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ro-sso · 3 years

Text

Well,, it's been a while

My goodness...

I haven’t posted in a while, i’ve been busy with life, i’ll give an update below but be warned I will be talking about mental health (depression, anxiety, getting help w/ the aforementioned stuff) & other potentially triggering subjects. please ask me to tag things <3

Note: most things are in /srs or /gen unless stated otherwise. in this textpost

One of the last things I worked on before going on an unannounced hiatus was Jorvik Divined. Although I did not play a big role, I still felt valuable and it was an amazing experience. I left for personal reasons, and whilst I felt bad about leaving, my lack of experience and inability to fully focus on what I was doing/explain my thought process hindered me a lot, and with hindsight I can see that is a personal thing I need to work on (I've never been excellent in group projects! /lh).

I don't think I was ready to work in a large scale group project. I am not the best at communication although it's something I'm trying to work on.

In other news, I got a diagnoses for my mental health. Depression and Anxiety suck, honestly. It's a constant battle, but I'm working on it.

I still have a long way to go on my journey of recovery, and I don't think I'll ever truly be 'stable' because I don't think I was in the first place, (don't think I've ever been neurotypical, looking at 7 year old me doing barn owl screeches for the morning register /hj /lh),

I'm grateful to my friends, who I met through d&d, who have continually affirmed I am allowed to be confused. I appreciate them a lot, although I struggle to vocalize it - I'm ironically not one for words, even though I love writing.

Oh! Also realized I was not gender - Pronouns are they/them - and yeah. it's been a while, I know. I don't really expect anyone to be reading this but if you are, thanks, I guess? It's a confusing journey, and one I'm still on, but if you could respect my pronouns I'd appreciate that.

One of the reasons I felt the need to write a post explaining where I'd been was just this longing of community. After an unannounced hiatus, I hopped back onto SSO yesterday. I fell in love with the game I had joined over 5 years ago. The graphics, the stories & the soundtrack just make me feel at ease. It's probably partial nostalgia as I was like 10 when I first played it... I forgot why I loved SSO in the first place. I still have critiques and feelings about it, many that I can't wait to share with everyone again.

I stopped playing because I felt like I was being pushed into the 'ewww horsegirl!!' stereotype, and whilst that stereotype is partially true about me, I would say that horses mean quite a bit to me, which is why I can get pushed into that category so easily; It's something I had in common with my siblings; something that brought me closer to my mum; it helped me feel like I could hold conversations.

I don't know if this makes any sense, apologies if you're reading through this waiting for a big announcement or a cool thing,, there isn't anything here, just ramblings of someone who has found love for a game they used to play daily. SSO means a lot to me, and I wish I could vocalize it in a better way than I have now. Anyway, I may post more on here, I may not.

But yeah, thanks for reading this. I hope it made some semblance of sense. If you want to send an ask you can? Anyway, have a wonderful day, blessed be.

#textpost #long post #mental health #depression #anxiety #tw: mental health #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #please ask me to tag other things!#personal post #SSO Adjacent

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