#he has a bunch of little pots on his kitchen shelf and he just plucks leaves whenever he needs them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writingsbychlo · 4 years

Text

guilty pleasures | thomas

word count; 7902

summary; thomas is still reeling over his break up, before meeting newt’s new roommate, and his perspective changes entirely.

notes; ha, enjoy. very little plot here. pretty much just an emotional mess for Tommy. bit of an AU because, y’know, why not?

warnings; smut.

He couldn’t help the frown on his features. It had been permanently embedded there for two weeks now. His eyes were still slightly sore from the times he had spent rubbing at them aimlessly as he cried, but today, the frown was more out of anger and confusion.

Anger, irrationally, at Newt for not being at his house when Thomas needed him to be. he knew it was stupid of him to be angry at his friend. He was probably running errands or helping his sister move out and in with her girlfriend, as he had been doing for the past few days, but Thomas hadn’t exactly been in a rational place since Teresa had left him. He was confused because the girl had broken up with him out of nowhere, a three-year relationship thrown away because she had decided she just wasn’t feeling a spark anymore, and she was tired of trying.

She’d packed up all her belongings before Thomas had even gotten home that day, leaving his apartment bare of half the things that were usually in it, and making him feel more alone than ever. She hadn’t spoken to him since that day, and while they hadn’t argued or screamed at each other, a fairly placid break-up, to be fair, she had quickly cut herself off from his life.

Now, however, she was texting him, and telling him she wanted to look through some of the things they had bought together and see if any of them mattered to her. She could have them, for all Thomas cared. He didn’t want to look at them, he didn’t want them anywhere near him. He hated most of the crap that had been boxed up anyway, he’d only bought it to make Teresa happy, but the only problem was, he didn’t have it anymore.

After the breakup, Newt had arrived with a cardboard box and gone through his apartment with a ‘fine-tooth comb’, removing any and everything that might remind him of the girl who had walked out on him. The box was sat at Newt’s house, behind the locked door, and Thomas needed it back, while the anger inside him still gave him the confidence to actually go to her place and face her.

With a sigh, he decided fuck it, he would just let himself in, grab the box real quick, and be on his way. Using his foot to push over the ridiculously ugly gnome that sat by the front door, a small silver key was revealed to him, and he swiped it from its position on the stone quickly. Pushing the metal into the lock, he twisted, the door clicking open for him and he replaced the key under the ceramic figure, standing it back up before entering the house.

Pushing the door shut softly behind himself, he was barely three feet into the home before hushed tinkering in the kitchen sounded out, and his eyebrows furrowed. Newt clearly wasn’t home, his car was gone, and Sonya had been moving in with her girlfriend, most likely was Newt wasn’t here in the first place, and so Thomas had expected it to be empty.

Stepping closer to the source of the sound, he peeked into the kitchen, surprised at your figure occupying the space. His eyebrows remained furrowed as he took you in, hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, missed chunks falling around your face and tucked behind your ears. A massively oversized shirt hung from your shoulders, practically falling over the edge of one of them as it almost swamped the shorts you wore underneath it.

Turning to face him, his cheeks reddened as your scream snapped him from his curious staring, his gaze leaving your legs to fly back up to meet your eyes. Your hand was clutched to your chest, dry sticks of pasta from the now half-filled bag of spaghetti in your hands were rolling across the floor from where you had jumped in shock, and the frown that had momentarily disappeared from his lips while looking at you was back, guilt crawling in his stomach.

“Jesus, you scared the life out of me.” You mumbled, placing your spaghetti packet down on the side and using your foot to nudge some of the dropped and useless pieces into a pile on the floor. “Thomas, right?”

“Uh.. yeah?”

“Newt has been telling all about you guys. It wasn’t hard to put it together. Plus, there are pictures of you guys everywhere.” He continued to stare at you sceptically, licking his lips as he took a few steps closer to you. “I’m (Y/N), Newt’s new roommate. Well, housemate.” Leaning over the counter in the middle of the kitchen, you offered your hand to him, and he took it, shaking it gently.

“I’m Thomas, but you already knew that.” Finally, a smile cracked through on his features, only a small one, and it didn’t reach his eyes, which were still full of sadness, but it was something. Placing the spaghetti you still had into the pot of boiling water you had prepared, he watched you silently as you busied yourself around the kitchen. It wasn’t until you’d cleaned up the spilt pasta and disposed of it, while he stood in the same spot without speaking, that you faced him again.

“So, what exactly are you here for? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh! Of course, my bad. Um.. well- my, um.. my ex. There’s a box of things that Newt took from my apartment when she left me, but she keeps texting me, and she wants them.” He ran a hand through his hair, hands coming up to rub at his eyes as he sighed angrily. “Like, I don’t want them! I only bought them to make her happy, but why didn’t she just take them when she left if she wants them that bad? Is she trying to torture me?”

Pulling open the door of the fridge, you plucked two glass bottles from inside, popping the caps off of both of them and placing one down on the counter before the man. Glancing at the beer you had placed out, he let his lips tug up in the smallest of smiles at the notion, taking the cold glass between his fingers and raising it to his lips as he sat down.

The silence hung between you both again, and you stirred at the softening pasta gently, before turning your back to him and leaning against the counter beside you. Glancing up from his perch at the island in the centre of the room, his eyes scanned over you once again, shamelessly, before coming up to meet your eyes.

“You can talk to me if you want. It sorta’ seems like you need to talk it out, for your own sake, to understand it all, and I’m here to listen. If you want me to.” You shrugged off the way his eyebrows rose at the offer, instead choosing to busy yourself with your cooking once again. The second his mouth opened, he couldn’t stop the words that were flowing out. He spoke about her before they were dating when they first met in high school. He told you the story of their relationship, all the times they broke up and got back together a day later, and the way they fought, and all the happy moments that fixed them.

By the time you were placing a plate of pasta out in front of him, his cheeks were wet, eyes red, and he was all talked out. Taking a seat across from him, you merely nodded at his mumbled thank you, as he picked up the fork quickly and began to tuck into the food, clearly hungry. “You want my honest opinion, Thomas?” He looked up at you, nodding and taking a sip of his beer as he did. Twirling your pasta around your work, the metal scraped lightly against the ceramic, before the tips of his fingers brushed the back of your hand gently, stilling your movements entirely.

“I can take it, tell me what you think about it all.”

“I.. I think it was doomed from the beginning. You never had time for one another, and ask yourself honestly, did you ever really connect on anything? Or, perhaps you were just trying to make something work, that only started out based on idle fascination in college.” Your words hung heavily in the air, and he swallowed his food thickly, the only sounds filling the room for a few minutes is that of cutlery scraping against plates, and the occasional clink of beer bottled meeting the marble counter as you took a sip of your drinks. “I’m sorry, I-”

“No, don’t be. It was harsh, but it was the truth, and I think I needed it. You were right, and I think I always knew we wouldn’t make it, but it still hurts, you know?”

You did know, you’d had your fair share of bad breakups, unrequited feelings, the whole bunch. He finished his meal, clearing both of your plates away quietly into the dishwasher once you had finished, helping himself to another beer from the fridge as you moved about the kitchen together in easy harmony.

“You know what always makes me feel better?” You eventually filled the quiet, and his eyes found yours curiously, brows raised. “Getting super drunk and playing video games.” As you said that, his face cracked out in a wide grin, eyes lighting up at the thought.

“Now that’s an idea I can get behind.”

With a cheeky grin, you cheered happily, leaning up to the top cabinet and pulling the bottle of amber liquid from the top shelf, shaking the half-full bottle side to side. He held his hand up in the air, palm open to you and you swung your hand up to meet his in a high-five. The sounds echoed around the room loudly as you giggled, skipping through to the living room and dropping yourself down onto the couch.

Unscrewing the cap of the drink, the spicy smell filled the air, and you watched as he darted around the TV in front of you, switching on the console and grabbing two controllers before taking a seat beside you. Holding the bottle out to him, you shook it slightly.

“The broken-hearted can have the first drink.” With a lopsided grin, he took the bottle from you, raising it to his lips. Latching your fingers underneath, you tipped the bottle upwards, a chuckle leaving his lips as a drip of the liquid ran along his chin.

“You’re trying to get me drunk.” He teased, wiping at his chin with the back of his hand and you shrugged, setting up the first game that the two of you would be playing. The rim of the bottle pressed against your lips, and you chuckled, turning to look at him as you parted your lips, letting him tip the bottle back as the spirit burned at your throat. “I refuse to be the only drunk one. You’ll have an edge on me at Mario Kart.”

He winked at you as you shook your head, eyes squeezed shut as your throat burned from the drink. “I’m going to have an edge on you anyway, I’m amazing at this game.” You teased, and he gasped falsely, clutching his chest as he considered your words. Tucking your legs underneath yourself, you ignored the way his gaze flickered from your eyes to the way the large top you wore covered the shorts that had ridden up your thighs, your legs almost entirely exposed to him.

“I’m taking that as a challenge. Loser of each game has to drink.” He offered, and placed the bottle between the two of you on the coffee table sat before you. Holding out his hand, all fingers other than the pink were closed, that lone finger pointing out in your direction.

Locking your own pinkie with his, you shook tightly, a cheeky grin on your lips as you loaded up the first game. “Deal.”

You had lost count of how many games you had each won and lost. The tequila had run out a long time ago, and glass bottles were scattered around the living room. His head was across your lap, your fingers weaved into his hair as you laughed loudly, pure joy filling the room as he recounted many stories that only seemed to get more and more entertaining. His shoulders were light, the weight lifted from them finally as he relaxed into your grip even more.

Your head was tipped back, and you were wheezing, trying to pull breath into your lungs as you could not stop yourself from laughing, his chuckles ringing loudly in your ears as he continued to tell you the story that had you cracking up. He paused, sitting up to simply watch you in all your joy and your hand fell from his hair, a pout forming on his lips.

His fingers wrapped around your hand, your eyes opening to look at him as he pressed a kiss to your open palm, before weaving your fingers back into his hair. You swallowed thickly, your cheeks aching from all the grinning but the tension between the two of you was thicker now.

Your eyes were locked together, the faint music of a Wii console playing in the background and his fingertips dragged along your skin slowly, your hand tightening in his hair, nails scratching lightly at his scalp.

He was shuffling closer to you, with every movement, his eyes never leaving yours but you could watch them darken the closer he got. One of his hands was now cupping your cheek, the other squeezing at the bare skin of your thigh roughly, fingers pressing into the skin in a grip that sent shivers along your spine.

Your breaths were mixing now, and when he let his tongue poke out to wet at his lips, the tip licked along your bottom one slowly. Millimetres apart, you could practically taste him already, and your blood was pounding, heart thumping against your ribs. You wanted to close the gap, it was a bad idea, but you were the queen of bad ideas, you were drunk, and it would be such a deliciously guilty pleasure to indulge in.

Before you could allow yourself to make the decision, the house phone hung up on the wall blared loudly through the room, jumping in place, you scrambled to get up, the air around you feeling cold as the close proximity you had held was ripped away by your fleeing. As it reached its fourth ring, you picked it up, shaky hands bring the device to your ear as you cleared your throat.

The voice on the other end began to speak immediately, and you listened carefully to what they were saying, bracing yourself on the wall as you swayed slightly, your mind still fuzzy from all the alcohol you had consumed. Placing the phone back on the wall, you turned to face Thomas, who had stood up from the couch, his eyes fixed on you as he took slow steps in your direction.

“Who was it?”

“It was Newt. He isn’t coming back tonight, he had a few drinks at Sonya and Harriet’s, and he shouldn’t drive. He said he’ll be back tomorrow.” Your words were basically whispered, but he heard them perfectly as he closed in on you. His hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb running over your lips as the other found your hip. Backing you up, your back met the wall, the breath leaving your lungs in a shocked huff, his nose nudging against yours.

“So, you’re saying we’re going to be alone all night?” His face morphed into a sly grin as he backed away, enough to look you in the eyes, and you took your lip between your teeth, his gaze immediately honing in on the action.

“Thomas.. we shouldn’t. You only just got out of a relationship.”

“Three weeks ago.” He murmured, voice low and his body came to rest up against yours, bodies pressed flat together and a low moan slipped from your lips as that comforting heat found your body again, and he let out a deep chuckle at the sound.

“You’ll feel differently in the morning. You’ll regret it. I’m not taking the blame because you needed a rebound fuck, you can’t put that guilt on me.” You whispered, and he nodded slowly, his head dipping down as his lips brushed against yours, barely giving you enough to get even a hint of a taste, and you so craved to know how his mouth tasted.

“I don’t care how I’ll feel tomorrow. I just care how I feel now. And now-” His hand slid down from your hip, gripping at your knee as he pulled one of your legs up to hook around his waist, somehow pulling the two of you closer. “I just want to fuck you until you can’t walk. God, I want to know how you would feel wrapped around my cock, I want to know what my name would sound like when you scream it, I want to know how it would feel as shake and twitch under my fingers. I want to know how it feels when you fall apart under my touch.”

“Screw it.” You closed the gap, a low moan rumbling from his mouth and into yours as your hands came up to wrap around his shoulders, lifting yourself up to kiss him properly. His lips were wet and soft, moving against yours quickly, a delicate kiss that only sent excitement running down your spine.

He sucked on your lower lip, pulling away to nibble on it slightly and you whimpered under him, his grip on your thigh tightening in response. His eyes opened to meet yours once again, and just like that, everything shifted.

He was diving into you again, lips and tongues clashing together, and he sighed into you. His fingers slipped up from your leg to grope at your ass, fingers slipping under the denim of your shorts and nails scraping at your supple skin. His other hand dropped from holding your face, skimming along the back of your other leg as he pinched, your body jumping up with faith, and he caught you securely.

Your heels were digging into his ass, feeling it shift with every step he took until your back was meeting the cushions of the couch, his body centimetres from yours as he held himself up to look at you, fingers weaving through your hair as his hot pants washed over your face. “God, you’re so beautiful.” You smiled slightly, his finger tracing down over your jaw, before tracing over your lips, stopping in the centre. “I can’t wait to see what you look like when you cum for me, kitten.”

“Holy shit..” The words slipped from you by accident, but he took the opportunity of your parted lips to slip two of his fingers into your mouth. You closed your lips around them eagerly, sucking on them and swirling around the digit, soaking them. His jaw was hanging open, eyes hooded with lust as you did so and he retracted them with a pop.

Sitting back, he kneeled over you, fingers swiftly pushing up the shirt you wore to find the button on your jean shorts, popping it slowly and dragging the zipper down. Slipping his fingers under the fabric, they pushed straight past your panties, meeting your wet folds and a loud moan left you at the contact, your hips bucking up into him.

“You’re already soaked, kitten, and we haven’t even started yet. You’re dripping, making such a mess. What a pretty sight it is.” His tone was condescending, and you couldn't help but love it. Arousal was dripping from every word that left his tongue, only flooding you more as heat crawled along your skin, a whine leaving you as he barely brushed his finger against your clit.

“Tommy, do something!” You begged, and he cooed down at you, free hand coming up to palm at your tits through your shirt as a single finger slipped into you, slowly and teasingly until he was buried to the knuckle.

“No bra? I knew it. Your tits have been bouncing about under here with every move you’ve made, I’ve been half-hard just watching you move about since the second I walked in here.” His thoughts were spewing out loud, but the way he was twisting and curling his finger was already building you up, and you were clenching around the slender digit, body begging for something more.

He seemed to hear your plea, another finger pushing into you and a cry of his name left your lips, happiness lacing the sigh you followed it with as pleasure raced through your body, igniting every nerve and cell it met. He scissored the digits, twisting his arm as he picked up speed, easing his fingers in and out of you as he stretched you out until they were slamming into you roughly.

The material of your jeans was burning against his skin as he jolted his wrist at rapid paces, but watching the way you bit down on your lip, the way your head was tipping back and digging into the cushions or the way his name sounded falling from your lips, it made the burn worth it. He could feel your arousal, leaking from you, the way your walls were squeezing his fingers and he could only imagine just how good you would feel clenched around his cock, milking him of everything he had to give.

Slipping his thumb up, he flicked it against your clit, barely pressing down before you called out to him, your fingers digging into the material of the couch, scratching it at as you clawed at it, fisting the material between your fingers as you came. Juices were dripping down his fingers, wet sounds filling the room as he pulled his hands from your shorts, your body still twitching and your chest rising and falling at high speeds as you tried to catch your breath.

He took his fingers into his mouth, licking you clean and moaning at the taste of you, his own eyes sliding shut as he savoured your essence on his tongue. “You taste, incredible. I can’t wait to bury my face between your pretty thighs as they clamp around my head as you shake and moan for me.”

“Maybe later..” Your hand came out, reaching for him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt as you pulled yourself up into a sitting position. Your lips were brushing his tantalisingly, not in a kiss, just enough to tease him, and as he leaned forward to close the gap, you pulled away. “Right now, I just need your cock buried so deep within me that I’m seeing stars.”

A low growl left him as he stood, pulling you to your feet before him and taking your hand in his. The shorts that had been sitting on your waist loosely fell to the ground, and you stepped out of them, flicking them up with your foot and not bothering to check where they landed. He trailed your hand along his chest, and you swallowed thickly at the evidence of a well-toned and defined body beneath the fabric, your fingers twitching to rip the shirt from him so you could see, but he only took your hand lower.

The tips of your fingers met denim, and he lowered your hand over the bulge in his pants, squeezing your hand in his and groaning lowly. “That’s what you do to me, kitten. ‘M gon’ fuck you so good, no guy will ever be able to fuck you the way I do, ever again. You’ll be all mine.”

“Make me yours, Thomas. Show me what you’ve got.” His fingers popped the button on his jeans swiftly, yanking the zip down and his thumbs hooked into the waistband of his jeans and his boxers, pushing them down to his ankles as your hand found his chest, pushing him back until he was sitting on the couch.

Turning your back to him, your own fingers played with the hem of your panties, your ass in his face as you bent over to push them along your legs. His hand wrapped around his cock, tugging and pumping at it with speed as he watched you, hooded eyes focused on your dripping core. With his free hand, he found your hip, pulling backwards until you were sitting in his lap, his cock pressed between your back and his stomach, his hand still working over himself.

Lifting yourself up on shaky legs, he dragged his tips against your folds, swirling in the wetness you had for him before lining the head of his cock up with you, and you sank down onto him, a whine leaving your lips as you did. “You are so god damn tight.” His breath had been forced from his lungs, eyes rolled back in his head as your drenched heat surrounded him, already hugging him tight and you weren’t even moving yet.

Leaning forward, your hands found his legs, locking on for grip as you began to roll your hips back into his, the feeling of your walls moving against every inch of him causing both of you to moan wantonly into the hot and thick air. It was raw and needy, and purely pent up sexual frustration from the second the two of you had laid eyes on one another, but God was it good.

His fingertips were digging into your flesh as he gripped your hips, and you were sure you were going to be covered in fingerprints tomorrow, from the way he held your hips to the way he grasped your thighs, and the thought only excited you more. Circling your hips, he let out a strangled moan as you clenched around him, his fingers flexing on your hip as he bucked up into you slightly.

A small whine left his lips when you slowed the pace to tease him, and he thrust up into you as best he could, a chuckle leaving your lips at his neediness. His hands circled across to the front of your body, sliding up over your stomach to grip at your tits roughly, pawing at the palmfuls in his hands as you mewled loudly at the sensation.

You had stopped moving all together now, your walls clenching around him every time he squeezed at the mounds on your chest, electricity shooting through you as he pulled you into him, your back meeting his chest. “Kitten, I do not like to be teased. Unless you pick up the pace, I will flip you over and fuck you like there’s no tomorrow.” He nipped at your earlobe as he said it, before leaving a wet and sloppy kiss against your jaw, your head tilting to give him more access.

Your hips began to move again, bouncing up and down on his lap, his cock sliding from within you before slamming back in each time, your breathless moans filling the room as he grunted in your ear. “Oh, yeah? What would you do?”

“Firstly, I would bend you over this couch and mark up that pretty little ass of yours. I think it would just look so good, glowing cherry red as my cock was buried in your tight little pussy. Handprints all over your skin, showing everyone exactly who you belong to.” Your eyes rolled back at the simple words, and your head rolled onto his shoulder, your legs growing tired as you shook in his grasp. His fingers slid back long your stomach, one hand guiding your hips in a lazy rhythm as the others came to play with your clit, flicking and pinching the little bundle of nerves.

“W-What else?”

“Hmm, well, I think you’d just look so good covered in lovebites, so I’d mark you up real nice, just for me to see. I’d fuck you ‘til you were screaming and shaking, begging me to stop but also begging me for more, and then, you can get on your knees while I fuck this beautiful mouth of yours until I cum, and you can swallow it all like the good girl I know you are.” His fingers pinched at your clit as he reached the end of his sentence, a cry leaving your lips as you jumped in his grasp.

The muscles in your stomach were tightening, that familiar tingling was crawling from your core and along every muscle in your body. “Please, Tommy..”

“Please, what, kitten?”

“Please fuck me like you said you would.” He seemed to pause for a moment, his nose nuzzling at your shoulder gently as he placed a kiss to your shoulder blade. “Okay.”

The minute he had spoken, you were lifted from him, a displeased whine leaving you as his cock slipped from your wet core, leaving you to clench around nothing as he spun you around. Dropping you over the couch, your knees met the cushions as your arms lay against the back, and you scrabbled to hold yourself up against it as he fingers smoothed over your ass. Pulling his hand back, he brought it down in a harsh slap, your body jolting forwards as a long moan left your lips, the skin stinging as the pain added to the pleasure infinitesimally.

He repeated the action, twice more, until your legs were rubbing together, slickness coating the inside of your thighs as you tried to relieve yourself of some of the aching need. His hands skimmed along your legs as he leaned over you, kissing along your back before prying your legs apart, coolness sweeping over your heat.

He lined himself back up, nudging himself against your clit, just to watch the way you would beg and plead him, before finally, he slammed himself back inside of you, deep and full. His name left your lips in a cry, your bottom lip held prisoner between your teeth as he set a bruising pace, hips slamming in and out of you.

One hand wrapped in your hair, pulling you upwards roughly as his other hand slipped around your waist to hold you up against him tightly. Each thrust was knocking the air from your lungs, your body giving in to him entirely as his mouth found your neck. He was sucking, biting and licking at every bit of skin he could find, your body littered with marks, just for him.

Your hand came up behind you, your fingers lacing into his hair and tightening, the feeling of your fingers scratching against his scalp had his hips stuttering, faltering in their pace as he groaned, and you tugged, his lips leaving your neck. “‘M so close. Kiss me, Tommy.”

He didn’t make you ask twice, his lips descending on yours, and the messy exchange could barely be described as a kiss. His lips moved fervently against yours, his hands coming up to plays with your tits, fingers tugging at your nipples and you came, your core holding around him so tightly he could barely move as he gasped into your mouth. Your eyes were rolling back, the tip of his cock pressed to your g-spot when he stilled and you spasmed in his arms, body jerking as the most intense orgasm you had ever had torn through your body.

Your head was spinning, and he slowly fucked you through the last seconds of our climax, dragging it out for as long as he could, the sounds of you screaming his name until your throat was raw being the sweetest sound he had ever heard. Finally, he pulled out, and you collapsed onto the couch cushions, body still twitching. He grunted behind you, his hand working over himself rapidly, fingers and cock glistening with your arousal and the sight alone had heat flushing your body.

He was a fucking masterpiece.

Your fingers came out shakily, gripping his wrist to slow his pace to a halt and his eyes opened to see you as you lowered yourself to the ground before him, a hazy smirk on your lips as you looked up at him through your lashes. “Thought you wanted to fuck my ‘beautiful mouth’?” Your wink urged him into action, and he pressed his hard member against your lips, groaning happily when you parted them for him to slip between. His fingers laced into your hair, his hips stuttering as he tested how far he could bury himself.

“H-Holy shit.” You gagged around him as he tapped the back of your throat, and you pushed yourself forward until your nose was brushing against the hairs as the base of his cock, feeling him twitch and throb in your mouth as desperate pleas fell from his lips. Pulling back, he slowly thrust into your mouth, his fingers pulling at your hair, your scalp burning as tears ran down your face and saliva ran down your chin, but the sounds he was making made it all worth it.

Watching him crumble above you, was a sight that you would never forget, your core already begging for more. Coming up to grip at his thighs, your nails scraped at his skin, and he exploded. Reams of hot cum shot from his tip, covering your tongue and the insides of your cheeks as you hummed around him, causing him to release a broken moan as he gave you everything he had.

You swallowed around him happily, licking and sucking him clean as you pulled back until finally, he left your mouth with a quiet ‘pop’. His hand was held out to you lazily, pulling you to your feet and his arms looped around your waist, his nose nuzzling against your temple as he sighed happily. “That was fucking incredible, kitten.”

You merely hummed, anxiety coursing through your body as you were beginning to think a little more clearly, and you pulled away from him, your cheek leaving the soft material of the shirt he’d never even taken off as you stepped back. Looking around yourself, you located your panties on the floor, tugging the lace up your legs and avoiding his eye. Gathering up all the empty bottles you could find, you ignored the rustling of his jeans as he pulled them back up his legs, and instead made your way to the kitchen.

Disposing of the bottles in the bin, you spun around, shocked slightly to find him to have followed you, his body almost pressed up against yours as he looked at you. “Your anxiety is giving me anxiety.”

You laughed gently at his words, your hands wringing together in front of you. “I don’t normally do this. I’m trying to make it easier for you to leave, so we don’t have to talk about it. Make it weird.”

“Leave? Why would I leave?” He stepped closer, his fingers finding your waist as he pulled you into him, your fingers playing with the hem of his t-shirt and you avoided his eye.

“I figured now that we were done, you’d feel better, and you’d want to leave.”

His fingers found a place under your chin, tipping your face up until you were looking at him and he smiled at your softly, leaning down to kiss the tip of your nose. “I’m not going anywhere. I kinda’ want to cuddle. I’m getting tired.” You smiled, shaking your head at him fondly and his own smile widened when he saw yours. Leaning forward, his lips brushed the shell of your ear, fingers slipping down from your hips to squeeze as your ass. “Besides, you promised me you’d let me bury my head between your thighs, and I haven’t gotten to do that yet.”

“Oh, fuck..” You murmured, and he hummed happily, kissing at your cheek as he pulled away.

“Upstairs, clothes off, on your bed. I’ll come find you, I’ll lock the front door and turn the lights off, m’kay?” You nodded quickly, letting him place a gentle kiss to your lips before you took off up the stairs. You could hear him tinkering about behind you, and you had had barely stripped your shirt from your head when his feet began hitting the stairs.

Pushing your panties back down your legs, you threw them in the vague direction of your laundry hamper, the door pushing open as you turned to face him. He paused, his gaze raking over you slowly and he swallowed thickly at the sight of you. “God, look at you..” His hand ran over his jaw, before he tugged his own shirt up and over his head, throwing it away onto the floor.

Your eyes scanned over his torso, taking in the defined lines of toned muscle, and the dark patches of hair on his chest, and the trail leading down into his undone jeans. Your fingers reached out to him, and he stepped forward to meet you, your touch grazing over his skin so light he could barely feel it.

“I thought I said I wanted you on the bed by the time I got up here?” You had no chance to reply as he leaned down, scooping your legs out from under you and tossing you back into the cushions and quilts on your bed. A squeal left your lips as you landed, and you made to shuffle back up the bed but his hand locked around your ankle, pulling you until your ass was hanging over the edge as he knelt on the floor between your legs.

Kissing his way up to your thigh slowly, you squirmed in his grasp, an unhappy whine leaving your lips as he did so. Biting at the skin gently, he finally reached where you wanted him, and he blew cold air against you, chuckling darkly at the way your hips bucked up, a gasp sounding from you.

Without warning, his arms wrapped around the outside of your thighs, tongue swiping through your folds to suck at the wetness that was already building and you moaned, hips jumping as your hands came down to thread into the dark, fluffy hair on his head. His nose nudges against your clit before he moved up to suck the swollen bud between his lips harshly. His name echoed from the walls of the room as you moaned it wantonly, the feeling of his mouth swirling and sucking at your wetness had you landing on cloud nine.

You rolled your chips upwards, grinding your hips into his face and he released something between a growl and hum against you, the feeling shooting along your body and setting your nerves alight. You were covered in goosebumps, body jumping and writhing wildly in his grasp as he pinned your hips to the bed.

Circling your entrance with his tongue, he pushed the muscle into you just slightly, letting you clench around it before he retracted it, teasing you mercilessly as you whimpered and begged for him. Finally, he gave into to you cries, plunging his tongue into you and your back arched up, leaving the bed as your fingers pulled at his hair. The sounds you were making only spurred him on, his mouth moving against you like you were his last meal as he hungered for everything you were giving him, licking you clean and moaning into your core as he went.

Your climax was building rapidly, and one of the hands holding your waist slipped down, fingers pinching at your clit and rolling it between the pads, the stimulation throwing you into another orgasm. You jerked in his grasp as you came, letting him lick you clean until the feeling of his mouth on your centre was too much, and you were pushing yourself backwards up the bed and away from his touch.

He looked up at you as you sighed happily, thoroughly spent and fucked out as you lay among the blankets, and he stood up, dropping his jeans to join the pile on the floor before crawling up the bed, collapsing next to you lazily with an arm slung over your waist. You were too tired to even pull the blankets over yourself, never mind get dressed, and you let him pull you back into his chest.

He did the work, tugging the sheets up and over our bodies as you settled into his warmth, his lips pressing occasional kisses to the back of your neck as your eyes drooped. Whatever you had to deal with tomorrow sounded like a bridge you’d cross when you reached it, but right now, you were happy just falling asleep in his arms as he held you.

You awoke with a sudden start, your eyes snapping open and you became vaguely aware of the unusual but comfortable warmth around you. Twisting slowly under the arm that was around your waist, you turned to face the man sleeping beside you, his features softened and at ease as he slept peacefully beside you.

His lips were pouted slightly in his sleep, eyebrows raised, and you traced your finger along the bridge of his nose carefully, lightly enough not to wake him before lifting his arm from your waist, rolling from the bed quietly and replacing your form with a pillow. Tugging a fresh pair of pantied up your legs and a fresh shirt over your head, you ran your fingers through your hair to tame it, before making your way down the stairs quietly.

You had set off the bacon, sausages keeping warm on plates as the toast cooked, and you tapped an egg against the side of the pan, cracking it before releasing the contents into the hot oil to sizzle. Hands found your waist, circling to rest on your stomach as you were pulled back into a warm chest. “Good morning, beautiful.”

He’d pulled his own shirt on, leaving his jeans on the floor as he’d made his way downstairs, and he pressed a kiss to the back of your head before making his way over to the fridge.

Pulling a carton of fruit juice from inside, he held it up to you for approval before grabbing two glasses from the cabinet beside your head and pouring you both a glass, setting them out on the island before making his way back to you. His knuckles ran over your arm as he leaned against his hip on the counter, watching you as you watched the food, not looking up to him. “You’re being all quiet and anxious again. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I just figured you would be running as fast as you could right now when you sobered up and realised what you did.” Yu eventually spoke to him, and his touch on your arm stilled for a second before his fingers dropped to find yours, lacing them together gently.

“When I woke up this morning, I was happier than I had been in a long time. The only thing that would’ve made it better is if you would have been there with me, still in my arms.” You turned to look at him, giving him a sceptical look as you turned the hob off, reaching for a set of plates before he stopped you, turning you to face him fully. “I think I connected with you more in one drunken night - before we fucked - than I ever did with Teresa, and that’s the truth. I don’t want to rush into anything, but for now, I’d really like if we could have breakfast, and just be happy.”

You weren’t sure what to say, your lips parted as you jaw hung loose slightly and a hopeful smile flicked at his features as he watched you. Leaning in, the breath between you both shared as his nose bumped against yours, waiting for your permission before you closed the gap, a soft sigh leaving him as you did. He moved his lips against your own slowly, smiling into the kiss as he pulled away, tucking some of your hair behind your ear.

The sound of keys in the front door had both of your eyes widening, and as the sound of the lock opening startled you more, you backed away from one another, your cheeks flushing as you turned back to the stove, Thomas standing awkwardly in the kitchen, unable to move before Newt approached the doorway, looking through the letters in his hands.

“Hey, you got some-” He paused as he finally looked up, eyes narrowing as he took in Thomas standing in the middle of the room, your back to him as you searched the cupboards for plates. “Tommy, hey.”

“Hey, Newt..”

“Where are your pants, mate?” Thomas’ head dropped to look at his boxer clad legs before back up to his friend, and you snickered into the cupboard, pulling out three plates and laying them on the counter before you, deciding you were clearly going to have to split the food three ways now.

“He came over to see you yesterday, but you weren’t here, so he stayed for a few drinks and didn’t want to drive home drunk.” You shrugged, and Newt hummed, pouring his own glass of juice before taking a seat at the counter. Thomas sat opposite him, cheeks still flaming red. “That doesn’t explain why you have no pants on. Why are you chasing my housemate around in your underwear?” He was teasing now, and you cleared your throat, placing a plate of food down in front of him to distract him and it seemed to work as he tucked in hungrily. You served yourself and Thomas up some breakfast as well, taking a seat and trying to avoid the tension in the air. Newt wasn’t even looking up when he next spoke, but it caught you off guard; “Nice hickies, Tommy.”

Your eyes looked to the boy’s neck, brows furrowed as his skin sat clean and Thomas lifted the salt shaker from the middle of the counter up, using it’s slightly distorted reflection to look at his neck. “I don’t have any hickies?”

“No, but (Y/N) does.” Your hands flew up to your neck as Thomas looked over, wide-eyed, before his face just cracked into a smirk, a chuckle leaving his lips and Newt proudly ate his food, looking between the two of you. “Your shorts are still hanging off the back of the couch love. Saw ‘me when I came in.”

Your head dropped into your hands in embarrassment, both of the boys laughing lowly as you cursed, whining at their continued amusement. When you finally looked back up, Newt was just shaking his head as he ate his food, and Thomas winked at you, pushing a forkful of bacon into his mouth.

“At least I don’t have to set you up on that blind date, now. Seems you found her all by yourself.”

Thomas’ eyes found yours again, and this time they were filled with something more, a twinkle in his eye as he looked at you, swallowing his food thickly before turning back to his friend.

“Yeah, I did. She’s perfect for me.”

480 notes · View notes

teaforten · 4 years

Text

Rabbit and the Monkey Cups - (Part 1/2)

Did you need AIW fanfic? Here is AIW fanfic.

I haven’t written in a long time for this show, but it was Rachel’s birthday and I decided to turn a little thing into a big thing. But didn’t finish it, so this is part one of two.

Here’s a preview, and the rest is under cut. Tumblr wanted to put a bunch of spaces in between every paragraph and frankly I don’t have the energy to take them all out, so sorry about that.

Preview:

Wondermart was having a huge clearance sale on Halloween stuff, so Hatter and Hare were promptly there on a crisp November afternoon, to hit two birds with one stone. You see, Rabbit’s birthday was at the end of the week. How did they know? Alice had just told them. She was tagging along right behind them, actually, mentioning it in a timid fashion, because she herself was unsure what to get the bunny, or any bunny really, let alone one of his age.

“Ahhh, there’s got to be something here,” Hatter said to the other two confidently.

“You think he might want a new cape?” Hare wondered, patting at some leftover Dracula capes at the end of a costume rack.

“It’s possible. How about a skull? You think he needs one of these?” By now, Alice was squinting as Hatter plucked up a funky glow-in-the-dark skull from a shelf of cheap yard decorations.

“No, let’s get him this candy bowl,” Hare suggested, though just as he indicated it, the plastic skeleton’s hands guarding its mouth closed around his hand and gave him a serious jolt.

“You guys...” Alice started.

“I want that for myself,” Hatter told Hare.

“Hell if you’re keeping that in your kitchen!”

“It’ll be great for my cookies!” Hatter insisted, with a scowl. “Lord knows you’re not keeping me away from them!”

“You GUYS.”

“Huh?” They both turned to her obliviously, holding each side of the bowl as the skeleton hands slapped open and closed.

“I don’t think Rabbit wants leftover Halloween stuff for his birthday,” she tried to tell them, in what was the most neutral voice she could manage.

“Are you sure?” Hatter wondered. She just rolled her eyes.

“Why don’t we try, uh, some plants at the nursery, or, or a sleep mask? Some fuzzy slippers?”

Her two companions looked to each other and shrugged like she might have a point.

So off to the Wonderland nursery they went, where Alice was plucking up pots of pansies and tulips and flashing them at Hatter and Hare, who seemed not at all impressed. “I mean they’re fine if you just want something to take up space in your window sill,” Hare told her with his eyes half closed. Alice was silent, as she really didn’t see a problem with this. “Alice. Alice Alice Alice~~” Hare drawled, looking around the nursery like he was embarrassed to have to explain this to her. “When my Grandpa December was around the Rabbit’s age, he was going through his very last existential crisis, and the last thing he needed was to fill up his window sills.”

Hatter nodded emphatically. “Mhm. Mhm. That’s a mid-life crisis kind of present.”

“What we need to get the Rabbit is something that reminds him that he’s in control of his life again.”

“Right! Something that says twilight can be just as exciting as any sunrise,” Hatter chipped in, swooping his hand into the air.

“I don’t know where you’re going with this,” Alice told them.

“Well obviously--” Hatter started... then he turned to Hare, looking for some help. “Where are we going with this?”

Hare was all shifty-eyed by now. “Come. Come, my children,” he said.

In no time, they were being led to the “restricted” section of the nursery… a shady little greenhouse shack thingy-mabob… covered with vines and thorns. And the woman helping customers there looked awfully witchy. Her wiry salt and pepper hair was stacked onto her head in a bun, almost all of her fingers had a ring, and she was walking around with a hunch. It gave Alice the creeps. Hatter, too. He was trying to hide behind her, actually, and it wasn’t working out very well.

“Do you have a membership card?” She asked Hare, also looking very shifty-eyed. Hare took out his wallet and flashed the goods. Then she jerked up her chin like a bouncer who had recognized one of their own, as if to say “a’iiiight, ya’ll’s cool to go in”...

In a very interesting turn of events, it was Hatter clutching Hare’s arm and nibbling his knuckles, and Alice trailing behind them, using his coat-tails as some kind of safety leash.

“Poisonous… carnivorous…” Alice read the signs hesitantly as they passed them.

“Cadaverous… smelly?!” Hatter screeched.

“Oh, the smelliest!” Hare flapped his hands and kept walking.

“I don’t think the Rabbit is going to want a smelly plant, Mr. Hare. After all, he’ll have to keep it at the palace, and if the Queen doesn’t like it…” Alice started.

“Well then I know! We’ll get him a guard plant!” Hare concluded. Hatter seemed both extremely terrified and extremely excited about seeing which selections of guard plant this place had.

“There are plants that can guard palaces?” Alice wondered incredulously.

“Shhh, everyone be quiet,” Hare told them. They weren’t far from an enclosure where a deep crimson light was shining on a beastly looking growth in the corner of the greenhouse. At its base was an array of spikey pads clustering around even spikier shoots and bulbs -- all more or less foaming at the mouths, or whatever it had.

“What? It can’t hear us--” Alice tried to say before Hatter’s hand fell over her mouth.

“You don’t know that,” he stage-whispered without looking at her. She almost had the nerve to bite him. Evidently, Hare had immediately forgotten to show any caution once he realized what was in the enclosure because he was bursting at the seams and hopping in place like a cheerleader without pom-poms.

“Oh, WOW. They said they were going to order it in, but I HONESTLY DIDN’T BELIEVE THEM. Look you guys, it’s a GIANT CATAPULTING FLYPAPER TRAP! And no wonder they’ve got these bars: someone could fall right into that thing and they’d be a GONER,” Hare told them, tenting his fingers and grinning from ear to ear, with every possible dimple in his face showing.

“Geez, Mr. Hare. I never realized you were so, well, morbid.” Hare looked mildly surprised for a second, then just shrugged.

“Anyway, Rabbit could never handle something like this. And look at the price. Oof!” They watched Hare take out a neon green notepad from his pocket and scribble down a note. “Reminder to myself to break open the ole piggy bank when I get home. I just might have enough!”

It was Hatter’s turn to lay down the line:

“Hell if you’re keeping that in your garden!”

“Oh, I wouldn’t put it in my garden. I’d put it in my dungeon,” Hare told him matter-of-factly.

“Ohhhhh. Well in that case… just remember to show it who’s boss.” A whole lotta eyebrow wiggling and elbow jabbing took place before Alice could no longer sit with this image. She pointed at the first thing she saw.

“Uhh, what about this? This looks exciting enough. What is it?” She asked Hare, who was even blushing by now. He cleared his throat.

“Oh, those are… I think I remember… oh yes! Monkey cups!”

“Monkey cups? That doesn’t sound too scary.”

Hatter and Hare shrugged. Their minds had clearly moved on to other things. “Nahhhh, guess not! It’d probably be perfect for Rabbit - he can feed it bugs and stuff when he’s having a bad day. Hahahahhaha!” Alice frowned just as soon as he winked at her. “What? We all know he has a sadistic side.”

@ @ @

As cool as the plant was, Alice wasn’t particularly sold on the idea that Rabbit would be satisfied with just that kind of gift on his birthday, so she begged and pleaded for them to come with her to hit the nearest convenience store. They were being absolute drama kings about it as if they were in some kind of black and white purgatory hell as she perused the greeting card section for just the right one.

“Come on, Alice. How is this watercolor pastel painting of flowers any different from the other ten that you looked at?” Hatter wondered with his eyes rolled back into his head and his giant purple body slumped up against one of the flimsy card racks. A clerk nearby could now see how precarious this situation looked and was watching them carefully.

“And they all say happy birthday!” Hare chimed in as he wandered up to Alice’s side. As he did so, she noticed that he was holding the pot of monkey cups off to one side of his chest, almost as if he had been breastfeeding them or something. He also randomly had a hiccup blanket over his shoulder. She scrunched up her face for a second before she had a response prepared.

“Yes, but they just don’t have that… oomf!” Alice told them, making sort of a “glitter exploding” gesture with her hand.

The both of them repeated the word several times to each other, also imitating the gesture.

“You know. A certain... je ne sais quoi?” She emphasized, even getting on her tippy toes. Hatter tilted his head and mimed the phrase in confusion while Hare tried to pronounce it. He even handed Hatter the plant so he could sort of pop his booty out and tip his toe, while still butchering the phrase spectacularly. Alice smiled and rolled her eyes. “It’s French. I learned it from my penpal, Yvette. It means. Well, it means that you don’t know what it means. But it’s something special.”

Hatter frowned.

“Alice, do you even know why we’re here?” He asked.

“Because we’ve been trying to figure it out for the past eternity.”

“We’ve been here for five or ten minutes tops. And yes, I know why I’m-- DUM!” She hopped when she saw a familiar face pass the glass from the outside. The Tweedles were on their way to the front doors. Hatter and Hare cranked their necks as the bell on the door jingled, while Alice went to greet the twins without a moment’s hesitation, as if they were rescuing her. It would seem they might have also been whispering their hellos and other exchanges, which was just plain rude, in Hatter’s opinion, based on the way he squished up his lips. He looked Hare in the eye and nothing further needed to be said.

Just as the Tweedles were heading back with Alice to the card section, they passed Hatter and Hare, who were on their way to the door. “Oh hey, you two!” Dee greeted, followed by some timid waving by Dum. “Hey guys, uh, we’re just gonna be going,” Hare told them, jutting his thumb out with a crooked smile. “It’s these poor little guys’ nap time.”

“Uhh yeah, and we’d hate to be a 4th and 5th wheel,” Hatter muttered, sort of coddling the monkey cups and shielding them from the Tweedles’ view. Hare was equally concerned about this and hovered around him, trying to put the hiccup blanket, which had a soft little cartoon cactus print, around Hatter’s arm and over the plant, going “sh sh sh…”

Dee cocked his brow and didn’t say a thing until they were gone.

Then, once they were:

“Why are they going around babying a patch of bright green dangling plant dicks?” Just as soon as he said it, Dum was seized by cackles… and more or less so was Alice. But hearing“Mr. Dee” talk like that was highly unusual.

She wanted to speak but couldn’t stop laughing and started sinking into herself. Dum had to pull her up before she hit the floor. “What?! What is it, Alice?! XD” He kept asking her.

“They’re not plant weeners!” She peeped into his ear, still trying to properly breathe again. “They’re m-monkey cups! They’re for the Rabbit! For his birthday!”

This started a whole new round of reeling between the Tweedles, which garnered the attention of the store clerk, who still wasn’t happy about Hatter leaning on all the card racks.

“Excuse me… do you three plan on buying anything?” He asked. He was old, uptight, and easy to dismiss.

“Oh yeah, sure,” Dee told him, swishing his hands before he let them fall on Dum and Alice’s shoulders. On their way to the cards, Alice tried to explain the meandering logic that had led her and her eccentric companions to and from the nursery today, with such an odd purchase.

“Well just make sure the Hare keeps the receipt, is all I’ve got to say!” Dum told her, earning a high-five from Dee.

“You guys wanna help me find something else?” She wondered, quite relieved just to be hearing sensible sentiments again. Dee thought about if he had any plans for the day.

“I’m game.”

“Yeah, so am I,” Dum said.

“A’ight. Let’s find something with some real je ne sais quoi around here and then hit that sleep store across from Just Add Sugar!” Dee turned up his nose with a smug smile like he knew exactly what he was doing. And he probably did.

@ @ @

It was five-thirty in the afternoon and Hatter and Hare were tipped back in their chairs with their bellies full of crumpets, cookies, and jam. And tea, of course. Lots and lots of tea. Beside the Hare was one of those bouncy baby seats that he periodically tipped with his foot. And inside of the baby seat was the pot of monkey cups, wrapped up in the cactus blanket. Several crumpet crumbs were surrounding it. “Do you think it liked the crumpets?” Hatter was busy scraping food out of his teeth and was probably in a food coma when he answered:

“I mean, it ate them, didn’t it?”

“I think so.”

Just then, they saw the Tweedles and Alice frolicking by, flailing shopping bags and sipping slurpees. It was an immediate outrage. Then they slam-dumped the empty cups into Hatter’s trash-can outside the gate. “Oh hi, Hatter and Hare!” Dum shrieked cheerily in a blur.

“Bye, Hatter and Hare!” Dee shouted, just as they were opening their mouths. Alice apparently didn’t even notice where they were or whose house they were passing. It just looked like she had been having the time of her life, or something.

“You know, sometimes, Hare… I don’t know about that girl.”

@ @ @

The day of Rabbit’s birthday, Hare was simply a sobbing mess, and Hatter was having to do a lot of bedraggled consoling that frankly he was not prepared for, in order to make this visit to the palace even possible.

“Come on, Hare,” he told him, trying to pry the plant from his needy little fingers. It was not unlike trying to pry a fly from a venus fly trap. Except this fly trap was worried about the fly and was sure that keeping it in its mouth forever was the only way to keep it safe. Just as it popped free from Hare’s desperate clasp, his arms collapsed in his chest and his knees hit the ground as he wailed:

“We shouldn’t have bought them so early in the week! Now they think I’m their ma, and they’ll miss me terribly!”

Hatter frowned, then realized that he was sort of petting one of them. “Hey, what about me?”

Hare shrugged as a tear pooled in his eye. “They’ll sort of miss you too.” Hatter turned to the fourth wall and just stared. “But every plant needs their ma!”

“Then the Rabbit can be their godmother! Their fairy-godmother! Ahhh? He’ll let you visit, I’m sure.” Hatter’s proposal wasn’t all that bad. Still, Hare was caught up in a moment and could only sniffle, so his partner gave him a heavy pat on the shoulder and walked past him. “Now, I’m gonna take these guys out for one last walk, and then we’ll head to the palace. Take a hit off the hookah, if you need.”

@ @ @

The palace courtyard was unusually quiet that day. Hatter and Hare were thinking there’d either be some sort of bash already started, or they’d have to get into an argument with the Queen about letting Rabbit have free time on his birthday. Instead, they found him kicked up on the chaise lounge, being fanned with a giant banana leaf by Alice. Totally oblivious to their presence, as he was wearing a thick cushy sleep mask and slurping up a tropical smoothie with an umbrella, Rabbit had more or less slipped into nirvana, or as close to it as an old servant would ever get. On the nearest table was a catalogue for the sleep store Alice had visited with the Tweedles, there were brand new, fuzzy wuzzy bunny slippers on the floor next to him, and even a gift basket filled with soaps, bath salts, and the most basic bitch teas Hatter had ever seen. Not that he would say anything.

But he had to say something, because poor ole Hare was still waiting for his hit off the hookah to kick in and had red eyes that could be seen from a mile away. He even forgot to stand and face their friends. Hatter grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him in the right direction.

“Rabbbitttttt!” He shouted at the bunny.

“Mmmmmmm...yyyyyesss???” Hold up a moment. The peaceful smile on the Rabbit’s face slowly fell as he realized he had heard the voice of someone he was sure in the past had never helped him achieve any sort of serenity. He snatched off the sleep mask. “Oh, hello... Hatter. Hare.” He was sort of leaning back and away from them now. Luckily, he couldn’t see that Alice was behind him, trying to hold it together.

“A little birdie told us it was your birthday today!”

“A little birdie?” Rabbit scrunched up his face, confused.

“He means me,” Alice said sweetly over his shoulder.

“Oh, but you’aaa~ not a bird!”

“Yeah, but she overhears all kinds of things, like a bird on a tree-branch!” Hatter explained, to which Alice nodded, “and that was the only way we were going to know it was your birthday, you secretive, sly, s-selectively friendly…s-senior citizen--”

“You had better get on with whatever you came here for, Hatta~...” Rabbit muttered, just as Hatter felt a tickle in his throat.

“Ahem! Yes.” He turned to Hare, who had been trying to blot a tear with the cactus blanket without anyone noticing. “Uh, Hare, why don’t you take the blanket off and show Rabbit this wondeeerfulll, spectaccuullar giftttt, ahhhh?” Hatter tried his best to sprinkle all the razzle-dazzle of two people onto the reveal, but no matter of twisting and twirling elicited much of a reaction out of Rabbit once he saw under the blanket. And he only had one thing to say.

“My, those are awfully phallic, aren’t they…”

Alice just bit her lip.

“What’s ‘phallic’?” Hatter questioned, not yet sure if he should feel validated or offended. Alice shrugged, as she didn’t know either. Rabbit immediately regretted that it had ever fallen from his mouth.

“Uhhh… Well what are they, anyway?” He diverted.

The Tweedles, meanwhile, had been oo’ing and ah’ing at all the boring af statues the Queen put up in one of her hallways, like really putting on an oscar worthy performance out of the sincerest desire for Rabbit to have some alone time with his gifts in that chair. When they were back to the courtyard with her majesty, however, they were having a really hard time keeping a straight face while a clueless Hatter and an unreasonably forlorn Hare waved around the bright green plant dicks monkey cups and pitched them like they were going to be Rabbit’s newest obsession.

All they had to do was step into Alice’s vicinity and make eye-contact with her and she was already giggling.

“So you see, Rabbit, this isn’t just some midlife-crisis window-sill filler… set these up at your table on bingo nights and you’ll have all the bunny ladies crowding around, knowing you’re up to something.”

“And what exactly am I up to?” Rabbit cocked his eyebrow, quite distracted by their striking resemblance to, well, cocks.

“Bein’ a plant daddy,” Hatter told him, smiling and nodding like he was very sure of himself, “to a hardcore plant that’ll eat all the bugs in your garden. Even frogs, too!”

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!” Was Rabbit’s first reaction. Then he leaned forward and tapped one of the cups before the Queen belted from behind him.

“That’s BARBARIC.” Immediately, Rabbit fell right on his face on the floor beside the lounge, then had to prop himself up and heave a little when he realized she had been so close to him all along. “Why would you get Rabbit a gift like that!”

Hare had recoiled just as much as Hatter, but he looked more defeated than anything else that neither of them were impressed with his gift, especially now that they were his babies that he’d raised for a week. Once again, Hatter had to do the explaining, patting Hare’s hand, which was squeezing his arm, all the while.

“We thought he needed some excitement!”

“He has PLENTY of excitement around here!”

Rabbit darted his eyes around. He wasn’t about to disagree with her, because technically she was right, it’s just… it wasn’t the good kind of excitement. The Tweedles and Alice were feeling even surer about their gifts by now.

“Well then really, this plant can keep up with him, is all we’re saying,” Hatter told her, not even missing a beat. “Oh look, it already likes him!”

For the first time in the last five minutes, Hare had something to say: “It does?”

Hatter gave him a look. “Uhhh, of course it does, Hare. Hand it over. Wouldn’t want to keep these two parted.” Try as he may to sort of direct the pot towards the birthday bunny himself, Hare was sort of squeezing it close and didn’t know how to let go. Rabbit, meanwhile, looked completely flabbergasted as he sat there on the floor beneath those looming plant dongs. The Queen threw up her hands, which just elicited more of the Tweedles’ giggling.

“You have GOT to be kidding me!”

“Uhh, they mean well, Your Majesty!” Alice tried to step in, being the noble child among the group and all that. “I mean if you think about it… it’s just as silly as any other gift they’ve given him…”

“Hmph, you’re right… there’s no way this is a joke,” her Majesty answered back in a deep voice, with her chin tucked into her neck. Then all five of them just kept watching Hatter and Hare fuss over the pot.

“Hare, just let go! One finger at a time. Come on, now.”

“I’m trying!” Hare pouted.

“I highly doubt that!”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be a mother!”

“No, but I know what it’s like to live with one!”

“DON’T shame me for being an empath!” Hare growled through his tears, still with the cactus blanket thrown over his shoulder.

“Alright you two, listen!” Rabbit professed, just before he scurried to his feet and yanked at his vest, then patted a few fuzzballs away. “I’ll keep the plant for a few days and see how it goes, but I want He’a~ on call at all times! He obviously has a grrreener thumb than I~, but I appreciate your thinking of me on my birthdehh~, so I shall try my best. Ehh… provided her Majesty approves.”

They all slowly turned to her in suspense, looking somewhere on a spectrum between apprehensive and hopeful. And then there were the Tweedles, who were just about to whip out their popcorn bowls. The Queen squinted at them for a moment before she decided it was not her circus, not her monkeys. Well, hopefully.

“Fine. But I don’t want to hear a thing about it. Call the Hare if it gives you any trouble, and if he can’t help you, hohohhhh,” her eyes bulged as she cut her hands into the air, “it’s straight back to the nursery.”

“Of course, of course. Ehh… thank you.” Rabbit nodded to the Queen awkwardly before he turned to Hare and opened his hands to receive the plant. Hare just stared at him until Hatter leaned into him.

“Give Rabbit the plant, Hare.”

“Eheheheh! Right,” he said, his arms extending out with a tremble to relinquish his babies to his favorite frenemy. Rabbit took hold of the pot and tried not to cringe as the dongs sweeping over the side brushed his forearm. Try as he may to bring them closer to his chest, Hare came with them. He laughed and gave them a better tug, which prompted Hare to tug them back. Before everyone knew it they were bouncing back and forth. Finally, Hatter took Hare’s shoulders and held him in place, so that Rabbit could pluck the monkey cups out of his motherly smother, and inspect them with none of the same sort of affection.

“Eheheh, loveleh~ loveleh~~...” he trailed. “Well, I’d better- eh, put these somewhere. T-thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes and gifts… You’re all too kind.”

“OH WAIT, RABBIT,” Hare screeched, wriggling out of Hatter’s grasp and pulling a baby bag out of nowhere.

“This is all of his stuff!” When Rabbit took it from him, his arm plummeted as if he had just taken a bag of bowling balls.

“Gee, thanks, I feel so prepared now~” He said through his teeth to the fourth wall. Then he fluttered his fingers and rolled away. Hare looked at least somewhat reassured as Hatter patted him on the back and he blew his nose.

Part 2 coming soon!...

#adventures in wonderland #fanfiction #fanfic #hatter and hare #rabbit #don't even know how to tag this #I wrote it #lmao #me and my meandering plots #rabbit gets a gift he wasn't prepared for #that is extremely phallic #and ruins the queen's life #PG-13 #hatter mentions a hookah #hatter and hare are definitely secretly a couple

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