#i’m 90% sure i’ve posted about this before but jesus god how incredible is this

[thestuffedalligator]

This was the last episode of the first season of The Twilight Zone and they never dared to do anything as fucking funny as this again.

#the twilight zone #rod serling #i’m 90% sure i’ve posted about this before but jesus god how incredible is this #10k #20k #30k #40k

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

#long post #films #this is like bill hader being asked to pick his fave comedies and he gives a 4 page list #he has such good taste though ahhahbfhfhfhh lemme talk with him nonstop about movies while i ride him. thank you

[camillemontespan]

texas forever [drake x camille] [my last fic before i go on holiday]

This will be my final fic before I leave the UK on Monday.  I thought it was only apt that this fic be a cute fluffy Drake x Camille thing. It’s just them, no friends, no babies, just Drake x Camille before their universe grew! 

I’ll be on tumblr this weekend reading fic and reblogging but this is me signing off from writing.  I’ll be sure to post pictures of my holiday as I’m away for 4 weeks :)

Warnings: NSFW. 

@moonlightgem7��� @emichelle​ @ibldw-main​ @mskaneko​ @katedrakeohd​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @sirbeepsalot​ @burnsoslow​ @jovialyouthmusic​ @dcbbw​ @rainbowsinthestorm​ @saivilo​ @argylemnwrites​ @loveellamae​ @walkerswhiskeygirl​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @drakesensworld​ @kingliam2019​ @pug-bitch​ @gardeningourmet​

************************************************************

It was the magic hour. Drake could tell it was because the setting sun was shining low, casting Camille’s skin in rose gold.

She was driving. Usually, Drake would have balked at the idea of letting his fiancee get behind the wheel but she had insisted; she had never been to Texas before and she wanted to soak up the whole experience. 

They were driving a convertible with the top down. Camille had her dark hair pulled up into a messy bun with a silk scarf wrapped around her head; she wore sunglasses shaped like cat eyes. She was wearing Drake’s denim shirt, wearing it like a dress with a belt wrapped around her waist, an outfit that made Drake want to do things to her in the back seat.  Drake could smell her Chanel perfume, the scent of jasmine and musk mixing with the heat in the Texas air and the sun cream layered on their skin. It was the smell of paradise. 

Camille had chosen the music. She was singing along to Lana del Rey, softly: ‘Now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a fucking dream I'm living in..’

Drake smiled to himself. This was all he had ever wanted. To be free. Free from Cordonia. Free from the people who had always looked down at him and treated him like the shit on their well heeled shoes. It was made even better with Camille by his side.

They had chosen to visit his mom this summer so Camille could meet her before the wedding. They had arranged to have their wedding at the Walker family ranch and it was to be a private and intimate affair. No press. No publicity. A typical wedding. 

Liam had understood. When he had accepted Drake and Camille’s relationship, he was happy to leave the couple to do what they wanted. He had gifted Camille a duchy, followed by a title. He was too generous for his own good. Camille had protested but Liam ignored her; he wanted to show that there were no hard feelings. Camille swallowed her new title like a pill: Duchess of Valtoria. Soon, Drake would be the Duke.

He could laugh at how insane his life had become. Who would have thought the commoner of the court would become a Duke? Actually, who would have thought Drake Walker of all people would be engaged to the most incredible woman to ever grace the court? She was dynamite. He loved everything about her and he still couldn’t believe that he had managed to get her. 

This woman who wore his denim shirt like a dress and Converse on her feet. This woman was the real Camille. The Camille he knew that nobody else did. Everyone else saw her wearing elegant outfits and with her hair arranged in a pretty chignon; but Drake knew it was all part of the facade. Camille had told him that she hated looking like a Stepford wife at court. This, right here, was Camille being her true self. Drake felt honoured that he was allowed to see her. As in, really see her.

Camille caught him looking at her with a dopey smile on his face. ‘You okay, Drake?’ she asked.

Drake chuckled. ‘More than okay.’

Camille grinned and reached out to squeeze his hand. ‘Okay, I’ve hogged the music,’ she said. ‘Your turn to pick the tunes. What do you like to listen to in the car?’

‘I don’t really like music..’ Drake lied. He couldn’t admit the truth to her. He couldn’t admit that he was a sucker for 80s rock. Camille could see right through him though. 

‘Drake, come on. Be honest. You’ve already heard my terrible taste in 90s boybands so I promise I won’t judge!’

‘Noooo..’

‘Draaaaake, pleeeease!’ she protested. ‘Tell me or I’ll take both hands off the wheel.’

‘Nah, we’ll keep listening to your stuff-’

‘Okay, both hands off the wheel now,’ Camille interrupted, raising her hands in the air as she drove. Drake bolted forward to grab the wheel. 

‘Jesus, Montespan!’

Camille giggled. ‘I like to keep you on your toes. Now, music. Tell me what you like.’

Drake sighed. ‘Fine. God, please don’t tell anyone or I am breaking off our engagement.’

Camille gasped. ‘You wouldn’t dare! You love me, Drake Walker!’

Drake smirked, knowing he was beat. ‘Argh, fine, yes, I love you. Okay. Prepare yourself.’

He reached out to take her phone that was connected to the car media system and scrolled through Spotify to find a song. He swallowed and picked it, wishing he had better taste. For a man who had good taste in whiskey, he had truly abysmal taste in music. 

The opening bars began to play. A smile began to spread across Camille’s face. 

‘Oh my God..’ she whispered. ‘You like…’

‘I do,’ Drake groaned. ‘Damn it, Camille, they’re my guilty pleasure.’

Camille burst into song with the singer. ‘TOMMY USED TO WORK ON THE DOCKS!’ she sang loudly. ‘Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough!’ 

Drake began to laugh as he listened to Camille sing along to Bon Jovi. He felt the weight lift as he realised that Camille would never judge him. He often forgot that she wasn’t like anybody else he had ever met. She wasn’t going to make fun of him.  With this realisation, Drake let go and started to sing along with her, his voice raising higher as he got more into it. Camille hit the steering wheel with her hand like it was a drum. 

‘WOAAAAAAAH WE’RE HALFWAY THERE!’ they both hollered. ‘’WOAAAAAAH! LIVING ON A PRAYER!’

Drake raised his hand in the air to make a fist as he sang at the top of his lungs. Camille watched him with wide and excited eyes. She loved it when he relaxed and let go. She liked seeing Drake be silly and lose his inhibitions; she hoped she could encourage more of it. 

They drove along the long and empty road, singing to Bon Jovi, with the setting sun casting them in its rose gold glow.

***************************************

Drake and Camille reached the ranch an hour later. The sky was turning purple and blue with the faint glimmer of stars beginning to appear in the velvet twilight. Drake’s mom greeted them at the door. 

‘My babies!’ she said, pulling them into a tight hug. ‘I’ve made lasagne. Are you guys hungry? How was your drive? Did you go to the city?’

Drake smiled. His mom was always full of questions. 

‘Austin is amazing,’ Camille told her, following Bianca into the kitchen. ‘I love how vibrant it is but still so relaxed. It’s a different pace to New York.’

‘And definitely different to Cordonia,’ Bianca said, giving Camille a nudge. ‘Shame you can’t live here.’

They dished up the lasagne and sat down to eat. Drake poured Camille a glass of wine, pressing a kiss on the top of her head as he did so. Camille flashed him a happy smile. 

Drake listened as his fiancee and mother talked about everything. He was so relieved they got on well; not that that was ever going to be an issue. Camille got along with everyone and Bianca was just happy that her son wasn’t destined to live alone forever. 

‘So, wedding plans,’ Bianca said, turning serious. ‘Whatcha guys thinking? It’s to be here but what theme do you want? Food? Music?’

Camille took Drake’s hand in hers as she told Bianca what they had been thinking. ‘We would like to hold the ceremony out by the lake,’ she said. ‘So the ‘altar’ can be at the jetty. We figured Liam could officiate. Bertrand will give me away.’

‘It’s gonna be simple,’ Drake joined in. ‘We don’t want anything to take away from the love. Our relationship.. That’s what matters.’

Camille cast her eyes down and smiled. She loved how passionate Drake was.

Bianca studied them for a moment. ‘You know I’m all for this,’ she finally said. ‘But is it a good idea to have this wedding in Texas? You are going to be the new Duke and Duchess of Valtoria. Cordonia might appreciate a public wedding so they can see you and feel involved. You know how petty they can be if tradition isn’t followed-’

‘Fuck tradition,’ Drake interrupted. ‘Camille and I are doing this our way. We are never gonna be traditional so why start now? This wedding is ours. We’re doing it for us, not for Cordonia.’

Bianca smiled. ‘Okay, babe. You do you.’

Camille’s eyes met Drake’s. ‘How have I got you?’ she murmured. ‘How did I get so lucky?’

Drake blushed.

*******************************************

After dinner, Drake and Camille went down to the lake. Drake could see the fireflies playing. He had a blanket in his arms while Camille was holding the most precious of items - a bottle of whiskey. They settled down on the blanket by the lake. Drake pulled Camille into his side as she unscrewed the bottle cap and took a deep swig before offering it to Drake. He took the bottle gratefully. 

‘Texas is gorgeous,’ Camille whispered. ‘I feel so at peace here.’

Drake squeezed her tight. ‘I’m glad, baby,’ he murmured. ‘I’m glad you like my home.’

‘Our home,’ Camille corrected him. 

Drake chuckled. ‘We don’t live here.’

‘No, but maybe… we could? Like, in the summer?’ Camille suggested, her voice hopeful. ‘It would mean we could get away from Cordonia for a while. Our summer holiday. Besides, your mom would love to see you more and our kids would need to see their grandma-’

‘Our kids?’ Drake asked, his eyes widening. They had never discussed children before. Never. 

Camille turned red, regretting her words. ‘Oh. Yeah. I mean, we don’t have to have kids, I guess I just always pictured myself as a mom.. I get it if you don’t want them, I know they can be bratty and full of tantrums and it’s a lot of responsibility..’

She was babbling now, panicking that she had scared him. When Camille panicked, she couldn’t stop talking. 

‘And I guess they’re a drain on finances and they shit everywhere but I suppose I’d love to see you as a dad. I think you’d be really good at it but I understand if you don’t want them. No pressure! I just thought-’

‘Camille,’ Drake interrupted, his voice steady. ‘Relax.’

Camille let out a breath. Without a word, she took the bottle of whiskey from him and took a deep gulp.  Drake laughed. 

‘Okay, wanna hear my thoughts?’ he asked.

Camille shrugged, trying to play it cool. ‘You don’t have to.’

‘I guess I do want kids,’ Drake told her honestly. ‘I’ve always wanted a family. But I never saw myself having a family because hey, it’s me. I was always alone. But now.. I’m re-evaluating everything. I’ve got you. You’re my family. Do I want to have babies with you? Miniature Camille’s? Fuck yeah.’

Camille giggled. She was looking at him now, relieved that he hadn’t abandoned her by the lake and flown back to Cordonia to escape from her baby brain. 

Drake looked out towards the lake as he spoke. He wore a look of intense seriousness on his face.  ‘Do I see myself here with my kid teaching them how to fish? Yeah. Do I see myself teaching my kid how to set up a tent and toast s’mores? Yeah. I do. I have never imagined that sort of thing before, Camille, but ever since I’ve been with you, I’ve allowed myself to think of these things. I’ve given myself permission to just.. Dream.’

Camille snuggled into him now, resting her head on his chest. ‘I’d love to see you teach our kids how to toast s’mores. And to fish. Just all of the cute outdoor things. Normal things.’

Drake smirked. ‘Our kids are going to be so fucking normal, it will cause genuine pain to the Cordonian nobles.’

‘Ha!’ Camille laughed. ‘Yes. Can you imagine the outrage?!’

Drake rolled his eyes then got serious again. ‘I’d love it for Texas to be a place where we can just relax with our family and get away from all the pressure. I’d love it. And yeah, my mom would love to see our kids. She would be such a cool grandma.’

Camille grinned as she listened to Drake talk about their future. She was so happy. She was going to have a family; that was all she had ever wanted. 

*********************************************

They drank more whiskey and talked more about the future. They made plans that they swore they would never break. Drunk off the amber liquid, Camille leaned close to Drake and held out her pinkie. 

‘Pinkie swear,’ she slurred, keeping her brown eyes fixed on his. ‘Pinkie swear that we will always put us first. We’ll be a team.’

Drake held out his pinkie and said solemnly, ‘I swear.’

Their pinkies connected. 

‘I will be a wife and mother first, Duchess second,’ Camille said, looking very serious.  

Drake grinned. ‘I will be a husband and father first, Duke second.’

Camille now looked satisfied. ‘You pinkie swore which means you can’t go back on that.’

Drake threw back his head as he laughed. ‘Camille, why the fuck would I go back on that promise?’ he asked. ‘That’s a fucking good promise to keep.’

Camille smiled and helped herself to more whiskey. She eyed Drake over the rim of the bottle. ‘Y’know,’ she said, licking her lips with her tongue which made Drake’s eyes dart to her mouth, ‘I like talking about babies with you.’

‘Oh really?’ Drake said, raising an eyebrow. ‘Does the idea of me being a dad get you off?’

Camille giggled. ‘Sort of! I mean, you’re going to be a DILF, let’s not beat around the bush here..’

Drake’s eyes flicked down to her crotch. ‘Well..’

‘Oh my God, Drake!’ Camille squealed, pushing him gently. ‘You’re such a perv!’

‘I’m gonna be your husband, I’m allowed to perv!’ Drake protested. ‘Also, you started it!’ He took the whiskey from her and swigged.  He could feel Camille watching him.  She edged close to him and kissed his cheek lightly. 

‘Camille, if you want to jump my bones, you can just say so,’ he teased. ‘I’m not stopping you.’

Camille reached out to take the bottle of whiskey. Drake thought she didn’t need anymore but was surprised when she placed it on the ground beside her. ‘Drake,’ she murmured, her voice like caramel. Drake looked at her; he knew what she was thinking. He could tell from the glint in her eye.  

Drake watched her as she stood up, slightly unsteady on her feet, and began to undress. She pulled Drake’s denim shirt that she had made into a dress off before slipping her feet out of her Converse. She stood before him, bathed in the moonlight, in her rose pink lace underwear. Drake felt his jeans tighten. 

‘Fuck, Camille..’ he groaned. 

Camille reached up to untie the scarf around her head. Her messy bun fell down in loose waves and she shook her hair out. She smiled at Drake’s heated gaze on her. She slowly unclipped her bra. Her hands pulled down her thong, discarding the garments to the ground. She was naked, in all her glory. 

‘Come here,’ Drake croaked. 

Camille smiled like she had a secret. ‘You better catch me first,’ she whispered. Before Drake could reply, she turned and jumped from the jetty into the lake. 

*********************************************

Drake practically ripped his clothes off. For one thing, he wasn’t sure she should be swimming in her current drunken state, but he also really really needed to touch her. She couldn’t leave him hanging like that. Not after her little strip tease and the way the moon had illuminated her body to make her look like an angel. 

He jumped in after Camille. 

She had swam a little further out and was now floating in the water. The moon shone down on her wet skin, making her glimmer. Drake reached her and gently pulled her across to him; their chests pressed together as their mouths collided. 

Drake’s fingers dragged through her wet hair as he pulled her in as close as he could. It was a heated, desperate kiss with pent up frustration. When they pulled away for air, Drake gently pulled her towards the shallow part of the lake so he could find his footing. Once stable, the kissing recommenced.

Camille wrapped her legs around his waist; her hand reached down to grip his cock.

‘Jesus Christ, I don’t deserve you,’ Drake growled in her ear. 

‘You deserve everything,’ Camille replied. She positioned herself so Drake could slip inside her easily. ‘Take it, Drake.’

He needed no further prompting. He plunged into her and Camille let out a guttural cry. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders as she felt the impact as he filled her entirely. Drake let out a harsh groan as he felt her tighten around him and her breath in his ear as his hips bucked against hers. 

‘Oh god, oh god..’ she breathed. 

Drake’s teeth tugged on her lower lip, making the heat in her core turn to fire. Their eyes met and Drake pressed another desperate kiss on her lips as if he could tattoo his touch on her skin forever. 

The pace became more rapid. The water around them was making waves from their movements. Camille’s walls tightened further and her fingernails scratched his back as she began to feel the wave in her stomach build up. 

‘Drake, I’m gonna-’

‘Come for me, Camille,’ Drake groaned, driving harder into her. ‘Let go.’

Her body spasmed. She bit into his shoulder as she cried out, her voice echoing across the lake. Drake fell apart. 

For a long moment, everything was still. The lake became placid, the fireflies had stopped their dance, the sky was clear. All they could hear was the other’s breathing as they calmed down. 

They untangled themselves. Drake cupped her chin with his fingers as he kissed her softly now. 

‘I love you,’ he whispered. ‘If this is what my life is going to be like, then I’ll die happy.’

Camille blushed. ‘I love you too,’ she whispered back. She reached out to wrap her arms around his neck. ‘This is your life, Drake. This is it.’

*************************************************

They spent the next few hours drying off on the jetty. Drake had wrapped the blanket around the two of them; Camille settled in his lap, her back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.  Together, they looked out onto the dark water of the lake and the fireflies that darted in the night sky, acting like little lights. 

‘I want to stay here forever,’ Camille murmured. 

Drake squeezed her tightly. ‘In the summer,’ he assured her. 

‘I wish it could be all year.’

Drake smiled. ‘Texas will always be here,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘Texas forever.’

Camille snuggled into him and rested her head back on his shoulder. Her lips brushed his neck as she whispered back, ‘Texas forever.’ 

#drake walker #trr fanfic #drake walker x mc #the royal romance

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1 s7ep17&18: Heroes pt1 and pt2

 Watched 23/06/2020

Well here we go friends. I’m torturing myself for the sake of making y’all laugh and also because I have a LOT of feelings about this two parter and NONE of them are good. I can’t be the only one so lets see who else agrees with me! 

This is about to get long and very swear word heavy so avert your eyes if you aren’t into that <3 Just letting you know I use some VERY strong language this post. I’m Australian so the word isn’t uncommon for us to use and we use it as a term of endearment in some parts too but I just wanted y’all to know. 

This turned into the biggest one I’ve ever done too with 362 dot points... read if you dare

Well here we go

I’m probably gonna cry a lot

I love Saul Rubinek. 

I adore him in Warehouse 13

Artie Neilson is like the dad I didn’t have

but fuck me if I don’t hate Emmet

This WHOLE two parter is pointless and just serves to kill of a character that didn’t need to die 

Anyway getting into that a little early on

Fuck the defence department. 

You haven’t spoken to Space Dad of Texas

The most unorthodox

JFC this ass hole

I’m calling him AssHole for the rest of the episodes

Of course they don’t want them here, he’s a dick 

Hammond’s little smile

This whole episode feels sombre and sad

and we’re three minutes into the two parter

this whole thing is about to fall to shit

credits

i’m not even excited for the credits

because I’m hurting

last time I watched this I’d started crying the second it started so I’m doing much better this time 

I love watching them go up the ramp  to the gate

its nice

end credits

NO ONE ASKED YOU SAUL

that was a bomb

but NO ONE ASKED YOU 

And Teryl Rothery as Dr. Janet Fraiser

FUCK OFF

He doesn’t have time

He’s busy

Lol coughed on his hand and went to shake Saul’s hand

dead

memos... as if Jack’s ever read one of those

Sam is so awkward

I love her so much

It is nothing short of extraodinary 

she is nothing short of extraordinary and we know this

but again

NOT ONE ASKED YOU ASSHOLE

and grand empress of scifi

grand empress of my heart 

goof ball

the list goes on

god she’s so awkward’

but so adorable 

Thats fine

please annoy Daniel 

What was it like to be dead ffs

TRANSCENDED? DID YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION???

What else is he supposed to say?! He DIED he doesn’t REMEMBER ANYTHING

Daniel’s right

Its fascinating 

LOL DANIEL YOU STUPID IDIOT THATS HILARIOUS

I love Daniel when he’s pissing off people i hate

Bill <3 

Personal microwave oven... nice

And its only taken you 7 years

so glad you did though

Odd that he was on fire

but we never see that happen any other times

“He does this all the time” poor Siler

Sam looks so happy when talking technobable and about her doohickeys. 

I adore her

And honestly all that shits fascinating 

still 32 minutes left... 

honestly if it weren’t for me talking about Janets death, I’d never watch these again. 

They are genuinely some of the worst episodes of SG1

I said what I said

“Sure. Its really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything”

She’s gonna kill someone

WALTER

Thats right

FUCK OFF SAUL

DOESN’T MEAN THERE WASN’T ANY GOA’ULD HERE RECENTLY

I love that they take odds

but this scene is only here to set up the character that is the reason Janet dies

because Janet shouldn’t have been off base

but we’re not going to talk about that are we? 

The episode would have played out the same if this man had died

Anyone can die in war

Doesn’t matter if they’re a parent etc

but nah

we gotta - 

sorry I’ll stop

SHE’S SO HOT 

JACK YOU IDIOT

As if he read the memo

THERE SHOULD BE A CAKE

Obviously he can’t tell you much because he was DEAD

OMG TEAL’C

HE’S NOT SAYING A WORD

BECAUSE HE FUCKING HATES THIS GUY MORE THAN I DO

SAUL SHUT UP

LITERALLY NO ONE CARES 

GO HOME

“Dr Jackson is going to die when he sees this”

“What again?”

my dude you have NO idea

This is what happens when you go poking around

you get ambushed

because it was all a fucking set up

no explination of WHO set them up tho... it was just a set up

what

a

joke

wooooooow

they took it out with a WALL

NOT THIS FUCKING ARSE HOLE

KINSEY JUST PISS OFF 

WE DON’T LIKE YOU

WE DON’T WANT YOU

GO SUCK A ROTTEN TOMATO

EVEN SAUL IS BORED OF YOU

AND HE’S THE MOST BORING MAN I’VE EVER MET

leave Jack alone

YES JACK

Its not slander if its TRUE YOU WANKER

NO YOU HAVE NOT

PAST AND PRESENT YOU ASS

JFC

Who cares what the president wants

I am 90% sure Jack just called Kinsey a limp dick and I’ve never been prouder? 

“deep and unyielding love for you, sir” SHUT UP JACK YOU GOOSE 

Well Mr Bregman can such a toe

Fancy arguing with Space Dad from Texas

OH FUCK OFF SAUL

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

NO ONE CARES

HAMMOND IS RIGHT

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU’RE THERE

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET HURT

YOU HAVE NO RIGT TO BE THERE

Sam joking around with Teal’c is so sweet

I love them and their friendship so much

Gah!

OF COURSE THERE IS A CHANCE THINGS WILL GO WRONG YOU NARCACISTIC FUCK

ITS LIKE TO GO MORE WRONG WITH YOU THERE

I’M SORRY I’M YELLING SO MUCH I JUST HATE HIM WITH MY ENTIRE BODY.

Well is he wrong? 

Because you’re an absolute arse, thats why it doesn’t matter

Shots of your ass serve us all well O’Neill

“How do you feel about Colonel O’Neill”

She wishes to kiss him, sir. 

And potentially much more but we shall no discuss that here

He is amazing

Time outside of work... what are you insinuating

Good cover

Like family

First and foremost her superior officer

Secondly your LOVER

because I pretend Pete doesn’t exist right now

OH THIS SCENE

Actually that was pretty cute Daniel

And you’re right it is fascinating

At some action? 

So you can be a dick and use peoples death as entertainment? 

Fuck me 

His job is the inscriptions

seriously fuck this guy

I love how Sam’s face goes from he’s right its boring to aww Daniel, he didn’t :O

I love their friendship

But it nearly could have cause people like oh, I don’t know, YOUR BOYFRIEND, SAMANTHA, stalk people

shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did

if y’all hadn’t stayed

this wouldn’t have happened

Janet my love 

I’m crying

wow Jack has been hurt a fuck tonne

he didn’t give permission

Saul is an ass

I’m literally fighting tears right now

I fucking love her so much 

You never know what to expect but you do such a good job sweetie 

I’m so proud of you

The more she talks the more proud of her I am

and the more of a loss it truly is that she goes

because she’s fucking incredible and she has so much heart 

her little laugh fucking STOP

My heart is literally breaking 

AND DR FRAISER

STOP

THEY WOULDN’T HAVE JUST WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH LIKE THAT ON ANY OLD DAY

WHY NOW

WHO WROTE THIS FUCKING SHIT

FUCK OFF SAUL

THIS IS RIDICULOUS

HER GIGGLE STOP I LOVE HER 

SHE DESERVED MORE

DO NOT GO

JANET NO STAY

BABY

and we end there to go to part two

this episode felt weird

it feels like is a drama inside a drama does that make sense? 

It kinda feels like 200

like it feels fake and like its about to cut to a shot of them sitting around a table, flabergasted and with their heads in their hands

So Robert C. Cooper wrote it

I just wanna talk buddy... just wanna talk

THEY AIRED THIS FUCKER THE DAY BEFORE VALENTIES DAY?!?! WTF SYFY?!

Alright starting episode 2

SAUL FUCK OFF YOU CAN’T BE THERE

JANET BABY DON’T GOOOOOOO

I AM CRYING

I have my pillow pet who is named Janet

She was a gag gift about 7 years ago and I was watching SG1 at the time

but also she just looked like a Janet

She’s become a staple in my life and I love her 

Anyway she always gets me through these episodes

credits

still not into it right now

should have skipped them this episode tbh

end credits

Ordered chocolate cake

it arrived

i’m happy with this choice

I don’t give a fuck about them deciding what happens in the fucking video

Good answer Daniel

I could also watch Major Carter’s head talk all day

They didn’t stand a fucking chance out there

They ran into that situation totally unprepared

which they would never have done normally

this whole two parter is fucking bull shit

and then they pit Jack and Janet against each other... like who are we gonna be more upset to lose in this moment

Fuck Jack

baby noooo

I can’t take this episode ffs

Lol Walter being cute

Get out of there

You cunt

get that fucking camera off 

fuck this guy

no Sam

fuck off 

leave her alone

punch him in the face

oh Sam honey I’m so sorry

she lost her best friend

FUCK OF SAUL

JESUS 

HER BEST FRIEND JUST DIED 

SHE’S IN PAIN

YOU DO NOT GET TO DICTATE WHETHER PEOPLE GET FILMED WHEN SHE’S CLEARLY IN PAIN

I’LL TURN YOU OFF YOU FUCKING ARSE HOLE FUCK YOU

don’t sit there all upset like your day has been ruined

And now we have them making us think Jack died so that we worry about him the entire episode instead of Janet

because who cares about her right?

FUCKING WOOLSEY

I literally just screamed

i hate him

this episode can’t get any FUCKING WORSE

I also question the decision. 

No offence Space Dad of Texas

but it doens’t make sense that you chose to do what you did

I’m sorry but it doesn’t 

FUCK OOOOOOFFFF WOOOSLEY

Hammond visiting Carter <3 

Ah Barrett

So Woolsey is a corrupt piece of shit

Whoda thunk it

I’m crying again

Poor Hammond

Poor Sam

Talking at the memorial man

OH GOOD MORE WOOLSEY

BECAUSE THIS EPISODE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH...

Fuck him

And the truth is that you’re a dick, moving on

Daniel has a point... and I hate saying that but he has a point

I love Sam

Daniel doesn’t give a fuck

Go Daniel I’m proud of you

OH NOT SAUL AND THE F U C K I N G CAMERA

NO PISS OFF

This is cruel

to make us see her death

to show us her literal dead body was too fucking much

I’m sorry but this would have been just as powerful if Simons had died

Hes a good kid

but this would have had the same impact

I’m sick of this man

I’m sick of this shit

OH MY GOD GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Which is why you bastards should not have been in the fucking field

It was of a man dying

end of

Yeah but what they do every single day doesn’t mean show us JANETS DEATH

Sharing it with the world won’t make him feel any better about one of his best friends getting show you mole

Good, Woolsey again

suck my dick

So this guy put money values on peoples heads

and he got command of Atlantis? 

Yeah fuck him I’m not watching s5 of Atlantis

to be fair $27 million is a lot of money

but its still peopls lives

fuck off you smarmy git

I would love to see him tossed out on his arse

He can do that

fuck off you don’t get to say in whether or not you’re there or have a right to be there

you’re invading on peoples privacy

you’re an ass

The Tape

Fuck the N.I.D

I actually feel really bad for Daniel

fuck you Bregman

so excited to see people’s deaths

I had to pause for a moment

because I just saw Janet die

and its cruel

We didn’t have to see her death

knowing it happened was bad enough 

physically seeing her dead is like salt in the wound

Janet deserved so much more than this

hope you’re happy bregman

sam visiting Jack

hurts because i love the cute moment

but it hurts

because we shuoldn’t have had to lose janet for this

Cassie... my heart is broken

the way he looks at her when she starts crying and the hug  like he has been there with her so many times 

its all so sweet 

and they’re so in love but they can’t have each other

its rude 

Poor Simon... 

Poor Sam

watching her cry is so hard

and Teal’c 

guys i’m not sure i can finsih this

ok sorry I’m back

Gotta pick up Cassie

Cassie 100% lived with Sam right? 

Oh Teal’c... i love you so, so much you sweet angel

and the little hug.. their friendship is beautiful

I’m so sick of Bregman at this point

and them being in the room where Daniel died, where Jack chose to get his symbiote, where they saved Cassie and Sam and countless others, where they helped Teal’c

Janet was so strong, so wise

oh Daniel... I’m sorry 

It does but others don’t need to see it Daniel

Oh fuck I’ll be back after the memorial

its such a beautiful memorial

and Im glad they chose Sam to talk 

I’m gonna say some more in my final notes

its hard right now with the tears

I still think you’re an absolute arse, Saul

This was kinda sweet actually

oh they named the baby Janet

i’m never gonna stop crying 

Oh Jack

he’s so unimpressed

what a stupid way to end it

sorry but that was shit

Final thoughts

i genuinely hate these episodes. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever watch them again. Even with another watch through.. they’re not as well written or directed as other episodes, they’re unbelievable in the cannon of the show and breaks their own rules, not to mention the sheer heartbreak

Bregman is one of the most unlikeable characters in the show. If Simmons had of been alive he could have been in the episode too just to add to the trifecta of cunts!

Cassie should have been at the memorial

they make you think Jack is dead so we won’t worry about janet to what? make it more of a shock? because it doesn’t work. It should never have been designed to make us feel relief at Janet’s death because it wasn’t Jack! It doesn’t do her justice. 

Janet Fraiser was a smart woman with a massive heart. She was brave and strong and she cared for everyone even when they were arseholes. She had a bit of fun with SG1 sometimes too. She was an incredible Dr, mother and friend.  Janet was tiny but tough. Something that i aim for. I’m 5ft2 so basically the same as Janet and believe it or not i’ve had people question my ability to be a good teacher because noone will take me seriously. Janet always made me feel like people would take me seriously and that even though I’m small, I can do big things. She encouraged me to be a good person with a heart of gold. Her death hits really hard for that reason. but also because she was an incredible character who deserved more than what she was given. Hardly any screen time and then murdered to make some sort of point that didn’t need making??? Not to mention she’s mentioned twice in the next three seasons and when she “comes back” in Ripple Effect she spends almost no time with Sam which makes exactly 0 sense. 

Someone recently said they heard she was killed because the writers didn’t know how much more time they had and wanted to wrap some stuff up? Lets not forget that they made the end of this season a huge cliff hanger... but I’m still not sure what we could wrap up with her death? She had a fucking child!

Any way I won’t be watching this again. I’m sorry this isn’t much fun but hopefully you’ve got a giggle out of me swearing at the idiots 

I love you all for reading this and supporting me posts, they’re usually pretty fun to make honestly!

#Stargate #Stargate SG1 #SG1: Heroes pt1 #SG1: Heroes pt2 #SG1 #Samantha Carter #Jack O'Neill #Janet Fraiser #Teal'c #Daniel Jackson #Michael Shanks #Teryl Rothery #Christoper Judge #Amanda Tapping #ATapps #Richard Dean Anderson #RDA #mudblood-and-proud watches

[wingheadshellhead]

endgame time

okay i figure i might as well post all my thoughts on the movie and get all of it out at once

the good shit (oh yes i loved iron man 5)

the tony and nebula interactions were so good. so soft. love that sweet validation of them being stuck for 3 weeks and getting along. TONY OFFERING HER THE BLUEBERRIES on their last day of oxygen and her pushing his hand away and tony immediately scarfing them all. tony thinking of a complete stranger’s needs before himself even as he’s dying. fucking good shit a+

when he stepped off the jet and it was STEVE who rushed immediately to catch him lmao my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. a beautiful cinematic stevetony moment.

“i lost the kid, i lost the kid” holy shit superfam........ SUPERFAM. how he looked so distraught and heartbroken like he knows he took a teenager up to space with him to fight the greatest villain the world has ever faced and he LOST him and the way it broke him saying it out loud as steve was holding onto him

the catharsis of tony having his big “I WAS RIGHT FUCK YOU” speech and then collapsing afterwards. SHIVERS. and it was fantastic seeing rdj physically weakened and looking like crap surviving for 3 weeks on the ship with zero supplies. WHEN HE TORE THE REACTOR OFF HIS CHEST AND SHOVED IT INTO STEVE’S HAND. “where were you when i needed you” “we’ll lose together. you said we’d do that together too, LIAR” (not a paraphrase) oh my gOD. fucking deserved. his righteousness, his betrayal, his hurt. so excellent. loved that for him. all the avengers watching him with mild concern but also resignation knowing he WAS right and they’d treated him like he was crazy two years ago for nearly losing his mind because he was so worried about the threat of impending invasion.

5 YEARS LATER. steve holding support group was such a great moment of continuity from him watching sam holding the veterans group (a first win for samsteve in the movie), i loved him still wanting to create a space for others to share their trauma and to talk. the painful irony of having a whole cap trilogy and 4 avengers movies and having so few scenes of steve actually talking about his trauma and instead having his experiences filtered through other people’s dialogue has been so fucking painful and endgame continued to screw him over (see below lmao) with this one but i thought this scene was still a nice touch.

really enjoyed natasha saying she’d found a family and a purpose in THEORY but it wasn’t backed up enough by the context. she was running point on what was left of the avengers essentially but it felt more work related than “oh we’re a FAMILY” which the avengers has never been as much as they might try to act like it for one line of dialogue that’s meant to be so meaningful

AVENGERS ENDGAME AS A TIME TRAVEL CAPER. holy fuck a literal au come to life. loved it. we got a whole stevetony going undercover in the 70s on a mission which was awesome. spy!steve and spy!tony shenanigans. the throwbacks to 2012 avengers and continuations of the scenes we saw in the movie were so so much fun. 

america’s ass. god bless. tony thirsting after steve in every world in every universe in the multiverse. 

“i missed that giddy optimism” he also missed that ass, apparently

they really fucking WENT there with the hail hydra but i thought it was a smart (if smug) wink to the audience of steve one upping the hydra guys and taking the scepter from them.

STEVE LIFTING MJOLNIR!!!! steve WIELDING mjolnir and doing the lightning thing. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!!!!

being 90% sure that tony was going to die going into this movie i knew it was nails in the coffin the MOMENT we saw the 5 years later flashback and we were at this beautiful house and tony was married and playing with his kid. it seemed gratuitous, it seemed too good to be true. and it’s everything tony deserved and more. the domesticity, the beautiful simplicity and quietness of having a wife and a kid and being surrounded by so much love. I LOVE YOU 3000. i love you 3000. holy shit. you cannot tell me or anyone that tony isn’t the best dad in the whole damn universe. that kid was so loved, so adored. all along, all tony has wanted is a family. he just wants people to love him and people that he can love that will stay. and he got exactly that. he got five years of that and maybe it’s not enough but being a superhero it never is. i’m glad he got that 5 years. 

RESCUE PEPPER was incredible. gwyneth got more screentime than i thought she would. seeing pepperony flying their suits in the sky was SUCH a trip ironfam really won this whole event. 

tony being bitter and putting up a front when natasha, steve and scott came to visit him. it was so jarring watching steve seeing tony with the happy family and life he’d never been able to have, always an impossibility to him. steve jumping the gun with “is pepper pregnant” in cw. such a bittersweet moment. it’s one of those very classic comic moments in the multiverse where they have a wild au concept and they lull you into a false sense of security that everything is beautiful and perfect and happy until they have to ruin it all again and go be heroes. it was very that. except the happiness and love was all REAL and tony got to have it.

their conversation about how everything had worked out for him and how he had a family he couldn’t leave behind..... bro he really got me (and the avengers) there. do you really think THE tony stark could ever live happily ever after knowing half the world was dead? either he’s going to die trying to bring them back or he won’t be able to live with himself at all. the simulations were such a satisfying move. his conversation with pepper. her telling him he wouldn’t be able to rest. it was tony asking permission but also telling her that he was going to go and leave behind their life to do what he had to do. the subtext of that whole scene was really fantastically done. 

PETER AND TONY. THE PHOTOGRAPH. HIM LINGERING ON THE PICTURE OF PETER LIKE OF FUCKING COURSE HE HASN’T HAD A MOMENTS REST NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM.

so anyway. tony invents time travel. we love a genius. he also invents an infinity gauntlet. incredible.

i was holding my breath the entire scene of tag when they were tossing the gauntlet back and forth mf wAITING for it to land near enough to tony. i knew it was coming but like,,, jesus christ part of me wasn’t sure when they had bruce do the snap. they skipped a lot of the technicalities of wielding the actual gauntlet (like not going mad from power and having the whole weight of the universe inside your head at your fingertips) probably to keep from weighing the story down but THAT would have been a brilliant touch to seeing tony finally getting the stones. and having them slot into place on his OWN GODDAMN ARMOUR. TONY STARK FUCKING DID THAT.

“i am inevitable.” “I AM IRON MAN”. literally the most iconic line of the entire marvel cinematic universe and tony gets to say it as the biggest fuck you the biggest villain they’ve ever faced. loved it.

so yeah the gamma rays taking tony, baseline human out, vs. bruce was a much less satisfying end than having it be the weight of the whole universe and the promise of madness and infinite power. but this is the ending tony deserved. we always knew that one or more of the OGs would die and it was tony and this is exactly the way this should have gone.

tony died saving the entire universe. he died sacrificing himself and HIS future with his family for the avengers and for the universe. the story of the mcu begins and ends with his sacrifice. he wouldn’t have had it any other way. to know that what he did, what he’ll be remembered for, is saving the universe. it validates all the selflessness and heroism and grace we’ve always known he has when it comes to being a hero. tony isn’t the hero that gives speeches and moves peple to action, he’s the hero that just DOES the thing that needs to be done. the one that will lay his life down on the line to let everyone else crawl over him because he wouldn’t be able to live knowing he hadn’t done more. him dying meant that he’d finally done enough. he finally gets to rest. and getting to die surrounded by the ironfam was such a beautiful touch. tony stark is unquestionably a hero. his legacy will always be one of sacrifice and heroism and creating the possibility of a better future. he has always, constantly, relentlessly been working to build a future he will never see that is better and stronger and more resilient than the present; it’s inherently a part of being a futurist that he will never get to see this world that he’s willingly given up everything for. and in the climax of the final battle, he gave up HIS future so that the rest of the universe could have one, and if that isnt the most tony stark thing i’ve ever heard idk what is. 

the unsolvable problem of the avengers

how do you write the culmination to a grand universe of 22 movies with the avengers being the cornerstone of that massive cinematic vision when your avengers aren’t even really a team? what are we supposed to root for when none of them seem to visibly friends or even like each other except when they’re in pairs? what “TEAM” are they referring to? 

the avengers from day 1 aren’t a team. they aren’t a family. there’s no sense of camraderie in any of the movies between them all as a unit. 

we had ONE scene of teamwork in the movie where they were locating the stones and planning what to do with them. the shot of nat bruce and tony lying on the conference table was great, but unearned. why should we care when they haven’t shown us how these people care about each other outside of saving the world once every few years? we don’t watch superhero team-ups for the cool fight scenes we watch them because we want to see these heroes actually care about each other and the BOND between them that makes them a worthwhile team on AND off the battlefield. 

there’s no sense that even strategically, they work well as a team. steve is the leader sure and tony provides the tech but apart from that? there’s no spark. there’s no connection between them that makes us thing oh shit, this could really work. they’re on the same wavelength. they’re going to try and do the impossible and it shouldn’t work but it just might because it’s them.

cannot emphasise this enough: not enough carol danvers. she was yeeted out of the movie after her intro and then came back for the final battle and that was it. she should’ve been THERE in the war room coming up with plans and going to the space destinations with the teams. it was ridiculous to have the future leader of the avengers and the legacy of the mcu not be front and center with the (non-existent) team dynamic. it fucking bewilders me that CM could write and develop a fury + carol friendship better than her dynamic with ANY of the avengers, her future friends and teammates. 

so, the avengers aren’t really friends. they’re coworkers who occasionally put up with each other to save the world and that’s fucking depressing and arguably why all the avengers but tony were so badly fucked over in the character development and ending of endgame.

the bad shit (full circle rip)

thor and bruce were treated like comedic relief for too much of the movie. i wasn’t expecting bruce to have much of a storyline because he never does but his conflict was solved with a handwave explanation in the beginning “oh i have the best of both worlds now, i’m both banner AND hulk the brain and the brawns”. was such a bizarre fucking feeling. and the insinuation that he’d just been chilling in the 5 years post snap with his new updated hipster wardrobe taking pictures with fans??? what the fuck? what kind of storyline is THAT? he should’ve been WITH natasha helping her deal with the fallout of the snap and working with the remainders of the team. what the fuck.

thor was done EVEN dirtier in this respect. it’s as if all the ugly stans that hated and mocked tony’s im3 ptsd storyline decided to put their messy caricature of him into a character arc. hemsworth pulled it off, to his credit and comedic delivery, but it wasn’t a story fitting of the mighty thor. there IS a way of writing thor going through trauma, trying to process the loss of his entire world and family and people, without reducing him to an absolute farce. imagine a thor, treated with gravitas and respect, lost and kingdomless and peopleless wandering the world, a recluse and a hermit, like the better side of the coin to hawkeye, but being called back to heroism because he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. idk if its the taika effect or just the massive turn that the thor trilogy took but i think the overt humour was the wrong way to go with thor and it made his entire storyline seem regressive and like they were laughing at him more than they were laughing with him. i would’ve accepted taking a leaf out of dc’s book (i.e. diana and arthur in JL) if they had to go down this path with thor’s story, of having him retreat from the trauma and grief of what he’d lost. because his pain was understandable, you could very clearly sympathise with what he’d been through but they turned his pathos into bathos and let his storyline play out in jokes instead of being the noble warrior and hero finding the strength to believe in people and have hope and fight for the world again. endgame really made a mockery out of thor’s legacy and not knowing if there’ll be another thor movie............... god he deserved better. 

clint?? we don’t speak of mcu clint but idk. i gUeSs the russos achieved what they thought they wanted to achieve with ultimates clint going full rogue and becoming a lawless deadpool but without the jokes. (ugh 616 clint... you will always be the only clint ever.) of all the characters that SHOULD have a lighthearted ironic storyline, it’s CLINT BARTON. he semi redeemed himself by wanting to die instead of natasha??? thereby absolving him? idk whatever lets not think too hard about mcu clint. 

i think most of fandom has long given up on mcu natasha so it’s less an issue of “this isn’t the natasha we deserve” and “well how badly can they fuck this up”. i think natasha’s development was well-handled and it was a Relief to have her final moment be between her and clint, purely driven by platonic love and all the shit they’ve stood by each other through. i don’t know that she needed to die, clint easily could’ve fallen instead of her lmao. but her being prepared to die for the fate of the world has been a theme since aou and i was glad it played out her seeing the necessity and pragmatism of sacrifice. i liked how she said “you think i want to do this?” because of course she doesn’t, ofc natasha romanova who’s lived through the rise and fall of empires and died so many deaths, wants to live. but she’s also a hero, and she’s spent so many years working to be a better person (when she said the avengers made her better g o d loved that line) and she knew what she had to do. idk that this was a fitting end for her but i thought her character development was well done (even if the team itself is a shallow non-existent “family”) and her sacrifice, alongside tony’s saved the universe.

ok don’t let the shortness of these points belie how much they annoyed me but CAROL deserved more screentime RHODEY deserved more screentime. SAM AND BUCKY deserved more. for characters that are so charismatic and bring so much life and dynamism to the avengers it was a fucking shame that they didn’t make the most of them. carol and rhodey especially. the lack of carolrhodey air force interactions and tonyrhodey was offensive.

sam getting the shield and the little moment of passing the shield was amazing but At What Cost

so..................... steve. oh boy. oh fuck here we go. the mcu has never known what the fuck to do with steve and i have written countless answers and thinkpieces and meta posts about it. the most heartbreaking part of steve’s story is that the avengers is literally his life. it’s tony’s life. and it is to many other avengers but all of them have always had something else to fall back on. steve has always only had the avengers, or the army or SHIELD or whatever affiliation he’s currently part of. his purpose and his drive is part of the team and whatever Thing he’s part of that he can throw himself into and embody. not having the avengers be a fully functioning team and misfit found family really handicapped his entire storyline and possible development. you could argue that steve found a family with the capfam but it’s really having a Team of people to lead and befriend and become family with that’s integral to steve’s character. his story as steve rogers, not captain america, is about finding a home and a family in the 21st century. making peace with what he’s lost in the past so he can live in the present and fight for the people of the present and future. 

it’s ironic and tragic and an absolute abomination for steve’s plot to literally be about regression. as if nothing has changed. he hasn’t learned anything from tws he hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t been able to let go “but not us” (AND WHY THE FUCK NOT RUSSOS?) he hasn’t been able to grow or make peace or find catharsis. he was SUPPOSED to, burying peggy, letting go of her. getting bucky back. but the setup of the mcu and the failure of the avengers as a team and family has actively kept steve from being able to ground himself in the present. the mcu ripped sharon carter right out of their universe so she never stood a chance. bucky had to go back under ice. natasha was running point with the 5 years later vengers. so in the end capfam is just???? sam and steve? his only support system is two and a half people?? it fucking breaks my heart. steve DESERVED a family. steve DESERVED a home. and even if mcu wasn’t going to let that be all tony stark-related there should’ve been SOMETHING.

of all the endings they could’ve pulled out of their asses

of all the fucking endings

this shit was straight out of the comics

straight out of the bad place darkest timeline scenarios

the ramifications of it all. hydra? bucky? sharon? homewrecking peggy’s own family and happily lived life just to get them back together? steve willing to risk it all for a dance and a woman he knew for a few months over the friends he’d spent nearly a decade with? we’re supposed to believe THAT’S steve rogers???????????

a literal fucking mess.

captain america as we know him in mcu ends with tws thats it

also, my expectations for stevetony was 0 but we got more than i thought we would. there was no development in terms of their actual relationship but as the filthy stevetony shipper i am happy with the cheap meal we got. there should’ve been a conversation between them about what happened, about what went down, something to tie together the avengers and the “trust” they wanted to establish between them. something like tony keeping the phone with him all this time. a little comic parallel “we still friends?” “never stopped”. just. Something. we needed more than “you trust me” “i do” in the time crunch of a mission. it was unearned. idk how this conversation would go, literally there are a hundred choices that i’m sure we’ll see play out in fic but one final big conversation between the two cornerstones of the mcu involving heroism, sacrifice, where they stand as heroes, how they see each other, who they are to each other. something like tony and steve always, at the end of everything, at the heart of who they are, seeing through each other’s masks and facades and personas and SEEING who the other person is. a tiny mcu nod to “you gave me a home” that ties the past and present and future together. tony believing in steve. steve believing in tony. i could’ve forgiven mcu all it’s other stevetony sins if we just had that.

just spitballing but – tony: you know, i never wanted to be a part of this thing. the super secret boyband. it was never supposed to be me. steve: we made it work though. for the most part. until we didn’t. tony: even when it looked like there was no way of ever getting the band back together a part of me still believed you. gullible of me, i know. but i wanted to think that if there ever came a time when we had to make one last stand, as avengers, we’d do it together. like it was always meant to be. steve: i know. tony, i – tony: i should’ve called. steve: it’s a two-way line. i could’ve, too. tony: that’s how it always seems to be with us, huh? shoulda woulda coulda. always just missing the mark. always just out of reach. steve: i’ve thought about it a lot. about what i would’ve done differently. what i would’ve said. tony: that’s why you need me, cap. i mean, hell, it doesn’t have to be me but we all need someone to tell us to get over ourselves sometimes. to stop beating yourself over the head with your own mistakes. steve: [laughs] that’s rich, coming from you. tony: maybe. but i’m a firm believer in second chances. steve: you think that’s what this could be? a second chance? tony: i know it. futurist, remember? i’ve seen it all happen. steve: oh, good. we could use one of those. maybe you could tell us if we survive tomorrow and save everyone. tony: we will. because things are different this time.  steve: this time? tony: the way it should’ve been. you and me and everyone else. together. we can win. steve: now who’s the one with the giddy optimism? tony: i prefer to call it hopeful pragmatism. after all, i’ve run enough simulations. steve: i do, tony. i trust you. tony: well, we’re betting the future of 5 billion lives on this. steve: i know. and there’s no one i’d trust more to do it. 

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #a4 spoilers #spoilers #type: text #text: meta #universe: mcu #film: endgame #original: meta #@

[yeswevegotavideo]

Hi, my name’s (basically) Mercury

So @thegrandwilde​ asked me a question about my internet name, and I realized I’ve never actually explained the entire story of my name in context. Then I realized that, with context, it was an extremely long story, so I thought, “Why not make a whole post about it?” 

It is a long post. I don’t know if it’s an interesting post. It’s interesting to me, at any rate.

If you’re curious, or if you have any interest in etymology, especially the etymology of names, and of the reasons people name themselves, then read on, because I’m about to give a comprehensive account of why I’ve been Mercury on the internet for so long that, for quite a while now, I’ve honestly thought of it as my “real” name in a lot of ways.

So, I was a goth in 8th grade, a grunge-goth really. I was in 8th grade in '95/'96 so like...I basically didn't have a choice in being FUCKING OBSESSED with  grunge and alternative rock in general. And I was really into Courtney Love’s whole aesthetic at the time, so I sometimes did your standard, Riot Grrrl-style babydoll dresses with combat boots look, but also like, cut the hem off of my black hamper bag and wore it over a black slip and called it a skirt because fuck you, society, that’s why.

But the main reason I was a goth in 8th grade, is because in 8th grade, I had an enormous crush on Tara.

Tara was a goth girl who made friends with me just before summer break between 7th & 8th grade. We spent the summer hanging out, and she was kind, and friendly, and beautiful, and very protective of her friends (and especially of me) and within a month, I had a gargantuan crush on her. 

I had known I was bi since I was 11, when I basically came out to my mom (who, despite being kinda’ the worst in a lot of ways, was extremely liberal, and very accepting of my and my brother’s queerness, and of the gay community as a whole. Seriously, my mom was so liberal that my form of teenage political rebellion was being a centrist. God I’m glad I grew out of that shit. Anyway). But Western culture being what it was/is, I had little-to-no understanding of how to talk to, flirt with, or otherwise romantically interact with, girls I liked. That had not changed by 8th grade (honestly, in the ways that count, it has not changed, period). So I spent all of 8th grade pining over Tara, and Tara was the de-facto leader of the rocker girl clique (in the Sacramento suburbs in the 90s, you were either a “rocker” or a “rapper", and rockers did not associate with rappers and vice-versa, because the capital of California, one of the most (and for a few years running, THE most) diverse and integrated cities in the United States, was, and is, a racist, conservative hellscape, and I had way too much internalized racism to even look at rap music so...), and I was in her favor and under her protection. (Looking back, I’m fairly sure Tara had a crush on me too, so it really was your standard wlw standing around confusedly pining for each other in silence sort of situation.)

Which is why, when I came to school after missing a day, and she informed me that, “we all picked nicknames yesterday and there’s only two left, you can either be Mercury or Star,” I was not offended by her providing me with a list of approved nicknames that had been essentially picked clean already. I was, in fact, rather honored that I got to be one of the people who got a nickname at all. I associated Star with the character from the movie The Lost Boys, who I (rather misogynistically, I think now) found to be incredibly irritating.

So I chose Mercury.

That’s not the end of the story. That’s the beginning of the story. So like, buckle up lol.

So to rewind a bit, in 7th grade, I discovered Paganism. 

I was ostensibly raised atheist, but with an understanding that my spiritual beliefs were my own goddamn business and my parents weren’t going to make that kind of a decision for me (again, SUPER LIBERAL parents. To be clear, also SUPER ABUSIVE parents, but like, SUPER LIBERAL about it. Which like, growing up being taught that emotional expression is valid and anti-authoritarianism is cool, but also being punished for being a person with independent thoughts and emotions is...a whole other story. ANYWAY). 

I tried on Christianity for like, half a second, went to church with friends a couple of times, and 7-8 year old me was immediately like, “this is fuckin’ stupid, why did God kill Jesus, he’s God, he’s fucking omnipotent, he could just choose to forgive everybody at like, any time, nobody had to die, what a dick” and decided it wasn’t for me.

But I feel an inherent need for spirituality in-general, a kinship to it. When I played in the mud as a child, I was 100% one of the little girls mixing mud & grass & mint leaves with hose water and “making potions”. For hours.

And when I met a girl in 7th grade whose entire family was Wiccan, I was fascinated. So, it being 1994, I picked up a couple Silver Ravenwolf books and some Scott Cunningham and got to studying. (I know. I KNOW!!! I was 12, there was barely an Internet, it’s hyper-cringy, I get it, don’t judge me.)

The Wiccanism didn’t stick, but the Paganism sure did. (My “official” spiritual descriptor is, “Eclectic, non-denominational kitchen witch”. I worship no gods, but am happy to work with those who don’t require sustained devotion, and I’m pretty into fae lore. There’s also a bunch of personal spiritual belief stuff involving conceptual quantum and molecular physics, like, String Theory and the Multiverse Theory, and anthropological concepts about the power of language and story in human development involved, too. And I’m also very much a skeptic, it’s complicated. “I am vast. I contain multitudes.") 

And around Freshman year, while still figuring stuff out, I came upon the concept of having a magickal name. A secret name that one shares only with the gods or spirits when doing magickal work. And I already had Mercury, a name which was granted and then almost immediately forgotten, because we were 13 and had no fucking attention spans, and Tara moved away, and most of us didn’t even talk to each other anymore and...the name was, therefore, kinda’ perfect.

So I chose it for my ritual work. And then I noticed some weird coincidences. Like, I had a pagan calendar that listed stuff like moon phases and planetary motion, and it associated different planets with different days of the week. And the planet Mercury was associated with Wednesday, which has been my favorite day of the week for most of my life (oh wait, do you...not have a favorite day of the week? Is that just me? Anyway). And when I was in maybe 5th grade, I read this book that was pretty stupid and I didn’t even really enjoy, and I don’t even remember the title of, but it repeatedly used a symbol for “the mark of the devil” in its dumb ghost mystery or whatever, and as much as I disliked the book, I was instantly attracted to the symbol. It looked like this: ☿ I would draw it on things all the time, it was one of my go-to doodles. Guess what the alchemical symbol for Mercury turned out to be?  

So in 1999, when I got a computer that came with an Earthlink subscription, and I was really, truly introduced to the Internet for the first time (and not just like, AOL), there was really only one online handle I could see myself using. After all, I was anonymous, it wasn’t “really” telling people my magickal name if they didn’t know who I was, right? (And honestly, by that point I’d kind-of left that concept behind.) So I used Mercury. And whenever that was already taken, I’d use a combination of those nickname choices from 8th grade: Mercury Star, or Mercurystar. And that eventually evolved into Mercury Starlight. And that’s me! :D

It became my fanfic pseudonym (like almost immediately, because I discovered fanfic in the year 2000 and never looked back), and then on message boards or in forums, people would just, like, call me that. And over time, I really started to like it.

I’ve never liked or felt particularly connected to my given, IRL name. And I actually have a bunch of identity and dissociation issues tied up in it (whole other story, yet again), so like, sometimes hearing people use it makes me really fucking uncomfortable. Like, that’s not really a strong enough word for it. Like, I’ve honestly sometimes wondered if name dysphoria is a thing, like similar to gender dysphoria but like, for your name. I mean, though we most frequently associate the two, dysphoria isn’t actually unique to gender identity. It’s a somewhat generic psychological concept, actually. And names are pretty innately tied to identity and sense of self, and having a name that feels so incongruous with who I am that sometimes when people use it I literally feel physically ill, or depressed, or panicky, or get like, instantly turned off if somebody uses it during sex, like...honestly, that certainly sounds like a type of dysphoria to me. I don’t know.

But every single time somebody online calls me Mercury, I just...I absolutely love it. I light up. I feel seen. It’s...it’s just my fucking name, now, man.

Buuut, I don’t really have the guts to legally change it IRL. Not yet, anyway. We’ll see what the future holds. I don’t know, I think about even just casually asking friends to call me Mercury and just...cringe right the fuck up. It’s scary. What if people think it’s stupid? That I’m being silly? Lose respect for me? I know people change their names all the time, but like, that’s them. But for me? Scaaaary.

Anyway, that’s the story, and if you made it all the way to the end, like, thank you for listening?

#personal #my name #that was a really long way to say 'because a friend gave it to me and it stuck'

[lewnatic]

For the D&D asks, 1-20

Oh gosh, okay. This is gonna be long so I’m gonna do it under a cut.

What was your favorite Nat 1 Experience?

I don’t think a lot of my characters have had really funny Nat1 moments, sadly. I will always remember the one when @zhixx​ made a goblin named Spook’em specifically designed to have the least survivability possible. The first time he was downed he rolled a Nat1 on his first death save. The feeling of comedic timing was just beautiful.

Favorite D&D Inside Joke?

“You are a privateer! BUT ON LAHND.”

Favorite Item Your Character received in D&D?

Phailyn was supposed to get a tome to increase his strength, but when his crush said she wanted it, he immediately fucking dropped it so she could have it. So the DM let me sneak off and get a scrying orb we’d passed up earlier. He hasn’t used it yet, but I just like the story behind it.

Ves probably considers Sikrikta to be the best item she’s received has a lot of really expensive shit she’s keeping just because she has bourgie taste. She got a bottle of wine as a gift that would have been 400g if she’d left it unopened. She’s drinking it gradually through the adventure. It’s good, but not quite as good as what she’s used to.

Teeki has a gaudy diamond crown that Bing bought for 300 gold. It does nothing. It is purely cosmetic. She loves it.

Basically I love frivolous shit.

Preferred Animal Companion (if you had any)?

Vesxlit has a familiar, if that counts. He’s a parrot named Brilliant. He talks like a normal human (in a setting where that is definitely not commonplace) and is a member of the Bardic College in the capital city of the nation we’re traveling in.

He’s a posh gentleman who helps Ves sew dresses. They spend 90% of their time arguing because, being a bird, his fashion sense is incredibly bright and garish.

Favorite D&D Battle Encounter?

Every boss fight Skaaren has done is goddamn awesome, tbh. My favorite is the first just because of how scary it was.

Keep in mind, we’re level 1 in Pathfinder, an Oracle (Ves) and a Barbarian (Cato.) We’ve just watched a big hole open up in the ground, and our characters don’t know why, but we’re looking for missing people (including the barbarian’s boyfriend Fabius, he’s important) so we figure hell, this is probably where they’re missing.

We find some of the missing people at the bottom of the hole, but we haven’t found Fabius, so we go deeper in. We find this creepy old woman doing some kinda ritual or something by a pool of water? Barbarian charges in to kill her and save his man, and… kills her very quickly.

Silence. We go to check on Fabius, and we’re not sure if we can safely move him. I’m running out of heals from earlier stuff and I pop my last one on him, and after a while of debating what to do a ton of undead start coming out of the water. Just a goddamn mob. Whatever the hell creepy-lady was doing, we were suddenly way in over our heads. Even if we picked up Fabius and ran, we don’t have a fast way out of this hole. And we start taking damage fast. Including Fabius.

I don’t remember the specifics of the fight. I think that’s a testament to how much we were panicking. I remember feeling the helplessness of being a mage completely out of spell slots frantically trying to hit things with my stupid mace.

And I remember when the fight was over, I stayed down there panicking for several more minutes, trying to determine if Fabius was even alive while the barbarian ran to get the local doctor in a town of which he didn’t even speak the language.

In the end, Fabius was okay, and we both got out of it alive. It was just that sense of dread and fear, that we didn’t know how the DM’s rolls were going or if anything we were trying had any impact. Skaaren has always done a stellar job since of bringing that sense of genuine fear into the game when he wants to, but that first unexpected taste of it was so damn cool.

Favorite D&D NPC Interaction?

Varis Vrynn was my favorite villain. Not because of his fight, or how he fit into the greater lore, but because of how @extravagantshoes​ played him. He was a slimy uppity elf in the city of Galthiel, a city with heavy class divides based on magic ability. Varis was a powerful diviner, and a lot of our party interactions involved everyone in the party trying to piss him off and Varis looking down his nose in disgust at all of us.

Then Cedlanna, our young sorcerer, got a conversation with him alone in his manor, where he wanted to make a deal with her. And she just ripped into him. Cut to the core of his insecurities and how with all of his riches on display, his manor still was incredibly empty–that for all the parties he hosted he was completely alone.

He was doing some really irredeemable things and later tried to kill us all but I still managed to feel kind of sad that we ended up gruesomely killing him.

Dumbest thing You & Your Party Did

Charging through multiple spinning saws comes to mind. Every time I try to sneak around in heavy plate armor also comes to mind.

I feel like I need to make a separate post to discuss just all the impulsive things Cato does. Turning an entire city upside down just for the chance to punch a specific guy in the face was one.

Most Epic thing You & Your Party Did

I might also make a separate post about this, but Cato and Ves convinced a bunch of lizard people that they were their gods.

Basically in this setting, the level 1 baddies generally fought are called Rapia. They’re kobold-esque in design, but they have a faith-based culture and… well, kind of a faith-based biology. Rapia need something to worship, they undergo gradual physiological changes based on the thing they follow. (Say it’s a sea creature, they might get gills.) And if they don’t have something to worship, they literally become sick and presumably die.

We’d fought a few before and looted crap from their caves, including a tiny hammer that we never could have used but the barbarian held onto cuz idk??

We later ran into some others by falling through the roof of their cave, but they didn’t attack us. They started to assume that we were the gods depicted on one of their cave walls. For the sake of brevity, a fight broke out later when we were trying to leave, and Cato gave the hammer to one of the rapia who was helping us escape. It turned out in the DM’s notes, this hammer had significance to the rapia, and was supposed to be given to the religious leader of a tribe. And so the entire tribe turned to our side and protected us. And… they started following us.

It was about this time that the DM broke character to tell us he had no plan of this happening, and I guess we just have a tribe of rapia now. And we’ve had the goddamn campaign balanced around having a tribe of rapia ever since.

What did you like about your Campaign’s World?

I’m gonna try to sum these up quickly cuz these stories have already gotten long.

The Ascension world has elements of what I affectionately like to call Pop Fantasy, there’s some genre-awareness while not being parody, and all the work on the pantheon Spi did has been goddamn amazing. I also cannot figure out the overarching mysteries and that is awesome.

Nejj puts a ton into immersing us into the world. I can always very clearly get a feel for the sort of setting he’s putting us in, and I’ve been having a lot of fun with the political intrigue he’s been setting up.

Skaaren’s got the weirdest goddamn races in his setting and I love every single one of them. He’s also packed the setting full of little cultural details, I swear to god he’s done extensive research into what we’re having for breakfast in the morning based on where we’re staying.

What was the most Interesting Lore you Found?

I seriously can’t pick a favorite here so I’m going to give a silly answer, and that’s that acolytes of Ves’s goddess commune with her by getting super high. 

Summarize Your Campaign(s) in a Single Sentence

One for each campaign:A group of weird rebels and one very ordinary guy dismantle the ruling government.Goblins discover crazy politics and necromancy, what happens next will warm your heart.Tourists getting intimate with the horrifying hidden truths of nature

Describe your whole Party Dynamic in a Sentence

The best bunch of weirdos and one stupid shady paladin.Loner rogue becomes Team Mom by sheer force of how much the other two hate each other.Bug Jesus and The Angriest Boy discover family in the form of lizards.

What Alignment do your characters lean towards?

I have a weird time choosing an alignment for characters cuz motivations change a lot for my nerds. Teeki was True Neutral but has become more Chaotic Good. Ves is Lawful Good I guess?? And Phai is a goddamn mess whose alignment has shifted at least thrice since his conception.

How do you tend to Take Notes (if you do)?

Badly! Next question.

Prefer Story/Plot Driven or No Plot/Character-Driven Campaigns?

I tend to prefer plot-driven, but I honestly think elements of both should be implemented in your narrative–occasionally giving breaks from the overarching plot to give the cast some time to dick around can give a breath of fresh air to roleplay.

Combat or Role Play?

Roleplay, of course. I actually used to think I hated D&D combat. It took a lot of great sessions to make me realize that the RP doesn’t stop for combat, and that’s when I started really getting into learning and enjoying mechanics elements.

Favorite D&D Monster/Creature?

Illithid. I would love to actually play as one someday.

Magic User or Fighter?

Magic is more engaging to me, personally, but I like both.

Preferred Weapon/Spell in D&D?

Tasha’s Hideous Laughter. In large part because of how it’s roleplayed in Critical Role tbh. I also have felt the high of Sneak Attack enough times to really love it now.

What was your Favorite Nat 20 Experience?

One time I rolled a Nat20 perception while we were on the road and it was literally just to find a coin on the ground. That might always be my favorite. 

#dnd #lewnspeak #gobbos #ascension #scarecrowmes

[chroniclesofawkwardness]

Candy Kane

I’ve never been a big fan of family pictures, or holiday celebrations. When I was about seven, my brother Derek and I had our picture taken with our cousin Kyle, who couldn’t have been much more than a year old. Kyle was smiling, but also pointing at something off in the distance (probably a prop the photographer was using to make him laugh). Derek and I had on clip-on ties that were recycled from a previous Easter. I wore thick, almost square-framed glasses. if I left the house with them on today, they would almost certainly impede my ability to successfully procreate. I had little choice at the time since I needed corrective lenses, and wouldn’t start wearing contacts for at least another six years. 

By the time I’d made the switch, the photo of Kyle, Derek, and me belonged to a museum exhibit—frozen in time like the Iceman—of pictures my grandparents loved, but their grandchildren wished no longer existed. By 1999, they’d moved into a house much smaller than the one in which they’d raised their six children, and the photo had been relegated to a literal wall of shame in their basement. Along the wall were senior pictures of my mother and her siblings, and various photos of the nine grandchildren, including that of a triumvirate of boys c. 1988. I can’t think of a time anyone whose picture was on the wall expressed fondness when looking at it. Each of us probably thought about what we’d tell our younger selves if we passed them on the street, or secretly wished to remain arrested in that state of childhood development, our entire lives uncertain, unfolding, before us one day at a time.

The biggest reason I’ve never been a huge fan of holidays, family pictures, and especially family holiday pictures is because the only capture one moment in time, moments that, for better or worse, are frozen on film or stored in cloud of data and never really gone. Whenever the holidays come around, I have a tendency to cram an entire year’s worth of socializing into 48 hours, or however long I get to spend with my family and friends.

In my family, those occasions are typically when we celebrate some Puritans surviving a hard winter despite wearing ridiculous hats, and the birth of a boy who somehow managed to erase his teenage debauchery from the record. You know he had to screw up those miracles dozens of times in private before nailing them (oops) in public by his early thirties. This must be why we never hear about the zombies of Arimathea he couldn’t quite bring all the way back from the dead, or the numerous weddings he crashed around Nazareth during puberty, flexing to prostitutes about how he could turn water into wine in exchange for performing a number of sins his Dad didn’t have to know about (but would later be considered deadly because Mary Magdalene couldn’t keep her mouth shut) only to deliver vinegar.

I guarantee you Jesus promised Joseph of Arimathea eternal salvation as thanks for the years of resurrection practice, and in return for the use of his tomb one Friday night. Mary Magdalene showed up at the tomb three days after the crucifixion because she finally realized how serious Jesus had been about her fucking up his chances to keep holy the Sabbath day with a bridesmaid, before he hit it big and all the lepers wanted a piece (oops again) of him.

Anyway… If family pictures remind me of who I used to be, holidays remind me of things I used to wholeheartedly believe in.

My first picture with Santa was probably taken in 1982, before I had the surgery to straighten out my leg that left me with a cool scar. My enthusiasm for the holidays faded as I grew older and began to challenge my beliefs that one man could deliver presents to all the world’s children in a single night, and the three wise men could find Jesus just by following a star.

After passing at least numerically through teenage angst, I started to realize how incredibly fortunate I’ve been instead of complaining about what other people had that I didn’t. But what really got me comfortable in my own skin was volunteering, a series of activities in which I put myself in some very uncomfortable positions by surrounding myself with people and places I didn’t know. Still, my desire for the uncomfortable hasn’t weakened my ability to attract the absurd.

I recently had a chance to volunteer at Santa’s Workshop. I put on my elf hat (which I later found out had been on backwards all night) and got to work in the arts and crafts area, but that didn’t last long. Macaroni pictures weren’t doing it for me. I needed a different challenge.

Soon enough, I found my way to where Santa was. My backwards elf hat and I had to keep the line moving so every kid would have a chance to see Santa before closing time at 6 PM. Thee were all kinds of characters around me. Rudolph was there, and so was this character that had Pinocchio’s face, but looked how I imagined the Frisch’s Big Boy would if he’d been on a liquid diet for six months. “Who’s THAT?” I asked the event coordinator. “That’s the Elf on the Shelf,” she replied. “Oh… shit… I was way off,” I said. Whenever I caught the characters waving to children and their families as they passed by, they looked like those people from 80s and 90s workout videos who got stuck doing the low-impact versions of the exercises everybody else was doing at full speed. I wondered if they were secretly asking themselves why they agreed to do this, quietly cursing themselves for not auditioning to sell shit on QVC instead.

I’m not sure if the first child whose Santa aftermath I’ll remember for a long time was just really upset, had a cognitive deficiency, or both. Either way, he or she was not happy. My first post near the man of the hour was standing outside a fence they’d set up around Santa’s chair. My job was to wave the kids and their families forward once the previous family had enjoyed their moment in the makeshift winter wonderland. As the child left Santa’s lap screaming bloody murder and passed through the fence with his/her parent or guardian, they let out a sound I can only describe as a Home Improvement-era Tim Allen grunt mixed with visceral cry for help: UHHHAAHHHOOOOO! 

Before I knew what was happening, the child headbutted themselves against the exterior glass of the Lazarus building, like Kane and the Undertaker from another spoiled childhood fantasy of so many— professional wresting. All the person accompanying the child said was, “Now honey… Don’t hit your head.” All I could think was, “Damn.” But as a man wearing a backwards elf hat, I couldn’t say shit to them.

Not long after witnessing a pediatric concussion, I found myself in the path of low-impact Rudolph herself. I slightly embarrassed myself by giving her a fist bump and talking to the person in the suit as though they were the red-nosed reindeer in the flesh. I came back to my adulthood while low-impact Rudolph was in the middle of muffled sentence about candy canes. I noticed had a bucket in her hands, which I assumed had been filled with the striped holiday icons. There were no candy canes in her bucket, but I did notice a set of Toyota car keys. In my confusion, I almost blurted out, “Shouldn’t you be guiding a sleigh instead of a fucking Camry?” Some things are best left unsaid.  

For the first two hours we were there, the line to see Santa seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see, which made the next encounter I remember even more excruciating. A lady walked up and stood right next to me, thus blocking my view of the line and preventing me from doing the one volunteer task I was explicitly asked to do. To make matters worse, she started offering a running commentary on all the children she saw in Santa’s lap, like a color commentator at a sporting event who didn’t know when to just shut up and let whatever moment they were witnessing wash over them.  

It didn’t matter whether they were boys dressed in identical suits for the obligatory in-lap picture with the big man (Oh, how cute!) or babies whose faces became contorted with red hot agony upon being separated from their mothers and embraced by a strange man (Oh, he is NOT having it!) The line seemed to grow infinitely longer during her soliloquy and I found myself thinking it was a shame the crucifixion of the guy whose birthday everyone would be celebrating in few weeks didn’t draw a crowd like this. In Survivor, Chuck Palahniuk observed that on some crucifixes, Jesus looks jacked enough to be modeling Ray-Ban sunglasses and Guess jeans without a shirt on. I can’t help thinking Chuck would concur that since not everyone will reach that level of supposed piety or physical fitness in a lifetime, it’s a bigger draw to remember God’s only son immediately after he humbled himself to share in our humanity the same way we all started—as a baby.

Anyway… as her commentary droned on, found myself wishing I could be the elf in the holiday classic A Christmas Story who tells Ralphie to get a move on before Santa kicks him down the slide, “Let’s Go!!!” But it bears repeating that in my backwards hat, my powers of persuasion were limited.

Not long after the soliloquy ended, I was approached by what I assume was a mother and daughter pair who were wondering if they’d ever get to see Santa. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it,” the older one said. “Let’s just take my picture with the elf.” “Actually, my name’s Dav…” I wanted to protest, but with my powers weakened, all I could do was acquiesce to their demands. The younger woman held a smartphone at what seemed like six different angles during our impromptu photo session. By the time they were done, I felt certain I was destined for Instagram infamy.  

Eventually, the powers that be decided that I should move inside the fence and stand on the glitter-covered red carpet in an effort the speed up the queue after sunset. Before I went to the other side of the fence, someone asked me if I knew whether or not they’d be cutting people off at 6 PM. I didn’t, but I wished they would. I was growing tired of head injuries, seething, teething infants, and watching people taking selfies or recruiting the other elves to take pictures of them standing under one of the arches leading up to Santa’s chair.

I must have been distracted. The next time someone tried to get my attention, I was accused of holding up the line. The man had on a white, short-sleeved polo shirt. The woman wasn’t wearing a coat, but had on something I never thought I’d see on Santa’s red carpet: a leopard-print dress and dull pink high heels. “I used to be a Santa’s helper in this building,” she exclaimed. She said something else, about 1978, but I was too busy trying to avoid another “Damn” moment to really pay attention. “Actually, we just want our bathroom done. He’s working on our house.” “Fine.” I muttered. She proceeded to throw herself at Santa like he was Hugh Heffner, and she was Playboy Bunny. The whole scene looked ridiculous, but so did I.

After the final patrons had paid Santa a visit, the other volunteer elves and I sat for our own picture with the man himself. It was likely the first time I’d had my picture taken with him since the year the picture of Derek, Kyle, and I was taken. I wasn’t filled with regret over my evaporated childhood and its beliefs, or terribly concerned that no one said a word about my backwards elf hat the whole night. I was glad I’d put myself in another uncomfortable position and come out clean on the other side minus the glitter that will be stuck to the bottoms of the shoes I wore that night for months. I was reminded of the importance of not trying to cram everything into one season, or in Santa’s case, one night. Let the kids have their beliefs and grow up to challenge them. I didn’t have to sit in Santa’s lap to tell him that wish come true was all I wanted for Christmas. I have a funny feeling that whoever he is, was, and has been, he knew what I wanted long before I ever asked.

[roseisread]

You Make Me Not Wanna Die: The return of the Pop Menagerie playlist! It’s been way too long since I posted anything on this blog. My only excuse is that I’ve had a crazy year in my personal life and sometimes internet things take a back seat to self care. But right now, I think my best form of self care is listening to and sharing my pop culture faves so I’m back to do just that. I’m starting off with a playlist that contains songs I love to sing along to, cry along to, dance along to, write along to, and think along to. Almost all of these songs are from albums released in 2017, although there may be an exception here or there for songs released earlier that I only discovered recently.  In any case, here you go. Enjoy!  1. Allie X - That’s So Us If you love Carly Rae Jepsen, you should love Allie X. This song makes me so happy, and also it makes me cry sometimes because it reminds me of those people that you really can be yourself around and they love you anyway. Those people are rare and wonderful, and if you are one of them for me, then thank you. “You make me not wanna die,” as the song says. I love that line so much I used it to title this playlist.  2. The Drums - Shoot the Sun Down Remember these guys? Kind of sunny indie pop, hit it big with “I Don’t Know How To Love” off of their album Portamento back in 2012? Yeah. They are still here, still awesome, and the album this came from just gives me shivers it’s so freaking great. Also, I joke that this song is dedicated to my cat when she tries to bite and scratch me at night, because of that repeating line, “I put a blanket over my face.” Nena, this one’s for you. 3. Knuckle Puck - Conduit I have such a goddamn soft spot for emo-leaning pop punk, you guys. I can’t even lie. As a bonus, they’re from the Chicago area so technically I can claim them as a local band. This song reminds me of the best of Blink 182, early Jimmy Eat World, and maybe even a little Brand New. I also love the lyrics, with their references to grinding teeth and lucid dreams. Definitely relatable for me. 4. MUNA - End of Desire You might be familiar with MUNA if you love Tegan and Sara, because this band appears on The Con: X covering Relief Next To Me. I love the way their voices blend, and I love the vulnerability of the lyrics. This song is open to interpretation, but it seems to allude to having feelings for another person that you didn’t ask for but can’t get rid of. Who hasn’t been there?  5. Kiasmos - Jarred The Icelandic duo is back with more incredible, chilly electronic tunes that almost sound like icicles forming or frost creeping up the inside of your window pane in the night. This song definitely makes me want to hop the next plane to Reykjavik and spend a week sipping dark liquor in some poorly lit club that only the locals know about.  6. MUTEMATH - War You know about my love of MUTEMATH by now. Their latest album goes in so many different directions musically--not just from one song to the next but within the space of a single track. This one is a banger live, and one of my favorites on the album. Lyrically, it reminds me of my own not so great tendency to get heated as I try to convince someone they’re wrong and I’m right. A good debate is healthy sometimes, but not everything needs to be a battle for the ages. “War’s in my nature,” all right. But I’m trying to find a way toward peace. 7. Cat Dealers/Groove Delight - Calabria This is just a sick dance track. I can’t claim to know all that much about Cat Dealers, although I know they hail from Rio de Janeiro and that this song makes me want to tear it up on the dancefloor or the living room or the driver’s seat of my car. Groove Delight is Brazilian as well, making me think I probably need to go to Brazil sooner rather than later to discover what other booty shaking gems I’ve been missing.  8. Converge - A Single Tear Can you believe these guys have been around for 27 years? This song encapsulates so many things I love about them, from their always insane percussion to the insistent guitar melodies to the impassioned vocals of Jacob Bannon. The lyrics (which allude to “holding you for the first time,” presumably about becoming a parent) are so sweet, a word that doesn’t probably come up in a lot of reviews of metal and hardcore songs but still, I stand by it.  9. Luna Shadows - Jesus Christ (Brand New cover) I have always loved this song, and it’s awesome to hear a young up and coming artist take it on. She really puts her own spin on this classic of the emo genre, and I look forward to hearing more original tunes from her.  10. ROMES - Someone I just saw these guys open for MUTEMATH and they have so much energy live! Canadian by way of Ireland, they bring out anthemic indie pop tunes that are just irresistible. I’m reminded a little bit of Peter Gabriel and a little bit of Bastille, but not in a derivative way.  11. Fever Ray - Red Trails Ahhhhh! Fever Ray is back!!!! It’s been way too long since we’ve heard from her, but the album that she just released online helps make up for the absence because it just kills. She still has that haunting, hypnotic voice layered on top of unexpected instrumentation and arrhythmic beats. The lyrics are mysterious and dark. There’s something sexy about it but not in a Britney Spears way. She sounds kind of dangerous but you can’t help but want to follow her wherever she’s going.  12. ABRA - Bounty Speaking of hypnotic and sexy, ABRA is definitely both. Based in Atlanta, she sounds like she’s based in another planet altogether. Her off kilter brand of R&B does not fit any category--she has this supple voice that leads us along across breathy beats and frantic counter melodies. It’s unsettling and gorgeous at the same time.  13. Tove Lo - Disco Tits Tove Lo is my ride or die. She’s unabashedly herself in all her nympho trashy glory, and I adore her for it. I promise I’m not into club drugs, but Euro pop songs about them sure are fun. I put this song on the car radio when I’m driving to work just to wake myself up and then have to make sure my phone volume is on mute before I walk into the office because “nipples are hard ready to go” is probably not appropriate lyrical content for the workplace.  14. Golden Features - Funeral Tom Stell, aka Golden Features, has sold out tours in his native country of Australia but it won’t belong before he’s selling out everywhere. This track makes me want to see him in an underground dance club at 4am. It’s fire.  15. Jessie Ware - Stay Awake, Wait For Me Another one of my faves is back! I love her upbeat songs but this is one of those instant classic pop ballads, and I had to find a spot for it on this list. It’s intimate and romantic and sexy in a grown up way. Don’t put this song on if you’re trying to be celibate, is all I’m saying.  16. Hundred Waters - Particle If you miss Imogen Heap/Frou Frou, you should most definitely be listening to Hundred Waters. Nicole Miglis has that hushed tone in her voice that belies intense feeling, and the skittering electronic elements fill the spaces in between as a sort of musical representation of anxiety and uncertainty. This song, about a romantic coupling that seems lopsided. “I’m only a particle, a drop in you, forever dissolving,” she sings. Damn. 

17. The Tuts- Dump Your Boyfriend What’s not to love about this UK based garage girl group? This song describes the kind of toxic relationship that it’s easy to criticize from the outside but harder to shake when you’re the one who’s in love with an asshole.  18. Fellwarden - Sun of an Ending This kind of moody, atmospheric black metal is so soothing to me. It feels ancient and primal, like the old gods are still roaming the land slaying dragons and protecting those that live in their realm. If you’re a black metal fan, you may recognize the vocals as those of Fen frontman The Watcher.   19. Palehound - Silver Toaster On Boston-based Palehound’s second album, the writing sounds more self-assured and the songs even more personal than those on the debut. Frontwoman Ellen Kempner attributes this in part to being more comfortable in her own skin as a queer-identifying woman, and in part to being in her first healthy adult relationship. This song is short and simple, but I love the unexpected turns of phrase and imagery, like the line, “hack off my split ends.” There are plenty of bands doing the whole DIY stripped down aesthetic, but this one rises above the rest. If you were into artists like Kimya Dawson and Mary Lou Lord, you should definitely be paying attention to Palehound. 

20. Kelsea Ballerini - Miss Me More Nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy earlier this year, Kelsea Ballerini hits the ground running on her latest release. She’s been writing songs since she was 12 years old and listening to Britney, Christina, and N Sync. Something about the fact that she considers Shania her biggest influence really charms me. I am obsessed with this song, which I can relate to on a very personal level. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve compromised yourself for another person until you don’t have them in your life anymore and suddenly the real you starts to re-emerge.  21. The Maharajas - Too Late To Repent If you hear this song and think it must be a re-release of some little known 1960s garage rock/British Invasion group, I don’t blame you. I wondered that myself. But it turns out these Swedish dudes have only been active since the 90s, and they are still recording music that sounds like it’s from a bygone era. A little Kinks, a little Beatles, a little surf rock--it’s all here and it’s all great.  22. Margo Price - Don’t Say It This Illinois native was signed by Jack White to Third Man Records, and she recorded her debut album at Sun Studios in Memphis. Both of those things make sense upon hearing her traditional country sound. She has one of those clear, classic voices that really do harken back to the Lorettas and Patsys and Tammys. Her second album even features a duet with Willie Nelson, proving that she’s definitely earned her classic country bonafides.  23. Peaness - Skin Surfing OK, yes, initially I was drawn to this 3-piece English band because of their silly name. But once I heard the first guitar strums and vocal harmonies, I was truly done for. Formed in 2014, they have songs about everything from wasting food just because it doesn’t look aesthetically pleasing (”Ugly Veg”) to George Osborne of Brexit fame (”Oh George”). This song is very seductive while staying playful and affirming consent. I dig the occasional Veruca Salt vibes it dips into as well.  24. Dori Freeman - Ern & Zorry’s Sneakin’ Bitin’ Dog I guess an acapella song about a mean neighbor dog might be an odd choice for a playlist but it’s so adorable I couldn’t leave it out. Dori Freeman, who cites Peggy Lee and Rufus Wainwright as her major influences, hails from Virginia and her songs have an Appalachian flavor. I predict a T-Bone Burnett collaboration in her future.    25. The Blow - Summer It’s hard to believe The Blow has existed in some form for going on 20 years, but it’s true. The K Records vets continue to release hypnotic, electronic indie pop with a lo-fi feel, and this song has been stuck in my head from the first listen. It’s a simple melody but good luck escaping that hook.  26. Austra - Beyond a Mortal The Canadian dark wave is back with their third album, this time recorded in Mexico. For this particular track, singer Katie Stelmanis says she recorded the vocals over 100 times to achieve the hushed, whispery effect. The rest of the album, titled Future Politics, is a meditation on the state of the world as it is now and what we all wish it could become.  27. MGMT - Little Dark Age Finally! It’s been 5 years since MGMT’s last album, and even longer since the world sat up and took notice of them. This lead single off their upcoming album makes me think that they’re poised to re-take the synth pop throne. This song has elements of their earliest work, but it also incorporates bits of industrial and even krautrock. I listen and think Depeche Mode! Kraftwerk! Skinny Puppy! So many of my musical faves somehow distilled into a single track. I can only hope that the rest of the album lives up to this single. 28. Charlotte Gainsbourg - Ring-a-Ring O’Roses To me, there’s always been an otherworldly quality to Charlotte Gainsbourg’s voice. She took some time off from music to do some acting, notably in Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac volume 1 and volume 2 and Melancholia. Those films required heavy lifting and emotional degradation, which perhaps allowed her to tap into a deeper place when recording the songs for this album, her first in seven years. The video for this song features Gainsbourg’s son, carrying on the family tradition started by Charlotte and her father Serge Gainsbourg.  29. Sun Glitters - Where the End Begins If there’s one thing I love, it’s shimmery electronic music. And Sun Glitters, who hails from Luxembourg, produces just that. Rarely does an artist’s name so aptly describe their sound, but this is one such perfect marriage. If you enjoy the likes of Gold Panda, Boards of Canada, Fennesz, Teen Daze, or Blackbird Blackbird, you will definitely dig this sound. 

#playlist #2017 music #mgmt #charlotte gainsbourg #sun glitters #austra #mutemath #the drums #allie x #tove lo #fever ray #romes #the tuts

[fragiilexa]

all the even numbers

100 questions 

OH MY GOD. that was a lot of questions lmao

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

already answered.

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

already answered.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? 

already answered.

8. What are your current goals?

already answered.

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

already answered.

12. Can you keep a diet?

I don’t really do diets? They’re always usually unhealthy & detrimental to your health so I just try to portion food & stuff, pick healthier choices, I don’t like… do weird diets or anything.

14. Do you work?

Not currently no, I don’t.

16. Would you get a tattoo?

Yes, I would love to get a tattoo, I really want one that says Think Positive but the T in positive is a cross? I’ve seen it somewhere before & I’d love that, then also I want one that says ‘I can’t hear hate when I got so much love.’ I also had this really cute idea for getting a tattoo for each of my pets but idk how that one would pan out yet.

18. Can you drive?

No. Not yet I cant. 

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

I cried watching some youtube videos a few days ago, lmao that was fun…

22. Is life fun?

Yeah. It is kiddo it IS fun, it’s like a fun lil’ roller coaster u know? Sometimes it feels like it’s not fun & you get scared but things are all okay in the end, you know?

24. What’s your dream car?

Mini Coop Countryman. It’s just? Super cute? I mean I’m not really into cars, realistically I’d probably get a jeep ‘cause I’m a lot more comfortable with them but, yanno. 

26. Describe your crush.

Super fuckin’ smart, like doesn’t realize it but incredibly smart & determined. Super strong in every single possible way, also one of the kindest people I have ever met & u know also super attractive & jst cute ndngjodeo i luf and u know i jsut amsuper emoitional aobut it ok byre.

28. What was your last lie?

Probably that I did something that I forgot to do? I can’t remember.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

Yep. I mean at least for me, less embarrassing with friends though, honestly. With family it’s worse & I feel worse but it’s easier with friends I guess.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?

I don’t drink so….

34. Do you like small kids?

Yes! I love little kids? They’re adorable & I’m smitten, I mean some of them can be annoying u feel but 90% of the time I’m smitten with little kids ‘cause they’re like human puppies u kno?

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

If I have a son I’m gonna name him Benjamin. I haven’t thought about if I have a girl? I mean honestly I want a girl really bad when the time comes but I have no names planned out besides maybe Lila but that might be a little odd if I get the book written, I dunno. We shall see.

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

Uh, no? Not that I can think of lmao?

40. What was the last gift you gave?

Pretty sure I gave my Mom something but I can’t remember what it was.

42. Favourite place to shop at?

Shop for what? I dunno Target?

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?

I have yet to get drunk yet. I’ll let u kno when it happens tho ok fam?

46. How old were you when you first had sex?

I MIGHT NOT UPDATE U ON THIS but also I share too much so I probably will. hasn’t happened yet tho lmao

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?

Have fun? Idk.

50. Post a selfie.

No.

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.

U kno the usual ole’ demons & abandonment.

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

People are gonna leave and it’s going to hurt really bad. You’re not gonna know why it was you or what you did, but it’s okay ‘cause it’ll make you smarter & kinder than them.

56. Any bad habits you have?

I’m a nervous eater? Lmao I guess that’s a bad habit.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?

Those youtube videos.

60. Are you in love?

Wot is love ( baby don’t huRT me donT huRT ME NO MORE )

62. How long was your longest relationship?

whAT RELATIONSHIP? My friendships barely last, lmao, relationship lmoa dsgdfre

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

Hm, sometimes guy’s can be really pretentious, also they seem to think periods aren’t a big deal that bothers me & probably just the superiority complex thing. Bothers me. 

66. How would you describe your bad side?

Super closed off bitch who really just doesn’t like people & can like, probably hurt a lot of people emotionally if she wanted too. Sort of terrifies me, sort of hate that bit of myself. I try to be nice but yeah it’s hard to not be super bitter sometimes.

68. What are you living for?

jeSUS FAM. I live for Jesus & all the amazing people He’s put into my life who mean the world to me.

70. Do you like your body?

It’s a love / dislike relationship. I’m constantly trying to appreciate it & love it but I also know I could physically be more fit so I wanna work on that & sometimes being like out of shape makes me self conscious but I mean I don’t hate my body I just… dislike it sometimes. 

72. Ever sent nudes?

llokeodgebhrth no. I have no fun ok gtg.

74. Favourite candy?

Pixy sticks or like, sour punch straws? I don’t know.

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

Sims. I played WoW for a… while when I was younger & maybe I might get back into that when I have a new computer or something but Sims is my favorite game ‘cause it? It just is??? It’s the best.

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?

I am & He does. He’s gotten me through…. everything, like I don’t think I’d be here without him and I have been in a very rough patch with things lately with him but it’s 100% just me & like, yeah. But it’s not a pretentious thing though, I don’t believe that I’m somehow BETTER than everyone else. I 100% believe God exists, I love Him & He loves me & He loves all of you so it’s okay, you know? 

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

To each his own. I mean personally I love chicken too much? Lmao, but like if you’re an adult & you wanna do that feel free. I’m a little iffy when it comes to like, making your kids be vegan just because they’re growing & it’s sometimes hard to supplement the nutrients & stuff that meat would give your kids unless you really know what you’re doing & I’m 100% against it when people make their animals vegan ( like dogs who are not meant to be leaf eaters ) dogs need meat. But like I said, to each his own, as long as you’re maintaining a healthy lifestyle & aren’t depriving yourself of the right nutrients than I’m okay with it.

82. Do you like Chineese food?

No…. I’m super picky fam.. it just, doesn’t appeal to me I guess.

84. Vodka or whiskey?

Someone send me both & let me choose?

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?

I’ve been out of state a few times but never out of the country.

88. What are you scared of?

Spiders? People leavin’ me? Dyin’? Big bugs? Suffocating? Getting burnt? Car crashes? Driving? There are a lot of things. Trust me.

90. Most traumatic experience ?

I mean… I don’t know, there’s not like a set thing or anything that’s really happened besides like, one of my best friends kind of like, dumping me when I was a kid & that kind of fucked me up but I dunno.

92. Favourite app on your phone?

I don’t have a phone but my favorite app on my ipad is probably weheartit or tumblr.

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

I don’t watch it as much as I’d like but I love Remi Ashten she’s adorable & one of my favorite Youtubers.

96. What is the meaning of life?

Show people that God loves ‘em no matter what ‘the church’ or ‘religion’ or any one really tells them, like, God loves you & he wants you in his life. It’s really simple. That & like, just trying to make the world better you know? I am a cheese ball but I’m dead serious, I think all of us have a unique way of going through life and the ‘meaning’ of life may be slightly different for each of us but the true meaning of it all is to just show people that despite all of the horrible things in the world that there is good & the good is God and that like, we are not required to be perfect or to fit some kind of mold to be loved or accepted by God. I don’t know I’m just mush and I want everyone to know that God loves them no matter what other people say. That and make a damn good book at some point. That’s the meaning, lmao, I don’t know im 21 why are you asking me this. Ask me in another 21 years.

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

Sadly yes. Me & My sister found that tumblr post where this kid told his mom that ‘you know there was a point where you picked me up, put me down and never picked me back up again’ and we told that to her, that at one point she’d put us down and never picked us back up again, and she like, instantly started crying and I feLT SO BAD AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IT WAS HORRIBLE. 

100. Can you keep a secret?

Yep. But pinky promises are more solid than just a secret to me, tbh. 

#Anonymous #⌑ ⊰ ι'll paιnт тнe pιcтυre; leт мe ѕeт тнe ѕcene ⊱ ›› ﴾ answered ooc ﴿

[theworstbob]

i’ma yell at the songs that debuted on the billboard hot 100 this year okay

So I’m gonna try to make this post every week because I’m trying to establish some routine for the tumblog, have some point to my social media? Which basically means I’m gonna keep track of every song that blows up enough to get on the Billboard charts and update the Top Ten of 2017 every week so I don’t have to endure the nonsense that was a Hot 100 of 2016 chart that didn’t have “Black Beatles” or “Bad & Boujee” YA GOOFED, BILLBOARD so anyway this’ll be a fun thing to do for two months

i’ma skip the 1/7 chart because there’s still christmas music on there? but i’m considering everything from that point on a 2017 track.

14 January 2017

71) "Moves," Big Sean

The more time I spend with Big Sean, the more I understand what other people might have been seeing in him that has kept him in the collective consciousness this whole time. Like, we gave him enough chances to practice, and he got good! It's impressive! Not everyone gets good!

79) "Seein' Red," by Dustin Lynch

I was gonna make a stink about how typically red lights mean 'stop,' and that is a notable omission in a song about a dude who fantasizes about red, but you know what, this is about as inoffensive as bro country gets. It's not good? But it's not obnoxious, and that hits the ceiling I have for bro country. I would like to point out: in the pre-chorus, bro says "drive this Chevy like a Cadillac." Fun fact! The Cadillac-brand automotives are manufactured by General Motors, which also manufactures Chevrolet-brand automobiles! That is so weird how, in this simile, two cars being manufactured by the same company are being compared! Probably just a coincidence.

80) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty

This is the bounciest trap single I've heard since "Trap Queen." "I'm just like DeRozan/If I shoot it, it goes in." And just like DeMar DeRozan with his anachronistic game based around an elite mid-range jumper, I don't know how this song works so well, but goddamnit if it's just a pleasure to hear! Both parties have really nice self-deprecating senses of humor, and the hook is the sort of daffy most novelty singles could only dream of achieving. This song is charming! I never thought I'd describe a trap song as charming, but I absolutely fucking love this. What a peculiar little treat!

90) "Think a Little Less," by Michael Ray

I was gonna do this whole thing where I inferred certain beliefs Michael Ray has about women's right to their own bodies given that he has a 100% serious song called "Real Men Love Jesus" and wonder why someone who isn't pro-choice would insist a woman "kiss a little more, think a little less." But you know what? Maybe Michael Ray's cool. Maybe we owe Michael Ray the benefit of the doubt. So I'm not gonna do that whole thing. I'm just not gonna talk about this song anymore because hoo boy is it ever not worth talking about.

95) "No Flockin," by Kodak Black

Imagine making the beat for this song and realizing it has to go to Kodak Black. Hey: I have an idea for a reality show, and y'all can tell me if this has been done, but it's 14 unsigned rappers in a battle to determine who gets to be the first to rap over a new Just Blaze beat, and like in the first episode Just Blaze brings out whatever hip-hop luminaries are at a stage in their career that they have to appear on reality shows (P. Diddy for sure, I bet they could get Cee-Lo, and I can't imagine Salt or Pepa saying no) to affirm that this isn't just some beat Just Blaze made ten years ago that he's pulling out for that executive producer credit, anyone who gets this beat has a hit on their hands, and with the right rapper, it's a no-brainer instant classic. 14 unsigned rappers fighting for one Just Blaze beat in the reality rapping competition we so sorely need.

96) "Timeless," by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING

The way the drums come in is really cool. The way he goes off-beat in the bridge, I don't know how into that I am? But I respect that he is making choices.

98) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo

Gotye 2017 is pretty cool! Nothing will ever top the original, of course, but still a far sight better than Gotye 2015.

99) "Hate U Love U," by Olivia O'Brien

...wait is this j -- okay, well, i guess it's enough to know we can calculate gnash's VORP. this song goes from a 3 to a 6 without that dude.

100) "Shaky Shaky," by Daddy Yankee

This is garbage, but it is incredibly acceptable garbage. It's jubilantly insipid.

21 January 2017

92) "Sober Saturday Night," by Chris Young ft./Vince Gill

So as far as bro country dudes go, this one actually has a decent voice. If pressed, I might be able to pick his voice out of a lineup a week from now! That doesn't mean this song isn't dreck -- oh wow, you stopped partying because a girl left you, how terrible, he's not even drinking! you guys! so sad! -- but, y'know, it's nice to have some variety.

93) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott

Hey! A song I already know and mostly enjoy! Awesome time-save, right there!

94) "I Got You," by Bebe Rexha

...no thank you

95) "The Weekend," by Brantley Gilbert

oh god this chucklefuck. "Tick tock, I'm on the clock, and I feel like this job's just 9 to 5'n my life away." Brantley Gilbert is 32. He released his debut album when he was 24. Assume he went to all four years of high school and graduated at 18. His Wikipedia page says he has been an active musician since 2005, when he would've been 20. I never knew any 19-year-olds with office jobs but, okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt, afford him the chance to have worked a shitty temp job while he was gigging or trying to make songwriting happen. He has six years, from when he was 18 to 24, to have worked a 9 to 5. Like, you would think this wouldn't matter to him these days, right? Because he's 32 now, and he has a job he probably likes as a county music star, he has a purported net worth around $10 million, you'd figure he wouldn't be thinking about the time he wasted at his dead-end job. So unless he's just had this song hanging around since he was 23 and is just now getting around to it, how am I supposed to believe this tattoo boy truly ever felt miserable at a 9-5? See, the problem with bro country is, it's dishonest. It comes from a deeply cynical place. This song does not come from a place of deeply felt experience or bold artistic statement, it is a song about something that happens to other people that he and Big Machine can then sell to those other people, and that is just such a profoundly disappointing thing. I promise one day I'm going to talk about something I love as much as I talk about something I don't much care for.

100) "Water," by Ugly God

I love this name you have chosen for yourself! The song... Well, still. What a good name to have picked! You are wearing a sweatshirt that says Hentai and I am proud of what you have been able to achieve in your life's time.

28 January 2017

1) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran

"Hey, 2010 Bob!" "Well, hello, Bob! from the future! Been a couple days!" "Been a couple years, actually." "Ha!" "Time travel jokes." "Well, what'd you come here to tell me? Last time, you came from the magical world of 2013 to tell me about all the new Pokemon you had. What does the future have in store?" "In 2017, the best male pop stars alive will be, in order, Bruno Mars, The Weeknd, and Ed Sheeran." "...Um?" "Also Trump becomes president." "What, like Donald?" "I also have new Pokemon for you!" "Oh, dope! But like Donald?" "Oh yeah, and he like instantly becomes a monstrous dictator, too." "...The Apprentice dude?"

6) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran

Like legit tho, it's 2017, Ed Sheeran dropped a song with heavy (heavy) U2 influence, and I 100% don't mind it. I also laughed out loud at "Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, we're so grown." Like this is all he's ever been, but he's a lot better at it now than he was when he started, and he’s become, like, kinda dope?

77) "Location," by Khalid

Always good for someone's long-term prospects when the song gets a Wikipedia page before the singer or any of the five other credited writers, or the three producers. Are the three producers and six songwriters all separate entities? I don't know and won't bother verifying, because all Wikipedia tells me is that nine people worked on this song, and also that when Khalid "heard the beat play, the words flew out," two information bitlets that don't conflict at all. The end product isn't the worst thing I've ever heard, I might end up with this dumb song stuck in my head for a jillion years, but it is just kinda... like, there. There's no climax or anything, it's just, "Send me your location. I'll wait. ...There it is. Coo'." Like fuck, dude, have an emotion or something.

89) "Drinkin' Too Much," by Sam Hunt

There is no way of knowing if I actually heard Sam Hunt's "Drinking Too Much" or not. All's I know is, I'm like 90% sure I heard a bro-country/trap song, and I am not okay with it. Absolutely not. Fuck you, and fuck whoever gave these songwriters a Future tape. This is unacceptable. I don't know who told you you could, but you shouldn't have.

100) "If the Boot Fits," by Granger Smith

BRO COUNTRY CLICHE COUNT Well the word boot is in the title of the song (1), and it's also a part of the chorus so we’ll make that (2), and apparently people come to his shows holding fucking cowboy boots (3) uh-huh yeah totally real America right there, the song begins with the phrase "small town" (4) and a patriarchal admonishment to have the daughter home by midnight (5). Granger Smith, you are 38, you should not be dating women with CURFEWS. Christ. "I wanna watch the sun rise through the pines with ya." Campin' sounds country as fuck (6) and watching the sunrise, it's not specifically a bro country cliche? But it's still a cliche (7). "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." Are yo -- okay, (8), and you know what (9) because he specified the horsepower and (10) because he specified the brand, ARE YOU... sure? Granger? Jordan Schmidt? Andy Albert? Mitchell Tenpenny? Frank Rogers? Are you guys okay with what you're doing? Do you go to bed satisfied that you have put good in this world? Are you sure this is what you were put on this earth to do? "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." My stars! "Let me show you how a country boy treats a lady." (11), man, that's just a classic. This song isn't even three minutes long, and it manages to pack in that much bad. I don't even care that I spent so much time thinking about something I hated, because you know what, bro country is still a scourge must needs be purged from this earth. Bad things happen when people like me say nothing. MAYBE THERE ARE BETTER FIGHTS TO START BUT THIS 38-YEAR-OLD BOY IS WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME.

4 February 2017

7) "Paris," by The Chainsmokers

Consider Armando Galarraga. He had, quite literally, a negligible major league career from 2007 to 2012. There is a statistc called Wins Above Replacement, or WAR, which purports to calculate exactly how many wins any major league player is worth as opposed to some schmoe a team could pluck from the minor leagues. Armando Galarraga ended his career having accrued 0.4 WAR, going by the website FanGraphs' calculations of the stat. For four years, Armando Galarraga essentially was the replacement player, the guy teams played because they didnt have anyone else. But on 2 June 2010, he was perfect. Not perfect. FanGraphs assigned his game a score of 94, Galarraga only posting three strikeouts, getting most of his outs via grounders. But perfect in the way that baseball defines it, in that he pitched a complete game and retired all 27 batters he faced, plus an extra batter because Jim Joyce made a mistake and baseball, in 2010, didn't afford opportunities to review close calls. No one disputes that Galarraga retired every batter he faced, we all collectively agree Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect game, and this player, who otherwise had a completely unremarkable career, never even pitching in the post-season despite playing for a highly competent Detroit Tigers team for three seasons, did this one beautiful thing and made himself unforgettable. The next time he pitched, he threw five innings and gave up a two-run home run to Mark Kotsay, and no one was disappointed because they were pretty sure they had an idea of Armando Galarraga's true talent level. This song is meh, is what I'm trying to say.

43) "T-Shirt," by Migos

Fun fact! Production of this track was handled by an entity named XL and the duo of Nard & B, who also produced a track for Future's 2014 album Honest called "T-Shirt!" This "T-Shirt" is a different song from Future's, I listened to both and can confirm that they are different, but my question to you is: are they?

77) "Not Afraid Anymore," by ft./Halsey

Why does having sex with Halsey sound like God and Satan fighting for control of all that is? Like, the grand sense of self-importance which Halsey brings to the table really served "Closer" well, because that song needed someone to insist that we're NOT. EVER getting older. The way she growls those words to the end? I could cry, it’s so good. But on this song, it's like, y'all know sex is fun, right? It doesn't always have to be like this? You're prolly gonna have it again, maybe calm down about it for a second? And more importantly, was I supposed to come into this song knowing what "hit the sin" means? I Googled that phrase. It doesn't even yield the AZ Lyrics page for this song. This phrase doesn't exist, dawg. Is. Is it the butt? You need to explain these things which did not hitherto exist!

88) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee

The thing about Latin pop is, it's a world I only understand through what gets shown to me on the Billboard charts, and that's unfair to that world, because Latin pop is a much nicer vision of the world than American pop. This is such a nice song! The way he sings DES. PA. CI. TO. is incredible, Daddy Yankee doesn't get too "Shaky Shaky" on this (I'm not even gonna try to judge Daddy Yankee as a rapper given how out of my depth I am in terms of any music evaluation, but he seems on point), it just, it hums along at a nice clip. Also the English translation of this song I found says this song has the line "We will do it on the beach in Puerto Rico 'til the waves scream 'Dear lord!'" THIS IS A SONG ABOUT FUCKING SO RIGHT THAT YOU MAKE THE OCEAN NERVOUS. GOD YES.

95) "Not Nice," by PARTYNEXTDOOR

So, here's the peril of wanting to listen to and have opinions on all the new pop music, apart from forcing myself to have reactions to things that may not be reflective of my true feelings: I will sometimes have to look at this and think, well what do I do about this? It's a nice song. I really dig the beat. I don't mind the dude's voice. The lyrics aren't wholly offensive. But like. I gotta say something about it, right? "Um, maybe I will try the party next door, thank you for the suggestion." That'd be a killer line, but I don't dislike this song! But no one wants to hear “don’t dislike.” I have to go one way or the other. Kaizo level or troll level. 1000 degree hot knife or Frozen Ana Elsa Trolls. I can’t just be a person who hears something and forgets it. Everything has to matter. This needs to matter for it to be content.

98) "Black," by Dierks Bentley

I've long defended Dierks Bentley as one of the good ones, but, um, you know it takes two people to fuck, right dude? Okay, insist she make your world go black. What are you gonna do for her? Whatcha bringin' to the table, Dierks? I used to work guest service at a Target store, and my man, if you wanna do an even exchange, best believe you oughta bring your receipts. "DRUNK ON A PLANE" NOTWITHSTANDING I do not for a second think the quality of your dick is so unimpeachable that you can make demands like this!

99) "Down," by Marian Hill

This is nice! Like, in the alternate universe where Harry Potter didn't blow all the way the hell up but still got big enough for a CW adaptation, this would definitely be the theme song. That's what this song is, a quirky jam for a very British teen soap. I really dig this, this is a refreshing change of pac -- Oh. Oh, okay, so that's a thing you decided to do. Alright. Well, we had some fun here. I appreciate that you are trying to accomplish things, and I acknowledge that others may find you succeeded.

So these are the top ten singles of 2017 so far:

10) “Seein’ Red,” by Dustin Lynch (yeah it’s bad, but there’s only like 17 songs, there’s one song on this list i’d be 100% okay with still seeing in the top ten in december) 9) “Moves,” by Big Sean 8) “Down,” by Marian Hill 7) “Timeless,” by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING 6) “Beibs in the Trap,” by Travis Scott 5) “Castle on the Hill,” by Ed Sheeran 4) “Way Down We Go,” by Kaleo 3) “Shape of You,” by Ed Sheeran 2) “Despacito,” by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee 1) “iSpy,” by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty

[eathealthylivefree]

Are You Living A Lukewarm Life?

I’ve been living a Lukewarm Life most of my life, and am now looking for the faith and courage to step over the open door’s threshold to live a more purposeful life.

Right after Christmas, our family got away for a bit with our four boys. As our children have gotten older, it has become more challenging to spend quality time together, so I feel exceptionally blessed and grateful when we can. My 21-year old twin boys brought a bunch of books to read. They were sharing books with each other and I was curious what they were reading.

Here are some of the books they read and that I would highly recommend:

Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Frances Chan Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World by Bob Goff Scary Close: Dropping The Act and Finding True Intimacy by Donald Miller The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller

I have to say, my boys continue to surprise me – at how deeply they are thinking about life at such an early age. At their age, I never thought that much about the impact I wanted to make in this world, what my purpose in life was, or my relationship with God. I also didn’t think through what marriage was really all about before I said “yes” to my husband’s marriage proposal.

The Lukewarm Life

This week, I finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. The chapter on living a lukewarm life really struck me. Much of my life, I’ve played it “safe.” I’m not a risk taker by nature and risking my comfortable life feels a bit scary. But, I’ve been wondering a lot lately about what life is really meant to be. There’s got to be more to life than just working day in and day out, or retiring and then sitting back and enjoying the rest of our life playing golf, tennis or doing whatever we like. Shouldn’t we be doing something to make an impact that will make this world a better place before we’re gone?

The idea of us just existing with no purpose doesn’t make sense to me. Were we truly created just to let our life drift by day by day? Humans by our very nature want to feel relevant, needed, wanted.

The other night, I watched the documentary, “The Minimalists.” Accumulating material possessions doesn’t lead to happiness because we are never satisfied. Being a minimalist might reduce stress and give us more time to do more meaningful things, but I’m not sure it brings happiness either. I think the key is knowing we have a purpose in life, trying to discover what that is, and taking action to fulfill that purpose.

The Purposeful Life

For me personally, I feel most fulfilled and purposeful when I’m helping someone in need, whether it’s being a friend to someone that needs a friend, cooking for someone in need of nourishment, or taking care of someone who can’t take care of themselves. I believe we can all make a difference, in small ways and bigger ways – our purpose is never over. Even my 89-year old father and 90-year old aunt whose health is declining continue to live purposeful lives by being gracious, staying positive, never complaining or self-pitying, always thankful, ever faithful. This is what true grace looks like.

Loving the Unloved and Forgotten

This quote by Mother Theresa really hit me hard recently:

We are all lonely at times. But imagine being completely alone – feeling like nobody cares and that if you died tomorrow that no one would even notice. That to me is truly tragic.

It’s not hard to help friends in need, but it is hard to help people we don’t know or might not even like. It requires us to step outside of our comfort zone, forgive people that might have hurt us, sacrifice our own desires, our time, and our resources. But, if we can do it, and do it with joy, without complaining, and do it truly from the heart, I believe there is much we can gain that no material possession can ever satisfy.

Overcoming Fears

I’ve lived a lukewarm life most of my life. Sure, there have been periods when I’ve taken risks and gone all out to help people I don’t know, and those times have been the greatest growth spurts I’ve experienced. But, I have to admit that I live a lukewarm life most of the time. What holds me back from going all out? The fear that I will have to sacrifice so much of my time (selfishness), the fear that I’ll get too stressed out (not trusting God), and the fear that I’ll miss out with time with my family (in God’s world, everyone should be our family).

Jesus said “Follow me.” He did not say follow me when you have time, or when it’s convenient for you. He didn’t say all you have to do is check the box that says I’ve done my share or I’ve done enough. There is always more we can do.

What Did You Do With Your Life?

I want to make the most of life here on earth. As a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven one day, but that’s not the end story. I never used to give much thought to what life would be like in heaven other than it’s going to awesome. However, I now realize that the time I have here in this world is really for training and preparation for heaven. I’ll have a new “job” in heaven. And when God asks me what I did with my life with what He gave me, I don’t want to utter with great embarrassment “Not much.” I want to have a meaningful answer that a father would be proud of.

So, I’m challenging myself to live a more deliberate, all-in life, looking for where needs are and trying to fill them using the gifts and talents God has given me. Instead of hesitating at the threshold of the doorway, stepping over the threshold and trusting that God will equip and guide me to complete the tasks I am called to do.

I ask God for the strength and courage I need to do this. It’s scary and I know it’s not going to be easy.

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