#i dont want to be bi. im not bi. i know theres functionally no difference but im NOT BI | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rawmeknockout · 2 years

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who's your fave character to write for? 👀👀👀👀

my fave character to write for changes all the time i used to do a TON of swerve and have a lot of swerve ideas and im not really 'burnt out' on him per se but ive explored his character so much in terms of romance/smut that i feel im rehashing the same ideas and i think a fresh perspective would help

im a sucker for rodimus i have a soft side for arrogant people irl and crush hard on anyone who is just way too confident but i love how he is soft and really cares about people too bc i can relate to that i have so much love for rodimus even if he is a shallow bastard and makes poor decisions for his own ego, i feel like theres a lot of room for improvement there esp if he had someone as his opposite (cough rival cough) to push on him and force him to think outside his own worldview im a big dork for rivals to lovers tho its like enemies to lovers but enemies generally start off VERY antagonistic and rivals are generally antagonistic yes but have room for an underlying respect and admiration and wiggle room to how they could interact as friends

someone i never get requests for but love immensely with my whole heart is bumblebee all bumblebees (i even have a soft spot for bayverse but i will NEVER touch those movies i dont want them within the bi county area stay away from me) i have loved bee since i was a kid bc the first transformers i watched was tfa and i loved characters like jack spicer and bee and other such overconfident jerks with a soft side as ive explored other series that love for bee has only grown i love him when hes a bold leader who wants to earn respect but treats even his enemies with kindness and i love him when he's a scout who gets into trouble bc hes just too gentle and weak i have so many thoughts about bumblebee i love him lots i could go on and on about the different bees (and their relationships with starscream ill die on this hill) hes always such a gentle good guy and deserves the whole world i dont care if transformers is overrun with bumblebee content i want MORE

i also love to write cheetor but strictly beast wars and cyberverse cheetor i feel only terror with beast machines cheetor im a big sucker for anything that has a likeness to cats and the fact that his alt mode is a cheetah i think is so cool im a cat lady through and through i love cat mugs and posters and slippers so ofc one of my fave robots has to be the cat one which also brings up ravage whom i adore in a different way than cheetor they are complete opposites in many regards but they are both loyal which is a quality i treasure in any character or person i think the most interesting thing about ravages story (particularly idw here) is that he is essentially a man with a body that makes others see him as a creature rather than a person i like that the writers took the time to think about all the altmodes the decepticons have and how their original functions made them sympathetic to megatrons cause

i also like writing for rumble and frenzy (all the cassetticons really) although i have a hard time bc two of my friends are big cassette fans and i want to portray them in a way that they would when it comes to transformers or any fandom imma be honest and say,,,,,,,,, ive hardly looked at the source material i havent read much and i havent watched much i saw big sexy robots and i was hooked and i love the story but,,,,,,,,,,, theres no way my attention span would allow me to read a full range of comics man i dont have that in me

other than that i dont want to say that im clinical in how i approach characters but im technical and i know them in a general sense and expand upon them in a way i feel a real person with specific personality traits would act i want them to feel more in depth than just a one or two dimensional character i want to write them in various situations bc deep down we all are just,,,,,, love creatures we all love and we all love to be loved

#asks

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oswednesday · 4 years

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like the other day something happened to my brother where people were bothering him on the yard idk if he antagonized some randos walking which LMAO if so or if some of like people from his school were coming to bother him, those dirtbags he was toting around a while havnt popped back up since i kicked them out of the house when they got my brother so high he couldnt talk and were inviting a bunch of other people cause my mom was also too high to do anything and just passed out in bed while these unwatched teens were planning to do whatever the fuck in the house talking about like sex assult and getting more things to take and do so its like, maybe he’ll look back on that when hes older and thank me but since he hasnt even been talking to me for like months since that like hfdfd whatever!! anyway idk what its about but when my other brother was about this age he got jumped at our super messed up rural american school for saying like faggot and stuff to a gay kid like how are you so homophobic you got jumped in this awful bleeding republican town fgfgf the thing is he was already out as bi too so it was so like, like mentally ill right? like he needed help but that kind of like entrenched entitlement and my mom coddled him while i was like good??? he cant go around doing that to people let him learn a lesson about getting his ass beat for it??? sometimes im like oh maybe i should have handled that differently like he could have gotten help but like, ive been saying that since he was age ten, its like these people are refusing to do anything and i dont just like, this is also like no one is caring for my grandparents rn like even their terrible children have all left the area once it became obvious they were getting super unstable, i guess this a reap what you sow kind of thing but i crave connections, the fantasy where i can heal all this and we can be like a Normal Family

so i was falling asleep, hearing my brother talk about it to my mom like what happened was a jumping and he wanted to get pepper spray and she was like pepper stray wont help you but im here now so you can sleep like it was about two and hes done no chores and nothing but like his own activities and slept like how is that any different than any other day fdgdgf and she was like doing that attention seeking rambling at him, she got this door that idk what its for, im going to risk emotional damage and see if i cant use it for my like door to my room, like she had removed it promising me that shell get a replacement cause it was broken when i first came here but it hasnt been replaced and im just using a blanket as a door cover, i have a chair like half pushed against the enterance to give me like at least the illusion of privacy and safety, its just one of those like folding closet doors, sometimes thats the only door i have like its always been like that there theres a folding closet door they could lock from the outside or like a broken door i couldnt close or no door at all, my middle brother has had like similar no door times but my youngest brother always had a room with a closing working inner locking door

as she was prattling about how nice this random door she got is he replied to her in that like im tired and uninterested and am talking down to you sarcastic kind of voice and she just takes it like, she invests so much into these two boys who treat her like this like theyre not even interested in her and they dont care for her and like when shes old and too sick to be functioning at all theyre going to leave her just the same and if i want a life i need to leave her too and like it just never had to be this way? sometimes it feels like im the only person in the world thats like genuienly caring about these people like the desire for them to get better,and that they lost like the only ally they would have had because they couldnt get over the power trip of being cruel to me? like it goes beyond like theyre sick! they didnt know better!

#long post

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alukaforyou · 4 years

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and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

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ishades · 5 years

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truten hcs 1/?

trunks catches videls bouquet with his face at her and gohans wedding. (she sort of accidentally threw them at him on purpose) goten laughs and picks them up for him

trunks was the first to fall in love. hed liked goten since he was 8 but it was just a crush he didnt actually consciously recognize. he first realizes hes in love with goten after goten goes on his first date at thirteen and comes home broken-hearted.

he comes out as bi to his grandma paunchy first. and she laughs and just says “oh you really do take after your mother.”

he comes out to his mother next and she tells him she figured and that it was fine. she still loved him there was no need to worry about rejection over something like sexuality in this family

he comes out to his father last. hes reassured his father won be mad at him at this point. but that fear of dissapointment hes always carried when it comes to his father persists. vegeta takes is surprisingly well

“its none of my business the nature of your attraction.” and they continue training together. after theyre done and taking a breather, vegeta pats his back and says in his gruff voice “love is what makes a person strong. loving another is the most powerful thing anyone can do. much more powerful than super saiyan 3. im proud of you.” he wont look at trunks but he can see his fathers a little red in the face, eyes misty. he doesnt try to make fun of his father for it.

just hugs him as tight as he can and vegeta makes a big stink about it grumbling at first but letting it happen. he rests an arm around his sons shoulders and they just sit like that together for a minute.

its just like the first time his father hugged him. but different. because this time he really knows his father loves him

vegetas more than a little miffed about trunks being in love with “kakarots spawn” and insists goten “seduced my son”. he gets over it soon enough and becomes on of his sons biggest supporters only rivaled by gohan and paunchy. goku... gokus really up there too tbh

gotens really scared to come out to his mother but chichis really understanding and accepting. “i want you to be happy son. i married an alien and had two children with him. you being in love with a man is small potatoes. love is love.” much like vegeta shes kind of disappointed in his taste in men but gets over it quickly. shes known trunks since he was a baby. life goes on. she gets trunks and goten to join that years couples holiday picture

goten works at a zoo in his teens but later becomes a nurse. if the zoo ever calls him for help hes on it though no questions asked. he loves feeding the baby raptors

also worked at a wcdonalds... can no longer eat food from wcdonalds

their first kiss is in trunks’ room. when theyre 16. theyre listening to a daft punk album while goten vents his dating woes to trunks. “she told me i kiss like a drunk walrus. its not my fault it was my first kiss” trunks asks if hed like some practice, palms sweating.

trunks leans in, heart racing and goten doesnt pull away. instant crush plays in the background. gotens date was right: he does kiss like a drunk walrus.

“have you kissed other boys before?” goten asks when they separate, cheeks red. trunks wipes his mouth with his wrist.

“have i kissed boys before? youre kidding right? im irresistible, and dont you forget it son goten” he strikes a silly pose and all the tension evaporates in the room.

they eat dinner with trunks’ family that evening and they try not to think about the kiss. trunks does pretty well on that department until he gets back to his room after goten leaves and just holds a pillow to his face screaming.

the two fake practices afterwards are really anything but. goten finally admits the third time that he wished they did it more often.

trunks asks him out after like a week of internal and external debate (vegeta keeps telling him to get to it). he ends up blurting it out when theyre playing video games one afternoon

they literally get married the day after goten graduates. goten argues he should get two cakes instead of one. chichi doesnt budge

theyre completely functional apart but hate being separated for long. theyre each others best friend! just being in the same room togethers bliss.

when they argue... boy. trunks yells and then clams up and gets really quiet. goten has a mix of goku and gines temperament so stuff usually... takes awhile to build up for him.

they make up really quick.

trunks is trans bi and gotens cis bi.

trunks springs the question on goten randomly one day. (”hey. do you wanna have a baby? with me.”) and goten really really does he wants a family with a kid.

asks trunks to let him think about it (he goes over their finances and checks out how long they could be on paternity leave for their respective jobs)

then they go see shenron. and ask for a baby of their own who takes after both of them. it takes shenron a day to magic up that baby but then theyre literally holding their own child swaddled up in their arms by the time dinners ready.

they name her son korusetto daikon vegeta-briefs (korusetto like corset and daikon like the radish. vegeta gives her that name) yes shes got liek three last names and she owns it

she has black and purple hair because shes literally a fusion of her fathers.

tfw you and your husband have to perform the fusion dance to get your daughter to stop crying for thirty minutes but vegeta can hold her and shell perk up or calm down immediately.

bras 15 when they make the wish and she launches into aunt / big sister mode immediately.

gohans best uncle hands down

they make uub and marron little daikons godparents and theyre both so excited.

trunks and videl have lunch dates like once a month and just kind of bond. videls the older sister he never had and now that hes older shes not the gross girl dating his best friends brother. shes a cool woman with a wicked sense of humor he can vent about what a hassle it is to date a son with.

they renew their vows ten years after they get married and its mushy. they terrorize the party goers

theres more but thats just a little bit

#long post #Truten #otp; I thought that I was dreaming #*#digital digital i wanna get digital

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swordbreakerz · 4 years

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✨ for all of them, 🎥 for treasure planet and guardians of gahoole, 🍀 for 9-1-1 and penumbra, 📃 for unicorn chronicles, 🏳️‍🌈 for howls, treasure planet and legend of zelda, and 💎 for any ones you have facts for lol

you spoil me uwu

🎥 - ok for treasure planet, gotta be the 12 years later scene in the beginning and the zoom in to the spaceport, the way it transitions from jim reading under the blankets to him flying on his solar surfer is so chefs kiss, and just like. everything about to the spaceport lmao, fr guardians definitely the scene where soren flies through the fire and then blows up the pulley system to get rid of the flecks energy, bro when hes flying above it all holding the lantern before he dives down to save them? chills

🍀 - you know im on that projection shit w/ juno steel, ive truly never like connected with a character like that before and he’s really really helped me thru my recovery and transition lol, fr 911 uhhh ig buck or eddie? i havent Thought About It or like consumed it enough times yet to rly settle on someone but fr now,,, they

🏳️‍🌈 - ok for howls, Everyone Is Bi/Pan, howl is trans and autistic and i will die on that hill, fr treasure planet jim and cpt amelia are both trans and both of them + doppler are autistic, fr loz link is trans, autistic and semi nonverbal and communicates primarily with asl, post twilight princess zelda says fuck it and finds a way back into the twilight realm and she midna and link hang out, most of these boil down to everyone i love is trans gay and autistic because i say so lmaooo

📃 - OK SO. without like, spoiling too many plot points, our main character is cara and she lives with her grandmother. her mom is dead and dad is out of the picture. one day theyre getting chased by these people that her grandma knows and cara gets thrown into an alternate realm full of fantasy creatures using her grandmothers amulet. she meets a unicorn named lightfoot and a bunch of other rad people and basically, starts a journey to save that world from the Hunters. the Hunters are an organisation who specifically hate unicorns and want them all dead, led by Beloved, and cara and her friends have to try and stop them from entering the world and wiping them out. its sooo so so good and i highly recommend it cause i have no one to talk to about it please god

✨ - oh boy uh, well. im just gonna like list them out lmao

unicorn chronicles: i loved unicorns as a kid and read it when i was in elementary school, and over the years its remained just as compelling and well written as i remember and like. god the whole concept is so godamn cool and all the subplots that get introduced are fuckign fantastic and like all the different creatures are amazing i literally cant sing its praises enough

howls moving castle: must i have a logical reason? is it not to vicariously live my fantasy of running away to the countryside with a wizard boyfriend, his demon and his apprentice?? for real though, its such a fantastic story with beautiful visuals in the movie and wonderfully compelling prose in the book, and esp in the movie the whole time travel subplot with sophie seeing howl and calcifer in the past and then howl finding her in the future makes me go feral

penumbra: gays in space. need i say more? im a huge slut for gay found family and especially in futuristic space, and im a huge big fan of the lgbt utopia its created. like yeah capitalism sucks but at least im not gonne get misgendered in space starbucks, u kno? all the writing and dialogue is so incredible and the SOUND DESIGN GOD, alex i know u specifically can relate when i say i would kill a man for sophie and her incredible sound design skills, like dude the dance scene in man in glass p2 you can hear every single individual step they take and every swish of junos dress and i jusT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god its so good, plus the whole the characters help me work through my trauma and repressed anger haha

911: this one is entirely your fault. so obligatory horny on main everyone on that show is so hot i want oliver stark to cradle me gently in his beefy arms oh my god. other than Men, the way it drives home the whole ‘you can’t save everyone, and it will kill you to try, so just focus on what you can do and keep living’ makes me so emo. the way it tackles big bureaucratic issues as well as closer to home interpersonal ones is amazing and i love how it shows people going through and dealing realistically with trauma.

treasure planet: again, who doesnt want to live in Cool Steampunk Space Travel Future? i really really love jims story and his arc, the way he deals with his trauma is uhh very familiar lol and his relationship with silver is like the ideal. the story is just the coolest concept and i love all the wonderful character design and animation, plus the soundtrack SLAPS and everything is beautiful

legend of zelda: ive been associated with this series from a very young age due to my name and as soon as i gave into my fate and looked it up for real i just kinda fell into it lol. i cant really tell you exactly what draws me to it besides ‘wow fun game!’ and ‘god i wish that were me,’ but like the absurd amount of detail thats put into each installment and the creative ways they retell essentially the same/similar story over and over is incredible

guardians of gahoole: so i had the same experience with this and treasure planet which is i remembered ‘oh hey this is a movie that exists and i cant clearly remember watching it, ill look it up :)’ and then it consumed my life for a solid 3 months. firstly this movie is absolutely gorgeous, the animation and framing is fucking stunning and the way they handled owls talking like people as far as the movement of their very inflexible beaks was amazing. it sort of has the same draw for me as warrior cats? secret animal society ft incredibly traumatic experiences and the characters dealing with it. like, the whole concept is just so fuckign wild and it works so well, i rly enjoy this niche genre.

💎 - alright trivia time, so guardians of gahoole is based on a book series and the movie only covers part of the first arc i think idk, BUT theres another series set in the same universe called wolves of the beyond that i devoured when i was younger! i didnt know they were connected for the longest time and when i found out i was :000, i still rly love wolves of the beyond and wanna reread it, as well as read the actual gahoole books. in the howls books, sophie is a redhead! also, markl is named michael and like a fully functioning young adult who ends up marrying one of sophies sisters. treasure planet is, obviously, based off treasure island but its so much better than the book dont bother reading it lol i tried and it was boring. there was plans for a treasure planet sequel that was fully scripted and cast but it was cancelled cause disney sabotaged treasure planet from the start with the shitty release and advertising and tldr we were ROBBED, also amelias concept was much more octopus like and while that wldve been rad im p glad she was switched to a cat for. several reasons lol. uhh i dont have a lot of Fun Facts abt the unicorn chronicles but for the longest time i thought there were only 3 books and then last year i found the fourth book by chance in a kitsch store and nearly had a breakdown i was so happy, like full on i started shaking and crying cause there was so much joy in my body i cldnt contain it.

thats all i can think of tysm ily, to anyone who read all of this bless u please watch guardians of gahoole and read the unicorn chronicles i will love u forever

#IM LOVE U #friendos #alex #and z answers #astrallouis

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morphogenetic · 5 years

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okay so its been a few days but i keep Thinking About Shit about pride stuff so here we go. im going to politely request that you dont read this unless you can like it/acknowledge that you read it somehow (unless you’re on mobile and this readmore doesnt work in which case: im sorry) and also d/o/nt rb but if you’re some variety of not-straight and/or not-cis replying to this is totally fine

also this is long as fuck sorry

im in this very weird place where, although i am not in any way cis or het, i don’t feel like i truly belong at pride. like. obviously i’m trans, i’ve been out and living as trans and nonbinary for literally a third of my fuckin life. it matters to me very much that i’m trans, i have to basically come out over and over for the rest of my life because everyone is going to read me as a dude when they meet me for the first time and that is equally as wrong as when everyone was reading me as a girl before t. or if people look at my id and see the ‘f’ even though i can’t even change it to anything else and don’t even want to bc i have no desire whatsoever to tell the fucking government ‘HEY IM NONBINARY’

like being trans and nb is going to affect the rest of my life literally forever. but i’ve been out so long and since i was so relatively young that i just don’t think about it any more. i have absolutely no desire to even be cis, not like i can be bc that would mean i wasn’t nonbinary and the idea of being a binary gender is so fucking weird to me lmao. but it’s like. it’s obviously not a bad thing to be trans and i specifically am very content with it. being nonbinary and knowing that for sure and being super comfortable in that identity is great! but i also don’t feel like i have any reason to celebrate it because i just am. like it’s the same reason i feel very weird about celebrating birthdays and stuff. i mean my birthday isn’t soon in the slightest lmao but like. yeah cool i’m this age now! neat! i’m fine with telling people im this age and i have no negative feelings about being this age! but i just AM that age now why do i need to celebrate being a year older? it’s like that kinda

theres always the issue of the aroace-spec thing too like. yeah boys (and transmasc/masc-or-androgynous-leaning nb people, not girls lol) are attractive sometimes so i am, technically, gay, but my interest in having a relationship is so fucking low. ive had two crushes in my entire goddamn life! in 21 years! and both of those were on friends bc im also super demi! and otherwise the mere idea of a relationship is like. why the fuck would i want that?? why would anyone else even genuinely want that from me, a fucking average-as-hell-looking, balding-at-fucking-21 person who has literally no fucking ability to even function reasonably as a human being?

like. even putting aside all the fucking issues that i have with actually having and maintaining close relationships - not even in a dating kind of relationship, i mean literally just trusting people in general let alone as friends - thanks to the shit that three different former friends of mine pulled. even putting that aside i really don’t think i would ever really want a relationship even if i somehow managed to be even a little bit attractive to someone lol. im just too much of an inherent introvert for that.

and obviously you can be gay/bi/queer/pan/(insert other not-straight romantic/sexuality orientation im sure im forgetting) and not be in a relationship lol. it’s just. there’s so much fucking pressure ESPECIALLY in the mlm communities that i would theoretically be most in-tune with to be extremely sexual. and obviously that’s not inherently a bad thing at all!! it just doesn’t work for me in the slightest because i have basically no drive for that at all and the only time i ever did was when my body was adjusting to being on t initially. now that i’ve been on it for long enough shit has settled back to where it was for most of my life and yep, still basically no interest in that.

and like. im not gonna pretend that i have it the hardest out of literally any lgbtq person. im incredibly white (some ashkenazi sprinkled in there but like. nobody would ever be able to tell that without me saying it since it’s only a fourth and i have no association at all with any religion let alone being jewish) and able-bodied (to the best of my knowledge lmao) and definitely in a rare space of having extremely well-educated liberal parents who, while not being like millionaires or anything, are able to financially support me and didn’t ever reject me.

and because of all this im like. i dont belong at pride! it’s not for me! yes im trans but any random person is gonna think im a white cishet dude without me correcting them on pronouns. yeah im white but thats the only part of that that’s true but i still shouldn’t be taking up space that i honestly really do not need. i am happy the community exists and i WANT it to continue to exist and i dont think im gonna make any new cishet friends for the rest of my life but i just dont feel like im ever really going to be a true part of it

i really have no idea how to fully put my feelings about this into words. it’s just like. i am not afraid to be who i am but i dont feel proud of it in the way that i’m proud of like. my accomplishments. like when i graduate im gonna be proud of that! but i can’t be proud of who i am as a person in the same way, regardless of what im actually proud of myself for. i’m not proud of being 21 or having brown eyes or having my height. im not upset about them either but they’re just facts to me! in the same way that me being trans is just a fact about me

and pride is just. that. it’s just being proud of and celebrating your own existence. and im happy for people who can feel pride in existing (for all sorts of minority-related things not just lgbtq+ stuff) and i want people to continue to feel that way because when the world tells people they can’t be proud of who they are that’s shitty! but that’s not me and i don’t think it ever will be me. i realized i was aroace and accepted it in the span of a few days. i found out nonbinary people existed and immediately realized ‘oh that’s me’ within a week without feeling any self-hatred over it. realizing that i was mildly gay and not 100% aroace like i thought took me literally hours to realize and then accept. and i dont know how to express this irl without it seeming like i don’t want pride to exist because I VERY MUCH DO. i just. i never had the struggle in accepting those parts of me to the same extent that so many other people do and it feels wrong for me to be in a space for celebrating making it past that internal struggle when i never had it

#junpei.txt

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jonghyyn · 7 years

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1)this fandom turned to be disturbing yall only care about shinee sexual orientation and gender when its not of anyone's business. you spend all ur time on fighting over their personal matters instead of enjoying their music and what they give us. both sides acting like what they say is confirmed facts nd when one of shinee say random names or look at someone you act like they want to have sex with them nd yall act that the only attraction is sexual or romantic

2)the side that gets angry of the possibility that shinee are queer is homophobic nd not all idols has to be cis. the side that gets angry at the possibility that shinee might be like girls is weird coz we don't know these idols in real life no matter what they say or share with us

3) as an pan-aro nd part of lgbt its lowkey skeevy for me that shawols are painting shinee as lgbt icons when they only did basic decent things but in no way they r lgbt icons. yall literally could be calling a hetero guys an lgbt icons. I get wanting to connect more with them nd wanting representation but its not like this. actual lgbt people get killed nd a lots of lgbt people are fighting for our rights with little support bc we r looking in representation somewhere else we r not sure about

4) and please don't start with the closet talk bc I know how dangerous for an idol to come out but the idols u think they r queer might not be queer in the first place and if they were we have no right to want to them out too, at the end we don't know their sexualities. what am I saying is both opinions should be treated as headcanons not as confirmed facts nd this whole issue shouldn't have got that big. also neurodivergent idols headcanons should be respected too

tbh i dont even know what ur..trying 2 say by this?? i dont understand how youre like Yeah, Headcanons! but when ppl talk about headcanons ur like no...i didnt mean it like that... i mean it honestly baffles me how you reconcile these two things. if u respect ppls abilities to have headcanons youve also got to accept ppls ability to Talk about them as headcanons?? getting in discussions w ppl who say every idol Must be straight or cis isnt fighting w someone over shinees orientations Specifically, its fighting against the bigotry involved in this line of thinking. arguing w ppl who say “___ Msut be cishet” is not saying “_____ must not be cishet” its saying to question what motivates ppl to say the first thing. its not really About shinee exclusively bc its applicable to every single idol, and tbh every single person. its a discussion larger than any one particular person. i think this is an aspect that a lot of ppl miss.

also i truly dont know when ive ever acted like attraction can only be sexual or romantic bc i rly have not. talking about how queer idols Exist is not demanding idols be out. its acknowledging a reality that is hardly ever acknowledged. like. ignoring queerphobia is Not whats going to make it easier for idols to come out, discussing how queerphobia manifests in the idol industry is what will.

it really tires me when ppl pull out the U Spend All Ur Time Doing This, we’re all here for the music!! enough of that!! because while thats true, we all did become connected through shinee through music, a part of being an Active participant in fandom for many ppl is also like...talking about stuff besides their music. we’re here for their music but the Reason ppl blog about them and do shit like make gifs or edits or fics or what have u is bc they also care about the members themselves. their music is a given. i also like mamamoos music a whole ton, but i dont have a blog dedicated 2 mamamoo bc i am not As invested in the band members as i am in shinee. which isnt to say that every stan has to get involved w this specific discourse or even discourse in general, just that stans often Do get involved w non-musicy things in the process of stanning.

why is it that only queer headcanons are policed to this level...why is it only queer headcanons are met w Listen To Their Music Instead ! instead of the numerous other things ppl involved in fandom do that dont directly relate to their music. why dont u tell gif makers that theyre Too Obssesed w shinees faces and to go listen to their music instead. ppl do shit like “boyfriend imagines” for shinee which are 1000% unrelated to their music and tbh effectively function as Headcanons except youll never see ppl respond to that with Go Listen To Their Music Instead! while its not always (although it. often is lmfao) explicitly said, a lot of bf imagines are implicitly cishet and i feel like this is undoubtedly why those are accepted w/o word. bc ppl find being cishet ‘more polite’ and ‘less intrusive.’ when u make being queer a taboo to talk about (whilst simultaneously accepting anyone that talks about being cishet) u are basically saying that it is more acceptable to be cishet, while being queer is something that ought to be kept private. if ur truly adamant that this is about not spending enough time enjoying shinees music, then id like 2 see u come at every single other thing in fandom that has nothing to do w music. every time you see someone say “hey jonghyun would make a great bf” remind that person they shldnt care about something like that and shld instead be supporting shinees music. in any case, you ought to examine what makes u think that someone being queer is taboo to speak of while not rallying against statements like ‘he would be a great bf 2 his girlfriend.’

anyway i agree that ultimately what people are doing is making. headcanons. ive always agreed w this fact? this is a thing i continually say?? its why im not out there to Objectively Prove that jonghyun is gay or bi or whatever. the reason people respond to statements like ‘no jonghyun is not gay hes a straightie hetero’ with ‘no ur wrong’ bc the first statement is one that is Constantly enforced by society and it just functions as a way 2 shut down queer voices and reassert the heterosexual default present Everywhere. society treats straight as the absolute default. this is why straight “Headcanons” arent treated as well lmao... headcanons. theres rly no reason for anyone out there 2 headcanon something as straight?? when its the Assumed Sexuality in every situation?? tbh the only reason ppl are interested in doing that is Denying that idols might not be straight. doing this when ppl are Forced 2 be straight is gross. theres a difference between queer ppl saying Hey, remember not all idols are straight so lets talk about that and straight ppl being all No! ur wrong! he cant be anything but straight so shut up! these two things are coming from different perspectives.

like. imagine a pie being sliced up. historically, a 100% of this pie has been given to straight people. when queer ppl speak up, theyre trying to take some of their fair share of this pie. saying Hey, queer ppl exist!! is trying to section urself out a piece of the pie when youve been given none. someone saying Nope!! theyre all definitely straight is stealing back the measly slices someone has Actively Fought to obtain and attempting to perpetuate this imbalance.

im not rly here for ppl painting shinee as lgbt icons. ive expressed how annoying i find statements like ‘king of the gays’ or whatever to be. but also just. saying that anyone in shinee might be lgbtq is not painting them as an lgbtq icon?? its just stating a fact?? esp since a lot of the King of The Gays ! stuff seems to come from ppl who position him as a Amazing Cishet Ally so. idek buddy i feel like youve got to further think through some of your positions bc some seem to be in direct conflict with others.

#long post #i am unable to be concise literally ever #but anyway my dude. how can u accept that headcanons are okay but also expect ppl to like..never talking about them...#i agree all headcanons should be respected but this sort of requires ppl being allowed to talk about their headcanons u know ?#i truly feel like youve got 2 work through some of this stuff and think it through #ppl talking about headcanons doesnt mean they dont care about other things #i definitely do #its just that the only thing im Interrogated on is headcanons and im a rather long winded person so ill answer as such #while im a Discourse Prone person and i discourse a lot of this #(mostly- like i said earlier abt- whats going on Conceptually bc Thats the most important thing here its not a shinee exclusive subject)#but someone could hold the same opinions i do w/o necessarily discoursing about them (and i kno ppl that are like that in fact)#anon #ask

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