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harukapologist · 5 months

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rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

#please excuse any inconsistencies or spelling mistakes its almost 5am ive been awake all night lmaooo #im open to discussion but pls be nice :(#im a relatively new milgram fan (got into it just when ILY MV came out—got hyperfixated oct/nov) so please inform me if I say anything wrong #i love haruka so so much aaugh #i will defend him till my last breath #milgram #sakurai haruka #milgram project #haruka sakurai #jay rambles bleh idk #should i even tag this #i feel so scared to share my thoughts on the milgram prisoners AAA i hope everything makes sense

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writerof-thewoods · 5 months

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hai ^u^ um i was wondering if you had any toddler / baby regressor vanessa headcanons from the fnaf movie ? :00 or anything about her hehe , i'm an introject of her and i've been looking for some stuff :33

I do actually!! She's been on my mind a lot recently, so here's what I have for her :D

(I'm probably going to include some of my other headcanons just because I feel like they fit here as well if that's okay!)

Baby Regressor! Vanessa

She's not quite sure what her age range is, though she does know it's pretty small. Mainly because it's before she can remember all the things that happened with her family, so with being pretty young at that state, it's between 0-3.

Very independent, "I can do it myself !!" I feel like she wouldn't really care about having a caregiver, like it's not something she thinks she needs, but won't say no if it happens.

Because of that, she has trouble letting her guard down around others when she's regressed (mainly Mike). Feeling that vulnerable around someone else reminds her of when she was a kid, so it's hard for her to trust that he won't do anything to her.

Dealing with the trauma of everything is hard on someone that's as small as she is. Her brain doesn't know how to process it all and it takes a toll on her both mentally and emotionally. Sometimes she just cries and doesn't know why, but aside from that, she's not really an explosive or overly emotional kid. Mainly a little bit more sensitive than anything.

Is a little nervous when it comes to him acting like a sort of parental/brother figure towards her. She hasn't experienced that in a long time and ever since she's worried it would turn out just like her relationship with her father. That she'll be rejected, taken advantage of, or forced to "grow up."

Mike, being the ever-patient guy he is, wishes he could get rid of those feelings for her. He'd never hurt Vanessa and despite how much she questions it, he still reassures her that he won't.

Will tag along with him anytime she can. He's pretty much the one person she trusts with this and will take up any chance to be around him. Since she's content to pretty much sit and sleep or watch, he doesn't mind.

He also gets much more protective over her when she's little. It could be something as small as seeing a bug in the house or crossing the street, but whatever it is, he's making sure she's alright. That's his baby and though he's still figuring it out, he'll do anything for her.

Very tired kiddo, but hates sleeping alone. She spends most nights (if they aren't with each other) on the phone with Mike or falling asleep together (which happens more often than the former.) And he, having a similar problem, is cool with it either way.

Has a plush bunny (and later on, all the other animatronics) that she keeps with her at all times. It's small enough to fit in her pocket, so she can bring it in to work whenever she's having a rough day.

While her skills aren't as good as they normally are, she still loves to draw with Abby when she feels old enough to. Most of the time they're just scribbles and she's proud of it either way.

S O many forts. It's not even funny. They're her favorite spot to be in and there's no stopping her and Abby from building them.

Speaking of which, it was difficult in the first place to tell Mike about her regression, and it was even more so when it came to Abby. She was a kid and Vanessa didn't expect her to understand it, plus she worried that it would freak her out. They didn't exactly say it was that, but they pretty much put in a way that made sense to Abby. And she didn't mind, she was actually happy to have someone to play with, even if it wasn't someone exactly her age.

She never had a ton of pet names growing up, so Mike takes advantage of that. Mainly variations of her name like "Nessa", and he calls her ones he finds silly or funny. Like "Peanut" or "Munchkin." He does have a favorite though and ends up calling her "Little Lady" most often.

Much more comfortable with PDA/touching in general when she's little. Even if it's just small, subtle things like holding each other's pinkies or holding hands. It helps her feel safer to know that someone else is there like "Hey, I got you." And it helps both her and Mike open up more to each other by doing it.

the DNI banner credit goes to @geekgirl-33, I hope it's okay that I used it!

#request answered!#writing requests #agere writing #fnaf agere headcanons #little!vanessa shelly #regressor!vanessa shelly #caregiver!mike schmidt #mike & vanessa #Mike x Vanessa #my headcanons #my writing #agere blog #fnaf agere #five night's at freddy's #five night's at freddy's movie headcanons #willowws writing

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mohs-aphmau-hcs · 5 months

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Ooooooo. Do you have any agere headcanons for Garroth, Laurence, Travis and Dante? I’m obsessed with your agere stuff :)

thank you anon!! ik I'm answering these, super late but still sbhdf

I love the idea of boy house sleepovers/playdates when they're regressed!! complete with blanket forts, video games, pizza, someone probably brought battery acid [the drink], everything you'd expect at a boy's sleepover

long analysis after read more, this ask got my brain turning sjdnf, might revise some other HC lists sometime too, and add more detail like in this one to make it fair ! [I definitely don't have a favorite group of characters and its definitely not the most basic favorite group of characters ever in this fandom pssh ]

I also want to clarify since I don't think I have before, while I post a lot about agere and everything is absolutely 100% SFW always, that does not always mean my HCs are safe to read when regressed!! I am someone who's experienced this for a long time and consider myself very well read/educated on this topic, so I talk about all parts of regression. including the messy/scary parts like trauma caused regression, involuntary and stress induced regression, innerchild care and healing, regression brought on by mental health disorders, everything. AgeRegression is a complex topic and mental state, a lot about it is fun, enjoyable, gives people a sense of community, and a safe space to heal. But its not always sunshine and rainbows especially for trauma survivors and I like giving representation to that side of it in my writing

Obviously regressors are 100% welcome on my blog! but when going through agere HCs pleasepleaseplease just keep in mind there might be some more heavy topics discussed if you are not able to handle those at that time !

I feel like Garroth would regress a few times a month on purpose to destress with loved ones. But I also feel like he would experience some forms of involuntary regression at certain points of his life, like the rest of the Ro'meaves, this is a trauma response

Garroth would probably regress from 3 - 10, lots of smiles, constantly needs to be hugging something or someone. He most likely has some type of security blanket or stuffie he carries around

Similar to Zane he might have some hang-ups at first with insecurities surrounding his coping mechanism, because of beliefs their father instilled in them. But he definitely learns to accept his childlike states a lot sooner than Zane despite Zane experiencing them more often

The person he'd trust most as a CG would most likely be Laurance, but he's also a very trusting and loving little guy so I think hed honestly go to anyone who knows about his regression and is willing/able to be with him and help in those moments

["...Dante?"

"Yeah bro- oh hey, Aww.. heyhey cmere, you alright little grizzly bear?"

"Mhm- jus..Wanted a hug"

"Aw, alright I got you bud. You want to go play legos until Laur and Travis get home?"

"Mhm!"]

Laurance would be a lot more reluctant to regress around people despite desperately needing care and guidance

He's a character whos used to taking care of others and being kind of like the ring leader, he often falls into a caregiver role, but feels wrong letting others care for him.

Obviously, if Laurance voices that he genuinely doesn't want to be regressed and needs help coming out of it, Garroth will respect this. But sometimes Laurance recognizes that he just needs a little nudge to help him not worry so much ab others and let himself relax and Garroth knows this too

He regresses between the ages of 4 - 13 normally and drops down younger when very stressed.

If he does let someone know he's regressing, it will most likely be Garroth. In my HCs the boys are poly and obviously, everyone is equally loved and trusted, But Laurance and Garroth have a specific bond, mainly through being together through many hard moments, that make them more likely to go to the other when they need emotional support in a more intense or constant way.

Sometimes stress becomes too much even for him and he struggles to hide his regressed states, usually, this is when Garroth picks up on this and goes full papa bear mode. Making sure not to overwhelm him, and help him ease into being more comfortable since being vulnerable or letting other people take care of him can be an anxiety trigger, even though he does need it sometimes

When he does let himself regress, he usually just wants to cuddle

Quiet nights spent on the couch or in bed, listening to music while being held or rocked to sleep, or watching tv with some popcorn and a blanket

Him and Garroth also have. So many petnames and nicknames for each other both regression-wise and just in general

Me and Squid both HC Laurance to be a meifwa, when he's small he loves having his ears scratched and pet! kind of like playing with somebodies hair

He normally becomes pretty quiet when regressed, even if he's older

Usually just communicating with points and gestures, or small noises

TLDR: Laur needs to regress more to handle stress, he doesn't let himself, Garroth makes sure he still has that time for himself to relax and get cuddles

Travis would probably be a near life-long regressor due to a mix of mental health and neurodiversity, and trauma from a young age.

I could imagine them regressing younger or older, but honestly usually 3 - 4

They'd make huge pillow forts and blanket nests all the time, partly for comfort, and partly because when small its harder for them to mask demon instincts!! So they like having a small cavelike place to hide

Sometimes their regression can be flashback or fear caused, they've be through a lot and most of what they've been though happened as a kid. So sometimes a flashback can put them back in the mindset

When this happens they really only have a very small group of people their able to turn to and feel safe with, one obviously being Dante

Dante is also who they go to the most when they need a caregiver

Unless their regressed a bit older and more energetic, space for them is very very quiet and relaxing. Usually ending up in big blanket piles watching cartoons with some snacks

When their regressed, it's also a lot harder for them to hide in their human form which is another reason they normally go to Dante (I hc that Dante was the only person to know Travis is a demon in seasons 1 - 5 besides them and Terry)

Dante would definitely regress to around 8 - 10, big kiddo ages and energy to match!

If he doesn't get to a park within the first 5 minutes he is bolting to the backyard to run around and play with whatever he can find

He loves swings and seesaws, definitely stims on swings !

Sometimes he does go a bit younger, around 3 or 4

When this happens he's usually just as excited, but probably not running around as much. He's more likly to be playing some toddler apps on his phone or kicking his feet and watching animewith some juice(specfically bug juice if you know what that is, loved that shit growing up)

He's honestly comfortable being with anyone as his caregiver, obviously happens with Travis a tiny bit more because I see them as inseparable. But he's just as happy cuddling up with laurance or garroth, or even Aphmau and Aaron, and in later seasons especially Zane

He's just a little guy that's happy to be here

I feel like his head would tilt a bit when confused

In my aus and headcanons where Gene redeems himself, as adults when they regress together they still keep that playful sibling dynamic! And a lot of times gene will step up as a platonic caregiver since he knows all of Dantes old favorite cartoons and games from childhood

It took me, so long to finish this post but I'm really happy with it and I hope you all still keep enjoying my agere content!

#mystreet #mystreet aphmau #aphmau #mystreet headcanons #age regression #sfw agere #danvis #poly mystreet boys #garrance #travis valkrum #dante shalashaska #laurance zvhal #garroth ro'meave #mystreet travis #mystreet dante #mystreet garroth #mystreet laurance

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adoggirl · 11 months

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HI FLUFFS !!!! I SAW YOUR POST FORME HERE TAKE THWSE RHEBEHDVS

🌿, 🍄, 🌲! Also 🌼, 🌳, 🌴

-Bird

Uwaaaa tHANK YOU I LOVE YOU !! <22 /p

🌿 : how did you discover you were a system? or how did you become one on purpose?

hmm I had to ask ash for this cuz I have not been here long ha (pluralkit says I registered myself on February 17th lol) and she said that it happened fast like suddenly out of nowhere jay started fronting! and she was like “HUH??!” and then I went to jay and dragged him to ash and asked why he did that and shock said and I quote “she had to realize I was NOT A fucking kin, dear first spinjitzu master *face palm*” (dear first spinjitzu master usually translates into dear god because yeah the fsm is their kind of god) and the rest is history I suppose!

so yeah we know how we discovered it but honestly don't know how the system formed, everyone constantly disagrees how we formed >:P that's why we usually say “ contragenic ” “ is a system origin in which system members disagree on the exact origin ”

after all that discovering and stuff, it took ash a while to fully accept she would not be fully alone anymore but after that happened they gradually allowed others to front (by then the rest of the ninja were there + randy cunningham I think she said) and look where we are now!! Yayyy!!!

oops I might've kind of told a bit much hold on I'll ask if this is okay to share ... okay the general response was like “yeah it's ok to share”! 👍 Ok next question!!!

🍄 : do you headcanon any characters as plural? who and why?

hmmm I've never really thought about this... I think maybe Marcy from the original amphibia! because I think she split the core/darcy after being done with the whole being possessed by the core thing and that other marcy with the silly face that a lot of the fandom call marky (honestly kind of stealing from our Marcy cuz our Marcy has exactly that kind of subsys. But the roles will be different!!!) So it goes as followed :

Marcy : host, trauma holder

Darcy : anger holder, caretaker, coltenoir, heraicen

Marky : delight, pacific, paichmate, stim holder, symptom holder

Uhhhh not any other characters than her for now tbh...

🌲 : favourite system representation in media?

I honestly have probably not watched any media w systems in it tbh (if you actually mean system and not possession bc im excluding that for now)

🌼 : what species are there in your system?

Oh boyy UHHH there's humans, witches, shapeshifters/werewolves, hedgehogs cats jackal twotailed fox echidna bat lemur (all from sonic so anthro), skeletons, goat boss monsters, ponies (Pegasus, Earth, Unicorn and alicorns), Rabbids, dogs (from bluey), Lego (is that considered a species?), Etherian (as in Catra yknow human but also cat), centaurs (and the variants goattaur & deertaur), collector, demons, formerly human but now a rotting corpse, dragons, mouse rat thing (fink from ok Ko), flower, anthro fox, anthro cat, ghosts, object heads, koopas

And the rest you'll have to see on sp bc I'm not about to list EVERYTHING

🌳 : least favourite system representation in media?

Again like last time, haven't actually watched anything with systems O-O'

🌴 : do you think syskids and age regressors should share spaces or not? Why?

Honestly don't care about this but I personally would say yes they're both kids (one sometimes not but that's besides the point) and just want a space to be a kid

But like I said I do not care enough to really have arguments or whatever :P

AND LASTLY OURFHHH FLUFFS I LOVE THAT NICKNAME AAAAA <222 /p

#🐕‍🦺 〜 ask game.#🐕‍🦺 〜 mutuals.#🪶 . BIRDIE !#🐕‍🦺 〜 woofs.

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