#hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[snickerdoodlles]

say hello to my current wip, making assumptions, aka the fic about chay's truly impressive collection of monsterfucker sex toys. i'm banging my head against my desk as i work on one of the emotional scenes, so here's a ~1k preview of the first chapter because i like validation 😂

The thing about fucking up a lot is that you get really good at identifying the little voice in your head yelling hey moron amongst all the alarm bells. It’s just that, if you’re Kim, the little voice can scream as loud as it likes, but it won’t change the fact that the stupid decision is so often the only decision available.

I, Kim thinks as he picks the lock on Chay’s door, am very bad at lying to myself.

It’s just, Kim is nosy. He doesn’t know how not to be, not with a childhood of secrets that kill and a father who lies more than he cares. So, when Kim had snooped through the family’s finance accounts and happened upon Chay’s bank statements, which showed no activity beyond Papa adding an allowance for months and then abruptly incurred multiple pages of mysterious payments totalling to several thousand baht in less than two weeks, which transactions could only be less obvious if they were plastered in neon DRUGS HERE! signs, well. What was Kim supposed to do?

…Not break into Chay’s room and scour the place for secret drug stashes is the correct answer, but Kim is so far past that now. He doesn’t even know what he’s going to do when he finds the stashes of drugs--probably throw them out, except then he’d have to tell Chay, because people rearranging your rooms and throwing out your stuff behind your back is the worst, and he won’t do that to Chay. But he’s also been trying to respect Chay’s fuck off boundary line, no matter how much it hurts, so Chay’s going to hate him twice as much for this, fuck, he’s really thrown himself into a right pickle this time--

He should turn back now. Before he makes this worse.

Then Kim thinks of Chay collapsed in his own pile of vomit, or passed out with blood dripping from his nose, or pale with a needle still sticking out of his arm, because Kim knows the shit dealers cut their products with, because Papa had wanted him to take over the gritty side of the business, and then Kim’s inside Chay’s rooms without a second’s hesitation.

Chay’s room is a mess. Not the type of mess Kim had liked to drop in on, back when he’d surprise Chay at home and get treated to Chay frantically tidying the place while making half a dozen excuses for why Kim couldn’t come over, despite knowing Kim was watching him clean through the front window, and then finally invite Kim in and pout at him until he did something nice to make up for his bullying. This mess isn’t small piles of debris and laundry and dirty dishes--it’s several unpacked boxes growing dust in a corner, a small hamper of clean clothes infront of an empty closet, a collection of dirty glasses atop a stack of textbooks before the nightstand. If Kim hadn’t known this is Chay’s room, hadn’t secretly triple checked the security of this wing and Chay’s position to it obsessively when Chay had first moved in, he might’ve thought this the room for one of Papa’s infrequent guests. It’s…unsettling, to see a space Chay spends so much time in be so empty of his presence.

…He’s wasting time.

The rooms in this wing are all outfitted with the same basic setup: bed in the middle, oversized nightstand between it and the corner, lamp and chair in another, entrance to a full bath and toilet in the last. Usually, long term guests customize their rooms into anything besides a soulless box, but Chay hasn’t even tacked up so much as a postcard on the wall. The only thing unique is the large wooden chest with a well-loved blanket tossed over it, so that’s where Kim starts. It’s too obvious as a hiding place, and Kim almost wants to scold Chay or give him lessons on how to hide shit he wants to stay hidden, but…it’s the one piece Chay’s chosen in this room. Chay could just grab a backpack and this chest and disappear--anything he wants safe will be in it.

…The chest isn’t even locked, and Kim returns to the urge to go find and grab Chay by his shoulders and shake him until he remembers something about situational awareness, or keeping secrets, or distrusting people, or a lot of other basic caution measures, except Kim’s one of the things Chay’s currently keeping himself safe from, so that definitely won’t do him any favors. Kim settles for closing his eyes and sighing deeply through his nose.

Then he opens the chest to reveal…tentacles. Literally dozens of plastic tentacles.

What?

Kim stares down at the chest full of…plastic octopus legs? Or, at least, the tips of several of them, in all varieties of colors, from coral pink to a deep, shimmery blue. Kim even grabs one that glistens like oil slick when he moves it in the dim sunlight. They all vary in shape too, some are more sleek with just tiny bumps and ridges in different patterns, some with thick bases and thin tips and others with thin bodies and flared heads, others with strangely realistic suckers that yield under his finger tips, and then even more underneath those that look far too strange to be called proper tentacles. Kim pulls out a deep green one with a cute flower at the base and a body that curls aggressively, another that’s mostly straight but has the look of chewed bubble gum, and yet another that’s shorter than the rest but twice as thick and covered in bulging bumps.

It’s not until Kim finally pulls out a toy covered in flared ridges, scales, and other alarming geometry, but also distinctly phallic, does his brain finally accept that all of these are dildos.

Chay…Chay has a chest of sex toys in his room.

Chay has a chest of sex toys in his room.

Chay has a chest of sex toys in his room.

Kim’s brain gives up. His face is too hot for him to think, his ears are ringing with what he’s quite sure is literal steam coming directly off his brain. He keeps pulling out more new toys, unable to stop. There’s one that looks like a tongue, with twice as many veins and a bumpy texture that is much too real for the scraps of his sanity. An alarmingly long and bendy tube with a pretty rainbow gradient and a disturbing number of knobs. A dark blue dildo that seems strangely plain until it lights up with half a dozen glittery rings when he accidentally squeezes the base too hard.

Pretty, Kim thinks, then is so startled by the sound of his own thoughts he misses the sound of the door clicking open behind him.

“Kim?”

Kim actually startles, whacking his knee on the chest of sex toys, and comes face-to-face with Chay.

…While sitting in a half-circle of monster dicks.

Chay’s eyes dart from him, to the toys on the floor, to the chest, and blushes all the way to his ears. “Kim?”

#kinnporsche #fic: making assumptions #kimchay #me: i'll write this if i think it'll stay under 10k #first chapter alone: is ~7k #draft: is well over 20k already #me: am not anywhere near done #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha #who thought this was a good idea #anyways please wish me luck as i work thru this emotional hurdle aaaaaaaa #if i get enough of the beginning done ima start posting at the end of the month #fingers crossedddddd

[nyaruhodou]

I've started watching samurai flamenco because of you and I really like it so far. I just finished episode 7, so uhhh WHAT THE FUCK???

#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA #also im glad you like it so far 💜💜💜💜

[star-ocean-peahen]

last night while in bed i made up a selfsona who is my trauma but ✨make it a superhero origin story✨

#turns out theres a reason ive always loved characters who were created to be weapons but were rescued and given the chance to be human #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[jedi-skyforce]

I would like everyone to please partake in my greatest achievement

I was born for one reason and one reason only

to bring this into existence

may I present to you:

DRIPPER PINES

#hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha #gets me every time #dripper pines #dipper pines #memes #gravity falls #jemoodles #or maybe jedoodles in this case idk

[slamminslamminmcgill]

YOU ARE MAKING ME LIKE PISS NOOOO NOOOOO I HATE YOU AAAAAOOUUUU

#anon #ask #HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[hirudou]

            @raeso asked:  loosens  his  tie  to  being  slack  while  maintaining  eye  contact,  keeps  the  top  buttons  of  his  shirt  undone.  >;c

        jade  sighs,  and  shakes his  head.  "  alright  then.  "  there's  really no  helping  it,  and  yet,  he  still  fusses  over  floyd's  appearance  anyway.  shame  on  him  he  supposes.  "  at  least  remember  to  tie  your  shoes  this  time. "  laughing  out  loud  when  floyd  checks---  to  find  his  shoes  are  in  fact...tied.

unprompted / always accepting

#curious? i suppose i can tell you... ( answered asks ) #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha #made u look

[ir0n-angel]

OMG @crackinglamb​! 🤣🤣🤣

#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA #minerals #traverse the multiverse #PUNS!! #if you know then you know #Crackinglamb and Iron_Angel

[hpdgirlfriend]

why do they not care abt me unless it has to do w them ahahahahaha

#diary #thistle tag #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[gelu-the-babosa-multiversal]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

#50 likes #tumblr milestone #thank you #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[the-quotable-alberta-hansard]

November 30, 2022

Mr. van Dijken: I also want to assure Albertans that this legislation is in no way meant to cause division between our provincial government and our federal counterparts. We are actually looking to unify, not divide.

#hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha #alberta #alberta politics #ableg #Glenn van Dijken #Athabasca-Barrhead-Westlock #UCP #cdnpoli

[satan-is-a-furry]

Sometimes i feel like i don't deserve to eat anything

#of course whenever i tell my mom i didn't eat anything all day she's just like “that's great!” #hahahaHahahahahahahahahahaha #shut up axel

[djadecutie]

Yo I took screenshots of the teaser for the stuff, yahoo

#tadc #tadc pomni #tadc caine #the amazing digital circus #Some funni little screenshots of the funnys #Fun drops hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[valiisthea]

Terence gone akashic and Dion having to give him mercy...

#ha #hahahahaha #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha h a #h a h

[anethara]

I finally started my application for grad school.

#original recipe #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha who let me in here #who thought i was qualified for this

[kirillmarchenko]

alright now that’s comedy right there

#EROB HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[chocolatecakecas]

that moment when every single aspect of your life has completely fallen apart as soon as you start allowing yourself to be happy......and it happened 5 separate times this year.

#if you see this no you dont #you dont even know you dont want to know #im literally just sitting here staring into space. like theres nothing. #hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. its fine. #im. oh.