#i hope the tags actually stick 😬

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[braxlrose]

PLEASE MAKE 2005 BILL HCS 🙏🏻🙇🏻‍♀️

I based this on the song Ich Bin Nich' Ich from their Schrei album so I hope you enjoy!

content warnings: bill being sad? 😭 lots of angst yk (which if you've been here for a while you'd know I actually LOVE writing angst) idk if this is considered toxic bc the way I've written it, it's very much filled with codependency to like a point where without a person youre suffering so 😬.

summary: bill misses you more than anything right now.

word count: 1.4k

a/n: for this fanfic, you're dating Bill at the time and have been for a little while, and it's set in like 2004/2005. I decided to do this bc Ich Bin Nich' Ich is literally my favorite song from Schrei sooo I can't wait to write this. I'm not sure if anybody else has done this so if they have please tell me! also, lmk if you want to be added to the tag list 💖💖

+ this is from bills perspective

Ich Bin Nich' Ich

meine augen schaun mich müde an und finden keinen trost

I laid down in my bed, my head pounding achingly from tonight's show. Sweat dripped down my forehead and rolled onto my pillow as I turned over. My shallow breathing was catching up to me and my eyes closed ever-so lightly. The cold pillow was a perfect embrace after the show tonight. Well—almost perfect.

My heart twinged with sadness as you came into my head. You always sat in the back of my head like a lingering melody, haunting and sweet. My mind never was able to get fully rid of you, especially now since we're on tour. Your soft and supple hands always seemed to fit perfectly in mine. You're glistening eyes, staring back at me and that enchanting smile that sat flawlessly upon your face. Nothing could ever pull me away from staring at you when we were together. Everything about you always made me feel like we were destined to be brought together, we fit so well with each other and our bodies seemed to always be pulling towards each other like magnets.

My fingernails dug into the bed sheets as I closed my eyes to "watch" you. Who cares if I couldn't see you right now, right? I could always close my eyes and watch the way your perfect body; your perfect everything, moved like the water as you glided through the air, running towards me whenever we would see each other again.

That wouldn't be for months, though..

The coldness of my pillow was fading as my body denied itself rest. I couldn't fall asleep with the sound of your angelic voice, whispering in my head. Which was ironic, because that voice was the same one that always helped me fall asleep on my hardest nights. Nothing right now could ever comfort me.. not unless you showed up.

I groaned in annoyance as a soft knock cracked against my door. Who needs to talk to me right now, it's 11 o' clock at night.

I pulled myself up off of my bed; the bedsheets lightly sticking to my skin from the sweat that once dripped from my body. Walking felt like trying to pull myself through quicksand, all I wanted to do was to see you. You see you—no, feel you jump into my arms and press your beautiful lips up against mine.

God, how amazing that would feel right now.

My body finally brought itself to the door and my hand slowly pulled it open to see a face I had known for quite some time.

"Tom?" I mumbled out, pressed my face into the tinted wall, "What are you doing up here?" I asked, my breath feeling heavy again.

"We're going to a party, are you coming or are you going to coop yourself up in your room again, for the nth time in a row." He spouted at me.

I rolled my eyes before telling him I'd be staying in my room again. He may have seemed a little agitated about that, but from the way he was looking at me, I think he could tell what was wrong. He always knew what was wrong.

"It's always obvious, your eyes tell us everything, Bill.." He would say to me every once in a while when I felt down. I guess I was never the one who was good at hiding my feelings, especially from my brother.

ich kann mich nich' mehr mit ansehen—bin ich los

alles was hier mal war—kann ich nich' mehr in mir finden

I forced myself into the bathroom, my hands gripping onto the sink in front of me as my eyes hesitated to look myself in the face. I'm sure I looked awful. Ever since I met you, I never felt like myself without you. You brought the me out of me. That's what I loved about you so much.

My eye makeup was smeared a bit and some of my mascara had run down my cheeks. I honestly looked like a mess. I blinked in the mirror, watching myself crumble. I needed you so badly. This was one of the hard nights, the hard nights when I really needed you.

The water i splashed upon my face dripped down my neck as my eyes slowly came upwards to look myself in the face.

I could never seem to see myself when you weren't with me, you always made me feel so much better. About everything and anything. I'm still not sure how you did it..

alles weg—wie im wahn, seh ich mich immer mehr verschwinden

My freshly dried face from a cotton towel felt stiff as tears rolled down my cheeks. My eyes stung with a fiery intensity that only someone as gracious and wonderful as you.

My body didn't seem like my own anymore as I crashed down against the soft, recently sweaty bed. Makeup smeared on the pillow as my cheek rested against it, staring over at the dimly lit; slightly sparky (?) lamp next to me. The curtains surrounding my room seemed to understand my awful being right now as I could feel more tears threatening to spill over my waterline, down my face.

I could almost swear this was an out of body experience, maybe I was just tired. Everything around me felt like a dream and I could feel myself slipping away. My body, my dreams, my everything. Nothing felt real anymore. Not when I'm away from you.

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

und das was jetzt noch von mir übrig ist...

My breath was caught in my throat as more memories of you poured into my head.

××× I remember the first time I saw you—

Walking outside the studio while everybody else finished up inside, the cold wind blowing in my face, brushing my hardened bangs to the side. My teeth lightly chattered as you flowed by me. I could swear you were an angel.

From your angelic face, to your scent. You were absolutely perfect and I was infatuated with you. I remember thinking someone like you would never go for someone like me.. right?

How happy I was when I figured out I was wrong.

From the way you held yourself to your laughter to your strength. You were everything I was looking for and more. How could I stumble upon love so quickly? How was I so lucky to have you enthralled with me.

You had never even heard of my band yet, you weren't a crazy, obsessed fan girl. You weren't someone looking for a one night stand or someone who wanted fame by association. You were so beautiful and real and absolutely raw. I still don't understand sometimes why you chose me, but I'm so glad you did.

×××

but here... without you. I feel as though I've lost a part of me. Like I'm not me when I'm not with you. I don't feel whole and I don't think I will until we've been reunited.

××× you're bright red, slushy red tongue seemed to gawk at my blue one as we laughed. I laid my around around you as we walked through the park. I finally had a day off from rehearsing and playing live shows, to hang out with you.

I swear my heart was going to explode out of my chest just from staring down into your beautiful eyes. The way you were staring up at me—i don't think I had ever loved somebody so much. You were my true "everything".

××× your warm breath, slowly yet calmly blowing against my neck as you fell into a deep slumber was probably one of the most relaxing things I could ever dream of. My arms were wrapped around you as the TV quietly played in the background. My body had never felt so amazing. And now with you—you just made everything so much better.

My hands glided into your hair as you snuggled closer into me. With the warm air surrounding us and the soft hum of the noise around us. Everything seemed absolutely perfect.

How could I live without you?

will ich nich' sein

draußen hängt der himmel schief

und an der Wand dein abschiedsbrief

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

I slowly closed my eyes, my body finally relaxing. Ever-so slightly, at least. We'd be together again soon, I'm not sure why tonight was so hard for me, to be without you.. but I cannot wait to see your sparkling beauty staring back at me when we come together again. I don't feel like myself right now, but hopefully with time, you will bring that back to me...

sorry this isn't longer 😭 I hope you guys enjoyed this though! also here are the English translations for the lyrics. They're pretty accurate, but some stuff may be a little off 😞

translations:

one: My eyes show off all of my sadness, and find no comfort here.

two: I can't face myself anymore, I'm not me.

three: Everything that was here, I cannot find myself inside me.

four: Swept away like a dream, I see myself vanish more and more.

five: I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, i'm all alone.

six: And everything that is still left of me.

seven: I don't want to be outside the heavens hang a slope and on the wall your farewell note. I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, I'm alone.

also this isn't proofread, so if there are any mistakes sorry!!

taglist: none yet

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz fanfic #2005 bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz angst #tokio hotel fanfics #tokio hotel angst

[cfr749]

Next week's episode, I imagine, Tim will end up learning to let people in and accepting help. Another character growth for him, while Lucy isn't even allowed to really feel the emotional consequences of her near fatal shooting. It's already as if nothing happened and she's over it, nothing comes back to haunt her.

To me, the biggest turn off of this show/ship is this unbalance of storylines and depth between the character, the female one always getting the short end of the stick.

Hi anon!

Thank you for the meaty, thoughtful ask! Definitely some thoughts here that are right up my alley.

I'm going to start by saying I have genuinely been surprised by and happy with this season so far. Season 6, at least for Chenford, has felt like a return to the to the show's earlier roots of being truly character-driven. And I mention that simply because I still see a LOT of potential for Lucy's storyline this season.

This is the first time in YEARS we've had a multi-episode storyline seeded for Lucy, and I'm over the moon about it. With that said, the show still has its issues, and I completely get what you're saying.

While the moment with the radio was sweet and I can appreciate the sentiment, I agree that it was actually quite strange that we went from Lucy being devastated by the idea of almost killing someone to Tim framing something that will forever remind her of that moment and them smiling and laughing about it. I think in the show's attempts to deliver fan service, there isn't always someone asking: is this actually something a normal person with human emotions would do? 😂

So yeah, in making that choice, it did seem like they'd swept the shooting storyline under the rug and were moving on.

That said, I will be completely flabbergasted (and legitimately outraged) if there's not more to come in terms of Lucy's broader storyline, including her having to come to terms with her feelings about all of the challenges she's faced this season. We're coming off of multiple episodes that were very focused on Lucy's emotional state around the detectives exam and the aftermath, so I understand why they've shifted to seeding a storyline for Tim for a little bit, but I'd argue that as much as this episode gave us some (tbh kind of convoluted 😬) backstory for Tim, it was just as much about how Tim's actions impacted Lucy.

I'd argue that it was WAY easier to empathize with Lucy this episode than it was to with Tim (minus Eric's teary-eyed "Understood" that was an act of violence against us all). And tbh I'm not sure if that was intentional, but I'm more than okay with it.

For me, this was one of Lucy's best episodes in a long time -- this is the badass, take no shit woman from Seasons 1 and 2. She loves Tim dearly, and we know it must have killed her to ask him to leave, but she still found the strength to stand up for herself. She knows she deserves to be treated as an equal partner, and she demanded that Tim either provide that or go. And for her to be able to do that amidst everything else her character has been through in just the first 4 episodes of this season was IMO phenomenal (and so, so painful but absolutely needed) to see.

I couldn't agree harder though with your broader point -- the show has seemed very lopsided in terms of giving Tim lots and lots of backstory and multiple opportunities to grow and evolve, and then can't even be bothered to keep track of Lucy's parents names😭. It genuinely sucks. And they have so much to make up for.

They've given Lucy plenty of screen time and they've put her through tons of shit. I just think they haven't seemed to have had much interest in really exploring the actual impact on her character in any meaningful way, until now (I hope!).

And to be clear, I have zero interest in seeing Lucy simply tag-along on Tim's story for the rest of the season. I love that they are going to be together; I love that they are getting to support each other, but Lucy needs (and deserves) a fitting conclusion to her own story.. And if they don't give her one...

Thanks for the ask anon!

#chenford #see lana ramble #the rookie #lucy chen

[myheartalivewrites]

Tag someone you want to get to know better.

Thanks for tagging me @bitbybitwrites ! ❤️

favorite color: no clue! I look particularly good in pink, white, navy blue so let's go with those!

last song: playing on my Spotify just now: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, which... yeah, I stand by it.

last movie: the last film I saw in a cinema was Red, White & Royal Blue at the London premiere. Actually, now that I think of it, I took my kids to the Super Mario Bros movie more recently, but that can't be my answer, so we'll stick with RWRB.

On the tv it was Love at First Sight on Netflix, which was alright.

currently watching: rewatching Sex Education before diving into season 4. Watching the current seasons of Taskmaster and Only Murders in the Building as they air so I don't get spoiled.

other stuff I watched this year: if I was a goldfish I wouldn't even be able to find my way around my fish bowl, by which I mean my memory sucks and I can barely remember what happened on a show from week to week. I watched Succession. Loved the second season of The White Lotus (I think that was this year 😬). Season 2 of Heartstopper. Strange New Worlds. Queen Charlotte. The Night Agent. Good Omens. Starstruck. Rewatched Schitt's Creek. I'm sure there's more

shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I started on The Americans, forgot I was halfway through but I want to get back to it. Abbott Elementary I've been dipping in and out of when I need a v chill evening. Same for What We Do in the Shadows and somehow pretty much everything I like that's on Disney+ I keep forgetting to finish. Res Dogs, Grey's, Station 19, Fleishman is in Trouble. That's weird.

currently reading: I just finished The House in the Cerulean Sea 🥹 and now I'm reading Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit bc I like to alternate easier books with more challenging ones 😂

Oh, and fic wise, this weekend I started With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) by @kiwiana-writes

currently listening to: my most highly in rotation playlist atm is a very poppy one filled with BSB and N'Sync and Britney and other bangers including Nobody Like U (from the film Turning Red) which is fucking excellent and will always be famous to me 😍. It's out of character for me, but it peps me up!

currently working on: a few attempts at expanding recent fics. My south of France fic. Something original that I'm hoping to really dive into come October, if the fic brain worms leave me alone.

current obsession: def still RWRB ❤️

Tagging @daisymae-12 @inexplicablymine @historicallysam @gwiazdziarka @letloverule1111 @kiwiana-writes @celaestis1 and if YOU too feel inclined to overshare on the dash why not do it and tag me so I can read it? 😁

#about me #tag games

[live-laugh-loverpool]

Okay so damn... I want to actually cry. I've never felt so betrayed as I'm feeling right now. I love the boys, but I'm so freaking disappointed!

I want a fic with lots of angst between them. Especially Alisson. It can even have they fighting between each other (no violence, just words).

Maybe a little bit of comfort in the end.

I'm almost crying.

Yes, I know 😬😬😭😭😭 It pained me to write this but here we go.

Tags: @millythegoat @moomin279 @alissonbecksfan234 @rubybecker-rb2

Warnings: depression, fighting, cursing (mostly in Portuguese)

Sgt. Klopp’s Broken Hearts—Part 1

Jesse Marsch had never seen Liverpool play so badly. It was like they were a completely different club, with a different manager and players, and a different spirit.

This couldn’t be the club that won the Champions’ League in 2019. This couldn’t be the Premier League winners, the domestic cup champions, the tenacious victory-hungry warriors he’d come to know. This wasn’t Liverpool.

Marsch quickly switched off the TV before they could show the final whistle, taking his phone from the charger. He turned off all his news notifications before opening up the Weird Managers’ Club Group Chat.

CatalanMagician: Ninety minutes and the curse of Regio Madrid strikes again

TheSpecialOne: If I speak I am in big trouble

SuperFrankieLampard: Where’s Jurgen?

TT: where do you think he is 😑

Marsch didn’t want to think about the possible answers to that question. Klopp could technically be anywhere—he’d retired two decades ago, but was still quite swift. Faster than the entirety of that defense tonight, anyways.

Jessethe🐐: With his boys, hopefully

TT: I hope not, he’d never live down what Milner and Elliott will say

CatalanMagician: Jurgen told me those two have net zero tact

SuperFrankieLampard: At the rate they played they could’ve lost 9-0

Marsch hated Lampard for making that remark. He also hated the fact that the remark was true.

TheSpecialOne: I thought he understood that riddle

TT: 😬 Jurgen’s gonna beat down on himself so much

Jurgen doesn’t beat upon himself, Marsch thought. He didn’t know the German as well as the other managers did, but from what he’d seen Klopp didn’t hold very high standards when it came to himself.

TheSpecialOne: deservedly so, which manager doesn’t make one change when you’ve blown a two goal lead

“Jose Mourinho, you freaking idiot,” Marsch muttered, furiously typing out a reply.

Jessethe🐐: JOSE not helping

TheSpecialOne: I am

TT: I’m going to go get Jurgen

SuperFrankieLampard: You sure he hasn’t turned off his phone yet?

TT: It’s not been long since the match, it’s probably still on

Jessethe🐐: jeez guys! Leave him alone and he’ll find this chat himself. He made it after all

Marsch didn’t even stick around to see what would happen. He set his phone to “emergency contact only” and threw it across the room, slumping onto the couch.

If Jesse Marsch hadn’t known what sympathy pains were before, he sure knew now. And God knows what the others are feeling now…

*

The locker room was in complete catatonia. Some had hoped for a win going into the match, some had prepared themselves for a loss, and others had thought a draw as the best outcome. It would take a psychotically pessimistic fool to think Liverpool would concede 5 unanswered goals at Anfield. Today, that psychotically pessimistic fool happened to be fate itself.

“Toda hora, Fabinho! ¡Cada maldita vez!” Jota grabbed Fabinho by the shoulders with a vice-like grip, glaring into his teammate’s panicked, guilt-stricken eyes. “Se não fosse a sua maldita incapacidade de manter a bola, talvez não tivéssemos sofrido 5 malditos gols!!!”

“Leave Flaco out of this!” Firmino shoved the irate striker away, standing between him and Fabinho. “If you’d used some pace on the right wing we could’ve at least scored another goal! But nooo, you’re as useless as you always are when it comes to big competitions.”

Jota glared at Firmino, trying to brush him aside. “And you think you’re so big, hot-shot? You shot that header right into their goalie’s hands! Droga, você não consegue fazer nada direito!”

“Watch your mouth, you three,” Elliott warned the Portuguese speakers. Rather ironically, considering what he said next. “I don’t have to understand your Portuguese to realize how much of a bunch of useless cowards you are.”

“Harvey Elliott! Leave them alone,” Milner boomed, grabbing the youngster and swinging him over his shoulder. The vice-captain’s eyes flashed with rage, far more than the usual spite he carried. “If you want to blame somebody for doing freaking nothing in this match, blame Joe for forgetting to exist.”

Gomez looked up from the bench, the guilt in his eyes quickly morphing into anger. “Me?! Ali forgot how to clear a ball and he’s a goalkeeper! They don’t have many things to memorize and he completely forgot that one!” he ranted, hurling a water bottle at Alisson’ locker.

Alisson hadn’t even moved once he’d come into the locker room, not even to change out of the matchday kit. Gomez's water bottle hitting him square across the thigh seemed to activate him, though, as he glared daggers at the English defender.

“What are you talking about, goalkeepers don’t have many things to memorize? Dammit, Joe, I have to memorize about a million things to keep a clean sheet with you guys around!”

“Which you still couldn’t do today. You conceded more goals today than you did in the past two weeks!”

“Sometimes I wonder why I put up with all of you!” Alisson stabbed a finger towards Van Dijk, who’d looked shocked from the moment Alisson started yelling. “I wonder why I put up with you, Virgil! Where were you to help Joey out, where’s the strong able Virgil from the World Cup?!”

The Dutchman stood from his seat. In one swift movement he was holding Alisson back from Gomez. “You’re seriously not going to bring that up, are you? You brought that problem upon yourself. Ali, your own compatriot kicked your butt!”

“NÃO me chame de Ali. NÃO chame Vini de meu compatriota. NÃO fale sobre esse maldito jogo!” Alisson broke free from Van Dijk, storming towards the showers. “And do not DARE lay a hand on Flaco or I’ll make you regret holding me back!”

“You know what?” Van Dijk glared at the keeper. In a move nobody in the locker room expected, he took up Gomez's water bottle and threw it at Alisson. “I might as well leave you alone, fracasso. You can’t even handle a defeat without acting like a child! I can only imagine how disappointed Klopp’s going to be with you.”

“And they say I put my foot in my mouth,” Elliott muttered, still over Milner’s shoulder.

Milner only tightened his hold on Elliott. “Careful or you’re going to end up over my knee.”

“And where did ‘the lilac part of my heart’ go?” Alisson shot back. It was clear to see, though, that the spite in his comments were now more fueled by hurt than rage. “Do you even support me around anymore, Virgil? Do you not see that if it wasn’t for some of those saves, we would’ve lost by ten goals?! Is that all I am to you now, a failure?”

Van Dijk didn’t flinch at that, continuing to glare at Alisson. “You can’t even accept when you made a mistake.”

“Ali, calm down!” Henderson finally stepped into the brouhaha, grabbing Alisson before he could lash back at Van Dijk’s latest comment. “If you say something, you’re going to regret it later.”

“I’m going to regret it later?! I’m sure not going to regret telling Virgil that he’s the one who can’t accept when he makes a mistake. When was the last time you saw him apologize for something he did wrong?!” Alisson pushed Henderson away from him, slamming the door behind him as he disappeared into the showers.

The whole room was quiet after that. Until Firmino ran towards Van Dijk and socked him in the elbow.

“Caramba, caramba! Ainda damos a mínima? Todo esse time está uma bagunça, e é por sua causa!”

*

There was no way that he could face his boys now. It was impossible.

Klopp hadn’t even said a word, besides the compulsory handshake with Anzilotti. He’d gone straight down the tunnel and disappeared inside the nearest closet—which just happened to be a broom closet.

If it was a case of the five stages of grief, then Klopp didn’t need a therapist to know that he was currently experiencing shock. But shock was only supposed to last a few minutes—he knew that from experience.

His phone buzzing disturbed him from his thoughts. He’d forgotten to turn it off at halftime, and now he had a boatload of notifications from the managerial group chat.

TT: Jurgen you still alive?

TheNormalOne: I’m not sure

CatalanMagician: You totally disappeared after the game

TheNormalOne: I wish

TheSpecialOne: Are you hiding in a broom closet

TheNormalOne: how did you know

TheSpecialOne: Just a lucky guess 🙄

CatalanMagician: The press will come after you

TheNormalOne: I’m NOT going to put my foot in my mouth and say we’ll come back from this 😩.

TT: 😧

Jessethe🐐: 😧

CatalanMagician: Come on, that’s not like you! Where’s the fighting spirit that’s kept me on my toes ☹

Klopp hesitated before typing out a response. Has it really gotten to this point where Pep in sky blue has to motivate me?

TheNormalOne: I’ve made too many promises I can’t keep

TheSpecialOne: That’s what I meant by my coded advice earlier

TheNormalOne: Don’t say anything about that damn code

TheSpecialOne: I told you to exude on the pitch what you have within yourself. Judging by that performance I’d say you have no love, passion or pride in you whatsoever

CatalanMagician: THIS IS WHY I HATE YOU YOU HAVE NO FILTER

TheNormalOne: …

TT: Great work Jose, you broke him

Klopp shut off his phone, muting everything. He threw it into a bin on the other side of the closet and leaned against a mop. After two minutes of unbearable silence, he reached for his phone, turned it on and went straight to Youtube. He clicked on a song he’d only listened to once, before the events of the next day had stained its meaning forever.

What about sunrise?

What about rain?

What about all the things

That you said we were to gain?

Did you ever stop to notice

All the blood we've shed before?

Did you ever stop to notice

This crying Earth, these weeping shores?

Unlike most of Michael Jackson’s songs, this one was slower, more reflective. It was actually about the Earth rather than Liverpool, but right now Klopp felt like he'd let down the entire Red section of the earth.

I used to dream

I used to glance beyond the stars

Now I don't know where we are

Although I know we've drifted far

The first stadium he’d visited as Liverpool manager had been Whitehart Lane, Spurs’ then-home. To dare is to dream, the wall had said, painted in dark blue and white. And to dream is to dare, Klopp had added upon seeing the motto. 

All his life, Klopp had been a dreamer and a darer. He’d dreamt of managing, dared to try something different than the rough and tumble macho style of football he’d experienced as a player. He’d dared to come to England and dreamt of creating a deep connection. He’d dared to dream it would last forever, and in some far-off future he would walk away from Liverpool to the sounds of cheers and appreciation as he embraced his eventual retirement.

Now he only dared to hope that this had all been a bad dream.

What about the crying man?

(What about us?)

What about Abraham?

(What about us?)

What about death again?

(Ooh)

Do we give a damn?

#jurgen klopp #alisson becker #alisson #virgil van djik #harvey elliott #james milner #fabinho #roberto firmino #bobby firmino #jesse marsch #josep guardiola #joseph gomez #jose mourinho #joe gomez #joey gomez #joey g #hendo #jordan henderson #liverpool men #liverpool #liverpool fc #lfc #lfc players #football imagine #football fanfic #football blurb #football #football incorrect quotes #soccer fanfiction by lynn #soccer fanfiction

[moni-logues]

2022 End of the Year Recap

rules : post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

So, @amethystwritesbts tagged me in this on the old blog, but I thought this would make for a fun little transitional post, too, so I'm doing it here! I have had my [old] blog for almost exactly 53 weeks and have posted 58 fics! 🤪🤪🤪 lots to pick from lol

Top 5 works I'm most proud of

(These will all, in time, make their way here, too, but for now they are ofc readable @monimonimoon)

Marriage or Arsenic: my very first post! I'm proud of myself for starting! Proud of myself for writing and putting it out there!

Sweet Treats: I just like it!! I think it's fun! I love cute tattoo artist boyfriend Jimin!

Even Though: super spontaneous fic; decided about 11pm I wanted to write it and it was finished before 2:30am! But I'm really pleased with how it came out and it's nice to know I can produce shit if I really focus lmao

Thirteen Rounds: wrote it in one evening and then was really unhappy the following day and couldn't work out why I didn't l like it so I took my dog for a walk and figured it out. It then needed a really big, significant re-write and I did it! And then it did some serious fucking numbers lmao

A Fine Line: for obvious reasons lol. My first series! Wasn't sure I could do it! Wasn't sure anyone would like it! But I did! and they do!!

Top 4 current WIPs

The Comeback: here, have a banner! This is going to be the first fic I post here! (obviously not including AFL reposts). I hope you are looking forward to some festive angst!

Kintsugi: the long-fabled Yoongi friends-to-lovers (actually strangers-to-friends-to-lovers!). She's coming and, goddammit, I've made this bitch angsty, too. Have another banner!

Promessus: a Hobi fake dating fic that is going to require a lot of research and may not be viable if the results of that research aren't what I want! But I'm really excited about it!!!

SUPER TOP SECRET FIC: coming soon! Yoongi! A genre I've not written before! Stay tuned!!!

Three biggest improvements in my writing

I think I'm more aware of my (over-)use of adverbs now so I'm better at catching them while writing and in editing.

Writing long stuff! Actual plot! When I first started, I couldn't believe people were writing like, 5, 10, 15k fics and now I not only have one-shots that long but also a whole series! And more to come!

Deciding to only write in past tense. I kept sort of switching between past and present which meant that, even within one fic, I kept fucking up and writing in the wrong one. Sticking to one means I'm not making that mistake (as much! 😬) anymore.

Two resolutions for next year

This one is sort of already in plrogress but planning. Kintsugi is already outlined! I'm going to try to stick to the plan!

Read more -- both fics and books. I have read much less this year than I'd have liked so I really want to use this festive period to reset and start the new year with more intention and waste less of my time on my fucking phone, watching shit I don't care about on netflix etc. and actually make time for everything, which includes reading.

Favourite line I wrote this year

Remember how I said I've posted 58 fics? Yeah, I'm not going through those to pick out the best lmao. But one that I can think of off the top of my head is:

you knew you had somehow got things figured out but now, in the nauseating throes of the consequences of your own actions, it eluded you.

I'm not tagging anyone because idk who's been tagged already and I'm copping out lmao but everyone should do this, so consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!!!

#moni logs #tag games

[clotpolesonly]

hey :) i just wanted to say i saw your tags about engagement on a discord server and i'm really sorry to hear you've been feeling that way. it sucks so much to feel like you're doing something wrong no matter what you do, but i just wanted to say that i'm sure it's not your fault. for one thing, people will always complain, and if you talk more than someone, you're not taking talking space from them – anyone who implies that is just being critical for no reason, there's enough space for everyone on a server. plus, you're starting conversations, you're actually making room for people to join conversations, so they have absolutely no leg to stand on. it must be so frustrating to encourage activity and not get anything back, but that's not on you. you're doing a good thing, trying to keep a community alive. sometimes they just die down or activity declines and it's nobody's fault, and nothing anyone can do about it. you're doing great <3 i hope the anxiety calms down soon <3

thanks 🥺 i think part of this is a general distress from being a person with more staying power with most. by which i mean, when i pick a fandom, i STICK with it for a really long time, and most of my friends.......don't. so many of my friends have moved on to other fandoms that i have no interest in, and they no longer have an interest in the fandom(s) that i'm interested in. i'm really bad at maintaining friendships when we no longer have that common interest, and i'm also not great at making new friends apparently, so i've just kind of ended up without anyone to really talk to about it. i've got like 1 and a few halves fandom friends now 😅

so for the communities i've relied on for years to also start falling apart and fading away is really distressing. and the idea that, in trying to make it better and keep it going, i'm also somehow driving people away?? that kicked off one of the biggest emotional meltdowns i've ever experienced, not gonna lie. i started crying immediately and didn't stop for over an hour.

and i feel bad cuz i know i can't blame anyone else for losing interest or moving on, and i can't ask or expect them to try and force themselves to stay engaged with a fandom they don't care for anymore just because i'm lonely and can't move on to anything else. compounded by the fact that, frankly, i don't like the overall fandom nearly as much as i used to either, lol. being in it is anxiety-inducing in its own right, but no other fandom has managed to catch my eye (that has content to sustain me), so i have no alternative community or social safety net either.

it's just a catch-22 of an emotional clusterfuck. all this combining with significant irl stressors, the general world-wide Everything Is Going To Shit environment, and burnout from trying to make myself be productive because i MISS being productive and engaged and enthusiastic about things when i just can't anymore. so i'm constantly on edge and super reactive.

sorry to vent all this at you, aldkfhkhgh 😬😂 you're very kind and i appreciate the heck out of you. i am taking some deep breaths and getting a snack. ♥♥♥

#and the answer is #Anonymous #personal post #one enormous stressor off the table as of yesterday: new lease signed!!!! #we will NOT be homeless in two weeks 💪🏻 nice to have that sorted out lmao #we will however have like 5 days to pack up our entire apartment everything we own and move #so #that's gonna be fun

[zmwrites]

Tag: 2022 Writer Wrap-Up!

I was tagged by @whimsyqueen​! Thank you! And please ignore that I’m filling this well into February.

I think these were originally for fanfic writers or writers who write short fiction, so my answers might be boring lol. Also please forgive if I reference things from 2021, as time has congealed into a giant ball since mid-2018.

Total number of completed works: uhhh none? oops. I’m very much a long form writer and I have a full time job so finishing things takes me a while

Total number of WIPs worked on this year: maybe 16? but most of them were just a few lines or developing ideas.

WIPs neglected this year: Indigo Wars Book 1 😬 sry bby. and Remnants which hasn’t been touched in a while.

Fandoms I've written in: none :( all og fiction

Total word count: oh god probably over 80k? maybe over 100k? i should really start keeping track

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? definitely less. i moved back in with my parents in early 2022 and had a lot of trouble writing after that. i’m hoping to turn that around in 2023 (or move out again to protect my free time).

Did you take any writing risks this year? i started a new wip that centres around a love triangle that becomes a poly triad, and i have genuinely no idea how to write that! the risk did not get very far as i’m now stuck on the set up for the actual plot lol

Do you have any goals for the new year? write more! as i said, 2022 and the first part of 2023 have been really hard in terms of writing and i want to turn that around. i’d also really like to FINALLY finish editing the current draft of Indigo Wars 1 and prep it for querying, then start editing Remnants

Biggest disappointment? probably my overall productivity, i really wanted to write more and it just didn’t happen

Biggest surprise? i started another new world with multiple stories set in it, which i said i wasn’t going to do after how much of a headache the vario world has given me. ah well!

Most popular story of the year? lol Remnants!! people love that story even if i didn’t write anything for it this year

What's your own favourite story of the year? also Remnants i honestly think it might be my best project to date and it makes me doubt all of my other projects

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Indigo Wars!! non of y’all seem to like IW and i don’t know why

Most fun story to write: hmm Just Jane or Open Seas, they’re both absolute delights

Most unintentionally telling story: tbh they’re most telling as a whole, when you realize that almost all of them are about women who think they’re full of rage but are actually full of grief

My favourite part of writeblr this year: my friends!! honestly they’re the reason i stick around even when my creative output is subzero

i’m not going to tag anyone bc of how far into 2023 we are, but if anyone wants to do it, feel free to steal it!

(this also made me realize i finished Remnants over a year ago which is absolutely wild)

#tag games #about me

[sersi]

2021 End of Year Gifmaker/Creator Tag Game

Cut this into what works for you. Want to do only one instead of five? Do it. Tag 2 people? Do it. This game is not your mum or the Apple App store to tell you what to do. But there are a couple of rules:

RULE 1: Review your creations over 2021. Tag some gifmakers/creators, friends and strangers to get them to do the same.

RULE 2: Link to the content, commentary optional.

5 (or more!) creations from others that made you smash the reblog button hard, closely followed by your ‘insp’ tag or ‘fave tag’. Link to sets that started conversations, outstanding composition, colouring, etc.

4 creations of which you’re proud. These are goals you scored. Nothing to do with notes.

3 creations others loved. Include the one that one that got most notes, great comments, or the classic ‘how dare you!’

2 creations that stretched you as a creator: style, colouring, blending, text, etc. include the one that should have got more notes.

1 creation of yours that you find most aesthetically pleasing to the eye and self AND 1 creation that broke and (maybe remade you) as a creator – we all have that one.

0 the creation that never was because nothing was working that day.

No need to be tagged to do this. Share what you all liked and made this year!!!

Overall comment on your creativity year 2021 ->

I was tagged by @kamalaskhans​ and @elenas​!

5 (or more!) creations from others that made you smash the reblog button hard, closely followed by your ‘insp’ tag or ‘fave tag’.

there’s no actual order here but these were some of my faves this year:

@spaceslayer‘s Sam Cap Set. I loveeee sets that blur the lines between gifset and edit in general and the second gif in this is a great example of why. Having a mix of funny, iconic, and serious Sam moments on that film strip/in a single gif communicates so much.

@lamberts‘ The Witcher We’re All Stories in the End set. The interpretation of the concept is so nicely done and the blending on each gif is just impeccable.

@madeline-kahn‘s Julie and the Phantoms Scrapbook set. This idea is SO cute and so appropriate for the show 💗.

@queencalanthes‘s Midnight Mass set. The combination of overlays and the transition from black and white to color over the course of the set is truly lovely and really drew me into the emotional arc it is tracing.

@shegos‘ Monica Rambeau set. The choice of shots is great and the tvs are such a well-chosen frame for the smaller gifs!

4 creations of which you’re proud:

Steve Rogers - The Price of Freedom. The favorite character meme has been a super fun way of continuing my Steve Rogers fixation and this set turned out especially well imo 💗.

Nat/Yelena - Asking for a Friend. This set was something of an anomaly in that it came together incredibly fast. I put the set on my gif ideas list one night, spent the next night making it, and posted it the following day. All without any incredible amount of suffering aside from a certain level of agonizing over the blending on the third gif 😅.

Ajak’s Guide to the Eternals. Not my most technically complicated set, but an idea I really loved made reasonably well (I think) given the footage constraints I was working with.

“Peggy is Home for Steve”. I’m proud of this one for two reasons. One, the blending on the first and third gifs.... truly some of my most seamless work 😎. Two, in another year, in multiple other years, this would have been a creation that never was. I’ve had this quote on my gifset ideas list since Chris/the Endgame Awards Campaign unleashed it and, until this year, had never been able to quite figure out how to best use it.

3 creations others loved:

Monica Rambeau breaking through the Hex. This moment is still in my top five mcu moments of 2021 so 🥰

Natasha saving her family. As a stan/frequent purveyor of pain and garbage, I get yelled at lot in general and this set definitely stands out as one of the top people yelling at me sets of 2021 😅.

The Loki Lecture. A time when me reading excessive amounts of MCU related interviews payed off!

2 creations that stretched you as a creator

The Nat/Sam/Steve AU Set. This is only the second AU set I’ve ever made and, unlike my last one, it involved a much wider number of footage sources. I’m always super picky and intense about trying to make shots/coloring match as much as possible when combining footage for these kinds of sets (which is why I’ve only ever made two au sets) and getting this set to a place where I was satisfied with each gif was a journey. (And that is not even touching on the fact that I very much did not intend to write dialogue for this and then ended up having to write dialogue for this 🤪....)

The Steve’s Arc Was Good Actually Set. This isn’t the first set of mine to start its life as an aborted text post, but this is the first to really stick so close to its “I am tired of being told I don’t know what I’m talking about or that things that actually happened on screen didn’t actually happen” origins. As such, I spent a week or so figuring out how to best present and organize each element of Steve’s journey towards getting a life. And while it certainly didn’t stop people from taking a “that sign can’t stop me because I can’t read” approach to both this post and others I’ve made, the process of making it was quite rewarding and the feedback I’ve gotten on it from my fellow Steve Ending/StevePeggy stans has been quite good 💗.

1 creation of yours that you find most aesthetically pleasing

What If...? Episode Color set. I’m way less comfortable working with animated material than I am with live action and while What If...? had some shots I loved, I had to really hunt to find the right shot to use for some of the episodes. But the final result, especially the last two gifs, all felt like it came together and did what I wanted.

1 creation that broke and (maybe remade you) as a creator

The Marvel Heroes set. It’s not every day that late night Kevin Feige interview watching leads me to a Perfect Gifset Idea, but, after a truly horrendous aborted attempt (the approach I was considering was one I liked/have repurposed since, but it would have had me in photoshop until at least 2079 had I stuck with it here), I roughly figured things out. and then spent the final pre-Shang-Chi week and the first post-Shang-Chi week with this open in Photoshop. I nearly quit multiple times, either because of sheer exhaustion with the project or because I had truly underestimated the challenges of finding shots that had the correct energy for each line and still looked good when made to fit into a tiny little triangle, but I was (and still am) incredibly happy with the final result.

0 the creation that never was:

There’s an infinite number of things that didn’t get made this year. Some because the charm of the idea faded before I had the time to make it or before I could figure out exactly how to execute it. Some because I didn’t have eternals in 4k the footage needed. But, right now, the creation that stands out most is the Nat/Sam/Steve set I have had roughly planned out since early 2021 and have yet to accomplishing anything on aside from opening Photoshop, doing some screencapping, and then deleting everything because it is just all Not Right.

Overall comment on your creativity year 2021 ->

In a year where the MCU ended its content drought but where I also spent a good chunk longing for specific, not yet out, content, my creativity happened in fits and spurts. Some of this was a testament to how much (or how little) time I had for going insane in Photoshop at different points in the year, but some of it was also a product of the fact that some pieces of content were incredibly fruitful for my level of creativity while other times what I wanted to make and what I could make were just not in sync at all. But, when I wasn’t suffering from Lack of Specific Content That Was Mostly Just Eternals or just had No Time, I felt like I really pushed myself in terms of learning/figuring out how to do new things in Photoshop and in further polishing my existing skills 💗.

(and i’m not tagging anyone because it is 2022 and 🙈!!!!)

#tag game #elysia says stuff #i hope the tags actually stick 😬