering. You shifted under the stare, feeling like he had already picked up on your predicament. You hated that about him; he always seemed to know there was something on your mind, even if you exhausted every way to hide it. It was just a Danny thing, and you had picked up on that long ago. He cared too much, noticed too much. Secrets didn’t exist around him, and perhaps that was why you were so excited for this particular outing, subconsciously hoping you might be able to get at least something off your chest.

“I don’t know if there’s enough time in the day.” You grumbled, taking a long sip of water from your cup. “I wouldn’t want to make your ears bleed.”

“I’ll strike you a deal.” He offered, causing you to look up at him. “Bottomless mimosas on me, and a shoulder to cry on.” You eyed him, nervous to agree but comforted at the thought of speaking your mind. “What’s said at brunch stays at brunch. I’ll drive home.” His invitation was very tempting. As much as you felt like you should keep the turmoil to yourself, the idea of advice or even just to confess your mistakes was overwhelmingly alluring. After a moment, you decided you would have to say something, even just an elusive idea to get some kind of answer to your internal debate.

“Deal, but it stays between us.” You finally said, realizing that if you didn’t speak your troubles aloud, they would eat you alive. Besides, there was nobody in the world that you trusted more than Danny. You knew you could probably confess murder and he would only ask how to help. “But my lips are sealed until those mimosa’s get here.” You smiled.

When the waitress came to check in and take orders, you both settled on a meal and Danny was sure not to forget your drinks. As you waited for her return, you struggled to arrange the thoughts in your brain. You had no idea how to explain the situation to him, or even where to begin. You were scared he would think differently of you, even though deep down, you knew he wouldn’t. The whole thing was sick and twisted, and you were so on edge that you thought you might combust. The last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship with Danny because of your inability to understand your own feelings. When the champagne flute was finally in front of you, your stomach churned with unease. You looked up to meet his eyes, but found he was already waiting in anticipation.

“So, what’s going on?” Before answering, you grabbed the glass and made quick work at finishing the liquid in one go. You figured you’d need the courage to tell this story.

“Remember that lesson we were talking about?” You asked, checking the flute to make sure you didn’t miss any alcohol before setting it back down.

“Vaguely,” he smirked “but I don’t think you ever told me exactly what it was.”

“Yeah, because I still have no idea what the fuck it is.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “I made a really big mess of things, and I have no idea how to fix it.”

“Okay, don’t panic. We can work through it together.” Your heart warmed at his words, feeling a little better just at the thought of his input. Even if he were to tell you that you were an idiot, you knew you deserved it. There had never been a time where advice from Danny hadn’t helped, even if it was only for a moment. And, although you hated to admit it, he was almost always right. “What kind of mess?”

“A big one.” You said, unable to find a better way to describe it. “I guess I probably have to go way back to the start for anything to make sense.” You sighed, placing your head in your hands. Your plan for keeping your feelings quiet had crumbled long ago; if you were going to tell him anything, you would have to explain it all. “The lesson was Sam. I’ve been in love with him for months.”

“Mhm,” Danny nodded, pausing his response as the waitress walked over to replace your drink. Once she was out of earshot, he spoke. “I had an idea.”

“Was it that obvious?” He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting you to see his face as he reacted to your question. You could tell he was trying not to laugh, finding your inquiry quite funny. “Oh, god.” You groaned.

“No, not exactly obvious.” He lied. You let out a groan, embarrassed that everybody seemed to know about your crush. “I don’t think he did, though. He’s pretty oblivious.” He comforted you, the second part of his statement much more genuine. “Why is that such a big deal?” You audibly laughed at his comment, realizing that he had no idea the extent of the problem.

“He never gave me any idea he liked me back. Flirted with girls at my house, acted like I was just another one of the guys. I never really felt like I meant anything more to him.” You explained. “And I was too much of a coward to say anything. Thought it was better if I kept everything a secret. I didn’t want to risk losing you guys as friends. I like you all too much.”

“We like you too, y/n.” He smiled, finding your worry silly. He knew that whatever happened, he still wanted to be your friend. You were his solace away from the chaos of his band mates, and to him, it was the best thing in the whole world. You gave him a soft smile, taking a moment to sip at your drink again. “No matter what, you’re always going to be my Sunday brunch date.” He assured you. You let out a long breath, now preparing to get into the deepest part of the conversation.

“So that night, after you and I talked, I figured that I had to snap out of it. I spent every weekend watching him, hoping he would make a move, or even give me some sort of hint that he acknowledged I existed in any way other than a friend. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to have fun, so I asked you to play beer pong.” He hummed an agreement, letting you know he was following. “And I partnered with Jake.” And what a grave mistake, that was. “I was drunk, and at first it was friendly, no different than usual. Then he started looking and talking to me different. It wasn’t bad, obviously, but he was very clearly flirting.” You paused, noticing the small smile he was fighting back. You tried to ignore it, not liking the way he was looking at you. “I was really drunk, and it felt really nice to be noticed. I shouldn’t have entertained it, but I did. I played along with him, thinking it was harmless. The game ended, we went out separate ways, and I figured that was the end of it. It should have been the end of it.”

“It wasn’t, though, was it?” You shook your head at his words. The conversation was stopped by plates of food in front of you and another replacement for your empty mimosa. You took a break from the grievous topic to have a bite to eat before continuing. After a few moments, you answered.

“Nope,” you sighed, popping the p to accentuate the impact. “We talked for a little while longer, then I went to the bathroom. Heard someone playing my guitar in my room, so of course I had to check.” You cursed yourself for not knowing better. “There he was, playing so well that it draws you in without a second thought, looking as pretty as ever.” He got a laugh out of your statement, never hearing two compliments sound so much like insults. “I joined him and we talked for a while, completely normal stuff.”

“You guys hooked up?”

“Ah!” You snapped, pressing your finger to your lips, silently telling him to keep his voice down. He let out a hearty laugh at your dramatics, knowing that nobody in the vicinity gave a single care about what you were talking about.

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess!” You said, exasperated at the thought of recalling that moment aloud, especially to someone so close with Jake. You took another long drink, hoping the alcohol would calm your nerves. “I went to bed, and I didn’t know what to think. Part of me was thrilled, but a bigger one never wanted to do it again. I felt so guilty, almost like I cheated on Sam even though he had no idea I liked him. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid, y/n. I think it’s pretty normal, actually.” He shrugged. “We live in our own head, and when we like someone so much, especially for a long time, it kind of starts to feel real. I think you feeling guilty is actually more normal than not caring. Means you really do like him, and it’s not just a surface level thing.” The confirmation was nice, but also made you feel even worse. You felt as though you shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings for Sam anymore, especially after how you spent your morning. “I take it that’s not the end?” He chuckled, picking up on your sullen expression.

“No,” you groaned, burying your head in your hands again. “I wish it was, but no.” He reached over, looping his fingers around your wrist and gently pulling your hand away from your face. You glanced up at him through your eyelashes, noticing his smile.

“It’s okay. What’s said at brunch stays at brunch.” He promised. You gave a slight nod, letting your hand fall into his. He rested them on the table, giving yours a reassuring squeeze.

“When I woke up and only saw you three in the living room, I kind of thought he regretted it, too. Figured he sobered up and… yeah.” You laughed, not feeling a need to get into your insecurities. “I was nervous, still feeling pretty guilty, but we were all hungover so I just blamed it on that. Things felt normal for a minute, when we were all just sitting and falling asleep. Then he came back. From the minute I saw him, I knew he didn’t regret any of it. He gave me my coffee. My coffee, exactly how I order it. He remembered, and I don’t even think I’ve ever told him.” You mumbled, feeling a blush rise at the memory. “We ended up going to the basement, and nothing happened, really. We kissed and talked, and we kind of agreed he would stay after everyone left.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” He reassured you. You narrowed your stare, causing him to back down instantly.

“Aside from the feelings thing, no.” You admitted, feeling bad for giving him such a harsh look. “While we were playing songs, everything felt fine. It was fun, I wasn’t nervous or worried about anything, and I thought that maybe things would be fine. I know Jake isn’t the bad guy; he’s not someone I wouldn’t want to fall in love with. I think I’d like it, actually, if the situation were that simple. He’s always been kind to me, he’s funny, he remembers things about me that nobody bothers to. He cares about the little things. He pays attention.”

“And Sam doesn’t.” He affirmed. You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“He never has. I feel like I wasted months loving someone who didn’t give a shit whether I was around or not.” Danny looked like he wanted to protest, but bit his tongue instead. It was your time to vent, and he wanted you to say what you needed without interruption. “I went to the kitchen to get more coffee, more comfortable with everything. I thought maybe if Jake and I spent enough time together, the feelings for Sam would just be… obsolete. I’m sure it would have worked, too. But, he just had to follow me.”

“Sam?” You nodded, giving him a bit of clarity. You were so worked up that you were rushing yourself through the story.

“Yeah, we just chatted for a minute, both drank our coffee like normal friends. Then he tried to hold my hand! And then tried to hint around that he liked me, too!”

“He did not,” Danny sat back in the booth, letting his head slump against the seat, internally cringing at his best friends terrible timing.

“Sure did! The whole confession was pretty funny, actually. Not to me, but definitely to someone! It was like god was sitting up in the sky laughing at me while it happened.”

“He’s so stupid.” Danny groaned, clearly exasperated himself. Danny was so unapologetic about his secret love of girl talk, and it made you incredibly happy. He really was your best friend in every sense of the word.

“Yeah, and I was a little pissed off! It made me feel like I was only worth loving when he was afraid he couldn’t have me. We argued for a few minutes, and he basically pried the confession about Jake out of me so he could use it for his own personal agenda! Then, he got this grand idea that he’d make it into a competition between him and and his brother to see who can win me over.” Danny gave a wince at the thought, already aware of Sam’s thought process before you even said it aloud. “I told him it was a bad idea, and I meant it. It is a terrible idea.” You clarified before telling him any more. After a few moments of silence, his eyes were urging you to continue. “We kissed.” You sighed. He let out another laugh, like what you had said was a joke rather than something you deeply regretted. His hand squeezed yours once more, another gesture of comfort. “What’s so funny?”

“No, no. You tell your story, I’ll talk later.” He assured you. With an air of discomfort, you accepted the deal, deciding to purge yourself of the last bit of the story so you could get it over with.

“It was fantastic. Something I’d been waiting forever to do. It almost felt wrong because it felt so right. So I planned on ending things with Jake. It was the right thing to do; I know if Sam had kissed me even a day sooner, there would have been no problem or conflict. I would have been over the moon.” Danny gave a hum, understanding what you meant, but not certain he agreed with it. Still, he held his thoughts back until you were finished. “You guys came in, and Sam left. Jake was still in the living room, because I told him to stay after everybody went home. I went in to talk to him, fully prepared to end things, but when I saw him, it was like it disappeared. He’s just so… captivating. Like, when I’m around him, he’s the only thing that exists.”

“Yeah, he does have a pretty big personality. Hard to ignore. He’s quiet, but I think that’s part of the charm.”

“Yep, because everything that comes out of his mouth is perfectly thought out.” You snipped, angry at the thought of his perfection. “He started talking, and he knew Sam and I had done something in the kitchen. I didn’t even have to say anything to him. There was a lot of back and fourth, kind of unimportant. I don’t even think I could explain it, anyway. But, he basically said that they both had feelings for me and they decided that they should both have a fair shot at winning me over. Isn’t that fucked up? That they decided that on their own, and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That’s what I thought! Anyway, whatever. Doesn’t matter now, I guess. He said some cryptic shit and I told him to leave, but it was mostly just because I was pissed off. I don’t think I really wanted him to go. Like I said, it doesn’t matter, because he stayed the night, last night. He left before I came to pick you up.” You sat back in your seat, defeated still, even after talking through the whole thing. The words being spoken into the universe only seemed to make you feel worse about the predicament. The only hope you had left was that Danny would have some sort of miracle advice to help you out, but you didn’t want to keep your hopes too high. “I think Jake’s been feeling the same way about me as I feel about Sam.”

“Okay.” Danny said, showing you that he was sufficiently aware of your predicament. “My turn?”

“Please.” You urged, finishing the last of your drink. You barely had the glass back on the table before the waitress was there to replace it. You were starting to feel the buzz of the liquor, realizing that you were genuinely getting day-drunk just to forget about your own mistakes. You were at an all time low, you decided. Your usual attitude towards relationships had continually assured you protected yourself, never letting anyone get to close, and never falling for anybody too hard. It was lonely, but loneliness was much preferred to how you were feeling in that moment. Now, in addition to a broken heart and a guilty conscience, you were scared you were going to lose the only true friends you ever had.

“I’ve known Jake and Sam for a long time. It’s a blessing and a curse. I love them to death, they’re family. Fun to be around, great friends, all that mushy shit. But, after so many years, you pick up on the bad stuff, too.” You were intrigued, now. As the fourth glass of the heartache remedy slid down your throat, you felt yourself leaning in closer to the table, not expecting a response like such. You thought Danny would call you on your bullshit, tell you that you were an idiot. You prepared yourself for that, still, because the conversation wasn’t over. It was still a possibility, but you certainly didn’t think his advice would lead in with the Kiszka’s baggage.

“You mean to tell me they’re not perfect? That god didn’t hand craft them and put them on earth just to make the rest of us feel bad?” He had another hearty laugh, finding your tipsy smile hilarious. Your ability to joke even through your turmoil was heartwarming.

“Seems that way sometimes, but no. At least I don’t think so.” He reassured you. “Jake and Sam are a lot more alike than everyone thinks, and not just physically. Sometimes, they’re more alike than Jake and Josh, which is incredibly hard to do. I mean, they’re brothers, so it’s expected, I guess. I didn’t notice it when we were in high school, but Jake wasn’t around as often. Once we all graduated, we started making music and spending a lot of time together. I think that’s when I realized how similar they were.”

“Mhm,” you agreed, wholeheartedly believing him. The two were strikingly similar in lots of ways, despite a few blatant things that offset their shared traits. You could even tell through their touch, or the small interactions that left you guessing if they previously conspired what they were going to say to you, or if it was just their Kiszka nature.

“Their taste in girls has always been one of those things. Over the years, girlfriends or flings caught interest in the other brother, or vice versa, and it was always a bit messy. It seemed like if you fell for one of them, you’d eventually fall for both of them. Or if one of them fell for you, the other would, too. It’s really fucked up, actually.” He gave a little chuckle, trying his best to explain the observation. “They caught on to it pretty soon, and fought over it once or twice, but it never seemed to cause an issue between them. They’d be mad for a few days, then they would move on like it never happened. I don’t know if they accepted it, or if they just didn’t care. Personally, I couldn’t do what they do. It would drive me crazy.” He added, clearly letting on that whatever he was leading in to was common, very deeply rooted and still pressing. You could see in his eyes that the idea was unsettling to him. “For a year or so, whichever way it went, the other just admitted defeat and moved on.”

“Oh, wow.” You breathed, trying to wrap your head around his words. It felt like you were learning deep lore about them that you weren’t supposed to know.

“I wouldn’t be telling you all this if I felt like I shouldn’t be, but it seems like they’re back to their old ways. Trust me when I say it’s much harder on you than it is on them.” You nodded, agreeing with the statement. The whole twisted relationship had given you nothing but turmoil since it had begun, and you were desperate for insight on how to fix it. To them, it just seemed like another day’s work. “Our first real tour, Sam fell super hard for a girl we met at a bar one night. Like, I mean head over heels, stars in his eyes, the whole nine yards. He got her number, and they were in love before we even left the bar. They ended up getting together, and things were really great between them. She even came along with us for a few weeks. They were happy for a while, but then Sam let tour life get to him, I think. He fucked up, hooked up with a random girl and threw the whole thing in the garbage. It was absolutely his fault, and I’ll never defend him over it, but he was young and had no idea how to handle the fame, even if we weren’t that big back then. He seemed to cling to every bit of attention he got. I know he regretted it as soon as he realized what he did, but obviously it was too late. I don’t blame her for leaving.” He shrugged. You were watching intently, immersed in every word.

“Now, I don’t know for certain what happened. Nobody talks about it anymore, and we never really did back then, either. It’s in the past, and everybody wants to keep it that way. But, that girl ended up in Jake’s bed after the big blowout. I don’t know if she initiated it, or he instigated, but it didn’t really matter, anyway. Sam found out and went insane, and he wasn’t interested in knowing who started it. They fought, like really fought, fists and all. We thought that would be the end of the band; they didn’t speak to each other for weeks. Rehearsals and concerts were constantly tense. The girl wasn’t even in the picture, anymore, Sam just felt betrayed and Jake didn’t want to admit he was in the wrong. Before, I don’t think he was ever really in love with anybody, so it didn’t matter as much. But that time, Sam reached his breaking point.”

“Holy shit,” you didn’t care about anything else happening around you. The story was captivating; both boys were very closed off, never giving too much away about themselves. They’d always answer questions if asked, but you never really heard much about the past, especially relationships. You were realizing why, now. “Poor Sam.”

“I guess.” Danny shrugged. “In that situation, yeah, but he’s not innocent. After they made up, he never let it go. He wanted to get back at him, and he did. Ever since then, Jake never had a chance to have a relationship. The minute he showed interest in someone, Sam was already trying to win her over. At first, I think it was just a coincidence. They’re similar, they like the same type of girls, obviously that can cause some issues. After that, it was different. Clearly intentional and meant to be hurtful. I stopped feeling sorry for them a long time ago. They know what they’re doing, and neither of them want to be the bigger person and apologize. Over the years, it’s just grown into a big mess.”

“So that’s why they’re doing this?”

“Yeah.” He felt no need to lie. “They’ve always been competitive. It’s a brother thing. Sam more than Jake, really. I think it’s because he’s younger, maybe feels inadequate sometimes. But to be competitive over girls with real feelings… I don’t like it. After so long, they learned to take the loss and move on. Better luck next time, to them. They mope around for a few days and then they’re back to best friends like nothing ever happened. The girls always end up getting hurt in the end, and that’s the fucked up part. They can hurt their own feelings as much as they want, but I don’t think it’s right to do it to anyone else.”

“That’s why Jake knew what happened in the kitchen. And Sam was so certain he was going to win me over. They’re masters at the game.” The whole wicked, devil-like persona’s were making more sense, now. Every move was thought out, meticulously planned and executed with grace. They’ve been playing this game far longer than you’d even been a part of it, and you were curious if they even had real feelings at all, or if it was just a part of the spiteful process.

“Masters, I’m not sure about. Cocky and annoying, absolutely. I don’t care what they have against each other. They have to settle that between themselves, not bring anyone else into it. All of us consider you a friend. A best friend. What they’re doing hurts everyone, but clearly it’s been hurting you the most.” You finished your drink, looking around for the waitress to get another refill. You were in information overload, more questions and worries filling your head with every second that passed. He picked up on the nervous energy, giving your hand another small squeeze to bring you back to reality.

“Do you think they even care about me, or is it just to piss each other off?” His eyes widened, realizing how easily you could have interpreted that from his story.

“No, y/n, not like that. I can’t speak for certainty on everything, but I am pretty sure Jake’s head over heels for you. He always perks up when we talk about you, and he’s the first one ready when we’re going to your place. Most of the time, he’s begging us to hurry up. I can see it in his eyes. We all see it, and I think that’s why I got so excited when I saw you guys flirting on Friday. Hoped that he’d finally get the courage to make a move.”

“Okay,” you whispered, scared to ask anything about the other boy, unsure if you even wanted to know the answer.

“Sam likes you, too. He told me himself, and not just yesterday, either. I’m not picking a side, or trying to get you to choose. Just telling you what I think you need to know so you can stop beating yourself up.” He explained. “I don’t know why Sam didn’t speak up, sooner. I told him you liked him, gave him encouragement, but he never said anything. He acted like he was oblivious, but he knew. Everyone knows you have feelings for Sam. I love you, but it was obvious.” Your cheeks turned rosy, embarrassed at your own inability to hide your emotions. “I think they both really like you, and they were scared of the same thing. They didn’t want the other to steal you away, but they fell into routine again and they’re doing exactly what they wanted to avoid. When Sam saw you with Jake, It probably lit a old fire in him, which is why it all happened so fast.” As much as you wanted the knowledge to give you reassurance, it only made the dread grow even larger.

“I don’t know what to do, Danny.” You sighed, closing your eyes to ward off the stress headache. You retracted your hand from his, missing the comfort of the hold almost immediately. You brought your fingers to your temples and gently massaged the area, satiating the ache slightly. “I never should have started anything with Jake. I had feelings for Sam. It was selfish, and I know that.”

“I think you had feelings for him, too. Maybe you just didn’t realize it.” He offered. “It’s not like you to start something like that without any reason. Plus, like I said, if you like one of them… history tends to repeat itself.” He said, keeping the truth light.

“If I didn’t, I sure do now.” You let out a humourless laugh, pushing the food around on your plate with your fork. “I feel like I maybe put Sam on a pedestal because I had such a big crush on him. I always thought I was in love with him, but I was never with him. I didn’t know anything beyond the surface, never experienced anything more than friendship. Not even an idea. Now, I’ve been with Jake. I know him, and I feel like maybe what I felt for Sam was just infatuation.”

“Could have been.” He shrugged, unable to answer that one for you.

“But when I’m around him, both of them, actually, they have this pull, like the earth is forcing me into their arms. It’s impossible to think clearly with them around, and I think maybe I just have to take a step back to figure it out.”

“Good luck with that.” He joked, eyes drifting to your phone on the table. “Your phone’s been going off all day, and I’m pretty sure I have an idea who it is.” You couldn’t deny anything, mostly because you knew he was right. Intermittently, another vibration would sound, and you knew if you picked it up, it would be one of the brothers you were trying so hard to ignore. “I don’t care if you ignore them, as long as I still get to see you. Wouldn’t give up our brunch dates for the world.” He sent a playful wink your way.

“Let’s just run away, get married and have mimosa’s for the rest of our lives on a cute little porch while we watch the sunset.” You grinned. “Don’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he smirked. “If I get involved in this, I’m definitely winning.” You both shared a fit of giggles, happy to ease the tension with light jokes. “But seriously, if that’s what you want to do, do it. I know how hard on the head they can be normally, so I can’t imagine what it’s like being in your position.” He sympathized. “It’s not fair to you. I think maybe that’s why Jake tried to be so secretive about it, he wanted to make the move and start something before Sam could get involved. But, it’s like some weird brother thing; they can always tell.”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I ignored too many lessons, and the universe is super mad at me right now.” You sighed, your attention grabbed by the waitress dropping another drink off. You mumbled a small thank you before she disappeared again. “I like them both, but I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t want to get hurt. The whole thing is fucked up.”

“May I offer my opinion?” He asked, mischief laced in his tone. You gave a nod, figuring that anything would help at this point. “I don’t think you’re going to hurt them nearly as bad as you think.” He assured you. “Yeah, obviously, however this goes, someone is bound to be disappointed, but they’ve been playing this game for years. If you like both of them, play the game with them.”

“Encourage it?” You were in disbelief that he would even suggest it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, no hesitation in his voice. “Listen, they started this whole thing. They think it’s okay to play with your feelings, so play with theirs, instead. Maybe teach them a lesson.” He explained. “Don’t let them run things. You’re in control here, even if you don’t think you are. Have fun with them, and hopefully they’ll see what they’re doing is wrong.”

“You’re evil, Daniel.” You contemplated the idea while finishing your final mimosa, feeling positively tipsy.

“No, just think it’s time they got some karma. They have to learn eventually, they can’t do this for the rest of their lives.” He said, throwing his cutlery and napkins on his plate. “As long as you think you can do it without hurting your own feelings.”

“I’m so pissed off at them that I don’t even care about that.” You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. The statement was completely truthful.

“So teach them, and then we can eat our brunch in peace. When you do, hopefully they’ll never do it again.” You weren’t expecting Danny to side with you in the matter, but you especially weren’t expecting for him to cheer you on. As you listened to his story of the years he spent dealing with them, you understood why he was telling you to do it. Knowing Danny, you could only assume that there had been many instances where he had to do damage control because of Jake and Sam’s childish behaviour, and he was sick of it. Plus, he seemed quite annoyed with the amount of broken hearts that have ensued because of the brothers tyranny.

Part of you thought it was crazy, that there was no way you could do that to the boys. The other, angrier part of you thought it was a great idea. After only two days of turmoil caused by their behaviour, you were in shambles. Now, knowing that they were completely aware of their own actions, you had no issue handing it right back to them. “Okay.” You agreed. The liquor definitely had an impact on your decision making, but not enough for you to worry about it.

“There. Problem solved.” He smiled. “Maybe that lesson you were dreading wasn’t really your lesson after all.”

You both left the diner with a little more pep in your step than before. Your fears were settled, but not fully resolved. Still, the sense of doom that was looming over you seemed to ease up, and you accredited it solely to Danny. Without his words, you would still be drowning in your own misery. You spotted your car, making a move to get in the drivers seat. As you reached for the handle, you paused yourself, realizing that you were in no state to drive. You reached into your purse, fishing out your keys, and turned to see Danny already holding his hand out for them.

“All yours,” you said, dropping them in his palm. “Forgot.” You let out a giggle.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, sending a playful smile your way. You walked to the other side of the vehicle, getting in to the passenger side. Once you had your seatbelt buckled, he began the journey home. You connected your phone to the speaker, clumsily tapping the screen to unlock it. You hit shuffle on your playlist, not having the mind to scroll through and pick a song.

You turned your head towards the window, letting your eyes take in the sights as you passed by. Your mind was spinning with thoughts, but none stuck out as they passed through. Most were a jumble of topics from the previous day’s events, no coherent nature to them. You wanted to check your missed messages, just to see what they’d been saying, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. You were angry, still, upset that they had no issue involving you in their mess and seemed to have no remorse over it. Even so, the urge to talk to them, to be with them, touched by them, was growing more urgent by the second.

Danny was right; it would be impossible to ignore them. That left you with two choices; play along, or let them play with you and get hurt in the process. You still weren’t certain that the first option would keep your feelings safe, but it was worth a try. Even if it didn’t, hopefully it would ensure neither would pull a stunt like such ever again. “I think I drank too much.” You stated, another giggle laced in your words. He glanced over at you from the drivers seat, giving you a grin.

“Guess that was my fault.” He chuckled.

“No,” you shook your head, smiling softly. “You helped, a lot.”

“I’m glad.” He replied, turning down the street your home was nestled on. “I’m always available for free therapy and alcohol.”

“I always appreciate it. I appreciate you.” You said, watching your driveway creep into sight.

“I appreciate you, bug.” He shot back without missing a beat. The pet name made your heart warm with affection. He really was your best friend, always your biggest comfort and favourite person. Nobody else compared to him, and you hoped that no matter how the situation played out, you’d still have him by your side. A small, selfish part of you wondered why you couldn’t just fall for him; he was funny, sweet, and genuine. Any time spent with him was worth more than the world, and he was beautiful, too. For some reason, it was written in the stars that he was to be your best friend, but that was more than okay. A life with Danny as your best friend was a certain promise of a good one. As much as it sucked dancing with the devil, or the Kiszka brothers, rather, it was meant to be. Even while you wished it away, hoped you could fall out of their grasp and into someone else’s, there was a part of you that loved being loved by them.

He parked your car in its usual spot, getting out to open your door for you. He walked you to the house, stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You both went to the living room, collapsing on the couch with exhaustion, as if you’d just ran a marathon. “You’re stuck here.” You laughed, finally realizing that he didn’t have his own car with him.

“I’ll call a cab, don’t worry.” He assured you, grabbing his phone to do just that. As he found himself busy telling the company the address, you reached over to the chair beside the couch, grabbing the acoustic guitar Jake had been playing earlier that morning. As he hung up the call, you plucked at the strings mindlessly, eventually switching to a chord progression that you had grown to know very well. “Dinner and a show?” He teased, still in awe that you had hidden your talent for so long.

“You know, it would be a lot of fun to come with you guys.” You thought aloud, dismissing his joke.

“You should.” He affirmed your idea. “Even if you just came for a part of the tour.” You let out a low hum, letting him know you heard him without having to respond. Instead of pushing you further, he leaned back into the couch and watched you as you played. Once you were certain he wasn’t going to speak again, you began to sing along to the music, to the song you loved so much. Jake had pegged it as your nickname, and at first it was endearing, but the more you listened to it, the more the words resonated with the ache settled deep in your chest.

“Rock on, Gold Dust Woman

Take your silver spoon, dig your grave” you looked to the fretboard, feeling the need to focus harder because of the alcohol swarming in your system.

“Heartless challenge, pick your path and I’ll pray

Wake up in the morning, see your sunrise loves to go down

Lousy lovers pick their prey but they never cry out loud.“

You sang the rest of the song, breathless by the time you were finished. Danny had a smile stuck on his lips, understanding that sooner or later you would agree to their offer. He could tell how badly you wanted to say yes, but your anxiety was holding you back. You were thinking of the offer, too, but something more pressing came to kind in light of the song choice. Or the mimosas. Or both, maybe. You weren’t sure. Either way, Jake Kiszka had inevitably made his appearance in your thoughts once more, but it wasn’t like he had left in the first place. His presence was always existing within your brain somewhere, even if it wasn’t at the forefront.

It was horrid, never being able to escape him, but it was phenomenal all at the same time. In the last twenty-for hours, he helped you feel more alive than you ever had before. His touch was still lingering in your skin, electrifying every nerve. The memory was fantastic, but nothing compared to the real thing. He was addicting; his company was no longer a want, but necessary for survival. You wondered if you would ever be able to live without it, quickly realizing that you never wanted to find out. Before, the thought of not having Jake around was terrifying, but after having him so intimately, the idea was debilitating, stealing the air from your lungs and crushing you under its weight.

“I could listen to you sing all day, but I gotta run.” Danny broke you from your thoughts. “Plans for tonight, can’t get out of them.”

“Cheating on me, Daniel?” You let out a tsk, showing your displeasure. He let out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Could never do that to you, darling.” He said, as dramatically as possible. You put the guitar to the side, standing up with him so you could give him a proper goodbye. You pulled him into a hug a bit tighter than usual, catching him off guard. It only took him a second to return the gesture, wrapping you in an aura of comfort.

“Thank you for everything. I feel a lot better.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He assured you. “I love you, and I’ll talk to you soon?” You nodded, head still pressed to his chest.

“I love you.” You said, parting ways with him. “And yeah, I’ll update you.” You smiled, your secret plan solidified by your words.

“Give them hell.” He said, a tone of pleading hidden in the joke. With a wave, he disappeared around the corner and the front door sounded a moment later. The second the door shut, the emptiness of the home already started to seep in.

You gathered your thoughts, shaking away the haunting feeling of seclusion, and made your way to your bedroom. Once inside, you switched the power on to your record player, resuming whichever vinyl you had left from this morning. You let your eyes flutter closed at the hum of the song cutting through the silence. Another vibration from your phone caught your attention, suddenly remembering the messages you had intended to ignore. Now, with Danny’s words sounding in your mind, and your first chance at alone-time, you channeled a new courage to reply. Your fingers pulled the phone from your pocket, eyes immediately drifting over the screen. There were a few texts from your own band mates, and when they could come over to practice. You made a mental note to respond to them later. You moved on, seeing Sam’s name adorned on a missed call. You opted to focus on him later, your eyes seeking the contact you wanted to deal with first.

The notification bar from Jake had three messages. When you tapped them, you expected to be met with filthy words to fuel your desire to get back at him. Instead, the first was a small message of thanks for letting him stay the night prior, confessing his enjoyment. It was simple, not detailed, but enough to make your heart beat a little faster and a blush to make its way onto your cheeks. The second message was a well wish for your lunch date with Danny, saying he hoped you had a good time. The third was much different, more on par with what you had expected from him.

Jacob

Let me know when you want to share some more secrets, Gold Dust Woman

You felt a surge of emotion rush to your stomach, the words so simple, but the feeling so large. It was so easy to give in to him; he barely had to look your way and you were jumping at the chance to be noticed by him. It was crazy how fast the dynamic changed, how quickly he became so important to you. Without a second thought, you were already typing a response.

You

What kind of secrets would you like me to share, Jacob?

You hit send, not expecting a response considering you had waited so long to reply. Before you could even shut the screen off, the text bubble appeared on the screen, signifying his presence in the chat. A smirk pulled at the corner of your lips, happy to see that he was on your hook just as much as you were on his.

Jacob

I can think of a few

You

I’m sure you can. Care to elaborate?

His response was almost immediate, as if he’d pre-typed the words in anticipation of your question.

Jacob

Still wearing that red thong from earlier, or was that just to show off?

You enacted a plan as soon as the text was delivered and you processed what it said. You threw your phone on your bed, quickly shimmying out of your clothes and discarding them on the floor. The alcohol was still buzzing through your veins, your decisions heavily reliant on the false confidence the champagne bestowed upon you. You retrieved your phone, making a move to stand before the mirror on the opposite side of your room. You pulled up your camera, taking a few pictures from different angles, clearly showcasing the red fabric he was so curious about. The pictures that included the matching bra was just out of generosity.

You sifted through the pictures in your camera roll, picking the ones you thought were the best. You swiped back into his chat, reading his message over again. Instead of saying anything else, you sent the few photos you deemed acceptable. You went to the kitchen, unable to find a care to put your clothes back on, and turned your phone screen off. You scoured the fridge, finding a bottle of wine unopened and patiently awaiting your arrival. As you poured yourself a glass, you listened to the repetitive vibrations of incoming text messages. You looked to the clock on the wall, noting the time. Then, you took a seat in a chair and enjoyed the beverage you had fixed for yourself.

After a few moments, the texts ceased, leaving you to sit in silence and ponder your actions. You sipped away at the bitter liquid, refusing to give in to the temptation of answering him. When your glass was half empty, the vibrations resumed. This time, it was an incoming call. The ticking of the clock caught your attention, realizing you’d left him on edge for about fifteen minutes. You figured if you let it go much longer, he would show up at your front door. The thought itself wasn’t terrible, and you certainly wouldn’t mind the company, but you decided you wouldn’t push him that far. His incoming call ended, but it wasn’t long before another one sounded. With a smile on your lips, you picked up your phone and accepted his attempt to reach you.

“Hi,” you said, cheerily, as if you had no idea he had been blowing up your phone. “What’s up?”

“Ignoring me, sweetheart?” His voice was low, no angry tone or hint of annoyance. The soft inquiry sent a rush of arousal through you, just knowing that you had bothered him so badly was enough to send you spiralling.

“Why would I do that?” You asked, tipsiness laced in your voice. He picked up on it almost immediately, thinking your new-found confidence was a result of the alcohol. In truth, he wasn’t completely wrong. Although you and Danny had devised the plan, the execution was heavily reliant on intoxication. For some reason, sobriety did not help your case with either brother. Their charm and wit held you in a chokehold, any time you had the courage to retaliate, they made another move to make you submit. Despite your lack of control, it was still quite enjoyable. Now that tables had turned, that he was the one sitting and thinking about you and slowly driving himself to insanity, you had to admit that it was enjoyable, too. Maybe even more so, if you had to choose.

“Don’t be a tease, angel.” He hummed, the sound of his voice through the phone sending a shiver through you. You thought you might give in, throw the act away and beg for him to come over, but you bit your tongue and powered through.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to see, baby.” You played innocent, taking another sip of wine to keep the spirits high. Your head was buzzing, swimming with many thoughts. Most were filthy, focused mainly on how badly you wished he was in front of you, rather than on the phone. It was ridiculous how fast he consumed your entire being. Thoughts of his hands, his tongue, and how good they felt when they were on you. You missed him, even if you opted not to say it aloud. It had only been a few hours, but it was much too long for your liking. “Was that what you wanted, Jacob?”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, bothered by your use of the pet name, bothered by the sultry tone you were speaking in. A smirk formed on the corner of your lips, cocky enough to know that you had power over him, too. “Yeah, it was, baby.” He conceded, unwilling to argue the point. “You still didn’t answer my question.” He stated, not willing to let you off the hook so easily.

“What was your question?” You asked, one last attempt to get under his skin. He let in a long breath, trying his best to stay calm while you made it a point to piss him off.

“Why were you ignoring me, angel?” He was heavy on the terms of endearment, leaving you unsure if it was because they were genuine, or if he was using them to coerce an answer from you.

“Wanted to piss you off.” You admitted, feeling no need to lie to him. “Did it work?”

“Mhm,” he mumbled his response wordlessly. Even without an explicit affirmation, you could tell it did just by his tone change. He had expected the answer, but it didn’t seem to make him feel any better. “Didn’t know you were such a brat.” He noted.

“Maybe you just bring out the worst in me.” You snipped back almost immediately. He let out a chuckle, but it wasn’t because he thought your words were humorous. It radiated a tone of shock, as if he was trying to tell you that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

“Careful, sweetheart.” He warned. “Don’t make me come over there and fuck that attitude out of you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You teased. He could hear the smile on your lips through your words, making it difficult for him to keep up with the act. He found your joy infectious, and the teasing fun, in a greater sense than just sexual. He enjoyed all conversations shared with you, even if there was no sexual gratification. He just loved being around you.

“I would, but I don’t think you would.” He said, simple enough to get the point across, but powerful enough to worsen the growing ache between your legs.

“Maybe you’re the sadist.” You theorized, throwing his own idea back in his face. If only he knew how badly you lived to please him, his previous accusations of sadism would be laughable.

“You’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” His voice was soothing, even if the topic was filthy. You could listen to him speak all night and never get bored. He was devastatingly perfect, and he made it easier to fall for him every time he opened his mouth. Without thought, you opened your mouth to speak, letting the wine take control of the conversation.

“I miss you.” The statement was quiet, but impactful. In reality, the three words were barely loud enough to catch a normal listeners attention, but the sound was deafening, to him. When you were met with silence, a fizzle of regret formed in your chest, wondering if you took it too far. You would take it back, pretend you never said it or bury it so deep down that could never surface again, just to ensure he wouldn’t hang up the phone; the last thing you wanted was to scare him away.

Although drunk, your feelings were true. You did miss him: you wanted to stay wrapped up in him forever, whether it be just with basic comfort or with sexual nature. You didn’t care, as long as he was with you. In three days, his presence had not only caught your attention, but made home within the walls of your house. Feelings for him were blossoming from every angle, immersing you within them and tying you down with their roots. It only took three days for Jake to make you a fool for him, three days to produce a feeling that rivalled your feelings for Sam. If you thought you were in too deep before, you were drowning, now.

That’s the funny thing about love; it cares little about who it’s next victim is, only about the fatalities it leaves in its wake.

Despite equal consent to the game, fatality was most definitely the prize. By choosing to be ignorant to risk, all three of you willingly sealed your own fate. No amount of repent could save you from the consequences. Deep down, you were well aware of that fact, but the sin was so pleasurable that it no longer mattered.

“I miss you, Gold Dust Woman.” The words only solidified your desire to ignore the risk. It was the most beautiful statement you had ever heard, and it was laced with sincerity. Imbedded with so much emotion that it made your head spin, wondering if it was even possible for someone to speak with such unwavering clarity. As if he, too, realized the extent of his vulnerability, he quickly spoke to cover it. “I miss being inside you, more.” The sweet tone quickly turned into one of desire, but both of you knew it was a lie. He desperately missed the mornings activities, his arms wrapped around your waist with a kiss placed to your neck while the smell of coffee lingered in the air. Smiling and laughing, singing along and poorly dancing to the hum of the record player. Taking turns playing guitar for each other, him dedicating every song to you but leaving it unspoken. He missed the moments of silence, more comfortable than any other, where he could hear your breathing steady while your eyes fluttered closed, enticed by the idea of falling back into a slumber. He missed the fleeting feeling of you being his, and his alone. Even if the idea wasn’t wholly truthful, he liked to pretend it was.

And in a way, you were. Every part of you belonged to him in some sense, even if other forces were trying to pull you away. But neither of you would ever speak those thoughts aloud, scared of the same things, even if the ones you focused on were not the biggest threats. Instead, you played along, sad that he felt the need to discredit such a genuine confession, but relieved that you didn’t have to explain your own. You both fell in step with the devil once again, ignoring the ache in your hearts and covering it with animalistic attraction and half-truths. If only you could both hear how loud he was laughing, pleased that you carried on just how the devil intends.

“You know there’s always a place for you between my legs, baby.” You whispered, the low tone shaking him to his core, settling in his bones and breaking them under the weight of the statement. It was unspoken that the confessions of emotion would be ignored, as always. It was just the way things were. You could practically hear his need for you through the phone, even if he didn’t say anything.

“Is that what you want?” He posed the question in a derogatory manner, as if he was trying to make you to feel shameful for wanting him so badly. You could see through it, knowing that he just wanted to hear you admit your desperation for him. “You want me, baby?”

“Mhm,” You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. As you realized that, you also realized how badly you wished you could see him. Before responding any further, you clicked the FaceTime icon on his contact. Within seconds, he accepted. The screen lit up with his face, immediately giving you a sense of relief. You took in the sight, noting he was sitting in his living room. You had only been to his apartment a handful of times, but you knew it well enough to recognize it. “Hi,” you smiled, almost forgetting the nature of the conversation.

“Hi, beautiful.” He disregarded the vulgarity for a moment, too, just so he could admire you. The blush that spread across your cheeks caused a smile to break out on his lips, too. He noted the wine glass in the frame before his eyes inevitably landed on your attire, the adoration in his eyes quickly fading into lust. The distant look let you know that he was already imagining what was beneath the flimsy red fabric. Remembering what lie beneath. As much as his expression enticed you, you couldn’t let him get away with it without making a comment.

“Eyes up here, Jacob.” You scolded, catching his attention again.

“Expect me not to stare when you look like that?” He asked, a smile still lingering on his lips. “Sadist.” He smirked, the word bouncing between you both, accompanied by pointed fingers and accusatory tones. Perhaps both of you were the sadists by continuing your entanglement without caution or worry about the future.

“I know how much you love the red, but I think you’ll love what’s underneath it, more.” You said, eyes never leaving his face. You could see the muscle in his jaw tense at the thought, proving you were correct.

“I think red is your colour, sweetheart.” He noted, disregarding your words. As bad as he wanted you to remove the clothing, he’d be caught dead before admitting you were right. “Sit back, baby. Let me see the rest of you.” The order was firm, making sure you knew that it was not a request. You propped your phone against the wine bottle, obeying the instructions and leaning back in your chair, allowing him a better view. He let out a sigh, content with the sight of your mostly exposed upper body.

“Like this?” You asked, bringing your hand to your chest and gently running your fingers over the edge of the cup on your bra, gently pulling it down in the process. It was enough to tease him, but not enough to show him what he was hoping to see. You let your finger linger for a second before releasing the hold. The fabric drifted back to its original position and you let your fingers trail down your bare torso.

“Just like that.” He affirmed, visibly bothered by the show you were putting on. “Be a good girl and take that off for me.” His plea was covered with dominance in attempt to hide his neediness, but it wasn’t working. Part of you wanted to give into the request; with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to want to deny him of anything. But, that little devil in your head was as angry as ever, now fuelled by the knowledge Danny had given you.

“Come over and take it off yourself.” You replied, trying to remain unbothered by his pet names. His eyes flashed with discontent, fed up with your continuous disobedience.

“You want me to come over?” He asked, playing into whatever game you were trying to start with him. You gave a nod, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to withstand the temptation for much longer. “You need someone to take care of that ache between your legs? To make you feel so good that you can’t remember your own name?” His tone was soft, sympathetic almost, but the flame ablaze behind his pupil and the slight tension in his jaw led you to believe he was being quite misleading.

“Yes, please.” You pleaded, ignoring your worry about his honesty. The arousal pooling between your legs was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like a constant, dull pain that would eventually drive you crazy. Something about Jake always led you to believe that life without him would lead you to the brink of insanity. The constant talk of want, or desire was quite minimal compared to how you truly felt about him. Necessity was closer to correct, depending on his touch more than your own heartbeat to keep you alive.

“You need someone to take care of that pretty little cunt,” he deducted, taking in a long breath at the sound of his own words. He was just as worked up as you, debating throwing his plan in the garbage and getting in his car that instant. “And you know I’m the only one who knows how to do it right.” He finished, finding the strength to stay seated and continue his merciless taunts.

“Please come over, baby. I need you so bad.” The words slipped out easier than any you had said before, the strength you had to endure his words was breaking apart every time he opened his mouth.

“I know, angel.” He hummed, soothing you for just a moment. You thought he was going to give in, to tell you he would be there in a minute, but when he spoke again, you wish you’d never started the battle in the first place. “I want to help you out, but you haven’t been very good for me. Being a tease doesn’t get you what you want, baby. You know that.”

“Jake, please. I’m sorry.” You begged, that feeling of familiar dread filling your stomach. “I’ll be good for you, I promise.”

“If I give you what you want, you won’t learn anything.” The irritation that grew from the smirk he was wearing was unbearable. You couldn’t genuinely believe that after the entire call, he would have the nerve to deny either of you the pleasure of spending another night together. “Go take care of yourself, sweetheart. Just think of me when you do.” Your teeth were clenched, frustrated that your efforts seemed to have no effect on him.

“Just come over, baby.” You tried once more, but his mind was made up.

“If you do what I say and behave, I might come and see you later.” So that was his plan; like always, he was willing to give in, but he felt the need to ensure you would suffer, first. “Another picture might help, too.” He sent a wink your way, so subtle that you almost missed it. Before you had a chance to respond, he had ended the call and you were met with the disappointing sight of your screensaver, wishing you had one more minute to admire the sight of his face.

You had two options: deal with the issue yourself, wait it out and hope he would feel generous enough to pay you a visit after a while, or call a cab and go to him, first. As much as the second option was tempting, you knew if you did so, it would only fuel his ego even further. He was well aware of the power he held over you, and running to him would only solidify the idea in his mind. Waiting to see if he would come over might do the same, but at least you would have the upper hand. By the time he showed up, your overwhelming need for him would have time to simmer. Then, you could give him a taste of his own medicine.

So you sat, sipping away at your wine, thinking that it wouldn’t be too difficult to wait it out. The closer the bottle got to empty, the more confident you felt about the situation. If he wanted to be an asshole, you could be, too. His request for more pictures would go unanswered, and he would have to give in. Even in your drunken state, you were aware of the power you had over him, too. Confidence did not equal satisfaction, though. You nursed the last of your wine until he showed up, or until you found something better to do, quickly realizing that time would not satisfy your craving for him. With every minute that passed, you hoped the feeling would fizzle away, but the more you ignored it, the worse it seemed to get.

Eventually, as you drained the last few drops of your glass for the second time (you had to make sure it was completely empty, of course), you heard a knock sound at the front door. A jolt of energy surged through you, realizing you had won the battle without putting any effort in at all. You stood, leaving the empty bottle on the table for decoration, and wasted no time following the sound of the knock. When you reached the front door, you ran your hand through your hair, straightening yourself out to look the best you could for him. Before opening the door, you ever so slightly peeked through the blinds.

In your drunken state, it seemed blatantly obvious that it was Jake standing outside. The tuft of brown hair that caught your eye was so familiar, immediately showering you with relief. But, if you looked for a moment longer, you might have clued in that opening the door in your current attire was a mistake. Had sobriety been in the question, you would have noticed the distinctive difference, how the body was taller, a bit more slender than the boy you were looking for. Maybe, it was possible you did notice, but we’re too blinded by excitement to cognitively understand that Jake was not the one knocking on your door. You wished to see him so badly that you overlooked any possibility of it not being him standing there.

When the door creaked open, you had a smirk on your lips, ready to throw his bluff back in his face. Instead of grasping the feeling of satisfaction for Jake’s failure, dread bled into every nerve in your body. It took a moment for both of you to understand exactly what scene you had found yourself in, but when you came back from the shock, you couldn’t even find the right words to express how you were feeling. Your limbs were frozen, unable to shut the door again and your heart was stuck in your throat. Sam’s wide eyes and parted lips showcased his matching emotions, also void of a proper response. Even in his complete surprise, he couldn’t help but feel his gaze drifting over every exposed part of you that was offered. If you wanted to be dramatic, you could even go as far as to say he was drooling at the sight of you.

After a moment of staring, you took a step to the side, covering as much of you as possible behind the solid door. “Do you greet everyone like that, or am I interrupting something?” He said, clearing his throat, joking to subtly to pass off his blatant gawking.

“Um, no… and no, I guess.” You squeaked, cheeks red enough to match the fabric that was barely concealing you.

“Expecting someone else?” The corner of his lip upturned into a smirk, finding humour in the awkward moment. He knew you were likely expecting his brother, but his cockiness allowed him to use the knowledge to his advantage.

“No,” you said after a long bout of silence, trying to sound confident. The alcohol was sending the devil in your head into a drunken rampage. Your plan to play into their game was bouncing around within your skull, urging you to take the embarrassing greeting and make it into something better. If Jake wasn’t willing to give you what you needed, you were sure that Sam would have no problem helping you out. If they wanted to involve you in their mess, you should have no issue using it for your own benefit. You were both playing with fire, but the heat was gradual; welcoming at first, and only burning you after the fact, once you were too far in to turn around.

“So I showed up at the perfect time, then?” Your anxiety washed away, even finding yourself able to produce a genuine smile at his ridiculously childish response. Your eyes drifted over his face, taking in the details of his expression. He had recovered from his nervous state, too, but his eyes were still glistening with appreciation at the beauty of you before him. You could have shut the door, turned him away with an apology and let the memory die, but his beauty was captivating, and you were drawn in by the way he was watching you. If you had found yourself in the situation with a lower blood-alcohol content, the whole thing would have been ridiculous and terribly wrong. Maybe it was the wine, or the brunch conversations that lead you to the conclusion in which you were headed towards. It didn’t matter, anyway, because you had already made up your mind. You didn’t want to turn him away; you were eager to let him inside.

“I think so.” You agreed, playing into him.

“Red’s your colour, princess.” He noted, trying to catch another glimpse of what you were trying to hide from him without being too obvious. Just another blatant show that Sam and Jake were in fact brothers, and brothers indeed. Too alike for their own good, and too foolish to see the problem. “You should wear it more often.” His voice was quiet, much different than his usual chipper tone that sounded through an entire room. You had never heard him speak in such a way, except for the small moment shared in your kitchen. It was enticing, perfectly alluring and dangerously gratifying.

“You should come in,” you stated, not as a request, but a fact. He watched you for a moment, attempting to convince himself that you were serious and not just pulling his leg. When you kept your composure, no hint of anything other than a genuine nature, he made a move towards you. Once he was inside, you closed the door behind him with little thought.

Perhaps too much carelessness for such a grave decision that would ultimately seal your fate.

Lousy lovers pick their prey

but they never cry out loud

TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld

#gvf #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #danny wagner #josh gvf #sam gvf #danny gvf #jake gvf #sam kiszka #gvf fic #sammy gvf #gvf x reader #gvf smut #sam kiszka gvf #gvf imagine #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fanfic #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet imagine #jake kiszka gvf #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka series #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fanfic #sam kiszka smut #sam kiszka x reader #sam kiszka fic #builtbybrokenbells #gold dust woman

[lovincherries]

okay… so, ive never requested anything before but i had an idea and i didnt wanna ask anyone but the master of writing elvis things (you). could you write something about elvis and reader being best friends since they were little (him being like 2 or 3 years older) and whenever he got famous he made her travel with him. she began to fall for him when they were teenagers, but she never thought he liked her. so, when they’re on the road, she get jealous of all the girls and the hookups he has. and finally she gave in to her jealousy (note that she is still a virgin and hasn’t dated anyone like he has) and started flirting with one of the stagehands and he goes ballistic and they get in a fight and he finally shows her how he feels. so angsty, roughness, smut. ya know? if not its okayyyy.

Jealousy, Jealousy

a/n: thank you for saying I’m the master of writing elvis things!!! I love this. Very long bc ill be out of town for a few days and no updates :( Not proof read

warnings: loss of virginity, rough, jealously!!

You had known Elvis as long as you had been able to breathe, your parents were lifelong friends and that made you two as well. He was three years your senior, always preaching himself to be like a big brother to you. You had never seen him like that though, to you he was so much more than a brother. You loved him, and not in the way that everybody else thought you did, you loved loved him. You saw the whole world in his eyes, always looking up to him. He was always bound to be a star, he had that air about him. He had never felt the same about you, not that you knew of. You were just the little sister he never had.

When Elvis’ singing career took off, you were happy for him but you felt such a fear in your heart. He was going to forget about you, you just knew it. He was going to all the places, seeing all the women, and doing all the things that you could never accomplish. He was getting an excitement you could never give him. But, you were wrong. Elvis needed you he said, needed you to be around him. So, he took you on tour with him. You pushed those feelings you had from him in the farthest corner of your heart and your mind you possibly could.

**********

Elvis’ tour was going amazing, for him at least. All the girls ate him up like a piece of pie and you were sort of just there, just waiting for him to give you an ounce of attention. You felt pathetic. You were backstage, watching him flirt with this girl who was perfect. Her skin was perfectly clear, a perfect body, and a stupidly perfect laugh. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you watched him eat up every perfectly rehearsed word she was saying.

“Oh, you’re funny,” he laughed at something that was totally not funny at all. You just couldn’t understand why he was acting like a completely different person, the Elvis you knew would push her away.

You just rolled your eyes once more as their conversation continued, he didn’t even notice your irritation with the whole entire situation. You got up to leave to go talk to Willy, he was one of Elvis’ stagehands. He was funny, cute, and somebody to talk to. Elvis ignored you half the time so it was nice to have someone listen to you for the first time in a long time.

“Where ya goin’ Y/N?” He asked, confused why you were leaving so abruptly. You wanted to scoff at the confusion in his voice, like the answer wasn’t obvious. You didn’t let on to your irritation, or the jealousy rising from the pit of your stomach to your throat.

“Just to go walk around,” you replied, lying straight through your teeth. Elvis didn’t care much for Willy, said he was bad news. He told you to stay away from him, but you wouldn’t listen. He just nodded his head and resumed back into his conversation.

It only took a few minutes of walking around to find him, he was fixing some light that had broken during Elvis’ show that night. As soon as he saw you, he discarded the light to focus on you. It felt good to be wanted like this, something you wish Elvis would do.

“Hey Y/N,” Willy said cheerfully, fixing the hair that had fallen into his eyes. He truly was cute, with light brown hair and dark brown eyes that you could trust. He just wasn’t Elvis.

“Hey Willy,” you smiled back, going down to sit next to him. You sat closer than you normally would and you could tell that he noticed, looking down at the proximity between you too. You had never been this bold before, you had barely kissed a guy let alone began to flirt with one. But, you were on a mission tonight. A mission to forget about the boy that always plagued your mind.

“Whatcha working on?” You asked, even though the answer was obvious. Boys liked oblivious women, or it seemed Elvis did so you figured this might work on Willy. He had flirted with you in the past, but you never paid any mind to it before.

“This stupid light, the thing keeps breaking,” he said, taking the light from his lap and putting it to the side. He looked in your eyes, and although they were gorgeous they weren’t the right hue. They weren’t the color you wished to be looking in. You had to stop thinking about him, he would never care for you like you cared for him. He made that very obvious.

“Oh, that’s no good,” you replied, looking to the side. The eye contact was intense and you weren’t sure for how much longer you could hold it.

“Yeah, no good at all,” he said, his voice lowering. You looked back at him, looking in his eyes and you saw him looking at your lips. You saw his hair fall in his eyes and you reached to place the stray hairs back into their perfect place. He sucked in a breath as your fingers made contact with him.

“Sorry, it fell out of place,” you laughed. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes fell onto his face, he had an ulterior feeling behind his eyes. You slowly leaned into him, now your eyes were drifting from his eyes and to his lips. As soon as they were about to touch, you heard a voice.

“Y/N,” Elvis said, an anger hidden in his voice. No one else would have been able to detect it, but you. You and Willy broke away from each other, your cheeks red from almost getting caught kissing a boy. Elvis was always very protective over you, said he didn’t want anyone touching his “baby” sister.

“Elvis,” you countered, not fearing his reaction anymore. Before? You would’ve apologized profusely. But after what he pulled? Fucking all those girls in the room next to you? You had no reason to be sorry.

“Come here,” he demanded, not asking you. Willy looked around nervously, knowing that Elvis was his boss and he couldn’t cross him.

“No, I was having a conversation with my friend. I’m not leaving,” you refuted, you were not giving in to him anymore. You wouldn’t be that girl.

“Yes, you are,” his voice deepened at your disobedience, walking over to you briskly. His boots making a loud noise on the stage.

He grabbed your arm roughly, swooping you up before you had the chance to argue. “Elvis, stop!” You yelled, trying to pry your arm from his tight grip, but it only caused him to tighten it more.

"No, Y/N," he said gruffly. He was guiding you away from the boy you were just about to kiss. "You can't be doing shit like that, lookin' like a whore. He fucks anything that breaths." He stated, and his words wounded you. Like putting salt in a wound. Not only did he not want you, he had to hurt you in the process.

"What happens if that's what I want, huh?" You asked, facing him now. "What happens if I want someone to want me? Is that such a bad thing? What happens if I wanted to fuck him?" You asked, getting in his face now. You were just as angry as he was now, feeling the pent-up rage and jealousy that had been building up for months.

"Y/N," he said in warning, you were dangerously close to him but your anger blinded you.

"Why is it okay when you fuck any girl who looks at you, but I can't even kiss a god damn boy? You're holding me back cause you have this stupid big brother claim over me and I'm fuckin' over it." Your words rushed out before you could even think about them, you knew you were being harsh, but you couldn't help it. He hurt you every single day without fail, and now, you wanted to hurt him too.

You began to walk away from him, but his fingers found their way to your arm again. Preventing you from walking away, and if you had walked away, it would've been the last time he hurt you like this.

"What-" You asked, but before the words could fall from your lips, he kissed you roughly. It shocked you, not knowing what to do. Your lips froze in the very moment you've been dreaming of for years, but the sparks you felt were more real than anything. Although you froze, it only took seconds for you to kiss him back. It was rough, filled with anger, jealousy, and possession. His hands moved from your arms to your waist. He gripped you tight, as if you would float away if he didn't hold you down.

It was everything and more that you had dreamed of, but you had to break away from the kiss. If this was out of some jealousy he felt, he needed to stop. He shouldn't only want you when he couldn't have you.

"Elvis," you said softly, your foreheads touched, and your lungs gulped in the air. "Don't hurt me, please. If I'm not what you want, please stop now," you begged, you sounded weak and meek. It wasn't how you wanted him to see you, but you needed him to see your vulnerability. You needed him to know, without saying the words, that you had been in love with him for years.

"I won't, I promise," he responded, nodding his head.

You kissed him again, hoping he would keep this promise to you. All the other ones be damned, if he kept this one promise to you, that would be all you needed. This kiss was equally as rough, like he was trying to imprint himself onto you. Little did he know, he had already ruined you for any other man.

"Let's go to my room?" He asked, but it came off as a demand, "please," he added.

You couldn't find the words to say, so you just nodded your head. You knew his intentions, but you were willing to give him anything he asked. You wanted to give him all of you.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you two found your way to the room, a heat pooling in your underwear as well. It was completely silent in the room when you first arrived, he just stared at you like a hunter stalking its prey. You gulped as he began to unbutton his shirt, looking directly into your eyes as he did. You were sat on the bed, he loomed over you. His presence was dark now, unlike his usual light essence.

"I didn't like seeing you like that, Y/N," he stated, his shirt now forgotten on the ground. He was now standing directly in front of you. His hand gripped your chin, forcing you to look up into his eyes. His tight grip should've hurt, should've scared you. It only excited you for what was to come.

"Like what?" You questioned, confused.

"Acting like a whore for another man," he stated, his voice had a dark tone to it that sent shock waves to your private parts. You were naive to all things like this, never really feeling this way about any man before.

"I-I wasn't acting like a whore," you stuttered out, slightly offended that he saw you in that light. You didn't even kiss the guy.

"Yes, you were. Only whores try and make someone jealous," he countered, crawling over you know. You laid directly under him, short, rapid breaths coming out of your lungs. He seemed completely unaffected.

"I-I," you stuttered out once again, not able to find the words. His hands drifted down to your hips, lifting your dress to expose your soaked panties. He let out a chuckle seeing the wet fabric, and it only left you feeling embarrassed. You buried your head into his shoulder to prevent him seeing the heat that had risen on your cheeks.

You wanted him to know that you had never done this before, wanted him to know that he would be your first and your last. He was always destined to be it for you. "Elvis," you said, forcing him to look at you, stopping his prying eyes.

"What darlin?" He asked, still taking in your body fully with his eyes. But your hands guided his head up, forcing him to look at your fully. His eyes looked nervous now, as if he was worried you were going to ask him to stop.

"I-I haven't done this before," you said under your breath, hoping that he would get what you mean.

"I know," was all he said in response, he knew that you were waiting for him. It was only a matter of time before he would give into his urges for you. He mistakenly took his feelings, he wasn't possessive over you in a brotherly way, but in a loving way.

"Oh," you responded, shocked that he knew. He knew you had only seen one guy before, but he wasn't man enough to take you.

He derailed from the topic, not really all that concerned about your virginity. "So gorgeous, can't believe you've been hiding this from me for all these years," he stated in shock, looking down at your body that you always hid with baggy clothes.

"So wet for me, haven't even done anything to ya," he stated, kissing up your neck. He finally let his hips find their home between yours, which made a gasp climb itself out of your mouth. He was hard, ungodly hard. His hands were touching you everywhere now, finding themselves under your dress, grasping your ample breasts.

"Hated seeing you so close to another man like that, could've killed him then and there," he whispered, his hand now drifting to your panties. His fingers lightly traced the outline of your folds through your underwear, which caused your back to shudder in response.

"Elvis," you lightly moaned. He moved his fingers slightly under your panties, shifting them to the side slightly, just barely brushing against the wetness of your folds. Your breaths hitched in anticipation, waiting for the next move. He was teasing you.

All of the sudden, he bit your neck. Hard. You whimpered out in pain, it was surely going to bruise. He kissed it after he finished.

"Didn't think you would have it that easy after the stunt you pulled today, did ya?" He asked, climbing off of you now. You missed the heat he radiated, wishing he would've done something, anything to relieve the ache in between your legs.

"Turn over, want you on your hands and knees," he stated, unbuttoning his pants in the process. He was now only left in his boxers, and you were left gawking at the size of the imprint in them.

You did exactly what he asked, wanting whatever he had to give you. He could take you any way he wanted you. He climbed on the bed soon after you, he lifted you up so your back was pressed to his chest. He lifted the dress above your head, unclasping your bra in the process.

"So gorgeous, and all for me," he slightly jutted his hips into your ass.

"But you've been a very bad girl, Y/N. Leaving me feeling all green," he said, his hands tracing your spine. It was all so intimate; he was invading all of your senses. You wanted every bit of him, everything he had to offer.

All of the sudden, his hand forced your head into the mattress, forcing your ass to jut into the air. "I don't like to feel jealous, Y/N. Makes me feel weak, I don't like to feel weak," he leaned over you now.

"So, I think you need to be punished," he stated, it was all so hypocritical. He did the same exact thing, if not worse than you, yet you were getting punished for it. You weren't dare going to voice your complaints out of fear that he would stop.

"So," he said confidently, "I'm gonna spank you and you're not gonna say a word. If you say anything at all, I'm gonna stop and you're not gonna get anything," he said in that deep voice. His southern drawl did something inexplicably to you. You could only nod your head in response, not able to find the words, even if he wanted you to speak them.

"Good girl," you could've moaned at his words. In all honesty, you could've gotten off on the words that he spoke alone, his honesty left a wetness overflowing in your underwear. You would surely have to throw them away after this.

He rubbed your ass with his bare palm, his rings still placed on his fingers. The coolness of the metal sending an aching coldness that would've normally forced you to scootch away from him, but instead you leaned into his touch. You loved the gentleness he was giving you.

Smack. You jumped in response, the slap on your ass stung. You wanted to whine in response, tell him that it hurt you.

He rubbed the mark he surely left on your ass, "good girls get what they want, Y/N, remember that from here on out," he whispered, his breath tickling your ear. You nodded in response, wanting the affirmation to fall from your lips. You wished you could tell him that you were all his and you would never do it again, but you wouldn't out of fear that he would stop.

Smack. He had no words to say this time, his anger manifested as red handprints on your ass now. Elvis was always very possessive over you, but never to this extent before.

Smack. This one was harder than the last, without any rubs to soothe it either.

Smack. This was the hardest now, the pain sent tears prickling to your eyes.

Smack. Smack. Smack. Smack. Smack. Each slap sent electric jolts all throughout your body, shockwaves went straight to your pussy. He now soothed the marks that he left, lightly rubbing your ass.

"Speak," he demanded, but you couldn't. All you could let out was a small whimper. "What do you want, Y/N?" He asked, demanding an answer from you.

"You, all of you," your voice came out hoarse from the pain.

He moved out from behind you, laying down on the bed. He pulled his boxers down to reveal his aching member, it was a light pink and it was perfect. It was the perfect length and girth, but you would expect no less from him. He was perfect, of course all of him would be. He spit on his hand, and now began rubbing it up and down his member, sufficiently coating himself in his spit. Watching this erotica caused you to have to squeeze your legs together, releasing the pressure that was building up.

"Y/N," he moaned, bucking his hips into his hands. Your mouth was practically drooling at the sight, "get on top of me, move your panties to the side. Wanna take you just like this," he said, his eyes squeezed shut.

You did exactly what he asked, no fear of pain or anything. You were as wet as you could possibly be, now was the time to take him. He sat up as you straddled his lap, your chest pressed firmly to his.

"So perfect," he mumbled, kissing the tops of your breasts. Your hips ached from accommodating the width of his. But you weren't focused on the pain, you were only focused on the pleasure you were feeling. He lifted your hips up, his fingers now tracing your bare folds to make sure you were sufficiently slick. You were. He smirked after realizing it. He now fully pushed your panties to the side, lowering your hips so your folds were suffocating his member. The heat from his body only caused you to become that much more wet. He guided his length up and down your folds before you found your voice.

"Don't you need to-" you started to say before he cut you off.

"No," was all he said, lifting your hips up. Your entrance was now kissing his lip, and you were no longer going to resist this. This intimacy is what you craved from him for so long. He just barely entered you, already stretching you so much. There had never been more than your own exploring finger in you, so this was a stretch.

Your head found its way into his shoulder once more, you didn't want him to see the tears fall from your eyes as he entered you. It was painful, but in a good way.

"Shhh, sh, just relax," he comforted you, rubbing your back as he slowly entered you. You tried your best, but you felt so absolutely full, there was no way to begin to relax. He soon bottomed out in, gasping in the feeling. Although you were in pain, it felt good to make him feel good. It's what drove you, it drove you to find his approval. To see him with his eyes screwed shut, tight with pleasure. Breathy moans coming out of his mouth even though you weren't moving, it made the tears and the stretch worth it.

"So tight for me," he groaned as he was still bottomed out in you, you had to adjust to his large size for minutes or you wouldn't be able to take him. He opened his eyes, taking in your bare body. Your most private parts combined, he looked down, seeing that you took every inch of him. You could've came from this feeling alone, the pleasure of being admired and the pain of being so full.

"All for you," you moaned into his ears, slightly bobbing your hips up and down now.

"Y/N," he moaned. Watching you move your hips up and down, his hand glided up your body, slowly. Tracing the bite mark he left earlier.

His hand found its' home at your throat, slightly squeezing on it as he began fucking up into you. You were adjusting to the pain now, completely ready for him to take you as he wanted.

"Willy could never have you like this, all fucking mine," he rutted into you hard now, placing an emphasis on every single word. He wanted you to know that no man could ever have you like this.

"Should put a baby in ya, no man would ever want you then," he started, his hands gripping at your back now, forcing you to stay into place as his hips thrusted into you hard. You knew your cervix would be bruised and you would be fucked raw, but you didn't care. You wanted him to have you how he wanted you.

Your head fell into the nape of his neck, sucking at it, marking him as he had marked you. "Do it," you murmured into the skin, wanting him to have you any way he wanted you. One of his hands found their way to your clit, sending pleasure all throughout your body. You had never, ever felt this good before. The mixture of being full and his words did something incredible to you, something you couldn't explain.

"Elvis," you moaned, your hips now meeting his. You needed him, needed him like you needed oxygen to breathe.

"Just like that baby," he said, his hips stuttering into yours. He could hardly keep his eyes open with the vice grip your pussy held onto him with.

"Mine, all mine," he quickened his pace, with both his hand on your clit and his thrusts. You wanted to run away from the pleasure he was giving you, but also stay right in place for him.

"So close, baby," he groaned into your ear. He now was thrusting into you, hard. Hitting your cervix. every. single. time.

"M-me, too," you stuttered, not able to find the words in the back of your throat to describe the way he was making you feel. The breath stuck in your lungs and a ball forming in your stomach.

"I love you," he said on one last particularly hard thrust, causing the ball to pop in your stomach and for you to see stars. He finished at the same time, his hands forcing your hips down completely onto him. Your walls were milking his cock, his juices finding their way home into you.

After your orgasm, your breaths were rapid and your vision blurred. You had never felt so good before in your life, you rested your forehead against his. Your mixed juices now leaking out of you around him.

"I love you too," you breathily laughed out, crazy how this night took a complete turn...

a/n: honestly, I don't love it! but i wanted y'all to have something while im on vacay.

find the taglist form linked on my masterlist!

taglist: @kittenlittle24 @dellahalewrites @nananananannerman @psychedelic-70s @vampiregirl444 @chaoticdefendortree @butlersbabe @domaniquessidehoe @pumpkin3-1415 @softmullet @justjacesstuff @defintelynotbreathing @whatstruthgottodowithit @jetva @lunarlovingdreamer @bobbykennedyfan @datsavageavenger @anbanananna @in-love-with-will-byers @bamitzzsam @butlersluvbot @cb97slut @lizzylynch1 1 @yuxixuu @unmaskthewriter @madsb2300 @yenbennie @stitched-mouth @creativewriter2002 @paigemillz @noparcha @ilovesteveharrington @allierw @girlwholikesghosts @alligator-person @re3kin @fifty.shades.of.H @ur.angle000 @theliterarybeldam @blondemoments4l @babywhoresnop @kairoclerosis @peachyjaemin @sparklehani @bubblessugar28 @nini-2009 @worldmadeofmemories @seaweed-orchid @austinbutler17 @everythingisspokenfor @girlblogger2002 @lukanasky @prettyboyswow @gemstone9 @eddiemunsonsgffff @sunsetfreedom05 @cchl @butlerfilmz @yogotti11 @emersxn99 @hot-and-confused @thedepressedhippie @mr-aurum @slutforblueeyes @adoreyouusugar @styles-canvas @hails-schae @claudia-aa @tubble-wubble @butlerfilmz @lilycherries123 @hangmanswhore @erasable-mustache @artsyhead @azzy-ar @friedwangsss @devotedlysweetnight @apparently-sunshine @dark-as-love

#elvis biopic #elvis movie #austin butler elvis #elvis 2022 #elvis presley #elvis film #elvis fans #elvisthepelvis #elvis smut #elvis imagine #elvis presley smut #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader smut #austin butler #austin butler imagine #austin butler smut #elvis presley imagine #smut #imagine #baz luhrmann elvis

[movedmovedsoup]

I absolutely love your fics!! Can you please write a finney x fem reader fic?? it doesn’t have to be anything specific but no rush either! I just rlly love finneys character and I haven’t seen many fics about him 😭

awww omg yes !!😭💕💕 ive been WAITING TO WRITE A FINNEY FIC!! I HAD SM FUN WRITING THIS!!

Bullseye?

finney blakex fem! reader !

edit: WHOEVER TOLD ME HIS LAST NAME IN ANON THANK YOU😭

it was the fall of 1978, north denver. the trees had settled on shades of oranges and browns a few still painted green only a few were late bloomers. the november chill ran up your spine as you sat under a tree with gwendolyn blake, a good friend of yours and little sister to finney blake. as if that wasn’t already known. she was a grade bellow you but you didn’t really mind one bit. she was sweet but didn’t hesitate to tell the truth and be honest whenever it was needed, something you appreciated. at the moment the two of you were seated on a hill across from where finn and his team were currently playing a game of baseball. the stands were all filled up so gwen suggested a more, in her words, ‘scenic view’. it wasn’t like it was a bad idea..it was just not the ideal for you to be bunched up next to her with the wind blowing the two of yours hair around. it wasn’t very cold no, but the wind was just brutal this afternoon. sure you had the choice to simply get up and leave but two things definitely held you back from doing any of that. first off, you weren’t going to leave gwen here, she’ll just guilt trip you with large puppy eyes. something that was definitely a weakness. and that second thing. well you were in the same grade as finney and well, you definitely were crushing on him, it was so undeniably obvious to everyone around you, and unknowingly to you, it was so undeniably obvious that he returned the feelings. from the shy glances that the two of you stole from each other in science to the..rather awkward interactions you had. it wasn’t like the two of you didn’t know each other no no, because gwen always went to your house and vise versa.

along with the fact you two were just very recently science buddies the two of you knew each other pretty well. yeah okay not robin and finney type of well but, it was almost impossible to know someone that well. now there wasn’t one person who was tired of this shy pining nobody was as tired of it as gwen was. now finney was never the heroic type..he wasn’t exactly brave when it came to things like this so gwen couldn’t rope him into any circumstance where he’d have to do a impromptu confession and she knew you were stubborn as a stone, not wanting to hurt the friendship in any way. which was definitely understandable but in gwen’s eyes..it definitely was not. as you peacefully rested your head against the tree trunk as the smaller girl was slumped up against your arm, using you as a pillow of sorts. despite the wind nothing was really bad. it was nice, peaceful. you honestly wished every day could be like this, slightly perking up as you heard the coach blow his whistle, signaling break time. now the two of you weren’t very far from the actual game, like at all. some parents or other kids were scattered around you and gwen, the two of you just got lucky with the good spot. a grin spread onto gwen’s face concealing a small laugh as she lifted herself up, digging through her backpack.

“hey y/n! finney is probably thirsty or something from the practice round, can you give this to him?”

“a coke? wouldn’t a water be more-“

“take it.”

and suddenly a lukewarm can of coke was shoved into your hands, and a small shove that definitely did the job, as you stumbled down the small hill and on the way to the baseball player. now you definitely didn’t expect that much forceful strength from someone as small as her..definitely full of surprises. as you inched closer and closer to where finney was currently tying his shoes it seemed like every step was an extra ten pounds. feeling heavier and heavier with every moment. oh you knew damn well why gwen sent you here, sacrificing her own comfortable spot just to play matchmaker for a day. the crunching from leafs below your sneakers alerted the boy of the sudden presence. immediately he wanted to go into full blown panic mode. blinking a little to be a-hundred percent sure it was you walking over to him. oh god, don’t tell me you were watching him play, just the thought of you watching him play made the hair on the ends of his neck stand up in a mixture of feelings. he tried to make it seem like he didn’t see you approaching..as if that would make it any better. once you got over to him you gave him a small smile, a smile that could very easily be read as, ‘oh dear lord please kill me now’. “hey finney ! gwen wanted me to give this to you”, your tone didn’t read of any negative emotion even though you definitely wanted to rip the other girl’s head off for putting you on the spot like this..in such a awkward situation.

you furrowed brows, then raised one right after as finney just..completely blanked. in the zone staring at basically nothing. tucking the can underneath your arm you snapped a finger in his face, trying to stifle your laughter as you did so. “finney-?” “oh-!” he seemed to quickly get out of the trance he was in looking at the coke and nodded. “yup thanks!” he squeaked out, before turning on his heel and wanting to go plant himself in the nearest hole asap. god..this boy was such a absolute mess when it came to romance..and girls. so much that you had to call out his name again, lifting the coke up to show him he didn’t even grab it. cussing himself out internally he ran back and grabbed it, hands awkwardly brushing up against your own which made you go stiff. and of course he noticed. the two of you just shared an equal look, as if waiting for the other to do something, maybe to speak? inhaling a sharp breath you gave him a nod, quickly gaining enough courage to give him a pat on the shoulder. “i..i should go back to gwen..she’ll kill me if i left her alone for this long.” letting out a dry chuckle, you turned around and quickly broke out into a speed walk wanting to just drop dead from how awkward you were around him. the flared pants you wore making brisk sounds as the material rubbed up against each other. making it back to your original spot gwen chimed in with a ‘Oooo’ sing song voice as you glared daggers at her. “cut it out” you mumbled, wanting to shrink behind the large blanket the two of you shared.

after a few minutes the game had resumed, you and the sneaky girl decided to get a little more closer to the game. well..more you if anything, saying you wanted to guess ‘what type of strategy’ they were using, oh gwen knew it was absolute bullshit. the scoff she let out and the rolling of eyes let you know that. sitting yourself up on your elbows as you let gwen use the bag you brought as a makeshift pillow to rest her head. you carefully watched as the batter made his way up, it was none other than teenage heartthrob bruce yamada. now you didn’t think ill of him, he was quite sweet that was it. cheering on for finney was the last thing you could quite remember..the order of events was well..blurry from there on..all you could recount was, bruce going up to bat, finney waving at you with a smile as he ran bases, gwen nudging you as you averted eyes..then..then a ball? yeah, a ball hurdling towards you. the last thing you could hear were a series of ‘ahhhhs’ and ‘ohhhhs’ as your head hit the grassy knoll. upon waking up you had people surrounding you, you were half aware that someone had been holding you. but as of right now that wasn’t a first priority.

“aw yea…it’s an ugly bruise alright..”

someone’s voice echoed in your mind as whoever was holding you at the moment, said something in a snappy tone, something you couldn’t quite catch considering you were gaining consciousness. you let a low groan out as you reached your hands up for whoever, again was holding you, hands placed onto their shoulders trying to shuffle yourself up. which they quickly helped you do. a pounding pain was strong in your head especially in the left eye..which you couldn’t open. “y/n thank god you’re awake i was getting worried, you see bruce didn’t mean it but he hit the ball too hard and the ball went totally flying in your direction i should’ve kept an eye out but the-“ “finney can you let her breath?? we can explain later!” gwen cut her bumbling brother off as she lifted a mirror to your face. the smallest gasp left you and your mouth agape. the left eye that didn’t wanna open was bruised practically all sorts of the rainbow, purple blue and even a little bit of yellow was evident. from the mere sight of it you thought you were gonna faint again. people asked if you wanted an ambulance but knowing your parents definitely did not have the money to pay off doctor bills you croaked out a no. then it did hit you (no pun intended) who had been holding you up the entirety of the time, slightly moving your head a little you met eyes with a..rather nervous finn.

trying to make light of the situation you let a small smile grace your features, one he admired. you were sat in between his legs on the bleachers, his arms were tucked underneath your own, to keep you from slipping out. the moment broke off for a minute as you got handed a ice pack to at least calm down the color and swelling. saying a thanks to the person you refocused your attention onto the ‘baseball star’ or well, that’s what you’d like to call him. “seems like you wanted to be the hero today huh?” you teased, fighting some laughter as finney very quickly tried to dismiss all accusations, “w-wait i didn’t mean for it to come off like that- you didn’t hear what i said earlier right? i’m sorry if-“ you let out a sigh and shook your head. before giving the all star a peck on the cheek in hopes that could make him silent for a while.

and oh it did.

the mid to late afternoon ended with finney, who was allowed to skip out on this game for obvious reasons. holding you comfortably, holding your ice pack and all with possibly the brightest smile you haven’t seen on him for a while, with gwen right nearby with a ‘told you so’ grin. oh yeah, she was eating this alll up. and of course, bruce yamada giving apology after apology, you knew he really did mean it. you forgave him quite quickly, mistakes happen. just wrong place wrong time that’s all. and plus, it was just the tiniest price to pay to end up here in this situation..now you were sure being science buddies wasn’t going to be awkward in the slightest.

_______________________________________________

i hope you guys did enjoy this !! as you can tell i had a field day writing this !😭 as you know I NEVER PROOFREAD!!! if there is any misspelled words that is the reason why :) tysm for getting this far into the fic !💕💕

#bruce yamada #the black phone 2022 #the grabber #billy showalter #bruce yamada x reader #finny blake #isitjustmeordidyouthinkfinneyslastnamewasshaw f #robin arellano #the black phone x reader #vance hopper x reader #vance hopper x you #finney the black phone #wonton writings #finney blake #finney blake x reader #gwen blake

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/19/2023

unknown flu-like-symptoms-but-not-the-flu-or-COVID problems

listening

no one particular thing has been stuck in my head so here are two short little things

new release Strike by La Femme is a delightful synthy one-minute sketch of a car chase in the pouring rain. spotify

Trumpet Sketches - Remastered by Janko Nilovic is a 1:40 doodle. when the organ hits... spotify

i have been following La Femme ever since i loved their credits song for As Above So Below, and the trumpet sketches are off the spotify recommended

-

reading

actually finished this book last tuesday, still reading berserk, but i don't have coherent berserk thoughts bc im still stuffing my entire elbow into my mouth and screaming about it.

The Stolen Coast, by Dwyer Murphy, has a lot of problems. the first problem is that the publisher bills it as a "noir jewel heist" novel when it is in fact a vibes novel about being sad and trapped in massachusetts. which, mood! but very much not what i or any other goodreads reviewer signed up for.

ABOUT THE STOLEN COAST Adrift in a sleepy coastal Massachusetts town, a man who ferries fugitives by day gets twisted up in a plot to pilfer diamonds in this Casablanca-infused heist novel.

Casablanca is a real fuckin goddamn reach. this is like saying Home Alone 2 and The Taking of Pelham 123 are similar bc they both have pivotal scenes in subways. when you are expecting a cool noir jewel heist and you get a vibes book, it feels very meandering and indecisive with exceptionally poor pacing and very light on the plot. dwyer knows how to put a sentence together, and there is a high degree of aesthetic polish, but i lived in mass and found myself filling in a lot of the vibes from lived experience. this is a book that expects you to already know *extremely* minute regional accent differences.

i often found myself more interested in the antagonist lawyer and his wife (who has a standing weekly appointment to fuck her bodyguard at the region's finest wedding destination hotel, and orders champage afterwards every week) than the protagonists of our story. the femme fatale loops all the way back around to manic pixie, which i didn't know was possible for a woman to do. as an example of the aesthetic polish but editorial disarray of the book, wherein we know so much about our protagonists but so little of it is relevant, i was convinced that "our main man Jack is a Harvard lawyer" was a long running gag for most of the book (a la "our good for nothing son is actually Very Important and just slumming it here") and was actually quite anxious to see if the actual lawyer would ferret him out, but no. jack is actually a real lawyer but it simply does not fucking matter.

there are a. number of happenings that mr murphy tries to pass off as luck and just like Ha Ha Things Just Break Like That Sometimes but it really just feels like acts of god. their planned heist breaks bad for them with no consequences and then breaks very well for them with very few consequences. this is not a long book. the actual heist felt like filling time.

it's a book that's very very good at capturing the New England depression and sense of stagnancy, for want of a nail etc, the bizarre little self-important snow globe everyone lives in, but everyone has such small ambitions. this is sort of the point of noir, that the rot never actually changes no matter what you do, but the protag is the perpetrator of the rot? this is largely a personal crisis that he’s choosing not to address. perhaps most unforgivably, for such a short book it dragged a whole fuck of a lot.

i have been betrayed by whoever did this npr book review

-

watching

Forty Guns (1957, dir Fuller). this is the most movie reviewer ass section ive written in a minute. this one is for sickos only. it is not an interesting movie by itself (choppy and kind of messy) but it is an interesting movie if you know the limitations of the genre and the hays code it's slamming up against.

there is simply So Much that happens in this movie (from the very good Criterion Collection essay):

While the story sounds rather tidy in summary, the plot of Forty Guns is rife with intrigue and action—juggling political corruption, theft, betrayal, an unwanted pregnancy, a serious maiming, three romances, four murders, and a suicide. 

there's some oddly dorky but endearing straight people visual and verbal double entendre. visually unique but does not stick its landing, and i don't know that i love the original ending as opposed to the studio ending either.

it gets a solid B on the "westerns i would let other people watch" list. not one of the top three movies to convince someone that some westerns are good actually, but a fun little weird offshoot of the genre.

why did i watch this: surely by seeing a post from another cowboyblogger? it was fairly recently added to my letterboxd watchlist, but the why of it i could not tell you

-

playing

im convinced theres a bug in the Court of Fontaine region in g/enshin bc i have been stuck at 97% for several weeks now. tick over to 100% godddamnit.

-

making

acquired all the stuff to dye a couch cover, have not actually dyed the couch cover, due to being down with some sort of sickness

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #i have once again bungled the scheduled post #timing

[softblesses]

Winter is Here.

Please don’t reblog to non-kink blogs. It hasn’t been fully beta read or edited yet, but I’m impatient.

Part 3/3 💜 The final, little, part! Will I continue this? Maybe. Please feel free to hop into my dms to discuss ideas & characters 👀💜💜 Thank you for the reblogs!!

Finally, after another excruciatingly long hour, Neal is called up by one of the nurses. They run some tests, hook him up to an IV and set him up on a bed.

“Yeah, yeah we’re okay, Hon. They’re saying it’s an infection in his throat, and the swelling has spread and caused croup. Neal isn’t exactly happy that it’s mostly diagnosed in kids, but I’ll tease him about that later.” Peter chuckles, running a hand down his face. “Yeah, we’ll be back as soon as he’s been treated. I love you, too. Bye.”

Pushing the curtain aside, Peter joins Neal again. “You doing okay?” He asks quietly, sitting down on the chair by the bed. “This’ll help you.”

Neal coughs into his elbow, giving Peter a helpless sort of glance.

“This should help even more,” a female voice hums, wandering in and setting something up by his bedside. “And, after all of this? Lots of rest.” She carefully places an oxygen mask over his face, gently rubbing his shoulder he flinches.

“It’s a nebuliser. It’ll help the cough. You’ll be out of here within around two hours, alright? Hang tight.”

Neal closes his eyes, and it doesn’t take long for him to fall back into his exhausted dreamland. And, despite trying his very best to keep his eyes open, Peter begins to drift off in his chair.

. . . “Mr. Burke? Mr. Burke?” A soft voice rouses Peter from his nap, and he’s quick to sit up and rub his eyes. “Mr. Caffrey can go home now. I’ve got some meds here for him, and his discharge papers.”

Peter groans, stretching slightly and glancing at a still fast asleep Neal, then back to the nurse before him. “Is he alright?” He stands, an earnest expression on his face.

“He will be, most likely in a few days. He’s feverish, but the fluids have helped. The nebuliser has helped a lot, and we’ve prescribed a portable one for back home. He can have Tylenol in two hours — liquid form. It’s in the bag.”

Peter nods at all of the information, pushing his hands into his pockets and fidgeting on the spot. “Thank you, Nurse. And. . Thank the Doctors for me, too.” He flashes a small smile, then turns to gently shake Neal’s shoulder.

He wakes slowly this time, and doesn’t flinch too badly, frowning and looking around. “Peter,” his voice is barely audible. “I—“ coughing, but it only lasts for a few seconds and doesn’t sound nearly as bad as before.

“Rest your voice, let’s get going.”

“Home?” Neal whispers.

Peter smiles. “Home.”

#snz #snzblr #sickfic #w/hite co/llar sickfic #n/eal ca/ffrey sickfic #w/hite co/llar #n/eal c/affrey

[dog-rambles]

Honestly, Ive been meaning to write something about Helluva Boss for a while and uh. I'm in that Writing Mood. So here, have some quick rambles about my thought on HB and worldbuilding and stuff

They'll be under the cut just in case I write too much lol

The way HB fails [hard] with being what it wants to be

First things first: I am not a professional writer at all. I'm just some dog who can write for fun.

Ok. That's out of the way, cool!

So... Helluva Boss, amirite? I think the frustration a lot of detractors/critics have over it (and frankly, I'm amongst these) is how much *potential* it has. It exudes it, and like, if you read 5 different HB rewrites, they will all grab different stuff and run with it, because there's many, many things to tinker with that, in the hands of a well planning writer, could make the series just. Brilliant!

But, let's be real, the series doesn't do that. I'm not original in saying this but, from a plot perspective, HB sucks. It falls flatter than a metal sheet (is that a phrase?) And, hypocritically, it's obvious how Viv prides herself as writing it as revolutionary in ways that the story doesn't even (and forgive me for this) have the balls to be in.

It prides itself in having raw portrayals of queer folks, yet it only lets itself write the same overused "gay ppl + sex = funni" jokes over and over again, it goes and compares it's protagonist Blitz to Bojack Horseman, yet in Helluva Boss the plot bends itself backwards to lift any sort of responsibility that Blitz has for his actions (which is, y'know, NOT what BH does, at all), prides itself of being a female centered plot even though it's obvious how underdeveloped the female characters are compared to the male ones. I could go on and on.

And, in the most sincere, nice way I can conjure, this isn't just the creator being a hypocrite, this is straight-up a symptom of what I think dooms not only this series, but most of the works Vivziepop has done: The story of the thing doesn't know what the fuck it wants to be

Helluva boss is, at least in theory, supposed to be a dark comedy about demon hitmen. Simple concept, lots of stuff to tinker and play with! A lot of ways and directions to take it to, too. But then it tries to be a musical every few episodes. And then a family drama. Sometimes it's an episodic story and sometimes it tries very hard to fit into a season-long arc, depending on the mood. It gives characters some sort of growth just to take it away, and then give them another sort of growth. It defangs and villanizes it's antagonists in a way you just can't help but feel bad for them, because it takes away what made them interesting. The protagonists fuck up and the plot let's you know they fucked up, but then... The consequences of their actions never come!

Blitzo indirectly causes permanent scarring, disability , and trauma on his childhood friend and it causes such a rift that they don't talk in fifteen years, but it's fine! Look! Fizz forgives him in the span of a day after a little chat and now they're friends again :] don't think about it at all :] this is perfectly A-OK and totally not a way of making our poor little Blitzy a victim and Fizz the cunt for not forgiving him until now :]]]

Don't get me started on Barbiewire

Helluva Boss biggest sin is not it's lack of character growth, or it's dumb sex jokes (they ARE bad btw. I'm dying on that hill), or any of that sort. There's many good shows that can pull stuff like that and still be, y'know, good. Or at least mid. It's greatest mistake it's in the way that not only doesn't know what to do with itself, but also wants to do everything without understanding why and how to do it. To bite more that you can chew, if you know.

I have way too many thoughts and criticisms around this funky web series, and I'll probably do more rambles around this specific problem. But I think this is it for me and for now

#helluva rewrite #helluva boss criticism #rambles #salamidog speaks #helluva boss critique #fiction analysis #hazbin critical #helluva critical #salamidog writings

[2009phan]

i honestly think neither dan or phil truly give a fuck about the sharing of that video anymore. it’s not like it’s a huge topic of discussion anymore because let’s be real, we all know about it. whether you’ve seen it or not, we all know what went down, what it was about, and what was said in it. i think the main reason they were so desperate to get rid of it on the internet is because they were literally closeted, if it got too far it could seriously out them for good before they were ready. but it’s been over ten fucking years now, they’re out and gay as fuck and practically everyone knows they’re in love with each other so why does it matter? i know it’s a weird invasion of privacy and honestly i can’t even stand to watch it because of that reason, but like i said it’s out there and everyone knows about it so what’s the point in still being so serious about it. have a little fun. unless someone literally posts the entire video i don’t see what’s wrong with making a few references to it. i honestly bet they’ll probably address it in a joke or something at some point because i don’t think there’s much that is off limits with them anymore. anyways rant over have a good day :)

yeah i agree, they don't remove it anymore either. it's out there, people have seen it or at least know about it.

and don't get me wrong, when the video got unprivated it was literally hell for them. like i would've offed myself, no joke. and even if they were out, i think it still would've been an awkward thing to go through at the very least.

but now, as you said, everyone knows about it. and people in phandom spaces don't reference it maliciously. like the only references to it ive seen/posted are just like jokes about it or comments that mean no harm. unlike before when people would use it as pRoOf/borderline blackmail and try to out them with bad intent. i feel like we've outgrown this sort of malicious speculation (and plus they're out so you can't really speculate anymore can you).

i genuinely don't think that it's a big deal for dnp. maybe they cringe thinking about it cos like if my private convo with my lover leaked to the internet id be embarrassed af. but it's not this big serious thing anymore, who cares. twitter phannies be out there acting like it's a deadly sin to even mention it. but bestie who cares, go crazy, be free!

[6of575]

my goal is to try and make at least a post a day on here, even if its nothin very interesting to anybody else

i feel like,,, if i can finally successfully make it a habit to post and engage, it might just trick my brain from task avoidance

so! post done and heres the part for me thats fun:

(under a cut since its ramblin long)

the books im currently reading concurrently are some conlang construct books mr am got me that have been on my wishlist for ages, along with a very cool book about black holes and theories surrounding them, which mr am loaned to me from his collection

one of the things we share is a love of science and space, and more specifically, stars and time travel and all the things about our known universe that black holes straight up break

i have a lot of fun chatting with him; i really cant overstate the value of a friend so genuine, who i am never too much of, and i can talk about all my interests without the reflexive dread creeping on in

all that bullshit i learned growing up, yanno the kind: "im boring, im dumb, who could possibly enjoy swapping rock facts, much less listen to hours of it even when it our interests DONT align"

like, theres so much else about my friendship with him thats meaningful, but thats top tier right there

and lately? ive gotten a few others in my corner, who when i share, im starting to feel like that with them, too

its so weird! to have gone from one person to a tiny community of folks (and i mean little! its like,, five? six? of us max usually) that thrive on a love of the weird and the cringe and the stubborn hope

plenny others have waxed more eloquent than me about this sorta thing--how fandom spaces come sorta pre-fab with common, shared interests that its fans bring, and they build their fort and theres rules already laid out, and it becomes a second (sometimes first) home, of sorts

but when its starting from scratch, when its about stuff and is made by people that others just wouldnt ordinarily invest in or look at without outside prompting, thats not the same! its not a bad thing, more neutral, but its stressful, its really such a lonely feeling

except--when you finally find it, that person, and thats a community of its own, and it can grow, and suddenly you swappin stories, throwing jokes! and memes and links and hey inevitably, theres also those what ifs about your little guys

and everything is srs and sacred and everything is hilarious and "i cant believe this is real life" levels of stupid

you get to learn habits and quirks and whole personalities

"hey this reminded me of you" "hey, check out this view" "oh, thats right, yer the possum dude" "you love medieval lore--and i read this, and what do you think about it, too"

its suddenly kind of a fandom space after all, and its like, still work of course, reaching for and keeping more and being a person with, it aint that neat or pretty

but its got warmth and joy and expansion, after a lifetime of making yourself small enough to try and fit

you end up fans of your friends, fans of their life, hyping each other up and up and up about the most mundane shit and it starts to look like not even the skys the limit

planning things to do together, spending long hours into the night to parallel play with vidgames or watchin movies like time aint nothin thisll last forever, right? (it doesnt, always, but thats also part of this, and the ones that stay, the ones that work with you

those are the ones waking up to backread your chats like its the morning newspaper

and your life matters

like its better than the best hot goss, its saturday morning cartoons and their favour ice cream flavours

only now we adults and its also commiseratin over breakups and bills, and cross-country moves, and its celebrating that i saw chickens in the yard today and you finally got your boygirlthemsomethin gender fuckery juice)

idk idk idk

i feel some kinda way about all that

i never thought id make it so far that im nearly forty

never thought id get to ask "okay, well, now what? what do i wanna do, and try, and be?"

im... starting small i think, and im for reals happy, happier than i have been in years; i learned how to be alla my friends biggest fans, and im starting to finally believe

other people can feel that way about me

i just really think thats kinda neat

#6oftext #hexfold glories: transparent stories

[oceanlandworld]

drugs cw, long rambling

we got my fave ketamine-esque drug a few days ago and i did some for the eclipse and it was extremely fun... i felt a little bad about not being outside For the eclipse but it was so cloudy here that my mom even said it was disappointing. and my trip had this magical feeling of cosmic alignment + i was getting eclipse-themed visuals so i still got to have an eclipse experience... if it had been sunny out i wouldnt have tripped but the plans we had got cancelled and i got Excited partly cuz i havent had a dissociative drug in over a year and theyre my favorites...

i really hope that 2F-2'-Oxo-PCE (aka canket, fka fxe) is eventually studied for therapeutic effect because imo it has more potential than ketamine for actual processing; ketamine therapy often is approached as "take your meds and your brain will work better" rather than involving talk therapy which is a MASSIVE shame imo because one of the greatest benefits of disso drugs (as with psychedelics) is working through difficult personal issues in an altered headspace

but ketamine is much more disorienting than cket and cket lasts longer. something that has struck me repeatedly with cket is that i get a strong sense of disparate parts of myself colliding and overlapping in ways that they typically dont - i dont get time loss but my dissociative multiplicity very much comes through as a weird and uncomfortable sort of internal compartmentalization where i can never tolerate being my entire self at once

one of my first cket trips had mountain goats goths as a soundtrack and listening to unicorn tolerance during the peak was really profound and helped us with accepting a particular alter of ours in ways that have lasted since (this happened ~2 years ago)

and hecate also commented that she felt that sense of convergence and overlapping selves... ive noticed a loss of sense of time on high cket doses too where i have thought i was in past places ive lived or feeling like i was tripping on a different drug i did in this past, its so interesting...

anyways im really glad i can still get it because i was worried it would disappear, there was a whole thing with it being misidentified as fxe (3F-2'-Oxo-PCE) and confusion from there being different "fxe" batches with different effects. but i think a lot of other people like cket a lot too haha

[rpfisfine]

(1/2) hi, i’m just a random person who reads your fics, but if it makes you feel better, it didn’t actually say that them reacting to fanfics is the very next video, right? just that they’re working on it, so maybe you have some more time? also, is it really that bad? i mean i know it is lol, but like alex and aleksa are both basically immune to embarrassment (as shown by the hot tub song and many other vids lmao), so at the very least I don’t think they would be shocked or cringe or anything

Hiiiiiiiiiii thank you so much for this message yeah im gonna be honest i guess the problem for me personally is that the possibility of it not being the very next video is actually MORE stressful to me than if we still had a few months worth of time left bc its like. i know that pretty much all of their videos take a long time to film plus ostonox is confirmed to be very slow w editing bc he puts so much effort into it but its still like what the hell wjy do you need so much time... i have also recently learned that ostonox actually announced the softcore gay porn video on november 1st on his twitter so . it has been in the works for some time i guess so its like.. just film the video innit... like i need to see it NOW to be able to have peace in my life again. also its not rly even abt them reacting to it its the fact that aleksa literally used the word "reenact" that makes me wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat LOL. but overall yeah i guess youre right thats kinda what ive been telling myself as well and i truly wish i had your optimistic outlook i guess its due to the fact that i have genuinely legitimately never once in my life anticipated this ever happening to me it kinda makes me feel like im gonna have like idk. dozens of nude photos of my bare spread open genitals potentially leaked to thousands of ppl any day now . also the fact that he emphasized that they need to have not yet read the fics in order to film their genuine reactions on camera is what probably haunts me the most bc like if they ARE shocked. we WILL see it. plus ultimately im still just kinda shaken by the fact that i had like my little private corner where i could be insane without them ever knowing abt it taken away from me LOL but i realize that makes me kinda sound like a moron bc thats sort of the risk that just automatically happens to come with writing rpf and posting it online like i guess thats. yeah

#i guess the worst thing abt it is the uncertainty bc we know sooooo little abt what theyre actually going to do and read #that i like . dont know what i should be mentally preparing myself for. like i dont even know if MY fics r gonna be in the video #asks #thank you for this though!!!!! (through gritted teeth) its all fine and we're all gonna have fun #also like i said idk if you sent a second part but if you did i didnt get it :(( #also im gonna be real im so much more scared of alex's reaction than aleksa's LOL. like i feel they both understand the fujoshi #mentality but aleksa moreso.

[dairy-farmer]

hi! i have posted a few batcest fics but i was wondering if u had any tips on getting more involved with the community, mostly on twitter. i don't have a twitter acc dedicated to it yet but i follow some accs on my priv (yours included obviously) and the way people add onto threads and talk to eachoter abt it is really exciting. i'm nervous tho because i've never had an acc for something my irl friends aren't into and idk how to get mutuals or if it's okay to reply to tweets from people that don't follow you. i hope this made sense i'm just really scared abt reaching out to ppl

hi!!! first, i want to say it's so touching that you'd come to me for advice ❤️❤️❤️ 🥺🥺🥺. i'll do my best to give you the best advice possible!!!!

ive actually only been active on the batcest side of twitter for a few months (august was when i got more active and started following accounts)! before i got into batcest i didn't really go on twitter but so many talented people are on there and make such amazing tweets and au's i basically go on there once a day now haha 😄! that's probably because outside of places like discord there's really no concentrated communities or places to interact with people who like batcest in a way that feels more...active? on tumblr you can go weeks or days without every directly interacting with someone. tiktok is hostile to anyone with a brain plus it can show your videos to complete steangers outside of your intended audience which can be....yeah. instagram isnt bad but it would definitely be a weird way to interact. ive heard that facebook groups can be fun but how that pans out with 18+ content is...

from what i can tell most batcest accounts are pretty chill however i'm only speaking from the perspective of tim centric accounts. in terms of things such as "etiquette" there's only a few things most accounts do to sort of identify and differentiate each other.

- if you're following nsfw account or making nsfw tweets be sure to include that in your description whether that means having 'minors dni', 18+, 🔞, your age and an nsfw warning' it varies.

-you don't have to do this, in fact i don't even do it but it might make it easier to find mutuals, and that's to include your favorite ships in your bio as well! mentioning things like jaytim, jaydick, brutim, brudami, etc. a lot of batcest accounts have multiple ships that spread over different characters so them listing it makes it easier for people to see what they're about!

-inluding the link of your ao3/linking your twitter in your ao3 fics is a good way for people to follow your work! a lot of people might recognize your fics if they click on your ao3 fic and you can become mutuals like that!

in terms of how to interact with other accounts i get being nervous!! i definitely was when i first started posting my tim tweets!!! even now when i interact with mutuals i've been interacting with for a while I still get a little nervous sometimes!

but i do have some tips that I think have helped interact with others and keep it fun for everyone!❤️❤️❤️

- if a tweet talks about 2 specific characters or a specific ship and you really like the idea but don't care for the ship don't directly reply to the person saying something like "THIS but with x- instead would be so good!". i know wanting to give recognition for an idea is tempting but it's rude to try and change the intent of someone's tweet.

instead: you can make your own tweet and include something like "just saw someone on my tl talking about x-topic and now i can't stop thinking about y+z in that situation-" that way you're acknowledging the outside source but also not changing the tune of someone else's tweet

- if a lot of people on your timeline are all talking about the same idea and they're all coming out with their own spins and you have no idea who started it that's okay! twitter can be a bit of an echo chamber sometimes and no one's going to go through all their mutuals and find who tweeted what first. plus the very nature of art is that it often repeats itself.

if you want to join in: you can say something like "my tl is full of people about x and let me just say that-"

- emojis are your friend! i use them a lot because i have a hard time reading tone from text and think everyone else might too. when you're reading something it's hard to pick out whether someone is joking or saying something sarcastically without any indicators (ex. /joke /sarcasm at the end of a sentence, wrItInG LIkE tHiS tO MakE suRe someone knows they're being mocked/made fun of).

adding an emoji can really help change the tone of what you're saying making it sound less like you're stating a fact or making a demand or some other misinterpretation.

ex:

he deserves it.

vs

he deserves it 😈

he doesn't deserve that!!!

vs

he doesn't deserve that!!! 🥺🥺🥺

you just like torturing him don't you.

vs

you just like torturing him don't you 😭😭😭

you can tell there's a few tonal differences between the statements which helps ease the slide of interaction (at least I think so!) by making it clear you're joking or being humorous.

- it's common to see people adding onto each other's threads and while you may be nervous about who is okay with it at first, the general rule of thumb is that on twitter anyone can add on to anyone's thread or respond whether you follow them or not (i don't think anyone will even notice who is following who) but if it does make you anxious you can click on their profile and look at their replies to see if they've replied to other people's threads or been replied to.

you can reply even if two people are already having a convo, you can just split off and start a new one! ive seen and had multiple split off convos with different people from the same original thread who all had different ideas or things to add on.

ultimately a lot of conversations on twitter are people prodding each other's brains for their shared interests and mutuals come about from people seeing that someone has similar interests and is talking about them and so follow because they also like that thing and would love to see more of people talking about that thing!!!

try following people who share a lot of your interests in terms of ships and characters.

mutuals may take a little while (in some cases ive done two scrolls of a person's account and immediatly followed them back without any interaction because we both clearly had the same interests) if you want exact steps of how that might happen you could start with

a. commenting on people's threads. telling them you loved it, reacting to it, sending emojis. etc.

b. send tweets about your thoughts, headcanons, aus, etc. don't feel discouraged if no one likes them yet you're just starting!

c. after you've gotten comfortable with commenting with an account you can start adding more to the interaction, adding on, proposing a direction for the tweet, etc.

these are just a few of the things ive learned and seen and nothing here is fully concrete either so if you feel more comfortable doing something else then feel free!!!

besides in the first conversation i ever had with one of my current mutuals i revealed to them that i'd secretly written an entire fic about one of their tweets even though we'd, until that point, never talked even once 😭

i guess what I'm trying to say is: go for it!! you never know, it might go a lot better than the worst case scenarios you may be thinking of!! ❤️❤️❤️

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[ratwebsite]

hi! I am getting 3, under 6 month old, albino rats. Their mom is a now retired lab rat so they are a little jumpy around humans. So I was wondering if you had any suggestions for getting them a little more comfortable around humans because I want them to be happy and comfortable so I want any info I can from current owners!

hey! congrats on ur new friends!

the first two rats (Remy and Wanda) i had were being sold as feeders at my local pet store. they were so so young and absolutely petrified of me and any sort of sudden movement or slightly loud noise. The day i brought them home, they immediately went for cover in their little hide house and I didn't really see them for the rest of the day. This was kind of the norm for the first week or so, they'd cautiously sneak out for a drink or food, then scurry back to safety. I really just had to learn to be patient with them and understanding of their background as feeders, so I would just station myself in front of their cage with my hand resting in front of the entrance to their hide house. I'd place some cheerios (or whatever other snacks you'd like to use, cheerios have always been my go to and they seem to love them) in my palm, and literally just wait for a nose to pop out and dare to get close enough to me to take one. I'd start super close to the house, then once they proved to be brave enough, I'd move back a little more and more and wait for them to slowly inch further and further out of the house. Then I would start moving my hand upward, and wait for them to do a little pull-up to get the snacks >:) ALSO i made sure that they knew the snacks were coming from me, i wouldn't leave a lot just scattered around the cage at first, I wanted them to know that I was the source.

The real selling point for them tho was when they learned how to climb up and into my sleeves. I feel like once we got to that point, it was a bit more smooth sailing. This was all like at least three weeks or so of work, and once they started to trust me, they started to trust their environment more too. They started being more exploring and utilizing their toys and hammock. they were still always cautious of sudden movement and noise tho. They also didn't care for being grabbed, i could only bring them out of their cage if they crawled up my sleeve on their own will. I didn't get the confidence to grab them until I adopted my second pair of (adult and much more confident and trusting) rats and watched the guy at the shelter just,,, Grab them out of their cage. mind blown.

another treat u could try is ferret malt paste, I think I ordered mine off of chewy.com. I used this for my girl Soup that I adopted last summer who was being abused by her former cagemates and was pretty frightful. It's good bc u can just squeeze it from the tube and they have to stand there and eat it, they can't just run away with it. good for coaxing them out of their hiding places.

I would also be pretty careful with making sudden movements in front of their faces with ur fingers, especially since they're ablino. I've had pink and red eyed girls who could totally see way better than others, so this could vary, but I definintely got bit pretty bad a few times by lady Wanda until i learned my lesson of BE CAREFUL bc all she could see was sudden movement and possible threat. On the other hand, I have no fear of this with my lady Laika rn, and shes been my only true albino, every other red eyed girl ive had has had at least some other color in their coat. Look for the head swaying they do to try and see better; Wanda, Soup, and Sandwiches all did/do this, but Laika does not.

LOL this is really long winded and very story telling but the main takeaways are be paitent, be understanding, be confident, be gentle, and be careful of your fingies. you may not to get lots of playtime with them at first (esp if theyre nervous and it'd be more dangerous to freeroam in case they make a break for it and theyre not comfortable with u trying to catch them) but it's totally worth putting in the time to slowly earn their trust. My first two babies turned into my best friends and I really think of earning their love and trust as one of my best accomplishments.

totally lemme know if u have more questions or anything, im definitely not an expert and ive only been keeping rats for about three years, but i'd be happy to help if I can! one of my most helpful sources has been emiology on youtube, she has a lot of rat knowlege and has inspired me with lots of fun ideas for my ladies :) Good luck, send rat pics when u get them ! :D

#ask

[hikari-ni-naritai]

PRIME NUMBSERS

yknow i really oughta be packing for my trip and getting my affairs in order but here i am, answering the prime fucking numbers. anyway

2. lighter or matches?

absolutely cannot beat the smell of matches. my answer would change if i smoked but i only use these to light candles or fires. so matches.

3. do you leave the window open at night?

nah

5. what color are your eyes?

gray!

7. done already!

11. favorite extracurricular activity?

i havent done a curricular activity in years. everything is extracurricular. right now i gotta be honest my #1 thing is daydreaming about my future campaign.

13. when was the last time you ate?

had some chocolates while we were playing monster hunter a few minutes ago

17. are you farsighted or nearsighted?

extremely very nearsighted

19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

sure if you asked. it would not be very good but id do it.

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

dont come for me kristine. i swear to god. anyway i dont like it bc its very physically painful.

29. how do you like your shower water?

so hot i get rashes

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

grounded.... i think the answer to this is relient k's Forget And Not Slow Down album. its the thing i listen to when im going through a hard time. specifically its very good for breakups but works for any sort of emotional turmoil really. its an album about endings and moving on while still cherishing the experiences you had. very important to emily

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

i think like. maybe 3? not that theyve been in my life for the whole time, its usually off-and-on over that sort of timespan, but ive got some friends ive known that long. if this is asking for a specific person, ive known my friend cal for a long time, since the fuckin. homestuck rp forum days. good times. he sends me pictures of his cats.

41. how do you take your coffee?

i generally dont

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

the 11th commandment holds strong. put a little hot sauce on that bad boy.

47. what was the last message you sent?

"you did indeed"