#i wanna go home. i wish i could be home today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mars-ipan · 9 months

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ohhh i’m like REALLY homesick huh

#marzivents #might give this the vent tag we’ll find out #i’m on the drive home rn so i’ll be back soon but #still #i think part of it’s college nerves?#idk. craving stability really really bad #i move into my dorm on the 14th #i don’t feel. ready? yet #which i KNOW is normal. but #i mean i don’t even have my license. i feel like i shoulda gotten it years ago #sure i can’t help that covid happened but like. my brother did it. he’s driving us home right now #idk. i don’t feel like an adult #i just want things to stay the same for a little bit but they’re about to change a TON #and that’s really scary #i know it’s scary for everyone but. that doesn’t make it any less scary for me #i know i’ll figure it out. i always do. but fuck i’m scared #i wanna go home. i wish i could be home today #i’m tired of long car rides. they give me too much time to think. i want to stop thinking so much #maybe i’ll grab my headphones and listen to some music. distract myself #man i wish we had tissues in the car. my face is gross now #i’ll be home tomorrow. i can share my concerns then. i’ll be okay #i just hid that crying from my brother i feel like a fucking ninja #probs not the healthiest but it’s ok. i’ll talk about it when he’s not on the highway lmao

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sapphicsnzs · 22 days

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trying to sneeze and sniffle quietly in the library to not draw attention to myself

#self obs #snz blog #snz kink #snzblr #i wish i could be at home but the only place i can focus is the library and i have two papers due today #i also always sit in the quiet section because it has the least distractions but i feel so bad if i make any noise #im wearing a big sweatshirt and just wiping my nose on it to avoid sniffling #i also keep going to the bathroom to sneeze because i don’t wanna be loud #anyways hopefully i can finish these quick and then go home cause im so exhausted and i have to be up early tomorrow for an interview

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pegasusdrawnchariots · 1 month

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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

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real-life-cloud · 7 months

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:(

#the sky speaks #vent time!!#tw suicidal ideation #i wish i could just hate my mother it would be so much easier #but shes trying so hard and in so much pain #but shes so TIRING to be around !!!!#she got in a wreck this evening. she was drinking and driving around to all of people who don't talk to her anymore #shes getting a dui i guess?#and this is just one thing in a looooong list of shit shes pulled #ive heard her scream and sob so much today. but now shes also saying she wants to die. over n over #full on existential crisis. she feels no purpose and is so lonely #she left this morning to go shopping tyen just never came home. my dad asked me to call her and she answered and just said #i can't. im sorry. and hung up on me. then she turned off her phone and we didnt know where she was for a half hour #and i was so fucjing worried that shed killed herswlf or somthing i couldnr even remember rhe last thing i said to her?#i hugged her for so long when we finally got home #but im just so tired of loving her #shes still down there crying but i cqnt listen tk her anymore. my head is pounding. i wanna sob. i never wanna cry again.#i kinda wanna die too but i feel like i cant tell anyone really. moms such a mess how could i possibly put these feelings onto dad or thomas #and not mom. god. shes thw reason i feel like that. evwry time. im so tired of her falling apart that id rather not be here.#if i had just sucked up being on my period and went shopping with her today this wouldn't have happened. but that shoyldnr be how it is!!!!!#im allowed ro stay home!!! i shouldnr have to babysit her!! but ive felt like i was HER mother aince i was 17 #im just so tired

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palms-upturned · 1 year

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#meg talks #god i am so fucking tired lately sksbdjjccj #came home from work today and made myself a quick dinner and after eating i immediately passed out for like an hour 💀#there’s so much i gotta do in terms of cooking/chores but my body is just so worn out #which is why im late answering messages and stuff lately btw sjsbdjdb im not trying to ignore ppl #just. spoons in the negative. i can drop by and post my gay little thoughts every now and then but conversations i have to take slow #but yeah i am in dire need of a vacation skshdjdj ill have to put in a time off request soon…#just gotta decide how much time i wanna take off and when…#im just like god i hope i don’t have another medical emergency of some kind and regret not saving my pto 💀#but i need REAL time off u know… time to relax instead of recovering/nursing ppl #at my first job i didn’t take a proper vacation for like two years and whew. there were Mental Consequences #now it’s been a year and a half at this job and the Consequences are hot on my tail #it’s just sad bc of covid u know. i can’t go anywhere nor host any friends for a visit #so ill just spend the whole time at home wishing i could be w my friends and family… 😔#well. anyway. ill figure smth out #for now i just gotta get into a routine w the chores so im not dying sjbsdjhd #and also go talk to my fibro specialist abt adjusting my treatment to accommodate for lifestyle changes…#third floor apartment and walking to work and etc etc #sigh. im just tired man

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#hhhh my body is tired. i couldnt sleep and then my day was upside down and i spent 4hrs transfering algae #i still have 1 work day until i go home. which is to say i will do 2 days of computer work and 1 day of manual labor in the field before i #go home. bc i have to get these fucking manuscripts done #but i guess it was an ok day. it wasnt yesterday where i left the lab by 12 for fear of bursting into tears. sometimes i just cant stand to #work sitting down. its really annoying #but i did have to say goodbye to our visiting phd student today bc she goes back to spain in the new year #which is sad bc shes really cool but she liked to do snail mail so im excited to be pen pals with her #bc ive never done the snail mail thing. shes like 5 to 10 years older than me? like old enough to have fully formed memories of the 90s #hhhh i still have to order Christmas presents. i just. i wish i could stop the present exchange. no body buy me anything so i dont have to #buy u anything. im so tired.#and i still have to make Christmas presents for my parents and sisters. with what time?#ill have to burn away my vacation time for that. hhhh i shoulf just sleep now #but i wont. ill pack bc i might as well while im being unproductive and i wont make time for it later so ya kno #i just wanna be home not doing anything but also i have many things to do and lots of things to prepare before i can do school visits #assuming i get more than one. and oh fuck thats right i still have that last application. tomorrow morning thsts what ill do. god dammit #the 4 hrs of algae transfering was my break and me being unfocused now #just 3 more days and 2 full day of traveling then i can whine at my parents abt how sad i am lol nah ill do that thing where u go #haha yea im in a lot of pain lmao so no one fully takes u seriously even tho ur saying something fucked up #that my mo bc i cant take my pain seriously. part of my brain detaches itself and thinks its all v funny #bleh. brain is goo #unrelated

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fishbit · 2 years

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Good fucking GOD why is having a womb SO PAINFUL

#i got hit by so much pain yesterday i could NOT work i was like sobbing and bed ridden #almoet had to go to the fucking hospital #cant wait to explain to my bosses that ''hey um. something is up with my uterus i think'' ugh #i took stronger medication today so i can work but im shaking and really nauseous #like its really like 'do you wanna be fucking bedridden or do u wanna feel like ur about to throw up all day'#im going to the doctor asap because i know these pains arent normal for menstruation and its kinda terrifying #i wish i could be home but i need to work to have enough money for rent #delete later

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quevadilla · 9 hours

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#fair warning in going on a semi rant rn #mostly about me and internalized ableism #ive been fighting an emotional breakdown all fucking day bc im at work and its the one place i wish i could stay composed 100 percent of the #time but of course the minute i go on my break im legitimately fighting tears bc i dont have anything to truly distract me #no task to take my attention away from my exhaustion and burnout and everything else #im sleep deprived on top of it and i generally feel like shit #but i feel like the biggest fucking baby for not being able to keep it together #all i wanna do is go home and cry and do nothing for the rest of the day but i have 2 hours left of my shift before i can do that #i know i shouldn't feel like im being a baby for needing an outlet for my feelings but i cant help it #the one place i wear a constant mask i just can't do it #at least i have the next two days off i guess?#my job takes everything out of me tho so i dknt think ill have recovered by then #i was so close to calling in today but i didnt bc i hate feeling like im inconveniencing people #queva irl

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phantaloon · 1 month

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dont mind me just being mentally unstable as usual lol

my mom knows full well i struggle with guilt

ik it isn’t fucking cute, ik its an issue

it doesn't make it any easier to fix myself and i still feel like everything is my fault

she knows that

and yet she often tells me how everything is my fault

but today is a new one

"no it's not your fault i was late, its mine for waiting for you"

like oof lmao alright mom

let me just pretend thats not going to haunt me forever

#she knew an hour and a half before leaving #she could have been ready #yet she apparently had to wait to wake me up (15 minutes before leaving btw) in order to get ready #i didn't even want to go #im on break i just wanna stay home #i wasn't going to go #and yet she said that #and now im just curled up in bed trying my hardest not to cry #its not even 10 am #and i already wish i hadn't woken up today #like sorry im such an inconvenience mom #i should go to therapy

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barkingangelbaby · 2 months

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bruh FUCK whoever is having ppl over by my house rn and let several cars park on the side of the street that you're not allowed to park on... had to wait 5 minutes to leave my driveway bc they turned my street into a one lane road... boooooo you fucking suck!!! there's literally an entire parking lot they could have used... why.....

just..... why..... wouldn't you tell ur guest to park there..... why..................

#annoyed!#don't wanna drive home now!#at least the grocery store isn't super busy #but i get so anxious whenever i need to use a cart how the fuck am i 27 and still so nervous going shopping #oh well !!!!!!#i miss N but I'm glad she's doing her own thing today #but ughhhhh i wish i could talk with her rn #rAMbles

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allofuswantgwinam · 2 months

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i think what makes my aloneness so strong is that i genuinely have no one I can just hit up anytime. everyone in my life has someone more important than me *which is fine, im not like tryin to be some petty jealous weirdo, it is just true and my life got behind bc i was dumb and in love with the wrong person* so it’s like it’s just me, ya know? I got me and it’s on repeat every mfing lame ass day lol I want someone to lean on and vice versa, I wanna spoil someone and be spoiled, like I just want a person. a companion, all that gross and gushy shit.

#just sucks #feels like it’s destined to be this way forever sometimes #i wish i could just rot in my bed about it today but no i have to work #yay #wanna go home

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sensitivegoblin · 3 months

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Life update

Tw: suicide, self harm

#I attempted for real for real.#I couldn't get the blade to cut deep enough so I broke and asked my dad to stay home #i shouldn't have told him I should've tried to just move past it on my own...#I don't think I'm gonna be on much today I'm sorry #my dad says he doesn't want me to go to a hospital cus it'll be bad for me and honestly I'm scared of them but I wanna go and get better #I feel tremendous guilt and my head is screaming at me cus I couldn't cut deep enough #I wish they would just leave me alone....I tried my hardest to do the right thing....I wish I could turn my brain off.....

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craykae · 4 months

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was gonna go to my friend's funeral tomorrow but I got my period today whyyy :(

#i was already on the fence about going bc the person who asked me to go bailed #plus it's a long drive and the social anxiety of it all #but imagining going through all that while being exhausted and nauseous and sweaty and cramping 😞 it would just be a nightmare #now idk what to do. i was kind of counting on it to bring some catharsis and help me process it all but now there's no structure #don't wanna spiral from ruminating about it but don't wanna repress it mm #for context I we just kinda lost touch and hadn't spoken in like idk 8 years so it's not like he was still in my life b #just weird ya know #i fucking hate my body like I literally don't need a reproductive system #i feel worse today than I did the entire time I was sick sick this week #if someone who doesn't menstruate felt like this they'd be like oh shit I'm sick better stay home and rest and everyone would be like okay #but for us its just the way things are and completely unavoidable and takes up 1/4 of my whole existence eerggugguhfh #i wish I could just scoop this shit out and give it to someone who actually wants to have a baby. literally don't need it #anyways. vent over thanks for stopping by #death mention #delete later