#i can handle putting on some nicer clothes but like.... a theme. a fucking theme. how do you want me to do a theme.

[anaalnathrakhs]

i want to hide in a hole

#my friend celebrates her birthday in a couple days #and i KNOW how important it is for her that people make an effort #and dress up and shit #she gave a theme for the party and all #she was so disappointed when her family refused to make that kind of effort #but man jesus christ am i not in the place to dress up #am i not in the place for anything actually lmao #i feel like shit so fucking constantly #i can handle putting on some nicer clothes but like.... a theme. a fucking theme. how do you want me to do a theme. #i have one good pair of pants. one skirt. five thousand baggy yoga pants i wear every day. #i have silly tshirts. i barely even wear them anymore. #i can't keep letting people down like this #especially since i was all like oh no that sucks :( that's not very nice of them :( when she told me abt her family not being dressed nicel #regjherkjrhehkhr fuck me i hope the gifts are pertinent enough to make up for that #broadcasting my misery #vent

[kamikui]

Onmyoji Movie

HI so I watched the Onmyoji Movie based off of the game last night and . . . . that sure was something!

In all honesty despite the weird path they decided to take, I actually enjoyed the movie. The music and detail in the scenery was amazing, I LOVED the costuming for a lot of the background characters esp in the Demon Realm, and a lot of the easter eggs that were hidden were nice. 

BUT. but. As someone heavily invested in the lore of the game (especially concerning Ibaraki) how they decided to deal with the movie was like. really confusing. It genuinely felt as if NE gave the directors a cast of characters and let them do what they wanted from there w/o any prior knowledge of the game.

(spoilers down below)

Before I really pry into that though, I’ll kinda note some of the characters.

Seimei/Qingming was actually my favorite. I think this is sort of an unpopular opinion right now, but his characterization was so nice even if it sorta leans into the basic drama hero type personality. In the game Seimei is supposed to be you/the player, and not everyone is going to have the same interpretation of him-- and that’s what the movie felt like, a different interpretation. I will say I didn’t really like them making him related to their version of Orochi. I believe the snakes name was Xiangliu? I can’t remember, but I didn’t see the reason in that. 

If anything, keeping him a fox and having a version of Tamamo no Mae popping up to offer advice to help with the situation would’ve been nicer, and that’d keep more of Seimei’s backstory kept in tact-- because asides from him becoming an Onmyoji apprentice at a young age we literally do not know shit about him. And legit I wouldn’t necessarily mind bc it’s a movie, you’re not going to get everyone’s backstory within 2 hrs, but we can’t really get attached to him.

Yao Bikuni/Baini was. Hm. I like her as a character in the movie, but I don’t like where she’s placed as a character in the movie. She’s a Seer? in the game and tbh it should’ve stayed that way, like I honestly can’t see her willingly working for one clan. “But how would she--” In game she is also influenced by Seimei pretty heavily, as in the in game chapters she believed he would be able to kill her. Up until she got manipulated by Orochi, she stuck to his side. With the Stone plot in the movie, if it put him in danger she would be there in order to try and help him, OR, try and pull him to join Orochi if they went that route. And they KINDA tried to hint at it when Seimei “died” with Orochi using her image, but like. come on man. Let Yao be evil for a little bit.

That being said I didn’t like the Master & Shikigami bit with those two, or the implied romance they tried to pull with them. Canonically Seimei legit brushes her off and when shes like “ohhh you’ll kill me right” hes like “lol sure” and thats IT. Literally any form of romance that’s tried at Seimei he brushes it off. he’s not into it he’s an amnesiac.

The “Oh if you become my shikigami you won’t become evil” thing was :/ to me as well because again, canonically, even though Seimei is being taunted he can contain the Kitsune part pretty well even when he wasn’t aware he was kitsune. Like I think the part as a kid was a good bit to add since it’s when he’s first being exposed to Onmyoji type stuff, but like. idk idk I couldn’t vibe with that power dynamic while they were trying to hint romance.

Continuing on with Hiromasa/Yuan Boya and Kagura/Shenle, again considering this is a movie, I’m somewhat content with their characters.

I really liked how energetic this Kagura was, and given they weren’t able to do her actual backstory, I liked the one she was given. Her introduction in the movie was really great too-- and compared to Hiromasa I felt they gave her a little more attention? Which like fine, but not so good for Hiro.

They didn’t even. Discuss his archery skills at any point which was disappointing. The most plot relevance he (and honestly Kagura too) had was finding Seimei while trying to arrest him but that’s it. And yes they showed some of his skill while he was fighting Kamaitachi, but that’s the extent of it. AGAIN i’ll consider the fact this was a movie and they didn’t have enough time to fit EVERYTHING in, but since they gave Yao and Seimei so much attention you would think they’d be able to spare some for the other two protagonists in the game. 

Before I leave those two tho I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck happened in the end. Like did hiromasa get promoted in some form? was he given credit for what happened between the demon realm? Why did he separate from Kagura since they got close during the movie? I guess like bc work duties but still. I have no idea tho like i was sitting there not processing a single thing. Regardless I did like Hiro and Kags acting like siblings despite in this canon them not being related (at least it’s never clarified).

Ok so before I dive into the whole mess that is the Cimu/”Ibaraki” character, stuff on side characters.

While I didn’t like the outfits for Sakura(? Momo? Both of them?) or Chocho, I liked the roles that they held as sort of trainers for the rest of Seimeis shikigami. In fact I liked the whole courtyard ordeal in general. I have my own worldbuilding thing that has a similar theme so seeing it being used canonically was pretty nice. I do wish we could’ve seen more SSRs or even SRs though. Like, why couldn’t Aoandon be hanging out in the courtyard to give gossip to Hiro & Kagura? Yamakaze or Shishio hanging out in the forest, or like. bruh even Jikikaeru as the boss in the Showdown considering he runs that in game. 

I did like the fish man! I really did, but literally everything about him could’ve been Jikikaeru, I don’t think it’s that hard to make a frog man. 

Also as mentioned previously it would’ve been nice to see Tamamo make an appearance considering he makes random ones every now and then. The Mujou Brothers could’ve helped the shikigami when they were escaping Seimeis courtyard, Shiranui could’ve been an entertainer while they were traveling through the demon realm, HAKU??? couldve been one of Seimeis shiki?? literally anyone. They have all these misc characters in the background but barely any of them resemble in game characters.

GOD EVEN KOSODENOTE COULDVE BEEN THERE . . . . at the scene where Kagura was messing with jewelry and clothing . . . Koso couldve been the seller. Aobozu could’ve worked at the shrine . . . . I just. Man.

ANYWAYS . . . pulling from that and going into whatever the hell Cimu is. god.

So according to casting, Cimu is supposed to be Ibaraki. But the thing is. There’s only like. 3-4 Elements about Ibaraki that goes into him. Everything else is Shuten which i honestly find pretty funny?? Take away the homophobic jokes and combine the gay coded character into his love interest. Which I mean that’s better than making them brothers but at what cost.

anyways. Cimu previously being an onmyoji but turning evil -> shuten previously being a monk and turning evil. The design of the hand that Cimu uses as transportation -> SP Shutens design where he sits on two hands. Red hair -> shuten. The horns, eye color (minus scleras), arm getting chopped off, and his ambition to grow stronger are really the only parts of Ibaraki that’s in the character-- and even then you could say Shuten has a similar ambition of growing stronger. It’s just so scuffed. 

ALSO IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. literally it doesn’t make sense when you look at the characters.

Why couldn’t they just stick with Kuro Seimei considering the fact that this Ibaraki works with Ootengus and Yuki Onna/The Snow Queen? They could’ve given Seimei a twin brother to work off of this. But like if they really wanted to keep Ibaraki and Shuten, they could’ve made it that Shuten was being manipulated by Orochi and Ibaraki was serving him, because there’s a LOT of shit you could do just with Shuten by himself. Legit no reason to combine the two since they’re BOTH heavily marketed characters. 

Legit like, Shuten being controlled, given Ibaraki’s loyalty to Shuten he would most likely follow him no matter what, and even like. Have a form of Momiji to kind of help out-- probably at a heavy expense of Shuten doing something for her, but still. like i LOVED the snow queen, I loved this interpretation of yuki so I wouldn’t want to get rid of her, but they shouldve went with Seimei 2 instead of “ibaraki”. It’s just so much and it doesn’t make sense. 

Now orochi himself and how that was handled was like. Okay I guess. If anyone was being talked to through their head at the time it should’ve been Yao Bikuni considering she allies with him in canon at one point. but like whatever. I did think the end was neat where Seimei forced him into becoming his shikigami, like I liked that whole process. Otherwise all antagonists were pretty underwhelming.

I also was not fond of the ending where like Seimei just turns away at the broken bridge. Like does this mean the Demon realm is completely cut off now? just fix the bridge. Also does Seimei just fuck off?? I know theres a scene where he’s standing on the roof but. i dont know. 

Regardless the movie was great, I had fun watching it. When ibaraki came in I accidentally paused the movie a couple of times while spamming screenshots. Even tho hes like kinda ugly but that’s ok. There WERE some angles where he was hot as hell but otherwise they did his actor so dirty. The horns were just. God I won’t delve into that bc this post is long as hell BUT. BUT. THE MOVIE WAS GOOD. just not if ure into the lore for the game LMAO.

Ok that’s it for now bye

#Onmyoji #this is so long and probably incomprehensible but these r my thots #tbh i cant wait for the drama that's coming too they teased it but w like. actual outfits from the game #it was seimei and momiji so i think its following in game chapters #i wonder how they'll end it tho since those chapters arent finished(?)

[fatebreaking-a]

Tagged by : I am a thief. ( Stolen from @starthieve​ ) Tagging : steal it from me.

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

( I will not, I will pick all my muses, how dare- I’ll leave everything except this blog + my other Sona blog out, for length’s sake.) long post, so it’s under the cut.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES-ish / NO. ( people who like her like her, and people who don’t... really don’t. )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — lol. I take inspiration from canon, let’s put it that way.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Your local patron saint of lost causes, a heroic entity who has overcome betrayal and judgement to become an existence that can save the world. Also she’s tall and strong and hot and nice, what more could you want? Huh? You want more than being hugged by a 6′4″ lady??? Sona can also be in various countries, and can participate very easily in fluff, angst, and all sorts of other types of threads.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Lots of angst and drama, a bit of a loner with a distant vibe. Having no etwahl and not playing music kills the interest and ‘usual interactions’ for a lot of people, and being mute & not jumping to telepathy can make threads dry and slow. Being a ‘sexy boob lady’ ( u g h ) also has painted her in a certain light - I’ll never forget that someone said that ‘ofc everyone ships with Sona, she’s the village bicycle.’ I’ve made her exceptionally strong ( almost overpowered ), and that doesn’t jive with people sometimes - shoving in all these themes that I personally like and crafting an interesting story of a divine / demonic seer witch who doesn’t know what to do with herself, is finally ‘too strong’, and finds power distasteful... The themes can be a little depressing and cold, even when she acts nice. And seeing “Even though she feels nothing, she still acts nice” in character can feel... tiring. A mute is not an easy person to write with, and I don’t shy away from trying to give the impression that ‘waiting for Sona to communicate can be tiring’ - because I want my readers and mutuals to feel the kinds of things she goes through everyday. While I try to make the blog accessible, Sona has a speech disability, and that can be tiring.

Also that she doesn’t act like a fancy noble... I don’t know. I feel like the way that I write her is very, very different to the fandom’s impression of her, and that leaves people disillusioned. “This isn’t what I expected or signed up for.” She’s just not that person... And because she doesn’t speak, a lot of prompts are off limits. I’ve also recently reset because I wanted to emphasize that she is patient, grim, and secretive while still being kind. I’ve toned down her tendency for mischief a lot, she used to be an absolute gremlin.

A lot of these things also apply to my other Sona blog ( @virtuous-dignity​ ), where she is extremely structured and self-confident and a bit of a recluse, so while she’s much much nicer, she’s also a complete hardass. It’s rough stuff, especially since I make sure to point out, “hey this Sona practices music over 8 hours every day.” “Hey this Sona finds it morally wrong to play music for small audiences.” There are certain traits that just cut ideas in the bud.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I played Sona a lot in bot lane. Multiple years of sexist remarks, shitty writing, and bad characterization made me frustrated. A lot of things were left unexplained and the etwahl felt like too much of a focus that I could not answer, “who is Sona besides a musician with a fancy instrument”. She has to be someone, right? But we never get to that in the story ( nor in the apparent upcoming lore rework either... ). She has to be someone, her being a famous musician is not everything. So I forcibly tossed aside the music part, especially to also prevent accidentally being pulled into ‘your music is so pretty’ plots. Plus: I wanted to write a character with an internal conflict who was going through some things but wanted to be nice anyway - I believe in that idea a lot. And I wanted to write a character that, tbh, could ship and flirt and just... be flirty and easy going more ( hah! didn’t work out so great now! ). My first canon characters were a ‘left by the void Malz’ dealing with his sins and Ori, who I talk about below, and neither were really great for getting that flirty vibe out. I also really wanted to emphasize that... Well, to be blunt, that if I wrote Sona as sexually promiscuous, that wasn’t a bad thing. That ‘being sexy’ and ‘sex positive’ did not equal ‘objectified tiddy witch’ and ‘perfect candidate for oppai mouse pad’ and other things I’ve heard directed at me in my league experience. Many, many things. Ugh. It kind of did end up turning into a thing where Sona herself draws an interesting line between ‘haha I can tell everyone’s looking at me with those eyes and it’s the fucking worst’ and ‘ok but I trust you and am in bed with you, so I want you to grab me’ - but that’s getting more into ns/fw topics so I’ll leave it there. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  All my characters tend to be expressions of myself, as well as answering important thematic questions, like “What does it mean to be rejected by your home and no longer have a place”, and some other stuff. I usually go back to that. Plus, exploring concepts around abandonment and loneliness is something I do a lot with her - feelings of neglect and disillusionment, and ideas surrounding “do I need to like someone or be liked by someone to treat them with dignity”. ( virtuous-dignity, on the other hand, was created because I wanted to write something as soft and uwu as possible, and then it turned into something about ‘balancing dignity for oneself with duty to others’ and handling those kinds of conflicts. )

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( idk, how many of you think robots are hot- )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( I think people downplay Ori’s intelligence a lot, but Riot also casually implied she did open heart surgery on herself so??? )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — hahahahahahaha. hah. hah. Sorry. Everything I write is divergent by default.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A genius inventor and cute spherical robot duo who speak to other robots and shoot lightning, run around acting cute, and try to save their city one step at a time - all while dealing with deep existential dread and fighting off a fate that decrees Ori’s death. Between ‘pancake bot’ and Ori being an accidental flirt, there’s plenty of variety and development here as my oldest canon muse. Not to mention that the blog ‘grows’ and ‘changes’, and in the last year, Ori has taken to dying her hair pink ( because Vi is cool is why, just don’t let her near a rifle or she’ll try to imitate Cait ). I also regularly think about / draw different hairstyles and clothing styles. Ori is very much ‘alive’, the most so out of the three muses on this blog. A human that has the memories of being a robot, trying to live on and live a good life. Also, there are bird, angel, and time themes. So many clocks. Mega clocks!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Deep angst and existential dread, because she knows her fate is to die and she’s cheated time. Themes of dysphoria and other troubling topics abound. Being stuck in time loops, thinking she’s an aberration, needing crutches because her legs stop working, etc.

Also, removing the fact that she is a robotic automaton is a bunch of the appeal of Ori. Or well, it’s what makes her character ‘interesting and unique’ to many. Without that, she is ‘yet another Zaunite’, as the thing that made her most interesting was her death and rebirth. ( Nevermind that her entire story is that she’s a selfless person but- I’m supposed  to act like she’s bad, right? )

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  Hey remember when institute of war was a thing? And then when it wasn’t? And Ori’s lore was “died to a turret shot trying to be a champion”... and then it was up in the air for two years?

That’s why. If no one else will love her, I will. She deserves better. And then the lore became close to my lore so I rewrote everything a second time trying to stick to the themes I had.

Ori’s thematic question is, “What do you do when you don’t recognize yourself anymore? How do you get back to ‘okay’ and what do you do from there?” It’s a pretty dim question that has a lot to do with body image, but also to do with abandonment and neglect, and  just dropping out of people’s lives. I think that’s something that people can really relate to. I originally wrote her on a multi with a ‘post void Malz’, who was dealing with the trauma of being puppeted around for years and all the things he had done, trying to get back to ‘okay’ without getting killed. More below:

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Themes as noted above, Ori is super cute, and a lot of my art & general ideas. I’ve kind of turned these three characters in borderline OCs and keep developing them as they grow... Sometimes I think the stories and concepts I’ve written have outgrown the fandom. And thinking about her, and how she would live, and what her story is... mmm.

Also, the themes I write... I think they matter. Maybe it’s not obvious to anyone but myself, but writing a character who feels dysphoria and hates their body for ‘betraying them’... is relatable. It’s not nice. It’s not simple. But it’s relatable and it matters. Ori’s theme on this blog has a lot to do with “fighting a fate that says you’re going to lose and defying expectations” as well as “coming back from something wicked and rotten in your psyche/body”. And I do write some other skin verses for her but they’re all adapted to meet that theme. ( For example, in SG, she rises to guardian after finding out she’s fated to become a dark star and fights that fight alone, because ‘hell no she’s not going to go dark’. This was 5+ years ago back when there were theories SG and DS were same universe. )

Mostly it’s writing about these themes of expectation and reality. Overprotective parent, absentee parent, dealing with trauma... All my writing is like that. It can make my characters seem overly tragic, yes, but these ideas are not so far gone that they’re completely irrelevant and beyond belief. I’m sure many people have experienced emotional exhaustion and problems with body image. Even though I do write ‘polite but ready to fight’ characters only... Well, I believe in exploring and expressing these kinds of problems. Inner conflict and all. But also fluff! Fluff is really nice! Talk to her about pancake robot.

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. ( post rework??? oh my god )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( hard to consider ‘martial’ characters strong when Xer/ath and Syn/dra exist )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO. ( she’s a little overrated, isn’t she?  )

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I still draw from old lore with her big four blades of doom and ‘reviving’ with the help of Raka ( though I leave it vague / easy to gloss over ). I also had a lot of ideas about music and rhythm and tradition before the update ( drums were a big thing for her, so strong percussive beats and motions reign over the more silk and ribbon dances that flow more, drawing on things like Zelos existing, Lito’s lessons & harsh behavior, and her own internalized habits of trying to calm herself ), so I draw on those a ton. For me, the progression is ‘classic’ -> ‘infiltrator / nightblade ‘ -> ‘aviator’ all as one timeline. Also wrote her as being ‘missing in action’, which makes the awaken cinematic weird. I also really try to emphasize that she’s an emotionally stunted wardog with scars and not ultra pretty, so.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A world traveler and a wardog, you can find her anywhere, any time, ready to kick some butt and enjoy the local food. Her simmering fury is a counterpoint to her relatively muted demeanor and adventurous spirit. However you may find her, there’s a definite charm to being flown up above the clouds to watch a sunset and talk. She will fly you where you need to be.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  I’m a little stuck on old lore and writing Lia as a character that has “left behind” her past and is pretending to be dead does make certain interactions tough. She’s also a deeply stunted character, emotionally, and I write her ten years of experience as having chilled her to a cold, ever burning ember rather than a passionate flame. Also, ‘aviator’ is kind of weird to handle for a lot of people.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  This one is really simple. When this blog started, the only splash where Irelia was smiling was the aviator splash. That’s it. That as the whole reason. “I want her to be happy and have found her happiness.”

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I will admit that Lia is the character that I give the least attention to out of these three, and part of it is because I don’t really do flirting or shipping with her as much. She’s not one to reach out to others, and there are a lot of popular Lia blogs to the point that when I, as a multi, write with someone... She probably isn’t the first pick.

But I just... want her to be happy. That’s it. As I mentioned with the Ori section, what I’ve worked out for her has kind of outgrown the fandom itself, she’s become a different entity. Her themes largely involve recovery and finding oneself anew, and writing a character that is passionate about others while still being cool-headed is some of the variety I need. Because Lia is ace/homosexual, she sits out on a lot of the flirty content, but the chances I get to write her being romantic and caring... my god. Just a few posts back and forth with @unholyshe​ ‘s Akali and a So/na I used to write with....... Unforgettable. ( On that note go follow @unholyshe​ what a good writer, gosh dang. ) It’s these small interactions I find intensely compelling, and having a ‘quiet intensity’ and really thinking about her body language...

Also it’s nice to write a character with little secret agenda, who is just straightforward. “Will I enjoy kissing you? Only one way to find out. ‘It was okay.’ “ A ‘the only way forward is through, just do it’ attitude is refreshing.

------------------

Learning to write all three characters helps me write the others: The little things I think about that are specific to each person really help me out for the others. The depth of using body language from Sona bleeds into how Lia uses body language, and how Ori doesn’t ( even common ticks ), etc etc. Ori’s blunt, observational style of speaking ( telling you that you look good like it’s an observational fact ) helps me understand how to be straightforward with Lia.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES …? / NO. ( sometimes I do get very anxious abt it, esp. since I’m so divergent and do things like ‘so/na is one part succubus lol’ )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( do excerpts count? less headcanons and more musings, since I’m on like 5+ years with 2/3 of these. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( time is not a thing but I used to write a ton, my drabble energy goes to novels now )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO. ( this is why you see mobile posts from me constantly, and so many excerpts / musings ).

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. ( It’s what I want but it can also be disillusioning / disappointing to people so. Dunno. Anxiety. =/  )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( It takes me a bit to warm up to a character again, but yes. I know my writing is not bad but I can be a little insecure about it. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( Very. I cry a lot and I get upset pretty easily. Sometimes I end up being really cold instead but idk. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — To a point. Sometimes criticism is irrelevant or meaningless, or is just personal taste. “Sona shouldn’t be that strong” isn’t helpful ( but thinking about ways to pare down the complexity is good! ) Sometimes I get criticism that is the equivalent of tasting a chocolate cake and going, “It should have been vanilla, I like vanilla better.” That’s cool, but that has nothing to do with the taste of the chocolate cake I made. ( Ori as a human isn’t interesting, talk more about Sona & the etwahl even though it’s broken, Lia flying doesn’t make sense, etc - these are foundational flavors, so what can I do? ).

Also sometimes people make comments that make me feel they’re just being petty / catty and not sincere. I’ve seen quite a few hypocritical comments and it’s hard to take them seriously. So, yes, but ‘to a point’... Mostly I take suggestions, which I then talk about for the muse. Exploring those ideas. Unsolicited criticism is... hmm. In my experience, about half of it isn’t constructive. And from the wrong person, it can sound judgemental. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — Of course? I love asks. Always. Great. Awesome. If I have a chance to draw to answer these asks, even better.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Not really. I’m divergent, they probably disagree because they have a different vision for the character. I’ll be honest here and say I’ve had enough people tell me that “my portrayals are not what they expected” that this can be... disheartening. I usually have a good reason for 80% of my hcs. If we’re talking in IMs though or just conversing, I’m totally fine with it. This comes back to unsolicited criticism - to be a little blunt, some people just straight up don’t know what they’re talking about. And given that I put a bunch of effort in trying to make sure most of my headcanons can be glossed over, so it doesn’t cause conflict and my ‘ultra grim take’ doesn’t cause the end times... I dunno. I’d rather that someone tell me “the kind of interactions they want”, so I can lean into that direction. If you just want fluff, I can leave most of my darker hcs for So/na at the door... But you need to tell me that, so I can work with you. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — just leave? huh? I mean, I already know people disagree. If you’re not rude, then we’ll just move on and be chill. Otherwise... well, we won’t be chill and you can still go, but I’ll consider you a dick. I don’t expect everyone to agree with “Ori is a human”, but why bring that up to me?

This is why a lot of the time, when people talk about characters and my muses, my brain defaults to “Well that has nothing to do with me.” Why should I invest any time being upset that people are disappointed with my portrayal or I’m not what they expected. It’s exhausting. People have some really strong opinions about Lia and Sona sometimes, but... ‘that has nothing to do with me.’ There’s no point in trying to convince someone to try your flavor of ice cream when they’ve already decided what flavor and toppings they want. It just leads to tremendous insecurity. I should not have to argue that ‘my portrayal is worth paying attention to’. 

Ugh. I might be too sensitive about this. There was a point where people really got in the habit of saying, “this is how character x is” ( not their muse ), and it felt like someone trying to enter my kitchen. It did not feel like a suggestion or an idea. It was an assertive, “this is how Irelia is” by, say... a Ry/ze or Ken/nen blog or something. That felt extremely isolating and alienating to me, because it felt like I could not participate in that conversation at all. Or stuff after. I had to sideline myself, because... that has nothing to do with me or my interpretations. Ofc griping at them is wrong because I know they mean, ‘this is how I see it’, but ye. I’m short tempered and easily upset. Working on it.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — um? bye? hello?

god I used to go “ ok that’s cool you don’t like my portrayal, here are some other great So/na blogs that I love” but I realized that I was directing someone who felt the need to tell me my portrayal or character is bad to those people... and no. no no no. I still feel a little guilty about it, because thinking I directed a toxic person to my duplicates...  yuck.

If you don’t like the characters, or you don’t like my divergent takes, that’s fine. I get it’s not for everyone. Just unfollow me. You’re not paying me. You’re not under any obligation. To an extent, i don’t mind being critical of the character, but there’s a difference between being critical and being hateful to someone’s muse? And it depends a lot on how close I am with a person. For example, I think Sy/las is a complete scumbag and I hate him, but I don’t go yelling that to every Sy/las blog I see. C’mon.

Another bit of salt but it’s... kind of a sad topic, really. There are some characters people love to hate, whereas other ones get the ‘protection squad’. And in general it’s really disheartening to see someone shittalk Lux every two weeks, but go ‘these other champs are off limits’. If you have that attitude, it makes me think you’ll shittalk my characters the moment they get popular ( COUGHIRELIACOUGH ) and that’s kind of sad. And mean. So general advice on this is: Probably just don’t tell someone you hate their muse, you know? Idk. Everyone has their own tolerance level too so. meh.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Somewhat.  Not much to say here, sometimes I am very tired, sometimes I comma splice like a madman, sometimes I overuse hyphen dashes to avoid deciding whether to use a comma, period, or semicolon - like this. I don’t need an editor. English is my first language. But if there’s something egregious or you have tips, let me know? I’m someone who looks up grammar rules regularly, and breaks teh rules just as regularly. Knowing when and how to break grammar rules is useful. Though I do tend to... overuse something once I’ve learned it. Hyphen dash, I’m looking at you.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   — Yes and no. I’m chill, I can be a little overly passionate, and I’m pretty quick to apologize... But I have certain moral standards and if you break those, you’re done. Also I can be a vengeful bastard. I try to give as much benefit of the doubt as I can and many chances, but I’ve noticed that I really... have a sour attitude towards a lot more people than I expect. Sometimes people who are very well liked, just because they said or did something that ticked me off. Luckily, I have the special skill of not being a jerk even if I don’t like you, and overall trying to be nice to most people, so it usually won’t matter. 

Ah and I can be a little selective in who I talk to / play favorites a bit. I’m a busy person with an adult life and a stressful job, I only have so much patience. I skip from “tolerating it” to “leaving”, and that can seem like I ghosted, but that’s not always the case. Just better to leave than to pick fights. I have some pretty strict standards and harsh opinions. Short temper. Vengeful. Alas.

Somehow people think I am very nice and baby, so take that for what you will. Pft. I just want people to be happy and feel comfortable and okay. Wrong is wrong, blah blah blah ok I stop now.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

( If you managed to read all this, with 3 full muses... Let me know, I want to hug you??? )

#long post tw #ooc #//...I think this took me over an hour to write oops.

[palais-soleil-blog]

Problems You May Encounter Your First Week of Studying Abroad (Part 1):

AKA everything that went wrong for me

Studying abroad in Europe for a semester? Congratulations!! It will (hopefully) be one of the best experiences of your life! Ngl, that first week(s) is going to kick. your. ass. I SHOULD KNOW. So I wrote out LITERALLY everything that went wrong for me in hopes that you won’t make the same mistakes I did.

1. Your original packing plan is JUST NOT WORKING OUT OKAY

holy shit was this a problem for me. My initial packing plan was a massive checked duffel bag, a large-ish carry-on suitcase, and my backpack. That plan died quickly. ADAPT. Whether this means taking out some clothes and paring down the essentials even more, or you bite the bullet and fucking buy a bigger suitcase (aka me). Also, high-key recommend packing sooner than 2 nights before you need to leave; that way, if you do need to buy a bigger suitcase, you have the time to get a good and inexpensive one you like. 

2. Your checked luggage is more expensive than planned.

This one was all my fault and could have easily been fixed by me checking the airline’s checked bag rates for INTERNATIONAL flights instead of DOMESTIC. In my defense, I was in distress because suddenly 1/4 of my clothes weren’t going to make it to Paris (see above problem). So either check the right fucking website initially (recommended), or swallow down the “holy-crap-this-is-expensive” vomit at the airport, pay for it, and learn from your mistakes. Or my mistakes. Either one.

3. YOUR CHECKED LUGGAGE GETS LOST

First things first: take a second at baggage claim to be pissed and frustrated and terrified. Then take a deep breath and go find an airline clerk who can help you and be nice to them. They did NOT personally chuck your bag out the plane as it was taking off. They will help you! Make sure you have your checked bag receipts with you, a description of the bag (hopefully you put a bright-ass luggage tag or ribbon on it), an ADDRESS it can be sent to, and a number they can call. For me, the address was my study abroad office and their phone number. My office did all the communicating with the airline, tracking it down and making sure it got to me. In the end, it took almost 5 days for me to receive the bag that contained literally all my clothes

Which brings me to my next point! Make sure your carry-on has AT LEAST 1 change of clothes, some underwear and socks, a pair of pajamas, travel-size toiletries of important things (like contact solution), and warm weather gear if necessary. Personally, I wish I had brought 2 shirts and one more pair of jeans. But I also went 5 days without clothes - most people get their bags within 24-72 hours (HA). 

4. The drive to your study abroad office/home makes you nauseous and you don’t get to see any sites!

@me lol. First tip: don’t sit backwards in the vehicle if you have the option not to. Second, take some pepto-bismol or Tums or drink a sprite/ginger ale as soon as you can! Hopefully all your medications were in your carry on. I ended up with my eyes closed and head down for most of the ride, and I was pissed because I missed my first views of Paris! In the end, it didn’t matter. Walking Paris is a lot nicer than driving through it, and honestly I was so overwhelmed I don’t think seeing anything would have helped my inner navigator. 

5. You can’t get into your apartment

You made it. You got out of the car with all your luggage, you have your keys, you made it up the stairs/elevator if you’re lucky. Now you’re at your front door and it. just. won’t. open. F*** this. First things first, take some deep breaths. Next, check your paperwork and make sure you are on the right floor and in front of the right apartment. For me, this meant checking that the doormat in the picture I was given matched that of the door in front of me. Now, be patient. Start with the deadbolt. In Paris, you’ll turn it at least 2 times, sometimes 2.5. Next, try the handle lock. Again, 2.5 turns and pull the door towards you a little bit to help it not stick. Doesn’t open? Check to see what’s going on. Does it seem to want to open by the handle, but not near the deadbolt? You may have accidentally locked the deadbolt. So turn the key the other way in the deadbolt, then try the bottom lock again. Still not opening? Turn the bottom lock the other way and see if that helps. KEEP TRYING. If you’re in front of the right door and just keep experimenting, it will open eventually. Also, I don’t know if it’s true for all doors in Paris, but mine unlocks with clockwise turns and lock with counterclockwise turns. 

6. Your apartment is not what you were expecting

HOLY CRAP was this an issue for me. I had watched so many videos on Parisian studios/apartments, I thought I knew what was coming. The kitchen would be tiny, I wouldn’t have a dryer, I’d have minimal space in general. That was find. I was NOT expecting:

-the toilet to be separated from the sink and shower/tub by an entire room

-no drawers for clothes - all open shelving

-no oven, only a microwave

-weird pillows/comforters

So what do you do when nothing is how you like it? First you let yourself cry a bit (see the next item on this list) and call your mom if you can. Then you take a deep breath (are you seeing a theme yet?) and Figure Shit Out. How can you fix things and make them better? 

-the toilet to be separated from the sink and shower/tub by an entire room: I bought a bottle of hand sanitizer to keep in the bathroom for emergencies, like if my roommate is using the shower. Otherwise, I just avoid touching door handles to go to the sink.

-no drawers for clothes - all open shelving: My issue with this? My panties and bras don’t need to be on display for everyone who comes over, spilling everywhere. Buy some baskets. There’s a discount store on rue de Rivoli called Tati that sells pretty inexpensive baskets and other organizational stuff. Get what you need and know that you can trash it or leave it for the next person. Display your prettiest stuff, like scarves or sweaters, on the more public shelves. 

-no oven, only a microwave: I’m still figuring out how to deal with this. My main thing is toast. My roommate and I are not sure how to make toast without an oven or toaster. But otherwise, we have a pretty fancy microwave that we are working out how to use, and I’m going to get really good at pan frying things! (or just make a lot of pasta. Probably just make a lot of pasta). 

-weird pillows/comforters - Buy another pillow. Monoprix had them for like 8 euros I think? And I had packed a pillow case from home. You can also buy another blanket, but I brought a blanket and top sheet from home. They will keep you warm, even if they aren’t a down duvet with pleating or whatever. 

Have a problem and not sure how to fix it? Call your mom. Talk to your housing director. They probably have extra hangers, or can hook you up with that missing shower curtain. 

7. You have a panic attack in the middle of the day and can’t call your mom because #time change. 

This will only affect you if your flight gets in early like mine did. If you’re landing at like 4pm, your family should be awake by the time you get to your apartment. For me, I got to my apartment, freaked out, sat down on my bed to have a good hysterical crying session, and then 30 seconds later I heard my BRAND NEW ROOMMATE, whom I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE, trying to unlock the door. Talk about a bad first impression. I have never tried to clean up my face so fast. Meeting my roommate went fine, but I wish I had the time to cry it out. I think I would have been more willing to figure shit out. Instead, I took a 6 hour nap, woke up to eat dinner, and went back to bed. I was awake for a long time okay? But that’s the best advice I can give. Have your freak out, take a SHORT nap if necessary, eat a snack, and then figure shit out. Or play games on your phone until you CAN call your mom. Up to you. But you’ll scare her less if you can call her without crying. 

This has become a long-ass post, so please see part two for everything else that can go wrong during your first week!

#study abroad #studying abroad #paris #study abroad paris #paris apartment #paris studio #first day #first week #stress #scared #france #french #program #travel #traveling #europe

[abaskervillehound]

- 45 questions -

i guess ill jump on too

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? Many, actually. Ryan is part of a really big family, so there’s a lot of family members in their age group. The closest one would be their twin sibling, who they haven’t properly talked to since they were young. Second closest would be Riley Sato, but it isn’t really... a normal connection. It’s more like ‘Ryan bothers Riley and Riley dies’ sort of dynamic.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? This is actually a huge fucking spoiler so I guess I’ll just say this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. There’s a few who know this though so wink wonk to them.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? This is also a spoiler too. I’ll answer this in endgame, really.

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? Yes, and no.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Who knows the full list, but they always mix it up. Usually what stays is their ID card (in-game only), money (outside of game), and candy (both). They did have a tendency to eat any hard candies or lolipops, but I’ve been a forgetful fuck about that.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? Wandering around unknown places, revisiting old memories of the past, generally anything that has to do with the sensation of being free and stuff. They don’t really get these all that often, and they’re more adjusted to nightmares.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? They have nightmares about their family as a whole, and their deep insecurities, really. What are they? Who knows what those are.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Yes, actually. Their first target was just at a practice dummy. They’re actually pretty good at it, but luckily, they’ve never really had to use that sharpshooter skill.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? This is a weird question to answer considering Ryan’s a notorious criminal, but yes. It’s clearly different from what it was when they were growing up.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? More clothing. It hides their physical traits better.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? I’ve hinted at this in narration but they were overwhelmingly terrified when their training buddy killed someone. It was a bad time for both parties, and there’s really no justifying why it happened. The reason was this: someone found out too much, and someone’s threat was over the top. Ryan isn’t actually heavily involved in this, but since the person who did it was their training buddy, they were generally just in a state of “what the actual FUCK” about it. Also their guardian was pissed so that was terrifying. Really the most afraid situation would have to be with their family. Nyoho.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? When they were in the smaller level jail, really. Aside from their last day in there, they were extremely calm. Tranquil, really, as if they were ready to accept what karma they’ve piled upon their shoulders.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? Not really, no. They... really don’t really like to think about what they actually feel when it comes to blood. There’s this weird disconnect that they experience, but it doesn’t make them distant. They kind of just laugh at it, really.

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Faces.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? Material possession. Sure, money is great to buy things, but those things are really what they like.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Hmm. This is not a good question for Ryan since they don’t idealize any of these things. Maybe happiness?

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? The bible. Actually, they weren’t given any toys when they were young for backstory reasons, but at least they have 9 other dogs to fill that void.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Surprisingly, wisdom is more of an admirable trait than ambition to them. 

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? Since I have no idea how this would come in game aside from one thing, but their biggest flaw is that whenever they’re emotionally hurt in any degree, they cut off all of their connections. It’s bad. It’s really bad. They just don’t know how to handle that.  They haven’t destroyed any relationships with this before as the many candidates also didn’t want a close connection, so they were sort of safe on that front.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? oop, spoiler

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? aw fuck another spoiler question

What does your character like in other people? b...being independent? Having interesting reactions? Never being completely dull? Not being 100% nice? There’s a lot of things that they like in other people, but I guess... like, how much those people can tolerate their bullshit?

What does your character dislike in other people? Being obsessed with doing the ‘right’ thing. Obsession and being inclined to do something good are two different things in their eyes. They also don’t like people who are quick to form connections, as well as people who hate dogs. How can you hate dogs. It’s the number one trait that would get you on Ryan’s “do not even acknowledge this person’s existence” list.

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Not quick at all. In fact, they trust people at the rate of a snail: astronomically slow.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Hahaha.

How does your character behave around children? They’re actually really good at dealing with children! It’s a really weird thing to imagine, but they actively restrict their language and jokes down to the bare minimum (or make them really lowkey) in order to seem more friendly. They aren’t against the idea of playing games with children for hours-- it’s better than most things in life.  

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? As anyone would think they would: pretty nonchalantly, as if it doesn’t concern them. They would just joke around and try to defuse it, which generally doesn’t work since a confrontation usually means that the person is Fucking Pissed.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Depends, really. They usually try not to resort to physical violence unless the person verbally asks for it. 

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? They wanted to travel the world and become a traveler! Bonus points on if they were a travelling priest. They did get to travel the world, but not as a priest though.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Well one thing that they find repulsive is the Catholic Church as a whole. Another is the concept of not... washing your hands after using the bathroom... and not taking care of your appearance...

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. mmmmm well i guess i can say this but they feel comfortable when talking to tadashi?????????? they feel comfortable enough that they literally could tell him whatever he wanted to ask because he’s put up with their shit for so long, they’re fucking amazed by it no more on that bye  Another scenario can be like. being anywhere that’s really peaceful and full of nature sounds. Really, they like nature. They would prefer to live in a house in the depths of a forest than a city, really. But that’s implying that they’d actually stay rooted to a place by their own free-will. Wanderlust is one of their biggest words, after all.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Ohhh. There’s actually a lot of situations where they feel uncomfortable, but I guess the thing that takes the cake is being forced to talk about themself??? Like. They wouldn’t like therapy because it’s very self-reflective, for example. Being asked questions that are mostly centered on themself is extremely uncomfortable to them, because it actually forces them to think about what they feel. They need to think about themself, rather than being disconnected from themself as they always do. Identity is big w/ Ryan.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? Surprisingly, they’re actually more inclined to be willing to improve rather than the other options. Unless it’s a criticism that’s just unfair such as for them to change their entire being, they actually do keep things in mind and are willing to improve. They’re actually nicer than before because of Kanon being like ‘hey, you’re kind of an asshole and people would like you more if you weren’t’. In comparison to the first chapter, they’re nicer than before. Much more nicer. Kind of miss the complete asshole they were, but like, this is nice too.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? Immediately move on to a different solution/method. They don’t have the patience to keep with something if it doesn’t work. Actually no errr... Really, it would be more fitting if they try something multiple times before moving on, as they don’t just give up easily like that. Sure, they might be an impulsive shit, but they’re still somewhat calculative when it comes to... other stuff... maybe.

How does your character behave around people they like? :S Their behavior is really inconsistent since they don’t have one, but they’re generally more open about themself around people they like. Though acquaintances are usually met with their very playful behavior that does like to mock and pick at people if they have interesting reactions. 

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Inconsistent. They’re more closed off and inconsistent around people they dislike, and a whole lot more dismissive, really. It’s actually really hard for them to keep disliking people since they find that it’s tiring, so uh yeah.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Okay. Okay, Ryan has to sort of be concerned about honor considering they were part of a yakuza group for a while, and their beliefs were.............. very traditional. Though they prefer concerning about status than honor, really. But they cognitively get the need of defending honor.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Both, depending on what the situation was and how pissed they are in that moment.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Oh, many times. They weren’t really affected by it since physical pain is a little bit harder for them to process correctly. Instead of just being in pain and squirming around, they kind of just laugh through it.

How does your character treat people in service jobs? Very enthusiastically and kind. Willing to help and very humble. Though when the people start yelling at them, they’ll always fight back. Luckily, they don’t work in that field.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? It’s actually a mix between both! Essentially, they feel that they’ve earned what they want, and thus, they deserve to receive it. Though for certain things, they lean towards the mindset of feeling that they need to earn whatever it is. Though they do verbally state the former all the time to keep with a shit-head kind of reputation.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Y...es.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Yes.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? It’s easy to say it when they’re a different person, but as themself-- it’s really hard. It’s a personal statement, so they only reserve it for someone who they strongly feel this way to. Perhaps in a fortunate way, they really don’t know their own emotions, so you’ll probably never catch them saying this unless you’re really lucky.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? They’re catholic, so they believe in the whole heaven and hell situation after they die. It’s funny considering they have an absurdist mindset. Though it’s the type that allows religion to come into play, as it’s classified as an act of free will to believe in something in this meaningless life. It doesn’t really scare them all too well-- at least, from what people can see. They do go around and say that they’re going straight into hell a lot. Really, they aren’t sure how to feel about it, so they’re assuming that they’re pretty happy over it.

#( Ooc. ) #( ic information. ) #existentialism tw #religion tw