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cinamun · 1 year

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I wanted to elaborate on my comment about mental health being stigmatized with the propensity for violence. However, I understand how nothing about this situation happened in a vacuum. Elliot is a perfect example of how someone who spent years suppressing a lot of pent up emotions ends up spiraling. I would go as far as to say he has a toxic relationship with women. Think about it. He had no relationship with his mom but he knows is she abandoned him. So Hope becomes in some way the leading female figure in his life. Not to mention she had the family he always wanted. He covets her and her life and we all know where that leads. So when things didn’t work out she became yet another black woman who abandoned him. Which turned into some deep seeded resentment. That’s how misogynior comes into play. So, when he meets Hani (who has her own set of issues thanks to her father) he subconsciously hates her. She’s a reminder of what he wants but can’t have. He’s probably also expecting her to disappoint him as well. So he remains guarded. He put Hope on this pedestal that black men love to put black women on as long as they’re riding for them but as soon as the she checks them she’s knocked off. Hence him calling her a bitch that time. Hani rode with him wearing the invisible cape because she so desperately wants love thats she willing to take someone’s sloppy seconds. Yet, the moment she demands better from him she’s discarded.

Then there is Sean. I’m sure he’s probably shared on multiple occasions in one of his many drunken moments about how women ain’t shit to his son. After all Sean has not had the best of luck. Even falling for Indya was bad for his health. On top of being injured and not being able to play. He lived vicariously through Elliot. I’m sure Elliot didn’t mind playing football but is that the only value his father sees in him? SIDE-NOTE Is Elliot even his biological son? Didn’t he tell his first wife she couldn’t be pregnant because he had a vasectomy? Damn it I done lost my train of thought.

My point is at no junction in this young mans life did someone stop to notice he was not okay. Darren was the only one who showed him some love. Darren saw Elliot the boy he tried to encouraged him in the bathroom on prom night. Imagine had his dad done that everyday of his life. Or his teachers, or his coaches, or his managers and agents. Humans are naturally supposed to function in a communal society. We are supposed to be each other’s keepers. I’m rambling and lost my point but yeah. No one saw it coming because as humans we tend to be caught up in living our own lives. Which is understandable but sometimes we gotta stop and check in on folks. Life be life-ing. I’m sorry this is so long. I had so many dots I was trying to connect.

EVERYBODY COME AND READ THIS PLEASE AND THANK YOU! Sis this was an EXCELLENT deep dive into the process of the spiral that happened with Elliot. Like you pinpointed exact moments that caused certain events in this story. And this is in no way excusing his behavior WHATSOEVER! ... just so everyone is clear ...

Also yes, he's Elliot's biological dad we just don't know who the mom is, we never found out. His ex-wife lied about being pregnant.

According to Sean:

Let's just say he paid for a DNA test and the resemblance is uncanny.

But I be digressing too.

#story stuff

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loulicate-recs · 1 year

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Hello dear Hanis!

(Author’s note: hang on tight, this is a long one)

I hope you had a nice Saturday 9th :) I’m personally doing great—my computer has survived. Computerengineer!secret santa rises, apparently. The problem wasn’t so much that I couldn’t turn it on but that once it was on an error message would shop telling me to restart it or do some stuff to try to fix it and in the end I managed to fix it. Look at me being an independent woman! Anyways, I’m really glad it’s back because it was stressing me out not being sure I’d be able to keep the documents I have on here which are essential for my exam. This is not very interesting, I’m sorry for rambling about it dksqd But thank you for offering suggestions and help, that was very sweet of you!

And I know! The Machu Picchu looks magnificent. To answer you’re question, I’d say I’m not like, super duper comfy with heights without being full on scared. Like if I don’t focus on it, I’m good and even if I do, I just get a strong rush of adrenaline and shaky fingers but that’s about it! Most of the time, at least, because I did a via ferrata once, some kind of climbing route that’s supposedly super secure and I was shitting myself. I didn’t want to let go of the grips even when I was off belay and pretty much couldn’t feel my fingers anymore. I’m alive though and managed to make it to the end so at least that’s something. Have you ever climbed before? How are you with heights? One of my best friends can’t stand on a chair without wanting to die, so I know my own stress is pretty lowkey and normal I’d say-I mean, I don’t want to die you know kjdshqdh

I think I must have phrased my ideas badly last time because I actually already live in Europe, and to be fair, I quite like it here. But I am manifesting for you: I really want you to be able to move over here! I do think Europe has a lot of opportunity to offer and as someone who’s experienced living abroad for a short time (outside of Europe), Europe calls me like nothing else! I’m thinking of moving countries, experience life elsewhere basically but still within Europe because despite some major differences, there’s a community of interests and I’d be close to home while still experiencing a different culture and learning about people. I hope you find the “freedom” you yearn for here, though I’m not quite sure it’s the right word for what you’re feeling. I feel like what I’m saying makes it look as though I think Europe is better than other continents, which I don’t! It just is the place I feel most comfortable in as of now, so I hope this is not coming off as pretentious :)

Teaching! How incredible. I can’t remember if I’ve told you, but my mother actually is an English teacher. It definitely feels like quite the challenge, but I hope you’ll find joy and blossom into it. You seem amazing at speaking English anyways, how did you even get this good???

I do like having conversations much more than I like small talk! I’m not entirely sure about how much of myself I share during these convos but I do like it. As a child, I didn’t want to go play with other kids but wanted to listen to the adults talk. I think it made me incredibly curious about people and probably made me believe I was a mature child when I really wasn’t ldjsqdks this got me a big head for literally no reason and feels so stupid. And I love more learning more about the way people think and view the world :) and love love love teasing them!! Would you say you’re curious?

I love reading and rereading your fics love, it’s really no problem :) I hope we’ll get a new one in the future because they’re always super fun and cute <3

I’m not necessarily talking about your classmate when I say that but I hate people who pass off their rudeness for frankness. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be mean, or cruel and I think it’s too easy to play off rude comments for honesty when you just never cared for other people’s feelings in the first place. Do you know what I mean? It’s not super related, but it makes me feel sad knowing you’re not sharing something that’s so dear to you and makes you happy-though I kind of am the same at the end of the day.

I would never, ever have guessed you were so invested in drama! You’re a full blown and well-rounded artist it seems; a writer, an actor/actress, a director. What were the plays you played about? I’ve taken drama classes when I was younger and though I was never good at it, it was always proper fun! I kind of miss it, at times. I forgot to say it, but congrats for all of your achievements. Getting the main part is no piece of cake. I’m sure you were amazing!

Myself, I’m not really a writer, though I’ve written in the past. It’s been two years, though. I don’t think I’m smart enough to think of a whole fic even though I have some scenes playing in my head at all times. I’ll never write a 100 chaptered fic, that’s for sure, though I do enjoy long fics. I don’t think I should admit to it, but I’ve read pretty much every blff fic already dsqjdlsqkj I loved the one you mentioned, and love feels like a weak word. The world building, the characterization, the scenery? Beyond this world. 5 starts. 10 out of 10, would recommend. I’m craving for more amazing fics to read now, but it feels like a draught after BLFF which was such a prolific period. It’s like I’m going through withdrawal dskdjqslk

I can’t listen to music while reading. It’s a no. It’s easier music or reading, as listening to music already feels like an activity of its own. I’ve tried a few times and it always ends up one of two ways: I read and completely tune out the music or I can’t tune it out but I can’t read. I don’t know how people do it. I don’t. might be because I’m really dedicated to listening to music… I also love listening to podcasts, but I basically can’t do anything while listening to keep focus, besides doing something that requires no brain effort and I usually end up playing candy crush dskqjdlsk this is lame but this is me! And I completely get you, reading is a special experience, so you need to have the right circumstances to read peacefully. I personally love reading in my bed in the dark, but I can push myself to read sitting down when I really want to read with no bed available. I HATE reading at the beach, I don’t know how people do it, it’s so uncomfy. Sometimes, I really long for my bed just because I want to bury myself in a good fic and under the cover. So yeah, that’s me!

What kind of music do you listen to when you want to? Who are your favourite artists (besides the louboy)? I cant believe I almost forgot about it but I need to know your top 3 for fitf!!

Dsqdjsql I laughed reading your pun about louis being a hole kldjsl not that he’s not but it took me by surprise amongst a paragraph of praises. He’s such a slut for men it’s kind of embarrassing but eh, he can have anything he wants so at least I know he never goes a day frustrated. I love sunflowers, poppies and peonies! Can’t really say if they’re my faves but I like them. And to answer your question, I have considered it but at the moment I have a super super low maintenance plant (you only have to water her once a month) and she’s still dying. I’m not like fairy!louis in your fic, my green thumb is nonexistent.

You’re a right tease for saying you wanted to ask something and reporting it to the next message you’ll send. Now I’m scared you’ll forget what you wanted to ask and that I’ll never know dliisqjdlksq

I’m gonna end this here as I’m sure it’s about 500 words longer than what it’s supposed to be. Thank you again for your time, your words and for sharing so much with me. You’re amazing, lovely and I hope you’ll treat yourself as you deserve on Sunday <3 Love,

hi my brilliant secret santa in STEM im sorry for this overdue answer! i spent the entire day taking care of my baby cousin since her dad is being admitted to the hospital and her mom needs to be there for him, i’m still with her until tomorrow but now that she’s asleep i finally have the time to answer you :3 BIG sigh of relief to hear that your computer is back to normal! having all of your important docs there but not having the access to them because the computer conked out on you would be a disaster. google docs can’t just handle every type of documents too so i get how you felt! you can ramble about anything please don’t be sorry 🫶

i’m proud of you for having to tick off such an extreme activity despite feeling all the things you couldn’t help with! that’s definitely something. now that you’ve proven to yourself that you are able to do via ferrata, would you consider doing it again if you have the chance? :o i have done some hikings throughout the years, but even the most extreme tracks that i did could not compare to what you’ve done! i also did abseiling recently, but it was just from the 4th floor sdfghj and tbh it didn’t really do justice in measuring my height tolerance, even though i wasn’t as nervous as i thought i’d be before i did the abseiling. would love to challenge myself more soon to test my actual limit though!

I SEE. i was probably the one who read it wrong. i can see your vision, i’m happy that you’re in the comfort of your own place and i hope you won’t ever lose that no matter where you go, even within the europe because sometimes a different area offers a different atmosphere. you don’t sound pretentious to me actually, i totally get it, and i’m not trying to bootlick the europeans or sth but at least to me the whole continent seems better than where i live, and i don’t mean the whole part of asia. some countries here are actually so fun to travel to, especially the south part of thailand and the whole japan! (plus everyone seems to go everywhere for asia tour except malaysia 💔)

you never told me that omg she must be so loved by her students 🥺💓 and thank you for being hopeful for me! and god no i would say i’m pretty mid in/at/on english see sometimes grammar rules like this make me question my career path 😵‍💫 i didn’t come from a fully english oriented family, though i do speak in english sometimes with my dad but that’s it! this is gonna sound corny as fuck but honestly i’ve been learning a lot ever since i got pretty invested in louis years years ago so all 85% thanks to him. i practised how to speak from all the interviews he’s done in the past, 1d or solo and write from all the fanfics that i’ve read since 2014-15 sdfghj so he deserves the credits <3

i get you being a big head person as you enjoyed the company pf the adults more than the peers 😭 honestly i had that phase too… but at least got something beneficial out of it and i’m sure you were more mature than the other kids. this would be enough for little you! but what matters now is you DO sound so mature in all of our convos. i enjoy talking to you because of that reason, even had my first guess of who you might be because i definitely know a blouie friend who seems so brilliant all the time but that guess was proven wrong when you said you haven’t written in 2 years (this one actually brought me my second guess but i can’t know for sure! 😼) and oh i do consider myself curious but as a scorpio i think i’ve always kept that personality low-key, like people wouldn’t know i’ve been eavesdropping to their empty little convo for 40 minutes already!

i get it! rude people are just the cloves in our perfect dish so i guess sometimes we just have to swallow their bitterness before getting somewhere. and despite you also enjoying fanfics, i still have to thank you for making me comfortable to share that very one part of me with you <3 i do hope whatever it is that you LOVE to talk about for hours can be included in our daily discourses!

thank you thank you but that’s actually way toooo many compliments for a mediocre person with mediocre level of talents like me </3 i was lord capulet when we did romeo and juliet, mr algernon in the importance of being honest and mahsuri in a local play, mahsuri! it was a big transition for me for having to play such a manly, cocky character before playing the most demure malay lady 😭 ah was the drama classes you took organised by the school?

so you DID write fics, sooo sexc! were they larry or other ships? i wonder if i’ve read your fics or not i hope i didddd! you keep having some scenes playing in your head, that’s a sign 🙏 god you are amazing and you should be proud of that! i wish i had more time to speed up my blff reading </3 but here i am still not even halfway though them. and i only have around 3 weeks left before the new semester starts :’( i’d love to recommend you my favourite fics but i’m pretty sure you’ve read most of them! but if you still want me to link you, please let me know! i’ll do in the my next answer, i have to update my list. what about you though DO YOU HAVE SOME TO RECOMMEND 🤲😼 (me asking for more to slow down my blff reading even more…)

you described what i feel about listening to music whole reading perfectly and precisely, especially the beach part like? it’d get so windy over there and don’t get me started with the sand and the hotness and also the people around? sorry i just can’t ✋

hm i’d say i’m that kind of person who listens to music, album by album? sometimes when i feel like letting loose i’ll just shuffle the spotify mixes because i’ll get to sing along to music that i mostly know, and it’s the best feeling ever. but when i don’t feel like listening to something in particular, i’ll go through albums that have been catching my eyes for quite sometimes and if the albums are good, they’ll get added to my playlist and will be getting my 2nd/3rd listening until i have my final decision on whether i should keep them on my added albums or not? i definitely enjoy listening to taylor, lana, avril, 5sos, mayday parade, mcr, conan gray and marina. and GOD I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT TOO… i actually asked this to my assigned blouie sdfghj should’ve done the same with you! okay okay so firstly honourable mention to all this time and face the music 🙏 i can't ever decide on having between headline/woaf as my first, and sometimes there's out of my system and chicago squeezing their way into my top 3 too sdfghj it's really hard to choose i swear this record is so good r but here you go the songs mentioned are defo in my top 5! now your turn hey this is really important 😼

it’s true he can have anything he wants except for the justice for his arm 😢❤️‍🩹 omg all those 3 flowers are so precious, well sunflowers are more elegant if i had to describe it but your flowers >>>> dw i’ll send fairy!louis over so she can take care of your flowers for you ☹️💞

okay so this is kinda evil but you don’t have to answer tho since it may jeopardise your anonymity but i promise you i won’t look too much into it, i just simply wanna know! plus it would ruin the surprise for me as well if i sabotaged the secrecy of my santa. but who else do you stan other than louis? :o

thank you for always writing back to me so i can live up to the fantasy of my own version of letters to june (a favourite fic of mine that i’m sure you’ve read too) i know i may talk a lot but honestly you don’t have to reply to every single detail pls ik how much time and energy it’d cost you ☹️ don’t let my b1tchless-ness rants tire you out <3 love u love u mwah !

#ss #answered

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