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#gateway to embarassing myself
coulthardie · 8 months
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I really want to make more tumblr moots, so reblog with your faves please. Or reblog if we have the same faves!
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pikkori · 1 year
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bipolar/psychosis talk ///
I was dealing with high functioning psychosis earlier this year and the gateway to it was astrology and tiktok. since that experience, i can no longer allow myself into spiritual spaces because 9 times out of 10, i will fall into the rabbit hole and find a community where they are also exhibiting symptoms of psychosis through a feedback loop. I ended up getting lured into cult-like thinking by the end of it.
spiritualism and bipolar are probably one of the riskiest combinations. Sure, choose whatever belief system makes you comfortable, its none of my business, but bipolar individuals should tread carefully online when it comes to spiritualism. I was nothing like this before I got exposed to online astrology spaces. You may be the most rational least gullible person on earth, but mania is not immune to it. I've been having psychotic symptoms since I was a child. But when I hit my mid 20s, my grip got weaker and weaker. I am fully lucid now, but I don't believe in astrology or occult any longer. And if you knew me personally during that phase, and were concerned, I am sorry for that. I am still extremely embarassed by it. Examples to be careful with if you are susceptible: Numerology, Affirmations, Mantras, Manifestation, the universe is a simulation, Shifting etc etc those are quick fucking gateways into losing your ground, so please please be careful if you feel these may apply to you.
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By what logic makes learning a new language culturally insensitive??
bestie i WISH i knew, it makes absolutely no sense :’)))
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emjee · 3 years
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MG has read...a lot of TOG fanfic this autumn: a rec list
Hey y’all, @morallygreywaren asked if I’ve done a fic rec list yet, and I think I’ve done bits and pieces but not a full list. Fortunately, I just put one together for a friend who watched the film for the first time on Sunday, so I’ve got something close at hand! I’m keeping the category divisions I used for my friend, because I like them. I’m gonna star the E rated stuff for your avoidance/exact opposite of avoidance needs. Off we go!
Joe and Nicky (historical)
Ars Poetica by superblackmarket. Actually read everything by superblackmarket, they’re amazing. (*)
The Other Matter by survivah. Sometimes I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling thinking about this fic. If you like your Joe/Nicky get-together stories with a tall glass of pining/idiots to lovers, run don’t walk.
Salt and Harvest by @hollybennett123. Joe and Nicky + bread through the ages. Literally what more could you want.
for all hearts torn by stonecarved (figure8) (@lgbtmazight on tumblr). Joe and Nicky + pilgrimage. Len is one of the greatest gifts this fandom has.
The Gold of Your Body by @azephirin. This contains the tag “Catholicism as a gateway drug to BDSM” and it is. Incredible. (*)
The Subtle Approach by survivah. The great thing about this fandom is that your Regency AU doesn’t actually need to be an AU.
The Profession of my Fingers by mellyflori (@werebearbearbar on tumblr). 5+1, Nicky’s Hands In Joe’s Curls Throughout The Centuries (*)
Joe and Nicky (modern)
My heart as green as weeds by KatStratford (@katrinastratford on tumblr). In which they have to peace out to Scandinavia for Lying Low purposes and Joe Does Not Vibe with how cold it is. It’s a huge quarantine mood. (*)
While we’re young by hyb (@h-yb on tumblr). *pinches bridge of nose* listen they are IN LOVE
Stop, listen, feel, believe by Tam_Cranver. This is my favorite fic set almost immediately post-film. Hot as hell. Emotional intelligence off the FUCKING charts. (*)
Joe and Nicky + Nile + being immortal family
Three Immortals and a Puppy Walk Into a Bar by survivah. What it says on the tin, a fucking delight
A nice story and The art of remembrance by @sixth-light. Joe, Nicky, Nile, and discussions of war crimes.
Straight up Joe/Nicky smut, you are WELCOME (these are all E)
Taking instruction by @sixth-light. feat. light dom/sub, in a really sweet way.
Literally everything @bakedapplesauce has ever written, special shoutouts to:
The present is nothing but an interruption of the past 
Hora somni
There is no “I” in “team” (but there is one in “vibrator”) 
You want some Joe/Nicky AUs? I got you
Explaining is Losing by @sixth-light. Academic nemeses to lovers. I have read this fic an EMBARASSING number of times.
Good Enough to be True by @sixth-light. Modern AU, super soft fluff/healing where Joe’s gotten out of a terrible relationship and Nicky’s the first guy he’s dated since
sine qua non by mellyflori (@werebearbearbar). Modern AU friends to lovers with all the trimmings. (*)
Extremely niche genre of Nicky Bitches About The New English Mass Translation:
third for a word and the song keeps going by Macremae
INAIED gets its own heading
If Never Again, If Every Day by @gallifreyburning and @takiki16 is the light of my Thursdays. 2021 Nicky ends up back in 1099, 1099 Nicolo ends up in 2021, we all lose our minds over the emotions that ensue. Someone once described the 1099 plot of this fic as “Yusuf: I truly hate this and I’m annoyed that killing you doesn’t work. Nicky: You want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” I think about that description every fucking day.
Book of Nile (I know one of the rules of this ship is that you have to say you hate it here and were forced to ship it against your will but LISTEN these fics are so good that I can’t bring myself to hate it here at all)
The Last Man on Earth by survivah. Five times Booker and Nile find themselves in a romance novel trope. Delicious.
son rêve d’opaline by stonecarved (figure8) (@lgbtmazight​). Sleepy. Sexy. I’m obsessed. (*)
everywhere on earth you go (you’re gonna have me)  by nondz (pinkjook). There is a swing dancing scene in this one that I lost my fucking mind over. (*)
This is by no means comprehensive, and I encourage you to check out all the fics of all the authors mentioned here. I’m having a great time reading in this fandom.
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psykeres · 3 years
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realtor
'Okay, so, thanks again for having this call with me, Mister Eaton,' I said to the laptop pushed back on the papers on my desk, trying gamely to make eye contact with the unblinking camera lens. 'I'm glad you decided to work with us to find your new home. House-hunting in the Pandemic is wild, right?'
I was speaking to my own image pantomiming me in the call's video window, the only evidence that I wasn't talking to myself a bright red letter E in the list of participants. Chris Eaton, I rehearsed silently, single, mid thirties, and currently having camera issues. Maybe not so technically inclined - we could deprioritize IT infrastructure.
The voice coming back through my headset was bright and friendly enough, like he was trying to put me at ease. 'You're right about that,' my newest customer opined, 'Nobody is holding open houses anymore and I don't see the point in just driving around neighborhoods window-shopping. Besides, I gotta tell you the last year has really changed my priorities for the new place... with everything, you know?' Nothing to do with that  but smile and nod understandingly, like I knew exactly what he was talking about.
'I know exactly what you mean, Chris!' Time to build some rapport and get the process rolling. 'A lot has changed all right. So what are you interested in looking for now?'
'Well, I'm sick and tired of HOAs and, you know, neighbors all over the place. I've been thinking a lot about getting out of suburbia and maybe finding somewhere with a little more space, where nobody minds if I don't mow the lawn for a little while. Maybe back in the woods a little bit.'
I was already reviewing listings in a few more rural parts of the county, glancing sidelong at the second monitor plugged into my laptop's matte black dock. He is a cottagecore sort of guy, I thought with what I hoped was a healthy level of smugness. Easy. And then Eaton through the earbuds, reminding me I'd forgotten to fill the silence with some apt bit of script: 'Also, there was one other thing I was hoping for. I understand it might be hard to find, but I'd like a property with a well.'
'The good news is that might not be so rare, Chris! On a lot of the more rustic properties I'd like to show you, well water is all you'll find. Worried about the taste of city water?' This came out more or less automatically, so I found myself unprepared for the follow-up.
'No no,' Eaton interjected hastily, firmly. 'I mean that's fine of course, I grew up drinking well water. But I mean I want a well. Stone circle, hole in the middle, water at the bottom. You know. The deeper the better.'
You fucking what? I didn't have a response for this, or it wasn't coming quickly. I guess I've been having it too easy at work lately, 2021 needs to make it interesting. 'O-okay, I get it.' You don't get it, fine. Make this normal so he doesn't get embarassed. 'That sounds really picturesque, doesn't it? But you should know the State usually requires landowners to decommission those old ones or seal them up. They're a hazard.' Please don't make me call forty owners asking about obsolete holes they won't admit to having.
Eaton's voice swelling in my ears again, now in a rolling cadence he hadn't used before. It was like he was performing. 'Don't worry, Kelly, I've looked into it a little bit. And the State only requires that for abandoned ones. The one I need, uh, it won't be. And I'm totally fine buying a property as-is, right? So they don't need to worry about fixing it.'
Fine. Get him onboard and he'll like one of these places, well or no well. I hoped I hadn't made a face while he was talking, there was no way he'd miss it with the laptop's eye on me. 'Sure thing, that will definitely help. Let's have another call this week after I line up a few places to view. Is there anything else I should keep my eyes open for?'
'I think you've got it, Kelly. Just a place on some acreage, with some trees and a well. The deeper the better, remember!' He said it lightly, no big deal, but I could hear some weight behind the words. God, he was serious. If only there was a bar for realtors somewhere maybe I could tell this later like some kind of war story. Instead it was just going to be stupid and awful. But Eaton was saying something else, so low I'd almost missed it. 
'Deep enough for her to hear me...'
'What's that, Chris?’
'Never mind. I was just talking to myself,' came back the brusque reply.
Fuck that. I decided I had missed it, and if I hadn't I still wasn't a therapist. Eaton could talk to himself in greater comfort offline, and I needed to get some coffee and get to work, in that order. We said our goodbyes and agreed to talk again on Friday. I undocked my laptop and stuffed it in its bag, snatched my off its spot on the desk and worked the strings over my ears. The bright blue and maroon logo proclaiming "Your Gateway to Arkham!" I left facing in; I wasn't on the job yet.
At the door I stop to check pockets for my full panoply: wallet, keys, phone. The hated but comforting bulk of a pack of cigarettes and its attendant lighter. I turn the key, I turn toward the drive, I think:
The deeper the better. Why was that? Better, maybe, not to know.
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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years
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Gateway Drug | Part Twenty-Eight
Table of Content or Part Twenty-Seven
Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC
Word Count: 2.1k
Warning(s): Language, Hints at drug abuse
Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED
-------------------------------------------------------
Once we get on the road, I glance over at Nikki before reaching for his free hand, lacing my fingers through his.
I notice him side eye me before smirking to himself.
We park a block down from the Rainbow and when I get out, I regret not wearing pants.
It's not freezing by any means, but it's in the mid 60s with a little wind blowing.
A small shiver runs through me, and Nikki's locking the car and sliding his jacket off, handing it to me.
"Thank you." I say to him, putting it on and thanking God he creates as much body heat as he does because it's like a portable heater.
"Mmhmm." He replies. "I don't know why you didn't bring your jacket."
"It wouldn't have looked good with this." I state in terms of my outfit.
"You can wear anything and still look good." He tells me flatly as if it's common sense and I rub my red lips together and hook my hand around his arm.
We get into the Rainbow and step to our booth, Vince, Tommy and Mick already laughing their asses off over something, and when we get to them Tommy's practically shoving his tongue down Nikki's throat.
"Sixxter!" He tipsily exclaims, putting his arm over Nikki's shoulders and kissing his cheek. "Fuckin' missed you, man." He tells him and Nikki chuckles as I slide in beside him, taking his jacket off of me.
There's lingering groupies as always, although there's more of them now than before the guys had a decent amount of fame.
I feel skin rub against my leg, which confirms there's a girl under the table giving someone a blow job and I roll my eyes.
Nikki orders a beer, I get a Pepsi, and a brunette groupie that's got her eyes on Nikki gets a high dose of audacity and utilizes it.
"Can I have a sip of that?" She asks Nikki when he gets his beer and I raise my brows, turning to glare at her, and then him, when he looks me in the eye, smirks, and hands her the beer.
The guys are completely silent, studying me to gauge my reaction and I roll my jaw.
"Down Kitty." Vince jokes as the girl hands Nikki's bottle back, making sure to make a show of wiping the drop of beer left on her bottom lip with her manicured fingers, not looking away from him.
"Thanks." She says, glancing at me as if to brag, and I ignore her and look straight ahead, not giving her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of me...I'll handle Devil Spawn when we get home.
I just get up, mumbling that I'm going to the bathroom.
"Baby, c'mon, it was a joke." Nikki chuckles out.
"Lick my clit." I snap at him, not giving him a second glance before stepping to the bathroom, hearing Vince and Tommy "Ohh" and "Damn" at my harsh response to him.
I get in the bathroom, tears lining my eyes, and see a mass of fluffy blonde hair standing at the mirror beside the one I end up standing in front of.
First glance, I think it's a woman...Second glance, maybe?
I take a third look, realizing it's a man touching up his foundation and I mind my own business and stop my mascara from running by grabbing a paper towel out of the dispenser quick enough to catch the pair of tears trying to leak out of my eyes.
Something falls into the sink infront of me and I furrow my brows and look down, seeing a tube of mascara.
I look at the only one that it could belong to and pick the tube back up, handing it out to him.
"You can use some when you get done crying your's off." He tells me calmly, his accent a dead give away that he's certainly not from around here, continuing to touch up his own makeup.
I go to argue but he cuts me short.
"It's mascara, not a used needle."
He's got a point and I can't help but smile a little at his response, continuing to dab at my eyes with the papertowel, drying my tears.
"I have to use the girl's room because I get in to fights any time a guy walks in and I'm putting on makeup." He explains to me. "I don't like being called a 'fag'."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me." I assure him, throwing the paper towel away. "And if being a 'fag' means you wear more makeup than most women but still have chicks throwing themselves at you, then so be it."
I reapply my mascara and hand it back to him, saying an appreciative "thanks" just as the bathroom door bursts open.
"Babe, c'mon, you gotta come meet this dude, you're gonna fuckin' freak." Nikki tells me, his hand wrapping around my wrist.
"What? Who?" I furrow my brows.
"Razzle."
"Who's that-"
"Hanoi Rocks' drummer?" He reminds me. "They're touring here and we just met him, like, right after you left and..." Nikki trails off, noticing the blonde dude in the bathroom with us.
"By all means, go on." He nods to Nikki with a proud smile on his face that completely frames his high cheek bones and wide, blue eyes.
I found out in that moment I had shared eyelash germs with the one and only Michael Monroe, lead singer of Hanoi Rocks.
I'd heard their music through Nikki and  Tommy, and Duff really dug them, too.
I remember thinking Mike was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Like Axl Rose, he looked like a really gorgeous woman at certain angles, and I hated them for it because they really didn't know how freaking flawless they looked.
Michael didn't just have an abnormally beautiful exterior, his spirit, heart, and soul, were just as phenomenal and that made a lasting impact on me so much so that I named one of my children after him.
I discovered the kind of person he was in December of 1984 when tradgedy struck Hanoi Rocks and Mötley Crüe and he and his bandmate Andy McCoy stayed with me and Nikki for a little bit.
I'll get into all that soon.
I step out of the bathroom after Nikki and Michael talk a bit and exchange numbers, and Nikki guides me to our table and I hear a thick british accent before I can see Razzle that well.
He's got on a top hat with a red scarf tied around it, his sunglasses resting on the rim of it, a polkadotted tie is around his neck and he's wearing a dark red velvet overcoat.
His eyes are lined with black liner and he's showing off a mouthful of teeth with his contagious smile.
"Razz, man, this is Viv." Nikki introduces me.
"This your missus?" He asks him in disbelief, and I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing he's asking it that way. "Oh, she's beautiful, Nikki...what the bloody hell is she doin' with you?" He chuckles at his own joke and the guys join in while Nikki laughs it off with them.
"Nah, the real star is Tansy." Vince informs him as Nikki and I sit down.
"Who?" Razzle asks and Vince and Tommy look completely offended before Vince is pulling his wallet out and grabbing a piece of paper out of it.
Once he unfolds it, it's an entire page torn out of an issue of Playboy, and I'm assuming Tansy is somewhere on it because he points to something to show Razzle and the drummer's mouth drops open and his eyes get wide.
"I definitely want to meet her." He comments and I reach across the table and snatch the paper from Vince and crumple it up.
"Viv!" He whines at me, trying to reach for it over the table and I shove it in my bra and raise my brows at him. "That just makes me wanna get it even more." He informs me.
"If you want me to castrate you with my nails, you'll reach down my shirt." I promise and him, Nikki, Tommy, Mick, and Razzle wince at the thought.
"That's fine. I'll get all I want when our girl's December issue comes out." Vince smirks, winking at me and I roll my eyes.
"Swine." I insult him.
"Prude." He shoots back before his face gets suddenly really smug as if he remembers something. "Actually..." He fumbles with his wallet again before pulling out a polaroid. "...I suppose I should stop calling you that."
He waves it, Razzle and Mick looking over his shoulder at it.
"Woah." Razzle mumbles.
"Don't be a fucking dick, Vince." Mick scolds him as Vince turns the picture for me to see.
It's me, wearing nothing but a pair of heels, on our mattress at home with my legs spread wide open, touching myself with my back arched, eyes closed, and lips parted in ecstasy.
I feel Nikki tense up beside me as embarassment and humiliation floods through me.
My face is burning red and I'm rendered speechless, glaring at Nikki, who's snatching it away from Vince.
"Where the fuck did you get this?!" He barks at him.
"The fuck are you talking about, Nikki, you fucking gave it to me." Vince argues.
"When?!"
"You were fucked up and gave one to me and one to Robbin." He adds and I snap my attention to my husband.
"You were just passing out our pictures?! What's next, making copies of our tape and tossing them into the audience at shows?!"
"You have a sex tape?!" Tommy suddenly pipes but it goes unacknowledged.
"Fucking bullshit, I've never been that fucked up where I'd willingly give you pictures of her like this!" Nikki throws at Vince.
Vince looks at him pointedly, his index finger hitting over the vein in the crook of his arm as if it were a needle and Nikki realizes he did indeed give him the picture, he just doesn't remember, because he was stoned out of his mind on smack.
If Razzle wouldn't have been Razzle, we would've scared him away and he never would've wanted to hangout with us again.
But he kept quiet and never once brought it up.
It's safe to say the Sixxes leave notorious first impressions.
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goodadultsdont · 5 years
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Good adults know how to hold their liquour
I know most of us feel guilty after a weekend of heavy drinking and partying. I also know that today, with all my monday blues, I’ve been very seriously considering giving up drinking for good. It’s not about how hungover I might be but about the effect alcohol is starting to have in my life. I’ve been drinking since I was 16. I’ll be turning 27 in a few days. 
My parents would be absolutely terrified to hear this from me, but where I grew up, teenage drinking is completely normal. Those who don’t drink are the odd ones out. Furthermore, the every weekend plan is to go out to bars or clubs and get trashed. The only positive thing about this type of environment is that you can actually make friends and meet interesting people. Also at times, you can really enjoy yourself, but I’m pretty sure that’s beside the alcohol and not because of it.
When I was in highschool we were made to sit through a survey in which they were trying to determine if the teenagers in my class were at risk of developing an alcohol dependency. The scary part about alcohol is that you can be both physically and emotionally addicted to it, and you can highly increase your chances of developing a physical dependency if you drink often. This survey asked students how often they drank, and it gave them four choices: 
a) Once a year b) Once every six months c) Once a month d) Once a week
I remember that at that point I regularly drank up to two times a week and that that choice wasn’t even in the survey. I at that point was unknowingly putting myself at risk of having my body depend on alcohol to function normally. Pretty scary stuff when I know come to think of it.
If you’re an adult who’s grown up in heavy drinking countries you’ll know all about how hangovers get worse with age and you’ll have experienced how your body becomes less and less apt in processing alcohol. I must admit that I rarely do things that embarass me when I’m drunk, which should be evidence of some form of self-restraint. I’ve never blacked out or thrown up in public. However, alcohol has lead me to make some poor life choices.
If any of you have heard marihuana is the gateway drug to harder substances, you’re failing to acknowledge that actually alcohol is what leads most people into all their other vices. I started smoking “socially” which is a fancy way of saying you smoke when you drink, because for some reason alcohol makes you crave cigarrettes. The first time I tried pot I was really typsy. That can also be said of extasis and molly.
This isn’t supposed to be a sad story about regret because I will admit I’ve enjoyed more parties than those I’ve regretted to go to. I guess all I’m trying to say is good adults can manage drinking without binging. Good adults know that most drinks are unnecessary and that nothing good happens after three in the morning (or very rarely so). 
Good adults also understand that alcohol is quite a powerful substance, which can lead to all sorts of negative situations in which people can get truly unpleasant, but not really be held accountable.
On a more positive note, I wish you all to have had as many wonderful parties as I’ve had. I wish you all to be free from regrets and headaches you saturday and sunday mornings. Most of all, I wish for you to realize that your best memories will probably be those outside of bars. And for me? I think it might be time for me to retire.
“ God, grant me the Courage to change the things I can.” Serenity Prayer.
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