#i gotta fix my other ones actually

[absurdumsid]

what's your favorite song?

sorry man i couldnt decide on just One

so i made a playlist <- i DONT recommend listening to it on shuffle some of these songs are so soft and some are so LOUD

#i ordered it from most docile to most hostile #<- but i know that there are. more “hostile” songs in my playlists #but yea #i wouldnt rlly go past coordinate shift if ur not too good with loud-ish screamy songs #theres some calmer songs past that (punisher. exit girl. for you and your denial) but id -> #categorise everything else as pretty aggressive #sid answers #lol one more playlist to. add to my ever growing list of playlists #i gotta fix my other ones actually #also its 1am ive been organising this thing for two ish hours. #what can i say. i like sorting :shrug: #anyway SORTING TAGS #sid rambles #ALSO I HAD TO COMPROMISE ON SO MANY SONGS. #I DONT HAVE THE CRANE WIVES ON THERE #OR OTHER VOCALOID PRODUCERS #OR OTHER PUNK BANDS #GRAAAAH #I HAVE SO MANY LOUDER SONGS TOO #AND SOFTER SONGS !! #I WANTED TO KEEP IT SHORT GRNFHHDHR

[rotisseries]

I've started trying to draw digitally on my phone and it took a minute to get used to because it's not a pencil but this fucks

#I've always wanted to try drawing digital bc I don't draw much traditional and tbh I think it's cause of issues that digital fixes #like obviously one isn't easier than the other you know #but with traditional you gotta make sure you have your stuff and erasing too much fucks shit up and I like to hide it #but for the last 2 years I've been sharing my bedroom so that's not as easy and I like privacy #and it's all just. easier. if I can just turn a device off and if the only thing you need is a screen and a stylus #but I didn't wanna ask for a tablet for it bc I couldn't be sure I'd actually USE it #since again. I don't draw much #but when I got my switch I bought a case that came with accessories. INCLUDING. a stylus. that works on my phone #so now I'm trying it with a free drawing program and yeah this is great #if I fuck up proportions I can just RESCALE BITS. YAY

[aashiqq]

Even as someone who absolutely hates how the current hip-hop scene in our country works I must say I find it quite alluring

#so you just aint gotta be good at the singing part only you have to put on a show #become appealing to what the people find suitable to their aesthetic #i planned to dive into it by January but apparently ive only been dipping my toes sitting on the shore #cause im too much of a wimp and a huge procrastinator to do it #the wimp part because i cant sing for shit and even if i have 1% of the singing capabilites i *might* have inhereted from my mother #i still wont try to explore it cause “what if someone hears it and laughs?” #plus i absolutely hate how the voice in my head changes whenever i think about hip-hop it become african american bitch im indian stay desi #the indian rap scene is definitely different from the one in the us or other countries #and i should try to maybe sink my knees into it just because it actually provides a better outlet for rhymes than poetry i currently do #aint no one buying a fucking poem collection anymore #and im definitely not writing a novel with this amount of laziness that i have #i cant even fix my sleep schedule for shit #so yea #i cant sing i cant write i cant study #and i want to do all three #not just do i want to be the best #interesting how my dumbfuck brain works sometimes if i had only put so much thought into better things when it was needed #okay not diving into that train of thoughts its 4 am i have to sleep #goodbye shubhratri i hope you didnt read all of it its embarrassing #bye fr

[exopelagic]

okay facing consequences of my actions

#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time #okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me #everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not! #so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers #I do Not have time #if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be #with other people around I kinda need that y #so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX #I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly #so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight #okay. fuck. I hate this #if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep #it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more #I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap #the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values #the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species #that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates #method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us #but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence #i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly #it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but #I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for #wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence #and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone #not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works #which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so #okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most #luke.txt

[ozlices]

i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person

#mine #i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor #before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane #what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh #but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠 #i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life #just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING #'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore. #truly i fucking do not #my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it #we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN #& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY #before it got this bad. #there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato #if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC #I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT// #//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU #ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree #can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc #im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING #i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please #im gonna LOSE MY MIND

[yuridovewing]

hollyleaf is a character that i still really love but also makes me go "oh cmon you couldnt have made a better ending for her?

#i can fix her. in my rewrite i can fix her #the concept of a character who was so devoted to the code (which has very horrifying rules included in it) #suddenly discovering that her very existence is violation to the code on not just one but two major accounts #and like before then she'd enforced it on other people and lectured about it and held it so close to how she lived her life #only to have it fall apart and with it goes her mental stability #and not only that she kills a guy. her own clanmate. sheerly to save her and her brothers' skins #not honorably or in battle or anything. and she does this before she even learns who her parents are? #so thats the real start of it. what if she like... HEAVILY regret killing ashfur after she learned #because ''he was right to expose us. we are a sin that must be corrected. he was only looking out for the clan and i killed him for it'' #and it just makes her spiral worse and worse and worse #and she tries to kill leafpool because shes so far gone at that point that whats one more death? at least this codebreaker would deserve it #buuuut sadly most of this is not in the actual text. which suuuuuuuucks bc its so interestinggggg in the context of their societyyyyyy #in my au she lives but i would absolutely have her reconcile with leafpool #her time away in the tunnels would be her being forced to reflect on everything #and specifically being away from clan life just shifts her perspective #and itd take a second but she would reconcile with her bio mom #i think leafpool would forgive her because it's in her nature but like we gotta SEE that happen #idk. hollyleaf. shes fucked up. shes interesting to me #i can fix her.

[ambreiiigns]

i'm gonna finish kill la kill tomorrow Maybe. i have like 13ish episodes to go thru which is about as much as i watched in one sitting last time so i know i can do it. but then if things don't change i have hollow knight gameplay + tristamp finale w brother in the evening. so maybe i won't fit all of kill la kill ? but i need to finish that asap. and Then i need to finish made in abyss (was watching it w brother but he said he doesn't wanna rewatch the final episodes so i'm on my own 😭😭😭 bitch what) w those out of the way. i can mind my business. aka watch more spooky halloween movies. whenever i can go to my fucking HOUSE at uni i Intend to 1. evil dead & child's play 2. jjk bc the propaganda has worked. ideally at some point thru all this i also get back to my wrestling but who knows anymore. i Have given up on catching up all of it i only wanna see the things kota's been in :)))

#i should get to my wrestling asap actually #bc i'd like to see some episodes from last month. bc it seems Funny from tumblr #maybe i have these one or two anime days and then one or two more fully committed spooky movies days #like i wanna see saw x. i wanna see fnaf movie. i wanna see renfield. yk i gotta catch up w these new releases stuff ! #ofc there's others i wanna see but i'm not as much in a hurry #and then i knock back some wrestling. slay #i should go talk w the Housing People at uni this week bc website's being wonky and not letting me do stuff so i'll try to fix it #the old fashioned way #and that's gonna make things easier. if i'm alone in my home on my terms by myself #yea so. sure whatever #oh nay

[skenpiel]

ohhh my god. my poor poor poor old fucking broken ass phone. the battery swells up like at least twice a year and i have to get it replaced and this time its swelled so much the top half of my screen like. isnt connected. like i can very clearly see into the inside of my phone theres like a good 2cm gap in there. KINDA SCARY TBH

#i gotta get it fixed i dont. want it to explode and Killed me #my sweet poor old iphone 5 i will never replace you ever #or actually its not an iphone 5 its the one that looks like a iphone 5 but has the software of some other shit #god. but i will never ever ever ever replace you baby #the day i cant repair you anymore im switching to fucking. android or something i have no idea #but i refuse so badly to have a phone without a headphone jack and with a screen so large i cant reach it #the most abysmal invention ever is those little knobs people buy to put on the backside of their phones so they dont drop them #like. why did you ever need a phone that was so big you cant even HOLD it.......... you people are insane and also so fucking stupid #i hate modern technology 👍 when my phone becomes unrepairable im getting a fucking flip phone or something

[dashiellqvverty]

i have a headache and can NOT think clearly enough to really gather my thoughts but as much as i really did like atsv there were just. things about it that didnt work for me. and like mostly i was not big on how they did the “canon events” stuff like im not AGAINST it just at points felt like sort of redoing the moment in itsv where after aaron dies the other spiderpeople are able to comfort and relate to miles because they’ve been through similar things and this is like... that but in a technical lore way and not hitting the same emotional beat?? like obvioulsy they’re taking it somewhere different and its about like defying the story that’s laid out for you and i LIKE that but. idk. and im like yeah obviously theres stuff thats part of the spiderman origin story we KNOW this we did it already in the last movie and it was a great scene. and also like theres no way everything they referenced is 100% true for every version of spiderman, even every single one that cameos in the movie?? idk. it just Frustrated me in a way that i truly cannot put my finger on

#anyway did my Actual Getting My Thoughts Sorted in the tags. so they got long. #atsv spoilers #im on my period and my head hurty and i feel like im thinking through a fog so. thats part of the problem #also im just like yeah man fixed events in the time stream or whatever its a very standard thing #idkkkk i literally feel like im close to a thought that i cant piece together #something something what makes spider people So Special that THEY have fixed destinies that others dont idkidk #was that what the web thing was?? being a spiderperson doesnt have to do with the multiverse tho like. idk if this makes sense #i promise im not being cinemasins about the lore here #its just like. i wanna figure out what it was that didnt work for me so i gotta talk it all out #and like i realize its meta commentary on comics and retellings and stuff too and. idk #something about 'its a fixed moment in a spider persons life that a police captain has to die while saving a child' feels kind of Dumb #to watch as like a Serious Moment?? idk #like obviously its TRUE to some extent bc. they are all retellings of the same story and thats the POINT #and i get that. #but also youre CREATING some of these stories for the movie #like idk a TON about hobie in the comics altho i'd like to read more im just kind of vaguely familiar #but what i can gather he has NO cop related backstory so like. now theyve given him one :| #and i dont love that! #and its like. yeah they want something that can connect to miles' dad. and hes a cop and this is something that is. Generally Speaking. #a connection in many spiderman retellings. but. again and i dont know this for a fact #does that happen in the comics to any spiderman other than different versions of peter parker? #like saying its a Key Thing when its. largely invented for the movie. maybe? #i like the storyline for miles and im like i wish it had been arrived at in some slightly different way? idk #had a great conversation about it w my brother in the car after the movie bc we both were kind of like 'oh' abt the whole movie #like it was GREAT but had been hyped up SO much and we were like. well this doesn't surpass or elevate the first #he thought miles' parents writing didnt feel consistent w the first which. i should do a rewatch of itsv tbh #and was commenting on how much gwen sucked and fucked miles over and im like yeah man i loved that #dont be cinemasins and say its a plothole bc she made bad choices #shes a scared teenager who bought into miguel's scheme and is making decisions a scared teenager would #we both agreed the soundtrack does NOT compare to itsv

[steampoweredskeleton]

Oh my GOD I have never felt more autistic in my fucking life than right now communicating with a bunch of presumably neurotypical professional people, WHAT THE FUCK ARE ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAY TO ME

JUST SPIT IT OUT FOR GODS SAKE

#delete later #im so bemused #this is like the first time ive ever been like aware of what theyre trying to get at and watching them skirt around it #is both frustrating and so funny #like my manager trying to tell me things Some New People Dont Do and im like just say i need to fix it #this is getting us NOWHERE #ya know that tiktok where autistic ppl are coaching neurotypical ppl through how to actually express fully yeah i finally get it #one of the other managers just sending a message saying Hi Caleb #NOTHING ELSE #MY MAN JUST SAY WHAT YOU NEED. I WAS WAITING FOR THE FOLLOW UP MESSAGE AND IT NEVER CAME #NOW I GOTTA JUST BE LIKE Hi whwts up WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE IM DEMANDING WHAT YOU WANT #THIS DANCE IS FUTILE JUST TELL ME #i fucking burst out laughing at my screen im so tired

[nerice]

my gtn copy arrived today and i saw [yknows] name in the dramatis personae list and proceeded to have the most convoluted nothing-dream abt her bc i don't know ANYTHING but my brain is gearing up into hyperfocus on the backburner h!!!

#tlt blogging #still waiting on the extra ancillary novel to arrive bc i gotta get thru that first #& have had a terrible weekend so i cannot quite feel anything yet #but my brain is desperately TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING DESPITE IT ALL #might actually delay reading after all... on one hand finally getting into An Era might fix me on the other hand.... #scared that im still too broken to feel anything abt it & that wld destroy me. what if i read it and the car doesn't start yknow.. :'(

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Asia Kate Dillon as Lucifer again in Opus For All, Opus 4, Our Better Angels

#call this Confusing Compromise for all...focusing on shots of akd & adding text. these are sequential but not continuous moments lol #i.e. hope it's disjointed enough / it is clear there's other shots & more dialogue b/w these #might be possible to fit this whole video into one gifset lol. make them smaller; longer; combine some side by side into one... #just wanna give a lil taste of that dialogue / enhance visuals with Some context. evocative enough i hope #asia kate dillon #lucifer our better angels #could've put a caption like [resolving heavenly chord] lol if i knew what chord it is exactly...not nearly knowledgable enough to guess #the [ending on that chord and cutting away just as lucifer looks like they're about to cry]....chefs? kiss #there's just so much to dig into here and then start speculating about in your own continued story for it lol so fun truly #like i said: boy i love when the devil is a dynamic character atheistic satanism style i.e. exploring the / A human experience through them #and like i said b/w the mysteries lucifer and this lucifer we can have it all / cover so much ground w/akd lucifers.... #the other night i think i had a dream that it was just a fun fact they'd also been lucifer some third time lmao...i wish #speaking of wishing one of these gifs is 9.9 mb and i'm just making it tumblr's problem. so i hope it actually works #sooo embarrassing if it's frozen on the first frame and i gotta fix it lol. don't look at me...but tell me fr if i don't notice #potentially tricky b/c it's like ''is it just my slowass connection On My End or is the gif broken'' like added layer of mystery #when sometimes even if you have a fine connection you gotta ask the audience like how's it look on your end... #jlsdf JUST noticed they're sitting by that tag ft. 666 #the new satanic symbol? backwards Cool S. more on that in the next post #yeah someone might get stuck trying to decipher this as though it's walking us continuously through a scene lol but alas. c'est la vie

[ghoul-haunted]

well that sure didn't happen

#OKAY!! OKAY THEN!!!! #i gotta. turn this around in my head a bit #like the span of time between the ides of march and philippi is so fixed in my mind that it feels like #from all angles everyone would know it was doomed. but clearly that isn't the case at all. philippi is proof of that #but this is like. something else. this is proof in thought of a future that did not involve a mass sacrifice of men #more importantly WHAT'S IN A NAME!!!! what's in a name. good grief. you haunted mother fucker. you did that to yourself #when you're given a choice. a clear divide in the road and a chance to pick one or the other. #i wish i read this before drawing the drusus cursing octavian comic i could have made it SO much worse #drusus should have done an act of cannibalism on octavian actually

[this-doesnt-endd]

My neurology dr office is so nice i get texts being like reminder u have an appointment please get here a little early thank u so much and have a great evening meanwhile my current dr office has no direct line i have to go thru a call center, and they send me emails with like nothing by my zipcode saying thursday 9:30 check in

#i actually have a lot a questiona 4y neurologist like my meds work great #but now i have to fix the everything wrong w me that was caused by 2 yrs of untreated epilepsy #like my foot is fuckes up so the other one carrys the weight but that fucks up my legs and the rest of me but like? do i go to a podiatrist #or am i just screwed #also im vitamin defficant anyways do i need like a lot of b12 and d now? #what abt my teeth? like i dont have great hq its but like ive heard the meds can fuck up ur teeth do i gotta be like perfect abt it?

[fairwinds-safetravels]

.

#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control #i honestly have improved so much overall that i almost forget i have it until i either forget meds or something real shit happens #most of my really bad compulsive behaviors are gone other than maybe 3 #but the one that keeps rearing up is compulsive cleaning #and i dont mean like #gotta clean room hehe #its like. the world flashes because i get triggered by something either germ or emotional and i have to clean nonstop until The Thing #is gone #usually piles of stuff or like actual nasty #even if it belongs to someone else i have to clean it or else I just cant feel better #which is bad bc boundaries #like i generally can step back and be normal about it but when in an episode i cannot #big sigh #home is the worst bc family is v messy #i do not care about the clutter but dishes dont get cleaned for days and days and sit in stagnated water #and my mom doesnt believe in paper towels or scrubby sponges so i have to use wet rag and then leave it dirty to dry and reuse it :( #no value judgement bc i got that executive dysfunction from somewhere but damn #makes it hard to enjoy food #adhd and ocd combo is so bad bc youre both the cause of stress and your solution #lowkey feels like the manic depressive cycle where its struggle bus then massive surge to fix it and then struggle bus from burnout again #sigh

[dandyshucks-moving]

I've got the cutest drawing in the works... i have to keep sitting back and take a moment to recollect myself bc its SOOO GOOD AND SWEET AAUUGHHHH

#it doesnt even feature self insert.... but im fhdhdjjdlsl AAAAAA #its funny doing two drawings in one night where neither of them feature self insert JDKSL #i saw the f/ovember stuff and i think im too nervous to actually participate ... but it has got me thinking abt like... #... how do i explain it. how he acts without self insert directly around him ig? #like if im not Right There... whats he doing. whats he thinking. how does he act fjdksl #gotta keep up mr tough guy demeanour around everyone else but if he's on his own... #HMM like what lies underneath all the tough guy act around others AND the expressing gushy softie feelings to s/i... #what's he got at the base of his self... #ME PSYCHOANALYZING THIS BLORBO. HELP. HEY DANDY WHAT ARE U DOING.... SILLY BEHAVIOUR FR #its okay im having fun and dancing around in my little jester hat and shoes SHDJDKSL #i just like thinkin abt what I'd see if i were to peek around the corner at him in another room by himself fjdkdl #like me going to fix up a breakfast in the morning and he falls asleep on the couch while waiting for me to come back... #and i come around the corner and he's SNOOZIN. and i gotta just pause and take it in bc its so cute.... #(ﾉ)´∀｀(ヾ) #EN EE WAYZ.... im the silliest billy in all the lands SHDJFKDL goofy silly softie over here fr smh at myself #catch me writing the simplest post and then writing an essay in the tags SJDJDKL #time for ME to start snoozing!! gnight everyone i hope u all have a good night/morning/[timezone etc] ⸜( ˙ ˘ ˙)⸝♡ #dandyshucks