#douglas booth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sourwolf-sterek32 · 2 months

Text

The Dirt (Your Version)

Summary: Meeting Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee was a coincidence. Being friends was a choice. But falling in love with them both was beyond your control.

A rewrite of The Dirt with all the highs and lows of Mötley Crüe from your perspective.

Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Tommy Lee x Reader, Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Trigger Warning- self-harm, language, past drug and alcohol abuse

Previous Chapter

Chapter 20- You're All I Need

Over the next few months, you and Nikki became closer than ever before.

You had opened up to him and exposed your deepest emotions and Nikki shared his own with you in response. The trauma you had both endured as children and the darkness that plagued you both as adults only pulled you closer while you learnt how to navigate the world together away from the darkness and into the light.

Nikki was sober now. No alcohol. No drugs. Nothing. He still struggled with his addiction though. The lure and temptation were always there, but he was strong. Stronger than anyone else you knew.

You both had relapsed a few times, Nikki with alcohol and you with a blade. But you were able to pull each other back up and support each other through those bad days. You spent more time at his mansion than your own house by the beach. He liked having you around and you didn't really want to go back to your empty cottage alone.

Neither of you had put a label on what your relationship actually was, but it didn't need one. He loved you and you loved him. And that was enough.

John Corabi left Mötley Crüe. It was bound to happen, and nobody was surprised. The fans wanted Vince back and the band's latest tour with Corabi was a total failure.

Not long after finding out about Corabi's departure, you received a phone call from Vince and by just simply hearing his voice which shook and sobbed a little less, you knew your brother had come out the other end.

He was out of rehab and sober. He could now look at Skylar's grave and decorate it with flowers for her birthday, and he could finally smile whenever he remembers the funny things she used to do. He was still grieving though. He always would be, but Vince was getting better.

"I'm heading to the store. Do you want anything?" You called out, slipping your boots on.

"Grab some bread, if you can!" Nikki's voice shouted from somewhere in the house followed by his laughter. "Wow, that sounded so fucking domestic."

You snorted softly, "bread it is. I'll be back soon."

Out of all the things Nikki could have asked for, he had to ask for the one thing that the grocery store was running low on. He couldn't have asked for milk or something?

Walking down the bread aisle you spotted one lone loaf sitting on the shelf and you sighed with relief before reaching out just as a tattooed hand grabbed the other side of the packaging at the same time.

You opened your mouth about to fight for a stupid loaf of bread, but your voice died in your throat when you saw who's hand it belonged to.

Tommy Lee.

"Holy shit, Y/N?"

You smiled, "hey Drummer."

Suddenly the world around you faded away and you forgot you were in a grocery store surrounded by random people as you stared at Tommy in person for the first time, in a long time.

"I'm so sorry about Skylar." Tommy quickly said, his hazel eyes saddening as he thought about the little girl that used to follow you around backstage like a shadow.

"Thanks." You replied, glancing down at the ground not knowing what else to say.

Tommy didn't say anything for a moment while he stood there biting his thumb nail. It was a nervous habit he has had ever since high school and it seemed after all these years, he never managed to kick it.

"I've missed you."

You lifted your head at his words and met his gaze as Tommy smiled softly at you.

"I've missed you too." You admitted before he held his arms out silently asking for a hug without trying to force it and you instantly stepped into his embrace before his long arms wrapped around your body tightly.

He rested his chin on top of your head as you closed your eyes, savouring this moment.

It had been too long since you had seen Tommy. You missed him. You missed hugging him.

Slowly, Tommy pulled away but rested his hands on your shoulders holding you in front of him and before you knew what was happening, his lips were meeting yours. You froze for a moment at the unexpected kiss, but was quick to kiss him back, nonetheless.

"Tommy." You whispered against his lips. "This isn't a good idea. You're married."

"I'm sorry." He sighed, pulling away resting his forehead against yours.

"Don't be."

You tilted your head up and placed one last gentle kiss to his lips before taking a step away and smiling sadly at him.

"I'll see you around, Drummer."

You turned and began to walk away.

"Y/N, wait." Tommy called out and suddenly his hand was grabbing your wrist, stopping you.

You let out a pained hiss as his fingers grasped your sleeve. The still healing cut that you had been picking and reopening for the past week suddenly flared in pain.

"Whoa, sorry. Are you okay?" He asked, instantly letting go. "Shit, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

He hadn't grabbed you hard. If it wasn't for the cut, it wouldn't have hurt at all. Tommy might be a little hot headed and easy to start fights when he was drunk at bars, but he was never violent around you. If anything, he was overly gentle, always afraid that he might hurt you by accident, despite you having to constantly reassure him all these years that you weren't some fragile piece of glass.

Although, right now, that was exactly what you felt like.

A fragile piece of glass. Glass that was already cracked and damaged, and on the verge of shattering at the slightest touch.

"You okay?"

You realised that you had taken too long to answer and quickly nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

You knew your voice didn't sound convincing, but you gave him a reassuring smile anyway. Tommy stared at you for a moment, those bright hazel eyes full of sudden worry.

"Why are you wearing a jacket? It's like 85 degrees out."

Shit.

"Uh, I've been inside most the day. Didn't realise it was so hot." You lied easily with a shrug of your shoulders.

Tommy didn't say anything for a few seconds, his eyes glancing down to your sleeves before an uneasy expression washed over him. And you knew that he had figured it out because when you were kids, he figured it out too.

Vince had gone off to the beach after school with his friends leaving you alone in the back of Tommy's van.

It had been nearly a week since you and Vince ran away from home. A week since Tommy smuggled you both into his van in the front yard without his parents knowing. And it had been less than 24 hours since you broke your promise and started to cut again.

It was a stupid mistake and you regretted it as soon as you saw the blood. Vince would be so disappointed if he ever found out. He had told you to talk to him if you ever felt like that again, but you didn't.

"Knock, knock!" Tommy's voice called out from outside the van.

You smiled softly, used to his verbal knocking whenever he came out to the van. You sat up and reached over pulling open the side door to find him standing there, his wild brown curls blowing across his face.

"Hey, hitchhiker." He smiled brightly. "I didn't see you much at school."

You only shared a couple classes with him, and you had different friend groups, but the two of you always seemed to cross paths throughout the day between classes and during lunch, but today you had just hidden behind the gym. You weren't in a very sociable mood and didn't want to be around people, especially Tommy because he would be able to tell something was wrong.

"Sorry. Had a lot of work to catch up on." You easily lied.

Tommy stared at you for a moment, his warm hazel eyes glued to yours like he was trying to figure out if you were speaking the truth before he simply nodded and pulled out a small Tupperware container out from behind his back.

"My mum baked heaps of chocolate chip cookies. Figured you and Vinnie might want some."

He held out the container of cookies towards you and your heart fluttered at his kindness.

"Thanks, Drummer." You smiled, holding your hand out to grab them but then Tommy's eyes shifted down to something.

"Hey, what's on your wrist?"

He grabbed your hand and brushed your sleeve up before you even had a chance to register what he was doing and by the time you did, it was too late.

A shocked gasp escaped his lips when he saw the self-inflicted cuts carved into your skin. The container of cookies slipped from his hand and dropped to the floor of the van as he took a step back, his hazel eyes widening in shock.

"Did you... did you do that to yourself?" He asked, unable to process what he was staring at.

You hastily pulled the sleeve back down and folded your arms across your chest so he couldn't see, but it was too late to hide it.

"Don't worry about it." You dismissed, looking away from him.

"Don't worry about it?" Tommy repeated in disbelief. "Y/N, are you... do you want to... did you try to kill yourself?"

Your head snapped back in his direction so fast you nearly gave yourself whiplash, "no!"

"Then why did you do that?"

He didn't sound judgemental or look angry. He just seemed sad and confused, which was worse.

"It's none of your business."

"If I find you dead inside my fucking van, then yeah, it is my business!" Tommy responded, his voice rising a little as he spoke before he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"That's not going to happen. I only did it because the pain... it helps." You tried to explain but Tommys brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't expect you to understand, it's okay. But if it makes you feel better, I regret doing it and it won't happen again."

He nodded and remained quiet for quite some time, but to your surprise, he didn't run off. He remained standing by the side of the van watching you carefully.

"Did you treat it?"

His question caught you off guard as you blinked and glanced over at him, his eyes glued to your hidden wrist.

"What?"

"Did you treat the cuts? I don't want them to get infected."

Oh. Oh.

He was worried about it getting infected. That hadn't even occurred to you. It should have, but it didn't.

Your silence was enough of an answer.

"My parents aren't home. There's a first aid kit in the bathroom. Let's go get it cleaned up." He said, holding his hand out towards you. "C'mon."

You stared at his hand for a moment before shaking your head.

"It doesn't matter." You whispered, looking away from him. "I don't care if it gets infected."

"Well, I care."

"You shouldn't." You muttered quietly, glaring at the blanket beside you like it had personally offended you, instead of meeting Tommys eyes. "I mean, look at me. I'm fucked up-"

"You're not fucked up."

You chuckled almost hysterically and shook your head.

"I am. I know I am. I'm fucked up. I'm broken, Tommy and I-I can't be fixed. I know that. I mean who does this? And you know what the real screwed up thing actually is? I-I like it. There I said it, I like it. I like the pain and I know I need to stop, but it's the only thing that helps. The pain... the pain helps, and I don't... I don't-"

"Hey, hey, breathe. Y/N, just breathe." Tommy quickly said noticing that you were working yourself up into a panic and you realised that you were in fact not breathing.

You couldn't breathe.

Shit, you couldn't fucking breathe.

"It's okay, just breathe. Deep breath in, come on. Breathe in, one... two... three. Breathe out, one... two, three. Good. Good. And again." Tommy coached climbing inside the van and sitting beside you.

His hand grasped your shoulder gently as he sucked in deep deliberate breaths for you to copy.

You stared at his necklace, focusing on the silver chain like a lifeline while you mimicked his breathing. Tommy continued to coach you verbally, your eyes glued to the chain trying to focus and after a few minutes your breathing slowly started to even out. You looked away from the necklace, your eyes locking with his beautiful hazel ones.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry." You sighed. "You didn't- you didn't sign up for this. Just, go. I'm sorry."

You lowered your head fiddling with the loose thread on your jeans, too afraid to look at him as silent tears trickled down your cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere." Tommy replied. "You're more than just Vince's sister. I care about you, Y/N. Please, come into the house so I can clean the cuts properly. Please."

You tilted your head up and met his concerned eyes before you nodded, "okay."

"Show me." Tommy ordered still standing in the bread aisle of the grocery store as he stared at you with sad knowing eyes.

You blinked in surprise, "w-what?"

"Your arm. Show me your arm." He said again taking a step forward.

"Uh, no." You said, simultaneously taking a step back. "Why?"

Tommy sighed, "you know why. Show me your arm."

You held his gaze as he raised his eyebrows at you impatiently because he knew exactly what you were trying to hide beneath the sleeve.

"Fine." You sighed, lifting the sleeve of your right arm that you knew was bare. "Happy now? I gotta go."

"Your other arm." He quickly said before you could walk off. "Show me your other arm."

You opened your mouth to respond but then an elderly couple walked down the aisle and came to a stop beside you while they stared at the limited selection of food on the shelves. You closed your mouth quickly not wanting other people to overhear this conversation and Tommy seemed to catch on because he remained silent too.

Tommy held your gaze, his eyes filled with so many emotions it was hard to decipher any of them before his eyes flicked over to the elderly couple that had finally chosen their wholemeal wraps and were walking away.

"How many times?" Tommy asked once they were out of earshot because he didn't need to see the evidence to know what you were refusing to show him.

You sighed, "too many."

Tommy lowered his head grabbing hold of the shelf beside him as he sucked in a deep breath before meeting your gaze once again and you were taken back when you saw tears shining in his eyes.

"Look, I-I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but don't do this to yourself. Please."

"Tommy-" You tried to say, but he kept talking.

"I was so scared when we were kids. Even after you and Vince moved out the van, I worried about you. I didn't want to lose you back then and I can't lose you now."

"You're not going to lose me." You insisted.

His eyes shifted down to your arms folded across your chest hiding the cuts, "you sure about that?"

"If you asked me that a few months ago, my answer would have been no." You admitted causing Tommy's eyes to sadden. "I... I wasn't okay. I... maybe I'm still not okay, but I'm getting better. I'm trying to get better, and Nikki is helping me."

A look of relief washed over him at your words.

"Sixx mentioned that he was in contact with you again." Tommy replied smiling softly. "I'm glad that he's helping. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you-"

"Tommy, don't." You shook your head at him. "I left. And you have a wife. You have your own life to deal with. I'm okay."

He tilted his head with a sad smile, "but you're not okay."

You took in a deep breath and nodded.

"But I will be."

Those big hazel eyes softened as he stared at you before you leant forward and placed a gentle kiss against his cheek.

"I should go." You whispered, stepping back giving him a small smile. "It was nice seeing you again, Tommy."

You turned and began to walk away before he called out your name.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?" You said, turning back around just as he tossed you the loaf of bread.

You caught the bread with one hand and Tommy gave you a friendly smile as you nodded your thanks before walking away.

A few days later you were sitting on Nikki's bed strumming away at his acoustic guitar to the tune of Home Sweet Home when he walked into the bedroom and tossed a magazine down on to the blanket in front of you.

You stopped playing the guitar and looked down at the magazine in confusion until you saw the picture that was covering the front page.

It was you and Tommy kissing at the grocery store with the title: 'Tommy Lee Steps Out On Heather With Y/N Neil'

Your stomach dropped.

Fuck.

You and Nikki hadn't put a label on whatever it was that the two of you had going on. So, you had absolutely no idea how he was going to react. But as you looked away from the magazine to gauge his reaction, you found the bassist smiling softly.

"You still love him, don't you?" He asked, but it was clear he already knew the answer.

You had known Tommy for a long time. The two of you were never close in high school, but when Vince had shown up on his doorstep with you injured in the car and asked for a place to stay, Tommy never hesitated.

He had been there for you from the very start. To sleeping in his van, to looking after you whenever you had migraines, to ditching his honeymoon to be there for you during the miscarriage and everything in between.

"I do. I love him." You admitted, staring back down at the magazine. "I'm sorry."

Nikki walked over taking the guitar from your lap and resting it against the wall before he stood beside the bed and gently pulled your body into his stomach wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You reached up and wrapped your arms around his midsection leaning against his side as he bent down and placed a kiss to the top of your head.

"It's okay to love two people at the same time." He whispered stroking your hair gently. "It's not like Tommy and I haven't shared you before."

"Wait, but-"

You pulled away as Nikki released you and you looked up to find the bassist smirking happily.

"I want to get the band back together."

Holy shit.

Really?

He sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for your hand lacing your fingers together.

"For so long, I thought it was about... what did you used to call us? The Terror Twins?" Nikki began to say, and you smiled with a small nod. "Tommy and I... we thought it was about us for so long. We forgot that we were a team, and Vince was the quarterback. We forgot what made us Mötley Crüe: the chance collision of four very different, very flawed, and very difficult personalities and the girl that kept us together."

"Nikki-"

"I haven't given up on Mötley Crüe." He stated, squeezing your hand. "Can you help me?"

You grinned, "hell yes."

Next Chapter

MASTERLIST pinned to profile

If anyone wants to be tagged just let me know

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #motley crue #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x reader #tommy lee x reader #tommy lee fanfic #motley crue x reader #motley crue fanfiction #vince neil #mick mars #the dirt #pov #douglas booth #mgk

96 notes · View notes