#i dont think i posted this here i think i left it on priv. if you're seeing this again tho sorry lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

satoluv · 5 months

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YOU ALWAYS HAD ME — synopsis: what would you do if your hot best friend agreed to fake date you to make your ex-boyfriend jealous? will it ruin your friendship or will it prevail into something more?

⤿ [ 04 ] help, typo; * of ⟶ off! * & timestamps do not matter.

Gojo Satoru is many things but being punctual? Is never on his agenda.

However, that seems to differ when it comes to you.

“Hey," he greeted. Satoru was there with his hands tucked inside his pockets, leaning against the digital door of your home.

Sometimes the fact that he has his digital fingerprint on your door slips off your mind. Sometimes. But he has never crossed any boundaries. That’s what normal bestfriends do right? They give each other their passwords to their home?

Well, that’s what you think. Not to your friends though…

"Hi," you smiled sheepishly.

“You’re all dressed up. Going somewhere YN? Who's your lucky date?”

“Heyyyyy look at you! But yeah, you’re the lucky one.” You grinned, walking up to him and linking your arms together.

“So where are you taking me?” You broke off the silence between the two of you while he led you to his car.

He pinched your cheek with his free hand — a habit of his. “You’ll see, baby. After you m’lady.”

With that, he drove off.

The car ride was insanely long, to say you weren’t sleepy was an understatement. You tried your best to fight your demons and keep your eyes open but to no avail. Satoru, on the other hand, noticed. You were never one to stay awake in car rides.

“Go to sleep baby. I’ll wake you up when we arrive.”

That was your cue. You fell asleep.

After what felt like an eternity, you got woken up by your fake boyfriend’s hand over your eyes.

“Hold on to my arms while I close your eyes. It has to be a surprise!!” You were tired of Satoru’s antics but he brought you out when you were feeling down so who were you to complain?

The sounds of the rowdy streets freaked you a little — you still had your eyes closed. But Satoru’s gentle touch on your skin grounded you. — You felt safe with him.

“OKAY! I’M RELEASING MY HANDS IN 3..2..1!” He finally let go of his hands that were previously resting on your eyes, but his eyes never left yours.

You had to adjust the sight before you. When you realize where he took you, you jump into his arms, thanking and kissing every part of his face.

He never expected that reaction out of you, but did he mind? Not a bit! His bestfriend No, his crush! Was kissing him! He was beyond the moon. Everyone around you could see the love he had for you in his eyes.

If only you knew.

he posted yn to the song @ 0:47 ! listen to it while reading if u want to! + thats yn’s priv ok!

lily ⟶ i’ve been gone for awhile but im here noww hope u enjoy and thank u sm for waiting! 🫶🏼 is yn falling ~ omg (i dont even know myself)

taglist: @hexrts-anatomy @k4romis @soy-garbage @avatar-of-procrastination @lees-chaotic-brain @pastatata

likes and reblogs appreciated! 💕💕 pls be kind to me

series m.list | main m.list

@ satoluv do not plagiarize, translate, or rewrite my writings without my permission !

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk smau #jujutsu kaisen smau #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru smau #gojo smau #satoru smau #lily writes! ೀ⋆｡˚

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its-koili · 2 months

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hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

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sango-obligato · 5 months

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ive had some shit on my mind recently that i wanna talk about i said this on my priv twt but this is more of a proper, less nonsensical rewrite of that

mostly rambling, but this is kinda a mini-apology

so um. i wanna apologize to anyone ive snapped at and i also wanna apologize for being so toxic and negative during my time in the fandom. between the time i joined (late '21) and the time when shit went down (most of '22 and '23), i was in a really dark place mentally mainly due to other personal factors. chipspeech became my safespace really quickly. many of my negative thoughts were chucked onto my old twitter. if you stuck around with me back then, youll know what i mean.

on top of personal stuff, the shit that went down from march '22 to august '23 also has a lot to answer for im not going into my whole story again (read this shit if you're THAT curious) but it fucked me up so badly that it made me so paranoid and irritable and so defensive of the fandom. it fucked up my trust in people, INCLUDING my trust in my friends as well :o[ the shit that happened made me form this whole savior mindset: i felt like i had to "save" the fandom from those people who fucked the fandom up + "fix" the damage they caused. it was just so fucking stressful and it was just complete mental torture for me. i constantly blamed myself for shit that happened. most of this rage was me being salty that i'd never live the "good days" of the fandom ever again (for me, that was late '20 and late '21 - early '22).

i was just so DEDICATED to "protecting" the fandom that it fucked up my mental health so badly, making me even more angry and shit i ranted about that group CONSTANTLY cuz i was scared history would repeat itself. the main thing i’d think was "if i left and moved on, who’d be there to keep her out??". i was just. so fucking scared!!!!!!!

the reason why im making this apology is cuz the other night, i just. completely lost it. i snapped at a friend over this shit and ive just been feeling really really awful about it ever since most of my rage was redirected to a rant post i made but point is i snapped at someone

i wanna enjoy the fandom again like i was able to before but shit's been hard. finding out i was abused by her through a sockpuppet didnt help either. i dont really know where to go from here but i really do wanna become a better person- someone who isnt constantly negative and snappy and sad all the time. someone who's able to enjoy their special interest and make the most of it. that will probably age really poorly and im really sorry if it does

this is probably the shittiest and emptiest apology ever and im mostly waffling on here but i really needed to get that out of my system ughhhhhh i was really really really hesitant to post this but here we are

#harmony squeaks #chipspeech

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spikeinthepunch · 1 year

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Well, I didn't expect to be sitting down an deciding to write a lengthy personal post about the app, Vent. But its shutting down for good in literally two days. If this was any other situation where it slowly just became inactive but stayed up, I wouldn't mention it. But an app shutting down for good is a big deal, and I'll cross my fingers that I get sent the data I requested.

Vent is an app I feel like everyone seems to be aware of but left and forgot after its boom in 2016-2017. no one really says that they use it, most left it after that period. its pretty well known for weird and absurd kin posts and drama and other nonsense. having been on it since it launched, i saw... so much. so so much.

Having gotten to it around age 16, that app houses a huge amount of personal posts I made on an app I considered the best place to dump some of the most private, venty things. Boy does it catalogue a huge series of development and mental growth. And above all stands as a lesson to myself on how to manage such personal things around others online. What is to be said isn't me forcing a lesson on the reader, but just expressing what I learned- because in those teenage years it was easy to want to have all my online friends involved in seeing my vent posts. That Age on tumblr, that culture around validation and mental illness- I wanted validation and post interactions. I vented a lot, teen years sucked- this seemed fine to do from my unaware mind but it caused so much tension, stress, and drama in my closest relationships that I still wish hadnt occurred- but can accept that behavior years later... i was just a teen, it wasn't surprising. Getting your bestest friends in a private closed circle of venting is not as good of an idea as you'd want it to be, to say the least. Especially when you're teens and dont have therapy.

But that is to say- Vent became its best to me when I closed it off entirely to everyone except for one good mutual I had gained purely through Vent, and eventually one key IRL friend. Me, two other people. That was it. It turned into a diary for years after I chose to do that and it had been very useful for me. One or two people I didn't mind getting a glimpse into things, especially after i matured and learned to...better control and understand how to vent in a healthier way. It was somewhere I went to maybe once a month, maybe less frequently, to just... throw out a huge post documenting my feelings and important thoughts from the last many weeks. Great big summaries I'd have no energy to split up into a priv twitter thread, or post on public blogs.

Growth. So so much growth. So much in all those posts and all that time. Almost 8 years of my incredibly personal thoughts sit on that app and it sucks knowing that place will be gone for good. There could be a miracle but it seems unlikely.

For those never on the app, or stopped using it ages back- Vent has been a mess for a long time. It has gone through various changes in hopes of keeping it alive- for years its just been all over the place. It barely functions most times. It's been limping for years now and it was always a joke to me that it hadn't gone down yet. It seemed inevitable- and here we are! Gone on the 28th of Feb, and it was only stated a few days ago. And theyd been promising they had an alternative..

Losing things like this sucks, because it is a part of the internet. People love to say nothing truly goes away on the internet- and thats just not true. Time and time again we lose apps and websites with no backups or way to view them reliably. Newer age technology makes this especially harder to preserve. While I and others have requested our data, there will be hundreds if not thousands of accounts left to vanish after Vent shuts down, especially given the incredibly short notice.

So, RIP Vent, you were already dead for some years anyways. But I appreciate what I made of it and its a shame I can't think of any place where I could keep this kind of diary up still.

#vent app

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