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maximilliandelirium · 6 years

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somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

Break Suzuki’s new MV!

New Anti-Suzuki Memes

Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

Suzuki frowned.

They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

Yeah. I made an account.

WTF why?

I wanted to see what they were saying.

Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

“Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

“It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

“Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

“You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

“I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

“Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

“Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

“I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

“Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

“They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

He laughed again, this time more forced.

Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

“Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

“I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

“I’m sure.”

Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

“What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

“I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

“A few.”

“You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

“Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

“If you say so.” Yamato let go.

They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

“Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

“I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

“Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

“Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

Imo he’s kind of short.

I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

“Did you find anything good?” he asked.

“I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

“Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

“Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

“Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

“Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

“You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

“Thanks! I try.”

She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

“Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

“No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

“She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

“What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

“Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

“You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

“Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

“They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

“They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

“You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

“Of course.”

Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

“Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

“I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

“You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

“We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

“Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

“It’s fine. We can get something later.”

Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

“Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

“Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

“What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

“You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

“Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

“Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

“I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

“Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

“No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

“Are you sure?”

Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

What if Yamato kissed him?

Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

“You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

“Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

“Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

“You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

“Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

“Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

“Will do. See you at school.”

Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

“I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

“Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

“That was my win, you cheater!”

“Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

“I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

“Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

“Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

“Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

“Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

“Are you sure?”

Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

“Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

How do you deal with them?

i try to ignore it. block out the haters

It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

are we talking about yama?

Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

(^◇^；) no…

suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

“Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Today’s no good.”

“What about tomorrow morning?”

Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

“Romantic troubles?”

Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

“I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

“What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

“Not if he hates me!”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

“Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

“No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

“Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

“Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

“What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

“Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

“Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

“What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay?”

Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

“They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

“You did.”

“Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

“I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

“If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

“And I can go with Yamato?”

“If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

“Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

“Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

“You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

And that was fine. Everything was fine.

Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

“I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

“Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

“After you,” he said.

It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally, Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

“What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

“Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

“You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

“Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

“Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

“No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

“It’s not funny.”

“It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

“Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

“That could be anyone.”

“It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

“How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

“No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

“I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

“These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

“I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

“I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

“Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

“It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

“Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

“Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

“Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

“My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

“No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

“We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

“And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

“I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

“Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

“Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

“Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

“What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

“You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

#notice me senpai #skillshot labs #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #light angst

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onlyjihoons · 7 years

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eunoia; p.j.h

request: Hello! Can I request for a Balloonman! (idk someone who sells balloons)park jihoon where you usually get balloons for your bf(ex) and he suddenly gives you a balloon when he sees you in the park crying(bec of ex) and occassionally when you visit the park (bec ur an outside person) he gives you balloons with notes in it? and it signifies how closer you're getting to each other? Sorry for the long request and thank you in advamce!

a/n; i had an idea for this and i have to write it as soon as i can in case i lose motivation... so ye, i hope you like it^^thank you xuan @hwinkinghwi and jas @perkwoojin for helping me out too:))

requests are open// masterlist

starting line: “even when you’re crying i still find you beautiful”

synopsis: not all heroes wear capes, neither do all psychologists wear a doctors’ jacket.

warnings: uhh none i guess

genre: fluff/ slight angst

Ever since you started your senior year in high school, you found yourself frequenting the park near your home more often than ever.

Not because the teachers were slowly getting on your nerves, not because your classmates were a bunch of immature animals.

But that was exactly why you wanted to go to the park to take a breather after surviving a day in the zoo.

You would always beg your mother to bring you to the park when you were younger, being the only child in the family with no siblings to play with. She would reluctantly comply, only on days she felt willing.

You lived in the outskirts of the city, but not quite far from town, thanks to the accessible transport infrastructure your country has. You were privilleged to have a choice of the sea or city, you loved both nonetheless.

The park you frequented was at the seaside, but there was no beach, as the sand only reaches out one to two metres away from the sea. Railings were implemented to prevent people from entering, and bicycle tracks were built for cyclists to cycle on. There was even a playground, and a swing set, which served as your spot on evenings when you went to the park.

You would spot a boy, around your age, every other day you went to the park. He always had a Crumpler messenger slung on his shoulder, and inside was filled with balloons. Around 5pm every Tuesday and Friday, he would pump air into the balloons with his trusty hand pumper, and twist them into shapes and animals, then giving them to children. Sometimes, he would just bring a bunch of helium balloons to give out, and that was it. He didn’t accept any form of payment from the parents, as he would always politely shake his head and reject their money with a cute smile.

His fashion sense was peculiar though, one day he appeared in a all-pink outfit, another he would be wearing a chilli-red cardigan over a black and white stripped shirt. You didn’t dislike it, neither did you preach it. You just shrugged it off as part of his job as a “balloon boy”.

You have to admit though, balloon boy was strikingly cute, with big eyes that gleamed galaxies and lips so soft that would melt under your touch. He had a really nice smile too, as his eyes would crinkle into crescents whenever he does.

You have always wanted to say hi to balloon boy, but you have never mustered up the courage to do so. Sometimes you would be staring at him so intently that he would notice and look your way, as your head turned to a random direction to hide your growing blush.

One day, you decided not to pussy out and actually confront him to make friends. Well not really, as you never left your spot on the swing set.

As balloon boy gave out his last balloon, he turned your way and noticed you staring at him. He smiled at you, as you beckoned him to sit on the empty seat beside you. He pointed to himself, as you nodded. He slowly made his way to the seat beside you, as you tried to calm your pulsating heart.

“I thought you had always wanted to be alone so I didn’t join you every time i see you here.” balloon boy confessed, with a deep voice you were not expecting.

“I just wanted some company today,” You shot him a genuine smile, “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Jihoon.” the boy started to lean back to build up momentum, then pushing off.

“How long have you been giving balloons every Tuesday and Friday?”

“Not very long, probably as long as you frequent here.” Jihoon commented, “What about you? Why are you here?”

“Well,” you began, “senior year has been stressful, and here is the only place where there is peace.”

“Shouldn’t a senior class be quiet and peaceful?” Jihoon frowned, “My class is awfully quiet and peaceful because everyone started studying for the entrance exams at the beginning of the year.”

“Not mine, at least,” you scoffed, “the boys in my class are a bunch of wild animals and the girls are too busy gossiping about each other.”

“They must be good at studies then,”

You burst out laughing, almost falling off the swing in the process of calming yourself down. Jihoon widened his eyes, helping you stop the swing.

“What’s so funny?” Jihoon looked a little hurt.

“They’re good at being snakes,” You clutched your stomach, “yeah, its true to a certain extent that they get good grades, but not that good either.”

“Ah I see...”Jihoon nodded in understanding.

A comfortable silence waved between the both of you, as Jihoon suddenly sat up straighter to face you, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” Your smile faltered, “yes, I do.”

“Usually people light up at the mention of their boyfriend or girlfriend, but you don’t,” Jihoon pointed out, which surprised you, “is there something going on?”

“Uhm...”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jihoon apologised, “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s alright,” you shook your head, “i’ve been wanting to talk about it to someone but i don’t even trust my friends...”

“If you don’t mind, I can be your listening ear.” Jihoon smiled, “We’re from different schools anyway, and I have nothing to gain too.”

You felt strangely relieved, telling someone you had just met about your relationship woes, “Okay.”

“So, what’s wrong?”

“My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 months,” You began, “I’ve been really happy and he’s really sweet, like picking me up from class, getting ice cream together and celebrating our monthsaries at really nice places. But...”

“But?”

“He has just been distant recently, I’m just really concerned.” You sighed. “Maybe I’m just over-thinking but i think he wants to break up.”

Jihoon’s eyes softened, as his hand rubbed soothing circles on your back, “I think you should tell him about it.”

“But...”

“No buts,” Jihoon’s hands gripped your limp shoulders, “You have to tell him about it, its better to know now then get hurt later.”

A tear escaped your eye, as you nodded and gave Jihoon a weak smile, “I will.”

“Jinyoung...” You wrenched your hands nervously, “Do you love me?”

Jinyoung frowned as he took his hands in yours, “Of course I love you, Y/N, you’re my girlfriend.”

Your hands flinched slightly at his touch, as you slowly removed your hands, “Tell me the truth, Jinyoung. You’ve been really distant nowadays, what’s wrong?”

Jinyoung sighed, then raking his fingers through his hair, “Y/N, I really don’t want to break it to you but...”

“What are you trying to tell me now? Are you cheating on me?” unshed tears brimmed your eyes, soon falling one by one.

“No, it’s just...”

“Just what, Jinyoung?”

“I like Kyulkyung noona.”

“What...Kyulkyung unnie?” At this point of time you have lost all sense of rationality, “I thought you got over her.”

“i tried getting over her... but I can’t.” Jinyoung confessed, “Look,Y/N, you’re not a rebound I swear--”

“I’m totally not a rebound, but I am a doormat for you to trample on.” You wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your hoodie, “But thank you for the past 2 months. It has been great. See you around school, Jinyoung.”

You stood up, the chair scraping on the wooden floor or the cafe. You left the place where you had your first date, red-eyed and heart broken.

You found yourself crying again, and calling Jihoon.

“Hello?”

“J-Jihoon,” You sniffed, “We broke up.”

“What--why?”

“He still has feelings for his ex-crush, oh, crush. And he probably used me as a rebound to get over her.”

“Y/N, are you free right now?”

“I am, why?” You tightened the hoodie on your head, not wanting people to see you crying.

“Meet me at the park in an hour.”

“Okay but--”Before you could ask Jihoon why, he hung up.

You shrugged, then boarding the bus near the cafe that would bring you to the park.

You sat on the swing, swinging as high as you could to get rid of the sour feeling in your heart. However, you still found yourself crying, as your legs gave up on creating the momentum and swung lazily on the seat.

You leaned against the metal chains of the seat, tears flowing down your cheeks like a waterfall. You didn’t even know why you were crying, and you didn’t know what to do to stop it.

Just then, Jihoon ran to you, panting, with one of his hands resting on his knees and the other holding four helium balloons.

“Is that why you told me to come here for?” You laughed humourlessly, with no trace of feelings left in your voice.

“Lowkey, yes,” Jihoon shot you one of his smiles, which sent your heart racing, “and here,”

Jihoon handed you a toothpick, as he then bent down to your eye level, “Pop these balloons one by one.”

“Isn’t that a waste?” You smiled weakly, “You must’ve spent so much time doing these.”

Jihoon shook his head, “Just do it, it’ll make you feel better, I promise.”

You popped the first blue balloon, and a small piece of paper landed on your lap. You unfolded it, and it had a little message inside.

“The first time I saw you, I was shy.”

You smiled, as you popped the next green balloon.

“I wanted to be friends with you, but I’m afraid.”

Next, you popped the purple balloon.

“I love it when I catch you looking at me, and you’re my favourite daydream.”

“What’s this...” You hid your face in your hands, shy from Jihoon’s words.

“You still have one last balloon left,” Jihoon pried your hands out of your face, “and this message is slightly longer.”

As you popped the last pink balloon, a bigger slip of paper fell onto your lap.

“I then realised, I wanted to give you my world, my everything. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Forget him. In fact, you’re kinda actually on my mind all this while.”

You looked up, Jihoon was holding your hand in his, with one knee on the floor, “Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

You shyly nodded, as your now-boyfriend engulfed you in a hug you would never want to pull away from.

#wanna one scenarios #park jihoon scenarios #wanna one #park jihoon #Fluffy writes

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