#good morning im crying again

[a-hobit]

okay but like the huntlow crumbs in the season finale???? OH MY GOD!?!?!?

SUCH brainworms yes yes very good! The moment where Willow catches Hunter midair??? His full face and ears going red?!?? Oh my god. Then the way she protected him when Bellos had them beat?!??? The way they were fighting together even though the brand going nuclear on Hunters arm I can’t NOT BREATH OK😭😭😭❤️🥲🥲😩😔😩🤚

#huntlow #good morning im crying again #i’m obsessed with huntlow i’m sorry #willow x hunter

[lewishamil10n]

this little baby survived parvo!!

#remy.txt #ive been going out of my mind fr.. she began throwing up the monday before last and we thought its bc she ate her toy #vet visit. kept her hydrated bc she stopped eating or drinking. she throws up again thursday morning and my dad rushed her to the vet and #it's parvo. even tho she's vaccinated and all. but her blood count was normal which is good and the vet kept her for a few days but she's #home now and doing well!! appetite is back #she's running around and being her usual chaotic self and i am SO glad #like when i tell y'all i spent a week crying im not even kidding.. and on top of that my mum was in the hospital for a day too #she's ok too thank God but yeah i was going MENTAL

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[im-sorry-what-ii]

MY THOUGHTS ON HOW THE ORIGINAL SONG TAKE ON ME BY A-HA  AND THE MTV UNPLUGGED VERSION PARALLEL TOP GUN AND TOP GUN MAVERICK (blame @blazingstar29 for enabling me)

more under the cut bc its a bit long🫠

ok we all know take on me right? the upbeat 1985 song with the really cool music video. iconic. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914&ab_channel=a-ha)

right so five years ago a-ha did an mtv unplugged version which i advise you to listen to bc its so inCREDIBLY GOOD I CANNOT. it takes every thing that makes the og song perfect and twists it into something that captures the essence of the original but mature and sad, like looking back at the past. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xKM3mGt2pE&ab_channel=ahaVEVO)

so

my reasons for why the og 1985 version parallels top gun

80s. basic but true. 

good looking guys. also basic. also true. promise it gets more in depth

the whole vibe of the take on me video is upbeat. happy. theyre dancing around, its half animated but with pencil drawings like a teen would doodle on school books, its carefree, its goofy, its all over the place. 

the music is also upbeat and happy, it makes you wanna dance and get up and vibe

combining video, music and lyrics, the song is about being young. its about being alive, having your whole life ahead of you. taking on the world, being young and in your prime and prepared to give it your all. its happy, its looking forward to the future but enjoying and loving the now. its having options, choice and freedom, to live your life how you want to. 

this is what top gun is at heart. its about being young and in your prime, competing, living life to the fullest. its energy, motivation, but in the end its also growing up. its seeing the worst life can do to you (goose) and recognising it but moving on, finding comfort in your youth and letting go of your responsibilites. 

its the beauty of life, of strength and just the general vibe of the 80s. friendship and love and loss and the beauty of being young. its saying ‘i have my whole life left to live, and nothing can stop me’ 

to understand the next part, i kinda like to thing of the ‘85 version as the soundtrack of top gun. its the 86ers song, its their vibe.

and this ones probably got more to it, my reasons why the unplugged version parallels top gun maverick

modern times. basic again

we gotta focus on the actual musicians now. its the same guys singing, just 40 years older. the same song, just looking back instead of forward. by changing the key and tempo of the song, theyve created a whole new vibe. same lyrics, same guitar, just slower. sadder. they've calmed down, lost some of their energy

the unplugged versions looks back on a life well lived instead of forwards, to a life ahead. its reflecting on all the bad things that have happened and accepting them

in the end, theyre both about acceptance. this is very important. both versions of the song are about accepting everything that life has to offer, everywhere that life can or has taken you. ‘slowly learning that life is ok’

except, where ‘85 version is eagerly accepting and awaiting, unplugged is sadder. not regretful, just sadder. more thoughtful. theyre older, wiser, they recognise how life has changed them, for better or worse. they dont regret their life (its no better to be safe than sorry), they just see what it as it is. lived. over. theyre out of their prime, its a new generation now. 

but at the same time, its also rebellion. theyre old, not dead, they still have fight left in them (take on me, take me on). theyre still standing, a few decades hasnt changed that. 

now tell me, am i describing Take On Me (MTV Unplugged) or Top Gun: Maverick? 

mav regrets pulling gooses papers, but theres nothing he can do about it now. he has to accept life for what it is. he has to accept ice is dying, that hes dead. he has to accept hes old. and rooster has to accept life for what it is too. he needs to realise the past is in the past, the carole and goose are gone and mav is all he has left. Mav pulled his papers. There's nothing he can do about it now

top gun maverick is about growing up, getting old, how life changes a person. its seeing how everyone around you is older, no longer in their prime. the younger generation has centre stage now, but youre still there. your still fighting. youve made mistakes, youve fucked up but your still here bc thats how life works. You're quieter, the background to their lead, but you're still there

think of it as a cycle. in every movie theres an older generation, and a younger generation. the top gun movies focus on one of those generations, following them from young to old, and the song changes with them. 

the 86ers song is take on me, and it follows them, adapting with them. 

now we’re getting a bit more far fetched, but lets say the ‘22 teams song is i aint worried. its got a similar vibe to take on me, but with a 2020s twist instead of 80s synth pop. its carefree, they literally aint worried. its happy, its upbeat, it makes you wanna dance.

now we look at these songs in contrast. take on me unplugged and i aint worried are playing side by side, the older and younger generations. once upon a time, take on me had the same vibe but its grown up. and one day, i aint worried will have the same fate

one day, i aint worried will be an old timey song, the same nostalgic vibe as the og take on me has now, the same vibe as top gun has now. bc top gun is retro, its 80s. rn, tgm is new, its fancy, but it wont always be

its a cycle. its a fucking cycle. the same thing was going on in top gun 86, but with viper/jester and ice/mav/everyone else. we just dont see it, bc we're only focusing on one generation. they all parallel each other. if we we're focusing on the ‘22 team, mav and cyclone would be their viper and jester. old, important but not really. old-fashioned, out of date. but we’re not. its the 86ers story, so their song changes with them, and its what we get to see.

thank you for coming to my ted talk!! i may have gotten a bit off track towards the end there and had an existential crisis but enjoy :)

#i think i have more to say but good god i cant take it #im losing my mind #half of this is me repeating the same idea over and over #hope yall get this cuz otherwise i done messed up #gone to far into the insane #i talked to myself making this #theres hand waving accomplanying every sentence #and a lot of shaking and trembling and crying #i felt so smart making this #cant wait to read it in the morning and cringe #top gun #top gun maverick #take on me #top gun 86 #tgm #this needs more tags i think but i cant be bothered to think of them #i dont think ive ever had this many coherent thoughts #living up to my high school english grades #i hope #again watch me read this in the morning and cringe #i have not proofread this #probably a bad idea #who cares were all insane anyways #alright i think i can shut up now #im rambling

[soldier-poet-king]

AND pathfinder is cancelled tmrw. Which makes sense. Presumably other people actually DO want to spend time with their fathers on fathers day. But like. I wanna play game with friends. My weekly social time :(

#franposting #anyway. tmrw is like. mass (hell bc brian scruples). gym (the only mental break i get all day) #practice for highway driving test this week (extra SUPER hell if i fail and cry again i might just ***) ontarios driving laws are so stupid #IM A GOOD AND SAFE DRIVER #anyway. yeah. its gonna. be a bad day #AND my boss is gone for 2 weeks at work #which sounds nice but actually me beinf left alone for 2 weeks makes me feel a little insane #no background chatter or short convos in the morning. makes my brain wander #and i get real sad #im such an introvert and i like working alone #but 8 straight hrs completely at my own devices sometimes. when im already havign difficulties. it gets bad #no julian of norwich isolation for me or else i might just. go off the deep end

[todayisafridaynight]

so. uhh. any rgg meetups at animenext this weekend or 🥴

#snap chats #GOOD MORNING IM CRYING #years ago i got tickets for animenext but due to covid the event was cancelled and i couldnt go #WELL I JUST. I JUST GOT LET KNOWN I HAVE TICKETS? FOR THREE DAYS AND ITS LEGIT? #LIKE I CHECKED EVERY WAY POSSIBLE AND YEAH NO. THESE ARE VALID TICKETS. WHATLKVJLEKJ #go to an event four damn years later OK..... idk if ill stay all three days since i dont have a hotel obvi but i could sleep in my car ig #i done did it before its fine 🥴 #anyway idk who to cosplay or if i even will cosplay #on the one hand i could do y2 daigo again like i did for animenyc #doing masato however would mean i wouldnt have to do as much makeup...... he also does not have any cheekbones like me 😔 #unlike daigo's gorjus face #my mine cosplay aint supposed to be ready til july so.... thats out of the window LMAO #eh. prob would be best to just do daigo actually now that im thinkin of it esp when no one even remembers masato ☠️ #idk thats something for me to figure out im still just laughing at this whole thing like jvlkvlkj

[yourcalamity]

i just carry a lot of bitterness right now but no matter how much things hurt i have to keep going and if i dont communicate and talk about my feelings then its my fault but every time i have tried to have a serious conversation it cant just go bad it has to go so badly that i want to open up even less, and if i do that whose fault is it? mine. salt and bleach and draino and fire ants and franks red hot directly into the wound on a regular basis

#like at what point can i talk about how severely i am struggling without someone laughing in my face #at what point can i talk to my friends about my struggles and actually be heard and not spoken over #at what point am i more to my mother than a therapist #life is still good and getting better and it will get better and i will do something soon to change these issues #i just feel like ive made the same cry for help a million times and everyone just wantss the problem to go away #without having to actually do anything about it #at what point can you tell me the problem is me not letting my guard down without tearing me apart or treating me like a joke #or treating me like all my problems are not serious or treating me like an idiot for not doing what you think i should be doing #which is literally what i am doing as you tell me #im pulling random examples from memories from the past few years #but it just sucks genuinely. its like openibg your door to a beautiful spring morning and then a brick hits you in the face instantly #and then the person who threw the brick is angry that the brick hurt you #then if you ever mention the brick again they get even more pissed. WELL STOP THROWINGBIT THEN…

[radioactiveshitstorm]

#text that came outta nowhere this morning #anyone who knows abt the uk benefits system will understand #the process was stressfull as hell #multiple phone calls and forms to fill #all with the knowledge that the dwp does NOT want to award you shit #the validation.... my struggles are real enough that even they see it #the relief of knowing i don't have to go through the process again #i'm sat here crying after having a good long sob #hands still shaking bc holy fuck #i got it. it's done. im gonna be better off now

[baeshijima]

its 10pm, my project is due in 14 hours, im at around 800 words out of 2k, and im abt to power through an all-nighter with a gallon cups of tea bc adrenaline is high and sleep is fucked like usual <33

#sophie’s idle chatter #SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL #THIS IS NOT WORTH 20% OF MY GRADE GNSDFM #WAILS IN PICKING ENG LANG 😭😭 #anyway hello new followers and happy 3.8k??? 🤩 #but also i now have my jing yuan fic in the works OFFICIALLY so thats fun and i love him a lot #ALSO LIVESTREAM TMRW???? RIGHT BEFORE MY PROJECTS DUE????? BAIZHU???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? #i will be crying for the next two weeks bc im on easter break after tmrw and can afford it ahah 🫶🫶 #anywho thats it for the life update bc i need to get back to this and just. finish it. so that i can never think abt it again. #will i come back tmrw?? will i just pass out when i get back home and wake up saturday morning??? #the latter is more likely than u think :'D #but yes hehehahahoho live laugh love i hope ur all doing much better than i am and this is me wishing u all a good night 🥹🫶🫶 #(bUT BAIZHU SOON BAIZHU REAL SCREECH)

[bitchfitch]

For all the teething I've been doing on Pavo and Esti i haven't been able to like, actually write any thing for them recently mostly because I've been Busy.

But also because I'm snapping between like 3 ideas for them at terminal velocity and haven't been able to actually get anything written for them and it's like having pumas bouncing around my skull at mach fuck as though theyre house cats at 2 am when you're trying to sleep,

#idea one is the day after things start changing and they haven't discussed it fully yet. #Pavo is mulling over some things and Esti is too nervous to ask about it. but they're alone out hunting #its such a nice day. and Esti thinks hes going to be saying goodbye soon. and hes making himself sick with anxiety over it #and they're alone together like old times but its Not like old times because Esti remembers how sweetly Pavo had kissed him that #morning after and how good it had felt to spend the whole morning in bed cureld up against him. #and Esti doesnt think he could stomach the idea of leaving without getting another kiss or at least finding out if Pavo regretted it or not #and the story is them being sweet on each other and avoiding the big heavy topic until Esti can verbally ask about it. because like Pavo #knows him well enough to know whats eating him up. but he wants to hear Esti say the words #and then the second idea is Esti waking up from a nightmare after hes been brought home from that hell. he screams for Pavo and #like of course pavo is on his feet and at the door that separates their rooms in an instant. but its locked and Esti is too #scared to navigate to it because hes already wound up and hes still not used to life as a blind man. so the idea of getting out of bed #and crossing an open room with nothing to help him orient himself is Terrifying. #probably more than it should be but the nightmares are still fresh in his head and hes having to make himself focus and ignore them #and just reasure himself that it Actually is Pavo and not one of those monster that had used his voice. and its hard hes crying and Pavo #has to take down part of the fucking door frame to get the sliding door off its tracks without just busting it down since Esti didn't #need that particular audio experience right now and he liked that doors painting and Pavo had already sent for the craftsperson who #made his eyes to commission them to make a set for esti. and he doesn't want to destroy something pretty esti likes when itll only be a few #until esti can enjoy it again. and he gets into the room and esti scooches over in bed to welcome him into it because despite Everything #esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe. #and the third thing is because of something deardest said a yesterday i think about Pavo in his old age. and im just Chewing on the image #of him and esti in his carriage. Esti's hair has gone white and hes nearing his end. and thentwo of them are together and happy #and able to reflect on the lives they've had together. and its mostly just the idea of Pavo being glad hes so much older than Esti. because #it means despite Esti only being half demon and having a much shorter life because of it. Pavo isnt going to outlive him by very long. #and All of this. Everything was because of how scared Pavo was to be alone. and hes not going to have to be in his last days. #so Yeah. thats been whats on my mind when im not devoting it to like lame shit like work #wow im bad at reading #their url is derederest #not deardest

[ressonancee]

ok i /know/ everything going on around chan's room but like one of my comfort content is chan's room with younghyun and i would give my 1st child to see a bangchan's room with day6

#i am watching it again bc im deep in my pity party (trying not to but i had a really good morning) (also trying to just feel and not avoidit #and bangchan is like hyung i cried listening to why am i alone #and younghyun and his ass is like why would you do that my child thats not normal #and im like we are not the same younghyun some of us struggle w mental health issues man some of us r sad!!!!! #not saying that bangchan is again this is about me and me crying to day6 songs #like when afraid sungjin version dropped? that file is named depression.mp3

[lonelydncers]

vent post

#literally nothing i ever do is good enough for my father #today i woke up in a good mood and tried interacting w him and he was complaining that i didnt say good morning #which i did btw #and then he started ignoring me for like half an hour and i kept trying to talk to him #eventually he yelled at me to stop bothering him #which triggered me and made me go non verbal and i completely shut down #so during lunch i was Not speaking at all to anyone and then he yelled at me again for being quiet #which just made me want to cry even more #i hate it here why am i not good enough for him ever #im so tired of this #i hate going nonverbal cause he always yells at me for being quiet #but if i speak he get angry at me for speaking?????? #like pick a struggle #anyways. #at least im going over to my aunt’s house to make brigadeiro #but my uncle is probably going to be there and he’s just as bad as my dad #hopefully he’s not home

[healingheartdogs]

I'll tell ya what though, nothing makes you want to get out of dog stuff for a while quite like your childhood dog passing traumatically in your arms

#ive barely been a person since Banana died #his life and his death both haunt me daily #every time im in bed cuddling with Hermes i cry about it #wanting to do better for your current and future pets does jack all for the dead #i wanted to at least give him a good last day but i couldnt even do that #training with Hermes and Eevee fills me with grief and guilt and often launches me into flashbacks of his death #ive been so burned out and sick since we moved and covid ruined my health even more #and now trying to get better and get back into working with my dogs regularly without him... it feels wrong #better late than never doesnt apply when death is involved #death #animal death #tw death #tw animal death #early morning sad hours ig #i gave myself flashbacks again and this is me trying to intellectualize my way out of my emotional response

[milo-is-rambling]

I forget how much I hate the taste of vodka but the whipped cream vodka is so much better my god

#make a drink sweet enough that you can’t taste it when it’s in ur mouth and then all u get is the whipped cream vodka in the burn #makes drinks more tolerable #also this is the fastest I think I’ve ever chugged an alcoholic drink #we are gonna get fucked up tonight bc we have daddy issues and fought with our mom this morning slayyy #smoked a cigarette at the lake now getting fucked up in my room while home alone #life is so good and it’s all bullshit forever #literally we could all die and it doesn’t matter and life is weird and crazy and I am happy it sucks and I am so fucking thrilled to be aliv #at all #life is good regardless of death but I wish death would just like wait patiently for my family #dad I miss u I hope you had a good four twenty where ever you ended up. im sorry moms acting like this. I hope my brothers okay at school. #I hope he’s having a good time and isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. I was right and apparently he’s gonna come home after grad #uation and im excited to have him home again but my mothers all upset. I know it sucks that you’re dead but it’s nice knowing in a weird way #that you’re the reason me and hunter got close again. so thanks I guess for that. and smoking made me and mom grow closer. idk. you’ve done #a lot for us and most of it had to do with weed. today hurt worse than my birthday. or the six month anniversary. today sucked. and no one #else seemed to be torn apart by it and it made me feel like I was going crazy and no one could even tell #you would’ve noticed if I was acting different. I love you. wherever you are I still love you. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. #and I wish I took better care of you. but you were my father I wasn’t supposed to take care of you. you should’ve been there for me. we shou #have been there for mom and hunter and your parents and I’ve been thinking a lot about grammie actually. I don’t know how I feel. thinking #about her makes me cry now. I don’t have the heart to make her cry talking about my childhood but I miss her. and I miss being young. I miss #you coming to my Father’s Day dance recitals and coming back from bike week in Laconia and bringing me flowers always wearing your grey #Harley Davidson jacket and you’d have flowers in your arms and you’d be bored but so proud and you’d hug me and you’d smell like weed and #your beard was always scratchy when you’d hug me and I just miss you a lot. I miss you and I fucking hate you for it fuck. #note to self. ​don’t be pmsing and then get drinking and smoking and thinking of your dead father. you will cry

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#how am i feeling? i am not feeling good #ok i feel better than i did 5min ago. itll b fine but Jesus #so basically what happened is its supposrd to snow tomorrow night so i have to get some sampling done tomorrow morning #and i do not like big short notice changes. there's like a 30% i will flip out #and the sampling i have to do is at 3 sites that i would love to never step into ever again. i have so much bitterness and hate toward that #study. it was the start of the end. and by the end i mean the epic downward spiral that was my 2022 experience #so ngl i wish they would catch on fire. but not really bc theyre long term study sites that have been going since like the 80s #anyway. i have to do that tomorrow. also also in sampling these sites im adding 80 samples to my list #which means ill be taking measurements for an extra 5 days 🤪 thats gonna be at least 39 days of measurements 🤪🤪🤪 #and last time i did this i starting losing my god damn mind. and i cant do that now bc i have to pretend ive got everything together #so yeah im just at the stage of anticipating pain for the start of all that and ive gotta get up early tomorrow and its already late #and i spend like an hour crying into an excel spreadsheet so my eyes r tired #so ya kno its good. its all good. good good good. great. im soooo happy #and i do not at all feel the urge to throw myself to the ground screaming like a toddler #im just standing here in this grave ive dug myself over the past year and now its time for the universe to start burying me #hhhh... i should sleep. so my brain works at least a little tomorrow 🙃 #itll b fine. ill get to talk to a lab mate i dont usually see and itll be fine #unrelated

[soldier-poet-king]

Penny and Sparrow's Struggle Pretty once again got me like

#the duality of fran #every six months im reminded that this album exists and im ripped apart by grief and longing #like their stuff is good in general. but this album is a whole other level #and nothing else theyve done since has got me like this #im literally crying at my desk #and idk. its probably not just the music #its maybe im getting sick. i feel so bad and dizzy and nauseous suddenly #or the coffee i had this morning was bad. or my whack ass hormones for the lasy 5 weeks #(once again. free uterus to a good home. slightly wonky.) #or im just tired. the plumbing catastrophe of the last 2 days was a lot #or idk. i just. want to go to bed.and cuddle and be loved. #i cant even take a hot bath (replacement human contact) bc no extremely hot water or submersion on healing tattoo #i just AHHHHH. waaaaaaaaaaa #wailing and wailing and wailing and maybe a little puking bc i really am suddenly unwell