#genuinely this year i'm gonna try to undo the fact that i just go with whatever even if if makes me uncomfortable bc just

[motheatenscarf]

Alright, jokes about my own predictability and the flat circle that is time aside, here are my thoughts about this last stretch of Shadowbringers.

I've been informed that these ancient beings have been dubbed "ween woons" by the fandom and I... genuinely, unironically, wholeheartedly love it. I'd just been calling them the Mr. Burns Aliens, but no, they're ween woons. They go ween woon with their creepy lanky swaying and they say ween woon with their haunting vocalizations.

It's pokemon rules, THAT'S a ween woon

In fact, that particular ween woon, uhhhhhh, is a.) self aware and b.) recognized my character.

I'd already figured out that Ardbert was likely your character's reflection here in the First, you both being shards of the same soul. Fits in with my theory that the echo in Warriors of Light is just, like, people who swore themselves to Hydalen the way Ascians did to Zodiark. Also, Ardbert looks identical to John Final Fantasy from all the cinematics and shit (which I did finally watch, to no one's surprise, I like the Heavensward one best), so yeah, that helped solidify that theory. Nice to have it confirmed.

This ween woon called Talia his "new old friend," and also described themself as "close friends" with Emet Selch, and Emet then ALSO recognized Talia once Ardbert did the fusion-ha dance to help stabilize her, with a "No... it CAN'T be," kind of shock to the recognition. So that's got some potential to be juicy "We were friends in another life" drama, peel it and feed it to me like GRAPES, I love it. ESPECIALLY if my theory is correct and that your old soul was one of the ancients who disagreed with the plan to sacrifice 3/4 of the population to Zodiark.

Also, yeah, it makes sense that the Ascians' plans will be to sacrifice everyone who survives 6 more fucking Calamities and trade that life to restore the ancients they lost. Otherwise, there would be people like Zaris, who think that they should go along with the Ascian's plans and allow the rejoinings to occur to become stronger themselves.

I also love the implication that their calamity, their "Final Days" was uh, just their own power to manifest their thoughts into reality turned foul. They didn't seem to have much reverence for individuality, to the point they wear cloaks and masks and share everything with everyone, spending days at a time discussing topics. They're beings of thought, not action. So if one of them, god forbid, has depression, and starts Thinking The Morbid Thoughts as any being with awareness is prone to do, that's gonna spread like... well, fire.

It is VERY interesting to me that Emet was earnest in his assertions that he wanted to see what would happen with the Scions and the WoL in particular because he is, I think, just looking to REST. He's lived "a thousand-thousand lives" and continually found humanity (for want of a better word) wanting. He does not feel like he can entrust the world and whatever disaster befell it to the hands of beings so flawed and myopic. That's why he needs the Exarch to go back in time and try to undo this MESS that is the world's shattering, because he doesn't think anyone but his people are up to the task of securing their legacy, of protecting the world. The people whom he mourns so freshly after what must be tens of thousands of years that he creates a city of shades just to feel the hollow familiarity of it. He straight up asks, "You think yourselves our equals? You think yourselves worthy to be stewards of this star? You think if you were threatened with a crisis like THIS that half your people would gladly sacrifice themselves to save the other?"

I'm really hoping it all comes back to Alphinaud's revelation back in Heavensward; no cause is ever worth sacrificing the people we love. We fight to SAVE them. Maybe we fail, maybe we lose, but at no point along the journey does forsaking the person beside you become an acceptable path forward. The good of the whole is worth nothing if it does not still value and treasure the good of the one. That's the mission statement. That's the thesis.

#Caitlin Plays FF14 #FF14 spoilers #Eschatalia Solanum

[rabbithaver]

uh. whoops. idk if this qualifies as a vent post or if it's just me being introspective but either way, it kinda got away from me so now i'm putting it beneath a read more.

usually, when it comes to strangers, i am pretty good at not giving a shit about whether or not i am annoying. it isn't something that bothers me as much as it used to.

what really gets me is feeling like i'm annoying to everyone i know personally. like eventually one day everyone in my life is gonna realize, "oh rabbit is actually really irritating, frustrating, and stupid" and leave. and i cant even deal with this anxiety by being like "that's ridiculous, it'll never happen" because. it has happened. many many many many times. it's happened dozens of times throughout my entire life, in fact, and it has permanently fucked with my ability to form bonds and relationships

so many of my interactions with people now involve me mentally wondering if that interaction will be the final straw, the thing that makes the other person realize, "why do i bother, again?"

because there is nothing about me that someone else doesn't already do better. someone out there is nicer. someone out there is funnier. someone out there is a better artist or writer. someone out there is better at socializing. someone out there has far less emotional baggage than i do.

someone else will always be better than me at everything i am good at and at that point it's like... why even keep me around? i'm not worth the trouble. i'm not worth the annoyance. there is genuinely nothing special or unique about me; people can always get what they come to me for somewhere else that's far less frustrating and pathetic.

so many people have either left or hurt me or both that it colors every conversation i have and every social action i take. it leads to me pushing people away or clinging too hard. it leads to me predicting based on past toxic interactions that something bad will happen in an otherwise healthy friendship. it leads to me misinterpreting signals in the worst way because i want to be prepared for things going wrong.

because they always, always go wrong. and in an effort to deal with that, i became a massive people-pleaser.

i struggle to deal with simple, casual differences of opinion because i am so used to people using those disagreements as a blunt weapon. i am so used to having someone decide i wasn't "normal enough" to be their friend. i am so used to having someone screenshot all our private conversations to use them as "callout post material" later. i lived with these things throughout my entire teenage existence and now i don't know what a healthy friendship looks like. i don't know how to turn off the paranoia. i should be able to, but i don't.

and because of these things i walk on eggshells a lot. i get cagey and weird when there's differing opinions. and it's really really hard for me to take it at face value when people say "no, i'm not mad at you" because in the past, i've had people say that and then turn around and use the thing they actually were mad about as proof that i'm actually a bad person.

and like... i am actually a bad person. in the long run, anyway. when i was active in leftbook, i was really shitty to a lot of people who really didn't deserve it. i participated in a culture of cliques, ostracism, call-outs over minor discourse, and just... it was bad. i was a really horrifically bad person who said some really horrifically bad things to other people in the name of "activism" and being a "good leftist." i was dealing with my trauma by harming other people. i was lashing out at others even when they were trying to help me. i was deeply, deeply fucking toxic.

and as much as i've tried to mellow out over the years since, i'm still that same person. it was still me who did those things. i wouldn't do any of those things now, and if i could, i would undo them in a second, but that doesn't change the fact that there are people who are worse off because of my actions and because of the culture i participated in.

i've been trying to make the trip from "malicious and spiteful asshole" to "socially inept but otherwise friendly rando." it's harder than you'd think when the trauma that caused that negative shift in the first place is still very real.

#rabbit.txt #well! that was certainly a Poast!

[free--therapy]

It's anon!

Thank you so much for answering! I feel like these days, whenever I read your responses it makes me cry almost always....is that weird? I keep thinking if something's wrong with me for crying over it so easily? Do I have a victim complex or something?

Lol I saw someone post about this and now I'm wondering if I subconsciously play the victim card too? Have you ever thought that I seem to have a victim complex or something?

Also, thank you SO MUCH for saying that just because my mind thinks it's back again to the same place doesn't mean I never healed. I was so worried over this....my mind was constantly like, "But now your state of mind is more closer to how it was in 2021 compared to how it was this time last year. So doesn't that mean you're more closer to that period of your life again?"

Or I keep thinking if I was just avoiding or ignoring the problem for the last year and a half but didn't actually heal? But as you said, if I was able to slowly and gradually leaves all the overthinking behind and if the worrying and anxiety wasn't even much of a part of my life in these last year and a half, then in that period I did heal after all.

Now I keep telling myself, no matter what my mind tries to make me believe, even if it tries to convince that the whole "healed" period was just me not focusing on my thoughts because I had things to keep me busy....I know my mind is just trying convince me of the worse.

I know I'll never go back to being the same as I was in that period of lockdown and I can be rest assured in that. Even if the last few months, my mental health might be worse that it has been the last year and a half, it still doesn't undo whatever I learned in that whole period. I know I did at least learn some few ways to combat these negative thoughts at the very least. In fact, I know I definitely was healing and definitely had moved on.

So this setback doesn't undo any progress nor does it mean that I'm back to being the same as I was in that lockdown period. I'm gonna remind myself of that as many times as I need to tbh.

There may be certain new aspects to the same old worries that are now coming up or even the same thoughts that stopped affecting me might suddenly affect me again...it can happen. But that doesn't mean I'm back to how I was back then again, does it? Even if the same old worries start bothering me again, it still doesn't change the fact that I did move on and still am moving on, right?

I mean, just the fact that I'm taking it overall better than I did back then is a proof of that right? Because while same old thoughts might make me feel anxious or overthink again, still...this time around, I am able to balance myself comparatively better or handle it at least somewhat better overall. So I know that it might not seem that way and my mind might make me believe otherwise but I know I did move on and I know I still am.

Also, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience/thoughts too! It means a lot to me and helps me a lot too 💖

As you said, I do fear being judged a lot. I've always been a people pleaser or sort of always try to make a positive impression of myself on others....or even impress others so to speak.

A lot of it also has to do with me being brought up being called things like "smart" or "studious" and such. I also wanted to be better than others in a sense....or rather, different. I guess that's why I ended up getting into anime/manga at a young age because no one around me used to consume that stuff back then and that was kinda bougie of me tbh. But I did end up genuinely loving that medium of art and storytelling which is how that ended up sticking to me. A lot of my self worth ended up being dictated by my academics or how impressive and different I seemed to others which is how I ended up internalizing that behaviour lol

So yes, I just have a need to feel loved or be accepted and I do fear rejection. Also, I just have this fear that I "won't belong" in communities that I want to belong in or communities I like. And before the overthinking started, I never stopped to think if I "belong" in a community or if I "deserved" to be a part of a community. I thought it was a given that anyone belonged in any community they related to and their mistakes, personality, likes or anything else didn't really change that fact.

But after being exposed to so many people judging others and cancelling others online, my overthinking kinda shifted to that. I started wondering things I never did before. Like "does the fact that I read that or liked that content mean I don't belong in this community?" Or "if I don't mind me or anyone else reading that sort of manga then does that mean I don't deserve to be part of this community where so many people seem to hate people who like it?"

I don't read that sort of manga anymore but for me, it's mostly because I don't want my anxiety triggered because of it. Like I don't want all the overthinking and thoughts to plague my mind more than they already do, that's my reasoning. But morally speaking, as much as I do agree that it's weird but I don't find myself judging people who read it. Or even the idea of me reading it again doesn't disgust me since I don't see it as a very wrong thing as long as it's not taken seriously of course. I won't read though because I don't want to give my anxiety any more reasons to bother but does that reasoning make me weird? Is it weird that I don't really think of it as seriously wrong or something? Idk I just think....it's just a manga so whatever doesn't matter if you're not seriously reading it or something

I don't know how to explain it but like....when I read or watch something I'm genuinely invested in, I emotionally connected to it. Like my favourite series for example. I genuinely can't read nsfw stuff (like manga) about the characters from series I actually like if it's fan-made. In other words, I can only read it if it's canon or written by the creator/author but if there's any nsfw fan-made manga about characters from an actual series, I can't bring myself to read it because it gives me the ick. Idk why though. I think it's because I'm emotionally invested in those characters genuinely so seeing them in other settings like that makes me feel weird.

It isn't like that with those nsfw h*ntai manga which aren't based on any series. Since it's not something I genuinely care about, I can pretty much skim through anything without bringing my morals up which is how I ended up reading that stuff too without questioning it I guess.

Anyway since it's like that, I don't know how I should feel about interacting with the communities.

I can't help but wonder.....do I deserve to be part of those communities? Even when so many people seem to cancel those who read it? Even if I may not read it anymore still for the people who do, do they deserve to be cancelled? I don't think they do. After all, everyone has different views and if they're not harming anyone in real life, I don't see why anyone should dislike anyone else?....Or maybe I'm just weird.

Anyway, so is it okay if I interact with those communities without feeling guilty? Even if there are all sorts of people there and even those who hate that sort of stuff, can I still interact or "belong" in those communities regardless?

Do I deserve that? Or deserve any good words from people in those communities?

Like sometimes when someone posts a beautiful fan-art or something, I always comment things like "Beautiful" or "gorgeous" on their arts and sometimes the artists reply with nice messages. I think interacting like that is cute and if I like someone's art, I think letting them know is nice. I mean, I know I'd love it if someone said something nice about whatever I made so I'm sure they feel nice too right? And if I like their art, then it's nice to let them know isn't it?

But recently I've been wondering....if they hate content of the sort that I read/watched then would they hate knowing that someone who consumed that sort of content commented on their posts?

I might be taking this too far really but still I can't help but overthink....if they'd rather someone like me doesn't interact with their art? I especially feel guilty if they say nice things to me in reply. But I also feel like by thinking like that, I'm just driving myself into a corner aren't I?

Aren't I thinking too much? Do I deserve their nice words? Or anyone's nice words for that matter? When someone tells me, "You're such a nice soul and you deserve all the happiness" (a friend said this to me!) Do I even deserve to hear those words?

I mean....they don't know I watched or read that content.....so they might have a "good" image of me. Maybe they wouldn't think that if they knew?

But at the same time, by thinking like that, aren't I being too harsh on myself? It's like I'm believing that I don't deserve good words from others because of such silly things....

But my mind is like "are those really just silly things? Or are you just not taking them seriously when you should be?" Lol

So I end up getting confused as to what to even think.....but I still want to believe that things like these don't take away my right to be loved by others and that those things don't make me worse than others either.

Can I still believe that I deserve all of that just as much as anyone else? Even those who have "better" morals than me? Also, I don't owe anyone any explanation or confession about me watching/reading that before interacting with them, do I?

Hey Anon,

No, I don't think it's weird. I'm either hitting the nail on the head or you just feel heard and seen, which is probably something you're not really used to when you share your worries with the people around you. I know what that feels like though, so it's a good thing lol.

Society does have the tendency to honor victims, so a lot of people tend to believe that if they play the victim in things, that's the only way people will care or listen…but some people take that to extremes. I don't think this makes you a victim though.

But that doesn't mean I'm back to how I was back then again, does it? Even if the same old worries start bothering me again, it still doesn't change the fact that I did move on and still am moving on, right?

No, I wouldn't say that that's even possible. Even if it feels familiar and like something we remember worrying about, you've learned so much since that time period that you're better equipped this time to handle it when it does come around again. No progress has been lost. Like you said, you're taking it better this time and you're even able to recognize the thought patterns is a big sign that you're progressing forward and not backward.

I won't read though because I don't want to give my anxiety any more reasons to bother but does that reasoning make me weird? Is it weird that I don't really think of it as seriously wrong or something?

No, I don't think your reasoning makes you weird. I think you shouldn't worry too much what other people think about those who find interest in the things you do. There will always be people who won't agree with you, but also there'll be people who do. You can't let the ones that disagree with you dictate what you do or don't find interest in. I understand it gets tricky when morals are involved, but I wouldn't let the opinions of others be the reason to feel convicted. If you are genuinely convicted because you feel like it doesn't fit your personal morals and values, then base it off of a decision YOU make, not others.

You deserve to be a part of any community you so choose to be a part of. The great thing about community is the fact that you'll be among like-minded people, and unfortunately there will always be people who don't like it. This is life and there's nothing 100% of the population on this earth can agree on, so don't let it keep you from wanting to people with others who like the same things as you.

I think you're definitely overthinking a little too much with how you're interacting with artists and people in the community. I'm sorry that you've been made to feel like you have to earn or deserve your existence in any space and capacity, but anon, you are alive, you are a beautiful creation of God, and you are allowed to exist and enjoy life! Even though your interests may seem so much different than people around you, you are allowed to have them, you're allowed to enjoy them, and you're allowed to show appreciation for them. You're allowed to take up space and live your life the way you want it and yes, even accept the nice things people say about you because they're true! It breaks my heart to see that life has been so cruel to you that you don't think you deserve any of the nice things it wants to bless you with, but you are so so SO incredibly worthy and deserving of every nice and genuine thing said to you. I really hope you're able to believe it one day too

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #rumination #the healing journey #you are enough #you are worthy #anxiety

[incarnateirony]

Your blog is a masterclass example of untreated mania. Like what's up with your increased usage of r*tard?

the increased volume of retards like yourself that think your opinion matters.

you realize your hyperobsession with my blog and distinctly unwell way of trying to police how people talk is, in fact, masterclass untreated mania... right?

No?

You realize my anon box aint a mirror. Now fuck off back to the Whore Squad. go find some other shit you're powerless to control to make squawking noises at. I'm sure there's a thread you can act like a shrill victim for attention in somewhere out there. jesus yall, find someone to touch you, i know you all look like ass but goddamnit if shea can find someone at 400 lbs you can too. Given the only other man able to tolerate her is one that acts like a five year old girl. Maybe you can bitch trans guys like Mark into conforming to you until their DM interactions are indiscernible from a 15 year old girl. Me, I intend to pass as a man, and the first step of that is nobody gives a FUCK about your opinion, Karla.

i'm not your father. I'm not here to make you comfortable, princess, and the sooner you learn that a bunch of grown women can stop acting like spoiled teenagers. You come here, not the other way around. That is *definitional* mania. "OH MY GOD, THERE IS A MAN SAYING THINGS I DONT APPROVE OF, TIME TO WASTE HOURS EVERY DAY FOR YEARS OF MY LIFE PRETENDING I CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT" - some cunt that's gonna act like they can't figure out how this is a culturally gendered trait.

I'm genuinely baffled like. Did none of your dads have male friends? Do you not have male coworkers? Do you only live with terminally online people toeing in LGBT comms without a single foot in the real world? Have you ever talked to a man outside of the internet.

Stop pretending you care about anything than yourself, you self absorbed cunts. Me NOT typing out "jesus christ robert has downes syndrome and would call these people retarded" and keeping it in my head doesn't unthink it or undo the reality, it just keeps you from facing how retarded you sound because omg feels bad.

naw. if I can have a long conversation with a real life trans male alongside myself that also has walked and lived it upwards of 30 years like me, and we can all agree you're acting like crazy bitches trying to keep trans men to your crazy bitches ideal, maybe you should figure out why Mark was about five seconds from getting the gay mark of cain in the state. Men don't fucking need your approval, rhonda, and the best I can give transmascs that bend over to your insane garbage is being little boys, because otherwise, you'll call me a gatekeeper when I say every trans man I know outside of your echo chambers considers half of yall fadsters just now realizing what the FUCK you signed up for and real mad when you encounter the culture. Culture will not change for you. That is an AFAB privilege, expecting comfort from any random man walking by or default respect or whatever the fuck. Put your big boy pants on, and the rest of you stop using him as a meatshield.

Stop pretending banishing people pointing out that you're acting retarded stops people from thinking you're acting retarded, or pretending you're doing any service for a protected group, when people with mental handicaps are 1. aware 2. generally humorous as fuck about it. The only people that aren't are fragile butterflies like yourself that get angry, then your anger at that you pretend is your defense of them while being deeply offended at the connection. Get bent, you fake ass witches. This bullshit is why the black community rejects intersectionality. Always ends up being some white cunt at the middle pretending to be offended on behalf of everybody else they mostly talk over anyway while missing 95% of the points and making their own versions up, but it works great among other similar lifeless white cunts all telling each other you got everybody else good by acting hysterical, yelling at random twitter blogs, and ignoring context or merit but DAMN you got 3 likes from your other fellow cunts, good job, something to fill that hole your husbands won't.

[wildflowers-of-trolberg]

Any unpopular opinions about Mountain King (the original story)?

Oooh okie this is an interesting one, and I'm gonna be honest; I really don't like the first half of Mountain King. I think it has the best climax and ending of any of the Graphic Novels, barring one thing I'll come back to, and I love the worldbuilding and the new characters (well, love-to-hate in the case of Trundle), but I find the first half really hard to read.

I don't like kidnapping-centric plots at the best of times, and I just don't enjoy seeing Johanna in so much distress; I find the whole thing hard to read (it's kind-of like my opinion of Fifty Year Night, although unlike that episode, I don't think Mountain King goes too far for the tone; it's just me - and I know I put Johanna through arguably worse in my own fics, but that's a weird thing about me; I can tolerate more when I'm creating it).

As I think I've mentioned before, I also hate Baba's Mum in Mountain King, and I think she was too easily forgiven for what she did. From the start of the book I didn't really like her, but it was one moment that really cemented her status for me:

Because she doesn't even try and fix things; she's willing to force a child that isn't her own daughter to live with her, and give up her own child, despite the fact that she knows it's wrong, because she can't be bothered to try and find out how to undo her magic. And she just wallows in that until Hilda takes matters into her own hands and frees Trundle. So you know what? I'm just going to say it; it's not Hilda's fault Trundle got out - she was a desperate child being manipulated - it's the troll-mother's.

They do try and humanise her in one scene, which we know will be in the film because the line is in the trailer, but that moment really doesn't work for me:

Like, I'm sorry, but "she was acting out of kindness; you should accept her as your parent" is a really awful thing to tell a kidnapped child about the person who took them. But despite Trundle being ultimately established as manipulative and evil, this moment is never brought into question again, so I think it is meant to be genuine.

This is all to say that I think Baba's Mum is a lot less likeable than the book wants her to be, and I think she was very easily forgiven at the end. Obviously I don't want her to be bashed into oblivion, but I do think she got off easy, and I wrote There Was A Kindness In Her (named after that moment with Trundle, actually) specifically to address this.

(Thanks to @relatablepicturesofhilda for the Mountain King scans; I did try and get pictures of my own copy but they were baaaad)

#ask pika #hilda the series #hilda netflix #hilda and the mountain king #hilda g6 #hilda (hilda) #troll mum hilda #negative #pikas detailed thoughts

[bakugohoex]

sweet Akashi going to your wealthy husband's funeral, and spending a bit too much time fawning over you, ghosting his eyes over your baby bump and wondering how such an old fuck could even produce sperm instead of just puffing dust after a viagra. You aren't crying, but for show you had your makeup done as if you had been, and Akashi can tell, gently taking the bottom of the veil attached to your pillbox hat and leaning forward, brushing his lips on your cheek while he whispers to you. "Sweetheart, we both know you could do so much better."

"Oh? Better? As in living, or as in..."

"As in me." He smiles, fixing your pearl and diamond beaded veil before he touches the chiffon of your dress, ghosting the floor and covering your red bottom shoes. "I'm sure you're dying to sit." He hummed, then hooked his arm with yours, not really giving you a choice while he walks you to another room and helps you settle onto the fainting couch, then lays you back before he sits at your feet and carefully removes your shoes, grinning a bit at the groan and sigh you let out.

"Thank you."

"Of course." He stares, and it would make you uncomfortable if he weren't so pretty, and you would move away from the warm hands that slowly ghost up your legs, leaving trails of fire on your skin, but you stayed still, almost desperate after spending the last year devoted to a man with a bank account as big as his... well.... the number was as high as his blood pressure, but that was fine. You never wanted it to last. "So," Akashi purrs, pushing the skirt of your dress up until it passed the bend of your knee, and gravity took it the rest of the way down until it laid bunched in the bend of your hip, "I'm assuming you're craving a new touch... I know I would be if I was in your shoes."

"Well, thanks to you, neither of us are in my shoes."

"Would you have preferred I kept them on you?"

"Fuck you, never. I'm 8 months pregnant, and heels? My feet are killing me." He thinks its adorable, watching as you whine and meekly reach for your toes before giving up, and rest your hands on your stomach, rubbing it just a bit. ".....at least the kid is well behaved... she doesn't kick too much, and I bet she'll be cute."

"I hope she looks like you."

"Oh, do you?"

"I do."

"And why would that be?"

"So in a year or so when my ring is on your finger we can lie and say she's mine. They won't be able to tell the difference if she's as lovely as her mother." He smiles, and chuckles at the shock on your face.

"That's bold."

"You like bold."

"I do like bold."

"Is it too bold or not bold enough to fuck you in the room beside where your ex husband's funeral is being held?"

You wait, trying to see some kind of punchline, but he just stares with those intense eyes that bore into you, and all you find it seriousness.

"I never liked that he had you." Akashi shifts so he's on his hands and knees, crawling over you until he's directly above you, and your round tummy brushes against the buttons of his starch white dress shirt. You wonder for a moment when he abandoned the deep red jacket and vest of his 3-piece, but don't get long to ponder until he's unpinning your little hat from your hair, and setting it on a nearby table. "I wanted you, but I suppose it was a first come, first serve kind of thing, and he despised it when other men even glanced your way..."

"I like possessive and jealous."

"I like getting what I want."

"So-"

"So tell me you're mine and let's get this pitiful little game over with." Akashi blances on his knees and one hand, the other moving to undo his belt. He raises an eyebrow, and a nod is all he needs before your breath is taken away along with any residing worries.

Red was never a traditional color to wear to a funeral, nor that Akashi cared, nore did he care that it was disrespectful to the dead to fuck the widow in the next room, with his fingers stuffed in your mouth to keep you quiet and his teeth in your shoulder to muffle himself. He doesn't wonder how much of a pain it will be to clean your cum out of the cushions, and instead focuses on drawing it out of you, moving his fingers just to hear your hushed cries declaring yourself as his while he lifts his head and pulls the neckline of your dress down to suck at your tits. You were struggling, trying to figure out if you were just needy, or if Akashi was just that good, drawing out desperate little sobs with each push and pull of his hips, and the feeling of his mouth in your achy chest was even better, making your legs shake and a new round of honey drip around his cock. You're away too long, and you can vaguely hear people beyond the door looking for you when Akashi pulls out and hurriedly uses nearby tissues to clean you both. He takes extra care to fix your clothes, and pin your hat back into place before he places a teasing kiss to your lips.

"Awe, my pretty darling... I just know that you'll be a splendid little wife for me."

"Mm... people will wonder..." You're exhausted, wanting nothing more than to sleep despite needing to read a shitty speech someone else wrote for you.

"Say it's the woe of a new widow trying to save herself the sadness, or," he leans down, and gives you gentle kisses that lull your eyes shut, "I can just get rid of anyone who dares say an ill word against my pretty wife and darling daughter."

"Mhm... your darling daughter." You mutter, letting sleep take you, at least for a short bit, and Akashi smiles.

He always gets what he wants.

BABES please ya gonna make me become a whole ass simp for akashi like firstly fuck the old dead husband i just wanted money and now i have sexy af akashi

i’m in love with this like the fact that we fucked in the funeral like yeah i loved it and the baby will look like me and we can be a happy family where the old man is forgotten and akashi is the father and we have money and i get fucked and bred by the sexy boy

HES SO FINE LIKE THE WAY HE JUST UNDID THE CLOTHES AND LET THE DRESS RIDE UP AND TOOK THE STUPID HAT OFF AND THEN FUCKED READER BABES IDK HOW YOU THINK OF THIS BECAUSE GENUINELY ITS AMAZING AND IM ALWAYS SPEACHLESS AFTER READING IT ALL

i just love it all sm 🥺

#bakugohoex #ask ria #akashi seijuro x reader #seijuro akashi x reader #seijuro akashi #akashi seijuro #🍰 anon

[kakashisavakening]

Chapter 6 - Branded

Tsunade stood between the two bodies, feeling extremely uncomfortable. She didn't know much about the jutsu she had used on Sakura and Kakashi. But she knew that by going to the second tier of the bond, it will be unbreakable forever. She wasn't sure how to undo what she had done - because after all she was the one who ordered Sakura to take this risk. Even if not with so many words. Tsunade knew Sakura well. Her insecurities and her desperate need to feel useful and needed for a task. She knew all too well which buttons she needs to push to make her agree to this incredibly dangerous task. She also never told her the full dangers of the technique, which she had used on her - thinking that Sakura was too much of a good girl to ever get into anything remotely intimate with her sensei.

Now all she could do is stand by and watch as their bond deepened. Not to mention she felt like she was an intruder in the room. Even if their bodies were apart, their minds were one. Their hearts were beating to the same rhythm, their chest rose and fell at the same time. It was like watching two people having the same sex dream - freaking uncomfortable. But she had to stay as she was the sole person who knew what was happening. If she were to leave, all the people she had ordered to leave (including Naruto), would come rushing back in and someone would eventually realise what was happening between those two. 

And she couldn't let that happen. If Kakashi were to return, his prestige and authority would be undermined by this. Not to mention nobody would ever allow him to be a teacher ever again - despite Sakura being a full grown woman herself and Kakashi being completely respectful all his life to everyone.  Obviously, him reading those stupid Icha Icha novels by Jiraiya already labeled him as a huge pervert among many women, they didn't need the gossip that he was getting some from his student. 

Well, ex-student. Tsunade considered Sakura her student more at this point.

Also Sakura would be labeled naive and easy, which were simply untrue facts. Sakura was the most honourable woman she had ever met. Obviously her blindness to her feelings for Kakashi as she chased after that Uchiha boy were a bit annoying to her, but she adored the little kunoichi. Probably because she reminded her of herself when she was younger. 

She was desperate to keep their names clean. They can shit all over it once they were back for all she cared. But as long as it was her conscience yelling GUILTY  in the background, she refused to let anything happen to them. 

Suddenly Sakura's eyes shot open and she sat up, gasping for air, as if she was just under water. 

"What ... the hell?!" - She looked around shocked.

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Kakashi slowly slipped inside her, making sure he wasn't hurting her anywhere. She bit down on her lip as the first thrust sent a bit of pain upwards her abdomen. But it was not bad pain. It was a good pain. A good pain she wanted more of. 

"Are you okay?" - He asked, his voice was filled with concern. 

"Shut the hell up" -Sakura said before she pulled her down and kissed him. He started very slowly, being very careful of his movements, after all he did feel what she did, and the first wave of pain was not something he thought was normal. Then gradually the pain turned into pleasure. 

Her nails dug into the skin on his back, leaving claw-marks on his porcelain white skin. 

Minute by minute, moment by moment their pleasure merged into one, as if walking up a spiral staircase. And when they reached the metaphorical top, they climaxed as one - which would have never happened if they were not bonded the way they were. 

Kakashi knew sex was never this clean and easy. He would have never knew how or what to do to make it so good for her if it wasn't for that weird urge her feelings and desires planted in his mind.  Also, this climax was way different than when he was alone in his mind. This felt like as if he was sitting in a dark room and suddenly someone opened the door, blinding him for a second. 

Everything went white. The smell of the air changed. The temperature changed. The sounds changed. His mind was flooded by the past. A rapid beeping sound filled his ears. He was back.

He heard Sakura sit up and call out - "What... the hell?!" - But he wasn't ready to be back in his body. His mind was still basking in the memory of the feeling of her embrace. Then he felt this inconsiderate touch of a cold hand, forcing his eye open, flashing a harsh light, checking his pupil's reflexes. 

He waved Tsunade away, slowly sitting up - "I'm back, don't touch..." - He groaned. He watched as Tsunade made hand signs and grab a red piece of thread that connected his hand to Sakura's. It caught on fire and disappeared. Suddenly an unbearable pain rose up in his chest and he cried out in pain - the same time as Sakura. He lifted his gaze to her and saw as the small body started to double up as tears began to trickle down her face. 

"Tsunade-sama... please... stop it." - Kakashi called out, gripping his chest frantically. His throat felt coarse and the words could barely come out - he was unconscious for nearly two months after all. He reached his right arm out and pulled Sakura's bed next to his, then slid the sobbing girl over, taking her trembling body in a tight embrace. They were a pathetic view if Tsunade was being honest, but somewhat heart warming at the same time. Despite being in agony, he still found the strength to reach over for her and try to give some comfort to Sakura.

"Let it burn out, Kakashi. I know it hurts, but that's just how it has to be." - The Hokage responded. 

Naruto began pounding on the closed door. He probably heard Sakura's cries and now he wants to come in and comfort his teammate. 

However, the pink haired kunoichi has lost her consciousness from the pain and her body laid limp in her sensei's trembling arms. He was barely holding onto his consciousness too. The pain has numbed all of his other senses completely. His ears rang like crazy, his eyesight hazed and his mouth dry as a desert. But he fought to keep himself awake. Let it burn out... it will be over soon.

In fact, it wasn't. It went on for one and a half hours. Each moment felt like an eternity in hell. He was thankful for the fact that Sakura was unconscious through this process. Kakashi would have even argued that this was worse than what Itachi had put him through. He was literally counting the seconds, trying to  get his mind off of the pain. He felt Tsunade's cold hand on his back, but his mind couldn't comprehend any information. Salvia was dripping from half of his mouth, his pupil tightened to the size of a needle point. 

"Let go, Kakashi.." - Tsunade tried to open his grasp to free Sakura, since she wanted to check her vitals too, but his fingers wouldn't budge. - "Kakashi.." 

But he was not there. He couldn't hear the plea of the Hokage. He used all his strength to remain awake. Eventually, Tsunade gave up and let him grasp her as if she was his last life line.

As one would expect, he collapsed about an hour into the agony of the disappearing jutsu. When the strenght finally left his arms, the Fifth slipped Sakura from his grasp, laid her back down in her own bed, and checked her vitals. Everything seemed to be fine. She pushed back the bed where it was, then laid Kakashi's shaking body back down, covering his chest with the blanket. 

Their breaths were no longer in synch... but Tsunade was surprised to observe a mark where the thread has been. It looked like as if it had burned into their skin. 

The bond was not broken... it was branded into their skin for everyone to see. This jutsu was not common knowledge, so few would know what they had. But it was still extremely risky to have between two of her most important Shinobi. Especially Kakashi. He almost died several times in the past couple years. Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temples.

"What am I gonna do with you two?" - She growled as she took a couple steps towards the door to let in the anxiously waiting Naruto in. When she opened the door, he bolted by her without asking for permission, then looked confused.

He was entirely sure he heard both Sakura and Kakashi. Now they were both out of it again. - "What happened? Obaa-chan, why are they unconscious?" - He genuinely looked like he was about to sob any second now.

"Keep calm, Naruto." - Tsunade smiled. - "She did it, she brought him back to us. Now, all we need to do is let them rest a bit. The jutsu put a strain on them both. They need to recover... but they will."

"I am so glad..." - his voice was shaking, his eyes filled with tears. To Tsunade, this boy was a wonder. She has never seen a man so in touch with his emotions, but she respected Naruto for it. He went back to the chair that was between the two beds, and sat down. Holding Sakura's hand with his left, Kakashi with his right. 

His has never been so close to lose his family before - because that is what they really were. Team 7 saved him from the loneliness he was tormented by for years and years. They raised him up, accepted him when nobody else did. Kakashi never made him feel inferior for having the Kyuubi inside him, nor did Sakura (well, he never actually told her, but he was sure she knew about his monster inside). Losing them would have meant he was going to be alone again. He was not ready for that.