#i lowkey have a very low self esteem and i tend to see myself as not worthy or unimportant

[octobermermaid]

Tfw you actually have social skills but social anxiety keeps kicking in every time.

#i mean #i have no problem introducing myself to someone new and breaking the ice #im not afraid of small chat #but when it comes to starting a conversation in order to start a potential friendship #thats where it got me fucked up #i lowkey have a very low self esteem and i tend to see myself as not worthy or unimportant #insert clown emoji here

[frozenmoonshine]

A serious post ahead:

I know it's become super trendy to hate on Takeomi, and I'm guilty of joining the trend myself, after seeing the info in CB#4, but!

It got me thinking about his character, and just how damn unfair Wakui was towards him. He introduced Takeomi with all the hype possible (cocky, sarcastic chainsmoker who was Shinichiro's right hand man, the Vice-Commander of the OG Black Dragon, the so-called "God of War", etc), and signaled very clearly that he's going to be super important to the story (the "3 mysterious Akashi siblings", in Senju's own words), only to completely abandon him in the last arc!

And before you ask, no, I am not defending him in any way, and I am even less of his apologist. This is not about the character's likeability and morality, but about the way he is written.

However, I'm not a (professional) writer, and I can't really talk much about character development, plot resolution, etc. 'cause I don't wanna talk out of my ass about something I'm not competent enough to talk about, but I do think it's more than clear that Wakui did him dirty.

He made us squint at Takeomi, like: "Is he a good guy, is he a bad guy, what is his deal, really?" And it was interesting, it made us think. And then we saw a tiny bit of his backstory, he became slightly more relatable, we realized he isn't inherently evil, but... then there came the chapter 241 and we saw what a shitty brother he was to Haru. And yet again, we were left wondering if Takeomi is someone to hate or not.

But that was it, we were left there, hanging on the cliff of his character arc that never happened for real. We never got to see what had really happened between him and Haruchiyo, and most importantly - why it happened. We can all agree that Takeomi is a horrible big brother, it's just a fact. But I also have a strong impression that there was supposed to be an explanation for his attitude towards Haru. Just like how Taiju was abusive to Hakkai and Yuzuha because he wanted them to become "strong", maybe Takeomi had his own similarly warped idea to make Haruchiyo "toughen up" by being unreasonably harsh and strict towards him.

It is one of my greatest disappointments in the manga, that Takeomi as a character was never expanded on. I'm pretty sure he'd have become one of the most relatable and compelling, if not likeable, characters. We see him being flawed, very flawed, and with very real, mundane flaws, that all of us have to some extent. He's suffering from low self esteem, he's trying to make a name/reputation for himself, he's struggling with the responsibility of parenting two kids who are not his kids but siblings, and at such a young age! If you have younger siblings, you most likely know from personal experience how wrong it is to push older children in the family to parent the younger ones, instead of parents parenting all of them!

And yeah, we could argue now that the Mitsuya were in a very similar situation, but Takashi turned out just fine.

First of all, in real life, every person is an individual, and every person's experience is different, and no family circumstances are the same. And since TR depicts family issues, social issues, and (inter)personal issues in an exceptionally realistic manner (main reason why I love it so much!), same can be said for the Akashi and the Mitsuya. Mama Mitsuya is a single mother, but she seems to be as present in her kids' lives as possible, while working her ass off to provide for them. She seems to be a good parent, and therefore the Mitsuya family is not toxic. They all love and support each other.

And to retrace to the abovementioned hypothesis that "Takashi turned out just fine" - did he, really?! He's in a delinquent biker gang, he ran away from home at least once because he couldn't deal with the pressure, he drew (illegall) graffitti, he got a temple tattoo, spent time in a brothel playing poker... His character is very understated and lowkey, so we don't exactly tend to think of him in that light, but when we look at the facts... he's not as much of an angel as he may seem.

Back to the analysis of Takeomi, his parents are not present in his and his siblings' lives. We never got a single hint about what happened with their mother, and all we know about their father is that he left, so the three of them were brought up by their grandma. And therefore, Takeomi had to shoulder the role of the "father". I wish we got to see at least a glimpse of his perspective on that. A glimpse of his own relationship with his parents. With his grandmother. Or why Shinichiro gave him the nickname 'Rainbringer'. Why he was so obsessed with money and "success", why he felt the need to be famous. Why he pushed Haruchiyo to his limits. So damn many unanswered questions, and it's just one single character! Wakui still owes us countless answers, and I will totally not be bitter about it forever!

Just make Tokyo Revengers 2 and answer everything properly, damn it!

#rant over #tokyo revengers manga #wakui ken #tokyo revengers #akashi takeomi #sanzu haruchiyo #black dragon tokyo revengers #mitsuya takashi #shiba taiju #tokyo revengers takeomi #haruchiyo #tokrev manga #random thoughts

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

hey so like is there a name for experiencing pretty much all the symptoms of NPD to at least some extent except of the craving of attention/validation? Specifically asking ppl w/ NPD and other similar disorders here because I’m lowkey having a crisis

Like I would say I line up with pretty much all the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder except that I actually find social interaction with and receiving attention from others to be incredibly taxing after a while, even with people I like and care about greatly, and that I don’t, and can’t bring myself to base my self esteem around how others perceive me, which I’m aware is usually like a pretty big part of NPD

(more details/self psychoanalysis under the read more) 

I would say want people to generally acknowledge that I am more intelligent and superior to them (even though I understand logically that I am not) and treat me as such, but I wouldn’t say my ego or self esteem relies on that acknowledgement or that I feel worthless/insufficient/etc without it, just rather that I feel entitled to it and get annoyed when people don’t give it to me. 

(although I do understand logically that they shouldn’t and honestly don’t actually want them to, despite my feelings of entitlement, because I know it would be bad for my already warped sense of self importance and I understand that I am not actually inherently superior to other people or more intelligent than them, and that even if I were that wouldn’t mean that they owe me anything) 

See I don’t want compliments, attention, ego-bolstering, or even deference, as I find stuff like that to come off as insincere or pitying, and thus condescending, which I take as an insult to because I have an inflated ego and react negatively to any implication that I might need ‘babying’ or ‘white lies’ told to me, even though, again, I understand logically that if people care about me they’d thus want to make me feel good/happy. In the same vein, I want people to treat me as intellectually superior to them but not become dependent on me or to devalue themselves because I find that both annoying and stressful. I don’t want people relying upon me for guidance/leadership/support, because even though I think of myself as smarter than them, I don’t feel grandiosity to the degree where I think that means that I should ‘lead’ them. I also tend to find people relying upon me, especially for what I can only really describe as ‘intellectual labour’ to be incredibly stressful and just, like, an amount of pressure I do not want to deal with, as I hate feeling like I owe other people anything or that they want something from me. 

I think the issue is that I'm so low empathy and have such a sense of grandiosity in a specific way that I ultimately disregard everyone’s opinions of me, even people I would say I value and care for, because I ultimately believe that my sense of self is dependent on no one other that myself and that other’s opinions of/feelings towards me don’t matter because I don't owe them anything. I have a hard time ascribing people (and their thoughts and feelings) the value I know they logically deserve because I just fundamentally cannot feel that other people’s opinions of me could ever matter as much as my opinion of myself and I have this kind of semi-spiteful thing where I firmly believe that I don’t owe other people anything and that they’re idiots if they expect anything of me. 

(However, I logically believe that we all owe each other basic human decency, attempts at compassion and, in most cases, just general politeness and understanding. Like this is a personal belief I hold very strongly and I feel that other who don’t hold at least somewhat similar beliefs are rude and callous. Is this kind of cognitive dissonance common with NPD?) 

from my understanding of it NPD is very much a ‘If I’m not perfect then I don’t have any worth at all’ type mindset, with each person’s version/idealization of ‘perfect’ being a different thing, but because I consider myself to be above societal/cultural/interpersonal expectations my sense of self esteem isn’t reliant upon being or being viewed as ‘perfect’, or on other people and their standards at all, and yes, I’m aware that this makes me sound like a 13yro edgelord, I can’t help it 

TLDR: essentially, I wonder if I do have NPD and the specifically narcissistic/grandiose/egotistical parts kind of supersede and outweigh the RSD and ‘self esteem based on validation from others’ parts of NPD for me that I see other people describe so often, or whether those things are actually really fundamental to NPD and I have some other different ego/self-image disorder with symptoms that overlap with those of NPD but is fundamentally a separate thing??? would love to hear ppls thoughts and opinions on this because it’s actually beginning to stress me out

#actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #personality disorder #for reference im also autistic and ik that that obviously entails emotional dysregulation and 'abnormal' though processes #hoo boy i have not psychoanalyzed myself like in A While and honestly i cant say im feeling great abt it #anyways i consider myself to be self aware of my egotistical tendencies #and i make active effort to be compassionate and value other people as well as their throughts/feelings/opinions #like im aware of the fact that i feel superior to others even though i logically know that im not #so i make an active effort to not treat the people around me as inferior #even tho tbh its really hard sometimes #ok thats enough self therapy for tonite or i will actually go insane #og post // #pls dont rb unless ur offering advice/opinions #id rather ppl dont put this pretty personal post on their blog for their followers to see just to say 'oh me too'

[obeyme-babe]

🌺Hello! May I ask for a romantic (I wouldn't mind NSFW, tho) matchup for the brothers and possibly Undateables, please? I'm female, bi, german, Aquarius. I'm 1,59 m tall, long, blonde hair, pale skin, grey-blue eyes and wear glasses, I'm chubby. I’m reserved, introverted, really shy, anxious, low self-esteem and have depression. I don’t like crowds. I can be distant and very quiet. It’s not easy to get close to me. I’m very cautious around others. I choose my friends carefully. Once I’m with friends I joke around a lot more. Chaotic neutral. I’m probably the weird one in my friend group, though I’m rather calm. I daydream a lot. I like to tease my friends and flirt with them playfully. I curse sometimes, but not much. I also sometimes say perverted things and nobody expects it, because I do look very innocent. I tend to be sarcastic, ironic, kind of blunt. My sense of humor is dark, dry and often silly or exaggerated

I keep my opinions to myself, but if something important needs to be said, I will say the truth, even if it hurts. I need time for myself to recharge. I hate to be late and hate to wait, am mostly organised. I like to watch movies (often horror, but I can get a bit spooked), read books, listen to music and game occasionally. I want to try out doing macrame! I love animals, especially cats. I also love sweets and fruits (and eating in general). I'm interested in the medical field, philosophy and anthropology. It might happen (definitely will happen), that I might just tell someone random facts, if talked about topics I find interesting. My love language is quality time and physical touch. Thank you! Stay healthy, happy and hydrated!💕

From the brothers, I match you with: Leviathan!

I think you and Levi would get along well once he manages to swim his way past your walls. I see Levi as being someone who doesn’t like talking a whole lot, so when you two are together, it’s oftentimes in his room and neither of you are speaking much, just doing your own things in the quietness of each other’s presence. At the beginning, he may tease you when you wordlessly go to hold his hand, but he secretly grew to love it and lowkey looks forward to it now (and gets petty if you make him be the one to initiate it). While Levi isn’t the best for words (in my opinion), I think he’d try his best to build you up via gestures. Whether it be leaving you small treats, giving you a gentle hand on your back, or simply a look, I think he’d try his best to make sure you were aware that he’s there for you.

Other contender(s): Lucifer

From the undateables, I match you with: Barbatos!

Barbatos is a watcher. His more timid nature lends him great observational skills, so he’d be quick to pick up on you and your demeanor. I think Barbatos is extremely perceptive and knowledgeable on most signs of mood changes, so if he starts to see you sink into a worse mood, he’d quietly make it his goal to make your day easier. I also can see him being one to get surprised by any sudden statements you randomly say, especially if those statements can be taken in a lewd or dirty way. Overall, Barbatos would be very tender and passionate in his love. The dedication he gives to you can be paralleled to his dedication to Diavolo (not that he tells the prince that he loves him every night, that’s something reserved just for you).

Other contender(s): Simeon

#thank you for requesting! #obey me #omswd levi #omswd lucifer #omswd simeon #omswd barbatos #matchup #anon

[strawberry-sundaze]

Hello! May I ask for a mha matchup, please? I’m female, bi (I’m still figuring myself out), german, INFJ, Aquarius. 1,59 m tall, long, blonde hair, pale skin, grey-blue eyes and wear glasses, I'm chubby. I’m reserved, introverted, really shy, anxious, low self-esteem. I don’t like crowds. I can be distant and very quiet. It’s not easy to get close to me. I’m very cautious around others. I choose my friends carefully. Once I’m with friends I joke around a lot more. Chaotic neutral.

I’m probably the weird one in my friend group, though I’m rather calm. I often daydream about many weird things and/or discuss it with my friends. They often ask me how I even come up with things like that. I like to tease my friends and flirt with them playfully. I curse sometimes, but not much. I also sometimes say perverted things and nobody expects it, because I do look very innocent. I tend to be sarcastic, ironic, kind of blunt. My sense of humor is dark, dry and often silly or exaggerated I keep my opinions to myself, but if something important needs to be said, I will say the truth, even if it hurts. I need time for myself to recharge. I hate to be late and hate to wait, am mostly organised. I like to watch movies (mostly horror, even though I can get a bit spooked), read books (especially thrillers), listen to music and game occasionally. I love animals, especially cats (I have one myself). I'm sorry it got so long, but thank you so much!! Stay healthy and happy!💕

HI!! I’m glad you asked!! Thank you, I hope you are also staying happy and healthy :) More details = more accuracy so I can match you better! Tbh when I read this I was like wow you sound like someone I’d love to be friends with, LOL. I’ll give you a student, a pro hero, and a villain. Hope you enjoy!! 💛

Your (aged up!) UA student match is...

Nejire Hado!

Okay. I came to this conclusion because first of all, Nejire seems to have a soft spot for people who more introverted. Not only that, but Nejire also has a sort of bubbly, mild temperament that would be receptive to dry humor, teasing, perverted comments, you name it. This lady is a queen at playing it off and playing along. She’d also be most likely to laugh at all your jokes genuinely, even the ones you weren’t sure would land because she loves to smile. Nejire would try SO hard to get to know you. She senses your cautiousness when it comes to people, so she’d put in extra effort to make sure you are comfortable when approaching you.

Nejire would love and accept you for who you are. No judge, only love. She would love to play with and style your long, blonde hair, stare at your pretty green eyes a bit longer than she probably should, and compliment you just to see your reaction. Nejire isn’t clingy; she knows you need your space (she is independent and likes her own space too, she gets it), but she does like to be around you when you both have time.

Honestly, she’d be a wonderful complement to your personality. Nejire probably would try her best to stay strong when watching a horror movie with you, but would end up freaking out in a fit of shrieks and giggles near the climax of the movie. *peeking through her hands, desperately trying to keep calm and breathing heavily* “MmhH...wha-...OH goodness... *long pause* ...waaAAAAHH HAHAHAHA IM SORRY, I’m SORRY I can’t do it! 😂😰” **But she’d have so much fun with you. She just hopes she isn’t getting on your nerves or anything.

Oh, one last thing!! She would LOVE to visit the zoo, volunteer her time and visit animal shelters, really just go anywhere she can see animals and pet them with you! She would be best pals with your cat. Nejire although airheaded at times would be very thoughtful; always thinking to bring by a new toy for your cat to play with or a new book she thinks you’d like to read when she gets to see you. 1000/10, Nejire Hado has THE most sugary, sweet heart.

Okay!! Pro hero time!! He is here! Your hero is...

Shota Aizawa!

Heheheee~! I gave you this strange man. Please take him! You’re welcome. (Jkjk but here’s what I am seeing:)

He. LIVES. For. Dark. And. Dry. Humor. That is some good stuff right there. He would be hanging around you all day just waiting to hear what you had to say. He’s not a people person either, in fact, he’d much rather just be somewhere cozied up in his sleeping bag. The fact that you wouldn’t get on his nerves and you’d just chill with him would really soothe his soul.

Please make him blush with the pervy, surprising comments. It’d be hilarious. He’s a person that would be difficult to catch off guard, but if you do, it’d be SO interesting. Would he make a face? Would he even blush? Does anybody really know?? Aizawa is a man of mystery. He probably digs reading the occasional book and enjoys thrillers more than horror.

He obviously likes to clown around, as he regularly “lies” to his students because it’s “necessary” like okay Aizawa whatever you say. Probably quite the lowkey prankster. “Shota, have you seen my keys?” Aizawa: “No idea.” *has them hidden somewhere in plain sight so you’d barely miss seeing them*

Although he may be a lot apathetic on the outside, Shota cares a great deal. He’d encourage and motivate you day to day, from small things you wanted to achieve to big milestones. Even in the simplest ways; he’d probably say things along the lines of: “Oh, I’m glad you are here. Let’s get something to eat. Did you drink enough water today? How are you feeling?” Also, CATS. LOVES cats. He would honestly lounge around all day with any cat. Doesn’t matter if they are cuddly, irritable, sassy, whatever personality the cat has, he will love them. And eventually, they will love him, too.

“Hey, Shota, what day is today?”

“Today? Is it day? Does it matter? Ask Mic.”

This man. Sigh. He’ll always be the sarcastic, supportive, wonderful cat dad he is.

Yay! Lastly, we need a villain ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The villain I would match you up with is...

Himiko Toga!

Just look at her! She’s so adorable. Once you get past the stabby-stab-bloody Toga, she’s just a blushy, fun cutie.

You want horror? You GOT it. Himiko is down whenever to watch or read something scary. She’s your girl. She’ll even cuddle or reasssure you if you get a bit spooked, because I’m pretty confident nothing would scare this one. She’d probably also try to hide behind corners and jump out at you. Or on ceilings and drop down, lol

Toga would also love your hair because it’s blonde like hers! She does wish she had eyes like yours, though. If you ask her nicely honestly you probably don’t even have to ask, she’ll put your hair in buns like hers. Toga would try to gently get you out of your comfort zone by asking you to play games with her, dance with her, or hold her hand to go on a walk somewhere. She’d be gentle, she’d be patient.

Himiko would love to have someone to tell her secrets to. She’d talk or listen for hours, or for as long as you could handle. Please flirt with Toga!! She’d flirt RIGHT back and eat it up. Whether it was subtlety done or bold, she’d love it. Himiko understands that she can be overwhelming, maybe even borderline annoying, but she’ll do her best to tone it down if she ends up bothering you. Will absolutely give you your space. She can start talking in an instant and stop just as fast.

Toga is kind of particular about certain things, so she may or may not get along with your cat. She does like cats, though! She would try! I feel like if nothing else, she’d be a little too affectionate with your cat and squeeze them, so if you have a cat that doesn’t like to be held, well...

“Oh, hellooo! C’mere, kibber!” *picks up cat and squeezes until they meow and squirm out of her grasp* “Nooooo... Come back! ....please?”

Hope you liked it!! I did my best! Thank you again for the ask! 💛💛

#kittyanswersasks #strawberry sundazemha #bnhamatchups #my hero academia #mha matchup #matchups open #togamatchup #aizawamatchup #nejirematchup #bnha #mha

[bloodfcst-a]

                 HAPPY HALLOWEEN !

I don’t really do the whole milestone things these days, but I’ve been doing some deep reflection lately. This blog has been a journey & a reflection of my personal growth, a testament to my endurance. I’ve placed myself in an entirely new fandomless experience, have retained very little of the people I’ve known from the last 3 years I’ve been on tumblr rp, and I’ve been rebuilding my self-esteem from the ground up. I won’t lie, there’s been moments where it’s been really hard! But there’s also been moments where it’s extremely satisfying to know that I didn’t need to rely on anyone from my past-- that I’m fully capable myself of connecting with people & forming cohesive relationships if I really apply myself to it. 

2019 has been hard. I moved 2000 miles away from an unhealthy domestic situation, away from local connections I’d bridged throughout my high school and college years, away from anything familiar. I started a new job with an age group I had no familiarity with (and at that time, comfort level, too). I had to figure out housing in a new city, making connections, navigating. And even though I’m a seasoned solo traveler, there’s a difference between vacationing aimlessly and relocating somewhere aimlessly. I might be a Leo sun, so people think I’m confident and bold and daring.. and some of that is true! However, I’m definitely an Aquarius moon, and all of the intense fueled-by-emotions, the over-thinking, the “I’m pushing myself beyond my own boundaries and I’m not sure if this is sustainable” is mega accurate. I’m desperately trying to maintain a balance. And this, on top of chronic illness, is like... literally so difficult to manage as just... one individual.

While I do tend to mourn all the friendships that haven’t worked out one way or another, I have to say I’m incredibly grateful for all the connections that I do have currently. And so, in no particular order, I’d like to just shout out the names of those who constantly remind me of my value and worth, who encourage and inspire me, who motivate me, who I adore and... quite frankly, if it weren’t for you, I don’t know what I’d be doing. So. Thank you.

@garrotejima ! I don’t share this on the dash frequently, but you know personally that.... you mean the absolute world to me. The word ‘ best friend ’ feels really trite, quite frankly, and doesn’t really encompass or embody like... the amount of feeling I have for you. I’m so grateful. Thank you for all the laughs and tears you’ve allowed me to share with you. I have had so many low moments and so many sob stories and so many really devastating moments with you & not once have you ever made me regret it. I truly adore you & would do anything for you. I love you, Dean.

@shimmerseas !  Alex! We have truly survived some shit this year!! And you have been my role model throughout my experience with this blog. You spearheaded making me feel connected somewhere, helped me to actually connect with people I’d lowkey had been afraid / intimidated to speak to but had always admired, and like... you’re literally such a blessing! You’ve also been around for a while so like... u know what a shitstorm fandom experience I came from & somehow you’re still rolling around in this with me together. And now Tida & Yufi are best friends. I love this for them, naturally, but I truly love this for US & all the growing up we’re doing these days. Go team!

@dojiryu !  Oh, Danny... I’ve been admiring u for 38 years on this account ( but paci, it’s not even a year old! ) & it’s only lately that we’ve really started talking and plotting and stuff, but since the day I discovered your blog, you’ve brought me nothing but joy and comfort. To me, you’re like... idk, the ideal person when it comes to like... what the rp experience should be like. You’re such a role model. You’re never judgmental, you’re ICONIC, you’re having fun with what you do, you’re passionate, and you don’t back down from what you believe in. I admire you and your Kiryu so much. I spent so many months worrying that if I approached you I’d mess it up somehow & you’d never like me & I’d ruin everything.... but you’ve only ever been warm and kind to me. I cherish you so much. Thank you.

@nshikigoi / @extremepath ! WORM! I dunno, we just like hit it off the bat & I was just like, I see it, Nishiki & Yufi, the end. I’m so glad that we’ve been able to connect with one another. I adore all of our calls & talks & sessions together. icb I really let u drag me ( in more ways than one!! ) & now I’m dyin’ over Shenmue as well. Devil, you’re actually darling & let’s be real, I’ll probably just follow u forever.

@onlyliberty ! If I gush too much, two things will happen: 1) you’ll cry; 2) you’ll kick my ass ( pls don’t, I’m babey ). You only respond two ways!! But let me just say that like. I love you tons, thank you for like supporting me & wanting to be around me & always being down to connect even if we’re in way different fandoms or experiences or places in life. You’re always a gentle light in my corner I know I can reach out to, and that really means a lot to me... so thank you.

@sentofight @enshijou @damxum @meyvn @90smagicalboy @cihcreha @guiltpossessed @magitekelite @dawnled @tradittore @hananoken @residentangel @dramaytan @starszakrew @blogdepository @devilglow @flamereign @officiums @vibraea ! Thank you so much for always being available for me to just .... talk to, or to be there for me, or just your available support. It means a lot to me & I’m really grateful for your presence & company.

                                            & thank you EVERYONE for just being you! 

#♝ mun.

[deneigement]

—  ¡ * TASK 01 :: JEREMY ATKINSON 

sorry for all the things i said when i thought you weren’t listening. sorry for all the things i didn’t say when you were.

⤷  * SECTION 01 — APPEARANCE

ATTRACTIVENESS.

Jeremy acts like he finds himself extremely attractive, but that’s mostly to cover up his own insecurities when it comes to his looks. He does believe he’s attractive, yes, but there are also so many things about himself he wishes to change. When he comes to other people finding him attractive, I think it depends on the person, to be honest? Like, I think his attitude probably makes him a lot less attractive than could be for some people, as he can be quite immature. As for him finding others attractive, it really depends? Honestly, the biggest turn on for Jeremy is people who carry themselves with confidence. He doesn’t have a specific type apart from that; he finds beautiful people beautiful, and even often finds beauty in people other people might not consider beautiful. 

HEIGHT.

Jeremy’s 5′8″, which is quite short for a man his age, and he used to get teased a lot for it, which is why it once bothered him, but he’s pretty much at peace with it nowadays. He still wishes he was taller than the rest of his family so he’d have one (1) thing on them, but fact is he’s both the youngest and the shortest. 

When it comes to preference with partners’ heights, he tends to be more attracted to people who are taller than him, but he wouldn’t just... Dismiss someone because they’re shorter. Like, as I said earlier, he can find beauty in almost everyone, and he’s not going to let height stop him from appreciating someone. He does find it hot when people can lowkey tower over him, though, but he’d never admit that.

TATTOOS & PIERCINGS.

He has none whatsoever. He’s thinking about getting a tattoo, though, and already knows he wants to get it at Royal Ink, preferably done by Maev because he’s heard from people that the blond is really, really good at what he does. Also, it doesn’t hurt that Maev doesn’t hurt to look at. Jeremy knows Maev DEFINITELY isn’t interested in him like that, and really Jeremy isn’t either, but he does appreciate beauty, you know? And like, piercings? He did consider getting his tongue pierced at one point, but he has a very low pain threshold so... It’s a big no for now. As for other people, he does find tattoos and piercings beautiful, but it doesn’t exactly like... Attract him more or less to someone? To him it’s like a frame on a painting; it can be beautiful, but it’s not typically the masterpiece itself.

GROWING UP. 

Oof. Okay, so. Jeremy was the youngest of his family, and always looked younger than his age, so that was probably quite frustrating for him sometimes. Like his brothers’ friends assuming he was younger than he was, getting asked what the fuck he was doing in high school in his first year there, etc. Honestly, it resulted in a lot of typical Jeremy glares. He was always cute, though, so he had that going for him. Like apart from looking younger than his age, he never had really big issues with his own appearance growing up? Sure, there were things he didn’t love about himself, just as I mentioned earlier, but it was never like... Something that affected his self-esteem too much or anything. 

⤷  * SECTION 02 — RELATIONSHIPS

FAMILY. GRANDPARENTAL + PARENTAL + SPOUSE DEATH TW ALL OVER THIS SECTION 

GRANDMOTHER (JOLENE ATKINSON) / / Jeremy adored his grandmother. She’s the one who really raised him from the age of two years old until she died a few weeks ago, and he was the person he respected most in the world. Sure, he acted out and probably disappointed her more than a couple of times, but she always made him feel loved and like, no matter what he did, no matter what he achieved, he’d have a place with her. Her death hit him hard, but he’s yet to fully processed it, to be honest? Like, I’m inspiring this off of how I myself deal with grief, but it hasn’t fully hit him how he’ll never see her again, and has yet to break down, though when that finally happens, it’s going to be quite difficult. Will I write it out? I don’t know, because it’ll be sad, but I might do a self-para that refers it eventually. But maybe not. We’ll see.

MOTHER (ELISABETH ATKINSON {NÉE SAUCIER}) / / Jeremy doesn’t remember his mother. She died when he was two years old, and though he’s seen pictures of her holding him in her arms when he was younger (they were hard to find, though; his dad put them all away after she died), he remembers absolutely nothing about her. It’s really weird for him, because his brothers remember her a lot better than he does, and if/when they talk about her, he feels super uncomfortable because he almost feels like he has no right being sad/upset, since he doesn’t even remember her? He does wonder sometimes if his life would have been different if she hadn’t died, though. Not only because he’d have had her in his life, but also because his father probably wouldn’t have been as absent if she had lived.

FATHER (NAME TBD ATKINSON) / / After Jeremy’s mother died, his father buried himself into his work and was barely ever there for his kids, letting his mother pretty much raise them all on her own. He never got over his wife’s death, and still hasn’t, though he’s been making an effort lately to reconnect with his sons. The problem for Jeremy is that he tried so fucking hard as a kid to get his father’s attention and never succeeded, so for him to now pay attention, when he’s all grown up (though honestly he has a lot of maturing still to do, but that’s a conversation for another day)... It’s like a blow in the guts. Like, now that he’s given up on his father, his father suddenly wants to be a dad? And maybe Jeremy should be kinder; it’s not like he never saw his dad as a kid, and it could have been a lot worse, but... Jeremy’s extremely bitter when it comes to his dad. ( up to change when/if the wanted connection for jeremy’s dad gets taken. )

OLDEST BROTHER (NAME TBD ATKINSON) / / Growing up, Jeremy looked up to his brothers a lot, especially the two oldest. They have quite a big age gap, so he highkey saw them as adults when they were still teenager, and was constantly seeking their approval. Not necessarily their attention, but their approval? Hell yeah. Well, lowkey their attention too, but obviously not in the way he wanted his father’s attention. Depending on the person who plays the oldest brother, too, he might even have lowkey helped the grandma out when it came to raising the youngest Atkinsons? So, there is that. But, yeah. Jeremy took it hard when each of his brothers left Ellingham pretty much as soon as they could, but he probably took it the hardest with the oldest brother because (1) he was the first to leave and (2) jeremy was still a lil kid when that happened. Plus, he was quite dramatic(tm) so that departure must have been something lmao. I mean, he eventually got over it, but even now, he’s like “yeah you’re just here because grandma died so like...... you can leave now.” @ all his brothers even though he doesn’t REALLY want them to leave, he’s just... bitter. ( up to change when/if the wanted connection for jeremy’s oldest brother gets taken. )

SECOND OLDEST BROTHER (NAME TBD ATKINSON) / / Growing up, Jeremy looked up to his brothers a lot, especially the two oldest. They have quite a big age gap, so he highkey saw them as adults when they were still teenager, and was constantly seeking their approval. Not necessarily their attention, but their approval? Hell yeah. Well, lowkey their attention too, but obviously not in the way he wanted his father’s attention. I’m not as sure this brother would have been pressured or something to help raise to youngest Atkinsons like the oldest was, but! That probably gave him more space to be like, more chill around them? Though of course that 100% depends on who plays them and what not. Once again, it was hard for Jeremy when his brother left Ellingham, but probably wasn’t as dramatic as when the oldest left. Still, the bitterness? Still there. The fact that his brothers just came back because of his grandma’s death makes him a bit... Side-eye-y. He gets it, and he’s glad they listened to his grandma’s last wishes, but he’s lowkey mad at them, too, so yeah! ( up to change when/if the wanted connection for jeremy’s second oldest brother gets taken. )

THIRD OLDEST BROTHER (PETER ATKINSON) / / I feel like, out of all his brothers, Peter’s the one that Jeremy’s maybe the least mad at because when he came back he acted so... Peter-y that it was like no time had passed? Also, he’s probably the one Jeremy used to get along with best, even though he pranked Jeremy a lot so yes. He’s still mad at him, but it’s hard to stay mad at Peter when he’s right there in front of you making bad jokes, so Jeremy’s been having difficulty being bitter around him. Which doesn’t mean he’s going to stop trying, but yeah. 

SECOND OLDEST BROTHER (LIAM ATKINSON) / / Liam was the latest brother to leave, and at that point Jeremy was like “LMAO what a surprise! Very original, Liam. Very new. Not cliché at all.” And like, Liam tried his best to keep in touch but honestly it wasn’t easy, especially with Jeremy purposefully avoiding his texts/calls sometimes bc immature and bitter so egoeirjgoiejrgoerjgrej. Like? He’s not exactly angry at Liam or anything; he’s just bitter @ his whole family in general. I do hope their relationship gets better though because I love family dynamics, and yeah!!!!!!!!

OTHER.

FAVOURITE PERSON (ADRIEN LIU) / / Oof. Basically, Jeremy’s pretty much fallen head over heels for Adrien. Like, I’d say he has a crush, but the word “love”’s much closer to how he feels, though I don’t know if he’s ready to admit that yet. Thing is, he doesn’t think Adrien feels the same way about him, but he doesn’t want to lose him, so he acts like he’s fine just being friends even though there’s more to it. 

BEST FRIEND (MARGARET WHENHAM) / / We haven’t plotted it out a lot yet, but basically they’re super different, so it makes for a very interesting friendship! Margo’s Jeremy’s best friend and he’d do pretty much anything for her.

ONE-TIME HOOKUP (SUTTON GARDNER) / / They hooked up once because they both find each other attractive, but that’s pretty much it. It was for fun, and apart from that, they don’t tend to interact much. It was clear to both of them what it was; just sex.

FRIEND (TALIA TREMBLAY) / / They just recently became friends, even though they knew of each other beforehand. Jeremy’s not the most constant of friends, but he’s there when Talia needs him, and he does honestly appreciate her.

⤷  * SECTION 03 — PERSONALITY TYPES

49 ARCHETYPES: The Drama (Theatrical, Emotive, Sensitive). ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good. ENNEAGRAM: Type 4, The Individualist. MBTI: ESFP, The Entertainer. SOUL TYPE: Performer. INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Visual-Spatial. BIG FIVE: Openness to experience. TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine.  ZODIAC: Gemini Sun, Aries Moon & Pisces Rising.

#ellingham:task01 #❛ ☼ time really flies when you take two naps a day — ( jeremy atkinson )

[cosmetmir]

You should do all of the country asks :D

America: What is your favourite place to eat?At this Korean barbecue place~ Asian food in general is really good

Australia: Do you have any quirks when speaking?As I’ve been told multiple times, I’ll suddenly say words as though I have a British accent.

Austria: What kind of person do you wish to be?A blunt person whose not afraid to speak her mind about anything to anyone.

Belarus: Is there anyone you love? Family, friends, romantic interest?All of my family and all of my friends~ No romantic one though

Belgium: What do you think of your siblings?Sometimes one brother is an ass to me and the other two are chill. I love them all though.

Botswana: Do you like to sing? Why or why not?Ehhhhhh. Mess around singing yes. I used to do choir but it’s not my thing lmao

Bulgaria: Who do you consider close to you?@laceyotakulover @x-i-a-t @nervous-bxy @skeletonymous

Cameroon: Describe your culture.ROMANIANI am Romanian and in my culture we have things we do for fun and allBut I’m too lazy to explain so good thing you have Google 👌👌👌 Canada: Favourite wintertime activity?Tying the sled to the four wheeler

China: What was the best moment of your life?I guess when I was born

Cuba: What sort of grudges do you hold if any?Not being honest nor speaking my mind.

Cyprus: What hands-on activities do you like (drawing, carving, building, etc.)?Drawing~

Denmark: Do you wish for something of your past?Food?

Egypt: Do you stand up for what you believe in? How?I do. If it gets too much and all, I’ll tell the person to stop and politely. I’m not one who yells or is violent..

England: Are you controlling?At times,,

Estonia: Do you think people often misunderstand you?O h y e sA l l t h e t i m e p a l : )

Finland: What do you prefer, kindness, sternness, or apathy?All together

France: How do you show love for those you care for?Sending messages saying good things about them (but I don’t do this much anymore so don’t be offended if I don’t do this to you cause I love you all) Just let them know I’m here and I’ll never leave them And being my true self as well~

Germania: What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?Eat a fucking cocktail shrimpThat shit is disgusting Never ever having that type of sample from Costco >_> (Excuse thy profanity. But I have had harder things but I’d rather not say them so leave it at this.)

Germany: Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?It depends on the situation. Been getting better though.

Ghana: What is your favorite sport?Swimming and horse riding

Greece: Do you let other help you when in need?RarelyI tend to keep to myself and want to be like independent So only very VERY few do I seek help in

Hungary: Who is the person you trust most?@laceyotakulover

Hutt River: What is the most memorable dream or nightmare you have had?When one of my brothers died and my other brother had a family but had no memory of meMild dream I know compared to others but it really hit hard on me

Hong Kong: Do you fear death?Surprisingly no.

Iceland: Do you hide your real personality? Why?In school yes. I only really act like myself around people I care and am comfortable with. And because I’ve been feeling like to some also (that I may be comfortable with as well) I don’t matter or something. But really now I don’t care if they don’t like me or not. And if they don’t we’ll then pfft that’s their loss

India: How important is family to you?Very.

Japan: Tell us a secret about yourself.I am secretly a girly girl

Kenya: What is your favourite wild animal?Foxes or wolves for landOctopus for water

Korea: What is one thing you accomplished by yourself?Making food

Kugelmugel: Is there anyone you have a love-hate relationship with?Yeee

Latvia: Do you believe you are brave?I try to.

Ladonia: What is the internet site you visit most often?Wattpad or a manga site :0

Liechtenstein: How do people underestimate you most often?They think I know n o t h i n g about sex and all and that I’m so innocent and such a good ol girl in that department Well buddy There’s this thing called the INTERNET sooooo

Lithuania: Do you desire power?On my worst days yes.

Macau: What is your favourite festival or celebration?Cherry blossomOr masqueradeOr like the ones they have in Spain they’re cool

Molossia: Do you consider yourself strong?Physically somewhat Mentally I’ve been improving a lot which is nice Monaco: Do you think you are a lucky person?Maybe idk

New Zealand: Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, Hobbit, or wizard?Elf !!!

North Italy: What is your least favourite part of your personality?Jealous and possessive

Norway: What was the most disappointing time in your life?When I didn’t get this GIGANTIC teddy bear Oh well I got a smaller teddy bear which was just as cute~

Netherlands: Most generous thing someone has done for you?Give me a gift like :’>>

Poland: Hardest thing you have gone through?Insecurity

Prussia: Would you prefer to live forever or die alone?Die alone.

Roman Empire: How would you like to be remembered?As Michelle M. the Romanian lowkey gyspy who is just the exact quote of Lafayette from the musical Hamilton “And whose ze best? C"est moi~”

Romania: What is something you are very ashamed of?Well of course my country has to have this question mother trucker But I guess when I catch myself judging people based on appearances because then I feel bad like I shouldn’t that’s rude

Russia: Have you ever suffered from low self esteem? Do you still?Oh yes. Very. I’ve gotten better though :D

Sealand: Who is your best friend?I have multiple best friends

Seborga: What is your favourite beverage?Bubble tea

Seychelles: How do you handle people being rude to you?I will politely ask them to stop. And if not then I’ll start getting annoyed and making a not so nice comment about them but I have to hold my tongue because yee

South Italy: What is your favourite part of your personality?Finding good in everyone

Spain: What would you tell to the person or people you hurt most if you had a second chance?I’m sorry. I know it hasn’t been directly said that I did that I know it was stupid and I shouldn’t have been caught up on him. I should’ve paid attention to you and not let myself get carried away. I’m sorry.

Sweden: Are you a leader, follower, or independent?Independent

Switzerland: Would you consider yourself evil, good, or neutral?Good

Thailand: How good is your poker face?Very

Tibet: What do you value most?Respect and politeness for all

Taiwan: What do you think of the people or person who raised you?I love them so much

Turkey: Would you ever want children?One day.

Uganda: How would you like others to see you?I guess as a respectful and nice person? Idk

Ukraine: What is one thing that has made you stronger in life?School

Vietnam: What is something you are proud of about yourself?How I can see good in bad situations dealing with myself

Wy: What kind of art do you like?Every art is beautiful~

Zimbabwe: Who is your favourite character from any folklore?Eros Honestly I want to be his best friend and have platonic cuddles with him p l e a s e