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piermanwalter · 6 years

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Megatron’s Weed Dispensary: An Awful Fanfic I am Morally Obligated to Write

Because I noticed my grades weren’t good enough to get into my major, I issued myself an ultimatum: For every percent I get less than 80 for every class by the end of the school year, I will write one thousand words of terrible fanfiction over the summer, as suggested by random people online. You can send me your own unwritable prompts if you want, but bear in mind that the more requests I get, the shorter the stories, because I have 8000 words to get through all of them. (Total combined word count: 1889)

As promised:

Just as the first brittle rays of light shone over the horizon, the alarm went off. Megatron hauled himself out of the chair he shut down in last night while dealing with tax forms for too long. Pouring himself a cube of energon, Megatron made his way downstairs to the storefront. His past self would probably hate him. Shrieking like a predacon and promising to tear the entire planet apart just so everyone could suffer as he had, Megatron knew it was his own weakness and incompetence had led to their defeat, and was prepared for death. The Autobots, in all their soft and cowardly ways, had let them live in their new society, making sure he was protected from anyone seeking vengeance for the war, albeit with a few restrictions. Some mercy. He would prefer to be rotting in prison, exiled to some tiny asteroid, publicly executed, or even be forced to become a gladiator again. Instead, the great leader of the Decepticons is reduced to managing microeconomics in a tiny narcotics shop surrounded by too many gawking idiots too frightened to enter his shop and actually buy something.

The few Decepticons that had survived the last battle were also doing about as well as he did. Not destitute, but not allowed any amount of power, which he supposed they deserved. Soundwave works as a building electrician, granted the privilege of internal com reactivation for good behavior. Astrotrain joined one of the newly formed shipping companies. Knock Out became a broadcast host, getting all the attention he wants at the expense of reading out prewritten propaganda drivel. At least they weren't nearly as badly off as Starscream, who was last seen going to Earth to become a stripper or something and never spoke to them again. In the early days of their integration with society, the Decepticons constantly planned secret meetings and vandalized government property, but now, it had seemed that everyone got caught up in their mundane routines and completely forgot about their past lives.

Speaking of which, a seeker who had been nervously pacing through the crowd finally worked up enough courage to enter the shop. What was his name again? Nacelle. A low ranking grunt soldier who managed to survive the war by being overlooked. Now that the best fliers were dead, he finally had a chance to shine as a professional racer. Looking proudly down upon the Decepticon logo the flyer chose to keep, Megatron said, "Still have the mark? Good. What are you here for?" Nacelle cleared his throat in a long burst of static. "It's my fault. We had a chance and I blew it for all of you. I thought I could weave through without getting stuck and-" "What happened happened. It's all ancient history now. Don't let it bother you." The last battle was fought in a series of deep tunnels below Cybertron. The cramped spaces were barely enough to stand in, let alone transform and fly. There was nothing a seeker jet like him could do. "Hey. Um… Boss. I'm sorry, okay? If I wasn't-" "You could have gone to the big pharmacy, but you came here, and my life has gone to slag so hard that this action matters. Ha! You did good."

Nacelle started nervously chuckling, so Megatron had to throw his head back and guffaw as hard as he could in order to get the nervous flyer to laugh with him. Now significantly more cheered up, he said, "Hey! Because I got hurt in my last race, I just got my Level 3 insurance voucher approved! No more weak stuff for me." Nacelle peered greedily into the display cases. "I'll have two centagrams of crystal tetrathyllead, a bottle of uravorite-infused high grade, two octane-cookies, half a kilo-" "You idiot. Don't get yourself killed. You'd be better off following the doctor's orders. I recommend 85 kilograms of the good anticorrosives, not the diluted trash they pipe into you in hospitals, taken over the next six weeks. Pick the brand yourself."

Torn between extreme curiosity towards hard drugs and wanting to obey his leader, Nacelle anxiously shuffled around and took so long to decide on a bottle of Velocitron-synthesized DCI-4A that Megatron started to pity him. "You know what, I'll throw in one of these for free." He took out a case from under a desk and opened it to reveal tiny jars of even tinier gems ranging from ice blue to deep green. "A racer like you should know what these are." Nacelle was shaken from his panicky mood the instant he laid eyes on the little jewels. "Wow! Steamlights! I didn't know there were any of them left in the city! Most of us racers got scared off using them after Fireflight popped two in a row and crashed into the ground at Mach 3." Megatron carefully tweezed out one of the smaller steamlights, a tiny blue cylinder barely bigger than a basketball and dropped it in a vial. "This is amazing. But…wow. These things are super intense." Handing the vial to Nacelle, Megatron replied, "That's fine. If you can't deal with the boost and your turbines detonate midair, consider it the price of failing me in the tunnels. Don't use it until you have fully recovered." His plan of rebuilding Cybertronian society may have died valiantly, but Megatron was still going to look after his troops the best he could.

Megatron's good mood was almost immediately ruined by his next customer. Out of all the mecha to come through the doors, it had to be the Autobot poster boy himself, Ultra Magnus. Glitch. "Hello! I've been making rounds, checking up on the other Decepticons. I really am glad that you are all doing so well. It is a bit suspicious for a mech of my standing to be here, but here I am." After the war, Ultra Magnus, the ever-faithful soldier, had much less to do and had let himself go a little bit. His protoform increased in non-subspacable mass enough that gaps appeared in his armor, but not nearly enough to warrant Megatron's spark crushing insults.

"You morbidly obese son of a Yugo. The only reason I let you in my shop is to marvel at the medical miracle of your sustained existence." Ultra Magnus cracked a sickeningly genuine smile and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't catch what you were saying." The store made so much money off valuable goods that it could stay running from a single sale per day, so Megatron legitimately didn’t care about losing a potential customer. "I'll say it again in a way your idiot prototype cyberbrain can understand. You're a chunk and I hate you." Ultra Magnus was mildly shocked. "Well! I didn't expect you to overcome our mutual grievances this soon, so whatever you say is entirely forgivable. Also I met Shockwave today, and I'm glad to say he was very courteous. Do you want to know how he's doing?" "I can ask him myself. Go eat Optimus Prime's tailpipe. Maybe that's why you're so slagging fat."

"Don't act as though you are different from me." For a second, Megatron thought they were actually about to start fighting right there, then Ultra Magnus winked. "To be fully honest, being here to check on you gives me an excuse to gather a few treats for myself without being caught. You won't judge, right? I'll take half a kilo of hypervisco and three bottles of the ferroin Engex. Ooh. Baltic amber oil from Earth. I'll have fifteen liters of that too, thanks." Deciding that Ultra Magnus wasn't worth the effort to continue yelling at, Megatron measured out the orders and accepted the credits in silence.

Megatron briefly entertained the idea of contaminating all of his product with acid crystals and astatine, but decided against it. He might kill or sicken the slagger before he got caught, and then he'd spend a few centuries in prison, then Prime would argue to put him through another course of rehabilitation, then he'd be stuck in another dead end job under much higher supervision. Like it or not, this Primus-damned stall was all he had, and it mattered greatly to Megatron that he got to be his own boss, make his own decisions, and yell at as many customers as he wanted.

After Ultra Magnus left, the crowd outside thinned. It was getting dark. Nearly time to close. Megatron debated shutting the shop early before deciding to stay open in case a few late night partiers wanted to pick up something fun. Megatron was shaken from his daydream about what his legal consequences would be if he ate forty kilos of steamlights and went on a uncontrollable nitro-fuelled rampage when a minibot burst through the doors, vaulted over the counter, and grabbed a case containing sealed vials of concentrated Berserker Button. As bad as it was for the mighty Megatron to be robbed by a random mech, at least this meant he had something to do.

Leaping from behind the counter to the door in two massive steps, barely remembering to trigger the hard light door shield, Megatron unsheathed the energon blade from his wrist and turned to pursue the target. A pathetic weapon compared to his massive fusion cannon, but he was able to get it installed as a necessary tool of his profession. After all, it's not as if he was lying. With his massive stride compared the minibot's short steps, the thief barely made it one block before Megatron knocked him to the ground with a flying kick, a bit of overkill for such a tiny opponent. The bot pulled out a beam pistol. Caught up in the thrill of the chase, Megatron nearly decapitated the little bot out of instinct. The blade stabbed into the ground a single meter away from his neck. Interrupted by a regular police patrol, Megatron was more than happy to surrender the thief to them. The little bot had been so terrified the random drugstore he robbed was staffed by none other than Megatron himself that he confessed everything. The Berserker Button was confiscated as evidence, and Megatron was allowed to return home to await further legal procedures the next morning.

Even after the leisurely walk back, his coolant lines still pumped hard, preparing for a death battle that will never happen. Megatron laid face down on the ground for a few minutes, waiting for the feeling to pass. Able to think clearly, Megatron figured that the legal procedures tomorrow would be formality more than anything else, considering the overwhelming evidence in his favor. He'd likely get reimbursed for the Berserker Button, then things would go back to normal. The case was at most going to take three days, barring some stupid Autobot-Decepticon rivalry showing up. Looking back, this was probably not the best day to spew horrible insults at one of the most influential figures of society. Either way, there was nothing Megatron could do about it. He felt a pang of guilt. In the past, he and his army would have bulldozed anyone who dared inconvenience him, and now he was acting like a regular civilian. Just in a day in the life of an ordinary mech. At this point, what did the last six million years mean to him or anyone else?

#this is actually fanfiction #transformers #megatron #grades #study motivation #drugs #nacelle #ultra magnus #megatron is a literal ex-con #did you catch the redline reference

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stuntiteachers · 6 years

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Masterpost of all the Post-series conclusions to Stuntiteacher AU stories

Mun: Here you go everyone! All the conclusions to stories I’ve had in my head these past few months, I hope you enjoy them for as long as it took me to write them all. I think I’ll probably draw some of these for my own enjoyment, as well as in general stuff regarding my favorite designs and what not. Like previously stated, I’m not done with this blog yet, this is more a precaution and just an in general “open endings to the stories”. I know some of these things are things people wanted to know about!

Post-Stuntiteachers AU

Please note that Cybertron and Earth are treated as two continents on the same planet in this AU.

Bee Team and Steeljaw travelled back to Cybertron to confront the corrupted high council. Very similar to in canon events, Cyberwarp managed to be a reckoning force that took Cyclonus down. The five were sentenced to prison, with Cyberwarp being in a separate jail and with a lessened punishment for her actions.

The new council is set up, with Windblade having to leave her teaching position in Earth until Cybertron elects their new council properly. Steeljaw, having the most authority regarding Decepticon affairs at that point, becomes an ambassador for Decepticons both in jail and out (until Soundwave and/or Starscream come out of their comas). He chooses to return to Earth to be with his own allies but keeps communications open and active with the Autobots to keep his post (he wants to make a change happen, and this is his best opportunity). Bee and his team return to their true home in Earth and resume their teaching/police jobs.

But you’re all here for the shipping side of things, so here we go on post-series fates.

Bee and Steeljaw awkwardly become friends through the Autobot/Decepticon alliance. At first it was still just strictly work related meetings but over time Steeljaw would just pull stuff to get his attention. Nothing past platonic, but an interesting development to both of their characters. Bee becomes more aware of what life is like for the Decepticons and becomes more sympathetic, while Steeljaw learns from Bee how to be a better person and strengthen his own existing relationships with his teammates and partner. After a while, they decide to make life easier for them work wise and do video chats every now and then (in private locations cause you don’t need cops finding out where your hideouts are).

Sideswipe and Strongarm both come out and confess their affections to Windblade when she returns back to Earth, and awkwardly ask which one of them she would consider dating if interested. Windblade takes a day to think, and decides if it was alright with them, she’d like to date them both. The three of them are very happy together, even if Strongarm and Sideswipe still squabble like children every now and then.

Grimlock and Drift remain good friends after Drift confides in Grim how he’s not particularly interested in romantic affairs (Grim is totally understanding about it and started asking before giving Drift big hugs). Drift even assists Grimlock in attempting to try asking Bumblebee out. Bee, although extremely flustered and nervous at the advance, accepts.

Slipstream and Jetstorm grow up with their ambitions of wanting to be police rookies and maybe one day becoming private investigators. They both suspect they’ll end up chasing down Airazor and Divebomb one day, as the two are trying to become bounty hunters like their dad. But until then, in their teen years, the four of them became close friends, and try double dating for a while, much to their fathers’ hesitation (“I’m not becoming an in-law to HIM no matter what”).

Fixit becomes an official un-official addition to the Clay family, moving in with Denny and Russell. He’s extremely happy every time he’s referred to as family although he lacks a proper connection to them in terms of title (“This is Fixit! He’s family!” “So what, your uncle or?” “He’s family!”). Fixit is also on great terms with Russell’s mother, funny enough, they bonded quickly. When they got to college, Russell and Hank, who recently transitioned, became roommates.

They’ve never been mentioned in this AU, but Optimus and Ratchet got married and went on a month long honeymoon vacation when everything was over that marked the start of their retirement until they were ever needed again. I don’t make the rules…except I do, and these grandpas need a break.

A number of the captured Decepticons were given revised trials and changed sentences after Steeljaw became a temporary part of the council. The more violent and likely to cause harm cons stayed, but ones with less malicious motivations were granted pardons under the guise of “being a part of the mind control plot from the previous council”, thanks to Steeljaw’s manipulation. This allowed him to free his previous pack team of Thunderhoof, Quillfire, Underbite and Clampdown as well as some cons like Fracture, reuniting them with their families and loved ones. In addition to this, Decepticons were given more rights in their government, granting them more job opportunities, resources to shelters for the homeless cons, and marriage and adoption rights (proper official ones instead of the shady ones they got away with for years).

After they awoke from their respective comas (a few days apart ironically), Starscream and Soundwave were told of what the High Council was trying to do in terms of trying to summon Megatron. After a very one sided conversation between the two former commanders, they both understood exactly what it meant when Megatron left them both behind, Soundwave facing the grim acceptance at last and Starscream slowly but surely taking a step forward to his own mental recovery by not pursuing his abuser for a satisfaction he might not even get. Once hearing about how there was elections for a new high council, Starscream went to run for an official position promoting rights for the Decepticons while also bringing Cybertron to equal footing in terms of alliances (essentially taking over Steeljaw’s temporary position), while Soundwave, true to his nature, worked by his side if only to make sure he wasn’t getting into trouble and was actually following through with what he was saying. The two do well to mark a significant change in the Cybertronian government system, and although neither knows this, Megatron is extremely proud of the two of them.

Steeljaw and Thunderhoof finally got a proper sit down talk about their relationship, thanks to Bee’s side assistance with helping Steeljaw understand Thunderhoof’s side of things. They decided to separate for a while, just to give each other a healthy amount of distance and time to figure out where to go from there. Six months or so later, they started meeting up again as friends and within a year start dating again, far happier than they were before.

Quillfire and Springload started doing the odd travel expedition together once Back and Forth became teenagers and could be left alone with the house for a few days without too much chaos. During one of which, they found an undiscovered ancient civilization, which to Springload’s mind was his long lost Doradus, much to both of their pure joy and happiness. The archaeological find gave the family enough financial stability that Quillfire didn’t have to always steal for Springload’s medication, and Springload was given enough credibility that he was hired to work with other history seekers professionally. Springload thanked Quillfire for all his support when they brought their kids back to see “Doradus”, and proposed to him (Much to Back’s excitement and Forth’s bemoaning about going to a wedding).

Underbite and Scowl do pretty awesome together. After being together for five years, they end up adopting a baby from Shadow Raker and raise him together (they choose to never get married out of personal preference). They raise a little one named Stomper, affectionately called Stompy, who’s as destructive and excited as his dads are. They love their little one, with Scowl acting as a stay-at home dad for the first few years before switching with Underbite. Scowl genuinely loves giving his son a chance to be whoever he wants to be in life, a choice he didn’t get to have growing up. Thunderhoof and Clampdown also have a tenancy to visit specifically to see the kid, both having a weakness for little Stomper, melting their hearts every time. It’s legitimately the only time where no death threats are made by Thunderhoof.

Clampdown is still as sneaky and information filled as ever. Never really locked down to one place, he’s just doing his own thing, gaining few friends and more people wanting his head. He’s honestly fine with it though. He’s looking out for himself in the best way he can, and he knows when life gets too hard he can always crash at one of his few friends’ places for some kindness and positivity.

Crazybolt and Slicedice, after being together for twenty five years, immediately got married when the law was passed. Slicedice bawled he was so happy, which made Crazybolt tear up, which made their employees wanna gag over how sickeningly love dovey it all was. They invited practically every con they knew, it was a fun time all around.

Vertebreak and Nightstrike pretty much never changed their ways. Kept being the murdering duo they were, only now they changed workshops every now and again. In addition, Wingcode started joining them upon finding out about her brother’s way of avoiding capture (“My boyfriend destroys the bodies for me”), much to both of their displeasure because, oh man, is she prideful. Not to mention acutely aware of everything they do, so they got interrupted a lot any time they wanted to be romantic.

Glowstrike, Scorponok and Saberhorn’s business got officially recognized and they started allowing Autobots and non-Cybertronian raised humans into the neighborhoods they owned. Media broadcasted this as a kind gesture ushering in a new era of peace and unity between factions, but really they stopped caring, money is money. Their relationship was good and functional until Glowstrike ended up collapsing one day, much to her partners’ immense fear and concern. After taking her to a hospital (a good proper one, thank you new laws) they found out she was pregnant with twins and that it will take a lot of her if she keeps them. This lead to a conversation the three weren’t expecting to have, with Scorponok worried for Glowstrike’s well being, Saberhorn worried about parenthood and Glowstrike worried about how this’ll change things for them. All of course, boiling down to the question of “do they keep the kids or not”. It took them a week after finding out about it to decide to keep the kids, under Glowstrike’s request to have a quick group marriage before they’re born and before she starts showing (because she refused to get in a wedding dress for that and she’d be damned if she couldn’t have a nice dress for her day). They had two healthy little girls named Lightbreak (taking after Saberhorn) and Firestrike (taking after Scorponok), and Glowstrike (although grateful her daughters were born) had her husbands’ take care of the babies the most in the first week, wanting to isolate herself for a while after the whole ordeal before going into her full motherly duties.

Nightra and Scatterspike are happily in love. Neither rushing things too much, but just enjoying each other’s company to the fullest. It was very hard for her to say goodbye, but eventually Scatterspike did move out of the Scavenger residence in an effort to live with her girlfriend and pursue work in construction. She still tags along for the big scavenging trips in the winter though. Nightra keeps her work as being a thief, although she admittedly enjoys the pay she gets from the cops for tipping them off to some really nasty criminals she works with.

Paralon eventually gets gently rejected by Dragstrip after trying a proper confession (Dragstrip mostly was just wincing cause he’s pretty bad at reading these things in general), but wasn’t too worse for wear. He’s still got his ambitions to make a name for himself, so he started experimenting with his talents by trying a lot of different jobs. He hasn’t found anything in particular to pursue yet, but he’s hopeful.

Thermidor and Clawtrap are still as bickery as ever, and after Scatterspike and Paralon moved out, it got worse for a while. Being alone with each other for so long made them remember how much the other irked them, at least with the whole group they could avoid each other. It took a while, but eventually some of the other cons got fed up and forced them into a couples therapy-like session with Kickback (who considers himself pretty neutral with all relationship-like shenanigans he seems to get wrapped into). After answering in stubborn and snarky attitudes for majority of the questions, Kickback managed to sneak some truth serum (courtesy of Scatterspike and her experimental syringes) into their drinks, and they started spilling what they actually loved about each other. It was messy and embarrassing as heck, but it worked out in the end, and they could actually admit out loud that were dating.

The Corvicons are doing pretty alright for themselves. Filch has been doing really well gathering her shiny things to sell, but she’s also made formidable improvement with her customer service, becoming a favorite of frequent customers. Boostwing one day comes home with the proud statement of having successfully asked out his shiny friend from the scrapyard he visits (it was Kickback), and that motivated Jacknab to properly pursue Razorhorn (“He’s shiny to me! He’s really stupid shiny!”). Pilfer is perfectly content staying single for a while longer, amused by his brothers’ antics in courting.

Through a lot of emotional comfort and confiding between themselves, Shadelock and Roughedge started dating, Roughedge gladly being Shadelock’s shoulder to lean on on the hard days and Shadelock giving Roughedge all the love he deserves. Wildbreak cried when Roughedge told him, while Dragstrip just sighed heavily over his stupid partner being stupid.

After being worn down, Motormaster eventually accepted trying to fix things with Shadow Raker. At least that’s what it seemed, but Motormaster actually had a plan of faking it until he could reach a point where he could destroy Shadow Raker’s heart like he did to him all those years ago. Slashmark and Heatseeker avidly mention how stupid that plan was, holy shit, what a STUPID PLAN, but Motormaster is honestly king of stupid ideas so he goes to that dinner date an hour later than he should’ve been, watching Shadow Raker wait in the cold the whole time. Thing is, as the date goes on (and on, because Shadow Raker refuses to let the night end yet) both of them start picking up on facts from the other regarding that “betrayal” that separated them. After going to the warehouse in question, both tried to recount the whole event in detail and after a while, they figure out what actually happened was one of their mutual enemies set it up so while Motormaster got arrested, Shadow Raker would come out of hiding to save him and would lead to setting them both up for an assassination attempt, but there was miscommunication and Shadow Raker didn’t find out about the arrest until much, MUCH later, when the damage had been done. Motormaster lost it when he figured it out, and after smashing some things in the warehouse to vent his rage, started hardcore crying cause all these years he’s been hurting over hating someone he loved for something that wasn’t even either of their faults. Shadow Raker laughed through his own tears, cause he almost forgot how emotional his partner could get. They embraced and Motormaster really couldn’t understand how Shadow Raker could wait for so long for him, and he replied saying Motormaster was worth it, he was always worth it. They got back together, and in a little less than a year got engaged like they wanted to be since the war days ended.

As a result of the reunion, Motormaster told his team he was aware of their relationships (“Very, VERY aware”) and that they have his permission to be open about it and that he’ll stop wearing his own copies of their rings out of possession (Shadow Raker side commented it was to wear his own ring to which he was promptly cut off by an embarrassed Motormaster). The other Stunticons were ecstatic about not having to hide or lie or be apart anymore and they all went out to celebrate and as a result came out to their fellow cons. There was a lot of cheers/groans from the cons that had bets going on about them.

Heatseeker and Slashmark didn’t change too much in terms of their relationship, although parties and gatherings were a lot healthier for Slashmark, not having to bite his tongue or drown his sorrows in alcohol. And Heatseeker was more than happy to have his favorite person next to him. The group still continued to be pretend teachers to new generations of cons, however Heatseeker and Slashmark actually found that they really enjoyed being teachers and started going an extra mile with their jobs with some extracurriculars for the students that wanted them. In addition, with the new laws in place Heatseeker found himself motivated to making sure his students wouldn’t suffer in their youth like he once had, and any time he noticed one of them not having a consistent lunch or new bruises, he’d pull them aside and ask them what was up, and if it was bad, let them know about soup kitchens and shelters for the nights it gets too hard. In addition, if he knows their parent personally he’ll make sure to make their life hell cause “c’mon, is this how you want to go down in their life? As the asshole they want dead?”. Slashmark and Heatseeker also decide to show sympathy to their teammates and gave them their extra mattress in return for a week off of their after hour crime jobs. They used that week to have a trip to Cybertron, just the two of them and their homeland’s sights. They got married a few months after Dragstrip and Wildbreak did.

Wildbreak and Dragstrip actually managed to end up having some good luck for once. Their jobs ended up getting them more money; their quick work and (in Wildbreak’s case) good attitude got the attention of some of their employers and they got raises. They managed to get enough to move out of their shitty apartment building and into a better one without roaches or awful landlords, with a similarly small apartment, but now with a decent bed. They still aren’t overly fond with their teaching jobs, but they aren’t quitting those. They do, however, get into some new weekend jobs through their hobbies. Dragstrip got to test out new race cars thanks to Kickback, Crazybolt and Slicedice’s jobs, while Wildbreak would volunteer at Shadow Raker’s foster care to take care of the younger kids. It was weird at first, having separate jobs, but both enjoyed it enough to make it work out, still happy to come home to each other. After many years of consideration and consulting others on it, Dragstrip did eventually go to Vertebreak for top surgery, Wildbreak by his side as long as he could. His dysphoria was still present, but Dragstrip did find it worked out well for him, occasionally patting his chest every now and then in pride (Motormaster continued to provide his own advice out of mutual experience). He also stopped smoking since he had to two weeks prior to the surgery anyway (and Wildbreak never was fond of it, he noted). Wildbreak was actually the one to properly propose; nothing fancy or public, just the two of them having a simple candlelit dinner in their little apartment, with Wildbreak proceeding to list off all the things they’ve done in the years they’ve been together and how he hopes they’ll still have plenty of new adventures to come together. It was beautifully cheesy, cause Dragstrip actually wanted to propose to him the same gosh darn night and they both just kind of collapsed on each other laughing and crying over how stupid they were but if that wasn’t them, who knows what is. Their wedding was sweet and simple, and after of few months of being newlyweds, they started talking about potentially adopting a kid.

Thanks for reading everything up to now! I hope you’ve enjoyed :D

#mun speaks #IT'S THE BIG POST

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chief-justice-tyrese · 6 years

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Can I ask you about Ratchet/Drift, Cyclous/Tailgate, Tarn/Kaon and Lobe/Trepan for the ship meme?.. Please?..

I’m going to reply under a read more because with four ships this answer will be long. That’s why it took me so long to post, besides being gone for the good part of the morning. Also, going offline after I finally finished answering this because my shitty internet doesn’t cooperate. Please note that some of these answers may come off as very negative but I’ll explain.

Ratchet/Drift

when or if I started shipping it. Early on. I saw a lot of cute fan art of it and it still exists.

my thoughts: This ship has been mostly ruined for me that I absolutely cannot stand it if I see it on my dash and I won’t follow if you reblog a lot of it. The reason I hate it is because their relationship came off as abusive and most of the fans treat it like it’s pure, sweet, and functional. (In the comics, it was mostly Ratchet belittling Drift, who seems to have low-self worth. If Ratchet isn’t belittling Drift, he’s hostile towards him.) And not only that, but the fans tend to have a huge hate-boner for Drift/Rodimus and Drift/Perceptor, claiming those are abusive but not Ratchet/Drift when it clearly is in the comics. Despite this, I still like it platonically.

What makes me happy about them: Okay, now here’s why I like it platonically, I still like Ratchet trying his best to look after Drift. And Drift returning this mutually. Not only that, but since they also exist in the Aligned continuity, I like to think of their minicons as their offspring. Ratchet was one of those who helped Drift get back on his feet and now both still hang out together and raise their minicons together as a happy family. (Extended family goodness.)

What makes me sad about them: The fans ruined this that I don’t think I can ever enjoy it again as I did initially.

things done in art/fic that annoys me: Anything romantic or sexual. Especially if it’s tender because it’s disingenuous. If it’s one-sided and exploitative, then perhaps because I’ll be delighted by the sincerity.

things I look for in art/fic: Nothing. Mostly because I know it’s going to be romantic, so I avoid anything that implies it. I’m sure there’s platonic stories, but I do not want to take that gamble.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Wheeljack/Ratchet, which is one of my G1 OTPs, this is a god-tier ship for me that I will forever love. Megatron/Ratchet because uglynicc made me interested in it with their artwork. Drift/Wing, I do like but not really how it’s popularly shipped. Drift/Rodimus is cute too.

My happily ever after for them: Wheeljack/Ratchet god-tier ship, Drift and his minicons are adopted in. Ratchet is happy with his adoptive son and his minicon grandchildren. Also the Dinobots are there and so are the Technobots, Ratchet’s other grandchildren.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Going out as a family, so their minicons could enjoy themselves. Whether it be to the park, the museum, or the buffet because the kids meals are half-off. While the kids are having fun, Ratchet and Drift plan on the meals or figuring out their schedule to see if there is any conflict.

Cyclonus/Tailgate

when or if I started shipping it. After I heard some of crashboombanger’s raunchier voice acting about this couple. Their Tailgate was awesome. XD

my thoughts: I used to love it even more before it became canon. Now it’s just an okay ship that I don’t mind. What bothers me is the infantization of Tailgate, mostly because JRO and others insist that childlike = naive and innocent. That was one of the reasons many people hated it before it became canon. When I shipped it, I treated it as an AU where Tailgate isn’t treated as a child or that he sees himself as one. It’s said many times, Tailgate is an antique. He could still be like the sweet granny that doesn’t know what the fuck a clussy is. But since it became canon, there was a sustained emphasis on Tailgate having childlike innocence, and pretty much the end of raunchy!Tailgate. I still cherish the good times.

What makes me happy about them: Them trying their best to get along with each other. I guess like how it happened in canon, Cyclonus making more conscious efforts to be nicer to Tailgate because even though his lying rubbed him the wrong way at first, he realized that Tailgate had no intentions of doing him wrong. Also, Tailgate learning to be more assertive thanks, in part, to Cyclonus’ guidance. So yeah, mutual personal growth.

What makes me sad about them: Tailgate getting buried alive in the comic. Also, that Cyclonus was mean to Tailgate in the beginning.

things done in art/fic that annoys me: Childlike!Tailgate when it’s implied to be romantic or sexual.

things I look for in art/fic: Anything where Tailgate is clearly treated like a consenting adult or Tailgate trying his best to cheer up Cyclonus. For the latter, specifically, anything cute and tender is all good.

Who’d I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Cyclonus/Galvatron/Scourge/The Sweeps, this G1 classic poly!ship is always good. Cyclonus/Whirl was a good hate-ship, which I did like more than Cyclonus/Tailgate in the beginning. I didn’t really ship Tailgate with anyone.

My happily ever after for them: Tailgate using his super-strength to bust out of that hole and then spend the rest of his days, traveling the galaxy in search of Cyclonus. Eventually, they reunite and live happily ever after.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Cyclonus teaching Tailgate Primal Vernacular. Mostly so they could sit and chat, because Cyclonus feels like he can express himself better in this language.

Tarn/Kaon

when or if I started shipping it. I don’t remember, but it was early on, particularly since people emphasized the part where Kaon gently touched Tarn’s hand.

my thoughts: I tend to ship all the DJD pretty equally. Perhaps they’d bond over the fact that both seem to have something extreme happen to their face, although I like to think Kaon’s lack of eyes was self-inflicted out of protest for Functionism. But all the DJD ships within their team all have a bit of tenderness to them that you can’t really go wrong with what you choose.

What makes me happy about them: Their tenderness towards each other. Kaon is clearly the affectionate snuggly type, that’s why he always hugged his pet. And also why he would hug Tarn and never let go, when given the chance. Tarn seems to enjoy touching others now that he’s clearly more powerful and better able to control his abilities. Sure his original abilities only affected non-sentient machinery, but imagine if his date had like an iPhone X and he accidentally brushed up next to it and damaged it? Clearly knowing that it doesn’t hurt Kaon, Tarn will hug him whenever he gets the chance since he’s always starved from affectionate touching. Also, the occasional excited jolt Kaon releases probably gives Tarn the same pleasure he gets off his transformation addiction, so it spares his poor t-cog.

What makes me sad about them: That Tarn betrayed Kaon’s trust.

things done in art/fic that annoys me: I don’t think I have ever seen anything with them that has annoyed me.

things I look for in art/fic: I’m up for anything in this ship. However, I’d be more pleased if emphasis on their alt-modes is mentioned. Like if Kaon gently strokes Tarn’s tank cannon, to get him to release ammo as precautionary foreplay. Or Tarn making sure he’s got a way to ground Kaon’s accidental electrical discharging, etc.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Poly!DJD, but I don’t think that counts because they are still together. Or any of them with their team members. I’m fond of Kaon/Dominus as well as Overlord/Tarn because a friend convinced me about the latter.

My happily ever after for them: Too late for that. But in other AUs, that the DJD are still around and kickin’. And that they all continue to just chill until they locate and torture a traitor.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Kaon secretly teaching Tarn Primal Vernacular. It hurts Kaon to see Tarn make a fool of himself, it’s a sin for such a noble-looking tank to be like that, but then Tarn is a fool and can’t help it. XD It’s done in secret because Tarn claimed he knew it but he was lying, since he just wanted to impress his teammates for being bilingual. This annoyed Vos, who uses any opportunities he gets, to troll Tarn, saying things like, “Bears love sushi.” and Tarn being all, “Of course.” and not having a clue.

Lobe/Trepan

when or if I started shipping it. I sort of liked how you presented it. Don’t remember when.

my thoughts: I don’t ship Trepan with anyone. Also, Lobe and his assistant are good for poly!ships.

What makes me happy about them: I guess the niceness, but then I was fooled once by Ratchet/Drift, so I can no longer be too careful.

What makes me sad about them: Overlord attacking the New Institute to rescue Soundwave. I’m sure after that, had Trepan not gotten kidnapped they would’ve had to scramble and figure out how to get a fresh start in life. I’m sure their memories of working together in the New Institute would’ve gotten erased, so it would be as if they never knew each other. All their closeness and bonding, gone in an instant. I’m sure this happened to Lobe and that’s why he and his Assistant, ended up working for the Decepticons as cosmetic surgeons. I’m sure Lobe must’ve seen Trepan’s corpse after Megatron killed him, since he needed to salvage parts from him for the Decepticon Cause. Since he no longer remembered Trepan, this was just some other fool who dared mess with Megatron and got what was coming to him. (Which is partially true.)

things done in art/fic that annoys me: This goes for all other Trepan ships I’ve seen, but Trepan depicted as female or given a very feminine body. Why? Just because he was a skinny guy? Why can’t I just see Trepan as a boy/male/man/masculine? Making him feminine just because he’s skinny, squicks me for some reason that I can’t explain yet. (Is it because it reminds me of the misogynistic stereotypical yaoi? Is it the hypocrisy of hating skinny femmebots and femmecons in one breath and basically genderbending Trepan and doing the same thing to him, while saying it’s okay?) I don’t know but stop! Also, bless everyone who draws him masculine or gender neutral. When I see their depictions, the less I hate the character. (The more feminine I see him, the more I hate him.)

things I look for in art/fic: Masculine or gender-neutral Trepan. Other than that, I don’t have standards because I just don’t see anything with this ship. So anything except what I mentioned in point #5 is up for grabs.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Mostly because of what I said in point #5, I don’t ship Trepan with anyone even though the most logical ship would’ve been Trepan/Chromedome because Chromedome was actually his student. With Lobe, his Assistant is the best match. Also Senator Proteus and Rossum (that poor mech Overlord killed after his upgrade.) And as I’ve mentioned off-hand Sunder, but that’s if you’re in a dark mood. As for Senator Shockwave? Never, I don’t think Lobe gave any fucks about him, a job’s a job.

My happily ever after for them: Lobe manages to extract Trepan’s brain and spark-fragment, from his corpse because due to the extent of Trepan’s gruesome murder, he remembers his lost love. So he and his assistant go to great lengths to hide Trepan from Megatron. In their spare-time, they try to rebuild Trepan a new body that looks different, so that Megatron or the others wouldn’t get suspicious.Their end goal is to restore Trepan to how he once was.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity? I tend to headcanon them as rivals. In this case, they would be friendly rivals that compete in their field to be the best but at the same time, wouldn’t mind sharing trade secrets or strategies to work more efficiently. Trepan is still peeved that he wasn’t chosen to be the head of the New Institute, but he’s smart to not get caught up with that.

#text #answers #X_x #otp #notp #lobe-the-mnemosurgeon

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