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benscursedkid · 5 years

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could i perhaps request 9 + felix... maybe?¿

of course!! thank you for requesting!! enjoy!

felix x slytherin!mc!reader

words: 1.8k ~ oops…

genre: angst

warnings: no actual sexual content, but it is heavily implied!!

a/n: this takes place after mc’s graduation!! and my own mc is a ravenclaw so i’ve never experienced felix as my prefect myself– just a heads-up. i’ve also never written for felix before so i hope you enjoy!!

*i tried to make this gender neutral seeing as idk what you guys want nor like so if you don’t specify in the request, the mc will likely be gender neutral. i am willing to write for both genders, no matter the pairing, though!!*

“You need to find happiness without me.”

Its only a whisper, something mumbled under your breath as you slip your shirt back on, but it was enough.

Felix sighs from his place, spread out across his king sized bed, something that he’s realized is way too big for one lone person. It was this realization, along with many others, that led him to inviting you in it all those months ago. Like a fool, you accepted.

Even now, as he gets up wordlessly to hand you your jacket, you haven’t changed. You were a fool back in school for many reasons –reasons you’ve tried hard to forget– you were a fool when you agreed to whatever arrangement this is, and you’re still a fool now for not being able to quit it.

Though, really, it’s him that you can’t quit… How pathetic.

You decide to push forth with this topic of conversation. You know he heard you before and it’s long overdue anyhow. “You do know that, don’t you, Felix?”

The man in question hums, his brows crinkling. “Know what?” He asks, even if you both know it’s a weak effort.

A huff escapes you as you tie up your laces, looking up at him as he stands before you. “Don’t play that with me, Felix. We both know you’re not that thick.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Comes his immediate reply and you inwardly curse wherever this stubbornness is coming from. “Look, MC, can’t we just leave this alone? I mean, this arrangement works so why change it now?”

“It works for you,” You growl, abandoning the other foot in favor of meeting his gaze. He looks properly disheveled; his usually slicked back hair is a mess of rogue strands, his pale skin shines with drying sweat, and his lips are swollen and red.

If you had told yourself a few months ago that this is a sight you’d soon become used to seeing, you would have laughed. You would have thought that there was no way in the world that the guy you had a crush on when you were young would ever reciprocate your feelings, especially after all this time. You were right of course, but for once you wish you weren’t.

“MC–”

“No, Felix, I’m sorry, but it had to be said! I know you know how I feel about you, you’d have to be outrageously dull not to,” The brunette’s mouth has snapped shut, not having expected this from you. Not when you were normally so quiet after your ‘visits’.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you take a moment to collect yourself before diving back in.

“…Felix, I know what this is, I’m not that little kid that you knew before,” Your companion visibly stiffens at the accusation, but true to self he stays calm, not giving away more than that. “If you wanted someone to replace that hole they left in you, then you should have just asked.”

He blinks; once, twice. “You know about that?”

“Everyone knows about that,” You say, your tone softening ever so slightly at the reminder.

Unfortunately, word of Felix’s failed relationship had long since gotten around by the time you’d ran into him again. At first it made you sad, thinking about what he must have been going through. Four years of your time dedicated to someone only to have them leave you like it was nothing. It’s a feeling you’re familiar with. Granted it was your brother who left you, but you’re sure it hurts all the same.

You had almost made up your mind to stay out of it until you found yourself stumbling into his place at an ungodly hour of the night, only to disappear out the back door before morning. It was then that you had started to wonder if maybe he had gotten over it quicker than anyone anticipated. Though, a part of you always knew he hadn’t. You just suppose that sometimes, if you’re desperate enough, you can convince yourself that all the pieces are in place, that things are better than they are.

Currently, Felix curses to himself, a rare sight. A hand flies to massage his temples, before he spins back around to face you.

His mouth opens and closes mutely, sadly. Not a sound comes out as he searches for the right words. You watch, silently, as all fail him.

“MC…” Felix ventures, licking his lips that have since gone dry. His tone is soft, cautious as if he were speaking to a child. “I-I didn’t mean to… to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”

You offer a small nod, but you refuse to meet his eyes lest you fall back into them.

“I’m sorry,” Slips past his lips next and at that you manage to finally drag your stare back up to his. “For being selfish with you.”

For a moment you say nothing and neither does he. The only sound comes from the life outside and you swear the moon hates you, if the way the moonlight illuminates his face just right is of any indication. The silence between you is thick with tension and heavy with a kind of truth that only comes from heartache.

You hate it.

“MC–”

“What am I to you?”

He reels, taken aback by your sudden question. You know you probably shouldn’t have taken this there, that you likely won’t like any answer he gives you– because it’s not the one you want –but you couldn’t help yourself. The thought has plagued you for much longer than you care to admit and now seems as good a time as any.

“I mean, I know you don’t feel the same, I get that, but…” You trail off, no words seem to properly explain your train of thought.

A beat. “What do you want me to say?”

The words hit home, knocking the breath straight from your lungs. You hadn’t expected him to ask. Make up an excuse, attempt to placate or convince you, yes, but ask? Not even close.

Suddenly your chest burns with an unpleasant feeling, one that you think has crept up on you these past few months, but now it shows no mercy. It tears at your flesh and pollutes your veins, getting stuck inside your lungs. It’s suffocating you, but you can’t find it in yourself to let it go.

“I’m just a distraction, aren’t I?” You don’t know where the anger comes from, or rather you don’t want to dwell on where it comes from, but it seeps into your voice. It twists your words into those of someone bitter, someone bruised from a love that strangled them dead.

Your old prefect goes to object, but upon realizing he can’t honestly deny the claims, thinks better of it. He shrinks into himself, a sight you thought you’d never see. You suppose shame can do that to a person.

“I’m just a body to keep the other side of the bed warm, aren’t I? Just someone to keep around so that you don’t feel so lonely?” All your pent up anger and resentment bubbles up to the surface and for once you let it, needing the relief that comes with getting it off your chest and out in the open.

You laugh at yourself, ironically, a bit manically maybe. Felix flinches at the sound, knowing that he’s the cause of such a display starting to slowly eat at him.

“Wow…” Your eyes are cold, mirthless as you seem to gape in astonishment at all your bad decisions. No longer are you suffering in silence, having chosen to do it out in the open for him to see. “I’m here simply to make you feel better, huh? To try and fix what they broke? Well, let me tell you, Felix, that’s some bullshit. You and I both know that I’ll never be what you want because I’ll never be them.”

“I’m so sor–”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Rosier,” You spit, the faux smile on your face saying something entirely different from your tone. Felix grimaces at your use of his last name, a habit you seemed to have gotten past after the first week of meeting again. “I mean, I can’t really blame you, can I? You used me to help yourself and I let you.”

“It was very Slytherin of you, I must say. I mean, why try and put yourself back together when you can break someone else? Not when it’s so much easier to break someone else’s heart than it is to focus on your own that’s already broken.”

You look completely mad now, you’re sure. Your words are no longer directed at him, but yourself. You shake your head as Felix watches, knowing better than to interrupt.

“Tell me, Felix,” You muse, finally turning back to him, your head tilted in curiosity. “Did it make you feel better?”

His brown orbs take you in, tattered and torn, and with an over abundance of shame, he nods his head. “For a while,” He whispers against your cheek, his breath fanning across your eyelashes.

You hum in acknowledgment, a thought coming to mind that pushes past your teeth. “I’m not mad at you, ya know?”

He perks at this, the space between his brows wrinkled in confusion. “Wha–you’re not?”

“No,” You declare with a shrug of your shoulders. “You’re not the only selfish one, Rosier. I knew how this would go and I did it anyway because having even a little of you, even if it’s all the wrong pieces and in all the wrong ways, is so much better than nothing at all.”

His eyes widen in surprise, seemingly unable to process what you’ve just said, as if the mere thought was completely absurd. You see then something you’ve tried to deny for a long time.

He’s just as damaged as you, and that’s why you can’t stay.

Having calmed down some, you straighten your jacket on your shoulders and clear your throat. “Look, Felix, I don’t think I should come over anymore.”

Felix glances at you briefly, guiltily, and concedes with a nod. One of his hands fall onto your shoulder and he sighs heavily. “Yeah.. yeah, I think that’s for the best.”

With nothing left to say he considers walking you to the door, but decides against it. That’s probably the last thing you want right now.

Instead, he picks his own shirt up off the floor and slips it over his head as you open the door to leave. You risk a glance back at his defeated form and against your better judgment, you call out to him one last time.

“You need to find happiness without me, Felix.”

“I know.”

“And I hope you do.”

“…You, too.”

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