#i wanna set myself on fire

[torturedpoetdean]

I don’t even know where to start with this

#the way his voice breaks when he’s cradling cas’ face #or his little ‘hey hey’ when cas wakes up #OR THE ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK AND THEN INSTANT RELIEF ON HIS FACE #‘​never do that again!’ ‘alright..’ #i wanna set myself on fire #ana’s spn rewatch

[novemberocean]

Every time I have to get a new piece of tech, it makes me wanna run away and live in the woods

#this is the second new phone ive tried to get in as many months #i wanna set myself on fire #aerin babbles #aerin bitches more like

[theokusgallery]

A bunch of sona doodles

#im going to start making myself as unapproachable as possible. people cant harass me if they dont talk to me right. right #this is my middle school mentality. i am regressing to my middle school mentality #anyway pleeeaaaase avoid me like the plague pretty please #this is why people were scared of me in middle school. this is why people were startled when i smiled in middle school #drawing #art #digital #made in ms paint. again #ms paint is good when i just wanna doodle without putting any sort of pressure on myself... #oh also the 'setting myself on fire' bit is from a youtube video #'elmer hates his job'... great video... funny guy... im not going to set myself on fire #persona #sona #oh also me but catboy. of course. which also counts as a sona #also my cat doesnt look like that but i cant draw cats ok. #i have a Lot of sonas. thats the 'this is what my body looks like' one

[skitskatdacat63]

2005 Chinese Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Flavio Briatore)

#not pictured but: CRYING LAUGHING AT THE FACT THAT NANDO SET HIS OWN CAR ON FIRE BY REVVING FOR FUN TOO MUCH 😭😭 #and the commentators saying 'well kids will be kids' abt it ^ im having a moment 🥺🥺🥺 #not pictured: NANDO SINGING WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS ON THE RADIO 🥺🥺 I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS FROM THIS RACE IM CRYINGNGGGG #all of the nando/flavio moments....if i speak- #theres just so many things i am staring intently at #SCREAMING CRYING THATS HIS BOY!!!! HIS BOYYYYY!!!!! LOOK AT THEM!!!!!! #im glad no one is around me when i watch race podiums bcs i make so many embarrassing squealing noises AHJDKFLFLLF #hate this podium(/s) bcs its peer-pressuring me into watching 2006 next...ahhhhh i might.. #renault nando is just so....hes just sooooooo...he is my blorbo and i want more of him but ahhhh.... #its really really so cute to imagine that zhou is somewhere at the racetrack watching nando win the wcc #apologies to ralf and kimi who are also on this podium but not pictured here but this is fernando's podiums theres too much good content #i hate to cut down these gif posts to 10 but then again i cant just post all 20 gifs i did make #speaking of gifs that didnt make it into this post theres one of him holding up '7' which will be included in a dif post!! #anyways im v sad that this journey is over but proud of myself for finishing it and posting all of these #tysm to everyone whos been here since round 1!! its been a lot of fun and i appreciate your support sm heheh #but worry not! the grind never stops! 2005 may be done but theres so many seasons i wanna watch #fernando alonso #fa14 #2005 chinese gp #2005 chinese grand prix #renault nando #renault #flavio briatore #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #(2005: 19/19 races watched) #<- well that was satisfying to type out! :D

[rotisseries]

joking of course we all love each other here

#was gonna add this onto messrsbyler's post asking who set fire to the tag #and then I was like nah this meme is actually really funny I wanna post it myself #stranger things #byler #mike wheeler

[scattered-winter]

i want sooooo badly to lash out and pull away from everyone but the god damn people pleaser in me .

#sorry to make two personal posts in as many hours but man . #i dont want to go to the family gathering. i dont want to talk to people. i dont want to celebrate holidays. #i dont want to do ANY of this i want to be left alone. smfhhhhhhhhhhhh. #(all this is in context with irl family btw. friends in phone ilysm this doesnt apply to u <3) #like i get that we're all grieving together or whatever. but i want to stop being civil about it. #everyone in my family is very religious and theyre using god and church to cope with this. as people do. #but im NOT religious im in fact the only one in the entire family who's NOT religious and i am not comforted by any of that. #''we need to be grateful for this trial that jesus has given us'' ok well what if i set something on fire. #i just. want to fight someone. bloody fists blood in my mouth kinda fight. #none of this ''good christian sadness'' shit i want to fucking fight someone. biting and clawing like a wild animal because i feel like one #et cetera. #this is senseless and meaningless don't mind me i just donnnnt wanna go to the family gatherings <//3 #its like. everyone's SO determined to pretend like everything's fine and normal. carrying on with things like every other year. #and i get that theyre trying to deal with this shit but things are NOT normal. they will in fact never again be normal. #idk. i need to punch someone. i need someone to punch me. and then i need to be alone by myself for 300 years. #winter speaks #personal

[poolboyvmprmansion]

i actually think id be really good at poetry, however the cringe gremlin in my mind has decided that poetry is the worst most embarrassing thing i could ever do and even writing it down causes the gremlin to stab me 500000000 times in the brain

#kye speaks #kill it with fire #im going to set myself ablaze to kill this tiny demon in my brain #i just wanna fucking create! #and live! #without questioning my every thought and impulse #like someone else is even watching me

[fushigurro]

sometimes holidays kinda make me wanna explore religion again but then i remember that so many churches and organizations behave in Ways and i'm like mmm perhaps not today

#rambles. #cw religion #i shall continue to do my own thang #i vibe with some spiritual stuff on my own but in group settings i kinda wanna light myself on fire #except for that one time i visited a synagogue for shabbat #that was a whole vibe everyone was cool as fuck #my one non-christian experience and y'all knocked it out of the park

[daz4i]

things are Not Good

#i can't keep myself distracted for more than like 5 minutes at a time #and i can't get out of bed to do anything else #not that i have much to keep me occupied outside it. but still #i don't wanna bother anyone so i don't wanna msg anyone #(i also just. don't have anything to say. and ik I'm a pain to talk to rn bc I'm extra irritable and dry) #(and i don't want to inflict that on anyone and esp don't wanna reach a state where i explode on them) #i need to muster up enough strength to get up and take a clonex maybe but. i don't want it to put me to sleep #bc i haven't showered. bc. i can't stand for long enough to do that. and my shower is too small to sit in #i hate having a body sm i wanna set myself on fire fr

[romanken]

Smeagles is like if not that kind of girl and bury me in black had a beatuiful baby girl And she was transgender

#cause we're all just drowning all just drowning. All along the coast they're waiting all along the riverbed #I'm gonna set myself on fire nevermind I want you to set me on fire I want you to set me on fire. You wanna see what my insides look like I #bet im not fucking pretty on the inside #one good turn deserves another a sister a brother mother a father. GET FUCKED. just give us war worn ive been calling you all week for my #SHOTGUN. pick up the phone PICK UP THE PHONE FUCKER. #cause I'm her kind of girl. and she's my kind of boy.and if you cast her out well then I'm a sinner born. so say goodbye to all my friends #I fell in love with her again. MY BABY. CAUSE IM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL. #You under stand

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous #but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to #water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means #i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop #which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for #work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot #but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the #offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to #do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably #instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol #srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow #that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge #demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who #to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an #apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things #but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away #and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires #in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up. #but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like #its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things #and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u #do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey #did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im #afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th #then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it #all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate #myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol #also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in #my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever #unrelated

[magicaldreamfox1]

there is something deeply and inherently wrong with me. *continues writing fanfiction*

#i wish i could be someone else so i don't have to feel like this all the time #goddddd i wanna set myself on fire. #dreamy talks

[tinyspringtrap]

catch me shoveling springtrap content directly into my brainstem for maximum serotonin production to fend off The Depression Spiral

#sassy says #as strange as it may sound it is very effective at keeping The Depression Spiral at bay #i dont understand why mind you #but im not about to question /anything/ that keeps my depression from spiraling #moldy rabbit man isn't the worst thing to induce contentment #there are far worse things i could hyperfixate on honestly especially with my track record of nearly setting things on fire #i have just a touch of pyromania. i fucking love fire. love setting things ON fire #havent done it in a good while though bc I have learned impulse control. #but god damn if setting a good fire doesn't just make me giddy u kno. #its the small things in life. #and now i really wanna set something on fire god fucking damnit #thinkin bout fire... #im gonna distract myself with overwatch and hope the urge to set a fire goes away lmao.....

[friendlifyre]

looking for that one reblog where someone said something like... 'when i think of having sex i picture myself with a dick'.

i cant even remember if it was in response to a post abt trans ppls sexualities or abt why bottom surgery can matter or abt why the 'youre a [gender] bc you say so not bc you have [x] body parts !!!1!!' positivity can be alienating to some ppl...

maybe a mix of all or none at all but i wanna find it again so badly bc that sentence exists rent free in my brain like i have Never experienced such a feeling of simultaneous Being Understood + You Put It In Words as I did when i read that sentence

#personal #tmi #ever since ive moved ive been confronted to the image of my (naked) body a lot more... widely #and it just sparked this whole debate in my head because i Hate It So Much #i never rly minded it bc i never saw it never showed it the only thing ppl get to see is me fully clothed #usually in the most androgynous possible way which is ideal for me #and the only drawback is that my first language makes it impossible to not be locked either of the binaries #and my deadname pushes me in the half i wouldnt prefer over the other if i really Had to pick #and i was always kinda at war with myself over whether it was worth transitioning because i know itd be a Big Thing #that would ultimately only chalk me off as a trans guy at best #which im not. im transmasc nb #id rather be assumed a boy than a girl given the choice but thats still not who i am at the end of the day #but ever since moving and having to look at myself so much #i cant help but think like... transitioning wouldnt just be about presenting how i want to other people #itd also be about helping with my dysphoria #which is ??? huge ?? and i cant believe i never bothered to give myself the right to consider that path specifically For Myself #and yeah thats not even getting into the whole topic of like #sex as a whole is something i would be so much more comfortable with.. in the right body #maybe even enjoy. maybe not want to be set on fire because i want it but the idea of being perceived as i am makes me wanna throw up

[pleaseget-out]

Crazy knowing I’m not even that cute but still violently hate the idea of wearing shorts in public bc eventually some man is gonna make a weird comment

#like #legalize legs without risk of harassment #bananas I need to even think about it bc again due to my looks it doesn’t happen a lot #but when I does I wanna rip my skin off and set myself on fire #do not notice me #do not acknowledge my existence in any way shape or form

[firelise]

okay the thoughts are thinking thunk things the wheels are turning the possibilities are opening up just a crack i have hope

#I Promised You the Moon #i told sunset about you #if you give me just ONE of the possibilities im imagining then we are so back #im back on board #if not? im ready to set myself and this entire building on fire #im starting ep 4 im just gonna binge the rest of this rip off the band-aid #see i wasnt expecting oh-aew to be this strong if u wanna be strong baby girl we got options lets think lets use our brains i gotchu girlie