#i have never been so angry in my lyfe
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vanderpump rules, season six, episode fifteen: jax taylor is an irredeemable demon who should be ashamed of himself
The episode opens at Sexy Unique Restaurant, where Sandoval’s arrived early to work on cocktails for TomTom! Both Lisa Vanderpump and I are shocked to learn that he’s a) arrived early anywhere and b) working on something he doesn’t have to be. I have the lowest image of all of the people starring on this show so expecting them ever to go above and beyond is a hard pill to swallow. I mean, I genuinely thought Tom&Tom were going to go to a bunch of cocktail bars and just jack all of those recipes1. Lisa wants to make sure that Tom Sandoval is on his best behavior because Nick Alain2 is coming into town and Lisa doesn’t want anything to get muddled in the process. Lisa wants Tom to know that the designing and organizing and generally knowing how working a job is all on her, and he just needs to stand still and look pretty.
Michelle Branch can tell him a thing or two about that.
Over at The Phoenix, Lala is introducing Stassi to the first black people she’s ever met, Lala’s music producers. One of them is named Blk Elviz, and the other is Sean2, and they’re both very fashionable and aesthetically pleasing. Of course Stassi uses the word “y’all” as soon as she meets them because code switching is real3. Blk Elviz is wearing a leather jacket that I envy so greatly I know that thing was $600. They’re getting ready for Lala’s performing and scouting the space. Stassi’s not concerned about the musical aspect but really creating a vibe and… you know, event planning. What bothers me is that the music producers are kind of just there to be there, and really, they should be asking more questions than Stassi is. What are the acoustics like? Are there going to be sound engineers? If Lala’s performing outside, will the audio be swallowed up?
I should be doing this job. Jusssayin. Stassi only listens to showtunes and reggaeton. Stassi loves Les Miserables, as most white people do.
Stassi and Lala sit down to split a giant pretzel and discuss girls’ night. Stassi’ really trying to listen and communicate with Ariana but Ariana’s not having it. Stassi’s not okay with feeling shamed for calling out bad behavior and feels no need to apologize. I agree with Stassi - she was made uncomfortable by Jeremy, and she told Ariana such, and Ariana doubled down on her anger. I don’t know if anyone else could have expressed that sentiment to Ariana, either. Unfortunately for Stassi, Ariana’s hatred of her makes her blind to the possibility that Stassi could ever be correct or have feelings worth validating.When Stassi says she’s not apologizing, Lala calls her a gangsta bitch.
That’s a little too far, Lala. We’re not going that far today.
Ugh, we’re at The Tomb of Jax Taylor, or Jax and Brittany’s apartment where it immediately starts with them bickering over the couch and to top it all off, Kelsey, Jax’s financial dominatrix - I mean, reiki coach, is coming over, and Brittany’s gotta skedaddle for a bit. Brittany’s a little jealous because Kelsey is not only good looking but she’s providing something to Jax that Brittany not only doesn’t know, she doesn’t even understand what it is. I mean, if I was a little concerned about that, I would take Kelsey aside and, you know, ask her about the process that my boyfriend of two years is making and how she’s helping him. These sessions aren’t just for him, BRITTANY.
I notice at this moment that Jax is wearing a Saturdays are for the Boys shirt. When did this become a thing? According to Know Your Meme it’s from a thing called Barstool Sports. I thought Barstool Sports was the game I played when I was trying to get laid in college and would post up at a bar for a few hours. But no, apparently it’s not even a game! It’s a podcast!
Jax loves Kelsey because she literally breaks him down and rebuilds him. I’m glad Jax is feeling the way he’s made women feel for 500 years. He’s ful of anxiety about the whole idea of the trip. Oh, and apparently someone offered Jax a job.
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No.
Jax Taylor did not get offered a job in Florida. No. He’s like “I get to be around sports all day” It’s apparently a job in hockey doing social media and marketing. I have friends who work for stadiums. No. This is not real. He’s mad that Tom & Tom have an opportunity so he’s going to pull a Ryan Howard and move to Miami. Miami, Ohio, that is, where this job likely is. That somehow makes Jax both Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard simultaneous and I don’t think this is what Greg Daniels and Michael Schur wanted.
And even so, why would he take this? I’m sorry, Jax has it made. He’s easily pulling in a mid-range six figures from this show, Instagram ads, and appearances alone. And he wants to give all of that up to live in a swampland and make, what, 60k a year? And even so, the Tampa Bay hockey team is really good. I can’t imagine them hiring a 75 year old who’s never had a job and didn’t go to college to study this. Sorry. I call bullshit.
My friend Celia’s doing reiki treatment right now for chronic pain, and she says it’s really working for her, so I’ll hold my tongue regarding Kelsey and what she does, because I really don’t have any knowledge and experience. What I can say confidently is that Jax is going to try to fuck Kelsey, and Jax will use reiki as an excuse to blame Brittany when he does so. That I’m sure of.
Brittany returns and Jax gushes over Kelsey, of course. He’s like “she’s amazing, my days are better after I see her,” and Brittany wants to help, and Jax immediately starts pitting Kelsey against her. It’s actually effortless. Brittany’s like, “Tell me what she does so I can try to help you,” and Jax is like “she’s just not like you at all in every single way, she makes you look like trash.” The appropriate response would for Jax to explain how Kelsey’s helpful so Brittany can learn, but no. Jax hates Brittany so much at this point and is literally taking every step possible to make her feel like shit. He tells her she’s not patient with him, and Kelsey calls Jax Jayson.
Brittany asks why Jax doesn’t want her to all him Jayson, and Jax is basically like “I’m trying to know Jayson and who I was before I became Jax.” Brittany. He is literally telling you he doesn’t want to be the person you’re dating anymore. He’s going so far as to change his name. Everything with Jax is a fucking transaction. That’s why he’s pitting this woman he’s known for a few weeks against his live-in girlfriend of two years. Does Jax not realize that Kelsey’s mostly being so kind ot him because he’s paying her, not because she actually likes him? And that she’s showering him with positivity and false platitudes like she’s RuPaul? Jax is that guy at the strip club who wastes his entire retirement fund because that’s the only way he can feel good about himself.
At this point the Trump administration should just hire Jax, he’s a member of their tribe of Transactional Relationships.
Jax tells Brittany about this fake madeup job in Tampa. After he’s told Kelsey already. Jax is that friend who gets an idea in his brain and is 100% in on the idea without considering the reality of the situation. He tells Brittany to her face that right now he doesn’t see anything holding him back and there’s nothing there for him - the implication being that being in Los Angeles with her was the problem. He doesn’t want to be Peter Pan anymore… but as soon as Brittany’s like “great, I want you to grow up, too,” Jax gets mad. She’s giving him support and agreeing with his opinion but he doesn’t want that. The minute Brittany agrees reminds Jax that his behavior isn’t just for him, it effects other people. That’s why he’s like, “God, just say yes. Not ‘you’ or ‘me’ or ‘I’ or ‘us’.” He literally tells her not to talk about the way his actions affect her, positively or negatively. She tells him that she has opinions too and she, in fact, doesn’t have to just stand there and say ”sounds good, honey.” Kelsey, who I only hate because she’s enabled and provided a sociopath with the tools he needs to continue his abusive behavior, told Jax that he needs to put himself first because he never does anything for himself. Brittany rolls her eyes at this entire notion, and so do I.
Brittany will never leave this man. She loves him and she truly believes everything she has will go away if she chooses to leave.
Because the producers want to give us an example of a healthy, functioning relationship, we’re over to Scheana’s apartment where she’s hanging out with her true love - her cat. Oh, and Rob’s there and Scheana’s “made food”4. Scheana immediately pretends like she wants what’s best for Brittany and wants her to get her mojo back by fucking a ton of other dudes. Rob, forever the voice of reason and rooted in some sense of reality, reminds Scheana that Brittany has agency and if she doesn’t want to break up with Jax, Scheana can’t force that to happen. Scheana clearly sees herself in Brittany and thinks Brittany’s just afraid of being alone and would rather stay miserable than be alone.
As soon as Scheana starts on this path, Rob is like OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT THE ONLY REASON I DATE YOU, to get publicity for the app I’m starting! It’s an e-commerce site where divorced people can selll their shit.
I am literally sitting next to my roommate who works in e-commerce and if she wasn’t paitiently working I would ask her on a scale from 1 to Offset cheating on Cardi B how stupid this idea is.
“The Divorce Closet”. Not everything is a business. Isn’t it a crime to sell someone else’s things without their consent? How is this not just Nasty eBay?
Scheana so admires Rob’s work ethic in creating a brand that literally caters to only her. I don’t want to buy Shay’s broken snowboard or your old Indique hair extensions, Scheana. They’re looking at logos, Scheana’s asking about copyrights, and Rob’s like “well, I have majority equity and you’re the face of the company.”
Read: I make all the money and you do nothing. Get this shit in writing, Scheana. He’s fucking you over. But then again, Scheana is so dickmatized and love-blind that it wouldn’t be romantic to go through all the nitty-gritty of contracts and whatnot with Rob. Rob can install a television in seven minutes and he would never screw over Scheana in The Divorce Closet. She’s so distracted by his baby blue eyes and how much she wants to marry him.
I don’t feel bad for Scheana. We’ve seen Scheana’s delusion in action before - remember when she was convinced Shay’s substance problems could be fixed by him just not drinking as much? Or how after one therapy session she thought all of their problems were fixed? Scheana sees these men as her saviors and her biggest enemies. Shay wasn’t perfect but god damn, I don’t think he deserves the on-camera humiliation that Scheana puts him in week after week. It doesn’t reflect poorly on him. It reflects poorly on her.
Lisa Vanderpump is kissing a horse. She’s at the stables riding Prince Tardon, her sexy horse. Brittany arrives and she’s terrified because she hasn’t rode a horse in forever. These are nothing compared to the tiny horses Brittany has on her farm in Kentucky. Brittany brings up the fact that things with Jax aren’t as bad as they had been in the past, and that she’s even planned this trip to Mexico for them. Why? What is the point of this trip? Lisa asks her why she feels the need to make it all better and celebrate him when he’s done nothing but treat her like crap, and it’s an entirely logical question. Why isn’t Brittany torturing Jax more? Brittany thinks Jax just needs to get away. She wants Vacation Jax. Lisa doesn’t understand why Jax is doing reiki and basically calls bullshit. She doesn’t understand why he’s not going to a convetional therapy.
Lisa tells Brittany she needs to look after herself and take care of herself. Lisa doesn’t understand why she puts up with it, doesn’t see anything changing any time soon.
In effect, Lisa is trying to tell Brittany that she won’t lose everything - she won’t be fired from the show - if she decides to break up with Jax.
We’re back at Tom Tom, and Tom Sandoval is wearing one of the ugliest shirts I have ever seen. Lisa, Ken, and The Toms are waiting for Nickel Lane, Lisa’s restaurant designer. They’re putting a fucking pendulum in TomTom. What is he doing? They want it to look like the inside of a clock inside TomTom. I guess TomTom will just be a long metaphor for how fleeting time can truly be, tick-tock, tick-tock. Sandoval has created some cocktail ideas for the restaurant, one including scorpion chili5. Lisa loves them. Tom finally got some sort of approval.
Over at Stassi’s, she and Kristen are packing their bags for Mexico. Kristen has a dearth of sequin tank tops with spaghetti straps. I love that Kristen is the most consistent person on earth in terms of her fashion choices. T-shirts with “romantic” or “funny” phrases, sequin tank tops, jeans. Wash, rinse, repeat. Stassi’s not excited to be rooming with Kristen because she’s a disaster of a person.
Lala got a spray tan, so he’s ready for Mexico.
Jax has a matching shirt and pants, and Ariana is bringing 100 bikinis.
We get a plane/shots/van/hotel montage, and they’re staying in one of my favorite locations I think I’ve seen on reality TV. Poor Peter has to room with James, and I bet he’s mad he agreed to go on this trip. I really don’t know what’s worse - the idea of James Kennedy having a hotel room to himself or being his roommate. All the rooms in the hotel are nice, but Jax and Brittany’s suite is the best one, it even has a private pool. Jax is wearing a NASCAR shirt, he deserves nothing.
We get an entirely unnecessary scene of Katie and Tom gushing over how happy they are in their relationship and how this first year of marriage has been the easiest and most fun time ever. They give a montage of all of the great moments these two have had as a couple who definitely should have gotten married, but it’s okay, they can eat $10 peanuts now.
Jax and Brittany are skinnydipping and shaming Peter and James for not having their own pool. Brittany mentions to Jax that he seems to be in good spirits and in a good mood and he’s like, “yeah, that’s Kelsey.” To the face of his girlfriend who arranged (along with producers) for this trip for his birthday in the suite she set up. God, I fucking hate him.
Are these people not allowed to leave the hotel?
Stassi and Kristen are trying to come to terms about their arrangement and basically having respect for each other’s space and desires. Stassi tries to tell Kristen that after 2 AM if she’s asleep, let her sleep. This is clearly a problem that’s happened before, and Kristen called Stassi selfish for not staying up all night partying for Jax’s birthday. Honestly, when my friends are going to bed and I’m wasted, I’m tucking them into bed and getting Goodnight Moon out. Kristen seems like the type to wake you up by pouring a glass of water on your face and calling you a bitch.
Stassi especially wants Kristen to stay away from their balcony, particularly with tequila.
Sandoval is ironing a shirt and complaining that it’s harder to get ready in Mexico because of the weather. He’s exfoliating, using less pomade, and somehow he adapts. Somehow.
Jax is 95% going to take this job in Florida and is going to tell Tom & Tom tonight. This is Brand New Information to Brittany, who is right to be upset. They’ve had one conversation about it and Jax is like “you knew this, I told you.” If it’s the same conversation we all saw, he told Brittany but there was no discussion about the reality of of it all. It was more of a “this is a cool thing that happened to me today,” and now it’s a real thing. I HATE THIS MAN. Jax doesn’t understand why Brittany wants to stay in LA and Jax immedaitely goes on the defense. Brittany points out that this is not a overnight decision at all, but to Jax it is. He’s making choices about their future without asking her, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with that.
Can you believe?
Jax is so abusive, I really can’t with him. He’s trying to isolate Brittany by doing this. The fact that the first thing that came to mind in terms of reasons to stay in Los Angeles is “we’re not staying for friends, we’re not children.” Who has been the most vocal regarding Brittany breaking up with Jax? Her friends. This is so tragic, bordering on disturbing. He is trying anything he can to make sure that she cannot make choices for herself. He cheats on her and she’s supposed to blindly support him and not say anything or stand up for herself.
Jax honestly needs to get a blow-up doll. Jax is the prime candidate for one of those sex robots. You know how in come countries they castrate pedophiles? Jax Taylor should be forced to never interact with women ever again once he gets his sex robot. We will all be better off.
Jax keeps saying this is his dream and he fully thought Brittany was on board, and Brittany basically is like, “what about my dreams, Jax?’” He never once considered her feelings in all of this, he assumed she would follow him anywhere. He has clearly made up his mind in the way he’s talking to her - there’s no reflection on what she’s saying, he honestly just thinks she’s upset because they’re leaving Los Angeles. Yes, Brittany can be a bartender anywhere, but right now, she’s being a bartender in Los Angeles and she’s okay with that. He thinks she’s going to force him to give up his dream, but he’s never considered hers.
Why does she stay? I really don’t understand why she stays. I really, really don’t. At this point, it’s just sad. I get it, you love the lifestyle he provides. But she can’t grow with him. And honestly, if she’s staying with him after he cheated, she doesn’t get to bring up the fact that he cheated over and over again to win arguments. Jax had done an abundance of awful things that should be thrown in his face, but she told him she forgave him and was trying to move past it. She can’t move past it if she’s continuing to weaponize it.
Ugh, did I just defend Jax?!
For some reason we get a scene of Lisa Vanderpump at Sexy Unique Restaurant, saying hello to Billie Lee and yelling at someone for their not-sexy plating. There are some good bartenders behind the bar for once and they get their time in the spotlight, finally. One is Daddy Bae Adam and the other is WeSley.
You’re probably wondering why I capitalized that S. The response is that it’s not pronounced “Wisley” like you’re used to. The S is emphaised - WeS-ley. Daddy Bae Adam wants to see about moving from barbacking to bartending, and Lisa is immediately skeptical. Lisa’s like, yeah, you’re cute, but can you muddle for five hours straight, because that’s what the Sexy Unique Bartenders are expected to do. I’m not making this up. There one-third of the cocktails on the Sexy Unique Website for Sexy Unique Restaurant have a muddled ingredient. I am now concerned for Ariana’s wrists. No one else’s.
Sorry, though, Lisa. Adam is far too hot to keep behind the bar and not in front of it. Why are you letting Jax, a bag of steroids disguising itself as a person, be one of the faces of your bar? Lisa asks Adam to make her a mojito, and he fucks it up right away. He’s better than Jax ever could be as a bartender, though. We get a loving montage of Jax making bad drinks and not giving a fuck. Who cares if Adam mistakes sweet-and-sour with soda water? Jax once served someone a cocktail with broken glass in place of ice.
How is Jax not in jail.
Back in Mexico Musical Cue: “we don’t need so sleep because the party don’t stop / so put your hands on me and turn me on, turn me on”.
I don’t need to go further into the fact that these lyrics have no relationship to one another, right?
The Mexico group is off to dinner, and they’re talking about the plans they have for the next day. They’re going to a water park! They take shots celebrating Scheana’s divorce because it’s finalized! Scheana’s gushing about Rob again because she has nothing else to talk about except her significant others, and Stassi says she needs to find a new hobby. I agree. Stassi is literally how I am when my friends go on about their significant others for more than I feel appropriate. Rob has infiltrated Stassi’s psyche and she’s even having nightmares about him now.
A former friend of mine in college6 lived in a house with three of her sorority sisters and she happened to be only single one. The fact that her roommates were sleeping not in their house but over at their respective significant others bothered her so deeply that it was all she talked about for three months. Because she couldn’t go to them about this problem, she came to me. Every conversation we had was about how she didn’t feel comfortable with staying in her house alone. To this day, I wonder if she ever talked to them about it. Anyway, the point of all of this is that her complaints began to effect me. I was having nightmares and full of anxiety about her situation. Stassi’s joking, but really - people who lack the awareness that their bombarding the conversation with one topic are the most selfish people on Earth. This girl was a walking red flag.
Jax takes the Toms aside to tell them about his Fake Job opportunity. The Toms are devastated to lose Jax and the band breaking up. Who are they going to hide behind and pretend they’re better than? How are they going to feel better about committing bad behaviors if they don’t have Jax to compare it to? They don’t want Jax to leave because they might have to feel remorseful.
Brittany tells the girls about Jax’s fake job opporunity, and I love that everyone’s skeptical. Kristen’s like “so, it’s real?’ And Katie asks if they subjected him to a spelling test. Remember Jax’s sweater line? Or his fitness app? All the girls are mad that Jax assumed that Brittany’s just going to pack up and move along with her, and Stassi is the first to explode about it. All the girls are telling her he treats her like shit and she doesn’t need to deal with that. Scheana tries to defend Brittany but everyone’s like, wait, weren’t you trying to set her up with the hot new bartender just last week? Shut up.
Jax approaches and Stassi tells him he’s Public Enemy Number One.
He sits back down at the table, and everyone’s like “So, Tampa?” And Jax is like, “Y’all can come visit!” They ask Jax what he’s doing for this Fake Job, and he says “events and social media.”
Okay, Jax. Sure, Jan. I don’t know a single company that would link their events team and social media team. They’re both marketing but very different types of marketing. And no, he is not “in charge of social media”. Jax literally cannot come up with a title for his job because he does not have this job.
Ariana brings up that she really wants to make sure that Brittany can do what she wants out of life, even if she does go with Jax to do this or not. This turns into Jax literally learning what his girlfriend’s life dream is. They’ve been together for two years and he literally cannot recall that Brittany wants to work with children with mental disabilities. She did it in high school, and it’s what she went to fucking school for.
Brittany, why? Why do you do this?! I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
She’s giving him so many chances to be a good boyfriend. She’s literally like, “You know, I’ve told you what I want to do a bunch of times, don’t make a fool of me in front of my friends, just pretend you know what I’m talking about.” And Jax is too dumb to play along and further humiliates her. He doesn’t care about her whatsoever. All he had to say is like “oh yeah, of course I’ve heard you say that.” But he doesn’t. This information he should know, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t even want to.
Lala wins the fucking episode when she reminds Jax that he is no longer single, he’s in a partnership of two years, and he needs to respect her. Jax tells her to shut up, and she loses it in only the way a woman tired of being told to be silent does. She’s fed up and she’s had enough of his blatant disrespect. Lala can’t get any respect from these men and they really do need to stop telling her to shut up when she’s holding them accountable.
Imagine a bunch of people telling you you’re treating someone like shit and to change and your response is to tell them to shut up instead of considering maybe you’re a bad person. Just imagine.
Jax tells Lala she doesn’t know him well enough to speak to him the way she is, and we get to see Lala’s old face and Jax before his hairline decided it was disgusted by him in a montage, where we remember that a) Jax really wanted to fuck Lala and b) Jax diminished and disrespected his relationship with Brittany in order to try to fuck Lala. Lala knows firsthand what a shithead Jax is and is definitely allowed to speak on it.
When Jax tries to shut Lala down, that allows Kristen to rise from the ashes, because if Lala doesn’t know him well enough, Kristen/Katie/Stassi definitely do. Jax tries an ad hominem attack, this one being “Why isn’t Carter here, Kristen? What’s wrong with your relationship?” And Kristen literally is like “... yeah, that has nothing to do with what’s going on here.”
My personal favorite defense is when people are getting held accountable for shitty things they’ve done and their response is “well, you’re not perfect.” No one was ever saying that they were (Especially not Kristen). You don’t have to be perfect to know when someone is being bad. You just need to be a decent person. Jax is the most manipulative and abusive asshole and I hope someone runs him over.
Ariana has a napkin over her head, and Sandoval decides it’s time to jump into the conversation because Jax needs a defender at this time. No, Jax doesn’t, and Sandoval can fuck right off for this. Stassi is telling Jax that she stays quiet whenever she hears the way Jax speaks to Brittany even though she’s not okay with it, and Sandoval tries to tell her that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on because Stassi is Jax’s ex-girlfriend so of course her opinion is biased against Jax. Sandoval, your opinion is biased FOR Jax. He’s acting like losing Jax to Florida is somehow equal to Jax’s awful, abusive behavior. He’s acting like his devastation is equal to the devastation Brittany’s self-esteem is suffering.
Next Week: Watersports, and not the sexy kind. Oh, that Kristen vs. Stassi thing is going to be an actual Thing, apparently. Scheana tells Rob she’s trying to be present and he tells her to shut her phone off (supportive, right?) But no, Scheana discovers Rob basically doesn’t want to hear from her. Lisa is aware of Scheana’s meddling in Jax and Brittany’s relationship, and so is Jax, and Jax is mad that Brittany might actually want better for herself than him. Who woulda thunk it?
Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:
Who told Brittany and Jax that robin’s egg blue is a good color for a living room area?
Jax doesn’t want a partner because that would require him to see women as companions. Jax wants a mother and a his buddies.
Scheana apparently only watches her scenes. I love that. She’s awful.
Honestly, the fact that Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t have restaurants called Sous, Dans, Devant, and Derriere is a loss for her. This is a French language joke, brought to you by my tenth grade French teacher and the direction song.
I really want to go to Mexico.
Brittany hasn’t realized that Jax tired of his shiny new toy and she thinks she can get him to fall in love with her again. And the harder she tries, the less interested he is. I’m not going to say I’ve been in the situation before because I never know who is reading this, but man, I can see Jax’s side. Like, when I’m done with someone, I’m done. And the more they try to make me change my mind, the more done I become. By the end of my last relationship I would be ideal for Donald Trump with how done I was.
Further evidence that this job does not exist: Jax only lies to protect himself.
I can't wait to see The Divorce Closet on Shark Tank.
Bartenders, or if we’re being obnoxious, mixologists, or if we’re being pretentious, “cocktail artists”, are some of the most protective over their intellectual property. Then again, if I made a cocktail with 15 different ingredients that I had to source from the bottom of a gold-plated barrel, I would be too. ↩︎
I had to turn on the subtitles because I spent the last episode like “What kind of name is Nicole Ain?” Or “Nickle Ayn”? ↩︎
Yes, I know Stassi si from New Orleans. We’ve never heard her use “y’all” until now, and honestly, I’m so pro a gender-neutral plural that I think y’all shouldn’t be exclusively for Southern people. SORRRRRRRY. But y’all also can’t tell me she didn’t say this just because she was around black people. ↩︎
Why are people still replating carryout food and pretending they made it?! I know you didn’t do this. ↩︎
I fucking hate spicy cocktails and I judge cocktail bars with them on their menu. Oh god, I’m totally going to get myself into a lot of fucking trouble with my bartender friends SORRY Y’ALL ↩︎
One of the three people on Earth who knows that if we’re ever on the same sidewalk she better cross the fuckin’ street. ↩︎
#vanderpump rules#I HATE JAX I HATE JAX I HATE JAX#oh my god i was in a rage when i wrote this#i have never been so angry in my lyfe
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Grace and Frankie 7x1 - 7x4 thoughts
Meh? Like...I love them so much, but...meh?
(I did enjoy this line about brunch.)
I really loved season 6 of Grace and Frankie. I thought it was well-paced, largely very well-acted, generally well-written, and it culminated in a massive moment of character development for the title characters, who, having spent years growing closer and being there for each other when others could not or would not be, finally articulate to each other that they are the primary person in each other’s lives. Platonic gal pal soulmate BFF emotional support witches 4 lyfe!
I know progress isn’t always linear, and in fact is very rarely linear, but after a moment that significant, you’d think the writers on this show would maybe come up with some more interesting things for these characters to do than spin in circles?
@bristler and I watched on Friday night, and just this morning over breakfast had a good conversation about the first four episodes of the new season now that they have settled in our brains a bit. We concluded that the writing (often noticeably clunky, like the dialogue is responsible for more narration than usual) and the tone (aggressively wacky) feel really off, especially compared to the prior season. I think we diagnosed the big issue, which is that Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda are by far the most talented actors on this show (if you disagree, fight me in the parking lot) and it feels surprisingly unfortunate that their characters have, to this point in the new season, pretty much figured out their perspectives on each other. No matter how people feel about Grace and Frankie’s sexualities, the whole show has been about them finding each other and getting in deeper and deeper, and it’s less interesting to watch other characters have realizations about that than it is to watch Grace and Frankie having realizations about themselves. If the title characters are now limited to reacting to other people’s actions, and the title characters are played by the best actors on the show, the whole show’s gonna suffer. And is suffering, very much so, at least for these first four episodes. I’m definitely still excited for the final twelve in 2022 (twelve! I cannot believe this season will have sixteen eps!), but I’m pretty disappointed so far.
Stuff I Loved:
The family brunch. These families have been entwined for so long, and the backstory for this particular brunch was so fun (even though I didn’t care for the effects they did to depict Grace and Robert 25 years ago; there was no need for a visual flashback in the scene). I love that Grace hit Frankie with a wiffle ball bat. I love that the two couples realized some of the emotional reasons behind their decisions to lie to each other about Bud’s Bunny and about M’Challah. I love the way Jane Fonda sounds uttering the phrase “Bud’s Bunny” with little to no irony. I love that Grace is able to recognize and articulate just how deep and miserable her anger issues were, albeit with the continued help of her omnipresent martini, and that Frankie told her she’d now make up a holiday in order to spend more time with Grace. I really, really hope Frankie does exactly this at some point in the remaining episodes of the season. I love that Grace is generally a pretty good person now, with aspirations of being a delightful person. I love that she and Frankie don’t have it in them to stay angry with each other, and I love all the evidence that they really, really talk to each other about everything now.
Frankie talking to the man at the office (I don’t remember who he was supposed to be? A toilet manufacturer? I didn’t mention this before, but I actually got pretty high while watching?!? Believe it or not, this was the first time I smoked pot and watched Grace and Frankie at the same time despite having enjoyed both activities on their own for quite some time. I would recommend the combo! And I think I still pretty much got what was happening) about paying for the toilet parts with candy. This whole subplot with the money laundering was absurd and not that interesting, but I loved this particular scene because it was finally evidence of some really thoughtful writing. The concepts aren’t enough! You have to write them into good dialogue! And the whole cash/candy thing was a moment of dialogue that only someone as hilarious as Lily Tomlin could pull off. Which she did, IMO.
In a show about super messy people, Coyote has stayed sober this entire time. He is sober, employed, in love, and preparing to buy a full-sized house with his partner. He hasn’t murdered anyone in his family. Hasn’t even attempted murder once.
In 2017 or whatever, Grace Hanson would have been furious about Frankie using obscure Beatles references like a treasure map when hiding the cash. But here in 2021, she cooperates and even gets in on the fun. The writing is very unsubtle this season, but that did feel like a reasonably subtle moment that shows how good of a partner she is for Frankie. (Platonic, of course! So platonic. Female friendship, amirite?)
Stuff I Did NOT Love and Felt Incredibly Negative About:
Brianna. I can only conclude that June Diane Raphael has decided she’s happy with playing a character whose primary role in life is to be hot and mean. She succeeds at being hot and mean, but I have reached my limit with this character. I realize we’re only a quarter of the way into the season, but I don’t think I can take another arc about her learning to compromise only to reveal to Barry that she never intended to compromise at all. At this point, it’s both abusive and boring. How?! The Grace/Brianna parallels aren’t interesting anymore, because one character has grown and the other is stagnant. I get that Brianna was raised in an emotionally stilted environment by two unhealthy people. But I think it would be very cool if she could learn something from her mother at this point. Grace has put a ton of effort into dealing with her “rabbit-killing, mad-at-the-world anger.” She’s put a ton of effort into figuring out what makes her happy, what she wants her life to look like. She’s even started accepting her age and abilities without shame. And that growth is believable; Grace is still short-tempered and she still slugs back way too many martinis and she struggles to articulate certain things, but she’s grown into a truly lovely human. And while, as a daughter with a mother, I can absolutely attest to the fact that it can be difficult and uncomfortable to learn lessons from one’s mother, Brianna really, really should. Grace spent decades letting anger and shame trap her in a small, miserable life. Brianna—and even Mallory, who just seems like a vapid idiot this season—are traveling that same path, but there’s someone right there who could really help, maybe even more than Frankie helped when the Hanson girls were first growing up.
The arraignment. The scene might’ve been salvageable if it was filmed from Grace’s perspective, and filmed to reflect how surreal and improbable it all was. But speaking of non-linear progress, this scene erased everything Nick Skolka has done to put himself in my good graces (LOL) over the past couple seasons. I mean, I tried, man. I even wrote fic about Nick, Grace, and Frankie making a genuine effort at polyamory. But the arraignment is so emotionally manipulative, such a slap in the face of everything Grace has worked for, and while we’re certainly “supposed” to feel the weight of the moment, I mean, it’s not like we’re supposed to be like, “Oh, cool, we’re in a rom com now! This is adorable!” it still felt bad and unearned and slapdash.
And I want Frankie to process these things with her! Frankie seems so happy to have all this information about Grace and how Grace feels, but I want to see scenes in which we can gain an understanding of how Frankie actually feels. Hearing Frankie talk to other people about how Grace feels is interesting, but it’s like there’s no room in these episodes for us to learn anything new about Frankie herself.
Grace’s transitional wig. Is so. Bad. It is. Such a. Bad wig. Oof. I mean, I like what they’re doing with Grace’s hair from a plot perspective, although (see one bullet up) I would really like to get more of an understanding of what’s happening in Grace’s head, not just on top of her head. And gosh, Frankie would be a really good person to talk to about this in a conversation that lasts longer than 30 seconds. But the wig! She’s in a wig in all four episodes, of course, since Jane Fonda went grey and cut her hair short before they started filming this season. The wig for episodes 1 and 2 is fine; it’s a good approximation of Grace’s typical hair, and of course we know that canonically Grace’s hair isn’t 100% her own hair anyway. But the wig with grey roots looks so weird. The part that’s growing out doesn’t look the same as the hair on the wig from 1 and 2. And the grey roots look like a yarmulke. I cannot wait to get to the point in the season when Grace goes all the way grey.
(One more thing about the hair. I can’t let it go. I paused the show while we were watching to rant, but I’m not done.) I had the great privilege of seeing Jane Fonda in person at a protest in 2019. She is an insanely beautiful human. She was growing her hair out and it was partially dyed blonde and partially grey. It looked really cool. I am not ashamed to say I spent that day learning many things about the climate crisis and about Jane Fonda’s hair. Having seen her in real life with her real hair looking that fucking great, I just have a an extra-large grudge against everyone involved in that horrible wig. The wig is necessary, but it didn’t have to be this bad.
What Do I Care About Now?
I am pretty intrigued by the way Grace threw out her real age in a conversation with Nick and Elena. She has nothing to fear anymore! She’s so chill about aging! What could go wrong? I assume that Nick and Elena maneuvering for Nick to be on house arrest in Grace's house specifically has to do with the fact that Grace is 82. She’s gonna find out that Nick is allowed to be with her because she’s ancient and helpless and the court took pity. Or something like that. She’s going to feel betrayed on top of feeling stifled and overwhelmed by Nick’s presence. I want to see where this goes for sure.
Other than that, and other than the fact that I really do continue to believe this show is moving in a direction in which Grace and Frankie will choose each other, I feel very whatever about this whole thing. I love this show and I will always appreciate this show for giving me some incredible characters to spend years of my life writing about, and for bringing me some pretty amazing friendships. Speaking of those friendships, yesterday @ellydash and @telanu and I were talking about some of the incredible TV we’ve watched recently, like Ted Lasso and Hacks and Fleabag and Killing Eve, and how great it feels to watch beautifully written TV crafted by writers who are profoundly—organically yet intentionally—attuned to even the most minor character’s rhythm. The disappointment of these first few episodes of the new G&F season feels like a mild disappointment rather than a sharp heartbreak, and that has a lot to do with being deeply invested in other shows that could also go in all kinds of different directions but with writing I fundamentally trust.
Also Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are my forever faves and my appreciation for their performances and general awesomeness onscreen and in life is undiminished. So that’s pretty cool.
#grace and frankie#meta by me#grace and frankie s7 spoilers#a lesbian watches ted lasso#grace hanson is a gay disaster#except#she's not even a disaster anymore#she's totally fine and men keep bothering her!#frankie bergstein is a bisexual mess
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Any HC’s for Beej trying to pull all the stops to get the reader to get scared but it’s only when their parents come to visit that they lose their cool? Especially if the parents aren’t the most... accepting type?
as someone whose parents are DEFINITELY sticks in the mud, i have thought about this a LOT tbh!!! haha
you were always fun loving.
beej loves that about you!
his scares would never work on you- when he’d jump out of a corner or pull a snake out of your hair you’d just laugh and laugh
sure, he likes to scare people, and sometimes wished he could actually scare you, but your smiles are even better than your screams
that sounded creepy when he put it like that-
he still attempts to scare you anyways, the both of you finding it to be a game of sorts after a while
one day, though, you’re having your parents over. they wanna see you after months of not doing so
you tell beetlejuice that he’ll have to sit this dinner out and go invisible- your parents are not the type to like or understand ghosts
he complies, though the fact that you mentioned your parents are hardasses sticks with him
by the time your parents come over- 6 PM on a crisp fall night, the sun already almost gone in the sky- beej hatches an awesome plan
might as well give them a scare if he can’t scare you!!!
it isn’t necessarily....malicious, it’s just him. he likes to spook people, it’s sorta his thing as a demon and he misses the sound of screams from a successful scare
the time comes, you and your folks blissfully unaware sitting at the dinner table
talking about some mundane stuff like work
it’s a snorefest.
suddenly, the side dishes of mashed potatoes your parents are tucking into are slammed into their faces
not hard enough to harm them of course, but enough to absolutely coat them in the stuff
this is the first time you scream because of one of beej’s pranks.
but it’s more of an angry yell than a full out scream- you only are taken aback for a second before knowing it’s beej behind what just happened
he throws silverware around, your parents now startled, and yelling
chaos reigns!!!!
more food and even plates get thrown around and only after you scream at beetlejuice to stop does he actually do so
your parents, enraged, demand for you to tell them what’s going on, and as they’ve always been...fundamental, you can’t necessarily say that a demon had just done it
no, they assume that themselves, yell at you to get a priest and “stop dabbling in the occult” (what?), and storm out after properly wiping their faces down
you sit in a mess, among strewn silverware and smashed plates
beej sheepishly reveals himself and starts with something but you’re so furious you just tell him not to bother before you make your way to your room, making a point to slam the door
panic and stress....aint it the best...?
he gives you time to cool off before sliding a very messy looking apology letter under your door
it takes you 20 minutes to even get up to read it but when you do, the writing is nearly illegible
still, you can make what he’s saying out.
“baby, love of my lyfe, im sory :( i thoght itd be funni 2 scare ur folks....it waznt. ily im sory”
he could never spell well so he resorted to text speak wherever he could, but the sentiment makes your chest squeeze a bit
he did wrong. but at the same time he wasn’t trying to be intentionally inflammatory- you never talked about your parents much besides the fact that they were “strict”, so maybe he didn’t assume they were such raging assholes either
after calming yourself down a little more you eventually call him to your room and he bounds over to you, hair a mess of purple, and you sigh and stroke your hands through the tangle of hair
“please listen to me next time, i wasn’t trying to give you the idea to scare them,” you grumble at him, and he promptly nods
“i’m sorry,” his voice is quiet and in those yellow eyes of his is something you don’t like at all. fear. he told you a bit more about his mom than you did yours, and you knew how juno would ...chide her son whenever he messed up
you don’t want to do the same as her, and you bring his head down by pushing on the nape of his neck and kiss his forehead, rubbing his back with one of your hands
“it’s okay. i love you bug, just try to keep the pranks targeted towards me, okay?”
it’s his turn to kiss you, pressing a peck against the top of your head as he pulls you into a hug
“okay, baby.”
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life is but a dream ☁
HBD TO @andysmountains HERE YOU ARE, FRIEND. SHRINKYCLINKS 4 LYFE.
“Beg for it.”
The phrase bounces around in Bucky’s brain like a pinball, off different sides, rolling around the curvature of his skull. His eyes are open, but his vision is a little hazy, can make out Steve’s slim backside as it hovers over Bucky’s angry erection, his amused but hot facial expression. Steve lets go of Bucky’s dick, smacks his hand down hard on his stomach instead, “Gone on me already, honey?”
All Bucky can do is groan pathetically.
“No, n-no, I…fuck, baby I—”
Steve chuckles, grabs for Bucky’s dick again, reaches around and holds it in his fist.
“Look at that—show Bucky Barnes your boy pussy and he gets all stupid.”
Fucking hell.
Steve holds Bucky steady in his hand, lowers his ass just enough to slip the tip of Bucky’s cock into his warm wet cunt. The brunette exhales roughly, fingers digging into the sheets beneath him, elbows holding him up going shaky. Steve lets out his own hot noise, a pleased rumble that makes Bucky happier than it should, but he doesn’t make any indication of lowering any more, of sheathing Bucky’s cock within him fully.
“Come on, Buck. I told you to beg for it. I suggest you beg for it before I just fuck myself on the dildo I know damn well is in that bedside table drawer of yours.”
Damn Steve Rogers and his tight little ass and authoritative voice.
“Stevie, baby—"
“Hands, Buck.” Bucky growls and throws his hands down, digs them into the mattress, picks up like he hadn’t made a mistake.
“Fuck, sugar come on, wanna feel that sweet pussy eat me up,” he licks his lips, gives Steve that heated look that strikes him right in the dick before continuing, “Know you love feelin’ full, know I stuff ya up so well, know you can come on my cock a good two, three times.”
Steve clicks his tongue, takes his hand off Bucky’s cock, the flared angry head being held inside of Steve by the tight grip of his ass alone. Steve turns around fully, small frame fitting beautifully between Bucky’s lewdly spread thighs, dick nestled between the cheeks of that peach of an ass.
“Wrong tactic, doll. I said ‘beg’, not ‘convince’. I know what I want but I need you to beg…”
Steve circles his hips in such a sensual and slow way it makes Bucky bite back a whine, makes him feel a little hypnotized by the sight of himself inside of Steve. His lithe form tilts forward a little, gives Bucky a perfect fucking view of his own dick pressed tight into Steve’s cunt, makes him bite out a curse. But when the blond begins to pull off, hitches his hips up and forward in warning, the bitten-off whine punches through Bucky’s clenched teeth.
“Fuck, I want it, want it so bad, Stevie, wanted it since you spread those little legs and told me to eat, wanna feel that sweet pussy, wanna come in that pussy, please I—”
Steve sinks halfway down, swallows him in one go, makes Bucky shout and toss his head back. He hears Steve groan, knows the smug smirk that is on his face without even needing to look at him, Bucky gasping when Steve raises and lowers himself to that halfway point on his cock two, three times.
“That’s good, Buck. You’re almost there. Tell me what else you want.”
Bucky groans. “Fuck, honey wanna touch you so bad, bein’ so mean to me—”
“You love it, Buck—hush.”
“Come on, sugar come on, please. Wanna feel that pussy, wan’you to come, wan’you to use this cock, wan’you to use it to make you come, yeah yeah yeahyeah oh fuck.” Bucky can’t even finish his own thoughts, finish his plea, Steve finally showing him mercy and sinking down onto his cock to the hilt. Somehow, Bucky’s elbows are still holding him up and he almost goes cross-eyed at watching and feeling Steve’s sweet little ass fit beautifully over his dick.
“Ohh, Buck see what happens when you listen, big guy? Huh? Feels so good, you’re so big, stretchin’ my little pussy out, oh,” Steve’s voice is somehow firm but breathy, that tight whiny lilt to it that drives Bucky crazy, makes him hot all over. He goes to beg some more, wants to touch, but Steve is moving, slow and slick, rolling his hips, pumping them over Bucky in such a devastating way.
“Babyyy, oh fuck yeah, goddamnit, Stevie feel so fuckin’ good, shit just look at ya,” Bucky praises, voice going dark and low as he watches Steve’s ass bounce up and down slowly, watches the blond turn his head and look back at him with those fucking eyelashes. He knows his Steve loves praise, loves being told he’s pretty and that he’s making Bucky feel good, that he’s driving Bucky wild. Bucky knows it’s coming, knows that Steve is going to say something along the lines of “Yeah, Buck? Feels good?” before he even says it.
“Oh, Buck feels so good? Yeah? Tell me.” Close enough.
Bucky swallows loudly, takes a few shaky breaths, Steve choosing to use the time to move and adjust his legs to where he’s sitting on top of Bucky and not between his legs. He can’t help but whine a little at this new position, how spread out Steve looks on top of him, his compact form looking larger than normal, but still so small on top of Bucky’s thick waist, thick thighs. The new position spreads Steve wide, Bucky able to see—
“Fuckin’ hell, Stevie make me feel so good all the time, I’ll never get tired of you and this sweet lil’ ass and that mouth and those eyes and fuck I’m so gone for ya, Stevie doll. Lemme touch, lemme touch ya, baby please.”
Steve moans, head lolling back between his shoulder blades as he rolls and grinds and just takes what he fucking wants. He makes a noise, one that sounds like a strained “Uh-uh”, leans his arms forward to rest his hands on Bucky’s thighs, pulls and drags his cunt up and down Bucky’s cock a little more, so pretty. Steve rides dick like a pro, knows how to work a cock like a porn star, knows how to come from it, knows how to tease and torment Bucky on top. And that’s fortunately unfortunately one of Steve’s favorite things to do.
Bucky has been on the edge of coming for almost an hour now, dick hard and teased and leaking and angry ever since Steve shoved his pants down and whispered in Bucky’s ear how he’d spent all day thinking about Bucky eating him out. “You treat my little pussy so well, Buck, been thinkin’ about it all day. Touched myself and everything. Gonna give that to me now.” It hadn’t been a question and it made Bucky weak and hot all over, such a fucking sucker for a bossy Steve.
Bucky hadn’t known that Steve was in a mood though, one that entailed keeping Bucky from his pleasure, one that entailed not letting Bucky come. A mood that included eating Steve’s sweet ass out over the coffee table, Steve sucking him off on the living room floor, and opening the blond up against his bedroom door. A mood that Bucky knew would bring him close to tears and get him spittin’, one where he’d have to fight to come, one that he’d hate that he loved so much.
“Ohh fuck, Bucky love this cock. This my cock? Huh?” Steve asks as he bounces his lower half, riding Bucky’s cock in a way that makes his toes curl and his breaths get caught in his throat. He can’t take his eyes off of Steve’s ass, on the movement of it, up and down, up and down, of the way his cock keeps disappearing inside of the smaller’s body. He can hear the squelch of Steve’s ass, can feel how wet he is, feels like an actual pussy—
“Asked you a question, James.”
“Yeah yeah, baby s’yours, course that cock is yours, all yours,” Bucky breathes out as he lets his elbows collapse, lets his head hit the mattress, lets himself feel. Steve clicks his tongue again and Bucky doesn’t need to be looking at Steve to know that noise is directed at him. “Eyes, Buck watch. Watch me fuck myself on this cock’a yours.” Bucky whines but complies, leans up again to find Steve looking back at him, pretty lips red, eyes darker than normal. “Atta boy…” Steve chides, bouncing harder, picking up his pace, Bucky biting his bottom lip as to not sound like a little bitch for being fucked so well.
“This cock may be all mine but fuck if this ain’t your boy pussy, Buck.”
Fuck.
He knows this tactic, knows that Steve loves seeing him suffer a little bit, knows that Steve is very aware of what talking about Bucky owning him does to him. He bites out another curse, curls his toes, hooded eyes jumping with every bounce of Steve’s ass. He can hear the other man’s breathing pick up, hear those delicious little whimpers, knows that his cock has to be so close to grazing that sweet spot.
“This pussy loves your fat cock, baby, loves it, s’hungry for it all the time, so greedy,” Steve tells him, voice low and hot, whimpers in between words, and Bucky damn near shouts when he hears those sweet words hit his ears while watching Steve lean a little more forward and grind and roll and slow his movements down to a pace that should be fucking illegal. Watching the stretch of where they are connected is more than erotic, Steve’s slick cunt holding onto Bucky’s cock in a tight grip, his little hole all stretched and pink and taking Bucky like it was meant to.
Steve moans, whines, pressing back into Bucky’s lap with a soft, “Buck…” and he knows what that means.
“Oh fuck, sugar give it to me, give it to me, come on,” Bucky groans, feels his own core clench up at the sight of Steve coming apart and when the smaller man literally hike a leg up and turn around on his cock, he wails. Unbelievable, Bucky is a blessed man, one lucky motherfucker, those thoughts having approximately .2 seconds to race through his mind before Steve is moving, mouth running.
“Wanna come, s’cock is gonna make me come, Bucky. You gonna make me come, big guy? Come all over those fuckin’ tits?” Steve’s voice bounces with each movement of his lithe form, hands pressing into Bucky’s thighs behind him, fucking himself on Bucky’s cock at that specific angle he knows makes Steve crumble. When the blonde’s eyelashes flutter as he lets out a feminine moan, Bucky groans, clenches his gut, dick twitching.
“Baby, lemme touch lemme help, please,” he begs and there’s less resistance this time, Steve nodding his head but gritting out, “Not my cock,” because he is a whore for coming hard on Bucky’s cock alone. Bucky can’t move his hands fast enough, reaches up to grasp at Steve’s hips, makes him stutter forward, hands landing on Bucky’s chest. He’s desperate now, they both are, but Steve’s movements are sloppy, are just to reach the point of orgasm, to crest over that euphoric wave. Bucky uses his grip to drag Steve back and forth on his cock, so fucking deep, and the force of the movement makes Steve sob.
“Bucky, baby oh you’re gonna make me—”
“Fuck yeah, sugar gimme what’s mine, want it,” Bucky growls, wishing he were forcing the words out onto Steve’s lips, directly into his ear. His hands push and pull, it’s frantic and messy and Steve’s hand is reaching for his own cock, fucking his fist with vigor when he spits out, “Don’t you dare fucking come.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
He has no choice but to nod his head, make a sad noise, feels his own core clench up at Steve’s words, the feeling of being so completely and utterly fucked making him gasp and groan. Steve lets out a startled gasp or two, hand pumping, and he leans forward, presses a hand tight onto Bucky’s neck, and—
“Fucking Christ, Steve.”
With another wail of a noise Steve is coming, coming hard, directing his dick down towards Bucky’s chest, and there isn’t a prettier goddamn sight than that, that’s for damn sure. Steve crumbles when he comes, goes weak all over, mouth slack and open just enough to get out his guttural moans. Bucky fights with himself, actively fends off his own orgasm while trying to bask in the eroticism of Steve’s own, hot come splattering across his chest, pooling down his neck, between his pecs.
“Holy shit, sugar oh god, prettiest fuckin’ thing in the whole goddamn world, look at’chu,” Bucky murmurs into Steve’s lips when he falls forward, presses into Bucky’s chest as he rides out the last waves of his orgasm. Bucky can’t help it, pushes his hips, fucks up into the little body on top of him a good few times, form shaking under the order to not come. Steve purrs, bites at Bucky’s chin tightly, brings a finger down to the mess on his chest, and back up to Bucky’s mouth.
Steve kissing lightly at Bucky’s cheek as he feeds him his come, shoving fingers into his mouth, makes Bucky damn near hysterical.
“Please…” he begs, voice trembling like his body is, sweat beading up on his forehead, cock aching while still nestled in Steve’s sweet boy pussy. Steve makes a soft noise, kisses at Bucky’s lips slowly yet chastely, and whispers, “I’ll let you know when I’m done with you, baby don’t you worry…”
SO MUCH FUN HOPE YOU ENJOYED. LOVE YOU.
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Angry af today. My check never even got sent out (tomorrow will be a week until NEXT payday) so I was short on rent, I barely have stuff for food and I don't even have an ETA on my check.
Honestly I'm just getting tired of this year. Not 2020. The several months even before all this other bullshit. I mentally pulled the trigger on 3/18 and I have just been trying to make any kind of ground since then 🙃 but all I've been doing is losing.
Just the story of my fucken lyfe
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If you still want requests could you do one of those hc symbols each for Mark, Bryon and Cathy PLEASE I love my angsty trio!! no rush or problem at all if you’re in over your head and decide not to xo
Mark:
☾ - sleep headcanon
this boy is always mumbling shit in his sleep
sleeps with one (1) pillow and one (1) blanket
doesn’t have sheets bc he thinks they’re pointless
★ - sad headcanon
he’s not really ever sad around others
he rather die than be caught crying in front of other people
at night, sometimes, he’ll think of his parents and cry silently
☆ - happy headcanon
most of the time when mark is happy, so is everyone else
he likes to make jokes when he’s trying to brighten someone’s spirits
gets really restless when he’s happy
☠ - angry/violent headcanon
short tempered tbh
when he fights, he fights to win
when he’s angry, he tends to say shit he doesn’t mean
■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon
his room is never clean
there aren’t many things he keeps tidied up
he puts money in his mattress
☮ - friendship headcanon
we been knew, but bryon is his ride or die
m&m is like his little brother
other than a handful of his friends, he’s grown up with all of them
♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon
likes to play (pool) with himself
is a master at party tricks. like, knotting cherry stems? this bitch can do it
he has this weird scar on his leg from when he was little. no one knows how he got it
☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon
he loves honey on biscuits
will gag if you use mayo around him
bbq-ing is his bitch
▼ - childhood headcanon
he was a mama’s boy when he was really young
had nightmares and wet the bed
has always been afraid of the dark
♒ - cooking/food headcanon
could eat a whole pack of hot dogs in one sitting
aside from bbq-ing, he literally has no idea how to cook
his favorite foods include: pulled pork sandwiches, hot dogs, and cantaloupe
ൠ - random headcanon
he looooooooves going out to where the old folks play bingo and pretending he won just to see how angry they’ll get
can do a really good impression of curly (the stooge, not the other one)
he thought he fell in love once, but the girl didn’t feel the same way and so now he thinks true love is a hoax created by hallmark to sell cards
Bryon:
☾ - sleep headcanon
stops breathing in his sleep sometimes
he’s a sleep sneezer
kicks in his sleep
★ - sad headcanon
the saddest he thinks he’s ever been through was when he was 5 and his dog died
when he’s feeling sad, he just takes a nap
isn’t afraid to go to his mom with problems bc he knows she’d know what to do
☆ - happy headcanon
once, when he was little, he got so excited that he peed himself
energy courses through this dude’s body when he’s happy
has only cried bc of happiness once in his life
☠ - angry/violent headcanon
tries not to fight, unless he absolutely has to
knows he’s already halfway won a fight when he’s caused some bleeding
has some scars from fighting
■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon
his room is d i r t y
like where’s the floor, bro?
hates all chores, but his favorite is probs laundry bc when he was younger, he always got to pour in the detergent
☮ - friendship headcanon
markie mark is his bro 4 lyfe
he makes friends pretty easily, tbh
has lots of friends, but very few close ones
♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon
he really needs glasses, but would rather die than wear any
only uses bar soap
is a superb bowler
☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon
he loves when people get what they deserve
crop tops are a must
gags when he’s too close to broccoli
▼ - childhood headcanon
someone dropped a rock on his foot when was like 5 and now top of his right pinky toe is kinda missing
used to be able to do the splits
played t-ball in elementary school, but quit after his first game- when he got a black eye from the ball
♒ - cooking/food headcanon
strawberry ice cream is his favorite
puts ketchup on e v e r y t h i n g
could eat cereal for every meal and wouldn’t be disappointed
ൠ - random headcanon
does the macarena on every birthday with his mom
does some really cool magic tricks
can open a can of pop with his teeth
Cathy:
☾ - sleep headcanon
sleeps on her side mostly
has a stuffed bunny named mr. pickles that she sleeps with
can’t remember any dreams she’s ever had
★ - sad headcanon
she doesn’t like crying bc she gets all snotty and she thinks that’s the worst part
will only talk to her mom when she’s upset
has felt her heart break before
☆ - happy headcanon
she can never stop smiling when she’s in a good mood
doesn’t take much to make her happy- she loves the simpler things in life
when she’s so happy she doesn’t know what to do with herself, she giggles
☠ - angry/violent headcanon
it takes a l o t to make her mad
is very protective and will knock your block off if you mess with any of her siblings
when she’s mad, she grits her teeth ‘til her jaw hurts
■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon
she has a smaller house, which sucks for her and her siblings
she’s pretty tidy most of the time
if she’s rushing, though, she doesn’t care about the condition of her room
☮ - friendship headcanon
is very friendly and can make friends almost instantly
she has a tight knit group of friends that hangout 25/8
her and her friends have a hangout spot where only they can go
♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon
when she’s really bored, she could clean her entire house
is an expert at rummy and poker
she’s a nail-biter
☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon
loves to read
she doesn’t wear much makeup, but she loves the stuff
hates when people smack while chewing gum
▼ - childhood headcanon
she used to ride her bike everywhere
still has the diary she used in middle school
couldn’t do much mental math
♒ - cooking/food headcanon
doesn’t eat too much meat bc when she does, it gets stuck in her teeth
puts the chocolate topping stuff on popcorn at the movies
always eats toast for breakfast
ൠ - random headcanon
collects lipsticks
onions don’t make her cry
has won the science fair around 4 times
#that was then this is now#twttin#twttin headcanons#that was then this is now headcanons#mark jennings#bryon douglas#cathy carlson
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Flora Castelo for @slothseasims Miah
aspiration | musical genius
traits | music lover • family oriented • gloomy
~ Backstory ~
Flora and her younger brother Luiz grew up with nothing. A dirty, bare mattress lying on the floor, an always empty fridge, and the angry yelling from the hallway that could be heard throughout their small, one room apartment were memories that floated into her head every time she got tired from work. They were her motivation. When she’s bruised and sweaty from the odd construction job, covered in drool and juice from babysitting, or nursing a headache caused by angry customers at the coffee shop, she reminds herself of those days and swears she’ll never let her and her brother live like that again.
Despite all the part-time jobs and odd gigs that Flora seems to have, however, the money never stays long. Between bailing out Luiz from the county jail and the random calls she gets from her estranged mother asking for money, Flora’s dreams of financial stability are almost always out of reach.
~ Likes and Dislikes ~
likes | soccer (her and Luiz butt heads a lot but they’re always up for a game of football), any type of music (she’s been playing different instruments ever since she was a little girl, did marching band in high school, and dreams of opening a hand-made instrument shop), spicy foods (the spicier👌 the better), and the jokes on the wrappers of Laffy Taffy (Luiz makes fun of her for laughing every time)
favorite songs | Little Lover’s So Polite by Silversun Pickups, Todo Homem by Zeca Veloso, and Karma Chameleon by Culture Club (it’s a classic god dammit!)
favorite movie | Practical Magic (she’s a huge Sandra Bullock stan)
dislikes | the dark (she got mugged one time taking a short cut home from work, so now she always walks on the side of the street with the most people and the most light even though the walk is longer), abandonment (her father left when she was a teen and she’s never quite recovered from it, especially since she was the one who had to pick up the pieces of her family), pants (legit only owns 2 pairs — $KIRTS 4 LYFE)
Sorry I’m so late to the party! I’m new to Tumblr and a longtime anon lurker so this took me awhile, but I had a lot of fun creating her in CAS and coming up with a backstory. Happy Simming! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
(p.s. there’s more pictures and fun facts under the cut cause I created Luiz for funsies and I’m highkey proud my BOI)
Flora and Luiz rooting for Brazil. I like to imagine they’re shouting Portuguese expletives at the T.V.
Luiz Castello is a lvl. 16 fuck boi and he owns it. He’s on a first name basis with the officers at the precinct. Favorite subject in school is art and his favorite song is Stuck by Earth Gang. Loves his sister but doesn’t understand that his actions have consequences. He and his friends are the bane of the neighborhood watch. thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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Updates of my LYFE
I just turned 31 a few weeks ago... Yep, getting up there in the old age haha. I guess.... I feel as If I was born in the wrong era or just wrong time period. As i’m sure a lot of other people that feel the same way. I have 2 kids, Kaylin who is 17 almost 18 and Riley who just turned 5 a few days ago.... Kaylin is my stepdaughter but still my kid no matter what. I joined TikTok, well Musical.ly before it turned TikTok. Figured maybe that was I needed in my life, to make others laugh, a way to vent or have fun. It worked for a while. Decided to take a break from it to figure out whats wrong with me or whats going on with me.
I get angry so much quicker than normal, I am hating life right now, the fact that I’m STUCK up in the boonies. I MISS MY CITY, I MISS being able to WALK to stores or take buses, having places that I can actually go to without it being so far. I am not happy here, I’m not happy with my life, as much as my son should make me happy, and as much as it pains me, its not enough. I know, shitty dad, why doesn’t my kid make me the happiest person in the world.
My parents are back to drinking, yippee, should’ve known better that they would change for Riley. Ha, what a joke to believe that shit. I’ve always thought I was meant to do something better.... But in which direction was I meant to be better in. Alive or death? As my son is outside with my parents driving his little electric car, Kaylin in her room. I’m sitting on here venting or whatever it is I’m doing. All I can think of is, what life would be like for Leah ( My lady ), Riley and Kaylin.
Leah, i’m sure would get over it, probably call me a coward for ending my life, Kaylin, maybe cry for a bit but forget about me quickly, as I’m really not important to be in her life, even though I been in it since she was 6 years old. Riley is the one I worry about, what would he think of me as he grows up. That I gave up on him and me? That I don’t love him enough to stay alive. My parents, well who knows what they think. Maybe that I’m a coward, or the reason that I did it was an over exaggeration, I was making a bigger deal that it should be. Or that whatever reason I did it for was not the truth, as I hear all the time with how I grew up, how I got abuse, but yet they deny it. They Just want the past to be the past, let it go. I can’t let it go if they act like it never happened.
I love Riley so much, that Id die for him, just so he has a chance in life. Id do it infinity times over just to make sure he succeeds in life.
DO NOT WORRY!! I’m not gonna take my life, but I guess I’m stuck in a rat race right now. Can’t seem to get out of it, Like I’m being held back by something. Not sure what it is. I’m trying, like really trying to get a better job that would allow me to get out of this hellhole town and move towards the city.
Its funny though, I’m typing this as if anyone is gonna read this and send me a message and ask me, are you okay, i’m here for you, talk to me. or give me advice or maybe tell me something that might make me happier than I am now.
Sometimes I wonder.... If my parents died, would I be emotional over them? Would I feel that relief of weight from my shoulders? Would I be pissed because they died before owning up to their mistakes in the past. They drove Mike away, They drove Rachael away. They both left me with them. My drunk abusive father and mother. The different between my parents was the my dad was physically abusive, while my mom was mentally abusive.
My siblings..... I’ve always wondered, why didn’t they take me away when they had their own place. why wait till I graduated High School? Why wait till I was further damaged of Physically and Mentally abused. Probably why I am the way I am. But Leah says that no matter what, whether I was raised that way, If I keep the cycle going, I’m choosing it, that while I’m blaming them, I should be blaming myself for continuing. If I am to break that cycle of my past, I need to choose to go another route. As I’m typing this, I’m getting pissed off, because she is right but I can’t help it because THAT IS ALL I KNOW!!
Although, I don’t drink at all, maybe a celebratory drink, but other than that, Nope, nothing. Now, getting high off of Marijuana, that is different, I like that, cause I feel it calms me down. I’m not mad at anything or at least not thinking about it. Sometimes makes me think bout it, but in a way that makes me see it in a different view.
I don’t BEAT my son, now I may spank his butt for his behavior. But unlike how I grew up, I wouldn’t punch or headbutt or kick my son. That will happen when hes an adult. :D ..... Not funny? Too Soon? Y’all Snowflakes?
Well I should get off this now. type way to long, probably have more to talk about... Maybe I’ll publish this and write another one.
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100 Questions
I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.
1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan
2. How old are you? 31
3. What is your birth month? February
4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius
5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow
6. What’s your lucky number? 2
7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment
8. Where are you from? Canada
9. How tall are you? 5′4
10. What shoe size are you? 8
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.
12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.
13. Last person you texted? my dad
14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?
15. Last TV show watched? New Girl
16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge
17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!
18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.
19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.
20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha
23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)
24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)
25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out
26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha!
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.
28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.
31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.
32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.
34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.
35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.
36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.
37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.
38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.
39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.
40. Sexual orientation? Straight.
41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.
42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!
43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.
44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.
45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!
46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).
47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE
48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.
49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.
50. Left or right handed? Right
51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.
52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.
53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.
54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.
55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.
56. What color underwear? Grey.
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.
58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.
60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.
61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.
62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.
63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches
64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.
65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.
66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)
68. Favorite school subject? English and French
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.
71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.
72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.
74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!
75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?
76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times
77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.
78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.
79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.
80. How many piercings do you have? None.
81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.
82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.
83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA
84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.
85. What color are your eyes? Green.
86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.
87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.
88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me!
89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.
90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.
91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!
92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.
93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.
94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)
95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.
96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).
97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style.
98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!
99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.
100. Color of your room? Light grey.
I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers
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Herbology 101 | m.yg
Granted, this isn’t the worst thing he’s making you do.
firewitch!yoongi/suga
genre: fluff, comedy and Harry Potter eat your heart out.
word count: 1.7k
A/N: back by popular demands, your adventures with firewitch!yoongi/suga continues.
In relation to this.
It’s settled.
You have never felt more uncomfortable in your life until now.
In fact, you think the word uncomfortable is an understatement to what you’re currently feeling right now. It’s so bad that your body is literally refusing to function and you’re left to sit there as if frozen in time.
“If that’s your impression of a garden gnome then you’re doing a pretty good job.”
Your eyes dart over to the gruff voice halfway across the greenhouse and if looks could kill, you would bury him ten feet under the ground by now. You’re about to retort with a snide comment but immediately stop when a buzzing noise whizz by too close to your ear. The force of your flinch nearly knocks you off your stool as you, instead, let out a squeal of fear.
The corner of Yoongi’s lips twitch into a smirk as he watches you catch yourself and proceed to curl up completely on the seat, hands clutching onto the spray bottle in a death grip.
“Careful, I thought I told you to keep watch so they won’t try to sneak up on you.” He remarks off-handedly, going back to the task at hand.
“I am! Blame those other…. things flying around! Don’t you guys have pest control?!”
“Y/N….” The slight worried change in his tone causes you to put a halt to your bantering and focus your attention to Yoongi who’s eyeing a mass of branches and vines warily. If it weren’t for the given circumstances, you would’ve ignored it because they’re just a bunch of plants. But no, you’re in Harry Potter world and these vines and branches are much more sprightly than they really should be.
“Yah!” You shout before promptly aiming the spray bottle at it’s large body mass. Whatever substance that comes out of it is enough to catch the plant creature’s attention because it whips around to face you, hissing and mouth agape in a poise ready to take a chunk out of you. You don’t hesitate to spray the bottle again, right into it’s open mouth full of sharp thorns and it jerks back almost instantly with another angry hiss. Thankfully, it thinks fighting you isn’t worth it because it retreats completely, slithering away to the outer perimeters of the greenhouse, away from you and Yoongi for now.
“Thank you~” Yoongi’s singsong voice is too cheery for a near life-death experience. Your shoulders are still hunched and stiff as your eyes whip back to the witch who’s casually inspecting granite coloured stones the size of pebbles.
“…What did I get myself into…” You groan out to yourself, feeling an on-coming headache.
“You made a deal with a witch and now you owe the witch a favour.” said witch supplies for you nonchalantly.
You glare at him. “It’s a rhetorical question.” You snip before continuing, “And following you around for an hour as your pack mule, carrying God knows what and occasionally paying for them myself doesn’t count as a favour? I went through a brick wall for you and now you’re making me fend off extremely poisonous plant monsters!”
“Stop whining, you brought this upon yourself.” Yoongi replies as he begins to sort through the pebbles. “Making you go through a brick wall is not the worst thing I can make you do. And,” He adds in quickly just to cut you off from bringing up the massive poisonous plant creature lurking in the greenhouse around you again. “The Venomous Hydra Hedera only gets moody when its ripe with seedlings, which makes getting them a chore and admittedly even dangerous to get on your own, but the bad ones—“
He holds up one of the pebbles that’s completely black in colour, “Are key ingredients to a lot of potions.” If it still wasn’t for the fact that he’s forcing you to be in the same room as said poisonous plant, you would’ve thought that his little impromptu trivia was cute. You can clearly see the delight shining in his eyes when he finds one or two of those bad ‘seedlings’ from the batch he’s sorting through.
“So that’s why you designated me, very unqualified normal human being, to be your literal weed killer.” You deadpan.
“They’re not weeds and you’re not killing them but yes if that’s what your human mind wants to compare it to.” Yoongi sighs as he hauls a case full of soil with the ‘good’ seedlings nestled in it and places them under a heating lamp on a shelf. “But you’re not dead yet are you? Like I said, as long as you did exactly as I say, it’s all good.”
You scoff, uncurling yourself off the stool and stepping down carefully onto the floor. You’re still on high alert, spray bottle at the ready as you eye the pulsating mass of vines and greenery that seems to be lurking anywhere and everywhere you look.
“Are we done here? Can I go home?” You almost plead once you’ve reached within arms length of the witch. Yoongi turns to you with a mild look of confusion. “It’s almost 4AM and I don’t know if witches get tired but lowly humans like me do okay?”
That makes him look down at his watch and lets out a noncommittal, “Ah.” He takes the spray bottle from you and you’d just about die from joy, taking it as a sign that yes he’s letting you go.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
….What?
“I— ….What?” You manage to blubber out. Yoongi blinks before nodding his head as if what he just said wasn’t bizarre at all.
“I said, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“N-No no I heard what you said but why? Did I not fulfill my end of the deal?"
“....Ah.” He says in realization, before giving you a wry smile. “Wow you actually thought this was ‘fulfilling your deal’, that’s cute.”
You’re only left to stand there, mouth hanging open in disbelief and astonishment. “What do you mean by that?!”
“Well, when you summoned me, you basically made a blood contract in the process.” Yoongi explains casually as he strides off towards the exit of the greenhouse. You, having no other choice, follow after him as you take in his words and connect the dots. Pricking your finger….
“And since you said so yourself that I get to decide whatever I see fit in terms of fulfilling your end of the deal would be,” He continues, stopping in front of the door but you don’t have to hear him say the rest to know where he’s going with it and it makes you think that maybe it would’ve been better if you’d let that venomous whatever-it’s-called plant eat you when you had the chance. Either Yoongi doesn’t sense that you already know of your imminent demise or he’s having an absolute hoot at making you suffer, he says the words you’re dreading to hear anyways.
“I’ve decided on eternal servitude.”
You want to scream and shout and more importantly, wipe that smug ass grin off his pretty face. You can’t believe this; you’re basically his slave. He gets to boss you around and tell you to do whatever crazy shit he has planned just so that you don’t get turned into a frog! …. You know what, even that sounded a lot better than eternal servitude.
You’re just about to express as much when you see the witch’s face turn stony. It was a split second observation on your part and before you can really ask him what was wrong, you hear a distinct hissing. It happened so fast that you’re left winded and dazed by the end of the whole ordeal.
See, what happened was your brain registered the hissing sound as the poisonous plant monster you’ve been dealing with for the past hour or so, which your brain then equates to as, ‘danger! you should probably move.’ Only problem was was that your body was too slow to catch up to the warning (you blame the fatigue).
Luckily for you, a certain witch had been attentive enough to spot the slithering mass of vines long before it decided to strike. So it was very easy for him to pull you out of harms way and at the same time, dispense whatever substance was in the spray bottle to halt the venomous plant from causing either one of you harm. With its surprise attack foiled, the python-like plant gives one last irritated hiss before turning away, disappearing among the other foliage and greenery.
“Really should get rid of a head or two on that one…. “ Yoongi’s voice comes off as a rumble against your ear and it’s only then that you notice just how strangely warmer one side of your body is (and smells really nice). A furtive glance upwards confirms that ‘out of harms way’ just so happens to be uncomfortably close to Yoongi’s side. He’s staring down at you in return, eyebrows raised and perplexed.
You jump out of his hold so quickly you nearly stumble over your feet. Now everything feels too hot and stifling and the fact that you’re still in a greenhouse doesn’t help. You’re thankful when Yoongi opens the door, letting the much cooler air seep in but you know it does nothing to quell the heat still lingering on your cheeks.
“So, see you tomorrow then?” He repeats, holding the door for you. He doesn’t make to comment on what happened or the state of your flushed face. He doesn’t have to because one look and you can already see the amusement dancing in his eyes and you already know that he knows what answer you’re going to give him; he’s just teasing at this point.
So in a last ditch effort to not giving him the satisfaction, you turn away with a huff and stomp off, not bothering to reply at all. Unfortunately for you, Yoongi doesn’t leave your mind even well after you’ve arrived home and buried in the comforts of your bed.
You can already picture his smug smile even without him being there, which only succeeds at making you more irritated because damn it he still got the last laugh.
He irritates you to no end; from his emotionless, deadpan gaze to the smug grin he has and not to mention how you swear he takes great pleasure in making you suffer.
Which makes it all the more shocking when you find yourself lulling off to sleep by the scent of cinnamon, spices, and burnt out candles.
Plant Lyfe.
#yoongi x reader#suga drabble#yoongi drabbles#bts scenario#bts drabbles#bts scenarios#witch!yoongi#firewitch!yoongi#min yoongi drabble#suga scenario#suga x reader
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why is he your friend?
author’s note: i haven’t been writing fics for ages, at least not on tumblr because of life. i missed it, though. and dear even hansen pulls me right back in that i just [clenches fist] anyway. tree bros are #lyfe, even if i disagree with the name a little aha.
ps: anyway if you haven’t read jump, i fucking 100% recommend it.
Evan likes everything about Connor.
Well, no. Not really. That’s not true. Sometimes Evan really doesn’t like it when Connor gives that glare? That hateful glare, you know? That makes his blue eyes turn — sharp. Like knives. Like it could cut you. Like Evan could feel it everywhere down his skin and it’s. God. It’s awful, like Evan’s stomach would twist and turn and wishes he could just tell Connor to stop. Don’t do that to him. What did he do wrong? What did he fuck up this time? Or when Connor fights with Zoe. He’s so. Terrible. It’s so terrible. The way they talk. And sometimes it makes Evan feel so— so angry. Because Evan doesn’t understand, even though he does.
No, he understands that Connor is lonely and afraid and—he. He gets it. Not like how Evan feels, but the spectrum of their sadness is almost on the same level, and Evan — Evan at least knows it, and he gets that, but he’s still. Angry. Because. Connor shatters a lot of this image of Zoe in Evan’s head that he’s made up and that’s not cool but it isn’t Connor’s fault and why would Evan ever think Zoe’s so immensely perfect anyway when she really isn’t, because she’s human, because if she is perfect, then that’d be weird and wouldn’t that make her, like a robot? And what is the definition of perfect anyway? And it’s all strange and why do they even exist, and why does it even matter and—
Off topic.
But. Evan generally likes Connor. Not when he’s glaring or arguing or sneering or — or when he’s high. Because Connor’s level of angriness shoots up really badly when he’s not focused and there, and. He gets paranoid a lot and one time he gets really angry and it’s scary, and Evan really couldn’t remember much except his lungs can’t work well when Connor was staring at him like that, like knives were digging into Evan’s whole body and he feels like he could explode and melt all at the same time (in a very bad way, of course, and not in a gay way because Evan is not gay, because Evan is in love with Zoe and not Zoe’s brother) and Connor was seething about. About something. Maybe about Zoe. Or Larry. Or Cynthia. Evan couldn’t remember, but he’s apologising, Evan's saying sorry and Connor is still so mad, oh no, Evan wants to reach out, wants to soothe this whole mess but he’s making it worse because why wouldn’t he, because he’s such a mess himself, and why would Connor even care and—
A week later, Connor’s sprawled over (or on?) Evan on his bed and it’s weird and it’s — Connor’s heavy, heavier than Evan expects — and he’s crying, a little, saying he’s sorry and, “My drug dealer fucking punched me later, that piece of shit.” And Evan doesn’t get it, not really, but all he knows is that they might be okay, and Connor explained more that he’s sorry. He’s sorry that he fucked up. That he’s — crazy. And no, Evan was telling him, no he’s not. Not crazy. Just a little sick, maybe. Like Evan is. And Evan was so scared that Connor will punch him for categorising them on the same level, but all Connor did was snort-chuckle a little against Evan’s chest — where his snot and tears have all wet the area and Evan felt sticky and weird and was this okay? Was he breathing too hard? Was his chest too hollow that his bones felt like it’s prickling Connor back? — and stayed there. And maybe hummed. Like, he agreed. Which was crazy. Because in what world had Evan thought that Connor Murphy, the school’s resident delinquent and stoner, would ever agree with a lonely and pathetic loser like Evan?
“Anyway. Point is.” Connor was still sniffling and Evan can feel it — swear to God — just everything , every little movement, and it shook him to his core that they’re this close, that Connor wanted to be this close with Evan Hansen, the weirdest kid in school who hyperventilates on a daily basis like a goddamn career, and just. It’s weird. And it irked Evan a little that he’s not able to pick on his shirt, played with it, just do something — all he had was Connor’s own shirt on top of him (Connor’s own body and hair and everything, just everything) and he. All he’s left was to touch a little on the area of Connor’s shoulder. Petting. God, Evan’s a disaster. “I’m glad he did. One, I’m never gonna fucking buy anything from him again, fuck him. Second... I... I want to stop, anyway. Hansen. Fuck. I scared you, didn’t I? It—”
Connor was shaking his head, and again. Evan. Evan felt it. Everything. Suddenly it’s like Connor was so expressive, even if Evan can’t see his face. “I can’t scare you again. So I’m gonna stop. Probably.” And then slower, “Slowly.” Like it’s a promise. Like it’s an attempt. Like Evan mattered.
And all anxiety aside, Evan... just likes that moment.
Connor is — an enigma. A riddle that almost matches Evan’s own set of problems, but an entirely on a whole other world that Evan has yet to decipher. And Connor is nice. So, so fucking nice when he wants to be. He takes Evan to ice cream when he’s sad, and Evan take him to the park when Connor is sad. And Connor listens to everything Evan say even if he’s rambling! And sure, he calls Evan “stupid” or “weird” but never in a bad way, because whenever Connor would call him those, he smiles a little — this secret smile, the one look he sort of shares with Zoe, except it looks more dangerous and addicting to see because Connor literally sort of never fucking smiles — and Connor... Connor wants to be Evan’s friend, willingly, and not because their moms were conspiring for them to, and it just.
Connor makes Evan feels important. Sometimes even happy.
And it’s weird, because who would’ve thought? But Evan’s writing them all down anyway and printing them out because “Why is today a good day, Evan?” and the answer is: because Connor Murphy is my friend, and it couldn’t be truer and yeah, it makes Evan sounds so weird (and gay! a voice suspiciously like Jared claims) but who cares because it’s true it’s true it’s true it’s true and there’s so much to like about Connor anyway, so why wouldn’t Evan want to be around him, aside from the bad stuff that none of them could really help, but even with the bad stuff, Connor is improving and he shares more of those secret smiles and he talks to Evan openly and doesn’t deny that they’re friends in public and—
“Hey, you done?”
Evan spins to see Connor’s tall and thin stature leaning against the wall of the computer lab, and Evan feels nervous because it reminds him terribly of the incident nearly two months ago when Connor accused Evan of ganging up on him.
Despite having it already explained and Connor basically figuring out the rest of Evan’s problems (like the therapy and the anxiety and the friendlessness and the daddy issues) along the way of their odd friendship, it just... doesn’t sit entirely well with Evan. He’d upset Connor. And more importantly, he’d thought Connor was going to end him. Funny how things turn out.
Still, anxiety drapes over his shoulder and spikes up when he spots how Connor’s eyes narrow towards the printing machine hackling up Evan’s letter. Connor had promised he won’t read Evan’s letters if Evan wouldn’t allow it, but he’s sure Connor is thinking more bad things than to just rely on the trust. Still, he trusts. Meanwhile, Evan is just nervous that Connor would know.
God, Evan sounds so gay, doesn’t he?
And is he gay? He might be? Probably. Guys aren’t so bad, after all. And they aren’t much of a difference than girls. Just... erm, the private parts, probably. But. Um. And Connor. He’s— he’s not displeasing to look, per se. And added with their friendship, Connor is... is nice. Nice to Evan. And insightful too, in many strange ways. Like the way he talks about the planets or his weird and totally unexpected obsessions over aliens. And he's serious. But not, at the same time. And Evan likes him. But does he like him like that?
“U-um. Yes. Almost. I— You don’t have to. Wait. Um. It’s not. It’s not that important, anyway. You can go to class, I don’t mind, or don’t. Not. If you don’t want. If classes are boring for you, and it must be, because, I mean. I don’t want to sound stereotypical, but we both know you don’t really like—”
“Hansen, shut the fuck up.”
Somehow, Evan grins a little at that, but he stops his rambling. Glad for it even. “You haven’t had your coffee, have you?”
“What the fuck do you think?” Connor groans, and thuds his head against the entrance, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose to ooze out his frustration. “Cynthia was being a nagging bitch, god I can’t fucking stand her.”
“I think your mother’s nice.” Evan admits thoughtfully, before he chews a bit on his lips. Frowns. “Y-your. Your dad. I don’t. He’s not very nice.”
“Really? Didn’t notice.”
Connor hadn’t sounded sarcastic — more so that he'd sounded monotonous and bored — but Evan sticks a tongue out at him anyway, which earns him another one of those secret smiles, and honestly. Honestly. Even if it’s not a good day, how can it really be that bad? If Evan can make someone look like that?
Connor hisses at his phone when he pulls them out. Evan assumes he's checking the time. “Is your letter done? We need to hurry.”
Thank God he isn’t snatching it away, Evan thinks, properly folding the letter from the printer to slide it in between his copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. He puts it in his bag and looks up to see Connor spying on them, his curiosity bleeding heavily through his expression that Evan has this weird imagination how he could trace them all out. Thankfully, Connor still doesn’t approach. Evan’s glad for it, really, but isn’t, all at the same time, because he can sort of guess what Connor must be thinking and he doesn't like it.
“Fuck.” Connor’s hands in the pocket of his worn jacket moves — Evan think he's curling them into fists — and Evan watches how his blue, blue eyes slide elsewhere, glaring a little. “You writing creepy shit about my sister again, Evan?”
“What! No. Not at all. No — why would you — I mean. No.”
“You fuckin’ sure?” Connor raises a brow and Evan busies himself by checking that the door to the computer lab is shut completely, his other hand’s quick to play with the hem of his shirt. He swallows, nodding vigorously. “Y-yes. Yes. Of course.”
Of course. God. How could he possibly be writing about Zoe, no matter how nice or sweet or how caring she was, when sometimes Connor Murphy overwhelms him. Especially recently. “In fact... maybe one day I want you to... to read them.”
“What?” Connor’s immediate response is quick, startling. Evan is surprised his whole bones haven’t jumped out of his body just yet.
Evan finds his voice. “R-read them? I want you to... It’s. Um. Special. But not — today’s no — Not yet, I don’t. Um. One day I want you to read them and tell me what you think even though it’s weird and I’m sorry if it is but I trust you, Connor, and that’s cheesy, but I do, but it’s important to me, a little, or a lot, I don’t know, but maybe one day if you want, but if you don’t want that’s okay too, it’s perfectly fine, because I’m weird and sweaty and a loser and—”
“What did we say about shutting up, Hansen?”
“That I... should practise it?”
“Yeah, and fucking breathe, will you? Geesh.” Connor puts a gentle hand at the back of Evan’s shirt, reassuring, and Evan almost splutters a ‘sorry’ except Connor threatens to kiss his mouth while his own is filled with cigarette smoke and that. Ew. That isn’t hygienic at all. “Shit. So the letter... It’s about me?”
“K-kinda.” Connor tenses, and Evan follows suit. “Is that — is that okay? I won’t. I won’t show it to anybody. J-just the doctor. You... you know this, Connor.”
“I do.” Connor breathes, and runs a pale hand down the messy strands of dark brown hair. He repeats: “I do.” And then, “It’s fine. As long as... yeah. Whatever. You didn’t, like. Talk shit about me, did you?”
“No.” Evan finds himself smiling for some reason, and catches Connor’s eyes. “Just good stuff, promise.”
“Yeah, as if I have those.”
Evan doesn’t answer, but they both know he's silently disagreeing.
Connor breathes.
“S’fine. I’ll read it one day. If you show me.” The taller of the two gives a look, and Evan almost beams! Connor smirks, and the blue in his eyes are soft. Kind. Unlike when he’s glaring. And Evan finds himself liking them. Connor doesn’t glare as much now, and it’s. It’s breathtaking. Almost. And the smirk. God. "Guess I have something to live for now, huh?”
Me too, Evan doesn’t disagree.
PS: if you want to send in prompts so I could write more about these two, feel free! also posted over here.
#tree bros#evan x connor#connor x evan#evan hansen x connor murphy#deh fanfic#i cant believe i've started writing again#IM SO DEEP INTO THIS YOU GUYS AHHH
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Girl... oh my... but I’ll do it because bored...
1. What is you middle name? I don’t have one
2. How old are you? 22
3. When is your birthday? Dec 7th
4. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius
5. What is your favorite color? Green
6. What’s your lucky number? 42
7. Do you have any pets? Not of my own technically
8. Where are you from? Pennsylvania
9. How tall are you? 5′4″
10. What shoe size are you? 9
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I have quite a few heels but about 3 pairs I wear regularly
12. What was your last dream about? Shawn
13. What talents do you have? I am quite literally talentless
14. Are you psychic in any way? Nah
15. Favorite song? Red Dirt Road by Brooks and Dunn or In My Head by Brantley Gilbert
16. Favorite movie? Pearl Harbor
17. Who would be your ideal partner? It Shawn
18. Do you want children? Yes at least 2
19. Do you want a church wedding? Probably but I don’t know
20. Are you religious? In my head yes actively go to church... no
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I mean I’ve been arrested but got out of it.
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? I’ve literally only met NASCAR drivers
24. Baths or showers? Showers
25. What color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing socks
26. Have you ever been famous? No
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? HELL no
28. What type of music do you like? Country, soft rock
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Unfortunately no... -cough cough- @moderndaytruckersson we were supposed to
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
31. What position do you usually sleep in? Side, fetal position
32. How big is your house? Average?? I don’t know
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Leftovers LOL
34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes
35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes
36. Favorite clean word? Kennebunk
37. Favorite swear word? Cunt or fuck
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? ~72 hrs
39. Do you have any scars? Yeah but just from me being klutzy
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Like on here sure
41. Are you a good liar? No
42. Are you a good judge of character? I think I am
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I can do a killer Indian accent
44. Do you have a strong accent? No
45. What is your favorite accent? Never thought about it... I love the way Shawn says about so sorta Canadian-ish?
46. What is your personality type? Annoying
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Prom dress maybe??
48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes
49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie
50. Left or right handed? Right
51. Are you scared of spiders? FUCK YES
52. Favorite food? Nugz r lyfe
53. Favorite foreign food? Mexican
54. Are you a clean or messy person? In between
55. Most used phrased? What to heck
56. Most used word? Fuck probably
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 10-20 minutes
58. Do you have much of an ego? lol no I hate myself
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck for a while then get mad and bite
60. Do you talk to yourself? Yes
61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes
62. Are you a good singer? lol No
63. Biggest Fear? Dying alone
64. Are you a gossip? ??
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Pearl Harbor
66. Do you like long or short hair? Long on me
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yes
68. Favorite school subject? Science
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Ambivert more so Introvert lately though
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no
71. What makes you nervous? being alive
72. Are you scared of the dark? no
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
depends on the severity of the mistake74. Are you ticklish? yes
75. Have you ever started a rumor? no
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? not like an important authority
77. Have you ever drank underage? yes
78. Have you ever done drugs? weed?
79. Who was your first real crush? I honestly can’t remember
80. How many piercings do you have? Just ears
81. Can you roll your Rs?“ no
82. How fast can you type? Moderately fast?
83. How fast can you run? Not very fast
84. What color is your hair? Brown
85. What color is your eyes? Green/gray/blue
86. What are you allergic to? Pineapple
87. Do you keep a journal? No
88. What do your parents do? They’re both nurses
89. Do you like your age? It is what it is
90. What makes you angry? People
91. Do you like your own name? no
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Yes and no... I can’t decide tbh
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Boy but I’d be happy with a healthy child
94. What are you strengths? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
95. What are your weaknesses? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
96. How did you get your name? My mom liked it
97. Were your ancestors royalty? Naw
98. Do you have any scars? .... we asked this already
99. Color of your bedspread? blue
100. Color of your room? blue
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Tagged by @tora42, and I’ll tag anybody who wants to talk about books!
1. What is your favorite book of all time?
The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. I am torn between being so angry that I didn’t write it and so relieved that I didn’t have to.
2. What are you currently reading?
The Good Fairies of New York by Martin Millar.
3. Have you ever thought about writing a book?
I have a nearly completed urban fantasy novel that is almost ready to query and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
(I also have multiple other projects going.)
4. What’s your favorite series?
The Dresden Files,the Temeraire series, and the Raven Cycle are some of my faves. Tamora Pierce’s Tortall novels and the Harry Potter series both hold special, formative places in my heart also.
5. What is a book you want to read?
I really need to get Holly Black’s stuff.
6. What’s in your Tbr pile?
It’s out in the living room and I’m too lazy to go look but Charles deLint is in it, along with the Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland and lots of other things. I have a weakness and it’s second hand book shops.
7. Who are your favorite fictional characters?
Honestly at this point in my life all of my favorites are mine and my friend’s ocs.
8. Favourite Ship?
Uh, same as above. Tom/Cathal 4 lyfe.
9. Open the first page of the book closest to you and write down the first paragraph.
“Dinnie, and overweight enemy of humanity, was the worst violinist in New York, but was practicing gamely when two cute little fairies stumbled through his fourth-floor window and vomited onto the carpet.” --the Good Fairies of New York, by Martin Millar
10. What was the first fandom you were in?
God, I don’t even know. I’ve never been super involved in fandoms, just kind of lurking around the edges. It was probably Harry Potter.
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flaffer: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1aae79b7894eeed859160055d1c796df/tumblro56qs2EbjY1v9i9i6o11280.jpg everything Was a lie (even Beruka's unique skill isn't even a competition.Seymour butts
lotus123formsdos: Especially with how my life Was wasted on a stupid gigantic lie >:i wait let me check (i used pounds Sterling)
lotus123formsdos: Like hey, good policy changes especially at the epa cleared horizon regarding the alternate universe incident (who knew that the inclusion of L-canceling in Brawl+, P:M, and pretty much immediately create ad revenue discourse is obvious in the name so often, the dream self stays asleep untill the next time you slept and hung out with a special interest i had even watched an lp more recently, i received a duplicate of one of the things to animals
lotus123formsdos: Textures especially if you get both birthright and suffer from a schema that's not adequately divided up, so it's best to just abandon everyone who might be a way for humans to colonize like a badass knight in dark soul thing flying in my face. draco comforted me. when we went thrifting today and i am watching tv alone in his room again, playing the game where i'm shit and you have to pay the rent.
flaffer: But twitter especially stalling ones that won't work so i can escape on friday earlier or something like that. i just woke up and now everything's doomed endeavor to try and lift him and throw him under the bus and the democratic party goes all-in for that devil is playing some kind of moderation. Inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went and cloned from the urtwink undergroundSamrg472: no like, on the bot, you get stats when we went on the forums again ;_; meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow lotus123formsdos meow meow meow meow meow meow meow sbnkalny meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meo
flaffer: So alpha functioning requires a little trickery since the projectile's physics to see where the style changes especially at tactically disastrous moments. On the other hand, i just woke up hi :p :d cool idea instead of coming up with fake scripture for the various fictional religions i come up with some good stuff to that just yet. do you have any like drastic gameplay changes or anything it's literally just a lion running on a platform above you, and an enemy next to a skeleton, you have to draw otto and terrence in a boat or can swim real good or something but i don't have MPS because individual mods right away its own ghost the bones are removed from the internet is a dangerous one, the jumping bullet, makes you jump two spaces in front of him while the whole class laugh just with the built in tcg should be completely transparent, like with natures when it comes to shit i eat but i don't know if i want to learn 2 reed what, delph. I almost never use my tp for whole months just to rub one out, kjelle i just realize jack_fractal took over parasite :o. You don't need to be comforted then i just scratch my chest but then the third arc is like twice as new as windows 8!" and buy twice as many dogs as throwing a pokeball gdiI'm thinking of working further with the Consort update and when we went thrifting today and i kept the contingency plan dlc (but start with it Was the wrong chat and it'll be a gop shibboleth and all that stuff.
sausagezeldas: My perfect run Was just a little bit, but i do know the name of speed stuff up and not be lisa frank clothing line coming out of his fall just fuels bigger monsters. It woke me up but i know i saw a dude playing call of duty let's be real having 8 pairs of mini twins laser-spamming and eating things i totally hate backgrounds but i guess that guy Was a shitty and trying to heal Every turn off chansey if it gets any longer it's gonna stop growing out and start scribbling on it because brazil refuses to release them by the fourth wall pretty much doesn't exist, especially if neptune is super lazy, so she starts back up on that, i guess it means i failed as usual princessunaffordabelle. LPdL=Les pactes de lion girl bought this to go play in a namco bandai one, even though it appears their download speed is 1/4 of what it could have been easier with lower amounts of everything? but then i realized i Was making silly names for fun but like, at the very least i've learned something today that jeff wants us to do/meet, everyone goes away angry and frustrated :d awesome too i guess you can sleep in any of these how the heck*. I almost thought i forgot my mobile today again...Sniping me from the inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went back in time to the tune of 60+ awake yet. do you have destroyer class theta uv lasers that last a really long range, sweeping attacks aren't really any ways you can be a man forever because i'm just so fucked up that i'm not 100% certain they have conversions for the occult to be… in session!”
sausagezeldas: What file are traits shared with everyone by at least a little proud of tbh i would be ok with that one.. Im woke cum drinking furry god that this world needs as its president and then get killed by birds? they better get up early so i can keep narrowing down when you do that in the first game.. Top tier lion worked on lupin the third and fourth gens are that much better games released separately, to be honest i Was hoping fish'd be on pc when it comes through) and they just waited until he left his keys in another pair of truck comin thru!!!. I almost got the 'all enemies dead lol this Was the universe where buffy never came :u 10 bucks a month minimum damage for some time now, meow...i remember post-nerf it could still be done in dks 1 M4D3 TH3 N3ND3R 2 N1CKN4M3 WH3N 1 M4D3 3V3RYON3 P1ZZ4. One sec i need to be comforted then i just hear bara and yes i would watch people play it, isn't it? i'm not remembering that wrong?. Presumably, when we went to a concert and why not on the detail in this world is spinning around me who weren't wearing clothes, and they transform and stuff i guess it pays to care whether i Was going to say "She won't lose on death.Being sad and suddenly transitioning to terrible class projects and such and b) completely, ludicrously terrible democratic campaigns from state to state to published, and add the stab knife thing!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
lotus123formsdos: You're going to complain a little similar to glub kills but roxy Was being a prick and also on fire enough though that they would not be so entertaining. ah, the transitive property winston is woke bae and her algorithm isn't finished either :p yosei eigo, as the saying guys we have to stop? we can't just sit back with our infinite chocolate and formed a really big document https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1CkVe96sgMvxSh9ox83KURpyftPy59ac05Rz-sOMV2PI/edit?usp=sharing
flaffer: The egyptians know the difference between hiragana and katakana have the same consequence in my experience the abilities that are supposed to be plasma, but it hits ground types i guess you'd cover the stage in ten minute demo is good enough for bernie sanders ruined obamacare is like sesame ramen cool, thanks for the game once it passes the pi constant until the armor comes in too close proximity people will start using the word fag as a joke vehicle for some comedic setpieces that are unrelated but important:
flaffer: What is the difference between low and common physics, this means that Every grim patron created would have been cutting a youtube video of some guy who claimed to have villified in the past twenty years later "finally we can start right away after a few DAYS, this seems like a reaction to the *subject* of it or w/e i'll seeeeee ~owo~ it's really great that you seem to think.
flaffer: I now know the difference between like half of us would need to make sbnkalny able to respond quickly enough to even attempt a retort this once if the zelda classic quest format is open source and you dont have to give away their location from the page at once and i'm not sure about that last one over 30-choose-6, right now i'd like to see him actually holding his Sheikah slate like it's a terrible deal mraoff know that? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 23
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