#i didnt almost die again

[blebsistired]

I love when the opening night is. normal. no disasters no nothing.. just normal

#im almost disappointed #i didnt almost die again #and there was no catastrophe or anything #almost just boring #but im not really complaining

[segernatural]

what is castiel's greatest regret?

link to panel is here, timestamp: 20:54, images below cut

when he was god he could've fixed the world but failed to

'he harboured his feelings for 10 years without actually sharing them, and waited until he was about to die to share his affections'

he never really patched things up with his angel brethren in heaven

he never actually felt like he belonged on earth

(likely connected to above but) he had very few friends

he had a very, very limited wardrobe

as cas looks back on his life, it's probably nothing but one giant sweep of regret

misha did book-end it with:

"Well, I think, in the big picture, Cas... the thing that I like about that character is that he always tried to do the right thing, always tried to do what he thought was good and righteous. And sometimes he made mistakes, but that was always his North Star, and I quite like that about him."

#this went in several directions. but it is very interesting to think about. #i use a destiel lens bc i often do #but its really something. to think about cas regretting not saying something sooner. and i think its a testament to how the confession went #because there were very legitimate reasons for cas not to say anything. but now. after. after the dust settles after the words are out. #after he sees dean hear it. he wishes he said it sooner. #because he knows hes not gonna lose him. fuck. and they couldve had something. #if only he didnt. stop himself. over and over and over again. #10 years. a blink in the eye for him and yet. everything. every moment. every time. i should've said it. i should've told him. #but i didn't. #at the very least he did get to say it. and save him one last time. but they could've had years. fuck. 😭 #sorry but also. the 'waited til he was about to die' cause he knows what itll do to dean. itll fuck everything up. itll break him. #(in hindsight he knows this now) dying is already enough. but leaving dean with that. with instead of 'we never...' it was. 'we almost' #'we did. for one brief second we did' #spn #destiel #char speaks #15x18 despair #favourites

[jils-things]

i went wandering off in my pokespe gallery and had to relieve how wonderful this scene played out. no kidding

please dont read the tags i got emotional there /lh

#the.plot felt a bit confusing to me admittedly but oras did so well in trying to make franticshipping incredibly satisfactory since #at the end of rs we couldn't really tell if they settled with each others feelings yet (APPARENTLY NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE PRIDEFUL AND DUMB/JJ) #but at least sapphire still had some thoughts about it but i was kinda mad WHY DIDNT RUBY GIVE HIS HALF OF THE FEELINGS PROPERLY!!! #WELL THIS HAPPENED WHERE HE OPENLY CONFESSES ABOUT HOW MUCH HE CARES ABOUT HER AND THE WHOLE WORLD CELEBRATED #in r/s they were constantly separated from each other by WILL BECAUSE they despise each other so much #in oras - after confessing - it literally ACHES for ruby to not see her like take a fucking shot everytime he says wheres sapphire???? #THEY WERE ALWAYS AWAY FROL EACH OTHER HERE AND HE FEELS SO GUILTY FOR EVERY TIME SAPPHIRE GETS HARMED #FOR EXAMPLE; FIGHTING WITH ZINNIA AND FALLING OFF THE ROCKET - LOSING HER VOICE - RUBY HOLDING THE SECRET FROM SAPPHIRE BY PROMISING STEVEN #LITERALLY EVERUTHING SHE DOES MAKES HIM FEEL ALL THE MORE GUILTY AND HE CANT EVEN TELL HER STRAIGHT HES SORRY BECAUSE THEY'RE LITERALLY #FUCKING AWAY FROM EACH OTHRHADHDHRHSBRBDBSHSHSHE #AND WHEN THEY FINALLU MEET UP VIA TROPIUS AND RAYQUAZA SHE TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP AND HOLD HIS EMOTIONS FOR NOW. THAT'S HOW DESPERATE HE WAS #TO SEE EHR AGAIN AHAHAHAHTDTHHGG IM SO INSANEEE #AND AT THIS MOMENT HE ALMOST EMOTIONALLY CONFESSES WITH TEARS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE HER AGAIN BECAUSE WORST COMES TO WORST HE'LL NEVER SEE #HER IF HE TRIES TO SAVE THE WORLD BY HIMSELF FROM THE METEORRRRRR AKAAJAHAAJ #AND THATS WHY HE INVITES HER TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER AS CORNY AS IT SOUNDS BUT ITS BECAUSE IF HE'LL DIE HE WANTS TO DIE WITH HER AAAHSGDV #AND SAPPHIRE'S REACTION WAS FAINTING WHICH TBH WAS A COMEDIC MOMENT FOR SUCH AN IMPACTFUL DIALOG FROM HIM BUT AJDHSJHDS MAKES ME HAPPY #y'all don't even get me started how this plays out when stevaide is in here DON'T EVEN #~ rambling #i just woke up and i chose violence (franticshipping) #pokespe hours

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[todayisafridaynight]

brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.

#snap chats #i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️ #my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one #'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice #am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen #when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid #and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours #and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner #and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL #he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week #and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's #like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed #and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds #POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees #i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like #anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter.. #aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴 #imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up. #alright bye

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

Having a really in depth conversation about bandits and their lore and I just remembered why I liked this god forsaken series.

#sorry i #GOD #THEYRE SO INTERESTING AND TRAGIC AND NO ONE FUCKING TALKS ABT IT #just abt how they should be exterminated #okay yeah the people left behind by corporations on a death planet with little to no resources deserve death for resorting to violence to #survive. what have bandits done that h/yperion hasnt either secretly or openly done en masse? #how can you look at a people who were literally described as in game as being either 1. former prisoners #2. former family men and scientists who were left behind as well by d/ahl who had to turn to this to survive? #t/annis stresses their humanity in one of her missions in 2 by beinging that 2nd one up #and we're shown time and time again that some bandits were forced into and raised in bandit clans #and are mistreated just the same as non bandits #biggest example being moxxi and ellie and being forced into or almost forced into being the clan wifes respectively #they didnt choose this #they were victims #they left as soon as they could #how do you know there are not other victims like them still in bandit clans? #do they not deserve comflrt? do they not deserve life? #no. not only do you think they should die you think even non bandits should be killed as long as j*ck deems them bandits #just so what. j*ck can profit off the new population he brings to p*ndora??? #GOD.

[batz]

realizing its almost been 6 months since top surgery:)

#frank.txt #despite all the complications i had w healing im rlly happy w how my chest looks:) #ALTHOUGH. ONE BIG COMPLAINT #i used to use my bras as an extra pocket for my phone or lighter or whatever. but now i dont wear bras and therefore have no extra pocket #:( u win some u lose some :( #anyway all shirts look awesome on me now AND i can wear t shirts w funny text or image ans ppl wont feel awkward reading it:) #also the scars r fading rlly well! they almost blend in w my skin completely! (keyword almost. theyr still visible atp) #the way the scars r shaped is interesting bc theyre like a U shape. but bc of that when i inevitably build my pectoral muscles #the scars should blend into the shadow caused by thr muscle. i also dont have a Completrly flat chest bc im fat:0 #tbh my surgeon did rlly well . i have a lot of problems with him bc hes kind of a dick but from like. idk an artistic standpoint hes good #but the doctor standpoint hes Uhm. well i lost a nipple and had severe infection due to denied antibiotics and lack of aftercare #BUT. the lost nipple isnt visible and it looks normal now somehow AND. i didn't die from the infection so. I mean #i just had to spend christmas with a fever of 103 LMAO #HONESTLY THO i would do it again EVEN if i knew i would go thru hell bc this surgery fuckn saved my life holy shit #i didnt realize just how much i dissociated from my own body bc of dysphoria. now i feel more in touch with it and happy!:) #also now i can Eventually get that chest tattoo i wanted for like 7 years lmao #erm yippee:)

[mossiestpiglet]

...ocs? 👀

I am living in oc world all day every day and tbh if i could Art it would be over for you all because you would be forced to witness them nonstop.

Two of the fandom ocs that are consuming my whole life right now:

Still Unnamed Children of the Red King OC- literally just me isekai-ed into cotrk world from a post a while back but it was so fun i have been obsessed with the idea. They kill the person who summoned them within minutes because he’s such a bitch. The summoning gives them powers to both heal and harm by physical touch, and they have to wear gloves a lot while learning to control it which is sensory hell. Neither good guys or bad guys trust them because they think that dichotomy is bullshit and constantly disregard it to uphold their own ethics. They help Julia have her gay awakening and are in relationships with Paton and Harold. They held Manfred hostage once and have now become the best parent he’s ever had and he hates it. (Shout out to @the-walls-have-many-ears for all our wonderful convos about cotrk that have been so inspiring!!)

Liltanor/Hrávahín (lotr)- I have never spent so much time on the lore for a fandom oc, but he has taken almost two years at this point just to get satisfied with a name. I’ve wrapped them in and around the whole canon like a vine. Her mother is a Vala and her father is an elf (Vanyar), so she’s like Luthien in some ways but also I have made Luthien weirder for consistency. Both of them have shapeshifting abilities that also include ability to change sex characteristics, Luthien however chooses to always be female but Liltanor changes constantly and is gendered fluidly in universe languages (he spends lots of time as various animals too). He leaves Aman well before the Noldor (and also not on good terms) and by the time of LotR has been in Middle Earth longer than any other elf besides Cirdan. (Im skipping like. SO much there is too much lore) They are second cousins once removed with Galadriel (this wasn’t even on purpose) and more distantly related to Elrond & family. He is married to Haldir, which makes them both very happy, and many other people Unhappy because Liltanor hardcore rejects monogamy which is a fundamental aspect of elven culture (this is part of why they left Aman originally). She was lovers with Saruman in the past and would still be if he wasn’t going through his dark lord phase (Saruman is v resentful that Liltanor was so opposed to marriage back in Valinor otherwise he thinks he could have had a chance at marrying them instead and keeping them there. He is wrong). During the events of LotR Liltanor is a member of the Fellowship and forms a very close relationship with Boromir. This has consequences as they end up saving him, but in such a way that he (like them) becomes something Else and he now has to deal with immortality. As a consolation tho they also get married (yay two husbands!)

I also have a few original projects that have full casts of ocs but I’m still deciding if I might make a separate writeblr for those or what. I am also thinking about them all day every day and also making more of them like my life depends on it. My favorite hobby is to think of ways to make their relationships Worse <3

#thank you for letting me rant about my ocs!! #you are the sweetest and best ever!!! #if i dont let info out about them occasionally i will explode and die maybe #also like. that liltanor section seems long but i promise that was me holding back #i didnt even touch on their history with celegorm or how she’s besties with aragorn or who his parents actually are #the lore is fucking DEEP #thinking oc thoughts #ecdysing #cotrk oc #lotr oc #silm oc #liltanor also seems like unhinged as a lotr oc (they are) but i promise there is a canon precedent for almost everything about them #which i dont usually care that much but again for some reason i went insane about her so i had to make sure

[dirt-str1der]

What ive learned about the yakuza community is that you guys are way too hung up over that scene in y4 where he pinned haruka to the ground then started panting really heavily , that didnt happen for me , that scene wasnt real to me i forgot about it.

#Yakuza loveblog #it literally didnt happen for me like the game could have been perfect without it so i took it out #like how could you not like saejima he... he would be the perfect man if not for that scene #but it WOULD be funny to make haruka have beef with both majima (kidnapped her) and saejima (lowkey assaulted her) #saejima wouldnt do that .. he loves kids ... #i adore saejima i think hes super cool and extremely hardcore. more hardcore than kiryu even and kiryu is extremely hardcore #saejima was the first to almost die in the snow but unlike kiryu he didnt even get frostbite #well he did a bit but it wasnt that bad ... kiryus fingers were one hard press from having the flesh slough right off #anyway HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE SAEJIMA HES SO COOOOOOL #Hes so charismatic and you can tell the depths of his empathy are unfathomable ... he looks at someone with sorrow and you know his heart #is breaking. he always gets so serious and sombre when hes trying to convince someone not to go down a dark path #my stomach HURTS. see saejima could have given me medicine because he is so kind #you have got to forgive him for pinning haruka to the ground with his knee between her legs like you need to forgive him #that was a slipup he was never planning on doing anything and he was very sorry for it ... i swear to you he just froze up he wasnt planning #on touching her or anything ... you know whos truly to blame ? kiryu. for standing there once again like a stone starue and letting it happe #hey ‘suzuki’ (lol thats a good one i might steal it later) i know youre an escaped convict because of the animalistic look in yout eye when #you pinned my twelve year old daughter to the ground and slobbered on her. and not the other telltale signs like you wearing a prisoners #outfit when you washed up on shore (lol) no there were no other clues. that was what tipped me off #hated kiryu in y4 he is useless. i will never forgive him. see saejima was panicking because haruka was going to call an ambulance. kiryu #had a cool head and he still decided to do some stupid shit. too bad i badly want men who make bad decisions and want to fuck kiryu so much

[xiphoid-processing]

cmon their fathers were both kings they had to have met in their early years at least once

#im a little in love with earwen despite the fact that they say almost nothing about her in silm #and finarfins my special little guy. i am squeezing him like a stress ball #anyways i will die on the hill that they knew eachother for a very long time before the idea of courting eachother even came to mind #also i need to get more comfortable with drawing bigger bc aras crown thing was a pain in the ass #anyways #tolkien #silmarillion #the silmarillion #earwen #eärwen #finarfin #arafinwe #arafinwë #i love them a normal amount #also realizing that during the two month period when i got depressed and didnt draw that i lost a ton of skill #so im trying to get back into art again #xiphoids art

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[homuncvlus]

Pmdd is actively fucking ruining my life fuck fuck this shittt

Why do I have to live with the consequences of things I do when I'm like this and why do i only get one good week a month if I'm lucky

#ive messed up really bad bc now my teacher just thinks im making excuses when i want to explain everything and why its not so easy for me #well i didnt say anything but i said i will send her an email and i left in a hurry so now shes worried abojt what it is im going to say #its related to when i was posting about how i tried to be truthful about the situation but again it was only half #and i dont have an official diagnosis i havent beem abck for a checkup yet fuck this #i left in a hurry and now im in bed i didnt mean to but my default is reaction is flight and i had to get out #this whole day i thought i was going to die the anxiety got so bad i almost cried at lunch arghhhh #tldr i deleted a bunch of work when i got too overwhelmed and just wanted to see it again and now deadline is wednesday #i dont have time for this my exams start in 2 weeks #and i got my period this morning #i need to kill someone why do people not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation when im literally trying my best to #be honest here #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #pmdd posting #lasar being incoherent

[bonedoor]

my heart can’t beat without you !! // hyeongjun × i love you (happy birthday @wonjinist​ !! ♡ 2/2)

#cravity #song hyeongjun #EWIIIIIIIII DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #this is the normal looking gift . no more bad art i pwomise #i think i said most of what i wanted to say in the note in the first part . but . once again HAPPIE BIRTHDAY MY BELOVEDSTEST #i love you sosoosososososososo much i hope you always remember that AND i also hope that you can have a WONDERFUL day and weekend and month #(and then an amazing new year . 2023 u better be nice to eri or ELSE) #thank you for everything always #:< #*mine #there was a third one when i was originally gathering ideas . but i didnt find what i wanted for it yet nd its almost 9pm for me rn as i que #draft* this i dont believe in myself enough to manage to find everything i want nd actually get it all ready to edit nd get an actual draft #n manage to edit it all in the . 9? hours that i have left #not that its a big thing far from that but like HMMMM hm . #if i find what i want we might leave it for christmas . if i dont ... itll remain a secret between bie n i until we die

[anonymous-dentist]

it's like man guys like we're still in a pandemic guys and even if we weren't masks are really fucking cool, anyway, especially now as cold and flu season kicks off. even if people aren't catching covid, they're catching one of a bajillion other infectious diseases floating around right now. it isn't that hard to be courteous to people and keep them from getting sick and-slash-or dying of an otherwise-preventable disease

#i remember last april my campus lifted mask mandates and i still wore mine everywhere #bc im disabled and could very well die if i get covid #and my suitmates (who i shared a bathroom with) both got covid and didnt tell anyone #and then i got it. and i almost had to go to the hospital #and then this recent august i went without a mask for two days because we're in a record low of cases in my county #(also i was out and was waiting for my new ones to come in the mail) #and i got a horrible cold and had a fever of 103 and almost had to go to the hospital. again. and i got bronchitis #and now i still can't breathe right two months later #so masks are pretty pog i'd say

[puffywiz]

Rare moment of me sharing my actual life but my dad split the cost of a printer for me for xmas and I am so so excited and pleased with it! I now have way too many test samples of my silly little star wars OC lol. I want to make art my actual career so this is a really cool step toward that dream 💗

#maybe this is lame to admit to but im 28 and i have a degree in illustration #but i graduated in 2019 and ofcourse everything fell apart soon after #i didnt want to make any art for about three years and i was planning to give up on doing it as a career #i even went back to school online for a technical diploma in library studies #and i was good at it #i almost finished the program too but all these hurdles started popping up and getting in the way #i decided go quit that #even though id spent so much time and energy and money on it #to kinda end up back where i started except that i want to draw again #im 28 but i dont feel 28 #the last 3 years went by in a blur and i guess i freaked out because im getting older #and no one can make my dream real except me #putting it off isnt an option anymore lol i think id rather die than give it up #if you read all this mushy garbage you get a gold star congrats

[samwisefamgee]

the 20 dollar pair of throwaways I got for my sister's wedding were perfect for the like 7 hours I got them for but are really not perfect for like anything else ever

#i mean the WERE 20 dollars thats how it works but ya know #ive had to use them while walking around to do errands and not gonna lie wish i hadnt tossed the old busted pair #they were pretty far past done for but these things have given me. SO many blisters and i kinda just gotta keep goin #woulda taken the duct tape pair. shoulda just kept the duct tape pair #i seriously need to get some actual nice walking shoes but that would necessitate having more than 50 dollars at one point ever #and im outta weed lmao i had to bust out the emergency stash from the junk drawer #you know cause i get to where im sleeping and the ouch oof ache of my badshoes leaves me wanting a poofer choofer #its a cycle but ive been in worse cycles #if my mental health were also at an especially low point during all this i dont even KNOW what id be doing lol #i walkked. over 17 miles the other day in a haze of self harm after more bullshit happened and lost my wallet during the walk. #not a fun 6 miles of backtracking. drank outta someones hose once and the river twice to stave the clearly onsetting dehydration. didnt die! #found the wallet. drank maybe more water than i ever have in one moment when i passed the library and absorbed their entire drinking font #anyway my legs/knees were ruined and i almost sent myself to the hospital again cause i cant make bad decisions normal i get weird about it #but hey if a very specific set of circumstances fall into place maybe i wont be broke and just generally all around unwell goin forward #heres hoping it does before student loan payments roll round again lol