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#hi I’m dwunk
hawnks · 1 year
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dabi considers it a privilege to walk your drunk ass home. literally has to fight down a smile the whole way there.
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queersolar · 4 months
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I filmed two videos on new years while drinking with my friends and I am clearly out of it. These are my new sources of joy. One video is me yelling at my friend as he rules up his dog. The other I’m struggling to keep my head upright and I’m telling my friend “Bestie. Don’t tell no one. But I think I’m a little dwunk.”
I finished off 2023 right. Not remembering half the night.
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vivalaluciforever · 3 years
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Satan x Reader - Drunk off of You
(Y/N) pov:
Flashbacks/Explanation/Prior Needed Info
I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM... UGH... THAT LITTLE SH--! I am fuming hot mad. My day didn't go from the typical zero to sixty. Nope. It went from 60 to 120! My day started off by being late for breakfast. Not that bad, right? WRONG! Beel left absolutely no food, so guess who's going to school on an empty stomach. Yay...
Once at school, I sat down in my chair right on the bell, but regardless it gets worse. Even though I made it to class before the teacher started lecturing, and still on the bell mind you, she still gave me a detention slip for being late! I wasn't even late! From there I found out that I failed a math test, and I entirely forgot about my biology test. To add to all of that, I have homework in all seven of my class periods. (Thank heavens demons have study hall TwT)
The cherry on the top occurred during lunch. I was sitting at the lunch table talking with the brothers when suddenly I get a call from my boyfriend. I've been dating him for about, oh, six years. I'm currently twenty-one. Anyway, I excused myself from the boys and went out into the hall to accept the call.
To sum it all up in one sentence, he dumped me. He dumped me because he was "insecure" about me being around the brothers and the rest of the men. I'll be the first to openly state that they are hot, but I would NEVER cheat. Ever. So, after listening to all of his "insecurities" and "heartbreak", I decided to take a peek at his Instagram. Mind you, I was utterly devastated, but I had a horrible gut feeling.
Nevertheless, I checked. When I opened the page, my gut sank just like all of my previous hopes and dreams for our relationship. My best friend cheated on me with my boyfriend. The little s---. Let's just say that I was a little nasty, and I texted her boyfriend. He was, fuming, to say the least. We both agreed that we would remain friends and talk on a regular basis, but we were both wrecks. We probably both are still. I know I am.
Suddenly the bell rang and knowing that I would have been late, I ran through the halls. Tears were pricking at my eyes, and I was struggling to make it to class. Cue the next catastrophe. I, being my fumbling self, tripped, broke my leg, and sprained my wrist. So, I had to call Lucifer. At the beginning of class. For help. He rushed out of the classroom and quickly found me. After this point, I can't remember what happened. I just remember Lucifer trying to keep me awake with literally no success.
After I woke up, I quickly realized that I was in my bedroom, and this is where the tale picks up. Me, fuming hot mad, embarrassed, and utterly ashamed, laying in my bed hurt. Regretfully.
End of flashback/Explanation/Needed Prior Info
Thankfully, the brothers are leaving me alone. At least after I yelled at them, made Mammon cry, had a Levi episode, Asmo trying to make it better by suggesting "fun time", and much more. Even Lucifer didn't get angry with me, so that was the one good spot in all of this mess. Satan surprisingly didn't say anything. He just left.
Satan pov:
Hhajksbiyfgaiufbajdbkhf... shwat's goin on brofers? I fweel swo dwunkth. I hwaven't dwunk anythwing wough? Fait, wshasn't (Y/N) swuper angwy?
Qwickly I walshk ower to mwy gwirlfwiend's, no (Y/N)'s, room. What wam I swayin? (Y/N) wain't me gwirlfwiend. Ha.
I knwock on (Y/N)'s dwoor, bwut she ain't answerin. Becwause of that I walk wight in. "(Y/N) where awre ywou?"
"Satan?" Oh, thwere she is. "What are you doing here? Why do you look drunk?"
"Well, I whanted two swee mwy gwirlfwiend. Oopsie, sowwy (Y/N). Ywou're mwy fwiend. Although I fwas goin to awsk ywo to hwang wout wit me."
(Y/N) pov:
"Satan. You are making no sense." I state. "Again. Why are you so drunk?"
He shrugs his shoulder sloppily. He looks super drunk. "Shwell, I cware abwout ywou. I thwink I'm dwunk off your anwger. I rweally want to dwate ywou, bwut I know thwat ywou hwave a boyfwiend. Cwould ywou cwalm down? I'm swo dwunk wight now."
"Sorry, Satan. I'll try." I concede, mainly for the poor fourth-born.
He carelessly teeters over to the bed and flops down. "Why awre ywou swo angwy?"
"It's a long story," I whisper
"Welpsh," he slurs. "I got pwenty of twime bwefore thwis wears off."
Hence how he got me to gush about everything and anything that has happened to me. I tell him about school, about the stress of being good enough, about my ex and his cheating, and literally just everything. Every once in and while Satan adds a comment with his drunk and slurry speech. Eventually, I finish telling him everything in a loud and heavy huff.
"Wosh, (Y/N). I'm swo sowwy. I would never tweat you lwike that jewk." states Satan. That is before he starts to cough violently. "Oh, geez. My head's pounding. (Y/N)? What's going on? How did I-"
I shake my head and let out a little chuckle. "You got drunk, like really drunk off of my anger. Sorry, Satan. I didn't realize that it would do that to you. I'll try to stay calmer for you."
"No." he rushes over and gently caresses my face. "If you feel hurt I want you to talk to me. What happened. Go through it again while I'm sober."
So, I go through it again. This time around I'm the one calming him down. Don't ask me how, but we ended up laying on the bed with his head on my chest.
"Satan?" I whisper.
His head shifts slightly. "Yes?"
"Do you love me? I-I m-mean... when you were drunk you said I was your girlfriend before you corrected yourself, a-and you said that you w-would d-d-date me." I quietly stutter.
He sighs into my shirt. "My stupid mouth. (Y/N), I am terribly sorry. Yes, i-it's t-t-true, but I realize that you probably aren't ready. These things take time. I do love you with all my heart, and therefore I'll wait till the end of infinity for you."
"I don't want to wait," I mumble.
His head shoots up to look me in the eyes. "(Y/N), you just broke up!?"
"Yes, I know." I shake my head at him. "But. I should have realized that you were always here with me. Supporting me. Caring for me. Also, I didn't break up with a loyal boyfriend. He was a cheater and a liar. Therefore even though I am hurt, I would like to start things with you. It would be slow but... will you show me what a boyfriend, a proper gentleman, should be like?"
"YES! I mean..." he slows and clears his throat. "Nothing would make me happier."
Excitedly, he hugs me again and reburies his head in my chest. "Satan?"
"Hmm?" his smooth voice hums.
I let out a little chuckle. "Thank you. I love you too. Could you get off my broken leg please?"
"Sorry!" he exclaims, fumbling off the bed like a goofball.
I let out a deep guttural laugh that's loud enough to attract the other brothers. "I love you Satan."
"WHAT'DA YA MEAN!!!!!????" Cue Satan chasing Mammon for the next hour due to him ruining our moment. Oh, well. Boys, brothers, will be boys.
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miacaruso · 6 years
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Leo x reader- Drunk talk
Imagine: Leo getting drunk at the bar, leaving you to drive him home.
You stepped into the bar with Leo right behind you, holding open the door like a gentleman. The bar was stocked with people. It was loud and deafening from all the cheering going on. In one corner of the bar, there was what looked like a birthday party. People were chugging and stumbling over like a bunch of drunkards. You found that part quite amusing.
With a smirk on your face, you turned to Leo. “This is where you wanted to go?” Leo shrugs and in defense to your question, he says, “Well I do like bars and a bar happened to be close to us. Besides, how bad can it be?“
You rolled your eyes, but letting it slide, you took Leo by his coat sleeve, guiding him briefly. “Let’s get some drinks then, sideburns,” you teased, making Leo chuckle as he followed to the bar stand. You called to the bartender and asked him for a couple of beers.
He nodded to you and went to go grab you the beers, leaving you and Leo alone for the time being. “So one of us has to drive,” you said to Leo, who looked like he wasn’t up for driving much.
“I think you know the answer to that one,” Leo hinted with an eyebrow raised. You sighed, knowing you have to be the designated driver. You shook your head as the bartender came back with the beers.
Last time, you were the one to get drunk, so it was only fair for Leo to have his turn.
“Looks like two belongs to you and much more.” The bartender leaves you the beers and you thanked him before he returned to serve other customers. You scooted the beers to Leo’s side with a simper. “Enjoy, sideburns.”
“Thanks, (Y/N).”
About 2 hours or so later...
The bar died down over time. The huge birthday party that once took place, is now nonexistent. The bar table used to be spotless, but since you and Leo were having a party (mostly Leo), the area was littered with empty beer bottles. And Leo?
Well... He was hammered.
Very hammered.
Really hammered.
The entire time, he’s said nothing but rubbish for the past 50 minutes. Slurring and cursing up a storm. How classic.
“Youuu are the most funnieshht girl... Eveaa,” Leo slurred as he leaned closer to you sluggishly; his breath tickling your face. A grimace distorted your features from the scent of his beer breath. Still, you found it amusing seeing Leo drunk. It’s not often that happens. Actually, not once you’ve watched Leo get drunk, so it felt kinda strange and funny to watch him become intoxicated.
“And you are the most drunkest guy ever,” you laughed as you rested your elbow on the wooden surface, propping your head up with your fist bawled. Leo giggled, burping in between. His head swung back and forth as he goes for another drink out of his almost empty beer bottle.
“Am I dwunk?” Leo burped as he looked goofy into your eyes. “I thwink I fuckin am SOBER.” Leo’s words came off very tongue twisted and incredibly unintelligible. Still, you made out what he said most of the time.
You shook your head with a sarcastic grin. “You’re pretty drunk right now.”
“No I’m not,” the tall man denied, waving you off sluggishly. ‘Sluggish’ is the perfect term for Leo at this point.
“Yes. You are,” you nodded before leaning in closer to Leo, who leans backwards with confusion on his face. “And pretty soon here, we’re leaving.”
“But burp I wanna stay.”
You returned your posture as you laughed at Leo, shaking your head in amusement. You knew Leo had to come home and sleep it off. He was just as drunk as the next drunken buffoon in that bar. Too drunk for you guys to stay there any longer, and you knew that, but clearly, Leo didn’t.
“And what good reason can you give me for you to stay longer?”
Leo didn’t answer, but look at you silly and took one more swig before setting down his bottle. Leo puffs out his chest, making you quirk a brow. You waited patiently for Leo to speak.
“You wanna know?”
You nodded.
“I have to stay here. Burp Becwause I am burp Leo motherfuckin Caru- burp so. I like it here,” Leo recited incoherently as he fist pumps the air. You facepalm, realizing how ridiculous Leo is right now. He’s always ridiculous, but he took it to a whole new level.
“Dumbass,” you laughed it off, causing Leo to be taken back by it and tries to retaliate, only for you to shush him. It was very heroic... But not enough to convince you to allow him to stay.
You took out your wallet, pulling out money to leave as a tip. You hopped down and Pulled Leo down with you as he wraps an arm around your shoulder and staggers around, causing you to stumble a bit. “Come on, sideburns! Quit stumbling around like you’re... yeah.”
“But burp I love it here.”
“Shut it, Leo.”
“Okway burp.”
Slightly frustrated, you jerk Leo around to get him to walk straight; only for him to trip and fall right on his face with a loud thump that practically shook the entire building. He must’ve fell pretty hard if it also made you cringe in pain. You still were a little worried for Leo. What if he broke his nose?
You crouched down to more of Leo’s level and helped him back on his feet. “Oh my god, are you okay?!”
“That’ssss right!” Leo brushed it off like it was nothing, loudly burping afterwards. You shut your eyes for a moment before sighing and gazing ahead, pulling Leo’s arm back around your shoulder to act as his support.
“Let’s get you home and into bed,” you baby talked Leo, making him exaggeratedly scoff back at you.
...
Finally. You made it home with Leo safely without any interruptions from common drunks or cops. You helped your adorably drunk friend into the house, flicking on lights to see clearer ahead of you. “How are you holding up, Leo?”
“I’m holding up burp... Great!”
Ugh, drunk talk at it’s finest. Still, it was pretty amusing. Once you got to Leo’s room, you lied him on his bed, back first. You took off his shoes and set them aside the bed, including his jacket. “Alright, scoot up,” you commanded and Leo did as he was told. Sluggishly. You smiled to yourself as you pulled down the blanket and throwing it over Leo’s body.
Leo did nothing but stare at you with a sweet face as if he was a child and their mother was tucking them in. “(Y/N)?”
You turned to Leo. “Yeah?”
“I love you,” Leo softly mumbled. Shock taking over your mind, but not the bad kind of shock. It made your cheeks flush pink from his comment.
“I know. Get some sleep now. Tomorrow will be a new day,” you stated happily, making Leo grin as he closes his eyes, letting sleep take over. Once Leo fell asleep immediately, you took your chance to kiss him on the temple, afterwards turning off the nightlight and leaving the room, closing the door quietly.
You stood there for a little while, your mind still processing Leo’s words “I love you”. Wonder what he meant by that? Ahh it’s just drunk talk, perhaps. Right? You heavily exhaled and staggered off to bed. Well, it did Look like Leo was gonna have a humongous hangover in the morning and you’ll be the one to tell him all about it. 
And that’s the end for this one. Maybe. Who knows? I don’t really know how Leo gets when drunk. Nobody does XD
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It was dawk that nyight, thewe was a sickenying bwack fog hat cuvwed the chuwch towews. And weeked of stawe incense
TONyIGHT, WACH, TONyIGHT, WACH, TONyIGHT, YOU SHAKE YOUW FIST AT THE SKY UwU
Evewyonye was thewe. And Gwazunyov—
GWAZUNyOV IS DWUNK
Gwazunyov was dwunk
GWAZUNyOV IS DWUNK
I CAN HEAW THE BWASS, WIKE A SCWEAMING FAWCON ;;w;;
When you think of that nyight what do you see?
PEWSPIWATION PEWSPIWATION PEWSPIWATION ON MY FOWEHEAD
PEWSPIWATION PEWSPIWATION PEWSPIWATION PEWSPIWATION ON MY FOWEHEAD
AND CÉSAW CUI IS HEWE
Césaw Cui?
CÉSAW CUI, OF THE FIVE
Thewe awe Five composews in Wussia—The Mighty Handfuw, Womantic Nyationyawists, The vanguawd of the nyew Wussian music
Bowodin, Bawakiwev, Mussowgsky, Wimsky-Kowsakov, and Cui
BOWODIN, BAWAKIWEV BOWODIN, BAWAKIWEV MUSSOWGSKY, WIMSKY-KOWSAKOV, AND CUI
NyOT COUWT COMPOSEWS! NyOT EWITES WIKE TCHAIKOVSKY! THEY WEWE THE WEAW DEAW! THEY HAD DIWT UNDEW THEIW FINGEWNyAIWS! AND CUI IS A CWITIC! A CWITIC WITH A SHAWP PEN!
“IF THEWE WEWE A CONSEWVATOWY IN HEWW AND IF ONyE OF ITS MOST TAWENTED STUDENTS WEWE TO COMPOSE A PWOGWAMME SYMPHONY BASED ON THE STOWY OF THE TEN PWAGUES OF EGYPT. AND IF HE WEWE TO COMPOSE A SYMPHONY WIKE WACHMANyINyOFF’S THEN HE WOUWD HAVE FUWFIWWED HIS TASK BWIWWIANTWY, AND WOUWD DEWIGHT THE INHABITANTS OF HEWW” Oh deaw, Sewge ^w^
HE WWITES TEWWIBWE THINGS
“THIS MUSIC WEAVES AN EVIW IMPWESSION”
ABOUT GOOD PEOPWE
“WITH ITS BWOKEN WHYTHMS”
UNTWUE THINGS—
“OBSCUWITY AND VAGUENyESS OF FOWM”
UNyINTEWWIGENT THINGS—
“MEANyINGWESS WEPETITION OF THE SAME SHOWT TWICKS”
GWAZUNyOV IS DWUNK
UNTWUE THINGS
“THE NyASAW SOUND OF THE OWCHESTWA THE STWAINyED CWASH OF THE BWASS!  AND ABOVE AWW ITS SICKWY PEWVEWSE HAWMONyIZATION AND QUASI-MEWODIC OUTWINyES THE COMPWETE ABSENCE OF SIMPWICITY AND NyATUWAWNyESS. THE COMPWETE ABSENCE OF THEMES”
AND YOU AWE NyOT PWETTY ENyOUGH, YOU’WE NyOT SMAWT ENyOUGH, YOU’WE NyOT FUNNY ENyOUGH YOU’WE NyOT DEEP ENyOUGH, THE BEST YEAWS OF YOUW WIFE AWE BEHIND YOU, IT’S AWW DOWNHIWW NyOW. SO SAD SO SAD. THIS IS AWW YOU CAME TO SO SAD SO SAD SO SAD.
Do you wike the piece?
I— I don’t knyow
AND YOU AWE NyOT PWETTY ENyOUGH, YOU’WE NyOT SMAWT ENyOUGH, YOU’WE NyOT FUNNY ENyOUGH YOU’WE NyOT DEEP ENyOUGH, THE BEST YEAWS OF YOUW WIFE AWE BEHIND YOU, IT’S AWW DOWNHIWW NyOW. SO SAD SO SAD. THIS IS AWW YOU CAME TO SO SAD SO SAD SO SAD.
AND GWAZUNyOV IS DWUNK
Who is Gwazunyov?
The conductow.
MY DEAW YOUNG BOY. I AM AWEXANDEW KONSTANTINyOVICH GWAZUNyOV
I- I knyow—
THIS WIWW BE WONDEWFUW! THANK YOU owo! DO NyOT WOWWY ABOUT THE WOODWINDS, I WIWW SQUASH THEIW SQUEAKS WIKE GWAPES ^w^ !!
Oh my dear God.
AND THE BWASS WIWW CWASH ;;w;; HAVE SOME WINyE, BOY, HAVE SOME WINyE WET ME WEWAX, WHEWE AWE MY CUFFS?
SEWGE, PWEASE HAVE SOME WINyE, IT WIWW BE AWW WIGHT, THE PWAYEWS, THEY KNyOW YOU
THE HEATEW IS BWOKEN
It was cowd?
NyO, TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT! THEY COUWDN’T TUWN IT DOWN AND THE CUWTAINS WEWE MEWTING AND THE WIWACS WEWE WIWTING PEWSPIWATION ON MY FOWEHEAD!
GWAZUNyOV WIFTS HIS BATON WIKE A SPOON IN SYWUP, AND THE AUDIENCE SUCKS IN ONyE GWEAT BWEATH, AND THE STWINGS AND THE TIMPANyI BEGIN, A MIDNyIGHT MAWCH TO HEWW
I weft aftew a few minyutes, I spent most of the concewt on the staiws, I couwd stiww heaw it though muffwed thwough the wawws
What does this music mean to you?
I don’t knyow, It’s supposed to be epic dwama, subwime tewwow, Gweat towwing bewws, wind and wain, Thundew, wighting, scweams, moons, pwanyets, comets >w< astewoids huwtwing thwough space, ecstatic—
Do you evew twy to wwite happy music?
I don’t twy any thing. This is just what happens.
SCOWWED FACES, PAINyED FACES AND THE WOWST—BWANK FACES THIS ONyE WEADS HEW PWOGWAM AND THIS ONyE CHECKS HIS PHONyE. AND AWE YOU SO SMAWW AND STUPID. THAT YOU CAN’T HEAW ANYTHING NyEW. THAT YOUW WITTWE MIND WON’T ACCEPT IT! WON’T SHUT THE STATIC OUT! AND WET THE MUSIC JUST, AND WET THE MUSIC JUST,,
AND THIS ONyE UNWWAPS A CANDY AND THIS ONyE TAKES HEW COAT OFF AND IT TAKES HEW TEN MINyUTES TO TAKE HEW COAT OFF AND THE WUSTWING AND THE NyOISE AND THE NyOISE AND THE NyOISE AND THE NyOISE AND THE NyOISE AND THE NyOISE AND GWAZUNyOV…
GWAZUNyOV IS DWUNK!!!
MY GOD STWINGS UwU WIWW SOMEONyE PWEASE TEWW ME WHAT MEASUWE WE AWE IN PWEASE! WHAT JUST HAPPENyED? WEWE WE IN SEVEN? TEWW ME HOW DO YOU CONDUCT IN SEVEN? WHAT IS THIS NyONSENSE? WHAT IS THIS? OH MY GOD IS THIS A FUGUE? FUGUES AWE HAWD, FUGUES AWE HAWD, FUGUES AWE HAWD MOWE WINyE PWEASE MOWE WINyE ^w^
He feews nyothing when he conducts…these sounds towtuwe me (・`ω´・)  How couwd so gweat a musician as Gwazunyov conduct so badwy? I see Cui with his pen and his wittwe pad of papew Wwiting down his wittwe thoughts on his wittwe pad of papew As though what he heaws is even weaw That what his tiny eaws heaw is aww that’s happenying in this woom
DIES IWAE DIES IWWA Vewy good Sewge UwU
DIES IWAE…
Awtificiaw tunyes, sentimentaw and monyotonyous Cwiché and excessive, shawwow viwtuoso popuwist Okay, okay, I’m a B-wist hack owo  You got me >w<
Sewgei?
Why awe you tawking duwing my pewfowmance >w<  this is nyot youw pwace. this is nyot fow you. I don’t want to heaw youw mind wight nyow! What can you possibwy have to say? What is so fucking impowtant about youw opinyion
SOMEONyE IN THIS WOOM IS TWYING TO FEEW SOMETHING! SOMEONyE IN THIS WOOM IS TWYING TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUW MOMENT! WHY WON’T YOU WET YOU THEM? WHY THE FUCK AWE YOU TAWKING TO ME? YOU HAVE NyO WIGHT TO INFWICT YOUW MIND ON MINyE!!
Get out of hewe! Get out! You awe muwdewing souws! You awe stepping on buttewfwies! You awe buwnying fwowews with kewosenye! You awe shitting on diamonds
And that was thwee yeaws ago, And what have you donye since? and what wiww you do fow the west of youw wife?
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hawnks · 1 year
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I’m gonna need everyone to be about 40% more unhinged tonight
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hawnks · 2 years
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:V
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