#i want to whisper over a staticy phone line to stop looking for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

athenasbloodyspear · 3 years

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Say Something to Stop Me: Chapter 7

Writing Master List | Say Something to Stop Me Master List

Please note: This fic describes depression, anxiety, panic attacks, past/referenced non con and domestic violence. Please read at your own discretion.

Explicit Sexual Content. 18+

For the second time since Bucky had entered your room, time stood still. The world around you seemed suspended in space.

For the second time, you fell into the endless whirlpools of Bucky’s eyes. The shades of blue spinning and spinning until you felt hypnotized.

The world held its breath as you both stared at each other. Sound had been ripped away. The only thing you could hear was the thudding of your heart in your chest. The only thing you could feel was Bucky’s arms where they wrapped around your shoulders and the warmth of his legs underneath you.

There was nothing else outside of this spot where you were tangled together on the floor. The only thing that existed was blue eyes, strong arms and shallow breaths.

Neither of you moved for a very long moment. It felt fragile somehow, like if all of the fibers of the universe didn’t align in the correct way, you would both cease to exist in this moment.

When Bucky finally moved to cup both sides of your face in his hands, it happened in slow motion. Like both of you were moving through molasses towards each other.

When his palms connected with your skin time came whipping back in full force.

He slammed his lips to yours.

Your entire body burst into flames.

Every single cell in your body was alight.

The kiss seared your senses from head to toe.

He stole every molecule of oxygen from your lungs, but this time it felt so delicious to be suffocating.

A pleading moan was ripped from your lungs as you shifted on his lap to straddle him, your hands reaching around his shoulders to pull him closer to you. You wanted every inch of him against every inch of you.

He answered with a groan of his own as he slipped a hand around the back of your neck and slid it up to the hair at the nape of your neck and grabbed on, like he was worried you’d slip away from him. His other metal hand slid down to wrap around your lower back, yanking you against him.

You tangled one of your hands in the ends of his hair where it laid against his shoulders while the other grappled for purchase against his shoulder. You needed something to hold on to or you’d float away.

You were moaning into his mouth involuntarily as every movement of his hands against your neck and back caused shivers to run down your spine. He slipped his tongue between your lips to open your mouth for him.

You needed more.

More more more.

You reached down to grab the hem of his shirt, ready to tear it up and off his shoulders. Maybe you’d just tear it in general. You’d buy him a new one.

Suddenly, Bucky grabbed your wrists to halt your hands where they were, tangled in the hem of his shirt. His mouth still seared to yours, he bit your bottom lip and sucked softly before pulling back and releasing your lip with a soft pop.

You whined, desperate to feel the soft skin of his chest and to feel his lips on yours again. He let out a low groan and rested his forehead against yours, panting. “You’re killing me sweetheart.”

You didn’t respond, you just grappled a bit with his hands, trying to release his grip so you could snag his shirt again.

“Stop babydoll. You have to stop.”

You just pushed your bottom lip into a pout. “Why?”

“Because,” His breath was ghosting across your collarbones, causing you to shiver. “I refuse to go there with you on a day ruined by that son of a bitch.”

Your only response was to grind your hips against his, where you could feel exactly how much he wanted this.

“Ah, fuck princess.” He growled. Without releasing your hands, Bucky tugged you forward to seal his lips over yours again.

You both tumbled into it for a few more moments, your hands fighting his grip as you tried to release his hold. You needed to card your fingers through his silky hair, or tangle them in his shirt or rub them along the groves of his muscles. You needed to touch him.

You rolled your hips against his again, hoping to distract him long enough to loosen his grip.

Without warning, Bucky quickly stood up, hauling you up with him. He set you on your feet before tearing his lips from yours and taking a step back.

You both stood in the center of your bedroom, staring at each other, panting.

“Bucky…” you whimpered. Already you felt cold in all the places his body had been pressed against yours.

“No. Not like this.” Bucky breathed, his eyes flashing as he looked over every inch of you. Your thighs were trembling where you stood, your body flashing with heat. “I want it to be perfect.” Bucky murmured, stepping toward you to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

“No pressure.” You muttered.

Bucky chuckled. “It’ll be perfect in our own way.” He grabbed both sides of your face before placing a chaste kiss against your forehead. “You need sleep.”

“I need you .” You whispered softly. Bucky groaned again, a pained sound from the back of his throat.

“Soon.” He whispered, kissing the tip of your nose then. He backed away from you toward the door, only turning once he’d reached the frame. He began closing the door, looking you over from head to toe one more time before whispering “Goodnight.” And closing the door behind him.

You stood in the center of your room, trying to calm your racing heart and cool your body temperature down.

You saw Bucky’s shadow hover for a long moment outside your door before he finally stepped away.

Goodnight indeed.

~0~

The next two weeks passed you in a blur of activity. Bucky was called away the next morning to survey a few buildings in Europe with Sam.

Before he left, he’d found you in the halls of the compound. He’d been fully suited up, with all his weapons strapped to his back when he cornered and kissed you so thoroughly that you completely forgot where you’d been heading in the first place.

He’d lingered for a moment, staring at your face, scanning over your features and looking back and forth between your eyes.

You suddenly realized you were in his arms, your legs wrapped around his waist.

When did that happen?

You heard Sam’s voice down the hall, telling Bucky to hurry his ass up or he’d take off without him.

Bucky had slowly lowered you to the ground, given you one last lingering kiss before whispering “I won’t be gone long” and disappearing as silent as smoke.

That had been 12 days, 15 hours and 26 minutes ago. Not that you were counting or anything.

They’d been snowed in at their safe house, somewhere in the Alps. Whenever Bucky got service in the storm he’d call you, even if the line could only stay connected for a few minutes.

You’d talked about everything and nothing.

You’d finally shared everything you’d shared with Bucky, and more, with your therapist.

“I know now that he was controlling me and who I saw because he was cheating on me and projected that on me. I know it’s not my fault that he was a bastard who manipulated me because he knew he could. But that doesn’t stop me from hating myself for letting it happen. I mean… cmon Bucky I’ve been through a million trainings on hostage situations and surviving torture and all of those things. I’m a goddamn super soldier and I let that worthless piece of shit chew me up and spit me out. It’s not what he did to me that’s fucked me up so much, it’s that I fucking let. It. happen.” You’d spewed out on the phone to him one night after a particularly eye opening session with your therapist.

“I know.” His voice was crackly coming through the earpiece of the satellite phone. “But you are strong. It’s not going to fix itself overnight sweetheart.”

“I know.” You sighed.

“I’m going to be there every step of the way, got it?” Bucky said. The line was getting more and more staticy as he talked.

“I know.” You repeated.

“Hey, Y/N?” Bucky started. He sounded almost nervous.

“Yeah?”

“I uh…” he heaved a huge sigh on the other line. “I guess I probably shouldn’t say this over the phone…” He muttered, like he was talking to himself and not to you.

“Say what?” You whispered.

“I…”

Just then the line disconnected. You laid in your bed, staring at the screen of the satellite phone, wishing it had stayed connected for just ten more seconds. You wondered what he was thinking, what had he wanted to say?

~0~

The next day he’d called again and you’d chatted about the mission and how annoying Sam was getting after a few days locked in a tiny safe house with him.

Bucky opened up to you about how being snowed in like this was bringing back memories of Siberia that he would prefer to forget about. He said he was having a hard time sleeping again.

You’d stayed on the line as long as you could after you heard his breath evening out, hoping that just having you on the phone would help him sleep for a bit longer. You stayed until the line cut out again.

~0~

So now here you sat. On the couch in the family living room, staring at the satellite phone.

It was about 2 am in New York, which you estimated meant it was somewhere around 8 or 9 am wherever they were in the Alps. You’d hoped he might try to call when he woke up that morning.

You were physically exhausted due to a few hard days of training with Natasha. You were trying to work on your flexibility and agility and Nat was running you into the ground.

Despite that, you felt like you were finally swimming out of this huge ocean of grief and pain toward shore. You were healing, however slowly. You were focused on breathing and feeling the sun and tasting the wind.

You had your friends again, your family. You had Bucky. They would all help you keep your head above water when you couldn’t anymore.

So you sat on the couch, and waited for Bucky to call. You didn’t know if he would, he might think you were asleep.

Suddenly, you heard a low rumble coming from the direction of the landing pad outside.

Could they have finally made it through all the snow?

You ran, your feet carrying you through the halls, down the stairs and out the door like the wind.

As soon as you pushed the door, you saw him.

He was walking down the ramp of the quinjet. When he saw you, his face lit up and he smiled.

It felt like your heart might explode.

You squealed. You couldn’t help it. You had missed him more than you would care to admit out loud at the moment and you felt pure joy bubble up in your chest as you ran headlong toward him.

You were both laughing as you flung yourself into his arms, wrapping your arms and legs tightly around him. You buried your nose in his neck and took a huge inhale. The smell of Bucky instantly mellowing you out. It smelled like home.

“Hey gorgeous.” Bucky whispered into your neck.

“What the hell?” Sam called from behind Bucky. You lifted your head from his neck to see Sam standing at the top of the ramp with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “Optimus Prime here gets a gorgeous girl wrapped around him after days of freezing his ass off in those mountains and I don’t even get a hello?”

You blushed a bit. You’d never really covered with Bucky what was really going on between the two of you, or if he wanted anyone else to know about it.

“It’s my reward for not killing you in that cabin and leaving your body there, Wilson.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“Hi Sam.” You said, giving him a little wave over Bucky’s shoulder.

“If you ever get bored with metal-man gorgeous, you know where to find me.” Sam smirked at you.

“I can still kill you right here, Sam.” Bucky called over his shoulder as he started to walk toward the compound.

Sam cackled before calling “You wouldn’t! It would require you to let go of your girl!”

You felt Bucky’s chest rumble with laughter against yours.

~0~

Bucky never put you down as you walked through the compound. He occasionally peppered kisses over your face as he walked, only pulling away to grab door handles or press elevator buttons.

When the elevator opened on the residential level, Bucky smirked at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes before murmuring. “Your place or mine?”

You blushed from head to toe, your whole body going to molten against his. Bucky huffed a small laugh before rubbing his nose against the tip of yours and whispering. “Yours then. It’s closer.”

He sealed his lips to yours as he walked you backwards and into your bedroom. Your hands were in his hair as you kissed him, you pulled his bottom lip into your mouth and bit down gently. He groaned softly as he kicked the door shut behind him.

Suddenly you were falling. He dropped you on the mattress and you bounced twice, staring back up at him where he stood at the end of the bed.

“I missed you.” He said softly. His eyes were scanning your whole body, head to toe, and you felt your flush deepen as your body temperature continued to climb. A pulse of heat started deep in your abdomen as you stared at him.

You bit your lip and batted your eyelashes at him before whispering “I missed you too.”

He groaned and let his head drop back to stare at the ceiling.

“What?” You asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. Was he okay?

“You look like a dream.” He said before dropping his eyes back to you. “I just can’t believe I’m standing here.”

“I can’t believe you’re still just standing there.” You murmured. You stretched your arms above your head, knowing it would give him a peek of the band on the Calvin Klein underwear you’d thrown on under your sweats as well as lift your t-shirt up to reveal your stomach.

“Is that a challenge?” Bucky smirked at you. He wrapped both hands around each of your ankles and yanked. Your body slid down the center of the mattress a few inches toward him and you let out a giggle.

“Maybe.” You murmured, biting your lip again. “I’ve been getting very impatient. It’s not very polite to leave a woman wanting.”

“Did you think about me while I was gone?” Bucky murmured as he placed a knee between your knees, leaning down to place a hand on either side of your head. His gold chain sliding out from under his shirt to dangle down from his neck.

You reached a hand up to trace the length of the chain where it ran along his neck and down to where it dangled above you, hooking your finger in it and tugging gently. “Every night.”

Bucky let out a soft laugh that morphed into a moan as he leaned down over you and kissed you deeply. The cool length of his chain pooled between your collarbones.

The only places he was touching you besides your lips was the soft brush of his chain on your chest and the tickling of the ends of his hair where it framed your face. You wanted more.

You whined his name as you lifted your hands up to tangle in his hair.

“What do you want sweetheart?” He murmured against your lips.

What did you want?

You wanted him inside you immediately.

But you also wanted him to do this every night. You wanted to wake up like this every morning, with him above you and his smell all around you. You wanted to spend more days in Brooklyn together, without unwelcome interruptions. You wanted to spend your life fighting at his back, protecting him. You wanted it all. You didn’t care if the road was rough, you wanted to experience it all instead of keeping your head under the water like you had for the last year.

“I want to feel everything with you.” You whispered.

You weren’t sure if he would understand what you meant. That you wanted to keep swimming toward the shore. That you wanted to not lose another moment with him to the panic. You wanted to feel every brush of his fingers on your skin. You wanted to feel the wind whipping through your hair while wrapped around him on his bike.

You should have known he would understand how deeply you meant that. He pulled back from you slightly then, to look you in the eyes. He gave you a small smile, but one that held volumes. You felt the impact all the way down to your toes.

He knew you and understood you in a way you had never felt before.

“Tell me to stop if I’m doing something you don’t like.” He whispered, placing his warm hand in the center of your chest softly. His fingertips brushing along your collarbone.

“Okay.” You whispered back.

He slowly dragged his fingertips down the center of your chest to your sternum before moving them softly over to your left breast. His fingers drawing slow circles.

Your breath caught in your throat. He was still holding his body above yours, so his slow moving fingers were the only point of contact on your body, but you still felt like you were burning alive.

You started to reach your hands up to wrap around his neck and pull him down to you when he snagged your wrists in one hand. “Just let me touch you.” He breathed. “Please.”

How could you deny him anything when he said please like that?

He took your hands and gently extended them so they rested just above the crown of your head. “Leave those there for now babygirl.” He murmured softly, before pulling his hand away to resume the path it had been traveling in circles on your chest.

You are powerless now, completely at the mercy of his fingers as he trails them slowly down your chest to the hem of your t-shirt, pushing it up until your breasts are exposed to the cool air of the room and the heat of his gaze.

Bucky let a low moan escape him as he took in your chest. His hand sliding back down your chest to cup the weight of your left breast softly. “God you’re incredible.” Bucky groaned, leaning down to place open mouthed kisses along the bottom of your other breast.

“Please Bucky.” You whimpered. You squeezed your thighs together only to remember he still had one knee between your legs. You arched your back, trying to gain some friction against his muscled thigh. He chuckled darkly and lowered his hand down to your left hip. He wrapped his hand around your hip bone and pushed it into the mattress, halting the movement of your hips. “So impatient.”

“Too patient.” You whined back at him.

He chuckled before sliding a thumb under the band of your underwear, tracing the line of your hip bone slowly. You roll your hips in time with the sweep of his thumb. The molten ache between your thighs ratchets up in intensity and you have to fight with every muscle in your body not to move your arms from where they’re positioned above your head.

Bucky leans down and places an open mouth kiss right against the point of your hip bone. You suck in a breath at the feeling of his mouth on your body. So close to where you need him but still too far away.

You yelp as Bucky sinks his teeth into the skin around your hip bone, not enough to draw blood, but enough that you know you’ll likely have a bruise in the shape of his mouth tomorrow. The thought of him marking you causes every muscle in your abdomen to squeeze, but there’s nothing for you to hold on to. Not with your thighs or your hands. You’re completely at his mercy.

Bucky drags his tongue from your hip bone across your lower abdomen to right below your belly button. He places soft kisses on the swell of your belly as his hands grip either side of your waistband and tug, sliding your sweats and underwear slowly down your thighs and shins until he’s finally shuking them off.

He leans back again, and stands at the end of the mattress, taking you in.

Your hips rest about six inches from the edge of the mattress, your feet rest on the edge, allowing your thighs to bare yourself totally to his baby blues. Your shirt is pushed up above your chest and your hands are still exactly where he placed them.

You heave breaths in and out of you as you watch him survey you. His eyes tracking from your hands above your head all the way down to the apex of your thighs on display for him. You feel like you’re burning alive in your own skin.

He stands at the end of your bed and looks like Adonis himself. The lamp on your nightstand casts golden light across the planes of his stomach and his jawline. His blue eyes flicker like the very tips of a flame as he licks his lips. He reaches behind him to grab the top of his t-shirt at the nape of his neck and pulls it up and off his chest before flinging it to the side. The only moment his eyes leave your core is when the fabric covers his line of sight.

He looks predatory, like he’s been tracking an enemy for weeks and finally has them in his crosshairs. Your inner muscles coil at the dark look in his eyes.

He sinks slowly to his knees in front of you before wrapping both hands under your thighs and giving you another quick tug so your hips lie closer to the edge of the mattress. The cool touch of his metal hand on one thigh and the warmth of the other sends a thrill up your spine.

“Fucking please. ” You whine again. It’s desperate this time but you don’t care. You’ll do anything to get him to put his mouth on you right now.

Bucky’s tongue draws a line along your inner thigh, running from your knee along the sensitive flesh and stops about an inch from your core. “You’re fucking beautiful when you beg for me sweetheart.” He growls.

And then his mouth is on you.

He licks a stripe straight up the center of you until his lips wrap around the tiny bundle of nerves that make up your clit. You cry out at the sensation. You feel like you might combust right then and there. Every part of you is a living flame as he sucks and licks against you. So painfully slowly you nearly scream.

He pulls his warm hand away from your thigh and slowly inserts one finger as he continues to slowly swirl his tongue around your clit. “So wet for me babygirl.” He murmurs against you.

The vibrations have you clenching down around his finger and he hums against your clit. “Good girl.”

He inserts a second finger then and pumps you slowly for a few moments, his tongue never leaving your clit.

He pulls away from you to stand again and you groan. You will actually lose your mind if he doesn’t keep touching you.

Bucky reaches for the clasp of his pants as he scans up your body and meets your eyes again.

He looks wrecked, like Thor just beat the shit out of him at the gym. His face is flushed and there’s a soft glisten on his chin where his face was buried in you. His blue eyes are alight with awe as he takes in your body spread before him. He looks more beautiful than you could ever dream.

“I’ll take my time with that later.” He whispers.

“Not so patient after all.” You whisper back.

Once he’s freed himself of his combat pants he leans down and grabs the front of your t-shirt where it’s bundled against your chest and tears it straight down the middle and off your chest. “I’ll give you one of mine.” He whispers.

He kisses you again then, the taste of him mixing with the taste of you and you arch up against him. He places the elbow of his metal arm down next to your head, and cups the back of your head with his palm. His warm hand snags your chin and forces your eyes to meet his. “Keep your eyes on me, Doll.” He whispers. “I’ve got you.”

Then he’s reaching between you and lining himself up with you, you let your thighs relax a bit so you are even more open for him. Your whole body is aching with need and you swallow a whine as you try to hold his eyes.

The moment he enters you feels like magic. Like every moment in your life and every choice lined up in a row so you could make it here. To be underneath him and completely at his mercy.

You’d do it all again for this moment.

When he bottoms out in you, he lets his head drop to the crook of your shoulder and releases a moan that comes from deep in his chest. His right hand comes back up to brace himself next to your head. It almost sounds like he’s in pain he is so unleashed and uncontrolled.

You can’t stand it anymore, you release your hands from their position and slide your fingers into the hair on the back of his head and grab onto him. Your chests are melded together and your hearts beat in time together.

You both take a moment to breathe and adjust to each other. He lifts his head to lock eyes with you again. His right hand comes up to brush a few strands of hair off your face before he tucks them behind your ear. The backs of his fingers brush along the line of your jaw.

He rubs the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip and you nip at his fingertip, earning you a chuckle from Bucky.

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispers, pulling his hips from you until he’s nearly all the way out of you.

“That’s my line.” You murmur back.

He smiles at you then.

It’s exactly like you had always dreamed. His face above yours, bathed in golden light, with the most beautiful and heart shattering smile on his face.

You simply must have died and gone to heaven.

He rolls his hips into you again, hitting a spot that you had no idea even existed, pulling a long keening sound from your throat. You throw your head back against the pillow, arching into him. His warm hand snakes up your chest, drawing a line between your breasts and comes to rest softly around your throat. He doesn’t apply any pressure, but just the feeling of his hand resting around your neck makes you squeeze around him.

He drops his head to the crook of your neck again and grunts, his hips pulling out and snapping back into you almost involuntarily.

“You have no idea.” He murmurs into your neck, punctuating the words with open mouthed kisses against your pulse, right by his thumb. “No fucking idea how many nights I’ve laid awake, dreaming of getting you underneath me like this.”

He puntuates that thought with another quick thrust of his hips, his thumb pushes softly against your chin, forcing your neck to elongate for him. He pulls his head back up so he can look at you, slowing down to an even roll of his hips. He groans when he bottoms out again. “Fuck” he chokes out “No matter how vivid my imagination, I never knew how fucking perfect you’d look.”

“How long?” You gasp. He knows immediately what you mean.

“Since that first night in Budapest. You drove me fucking insane.” His grip tightens around your throat slightly to force your eyes to meet his. “I’ve been slowly going mad ever since.” He shudders and groans as he pushes into you again, the pleasure was so acute you actually whimpered, it felt like you might cry.

You remember that night. Had dragged him to a bar around the corner from your safe house, saying that you wanted to celebrate being on ‘vacation’ together. He had just let you call the shots, pulling him along as you skipped into the dingy bar.

It was right after that blow out fight with Elijah. The beginning of the end.

You’d been melancholy the whole trip over. As soon as you had started wandering the streets Bucky had found a way to make you laugh, and you’d decided right then and there that you were just going to forget about Elijah for a month, and figure out what to do when you got back.

So you’d lugged Bucky down the street to a bar, gotten yourself good and drunk, and then jumped up on the bar. Someone had put “I Ran” by Flock of Seagulls on the radio and you had just decided that you needed to dance. Immediately.

So, you’d hopped up there and started shaking your ass. A few other ladies in the bar had joined you and soon enough you had the whole crowd singing and dancing. You were dancing and grinding and genuinely just letting loose when you had glanced over to where Bucky still sat, nursing his vodka on the rocks in a corner booth.

You hadn’t recognized it then, but you knew now the dark look on his face matched the one he was wearing now.

“I wanted to pick you up off that bar, throw you over my shoulder, walk back to our apartment and fuck you into the floor.” Bucky rasped, snapping his hips against you again. He was still holding your chin so you couldn’t move your eyes away from him. You closed them, the pleasure was so much you couldn’t take it.

“Look at me.”

You opened your eyes. His eyes were so clear and so blue looking down at you. It sent a sharp zing of pleasure up your spine. His gold chain dangled down from his neck, brushing along your collarbones and causing your whole chest to break out in goosebumps. Your hips rolled on their own, desperate to feel him hit that spot deep inside you. He growled.

“And then we had that mission in Croatia.” He groaned, moving both of his hands to either side of your head so he could piston his hips into you a little bit faster. “And you looked so goddamn good in your suit, beating the shit out of those guys.”

A giggle bubbled up out of your chest. You remembered the way you had caught him staring in the conference room that morning.

He was panting now as he thrust into you a little harder. It was becoming nearly impossible for you to keep your eyes open. “When you wrapped your thighs around that guy's head to tackle him...god I’ve never wanted to be someone else more than I did in that moment.” He accented that statement with an extra hard thrust of his hips. You were so close now. You whined.

“Oh fuck Bucky, I’m so close.”

He wrapped his warm hand around your throat once more and applied just the tiniest bit of pressure to the veins on both sides of your neck. You felt like you were going to explode.

“I know baby, you’re being such a good girl.” He growled. That was it. You could feel every muscle in your abdomen start tightening as you teetered on the edge of orgasm. “Look at me when you come, I wanna see you.”

Your body felt like a supernova.

You forced your eyes to meet his as your whole body seized in pleasure around him. His hand on your neck released and he snagged a handful of hair at the nape of your neck as he continued to work you through your orgasm. It was so strong, and so liberating to finally feel this.

You felt tears come to your eyes.

Bucky’s hips kept pounding into you, his eyes locked with yours, the biggest smile you’d ever seen on his face. A small drop of sweat rolled down his temple and across his jaw. He was whispering. “I got you. I got you. I’m right here. You did so good for me baby.” Over and over.

You let out a small choked sob as emotions overwhelmed you.

You loved him. So much it was physically painful. You felt like every nerve in your body was firing at the same time. Every thrust against you made your brain repeat “I love him. I love him. I love him.” You had to press your lips together to keep it from bursting out of your mouth.

You were whining underneath him, the bliss of your orgasm running longer than you’d ever experienced as he increased his pace inside you. He buried his head in the crook of your neck.You squeezed your eyes shut against the onslaught of sensations and emotions.

Suddenly, Bucky thrust hard and you felt him pulse as he orgasmed. He let out a groan from deep within his chest.

He stilled above you, his chest finally collapsing against yours. Both of your heartbeats thudded against your ribcage like the organs wanted to rip out of your skin to be closer to each other.

There were still tears streaming down your face and you were holding a sob in your chest. You were so unbelievably happy, you didn’t want him to get the wrong impression that you were upset. You were the farthest thing from upset you could possibly be.

He lifted his head off your neck and propped his other elbows behind your head, shifting a bit to his left side so he could use his warm right hand to stroke your face.

“Hey. Shhh. It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He said between breaths, “You’re perfect, sweetheart. That was everything I could have ever dreamed of and more. I’m never letting you go, okay?”

You sobbed then. You couldn’t help it. It was heart wrenching to hear him say those things to you. You wanted that more than anything, you didn’t even know if you could express it to him. You wanted to crack open his ribcage and crawl inside so you never could be separated.

“Oh sweetheart.” He whispered and buried his head in your neck again. “You’re okay. It’s okay. Let it out babygirl.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. “I’m not upset, I’m so fucking happy I don’t know why I’m crying.” You chuckled a bit. You felt insane.

“Well, you did just come so hard you nearly went cross eyed. I assume that’s a pretty emotional experience.” Bucky grinned, lifting his head back up so he could look at you.

“I went cross eyed?” You shrieked, covering your face with your hands. Oh my god you were never going to look at him again.

You felt his chest rumble against yours. “No, princess. Stop. Don’t hide from me.” He hummed while he used his right hand to peel your fingers away from your face. “It was the single hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

You revealed your eyes to him, but kept your hands on your cheeks to try to hide the blush. You didn’t really know why. You were, in fact, fully naked underneath him and he was still inside you for god's sake.

He just kept smiling at you as he leaned down to kiss the tip of your nose. He took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s get cleaned up and then go to sleep. Sound good?”

“Um…” You mumbled. “I honestly don’t know if I can walk.” Your legs felt like jello and there was still a resounding pulse echoing between your thighs in time with your heartbeat.

Bucky dropped his head back and laughed. You shoved a bit at his chest. “Don’t go getting a big head now.”

“Oh I’m never going to ever forget that you said that. I want that engraved on my tombstone. Or tattooed across my chest.” He said, leaning down to kiss you on the forehead. He pulled out of you slowly, you flinched a bit at the feeling of him pulling out. You really wished you could just sleep like this, him flattening you into the mattress like the warmest and nicest smelling weighted blanket on the market.

He scooped you up and carried you into your bathroom before plopping you down on the toilet. You giggled. “What are you doing?”

“You have to pee. I don’t want to be the reason you get a UTI.”

“How the hell do you know about UTI’s? I’m assuming that wasn’t part of sex ed in the forties.”

“Let’s just say I brushed up on my education recently. Wishful thinking.” Bucky winked at you. “Now pee. I’ll come grab you in sec.”

He snuck out the door and closed it behind him, leaving you in privacy to use the bathroom.

You placed your face in your hands and just giggled to yourself. You were so giddy. He was just… perfect. It was perfect. Everything you had always wanted.

How sweet that he carried you to the bathroom?

After you finished, you stood up to wash your hands, genuinely shocked at how wobbly your legs were. You felt like a newborn calf with knobby knees. Bucky ducked back into the bathroom when he heard the sink turn on. He had put his boxers back on.

He came up behind you and snaked his arms around your waist. He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder before resting his chin in the same spot. He looked up in the mirror. You lifted your eyes to meet his in the mirror.

There you were. Fully naked in the bathroom, with an almost equally naked Bucky wrapped around you. It felt so surreal to see the image in the mirror. It was confirmation that you weren’t dreaming. It was really happening.

He was really here.

Normally you would have avoided looking at your body, but you couldn’t help but look at where his arms wrapped around your waist. You noted that there was indeed the beginnings of a purple mark on your left hip bone in the shape of his mouth.

You lifted your arms to wrap over his, and leaned back into his chest. You felt his voice rumble against your back as he spoke. “You’re perfect. I still feel like at any moment I’m going to wake up alone in my bed across the hall.”

“I’m here Bucky. I’m right here.” You said as you squeezed his hands.

“I know.” He whispered. You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath and trying to memorize the way his body felt against yours. The way his heart beat against your back. The way he smelled. The sounds of his breathing. The feeling of his breath ghosting over your shoulder and across your collarbone.

Suddenly he scooped you up again, earning him a little squeal from you. When he reached the edge of the bed he let you go and you bounced against the mattress, giggling.

“Be right back.” He grinned.

Before turning he combed his fingers twice through your hair, from your scalp all the way to the ends, before going back for his turn in the bathroom.

You rolled over onto your side, letting your heavy eyelids close.

As you drifted off to sleep, you felt his arms wrap around you again, his metal arm instantly soaking in the heat of your skin. His ankles tangled with yours.

You fell asleep to the sound of his breaths.

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