#holding onto WHAT I’M FEELING

[dreamsofyexiao]

#my hands are searching for you... #my arms are outstretched towards you 💫 #I feel you on my fingertips... #my tongue dances behind my lips 👄 for you... #there’s fire 🔥 rising through my being #burning! I’m not used to seeing you...! #I’M ALIVE #I’M ALIIIIIIIIVE #I can feel you ALL AROUND ME #thickening the AIR I’M BREATHING #holding onto WHAT I’M FEELING #savoring this HEART THAT’S HEALING #take my hand! 👐 I give it to you! #now you own me 💫 all I am! #you said you would never leave me! I believe you! I BELEIVE #I CAN FEEL YOU ALL AROUND ME THICKENING THE AIR I’M BREATHING HOLDING ONTO WHAT I’M FEELING SAVORING THIS HEART THATS #I'M ALIVE I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

Hey can u try to be more inclusive within your fics not all of us are blonde white and blue eyed (at least for the pics u use)

so…i got this ask a few days and i took some time to think about it and talked to some friends of mine as to best approach this situation. i want to answer this is poise and the delicacy that this requires.

bc inclusivity is EXTREMELY important, especially within fandoms. (a wonderful example is the pjo show and all the ‘controversy’ with the casting (which was just disguised racism but whatever))

but i don’t think i’m the girl for the job. and ill explain why.

first and foremost, i do not feel comfortable just deciding one day to write from the perspective of race xyz and then doing another race another day. (unless explicitly stated in the request and even then i tread lightly bc it feels a little wrong to me to be writing from a perspective i haven’t personally lived. bc stereotypes ARE harmful even in a space as silly as fanfic writing)

secondly, i feel the need to point out that this felt a tad…passive aggressive. the tone of this message, as perceived by me, felt jabbing and left me shaking for the rest of the night as i felt i had done something completely disrespectful and completely morally wrong. i never want someone to feel excluded and that was never my intention when selecting pictures off of pinterest.

(while i’m white passing, i grew up in a hispanic household and i do not have blonde hair, or blue eyes either. and the thought of, even accidentally, excluding my little cousins, my beautiful nieces and nephews has me sick to my stomach. EVERYONE deserves to be seen, ya know??)

as far as the pics go, that is something i’d be willing to give a shot in trying to adjust, but it also goes back to my first point. it’ll feel even more, dare i say racist, to just switch around races constantly when it comes to different fics. but idk idk. maybe im reading too much into the situation??

(the ap gov kid in me is screaming for yall to look into the case of shaw v reno bc the whole problem with that case was OVERCORRECTING. due to previous racist precedent, those who redistricted the state made an overly conscious effort to enforce a few largely africans american districts which would later be deemed unconstitutional. it was seen as overcorrecting of past issues which would just cause more issues) (my ap teacher would be proud lmao)

anyways, if anyone has anything they’d like to say, please don’t be shy in the comments, but do be kind. this is a serious conversation i want to have and if we start throwing anger around, we’re gonna get nowhere fast.

if yall really want this, i could make it happen with some research and your help, but i dont want to just start doing this unprompted, ya know???

i guess i hope you have a good day and that this was a productive conversation and that you are able to see my side of the story?? if not, i’m sorry.

actually, either way, i’m sorry.

#ive been holding onto this for a few days bc im scared that im gonna sound like mean or racist or something but i promise im not trying to!! #i feel like a piece of shit 🙃 #and i don’t even know what a i did tbh #god i’m not gonna sleep tonight #FUCK #anyways #all my love ౨ৎ #return to sender ౨ৎ #𐙚๋࣭ ⭑ how covey got her phd in yapping

[samuraisharkie]

that virtualtoybox person literally told me they aren’t reading what I said and then tried to talk to me w about as much in their tags lol. i never understand people that go ‘I’m not reading all of that but you should read what I have to say” bc like. imagine how infuriated ur gonna get when that response is leveled right back at you? and judging by their tags they didn’t read past my very first line. bc they started comparing animals and animal rights to eugenics which is EXACTLY what I was saying is extremely dangerous to do. That’s exactly how people start calling things that happen to animals a ‘Holocaust’ and I’m positive such a statement is made in that book they told me to read. I’m disabled too. I know what I’m talking fucking about too. In the animal section, I for SURE know more than you do! Because if you knew and truly cared about animals and their welfare, you wouldn’t be talking like PETA. Here’s a trick to other disability activists: learn about animal welfare by volunteering on farms and educating yourself on breeders and the industry rather than getting involved in PETA! And another critical trick: NEVER compare animals to people! That’s exactly what the freaks that think any living thing with a deformity that should die are doing. These people would clutch their pearls the moment they hear farms cull undesirable animals bc they can’t afford to keep every single one and have to streamline their breeding and raising to what will help keep the farm running. That doesn’t mean these farmers want to do the same to people, because the animal is NOT a person and doesn’t live like one. Our lives are not even remotely comparable! People like OP are the people that keep a wild bird with an amputated wing alive bc in their mind it would be insinuating all amputees should die if the bird is put down, and next thing the bird is on the Dodo as inspiration porn. Duex Face is an exception to two headed animals, not the rule. Don’t tell me to do my research when you’re spouting talking points from people that have caused more problems for animals as a whole second only to the commercialization of animal industry. Maybe you need some research (field research) instead! They’re going to block me and I’m assuming that’s why I can’t rb the post anymore even if I wanted to (like I said I didn’t want to start a fight so like. I’m not going to be yelling and acting like an asshole. I swore a bit in the tags initially bc I feel very strongly about how animal rights activists have fucked up disability activism by acting like there’s equivalency in our existences, but that’s not targeted. Most was going to respond telling them that if they feel this strongly they need to be reading more about the animal industry rather than relying on people that are in no way experts on animals talking as an authority on them, and using that to tie with their human rights activism as if animals rights and humans rights are even remotely the same in any way. Whatever though at least the tags are there if anyone who cares enough actually reads them and thinks about them. Will most likely just attract militant vegans and ARAs like the op but whatever)

#ableism tw #why are people caring more about animal rights than human rights. acting like an animal has the same existence a human does #why aren’t we instead pointing and making books about the HUMAN eugenics happening right in front of our eyes. #why do we have to talk through fantasized anthropromorphized animals #why do you people have to imagine an animal feels like you do in order for people to care. #to an extent I’m sure there is a level to which you can say ‘yeah this person is ableist’ judging by how they talk about outside subjects #and I agree that the people who want Deux Face put down are ignorant and a few likely are ableist #but treating it like there is ZERO NUANCE and that every person who holds concern for whether the animal is suffering or not is ableist #is ignorant and harmful #this situation is way way more than what op made it out to be and you can already see in the replies how ARAs have latched onto it #to get on their soapbox and declare that anyone that treats animals as anything less than human are ableist eugenists #(while simultaneously disrespecting people that are actually living through those situations aka comparing animal culling to a Holocaust.) #it doesn’t matter if you’re part of the demographic that’s being harmed and you have no problem with it you don’t speak for all of us #and despite being an activist you CAN be misinformed and fueled by bias! #if animals are fur babies with human emotions to you than of course you will prefer the ‘beast of burden’ argument #I’ll check that book out honestly. would be good to know how to refute what OP built their beliefs off of

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression?? #the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet?? #I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all… #and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening #I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess #like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame #I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything. #the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch #and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me #I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel #the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness. #I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too. #adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5 #gurt says stuff #personal

[seokwoosmole]

Ngl I’m kind of a mess rn…

#I wish I could say I was surprised but I’m not fully #I was rlly just holding onto the slightest bit of hope #idek how to feel #rowoon is my ult and my gateway into sf9 and kpop #I’m still gonna stan sf9 #of course #that’s not even a question #I don’t think I could ever leave a group I stan just cause my bias isn’t in it anymore #I love the other members so much too #but idk #I might be on a small break from them #at least until their next comeback #fuck I feel so silly cause I’m about to go to work & im bawling my eyes out rn over some man making a career choice #idk I guess I’m sad I’ll never get to see sf9 perform as 9 ever again too #not will anyone for that matter #ahh idk this just hurts #I’m happy for seokwoo if this is what he wants #and I’ll always be happy for the members if they’re pursuing what makes them happy #will definitely be a sad fantasy for awhile though #sf9 #rowoon #sf9 rowoon #Kim seokwoo #last thing - to all my rowoon biased fantasy #hang in there - sending love🩷

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[sea-jello]

it me fr

alternately:

#new artstyle kinda fun actually #it’s not even a new artstyle it’s just a different pen and way to draw hair #and eyes #wooow jello draws something other than legos?? #don’t keep your hopes up i will go right back to lego ninjago #5 second rule on is holding a hotdog btw #if it’s not clear #when i make guidelines on the faces and dont follow them 🥰🥰 #i did all this without a reference by the way #i’m kinda proud of myself #not sure how i feel about the arms in the first one tbh #i dunno i didn’t spend too much thought on this #i really like the way i did the hair i might reuse it for lloyd #the front bit at least #putting little parts of yourself onto characters is healing for the soul #kill the part of you that cringes #and of course i had to add in morro ninjago #he is constantly on the brain #do you think this counts as an artsona #what even is it #it’s not an oc it’s just me #well ofc it doesn’t look exactly like me but yk #jellos scribbles #my art #ninjago morro

[honorthysalad]

k some ch22p2 thoughts

Well I didn’t realize that katana was special. Or maybe it’s not and all ghosts can be defeated with normal stuff. Like Yoshiki stabbed ‘hikaru’ with a normal knife. His body clearly isn’t special in any way. Ig its possible that ‘Hikaru’s neck was reinforced with his insides in some way since it’s necessary for his control over the head. Probably not though because that makes no damn sense.

yayay Yoshiki’s mom moment. Hopefully in the next part we see more of her. She generally seems semi-caring but quick to yell and is very nice to ‘Hikaru’.

weird that Hikaru’s mom didn’t show up. Ig she could’ve visited offscreen. Does she have a job that would keep her away? Or actually even Hikaru’s grandma. What does she do all day? I think it’s kinda sad ‘hikaru’ didnt have anyone to sit with him. (And also how sad would it have been if Yoshiki woke up to none of his family there only to see Hikaru’s waiting patiently by his bedside? Hikaru’s family was always stated to be more loving or at least, preferable to Yoshiki’s. Their house is his relief from the village, his slice of the city. Whenever we flashback, we never see Yoshiki’s house [except for ch9…. Obviously]. Yoshiki is always at Hikaru's house. [but whatever maybe Yoshiki’s family being neglectful was just something I made up in my head. I thought that was the implication but maybe they’re all completely fine except for the dad and Yoshiki doesn’t like them for brooding teenage reasons] )

I ain’t gonna touch too much on Tanaka stuff. If I did, we’d be here all day. I don’t care for ghost stuff at all; it’s without fail my least favorite part of the series. I’m just gonna chalk up the blindness unless wearing prescription specter sunglasses to more ghost bullshit and move on.

#I will always advocate for more Hikaru’s family #I need them. I crave them. We get TOLD all the time how Yoshiki’s family argues all the time or that his mom is ‘scary’ #But we never see it and I feel it could inform a lot about him as a character and why he does what he does #I think Hikaru represents like an ideal member of society. A perfectly average boy who fulfills his familial duties #He was probably gonna take over the family business; marry a woman; have kids; pass his duty and business onto them #And ‘hikaru’ is the failure to do that. He’s asexual and has only shown an interest in being with Yoshiki #We haven’t seen his opinion on running the family business. #So letting go of hikaru would represent letting go of the need to conform. #But being with hikaru has always represented that to Yoshiki. When he’s with hikaru he doesn’t need to conform #So idfk what the like conclusion Yoshiki needs to reach for his character is going to be #Like I’m trying to figure out his fatal flaw. Why is he in this terrible situation to begin with? #What’s he actually holding onto? Conformity? The status quo? The past? #Real post in the tags ig. The tags are my thinking space #hikaru ga shinda natsu #the summer hikaru died #hgsn #hgsn spoilers

[dwtdog]

.

#drituation ramble warning #it’s so fucking annoying how ppl frame every price of evidence as #‘justify this dream stan’ #and just like. #u ppl don’t care about victims #u don’t cate about the truth #u just want to see fans and drm taken down #and like #seeing many of these situations as black and white is just.. incorrect. #like if everything is true these mfs were still holding onto it to use when drm is already down #if it’s not real or spun to be as bad as possible #which seems to be the most likely scenario #and idk idk i’m just so fucking mad no matter what #for drm and for real victims #it just fucking sucks #but i’m not going to leave until i feel like it’s wrong to be here #and we’re no where near that point tbh #anyways #just gonna keep going on but maybe reduce my social media time a bit ^-^

[tripthelight-fanfic]

Just wanted to put this out there to all my multichapter fic writing mutuals in case this info isn’t known

If your WIP/completed work is over 70k…

Congratulations, you’ve written a novel.

Most publishers define “novel-length” as anywhere between 50,000-110,000 words but the average minimum I’ve seen is 70k and I feel like I can think of like 10 fics off the top of my head that blow those numbers out of the water

So even if the notes aren’t flowing in and even if you feel like giving up writing

Just look at what you’ve accomplished

You wrote a fucking book

#do you know how hard it is to write a book #I feel such a need to gas up #ESPECIALLY THIS FANBASE BC YALL WRITE LIKE YOURE ACTIVELY DYING #and what I’m REALLY trying to say is hey gang slap some new names in there and GO GET THAT BREAD!!!!! #like people are so quick to dismiss fanfiction when in reality these are entire LITERARY UNIVERSES being built #and honestly this goes for any fanbase #yes this is bc I just looked at the word count for vigilance holy fUCK WHAT DO YOU MEAN 600K+??? #and I am so incapable of holding onto a singular plot for long enough to flesh it out like this #so I have such endless respect for ppl who can

[void-tiger]

I have a plan. Trusted people say it’s a good plan. I do not know if I have the courage to do said plan.

#tiger’s roar #socializing crap #…it is. terrifying. to be the one to reach out #and constantly worrying I’m reading things wrong #wanting things too soon. risk being smothering and Scary #…I literally handpainted cards for 2 Weeks Late birthday cards as a way to…IDK?? give away art? it’s cheap? #and made FOUR spicejars of rocks #to not leave anyone out. to give ONE a jar of rocks #i just. i don’t know if I have the nerve #did all that scheming to ‘hey wanna see something neat?? thinking about you’ and. idk if I have the courage #wHAT aRE tHEY eVEN gONNa dO wITH iT TiGER?! #is…a constant thought. because having something to try and hold onto is…always awkward #and. good god. i’m still scared to even stand next to this guy and sing again #because doing so Imediately got him teased and scared off #like…things feel consistantly friendly now. but. that’s Vibes. #we still haven’t had another Real conversation #but then again. he did catch me in two different upsets…and it didn’t scare him #No One can actually tolerate me when I stress cry. let alone have a defensive cptsd reaction #or get cranky if my Real Feelings leak out when truly asked #and that all seems…accepted? is it too soon to say that? who knows #like. sure /I’d/ like to get a handmade card and bottle of Neat Collected Stuff #and my therapist encouraged me to go for it #that it’d be a good way to Show ‘hey I care about you guys’ #in a way that takes Time but isn’t really a Cost to make it awkward #(you collect rocks off the ground. the bottles are just washed recycling. I already had watercolors #(and want to have the Courage to give away art to say. family #(and my friends all said that ‘Tiger we’d LOVE to recieve this too!’ #(which yeah. already a plan. already planning what to paint fam and hopefully not have their crit sink my esteme yet again) #how much is Insecurity. how much is Rationality. idk.

[seventh-district]

oh my god i can’t decide what to do with my time today

#Seven.txt #writing stuff #video stuff #it’s Sunday so i need to log into Genshin and do my weeklies and i also need to grind for primos to yoink Yelan’s C1 before Tuesday #but i also need to record that so it’ll have to be done later once the house is quiet but i also need to record Lyney’s story quest but #then ​i also want to record Kaeya’s hangout but i also need to see what events are ending soon but i also need to do other non game stuff #like i need to finish going thru my backlog of likes on here and i need to answer asks and i need to work on drafted posts #and i have GOT to start working on ES Ch.4 to get that up by my self-imposed deadline soon but i’m recording that so i can only work on it #early in the mornings or late in the evenings but i also wanna finish this one-shot i’m working on for Dew and get it up on here soon #and that’s easier cause i’m not recording it but if i work on it today that’s not the best use of my time when it’s SUNDAY so it’s GENSHIN #DAY but i don’t FEEL like playing genshin rn i wanna WRITE ugh #but i’ve also got Ao3 comments awaiting a reply and i need to get a few things updated over there and i wanna work on This Is Unconditional #but i don’t have the TIME for that right now and i’ve got a bunch of messages that need replying to and a many hours of videos to edit #and i slept bad bc Nightmares so i just wanna eat and take a nap but that’s such a waste of time and uuuuugh idk man #So Many Creative Endeavors So Little Time #*collapses onto the floor in a frustrated heap* #okay. deep breath. i think. i’m gonna go work on banging out the rest of Hold On to Something bc that’s nearly fully written anyways #and i am Dying to get it out of my system bc Ghost Band fixation u know #i at least wanna get the draft done. i’ll edit/post it another day #then i’ll probably hop on genshin for a bit and do the bare minimum (i only need like 15 more pulls worth so even if i don’t grind and have #to swipe its nbd) and then i’ll hopefully be able to record the first writing session for ES ch.4 later this evening!!! #‘cause good god i wanna get that fic back into production. i miss working on it it’s just so hard to get started again #okay enough rambling. gonna go make Bullet’s lunch and get myself some lemonade. then i shall work

[arthur-r]

i am moving my stuff for going to college! and my stuff for not going to college! my family is moving and i need to empty my room entirely before i leave in one week! i am excited but also really extremely terrified!

#but. concert tonight. so just putting in four hours or so of hardcore packing things up. then i go have a good time and see my favorite band #or one of my favorite bands. or whatever this band is to me. they’re very cool and they’re also really easy to see in concert #anyway me and my mom and two of my friends are going. and she calls me arthur half time now so that part won’t be an issue at all #and we’re getting mcdonalds which is hopefully something i’ll be capable of eating now (post [redacted average surgery] woes) #i feel silly for being vague of that. but one of my closest friends would really not be a fan so here i am. #anyway everything is just a lot though. and of course my parents are fighting with each other all day since we’re going between the places #my mom is moving out of the apartment and my dad is moving in to the apartment. yeah i know it’s really stupid and weird #and i’m really not feeling well. but packing is a good thing just takes energy and willpower #here’s what i’m gonna do. i’m gonna pick my outfits for the next seven days and set those aside. then pack the rest of my closet in boxes #and then once my clothes are gone everything will be a lot easier. that’s settled then #but yeah i would love it if i had a room to come home to at christmas time. and hold onto my stuff for me. but it’s alright #i am secretly hoping that it’s too impossible of a project though that our house is in too bad shape to sell in time #there’s a lot of repairs we need to do before we can get any money for it really. so hopefully it lasts until i have my own apartment #anyway. status update or something. hope everyone is doing well #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[trollbreak]

Laying on the floor in a splat emoji

#ummm. im having an ace guilt moment and coping by projecting onto characters #something something not feeling comfortable with sex and thus feeling like you’re robbing any potential partners of a considerable part of #what they thought they were signing up for even if they’ve told u they don’t mind. if u know the rabbit hole I’m holding ur hand and if u #don’t um. I’ve not the energy to type it out bc putting it into words makes it too tangible #SO #um. #vent #but also due to the aaaa of it all I can’t MESSAGE anyone abt it so I’m just like. stewing. Yk how it is #I’ll sit here and linger Thinkin bout the cullinary polycule abt it bc those guys r all my own and I don’t have to worry abt someone trying #to b reassuring bc like. I know. I know it’s fine but logic ain’t running the train rn it’s in the passenger car same as me. so we’re just #along for the ride till we get off at the next stop

[henryhas2moms]

unfortunately i don’t think i have ever felt so passionately defensive about a character as i am about regina. sometimes i’ll read something that is so wrong and incorrect, sometimes even from someone who likes regina, and i will turn into this thing

#usually they’re from like 2013 even so i have NO REASON so get so worked up #the WORST one i read from someone who LIKED regina said she could’ve appreciated henry and emma as her GRANDKIDS instead of the s2 #custody battles with emma and the charmings. which. excuse me… WHAT????? that’s her SON and i’m stealing something from your house #the worst take i saw from someone who did NOT like regina………. y’all don’t even want to hear it. #……… but im still mad so im gonna tell you granted i saw it like several months ago and it was made in like 2014 probably but #it was a gifset with regina’s ‘i don’t know how to love very well’ quote matched with (from what i recall) harmful actions against #henry (what the quote is referencing in context and also they have repaired a lot even before the gif was posted so fine ig) #snow (it’s complicated) cora (regina actually loves her mother far more than she deserves imo) and hold onto your fucking hats everyone #KING ​LEOPOLD!!!!!! (if you need me to explain to you why this is the worst thing i’ve ever heard. no you don’t) #<- needless to say!!! if you don’t watch your mouth i’m putting snakes in YOUR bed!!! #actually i’m not even sure if the first three examples are what was used bc the last one sent me into a rage blackout #and i’m not gonna go looking for that post anyway the others i can roll my eyes and move on the last one turns me into a fire demon #not making this rebloggable but feel free to be outraged in the comments with me xoxo #yes that is specific the flame atronach from skyrim no i didn’t know how to spell that i googled like ‘flame….. anteater skyrim’

[arklay]

.

#tw: animal death #tw: animal illness #woke up sobbing cause it finally kicked in that he’s fucking gone. it’s like. i can’t even describe to anyone how just close i was with him #and loved him like he had the sweetest soul even if he was a little cheeky at times and he had these big eyes that were just full of so much #love and soul and i just spent so much time with him the past ten years it feels so weird that he’s just not here. it feels wrong. like this #is his home this is where he’s supposed to be like why isn’t he here… i was walking down the hallway yesterday and like turned my head at my #mum’s room expecting or looking for him to be on the rug he liked and he wasn’t there and it just gutted me but i was so numb i couldn’t cry #or anything and like my mum came home from being out and it was only our other dog barking by herself and it was so tough to hear like his #barking may have hurt my ears and sent me into sensory overload some times but i miss it i miss him so much. i think even though i knew how #sick he was and that we were going to lose him at some point like i just kept denying it would really happen and now i feel so empty without #him here. he brought so much life to our house and he’s just gone. even in the last few months where you could see his eyes getting cloudy #and his walk more wobbly and just he was so tired he still had these moments of bouncing around and his tail just wagging and idk i can’t #stop thinking about him and i know it’s going to take a while before i stop crying just at the mention of his name considering i still #sometimes do with my old cat who died 7 years ago and i wasn’t even that close with cause he had a lot of things going on in his head and #would attack me a lot like he’s story makes me really sad but like what i mean like i had this really big connection with jazz and so if i’m #still so sensitive thinking about buster then i’m going to hold onto jasper forever i think. he was so special i could talk about him #forever i miss him so much #i’m also like feeling just really hurt over something else that’s like related but not so it’s all kicking me this morning #leah.txt